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      50 Journal Prompts and Affirmations for Self-Love

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      Valentine’s Day can bring to the surface a lot of mixed feelings surrounding love. It’s normal to feel either full of love and admiration, or the opposite, like we’re missing something from our lives or–even worse–like we’ve failed. As a generation that grew up idealizing Disney princess fairytales and believing that happily ever after is finding a Prince Charming, it’s no wonder we can feel like failures if we don’t experience it.
      The truth is, there are so many different forms of love available to us, aside from the love that comes from a romantic relationship. There is love that comes from our families, friendships, children, and most importantly, ourselves. So this February–and every day after–take some time to practice self-love because it’s the most important kind. Read on for 50 journal prompts and affirmations to get you started. 

      Journal prompts on self-love
      1. Write yourself a love letter.
      2. Look back on the last five years and share the accomplishments you are most proud of.
      3. Describe your dream self-care day (then, plan a date to do it).
      4. Write down five things you are grateful for.
      5. Write about why you are a great friend/partner/daughter.
      6. What are you looking for in a romantic relationship? How can you give it to yourself?
      7. Who inspires you? What attributes do you share?
      8. Name something you love about your body that isn’t related to what it looks like.
      9. Write down five things you can do this week to bring joy to your routine.
      10. What are you excited about?
      11. Write down five nice things people have said about you recently.
      12. “I am worthy of love because…”
      13. If time and money weren’t an issue, what would you do with your life? Dream a little.
      14. When are you saying “yes” when you want to be saying “no.”
      15. What can you forgive yourself for?
      16. If you could talk to your younger self, what would you tell her?
      17. Where can you incorporate play into your life?
      18. Write down 30 things that make you smile.
      19. What are three self-love habits you can incorporate into your routine?
      20. What can you do this week for your body? Your mind? Your soul?
      21. “I secretly enjoy…”
      22. Describe five traits you liked in yourself as a child.
      23. List out your daily habits. Which ones are nurturing? Which ones aren’t?
      24. Describe the items in your home that bring you joy. Which ones aren’t bringing you joy, and why are you keeping them?
      25. What does “self-love” mean to you? 

      Affirmations on self-love
      1. I am enough.
      2. I love my body and all it does for me.
      3. I am worthy of love.
      4. Everything I need is already within me.
      5. I let go of all that does not serve me.
      6. Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line.
      7. I choose progress over perfection.
      8. I have a lot to offer the world.
      9. I am not my mistakes or flaws.
      10. I honor my own life path.
      11. I am balanced.
      12. My inner world creates my outer world.
      13. I have the ability to reclaim my power.
      14. I deserve happiness and joy.
      15. The universe has my back.
      16. It is a good day to be alive.
      17. Good things are ahead of me, good things are coming.
      18. I don’t need someone else to feel happiness.
      19. I am at peace.
      20. I am the hero of my own life story.
      21. I will not compare myself to strangers on the internet.
      22. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
      23. I am allowed to take up space.
      23. I am strong.
      25. I am proud of my accomplishments–no matter how small.

      The Everygirl’s 28-Day Self-Love Challenge More

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      I Went on a 7-Day Complaint Cleanse, and It Kinda Changed Everything

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      You know that amazing feeling when you get a break to b*tch to your coworkers around the water cooler about that irritating thing your boss just did? What about when you call up your mom when your roommate leaves to vent about the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink? Or when you’re tired and your coffee maker isn’t working, so you text your best friend, “omg worst Monday everrrrrr?” What about the thrill of commenting something negative on an Instagram post of a celebrity you don’t like or an Instagram post that you don’t agree with? I, dear readers, have had my fair share of being seduced by the coping mechanism and daily habit that is complaining.
      On bad, stressful days, it’s easy to complain about anything that inconveniences me–the traffic, the weather, a friend getting on my nerves. Whether it’s out loud to whoever is nearby or just thinking it in my head, complaining comes as naturally to many of us as breathing. I often get swept up in both of the major and minor frustrations we encounter every day, and I have a flair for drama so daily frustrations become omg, the world is out to get me! While some venting is healthy to prevent bottling up feelings and a fresh perspective can help solve a situation, too much complaining can cause chronic stress, affect our relationships, and even affect our health. So what’s a girl to do? Here is how I went on a complaint cleanse and why you should too:

      Why do we complain?
      According to Psychology, we complain because we find a gap between expectation and reality, but it can also be a subconscious bonding technique. Venting over shared negative experiences can build a sense of camaraderie, since you’re disliking the same thing and feeling the same emotion. Complaining is actually contagious, meaning you can start complaining more if the people you’re around are complainers, and vice versa.
      But talking about that annoying person who budges you in the Trader Joe’s line or how bad your hair looks creates a feedback loop, making us experience the negative emotion over and over again. Focusing on dissatisfactions that we do not have the power to control (or try to change) can leave us feeling victimized, hopeless, and even depressed. Of course, the occasional dissatisfaction every now and then can’t have that much affect on our minds, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Think about how many things you complain about a day–the weather outside, the crowded public transportation this morning, the TV show you didn’t like, the coffee shop that got your order wrong, the meeting that ran long—and how the immediate reaction of frustration and helplessness accumulates overtime and can rewire our brains to find the negative in any situation. It’s a constant cycle;  complaining actually leads to even more complaining.
      If you’re unsure if you complain too much, look back through your texts, emails, and DMs to see if they have a more negative tone than positive, or if there are as many negative comments as there are positive. You can also keep a thought journal and write down every time you think a negative thought or voice a complaint. If all of your conversations and thoughts are negative 20% of the time, that’s average, but if they’re any more than that, it could be seriously affecting your mental and physical health.

      Why complaining too much can be harmful
      A 2016 study by Standford found that complaining actually shrinks neurons in certain areas of the brain. In other words: it decreases your brain’s ability to problem solve. Complaining also releases cortisol, the stress hormone, which raises blood pressure and affects blood sugar. Now I’ve got your attention, huh? Besides the serious physical effects, complaining also affects our relationships. Psychologically speaking, negative thoughts stand out in the brain more so than positive things (just think of how you’d likely forget a compliment but always remember an insult, or how you’d obsess over losing a $20 bill more than finding a $20 bill). This means that your negativity or negative comments are more likely to stand out in people’s minds than the positive things about you or the positive things you say. Likewise, if you’re complaining about your relationships, you are likely to start seeing more negativity in loved ones. 
      Now let’s switch to the flip side: gratitude, or as I call it for the purpose of this article, the opposite of complaining. Gratitude in general has an extreme amount of benefits, including improved sleep, increased energy, strengthening the immune system, greater longevity, healthier relationships, and the obvious one: making you happier.

      My experience doing a complaint cleanse
      I’ve always believed strongly in the power of positive thinking, but it wasn’t until a scroll through Instagram that I realized I might need more than some meditation apps to fully achieve a grateful mindset. Author Cleo Wade posted about a complaint cleanse and I was immediately inspired:

      I mean, I am a millennial after all; cleanses come like second nature. I’ve tried a digital detox, a skin detox, and even a juice cleanse (don’t worry, only once when it was a thing back in 2016. EAT WHOLE FOODS, PEOPLE!). So a complaint cleanse seemed like the obvious thing to do. I’m also a big believer in the power of words (I dedicated my career to writing them), and feel that every word we say can make a difference in the world, for better or for worse. It’s why I choose not to argue with strangers on the internet, why I refuse to talk behind people’s backs, and why I wanted to write this article.
      These examples may not seem like they make that much immediate difference to the world, but I’ve always had this idea of words being like pennies in a jar: every word that is positive and empathetic of other people is one penny, and every word that’s intended to be negative, judgmental, or mean is a penny taken away. Cleo Wade’s post made me realize all of my complaints—even about the weather, the movie I thought was bad, or the food that arrived cold at the restaurant—were also pennies being taken out of the jar.
      At the risk of going too Mother Teresa on you, trust me when I say it feels good to complain. And this isn’t about getting rid of all negative emotions (no toxic productivity is welcomed here). Negative feelings or thoughts can help us see what to change, realize what we want out of our lives, and stay away from danger (BTW voicing opinions when you see injustice is also not a complaint, it’s a call to action). To be clear, I will always be a fan of venting to my mom and speaking out (as loudly as I can!) about issues and injustices that need to be changed. But I’ve realized the power that frivolous complaints actually have on ourselves and the people around us.
      So for one whole week, I swore off all complaining. Every time I felt myself getting angry at other drivers on the road or being annoyed that my food was taking too long at a restaurant, I noticed the negative thought and then chose to let it go. I thought two positive comments for every negative one, and I wrote down three things I was grateful for every morning and every night. I made an effort to compliment my friends and family more often and tell them good things about my day or funny stories I’d heard instead of bad things that happened to me. In other words, I filled the space I had previously reserved for complaining with only positive, supportive words and thoughts.
      The main thing I learned from going on a complaint cleanse was the difference between what’s worth it to voice and what wasn’t. If something can be fixed, like your spouse leaving dirty dishes in the sink, asking for a change or explaining what you don’t appreciate can actually make the situation better. But if traffic was bad that morning, there is absolutely no reason to complain about it to my coworkers. There’s nothing I can do to fix it, and it just takes up space where I could be thinking, “What a beautiful day it is outside,” or asking how their mornings were (oh yeah, other people have lives too!).
      In the end, I’d much rather see and create good things, without commenting on the bad. I’d much rather be the author, not the critic. As my girl Cleo says, when we do this, we let our language be part of what makes the world better, instead of worse. Juice cleanses may not be worth it, but complaint cleanses, as I voluntarily discovered, are the kind of cleanse that you’ll want to keep going long after the week is over.
       

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      Doctor-Backed Tips to Reduce Chronic Inflammation

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      There’s no denying inflammation has a bad rap: it’s tied with stress, it usually comes with pain and discomfort, and it’s the root cause of many diseases. But PSA: not all inflammation is bad. In fact, we all have some inflammation present in our bodies that keep us healthy (more on that to come). On the flip side, chronic inflammation (read: elevated levels for extended periods of time) is the invisible culprit of many health woes (think: chronic diseases, gastrointestinal issues, depression and anxiety) that you want to avoid. But just how do you combat it? I sought out experts to get their hacks for fighting chronic inflammation. Read on to start adding them to your routine and feeling your best. 

      In this article

       
      What is inflammation?
      It’s neither possible nor healthy to completely eliminate inflammation in the body because ICYMI, there is “good” inflammation. “Inflammation is a biological response to injury or infection,” said Dr. Onikepe Adegbola, MD, PhD, Founder of digital gut health platform Casa de Sante. Acute inflammation (AKA the beneficial kind) “is the body’s way of protecting itself from harm and promoting healing,” Dr. Adegbola continued. “Inflammation occurs when the immune system releases white blood cells, proteins, and other chemicals into the affected area to fight off foreign invaders and repair damaged tissue. This process can cause redness, heat, swelling, pain, and loss of function in the affected area.”
      “When you get a cut or bruise, your body sends inflammatory cells to the site of the wound to begin healing,” described Dr. Casey Kelley, MD, Founder and Medical Director at Case Integrative Health. “You might feel heat or see red skin or some swelling at the site of the injury. These are all signs of inflammation, and that your body is doing what it should to keep you safe and healthy.” In other words, acute inflammation helps your body heal when you get a cut or come down with a cold and can be beneficial in the short-term.
      But when inflammation persists and lingers in the body, it can develop into chronic inflammation. “We now know that chronic inflammation is a major risk factor, which if unchecked, can eventually start damaging your healthy cells, tissues, and organs, leading to cell damage,” explained Dr. Akil Palanisamy, an integrative medicine expert and author of  The T.I.G.E.R. Protocol. “Over time, chronic inflammation may contribute to diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune disease, Alzheimer’s, and others.”
      Dr. Jacob Hascalovici, MD, PhD, Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer at Clearing, agreed: “Chronic inflammation could be a sign of the body ‘getting stuck’ in defense mode, attacking the wrong cells or tissues and maintaining an overly reactive immune system at the cost of your overall health.” The good news? Dr. Hascalovici said that chronic inflammation can often be prevented or controlled, and that even if you have it, there are things you can do to reduce it.  
       
      How to know if you’re dealing with chronic inflammation
      You’re probably thinking the key to inflammation is as simple as pinpointing whether it’s acute or chronic, right? The short answer is no. Chronic inflammation doesn’t manifest in the form of telltale physical signs like acute inflammation does. Dr. Palanisamy cited that you may not actually realize you have chronic inflammation until you get some blood tests done through your doctor. However, some red flags to look out for include headaches, fatigue, mood issues, brain fog, joint pains, weight gain, skin rashes, and digestive issues such as gas, bloating, diarrhea or constipation. Dr. Hascalovici echoed that stiff joints and weakening muscles, tiredness that won’t go away, and disruptions in your digestion can be signs of chronic inflammation. Bottom line: If you suspect you have chronic inflammation symptoms, seek an evaluation from your doctor. 

      Tips to fight inflammation in the body

      1. Be mindful of what you’re putting in your body
      There’s no sugarcoating it: What you eat can either increase or decrease your body’s inflammation levels. According to Dr. Palanisamy, your gut microbiome is a key factor that regulates the level of inflammation not only in your gut but throughout your entire body. So what did he recommend to include in our diets? Cold water fish, fermented foods, vitamin D, and spices—all of which can reduce inflammation. As for what to watch out for, Dr. Palanisamy suggested minimizing processed sugar and high fructose corn syrup, cutting out trans fat often found in processed foods, and preventing excess alcohol consumption because they can disrupt gut health and contribute to inflammatory processes in the body. When in doubt, stick to a balanced and varied diet, rich in anti-inflammatory foods, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and healthy fats, as recommended by Dr. Adegbola.

      2. Incorporate movement
      It should come as no surprise that diet and exercise go hand-in-hand in terms of inhibiting the inflammatory response. “Besides having dozens of health benefits in general, exercise promotes joint flexibility and blood flow, which can be related to less chronic inflammation,” Dr. Hascalovici expressed. “Yoga, in particular, has been shown to provide relief for arthritis pain and restore mobility in clinical trials. Even just a stretching routine in the morning can help reduce inflammation levels.”
      A 2017 study found that just 20 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise (in this case, walking on a treadmill) can have an anti-inflammatory effect. Go on a Hot Girl Walk and check off exercising and soaking up some vitamin D on your to-do list, be a Pilates girl, or hit the gym for some good ol’ fashioned primal movement exercises. Just be mindful of not going overboard on exercise. Too much intense exercise can lead to higher levels of inflammatory mediators, and thus might increase the risk of chronic inflammation. Listen to your body, take rest days regularly,  and mix cardio or strength training with lower impact workouts like walking and yoga throughout the week.

      3. Get enough sleep
      Work emails, TikTok, and season 4 of You can wait. “Make sure you’re starting the day with a full night’s rest,” Dr. Hascalovici recommended. “Sleep is often overlooked when it comes to controlling inflammation, and yet getting adequate sleep (usually around 8 hours) helps your body repair itself and reset, stabilize your mood, and handle stress better, all of which means you’re likely to have less inflammation.” Translation: When you get quality Zzzs, your body is able to properly regulate and reduce inflammation. So if quality shut-eye is the missing link in your wellness routine, consider this a sign to unplug and wind down for at least 30 minutes before bedtime (that means no scrolling!), keep your bedroom at a cool 65°F- 72°F, and aim for at least 7-9 hours of blissful sleep a night to keep chronic inflammation away. 

      4. Reduce stress
      We can all attest to how stress is detrimental to our mental and physical health (hello, anxiety and digestive drama)—all the more reason to pay attention to your stress levels and practice self-care to reduce daily stressors and “bad” inflammation. “Prolonged high levels of stress or anxiety are associated with inflammation,” Dr. Kelley confirmed. “Try to incorporate some form of deep breathing and take (at least) a few minutes to yourself each day.” 
      “After prolonged exposure to the chemicals released by the body when it’s under stress, the body’s immune system can weaken,” Dr. Hascalovici explained. “Stress can also contribute to cellular damage and changes in how your genes function, which can increase inflammation.” The solution? Practice relaxation techniques like restorative yoga, meditation, mindfulness, or a lymphatic massage—anything that will help you chill TF out. 

      5. Identify and address allergens 
      PSA: Exposure to certain foods and environments alike can spur on inflammation. “If you are allergic or intolerant of some food or something else in your environment, it can keep inflammation activated,” explained Dr. Stacie J. Stephenson, a functional medicine doctor and author of Vibrant: A Groundbreaking Program to Get Energized, Own Your Health, and Glow. “Start to pay attention to what triggers a response in you. Do you always feel a little sick after eating eggs, does milk give you a stomachache, or do you feel unwell in certain environments?”
      It can be as simple as being on the lookout for any cues your body gives, getting a blood test, finding alternatives to foods you love but don’t agree with your body, and making edits to your wellness routine as well as your home and office. Maybe that looks like keeping a food journal, incorporating more plant-based meals in your weekly rotation, swapping out traditional cosmetics and household products for clean, non-toxic substitutes, or buying an air filter for your bedroom. Before you know it, the small changes you’ve added to the mix will add up. Inflammation, be gone!

      Please consult a doctor or a mental health professional before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article.

      6 Things That Happen to Your Body When You Lower Chronic Cortisol More

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      I’m a Dietician and These Are the Recipes I Make When I Need a Health Boost

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      It happens to all of us: You’re on a roll prioritizing your health and wellness goals, then suddenly you’re stressed with a big work project and your personal life takes a dramatic turn or you fall victim to the common cold, leaving you feeling completely drained. When I find myself in the thick of feeling the least like my best self, I turn to nutrient-dense foods that help me glow from the inside out. I’m talking smoothies with antioxidants, plant- forward meals, and dishes with heart-healthy fats. If you’re looking for a health boost or simply wanting to kickstart your wellness goals, keep reading for healthy recipes you can make today.

      Source: rachLmansfield

      Source: rachLmansfield

      Source: Hello Spoonful

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: The Real Food Dietitians

      Source: Feel Good Foodie

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: Lively Table

      Source: Lively Table

      Source: Minimalist Baker

      Source: The Glowing Fridge

      Source: The Glowing Fridge

      Source: The Glowing Fridge

      Source: Eating Bird Food

      Source: Eating Bird Food

      30 Superfoods You Can Sneak Into Your Go-To Meals More

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      The Ultimate Guide To Self-Love

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      Let’s celebrate the month of love with the ultimate gift to ourselves; a guide to self-love. This Valentine’s Day, forget about the chocolates and teddy bears. Let’s prioritise self-love, try something new and celebrate every inch of ourselves.

      This 28-day calendar provides you with easy-to-follow daily activities and workouts to help you reconnect and form healthy self-care habits.

      Note to self: Happy Valentine’s Day. I Love You.

      28 Days of Self-Love Calendar

      Whether you’re a newcomer or an experienced self-care guru, this guide is for you.

      Read a book 

      Spend 30 minutes outside

      Try out manifesting

      Declutter a space

      Bake something delicious

      Run or walk for 30 minutes

      Buy yourself flowers

      Listen to a motivational podcast

      Meditate for 10 minutes

      Stretch it out and do some yoga! 

      Try a new workout

      Have a self-care Sunday  

      Wear your fav outfit and try a new makeup look

      Say “yes” to something fun

      Try a new healthy recipe

      Journal about your day

      Get more sleep

      Perform a random act of kindness

      Take a hot bath and relax 

      Make a happy playlist and practise trending TikTok dances

      Go sugar-free today

      Spend time with a loved one 

      Experiment with art therapy

      Create a budget for March

      Read the new issue of Women’s Health

      Buy yourself dinner 

      Make a vision board 

      Write down things you are grateful for. Reflect on the past month. More

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      Want To Manifest Your Goal? Don’t Make These Manifesting Mistakes

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      Want to manifest your goal? Welcome to the club. There are at least 8 million of us on Instagram and many more. And for good reason.

      Manifesting can be a powerful tool in helping you achieve your goals, whether that’s to run your first 21K, bag a promotion or find love. But many people feel that it’s about making a wish with all your heart and waiting for it to happen. Unfortunately, you’re not a Disney Princess. “It is impossible to manifest your dream partner who will make you feel alive and in love, while you are sitting on the couch, sobbing as you watch the Notebook, eating ice cream or drinking a bottle of wine, feeling sorry for yourself that you are single,” says manifesting queen and coach Nicola Loots.

      There’s actually a lot of inner work required for you to move from point A, the point without the thing you want, to point B, where you’ve reached your goal and are wrapped in that achievement glow. Here’s how to put in the work, avoid common manifesting mistakes and really move the needle.  

      Manifesting mistake #1: You’re feeling lack (and not abundance)

      “I often hear people so excited, inspired, and optimistic to start manifesting, but after some time, usually, when it is taking longer than they had expected to see results, they get despondent, disappointed, and start thinking that it’s not working,” says Nicola. “Manifesting is not about declaring what you desire and then sitting on the couch waiting for it to happen, but it is also not about working as hard as you can and hustling to control the situation either. Manifesting is a fine line between taking inspired action and knowing when to let go and trust.”

      To this end, it’s important to have an image of what you want that’s so strong you believe in it and start to act in the way you would with your goal in the palm of your hands. “When you are manifesting, your faith needs to be bigger than your fears,” explains Nicola. “You need to believe that it will happen, not on your timeline, but in divine timing and you need to be completely satisfied and accept that when it will happen is out of your control.”

      READ MORE: How To Save Money – And Why It Matters For Your Health

      Manifesting mistake #2: You’re not taking action

      Despite what it seems, manifesting requires a bit of action, kind of like casting a spell. Yes, there’s magic involved, but there’s also special ingredients you need to collect, and then you still need to say the words with intent. There are three main steps in manifesting, that we’ve covered extensively here and here.

      READ MORE: 15 Best Journalling Apps To Start The New Year With More Mindfulness

      Manifesting mistake #3: You’re blocking your own progress

      “Manifesting is about the law of attraction and the law states like attracts like,” says Nicola. “If you want to manifest something that makes you feel good, you need to start feeling good now, so that it is attracted to you.” If, for example, Nicola explains, “you believe that you always get hurt when you open your heart, that you cannot trust men, all of these beliefs are going to block you from receiving. You have to work on your mindset and beliefs in order to manifest.” To this end, Nicola notes that you may need to work with a psychologist or mindset coach to push through the barriers preventing you from attracting the good thing you’re looking for.

      READ MORE: Can Manifesting Really Help You Smash Your Goals?

      Manifesting mistake #4: You’re not looking for the signs

      Yes, signs from the literal actual universe. Sometimes this manifests in the physical realm, like asking to see a butterfly as confirmation that your potential job is the one you should go for. But waiting can often dissuade you. When this happens, Nicola advises going inward. “When you are at a crossroads and are not sure what direction to take, quieten out the external noise and connect to yourself,” says Nicola. This might mean meditation, or just getting really quiet and asking yourself important questions. “From this space, ask yourself, ‘If I knew exactly what to do, what would that be? If I trusted myself, what would I do in this situation?’ External signs are inspiring to receive, but your inner voice and your intuition is so much more powerful.”    More

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      Going on a First Date? Here’s Every Ritual You Need To Get Over Pre-Date Jitters and Feel More Confident

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      I think we can all agree that first dates can be a little nerve-wracking. Whether you met through mutual friends, on an online dating app, or at your local coffee shop (the dream meet-cute, if you ask me), the jittery feelings before the main event are always there. Spending a couple of hours with someone you just met is a very vulnerable act after all. You’re not only trying to figure out if you like each other, but also contemplating what questions to ask them, who’s paying, what to order, or when to call it a night. But let’s not forget first dates should also be fun! So how do you let go of the jittery nerves and go into a first date confident and open? It’s all about mindset. 
      Your mindset can be the make-or-break factor in having a great date. We’ve all experienced the date who unloads their bad day on you before the drinks have even been ordered, and no one wants that. Going into a first date with a great mindset won’t necessarily weed out the bad dates, but it will allow you the grace of not being phased by them, and even better, to truly connect on the good ones. Read on for some first date tips and rituals to try to get in the right mindset before your next rendezvous.

      Meditate
      Taking a moment to connect with yourself before a first date sets you up to feel good about the conversations you’ll have and the questions you’ll ask, and there’s no better way to do that than by meditating. Meditation is the ultimate mind-body connection, and when you take five or ten minutes to meditate, you are re-centering and sending signals to your brain to relax and trust yourself.
      There are lots of ways to meditate before a date. For example, the Superhuman App has a “Getting Ready” guided meditation and the Unplug App has a wide array of guided meditations to choose from, or you can do a walking meditation or guided journaling. However you meditate, by taking that time to reconnect with yourself, you can go on a date feeling more open to connecting with others. 

      Repeat affirmations
      Affirmations can feel a little uncomfortable at first, especially if they are not part of your routine. But words are powerful, and when you repeat an affirmation enough, you start to believe it. Some affirmations to try before a first date include: “I will trust my own intuition,” “I am a complete person on my own,” “I am open and full of good energy,” and “I can leave whenever I want to.” I like to think of affirmations as secret weapons you can pull out whenever you need them. Say them before, during, and after the date. They are great little reminders of your boundaries and how amazing you are. 

      Manifest a great date
      It may sound a little cheesy to manifest a great date, but hear me out. Manifestation is the act of turning your thoughts into a reality. Now, it’s not as simple as just wishing for a great date and hoping it comes true. You have to intentionally live out your dreams in your day-to-day life. In a broader sense, manifesting a great date might look like getting clear about the kind of partner you hope to have one day, then writing down those characteristics and being intentional about the people you choose to date after that. It could also look like letting go of any preconceived ideas of the type of person or relationship you want or should have and being more open to the people who come into your life (a Charlotte and Harry situation here for all the Sex and the City fans). Manifesting a great date really breaks down to manifesting a great love life, and when you live openly and intentionally, you allow yourself to have both.

      Set clear boundaries
      I’ve always disliked the phrase, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet Prince Charming,” because you actually don’t have to kiss any frogs if you don’t want to. Before you go on any date, get clear with yourself about what your boundaries are, and then don’t be afraid to be open about them. Boundaries are there to make us feel safe and comfortable, and whoever you are dating should be respectful of those boundaries. And if they aren’t, then they’re probably not a good fit.
      Taking some time before each first date to set clear boundaries makes navigating any situation that may arise on the date easier. For example, you’ll already know how to answer questions like, “Do you want to come back to my place?” or “Can I kiss you?” You should also feel fully in your power to change your boundaries as the date progresses or for different people. They are your boundaries to set and change as you like.

      Create and practice a “getting-ready” ritual
      Part of the reason we feel so nervous about first dates is because of the pressure we put on them. There’s the pressure to look your best, be outgoing and fun, all the while deciphering if they are “the one,” or at least worth going on date #2. This makes dating not only nerve-wracking, but also exhausting, and the whole point of dating is to have fun. Creating and practicing a “getting-ready” ritual before a first date can help ease some of that pressure. Your ritual should be something you enjoy doing that helps you relax and get in a good mindset before going on a date. Maybe your ritual involves a Bravo show and your go-to cocktail while doing your makeup or simply a cup of coffee and a kickass playlist. 

      Yes, You Can *Actually* Manifest a Better Love Life More

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      Yes, You Can *Actually* Manifest a Better Love Life–Here’s How

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      Growing up, most of us learned about dating, sex, and relationships from an issue of Cosmopolitan or an episode of Sex and The City, not by knowing how to manifest. But a few years ago I was introduced to manifestation and it quite literally changed my life (which, by definition, is the whole point of manifesting). As more and more people started to swear by the Law of Attraction for increasing their wealth, popularity, or happiness, it only made sense that it would be used to improve love lives too. 
      After all, some of the biggest questions throughout human history are matters of the heart (“They love me; they love me not”), and everything from Shakespeare’s sonnets to Nancy Meyers’ rom-coms tries to explain the secret to a happy relationship. So could manifestation really be the answer to kicking ass on dates and dating apps, improving your relationship, or overall feeling more satisfied in your relationship status? I asked Dana Lord Lewis, a manifestation expert and founder of Energy Think, for all her tips and tricks on how (and why!) manifestation can transform your love life. Take a break from swiping and read on to achieve a fulfilling love life in 2023.

      Meet the expert
      Dana Lord Lewis
      Energetics Expert and Founder of Energy Think
      Dana Lord Lewis is a thought leader in the realm of manifestation and the founder of Energy Think, a science-based modality that coaches individuals to achieve their dream lives.

      What is “manifesting” and how does it work?
      Manifestation is all the buzz across TikTok and The New York Times Best Seller list, but the concept of the Law of Attraction is nothing new, rooted in ideas that come from various philosophical and religious traditions. The idea of manifesting has been covered in dozens of self-help books and discussed by thought leaders around the world, from Oprah to Deepak Chopra to Iyanla Vanzant. The concept is essentially creating reality or bringing something tangible into your life based on attraction and belief. For example, if you think it, believe it, and then act on it, it will come (the key words being “belief” and “action,” since hoping for something alone isn’t enough). But that’s not all. 
      “When people talk about manifestation, it typically has to do with bringing something intentional to fruition,” Lewis explained. “But manifestation also comes from potentials of the unconscious mind. Many people do not realize that they have, on an unconscious level, called it in.” In other words, manifestation does not only come into play when you want a dream promotion, relationship, or house; whether consciously or unconsciously, our thoughts, worries, and beliefs can become our reality too. 

      How can manifestation affect your dating life?
      Since we are constantly manifesting thoughts into existence (whether consciously or unconsciously), it can affect every area of your life—including your love life. Lewis said that she often sees the negative effects of unconscious manifestation in relationships because of worry and fear. “A lot of limiting beliefs play themselves out in the dating world. Our insecurities are triggered, and therefore, we feel fearful and we take action that comes from that fear.” Maybe this looks like sending a text out of insecurity or not sending a text to protect your vulnerability. Maybe this means you tend to date multiple people at the same time because it feels scary to get serious, or maybe this means you always need a serious partner because it makes you feel safe.
      All of our insecurities look different in our dating lives and relationships, but they can be holding us back from a happy love life. “What you do with your energy when you are emotionally challenged is the most important thing to ensure you aren’t sabotaging a love life you may want,” Lewis suggested. But just like we want to get out of certain thought patterns and behaviors to avoid the love lives we don’t want, we can also manifest what we do want.

      3 steps to manifest a better love life:
      1. Develop self-awareness
      The Laws of Attraction are not about stating what you want and expecting to get it like a spoiled kid in a toy store. Instead, the Laws of Attraction state that the way you behave or feel about yourself attracts certain energies to you. When it comes to dating, that means the energy you’re giving out is what you will attract in dates or a partner. “How you treat yourself internally is going to be projected out onto others,” Lewis explained. “This means what you put out, you will get back, perhaps in a different form but with the same character.” So the first important step is to know what you are attracting by developing more self-awareness. What do you do when you feel under pressure? How do you handle insecurities? Why do you want (or not want) a relationship?

      2. Shift out of energy habits that don’t serve your goals
      Once you’re aware of the energy you’re giving off and what you truly want, you can make adjustments to get what you want. For example, if you’re looking for a healthy, lasting relationship but have rooted insecurities that cause you to be jealous or controlling, you may unconsciously attract partners who will give you reason to be jealous or controlling. Work on your own insecurities and prioritize self-love, and you’ll begin attracting partners who will love you like you love you.

      3. Take ownership of your life
      Lewis said the most powerful step is the last one, which she calls “Radical Self Ownership.” You must truly believe and realize that your life is in your control. Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens by you. “The third step is where you realize that you are the creator of your reality, both its pleasure and its pain,” she explained. “When this power is recognized and embraced, everything changes—especially the way you relate to those closest to you. Ultimately, the more you can learn about yourself and accept yourself, the more you will experience love with others.”

      How to improve your love life if…
      You’re single…
      If you’re feeling exhausted or stressed out about the dating apps, online profiles, and planning IRL meet-ups, don’t push through in hopes you’ll achieve the love life of your dreams (because you won’t!). PSA: Dating does not have to be tiring and should be enjoyable if you’re going to manifest a better love life. “Dating feels tiring when there is fear experienced around it because fear is immensely draining,” Lewis explained. “When you take away fear, dating is a source of energy.” In other words, dating should be fun. If it’s not, you might be dating out of fear of being alone or feel too much fear of rejection in order to actually enjoy the process (more on that below). 
      Instead of dating from a place of fear, date from a place of enjoyment. “There are so many benefits to this phase of life,” Lewis said. “If you are single, it is a gift. If you’re single and want to be in a relationship, singlehood is a gift that won’t last forever.” Lewis recommended spending time getting to know yourself better and to try something different to “shake up your current understanding of the world.” Also, remember that all situations exist to benefit you—and yes, that means even single phases, bad first dates, or hurtful ghosting. “Take this opportunity to go beyond the desire for a relationship, and connect to the part of you that feeds this idea that being ‘alone’ is negative.”

      You’re in a relationship…
      So you’re in a relationship but looking to kick it up a notch? Maybe you’ve been together forever and it’s feeling a little complacent, or you’ve recently coupled up but your communication is off. There’s a lot you can do to manifest a better love life too, and—no surprise—it also starts with getting to know yourself better. Lewis recommended getting to know how you like to cycle energy, which can cause patterns in relationships. For example, if you’re a very giving person, you may fall into a pattern of putting others first and yourself last, or if you’re a perfectionist and self-critical, you may be overly critical of your partner or relationship as well. Also, if you have the mentality that your relationship is holding you back from other dreams (like moving across the country, having kids, or getting your dream job), it can lead to disconnect and resentment.
      Lewis explained that (as long as there are no toxic behaviors) the areas where your relationship needs improvement is a reflection of your own energetic state and the way you see yourself. If you give too much to your partner, work on giving more to yourself (instead of expecting them to give more to you). If you’re critical of your relationship, work on being kinder to yourself, and the way you talk about your partner or relationship will follow. “There are so many things you can do to make yourself more in alignment, which will bring happiness and improve all relationships,” Lewis said.  But beware: Since the work is coming from working on yourself, it can be tempting to think that you’re “doing all the work” and fault your partner for not doing the same. Lewis claimed the best advice she has for couples is to not have expectations of your partner to better the relationship to the same degree that you do. In other words, don’t keep score, which can manifest a relationship you don’t want. “To depend on someone else for your better life (even in a relationship) is a losing battle and puts dependency on them for your happiness,” Lewis explained. “To be truly happy in your relationship, the utmost priority should be your own alignment, independent of all others.”

      You’re worried about rejection…
      And now for the majority of us: the ones who avoid going on dates because we’re worried we won’t be liked, or the ones who put too much pressure on our relationships because we don’t feel secure. When you’re worried about rejection, you are literally manifesting a negative love life. Instead, shift your perspective to believe that rejection is not real (no, really). “When we experience the feelings of rejection, we are experiencing it because we have rejected ourselves,” Lewis explained. In other words, everything you know about your relationships to other people is from your own perception. Therefore, you can shift your perception of a bad date, break up, fight with your partner, or Tinder match who never responded to not include rejection at all. 
      All it takes to make this shift is a few key changes. Lewis recommended spending more time on the people and things that fill you with joy. For example, maybe limit the happy hours with the coworkers who complain about their relationships or gossip about the office and spend more time with the friend who’s really into yoga (and is good at motivating you too) or your sister who is so passionate about her non-profit. Beyond the people you spend time with, spend more time on your own fostering your interests, taking care of your body, and making the effort to heal wounds by going to therapy or gratitude journaling. We only experience fear of rejection when we believe our worth is tied to whether we fit the bill of what another person thinks of us, so work on your own worth. “When you live in alignment and are nourishing yourself, it genuinely won’t matter to you if people vibe with that or not,” Lewis agreed. 

      The Everygirl’s Guide to Manifestation and Achieving Your Best Life More