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      in health and weelbeing

      10 Things to Do This Week for a Healthier Relationship

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      Many people spend so much time looking for that “spark” or feel like it’s Happily Ever After once they’ve found The One, that they forget a relationship doesn’t just sustain itself; it needs work, like any worthwhile achievement in your life. If the word “work” is enough to get you sweating RN, don’t panic. The good thing about relationship work is that it should be enjoyable, fulfilling, and worthwhile when you’re with the right person. Since we’re all busy, stressed, anxious, and probably can’t think beyond seven days from now (nope, just me?), here are 10 simple things you can do today to have a healthier relationship by the end of the week: 
      1. Do one thing you did when you were first dating
      There’s a lot of perks to a brand new relationship: butterflies, long conversations getting to know each other, can’t-keep-hands-off-each-other chemistry. And then there are the perks of a long-term relationship: feeling comfortable and secure, always having a plus-one, and never having to shave your legs. What if I told you that you could bring back some pros of the beginning of your relationship? Think back on the routines you and your partner had at the beginning. Maybe you gave more compliments, dressed up to impress them, or went on more creative dates than takeout and Disney+. This week, try to bring back at least one of those rituals, jokes, or dates to spark the long conversations, butterflies, and chemistry you had at the beginning. 

      Source: @taylranne

      2. Talk about money
      It is probably the most unromantic topic, but relationship experts agree that money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. Normalizing the money talk and getting on the same page early on can not only prevent finances from becoming an issue in the future, but it can also strengthen your trust and intimacy. While it may not be something you look forward to, schedule a time to go through and pay bills together or have a conversation about saving up for a house or dividing up pet expenses. If you’re in a newer relationship and don’t have any shared responsibilities or finances, you can still have the money talk by chatting about your individual money goals and spending habits. 

      3. Ask “how was your day?” every day
      One of the simplest and most important things you could do to improve your relationship is to ask your partner, “how was your day?” and actually care about the answer, rather than letting the question become routine. Perfect the art of conversation: know how to make your partner feel heard, ask follow-up questions instead of just listening to what they have to say, and share your opinions or thoughts (only) once they’re done sharing with you. When your partner feels like you care about more than you have to and want to be a part of everything they do, it subconsciously creates a new level of teamwork, love, and intimacy. 

      4. Practice giving (and receiving) constructive criticism
      If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should both feel safe and accepted. And if you feel safe and accepted, it’s probably easier for you to receive constructive criticism than in other friendships or familial relationships. The point of constructive criticism is that you’re working as a team and covering each other’s blind spots to become your best relationship and best selves. It’s the cliché that two heads are better than one, and giving supportive input builds trust, care, and teamwork.
      Give your partner a suggestion on how they can improve their work presentation, or let them know they should call their sister more often. Likewise, ask them how you can improve a project at work or how they would handle a situation with a friend differently. What’s not OK? Criticizing what your partner cannot change, like their personality traits or needs. If you’re worried about constructive criticism (or it turns into an argument), either you’re going about it more critical than constructive, or your relationship might need some more growth. 

      Source: @babybaileymamadrama

      5. Schedule sex
      Yes, really. While many people think that scheduling sex takes the spark away and turns it into a chore, if you’ve ever been in an LTR, you know that spontaneous sex just doesn’t happen with a busy schedule, putting kids to bed, or working late every night. And even if it does, it still feels like a chore (let’s hurry up, we’re waking up in five hours!). Just as you schedule workouts and meetings, scheduling sex is another way to stay connected and prioritize intimacy. Plus, it ups the anticipation when you know it’s coming, and you might even want to “remind” your partner throughout the day for some bonus romance points (not my fault if they have a hard time concentrating at work!). 

      6. Look at arguments as if you’re a third party
      The OG love life hack, called “The Marriage Hack,” became a viral sensation for a reason. Essentially, the fancy term means viewing conflicts and disagreements through the eyes of a third party who wants the best for all involved and realizing the obstacles each person faces when trying to think from a different perspective. This method lessens the emotions of a situation by reframing it in a way that allows you to not only understand your partner, but how to solve the problem. It’s like DIY couples therapy! Whether you’re in a marriage or a brand new relationship, the Marriage Hack can help reframe how you communicate and resolve arguments. 

      7. Read together
      You know that final scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant is reading a very intelligent-looking novel on a park bench while a gorgeously pregnant Julia Roberts lays on his lap and watches kids play (oh yeah, and they’re holding hands)? It’s rom-com gold, yes, but it’s also a scene I think about often. Even though they were spending time together, they must have had such interesting things to talk about afterward: what Hugh read about or what Julia saw while watching kids play. Whether you read the same book separately or read at the same time to “spend time together without actually spending time together,” à la Hugh and Julia, reading stimulates meaningful conversation and a deeper bond.
      Especially if you’ve been quarantined together with nothing to talk about except for which Netflix show to watch next, the novel you’ve been dying to read or your partner’s favorite book from college will form a closer connection and create exciting conversation. Bonus: it’s way easier to get the book club together when it’s just you and your significant other.

      Source: @missenocha

      8. Have a check-in
      While it may sound cheesy, couples who have regular check-ins are typically more in-tune and better at communicating. Think about it: you have a check-up with your doctor to keep your body healthy, so you need a check-in with your significant other to keep your relationship healthy. Schedule a time where you’re both free from work or the kids are occupied, and check in with how the other is feeling with different aspects of the relationship. Cover topics like workload and housework (and whether or not you feel like they’re being equally shared), if you’re satisfied with how the other one is expressing love languages, and one thing the other person can do this week to make you feel more loved in your relationship or happy in your life. 

      9. Apologize before you “need” to
      I have a lot of personal problems with the classic romance film, Love Story, #1 being that no, love does not mean never having to say you’re sorry. Love means saying you’re sorry a lot because you care about your loved one’s feelings more than you care about being right. FYI, apologizing whole-heartedly means acknowledging the other person’s feelings, taking ownership, and then offering a solution to ensure you’ll never do it again (yes, I do remind my boyfriend quite often that this is what an apology is supposed to look like). To make your relationship healthier by the end of the week (it’s that effective!), apologize whole-heartedly before you even need to, meaning before your partner is looking for an apology.
      Think of ways you recently could have been a better partner but fell short. Say, “I’m sorry I haven’t done my fair share of the chores this week,” or “I’m sorry I haven’t been a good listener lately.” Even if your significant other has not acknowledged it, let them know that you’re prioritizing their feelings without them asking. Bringing “I’m sorry” into more than just arguments will strengthen your bond because not only will you start noticing what your significant other needs before they have to ask (or fight), but it will allow your partner to feel seen, appreciated, and cared for. 

      10. Celebrate something
      Even if there’s not an anniversary or birthday coming up, your relationship deserves a good celebration (2020 is almost over–need I say more?). Relationships can feel mundane when you’re going through everyday routines without stopping to acknowledge where you are or how far you have come. Take some time this week to celebrate a work promotion, a monthiversary like you used to do back in the day (double points for #1), or just to celebrate your lives together. No matter your reason, popping some champagne, cooking your favorite meal, or making a normal night feel special will help you feel gratitude for the person you get to celebrate life with. Cheers! 

      What do you do to keep your relationship healthy? More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Stressed? Try These 10 Simple Things

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      In 2020, it seems like the #1 factor we all have in common is stress. Especially as women, we’re always doing it all (whatever “it all” means): making time for loved ones, working full-time jobs, creating side hustles, and helping those in need while we’re at it. Throw in a terrifying election, global pandemic, and the upcoming holiday season, and chronic stress feels more like normalcy.Even though mandatory isolation might have made you feel otherwise, you are not alone. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or utilizing online resources (some of our favorites are Talkspace, BetterHelp, and Therapy for Black Girls), you can take action to lower stress levels. In the meantime, here are 10 simple ways you can feel OK right now, even if nothing else does.

      1. Be mindful about your mornings
      Waking up in itself is a stressful experience. Even if you don’t have the snooze-twice-while-getting-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn routine and actually wake up well-rested, our minds go straight to all the things we need to accomplish that day. Put off the mental to-do lists with a stress-relieving morning routine as a non-negotiable way to start your day. Don’t check your phone or email until you’ve gone through a skincare routine, meditation, gratitude journaling, or at least brewing a cup of coffee, and fill the 30 minutes after you wake up with rituals and routines that you’ll look forward to.
      If you don’t have the time or luxury to fit in 30 minutes of you-time (because of an early start-time or kids that wake you up), even just spending one minute lying in bed and telling yourself it’s going to be a good day can help. Bottom line: be mindful about your mornings, and the rest of the day will feel more manageable as well. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      2. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks in your day
      Even if you feel energized, calm, and motivated until that afternoon slump, we often don’t realize the stress that accumulates starting first thing the morning. To keep stress from building up, schedule one-minute breaks throughout the day. Whether it’s on the hour, every 20 minutes, or after each important task you complete on your to-do list, just taking 60 seconds to close your eyes and take deep breaths can be enough to let go of the stress and tension that piles up throughout your day. Better yet, visualize the stress leaving your body, relax your shoulders (and other tension areas), or repeat a mantra while taking your one-minute break.  

      3. Light a candle
      That’s right: your stock of pumpkin spice candles is not only good for girls’ nights in. Diffusing essential oils or burning a candle will invigorate your senses, and anything that sparks your senses can help keep your mind more grounded and connected to your body. Plus, according to aromatherapy, scents like rosemary, lavender, peppermint, ylang-ylang, and lemon can help with stress relief, so look for one of these scents in essential oil form to diffuse or smell from the bottle for instant relaxation, or find candles with notes of lavender or peppermint to light throughout the day. 

      Source: @citychicdecor

      4. Make a list of the top 10 sources of stress
      Many people avoid facing their stress, or sweep it under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause high-stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. Spend a few minutes identifying and writing down the top 10 sources of stress in your life. Once you know where your stress is coming from, you’ll be able to find solutions. You can even go so far as to take your #1 stressor and come up with five things you can do right now that can minimize it (and then do them). If you find that some of your stressors aren’t solvable, you can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Even accepting life circumstances as they are can help ease stress, even if you cannot necessarily fix them. 

      5. Take a walk
      Being active and exercising has been shown to significantly reduce stress, and the easiest way to be more active throughout the day is to go on more walks. Looks like your Fitbit was onto something: getting in your steps has many physical and mental health benefits. Plus, it’s not only good for your stress levels, but it’s enjoyable and easy to fit into a busy schedule (so another thing on your to-do list won’t cause you more stress). Whether you schedule a walk on your lunch break or walk around the block whenever you start to feel stress levels rise, cue up a podcast, grab a warm jacket, and get outside for an instant stress-reliever. 

      6. Drink less coffee (or switch to decaf)
      Your morning cup of coffee might be a non-negotiable for feeling like a normal human before 9am, or an afternoon latte might help you push through that slump, but bad news: it might also be affecting your stress. Everyone has varying thresholds for how much caffeine they can tolerate, so while coffee is beneficial for some people,  it can increase stress and anxiety for others by stimulating the fight-or-flight hormone associated with increased energy. If you notice that caffeine makes you jittery or anxious, consider cutting back or sticking with decaf. If you’re not sure because coffee is such a daily ritual, try going a day or two without any caffeine to see if you notice any difference in stress levels. 

      Source: @demidiamandis

      7. Meditation
      I feel like the word “meditation” is so overused in the wellness space that it has become the all-encompassing go-to for any ailment or wellness woe. But just because you may hear about it everywhere doesn’t mean you should disregard it. Deepak Chopra, MD often talks about “equanimity,” or the ability to stay calm in chaos. It’s basically a fancy way of saying stress levels stay low, even when the exterior factors are stressful (like a busy work week, terrifying election, or a global pandemic).
      The goal of meditation is, in fact, to find peace, even in stressful situations. Just because a lot is going on externally does not mean it has to affect our internal state. Meditation gives us the tools to do this because it helps us act with intention, rather than impulse. Whether it’s in the morning, at night, or during the day, start up a meditation practice so stressful situations don’t affect your personal stress. 

      8. Say “no” when you mean “no”
      Sure, not all stressors are under your control, but many are. Reassess where you’re dealing with avoidable stressors. For example, have you helped a coworker finish their project and are therefore pushed on time to complete your to-do list? Good for you for being a selfless employee, but you’re not helping the company if you’re spreading yourself too thin. Tell the coworker what time works best for you, rather than dropping everything for the time that works for them, or say you’re pressed for time and suggest another coworker or intern that would have more time. That also goes for babysitting your neighbor’s cat while they’re away or making plans with friends when you really want a night at home. Learn to say “no” when you mean “no,” and cut out unnecessary tasks from your to-do list.

      Source: @taylranne

      9. At bedtime, think of all the things that went right that day
      Our minds are good at focusing on what we didn’t accomplish, what went wrong during the day, or what we have to get done tomorrow. While that’s great for keeping your work schedule organized, it’s awful for stress and anxiety (and often prevents us from getting a good night’s sleep). Counteract the thought process that most of us have before bed by making a mental list of all the things that went right that day. Maybe you accomplished a difficult task, finally finished the project that’s been taking you forever, or got a compliment from your boss. Or maybe you just got through the day, and that’s an accomplishment enough. Bottom line, take time before you fall asleep to make a mental list of all the things that went right that day, rather than focusing on what went wrong or what you have to do tomorrow. 

      10. Take physical action
      We’re about to get technical here: the “Cognitive-Behavioral Triangle” is a very easy-to-understand diagram, with thoughts, emotions, and behavior at each of the points. The diagram demonstrates that each point of the triangle connects to all the other points (you took elementary geometry, right?). How we think affects how we feel and what we do, but this pattern can work in reverse too. That means that certain actions will affect thoughts and feelings.
      Breathing techniques or relaxing the shoulders are physical actions that signal to the brain that everything is fine. Sometimes, the mind can be hard to control (when I’m really stressed, I cannot always reason myself out of it), but one point of the triangle will affect the others. If you find your stress is hard to control or reason out of, start with physical actions. Try breathing techniques, improving your posture, exercise, or yoga poses. 

      What simple things do you go-to when you’re stressed? More

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      in beauty and fashion

      How My Hair Shaped My Identity

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      One of my favorite things about my look is my pixie cut. If you asked me to describe it, I would say: short, edgy, and professional. As a disabled woman, it’s effortless and time-effective. I have the advantage of waking up and not having to brush my hair if my bedhead isn’t too visible. Some days I add a little style, but I love having a hairstyle where it’s easy to manage. My ultimate hair goal, however, is to shave my head and have a buzzcut. Jazzmyne Jay, a BuzzFeed content creator, is my inspiration; she’s given me the courage to experiment with fashion. I’ve wanted to do it for a while; I’ve just been waiting for the right time.
      Honestly, I’ve been waiting for an accepting work environment. I want to work in an environment where diversity is valued, where there is an open-mindedness to individuals who have disabilities and endure mental illness, and where there are strong core values and beliefs; where these things are instilled in the company. In the past few years, I’ve been trying to live intentionally. I’ve always been authentic in who I am, but I’ve tried to be more intentional these last few years with everything that I’ve been through. It’s hard to go into spaces where you are accepted, however, you feel that you still have to hold back a part of your identity, or when you have to hide your entire identity because you are not sure of the reaction, especially in this political climate where you’re often discriminated against for being LGBTQ+. 

      In the past few years, I’ve been trying to live intentionally. I’ve always been authentic in who I am, but I’ve tried to be more intentional these last few years with everything that I’ve been through.

      Chopping off all your hair is a way for you to start afresh and emerge a new person. I feel rejuvenated and on lighter feet after every cut. My hair wasn’t weighing me down anymore. Look at it this way: it’s like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Each haircut is as if I’m escaping from all of the anxiety and the depression that has happened since the last haircut to start a new season.
      Society pushes many stereotypes about the short-haired woman: she’s damaged, she’s aggressive, she’s manly, she must be a lesbian. As a society, we attach so many parts of a person’s identity to their hair: their sexuality, history, gender, and even personality, and when women have short hair, people tend to think of that as almost being political. She’s making a statement. Long hair is depicted as feminine and beautiful, whereas short hair is not. 

      Look at it this way: it’s like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Each haircut is as if I’m escaping from all of the anxiety and the depression that has happened since the last haircut to start a new season.

      As an individual with a disability (I have cerebral palsy and hemiplegia), I do not have the use of my right arm. Because of this, I have difficulty styling my hair, and what began as a move for more independence became a move for self-expression. I had long hair up until college, when I started getting pixie cuts. In high school, I’d had to ask my family to help me style my hair (ponytails, braids, etc.). On my own, I could get at best pin the bangs out of my face. Disabled women’s hair is just seen as yet another inconvenience in terms of independence, and at times we aren’t even given a choice around our hair length and style.
      When I attempted to pull my hair into a ponytail by myself, I ultimately failed. I had to deal with loose long hair in all weather and environments. I loved my long hair, and it was beautiful, but it was a source of inconvenience and discomfort. I’m never going to fit into a box. I’m never going to fit under a label; I’m never going to be anything anybody wants me to be, I’m always evolving. I’m all about breaking boundaries. Breaking barriers, breaking labels, and allowing myself to be free.
      And that’s what my short hair is to me. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Sex Bucket List: 5 Updates to Make for Your Sex Life, Pronto

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      I stand by that one of the best thing you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner, is creating a sex bucket list. Having an ongoing list of everything you’d like to try or do sexually can help keep your sex life spicy and full of experiences you actually are interested in. If you’re getting started on a sex bucket list, start here. But if you’re ready to incorporate some new-and-improved additions or changes (I’m all for editing your bucket list as time goes on—what you wanted a few years ago is probably a little different from now!), these are my suggestions. 
      1. Rearrange the furniture
      We all know it’s a good practice to try sex outside of the bed or bedroom sometimes, but to switch it up even more, you can move some furniture around to make your space work for you. Mirror play is one of the most underrated sex toys in the bedroom. If you have a full-length mirror or a vanity mirror in your bedroom or home somewhere, use it your advantage. Move the mirror so that you and your partner can both see each other in it while you’re having sex. The view will turn you both on a little more, and it might spark some new ideas and positions to try. 
      Along with mirror play, you can also pull the couch out a little or move side tables and coffee tables to try different positions and moves throughout the house. You’re not confined to a few spaces when it comes to sex. Make it up as you go!

      2. Try a new form of sexting
      If you’ve long been turned off by sexting because you don’t like sharing naked photos or your dirty talk game is less than impressive (it’s a learned skill, I promise!), there are so many other ways to approach it that can completely boost your sex life. Even if you love sexting, you can try it in a few different ways to keep it new and interesting. Obviously, sending nudes and a little dirty talk are always an option, but a really fun way to try might be role-playing. Tell your partner exactly what would be happening if you were together. “You’re on the bed, I’m standing next to you. I start to undress, and you grab my hips.” It’s a little more work, but it really plays it out like the two of you are together. Then, you can reenact this in the future! 
      I also love simple “I’m thinking about you” or “You look hot today” texts throughout the day. They’re safe for work but are a little, exciting way to get you excited.

      3. Find your go-to sex toy 
      One of the most underrated items on our TEG sex bucket list is going to a sex shop with a partner. It might feel a little awkward, and you’ll probably giggle at first, but it’s actually a really great way to see what intrigues or excites the both of you when you set your mind to finding something that will benefit you together. Obviously, that isn’t necessarily possible right now, so instead, you might find it helpful to begin searching for your go-to #1 favorite that you both enjoy using, together and alone. We have tons of guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners, but you might also enjoy talking it out, figuring out what you’d both like, and spending some time on a few different sites. 

      4. Try to push your orgasms farther
      So, you had an orgasm on your own. YAY! Next, you can focus on pushing them to go longer and maybe even have multiple at a time (the absolute dream). It might be easiest to try this alone first and then bring a partner in on the fun, but you can try it however is easiest for you. Orgasms tend to feel even better the longer you let your body relax and allow yourself to really feel them. The next time you feel an orgasm coming on, try to keep it going instead of stopping whatever motion or toy you’re using. It might feel intense for a second, but it’ll lead to better, longer, and stronger orgasms over time.

      5. Ask your partner questions
      When you and your partner decide to engage in a conversation about fantasies and trying new things, make sure to ask them questions. Do they watch porn? What do they watch? What is their favorite color to see you wear? What’s their favorite position? Do they prefer sex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom? This might seem a little juvenile, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but it’s a good practice to make sure you know more about what they want and like, and of course, they should reciprocate and ask you questions too. As cliche as it may seem, a good sex life really comes down to communication.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      One of the Most Important Things You Can Do for Your Health Each Month

      by

      How are you taking care of yourself lately? Working from home may have given us a bit of Zoom fatigue, but don’t let the new normal stop you from prioritizing your health. Check in on yourself to make sure you’re drinking enough water, taking a second away from work to breathe, and going on that daily walk. Oh also, have you checked your breast for lumps? Yes, taking a peek at your breasts for any lumps or abnormal coloring is essential for your health. Doctors recommend that adult women of all ages should perform a breast self-exam once a month. One out of every eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer, and more than 40,000 women are estimated to die from the disease in 2020 alone. In addition to getting a mammogram, let’s open our eyes to the urgency of self-checking for signs and symptoms of breast cancer at home.

      When to start your self-exam
      Checking for lumps on your breasts can be as easy as brushing your teeth or following your every day skin care routine. The best time to perform a breast self-exam is about 3-5 days after your period, because your breasts will least likely be swollen or tender. While it might seem overwhelming at first, these steps can help reduce your risk of breast cancer, and it will become a breeze once you self-exam once a month. For women who are going through menopause, start the breast self-exam on the same day of each month. 

       What to look for: 

      Source: rawpixel

      Look for visual changes in front of a mirror
      Start by standing in front of a mirror with your arms relaxed by your sides, then shift your arms overhead to inspect again. Next, rest your hands on your hips and flex your chest to evaluate one more time. These different steps will help examine your breasts and nipples for any changes.

      Feel for lumps in the shower
      Checking for symptoms in the shower is easy. Use the soft pad of your three middle fingers to feel your breasts. You want to start gently in a circular motion at the outer edge of the breast, and work your way toward the nipple. Repeat this motion on both breasts using a medium and firm pressure. You want to feel for any lump, thickening, hardened knot or any other breast changes.  

      Inspect while lying down
      Place a pillow under your right shoulder and use your right hand to hold your head. With your left hand, use the soft pad of your three middle fingers to feel all around your breasts. Also, gently squeeze the nipple to check for any discharge. 

      Talk to your doctor
      Don’t panic if you find a lump! Most breast lumps are non-cancerous, which is why you should talk to your doctor first after your self-examination. Once you’ve found the lump, grab a marker or pen to mark a X on the spot to identify the location when it’s time to show your physician.

      Reduce your risk of breast cancer
      Risk factors such as family history can’t change, but there are lifestyle changes you can make to lower your risk. 

      Physical activity and exercise
      For women who are overweight or obese, excess fat can increase the the body’s estrogen level. Studies suggest that high levels of estrogen may increase your risk of breast cancer. Moving your body and incorporating a healthier diet might help lower that particular risk.

      Avoid or limit drinking
      Repeated observational studies have found that there could be a connection between drinking alcohol and an increased cancer risk, but researchers aren’t exactly sure why (though they do have some ideas). If you don’t want to give up drinking entirely, cutting back can help keep you healthier.

      Stop smoking
      Research has shown that smoking can damage the lungs and is linked to a higher risk of breast cancer in younger, premenopausal women. When you’re ready to stop smoking, get as much support as you need and avoid triggers. 

      Eat a healthy diet
      Improving your diet can be a big step to a healthier lifestyle. Eating a variety of foods and trying to eat more fruits and vegetables (they don’t have to be fresh!) can help you up the nutrients you’re getting. Focusing on a balanced diet may help lower your risk of cancer—and it’ll definitely boost your overall health. 

      Know your body
      Self-care is incredibly valuable for your physical and mental well-being. Even though we all lead busy lives, it’s important to set some time for yourself and truly take good care—and that includes preventative health to-do’s like knowing what’s normal for your body. Whether it’s one hour or even just a few minutes in the day, take the time to understand, love, and care for your body. Knowing what’s normal can help you more easily pick up on changes, which could end up being nothing, but are important to keep an eye on and bring up with your doctor.

      Get informed about your health
      Talk to your doctor about any medical questions or concerns that you may have. You can always ask them whatever questions you need, even if you think the question is “dumb” (we can pretty much assure you that it’s not). If you’re not sure whether or not you’ll remember any questions you might have, write them down and bring them with you. And if you’re concerned that you won’t have questions immediately, but will have some after your appointment is over, ask your doctor how you can best ask those questions so that you’ll get the answers you need. As you get older, your body changes, and it’s OK to speak to a physician about your healthcare needs.

      Make an appointment for a mammogram
      In addition to your self breast exam, you need to prepare for a mammogram with your physician. According to the American Cancer Society, women ages 40-44 should start getting a breast cancer screening every year if they’d like to, but those ages 45 and above should get one each year.

      Note to self: check your breasts
      Setting a reminder every month on your phone or daily planner can help you early detect any signs or symptoms of breast cancer. If you know your body and check your breasts regularly, you’ll be able to catch on to any changes sooner rather than later. For any concerns or questions about your health, make an appointment to speak with your doctor. 

      Check out the resources below to learn more about breast cancer:
      National Cancer Institute 
      The American Cancer Society
      American Breast Cancer Foundation
      National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.
      Breast Cancer Now More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Feeling Anxious and Discouraged by the Election Results? Read This

      by

      As polls closed across the country this week and returns began to roll in, an entire country was decidedly on edge, prepped for the possibility of blue and red mirages, but still feeling all manner of emotions as states went blue and red and back and forth as more returns came in. We still don’t definitively know who will win the presidential race and people are sad, upset, terrified, and so much more. There’s discouragement and so much uncertainty. If you’re feeling that way, here’s what the experts say you should do. 

      1. Acknowledge your emotions
      News flash: it’s OK to not feel OK, especially when we’re waiting on potentially earth-shattering news, barely slept last night, and don’t know what the future of our country will look like. The first step in dealing with how you feel about the election is acknowledging those feelings. “Find a healthy way to express your emotions,” suggested Melissa Lapides, MA, LMFT, a psychotherapist and creator of SafeSpace Trauma Certification. “Remember that you’re in charge of your emotions. Take care of yourself, hold yourself tight, and allow yourself to feel whatever is there.”
      Acknowledge your emotions by checking in with how you feel, and letting yourself feel. Lapides also recommended expressing those emotions by talking it out or letting yourself cry if you’re sad, and exercising or screaming into a pillow if you’re feeling angry. It’s absolutely OK to be discouraged by the results, even if your candidate ultimately wins. Bottom line: no matter what you’re feeling, it’s OK, so acknowledge and express your emotions.

      Source: @outdoorvoices

      2. Listen to your body
      After you check in with your emotions, check in with your body. The body holds a lot of stress, so taking care of the body can also help ease stress. “Many people are feeling stress and anxiety levels rise during the election, so it’s really important to prioritize self-care right now,” said Risa Williams, licensed therapist and author. “Your body might send you signals that it has had too much stress and you might start to feel exhausted both emotionally and physically, so it’s essential to listen to your body and to take breaks when you need to, to rest.” 
      Yes, that means turning off the news or deleting social media apps if you need to. Take multiple breaks throughout the day (both election-coverage breaks and work breaks), to take a walk outside, meditate, exercise, or do something enjoyable like cooking a comfort meal or drawing and painting. Lapides also suggested prioritizing additional body-care, even if you don’t feel like it. She recommended eating well, taking a bath, trying some self-massage, and getting in nature. 

      Source: @onairplanemode__

      3. Surround yourself with positivity
      Yes, even during such a stressful day and a scary time, we can still choose positivity. Not necessarily positivity in election outcomes, but positivity in life. “Gratitude is always the best place to start when countering any anxiety,” said Deedee Cummings, M.Ed, LPCC, JD, therapist and author. “Now is not the time to surround yourself with negativity as it will only make you feel worse. Focusing on positivity (and there is always positivity to be found) will help remind you there is still good.” Call up people who make you laugh, play with your pet who is always happy, or read a book with a happy ending. Focusing on the positive is not always easy during tough times, but coming from a place of gratitude can help ease stress in any situation. Take time to make a list of all the things you’re grateful for today, whether it’s big or small.

      4. Remind yourself of the constant factors
      No matter what happens, the outcome of the election does mean a lot of big changes. If the potential changes are feeling overwhelming, try focusing on the factors of your life that will stay the same tomorrow, next month, and next year. Katie Lear, LCMHC, RPT, RDT suggested, “It can also be helpful to remind yourself of the day-to-day parts of your own life that will remain constant no matter who wins; family, hobbies, and career goals don’t disappear overnight.”
      While we always encourage educating ourselves about the major changes this election could mean for our country, it’s OK to focus on what’s remaining the same in your own life, if just for today. Make a list of everything about your life that won’t change no matter who is in office (your dog will still play with you, your sister will still make you laugh, and you’ll still love finding new banana bread recipes), in order to heal overwhelm. 

      Source: @caitlynwarakomski

      5. Connect with the present moment
      Elections are always stressful, but this one feels particularly overwhelming. If you find yourself anxious about what the potential results could mean for the future, try connecting with the present moment. “Find small moments of peace where you can connect with the present moment,” Williams suggested. “Taking deliberate deep breaths whenever you feel stress rise is like a mini-meditation for your brain and body. It’s one small thing you can do to help regulate your stress during this time.” Try breathwork, or simply putting a hand on your stomach to remind yourself to breath deeply as you feel anxiety increase. You can also try mindfulness to reconnect yourself to the present moment. Notice the temperature of the room, what the candle that you’re lighting smells like, or how each sip of coffee tastes. 

      6. Make a plan to contribute to causes you care about
      If the election doesn’t go the way that we hoped, it doesn’t mean you stop fighting for causes you care about and doing what you can to build the country and world you want. If you’re feeling out of control, turn off the news and make a tangible plan of how you’re going to make a difference, whether it’s yearly or monthly donations, researching organizations to volunteer on a regular basis, or even how you can help out the people you know. “The best way any of us can keep up our sense of empowerment is by continuing to contribute to causes that matter to us, regardless of election results,” Lear recommended. “Volunteer, donate, lend a supportive ear to a friend—these things help other people and promote positive change, while also safeguarding our own mental health. Don’t just save community engagement for election years; make it part of your regular self-care.”
      Cummings agreed that taking action should be a part of your self-care routine and can improve your mental health. “Remember that the world keeps spinning and you are a crucial piece of the puzzle we call life,” she said. “We need you and we need each other. Focus on you and all the things you can do to create a ripple of kindness. This will help rebalance you.”

      Source: rawpixel

      We get it: you’re feeling a lot of emotions RN. Some of those emotions might be hopelessness, discouragement, and sadness. While it’s important to acknowledge and express those emotions (see point #1), you can turn that hopelessness into purpose—once you’re ready. If you’re not yet ready to channel any emotions you may be experiencing, you might want to consider connecting with a therapist, who can help you work through what you’re feeling. “No matter what happens in this election, we can all work for what we believe in,” said Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author. Tessina suggested taking those discouraged feelings and finding some hope where you can by working for a cause you believe in.
      Maybe the election results will be a wake-up call to you to put in more effort into the causes you care about, or maybe it will be a motivation to work harder to achieve a better world. Turn your pain into purpose by enacting the change you wish you saw in the election in your community. Lear agreed, “When I speak to young clients—many of whom are feeling incredibly hopeless and disempowered right now—I remind them about how long the arc of justice is and how much can still change in their lifetimes.” 
      A good place to start is to find a cause you care about. Maybe it has to do with elections and voting, working to boost turnout and access in your state. But maybe it’s not election-related at all. If you’re passionate about addressing food insecurity, homelessness, criminal justice reform, animal rights, reproductive rights, healthcare, or just about anything else, chances are good that there’s some sort of organization or movement with which you can get involved. If there’s not an organization with a physical presence in your city, look further out and see what might be able to be done from afar.
      If you’re passionate about civic engagement in your city, start by learning about how government works in your city. Attend city council meetings and other open community meetings, chat with your representatives, and get involved. 
      Take a beat, take care of yourself, and rest—and then get to work.

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      5 Things an OB-GYN Wants You to Know About Sex

      by

      I don’t know about you, but when my feet are in the stirrups and someone’s poking around down there, the last thing on my mind is the list of questions I wanted to talk to ask OB-GYN. Keeping up with your gynecologist can feel more difficult than keeping up with the Kardashians; while you should be going to regular appointments, sometimes we forego, forget, or miss out on some of those important conversations during the 30-minute (max!) appointment, particularly when it comes to sex (anyone else spend the entire time complaining about their period cramps?).If all of the knowledge you have about sex comes from the birds-and-the-bees talk with your mom, that “experienced” friend’s dating life, or watching Sex Education three times in a row, you could probably benefit from more conversations with your gyno. Just as a reminder: you deserve and are entitled to a pleasurable, fulfilling, and healthy sex life. Your gynecologist is one way to help you stay healthy, explore your sexuality, and feel your best. Until you make it to your next gyno appointment, I asked Dr. Kiarra King M.D., a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist (who somehow still has time for blogging like the ultimate boss she is), for some of the info she tells her patients, that many of us could be missing out on. Here are five things she wants you to know about sex:

      1. “Good sex” is relative
      The phrase “the best sex of my life” has been thrown around so often in movies and TV shows, and I’ve always been confused about what that really means. I’ve heard frat douchebags in college talk about their sexapades with phrases like, “the sex wasn’t great,” as if there’s a checklist that determines “good sex” from “bad sex” (and where the hell can I find this checklist!?). If you’re like me and have wondered what makes sex “good,” you’re probably not as focused on your own pleasure as you should be.
      Dr. King explained that whether sex is good or bad is only for you to decide; it’s always an individual opinion. “Only you can determine what is good and ultimately what is better for you,” she said. If you’re so out of touch with your pleasure (literally), she also recommended asking yourself questions like, do you genuinely enjoy your partner? Does your partner seek to pleasure you, or is it a one-way street? Do you feel safe and validated? Is the experience equally enjoyable for both of you? Bottom line: “good” or “bad” sex is defined only by how much pleasure and enjoyment you feel. 

      2. Stop comparing
      Back to that “good sex” versus “bad sex” crap, comparisons are common when it comes to sex since it has been a taboo subject for far too long. Many women want to know what’s considered “normal,” or feel lesser-than if friends have different sexual experiences than they do. But guess what: you don’t need to compare in order to know what’s normal, and someone else’s experience or preferences do not mean anything about yours. “When it comes to an intimate partnership, what benefits will be gained by comparing to the point that better sex is defined by someone else’s experience?” Dr. King said. “Of course, a couple can try new things, but the goal should be that they enjoy one another, not out of comparison.” Explore your sexuality to find more and better pleasure, but don’t compare other people’s experiences and preferences to your own. 

      3. Sex should not be consistently painful
      If you’ve ever had discomfort or pain during sex, you’re not alone. In fact, as many as 75 percent of women will experience pain during sex, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Dr. King advised that a momentary sensation with a specific position that resolves itself is likely of no concern (just don’t forget your lube!). However, sex does not have to be painful. Not only does pain during sex suck, but it contributes to the orgasm gap, and, most importantly, prevents you from experiencing the optimal pleasure that you deserve.
      “If a woman experiences continued pain or is unable to engage in sex due to fear of pain, I recommend talking to your doctor,” Dr. King said. Your doctor might be able to identify an underlying cause and provide treatment options, like pelvic floor physical therapy (which is more common than you may realize). The point is that pleasure is your birthright; your body is not trying to prevent you from it, so anything that is can (and should) be resolved. 

      4. If you’re experiencing low sex drive, you can fix it
      When we experience low sex drive as women, we typically accept it as a reality, not see it as a symptom. It’s the stereotype we’ve seen in every sitcom and comedy film in the United States: the constantly-horny husband and the “not tonight, honey” response from the wife. We’re taught from old-school beliefs that women are inherently more sexually restrained than men, and therefore, have a lower sex drive. The truth? The female sex drive is consistently underrated; not only is it inherently strong (duh!), but it can increase with age. That also means that low libido, in fact, can be a symptom, and not “just the way you are.” 
      “Lack of sex drive or decreased libido can occur for a variety of reasons including stress, depression, anxiety, chronic medical conditions, or certain medications,” Dr. King explained. In other words, you don’t have to settle for low libido. Talk to your doctor about identifying the root causes of low sex drive and come up with a plan to restore your libido. PS, if your doctor doesn’t prioritize your sex drive and sexual pleasure, it might be time to find a new doctor. 

      5. Good news: your vagina can clean itself!
      While there’s an overwhelming amount of products and processes promising reproductive health, Dr. King knows that it’s actually very simple. “The vagina is capable of cleaning itself,” she told Essence in 2019. “A good old-fashioned shower or bath daily during menstruation should do the trick to help rinse away any old blood or discharge. Women shouldn’t use scented hygiene products, as they may cause an allergic reaction known as contact dermatitis.” When it comes to sexual health, Dr. King recommended getting STD screenings before being with a new partner (both of you!) and using a water-based lubricant to keep up with vaginal health. Remember that your vagina is incredibly smart and self-sufficient (as are you!). It has its own self-cleaning mechanisms that will keep you healthy as long as you do your job with safe sex practices. 

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      15 Workouts for When You Don’t Feel Like Working Out

      by

      Whether you’ve been working on reviving your workout routine or working out at home is as routine to you as Netflix before bed and 24/7 loungewear, somedays we just don’t feel like it. You know those days: the ones where excuses to skip the workout are aplenty (the dishes are piling up in the sink, your Hulu free trial is almost over, your favorite sports bra is in the dirty laundry, etc.). No matter what excuses we come up with, keeping up with a workout routine sometimes feels impossible for no other reason than we just don’t feel like it (it’s like our body’s version of “because I said so”). And guess what: that’s OK. On these days where you don’t feel like working out, listen to your body and identify why you don’t feel like it, and then find a solution to keep you moving. Whether you think you don’t have time, feel bored with the same workout, or are too tired to get off the couch, here are 15 videos that will change your mind. P.S.: the point is not to work out every day. The point is to listen to your body, identify what it needs, move more often, and make exercise easy (because it should be enjoyable!).

      If you don’t have time…

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      You don’t need equipment, you don’t need a yoga mat, and you don’t need more than five minutes to get in this killer workout. Everyone has five minutes to spare (even if it’s waiting for coffee to brew), and you can also do this workout while still in your pajamas, meaning there’s absolutely no reason you wouldn’t have time to squeeze it into your routine.

      If you have a resistance band, six minutes is all you need to make your glutes and inner thighs sore for days–trust me. This one will feel like a tough workout in the amount of time it takes to wait for your Lean Cuisine to heat up. (P.S.: use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!)

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      So five minutes feels like too much to spare? How about four minutes? You can squeeze in this mini-workout while you wait for your coworker to respond about those spreadsheets. Even doing this arm workout while sitting at your desk will be enough to get blood flowing and work those arm muscles. 

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      This is truly one of the most fun workout videos I’ve found on Youtube. After just 10 minutes, you’ll be sweating, sore, and checking yourself out in the mirror. Plus, choreography will put the brain to work, which means you won’t have room to get distracted by your to-do list. 

      Warning: yes, this class is only seven minutes long, but it will get your heart rate up and make you sweat. This short HIIT circuit takes you through quick, intense cardio bursts, allowing you to burn more strength in less time. Try squeezing in this seven minutes before your morning shower. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

      If you’re bored of your workouts…

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      So you’re bored with your workouts and can’t get yourself to step on another treadmill or lift another weight? Opt for exercise that feels more like a night out with the girls than a workout session. 305 Fitness bases their classes off of Miami nightlife, so you know it’s going to be fun. Turn up your speakers and get ready to whip your hair back and forth.

      If you’re bored with the same type of exercise, it might be time to invest in some new equipment that will make your home workouts more challenging and exciting. Try a mini trampoline (bonus points if you still have yours from when you were a kid!) and have some fun while you feel the burn. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

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      If you’ve been exercising on your living room floor for months, you might just need a change of scenery. Apply your SPF, grab a jacket (if the temperatures are getting cold where you are), and take your workout outside. Fantasize that you’re at the beach while watching this Tone It Up HIIT session, or simply go on a jog or hike to get in some exercise that feels like new. 

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      Because what’s more motivating than your favorite songs? The Fitness Marshall has a large variety of fun dances to all of the songs we love. Warning: Lizzo will make you want to twerk, even on a Tuesday in the middle of the workday. Shuffling The Fitness Marshall videos is basically just listening to your favorite Spotify playlist, except with some fun dance moves that will make you break a sweat (in the fiercest way possible). 

      Feeling little motivation to go on another run or do the same workout video? This 15-day challenge that walks you through a variety of yoga, pilates, and sculpt classes, so you’re always trying new things. You won’t have to wonder which exercise you want to do that day (or whether or not you will exercise that day), so you’ll be more likely to stay on track. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

      If you’re feeling tired…

      Feeling unmotivated to exercise could mean you’re tired or burned out, so listen to your body. On days where even changing into a workout set feels like too much work, opt for a therapeutic stretch that will improve your mobility, flexibility, and overall performance, so you’ll be able to work out better when you get back into your usual exercising tomorrow. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

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      On those days where you’re too tired to get off the couch, think of movement as a self-care practice, not exercise (even though it’s both!). This slower-paced sequence holds postures and poses for longer than usual, so you can slow down and do something for your body while restoring energy levels. 

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      If your body is begging for a break, focus on stillness instead of movement, and work your breath instead of your body. This kundalini practice is meant to cultivate more energy, so even a quick break will give you the strength and motivation to get through the rest of your day (even when you’re at your most tired). 

      Yoga is the perfect exercise when you’re feeling tired but still want to work your body. Vinyasa flows are designed to build heat, loosen muscles, and build strength, so you’re reaping all the benefits of working out without over-working your body. This video is a personal favorite for days where I need extra motivation to get to my mat because it focuses on reflection and intention, combining mental health with physical movement. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!
       

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      If you need to ease yourself into a workout, we get it. This five-minute flow is meant for the mornings, so it wakes up your body with slow stretching before building to energizing movement by the end. It’s the perfect morning workout or an ideal pick-me-up during that afternoon slump. 

      What’s your go-to workout when you don’t feel like working out? More