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      “Social media had me romanticising my mental illness and put me in a hole”

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      Mental illness, once maligned and stigmatised, is now in a new era, with people proudly opening up about their struggles. But have we gone too far and romanticised mental illness to the point of making it desirable? WH investigates. 

      It started with a giggle. One post that really felt like it saw me. Saw my depression in ways I had never even considered. Before I knew it, I was scrolling through the entire feed, liking and commiserating with this shadowy account choc-o-block full of memes detailing my battle with depression with such levity, I felt that it might be all ok. Everyone struggles to get out of bed, right? None of us feel good about getting dressed? Doing the dishes? Going out?

      Mental illness, destigmatised

      That’s not to say that all social media use is detrimental to your mental health. Fairuz Gaibie, a clinical psychologist, notes it can be helpful. “Social media and mental health-related posts or information can serve an incredibly important and positive purpose,” she says. “Many individuals have finally recognised in themselves that they may be struggling with more than just the everyday struggles through identifying with a post and therefore realising that something more serious might be at play.” It’s also helped immensely with destigmatising mental illness. “Many feel incredibly heard and seen through posts that convey to them their very own experiences and struggles,” Gaibie says. 

      Bolstered by feeling like I was being seen, my scrolls through Instagram pages were endless. Instead of getting up and walking my dog, I found myself in a veritable scroll hole. I was looking for any sign that other people were struggling like me. They became bastions of my stance on my deteriorating mental health. That yeah, it was ok to lie around and stew about my lack of motivation to complete basic tasks like washing or going outside for a bit.

      I didn’t realise there was a problem until it was too late and I had imbibed the personality of the memes I was constantly digesting. I’d self-isolated for weeks and foregone my weekly workouts in favour of downing glasses of wine after getting through a tough workday. My texts to friends became darker, more worrying. When I sent memes to friends, the laughing emojis were lacklustre, with some even commenting, “Everything ok?”.

      What romanticising mental illness looks like 

      Turns out, romanticising mental illness is a well-established trend, not only on social media, but in movies and TV, too. Like how Elle Woods in Legally Blonde snaps out of her breakup-induced depression so fast? And becomes fabulous overnight? A girl can dream. Or how Lana Del Rey’s music makes depression seem romantic, beautiful and desirable. 

      One study notes the proliferation of mental illness online and how it forms part of creating an entire identity. “The presentation of the self, performed by a popular creator on TikTok, often implies that a mental illness diagnosis adds to their attractiveness and popularity,” the author notes. 

      Mental illness, but make it #trendy

      “Glamourising [or romanticising] mental illness is the move from what would otherwise be described as a life-altering and impacting condition into a ‘trend,” explains Zahraa Surtee, psychologist. “Many people use terms such as ‘anxiety,’ ‘depression’ and ‘bipolar’ freely on social media, stripping these terms of their true importance and disregarding the importance of considering it an illness, rather than a mere phase one experiences.”

      It’s a double-edged sword, notes Gaibie. “The comfort of seeing yourself and your struggles in a meme or article and knowing that many others go through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting and helpful,” she says. “Beginning to normalise these experiences to the extent of no longer realising the need to address and work on the struggles, however, is deeply problematic.”

      Compounding this, people with mental health disorders are drawn to social media at higher rates, per one study. “Studies have reported that individuals living with a range of mental disorders, including depression, psychotic disorders, or other severe mental illnesses, use social media platforms at comparable rates as the general population, with use ranging from about 70% among middle-age and older individuals to upwards of 97% among younger individuals,” the authors note. What we’re looking for? Community, encouragement; a sense of belonging. But the community can fast become something ‘trendy’ and dangerous instead of helpful. 

      What trivialising mental illness looks like 

      You might find yourself laughing off the serious side effects of your mental illness when you should seriously evaluate what’s going on. This could be taking stock of all the patterns and habits that are pointing to something bigger. “Due to the romanticisation of mental illness, especially in the online sphere, many tend to look at it as something trendy to label themselves with, without the informed opinion of a mental health professional,” says Surtee. It’s something echoed in many responses from friends. I asked them about the rising trend and whether or not it’s affected them at all. One friend texted back, “OMG ME AS A 15-year-old being obsessed with Jeffree Star and wanting to be emo and shit.”

      The side-effects 

      For context, Jefree Starr, in his early days, struggled with self-harm and this encouraged other people to do the same; made it seem cool. “He basically was a walking advertisement for self-harm and shit back in his early days,” my friend texted me. “Seeing that as a kid was confusing because on one hand, he was openly gay so that was nice to see, but then the other stuff…” It’s a slippery slope to a dark place.

      Romanticising mental illness can lead to trivialisation of the problem, says Kerry Rudman, founder of Brain Harmonics International and neurofeedback practitioner, who works with people struggling with mental illness. “This can take many forms, such as romanticizing the struggles of people with mental illness or portraying it as an essential part of a creative or artistic lifestyle,” she says. “It can also involve promoting harmful stereotypes and misconceptions about mental illness or portraying it as something that is easily overcome with quick solutions.”

      Prime example: me, thinking it’s totally ok to lie about all day and do nothing at all fed my unrealistic idea of life as something perpetually depressing, without getting help for what was an untreated depressive episode. “We run the risk of getting far too comfortable with mental illness or psychological distress; perhaps equating the fact that many have these struggles with it being the way things kind of just are and that this is acceptable. Just because something is very common (of which struggles like depression and anxiety are), does not mean that it is healthy to accept it,” explains Gaibie. 

      The way out 

      Psychologists see the rising trendiness of trivialised mental illness, too. “Ever since I joined social media, roughly about 10 years ago, I have witnessed only an increase in the ‘trending’ of mental illness online,” says Surtee. “Social media is not a guarded space and we don’t always have control over what we’re exposed to, leading many to gather false information about mental illness and causing them to wrongly self-diagnose. Hashtags like #broken, #thinspo, and #depressingquotes are largely popular and followed by millions on social media.”

      It’s also a catch-22 since people reach out to social media for mental health support, per one study.

      But it’s hard to control the kinds of content you’re fed, especially on Explore and For You Pages. From that study, respondents noted that they often felt overwhelmed by content and felt ‘out of control’ when it came to picking what they wanted (and maybe needed) to see on social media. The study also noted that once your algorithm starts feeding you the content you’re looking for (mental health content), it’s hard to stop that or opt-out, barring quitting the app altogether. 

      So how do we break out of doom-scrolling our way into another episode? 

      The pendulum can swing too far to the other end of the spectrum, from destigmatising mental illness to romanticising it. But there are steps that can be taken to ease your way into prime mental health. 

      Minimise screen time

      First, you might want to step away from the screens. “Social media is not a space to seek therapy or holistically educate ourselves about illness,” cautions Surtee. “It speaks largely in generalities and not to us an individuals.”  Digital detox, anyone? 

      Get professional help

      Are the memes you’re turning to getting darker? Are you using them as a crutch instead of engaging in real self-care? A therapist can help. “Seeking professional help can help you gain a more realistic understanding of the challenges,” says Rudman.

      Practise self-reflection

      “Check in with yourself and your thoughts about mental health,” says Rudman. “Check if your beliefs or attitudes about it are based on accurate information or if they are influenced by media or societal messages.”

      Clean up your feed 

      Notice how certain accounts make you feel. Do they make you feel uncertain about yourself, make you feel down? Unfollow those accounts and make space for positivity and upliftment rather than comparison. More

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      5 Steps For Tapping Into Motivation, Direct From The Pros

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      We’re meant to start a new year full of beans, dreams and a renewed sense of purpose… At least that’s what Instagram tells us. But, if it feels like you’re in a rut or can’t quite work up the energy to do whatever it is you really want to do, you’re not stuck in neutral alone. Just one example: 52 per cent of unhappy employees say they lack energy and motivation, according to a recent Indeed survey. No matter where you think your drive is – or isn’t – right now, these simple steps can help to rev up your motivation. Hint: it’s all about embracing the long game and being kinder to yourself.

      1. Do Something 

      Reality check: drive isn’t something that only lucky people have, like great hair or fast feet. Anyone can develop drive (or motivation – experts use them interchangeably) if you know how to go about it.

      “People often think of motivation and drive as the big flame that happens if you take lighter fluid and spray it all over a grill,” says Steve Magness, an executive coach, performance expert and co-author of the book Peak Performance. “A better way to think about drive is that you get some coal, light the fire and let it slow burn over time. That allows us to sustain and cook whatever we’re trying to cook.” 

      James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes that “one of the most surprising things about motivation is that it comes after starting a new behaviour, not before.” In other words, you don’t just get motivated, then do something. You do something, and that gets you motivated. “Getting started, even in very small ways … naturally produces momentum,” he writes. If starting out, even in a “very small way,” feels like anything from a minor sticking point to a monumental obstacle, he recommends making the first few steps so easy that you waste no energy thinking about doing them.

      So instead of waiting “until you feel like it” to overhaul your LinkedIn profile to get the job you want, block out 10 minutes to play around with the first entry. Instead of trying to overhaul your nutrition, start by planning what you’ll have for breakfast most days and buying the ingredients.

      2. Remove Barriers

      Even the pro athletes sometimes have a tough time getting started, says Magness, who has worked with NBA players and Olympians. “What saves these athletes is that their environment is set up in a way that lowers the bar – there’s less activation energy that’s needed to get out the door.” They have trainers devising their workouts, training partners depending on them to show up. Their systems are organised to minimise hurdles. And good news: you can do the same. 

      During a rough period when Magness says he was working too much and finding excuses not to exercise, he added five minutes to his evening commute to get to a park where he liked to run. The easy choice would have been to take the faster way home. But by going a few minutes out of his way and seeing his running shoes on the passenger seat, he removed the barrier to taking that run. “It’s almost like your brain sees running as the easier decision now. Those cues are inviting you to take that action, and you don’t have to think about it,” he explains.

      Success strategy: Unlocking motivation is all about the long game, say experts. Seeing drive as a slow burn to sustain rather than a big flame.

      3. Create Micro-goals

      Dr David Zald has watched motivation disappear. He’s the director of the Center for Advanced Human Brain Imaging Research at Rutgers University. His research has found that this happens when the workload seems too heavy or the rewards too far off. The obvious but hard-to-see-when-you’re-in-it solution is to break that big goal into smaller, doable tasks. 

      “Below your goal are subgoals, each of which has its own subgoals, cascading down to specific behaviours,” says Dr James M. Diefendorff, a professor of industrial/organisational psychology. Goals closer to the top of the hierarchy explain why you’re doing what you’re doing and reflect your values, while goals further down explain how the goal will be met, he says. Subgoals help you understand the steps you need to take and give you tasks to succeed at along the way – both help make long-term goals more manageable. Feeling like you’re making progress also feeds drive.

      So below ‘take all my vacation days this year,’ subgoals might be: ‘narrow down Airbnbs to two,’ then ‘email options to friends,’ and finally ‘book it.’ Similarly, if you’re having a hard time getting excited about a long run, promise yourself that you’ll run a kilometre or so, then take a break, and repeat that pattern until you’re finished, tips Zald.

      Key in on the phrase ‘take a break,’ too. You’re more likely to stick to a goal if you earn immediate rewards for steps you take rather than delaying rewards until you’re finished, according to research by Dr Ayelet Fishbach, author of Get It Done: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation.

      4. Stop One Rep Short

      If you’re driven, you’re always pushing yourself hard… right? Performance coach Brad Stulberg wants to change your mind about that. In his new book, The Practice of Groundedness, he makes the case that “anyone can crush themselves and do an Instagram-worthy workout or all-nighter. That’s actually pretty easy. What is hard is maintaining drive for longer periods of time.” To keep it going, “force yourself to stop the equivalent of one rep short, day in and day out. Doing that is all about going a little slower today so you can go faster tomorrow.” Close the laptop at 6pm instead of 7pm. Sit down to eat lunch. Drive runs on sustainable energy, so feed it right.

      Success strategy: Rather than driving to the basket non-stop, be patient with yourself and look after your energy levels for a real motivation winner.

      5. Let Drive Change

       “The pandemic altered the lives of nearly everyone and led millions to re-evaluate and clarify the core of what is important, essential or meaningful in life – which may not be climbing the corporate ladder,” says Diefendorff.

      What sets you on fire can be a moving target, since we become interested in different things and develop different values over the course of our lives, he adds. To understand what you care about, try thinking about what happens on your best days. What gives you energy and excitement? If you don’t want to switch jobs or goals to feel a sense of drive again, “try to structure your day to ensure that some ‘best day’ activities can be experienced at least some of the time,” Diefendorff suggests.

      The post 5 Steps For Tapping Into Motivation, Direct From The Pros appeared first on Women’s Health. Words by Emily Sohn More

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      10 Of The Most Common Phobias, Explained

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      By Nikolina Ilic

      Did you know there are more than 500 recognised phobias? Ranging from super common to incredibly rare, and from NBD to deadly serious, they’re more common than we think: according to Australasian Psychology Services, specific phobias are thought to affect around 11 per cent of the Aussie population. In South Africa, the biggest animal phobia is arachnophobia or the fear of spiders.

      “Approximately one-quarter of the population have one or more phobias, with the number one fear being glossophobia: fear of public speaking, which affects up to 75% of the population,” explains Mark Stephens, lifestyle hypnotherapist and phobia specialist. “Phobias can develop at any time of your life, but will often start when you’re a child and can be triggered by a single traumatic event or a series of events that induce fear.”

      The most common phobias:

      Trypanophobia: Fear of needles

      Mysophobia: Fear of germs

      Coulrophobia: fear of clowns

      Catoptrophobia: Fear of mirrors

      Glossophobia: Fear of public speaking

      Leptophobia: Fear of losing weight/ being skinny

      Hadephobia: Fear of going to hell

      Decidophobia: Fear of making decisions

      Pteronophobia: Fear of being tickled by feathers

      Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia: a fear of long words

      Phobias: Everything you need to know

      What is a phobia?

      A phobia is a concern or fear about certain situations or activities, like animals and objects. Fear is a rational response in certain situations, however, some people react to objects, activities or situations (the phobic stimulus) by imagining or irrationally exaggerating the danger, resulting in panic, fear or terror that is out of proportion to the actual threat. Sometimes, even the thought of, or simply seeing the phobic stimulus on television, is enough to cause a reaction. These types of excessive reactions may be indicative of a Specific Phobia.

      What happens when I have a phobia?

      People with phobias are often well aware that their fears are exaggerated or irrational, but feel that their anxious reaction is automatic or they are not able to control it. When exposed to the phobic stimulus, anxiety can reach excessive levels. Specific Phobias are often associated with panic attacks, during which the person experiences and is overwhelmed by physical sensations that may include a pounding heart, choking, nausea, faintness, dizziness, chest pain, hot or cold flushes and perspiration.

      How do I know if I have one?

      A person may have a phobia if they:

      Have a persistent fear that is excessive and unreasonable in relation to a specific object, activity or situation, such as heights, seeing blood or encountering a dog. Adults will be able to recognise that the fear is excessive; children with Specific Phobias may not be able to.

      Avoids situations in which they may have to face the phobic stimulus, for example not walking down a street where there may be a dog or refusing to go further than the ground floor of a building. If the situation is unavoidable, it is endured with distress.

      Finds that the anxiety or avoidance associated with such situations makes it difficult to go about daily life (for example, working, studying or seeing friends and family).

      What are the main categories?

      Specific Phobias are generally divided into the following categories:

      Animal type: fear that relates to animal or insects (e.g. fear of dogs or spiders).

      Natural-Environment type: a fear associated with the natural environment (e.g. fear of thunder or heights).

      Blood-Injection-Injury type: A fear associated with invasive medical procedures (e.g. injections), or by seeing blood or injury.

      Situational Type: a fear of specific situations (e.g. elevators, bridges or driving).

      Other: Any other Specific Phobias (e.g. fear of choking or fear of vomiting).

      What causes phobias?

      Several factors are likely to increase a person’s risk of developing a Specific Phobia. These include:

      A family history of mental health problems:

      A predisposition to anxiety may be passed down from a parent with a mental illness. Research has shown that children of moderately to severely depressed parents are up to three times more likely to have an anxiety disorder, and specifically a phobia, than children of non-depressed parents.

      Traumatic experiences: someone who has, for example, witnessed or experienced a traumatic event (e.g. being bitten by an animal or trapped somewhere like a cupboard) may feel extremely fearful of situations or objects associated with the event afterwards. By avoiding these, even when they are in a non-threatening situation, they may develop a phobia.

      What treatments are available?

      Phobias are treatable and seeking professional help is the first step towards recovery. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is the most commonly- used therapy for people with Specific Phobias and can be conducted either in group sessions or individually. Cognitive behaviour therapists work closely with people to develop a shared understanding of their thinking and behavioural difficulties. Therapists will help people to uncover unhelpful and unrealistic ways of thinking (e.g. “I will be trapped. Medication is also available, like antidepressants, however, there has been no clear indications of efficacy in using medication have been found in treating phobias.

      This article was first published in womenshealthmag.com.au More

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      “How I Overcame Disordered Eating And Found What Works”

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      Foodstagram is a universe on its own. Scrolling through, you’ll find Reels upon Reels of delicious dribbles and salads packed with #healthy ingredients. What you may not find in the caption is people talking about why they’re so into food – healthy food, specifically. Many people are struggling with bad eating habits, but how many actually overcame disordered eating?

      When Jo Hill, the personality behind the popular foodie account @pullupsandpeanutbutter started on a journey where she overcame disordered eating in 2018, she realised that part of her food journey was to also speak about her recovery openly. It formed part of her entry into our very own Women’s Health Fit Foodie competition in 2018.

      “I hadn’t realized at the time that there were other women who could relate to what it was that I’d been through,” she says.  

      How it started

      At the time, Jo was competing in powerlifting competitions and it felt empowering. “It was quite a liberating sport because you’re focusing on the weight that you’re lifting and not what you look like,” she says.

      However, the competitive side of the sport came with restrictions that forced Jo back into uncomfortable territory. In order to compete in her weight category, she needed to lose weight in a very short amount of time for the weigh-in that preceded competitions. “The diet that I was given by my trainer at the time was like 800 calories [a day] and I needed to weigh myself every day,” Jo recalls. While it was only for two weeks, Jo experienced problems, since she had done restrictive dieting like this for years. “I was under-eating so much and my metabolism was just so used to receiving so few calories that I wasn’t losing any weight,” she says. Soon after, she quit the sport for something more mindful.

      The big change

      With this, Jo decided to “flip the narrative” on the content she shared. “I think the first blog post on my website was about me ruining my metabolism through extreme dieting,” she says. Soon thereafter, sharing became part of her journey toward healing.

      This involved gaining weight, which was a scary prospect for someone who’d been so afraid of food for so long that she’d stuck to tiny caloric allowances for years, even eliminating nuts and avocado from her diet (even healthy fats can become scary). “I think that’s when I decided to start creating healthy recipes that I could include and to try and make little challenges for myself to overcome fear foods,” she says. Part of overcoming her fear? Creating decadent treats with healthier ingredients. Enter protein doughnuts and anything chocolate, including low-calorie waffles, brownies and power balls.

      How it’s going

      Through sharing her journey, she realised that many women had unhealthy attitudes towards food and viewed so many things as “bad”. Jo disagrees with this view completely. “There is no messing because there’s not a diet and there’s no finish line. It’s creating a healthy lifestyle that you can sustain,” she says. “And if it’s having a slice of cake, that’s healthy. Yes, it’s obvious it’s not ‘healthy’, but it’s healthy for your mental health.” More

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      Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

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      Banesa Tseki, a yoga teacher and co-owner of a Johannesburg-based inclusive wellness centre known as The Nest Space, owes much of her mental wellness to yoga. Diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder at 15, Banesa was placed on anti-depressants and anxiety meds that made her completely numb.

      READ MORE: 7 Ways To Meditate For Anxiety Relief That Are *Actually* Easy To Do

      “In an attempt to ease my pain, the meds made me completely numb. Granted I could no longer feel the pain, but I could also no longer feel joy nor happiness and that was too big a sacrifice for me. There had to be another way,” she shares.

      NEW BEGINNINGS

      Then things took an interesting turn when she moved to Cape Town for university in 2008…

      “In Cape Town I came across breathwork, meditation and yoga through a five-day course offered by a society called Art of Living at the University of Cape Town. I did the course and was hooked for good,” recalls Banesa.

      Plus, signing up for the course made sense since she’d just finished reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, but lacked practice in the book’s teachings. With regular practice, Banesa found yoga to be an incredible healing tool that later stood her in good stead when she went off the depression and anxiety meds.

      READ MORE: What Is Holotropic Breathwork—And What Can It Do For Your Mental Health?

      When she moved to Johannesburg in 2015, Banesa met Itta ‘Ravi’ Roussos, who became her kundalini yoga teacher.

      “I trained in community-based yoga at African Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training of Southern Africa (AKYTTSA), whose motto is ‘social justice is a spiritual practice’, and served on the founding board. Itta was big on teaching yoga to more people of colour so we could go back and spread the teachings in our communities,” shares Banesa, who’s since taught yoga to both adults and children in various community centres and townships.

      YOGA AND HEALING

      Banesa is also a full-time head yoga coach at Shapa Soweto powered by Nike, where she teaches roughly 10 sessions weekly. “I’m more suited for community-based, rather than studio, yoga,” she notes before continuing: “Our yoga is trauma-based. It’s for the disadvantaged, and people who’ve experienced trauma, to use this healing modality to connect to an inner power that will encourage them to take control of their lives.”

      READ MORE: Ease Tight Muscles And Lift Your Mood With This Quick First-Thing Yoga Flow

      On the relationship between yoga and healing, Banesa explains:

      “A lot of the time, emotions are experienced through our body or breath. When we’re sad or excited, the rhythm of our breath adjusts to the emotion we’re experiencing,” she says, warning that unprocessed emotions usually manifest as tension in our bodies.

      READ MORE: Here’s How To Actually Do A Digital Detox, According To Experts

      She explains that unless one works through these emotions, that feeling of discomfort just sits there. Her advice? Being aware of that tension and where it sits, then working through it to release the trapped emotion.  “As this tension is released, a lot of people in my classes start crying or going through something. That’s because there’s therapy through the body, and talking is just another form,” she says. Through the body, she adds, we release emotions without necessarily naming them. 

      THE BUSINESS OF YOGA

      Banesa and her business partner Dr Anesu Mbizvo opened The Nest Space in 2018, and pivoted online during lockdown. In November last year, they reopened their boutique wellness centre in Parktown North, Johannesburg, which now features a yoga studio, a vegan café and a zero-waste grocer in. With that said, cheers to healing – may we embrace it wholeheartedly! More

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      Here’s How To Actually Do A Digital Detox, According To Experts

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      It’s 7 am. Your phone alarm goes off and, after snoozing for twenty minutes, you grab your phone. Inevitably, you’re littered with notifications: Uber Eats, that workout app you never open, WhatsApps from while you were asleep and some viral tweets are all demanding your attention. Of course, you open one and before you know it, it’s 8:30 am and you’ve got 30 minutes to be at your desk.  

      Like it or not, we’re humans enslaved to our digital devices. Come evening, mindlessly scrolling TikTok on mute while simultaneously watching Netflix is the norm. It feels impossible to just ignore every ping and vibration. It stands to reason, then, that our interests pique when someone says they’re taking on a digital detox. The international practice, used by celebrities, CEOs and regular people alike, allow us some distance from our devices.

      “It’s a period of time where you intentionally disconnect from technology, including phones, laptops, tablets, and social media, yes, that means even a quick WhatsApp,” says Melissa Lain, health coach.  

      But there’s more to it than that. Every time you open your phone, your brain is flooded with dopamine, the body’s innate reward hormone. It’s the same thing that makes you feel so satisfied after eating chocolate or winning an arm wrestle. But being exposed to it 24/7? That’s flooding our brains with the stuff, making us addicted to our tech. And, per a new survey, South Africans are spending upwards of three hours a day on social media alone. A digital detox, also called a dopamine detox, can help. “The idea is to take a break from the constant stream of information and stimulation that comes with being connected all the time,” says Lainn.

      How to tell when it’s time for a digital detox

      There are various signs that it’s time to shut down those reward centres for a while. First, if you’re spending excessive periods of time in a scroll hole, it’s time to put the phone down. Zahraa Surtee, counselling psychologist, notes that sleep disruptions – and checking your phone in the middle of the night – is also a tell-tale sign.

      Also, pay attention to how you’re feeling when you’re not on your devices, notes Melissa. “If you feel like you can never switch off, are constantly checking your phone or emails, even when there aren’t notifications buzzing, and feel overwhelmed by the amount of information you are consuming, it might be time for a digital detox,” she says. Zahraa agrees. Are you feeling anxiety when your phone’s not within reach? You’re likely in a dopamine rut. You might even find a feeling of disconnect with the real world, says Melissa. “If you find yourself spending more time online or watching other people live life rather than creating and experiencing your own, it’s a sign that you need to intentionally disconnect for a while and re-engage with the present moment.”

      Then there’s the physical ramifications: “Spending long periods of time in front of a screen can cause eye strain, tension headaches, neck and back pain, and other physical symptoms,” says Melissa.

      How to detox, digitally

      Zahraa sees digital detoxes as a way to carefully curate what you’re exposed to. “It’s not about giving up screen time completely,” she says. “Rather, it’s firstly about recognising that the media we consume DOES affect our mental health and the way we choose to show up in the world.” Spend some time curating your phone. Go through your apps and disable those notifications that annoy you, or that cause you to scroll endlessly. Do you really need a notification every time someone likes your Reel? “Just as we get to choose the type of foods we ideally want to nourish our bodies with, so we do get to choose the type of content we’d like to nourish our minds with,” says Zahraa. “Digital detoxes are ideally about spending screen time more mindfully and in moderation.”

      To Melissa, the digital detox you embark on can be individualised to you. “It can be as short as a few hours or as long as a week, or even more,” she says. “During this time, you commit to disconnecting from digital devices and focusing on other activities that promote stillness and well-being. Don’t overcomplicate it, an hour or two a day is a perfect way to start, especially when there’s load shedding.”

      Keen to try? Instead of using the time to stare into space, itching to check your phone or Netflix, try scheduling a tech-free activity. Maybe that’s a bubble bath, some colouring in time or just some tea and time with your thoughts. More

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      Many Women Are Battling Depression During Pregnancy. Here’s What To Know, If You’re Struggling

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      In South Africa, between 21 and 47% of women experience depression during pregnancy. The global average? 12%. This means South African women are at higher risk during a crucial period of their lives. Depression during pregnancy can also often continue well into childbirth and beyond. “Pregnancy-related depression is often dismissed as ‘just the baby blues’ and women are told to ‘just pull yourself together’, but it is a serious mental health condition which not only negatively affects women’s quality of life and experience of motherhood, but the prospects of the next generation too,” says Doctor Bavi Vythilingum, a member of the South African Society of Psychiatrists.

      Why does depression during pregnancy happen?

      Dr Bavi says this is down to a number of factors. For one, pregnancy is an inherently life-altering event that can be stressful, and hormones might play a role. For another, the rates of intimate partner violence in South Africa are high and could lead to depression.

      In South Africa, violence against women worsens when a woman is pregnant. Substance abuse during pregnancy can also be a driver of depression. “The use of alcohol and substances puts the woman at risk of depression and also creates a vicious cycle where depression makes somebody use substances more, putting both the mother and the child at risk,” says Dr Bavi.

      There are also genetic factors. “If your mother had depression, you are more likely to get depression,” explains Dr Bavi. And then there are cases where women might have been depressed in earlier pregnancies (or, who get depressed during their menstrual cycle), which increases the risk of depression in any subsequent pregnancies.

      READ MORE: Want To Manifest Your Goal? Don’t Make These Manifesting Mistakes

      The risks of depression during pregnancy

      “Depression during pregnancy can have an effect on the unborn child,” says Dr Bavi. “It’s associated with an increased risk for things like preterm labour, for small gestational age babies (when the baby doesn’t grow properly) and for pregnancy-induced hypertension.”

      If depression continues after childbirth, this affects mother-child bonding, growth and development of the infant.

      READ MORE: 7 Ways To Meditate For Anxiety Relief That Are *Actually* Easy To Do

      Signs of depression

      Generally, a low mood that’s prolonged can be a sign of depression. Also, changes in appetite, sleeping too much or too little, wanting to self-harm, lack of motivation and lack of interest in things that used to be interesting are also warning signs.

      READ MORE: How To Support A Loved One If You Think They Are Suicidal

      What to do, if you think you’re depressed

      The first line of defence would be psychotherapy, says Dr Bavi. “Many women don’t get better on psychotherapy or can’t access psychotherapy,” she notes. If this is the case, medication in the form of SSRIs can be taken. They’re safe for use during pregnancy and won’t pose a risk to the baby, Dr Bavi says.

      Depression during pregnancy is a serious issue and poses risks to both the mother and the child. If you suspect you’re struggling, get help by contacting a psychologist or psychiatrist.

      The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) lists toll-free helplines for general depression and anxiety, and has free support groups around the country for various issues, including support for expectant and new mothers. Call 0800 21 22 23 for help and information.

      In addition, you can join the network mumsupport.co.za for a caring community of women supporting women. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      A Therapist Answers 6 of Your Questions Around Feeling Lonely at Christmas

      by

      Whatever your typical set-up around December the 25th – perhaps a chunky get-together with the extended family, a little celebration with a few key friends and fizz or a firmly ‘non-traditional’ takeaway from your local Chinese restaurant, Christmas can feel a little strained and sometimes lonely.

      The festive period is a core cause of the feeling, even though we’re allowed to all be together again this year, after the global pandemic. While covid might be largely gone, loneliness manifests in different ways, pandemic or not.

      To help you through, WH asked leading psychotherapist and author of This Too Shall Pass, Julia Samuel, to respond to some of your questions, musings and comments on feeling alone, this Christmas.

      READ MORE:Mindful Drinking: How More And More People Are Becoming ‘Sober Curious’

      How should I deal with Christmas loneliness?

      But first, there is some universal advice to root yourself in. Regardless of your situation, the below is likely to be a tonic, to some degree, in this bizarre time.

      Keep a routine

      ‘It helps to have regular routines that you can rely on that give you some certainty, so it might be structural routine of exercise before breakfast, or meditate after work,’ says Samuel.

      Just breathe

      ‘Both exercise and any breathing technique also reduce the anxiety caused by uncertainty, so you get double benefit. Intentionally choosing to do things that give you joy also helps manage uncertainty, so it might be listening to wonderful music as you cook.’

      Know what you can control

      ‘Recognising and jotting down the things you can change and influence and those you can’t is worth sticking on your fridge door,’ Samuel details.

      Remember that, even amid wild uncertainty, you are in control of some aspects of your life. ‘It is important to be proactive, make times for online connection and if possible real connection through walks together, even taking hot drinks that you can stop and drink together,’ she adds.

      ‘We need connection to others more than anything else. People need people and love in every form is vital medicine right now, we have to commit and work to have it, not wait for someone else to connect with us.’

      Scroll on for her response to WH readers who are feeling a little stuck, sad or solitary, at this time.

      READ MORE: How To Manifest Something From Start To Finish

      6 of your Christmas loneliness questions, answered

      1. ‘I feel sick about Christmas! I am alone and dreading seeing people with their families on Instagram. What should I do?’

      ‘I can understand that living alone is heightened over Christmas when you both imagine and see on Instagram families being together,’ says Samuel. ‘I wonder if you might contact an organisation that connects people in communities, young and old online and in person.

      ‘Another thing to note is that using our skill and agency to make something through painting or any kind of craft gives us both purpose and satisfaction, there are also many online craft meet-ups that you can join to discuss your area of interest.’

      READ MORE: If The Festive Season Stresses You Out, Try These Psychologist-Backed Coping Strategies

      2. ‘I am struggling with uncertainty. It looks as if Christmas will be very miserable this year and there’s a shortage of money through no work…’

      ‘The uncertainty and shortage of money make celebrating anything worrying. I wonder if you can schedule virtual meet-up with, say, four good friends to wish each other a happy Christmas.

      ‘I have been pleasantly surprised how meeting with a small number of close friends can feel intimate and enriching.’

      3. ‘My main concern is my 94-year-old mom, who lives alone, abroad. My sister is nearby and sees her a couple of times a day, but if there’s a bad snowstorm, she might not see anyone.’

      ‘I imagine not being with your mom on Christmas day is particularly hard, when the number of Christmases you are likely to have together in the future is uncertain.

      ‘Could you perhaps create a Plan B for your mother if there is a snowstorm – does she have a next door neighbour who she could ring and would agree to drop in, and could you agree a time you will telephone each other on Christmas day whatever the weather?

      ‘I would write and send her a card with a message of all that you feel about her, and memories of your happy Christmases of the past that she could open on Christmas Day.’

      4. ‘I lost my mom four years ago and she made Christmas magical. It’s not ever been the same again.’

      ‘Having memories of those very Happy Christmases with your beloved mom must be bittersweet.

      ‘I would create an annual Christmas ritual which reflects your mom and your love of her, maybe light a candle with flowers and a photograph of her that you can turn to at particular times or do something that connects you to her over Christmas.

      ‘Touchstones to memory are a way of expressing the love of the person who has died, for our love for them never dies.’

      5. ‘I think I will get depressed as I alone am expected to carry out all household chores. I used to have my friends as support, but, because I’ve not been in touch with them regularly through lockdown, they have left me.’

      ‘I can hear how hurt you are not being in touch with your friends, but I would suggest you draw on your courage and contact them and agree to reconnect. I am sure they would welcome hearing from you as they might well be feeling left and lonely too.

      ‘Partly it is about just daring, taking the leap to text or call and it is also cognitively recognising that the feeling of fear doesn’t in anyway match the reality of fear – feelings are not facts.

      ‘The worst that can happen is the status quo, they don’t respond, so you have lost nothing and may gain a friend so it is definitely worth the jump.’

      READ MORE: 21 Best Self-Care Gifts For Her That Go Way Beyond Face Masks

      6. ‘I have no family anyway and I think Christmas is over-amped as a time of togetherness – and that itself is the key cause of the seasonal loneliness.’

      ‘I wonder if you would find some sense of enrichment over a time that feels over-amped by volunteering on Christmas Day or around it? Helping others is both good for those that receive but also the giver.’

      *This article was originally published on Women’s Health UK More