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    We Asked Experts if Aphrodisiacs Actually Work

    “How can I improve my sex drive?” is the question heard around the world and frequented on Google searches. One of the most common answers is, of course, the mystical “aphrodisiac.” It’s like we’re all having sex life FOMO, thinking there’s some pill we can take or food we can eat to achieve that “mind-blowing sex” we all hear so much about. As a nutrition nerd myself, I have a lot of questions about whether or not food can truly boost libido—basically, I want to know if we should be buying oysters and dark chocolate in bulk. Since there’s so much controversy over the topic, I grilled sex and nutrition experts to find out what aphrodisiacs really are and if they work. Spoiler alert: The answer might surprise you. And on that cliff hanger, read on for my deep dive into aphrodisiacs and a few key takeaways that can help you improve your sex drive. 

    What really are “aphrodisiacs?”
    So you’ve heard the word before, but who came up with the idea that food can help you have more (and better) sex? Turns out, aphrodisiacs have a long history and are certainly nothing new. Herbs and spices (like basil, mint, and cinnamon) were used in ancient and medieval times as “love potions,” and legend has it that Aztec ruler Montezuma II drank more than 50 cups of chocolate before “entertaining a woman” (sign me up for the chocolate—no entertaining necessary!). Plus, the word itself comes from Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty. Many cultures around the world have a long history of using foods and concoctions to enhance sexual desire.
    Beyond the ancient legends, aphrodisiacs have been talked about in recent history as a supplement or food that can help boost desire, drive, or pleasure. “Aphrodisiacs refer to substances such as food, drinks, drugs, or medications we put into our bodies with the goal of facilitating sexual arousal and desire,” explained Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Aphrodisiacs have been used to describe foods that are pleasurable and therefore stimulate other pleasure in the body (like chocolate), ingredients that ignite the senses (like spices and herbs), or foods that are said to contain nutrients that actually spark or increase arousal (like oysters). So is there any truth to the ideology that’s been around for thousands of years?

    Source: We Vibe | Unsplash

    Do aphrodisiacs work?
    The short answer: maybe, maybe not. Of the experts I talked to, most agreed that there is not enough evidence to back up the fact that figs can turn you on or strawberries can help you have a better orgasm (sorry room service, but we’ll still take the champagne!). “There is little scientific research to support that aphrodisiacs benefit an individual’s sex life,” said Dr. Azza Halim, a board-certified anesthesiologist and physician. “There’s a lot of debate about whether aphrodisiacs actually work as intended,” Lehmiller agreed. “The evidence is scarce and more research is needed. The data we have suggests that some aphrodisiacs don’t work at all, others do, and others only work due to placebo effect.” In other words, stay tuned. More research needs to be done on if foods can have a libido-boosting effect, and the research so far is not enough to confirm or deny. 
    But what I found really interesting was that many experts focused not only on if aphrodisiacs work but also why we’re looking to aphrodisiacs in the first place. After all, libido is a vital sign—a low sex drive could be the body’s way of communicating that it needs something. Therefore, the question is not just how can we improve our sex drive, but why is our sex drive lacking in the first place? Dr. Halim recommends always speaking to a medical professional if you’re experiencing low sex drive, since it can be caused by a multitude of factors like medications, poor body image, hormonal changes, and stress.
    “Several aspects of a woman’s life may have an impact on her sexual desire,” agreed Dr. Tara Thompson PharmD, a pharmacist, medical advisor, and sexual health educator. “Menstrual cycles, hormonal contraception, breastfeeding, perimenopausal, and postmenopausal states can send the libido packing. Lifestyle changes, psychological difficulties, relationship problems, and switching or discontinuing medications may also keep sexual feelings at bay.” Sure, the idea of aphrodisiacs sounds sexy and alluring, but think about it: We shouldn’t need to improve our sex drive if it’s healthy in the first place. “Aphrodisiacs are not a quick fix or instant solution to low sex drive,” confirmed Lovneet Batra, a celebrity nutritionist and author. Bottom line: We don’t know much about whether or not foods can truly boost desire, arousal, and pleasure, but we do know that low levels or lack of desire, arousal, and pleasure should be treated at the root rather than opting for a “boost.”
    So with the lack of research around aphrodisiacs and the focus of treating the root cause of a low libido, it may not be the best idea to buy asparagus or cinnamon in the name of having an orgasm. However, experts agree that there are lessons we can take from aphrodisiacs that can help you make the most of and tap into the sex drive you already have (after you talk to your doctor if you’re experiencing low libido, of course). Below are some of the things I learned from talking to experts about aphrodisiacs that might actually help your sex life. 

    Source: Christina Rumpf | Unsplash

    5 ways to make “aphrodisiacs” work for you:

    1. Personalize and define your own aphrodisiacs
    We can redefine the word to be less about “oysters contain zinc which boosts blood flow to genitalia” or “chocolate turns on pleasure signals in the brain” as we’ve typically talked about aphrodisiacs and turn it into what makes you turned on instead. Sex doesn’t always have to be so scientific—it can be (and should be) as simple as what feels good to you. “Aphrodisiacs can be less generalized and more customized to the individual, based on their past experiences and psychology,” suggested Dr. Jared Heathman MD, a Houston-based psychiatrist. “A meal prepared like the food at someone’s wedding reception can stimulate subconscious thoughts and emotions that put someone in a pleasurable mood.”
    Think about what tastes and scents are pleasurable to you or spark a pleasurable memory. Maybe a glass of red wine tastes (and smells!) decadent, or a tropical fruit like papaya and mango remind you of that steamy vacay you took with your significant other when you were first dating. Basically, use your senses more regularly and indulge in the things that bring you pleasure, and your sex life will follow suit. 

    2. Eat an overall healthy diet for a healthy libido
    So here’s the good news if aphrodisiacs are still alluring to you: It can’t hurt to incorporate foods considered “aphrodisiacs” like pomegranates, dark chocolate, watermelon, and artichokes into your diet. Whether or not they boost sex drive, they’re still good for you. But technically, any whole foods like fruits and veggies can be good for the libido since a healthy libido is a sign of a healthy body. “Any food that increases your health in general can help with sex drive,” explained Dr. Carol Queen PhD, Staff Sexologist at Good Vibrations. “Your diet plays a large role in your sex drive,” agreed Heather Hanks MS, a nutritionist based in Michigan. “Eating a diet high in anti-inflammatory foods (such as fruits and vegetables) can help regulate hormones and reduce inflammatory symptoms and conditions that may reduce sex drive.” In the end, any foods that are good for you are good for your libido too. 

    3. Focus on the nutrients
    Another interesting thing I learned is that oysters or chocolate are not magical foods put on this earth to make you horny (sorry ’bout it!). Instead, certain foods are considered aphrodisiacs only because of the vitamins and nutrients they contain. “Honey is known as an aphrodisiac because of its high content of vitamin B, which is essential for the secretion of testosterone. Oysters are a clichéd aphrodisiac because they contain zinc, which is necessary for the production of testosterone in men and prolactin in women,” explained Candela Valle, resident nutritionist for MYHIXEL. 
    “Bananas have a high level of B-vitamins and potassium, and pomegranate is rich in Omega-5s and antioxidants that are good for hormonal balance,” Batra added. Why does this matter for your libido? Because knowing that it’s the nutrients rather than just magical superfoods tell us that an overall healthy diet with a variety of fruits and veggies will give you the needed amount of antioxidants and nutrients to keep your sex drive healthy. The “aphrodisiac effect” actually comes from healthy levels of vitamins and minerals, not from specific foods. If you’re lacking or deficient in any of these, talk to your doctor about supplementing or changing up your diet rather than loading up on one food. 

    Source: Charisse Kenion | Unsplash

    4. Be aware of the power of the mind
    Let me rant about the concept of the “placebo effect” for a sec. “Placebo” has gotten a bad rep these days. We use the word when referring to being tricked into shelling out $$$ on trendy wellness supplements, to define the “sugar pill weeks” in a birth control pack, and to explain why we feel better after only one Advil (everybody knows taking one Advil is like having just one bite of cake: It does nothing). We also use it when questioning if aphrodisiacs truly work or if they’re “just placebo.” But I don’t see placebo as meaning failure; it’s actually proof of how powerful the mind is. In other words, if you eat spicy food and have passionate sex afterwards, does it really matter if it’s physical or psychological? To be frank, what matters is that you had passionate sex. 
    “The power of belief is strong, so if you take something you think is an aphrodisiac and you believe it will affect you a certain way, it just might.” Dr. Lehmiller agreed. Essentially, if you something (whether it’s a food, outfit, or playlist) makes you feel more sensual, who cares why? I say screw the science and lean into whatever makes you feel good. 

    5. Be intentional about habits and rituals (they can have an “aphrodisiac” effect too!)
    It’s time we stop defining “aphrodisiacs” as just food and supplements and instead start looking at how habits and rituals can increase our sex drive too. “Certain healthy habits can not only affect your mood, but can also be advantageous to regulate sexual activity,” Valle said. In short, anything that makes you feel happy and good is also doing something for your sex life. For example, regular exercise, actively managing stress, getting regular check-ups with your doctor, and prioritizing self-care are all habits we know can improve libido, simply because they work to treat or prevent common causes of low libido like stress, feeling disconnected from relationships, or chronic symptoms in the body.
    I’ve learned a lot from the many different opinions from various experts, and I think the bottom line is this: A healthy sex life is actually not a mysterious legend we constantly have to be searching for. It’s truly as simple as taking care of our bodies and leaning into what feels good for each of us. Whether or not dark chocolate and red wine are part of that is completely up to you. More

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    I Fell in Love With My Best Friend…and He Didn’t Feel the Same Way

    I sat next to my best friend on her queen-sized, bed, surrounded by a mass of pillows doing what best friends do best: heart to hearts.Her words stuck.“As painful as it was, losing that friendship wouldn’t have mattered if you hadn’t learned anything.”We were rehashing the loss of one of my closest friendships. My best guy friend. (Let’s call him David.) A guy who in the course of our three-year friendship I realized I was in love with.
    We laid out the details like a deck of cards. What had gone wrong. Mistakes made on both sides. The scars it had left. What I learned from it. How I was planning to let go and move on.I had done the unthinkable. I had written an emotional note to David ending the friendship. To top it off, I sent a text. A text saying I couldn’t be friends anymore. The emotional, disgruntled note came later when I felt the need to explain my text. (A note, might I add, that was written while I was slightly tipsy. Something I highly warn against: drunken notes, texts, smoke signals, or really communication of any kind.)
    Rewind to 2016 when I realized that I had feelings for my best guy friend. After three years of a great friendship — of long phone calls, of making fun of each other, of seeing each other at our worst, of challenging each other to grow, of rooting for each other, of me calling him to come save me — I realized I was in love, and it scared the crap out of me.
    What scared me was that I knew. I knew how I felt. I knew what he meant to me. I knew if I had to choose, I’d always pick him. It was that feeling that older, more mature couples talk about, “When you know, you know.”Pause. Yes, you read that correctly. It took me three years to realize I was in love with someone. So yes, a really long time. I sat on my newfound knowledge of my feelings for a month, hoping I could will them away. I didn’t want to be in love with my best guy friend because I was afraid of losing him, but even more so, I was afraid of being rejected.

    It took me three years to realize I was in love with someone.

    So what did I do? I hard-core stuffed those emotions, deep, deep down in a dark tunnel that no one could find. I worked out to avoid feeling. I worked more hours to avoid emotions. I slept to avoid emotions. I shopped to avoid emotions. And guess what? The feelings were still there. They didn’t go anywhere.In the midst of my attempt to avoid reality, a friend gave me some words of wisdom. She told me that perhaps the first step is to acknowledge what it was. I had been running, stuffing, and avoiding for so long that coming to terms with how I felt seemed impossible. As we sat, talked, and sipped coffee, my heart began to ease and my lips finally released the words that I had been holding captive: I was in love with him.
    “Being honest about your emotions and being vulnerable won’t destroy you. In fact, it’ll only make you stronger.”
    One crisp, clear L.A. night with a glass of wine in hand, I took my phone to my apartment’s deck, and I made the call. With shaky hands and a trembling voice, I said the words that I had been trying so hard to bury: I have feelings for you. Fast forward to present day: the love that I expressed to my best guy friend turned out to be unrequited. He told me while he had felt the same way before, he didn’t think we were a good fit. It was my biggest fear coming true in real time. Falling in love with someone only for it not to be reciprocated. I felt embarrassed; I felt confused; I felt exposed; I felt stupid; I was hurt.
    We tried going back to being close friends like we had always been, but it didn’t happen that way. The phone calls stopped. The witty texts stopped filling my inbox. We saw each other once more in 2016 when we both were home. My heart wasn’t ready. I thought I could be his friend again, but my heart was still hurting. So when I got back to L.A., I sent him a text and said I couldn’t handle being his friend right now. He sent me a thumbs up emoji. We haven’t spoken since.

    When I got back to L.A., I sent him a text and said I couldn’t handle being his friend right now. He sent me a thumbs up emoji. We haven’t spoken since.

    Guess, what? I’m still here. Being honest about my emotions and being vulnerable didn’t destroy me. It didn’t kill me. While awfully uncomfortable, I am still here. To be honest, it was relieving to just be honest. It was like releasing pressure from a balloon. Once it was pierced, it all just came out.I fell in love with someone and that love was not reciprocated. OK. That’s what it is, but knowing that fact doesn’t destroy me. Oh, most certainly it hurts like all hell, but if it was love, of course the loss of it is going to hurt.Years later, I surely don’t have all the answers. I still miss David at times, and I wonder why he didn’t feel the same or why he didn’t choose me. I miss our friendship the most. There’s so many things over the last three years that I’d like to share with him: my job layoff, my freelance career, my crazy roommate stories, my trip to Italy, my half marathon. Yet, when I find myself on the train of thought headed to the past for too long, I kindly take my ticket and head to the exit door.
    I know now that I am enough, with or without this person. Just because one guy didn’t pick me, it doesn’t mean I am unworthy of love or not good enough. I am enough, just as I am: imperfect, beautiful me.

    I know now that I am enough, with or without this person. Just because one guy didn’t pick me, it doesn’t mean I am unworthy of love or not good enough.

    I am finding that part of being an adult and an overall emotionally healthy human being means allowing yourself to be real and vulnerable. While there are a lot of things I would go back and do differently, I am proud of myself for having the courage to be vulnerable. I am proud of myself for voicing my feelings. I am even proud of myself for saying I wasn’t ready to be friends yet because I wasn’t. I know now that that’s OK. I only wish I would have had that conversation in person and not sent a text. It deserved more care and so did he.
    Yet, I can show myself grace because I had some growing to do, as we are all in process, imperfect human beings. In 2016, I was a hot mess in more ways than one. I didn’t value myself nor my voice. 2017 saw a lot of growth, a lot, and boy was it painful. I grew to be more confident in my talents and gifts. I came to get to know and actually like the woman I saw staring back at me in the mirror. I learned to say no, to set boundaries with other people, and to make self-care a priority. 2018 allowed me to put those lessons into action and I gained a thicker skin. In 2019, I hope to only go up from here.

    6 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Relationships
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    19 Sex Games You Can Play With Your Partner

    No matter your stage in a relationship, opening up about what you want sexually is awkward. I need a prompt to get me to start talking about something so intimate. That’s where sex games come in. Whether it’s asking about your #1 turn-on or telling you where to kiss your partner next, sex board games get the ball rolling on fun, new things in the bedroom that you probably wouldn’t think up otherwise. Plus, they’re just a fun way to spend a Saturday night in. Scroll on for all of our favorites!

    You and Me Intimacy Board Game Promotions
    Need a few ideas to get you going in the bedroom? This game includes 90 different cards with various activities you and a partner can do together to spice things up.

    Our Sex Game Board Game Set Promotions
    This board game is reminiscent of all your childhood faves (like Candyland) but with a sexy twist. You’ll land on different prompts with cards about things to do and talk about it. If you want a thought-provoking game to get to know each other a little more sexually, this is it.

    Put a Label on It Monogamy Board Game
    Similar to the one above, this Monogamy board game is meant to be used with just your partner to heat things up, including cards ranging from passionate to steamy to fantasy.

    Adam & Eve
    Behind Closed Doors Board Game
    You’ll go through this board game picking up cards on different positions, items to bring into the bedroom, and ways to engage in foreplay. Whoever makes it to the Winners’ Circle first gets to implement all their cards into the sex that inevitably ensues after. We love a little competition.

    Adam & Eve
    A Month Of Sex
    If you want a game that you can play over time, try this. This calendar, similar to advent calendars for the holidays, gives you a timeline of ways to spice it up over a whole month. With things like “Dress up in your favorite role-play costume” and “Invite your lover to join you in the shower and then gently caress and wash their body,” your sex life will never be the same afterward.

    Adam & Eve
    Creative Kisses Card Game
    Want something a little tamer? This card game includes 101 creative ways to kiss your partner, from sweet to very spicy. You could spend a night going through as many cards as you can, or keep this in the bedroom and try a new one every day.

    Date Night Box
    In this game, you spin the board, pick a card, and let the fun begin! This game will provoke conversation and connection, leading you both to a lovely night in the bedroom.

    Talk, Flirt, Dare! Romantic Game
    This game includes cards from three levels (Talk, Flirt, and Dare) in which you and your partner can heat things up with conversation, flirty roleplay, and sexy dares. Plus, this game isn’t too steamy, so you could play it with other couples too, making it great for get-togethers and dinner parties.

    Truth or Dare for Couples: 50 Questions
    For changing up your after-dinner routine, these truth or dare cards will inspire fun conversation and then some. Each card contains a truth and dare, so you choose what you want each round.

    Holla Banana
    Love & Naughty Stacking Tower
    If you want a game that resembles games you normally play (you know, with clothes on), this is one to add to your collection. It’s essentially sexy Jenga: each block has an action that you must do if you pull it out. So, you get to play a game of Jenga (a classic) and get sexy all at the same time.

    Love Honey
    Lovehoney Position of the Week Snap
    Finding new sex positions that actually work is harder than you think. This game allows you to actually try them out (with or without clothes—you choose!), making it a fun game to try as many new ones as you can. Ranging from easy to hard, these positions will test your ability to match the cards, all while having fun in the process. These positions are designed for sex between someone with a penis and with a vagina, but most of them can be recreated with a strap-on or for anal sex.

    Love Honey
    Foreplay Dice (3 Pack)
    The easiest, simplest game on this list, add to your foreplay by rolling these dice and seeing what comes up! This game is ideal for travel because these dice are so small and pack up easily.

    Love Honey
    Position of the Week Cards
    For even more sex positions, keep this deck of cards by your nightstand and take a peek every so often. Make a game of it by vowing to try a new card every single week.

    The Hot Game for Passionate Lovers
    This is possibly the sexiest game on this list, as you pick cards deciding what to do to each others’ bodies all in the time limit on the dice. The cards have three different levels (Mmm, Ooh, and Aah—catchy) to build progressive anticipation and excitement throughout the game. The second this comes in the mail, you’ll want to clear your calendar.

    Love Honey
    Fantastic Foreplay Board Game
    Ready to try some new foreplay? This game makes it easy, containing cards with fun activities and cards that will provoke conversation around your biggest turn-ons and fantasies.

    Love Honey
    Lesbian Sex Position Cards
    If you’re in a WLW relationship and looking for some new positions, look no further. This deck has over 50 cards of exciting new positions to look forward to. You can also add these to your other decks to bump up your lists even more!

    Love Honey
    Foreplay in a Row
    You’ll be throwing your classic Connect Four out the second you try this. Connect four chips to win, and the winner gets to choose a task on the card to do that night.

    Love Honey
    Sex IQ Trivia Game
    How much do you really know about sex? This game, which can be used with partners or with groups of friends, tests your knowledge on all things sex.

    Love Honey
    Strip Bedroom Blackjack Sex Card Game
    If you’re a fan of strip poker, add this to your arsenal, which makes it easier by combining all the tasks right onto the cards. You can also use this deck to play other classic card games with a sexy twist, like Rummy or Fish. More