health and weelbeing

Subterms

    More stories

    • 188 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Your Postpartum Periods Might Be Heavier And More Irregular Than The Ones You Had Pre-Pregnancy

      by

      So you just had a baby, and life is pretty different and all about feeding schedules and new sleeping habits. Through all that new mama craziness (and joy!), you prooobably have a ton of questions about the weird body stuff happening to *you* in those first months, too. Example: WTF is going on with your postpartum periods?
      Your body will be adjusting back to not being pregnant for the first month or two after giving birth, and you’ll experience pretty consistent bleeding. But that’s not actually your period returning to its pre-baby schedule. The first period after pregnancy will likely take a couple of months to get back on track, though it varies from person to person, and on whether or not you’re breastfeeding. And in some cases it may be different than your periods were before pregnancy.
      Ahead, an ob-gyn explains everything you should know about postpartum bleeding, and what to expect from that first real period after pregnancy.
      The immediate bleeding after you have a baby isn’t actually your period, FYI.
      While it might feel like you’re having one long period (and using a *ton* of pads) after giving birth, the bleeding you experience is not actually your period. This post-birth bleeding, called lochia, is your uterus shedding all of the lining that was built up during pregnancy. “The blood, mucus, and discharge that makeup lochia can last up to six to eight weeks after birth,” explains Dr. Kameelah Phillips, an ob-gyn and founder of Calla Women’s Health.
      Lochia can ebb and flow (pun intended) during this postpartum period, Dr. Phillips says. It tends to start out red in colour, and then progress to pink, and then turns to a yellowish-white colour. After that progression, which typically takes a month and a half or two, you may notice your period returning, which will generally be back to bright red or the colour you’re used to seeing. Or, in other cases, it’ll take longer before you menstruate again.
      When your actual period returns may depend on breastfeeding.
      “The return of your menstrual period depends on the individual, and regularity of breastfeeding,” Dr. Phillips says. Sometimes, the longer you breastfeed, the longer it takes for your period to return to schedule. That’s because breastfeeding releases a hormone called prolactin, which can send a message to the brain to delay the hormonal process of ovulation (because you’re literally feeding a baby at the moment).
      “Lactational amenorrhea, which is the absence of the period due to breastfeeding, can last up to a year or longer, depending on the individual,” adds Dr. Phillips. Some people consider lactational amenorrhea a form of birth control (that is if your baby is under six months, doesn’t eat solid foods or formula at all, and you don’t start getting your period), but it’s *not* considered a secure method of preventing pregnancy.
      Other people will get their period back quicker, even if they do breastfeed. Your period doesn’t typically affect your milk supply, Dr. Phillips says (but, if you’re struggling with milk production or with feeding, it’s best to contact your ob-gyn, who can refer you to a lactation consultant). It does mean that as soon as your period returns, you can get pregnant; you’ll likely start ovulating regularly as soon as your period is back on schedule.
      When your first postpartum period does arrive, you can expect it to return to what it was like before you had your baby, though potentially a little heavier.
      Initially, your first postpartum period might be heavier, especially if you had a C-section, Dr. Phillips says. The uterus may still be shedding its lining from pregnancy, so there might be additional blood.
      There is not usually an increase in pain with your postpartum periods, though, Dr. Phillips says. The period of lochia discharge usually involves cramping, as your uterus is contracting and returning to its regular size. But often, your actual period, once it arrives, will be about the same in terms of pain, cramps, and PMS symptoms as it was before you gave birth (unfortunately for some people).
      In terms of regularity, you’ll most likely experience regular periods after birth, Dr. Phillips says, with a cycle of about 21 to 35 days in length (or whatever “regular” means for you). But this, too, can fluctuate based on breastfeeding; sometimes your period will stop and start a few times before getting back to normal. Your second period after birth will tend to be more like your pre-pregnancy periods in terms of flow and length, however.
      You can typically get back on birth control six to eight weeks post-delivery if you want to.
      Getting back to birth control really depends on you and what birth control you were on (or weren’t on) before getting pregnant. But it’s entirely possible that after lochia ends, you could bounce right back and get pregnant again within the first couple of months of giving birth — whether you plan to or not.
      If that’s not something you’re trying to do, talk with your ob-gyn about birth control options. “We typically start birth control six to eight weeks after delivery,” says Dr. Phillips, “but depending on the patient, we may initiate birth control immediately postpartum.” It’s entirely individualized to the patient — you have to decide what works for you, whether or not you want to use hormonal birth control, and how you’d like to space out births if you want more children.
      It’s important to have a thorough conversation with your health care provider about postpartum birth control, because it will affect your menstrual cycle and may change your bleeding patterns, too, Dr. Phillips adds.
      Ultimately, there’s a wide range of what’s considered “normal” for both postpartum bleeding and your first real periods after pregnancy.
      There’s usually no reason to worry if your periods don’t look or feel totally like what you were used to pre-baby. But if you experience any of the below symptoms, it’s a good idea to check in with your doc.
      Heavy bleeding. It’s common to experience heavier bleeding within the first couple of weeks after birth. However, if the heaviness continues beyond that six-to-eight week period, give your health care provider a call.
      Large clots. Passing clots is also normal, but if clots are accompanied by abnormally heavy bleeding and are larger than a walnut, it could be cause for concern, Dr. Phillips says. Pay attention to the heaviness of the blood as well as the size of the clots.
      Bleeding through multiple pads. You’re going to be using quite a few pads, both during the lochia period and once you start your period. But if you need two pads at a time post-birth (during lochia or once your period starts back up) and are still bleeding through them, talk to your doctor.
      Lightheadedness or fainting. If you’re feeling particularly weak, lightheaded, or experiencing fainting during the postpartum period, it might be due to the heavy bleeding. This could be a sign of anaemia, so check in with your ob-gyn to have a blood test.
      The bottom line: Most women start to menstruate again about a month and a half to two months postpartum, though it can vary and depend on breastfeeding. Your periods may initially be heavier and more irregular, too, but will likely return to what you experienced pre-pregnancy.
      This is article was originally published on www.womenshealthmag.com 

      READ MORE ON: Health Health Advice Menstruation Periods More

    • 138 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      11 Ways to Break Bad Habits That You Haven’t Tried Yet

      by

      Our brains are just like computers (or like the iPhone 11, for all the other millennials out there). All iPhones, and all people, have some “coding” that may not be beneficial. For iPhones and computers, this looks like a glitch in the system. For humans, this looks like bad habits. Luckily, we can rewire the brain to code a little differently and break bad habits, no matter how programmed they are into our routines.Breaking bad habits, like that caffeine addiction, constant scrolling through Instagram, staying up too late, complaining too much, or procrastinating at work, can not only make your life better, but will build confidence and form good habits. Read on for 11 ways to break out of negative routines that you probably haven’t tried yet:

      1. Keep track
      The first step in breaking a habit is increasing your awareness. Maybe you know that you mindlessly check Instagram throughout the day, but you’re not sure exactly how much you’re scrolling or when you’re reaching for your phone out of habit. Maybe you know you need to quit drinking soda but are not sure how many cans you’re sipping on throughout the day.
      Without judging, start keeping track of the bad habit. Try recording each can of soda you drink or have your phone track how many times you check Instagram every day. Plus, sometimes setting measurable goals can help make changes. When you know you hit the snooze button three times before getting up, you can set a goal to hit “snooze” only twice by the next week, and use baby steps to reach the final goal (AKA not hitting “snooze” at all). 

      2. Identify the trigger and then replace the habit
      To stop the habit, identify the trigger. For example, maybe you reach for a piece of candy every afternoon like clockwork. Is it a sweet tooth craving? Keep a stash of dark chocolate so you always have a better option on hand. Is it stress? Take a five-minute break and do something relaxing instead of eating the candy. Is it exhaustion? Take a walk around the block to get more energy. Get curious about why (and when) your bad habit is happening, so you can either avoid the trigger or replace the habit with something better for you. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      3. Trick yourself into changing habits “temporarily”
      There’s a reason going vegan for 22 days worked for Beyoncé; the program is based on the fact that it takes 21 days to form a habit. The key to this trickery is that you’re telling yourself that you only have to stop a bad habit (or keep up a good habit) for a certain amount of time. You’re not telling yourself to stop forever, and therefore, it feels much more doable than making drastic and lifelong changes. For a real-life example, mornings have notoriously been hard for me. A couple of years ago, I decided I wanted to get a better handle on my mornings and thought that making my bed would be a good place to start (it only took 24 years, but I finally became a real adult).
      I made a goal to make the bed for 21 days straight. Sure, I could’ve returned to my same slob-kebab ways after the few weeks were up, but by that point, making the bed was already a habit. Of course, the goal was always permanent change, but staying focused on a short-term accomplishment helped me keep the routine, while I was simultaneously building habits that were better than the sleeping-in-until-the-last-second-possible habit that I had going for me before. And if this strategy is good enough for Beyoncé, it’s good enough for me. 

      4. Leave reminders where you’ll see them
      Sometimes we keep up bad habits because they’re hard to break, and other times we keep up bad habits because we don’t to remember to stop. If you want to stop mindlessly scrolling on Instagram, make your iPhone wallpaper a note that reminds you not to open the ‘gram every time you reach for your phone out of habit. If you want to stop snacking (when you’re not even hungry), leave a sticky note on the fridge or pantry door to remind you to drink some water instead. Whether you need a subtle nudge or an obnoxious reminder (my habits typically require the latter), use phone alarms, sticky notes, or signs to ensure you can’t act on the bad habit without seeing the reminder. 

      Source: @ambrasbrice

      5. Get yourself an accountability buddy
      So you’ve heard that working out with a friend will get you to work out more often, or that planning to eat healthier with your significant other will make you more successful. But when it comes to any habit, we sometimes need more than just ourselves to be accountable. If you want to break your caffeine addiction, ask your work wife if she would be down to do the same, or at least help you limit your daily cups of coffee. Knowing she’ll check in with you or see you drinking another espresso during a Zoom meeting will help motivate you to go for green tea instead.
      PS, I speak from personal experience when I say there is nothing more motivating than knowing an entire social media following (no matter how big or small) knows you’re trying to break a habit. If there’s not one specific person you can ask to be your accountability buddy, post about your goals on social media, or text about it in your group chats. Just knowing other people are aware of your bad habit will help you break it. 

      6. Make unrelated good decisions
      “Confidence” is the ability to keep promises to yourself. Mind-blow, right? Whether or not that lesson shook your world like it did mine when I first heard it, we often keep up with bad habits because we’re not confident or proud in other areas of our lives. We think, I already skipped my workout today, so why not order a pizza for dinner?, or Since my day is ruined from staying up late and watching Netflix, I’ll work on my side hustle another day instead.
      These theoretical debacles may sound silly, but how many times have a couple of bad choices in your life snowballed into more bad choices? Making good choices (even unrelated to the bad habit) will not only make you feel proud of yourself, but will make you feel confident enough to overcome whatever bad habit is holding you back. Likewise, every time you replace any negative routine with a better action, you’re keeping promises you made to yourself, and therefore, building self-confidence. 

      7. Start fresh regularly
      When you skip a workout, binge bad foods, stay up too late, or scroll through Instagram too long, it doesn’t make you bad; it makes you human. Habits are harder to break when we expect perfection. Any slip-up or “bad day” doesn’t mean you failed or are back at the beginning; it’s a normal part of the habit-breaking process. Get rid of the all-or-nothing mindset that one slip-up erases the progress you made previously. Give yourself a clean slate every day, every hour, or even every minute if you need to remind yourself that one unhealthy choice doesn’t negate all the other healthy choices. Rather than focusing on the goal of breaking the bad habit, remind yourself that anytime you just do more of what’s good for you, you’re on the right track. 

      Source: @missalexlarosa

      8. Use visualization
      Breaking bad habits is not just a physical, action-oriented process. After all, a goal needs to be more than just words on paper or an idealistic outcome. You have to see it to make it mean something. If you’re working on bad spending habits, don’t just picture yourself without the money issues, but visualize how your life would be different with more money. With any habit, visualize how getting rid of the bad habit would change your life. Will you have more time to start your side hustle or more money to feel financially stable? Will you feel more well-rested and energized to be able to accomplish the big project at work, or will you feel happier with less stress and anxiety?
      Also, change your identity surrounding the bad habit. If you keep hitting snooze, maybe you think of yourself as lazy, or a night owl instead of a morning person. Instead, start telling yourself that you are a morning person and that you do wake up energized and active. To use one of my favorite quotes, visualize your best self, and then start showing up as her. 

      9. When you realize you’re making excuses, do more
      One of the most valuable pieces of advice that I received when it came to my mediation practice is that on the days where you find yourself saying, “I have no time to meditate today,” then meditate for twice as long. We makes excuses when there’s no immediate reward and wants to stay with what’s comfortable. So if you find yourself saying, “I’ve had a really stressful day and need this Diet Coke,” that’s when you really need to drink extra water instead. If you’re telling yourself not to work out because your favorite leggings are in the laundry, add an extra five minutes to your usual workout time. Excuses are just stopping you from breaking bad habits, so counteract the excuse with even more motivation.
      Quick side note: when trying to break a bad habit, excuses are more common than reasons (“It’s a stressful day, so I’ll stop drinking coffee tomorrow instead,” is an excuse). However, if you listen to your body and decide that it’s feeling too depleted to do an afternoon workout and a relaxing bath would be better for you, that’s a genuine reason, not an excuse. You won’t be able to instill good habits if you’re not intuitive with what your body wants and needs, so learn to decipher between reasons and excuses. 

      Source: @theyusufs

      10. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you
      You’ve probably heard the saying that you’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with (and yes, that includes your competitive coworker or judgmental frenemy). If you’re trying to eat healthier but your friends don’t know kale from spinach, or if you want to go to bed earlier but your roommate keeps telling you to stay up later to finish the second season of The Politician, breaking these habits are going to be tough.
      Your environment matters more than almost any other factor when it comes to habits, and the people in your life are what form the environment. Even if you can’t break up with the people who share your bad habit, spend more time with people who have habits you want to adopt. Ask the coworker who goes on morning runs to get a juice before work, or ask your sister what book she’s reading if she always reads before bed instead of watching TV. If your environment isn’t setting you up for success, reinvent it. 

      11. Remember the “why”
      Sure, we all have goals we want to accomplish, but we often focus on the surface-level goal, rather than the end goal. For example, you might say your goal is “to go to the gym more.” But why do you want to go to the gym more? Is it to feel stronger, live a long and healthy life, or feel more confident in yourself? Those are much more motivating goals than simply going to the gym. The same goes for habit-breaking too. Why do you want to stop drinking coffee, stress eating, or being late? Identify your reason and remind yourself of the end goal every time you’re tempted to fall back into old patterns. 

      What bad habits would you like to break? Which tips have helped you? More

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Mental Health Resources You Need To Know About During Lockdown

      by

      You might be struggling to make ends meet, scared of contracting COVID-19; you might have lost a loved one, lost a job, or are scared of losing your current job – whatever it is, it’s no secret that the effects of this pandemic have felt like a never-ending attack on our collective mental health.
      For some, the impact could feel mild and negligible, while for others, it could lead to an almost paralysing state of depression or anxiety. Moreover, it could also lead to increased feelings of loneliness, stress, negative emotional spirals, panic attacks, other forms of mental distress and could even lead to suicidal thoughts.
      While we don’t have easily available data on the pandemic’s impact on South Africans’ mental health, a new report by Old Mutual suggests that the number of people affected by mental health disorders has increased significantly over the last few years.

      Event Alert! Savings, Side Hustles And Career Building, with WH and Old Mutual
      GET FREE TICKETS

      They have paid out 59% more in psychiatric disorder claims since 2016, and their proportion of suicide claims has increased by 24% between 2018 and 2019.
      “Our overall experience with psychiatric disorders shows that most claims were for major depression,” Kerissa Naidoo, Old Mutual’s Chief Medical Officer, said in a statement.
      “Other psychiatric disorder claims are attributed to bipolar mood disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, depressive episodes, adjustment disorders, and stress.”
      READ MORE: How To Get More Comfortable Talking About Your Mental Health
      The group says that most claimants, 83%, were adults aged between 30 and 50 years old – prime working age. Interestingly, 70% of these claimants were women.
      As we’ve all retreated to working from and staying home, with little to no physical social interaction, one can only imagine how much more of an impact on mental health the last couple of months have had on South Africans.
      “Whilst our statistics reflect our experiences in 2019, we can be certain that the current global pandemic will only compound matters,” Naidoo continued.
      Feelings of depression and anxiety in lockdown and isolation can make it feel like there’s no one to reach out to, but that’s not true. As we’ve heard a million times over, we’re fortunate enough to live in the most digitised era in history. Amongst other things, this has opened unconventional, but effective, channels and avenues where one can access resources to work through mental health issues.
      Here are some resources you can make use of if you feel like you need to talk to someone:
      Speak to someone for free
      The South African Anxiety and Depression Group, which is the continent’s largest mental health support and advocacy group, offers free telephonic consultations with expert counsellors and psychologists as and when you need it.
      Reach them here: 0800 12 13 14
      Another free counselling resource is Adcock Ingram’s Depression and Anxiety Helpline. Sponsored by the said pharmaceutical manufacturer, this support line offers immediate help for people that are overwhelmed by depression, anxiety and other issues related to mental health.
      Reach them here: 0800 70 80 90
      If you’re not necessarily looking to speak to a professional but want to speak to someone who feels like a friend, there’s a free service for that called Befrienders South Africa. With this service, you don’t have to disclose your identity; it’s there to lend a listening ear.
      Reach them here: 051 444 5691 (national line) / 051 444 5000 (Bloemfontein line) / 041 922 0068 (Uitenhage line)
      For suicidal emergency, call the Cipla SADAG Mental Health Line: 0800 567 567
      Book a virtual consultation
      Before COVID-19 hit, virtual consultations with psychologists were only allowed where a relationship between the psychologist and patient already existed, but this has since been overturned by the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA). In April, the statutory body announced that due to COVID-19, first-time consultations could take place virtually.
      This is something worth taking advantage of RN. Ask around in your family/friendship circles if anyone has a psychologist they’d recommend, or look online and set up a virtual consultation. Alternatively, check out the BetterHelp website. This platform will help you find affordable online counselling with a licensed therapist.
      If you have COVID-19 specific concerns, Discovery and Vodacom recently partnered to launch a free virtual healthcare platform. The platform offers access to reliable information, risk screening and, when necessary, free online medical consultations. All you have to do is register on either the Discovery or Vodacom sites and follow the prompts.
      Find nearby help
      If you feel that your mental health has deteriorated to a point of no return and you want to access nearby help, visit the TherapyRoute website. This online resource will help you find nearby mental health services. This includes everything from psychologists and social workers to community clinics, NGOs and psychiatric hospitals.
      [WATCH] Women’s Health SA chats to experts about dealing with anxiety and mental health in an ever-changing world…

      [embedded content]

      READ MORE ON: Coronavirus Health Mental Health More

    • 100 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      5 Exercises to Strengthen Your Core at Home

      by

      Are you missing your typical workout routine as much as we are? We know it’s been months since you’ve gotten to clip into a bike at a spin studio, had a Body Pump instructor barking at you to squat lower, or blazed a trail on the treadmill. We’ve been stuck working out from home, which isn’t as exciting as exercising in a fancy gym or club-esque boutique studio, but the work itself remains important—especially when it comes to your core muscles. Your core is the epicenter of your body’s success, helping you with everything from stabilization to breathing.The best part of core exercises is that they can be executed without any added weight—your body alone can add resistance to crank up the intensity of the exercise and continue to challenge you. The number of core exercises and variations are seemingly endless, but let’s face it: the motivation to actually complete an ab workout solo or at the end of the rest of your workout can be low. These five exercises in particular are ideal; they’re going to attack all parts of your core, can be done from the comfort of your living room carpet, and will keep you from the mundane routine of crunching yourself into oblivion.

      [embedded content]
      Planks are the most classic core move there is, but despite its constant presence in ab routines and group fitness classes, it never gets easy. Starting out on your forearms, extend your legs back behind you and come onto your toes, making yourself flat as a board. Now, it’s time to hold for as long as you can, or to do sets of 30-second rounds. The challenge here comes from ensuring your butt is down and your back is flat. Plank intensity can be increased by raising a leg, an arm, or both to add some instability. This exercise not only has a ton of options for variation, including side planks or raised planks, but it works all the muscles in your core at once.

      [embedded content]
      Bird dogs will help strengthen the core through both contraction and balance. This move will help to train your whole core, and will help strengthen your lower back. Start out in a tabletop position on your hands and knees. Extend one arm out and at the same time, extend the opposite leg out. Then, bring both the extended arm and leg in underneath your stomach and squeeze. You can do a certain number of reps on one side and then switch sides, or do alternating reps. The element of balance comes in when the arm and leg are extended, and the other arm and leg are responsible for keeping you stable.

      [embedded content]
      You’ll be channeling your inner superhero with this one. Contrary to popular belief, your lower back muscles are a part of your core—it’s not just about the washboard stomach up front. Start out lying on your stomach, and to execute one rep, contract your arms and legs up off the floor. After holding for a second, you’ll drop back down. Supermans work as a good counter-exercise to all of the other abdominal work you’re doing.

      [embedded content]
      The tricky part about core work is that there are so many different muscles to train. Flutter kicks are an effective way to strengthen your lower abdominal muscles. Start out by lying on the floor and put your hands underneath your glutes or lower back. Next, raise your legs, shoulders, and head off the floor, and from there, you’ll begin to flutter your legs up and down, alternating which leg goes up while the other is coming down. This exercise can be done for time or for a number of reps. It’s important that you keep your legs, shoulders, and head raised off the ground the entire time. You may feel your neck and shoulders becoming tense, and if that’s the case, you can lower your head and shoulders to the floor and just focus on the leg motion. This won’t alter the results or benefit from the movement, but will help you to avoid injury. Once you become more comfortable with the movement itself, you can add back in the challenge of lifting your neck and shoulders off of the ground. 

      [embedded content]
      Russian twists will help to burn out the main part of your core, and also turn up the heat on your obliques. Start out on the ground in a seated position, and raise your feet up off the ground. Next, you’ll literally twist from side-to-side, touching the floor beside your legs while keeping your feet raised. To increase the intensity, you can lean back further with your upper body creating a more difficult angle. This exercise is plenty tough without weight, but adding a dumbbell, heavy book, or detergent bottle will give an extra challenge. More

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Being Pregnant During COVID-19: How I’m Staying Safe and Sane

      by

      I had big plans the last seven weeks of my second pregnancy—a huge birthday bash for my 2-year-old, a fancy Easter brunch for our little family of three, even a Pinterest-worthy list of activities to do with my firstborn before he became a big brother.Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
      At first, I wasn’t concerned. It felt like something happening far away, a global event that wouldn’t necessarily affect us in our little enclave in Northeast Florida.
      But that changed quickly. COVID-19 has become something that we’ve all had to face head-on, whether it be dealing with the stress of social distancing, having major events like weddings or birthday celebrations canceled, or worrying about an immunocompromised friend or relative. But being pregnant adds a whole new level of uncertainty.
      Here’s what I’m doing to stay safe and sane as a pregnant woman during the coronavirus outbreak.

      Taking Social Distancing Seriously
      While I love spending one-on-one time with my son, a big part of what keeps me sane as a work-from-home mom is largely dependent on my mom tribe. They’ve been there for me through bad days, stressful work situations, even silly fights with my husband. They’re my sounding board when I worry whether my son is hitting milestones as he should or if I need to take him to the pediatrician (again) for that rash.
      But when officials started encouraging social distancing, I knew I had to take it seriously. The research on how COVID-19 could affect pregnant women is slim, and the CDC says they still don’t know if it can be passed from an infected mother to her newborn. With that said, I knew staying away was what was best for me and my baby.
      Not being able to see my best friends every day has been rough. Postponing my son’s second birthday party was also heart-wrenching. Plus, entertaining my son on my own all day is hard. But I know it’s the right thing to do, not just for my specific situation but for the population as a whole.

      Source: @jyll_mackie via #sharetheeverymom

      Staying Informed—To a Point
      I’m a journalist, and it’s long been a habit to watch the news and stay informed. But the daily updates on COVID-19 are on a whole new level—towns on lockdown, restaurants, and bars closed across entire cities, even beloved celebrities testing positive. To be honest, it sometimes feels like we’re living in a George Orwell novel.
      With the news moving at such a breakneck pace, you could spend most of the day watching the coverage. But I’ve decided to only watch the news in the morning, during naptime, and at night. Any more than that and my anxiety starts to spike. Any less and I feel like I’m ill-informed.
      I’ve also stopped watching in front of my 2-year-old. While I’m not sure he really grasps what’s going on, I don’t want to inundate him with potentially frightening images or adult themes.

      Finding Stress Relief
      As someone nearing the end of her pregnancy, I realize that now more than ever it’s important for me to stay calm. Maternal stress has long been linked to preterm labor,  and the last thing I want to do (especially in the middle of a global epidemic) is to deliver early.
      So, I’ve decided to do everything I can to stay calm. I’ve completely finished the baby’s room, down to washing, folding, and putting away all the tiny clothes and hanging the art. I’ve cleaned out all our drawers and kitchen cabinets, put up new curtains, cleaned and organized long-neglected areas, and wrapped and assembled all my son’s birthday gifts. I’ve also made it a point to support several local small businesses (online, of course), while also squeezing in some time for binge-watching Netflix and reading two books I started ages ago.
      While your version of stress relief may look different than mine, I’ve found that checking things off my to-do list while stuck at home has gone a long way in reducing my stress level.

      Source: @thebeverlyadams

      Having a Backup Plan
      At my 32-week appointment, I asked my doctor about COVID-19 and how it might affect my delivery. She said to prepare myself to not have any visitors in the hospital apart from my husband. Immediately, the sweet visions I had in my head of my son meeting his little brother for the first time in a sunny hospital room, peering into the tiny bassinet at his tiny new brother tightly swaddled in a pink and blue striped blanket, went up in smoke. I wouldn’t get that.
      What she said shocked me then, but restrictions on visitors have become commonplace in recent weeks. I’ve decided to accept that I probably won’t get the birth I envisioned. And that’s OK. But I’ve also started preparing for less optimal situations.
      For example, what if there are too many cases of COVID-19 at our hospital and they can’t accommodate us? Our hospital recently had its first case, and I expect there will be more. Right now, I’m keeping an eye on the situation and researching other options, from delivering at other hospitals to a truncated hospital stay post-birth to yep, even home birth. And I’m not the only mom considering this option. Of course, talking to your own doctor is always the best course of action—they can provide advice and solutions directly relevant to your specific situation.
      The COVID-19 epidemic has affected us all, not just those of us expecting a baby in the coming months. I know there are people who are dealing with far worse situations than I am—those with immunocompromised children, those who still have to report to work and send their kids to daycare, and of course, those who have already contracted the infection or love someone who has.
      But being pregnant and on the cusp of giving birth right now is also really, really hard. Preparing backup plans and being mindful of my mindset is the best thing I can do for myself, and my family, at this time.

      This article originally ran on The Everymom More

    • 113 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Sex 101: How to Start Role-Playing With Your Partner

      by

      Undeniably, one of the best sex scenes in movie history is The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. Are you kidding me? 15-year-old me had a sexual awakening watching Bella and Edward get it on in the water, all to end up in bed. I mean, the scene when she wakes up to a completely broken bed, pillow feathers strewn about the room sounds like exactly what my sex dreams are made of (you know, with less Edward Cullen and more LaKeith Stanfield). And lest we forget the other best sex scene in human history: Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in Black Swan. You know, I claimed Black Swan as my favorite movie of all time for quite a while; somehow it only dawned on me a few years later that I just might be bisexual.But you know why movie sex scenes are just so absolutely sexy? It’s acting; there’s a sense of “these aren’t real people” to the whole thing. And you know what? Regular old folk like us can get that same feeling with just a little role-playing. 
      I’ll be completely honest: role-playing with your partner can feel really intimidating and, of course, totally weird and awkward if you’re new to it. But as most sexual things go, with practice and communication comes many orgasms! So here we go, a 101 guide to the best role-playing of your life. 

      Get your boundaries and safe words all laid out
      Before you and your partner become entirely different people for the night, talk over what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. It’s important to know what each of you is hoping to get out of the experience. For you, it might just be a fun, one-night-only thing. Your partner might want to add this to your usual rotation. Some people like to use role-playing to act out fantasies. Whatever you decide is amazing, just make sure it fits for both of you. As always, communication with your partner about sex is necessary here.
      You’ll also want to come up with any safe words if you’re practicing BDSM or anything similar. 

      How to decide what to role-play
      You absolutely can just come up with a character on the spot and go with it. But if you’re not an Oscar-winning actress just yet (maybe if I flesh out the cash for that Natalie Portman Masterclass, but I digress), it’s OK to take some time to figure it out and come up with it as you go. Of course, the easiest thing would be a different person. Maybe it’s your alter-ego. You don’t totally change your look, but you go by a different name and act a little different (for example, normally you’re more dominant in the bedroom, and instead you act a little more submissive). Pretend it’s your first date all over again. 
      On the other hand, you can also decide who to role-play based on your fantasies. What turns you on? Is it a student/teacher scenario? A nurse/patient? Two roommates? Make your decision on truly what turns you on, because it’ll just feel awkward and funny to you both if it’s not something you actually find sexy. 
      Will you add costumes? You certainly can! But to be fair, if your partner is of the male species, you might be able to get away with putting your hair in a different style and slapping on a smokey eye, and they’ll think it’s different enough. (If your partner is more observant, wigs are a very fun and inexpensive way to change things up!) If the scenario is a little more complex, think about getting into character. This might feel really awkward for your first time role-playing, so don’t be afraid to start small. Speaking of…

      Start small
      It’s OK if the first time you role-play doesn’t involve the sexy French maid costume of your dreams and a fully flushed-out script of everything you’ll say. It’s really easy and casual to start role-playing through text first. You and your partner can gauge how you enjoy it and feel about it without the pressure of “acting” in front of each other. 

      Don’t stress if you feel silly
      Role-playing can sorta feel like you’re back in high school musical theater if you’re not used to it, and that’s completely normal. It’s different and new, but it takes time to get used to being that way with your partner. Think of role-playing like a game, and of course, very few people are good at a game the first time they play.

      Change locations
      Obviously, we’re not heading out to our local hotel bar to reenact our first dates right now. Instead, change up the location of where you are. You can take a walk to the park and start your role-play there (finishing at home, of course). Or just change locations in your home. Get really into it and turn your kitchen island or dining table into a little bar set-up for the evening. You could pretend your home is a hotel. Get into the fun of it and let your imagination go. Sex is all about flexing your creative muscle.

      Some scenarios to try
      Classic power dynamics—boss/employee, teacher/student, guest/maid, nurse or doctor/patient, fitness instructor/student, landlord/tenant, etc. 
      Best friends
      Roommates
      Strangers
      Long-distance—try Skype/FaceTime sex even if you’re not in an LDR
      Massage therapist
      Food delivery (very peak COVID, am I right?) 
      Non-monogamy—one person remains themselves and the other is a stranger
      Photographer and model
      Don’t be afraid to really act
      It’s not weird to get into it; it’s your fantasy for crying out loud! Role-playing is about being someone else for a little and acting out all of your desires with your partner. It’s a fun way to try all those things you dream about without a ton of commitment. Try something and realize you don’t really enjoy it? Try something different! Role-playing is about trial and error, so don’t be surprised if you thought you’d love or hate something and it turns out to surprise you. That’s what sex is all about, really: tons of surprises! More

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Being the Shy Kid Can Make You an Awesome Adult

      by

      Being the shy kid can be hard. You may have wondered if you’d ever be able to start a conversation with ease or stand up in front of the class to talk without going bright red — but by the time adulthood hits, most of us have managed to leave our awkward years of conversational trip-ups and eating lunch alone behind us. Although being shy is rarely a sought-after quality, sometimes the least confident kids make the best adults. But being a shy child can shape you into someone pretty special. Here’s how:

      You’re fine with your own company
      Although those long lunch breaks spent alone might not have been much fun at the time, they can be good practice for adulthood. No matter how sociable you might be, there will always be situations where you find yourself alone. Perhaps you’ve moved to a new city or work in an unsociable office. Or perhaps you are simply finding that as you get older your friends are increasingly busy and your Friday nights are less booked up than they used to be.
      Having been a shy child means that you are likely to be comfortable with your own company. You can probably happily fill a free weekend with a good book or box set and won’t have a problem with eating out alone. 
      Being happy with your own company also means that you will be open to opportunities that more extroverted individuals might balk at. Traveling alone can be an incredible and affirming experience, and you probably wouldn’t think twice about going to the theatre or a gig by yourself if no one else wants a ticket. Being shy as a child sets you up to enjoy the things that you want to in life, regardless of whether anyone else wants to come along for the ride.

      You’re a good listener
      If you were ever the person who would rarely speak out in a group, then you’ve probably been practicing an important skill without even knowing it — being a good listener. Those days of nodding along whilst everyone else got to the chance to talk will mean that you’re in tune to the dynamics of conversation and are happy to sit back and give others the floor. 
      Although it’s also important that you now feel comfortable turning the conversation onto yourself every once in a while, being a good listener is still an incredibly valuable trait. Your friends will appreciate your ability to engage thoughtfully with what they have to say and will know that they can always come to you when they need someone to lend an ear.

      You appreciate your grown-up confidence
      Whilst others might take for granted being able to strike up a conversation or confidently command a room, you will remember how difficult this once was for you. Even if being the center of attention still makes you squirm, you will appreciate your abilities to flourish in certain situations. Perhaps meeting a new person or articulating your opinion might be much easier than it once was. Or perhaps you’re now able to happily host a party or present at a meeting. Whatever kind of confidence you’ve found in adulthood, you can be proud of how far you’ve come.

      You value your friendships
      Being shy as a child might have meant that your friendship circle was small or non-existent. Although this can be hard and have lasting impacts, it will also mean that the friendships that you are fortunate enough to have gained as an adult are especially valuable to you. If these friends are from your childhood, then this is particularly true, as you will know that they appreciated your shyness back then and love you for you.

      You’ve overcome a hurdle — and you know that you can overcome many more
      When you’re a shy child, the thought of being a confident adult can be hard to fathom. Participating in simple social interactions can be agonizing, and your shyness might feel like a vast obstacle to living your fullest life.
      If you’ve managed to gain confidence as an adult, then congratulations! You have overcome a significant hurdle and become the person that your shy self could only have dreamed of. Turn your knowledge into power and take this mindset forward into other areas of your life. If you can overcome your shyness, then you can overcome any other challenge that crosses your path. And that’s confidence far beyond being able to hold a good conversation.  More

    • 100 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      10 Things I Learned From My Immigrant Parents

      by

      Growing up, I really struggled with my identity. I was raised in a predominantly white suburb of Chicago as the child of Chinese immigrants, and was always left with a sense that I was different from my peers. When I started preschool, I couldn’t even fully understand English, and I was terrified. I became aware of how I couldn’t effectively communicate with others, and as I got older and tried to find myself, the struggle morphed into multiple identity crises involving my appearance, my beliefs, my struggle with learning two languages, my social life, and even the food I eat. How do you navigate assimilation without losing connection to your former culture?Throughout all this, my parents have always been there for me. They are my rocks; my solid ground to stand on and lean on for support. As I’ve gotten older and reflected on my experiences, I’ve come to realize how much my family has shaped me. They have taught me—through their words, actions, and personal experiences—some very important life lessons that I will hold onto and hopefully pass along to my own children. 
      I would say the way I’ve been raised is interesting. While it has many things in common with other immigrant children’s upbringing, parenting is extremely personal. As an adult, I now see the choices and sacrifices my parents have made for the benefit of their kids. I am extremely grateful for the foresight and self-awareness my parents have that helped me to become who I am today.
      Here are 10 lessons I’ve learned from my parents. 

      1. Hustle hard
      Moving to a completely new country halfway across the world is hard—like, really hard. My dad was determined to make a better life for himself and his family, so he busted his ass to do so, taking test after test and applying to graduate schools in the United States until he finally got accepted. That was his ticket to success. but the hard work didn’t stop there. He continued to work tirelessly, providing for our family of four, doing his best so that we could live comfortably. He’s shown me the value of working hard for what you want in order to accomplish your dreams. It takes guts and it takes perseverance. Some of my biggest fears in life are failure and rejection; it’s what stops me from making more daring decisions. But when I’m reminded of my family, I am able to reach inside of me and emulate their strength, finding myself reaching higher and higher, taking steps to achieve my dreams.

      2. Being strong in the face of adversity
      My parents experienced many atrocities throughout their childhoods and faced many difficult situations. They both grew up during a time of civil unrest and survived a food shortage, essentially living in poverty. They didn’t even have consistent access to electricity until they were out of college. That seems worlds away from the life in which I was raised, but never once have I ever heard my parents speak of their past with even a hint of bitterness. They keep their chins up and soldier on, looking forward to the future, no matter what. I see true strength in them and they never fail to remind me that people are capable of so much, and we can always work toward overcoming our struggles.

      3. Health should always come first
      The topic of health is a constant point of conversation in our household. My parents have drilled into my head that health comes before all else. It’s very difficult to take proper care of our business or others if we don’t take care of ourselves—it makes it so much easier to become overwhelmed. My mom always uses the analogy that our bodies are like batteries that need charging. If you’re depleted of all energy, how can you accomplish anything? If we’re able, then we should take diligent care of ourselves through cleanliness, proper nutrition, exercise, and sleep (though I am definitely terrible at that last one, sorry mom!). Through this constant reminder, I’ve come to better understand the value of this and see the truth behind it. We all wear many hats and I definitely think I am a better person all around when I take care of myself. It’s easier to be present and be a good daughter, friend, sister, student, and person overall.

      4. Never stop learning
      Something I learned very early on from my parents is that “brains are like sponges.” We are constantly learning things and we should never stop trying to. Knowledge is power, and no matter how old we get or what challenges we face, we can always gain something—an insight, a new idea, more understanding. They encouraged my curiosity, encouraging me to seek out the answers I wanted. My dad always gets so excited when I teach him something new, like a recipe or an interesting fun fact about a topic he doesn’t usually think about. I associate curiosity and the desire to learn with simply having enthusiasm for life.

      5. Love can appear in many different forms
      One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from my parents and through our culture is how everyone may show love differently. In some Eastern cultures, it is more typical that we show love through our actions rather than our words. My mom happily helping me with laundry or cooking food for me was an act of love, not just an act of obligation or devotion. But from living in the United States for so long, my parents have, over time, learned how to become more communicative as well. They’ve gotten much better about verbalizing how they feel and I love seeing how they change and grow as people. That desire to connect with their kids through their words showed their love as well. They wanted to bond with us and express their love in a way that their Westernized children could better understand. It shows that people all show love and affection in different ways—both culturally and individually.

      6. Always choose kindness
      My parents are two of the kindest, most generous people that I have ever known. They’re always quick to offer a helping hand or go out of their way to assist someone in need, and they never do anything with the expectation of having those favors be returned—they do it just because they’re good people. They have shown me that it doesn’t matter your background, your socioeconomic status, whether you’ve had a bad day or not—you can always choose to be kind. It’s taught me to always seek out the silver lining of every single situation, even when there doesn’t appear to be one at first. They have always emphasized that it’s important to put positivity out into the world and treat people well. In this sense, it’s kind of like good karma. When I make the effort to be positive in my thoughts, attitude, and behavior, I tend to receive it back in the form of kindness from others and opportunities and it becomes a positive loop. Plus, you never know what someone else is going through and it’s always worth it to try to make someone’s day.

      7. Frugality
      Of course, living a life of hardship leaves its marks on a person. Like many other immigrants, my family was very frugal. A sort of survival instinct was deeply embedded in their daily lives and habits. There wasn’t enough food to go around for a while, so they had to learn how to ration and share. New clothing was a luxury and a rarity, so learning to mend fabric was a necessity. Stocking up on supplies when they were available and affordable was a means of survival. Though we now live comfortably and don’t need to keep up some of these habits for survival, old habits die hard, and they’ve passed on some of these instincts to me. I find myself doing things like avoiding too much food waste, using supplies like paper towels and soap sparingly, and watching my water usage. Though it’s not entirely necessary, learning the skill of frugality has been helpful to me. I’ve learned to balance my spending between necessities and “wants,” and it even helps me be prepared in case something like an emergency happens.

      8. Choose your friends carefully
      My mother was always extremely adamant that I be careful about who I befriended. The people you are closest to most affect your development, personality, and behavior. She’d had her fair share of critics when it came to her choices over how she’s led her life and her actions. She’s been criticized for how she tried to raise her kids in a more moderate way, allowing us to become more Westernized, and how she gave up her career to move to another country, amongst other things. And honestly, who needs that kind of negative energy? We all deserve to be surrounded by those who love and support us.
       
      9. How to bridge differences
      Obviously, growing up in a household trying to merge and navigate two different cultures can be difficult. At times it’s both frustrating and messy not being able to see eye-to-eye on things, or not even be able to totally understand each other due to language barriers. Throughout the years, we’ve had to practice lots of patience with each other and try to keep an open mind. As I’ve grown into myself, it’s become more and more apparent that many of our opinions differ drastically. Being able to hold conversations about contentious topics we don’t agree on can be very aggravating and emotional. We’ve gradually learned how to express those opinions without stepping on each others’ toes too much, and I think this lesson has greatly aided me in my life in general. I love being able to talk to people who don’t necessarily agree with me and being able to have a constructive conversation about our opinions without offending each other.

      10. Food goes beyond simple nutrition
      Eastern medicine was a major part of my upbringing. Every time something was physically wrong with me, my parents tried to fix it with some concoction of herbs. Honestly, sometimes it seems like mumbo-jumbo, and to many people it probably is, but I’ve grown to accept and respect it more and am quite fascinated by it. Some have become more interested in traditional Chinese medicine, and there have been more efforts to research it. It goes back thousands of years—and hey, I’m an avid tea drinker anyway. What’s the harm in drinking some tea that’s supposedly good for me? It’s taught me that some of the foods we already consume can be used to purposely fuel and heal ourselves. For example, garlic has antimicrobial properties and chrysanthemum may help to decrease inflammation. I was raised to believe we can use food to heal ourselves from the inside out, and I think that’s kind of magical. Because of this, I’m very conscious of what types of foods I consume and pay very close attention to how it affects me. My mother has given me some herbal teas, and truthfully, whenever I feel a cold coming on, I always reach for them just in case. Maybe it’s a placebo or maybe it actually helps, but I usually end up feeling better, and that’s just fine with me.
       
      What types of lessons have you learned from your family? More