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      The Hacks My Therapist Taught Me That I’m Using to Make 2021 My Best Year Yet

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      After the complete dumpster fire of a year 2020 was, I was sure as hell due for a sit-down with a therapist (virtual, luckily). Everything “seemed” to be going just fine in my life, and I really had nothing on the surface to complain about. This year really put into perspective that having a job and housing, being healthy, and having a few close friends and family members are really all you need in life; the rest is just extra. So, why the heck was I so depressed? For one, I don’t want to downplay the absolute role of ~brain chemicals~ in all of this. I’ve suffered from clinical depression for as long as I can remember; the pendulum suddenly swings opposite my favor every now and then solely because my brain feels like it, and as much as I can try to meditate and journal and do yoga and become a freaking zen master, I’ll still deal with depression. But there are times when my anxiety and depression can stand for a little upgrade, and that’s where talking to a therapist about coping mechanisms comes into play. 
      I’ve long been aware of the concept of limiting beliefs: those thoughts you believe about yourself to be utterly true even though they’re almost rarely based in facts. I can tell my friends up and down when they’re speaking through a limiting belief or they’re making up ideas assuming them as truths. But when it comes to myself… LOL. I don’t have such a handle on how negative thoughts can be so all-consuming. 

      I can tell my friends up and down when they’re speaking through a limiting belief or they’re making up ideas assuming them as truths. But when it comes to myself… LOL.

      I have limiting beliefs about all kinds of things. “They’ll think I’m weak and unstable” if I open up or get vulnerable with people, or I “can’t meet a partner until I lose weight, because no one would want to be with me as I am now” are examples of really specific ones I have. But they also come up naturally: “I could never start a business,” “I’m not good at that,” “I’m bad at relationships.” I have limiting beliefs about my performance at work, my friendships, my relationship with my family, my habits, my productivity—you name it, and I’ve probably created a false reality about it in my head. Limiting beliefs can even be pretty specious, to the point that you might not even recognize at first that it isn’t actually factual.
      After a few sessions, my therapist caught on to a few of them and suggested I start reframing these thoughts. At first, I was like, “Yeah, sure, that’ll work.” In practice, it doesn’t seem like it could be that effective. “I’m bad at everything” becomes “I am open-minded and try everything, which makes it hard for me to become a master at any one thing.” But when we got more specific and took more time to focus on how I could reframe that thought, fireworks went off. Immediately, I noticed that my mood and ability to cope with negative emotions improved. 

      I have limiting beliefs about my performance at work, my friendships, my relationship with my family, my habits, my productivity—you name it, and I’ve probably created a false reality about it in my head.

      Since this has helped me so much the last couple of months, I’m ramping it up in 2021. The positive, healthy, mentally-well me has arrived! Here are a few ways I’ve used thought-reframing to manage my emotions and adjust the self-talk I experience, plus a few tips you can use to make 2021 your healthiest mental year yet:

      Keep A Journal
      My therapist recommended I dedicate a journal entirely for thought reframing. She said that when I have really negative thoughts that seem to pervade me—or even as time goes on, focusing on the little thoughts that come up throughout the day—to immediately write them down. And don’t judge yourself. If your first thought is that you suck and are the worst person ever, same! The whole point is noticing how often you have these thoughts. It makes sense why we’d feel down or sad if we’re constantly telling ourselves that we do, in fact, suck. 
      Then, at the end of the day or week, I go through all of the thoughts I’ve compiled and work on how I would reframe them. And when I really need a minute to calm down and regroup, I’ll do it right there, sometimes in the notes app on my phone. This has been a game-changer for me. I slowly am starting to see patterns in my thinking and discovering how I’ve managed let these intrusive thoughts take over for so long. 
      Some examples of thoughts I’ve reframed:
      “I look so ugly today” → “I’m really proud of how I did my hair and makeup today.”
      “I never have any good ideas” → “I prioritize ideation, and it’s a skill that I’m proud of at work.” 
      “I’m a bad employee because I missed a deadline” → “I am working so hard to produce work that is high-quality, and sometimes that is sacrificial.”
      “I’ll never meet someone unless I lose weight” → “I want someone to love me for me as I am right now, not someone who wants a different version of me.”

      If your first thought is that you suck and are the worst person ever, same! The whole point is noticing how often you have these thoughts. It makes sense why we’d feel down or sad if we’re constantly telling ourselves that we do, in fact, suck. 

      Source: rawpixel

      Try hot-to-cool thinking
      When reframing an entire thought seems a little daunting, hot-to-cool thinking is what my therapist recommended. Basically, instead of going from “I’m the worst” to “I’m the best!” you go from “I’m the worst” to “I’m working on it.” We don’t have to immediately love ourselves; that takes time. And even if you do love yourself, you get tripped up and have negative thoughts, maybe even often. It’s human, unfortunately, to be hard on ourselves and go to a negative place when we want to avoid feeling an emotion we don’t like, such as jealousy, sadness, fear, or anger. So, simply cool down your thoughts.
      Some other examples: 
      “I’m bad at my job” →  “I’m facing a few new challenges right now.” 
      “I’ll always be single” → “Being single doesn’t feel great right now. I would like to work on meeting someone.” 
      “I’m ugly” →  “Everyone has different taste; who I find attractive is not the same as who someone else does. Because of this, looks are so subjective.” 
      “I’ll never have enough money to live comfortably” → “I can provide myself the necessities right now, but I’ll have to find another stream of income to have extra spending money.”

      It’s human, unfortunately, to be hard on ourselves and go to a negative place when we want to avoid feeling an emotion we don’t like, such as jealousy, sadness, fear, or anger.

      Recognize when an intrusive thought is taking over
      The second you start to recognize that you’re catastrophizing or getting stuck in a loop of limiting beliefs, simply recognize it. Notice how it feels. Are your palms sweaty? Did you tense up? Is your posture hunched? Do you feel a temperature change? For one, when we can see how our body naturally responds to stress, it’s easier to understand how and why it’s not good for us. When you notice your jaw lock during a particularly stressful day and you move around to try to help it, there’s an immediate release involved. 

      Notice how it feels. Are your palms sweaty? Did you tense up? Is your posture hunched? Do you feel a temperature change?

      But there’s also importance in recognizing the thought so you can give yourself compassion. My therapist is constantly telling me to just stop and place my hand on my heart. Engage in self-compassion and love. Remind yourself that it’s OK to feel negative emotions. This alone has been a game-changer, and it’s so simple and can be done anytime, anywhere.   More

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      in health and weelbeing

      8 Tips for a Successful and Easy Whole30—From Someone Who’s Done It

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      Last January, I completed my Everest; the thing I’d been saying I’d do for years, but never actually pulled the trigger on: finishing Whole30. My reason for doing Whole30 was simple: I have an absolutely horrible stomach, and my doctor had been begging me to do an elimination diet for literal years. But it never felt like a perfect time to do it (newsflash: it will never be a perfect time to do it), and then one day, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided it was time to try to figure out my food sensitivities once and for all. 
      Throughout my experience, I had a lot of highs and even more lows, but I did finish the whole 30 days and learned a lot along the way. Thinking of doing Whole30 yourself? Here’s how to survive it while suffering a little less than I did:

      1. Know why you’re doing it
      Despite what you might think, Whole30 is not a weight-loss diet. You don’t count calories or restrict carbs or anything of the sort, and you’re strongly advised to not weigh yourself during the entire process—because it isn’t the point! The point is to take a step back to evaluate how you’re eating, find out what makes you feel good, and nourish your body with real foods for a while. If you’re thinking of doing it for weight loss, it probably isn’t for you.

      2. Give yourself time to prepare before you start
      Want to know how my Whole30 journey began? The day after Christmas of 2019, I decided January was going to be the time I finally did Whole30. I went to the grocery store to get all of the ingredients I needed, and while I was at the grocery store, realized everything I had eaten so far that day was Whole30 compliant. I thought, “Why waste a day?” and decided to start right there with no preparation.
      Any Whole30 veteran will tell you that this should have been a fatal mistake. In my opinion, all of your success is going to ride on whether or not you’re prepared. If I could go back, I would have given myself a full week ahead of my start date for preparation. I could use basically nothing that I had in my fridge (condiments, butter, the works), and making sure you’re stocked with things that are compliant is absolutely key. Research recipes, come up with a meal calendar, and go into it ready to go. I can’t recommend the Whole30 Book enough to help with this.

      3. Meal prep, meal prep, meal prep
      Whether or not you’re usually a meal prepper, preparing your meals before you need them is so, so important. When you inevitably have situations where you’re hungry and ready for a meal, needing to figure out a Whole30 compliant meal is truly hell. If you really don’t like meal prepping, at least have your ingredients cut up and stored in your fridge and know what meals you’re going to be eating a few days out. 

      3. Mentally prepare for how you’re going to feel
      Think you’re going to immediately have clear skin and feel like you can run a marathon? Guess again. 
      A few days into Whole30, I literally felt like I was going to die. I was completely lethargic and could have slept all day, every day—and that’s how you’re supposed to feel. One of my favorite things about The Whole30 book is that it breaks down how you’re going to feel every day, and it’s completely spot-on. You aren’t going to feel good until at least halfway through, and getting to that point is really tough (most people quit around day 10-11 because that’s when you feel the worst).
      You’d think that eating exclusively whole foods would make you feel amazing, but your body is going to withdraw from the things it’s used to (looking at you, sugar), and there’s no getting around the slump you’ll feel those first two weeks. I, of course, didn’t know this before I started, but once I got the book and could track how I was supposed to feel each day, the process got much easier.

      4. Stock up on compliant condiments
      Whole30 has been around for quite some time, which luckily means that many health food companies have gotten on board and created condiments and sauces that are made exclusively with Whole30-compliant ingredients. 
      My personal favorite compliant brand is Primal Kitchen—a year later, I still use mostly their condiments because they taste so good and are an easy, healthier swap. (Pro tip: their chipotle mayo was my favorite thing throughout the entire process!)

      5. Have snacks ready in case of emergency
      Yes, one of the rules of Whole30 is that snacking isn’t allowed, but sometimes, things happen, and you literally just need to get something into your stomach. It is absolutely vital to have things on-hand for when that happens. It’s probably going to be a handful of nuts or an Rx bar (not all Rx bars are compliant—I’d recommend researching which ones are beforehand and ordering yourself a full box of them).

      6. Get a handle on what’s allowed—and what’s not
      Hours and hours of your Whole30 are going to be spent reading nutrition labels. I cannot tell you how much time I spent on Whole30 looking at the labels of everything I picked up and then needing to research specific ingredients to see if they’re allowed. Of course, you aren’t going to memorize an entire list of allowed ingredients (especially since some are so weird and sound forbidden), but getting a handle on the common ones will save you loads of time throughout the journey.

      The 30 Whole Days app is magic for one reason: it has a function where you can scan the barcode on a food container, and it will tell you whether or not it’s allowed. It doesn’t have every food under the sun, but it also has a search bar where you can research a specific ingredient and it will tell you whether or not it’s approved. It is so much easier than constantly turning to your book or going through Google trying to figure out if something is allowed. 

      8. Remember that it’s only 30 days
      Whole30 is tough—really, really tough. I struggled quite a bit through mine and am adamant about never doing it again. But it helped me figure out my food sensitivities, and it’s important to remember that it’s only 30 days of your life—and you can do anything for 30 days. Doing Whole30 once changed my relationship with food and knowledge of what makes my body feel good so much, and even though it was a struggle, it was very much worth it.  More

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      in beauty and fashion

      New Year’s Sucks When You’re Plus-Size—Here’s How to Manage the Weight Loss Pressure

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      Every New Year’s Eve on the dot, I grab a fresh new notebook and write some goals. And you might be surprised to know that even as a proud, plus-size woman who is in recovery for an eating disorder, without fail, “lose weight” always weasels its way onto the list. Somehow, I always manage to convince myself after years of trying and failing that “this year will be the year!” And almost always, it doesn’t start with me creating a workout plan or trying to become healthier; I retreat to negative emotions and behaviors that mimic disordered eating patterns I thought I’d left in the past.
      But why do I make this lofty goal every single year? Because we’re told it’s the #1 goal to make, especially if you’re overweight (which, might I add, is so subjective and means very little about someone’s overall health). Every year, we see commercials, ads, magazines, articles, and more about the best ways to lose weight, how to drop the pounds (usually with some form of “finally!” or “once and for all!”), and I expect in 2020, how to lose all the weight you gained in quarantine. And as a plus-size person, it’s damn exhausting. 

      We’re inundated with reasons why looking like us is a problem
      It’s one thing to make a goal to get healthier. I think it’s a goal most of us should have every year. We could all stand to drink a little more water, try therapy, find a new vegetable you love, and hit a fitness goal or milestone. But as a plus-size person, seeing hundreds of people on social media, in ads, and more make it their #1 goal for the year to lose 10, 15, 20 pounds just makes us feel like our bodies are wrong.
      Of course, it’s optimal to want to feel and look your best; and for many people, losing weight helps them do that. I don’t want to take that away. But it’s always rooted in fatphobia. People are horrified that they’ve gained weight because being anything but thin is the worst thing there is. This time of the year, it feels like I’m being thrown reason after reason why my body isn’t what people want to look at. 

      This time of the year, it feels like I’m being thrown reason after reason why my body isn’t what people want to look at. 

      Not making a weight loss goal is often seen as “brave”
      But then, we have the people who want to call us out when we don’t make a weight loss goal. When I say that my #1 goal of the year is to love myself, regardless of my size or how I look, people respond as if sharing my authentic self is courageous and brave, when I don’t have a choice. Why are we brave for simply choosing to not give into the pressures of diet culture? Why is it brave to not have the mental capacity to try keto or paleo or whatever random diet being shoved down our throats in that blip in time? I’m not brave for choosing to love myself instead of promote the thin ideal, and to say so makes the point that wanting to lose weight should just be the norm, when in fact we should be actively moving away from that ideal.

      My body constantly looks like a before picture
      We’ve probably all seen the memes about “expectations and reality” on Instagram, sharing how posing can make your body look different. I appreciate and love the message that all bodies are beautiful, and I think it’s important to see that even people you think are the most beautiful and thin have insecurities. But as a fat person, I don’t have the option to pose in a way that makes it look like I don’t have rolls or so you can’t see my double chin—my natural body looks like the before picture for some of these memes. The body positivity movement was created by fat people, for fat people, and it’s frustrating to see these posts that are still entirely rooted in diet culture and white thin privilege be spouted as “loving oneself.” It’s crushing to constantly see a body that looks like mine be torn apart or told that it’s wrong; that having love handles is undesirable, that the sheer nature of becoming thinner will make you a happier person, when my body looks just like all of these pictures we’re supposed to be disgusted by. 
      Like I said, I want people to be healthy and happy, and I cannot deny that for some, losing weight can be a healthy process that makes them feel better about themselves physically and mentally. If losing weight is something you can do in a healthy way, I’m so into it. And having before pictures to recognize your progress might be a good tool for you to use. But watch how you talk about yourself in them. You were beautiful before; there was nothing aesthetically wrong with your body before. 

      When people we already deem as thin are told to lose weight, it sets the ideal that even thin bodies aren’t good enough
      Since I was young, I’ve had a hard time discerning how someone who’s already thin could be insecure. My weight has been a topic of anxiety my whole life; how could one possibly feel bad about themself if they already have everything I’ve ever wanted? But when it’s a goal for everyone to lose weight, what’s the ideal? If thin bodies aren’t good enough, what does that make mine? It feels like I’m chasing after something I can’t even achieve because even once you achieve it, you’re expected to do more, be more. 

      So, how can you deal? 
      There’s no way for us to get around New Year’s resolutions, but there are ways to handle the season without feeling like the punchline all the time.

      Set boundaries with loved ones

      If you have loved ones who make comments about weight often, engage in assertive communication about how it affects you. There’s nothing worse than working on something within yourself all to have to deal with the people around you not understanding it. Set boundaries for the communication you have with each other, whether it’s talking about meals, health goals, how much or how little you’re eating, how much activity you’re engaging in, and more. 

      Set intentions

      When you feel the weight loss pressure come along as you’re working on being healthier, it’s important to set really clear intentions for yourself. What do you truly want to accomplish? “Get healthier” might feel like an easy goal, but it’s easy to get jumbled. Make this goal tangible, like do 10 pull-ups or eat more protein three times a week for a month. 

      Address all-or-nothing thinking

      When you feel yourself leaning into the mindset that someone smaller than you wanting to lose weight has a reflection of your own self-worth, it’s time to reassess your focus. Is there fact in what you’re thinking, or are you creating this narrative in your head because you’re self-conscious? Therapy is a great tool to learn coping mechanisms to help with this type of thinking, or I love journaling. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Every Hack I’m Actually Trying to Get Healthier in 2021

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      I started 2020 pretty strong. I went to my gym about four days a week. I was trying new recipes. I started a bullet journal. I felt very prepared to take on the next decade of my life. And yada yada, one thing led to another, and here I was, July 2020, and I, like many others, had fallen off. For the record, there was a global pandemic, but I wasn’t doing so hot. I reignited myself, made some updated goals that fit the times, and went on my merry way. I’m here to say: I feel 100 times better now than I did then, and I’m carrying that same fervor into the new year. But I’ll be the first to admit: health “trends” are not my jam. I need something that’s going to stick. I don’t want to completely overhaul my life and routine, and I’ll never dare give up socializing over food and alcohol. So, what’s a girl to do? Here are the health hacks I’m actually planning to implement into my life in 2021. 

      1. “32 Before Brew”
      I saw this on Instagram a while ago, and it has changed my life; however, after the holiday season, I’m sure I’ll need to reassign this goal to myself. Basically, it’s the idea that you drink 32 ounces of water before you drink your cup of coffee in the morning, which I found genius. It’s an easy, pretty straightforward concept, but I love that it gets me drinking water first thing, and it reminds me to keep drinking water after I’ve had my coffee. If I don’t drink water during the workday, it’s so hard to catch up and drink enough later, and this keeps me accountable all day, starting with the morning.

      Source: @lolaomonaija

      2. Controlling volume instead of portions
      I will never be someone who eats like a bird. If I’m eating a meal, I’m eating a meal; that’s all I’m going to say. But adjusting portion sizes is often a recommended hack for being able to still enjoy all the foods you love without eating in excess. Instead, I’m opting to try focusing on the volume of food I’m consuming versus how much. I can eat an entire plate of pasta, but I also want to bulk up the meal with protein, a side salad, and a big glass of water. I feel fuller, faster, and it builds my meals upon nutrients rather than going into it controlling how much I’m eating, which can often lead me to disordered eating. If I want to go get McDonald’s, I’ll drink a lot of water and add extra veggies or protein to my cheeseburger (highly recommend—one of the best hacks I’ve ever seen is asking for double meat and splitting the sandwich in half to eat two open-faced sandwiches!). 

      3. Finding alternatives to the foods I crave
      If I tell myself that I can’t have pizza or pasta or chips, it’s all I’ll want, and it’ll lead to a binge. Always. No foods are “bad,” so I can easily find or make alternatives to my favorites that feel better (and sometimes taste better too!). Currently, I’m loving MyBizzyKitchen’s healthier pizza dough recipe, I’ve swapped regular chips for baked versions (Peetos are my current favorite spicy chip alternative!), and I’m using the above hack to enjoy pasta and other foods that are easy to overindulge in. 

      Source: @gabbywhiten

      4. Creating “ceremony” in the evenings
      Mental health is important as well, and it’s especially necessary to create goals around this too. A therapist once recommended creating “ceremony” around normal day-to-day routines as a way to reorient your brain into a specific task and make these feel like an event more than another thing to tick off your to-do list. 
      One way I want to practice this is through working from home and separating my workday from my evening. When the clock strikes 6 p.m., I’m closing the computer, lighting a candle, drinking something other than water (see the next tip!), and reading 30 pages of a book, or maybe I’ll watch a YouTube video or an episode of a show. (As long as it’s not work or scrolling on my phone, I’m game!) I want to create a ceremony, or a ritual, around ending the workday. When I light the candle next to my bedside, it’s time to finish work for the night. 

      5. Swapping to a different drink in the evening
      Drinking water is not my strong suit. I have to really force myself to stay hydrated, especially working from home because it’s easy to sit at my desk and not fill up my water bottle all day. So, I’m taking a slightly different approach to fixing that problem this year, and it’s allowing myself to drink anything but water in the evenings. Don’t get me wrong, I will still drink water with dinner, to take my medicine before bed, or just simply to sip throughout the night. But right after work ends, whether I’m hankering for a bubbly soda, sparkling water, or an adult libation, I’m letting myself have it instead of forcing myself to stick to water only. It encourages me to stick to water as much of the day as I can, but I know I can “indulge” with something else to change it up.

      Source: @theplussizedprep

      6. Create challenges for workouts
      Motivating yourself to workout at home when the gym isn’t an option is hard. Why would I push hard if no one can see me? Why would I create or follow a routine if I don’t have to? There’s nothing holding me back from stopping in the middle of a workout just because I don’t feel like it. So to keep myself motivated and inspired, I’m creating challenges for myself. I’ll tell myself to work out three times a week, and then after I do that for four weeks straight, I push it to four days a week. Maybe I’ll try to do yoga every day for seven days straight, and then the next week I focus on doing 20 minutes of cardio a day. Making these small, reachable goals every week rather than some overarching goal of “work out more” is much easier to follow and accomplish.

      7. Keep your phone in another room while sleeping 
      I can’t be the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night, checks their phone, and ends up staying awake for way too long because I end up scrolling for no reason at all. I really try to limit how much I use my phone before bed, but if I keep it next to me, I’ll inevitably use it any time I wake up (including first thing in the morning). By keeping it away from my bed, I’d have to get up to grab my phone if I want to use it, and when I’m half-asleep at 4 a.m., that’s unlikely to happen. Prioritizing better sleep is a major goal of mine in 2021, and I’m trying this first!
      This hack also might help me hit snooze less because I’ll have to get up to turn the alarm off. Win-win!

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      8. Add movement into every part of your routine
      If starting from no workouts to five a week feels daunting (for one, it is!), try just adding different forms of movement into every part of your day. Turn on some music (maybe a glass of wine!), and dance around the kitchen while you cook dinner. Maybe you do some stretches from the couch while watching your favorite show. You could try setting a timer during the day to get up and get more water and move around for 10 minutes. You don’t have to follow an eight-week intense HIIT program to feel the benefits of moving your body more, and finding small ways to add that in (especially while working from home) is beneficial too. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      13 Ways to Cleanse Your Life

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      Sure, you’ve heard of (and probably dread) spring cleaning, when you change the pillows, flip the mattress, and deep clean your bathroom, but we also stan a cleaning at the end of the year that cleanses more than just the home. Take a cue from nature: the trees are shedding their leaves, so why shouldn’t we? The end of 2020 is the perfect time to let go of physical, mental, and emotional toxins. So what’s the best way to clean up your life during a time where we’re always distracted, on-the-go, stressed, or busy? Try these 13 holistic challenges simultaneously, or tackle one challenge every day to Marie-Kondo your health, wellbeing, and entire life.
      1. Simplify your diet
      When it comes to cleansing nutrition, a juice cleanse doesn’t have to be your go-to. Instead of opting for a totally different diet, simplify your diet. Focus less on frozen meals, processed products, or a plethora of sauces, dressings, and dips, all of which have a multitude of ingredients. Instead, prioritize whole foods that come from the earth, not a factory. Make sure the majority of your grocery cart is from the produce section or full of whole foods like beans, lentils, rice, or quinoa. Make meals more flavorful with whole ingredients like herbs, spices, olive oil, or apple cider vinegar. Yes, you might be opting for processed foods as a way to simplify your life and make meal time easier, but trust me, a few fresh, whole ingredients is way simpler than an ingredients list that you can’t pronounce. 

      Source: @ariellelorre

      2. Refresh your personal finance
      Money is not just something you make and then spend; it’s your life’s energy force. Think about it: money is an exchange of value for the effort and energy we give about 40 hours every single week. Take a look at your bank accounts and credit card statements to reevaluate how you’re spending your life’s energy. Does it really bring you joy to go to drinks with the friend you don’t have fun with or to buy the top you’ll never end up wearing? Managing money based on what does and doesn’t bring you joy will reduce stress that comes with spending money on the vacations, items, and experiences that you truly love.
      If money is a consistent source of stress for you and you feel like you’re always coming from a “lack” energy instead of an abundance energy, try cleansing your spendings. Temporarily cancel recurring charges, increase your savings by five percent, order out less, or designate certain days of the week where you won’t spend any money. With the money you do save, consider investing it in yourself: get the gym membership, purchase that online course, or put more into your savings account for future you. The more money you put into something, the more likely you are to make it a priority. 

      3. Limit stress and clear out negative emotions 
      You’ve probably heard of a juice detox, but what about an emotional detox? Sometimes we need a little extra focus on removing impurities in the mind, too. The goal of an emotional detox is not to totally totally get rid of negative emotions (ups and downs are a part of being human, after all), but rather to clear out emotions that are stagnant and no longer serving us. Try recording negative emotions, coming up with a plan of action when negative emotions come up, or go on a full-on complaint cleanse. Since a big (unavoidable) piece of mental health is stress, prioritize cleansing that too. Limit stress by scheduling breaks and downtime into your calendar, forgive yourself (and others) for making mistakes, and incorporate CBD to limit day-to-day or chronic stress (bonus tip: try any of the products from Equilibria, which is our very favorite for stress relief). 

      Source: @kelclight

      4. Reassess your relationships
      Whether online or in real life, unfollow toxic people that drain your energy instead of lift you up. Make a list of the people you come in contact with most often, including friends, roommates, family, coworkers, etc., and ask how you feel being with each person. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you should only be giving your precious energy and time to people who are deserving. That means people you’re proud to be around, people who bring you joy, and people who make you feel loved. If you find that some unavoidable people don’t fall into this category (like a jealous coworker or a toxic family member), you can still consciously decide to give them less thought and energy, even if they still require your time. 

      5. Designate a tech-free space
      Sadly, technology is a big part of cleansing because it’s a big part of our lives. While tech is often unavoidable (we need to make a living somehow, you know?), try to designate one space in your home that’s tech-free. Try the bedroom, kitchen table, or corner where you keep a yoga mat and meditation pillow to create one space in your home where Netflix, Instagram, and Slack are not allowed. Having this tech-free space will remind you to have some “off” time every day, whether it’s during dinner with your significant other, while meditating and working out, or right before bed.

      Source: @the_stables_

      6. Cleanse your social media
      If it tickles your fancy, take a social media detox and delete all the life-sucking apps (sorry, was that dramatic?) from your phone for a designated period. However, also be mindful of how you can keep your social media habits cleansed, even after the detox is over. Utilize the mute or unfollow button for accounts that don’t inspire you, stop checking your phone first thing in the morning, and turn off all notifications. Yes, I said “all.” When your notifications are on, whether it’s a like on Instagram or an iMessage, you’re no longer in charge of your own life and habits. The phone buzzes or lights up to tell you when it’s time to check your texts or Instagram feed, instead of being able to choose when is best for you to check your phone. 
       
      7. Donate “excess” clothes
      You knew that organization would come into a life cleanse at some point (or you would if you binged Get Organized with The Home Edit in a day as I did). In my opinion, the closet is the most important space to start with, as it’s often a representation of what we need to let go of. For example, donate or sell clothes that don’t fit. Period. Holding onto items you hope you’ll fit into one day is only stopping you from loving, accepting, and dressing for who you are right now. Also, in the most Mario-Kondo fashion ever, get rid of what doesn’t spark joy. Even your clothing items should bring value to your life: a cozy sweater that keeps you warm, a sparkly necklace that makes you happy, a nice bra that makes you feel sexy, or a dress that reminds you of that shopping trip you took with your mom. If they don’t, time to make room for something that will. 

      Source: @waityouneedthis

      8. Refine decision making 
      We make a lot of decisions every single day, even just within the first few minutes of waking up: whether or not to hit snooze, what to wear (which is approximately 100 different decisions), and when to turn on the coffee pot. The little decisions add up to feel so overwhelming that we become unable to make even the most basic decision. Decision fatigue is real, people! To keep up with healthy habits and improve your overall wellbeing, limit decision making as much as possible and reduce decision fatigue. Meal prep all your lunches, sign up for online workout classes in advance (or put a workout in your calendar), do the dishes right after dinner without the choice to do them later, and try a go-to outfit formula so you don’t have to think about what to wear. 

      9. Get sweaty
      The word “detox” has basically lost its meaning since it has become one of the most over-used buzzwords in the wellness space. However, there’s one sneaky method that can actually help the body get rid of toxins, and guess what: it’s not a juice cleanse. “The primary detox organs are the liver and kidneys, but sometimes they’re not able to get rid of certain toxins,” Jeffrey Morrison, MD, told Well + Good.  “What doesn’t leave gets stored, so the body gets rid of it through a secondary system, which is sweat.”
      That’s right: the embarrassing stuff you try to prevent with antiperspirant and prevents you from going straight to work after a hot yoga class can help your body rid itself of toxins. Add “detoxing” to the long list of reasons to exercise. If you’re not exercising regularly or prefer low-impact workouts that don’t break a sweat, try taking a steam shower or finding a sauna near you. 

      10. Spend time in silence
      When’s the last time you actually sat in silence and did nothing? Yes, I mean without the TV on or Instagram pulled up on your phone. Sitting in silence is one of the most crucial and effective things we can do to declutter the mind. Think of it like plugging your phone in the charger when its battery is running low; when the brain is always on, it never gets a chance to shut off. Cozy up on the couch and stare at the fireplace, spend two minutes taking in every scent, sight, and smell, sit on a park bench and take in the scenery, or try meditation. The more uncomfortable sitting in silence is, the more you probably need it. 

      Source: @aroundthewaygyrl

      11. Reassess your schedule
      That’s right: you can (and should!) detox your schedule too. Try looking through a few days or a week of your planner to get a better understanding of what you’re doing all day, every day. If you don’t schedule and plan out every second of your entire life like I do (how does anyone live without an overly detailed planner!?), consider tracking every activity and task for a couple of days to get a good understanding of how you spend your time. Include everything from work projects to a five-minute Instagram scroll. Once you know exactly how you’re spending your day or week, reassess what’s really worth your time and energy. Find the pockets of time that feel like a waste (looking at you, TikTok scroll), and reassess how you can fill that time differently to make you happier or calmer. 

      12. Get some indoor plants
      You don’t have to have an inherent green thumb to know that plants bring, attract, and give off good energy. It’s believed that they ease stress, purify the air, boost creativity, and help increase productivity. In other words, having a plant in your home or workspace can simultaneously cleanse stress levels, your work quality, and the air. BRB, my apartment is about to become a forest. Don’t have much of a green thumb? Click here for how to keep your indoor plants alive, or check out these houseplants that you won’t kill (promise!). And if you’re really not about that plant-life, some affordable fake plants couldn’t hurt (if nothing else, they’ll look really in your home!).

      13. Detox your sleep 
      I like to say that everything starts in the bedroom. Get your mind out of the gutter–not like that (although that might be true too). I mean that sleep is one of the most crucial elements to our overall wellbeing. Thanks to factors like stress at work, overexposure to light, and Netflix binges (curse you, Love is Blind!), more people than ever are relying on coffee to get through their day (forget about optimizing health). To fully achieve a cleansed life, you need to regularly get 7-9 hours of quality sleep a night. If you’re not waking up refreshed and staying energized throughout the day, your sleep (or lack thereof) might be to blame. Detox your sleep routine by limiting light in the evenings, perfecting your sleep environment, and stick to a sleep schedule. 

      How do you cleanse your life? More

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      50 Things You Can Do to Be Healthier and Happier in 2021

      by

      As much as we want to head into each new year with excitement and motivation, it’s not always that easy. While it can seem like new beginnings and fresh starts for some of us, New Year’s resolutions can also set us up for disappointment. There’s so much pressure to reach lofty goals like “exercise every day” and “lose 10 pounds.” While those are certainly valid resolutions to strive for, far-off or difficult goals can make the start of 2021 feel like a burden instead of a blessing. No one looks forward to starting a diet, right? Plus, it’s easy to lose motivation when you’re focused on a number on the scale or a specific guideline to follow. Instead of heading into the new year with far-off goals that will only disappoint you (sorry, not sorry), there are so many small steps you can take to be your healthiest and happiest self this year (that you’ll actually be able to keep). We’re running through 50 (yes, 50!) concrete steps you can take to boost endorphins and keep your health on track. And while some are focused on diet and exercise, there are also so many ways to improve your wellness beyond being physically fit. After all, you could eat a perfectly clean diet and exercise every day, but if you’re not taking care of yourself in other ways, you can never be truly healthy. Here are 50 things you can do right now to be healthier and happier this year (that have absolutely nothing to do with eating less sugar or burning calories):

      1. Say “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”
      2. Make your bed every morning

      4. On days you don’t feel like exercising, try one of these workouts

      6. Schedule all your doctors appointments for the year (virtual counts too!)
      7. Download a meditation app like Headspace or Calm
      8. Sit in child’s pose for a minute when you’re stressed
      9. Buy yourself flowers
      10. Call a friend or coworker instead of texting

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      11. Eat the rainbow by trying a variety of fruits and vegetables 
      12. Go stargazing and get fresh air
      13. Drink a glass of water before and after every meal
      14. Start a cookbook club

      16. Go on more walks
      17. Delete the news apps on your phone
      18. Sneak leafy greens into sauces, dips, and dressings
      19. Go to bed five minutes earlier every night until you’re waking up without an alarm clock

      Source: Felicia Lasala for The Everygirl

      21. Prioritize sexual wellness by downloading an app like Coral or treating yourself to a new vibrator
      22. Declutter the playlists, pictures, apps, and notes on your phone
      23. Improve your relationship with food by eating with self-love instead of self-criticism 

      27. Come up with an affirmation, theme, or mantra for your year

      29. Instead of FOMO, talk yourself into having JOMO (joy of missing out)

      Source: @thebeverlyadams

      31. Sign up for virtual events or online courses

      33. Prep healthy snacks to have on-hand at all times
      34. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks into your workday to take deep breaths or walk around
      35. Leave your laptop out of the bedroom

      37. Make a list of your top 10 sources of stress, and then identify solutions for each of them

      39. Get sunlight first thing in the morning
      40. Add something nutritious to your diet every day

      Source: @sarahlouiseslusher

      41. Stretch your body while watching TV

      43. Add spices and herbs to every meal

      45. Instead of eating less calories, focus on adding more nutrients
      46. Chop and roast veggies to prepare for the week 
      47. Text compliments to loved ones
      48. Turn on a playlist and dance around the kitchen while cooking

      We want to know: what goals do YOU have for 2021?!  More

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      The #1 Way to Feel Sexier This Winter

      by

      The last thing I’ve felt in 2020 is sexy. Run-down, frustrated, annoyed, terrified, and bored are eons higher on the list of emotions I’ve felt the most this year, and I’m sure plenty can relate. Having a thriving and exciting sex life (even if it’s just with yourself) was likely one of the first things to go out the window, and now that we’ve loosely figured out work-from-home, staying in nonstop, and virtual happy hours, it’s high-time we all give our sex lives and our confidence a boost. And I’ve got the perfect, inexpensive way to do it. When was the last time you replenished your underwear stash? If it wasn’t in the last year, listen up: buying underwear doesn’t have to be a cumbersome process anymore, and it never has to come in a pack of 10 from the grocery store (nor a store that makes you feel blah about your appearance) because BootayBag is the adult, super simple way to get cute underwear you’ll love.
      BootayBag is the underwear subscription service our editors use and love because it’s easy, affordable, and the options are truly cute. Sign up, and you can choose one or two pairs of underwear each month, plus the option to add on a matching bralette (who wouldn’t?! Not like bras with wires exist anymore!). They have thongs, cheeky undies, hipsters, and more in all different styles, colors, and prints that are brand new every single month—so you won’t even have to think about buying new underwear basically ever (which is something we can all rejoice to!). Just choose your size and style, and it’s shipped right to your door. Easy, peasy. Plus, you can swap your style, skip the month, or cancel at any time, meaning the process is super transparent and easy to use. 

      Source: @higuysitsana for Bootay Bag

      Feeling sexy isn’t just about having a partner, it’s about feeling good in the skin you’re in, and owning it. And dare I say it, putting on some cute lingerie, whether it’s to wear under your leggings and T-shirt all day or to lay on the couch and watch TV, is a ritualistic way to set the mood and feel sexy no matter which way you take it. We might be spending our days sitting at the same desk, staring at a computer, and ignoring all the cute clothes in our closets, but that’s all the more reason to do what you can to feel hot—all by yourself. 

      It’ll boost your sex life
      Want to boost your sex life and sexual confidence this year? Trust me: adding cute undies from BootayBag to your routine is the simplest way. When you feel confident and comfortable in yourself, you just feel sexier, and we all know what happens to our sex lives when we feel in the mood. 😉

      It encourages you to keep up
      Plus, BootayBag makes it so easy and gets you excited every month to keep it up. No more of those February blues when you realize you’ve already abandoned your resolutions. This is a habit you’ll want to keep up, and getting to try a new pair every month makes it simple to try new designs, cuts, and styles you maybe wouldn’t buy for yourself.

      It’s beyond affordable
      Unlike sex toys and other lingerie, BootayBag is so affordable. Your first month is 50 percent off, and it still only starts at $10 a month. Who wouldn’t spend $10 a month to feel more confident?!

      Source: @higuysitsana for Bootay Bag

      No matter what your relationship status is right now, we all deserve to feel hot and sexy all by ourselves, and a feisty new pair of panties is just the way if you ask me. Try your first month of BootayBag for 50% off!

      This post is sponsored by Bootay Bag, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      From CEOs to Registered Dietitians: 15 Women Share The Supplements They Take and Why

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      Maybe you don’t see every new supplement as a shiny new toy like I do, but there’s no doubt that the wellness world is confusing AF. Between probiotics, collagen, vitamins, and countless brands with pretty packaging, it seems like a new brand or supplement comes out every day that many of us feel like we need to achieve optimal health. It’s like every wellness influencer and doctor swears by a different vitamin that I believe in my heart will finally be the secret to healing all of my symptoms, getting radiant skin, or giving me more energy. The end result? A lot of money spent on smoothie add-ins and bottles of pills, and a whole lot of confusion over what our bodies actually need. For the betterment of humanity (and I’ll be honest, for selfish reasons), I interviewed 15 practitioners, trainers, educators, and all-around wellness advocates on the supplements they take, in an attempt to demystify the supplement world once and for all and find the best supplements. FYI, this advice is not meant to further confuse you and make you spend $$$ in a desperate attempt for perfect health. Instead, it’s to show that everyone is different and needs different things–including wellness experts.
      If you’re interested in upgrading your supplement routine (me, always), this article is intended to spark inspiration, help you identify what your body needs, and then talk to your doctor about some options that might be right for you.

      1. Berrion Berry, Period Educator, Practitioner, and Founder of The Flo Academy

      Source: @thefloacademy

      “When it comes to supplements, I’m very specific because optimum hormone health is a must for me. Every day, I take a menstrual multivitamin called Ovamoon. It has a lot of micronutrients and vitamins like B vitamins for energy, chromium to boost mood, taurine for estrogen metabolism, and papaya enzymes to support digestion. When I’m on my period, I take Semaine, a plant-based period pain relief, and it truly works wonders for me. It contains ingredients like Boswellia for anti-inflammation, silymarin to support the liver and reduce bloating, and quercetin to help lessen cramps. I love to keep my vitamin and supplement situation simple and uncomplicated.”

      Source: @danielleduboise

      “I’m eight months pregnant, so I take The Foundation: Prenatal every single day. It was created because we struggled to find a prenatal that met our high standards for purity and potency. It’s plant-based and specifically formulated for optimal health throughout the stages of pregnancy and motherhood with choline, chlorella, folate, iron, and omega-3. As a busy mom, I know there are days when I won’t be able to get in all my greens and essential nutrients, so it gives me such peace of mind that my baby and I will be supported.”

      3. Les Alfred, Personal Trainer, Nutrition Coach, and Host of the Balanced Black Girl Podcast

      Source: @balancedles

      “I keep my supplement routine pretty simple and vary what I take depending on my needs. On a typical day, I take a women’s multivitamin, a probiotic, and an adaptogen blend in my morning coffee or tea. The week before my period, I take a B-vitamin supplement and magnesium.”

      4. Dr. Mona Vand, Pharmacist and Digital Creator

      Source: @monavand

      “I personally think supplements and multivitamins are often overused. Instead, I always recommend a micronutrient panel (which is a much more comprehensive blood work panel than a regular CBC) to see what you’re deficient in, and then individually add whatever you have low levels of. Here’s what I take based on my needs: 
      CoQ10: This is a great one for anyone! It supports heart health, overall antioxidant function, and enhances fertility. It hits a broad range of benefits that make it a no-brainer.
      Iron: I take an iron supplement because I tend to run low on iron and ferritin, which is your body’s storage of iron. Low iron can be common in vegans and vegetarians, so I suggest getting a comprehensive micronutrient panel to check your levels and then supplementing if needed.
      Vitamin D: I like a vitamin D supplement because many people are deficient in it. Personally, I avoid sun exposure at all costs (no thank you hyperpigmentation, melanoma, and premature wrinkles!), which means I’m missing out on the natural source of vitamin D, so supplementing is helpful. 
      In terms of natural powders/supplements that I like to add into smoothies, my favorites are spirulina, chlorophyll, and high-quality collagen (Bulletproof is an incredible high-quality brand).” 

      5. Valerie Agyeman, RD, Women’s Health Dietitian, and Founder of Flourish Heights

      “I take vitamin D regularly. As a result of blood work, I found that I was vitamin-D deficient and was prescribed vitamin D. Now, I keep up with labs to make sure I am within the normal range for my body. Vitamin D plays a big role in women’s health, from immune support to mood regulation, so it’s something I make sure to keep up. It’s important to obtain nutrients from food first, but taking a multivitamin regularly helps me fill those nutritional gaps, especially for moments where my eating pattern is all over the place, because… life. Also, I’ve been taking magnesium regularly for the past year, and it’s helped with stress and sleep, along with other things. ”

      Source: @iamsahararose

      “As an Ayurvedic Author and Practitioner, I love to take Ayurvedic herbs that come from whole plant ingredients and work with the entire system of the body. My favorite brand is Banyan Botanicals. One I’ve been taking every day is their Adrenal Nourish, which is incredible for balancing adrenal fatigue. I also practice breathwork, dance, and meditation to bring my body into balance.”

      7. Amanda Kloots, Professional Dancer, Celebrity Trainer, and Instructor at Studio B

      Source: Amanda Kloots

      “I love Bite Gummies right now! I take three different gummies every day: Baby Face, a youth-boosting gummy with superfood ingredients like silica, acai, omegas, and collagen; C-Food for skin-nourishing greens like sea moss, kale, kiwi, aloe, papaya, and spirulina; and Lighten Up, which is an antioxidant powerhouse with ingredients like apple cider vinegar, pomegranate, beetroot, and B vitamins.”

      8. Erika Polsinelli, Kundalini Breathwork Healer and Founder of Evolve By Erika

      “First and foremost, I believe so much of our minerals and nutrients should come in its truest form: fruits and vegetables. As it gets colder outside, I love drinking green juices first thing in the morning to get extra nutrients in, and I add ginger to my water to help boost immunity. I also take zinc and vitamin D, which also help to boost immunity. Vitamin D is also said to help combat depression, which helps in the colder winter months. Probiotics are also essential in my routine.”

      9. Maya Feller, MS, RD, CDN, Nutrition Expert and Author

      Source: @mayafellerrd

      “I’m currently taking zinc, magnesium, curcumin, vitamin-D, and using CBD topically to support my system during a time of stress.”

      10. Lo Bosworth, Founder and CEO of Love Wellness

      Source: @lobosworth

      “I always start my day with the Daily Love Multivitamin, Good Girl Probiotics, and Perfect Condition Vitamin. These three are the baseline to not only my nutritional needs, but they are also helping to keep my gut health in check. I’m also a huge fan of Bye Bye Bloat, a Love Wellness fan-favorite. Anytime that I’m feeling a bit bloated, it really does the trick (especially around the holidays!).”

      11. Chevy Laurent, Fitness Instructor and Founder of RydeFYR

      Source: @chevylaurent

      “I regularly drink the Tone It Up Protein Powder, but in the last several weeks, I’ve started to use the new Gummy Vitamins. I like the multivitamin specifically formulated for women and the ACV gummy, but my favorite is the Vitamin C immunity support gummy. I love how these products are made by women that I know, love, and trust. I’m committed to taking them regularly because it’s so important to focus on doing everything you can to improve your overall health, especially during these crazy 2020 times.”

      Source: Serena Loves

      “I’m a huge proponent of eating a rainbow of whole foods to get your most bioavailable source of vitamins, minerals, and core nutrients. However, I am just as enthusiastic about including high-quality supplements to give added support and balance to the body. I am ritualistic about taking certain vitamins because of the many years of experience I have with my own body and working with clients. After my daily warm lemon water, I start with a liquid elixir that is a blend of mushroom tinctures, apple cider vinegar, whole leaf aloe, herbal immunity blend, and colloidal silver. I follow that with a Just Add Water, which is a superfood blend. Throughout the day, I take a variety of supplements and vitamins, including a probiotic, nootropic brain support blend, L-Lysine, zinc, evening primrose oil, turmeric (Elixinol), cranberry, and magnesium glycinate (before bed).”

      13. Ariel Belgrave, Health & Fitness Coach and Creator of The L.E.A.N. Method

      “My two favorite vitamins or supplements that I take regularly are the Women’s Formula from Smarty Pants and Tone It Up’s Apple Cider Vinegar Gummies.”

      14. Alana Kessler, MS, RD, Founder of Be Well by AK

      “I take vitamin D and K for anti-inflammation, heart health, and bone health; Glutamine for gut integrity; milk thistle (glutathione) for detox support, magnesium for neuromuscular support; and a B-complex for hormone health, cellular metabolism, and energy.”

      15. Jasmine Marie, Breathworker and Founder of black girls breathing

      Source: black girls breathing

      “As I navigate being a founder, space maker, and human during a collectively hard time, the most reliable supplement for me has been magnesium. I take it orally and absorb it through my skin by adding epsom salts to baths. I can tell a difference in my cycles, energy levels, and overall body when I take it. A hot and piping peppermint tea is also a favorite in the colder months during the evenings or when I’m reading, and I drink it iced during the summer months when I’m trying to limit coffee.”

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More