Mind

I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have anxiety. It has manifested itself in many different ways over the years, from terrible panic attacks that would leave me crying on the floor, during social events where I would feel out of place, or just in general day-to-day life where I would worry about the past and future. It reached a point where it felt debilitating, so I decided to do some research and learn more about how I could cope. As it turns out, anxiety affects 18% of the population every year, yet so many of us live without the tools to help. Anxiety is unfortunately very common, but letting it disrupt our daily lives should not be.
Aside from lifestyle adjustments, going to therapy, and talking to my doctor (which I also highly recommend), I discovered certain products that were aids in keeping those anxious feelings at bay. Did my anxiety go away overnight? No, but now I can approach it differently. I feel more in control of the anxiety and prepared to deal with the feelings. No matter what type of anxiety you deal with, there are many different tools to help with anxiety relief. These are the products I use in my day-to-day life that help.

Equilibria
Set of 2 Dynamic Roller Duo
Life is full of high-stress moments, from big meetings to first dates and social events. When I am constantly on the go and feel the anxiety creeping in (usually during the most inconvenient times), the Equilibria CBD rollers are a lifesaver. They’re easy, effective, and work quickly to help regulate my mood.
Use code theeverygirl to get 33% off during Equilibria’s 3rd Birthday Sale, happening now! Open to new and existing customers. + Subscribe to get an additional 20% off!!

Weighted Blanket
A gravity blanket has been one of the best tools for my anxiety. At night when I am trying to sleep and the anxious thoughts begin to creep in, instead of tossing and turning, I lay my gravity blanket on top of me and immediately feel my heart rate go down. A weighted blanket gives the effect of being hugged, which releases the hormones serotonin and melatonin, the best aids for relaxation.

Essential Oils
Certain studies have shown that smells can be associated with positive emotions. For this reason, I use essential oils in a diffuser to help ease anxiety. The oils lavender, Ylang Ylang, and vetiver in particular can have calming effects.

Parsley Health
Magnesium Glycinate
Stress can actually deplete the magnesium stores in the body, so taking a supplement right before bed always helps me sleep better. There are different types of magnesium available, and a magnesium glycinate supplement is a great one for sleep. It is known to have calming properties, but as always, talk to your doctor before taking any new supplements.

Therapy Notebooks
The Anti-Anxiety Notebook
When the overwhelming thoughts become too much, sometimes the best thing is to let it all out. I find that journaling is not only a great practice for self-reflection but also a good way to get rid of any anxious thoughts that are consuming you. Taking some time each day to write everything out always leaves me feeling lighter and more relaxed.

Adult Coloring Book
Remember a couple of years ago when adult coloring books had a huge wave of popularity? Well, there’s a reason for it. Coloring is an easy way to distract the brain from all the other stressors, plus they are low-pressure and fun!

Meditation App
A meditation app is perhaps my favorite tool for dealing with anxiety. The Unplug App has made it so I can meditate almost anywhere at any time. Whether it’s for five minutes in the morning, two minutes before a big meeting, or at night to fall asleep, there’s a meditation for every type of situation.

Making These 5 Changes Totally Transformed My Mental Health

This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

As 2021 came to a close and I got ready for a new year, I decided to forego making resolutions or goals and instead make a vision board that also included some key phrases. Instead of setting lofty goals for myself that I would most likely eventually give up on (and then be disappointed in myself), I made it a point to just focus on how I wanted to feel this year. I went into the vision board process with one main question for myself: What would living life as my highest self look like?
As I pieced together the vision board and wrote down the key phrases that I thought represented living life as my highest self, a lot of them had a common theme—I was yearning to be better at truly enjoying the present moment, which can also be called practicing mindfulness. Instead of focusing so much on my future (or even feeling nostalgic about the past), I decided that I wanted to do things each and every day that bring me joy. I thought about romanticizing the little things, allowing myself small luxuries in life instead of waiting for a “special moment,” leaning into manifestation and a deeper connection with the world around me, and really learning that I have power over my own mindset.
So after I had the understanding that I wanted to be more mindful this year, I had to figure out exactly how I was going to incorporate that habit into my life. I knew that doing a complete overhaul of my daily routine wasn’t realistic, so instead I decided on trying to do at least one thing every day that truly allowed me to be in the present moment. And I’ll be honest: I wasn’t great at sticking to this goal in January, but in February, I had a newfound determination to make it a priority. And now with a whole month of prioritizing mindfulness under my belt, I can honestly say that this daily habit transformed my life.

What is mindfulness?
According to mindful.org, mindfulness is defined as “The basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. While mindfulness is something we all naturally possess, it’s more readily available to us when we practice on a daily basis.”
Another important aspect of mindfulness is the acceptance of our thoughts and feelings. Instead of trying to avoid, ignore, or change them, mindfulness means truly allowing ourselves to feel and acknowledging that there is no right or wrong way to do so. Research has shown that practicing mindfulness can increase positive emotions, reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and boost self-compassion, confidence, and creativity, among other benefits.

How it fits into my routine
Making mindfulness a daily habit is actually much easier than it may seem because when it comes down to it, it is simply prioritizing things that bring you joy. I think that I was intimidated by it at first because “practicing mindfulness” felt like this huge undertaking that required me to build a deep connection with the universe and do things like meditate for long periods of time every day.
But once I realized that I was already equipped to be practicing it and simply needed to tap into it and make it a priority, it weaved itself naturally into my routine. For me, it was less about adding something new and more about taking a different approach to how I interact with the world around me. I started to do things with intention rather than to just fill time. 
Here are a few of the things that I like to do to practice daily mindfulness:

Manifestation or gratitude journaling. Taking time to write out your thoughts, whether they are centered on practicing gratitude, manifestations, or anything else, is one of the easiest ways to connect with yourself and take inventory of how you’re really feeling.
Do a 5-to-10-minute meditation. This is perhaps the simplest way to practice mindfulness as a daily habit. I like to cater my meditations to how I feel and what I would like to gain from them. For example, on a day I might be feeling stressed or worried about a specific problem, I will search Spotify or YouTube for an “ease meditation.”
Read a good book. For me, choosing to read a book over watching something on TV or scrolling on my phone tends to bring me more joy in the long run. I love being able to exercise my mind while also being entertained.
Go for a walk. A huge aspect of mindfulness is connecting to the world around you through your senses, and there’s no better way to do that than to get outside, feel sunshine and fresh air, and observe both nature and people.
Cook a new recipe or a slightly more complex meal. Although I sometimes dread cooking myself a nice meal, I never regret it in the end. I find that trying out a slightly more complex recipe (AKA not just making something frozen from Trader Joe’s in the air fryer) is not only rewarding but also extremely meditative.
Practice yoga. It might seem obvious, but practicing yoga is one of the most grounding activities. When I take the time–even if it’s just 10 to 20 minutes–to go to my mat and leave everything else behind for a little while, I always finish my practice feeling extremely refreshed and present.
Spend quality time with loved ones.  It took me a little while to realize that simply spending uninterrupted quality time with the people you love is an excellent way to connect yourself with the present moment. Even if your loved ones don’t live near you, taking time out of your day to call or FaceTime them really helps build deeper connections.
Work on a hobby. As we get older, we often forget about the things that brought us joy in our childhood or teenage years: our hobbies. Whether you enjoy painting, photography, scrapbooking, sports, or anything else, taking that time to do something purely for fun is almost guaranteed to leave you feeling more fulfilled.
Say affirmations aloud. At the beginning of my mindfulness journey, I also made myself a list of affirmations to focus on for the year. I try to read the list out loud to myself at least once per day.
Stop to enjoy the sunrise or sunset. Nothing really snaps me into the present moment quite like a beautiful sunrise or sunset. I find them to be one of life’s greatest simple pleasures, so whenever I see a good one, I make it a point to stop for a second and really take it in.
Take a few deep breaths or do a quick body scan. Practicing mindfulness doesn’t have to be an activity. It can be as simple as taking five deep, refreshing breaths or closing your eyes to do a quick body scan—which simply means to bring awareness to each part of your body from your toes to the top of your head. 

How mindfulness has impacted my life
Although I didn’t officially challenge myself to practice mindfulness daily until last month, I feel as though I’ve been on this journey for a little while longer. Some time around last summer, I began dabbling in meditation, I gained a newfound love of walking, and I started to do things with more intention and joy. I was going through a bit of a personal rough patch, and then suddenly something clicked for me: I realized that I, alone, have the power over my own mindset and energy. I have the ability to choose how I react to things that happen to me, and I can decide for myself whether or not I allow situations or people to affect me.
Once I had that understanding, greater contentment and connection followed. Of course, I still have my rough days, but I now am able to feel more at peace and live with more ease. And over the course of the past month, as I’ve incorporated more and more mindfulness into my daily routine, I feel more present, more grateful, and generally happier.
And don’t get me wrong: I’m not always “living in the present moment” and spending all of my time doing the things on the list above. I love a good four-hour TikTok scroll as much as the next gal, and there are days when I simply don’t have the energy to go for a walk or do some yoga. But I’ve learned that it’s all about the small things, and those little habits that might seem meaningless actually do have the power to transform your life.

I Asked an Abundance Coach How To Have the Best Year Ever, and Her Tips Will Change Your Life More

From 30-second TikTok videos to Lizzo swearing it’s her secret for success, manifestation is certainly having its moment. And after a few years of feeling so out of control, it only makes sense that a practice that teaches that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life would be trending (even above #fetapasta and #dogsoftiktok, thank you very much). But with all the extra noise, the actual principles of manifestation might have been misunderstood or misconstrued along the way. So whether you’re a skeptic, die-hard fan, or just a little intrigued, I set out to do my research, poll the experts, and bring you only the truth of the Instagram-loved practice promising to transform your life.
First of all, let’s get out of the way what manifestation is not: It’s not a quick fix, it’s not magic, and it’s not an easy way to get a Chanel bag (if I see one more TikTok about manifesting expensive things…). Now that we have that out of the way, read on for what manifestation is and the tangible steps that just might attract your very best, happiest, most successful life. 

What is manifestation?
While it’s currently trending on TikTok, manifestation is nothing new. It’s been the subject of dozens of bestselling books (namely The Secret and The Law of Attraction Made Easy) and has been praised by thought leaders like Oprah and Deepak Chopra. But even before Oprah or the New York Times Best Sellers list, principles similar to manifestation have been used in spiritual and philosophical practices for centuries, from transcendentalism to Hinduism. The law of attraction itself was originally theorized by 19th-century spiritualist Phineas Quimby. In other words? This sh*t has world religions, historical figures, and hundreds of years to back it up. 
To keep it simple, the basic premise of manifestation is turning thoughts into reality, but it’s not just about wishing and thinking it will come true (this is not a Cinderella story!). Manifestation is about using actions, emotions, beliefs, and habits to create your own reality. Since it became more mainstream, many people mistake manifestation for wanting something, but manifestation is less about wanting and more about creating, knowing that you are the creator of your own life. Intentional manifestation requires effort to de-program what’s no longer serving you and take action on what will. 
Also, while manifestation is considered to be a practice, it’s something we’re doing all day every day, whether we’re aware of it or not. According to the law of attraction, what energy you put into the world is what you get back (even if it’s subconscious), so the practice of manifestation is just about being more intentional with how we’re creating our own lives.

6 tangible steps to start manifesting right now

1. Allow yourself to daydream more often
A basic first step to manifesting your dreams is actually just allowing yourself to do more of what you used to do as a kid. In our stressful, busy lives, the majority of our thoughts are spent worrying about what might happen or making to-do lists for what needs to happen. We very rarely use our brainpower to get excited about what we want to happen. So the first step in manifestation is reminding ourselves that our lives are not just meant to be mundane to-do lists or routine schedules, and there are limitless possibilities for what our lives could be. To put this into practice, allow yourself time to daydream about what you want out of each bucket of your life (career, relationships, travel, etc.), just to get excited about life’s possibilities. Also, wake up every morning thinking about all the good things that could happen that day and what you want your day to look like (look—you’re already manifesting!). 

2. Get clear about what you want to manifest
The next step to manifesting is knowing what you want to manifest in the first place. This might sound obvious, but it’s a common mistake. For example, you might get so caught up in wanting more money that you work to manifest a promotion, but it’s still a job that’s all wrong for you. Get clear about what you want to manifest by asking yourself what you really want (like financial abundance, a loving relationship, etc.), and then check in with what actions will truly give you the results you want. Once you’re clear on what you want to manifest, you also need to get specific: Instead of “I want to be in a relationship,” define what this relationship looks and feels like and make a list of the qualities you expect in a partner. 

3. Express what you’re manifesting
I repeat: Manifestation is not just thinking about what you want and hoping it comes true. The action is the most important part. Expressing your goals looks different to everyone, whether it’s journaling, speaking your intentions out loud, visualizing your goals, or creating a vision board, but no matter how it clicks for you, express exactly what you want to begin putting into reality. Consistency is also important, so put your vision board somewhere where you will see it often or spend every morning meditation visualizing your goals—it will keep your manifestations at the front of your mind. Also, take ownership over what you’re manifesting. Start telling friends and family that you’re working on healing your symptoms or that 2022 is going to be the year that you hit your career breakthrough—taking ownership of and expressing your wants are what turn them into goals instead of just wishes.

4. Make a list of action steps you can take right now
Most people know about the law of attraction, but there’s also a crucial law of action. Manifestation is not magic—your actions form your reality, and the way you put your manifestations into practice is what brings results. Take some time to go through your list of goals and think about what steps you need to get there. For example, if you want a more fulfilling career, do you need to update your resume, network more, or take a class?
If you’re unsure about what action steps will get you toward your goals, a helpful tip is to think about what future you would do. For example, how does “future you” act to other people, what is their morning routine like, and what do they wear to work? Even the smallest details of how we visualize our future self behaving can provide insight for how we should be acting right now. In other words, acting like the person who has already reached those goals helps you become that person. 

5. Practice gratitude
It may sound counterintuitive to achieve what you don’t have by being thankful for what you do have, but gratitude is a crucial part of manifestation that many people forget about. The law of attraction says that when you’re in a lack mindset (or focused on not having enough, whether it’s money, love, friendships, etc.), you will only continue to have a lack of it. Shift into an abundance mindset by focusing your energy on what you do have (gratitude!), which will help attract more of that good thing. Yes, you can focus on what you want without focusing on what you don’t have. For example, if you want a more fulfilling career, feel gratitude for the passions or experience you already have and visualize what your dream career is like, but don’t waste energy feeling down about how your career is lacking right now. Try regular journaling or making lists of what you do have, which will attract even more to you. 

6. Let go of beliefs, habits, routines, and relationships that are holding you back
Just like the lack mindset, negativity, fear, self-doubt, and bad habits are all potential roadblocks in your manifestation practice. Because you manifest what you give energy to, you might subconsciously bring negative things to reality as well. For example, telling yourself you’re not good enough is literally manifesting you not being good enough and not achieving that goal. Bonus tip: You may want to work with a therapist on this step, as part of the “letting go” might require healing of past traumas or getting rid of habits you are not sure how to get rid of. 
Start by making a list of every thought pattern or habit that might be holding you back, and think of how to replace each one with a better habit or affirmation. If you feel drained or uninspired because you spend every work break scrolling through your phone, replace that habit with something that will energize and inspire you, like going for a walk or reading. And every limiting thought (“I’m not good enough”) can be replaced with a more intentional, positive affirmation (“I deserve this”).

I Asked an Abundance Coach How To Have the Best Year Ever
her tips will change your life More

Not sure what an “abundance coach” is? I grilled one for deets, and her tips might just be the key to actually changing your life. Every January, we all say, “This will be my year,” as if changing the calendar magically brings us healthier habits, a more successful career, or our dream relationship. But then we make it to the end of the year without much changing, and we swear that the following year will be the one that will change our lives. Sure, we’re consistently growing and changing, but most of us never reach our best selves or dream lives like we swear we will on Jan. 1. I’m over the pointless New Year’s resolution cycle, so I asked Jocelyn Kelly Reid, an intuitive abundance coach and feminine energy healer, how to make this year different from any year before.
Reid is an expert on using energy to attract abundance and manifest success, which means her strategy is way different from the typical “Get a promotion” or “Work out five times a week” goal-setting that only points out what we haven’t achieved yet. Scroll down to read Reid’s best tips you can implement today in order to make 2022 your most successful, abundant, and joyful year ever (actually). 
 

Meet the expert
Jocelyn Kelly Reid
Intuitive Abundance Coach and Feminine Energy Healer
Reid is an Intuitive Business & Abundance Coach who has taught countless women to manifest their best lives. She has been featured on top-rated manifestation podcast EXPANDED as well as publications like MindBodyGreen and SheKnows.

1. Practice intentions over resolutions
Instead of worrying about a New Year’s resolution, claim an intention. When we set resolutions, we tend to set them 10 steps ahead of our current reality and then quickly feel defeated when we can’t manage this new way of living because we haven’t allowed ourselves to take the proper steps first. I have found that intentions have a much higher success rate than resolutions, which typically make us feel overwhelmed, stressed out, and unaccomplished. Write down your intention on a piece of paper or put it on a Post-it somewhere that you look on a regular basis like the fridge, bathroom mirror, or on your desk.
For example, my intention a couple years ago was to be more intentional with each decision that I made, and it truly changed my life. I was more intentional about who I was spending time with and how I was spending my time (even down to the smallest moments). It made me live more “on purpose” rather than continuously operating on cruise control. Even the basics like fun and rest (which are major priorities for me!) were amplified. By making this simple adjustment, I created what is now nearly a seven-figure business—when I had no plans of starting a brand the previous year. Because of this intention, I was able to be extremely proactive with how I lived my life and in turn created a business with a hell of a lot more ease and flow. Setting an intention is life changing! 

2. Get present with yourself
Rather than rushing out of bed in the morning, take 15 minutes to sit in complete stillness and allow your thoughts, feelings, and scattered energy to drop out of your body and into the floor, seat, or surface beneath you. This practice supports you in emptying your energetic body of anxiety-inducing thoughts and helps you stay calm and centered throughout the day. Life happens in the “now,” so the more anchored you are into the present moment, the more capacity you have to create magic.

3. Practice gratitude
Every day, write a list of 10 things that you are grateful for. The list can be truly anything on your heart: people, experiences, pets, or the gratitude that you have for simply living another day. A regular gratitude practice sounds simple, but when practiced consistently, it increases your baseline for feeling good, in tune, and in flow with life. Over time, it also reduces the occurrence of your brain dropping into a negative thought pattern. The better you feel, the more abundance will be drawn into your life.

4. Make your body your priority
…and not for the sake of looking good but to feel good. While fatigue, anxiety, sleep deprivation, or bloat seems common, it isn’t meant to be your natural state. The human body is intended to thrive. Make it a practice to check in with your body throughout the day to see what you need. Some easy adjustments include drinking lemon water in the morning, taking naps, getting regular massages, or taking supplements that are right for you. Also, walking more helps get our bodies and lymphatic system moving (especially if you’re sitting at a desk all day).
Remember this is not about losing 20 pounds (unless you are doing that from a place of love for yourself); it is about creating a peaceful, nourishing atmosphere within. The calmer you feel, the more you’ll be able to receive your manifestations and the more capacity you will have to walk through life powerfully.

5. Expand your mind
We often look to others to show us what’s possible, but I’m a big believer in showing yourself what’s possible. The biggest mistake that people make in manifestation is staying in their current energy, actions, and environment and waiting for big things to drop out of the sky. This is not how manifestation works: You have to start moving toward what you desire, sometimes in non-linear ways. Book the trip that you’ve been dying to take or spend a weekend at a hotel that you love to really shake things up. Buy that fancy perfume you’ve always wanted or redecorate your home into the palace of your dreams (of course, all within—I’m not telling you to spend your entire paycheck! You can start small and build up). The moral is to do whatever feels luxurious and expansive for you to inspire growth toward your desires. The more expansive you allow your life to get, the more you will see that you are stepping into an entirely new reality.

6. Forgive yourself
We spend far too much time in the space of regret. When you actually forgive yourself, you create more energetic space for good things to come in. I recommend laying down and putting your hand on the part of your body that feels full of emotion (whether it’s a metaphorical association like your heart or where you physically feel tension like raised shoulders). Then, allow those emotions to melt away. While you’re doing this, reaffirm that you love and forgive yourself. This can be very powerful for situations that feel deeply regretful—we are humans and are allowed to make mistakes. Let yourself feel those emotions and finally move on to the better things in life.

7. Do something today that your future self would thank you for
You will become the highest version of yourself that “has it all” by consistently taking mini action steps toward your dream life. Your dream life is laid brick by brick, so the more you “build,” the more you invite magical moments into your reality that you wouldn’t have anticipated otherwise. IMO, “waiting on life” is a fool’s game. Instead, reframe this to “Life is waiting on you.” Start acting like whoever your highest self is. What is their morning routine like? What do they eat? How do they approach meetings or dinner plans with friends? Start acting in those ways now rather than waiting for a dream job, dream group of friends, dream bank account, etc.

8. Have fun
No, seriously! Having fun acts like a magnet when it comes to attracting your desires. Often, when we feel stalled or stuck, we simply aren’t having enough fun. Sure, we’re meant to learn a lot of lessons and work hard for what we want, but the best part about being human is getting to enjoy the things that only humans can experience (like going on trips, eating delicious food, hosting parties, meeting new friends, laughing hard, being spontaneous, and planning adventures). I encourage you to make the decision to live. Learning to create joy, no matter what is happening in the world, is why we’re all here. Take advantage of your human existence (without feeling guilty)—I promise, it feels good.

9. Get out of your comfort zone
Get out of your comfort zone, and better yet, do something that scares you. It’s hard to receive more if you’re only doing what you already know. If you stay the way that you have always lived, how do you expect your life to change? Remember that living a bold, glorious life is also full of taking bold, glorious risks. The most successful people in the world are big risk takers. Believe in yourself and go for the gold. 

10. Don’t take life too seriously
We tend to take life far more seriously than we need to, and it creates a lot of stress and overthinking and less sound decision-making. For example, we often slip into being more offended than is needed by something someone said or did or judgmental about someone else’s life choices. Remember that people are just doing their best with the tools that they have and that their best may not be your version of their best. We’re all doing this thing called life together. Keep everything in perspective and it will feel far easier.

10 Ways to Love Yourself More
that you haven’t tried yet More

Manifestation is not a new concept. The idea can be found in ancient practices and, more recently, the likes of the Law of Attraction and teachings by thought leaders like Gabby Bernstein (more on her below). If you’ve ever created a vision board, meditated, repeated affirmations, journaled about what you’re grateful for, or prayed, you’ve put into practice the principles behind manifesting. Call it woo-woo, but Oprah Winfrey swears by it (if it works for Lady O, it’ll work for me too, right?). 
As somewhat of a newbie to manifestation, I looked to Gabby Bernstein, New York Times bestselling author, manifestation thought leader, international speaker, and podcaster, and her 2022 Manifesting Challenge to guide me through the practice. The first thing I learned was that the common misconception about manifesting is that you receive what you want with the snap of a finger. According to Bernstein, manifesting isn’t about controlling outcomes or attracting short-term goals like getting a promotion, finding “The One,” or buying the designer purse you’ve been saving up for. “True manifesting isn’t even about getting what we think we want. It’s about receiving what is of the highest good for all,” Bernstein explained. Ready to give it a shot? Read on for five hacks I learned from Gabby Bernstein on how to manifest your dream life (here’s to 2022!). 

1. Be clear about what you want to attract
The key to starting your manifesting journey is to clearly define what you want to bring into your life. There are no right or wrong answers here—the only requirement is that whatever you set your sights on, make sure it makes you feel good. “That good-feeling energy is what attracts your desires,” Bernstein said. Ask yourself what it is you want, and be specific. Is your heart set on buying a house? What does it look like and where do you see yourself living? If you’re a visual person like me, write down your specific goal(s) or create a vision board depicting it.
Once you’ve decided what it is you want to manifest, determine your “why.” Why do you want that house? Is it because you’re ready to put down roots or because your friends are house hunting and you feel like you should too? Also, what good will come of buying a house and do you feel excited when thinking about buying a house? As much as you may want that house, Bernstein warned that you may be blocking your heart’s desire with feelings of unworthiness. Whether you feel undeserving or have the nagging thought of “this is too good to be true,” letting go of any mental and emotional hindrances is another important step of manifestation. “To truly manifest from a place of power, you must bring in positive energy,” Bernstein said.

2. Your energy creates your reality 
As the saying goes, “Like attracts like.” If we give off positive vibes, we’ll experience like-minded people and positive circumstances in return. But when we put out “low-vibe energy,” we attract negative experiences. The good news? Bernstein said that we can raise our vibration simply by being aware of our thoughts and making subtle shifts in our perception. The trick to flipping the script whenever we’re not feeling our best (read: negative energy) is noticing your thoughts and energy, forgiving yourself for having them, and consciously choosing “the next best-feeling thought.”
For example, if you’re thinking, “I’m never going to find the right partner,” take a step back and ask yourself, “What is the best-feeling thought I can find right now?” Then, choose a thought that feels realistic and within reach (you’ve got to believe in it!): “I’ll join Bumble and set up my dating profile,” “I’m going to focus on self-love and doing things that bring me joy,” or “I’m grateful for the love I already have in my life.” To take it a step further, you can try creative visualization, which is picturing (in detail!) what you want. Imagine the life you’ll have with your partner and tune in to all the senses associated with it.  

3. Trust the process
You’ve established exactly what it is you want to manifest and you’re vibing at an all-time high. Now what? Remember, manifestation is not magic—you can’t make something you want appear instantly with a snap of a finger. It takes time and patience. Bernstein teaches us to surrender the outcome, let go of any feelings of control or resistance, and allow your manifestations to come into form. “When you make your happiness and sense of safety dependent on a specific outcome, you disconnect from all the infinite possibilities that could occur,” Bernstein explained. It’s easy to grow impatient and question whether manifestation works when you’ve put in the work but nothing seems to be happening or become fearful that something bad will happen if things don’t go as planned. When those thoughts and feelings start to come up, return to the practices above and commit to feeling good. 

4. Lean toward joy and follow the fun
Between work deadlines, family obligations, taking care of your home, and navigating relationships (#adulting), we’re constantly thinking about what’s next and playing the “I’ll be happy when…” game. Bernstein stressed that we’ve got it backwards. The most important step of manifestation is having fun. “By having fun and leaning toward joy, we manifest our desires with much less effort,” she said. “An energy of joy is the fastest way to achieve success.”
When your “manifestations” aren’t going as planned, you may be tempted to give up. Instead, find ways to incorporate joy so much that you don’t want to give it up. Are you manifesting a new job? Sprinkle in walk breaks with your work wife at your current job. Are you trying to attract more wealth? Focus on the abundance already in your life and all the fun you’re already able to do with it (trying out new restaurants, going on quick getaways, shopping for a date night outfit, etc.). In other words, joy, excitement, and enjoyment are all signs you’re on the right path.

5. Cultivate abundance for others in order to cultivate abundance for yourself
When you think of the word “abundance,” you probably think of it in terms of receiving. But Bernstein suggested that giving is the fastest method to release an energy of lack. “Amplify your own abundance by doing something kind for someone else,” Bernstein recommended. Though simple, it’s one of the most powerful manifesting practices. Call a friend to see how they’re doing. Volunteer at your local dog rescue. Pay for the person behind you in the Starbucks drive-through line. “When you genuinely want others to be abundant, you expand your own ability to receive,” Bernstein explained. That goes for celebrating others’ successes, too. Bernstein reminded us that there is more than enough to go around. View their successes as a reflection of what you’re ready to receive. “Wanting more for others puts us into an energy of abundance because it feels good to want others to flourish.”

You Can Manifest a Better Love Life More

I’m going to be honest: My mental health has been struggling for the past few years. I’ve always prioritized therapy, stress relief, and general mental health since my first panic attack at 13 years old, but it feels like an extra challenge RN. Like most of the world, a pandemic, an overpacked holiday season, scary headlines, and an extremely busy work schedule have left me feeling drained, exhausted, and anxious. Throw in the added guilt of ditching resolutions or the sadness of post-holiday blues, and it’s no wonder the most depressing day of the year is on Jan. 17.
I urge you to focus on your mental health even more than you typically do right now: take your sick days when you just need a break (and don’t feel guilty!), schedule extra sessions with your therapist, and make small changes to your routine to give yourself grace and extra care. If you’re looking for some inspiration, I’ve made some recent changes that have drastically helped me through this bleak time of year. Read on for five minor changes that have majorly improved my mental health:

1. Incorporating CBD into my daily routine
Important PSA: If you have not hopped on the CBD bandwagon to improve your focus, energy, stress relief, and even anxiousness, you are seriously missing out. CBD has made a huge difference in promoting a sense of calm and stress relief without making me tired or have lower energy. Whether I’m stressing about an overpacked schedule or huge meeting at work or just feeling a little extra anxious lately, CBD is my secret ingredient.
We love Equilibria because their products are high quality, organically grown, and made without GMOs, heavy-metals, and pesticides—it’s basically like the farm-to-table version of CBD. I’ve been adding the Daily Drops to my morning coffee for about a year now, and it has made a huge difference in my overall stress relief. Also, when I’m feeling moments of stress or anxiousness come on (like before big meetings or when I did too much doomscrolling on social media), I rub the Calming Roller onto pulse points .

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2. Practicing self-love (actively)
At the risk of sounding dramatic, you should know that I transformed my confidence, stress, and energy levels when I realized that self-love is a practice that requires work, not something that happens when you achieve a pants size or job title. Self-love is a skill, not a circumstance. It’s a muscle that needs to be worked repeatedly in order to make it stronger, and once I started working that muscle, my mental health changed.
For examples of “working the self-love muscle,” I view every negative thought, moment of self-doubt, or criticism that comes up like a practice round to improve self-love by recognizing the thought and choosing a more positive thought instead. I also pick one new affirmation every day to repeat to my reflection in the mirror and keep an ongoing list of things I love about myself. Most importantly, I make an effort to act in a way that I’m proud of: eating and moving in the way my body deserves, being genuinely kind to other people, and finding more passion in my work life. When I genuinely care and love myself, my stress and anxiety levels are so much better.

3. Making a daily list of top stressors and then fixing what I can
Many people avoid facing their stressors or sweep them under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause a ton of stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. I’ve found that spending a few minutes every day or week identifying and writing down my top 10 sources of stress drastically helps me feel more in control. When I know where my stress is coming from, I can find solutions. I also take my top stressor and come up with five things I can do right now to minimize it (and then actually do them). If some of my stressors aren’t solvable, it’s also helpful because I can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Accepting life circumstances as they are can also help ease stress, even if you can’t actually change them (because you can always change mindset). 

4. Getting outside more often
Full disclosure, of all my other mental health changes, this one was more so forced upon me. Getting a dog changed my life in a lot of ways: Besides the obvious unconditional love, I’m getting outside more (nature calls!). B.L. (“Before Louie”), I went days without stepping outdoors (especially in wintertime). Now that the temperatures have dropped and the weather is gloomy, we’re all less inclined to go on walks during our lunch break or drink coffee on our balconies, but getting outside can drastically boost mental health. Besides the fact that less time outdoors and a lack of sunlight cause seasonal affective disorder, being outdoors can have restoring effects in general. 
Forest bathing is a Japanese practice that has been around for thousands of years and is known for its mental benefits, and one study even found that participants felt restored when they just looked at pictures of nature. Whether you’re walking your own dog or just walking yourself (or sipping coffee by an open window—whatever floats your boat), try to spend more time outdoors. If it’s cold where you are, bundle up and take a brisk walk when you feel stressed or get some sunshine first thing in the morning. If it’s too cold where you are, try a light therapy lamp that mimics the effects of the sun (safely) to improve the low energy or seasonal effects you might be feeling due to lack of sunlight. 

5. Focusing on enjoyment instead of just survival in moments of anxiety
In the past, my response to anxiety was just to take deep breaths and focus on getting through it. Sure, it kept my anxiety from going into panic attack mode, but it still kept me in a steady anxious state and definitely never relieved negative feelings altogether. Whether it was the fear of getting carsick while on a road trip with my family, stress about waking up early the next day taking over a night out with friends, or even a stressful to-do list at work that seemed to have no end, my default was to focus on just getting through until it was over. 
A year ago, I was describing one of these said situations to my therapist when she answered, “But why not focus on enjoying the moment rather than just getting through it?” Mindfulness is a tale as old as time, but I never associated enjoyment as a cure for anxiety. Since I started asking myself “How can I enjoy this?” instead of “How can I get through this?”, my outlook on anxiety has changed. Of course, it doesn’t work for every situation when anxiety gets the better of me, but constantly reminding myself that the purpose of life is to enjoy it provides the shift in perspective I need to get through any workday stress or minor life worry. 

The Self-Care Ritual My Therapist Recommended for Anxiety

This post is sponsored by Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

Your 20s are known as a time of self-discovery, when we learn countless life lessons (like what kind of job you want, where you want to live, and who you do not want to date). For many people, a crucial part of that self-discovery is therapy, especially during a defining decade with so many life changes. So who better to ask what our 20s are all about than a therapist herself? Kristen Gingrich LCSW, CADC, CCS, a licensed therapist known for her “no B.S. approach” to therapy and mental health, is beloved by her Instagram and TikTok communities for being the go-to voice for Gen-Z and Millennials alike. As a 20-something myself, I had to grill her for all the best lessons she learned in her 20s. Here’s what she said:

Meet the expert
Kristen Gingrich LCSW, CADC, CCS
Licensed Therapist
Kristen is a modern therapist and mental health content creator who makes popular TikToks under the handle @NotYourAverageThrpst.

1. “People may never be what you expect them to be (good and bad)”
In your 20s, you might realize that what you thought you knew about the world and people you idolized may be wrong. You may learn things you were sheltered from as a kid, you might grow apart from friends or family members, and you could be let down by people you thought would never let you down. But this is true for the reverse too: You’ll learn that “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a lesson you were taught as a kid, but you really start to learn it in your 20s. For example, the people you thought you would never get along with might become your best friends or the job you always thought was never for you might be exactly what you want. Let people (and situations) show you who they are and don’t judge anything or anyone before giving them a chance. 

2. “Healing takes time—sometimes even more time than it took to cause the hurt”
You may feel impatient to be healed or move on from pain in your life, but you will probably still have moments where it comes back up. “We get so focused on wanting to feel better now and we want the pain gone now, but it takes a lot of unlearning,” Gingrich said. “Many of us have a lot of learned behaviors we’ve used to protect ourselves after we experience hurt, so it takes time to change those behaviors.” Healing isn’t linear, and you have to be active in your healing. Instead of hoping to just get over it or try to forget about it, think of healing as an active practice. Go to therapy, identify how to care for yourself, seek out support from the people you love, and forgive who you need to (including yourself). 

3. “You can find your family in other relationships”
Of course family is important, but the good thing about growing up, moving out of your home, and meeting a lot of new people is that you can find your family in other people besides who you are biologically related to. Gingrich reminds her clients that your 20s are the perfect time to reassess your familial relationships. Are there boundaries you want to set in order to protect your own well-being or maybe even relationships you need to put less energy into? We often feel obligation to our family members, but in reality, our #1 priority should be to live our happiest, truest life and not to follow through on familial responsibilities. Bottom line: Family is defined by the people who love who you truly are and make you feel happy. 

4. “Comparison really is the thief of joy”
Gingrich spent a lot of her life comparing herself to everyone else, asking, “Why am I not as smart, skinny, or pretty as this other person?” like most of us do. But while middle school and high school might have taught you to fit in, your 20s can teach you to just be OK with who you are. “I’m awesome, I love myself, and I have bad days,” Gingrich said. “But now, I own who I am and there is no one else like me, so comparing myself to someone else is a waste of my time.” Of course, avoiding comparisons to other people, whether its in appearance, personality, career, or even financial status, takes a lot of practice and mindfulness, but the good news (as Gingrich assured me) is that it gets easier as you get older. 

5. “You won’t always have your shit together”
When we’re 18 years old, we’re told to figure out what we want to do for the rest of our lives. How can anyone be expected to make that decision when they’re so young—or really at any point in their lives when we should always be growing? “I thought I would have my shit together when I was in my 20s, but now I don’t even know what ‘having my shit together’ means,” Gingrich said. Especially in the age of social media, we think everyone else has their shit together because of all the posted curated content that makes us think they look better, eat better, live in nicer homes, or are happier. In reality, everyone else is just as much of a hot mess as you are (promise!). 

6. “It’s OK to ask for help”
Gingrich recalled always feeling uncomfortable being a “burden” by asking for help. Therapy helped her realized the people in her life want to be there for her. The same way we want to be there to support our loved ones, they want to be there for us too. However, the key is not to have a significant other, best friend, or even your mom be your entire support system. Build a support system of multiple people you trust, and identify who can help in different ways. For example, your significant other might be able to be there for you when you need a laugh and de-stress, your mom might be great at career advice when you’re feeling lost, and your therapist is who you go to with any anxiety that comes up. Be OK asking for help, but ask for help and seek support from more than one person. 

7. “No one judges you nearly as often as you think they do”
Get ready for an ego check: Feeling insecure about the zit on your chin and don’t want to go in public? No one is going to see, care about, or think about the zit as much as you think they will. If you’re worrying about a conversation you had or overthinking a drunken night out, nobody cares about your actions that much—in the best way possible. Your loved ones care about you emotionally, but they do not care about the zit on your chin or overthink something you said during an intoxicated night out. If you’re worried about feeling judged, remember that everyone else is too busy worrying about what other people are thinking of them to overthink you too. 

8. “You might become an entirely different person in your 20s (and that’s a good thing!)”
If you’re continuing to grow your entire life (as we are all meant to), you will probably be very different year to year and decade to decade. But you might notice an even greater transformation in your 20s when you’re moving away from home, starting a family, graduating college, getting in more serious relationships, or progressing through your career. Maybe you even look back on vintage Facebook posts from when you were younger and feel embarrassed about what you posted or cannot believe you used to act or look the way you did as a kid. Maybe a younger version of you wouldn’t believe where you are (or who you are) today. Gingrich believes that your 20s are when you learn the most about yourself, so you are growing into more of who you’re meant to be. “Screw what anyone thinks of you and be authentically you!”

9. “Teenage you lied—30 isn’t old”
Gingrich laughed that while she sleeps a little more and hangovers don’t roll off as easily as they did at 21, you don’t finally feel “grown up” when you hit 30 like you thought you would as a teenager. Your 30s are not when you magically hit that picket-white-fence life or feel established in your career. You are still learning, growing, and having fun at 30. You learn so much in your 20s, but it doesn’t stop on your 30th birthday. People are always changing, growing, and learning life lessons through every decade. 

5 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Self-Love More