Wellness

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what defines a happy and healthy life. Maybe it’s one made up of a morning routine, workouts you love, and a job that you’re passionate about. Or maybe it’s filled with travel and adventure, the ability to make meals that nourish you, and living in your dream home. I’m fortunate to be able to say that I’ve experienced many of the above, and they’ve all brought joy to my life in one way or another. But when reflecting on when I was truly the happiest and healthiest version of myself, it wasn’t about any of that. Rather, it was when I was spending time with the people I love and who love me—AKA experiencing social connection. 
While factors such as exercise and eating balanced meals are still vital to living a healthy and happy life, the healthiest women aren’t healthy because they’re prioritizing a strict schedule of workouts, salads, and supplements. Instead, they’re treating their bodies well, but first and foremost prioritizing a life that includes date nights with their S.O., walks with friends, hosting dinner parties, etc. Read on for why social connection is so essential to happiness, and how to get a daily dose of it yourself.

Why you should prioritize social connection
Researchers define social connection as a core psychological need embedded in our biology and evolutionary history. When we experience social connection, we lower our risk of anxiety and depression, experience greater self-esteem, and have more empathy for others. Positive social relationships can impact our physical health too, lowering inflammation and aiding immune health. One study even showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to our health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure.
When we experience intimate social connections, our body releases a hormone called oxytocin (also known as the love hormone). Oxytocin–which the body releases when cuddling, laughing, having sex, talking with a loved one, holding a baby, etc.–can reduce blood pressure and cortisol levels and promote growth and healing. From mental to physical health, prioritizing social connection and human connection is essential to our entire wellbeing. 

How to prioritize social connection

1. Say “yes” more often
It’s easy to live in our comfort zones and avoid the things that scare us or opportunities that may be challenging, but when I look at the happiest and healthiest women I know, they are the ones who take chances and say “yes” to change. In one of my favorite books, The Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes chronicles her year of saying “yes” to everything in order to get outside of her comfort zone more, which included giving a commencement speech to spending more time with the people she loves. Try taking an audit of your life and looking into areas where you are currently saying “no,” but could be saying “yes.” Maybe it’s plans with your friends, going to a workout class, eating lunch with colleagues, or visiting your family. If you change your mindset to be more open to opportunities for social connection, it may just lead to greater happiness.  

2. Schedule more social outings
Yes, you should allow for ample you-time to recharge alone, but genuine connection with people you love is another important way you should regularly be relieving stress. After a long day at work, maybe the last thing you want to is call to your mom, meet up with a new friend for dinner, or actually talk to your partner over dinner instead of eating on the couch with Netflix playing. While some time alone can be incredibly important, make sure you’re intentional about that alone time, rather than because it’s a habit or in your comfort zone. Scheduling phone calls with loved ones or plans with friends in advance can ensure you keep up with regular social connection.
If scheduling a dinner with friends or family every week still sounds exhausting, I feel you. Scheduling a social outing doesn’t have to be something that involves a large group of friends or costs a lot of money. It can be as simple as going for a walk with your mom, FaceTiming a friend who lives far away, volunteering, joining a group fitness class, or taking a class to improve your skills where you can connect with other people with the same hobbies that you have.

3. Try socializing more at work
Hate to break it to you, but we spend most of our lives at work. Sometimes we see our colleagues more often than we do our friends and family. That’s why the happiest women are doing everything they can to make their jobs more fulfilling, including forming genuine connections with the people they work with. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve shied away from making friendships at work. I’ve too often been the girl with her head down at her computer, avoiding the awkward water cooler chitchat. But when I moved positions in my company a couple of years ago, I looked at it as a fresh start, a chance to socialize more with coworkers, and as a manager, set an example of what a team environment could look like.
It turns out, socializing with co-workers makes going to work ten times more enjoyable (surprise, surprise). Making connections at work doesn’t have to just be amongst your team or during lunch. It can also be done through company events or by seeking out those who have similar interests (i.e. try starting a book club, fitness club, or after-work happy hour). If you prefer keeping your social life and work life separate, simply giving a compliment to or checking in with a colleague can go a long way. Self-employed and work by yourself? Networking with other people in your industry can not only provide more work opportunities, but help you feel a little bit of human connection every time you catch up with them them at an event, reach out to ask for advice, or bounce ideas off of each other. 

4. Sign up for group activities
While prioritizing social connections is vital for our health, forcing social connections definitely isn’t. If you’re struggling to connect with the people in your life, expanding your social circle may be the key to becoming happier. And signing up for group activities is an easy way to meet new people in a natural environment. If you love to cook, sign up for a cooking class. If you love animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you love fitness, sign up for a workout class. There are so many group activities out there for any interest, and by joining a group with people who have similar passions, you’ll be well on your way to forming new connections. 

5. Get outside 
It may seem simple, but half the battle of being more social is getting outside your home. The happiest and healthiest women make a consistent effort to foster connections, whether it’s chatting it up with the baristas at their local coffee shop or getting to know their neighbors when taking the dog for a walk. If we’re open to it, social connections can be made anywhere. While it may feel uncomfortable or awkward at times to make new ones, putting yourself in situations where they are possible means you’re already halfway there. So the next time you see the opportunity to start a conversation at the dog park or while sitting next to someone in a coffee shop, don’t pass it up.

5 Traits All of the Happiest Women Have in Common More

You’ve probably read all about green flags to look for in a partner and in relationships, but what about green flags to identify in yourself? Often, we’re our own worst critics and we’re quick to nitpick our own flaws, but chances are you’ve grown so much and are closer to all your life goals than you think. There’s way more to growth than visualizing the future you want (that doesn’t hurt, of course): it takes serious action. If you’ve been working toward the highest version of yourself–whether that’s bettering your relationships, health, career, or all the above–there are some signs you can look toward to know you’re on the right track (just keep in mind these aren’t the only signs; remember everyone’s journey is going to look different!). Ahead, the green flags you’re becoming the highest, most authentic, and (most importantly) happiest version of yourself. 
 
1. You set boundaries (and follow through on them)
Whether it’s saying “no” to taking on another work project when you’re already spread too thin, creating a safe word in the bedroom, or declining a family dinner to take care of your needs, you establish boundaries to build a solid foundation for healthy relationships with yourself and others. You take the time to reflect on your needs in your friendships, romantic relationship, work, etc. and why each boundary you’ve introduced or would like to introduce is important to you. Setting a few in motion at a time, keeping it simple, and being clear is how you operate. While it may be uncomfortable at first and take practice following through on your boundaries, you’re a better friend, partner, and employee when you show up for yourself. Your end goal? To feel safe, valued, and respected, no matter what context a boundary is set in. 
 
2. You keep promises you make to yourself
We all make sacrifices for other people (remember: boundaries, ladies), but you’ve learned that if you don’t fill your own cup first, your career, relationships, and goals can pay the price. Maybe you promised yourself you would turn off Netflix instead of bingeing the next episode for the sake of quality Zzzs, meditate for at least 15 minutes first thing in the morning instead of stopping at Starbucks, and (finally) create a budget (because of said Starbucks addiction). No matter what you tell yourself, you keep your word and see each promise through. The best part? You’ve gained confidence and self-trust.
The secret to ensuring you make good on your promises? First and foremost, you’re realistic and specific with the commitments you set forth. In other words, you set yourself up for success instead of overcommitting. For example, if there’s any doubt you can carry out 15 minutes of meditation, start with five minutes instead. Then, put pen to paper, lay out a game plan, and track your progress (don’t forget to celebrate your wins!), and voila!—promises fulfilled.  

3. You let go of self-limiting beliefs
We all have false preconceived thoughts, notions, and narratives we’ve told ourselves that hold us back from becoming our best selves: “I’m not pretty enough,” “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I won’t get it,” “I’ll never find the right partner.” But you’re aware you have your life experiences, fear, and imposter syndrome to thank for those unconscious biases.
So you take a step back and pinpoint your limiting beliefs by journaling about them and the possible reasons behind them (“Does this fear protect me from rejection and failure?”), question and challenge them (“Is this belief actually true?”), and reframe them into an inspiring and motivating idea (“I’ll never find the right partner” becomes “I haven’t found the right partner yet, but I’m going to work on putting myself and my needs first”). But you don’t stop there. You exercise self-love with affirmations, like “I’m enough,” “I have a lot to offer the world,” and “I’m worthy of love” (thank you, next, false perceptions). 

4. You show yourself compassion
You treat your BFFs with kindness without giving it a second thought, especially when they’re hard on themselves. But when you made a mistake or failed to reach a goal, treating yourself with kindness didn’t come as easily—your inclination in the past would have been to beat yourself up and let self-limiting beliefs take over. But now you show yourself the same grace you show your friends (only kindness, understanding, and encouragement are welcome!). You also practice self-compassion by holding others accountable for their actions, say when a boundary you’ve clearly set with a friend was crossed, and asking for help when you need it, like a trusted family member or co-worker. 
Showing yourself compassion didn’t happen with a snap of a finger, but you’ve mastered the skill by practicing self-kindness, adopting a mindfulness-based approach, honoring your authenticity, and taking note of when negative self-talk comes into play. The result? You’ve built resilience, made progress on your goals, and reduced stress (get it, queen!). 

5. You allow yourself to feel all emotions without judgment
PSA: Even our “best selves” feel negative feelings sometimes. You don’t know you’re becoming your best self when you stop feeling sad, anxious, or stressed; you know you’re becoming your best self when you acknowledge those feelings and know how to process them. You don’t sweep negative feelings under the rug or bury them in work or bottles of wine until you can’t contain them any longer. All emotions are for feeling: happiness, gratitude, and excitement, but also sadness, anger, anxiety, envy, and loneliness. You feel all your feels because they’re each valid. 
Sometimes naming the emotion, accepting it, and recognizing where it’s manifesting in your body is your go-to means of processing. Other times, you take to journaling, hot girl walks, talking to a friend, or therapy sessions to uncover where your feelings are stemming from (maybe your social media habit is triggering your anxiety and sadness?) and what they may be trying to communicate to you (perhaps you could use a social media break?). Bottom line: You’ll cry if you want (or need) to. After all, experiencing all of our selves—the good, the bad, the ugly—is what makes us human and enhances our relationships;  especially (and most importantly) the one we have with ourselves.   

6. You’re comfortable with being uncomfortable 
Sure, you could hit snooze, skip every workout, and stay small at work, but stepping out of your comfort zone is a must if growth—personally, professionally, and romantically—is what you’re after. It’s not easy, but you identified the things that bring you discomfort and went after them anyway. You faced them head on, knowing you may not get instant gratification and may risk failing or getting rejected. But here’s the “best-self” part: you did it anyway, because you know it’s what you really want.
Maybe you tried the 3-2-8 method despite never lifting weights, took yourself out on a solo dinner date when you felt self-conscious being alone, made connections at an alumni networking event which you typically avoid, and spoke up when you disagreed with a point your boss made and suggested a different approach. You hit repeat on diving into new experiences and pushing your limits because practice makes perfect (although you’re not after perfection, but I don’t have to tell you that). 

5 Traits All of the Happiest Women Have in Common More