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      The #1 Way to Feel Sexier This Winter

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      The last thing I’ve felt in 2020 is sexy. Run-down, frustrated, annoyed, terrified, and bored are eons higher on the list of emotions I’ve felt the most this year, and I’m sure plenty can relate. Having a thriving and exciting sex life (even if it’s just with yourself) was likely one of the first things to go out the window, and now that we’ve loosely figured out work-from-home, staying in nonstop, and virtual happy hours, it’s high-time we all give our sex lives and our confidence a boost. And I’ve got the perfect, inexpensive way to do it. When was the last time you replenished your underwear stash? If it wasn’t in the last year, listen up: buying underwear doesn’t have to be a cumbersome process anymore, and it never has to come in a pack of 10 from the grocery store (nor a store that makes you feel blah about your appearance) because BootayBag is the adult, super simple way to get cute underwear you’ll love.
      BootayBag is the underwear subscription service our editors use and love because it’s easy, affordable, and the options are truly cute. Sign up, and you can choose one or two pairs of underwear each month, plus the option to add on a matching bralette (who wouldn’t?! Not like bras with wires exist anymore!). They have thongs, cheeky undies, hipsters, and more in all different styles, colors, and prints that are brand new every single month—so you won’t even have to think about buying new underwear basically ever (which is something we can all rejoice to!). Just choose your size and style, and it’s shipped right to your door. Easy, peasy. Plus, you can swap your style, skip the month, or cancel at any time, meaning the process is super transparent and easy to use. 

      Source: @higuysitsana for Bootay Bag

      Feeling sexy isn’t just about having a partner, it’s about feeling good in the skin you’re in, and owning it. And dare I say it, putting on some cute lingerie, whether it’s to wear under your leggings and T-shirt all day or to lay on the couch and watch TV, is a ritualistic way to set the mood and feel sexy no matter which way you take it. We might be spending our days sitting at the same desk, staring at a computer, and ignoring all the cute clothes in our closets, but that’s all the more reason to do what you can to feel hot—all by yourself. 

      It’ll boost your sex life
      Want to boost your sex life and sexual confidence this year? Trust me: adding cute undies from BootayBag to your routine is the simplest way. When you feel confident and comfortable in yourself, you just feel sexier, and we all know what happens to our sex lives when we feel in the mood. 😉

      It encourages you to keep up
      Plus, BootayBag makes it so easy and gets you excited every month to keep it up. No more of those February blues when you realize you’ve already abandoned your resolutions. This is a habit you’ll want to keep up, and getting to try a new pair every month makes it simple to try new designs, cuts, and styles you maybe wouldn’t buy for yourself.

      It’s beyond affordable
      Unlike sex toys and other lingerie, BootayBag is so affordable. Your first month is 50 percent off, and it still only starts at $10 a month. Who wouldn’t spend $10 a month to feel more confident?!

      Source: @higuysitsana for Bootay Bag

      No matter what your relationship status is right now, we all deserve to feel hot and sexy all by ourselves, and a feisty new pair of panties is just the way if you ask me. Try your first month of BootayBag for 50% off!

      This post is sponsored by Bootay Bag, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      Do Not Disturb: 5 Vibrators to Spend The Holidays With

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      I’ve always been a little bummed about spending the holidays without a significant other. (Why yes, I have been single for every holiday since birth, let’s not discuss.) I’m so lucky to be with my family every year, and I have friends to boot to share the holiday joy with. But there are enough Christmas rom-coms out there to make me wish I had someone to introduce to my family in a chaotic way or worry about what to get them. However, not once have I ever wished that I’d have someone to have sex with, because frankly, my vibrator is better. Listen: it packs so neatly into my luggage, doesn’t require any talks about what to say when my mom asks, “When are you getting married?” and it shuts up the second I click off the off button. Whether you also don’t have a partner or you’re not seeing each other this year, these five vibrators are the next best thing—we might even argue they’re a little better.

      Deluxe Rechargeable Mini Massage Wand Vibrator

      If you’ve never tried a wand vibrator, now’s the time. These magical vibes are entirely for clitoral stimulation, but the large head makes it extra powerful. With seven patterns and 10 intensity levels, you’re bound to find the exact combo you need to have amazing orgasms on your own. It’s available in four colors and USB rechargeable (unlike the original wands you might recognize that plug into the wall—very ‘90s).

      Wild Flower
      Enby Vibrator

      This is the first truly gender neutral vibrator on the market, aptly named the Enby (which is a short term used to describe non-binary). It can be used in a number of ways, making it one of the most versatile vibes I’ve ever seen (and I’m a sex writer—I see a lot of vibrators). You can rub on it, tuck into a harness, place it between you and a partner, and mold it to fit almost any need. It has three speeds and five patterns of vibration and is USB rechargeable—which, if you can’t tell, is a major selling point (who wants to buy batteries?).

      Womanizer Starlet USB Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator

      This vibrator is a best-seller on The Everygirl, and I can’t even count all the reasons why on one hand. From personal experience, these suction vibrators are the most unique sex toys on the market in recent years because they truly mimic oral sex in a way that makes me worry that finding a partner could become obsolete. This one is special because it’s petite, has four levels of intensity, and is USB rechargeable.

      Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

      Everyone needs a classic rabbit vibrator in their collection if they receive orgasms from both oral and vaginal stimulation. They can all be pretty similar, but this one caught my eye because it’s luxe and high-quality without an outrageous price tag (sex toys can be astronomically expensive!). This one has two motors for each side, giving you 36 different combinations to achieve your best orgasm.

      Dame Zee Vibrator

      No matter what you’re doing this holiday season, a classic bullet vibrator is nothing short of a good time. This tiny vibe is made from ABS plastic instead of silicone, so it’s really easy to clean, ultra-soft on the body, and can be used with water and silicone-based lube. It’s water-resistant (happy bath season!), and—you guessed it—USB rechargeable. With three speeds, this is all the company you need. More

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      7 Oral Sex Positions to Try This Weekend

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      If there’s one way to celebrate the end of a workweek, the end of 2020 (finally), and the beginning of the holiday season, I’ll say it’s probably an orgasm. But I’m not talking about any orgasm—I’m talking about the incomparable, fireworks-worthy orgasm you receive during oral sex (or the mind-blowing experience of giving it to someone—now that’s magical). Oral sex is a concept most of us have a pretty good handle on. You know, mouths, genitals. It’s not all that complicated. For a long time, I really stood by the “You either love it, or you hate it” model. Some people have joyously outrageous orgasms through oral sex, and others just aren’t all that into it. And while I think it’s totally normal and OK to not be into it (or any part of sex, of course), I think there are a lot of people out there who write off oral sex because they haven’t tried it in a way that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and pleasured. Perhaps, a new position might be an interesting way to try it out, or if you’re already an oral-lover, to spice things up a little bit. 
      A few things to note:
      Don’t like oral sex? No problem, try one of these positions for penetration. 🙂 
      Your partner doesn’t like oral sex? Here’s how to talk to them.
      No matter how you have sex is sex—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

      1. Lying on your stomach 

      This one lets you touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth on you. Lie on your stomach with your hips slightly arched and your legs spread about just a bit. Your partner is able to go at your from behind, but you’re still comfortably laying down, making this a little different from your typical doggy style.

      2. Face-sitting

      Both you and your partner can do this one regardless of if they have a penis or vagina. If your partner has a penis, just make sure that they are sitting at an angle so they can enter your mouth without suffocating you, of course. You can face your partner so you have the view of looking at them (and touching them if you’d like), or you can face the opposite way and put the focus all on them pleasuring you.

      3. Standing

      This is another easy one to try regardless of your partners’ genitalia. This is a pretty common position if your partner has a penis, but much less so for partners with vaginas. If you have a vagina or your partner does, stand with your legs slightly apart, pushing your pelvis out. It might be easier to lean up against a wall or a table to hold your balance. Another great way to try this one is in the shower!

      4. Upside-down Head Over the Bed

      I’ve also seen this labeled “giraffe style,” which I absolutely love. Lay on your back with your head over the edge of the bed and tilt back so your upside down. This can be done with a partner who has a vagina or penis, but it’s much easier with a penis just based on the angle. Your partner will enter your mouth from a totally different way than normal, and the view is extra hot. 

      5. Legs around the head

      This one is much easier for giving oral sex to a person with a vagina, but it’s not impossible if your partner has a penis. Simply lay back, and after your partner’s head is in your crotch region, you’ll wrap your legs around them. Don’t suffocate them, of course, but loosely wrap your legs around. Your partner can keep touching you or hold onto your legs from the outside.
      One variation of this position is often called the “68.” One person lays down on their back while the other lays on their back on top of their partner, wrapping their legs around them with their crotch in their face. You two will be much closer this way, and it’s basically the lazy lovers’ version of 69. 

      6. Sitting down

      We love a good sitting position here because it’s an easy, applicable way to spin off your usual laying-down positions without having to grab your Kama Sutra book either. You can play this up in tons of ways. Maybe you’re sitting on the kitchen counter, maybe you’re in a desk chair, maybe you’re at the edge of the bed. This is a common position for giving oral sex to people with penises, but it’s a little less common for eating out—which is exactly why you should try it ASAP. 

      7. 69, But Spooning

      Aside from the joking territory surrounding 69, you might not realize just how good of an oral sex position it can be. While laying on top of each other is all fun and nice, try spicing it up by doing it from a spooning position laying down on your sides. You both lay on the opposite sides, and go at each other from the side. If you have different genitalia, it might be easier to situate the person with a vagina first as you’ll likely need to prop your leg up a bit or get closer to your partner, whereas it’s a little easier if they have a penis. You’ll be super close, and going at each other from this different angle might even help you find some new spots each of you likes. Orgasms for all! More

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      How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive During a Dry Spell

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      Through most of quarantine, I’ve kept my social distance. In fact, I’ve kept too much of a distance because I’ve not had nearly as much sex as I’d like. This era of contact isolation precautions has led me into a season of what I affectionately call: vaginal depression. Vaginal depression is what happens when you’re not getting any. Signs and symptoms include not feeling particularly sexy, unable to get aroused by any of the recurring penises in your phone, and/or overgrown pubic hair that’s grown into something oddly similar to a bush.Yeah, I think most of us have experienced vaginal depression at least once in our lives. I was on a slow downward spiral into my vaginal woes when I decided to take charge of my sexless life and do something about it. Here’s what rebalanced my hormones, turned me on, and made my vagina happy. 

      1. Take a trip down memory lane
      When I was going through my imagination searching for “inspiration” for my “me time,” I really thought about what was it that I enjoyed by the sex I was most inspired by. Often times, sex is a lot of kiss here, touch there, rub this, lick that, and then someone moans and before you know it, sex is over. What I realized when I thought back on some intimate moments is that I enjoyed being rubbed sensually and often. I enjoyed lovers who were vocal and complimented me before, during, and after sex. I love a good performance review, honey! Seriously, taking the time to think about what actually turned me on about the experiences that came to mind helped me to learn more about what I really like, what actually turns me on, and what types of partners I need to ensure I’m involving myself with. 

      2. Get hands-on
      Alright, people with vaginas! Now is the time to pull out those toys, those fingers, a mirror, and whatever you feel you need. When you’re in a sexless era, it could be the perfect time to explore your body a little bit more. It’s great to let your lover do some exploration, but don’t cheat yourself out of a good time. When you’re sans partner, you can use that time to get to know your body a bit better and not just in a sexual sense. I attended an event recently that focused on sex and sensuality. To my surprise, many women were not familiar with their own anatomy. Some didn’t know the difference between their vulva and vagina. Can you find your labia minora? Where is your clitoris? Our private area shouldn’t be this thing we tuck away until it’s someone else’s turn to have their way with it. We aren’t Barbie dolls; our private area isn’t some nebulous plastic region that we birth babies out of. It’s a beautiful part of our bodies that we should learn more about. 

      3. Turn yourself on
      Hey, like I said before when I go through bouts of vaginal depression, I feel anything other than sexy. I don’t feel ugly, but I don’t feel sexy and sensual as much as I usually do. Vaginal depression can rob even the sexiest, most confident of us from feeling our best, so it’s important to be intentional about turning ourselves on. Take a trip to a local sex store (online or in-person) to see what toys, gidgets, and gadgets pique your curiosity or make you feel good. My go-to thing to do is to buy cute lingerie or underwear. I feel so sexy when I look delicious. Toss out the period panties for a spell and throw on some lace undies. Don’t be so practical with your desires. Try things you never thought you would. Maybe you’re into whips, chains, and other things that excite you (word to Rihanna), but you just don’t know it. Buy some new toys (I personally recommend a glass dildo, but that’s neither here nor there). See if you’d like to incorporate feathers, massage oils, or ball gags into your sex sesh.

      4. Reevaluate your partners
      Ok, so this may be a lot harder, but after thinking on what you enjoy and what you may need from your sexual partner or experience, it may be time to reflect on what type of people you’re actually having sex with. Do you want to make love or just make out? Do you want meaningless sex, or do you need something a little more intimate? Going at sex alone is important, but sharing your sexual self with someone should come with some level of consideration, especially if you’re opening yourself up to some new experiences. Are your current partner(s) able to satisfy you in the way you want? Are they willing to learn and explore with you? Do you think they’ll kink shame you out of a good time? All of these are questions worth asking. 

      What I learned is that your “dry season” doesn’t have to be a season of vaginal depression like it has been. You can enjoy your sex life with or without a partner. In some ways, your sex life may be better without a partner because it’ll give you time to focus on yourself, your desires, and your needs. Sex isn’t a performance, but it’s an experience. Don’t allow your dry season to leave you hot and bothered. You can have just as much fun by yourself. Now, pull out your vibrator, your mirror, and get to work. More

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      Sex Bucket List: 5 Updates to Make for Your Sex Life, Pronto

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      I stand by that one of the best thing you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner, is creating a sex bucket list. Having an ongoing list of everything you’d like to try or do sexually can help keep your sex life spicy and full of experiences you actually are interested in. If you’re getting started on a sex bucket list, start here. But if you’re ready to incorporate some new-and-improved additions or changes (I’m all for editing your bucket list as time goes on—what you wanted a few years ago is probably a little different from now!), these are my suggestions. 
      1. Rearrange the furniture
      We all know it’s a good practice to try sex outside of the bed or bedroom sometimes, but to switch it up even more, you can move some furniture around to make your space work for you. Mirror play is one of the most underrated sex toys in the bedroom. If you have a full-length mirror or a vanity mirror in your bedroom or home somewhere, use it your advantage. Move the mirror so that you and your partner can both see each other in it while you’re having sex. The view will turn you both on a little more, and it might spark some new ideas and positions to try. 
      Along with mirror play, you can also pull the couch out a little or move side tables and coffee tables to try different positions and moves throughout the house. You’re not confined to a few spaces when it comes to sex. Make it up as you go!

      2. Try a new form of sexting
      If you’ve long been turned off by sexting because you don’t like sharing naked photos or your dirty talk game is less than impressive (it’s a learned skill, I promise!), there are so many other ways to approach it that can completely boost your sex life. Even if you love sexting, you can try it in a few different ways to keep it new and interesting. Obviously, sending nudes and a little dirty talk are always an option, but a really fun way to try might be role-playing. Tell your partner exactly what would be happening if you were together. “You’re on the bed, I’m standing next to you. I start to undress, and you grab my hips.” It’s a little more work, but it really plays it out like the two of you are together. Then, you can reenact this in the future! 
      I also love simple “I’m thinking about you” or “You look hot today” texts throughout the day. They’re safe for work but are a little, exciting way to get you excited.

      3. Find your go-to sex toy 
      One of the most underrated items on our TEG sex bucket list is going to a sex shop with a partner. It might feel a little awkward, and you’ll probably giggle at first, but it’s actually a really great way to see what intrigues or excites the both of you when you set your mind to finding something that will benefit you together. Obviously, that isn’t necessarily possible right now, so instead, you might find it helpful to begin searching for your go-to #1 favorite that you both enjoy using, together and alone. We have tons of guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners, but you might also enjoy talking it out, figuring out what you’d both like, and spending some time on a few different sites. 

      4. Try to push your orgasms farther
      So, you had an orgasm on your own. YAY! Next, you can focus on pushing them to go longer and maybe even have multiple at a time (the absolute dream). It might be easiest to try this alone first and then bring a partner in on the fun, but you can try it however is easiest for you. Orgasms tend to feel even better the longer you let your body relax and allow yourself to really feel them. The next time you feel an orgasm coming on, try to keep it going instead of stopping whatever motion or toy you’re using. It might feel intense for a second, but it’ll lead to better, longer, and stronger orgasms over time.

      5. Ask your partner questions
      When you and your partner decide to engage in a conversation about fantasies and trying new things, make sure to ask them questions. Do they watch porn? What do they watch? What is their favorite color to see you wear? What’s their favorite position? Do they prefer sex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom? This might seem a little juvenile, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but it’s a good practice to make sure you know more about what they want and like, and of course, they should reciprocate and ask you questions too. As cliche as it may seem, a good sex life really comes down to communication.  More

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      5 Things an OB-GYN Wants You to Know About Sex

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      I don’t know about you, but when my feet are in the stirrups and someone’s poking around down there, the last thing on my mind is the list of questions I wanted to talk to ask OB-GYN. Keeping up with your gynecologist can feel more difficult than keeping up with the Kardashians; while you should be going to regular appointments, sometimes we forego, forget, or miss out on some of those important conversations during the 30-minute (max!) appointment, particularly when it comes to sex (anyone else spend the entire time complaining about their period cramps?).If all of the knowledge you have about sex comes from the birds-and-the-bees talk with your mom, that “experienced” friend’s dating life, or watching Sex Education three times in a row, you could probably benefit from more conversations with your gyno. Just as a reminder: you deserve and are entitled to a pleasurable, fulfilling, and healthy sex life. Your gynecologist is one way to help you stay healthy, explore your sexuality, and feel your best. Until you make it to your next gyno appointment, I asked Dr. Kiarra King M.D., a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist (who somehow still has time for blogging like the ultimate boss she is), for some of the info she tells her patients, that many of us could be missing out on. Here are five things she wants you to know about sex:

      1. “Good sex” is relative
      The phrase “the best sex of my life” has been thrown around so often in movies and TV shows, and I’ve always been confused about what that really means. I’ve heard frat douchebags in college talk about their sexapades with phrases like, “the sex wasn’t great,” as if there’s a checklist that determines “good sex” from “bad sex” (and where the hell can I find this checklist!?). If you’re like me and have wondered what makes sex “good,” you’re probably not as focused on your own pleasure as you should be.
      Dr. King explained that whether sex is good or bad is only for you to decide; it’s always an individual opinion. “Only you can determine what is good and ultimately what is better for you,” she said. If you’re so out of touch with your pleasure (literally), she also recommended asking yourself questions like, do you genuinely enjoy your partner? Does your partner seek to pleasure you, or is it a one-way street? Do you feel safe and validated? Is the experience equally enjoyable for both of you? Bottom line: “good” or “bad” sex is defined only by how much pleasure and enjoyment you feel. 

      2. Stop comparing
      Back to that “good sex” versus “bad sex” crap, comparisons are common when it comes to sex since it has been a taboo subject for far too long. Many women want to know what’s considered “normal,” or feel lesser-than if friends have different sexual experiences than they do. But guess what: you don’t need to compare in order to know what’s normal, and someone else’s experience or preferences do not mean anything about yours. “When it comes to an intimate partnership, what benefits will be gained by comparing to the point that better sex is defined by someone else’s experience?” Dr. King said. “Of course, a couple can try new things, but the goal should be that they enjoy one another, not out of comparison.” Explore your sexuality to find more and better pleasure, but don’t compare other people’s experiences and preferences to your own. 

      3. Sex should not be consistently painful
      If you’ve ever had discomfort or pain during sex, you’re not alone. In fact, as many as 75 percent of women will experience pain during sex, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Dr. King advised that a momentary sensation with a specific position that resolves itself is likely of no concern (just don’t forget your lube!). However, sex does not have to be painful. Not only does pain during sex suck, but it contributes to the orgasm gap, and, most importantly, prevents you from experiencing the optimal pleasure that you deserve.
      “If a woman experiences continued pain or is unable to engage in sex due to fear of pain, I recommend talking to your doctor,” Dr. King said. Your doctor might be able to identify an underlying cause and provide treatment options, like pelvic floor physical therapy (which is more common than you may realize). The point is that pleasure is your birthright; your body is not trying to prevent you from it, so anything that is can (and should) be resolved. 

      4. If you’re experiencing low sex drive, you can fix it
      When we experience low sex drive as women, we typically accept it as a reality, not see it as a symptom. It’s the stereotype we’ve seen in every sitcom and comedy film in the United States: the constantly-horny husband and the “not tonight, honey” response from the wife. We’re taught from old-school beliefs that women are inherently more sexually restrained than men, and therefore, have a lower sex drive. The truth? The female sex drive is consistently underrated; not only is it inherently strong (duh!), but it can increase with age. That also means that low libido, in fact, can be a symptom, and not “just the way you are.” 
      “Lack of sex drive or decreased libido can occur for a variety of reasons including stress, depression, anxiety, chronic medical conditions, or certain medications,” Dr. King explained. In other words, you don’t have to settle for low libido. Talk to your doctor about identifying the root causes of low sex drive and come up with a plan to restore your libido. PS, if your doctor doesn’t prioritize your sex drive and sexual pleasure, it might be time to find a new doctor. 

      5. Good news: your vagina can clean itself!
      While there’s an overwhelming amount of products and processes promising reproductive health, Dr. King knows that it’s actually very simple. “The vagina is capable of cleaning itself,” she told Essence in 2019. “A good old-fashioned shower or bath daily during menstruation should do the trick to help rinse away any old blood or discharge. Women shouldn’t use scented hygiene products, as they may cause an allergic reaction known as contact dermatitis.” When it comes to sexual health, Dr. King recommended getting STD screenings before being with a new partner (both of you!) and using a water-based lubricant to keep up with vaginal health. Remember that your vagina is incredibly smart and self-sufficient (as are you!). It has its own self-cleaning mechanisms that will keep you healthy as long as you do your job with safe sex practices. 

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More