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      Some Experts Say Birth Order Can Explain Your Personality–Is it True?

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      If you’re the DJ Tanner or Marsha Brady of the family, chances are you’re the responsible leader of the pack. But if you identify with Stephanie Tanner or Jan Brady and assume the role of the middle child, you likely get lost in the shuffle and keep the peace. Then, there are the Michelle Tanners of the world (AKA the baby of the clan) who are the outgoing charmers (“You got it, dude!”). These assumptions are all based on the birth order theory that says the order in which you were born dictates your personality traits. Is there any truth to it? Could it be the answer to why siblings are so different? I sought out Michele Goldman, a psychologist and advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation, to get the breakdown of the birth order theory, what it says about each sibling, and why some people may not fit its framework. 

      Meet the expert
      Michele Goldman, Psy.D
      Psychologist
      Michele Goldman is a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, relational patterns, anxiety, and depression. She also serves as the media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation.

      In this article

      What is the birth order theory?
      Developed in the 1900s by psychotherapist Alfred Adler, birth order theory suggests that the sequence in which a child is born within their family—from first born to the youngest and every position in between—shapes their thoughts and behaviors. For example, the firstborn typically portrays the characteristics of being an achiever and reliable. Goldman made an important distinction between chronological and psychological birth order: “Chronological birth order is the literal order in which siblings are born,” she conveyed. “Psychological birth order is the birth order that someone might encompass, even if they were not born in that placement within the family.”
      According to Adler’s theory, children are not born with inherent qualities, but rather their family environments and dynamics play a role in influencing individual psychology during their formative years. While every family is different, Adler believed there were many similarities between the interactions of parents and children as well as between siblings. So does birth order really impact personality? The short answer is it’s up for debate. Some studies have shown that Adler was onto something when it comes to the attributes of first children, but more research is needed to get the full picture. Ahead, what the birth order theory says about your family standing. 

      The breakdown of each birth order

      Firstborn
      According to the birth order theory, the oldest child holds a highly advantageous position because they are used to being the sole recipient of attention for a period of time–therefore, first children may struggle when needing to share attention once siblings are born. The firstborn will often have a great amount of responsibility once younger siblings come into the picture. They might face stricter parenting and higher expectations, which typically leads to strong leadership and high-achieving qualities.

      Middle Child
      “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” Jan Brady’s famous cry says it all. If you fit the middle-child trope, you oftentimes will feel left out or unimportant. Middles are often skilled at carving out a place for themselves and they might even be creative in how to be seen within the family unit. While they are rather skilled at compromising, the middle child can also be competitive when overshadowed by an older sibling and sometimes unruly or rebellious. Neither overwhelmed with great responsibility (like firsts) nor overindulged (like the youngest), middle children most likely develop into successful adults.

      Youngest Child
      It’s no surprise that the attention-seeking, can-do-no-wrong baby of the family tends to be overindulged by all in the family. What the youngest does in response to being overindulged impacts how they move through the world. Some youngest children will believe they are to be taken care of and may lack the internal drive to excel and the confidence to manage tasks successfully. However, other youngest children may appreciate being taken care of and want to take care of others, becoming respected as the “go-to” in the family.  

      Only Child
      Because the only child tends to be more familiar with adults than with other children, even if highly socialized with peers, they may be more rigid. Only children can be both highly successful and dependent upon their parents, as their parents are solely focused on the their success and achievement. Prone to be stubborn because they’re not used to being flexible or negotiating with others, the only child is also independent, able to fill their time with productive outlets, and intelligent. 

      Why you may not fit the birth order theory
      Of course, there are exceptions to the rule where the birth order patterns don’t necessarily hold true. Goldman cited the most common reasons: 

      Large age gap between the children 
      Adler considered a large age gap to be three years, but most researchers now define it as five or more years, which was influenced by siblings being in different schools after five years. “In US schooling systems, after 5th grade, one sibling will go to middle school while the younger child is left behind in elementary, thus leading ‘separate’ lives,” Goldman explained. “If we have a five or more years difference, the child might be third in chronological birth order but becomes a psychological firstborn because the other two siblings are much older.” In other words, the child may exhibit firstborn tendencies even though they came third in line because of the large age gap.

      Health of a child 
      A child with any health obstacles, no matter where they fall in birth order, can affect the psychological birth order position of their sibling(s). “If an oldest child is frequently ill or has a chronic condition (either physical or mental health), they might become the psychological ‘baby’ of the family because the focus is always on nurturing them and caring for them,” Goldman clarified. “This shifts attention off of the chronological baby, and the baby will take on another birth order position.” 

      Twins 
      To put it simply, Goldman stated that twins complicate birth order, and how birth order is impacted is dependent on whether the twins are the only children in the family or have other siblings. “Twins will typically not be raised according to chronological birth order, especially if they are only a few minutes apart, but psychological birth order might still form over time,” Goldman clarified. 

      Beliefs about gender 
      The engrained beliefs about gender by both the culture and other family members can also affect the birth order theory. “Even if a female is the oldest, a male child might be treated as a firstborn because of the cultural emphasis on males,” Goldman described. “This also might be seen in a family of five boys and the youngest is a girl; that girl might be treated as a stereotypical baby or as a psychological firstborn.”

      Blended families 
      When a family structure is affected by remarriage, psychological birth order will likely change, especially when the children are in their formative years. Goldman gave an example: “[When] a chronological oldest who has a well-formed personality in the family is blended with step-siblings where they now have someone older than them, this can influence their perceived psychological birth order and influence how they feel about themselves and others.” In the same vein, the two firstborns in the newly-formed family will search for their “place” and may compete to keep their firstborn standing.

      What Is Human Design, and Is It the Key to Unlocking Your Life Purpose? More

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      Struggling With Weight Loss but Not Sure Why? Here Are 5 Possible Reasons

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      “It’s simple,” they say. “Just eat well and exercise!” It’s the age-old weight loss formula, but we all know better: Losing weight isn’t that black and white and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Maintaining a healthy diet and spending time at the gym are just two of the many factors that play a role in weight. And, let’s face it: Whether you’re trying to lose weight to improve your overall health, feel more in tune with yourself and your body, or fit into your old go-to pair of skinny jeans (no matter what Gen Z says!), losing weight can be a struggle even when you’re doing everything “right.” So what gives? To get down to the nitty-gritty, I asked Andi Lew, a certified food, lifestyle, and wellness coach and author of Connected: A Paradigm Shift in How We View Health, to weigh in on underlying causes that may be hindering your weight loss efforts.
      BTW, the purpose of this article is not to make you believe that weight loss has to be a goal (it doesn’t) or that you need to obsess over these factors or else you’ll gain weight (you won’t). Instead, this article is meant to show you that trouble losing weight has absolutely nothing to do with your willpower, laziness, or worth. If weight loss is your goal and you feel like there’s no hope, read on for five eye-opening oversights to watch out for. 

      Meet the expert

      Certified Food, Lifestyle, and Wellness Coach
      Andi Lew is an Australian-native, leading wellness expert and best-selling author with nine books and 30 years experience in teaching natural health.

      1. You’re reaching for foods you think are healthy but really aren’t
      Step into any grocery store and you’ll be met with labels that read “all-natural,” “gluten-free,” and “low-fat” (I could go on and on). A word to the wise: Those buzzwords don’t give the whole picture. “A lot of health claims are placed on packages to sell you products,” Lew said. “For example, gluten-free or low-fat packaged goods often have added sugar, oils, and sodium, so read the nutrition facts carefully.”
      Also, these packaged (AKA processed) imposter health foods are void of nutrients. “Processed foods have been stripped of their vitamins and minerals so you end up overeating as you’re never satisfied on a nutritional level,” Lew said. “They’re usually packed with sugar, which is addictive and creates an inflamed gut and acidic environment. Cutting down or eliminating these foods will help the body regulate itself.” Bottom line: Swap health halo-wearing foods with whole foods (read: foods that exist in nature and that you’ll find in the outside perimeter of the store) or check the nutrition labels and make sure it’s all ingredients you recognize.

      2. You’re not getting enough nutrition
      Between the high fructose corn syrup, refined oils and sugars, and trans fats found in today’s processed foods, it’s no wonder more than 90% of Americans aren’t getting enough vitamins and minerals, like magnesium, calcium, and vitamins A, D, E, and C, in their diets. “Poor diet combined with emotional or chemical stressors often results in leaky gut syndrome,” Lew explained. In other words, if you don’t have a healthy gut, it can’t properly absorb nutrients. The good news? You can improve your gut health by staying hydrated, consuming whole, unprocessed and high-fiber foods, managing stress, and catching quality Zzzs.
      Then, they’re not giving your body the nutrients it needs because you’re under-eating or restricting foods, thanks to being conditioned by diet culture to think that we need to eat less in order to lose weight. But eating too little can have the opposite effect by drastically slowing down your metabolism and causing hormonal shifts (more on that to come). Instead, make sure you’re eating enough to fuel yourself with the proper vitamin and mineral intake. (If you’re experiencing symptoms like sluggishness, hair loss, irritability, or feeling cold all the time, those could be signs you’re not eating enough.) Consider getting a blood panel to check your nutrient levels, eat the rainbow, choose locally-grown and organic food sources when possible, and listen to your body’s hunger cues and eat whenever you’re hungry. 

      3. You’re not prioritizing sleep 
      A holistic approach to wellness includes more than just nutrition and exercise. Lew stressed the impact sleep and stress have on maintaining a healthy weight. “When we don’t get quality sleep–due to stress or environmental stress like blue light emitted from phones–we release stress hormones called adrenaline and cortisol, which slow down our body’s self-healing and functioning capacity,” she said.
      Ever noticed how you reach for junk food when you’re stressed or running on little sleep? That’s no coincidence. Studies have shown that sleep-deprived individuals tend to choose foods that are high in sugar and trans fat to compensate for feeling a lack of energy. What’s more, not getting enough or quality shut-eye is linked to increased hunger and portion sizes and decreased physical activity. On the other hand, waking up on the right side of the bed can help you make healthier food choices and feel more motivated to get your movement in. So take stock of your sleep habits and see where you can make improvements. Can you set a realistic and consistent sleep schedule? Or consider bidding adieu to your afternoon pick-me-up and favorite nightcap or lighting a candle while listening to soft music to relieve stress and unwind. Get your beauty sleep on and you just might get over the hump in your weight loss journey. 

      4. You have a hormonal imbalance
      Let’s be real: A lot of the times it feels like our hormones have a mind of their own, but hormone health is critical. Hormones facilitate nearly every bodily process, including metabolism, hunger, and fullness. Because hormones play a role in our appetites, some influence our body weight (looking at you, insulin, leptin, and cortisol). And when they’re out of whack (hello, fatigue, sugar cravings, weight loss resistance, stress), there’s no denying their effects. “An imbalance of hormones like excess cortisol may make the body go into fight or flight mode and induce the production of fat cells, which will cause a declining metabolism in an adaptive way for the body to store food for later use,” Lew stated. 
      So how do you strike the right hormonal balance? Tackle stress with meditation and yoga,  scrap the processed foods and refined carbs and and sugars (sound familiar?), go for workouts you enjoy and that stabilize cortisol (Pilates, anyone?), and get a good night’s sleep on the reg. If you’re still not able to hit reset on your hormones, Lew suggested scheduling a general check-up and working with your doctor or a health professional to address any underlying health conditions or hormonal imbalances you may have. 
       
      5. You have chronic inflammation
      More than just a major buzzword in the health and wellness space, inflammation is the common denominator of most chronic diseases and has a major impact on weight; with increased inflammation comes more weight gain. “If you regularly ingest inflammatory foods, such as sugar, alcohol, and refined carbohydrates, or processed foods, you’re creating a toxic environment in the body that doesn’t have the ability to digest, absorb, or excrete nutrition,” Lew affirmed. She also pointed out that food intolerances can be a source of inflammation, so pay attention to common symptoms like gas, bloating, constipation, or diarrhea and seek out a naturopath to test for foods you may be reacting to.
      So if you’re checking all the weight loss boxes with nothing to show for it, inflammation may be to blame. While ditching the weight-gaining culprit doesn’t happen overnight, you can start by passing on the processed eats, loading up on anti-inflammatory produce and fats (think: leafy greens, berries, and salmon), and taking hot girl walks to get your body moving. 

      10 Weight Loss Myths, According to a Registered Dietitian More

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      11 Ways To Beat Year-End Fatigue

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      We can all agree that it has been a loooong year! The best way to get through this time of the year, with decent energy levels, is to get enough sleep at night.
      Honestly: “Nothing replaces sleep to give you energy,” says Dr Alison Kole, director of sleep services at Summit Medical Group. “Most people require seven to nine hours of sleep per night to feel their best.”
      Still, that’s not always entirely possible (just one more episode of Manifest and a few minutes on TikTok can’t hurt, right?). But the good news is there are some quick energy-boosting tips you can try that work pretty well in the moment. Here’s how to get more energy, like, right now.
      1. Follow this super-specific hydration formula
      Admit it: You don’t drink as much water as you could – and dehydration is one of the main reasons why energy levels bottom out.
      “Most of us walk around in a state of dehydration on a daily basis, and when your body is dehydrated it can make you feel tired and sluggish,” says registered dietician and nutritionist Dr Allison Childress.
      Fortunately, Dr Childress also says that pretty much any kind of beverage (except alcohol) counts toward your daily intake, so if you’re not a huge fan of plain water, mix it up with juice, tea, or even broth from soup.
      Not sure how much you need? Dr Kole says it depends largely on your body size, and recommends multiplying your weight by 20 grams to calculate what your daily goal should be.
      READ MORE: 1How Much Water You Should Be Drinking Daily, According To A Nutritionist
      2. Choose coffee over energy drinks
      Yes, a quick jolt of liquid caffeine can definitely perk you up – but here’s the thing, not all caffeine is created equal.
      “Stay away from energy drinks…they may give you a temporary boost, but these are stimulants and can set you up for a crash later on,” says Dr Childress, adding that energy drinks often contain caffeine as well as a mix of other stimulants like guarana and yerba mate.
      She says that 240 to 350 mils of coffee is a much better choice when you need some liquid energy (i.e., no crash). Just be mindful of the timing. Dr Kole warns that having caffeine too late in the day (say, after 4 pm) can interfere with sleep – and possibly force you to need even more caffeine the next day.
      3. Snack on both carbs and protein
      Your body’s energy comes from the calories you consume, says Dr Childress, so if you’re feeling sluggish you might need to fuel up. But don’t head to the vending machine; there’s a simple formula for noshing on a perfectly energising (and healthy) snack.
      “Choose a carb and a protein for maximum punch,” she explains – the carbs will provide your body with fuel, while protein will help you stay fuller (and more satisfied) longer. “Try an apple with a piece of string cheese, a cracker with nut butter, or half of a protein bar,” says Dr Childress.
      4. Do a few laps at the office (or just get up for some water)
      If you find yourself nodding off at your desk, there’s a simple solution: Take a walk – it’s an automatic source of energy that boosts your circulation and keeps your muscles active, says Dr Kole.
      And before you complain that there’s no place to walk outside your office building, know that fresh air is not mandatory for this tip to work. Take regular trips to the water cooler, log some laps around the open plan cubicles, or walk up and down the stairs a few times. Dr Childress suggests setting an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to get up from your desk every hour and move.
      “Do it regularly to keep fatigue at bay and keep your mind focused — a move break is just as good for your mind as it is for your body,” she explains.
      5. As soon as you wake up, make a plan to crush the day
      You know that feeling when you wake up and have so much to do that you kind of just want to go back to bed? This tip can help with that “I’m so overwhelmed” feeling.
      Dr Kole suggests starting every day with a positive thought or goal (like, “I’m going to spend 20 minutes mentally rehearsing for my presentation over coffee today”). This will help you manage your attitude toward the day’s activities – and conserve some of your precious energy, because freaking out about everything is super draining. “Personally, I try to focus on one thing I’m thankful for,” she says, “which creates a positive mindset moving forward.”
      READ MORE: Mindful Drinking: How More And More People Are Becoming ‘Sober Curious’
      6. Take a whiff of something refreshing
      Whether you work in an office or at home, the air around you can get…stale – which definitely doesn’t bode well for staying alert.
      Perk up by diffusing essential oils (they’ll spice up your environment and boot your energy levels). Dr Childress says that eucalyptus and citrus oils can refresh a tired body and mind, and that if simply smelling some zesty lemon doesn’t quite do the trick, you can also try putting a drop on some pressure points (like the insides of your wrists) for an extra kick. Just make sure to read the directions; some essential oils can irritate the skin.
      7. Go outside on your lunch break
      Sunny days aren’t just good for your mood — they can also be good for your mental and physical health.
      “The sun can be very invigorating [and it can also] stimulate vitamin D production, which has been shown to enhance mood,” says Dr Childress. Everyone needs vitamin D for bone health, but many don’t get enough of it from food—enter, supplements and good ol’ fashioned sunshine.
      FYI: a little bit of sunscreen-free sun exposure is okay, but make sure you don’t go overboard. You don’t need to tan or burn your skin in order to soak up those vitamin-rich rays; you only need about 10-15 minutes of exposure.
      8. Keep your curtains open and wake up by daylight.
      If you need one more reason to consider the sun your friend, pay attention: opening up your curtains and letting daylight into your bedroom as soon as you wake up in the morning can set you on an energised course for the whole day.
      Kole says that exposing yourself to bright light first thing in the a.m. helps regulate your internal sleep-wake body clock and may even improve your mood, especially if you suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
      9. Go ahead, take a (power) nap.
      If you have a full-time job (or children), taking a nice, long restorative nap when you’re feeling sleepy is probably out of the question. But there’s good news: you don’t need a long nap to reap the benefits of some afternoon shut-eye.
      “The ideal length for napping typically is about 20 minutes,” says Dr Kole. “Longer naps tend to leave people sleepier, in part because the further you go into a sleep cycle the more likely you are to hit deep sleep, and waking up during that stage often causes people to feel groggier.” Basically, consider this permission to take a quick midday snooze.
      10. Try to sweat a little bit before breakfast
      In addition to making you feel super-productive before even starting your day, working out in the morning can boost your energy, as well as control anxiety and reduce stress – two major energy-suckers, says Dr Kole.
      But there’s one other reason to make going for a daily run the first thing on your daily to-do list: According to Dr Kole, a morning workout sets a positive and energised tone for the rest of your day, while working out in the late afternoon or evening is more likely to interfere with your ability to fall asleep at night, she adds.
      11. Free up brain power by actually writing things down
      If I were to peek into your brain right now, I’d likely see a miles-long list of appointments, schedule changes, and other things you definitely cannot forget about – and that’s a recipe for crushing fatigue, says Dr Kole.
      You actually expend a lot of energy trying to mentally keep track of everything you need to do, so Dr Kole recommends sitting down to actually get some of that stuff done – or at least organising yourself better by writing down all of those things. She says resolving these distracting loose ends can free up tons of brain power and make you feel more prepared to tackle the next thing on your list, whatever it is.
      This article was originally published on www.womenshealthmag.com  More

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      6 Ways To Cope With the Holidays When You’re Sad

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      The most wonderful time of year is filled with joy and celebration—for most of us. However, there are many people who experience the opposite set of emotions during the holiday season. If you are someone who is dealing with loss, difficult family dynamics, heartbreak, or spending the holidays alone, it can be a harsh reminder of what you’re missing.
      As isolating as it might feel to be surrounded by people who are in a cheery mood (both online and in person), you are not alone if you’re struggling. The holiday blues can start as early as November 1 for many people. But rest assured, it is still possible to enjoy the holiday season with the help of these six coping strategies:

      Don’t compare yourself to others
      Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea—online or in real life. But remember that comparison is the thief of joy, so making a conscious effort to avoid the comparison game this season will go a long way. If you find yourself feeling sad or envious that you don’t have what others have this season (whether that’s money to spend on gifts, a big family to spend the season with, or a significant other to take mistletoe pictures with), take a step back for a few days. This could look like not attending a party where all of your friends will be with their significant others or simply logging off of social media for a few days.

      Start a new tradition
      Traditions don’t have to be decades old; you can start new traditions any time you want! And the holidays are the perfect time to do so. Between choosing a new tradition, planning it, and involving others (or not!), you can have a lot of fun—and distract yourself from any sadness you may be feeling about other parts of your life. There are countless new traditions that you can start with family members, friends, your significant other, or solo. Some of our favorites include starting a holiday book club, having a movie marathon, and doing a cookie swap.

      Give back
      Studies show that giving can boost your physical and mental health, and during the holidays, there are various volunteering opportunities that you can get involved with. Some of our favorite things to do to give back are volunteering at a soup kitchen, adopting families for groceries or gift-giving, donating to a food bank, participating in a Giving Tree, and donating warm clothing. Choose whichever community project or organization that feels close to your heart, and set your sights on how you can make a difference in other people’s lives through volunteering. You can even make it a tradition to do it every year, too!

      Plan something to look forward to
      If the only thing you’re counting down to is the first day you get back to work after the holidays, consider this your sign to plan something way more exciting than that to look forward to! Whether you want to plan something during the holiday season or after (or both!) is up to you, but having something to be excited about either way will boost your spirits. Can we suggest a solo spa day, a staycation, or a shopping trip with your girlfriends?

      Set boundaries
      Setting boundaries can help you manage any further sadness and stress this holiday season. To do this, start by identifying your needs and/or any triggers you anticipate, and create a plan to have boundaries around them to protect your peace. For example, if you recently went through a breakup and don’t want to get into the details with anyone or think about it at all (we don’t blame you!), make sure you let the people in your life know that you will not be discussing it—especially during this season. Decide what your boundaries need to be, and communicate them clearly to prevent spiraling into deeper sadness.

      Seek support
      A support system is crucial no matter what time of year it is or how you are feeling, but it is especially beneficial when you are feeling your worst. Make sure you have someone you feel comfortable talking to whether they are a family member, your best friend, or a mental health professional, and rely on them throughout the season. If those closest to you don’t know that you need additional support at this time, consider opening up to them about what you’re going through so they can be there for you.

      How to Cope With These Common Holiday Triggers More

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      7 Tips for Having Meaningful Conversations That Go Beyond “How Are You?”

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      Every conversation is an opportunity to cultivate real, human connections—whether that’s by nurturing existing relationships or creating new ones—and having meaningful conversations can help us process and learn from our individual experiences, together.  
      But still, it can be hard to go beyond the standard, “How are you?” Often, “How are you?” can feel like an overwhelming question. So, we say, “Good!” or “Hanging in there,” because how we’re really doing either feels like too much to unpack or too heavy to share with someone else.
      It can be even harder when the person we’re talking to has differing opinions on the social and political issues happening around us. Often we find ourselves talking at each other, against each other, or over each other, and not with each other. In these moments, we miss the chance to learn from people who challenge our assumptions; conversations that encourage us to reflect on our existing perceptions, create new ideas, and progress mentally. So, why do we have such a hard time having conversations that make us feel more connected, fulfilled, and ultimately, happier?
      It’s helpful to think of conversations as a microcosm of a relationship. There needs to be a give and take in the sense that both parties are teaching and learning, talking, and listening. And like a relationship, a good conversation creates an environment where both people feel respected and safe to voice their thoughts. This trust establishes a strong foundation for the conversation to build around. The good news is that most people want to connect on a deeper level. Here are a few tips to help you do just that.

      1. Start with curiosity
      Whether it’s with your friends, family, Bumble date, or Uber driver, every conversation is an invitation to learn something. Curiosity keeps us engaged in the conversation. Not only that, but we learn faster and remember more when we actually want to learn it. It’s pretty likely that the person you’re talking to knows something you don’t, whether it’s about an experience you’re having, a place you’ve always wanted to visit, or something they saw on the news. So if you don’t know something, ask. If someone mentions something you want to learn more about, ask. If someone has a different opinion than yours, ask questions to help you find out why. Curiosity pushes the conversation beyond surface-level small talk and helps us feel closer to the person with whom we’re speaking.

      2. Avoid self-fulfilling questions 
      We tend to ask questions that push our own expectations and bias onto others. When we ask, “Did that make you mad?” or “Were you happy?” we will likely get a “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, asking, “How did that make you feel?” invites the other person to steer the conversation without judgment and to answer without fear of criticism. 
      Wording questions more open-endedly also encourages the other person to process what they are experiencing and how they are feeling on a deeper level. You can expect to get more complex, surprising, and illuminating answers this way, which helps you better understand and can help the conversation go deeper than a “yes” or a “no.”

      3. Let go
      Not every thought that drifts into your head needs a mic. Sometimes, it’s better to let thoughts pass without saying them out loud. Don’t stop listening to or interrupt the other person because you want to make sure you don’t forget to share a clever comment or story. Make sure to let the other person fully finish speaking—and if what you wanted to say is no longer relevant or doesn’t contribute to pushing the conversation further, then let it go. 

      4. Practice empathy
      Empathy is the capacity to set aside your own biases and to understand someone else’s feelings based on that person’s own unique experiences, perspective, and frame of mind. In order to empathize, it’s important to acknowledge that we are all biased and that actively working to keep it in check is a lifelong commitment. When listening with empathy, you’re making an active decision to understand someone else’s opinions and values without criticism. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they are saying, but you are respecting their right to voice it and be heard.

      5. Remember: Their struggles are not your own
      If someone is talking about struggling with work, family, a relationship, or anything else, don’t use it as an opportunity to talk about that ex you broke up with five years ago. While it may seem like you are comforting someone by sharing your own semi-related story, this can make people feel overlooked and like you have made their struggle about you. Your experience is not the same—it is not about you. 
      If you have a habit of jumping in with your own story, next time, make a conscious effort to stay quiet until the other person is done talking, and take this time to truly listen. If at this point you still feel like you can shed some insight on their experience, let them know that you went through something similar and leave it up to them to decide if they want to hear your story.

      6. Be honest
      Speaking your own truth can be hard to do when the other person has differing values and opinions. However, being able to express your authentic opinions and, in turn, have them challenged is where a lot of the learning and growth happens in a deeper conversation. To speak candidly and respectfully, here are some things to keep in mind:

      Letting people know that you hear and understand their viewpoints helps assure them that you are coming from a place of honesty and respect.
      Don’t step onto a soapbox. Speak to people directly and not at them. A good conversation begins and ends on the same level. One opinion is not superior to the other, and the goal is to both grow and learn together. 
      Speak calmly and with purpose. Ask yourself what you are trying to say and what the best way to convey it might be. If you need to take a moment to think about this, pause. Silence during a conversation offers the space to reflect on what’s been said and taking the time to be authentic benefits everyone in the conversation. People want to know the real you so that they can show you their real self as well. 

      7. Be present
      It’s easy to let our minds wander during a conversation, whether it’s thinking about the million things on your to-do list or that snarky email your boss sent. Yet, if your mind is elsewhere, you won’t fully pay attention to the conversation. Remember that the other person’s time is just as valuable as yours, so give them your undivided attention. This means more than just tucking your phone away and keeping eye contact. To really listen is a practice in mindfulness:

      Don’t worry about what you’re going to say next. If you’re waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say what you’re thinking, you aren’t paying attention. Instead, focus on what they are trying to communicate to you and where they are coming from.
      React less and reflect more. It’s natural to have knee-jerk reactions to things people say. However, in order to fully understand what someone is saying, we need to give them the floor to explain—and sometimes figure out—their thoughts. So before you jump to a conclusion, reflect on why and how that person came to form their values and opinions. And if you don’t know, ask questions to help you understand.

      Conversations have the power to remind us that we are seen, heard, and valued. The way we listen and talk to one another can impact how we move forward as both individuals and a community. And when we are present and show up for each other, conversations will be what bring us together.

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      6 Hacks Healthy Women Use When Drinking Alcohol During the Holidays

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      It’s hard to think of this festive season without some holiday cheer (read: booze). Whether you’re hosting a Friendsgiving, coming as the plus one to your SO’s company holiday party, or making an obligatory appearance at Aunt Mary’s annual gathering, alcohol is often the common denominator. There’s no denying holidays are synonymous with a seemingly endless flow of libations and feasts complete with the usual suspects: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, apple pie, sugar cookies. But if you’re looking for hacks to enjoy your mulled wines and apple cider cocktails in moderation rather than going cold turkey ahead of Dry January, I’ve got good news: You can have your cake and eat it too. Read on for a how-to guide on drinking during the holidays—healthy women edition. 

      What is considered “healthy drinking?”
      When it comes to taking a healthy approach to drinking alcohol, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. We each have our own definition of a healthy amount and cut-off number, which varies depending on our biological sex, age, health, and body composition. It also doesn’t help that alcohol and health is a subject long disputed by wellness experts. While some studies promote the health benefits of alcohol like red wine, other studies and experts say no consumption of alcohol is healthy. 
      If you’re looking for a general rule of thumb, Christine Kingsley, an advanced practice registered nurse (APRN) at the Lung Institute, broke it down for us: “Practicing healthy drinking limits them to three or fewer regular alcoholic drinks per day.” (It’s also important to keep in mind that not all drinks are created equal: a true serving of alcohol is 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits (think: gin, vodka, whiskey), 5 ounces of wine, and 12 ounces of beer.)
      She also cited that less alcohol-digesting enzymes and more significant hormonal alterations due to menstruation and birth control contribute to our diminished ability to process alcohol, so mindful drinking is key. Bottom line: Always listen to your body. Is it giving you cues that you’ve had enough after knocking back two pomegranate mojitos? Instead of limiting or shaming yourself for what you do drink, know what your personal limits are and practice a mindfulness-based approach to drinking.
       

      Hacks healthy women use to sip smarter during the holidays:

      Keep the water coming 
      When it comes to H2O, healthy women don’t mess around, especially if they’re enjoying a drink. So the first order of business when you arrive at your holiday soiree? Start with a large glass of water and lemon before you start drinking to fill your stomach and prevent over-drinking à la Kingsley. Then, to nip dehydration in the bud, double-fist it, except make it your drink of choice and water. “It’s one of the oldest, but smartest tricks in the book: After every glass of alcohol, consume a glass of water,” said Kylene Bogden, a registered dietitian nutritionist and Co-Founder of FWDfuel. “This allows your body’s natural detoxification system enough time to properly filter, leading to more restful sleep that night and less of a hangover the next day.” Enough said. 

      Eat well-balanced meals before and after consuming alcohol 
      Before you pour yourself a tall one, avoid the all-too-familiar hangover by filling your stomach with nutritious foods. “Be sure to consume a protein-rich meal or snack, ideally before you take your first sip of alcohol or alongside the drink,” Bogden suggested. “This slows your body’s digestion of alcohol, therefore ensuring better blood sugar control and less intoxicating effects of alcohol.”
      Healthy women know that a light meal or bite here and there won’t cut it if you’re planning to bottom’s up! If you have a get-together in the evening, Bogden encouraged starting your day with a balanced breakfast and appropriate meals and snacks to follow. And PSA for those first-thing-in-the-morning coffee drinkers: Downing coffee on an empty stomach is a recipe for disaster for your cortisol, and adding alcohol to the mix without the proper fuel can harm your metabolic health. So nourish your body with good-for-you eats (AKA protein, whole grains, and healthy fats) before and while you drink.

      Reach for healthier options
      Plain and simple: Pass on the mixed drinks high in sugar that leave you with nothing more than a sugar-induced coma and hangover (looking at you, spiked eggnog). Instead, stick with a single, clear alcohol, like vodka, tequila, and gin. “The colors and flavors are the very things that make these drinks silent killers,” warned Kingsley. “Their characteristics motivate you to consume more, potentially resulting in over-drinking and dehydration.” 
      Another tried-and-true substitute to sugary cocktails? “Opt for wines. Red or white wine is a great alternative for alcohol during holiday gatherings because they take longer to drink and, therefore, promote moderate drinking,” Kingsley explained. “Wines can also offer health benefits through their antioxidant properties.” Or switch it up with non-alcoholic bevvies. From bubbly and spirits to beer and wine, take your pick of booze-free refreshments that pack in flavor without the undesirable side effects of alcohol, caffeine, added sugars, and artificial flavors. 
      I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this drinking trick healthy women always keep up their sleeves, thanks to Caitlin Carr, MS, a registered dietitian: Dilute your drink with carbonated or sparkling water and make it a spritzer, especially when the family bartender (AKA Dad) tends to have a heavy hand. You’ll get a boost of hydration with every sip. 

      Make a plan
      Whether it’s establishing a drink curfew, limit, accountability partner, or all of the above, have a plan of action before your festivity. Healthy women curb their alcohol intake 3-4 hours before bed, otherwise booze can disrupt their Zzzs (beauty rest is a non-negotiable, after all!). And they put realistic goals in place when setting their drink maximum. Maybe you nurse one nightcap all party long, take two swigs of a bevvy and call it a night, or sample a few festive drinks with friends—only you can determine what’s best for you. If you know you tend to overdo it when you’re in a celebratory mood, consider putting a buddy system in place. Check in with one another and monitor how much you and your drinking buddy are consuming—not just at one given party, but also over the days leading up to it. You can thank each other later. 

      Set boundaries
      Peer (or family) pressure is real, ladies. We all have that well-intentioned aunt who nudges us to have “just one more drink” with her at the Christmas family function. Or as soon as you arrive at the cookie swap, your hostess-with-the-mostest friend asks, “Can I get you a drink?” Be prepared with a response in mind, like “No, thank you. I’m done for the night,” or “I’m opting out tonight, but I appreciate the offer.” Healthy women know when to draw the line and say “no” because drinking should always be a choice and not an obligation. Being open and honest with your loved ones about your health goals can help clear the air and set the tone for future meet-ups. And if you’re invited to an event you know will be overflowing with alcohol, it’s OK to forgo it all together (JOMO, FTW). 
       
      Have supplements at the ready
      Throwing a few back with the support of some supplements can mean the difference between waking up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and facing the morning-after misery. “Start supporting your body’s natural filtration system (kidneys and liver) before you feel poorly,” Bogden advised. “In my practice, I recommend a B complex vitamin washed down with an electrolyte-rich beverage immediately after your last drink of the day and one serving of activated charcoal right before your head hits the pillow.” Other must-haves to add to your don’t-leave-home-without emergency drinking kit? N-acetyl cysteine (NAC) and milk thistle. Taking them prior to drinking, before bed, and the day after can enhance the liver’s function in metabolizing alcohol. Before adding said supplements to your routine, first check with your doctor or nutritionist. While there aren’t any guarantees to prevent a hangover (except for sobriety, of course), these natural remedies come pretty darn close.

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      I Replaced My Morning Coffee With This Viral Alternative—Here’s How It Went

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      My friends have always joked that they wouldn’t recognize me without a warm beverage in hand. Yes, I was that girl in the mid-2010s, perpetuating the “I studied abroad” cliché of taking pics in any and all Parisian cafés. However, I’ve never considered myself a coffee addict. I enjoy a warm drink in the morning, but don’t need the caffeine to stay awake. So while my life is punctuated by these coffee-adjacent rituals and routines and I enjoy the habits I’ve associated with it, I’m all for shaking things up. I’m on the hunt for a caffeine-free alternative that adds health benefits in addition to the coziness and warmth of my morning coffee. Especially as we near the coldest time of year, I’m in need of a few more bevvie options to stay cozy during the Chicago winter. Enter: MUD WTR.

      What is MUD/WTR?
      What’s in a name? Sure, MUD/WTR might check the on-trend boxes of including a backslash and dropping most of the vowels, but… mud? Turns out, there’s intention behind the moniker. A video posted on the brand’s YouTube channel shares some insights. In a post-Mad Men world, it’s clear that much of what we buy is influenced by a brand’s or product’s image. “Instead of playing the cute-name game, we decided it’s what’s on the inside that counts,” said MUD/WTR founder and CEO Shane Heath.
      As for what’s inside, every scoop of MUD/WTR contains a long list of superfoods. Cacao, masala chai, turmeric, cinnamon, and four types of mushrooms: chaga, cordyceps, reishi, and lion’s mane. With this buzzy blend of wellness-oriented ingredients, MUD/WTR claims to boost focus and energy during the day while ensuring sound sleep at night.
      As with most wellness products, there’s a financial barrier to entry. The Morning Ritual Starter Kit—which includes a 30-serving tin of mud, a frother, samples of the brand’s creamer, sweetener, and :rest (MUD/WTR’s evening elixir)—sets you back $40 a month. But if you compare one serving of MUD/WTR per day to a cup of coffee purchased outside of your home, there’s no comparison. We’re talking about $1.33 per cup of MUD/WTR versus whatever you pay at your local coffee shop. Before even thinking about replacing my beloved coffee, I needed to try it out. Read on for my ritual, whether or not I actually felt health benefits, and if it’s worth the hype. 

      My MUD/WTR ritual
      With new brands popping up on our social feeds every day, there are countless options for buzzy coffee alternatives. And I won’t lie—I’m mostly suspicious of any ad sent my way. But to prove the power of word of mouth, my sister had recently shared that she’d tried MUD/WTR and was obsessed. This is coming from a girl who’s an avid hiker, cross-country skier, half-marathon champ, and a hockey player. If there’s anyone whose wellness recommendations I’ll trust, it’s hers.
      As I said, she was obsessed—not only with how good she felt (she wakes up at 5 a.m. for morning runs with enviable energy), but how much she liked the taste. While she admitted that it tasted nothing like coffee, she did love the drink’s spicy-sweet flavor. Unlike me, my sister consumes coffee in abundance, drinking sometimes four cups a day. But in a matter of weeks, she’d completely kicked the habit and was all in on MUD/WTR.
      So when I had the opportunity to try MUD/WTR for myself, it was a hard yes. I maintained my reservations: Would it be worth the price? Would I feel focused and alert? Most importantly, would I like how it tastes? I gave my darling beans a temporary goodbye and dove in. This is how my week on MUD/WTR went.

      Day 1
      Wanting an easy transition into my experiment, I started my MUD/WTR ritual on a Saturday. I had low-key plans for the day: clean up around the house, grocery shop with my partner, catch up on my reading, and go for a long walk in the afternoon. So if I did end up missing the caffeine boost, no part of my day would suffer. I like to drink my coffee before breakfast, so I headed into the kitchen to make my MUD/WTR first thing. I dove into the kit’s guidebook for inspiration, following the recipe for a Mud Latte 2.0. A tablespoon of MUD/WTR, a tablespoon of the creamer sample (coconut milk and MCT oil), and a little steamed almond milk. Here’s how it’s done:

      Add 1 tbsp of mud to a mug
      Add 1 tbsp of creamer
      Add hot water and mix with the frother
      Top with steamed milk

      My initial thoughts: It sure looked like a latte, with a fluffy, frothy texture, and a few bubbles for good measure. While I knew it wouldn’t taste anything like my morning coffee, I was surprised to discover that the flavor was earthier than I anticipated. The website’s copy tells you to expect a flavor “like masala chai and hot coco had a baby. A really healthy baby.” I won’t lie—the “healthy” part came across the strongest. But as someone who’s come to enjoy a cup of of slightly sweetened cacao, I trusted this was something I could get used to.

      Day 2
      I had an epiphany: maybe my single cup of coffee is taking a toll on my sleep. Because readers, the previous night’s sleep was heavenly. I never have a hard time falling asleep and I tend to get a solid, uninterrupted snooze. But I woke up this morning feeling completely refreshed and restored. And as someone who can’t sleep in past 7 a.m., to get a solid nine hours and open my eyes at 8 a.m. was a dream come true.
      The guidebook contains six recipes, so this morning I opted for the Slightly Sweet Mud Latte. It was essentially what I had made the day prior, but I omitted the steamed milk and added a tablespoon of the brand’s sweetener to the mix. This was definitely better than yesterday’s drink because the sweetener-creamer combo masked the earthy flavor.

      Day 3
      I started the day with a 6 a.m. barre class, and afterward, I noticed my body felt strong while my entire being felt calm. Not tired, just calm. Sometimes after I work out (especially in the early morning), I feel a frantic kind of buzz move through my body, and the feeling can get exacerbated when combined with start-of-the-week work anxiety. But I got home feeling focused and clear-headed, ready to take on my work day.
      I got caught up with a few work tasks and didn’t make my mud until later in the morning. Relying on the trusty guidebook, I decided to make the Mud Shake—essentially a mud-infused almond butter banana shake. Spoiler: It was way more delicious than that description makes it sound. In a blender, mix together a tablespoon of mud, almond butter, a banana, and ice. The result is a smooth, slightly frothy, thick smoothie that I could definitely drink every morning.

      Day 4
      Similar to my experiment with Athletic Greens, it took a few days before I hit my stride. While I never have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, today I shot up not only feeling energized, but also motivated to make my way through my to-do list. By this point, I was feeling committed to my Mud Shake and blended up another. To round out my breakfast, I had a protein bar and a bowl of fruit. 
      My high-vibin’ energy continued all throughout the day. I typically experience a mid-afternoon slump and either grab something sugary or take a 10-minute walk. Today, I opted for the latter and didn’t crave my usual sweet snack (though I did make this pumpkin bread over the weekend and opted for a slice after dinner #balance).

      Day 5
      Another day, another early morning workout (my motivation and energy is at its peak!). This morning, I felt both grounded and energized as soon as I opened my eyes. Bonus: This was one of the best workouts of my life. I was able to bring intention to every movement and posture, connecting to my body in a way I hadn’t before.
      I mixed up my Mud Shake again in the morning, and in the evening post-dinner, I brewed a cup of the MUD/WTR Rest—the brand’s calm-inducing, caffeine-free blend. I added a little honey to sweeten it and was surprised to find that I liked the flavor a lot more than my plain morning mud. The rooibos gave a slightly caramel flavor, and though I’ve never enjoyed the taste of ashwagandha in the past, it was mostly covered up by the spicy cinnamon and turmeric blend. I didn’t even make it through two pages of my book before falling asleep at 9:30. 

      Day 6
      Curious to hear what my partner thought of the flavor, I blended a smoothie for him as well. Reporting back via text from his morning commute, he said that while he definitely wouldn’t be skipping his morning coffee again, he could see having this in the morning alongside it. 

      Day 7
      Throughout the week, I noticed that I woke up with more energy, and it stayed consistent throughout the day. Deciding to switch things up, I opted for an afternoon workout as opposed to my regular early morning class. Mud Shake, work, lunch, barre. I’ll admit, intentionally pulling myself out of my routine did trip me up a bit, and I left the studio feeling more depleted than usual (apparently there’s only so much experimenting you can do in a week). I’ll attribute feeling less than great to a change in routine, because I got back home and was able to wrap up my work tasks with ease. Helloooo, weekend!

      The takeaway
      Despite sleeping better and having clearer energy, this isn’t a routine that feels sustainable for me in the long run. While some reviews on the website say that they like the taste, I wouldn’t be able to consistently drink mud—and thus reap its health benefits—every day unless I made the Mud Shake. And as someone who thrives on routine but needs variety throughout her week, this just isn’t feasible. If you’re looking for a way to replace your daily coffee, MUD/WTR could be a good option. Just don’t expect it to taste like your morning cup of joe—it definitely doesn’t. But if you’re someone who enjoys an earthy, slightly bitter beverage, MUD/WTR just might work. 

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      The Simple (Yet Game-Changing) Practice That Could Transform Your Period

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      It’s day one of your period and–like clockwork–the bloating, cramps, and mood swings kick in. But gone are the days you’d suffer through said symptoms, just willing them to give you a break. We’re no longer accepting the narrative that we have to suffer, or that periods are inherently bad; instead, we know we can make dietary and lifestyle changes to balance your hormones, support your body’s natural cycles, and feel your best. So when cramps come on, you can sync to your cycle by loading up on protein and healthy fats and focusing on restorative, gentle movements throughout the day.
      But can we be doing more to support the body during our period, and help ease the pain and annoyances caused by it? Enter: mindfulness. We tap into the practice to help get us through the day-to-day, and it should be no different with our periods. To get the full picture, I looked to Tanya Ambrose and Emily Brown, experts for holistic period care line, rhythm. Read on for their tips on how to use mindfulness in each phase of your menstrual cycle to boost your ability to go with the flow (literally).

      Meet the expert
      Tanya Ambrose
      Public Health Expert and Doula
      Tanya Ambrose is a reproductive health specialist. She is also the founder and CEO of Scrub Life Cares, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting menstrual and reproductive health for women in underserved communities.

      Meet the expert
      Emily Brown
      Hormone Expert and Functional Nutritionist
      Emily Brown is an integrative and functional nutrition practitioner and epigenetic expert. She is also the founder of Genetic Garden.

      What does mindfulness have to do with your period?
      So you’re eating and working out according to each stage of your period, or maybe you’ve switched to cute period panties or given seed cycling a go. So why add another element to your monthly cycle? “Being more mindful of your menstruation is vital because your hormone levels change throughout your cycle,” Ambrose recommended. “Mindfulness is a way to honor your body’s needs during the different phases. Mindfulness practices such as meditation and breathing exercises help restore balance to your body, which will help alleviate pain and your mental attitude.” In other words, being aware of your body and everything you experience—the good, the bad, and the ugly—throughout your cycle gives you more agency over it.
      On the flip side, not being conscious of your body’s ever-changing needs (which can also change hourly, daily, yearly, BTW) can wreak havoc on your body: “When we are out of sync with our bodies, we might push it too hard physically, emotionally, and mentally, resulting in hormonal and biochemistry imbalances (hello, insomnia, constant irritability, and adrenal fatigue),” Brown explained. 
       

      How to incorporate mindfulness for each phase of the cycle:

      Menstrual phase
      Your hormones are at their lowest, which means your energy levels leave much to be desired and your bed never looked more enticing. Allow your brain to rest and reflect. However, you may notice communication between your feelings side and analytical side is at an all-time high. So listen and honor your intuition, go inward, and chill the F out. Practice meditation, nurture yourself, and pile on the self-care. 
      During this phase, work towards creating a journaling habit. Try jotting down something significant that has occurred in your life or documenting how you feel about specific areas in your life (think: relationships, career, mental health) and what you can do to improve them. Finally, list out and reflect on 3-5 things you’re grateful for. 

      Follicular phase
      You probably feel like a whole new person as your period ends and you start to get your energy back. Although progesterone and testosterone levels are very low, your hormones are signaling to your brain to provide an open door for new things, beginnings, and creativity. Ask yourself what you want out of life and get creative when setting your intentions. If you’ve been itching to try out a different workout or check out the hip, new restaurant that just opened up nearby, you couldn’t ask for a better time! Lose yourself in a book or pop in your AirPods to tune into an inspiring and motivating podcast.

      Ovulation phase
      Your brain’s verbal and social centers are highly stimulated. Translation: Explore your communication abilities (be open and honest), work on relationships with others, and ask yourself who you can reach out to that would benefit from a deeper connection, whether they’re part of your work or inner circle. Go out and socialize, but keep in mind that it’s important to be intentional about who you connect with during this phase. Consider spending time with those closest to you who bring out the best in you. And when you do link up with others, live in the moment.

      Luteal phase
      Welcome to the [insert your name] show. That’s right—this phase is all about you. Take care of yourself and do more of what feels right for you. Go ahead and binge-watch your favorite guilty pleasure show (Selling Sunset, anyone?), run a warm bath, read a book, or have a glass of wine, if that’s what speaks to you. Better yet, do them all! The key is to be consistent with loving yourself.
      Your brain is at its peak when it comes to handling tasks and being detail-oriented. Take advantage of this stage by completing tasks and other projects you’ve been working on. Be prepared to set firm boundaries and learn to say “no,” speak up more, and pour into yourself. And just as the uterus sheds its lining during the week of your period, it’s time to release anything that’s no longer serving you, whether it be a job, people, habits, or beliefs.

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