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    7 Oral Sex Positions to Try This Weekend

    If there’s one way to celebrate the end of a workweek, the end of 2020 (finally), and the beginning of the holiday season, I’ll say it’s probably an orgasm. But I’m not talking about any orgasm—I’m talking about the incomparable, fireworks-worthy orgasm you receive during oral sex (or the mind-blowing experience of giving it to someone—now that’s magical). Oral sex is a concept most of us have a pretty good handle on. You know, mouths, genitals. It’s not all that complicated. For a long time, I really stood by the “You either love it, or you hate it” model. Some people have joyously outrageous orgasms through oral sex, and others just aren’t all that into it. And while I think it’s totally normal and OK to not be into it (or any part of sex, of course), I think there are a lot of people out there who write off oral sex because they haven’t tried it in a way that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and pleasured. Perhaps, a new position might be an interesting way to try it out, or if you’re already an oral-lover, to spice things up a little bit. 
    A few things to note:
    Don’t like oral sex? No problem, try one of these positions for penetration. 🙂 
    Your partner doesn’t like oral sex? Here’s how to talk to them.
    No matter how you have sex is sex—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

    1. Lying on your stomach 

    This one lets you touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth on you. Lie on your stomach with your hips slightly arched and your legs spread about just a bit. Your partner is able to go at your from behind, but you’re still comfortably laying down, making this a little different from your typical doggy style.

    2. Face-sitting

    Both you and your partner can do this one regardless of if they have a penis or vagina. If your partner has a penis, just make sure that they are sitting at an angle so they can enter your mouth without suffocating you, of course. You can face your partner so you have the view of looking at them (and touching them if you’d like), or you can face the opposite way and put the focus all on them pleasuring you.

    3. Standing

    This is another easy one to try regardless of your partners’ genitalia. This is a pretty common position if your partner has a penis, but much less so for partners with vaginas. If you have a vagina or your partner does, stand with your legs slightly apart, pushing your pelvis out. It might be easier to lean up against a wall or a table to hold your balance. Another great way to try this one is in the shower!

    4. Upside-down Head Over the Bed

    I’ve also seen this labeled “giraffe style,” which I absolutely love. Lay on your back with your head over the edge of the bed and tilt back so your upside down. This can be done with a partner who has a vagina or penis, but it’s much easier with a penis just based on the angle. Your partner will enter your mouth from a totally different way than normal, and the view is extra hot. 

    5. Legs around the head

    This one is much easier for giving oral sex to a person with a vagina, but it’s not impossible if your partner has a penis. Simply lay back, and after your partner’s head is in your crotch region, you’ll wrap your legs around them. Don’t suffocate them, of course, but loosely wrap your legs around. Your partner can keep touching you or hold onto your legs from the outside.
    One variation of this position is often called the “68.” One person lays down on their back while the other lays on their back on top of their partner, wrapping their legs around them with their crotch in their face. You two will be much closer this way, and it’s basically the lazy lovers’ version of 69. 

    6. Sitting down

    We love a good sitting position here because it’s an easy, applicable way to spin off your usual laying-down positions without having to grab your Kama Sutra book either. You can play this up in tons of ways. Maybe you’re sitting on the kitchen counter, maybe you’re in a desk chair, maybe you’re at the edge of the bed. This is a common position for giving oral sex to people with penises, but it’s a little less common for eating out—which is exactly why you should try it ASAP. 

    7. 69, But Spooning

    Aside from the joking territory surrounding 69, you might not realize just how good of an oral sex position it can be. While laying on top of each other is all fun and nice, try spicing it up by doing it from a spooning position laying down on your sides. You both lay on the opposite sides, and go at each other from the side. If you have different genitalia, it might be easier to situate the person with a vagina first as you’ll likely need to prop your leg up a bit or get closer to your partner, whereas it’s a little easier if they have a penis. You’ll be super close, and going at each other from this different angle might even help you find some new spots each of you likes. Orgasms for all! More

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    How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive During a Dry Spell

    Through most of quarantine, I’ve kept my social distance. In fact, I’ve kept too much of a distance because I’ve not had nearly as much sex as I’d like. This era of contact isolation precautions has led me into a season of what I affectionately call: vaginal depression. Vaginal depression is what happens when you’re not getting any. Signs and symptoms include not feeling particularly sexy, unable to get aroused by any of the recurring penises in your phone, and/or overgrown pubic hair that’s grown into something oddly similar to a bush.Yeah, I think most of us have experienced vaginal depression at least once in our lives. I was on a slow downward spiral into my vaginal woes when I decided to take charge of my sexless life and do something about it. Here’s what rebalanced my hormones, turned me on, and made my vagina happy. 

    1. Take a trip down memory lane
    When I was going through my imagination searching for “inspiration” for my “me time,” I really thought about what was it that I enjoyed by the sex I was most inspired by. Often times, sex is a lot of kiss here, touch there, rub this, lick that, and then someone moans and before you know it, sex is over. What I realized when I thought back on some intimate moments is that I enjoyed being rubbed sensually and often. I enjoyed lovers who were vocal and complimented me before, during, and after sex. I love a good performance review, honey! Seriously, taking the time to think about what actually turned me on about the experiences that came to mind helped me to learn more about what I really like, what actually turns me on, and what types of partners I need to ensure I’m involving myself with. 

    2. Get hands-on
    Alright, people with vaginas! Now is the time to pull out those toys, those fingers, a mirror, and whatever you feel you need. When you’re in a sexless era, it could be the perfect time to explore your body a little bit more. It’s great to let your lover do some exploration, but don’t cheat yourself out of a good time. When you’re sans partner, you can use that time to get to know your body a bit better and not just in a sexual sense. I attended an event recently that focused on sex and sensuality. To my surprise, many women were not familiar with their own anatomy. Some didn’t know the difference between their vulva and vagina. Can you find your labia minora? Where is your clitoris? Our private area shouldn’t be this thing we tuck away until it’s someone else’s turn to have their way with it. We aren’t Barbie dolls; our private area isn’t some nebulous plastic region that we birth babies out of. It’s a beautiful part of our bodies that we should learn more about. 

    3. Turn yourself on
    Hey, like I said before when I go through bouts of vaginal depression, I feel anything other than sexy. I don’t feel ugly, but I don’t feel sexy and sensual as much as I usually do. Vaginal depression can rob even the sexiest, most confident of us from feeling our best, so it’s important to be intentional about turning ourselves on. Take a trip to a local sex store (online or in-person) to see what toys, gidgets, and gadgets pique your curiosity or make you feel good. My go-to thing to do is to buy cute lingerie or underwear. I feel so sexy when I look delicious. Toss out the period panties for a spell and throw on some lace undies. Don’t be so practical with your desires. Try things you never thought you would. Maybe you’re into whips, chains, and other things that excite you (word to Rihanna), but you just don’t know it. Buy some new toys (I personally recommend a glass dildo, but that’s neither here nor there). See if you’d like to incorporate feathers, massage oils, or ball gags into your sex sesh.

    4. Reevaluate your partners
    Ok, so this may be a lot harder, but after thinking on what you enjoy and what you may need from your sexual partner or experience, it may be time to reflect on what type of people you’re actually having sex with. Do you want to make love or just make out? Do you want meaningless sex, or do you need something a little more intimate? Going at sex alone is important, but sharing your sexual self with someone should come with some level of consideration, especially if you’re opening yourself up to some new experiences. Are your current partner(s) able to satisfy you in the way you want? Are they willing to learn and explore with you? Do you think they’ll kink shame you out of a good time? All of these are questions worth asking. 

    What I learned is that your “dry season” doesn’t have to be a season of vaginal depression like it has been. You can enjoy your sex life with or without a partner. In some ways, your sex life may be better without a partner because it’ll give you time to focus on yourself, your desires, and your needs. Sex isn’t a performance, but it’s an experience. Don’t allow your dry season to leave you hot and bothered. You can have just as much fun by yourself. Now, pull out your vibrator, your mirror, and get to work. More

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    Sex Bucket List: 5 Updates to Make for Your Sex Life, Pronto

    I stand by that one of the best thing you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner, is creating a sex bucket list. Having an ongoing list of everything you’d like to try or do sexually can help keep your sex life spicy and full of experiences you actually are interested in. If you’re getting started on a sex bucket list, start here. But if you’re ready to incorporate some new-and-improved additions or changes (I’m all for editing your bucket list as time goes on—what you wanted a few years ago is probably a little different from now!), these are my suggestions. 
    1. Rearrange the furniture
    We all know it’s a good practice to try sex outside of the bed or bedroom sometimes, but to switch it up even more, you can move some furniture around to make your space work for you. Mirror play is one of the most underrated sex toys in the bedroom. If you have a full-length mirror or a vanity mirror in your bedroom or home somewhere, use it your advantage. Move the mirror so that you and your partner can both see each other in it while you’re having sex. The view will turn you both on a little more, and it might spark some new ideas and positions to try. 
    Along with mirror play, you can also pull the couch out a little or move side tables and coffee tables to try different positions and moves throughout the house. You’re not confined to a few spaces when it comes to sex. Make it up as you go!

    2. Try a new form of sexting
    If you’ve long been turned off by sexting because you don’t like sharing naked photos or your dirty talk game is less than impressive (it’s a learned skill, I promise!), there are so many other ways to approach it that can completely boost your sex life. Even if you love sexting, you can try it in a few different ways to keep it new and interesting. Obviously, sending nudes and a little dirty talk are always an option, but a really fun way to try might be role-playing. Tell your partner exactly what would be happening if you were together. “You’re on the bed, I’m standing next to you. I start to undress, and you grab my hips.” It’s a little more work, but it really plays it out like the two of you are together. Then, you can reenact this in the future! 
    I also love simple “I’m thinking about you” or “You look hot today” texts throughout the day. They’re safe for work but are a little, exciting way to get you excited.

    3. Find your go-to sex toy 
    One of the most underrated items on our TEG sex bucket list is going to a sex shop with a partner. It might feel a little awkward, and you’ll probably giggle at first, but it’s actually a really great way to see what intrigues or excites the both of you when you set your mind to finding something that will benefit you together. Obviously, that isn’t necessarily possible right now, so instead, you might find it helpful to begin searching for your go-to #1 favorite that you both enjoy using, together and alone. We have tons of guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners, but you might also enjoy talking it out, figuring out what you’d both like, and spending some time on a few different sites. 

    4. Try to push your orgasms farther
    So, you had an orgasm on your own. YAY! Next, you can focus on pushing them to go longer and maybe even have multiple at a time (the absolute dream). It might be easiest to try this alone first and then bring a partner in on the fun, but you can try it however is easiest for you. Orgasms tend to feel even better the longer you let your body relax and allow yourself to really feel them. The next time you feel an orgasm coming on, try to keep it going instead of stopping whatever motion or toy you’re using. It might feel intense for a second, but it’ll lead to better, longer, and stronger orgasms over time.

    5. Ask your partner questions
    When you and your partner decide to engage in a conversation about fantasies and trying new things, make sure to ask them questions. Do they watch porn? What do they watch? What is their favorite color to see you wear? What’s their favorite position? Do they prefer sex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom? This might seem a little juvenile, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but it’s a good practice to make sure you know more about what they want and like, and of course, they should reciprocate and ask you questions too. As cliche as it may seem, a good sex life really comes down to communication.  More

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    5 Things an OB-GYN Wants You to Know About Sex

    I don’t know about you, but when my feet are in the stirrups and someone’s poking around down there, the last thing on my mind is the list of questions I wanted to talk to ask OB-GYN. Keeping up with your gynecologist can feel more difficult than keeping up with the Kardashians; while you should be going to regular appointments, sometimes we forego, forget, or miss out on some of those important conversations during the 30-minute (max!) appointment, particularly when it comes to sex (anyone else spend the entire time complaining about their period cramps?).If all of the knowledge you have about sex comes from the birds-and-the-bees talk with your mom, that “experienced” friend’s dating life, or watching Sex Education three times in a row, you could probably benefit from more conversations with your gyno. Just as a reminder: you deserve and are entitled to a pleasurable, fulfilling, and healthy sex life. Your gynecologist is one way to help you stay healthy, explore your sexuality, and feel your best. Until you make it to your next gyno appointment, I asked Dr. Kiarra King M.D., a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist (who somehow still has time for blogging like the ultimate boss she is), for some of the info she tells her patients, that many of us could be missing out on. Here are five things she wants you to know about sex:

    1. “Good sex” is relative
    The phrase “the best sex of my life” has been thrown around so often in movies and TV shows, and I’ve always been confused about what that really means. I’ve heard frat douchebags in college talk about their sexapades with phrases like, “the sex wasn’t great,” as if there’s a checklist that determines “good sex” from “bad sex” (and where the hell can I find this checklist!?). If you’re like me and have wondered what makes sex “good,” you’re probably not as focused on your own pleasure as you should be.
    Dr. King explained that whether sex is good or bad is only for you to decide; it’s always an individual opinion. “Only you can determine what is good and ultimately what is better for you,” she said. If you’re so out of touch with your pleasure (literally), she also recommended asking yourself questions like, do you genuinely enjoy your partner? Does your partner seek to pleasure you, or is it a one-way street? Do you feel safe and validated? Is the experience equally enjoyable for both of you? Bottom line: “good” or “bad” sex is defined only by how much pleasure and enjoyment you feel. 

    2. Stop comparing
    Back to that “good sex” versus “bad sex” crap, comparisons are common when it comes to sex since it has been a taboo subject for far too long. Many women want to know what’s considered “normal,” or feel lesser-than if friends have different sexual experiences than they do. But guess what: you don’t need to compare in order to know what’s normal, and someone else’s experience or preferences do not mean anything about yours. “When it comes to an intimate partnership, what benefits will be gained by comparing to the point that better sex is defined by someone else’s experience?” Dr. King said. “Of course, a couple can try new things, but the goal should be that they enjoy one another, not out of comparison.” Explore your sexuality to find more and better pleasure, but don’t compare other people’s experiences and preferences to your own. 

    3. Sex should not be consistently painful
    If you’ve ever had discomfort or pain during sex, you’re not alone. In fact, as many as 75 percent of women will experience pain during sex, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Dr. King advised that a momentary sensation with a specific position that resolves itself is likely of no concern (just don’t forget your lube!). However, sex does not have to be painful. Not only does pain during sex suck, but it contributes to the orgasm gap, and, most importantly, prevents you from experiencing the optimal pleasure that you deserve.
    “If a woman experiences continued pain or is unable to engage in sex due to fear of pain, I recommend talking to your doctor,” Dr. King said. Your doctor might be able to identify an underlying cause and provide treatment options, like pelvic floor physical therapy (which is more common than you may realize). The point is that pleasure is your birthright; your body is not trying to prevent you from it, so anything that is can (and should) be resolved. 

    4. If you’re experiencing low sex drive, you can fix it
    When we experience low sex drive as women, we typically accept it as a reality, not see it as a symptom. It’s the stereotype we’ve seen in every sitcom and comedy film in the United States: the constantly-horny husband and the “not tonight, honey” response from the wife. We’re taught from old-school beliefs that women are inherently more sexually restrained than men, and therefore, have a lower sex drive. The truth? The female sex drive is consistently underrated; not only is it inherently strong (duh!), but it can increase with age. That also means that low libido, in fact, can be a symptom, and not “just the way you are.” 
    “Lack of sex drive or decreased libido can occur for a variety of reasons including stress, depression, anxiety, chronic medical conditions, or certain medications,” Dr. King explained. In other words, you don’t have to settle for low libido. Talk to your doctor about identifying the root causes of low sex drive and come up with a plan to restore your libido. PS, if your doctor doesn’t prioritize your sex drive and sexual pleasure, it might be time to find a new doctor. 

    5. Good news: your vagina can clean itself!
    While there’s an overwhelming amount of products and processes promising reproductive health, Dr. King knows that it’s actually very simple. “The vagina is capable of cleaning itself,” she told Essence in 2019. “A good old-fashioned shower or bath daily during menstruation should do the trick to help rinse away any old blood or discharge. Women shouldn’t use scented hygiene products, as they may cause an allergic reaction known as contact dermatitis.” When it comes to sexual health, Dr. King recommended getting STD screenings before being with a new partner (both of you!) and using a water-based lubricant to keep up with vaginal health. Remember that your vagina is incredibly smart and self-sufficient (as are you!). It has its own self-cleaning mechanisms that will keep you healthy as long as you do your job with safe sex practices. 

    Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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    10 Ways to Orgasm That You Haven’t Thought Of, According to Sex Therapists

    It’s centuries too late if you ask me, but our culture is finally starting to embrace the female orgasm and acknowledge the fact that women feel, want, and need pleasure too (shocking!). Scientists are researching determinants of female orgasms, women are singing about feelin’ themselves, and people wouldn’t bat an eye if Sally pulled her orgasm-in-public performance in 2020 (well, maybe they would, but you get the point).All of this is amazing progress for long-overdue gender equality (and we still have a lot of work left to achieve it), but all this “O” talk can put pressure on women to reach an orgasm, whether they’ve never had one, can only have one by themselves, or only know one way to have one (news flash: there are lots of ways). So for the betterment of your sex life (and because pleasure is your human right), here are 10 ways to orgasm that you might not have thought of, according to sex therapists and experts.

    1. Indulge in other self-care practices 
    Megwyn White, a certified clinical sexologist and director of education at Satisfyer, suggested practices like dry brushing and scalp massage to increase sexuality and pleasure. “Dry brushing is a great way to stimulate circulation and detox the skin,” White said. “You’ll feel refreshed, and your tissues will feel soft and satiated. It’s a great self-care practice that can add a sensual start or end to your day. Likewise, giving yourself a scalp treatment at home with essential oils can reduce stress and activate your senses. You’ll feel refreshed, invigorated, and sexier.” Bottom line: find the indulgent practices that connect your mind with your body and stimulate the senses. You’ll feel heightened awareness that can translate into more sexual pleasure (and the chance to check out yo’ bad self in the mirror will be an added sexy bonus). 

    2. Explore blended orgasms
    Here’s the good news: from clitoral orgasms to nipple orgasms, there’s no shortage of orgasms to be had. And better yet, they don’t necessarily have to be independent of one another. A blended orgasm is two (or more) simultaneous orgasms, resulting in an intense, full-body response. While this may sound difficult and you may be thinking great, even more pressure in the climax department, know that our bodies are meant to experience multiple different sensations.
    “If you stimulate multiple regions, you create more intense sensations, and multiple nerves communicate the sensation of pleasure at the same time,” said Dr. Jess O’Reilly, founder of Sex With Dr. Jess and Astroglide’s resident sexologist. For example, the vagus nerve is believed to communicate signals from the cervix, uterus, and vagina, bypassing the spinal cord. Crazy, right!? Bottom line: there’s more to your sexuality than just the vagina. Explore, experiment, and try multiple different forms of pleasure at once. 

    3. Get creative juices flowing
    That’s right: that pottery class you took in college could have been increasing your chance to orgasm. “Sexual energy and artistic expression are not mutually exclusive,” White said. “Creativity will naturally stir the pot of your sexual nature and also invite you to think out of the box and invite new experiences into your world.” No matter if your favorite form of creativity is singing, dancing, painting, or scrapbooking, it doesn’t necessarily have to be erotic to help boost your pleasure when it comes to sex.
    Being creative in whatever way feels expressive and enjoyable to you can tap into your sexual energy, but will also get you into a creative and open mindset that will encourage you to try new things (see #6 below). You can tell your significant other we told you to sign up for that painting class or dance lesson (and I’m sure when they know the benefits, they’ll want to join too). 

    4. Talk about sex
    Looks like Salt-N-Pepa were onto something! Kamil Lewis, AMFT, believes getting comfortable talking about sex outside of the bedroom can help encourage a healthy sex life. “Talking about sex with friends is a great way to normalize sex and provides a space to ask questions and hear about other experiences,” Lewis said. “The more comfortable you feel talking about sex, the more empowered you will feel when it’s time to get into it.”
    Yes, it’s important to have a support system outside of your relationship or sexual partner (Sex-and-the-City style) to talk openly about sex and normalize a lot of the subjects that have been taboo for far too long. But it’s equally just as important to communicate openly and honestly with your sexual partner, whether you’re in a committed relationship or not. “Give yourself permission to talk with your partner or partners about orgasms,” Lewis said. “If this is something you want to change in your relationship, it’s important to bring it up.”

    5. Build sensuality outside of the bedroom
    Sexuality is an equal mix of physical and mental. It’s not going to immediately switch on when you walk into the bedroom, nor is it reserved for the bedroom. Hani Avital, clinical sexologist and sensuality expert, said it best to S Life Magazine, “Sexuality is our life force. The more we cultivate that energy in everything we do, the more alive we will feel. Period.” Remember that your sexuality is powerful and life-giving, not shameful. Build sensuality in your day-to-day life by indulging in self-care that feels good (like massaging in body oil after your shower or taking a decadent bath) and making decisions based on what would feel more pleasurable for you. 
    Not only will this help you feel more vibrant in your day-to-day life, but it might also help you experience more pleasure in the bedroom. Lewis recommended using mindful moments throughout the day, like paying attention to the temperature of the water in your shower or the smells of your food, to feel more connected to your body and improve sexual connection. Dr. O’Reilly agreed. “You are not a light switch. You likely can’t transition from talking about your kids and taxes to indulging in sexual pleasure and orgasm,” she said. “Take time to indulge in all things pleasurable throughout the day to cultivate more presence in your body and remind yourself that pleasure is your birthright.” 

    6. Try new things
    If you’re not reaching climax, it might be because whatever you’re doing is not working. Even if you are orgasming but are hesitant to try something new, you could be missing out on an even more intense and enjoyable climax. Dr. O’Reilly recommended getting creative with sex toys and lube, which are both associated with heightened pleasure and orgasmic response.
    Mia Sabat, the sex therapist at Emjoy, agreed that trying new things is important. “You don’t know what’s going to get you going until you try,” Sabat said. “Sometimes, we forget that there’s more to our body than our vulva, and we’re surprised to see how much a specific place or type of stimulation can help us reach our orgasm end-goal.” Bottom line: try new things, whether it’s positions, toys, body parts, or even the routine, for the sake of enjoyment and getting to know your body better. An orgasm will just be a welcomed bonus. 

    7. Make masturbation a part of your self-care routine
    So you already know that masturbation can help you orgasm, but it might not be easy to reach climax if you only think of the ménage à moi as a must-do when you’re in between partners (thank you, quarantine). Exploring your own sexuality and pleasure should be just as much a part of your self-care routine as a face mask or a bubble bath (and, FYI, can be done simultaneously with both!). “Stop thinking about masturbation as a dirty little secret. It’s a perfectly healthy thing to do, with a myriad of health benefits. It can be used to ease pain, boost your mood, and even help with period cramps,” Sabat said. “By framing masturbation as part of your self-care routine, you can explore your body with comfort and confidence instead of something to feel embarrassed about.” 

    8. Fantasize
    Dr. O’Reilly calls the brain the most powerful sex organ, and for good reason. Remember how sexuality is a mix of physical and mental? The physical component might be stimulated, but the mental component needs to be stimulated too in order to achieve mind-blowing pleasure. Fantasizing can help you explore your sexuality and find different ways to feel pleasure, rather than getting caught up in achieving an orgasm and the dreaded performance anxiety.
    Luckily for us, there are multiple ways to fantasize besides imagining shirtless Ryan Gosling or watching Rihanna’s “Pour it Up” music video (though both are great if they do it for you!). “There are many ways you can stimulate the brain, like listening to erotica, engaging with pornography created for a female audience, or simply taking the time to gently let your mind and body ease into a sexual state through sensual massages, candlelit baths, or self-pleasure,” Sabat said. 

    9. Don’t over-hype the climax
    OK, back to that pressure to orgasm. Yes, there is a huge orgasm gap, and yes, you deserve to orgasm as often as you want every single time. But we often hype up the climax so much (I mean, it is called “the climax”) that so many women struggle to get there because of the pressure to achieve it. We look at our ability to orgasm to determine whether it was “good sex” or even whether or not we’re “normal.” Here’s the truth: it’s good sex if it felt good, and anything is normal if it’s normal for you. Instead of focusing on the end-goal, focus on the pleasure you feel before and during sex. Not only will it be more pleasurable overall, but you might be more likely to orgasm. The destination is better when you enjoyed the journey, right?
    In fact, Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and award-winning author, suggested delaying orgasming instead of focusing on achieving it. She said, “Slowly bring yourself closer and closer, but hold back before going over the edge. When you become aroused and then let it go, the energy is recycled, waiting just under the surface to be ignited once again. If you keep building towards a finale, the endgame will be unreal.”

    10. Romance yourself
    No, this is not some cheesy self-love advice; it’s truly the most effective way to increase pleasure, sensuality, and orgasms, whether you’re solo-sexing or with a partner. When we take time to make ourselves feel special like we would a romantic partner, we increase confidence, comfortability, and just feel hotter; to quote my queen Lizzo, “No, I’m not a snack at all. Look, baby, I’m the whole damn meal.” FYI, Lizzo definitely knows how to romance herself. No matter your relationship status, we can all afford a little more self-romance.
    “Even if you’re going solo, it doesn’t mean that you have to skip the romance,” Sabat said. “Don’t be afraid to light some candles, put on some perfume, and dim the lights to set the mood. This is your own personal adventure and something to enjoy, not rush. Don’t rush it or sell yourself short; this is about treating yourself in exactly the way you want to be treated, and you deserve the best.” As Lizzo would say: “‘Scuse me while I feel myself.”  More

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    50 Quick and Easy Tips for the Best Sex of Your Life

    It’s become a bit of a pick-up-line in my life to say I’m a sex writer. What can I say, it really intrigues people to tell them on a first date that you spent your day writing about vibrators and anal sex. But I can’t take all the credit all the time: some of the best sex tips I’ve ever learned have come from our editors, from my favorite app for ethical porn for women to the powers of scheduling sex. So I tapped into my sexy senses, as well as my network, for the best quick sex tips anyone could use. Have a partner? We have some for you, but we also didn’t forget our single friends out there too. Regardless of your relationship status, you can and should have good sex. These are just a few (give or take 45) tips to help along the way.
    Applicable for partner-sex, masturbating, sexting, and everything in between: 
    1. Read up on the erogenous zones: inner thighs, ears, neck, small of the back, the toes, etc. 
    2. Don’t yuck anyone’s yum: you might be surprised when a partner tells you a kink or fantasy, but talk it out, think about it, and engage if you feel comfortable. It might just become yours too!
    3. Treat yourself to some fancy lube (we love this one—and you can discreetly add it to your next Sephora order!)
    4. Buy yourself some lingerie that YOU love to feel sexy and confident
    5. Read Literotica for sexy stories! They have every kind you can imagine and more
    6. Make a sexy song playlist with your partner to get in the mood every time
    7. If you’re a parent or have roommates, lock the door! 
    8. Take sexy pics just to feel good about yourself
    9. Lay a towel down to make clean-up and post-sex much easier
    10. Fill your social media with accounts/images/videos you find hot (anyone who follows Harry Styles on Instagram knows that it doesn’t have to be porn to be sexy!)
    11. Add a pillow under your hips. Small change, big difference!
    12. Don’t panic if shower sex wasn’t as sexy as it looks in movies. Try post-shower sex instead!
    13. Watch a non-sexual show or movie to get you in the mood
    14. Read a steamy novel before a date or instead of bingeing Netflix during your solo night in
    15. Focus on consistent pleasure over a climax (and a climax will come!)
    16. Explore new kinks and fetishes
    17. Have sex on your period—seriously.
    18. Focus on the foreplay
    19. Explore audio erotica to get in the mood—this is a favorite app amongst our editors!

    With A Partner
    20. Talk about what you like with a partner BEFORE sex
    21. Try a move you’ve seen in a movie or a show you’ve watched together
    22. Touch yourself during sex—hot for them, feels amazing for you!
    23. Talk about your highlight from a nighttime session the next morning
    24. Send quick, dirty texts throughout the day to help with foreplay and to get you right in the mood if you only have time for a quickie
    25. If you’re in a long-term relationship, make-out like teenagers to bring you back to all those angsty years
    26. Make a code-word for sex, i.e. “I’m excited to go home and make our own cocktails” might mean, “Take me home and ravage me ASAP” 
    27. Try mutual masturbation
    28. Make eye contact during sex when you can
    29. Don’t discount a quickie—sometimes it’s more about the physical connection than mind-blowing sex
    30. Speak up if something hurts, and speak up if something feels amazing
    31. Start foreplay out of the bedroom: a kiss at dinner, a sexy text during the workday
    32. What happens after sex is important too—check-in with yourself and/or your partner, identify how your body feels, go through proper hygiene, etc.
    33. Don’t be afraid to initiate
    34. Have sex in front of a mirror
    35. Try nipple massage! Hint: you can actually have an orgasm through nipple-play alone
    36. Send your partner examples of what you want them to do in the bedroom
    37. Communicate what feels good—but also ask your partner what is feeling good for them!
    38. Try a new oral sex position
    39. Try ribbed condoms
    40. Focus on non-sexual touch to create intimacy outside of the bedroom (which will cause even more intimacy during sex too!)

    41. Make a point to plug in and charge your vibe in the morning—it ensures you have it fully charged that night and is also a lil’ sexy reminder to yourself throughout the day that you’re able to pleasure yourself that night
    42. Try masturbating at different times in the day: on your lunch break, right after work, before the gym, after the gym, etc. 
    43. If your toy is waterproof, run it under hot or cold water before using it
    44. Try stimulating multiple areas at once: using a vibrator on your clitoris while fingers are inside you, stimulating the vagina and the anus at the same time, combining touching an erogenous zone with clitoral stimulation, etc. 
    45. Take yourself on a date—you’ll be surprised how sexy you’ll feel after spending some time with yourself
    46. Try a new masturbating position: doggy style, cowgirl, and a hip-bridge are good places to start
    47. Buy this vibrator and thank us later
    48. Close the windows and the blinds, maybe turn on some music or a show, and get really vocal. 
    49. If you’re trying to have a clitoral orgasm, focus your attention on different parts of the clitoris to see which feels better. Try placing your vibrator vertically and horizontally, pinch it with two fingers and rub them together, try making circles and up-and-down motions. 
    50. Schedule it: make time in your day to feel good, even if it’s just for you! More

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    9 Things That Might Be Affecting Your Libido

    We know the drill. You come home late after a long day, cook dinner, and basically just melt right into bed. Your partner, of course, was wishing for other plans. While most of us shrug this off to stress or exhaustion (which it can be!), there are other reasons you might not get as excited to get down to business tonight. It’s normal to not be in the mood every now and then (I mean, sometimes we just want to sleep!); however, when it becomes a consistent occurrence, there could be something deeper going on.A low libido seriously sucks, but it’s something most of us will go through at some point. Instead of causing yourself more stress, we looked into all the reasons you’re not too keen on doing much in the bedroom right now — besides sleep.

    1. Stress
    We all know how it feels to get home and still have a to-do list. Whether you’re experiencing work, school, or personal stress, it’s easy to let that get into your head and discourage you from engaging in time with your partner.
    Try one of these — might I add, wonderful — ways to reduce your day to day stress, so you and your partner can get back to it. You could also start adding some self-care to your routine, or if you’re feeling ~spicy~, treat yourself with a little me time. We promise you’ll feel renewed.

    2. Certain medications
    Antidepressants, some anti-anxiety medications, blood pressure medications, and more can have a low sex drive as a side effect. If you’ve started taking a new medication recently, look back at the list of side effects your pharmacist gave you (that you probably wanted to throw out and thought again that it might be important). If you think it’s impacting your life or your relationships, you can talk to your doctor about another option.  

    3. Pregnancy or breastfeeding
    Pregnancy and breastfeeding cause a lot of changes to occur within your body. Your hormones are raging, which can cause fluctuations in your sex drive. One day you might want to go at it like rabbits, and another, you’re not interested at all. Understand that this is just a change in your body, and it won’t last forever.
    Aside from your hormones, the other side effects of pregnancy can turn you off from sex. Nausea and fatigue in the first trimester just make sex uncomfortable — who wants to go at it when they feel sick!? Then, as your body grows and changes (woohoo! A baby!), traditional sex positions can feel kinda awkward, and women can sometimes be self-conscious about their pregnant bodies. Be kind to yourself, you’re about to birth another human into the world!

    4. Lack of sleep
    Along with stress, we completely understand. Whether you had a work report due at 8am, you had a scary dream (I watch too much AHS), or you stayed up reading (#guilty), you didn’t get your full eight hours last night. And that’s okay! It’s when you continuously forgo sleep that you start to notice a consistent decrease in your libido.
    Try some lavender oil in your diffuser, turn off your electronics an hour before bed, or my personal favorite, give yourself a good Saturday morning to sleep until noon.

    5. Negative body image
    When you don’t feel comfortable or accepting of your body, it’s hard to want someone else to see you naked. Continued fear and self-consciousness when having sex is enough to make you never want to do it again. Yoga, meditation, or buying a cute new set of lingerie are all examples of ways you can start to gain a little confidence (and maybe feel a little sexier, too!).

    Source: @eberjey

    6. Mental health issues
    If you’re struggling with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder included) or anxiety, it can significantly impact your sex drive. This can have to do with medication, issues with trust, anxiety and worry about your partner — the list goes on. Because there are so many ways mental illness can affect your libido, reach out to your doctor to discuss ways in which you can either bring it back or make it easier on yourself.

    7. Relationship issues
    You and your partner might have gotten in a fight recently, or you feel as though you can’t trust him or her. There are many different issues that you and your partner can experience that might lower your libido. If you’re experiencing conflict, talk with your partner openly and honestly. The conflict might be stressful and hard to deal with at first, but you’ll be grateful when it’s over and you and your partner feel closer than ever.

    8. Conditions that make sex painful
    Vulvodynia and endometriosis are known to cause painful sex, which can not really make you super excited to get in the sack, right? If you suffer with these conditions, talk to your doctor about treatments. You can also talk to your partner about different positions that might reduce or avoid pain. You deserve to feel good during sex, not uncomfortable!

    9. Birth control
    Again with the hormones! Birth control pills can sometimes lower the hormones in your body — like testosterone — that make you want to have sex. Luckily, there are alternatives, such as non-hormonal IUDs, condoms, and diaphragms. You could also talk with your doctor about trying a different birth control pill or option, like the NuvaRing.

    How have you handled a low libido? What are your tips and tricks to keeping your sex drive up?!

    This article was originally published on November 17, 2018. More