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      What I Wish Someone Told Me as a Black Girl Struggling With an Eating Disorder

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      I was 17 when I decided I wanted to take control of my weight, and like every single weight-loss-related piece of information will insist, it requires a lifestyle change. For a long time, I considered the way I completely avoided entire food groups, severely restricted my daily calories to around 1,000 a day, and my hours-long, six-days-a-week HIIT workouts, to be the aforementioned lifestyle change.I think everyone understood my initial desire to lose weight (as I was ostensibly overweight), but not my desire to want to be skinny—and skinny was what I so desperately wanted to be. I wanted no parts of those curves that women like me were supposed to embrace. I was a Black girl that wanted to see hip bones rather than hips. 
      Which is the whole problem, right? As a Black girl growing up, having some meat on your bones was a good thing. Our community values curves. We’re tacitly taught that we should be desirous of a thicker body, and there are many complex, historical, and cultural reasons for this. This is why the idea of a Black girl wanting to be thin seems absurd, and having an eating disorder even more so. In fact, per NEDA, when it comes to eating disorders, Black women are under-diagnosed and under-treated when compared to their white counterparts. Unfortunately, according to VeryWell Mind, studies have shown that medical professionals are simply less likely to diagnose BIPOC with an eating disorder,  even if they have the same kinds of symptoms as a white person who is diagnosed with one. 

      Studies have shown that medical professionals are simply less likely to diagnose BIPOC with an eating disorder,  even if they have the same kinds of symptoms as a white person who is diagnosed with one. 

      This might be why it took me so long to understand that having such severe anxiety about food wasn’t just part of my new, “healthy” lifestyle, and it actually wasn’t OK that I couldn’t eat something without googling the calories (and this was almost a decade ago, so imagine trying to look up the nutritional facts of Chipotle’s fajita vegetables on my Blackberry Storm!).
      Years later, my relationship with food is much improved, though I am still a work in progress. And to be clear, I am in no way offering any medical advice. If you feel like you might be struggling with an eating disorder or you are concerned about your relationship with food, I encourage you to seek the help of a professional. 
      That said, as Black people, we navigate a unique cultural landscape that impacts the way we look at our bodies and food. This kind of discourse is often absent when we talk about eating disorders or unhealthy relationships with food. And while I’ll be thrilled if this message resonates with a broad spectrum of people, I really hope that this article helps a Black girl like me feel a little bit more seen.

      Ignore cultural myths about being a Black girl
      The world has placed Black girls in a box, complete with a laundry list of things supposedly we do and don’t do. And to varying extents, we’ve internalized it as well. I think having a better understanding of this would have been the difference between unsuccessfully telling myself that I needed to stop acting like a white girl and acknowledging that I was going through something that required professional help. I don’t want to frame it as though it’s empowering to assert that Black girls do experience eating disorders, because it’s far from—but thinking that you are immune from a condition because it seemingly “just doesn’t happen” in your community is problematic.
      I think, intuitively, we know that we are complex; I don’t know a single Black woman that lives up to the caricatured stereotype of what we are supposedly like. But we need to remind ourselves of our nuance every time that voice in our head tries to box us in. That’s when we’ll start viewing ourselves as full human beings who have the capacity for the entire range of human experience.

      Don’t lose your culture in your quest to lose weight
      I’m from the Caribbean, and food is a huge part of our culture. We love any excuse to cook a huge meal, stock the bar, and have a good time. Caribbean food is a lot of rice and peas, fried fish, barbecued pork, curry goat, fried plantain, and so on. All delicious, but not necessarily the most healthy if they’re prepared traditionally, and I believe that across the African diaspora, you’ll find similar foods and methods of preparation.
      The thing about an eating disorder is that it will have you terrified of the foods that you’ve grown up with, and by extension, a part of you as well. I’m not trying to say you are what you eat or that entire cultures are defined by foods, but I do think that, especially for People of Color, our foods hold a certain cultural, historical, and emotional weight. I think back to my college days, juggling the trauma and mental stress of living in a foreign country (and the accompanying micro-aggressions and culture shock), all the while depriving myself of the foods that would’ve made me feel closer to home. Don’t do your soul a disservice by suffocating a part of it.

       
      You are responsible for how you present yourself to the world, but not the world’s perception
      I think that sometimes as Black women, we are so used to having every single bit of us scrutinized: our hair, our skin tone, our behavior, our tone of voice, “If I do X, how will it look? What impression will I give?”
      We spend a lot of time policing ourselves, because we know if we don’t someone else will. I totally get it; it’s something I’m very guilty of myself. It was (is) pretty difficult for me to even write this because I’m so anxious about the way I’ll be perceived. There’ve been times that I’ve randomly gone on my Instagram profile and tried to look at it through the eyes of a stranger (please let me know if you’ve done this too, by the way, so I don’t feel totally alone!). I want us to collectively unlearn all of that. Viewing your appearance, your body, or your life through the gaze of others will leave you unhappy and sick. It is your birthright to show up in this life the way you choose; life will become a little lighter once you start owning that. Consistently and relentlessly ask yourself, “Who am I doing this for?”

      I’m not trying to say you are what you eat or that entire cultures are defined by foods, but I do think that, especially for People of Color, our foods hold a certain cultural, historical, and emotional weight.

      Your looks will never bring lasting contentment
      When you embark on a weight loss journey, you expect that it will transform your life—you’ll be prettier, happier, healthier, and skinnier. Some of us unfortunately end up on a slippery slope thinking, “only a few more pounds, then I’ll be good for sure.” Your goal weight keeps getting lower and lower, you are getting thinner and thinner, and somehow you’re still not happy… what gives?
      The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we can achieve lasting happiness from the way we look. I’ve experienced my body in a vast range of sizes and shapes. I’ve been thin, I’ve been fat, and I’ve been equally dissatisfied either way. Weight loss is not a cure-all, and being skinny won’t make you happy, no matter what society would have you believe. As I try to lose my quarantine weight this year, I’ve been actively trying to keep that in mind. I want to be happy with my body at every stage of this journey, rather than expecting happiness to suddenly emerge at the ‘end.’

      Don’t just cut the branches—uproot
      I was 21 spending a semester abroad in London with a group of amazing girls who were equally eager to soak up all that Europe had to offer. We ran through all our money (I had like $33 to my name on the flight home), finding the cheapest ways to experience the most amazing things. Suddenly, the idea of leaving Paris without trying an authentic crepe or Amsterdam without, ahem, splitting a space cake seemed so absurd, I didn’t care about being skinny. I ate, I laughed, I lived, so obviously I thought, boom, I’m cured—that was easy! Looking back now, I can see that though it was a tiny step in the right direction, it definitely wasn’t a cure.
      You see, while losing yourself fully in an experience can help put things into perspective, if you don’t do the work to actually deal with those unhealthy behaviors, you can slip back into them. As Black women, we are used to doing work on our own, so much so that getting help— any kind of help— feels uncomfortable. Several years later, I’m a long way from where I was, but about a year ago, I realized that though I may have cut the branches, I didn’t uproot the unhealthy behaviors. I tried working with a nutritionist, and in the spirit of full transparency, that experience didn’t quite work for me. But recently I’ve started working with a personal trainer and that process is in fact helping me rethink the way I look at my body and food. When it comes down to it, you basically have to find what works for you, but to truly heal, you have to confront what got you there in the first place.
       
      For further reading or resources, check out the below links
      The National Eating Disorders Association
      What You Need to Know About Eating Disorders
      Yes, Black Women Struggle With Eating Disorders Too
      It’s Time to Correct the Narrative Surrounding Black Girls and Eating Disorders
       
      If you are struggling with an eating disorder or with disordered thoughts or behaviors regarding food and eating, please seek help. Call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 for support, reach out to a qualified medical professional, or, for a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741. More

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      8 Indoor Hobbies to Get You Through the Winter

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      The likelihood of me leaving the house for anything other than essentials (like work and obtaining groceries) decreases exponentially with the temperature outside. Below freezing? Yeah, probably staying indoors. 10 degrees with a wind chill? Screw the groceries, see you next April.For the days (or, let’s face it, months) when the weather is less-than-ideal, it’s easy for our productivity—and general satisfaction with life—to come to a screeching halt as we hole up with blankets, junk food, and a long, long Netflix queue.
      Don’t get me wrong: I love a good Netflix queue. But it’s difficult enough for busy people to maintain affirming, fulfilling hobbies as it is. Add a snowstorm into the mix, and suddenly an entire season is reduced to a placeholder (especially after the holidays end) for all the stuff we’ll probably start up again once the world thaws.
      If you don’t want to spend all winter feeling frozen in time, here’s a list of fun, fulfilling hobbies you can start within the comfort (and warmth!) of your own home.

      1. Experiment in the kitchen

      When it comes to cooking, there are two kinds of people: Those who cook to live and those who live to cook. Try venturing into the second category by trying new dishes, recipes, and methods. Experiment with new cuisines or flavor profiles and get creative.

      Where to start

      If cooking anything beyond the basics feels totally out of your wheelhouse, try investing in a good cookbook first. As new recipes and new flavor combinations work for you, you’ll need to use cookbooks less and less to whip up something great.

      2. Stay balanced with yoga

      Even if you’re more of a HIIT or treadmill kind of girl, think of yoga as an exercise for stress relief, rather than just physical. Certain yoga poses can help anxiety or lessen the effects of sitting at a desk all day. Try adding a yoga practice into your daily routine to deepen your breath, stay connected to your body, and make it to summer with as little stress as possible. 

      Where to start

      If setting time aside for yoga seems difficult to fit into your schedule, incorporate some flows and poses into your daily routine. For example, try an energizing flow first thing in the morning to wake you up, a wind-down flow before bed, or sit in Child’s Pose whenever you start feeling stressed. 

      3. Learn a new language

      Why not spend all winter learning a new language, then try out your newfound skills on your spring or summer vacation? This hobby will keep your mind stimulated and, if you keep it up, give your resume a major boost.

      Where to start

      Download a language app (like DuoLingo) to your phone. Pick a language and start learning! It really is that simple.

      4. Sharpen your writing skills.

      While natural ability will always play a part in most talents, writing is first and foremost a learned skill. If you’ve ever wished you were a better writer, you’re in luck, because you totally can be. You just need practice.

      Where to start

      If you feel like you have a lot of learning to do, check out writing courses on Skillshare. If your goal is to get creative juices flowing, then write for the sake of writing. Make a plan for how often you want to write, then find a list of writing prompts you like (here’s one) and get started! You can complete the prompt with as little or as much written word as you want. If you want something more interactive, sign up for Daily Page. Every day you’ll receive a new prompt, and you have until the end of the day to complete it. Once finished, you have the choice to share your writing publicly or keep it private.

      5. Unwind with knitting

      Knitting makes the perfect hobby for a number of reasons. For one, once you’ve got the basics down, you can do it while also doing other things (like watching TV or listening to a great podcast or audiobook). This hobby actually makes a night in with Netflix productive, because you’ll end up with sweaters and scarves and hats at the end. Win-win in our book.

      Where to start

      You’ll need a pair of knitting needles, yarn, a crochet hook for picking up dropped stitches, and a yarn needle for joining pieces of knitting together. Then, you’ll want to pick a pattern to start. If you’re a total beginner, take a look at these classes to help you get started.

      6. Reconnect with your inner kid.

      Remember when you were young and a night playing board games or doing puzzles was considered a night well spent? We sure do. As adults, why can’t spending time with friends and family (with some good old-fashioned entertainment) be a hobby? You’ll bond with loved ones, stimulate the brain, and pass the time with some lighthearted (or ultra-competitive, if you’re into that) fun.

      Where to start

      First, pick your board games (duh). Then, on a night you’d otherwise spend curled up watching TV, opt to play the games with your significant other, roommates, or friends. If you’re feeling extra fancy, make board game nights (complete with wine and cheese) a weekly gathering among your group of friends. If puzzles are more your jam, here’s a list of the best selling puzzles on Amazon. If you don’t have kids or pets that will make a mess of it, leave your puzzle out on the coffee table to revisit throughout the day.

      7. Start a new workout plan

      I know, I know. You just rolled your eyes at the suggestion that a workout plan could actually be considered a “hobby.” But workouts don’t have to be forced, painful, or boring. In fact, your workout plan in 2021 should look like finding a workout that feels like a hobby, whether it’s a relaxing yoga flow after a long day or an energizing dance class that reminds you of a GNO (remember clubs?). 

      Where to start

      Obé Fitness offers every possible class you could think of to stream live or on-demand at home, and the live classes turn your living room into a trendy studio or a boutique gym, thanks to fun music, live-streamed classes, and upbeat instructors. Obé Fitness offers classes for everything from cardio, to sculpt, to yoga, and have several 10-day programs custom-made by your favorites (like The Yoga Deep Dive or, ahem, The Everygirl Program, just to name a few). 
      Use promo code “TEG50” to get 50% off your first month of Obé Fitness.

      8. Start an indoor herb garden

      That’s right: gardening doesn’t have to be an outdoor activity reserved for summertime. Keeping a few different herbs indoors not only adds a refreshing feel to your home (and makes for pretty decor!), but it also means more flavorful, healthy meals for a fraction of the price of store-bought herbs. The best part? It’s so easy to start and keep up an indoor herb garden, you don’t even need a green thumb to do it. 

      Where to start

      First, decide which herbs would be best to grow and where you’ll keep them. Parsley, cilantro, or basil, are good herbs to start with indoors because they require less sunlight and give obvious signs if they need more or  less water (AKA they’re pretty foolproof). If you get a lot of sunlight through your apartment and are lucky enough to get year-round sunshine, put plants right by the window to get 6-8 hours of sunlight daily. And if you really want to get legit or aren’t sure if you’ll get enough sunlight from the slit they call a window in your studio apartment (guilty), try an indoor Smart Garden.  More

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      17 Women in Wellness Show You the Inside of Their Fridge

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      They say eyes are the window to the soul, but I’d like to make the case that the window to the soul is, in fact, your refrigerator. Hear me out: our fridges show what’s most important to us (how many fruits and veggies are in your produce drawer, again?), give insight into our lifestyles (are your shelves full of meal-prepped veggies or leftover takeout?), and contain our deepest, darkest secrets (half-melted Ben & Jerry’s, I’m looking at you). It’s kind of like reading a diary entry. To get inspiration for your fridge (whether it’s food storage, meal prep, or healthy eating tips), we asked 17 women in wellness to send us a felfie (or fridge selfie. Isn’t that a thing yet??). Read on to find out what 17 nutritionists, doctors, wellness bloggers, entreprenuers, and healers keep inside their fridges.
       1. Dr. Mona Vand, Pharmacist and Digital Creator

      “Every week, I get a bunch of fresh produce and wash them well before putting them away in produce bins. This helps me eat healthy when I want quick meals throughout the week. I always make sure to have organic berries, Persian cucumbers, red leaf lettuce, and romaine lettuce on hand. I also probably get about 20 limes and lemons each week because I use them on everything. I also like to make my own plant-based milk and add it to glass milk cartons because it looks aesthetic in the fridge, which always makes eating healthy more enjoyable.”

      “I love to cook and prefer bold, spicy, and fermented flavors like black garlic, gochujang, and hot peppers, so my fridge has a lot of sauces and pastes in it. I’m gluten-free, dairy-free, and have an allergy to nightshades (but my husband doesn’t, so our fridge is a happy blend of different versions of a lot of the same foods. For example, we have four different brands of tortillas in the fridge right now!).
      A few staples in my fridge:
      I always have cauliflower for my grandma’s Spanish rice that I’ll cook this week as a side for tacos. 
      I drink kombucha almost every day. I used to make it myself, but the Kirkland brand is my current favorite. 
      I’m a fan of smoothies, so there is always an obscene amount of almond milk in my fridge. I add dates and almond butter to smoothies, so you’ll always find those in here.
      I also keep some of my skincare products in the fridge for freshness and to cool down my eczema flare-ups. I also keep vitamins like fish oil or any with oregano oil in the fridge to help aid digestion.
      I hate wasting food, so each week I’ll make stir-fry brown rice, noodles, or crispy fried rice with tofu, and use up any leftover veggies in one dish. Anything else that’s past its prime will go into my compost.
      There’s always a chilled bottle of wine in my fridge that’s waiting to be opened for a celebration, a chat with a friend, or just a night at home.

      “I use my Foundational Five system to build a balanced meal, so I always have ingredients for each of the five elements prepped, stocked in the fridge, and ready to put together in an easy, nourishing meal. The five elements are protein, healthy fat, starchy carbohydrates, non-starchy carbohydrates, and the flavor factor (think dressings, sauces, and seasonings). I always stock and organize my fridge with the five elements in mind. You’ll find protein options like baked tofu and eggs, non-starchy carbohydrates with fresh and frozen produce, starchy carbohydrates like beans and potatoes, healthy fats like tahini and homemade dressings, and fermented foods like kimchi for a flavor factor.”

      4. Jessica Rihal, Yoga and Meditation Instructor

      “I always keep free-range eggs, pre-washed greens like arugula or spinach, and yogurt on hand. Always having these items (that I personally enjoy eating) makes it very simple to grab and go, or to create a quick and fulfilling meal in just a few minutes.”

      5. Eliza Ganesh, Cofounder and CEO of Sunwink

      “My philosophy is to keep it simple with whole foods and lots of plants. I don’t have rules; I love bread, cheese, and chocolate, and I’m cool with that. My winter staples include vegetable soup, citrus fruit, elderberry syrup, and Immunity Berry and Detox Ginger Sunwink. Some of favorite brands and splurges are Cowgirl Creamery Mt. Tam cheese, Siete tortillas, and Ithaca hummus.”

      “My fridge always changes, depending on what recipes I’m trying for the week. But a few must-have items I always keep stocked in my fridge are a variety of leafy greens, blueberries, lemons, limes, and a constant supply of Tops Chicos. There are also eggs hidden in the back somewhere. I love storing seeds and nuts in glass jars to keep them fresher for longer. Since they typically contain high amounts of unsaturated fat, they’re more prone to spoiling faster from heat and light, so if I’m not using them immediately, I’ll store them in the fridge.”

      7. Ailsa Emmel, Certified Nurse Midwife and Blogger

      “I’m not the cook in my house, so I always have to be sure I have healthy snacks and protein on hand to make a salad or quick meal. My hubby loves to season and garnish meals with cilantro and parsley, which we store in mason jars to increase their longevity. Fruits and yogurt are a must for a healthy parfait. Having fresh items that are easy to grab has made being stuck at home so much easier when the munchies creep in.”

      8. Ana Lilia, Certified Breathwork Teacher and Healer

      “Some of the must-have items in my fridge include pickles (I’m really loving pickled pineapple right now) and celery (I juice one bundle per day and drink it on an empty stomach). Celery juice has anti-inflammatory properties and 12 antioxidant compounds.”  

      9. Maya Feller, MS, RD, CDN, Nutrition Expert and Author

      “These days, my fridge is a combination of produce from Chef Collective and staple items from Fresh Direct. Generally, we always have farm eggs (and lots of them), tons of produce (especially leafy greens and cruciferous veggies), and an assortment of both dairy and non-dairy substitutes.”

      “I hate adding to our landfill waste, so I tend to repurpose takeout containers and use them to store food and leftovers. I also don’t throw out extra condiment packs. Since my kids play sports and my husband is going into the office, these extra condiment packs are great for packed lunches. My family eats veggies and fruit daily. We have a sizable frozen stock of fish and chicken, so for dinner, we will often defrost a little, have rice or beans on the side, and always include a fruit and veggie to accompany it.”

      11. Erika Polsinelli, Kundalini Breathwork Healer and Founder of Evolve By Erika

      “Since my husband and I don’t really drink, I need my fridge stocked with mocktails (like some seltzer or sparkling water, and non-alcoholic elixirs with a squeeze of lemon or orange). I also like to have a green juice handy, in case I’m too lazy to make my own and clean the juicer (if you know, you know). I always have Ezekiel bread to make avocado toasts (an easy go-to for breakfast or lunch) and hummus. Since I am plant-based, hummus is a great source of protein. Last but not least, I always have some fresh produce in case I want to whip up a salad, juice, or smoothie.”

      12. Dr. Kiarra King, OB-GYN and Blogger

      “I’ve been vegetarian for 23 years, so my fridge is plant-based friendly. I always have my favorite veggie sausages (I’m not big on meat replacements, but I like the added variety, texture, and protein from time to time). I use oat milk for recipes like my homemade vegan pancakes and my little one’s cereal. I usually have lots of fruit and veggie options to make fresh smoothies, like carrots, spinach, oranges, apples, and bananas. I’m currently doing a three-day juice cleanse, so that’s in my fridge too.”

      “As a plant-based enthusiast, my staples are obviously vegetables. My fridge is usually full of produce, low-sugar green juices, kombucha, fresh berries, and sprouts. Not pictured, but another favorite fridge staple is vegan cheese. I also love to snack on crudités as a snack, so I typically have a variety of fresh dips and hummus as well.”

      “You’ll find tons of whole foods like broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, and kale, as well as lots of condiments to spice up veggies. For our little one, we always keep frozen breast milk, organic frozen berries, and frozen vegetables. Peep our home made cold brew too!”
       

      “My fridge basics include eggs, yogurts, yummy cheese, kimchi, some fresh veggies, herbs, lettuces, and my favorite condiments like miso, tahini, tamari, and hot sauce.”

      “My fridge will never feel empty as long as there are condiments (especially hot sauce). Cholula is my classic pick, but I love Cutino Sauce Co, which is a small batch sauce made locally. Since I have a cereal brand, my fridge always has nut milk. If I feel productive, I make almond milk from scratch, but otherwise, it’s a rotating assortment of brands. I’m still on the search for my favorite, but I’m currently into Minor Figures. Dieux is a reusable eye mask that’s quickly become a staple part of my morning routine. After applying serum, I pull the cool mask from the fridge and wear it while drinking an americano and scrolling TikTok. 
      A few other staples: I love looking through the tahini section at Middle Eastern grocers. It’s beautiful how much versatility can come from one single ingredient. I always have a backup (because tahini is self-care!), and Seed + Mill is one of my favorites. Lastly, there are few things better than a turkey sandwich. I keep Kewpie mayo on hand, as it’s the secret ingredient to a perfect sandwich. The slight sweetness of this Japanese-style mayo is unmatched.” 

      “As a mama of three, it’s so important that our fridge is stocked with healthy and enjoyable foods for the kids to grab and go, plus all the essentials to make rich, nutrient-dense meals. Our mantra is to eat your colors, so my fridge is always packed with every color of the rainbow to infuse the antioxidants and nutrients that nature provides. My fridge essentials always include nut milk (I love to make my own when I can, like this cashew milk), fresh fruit and veggies, easy grab-and-go drinks (like kombucha), pasture-raised eggs, fresh juice, and hummus for snacking. You’ll also find snack bars for my kids, dark chocolate (a must) and often, we’ll have leftover smoothies that we sip on throughout the day. I have so much gratitude for my fridge; it’s our treasure trove of yummy, nourishing food and drinks.”

      What are your fridge staples for healthy eating? More

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      You Don’t Need a Better Half—and This Is Why

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      We’ve all seen it, whether in someone else or in ourselves: a woman (or man) falls in love and, somewhere along the way, forgets themselves and fades into half a person. Someway, somehow, the wants and needs of another human being becomes more important than their own. They disappear into themselves or, more accurately, disappears into the new romance, not to return until the initial sense of magic fades.Falling head-over-heels in love is an exhilarating and exciting feeling, one that’s all too easy to get caught up in whenever we’re lucky enough to recognize the sensation. But while love and partnership can be amazing if you want to have those things, they should never come at the cost of your own sense of self.
      We are a generation raised on the words: “You complete me.” Romantic movies and media have shaped the way we regard and celebrate love. We see the language everywhere: Other half, better half, soulmate. In this world, love is seen not just as a wonderful part of life, but an achievement necessary to reach a level of full, complete humanity.

      We are a generation raised on the words: You complete me.

      Frankly, I hate this idea. You don’t need a “better half” because you are not half of a person. You are a whole person. A healthy relationship isn’t made of two broken, incomplete halves becoming one. It’s made of two wholes, both fully formed with their own plans and dreams and ideas, choosing to navigate the world together. And here’s the kicker: holding on to yourself after falling in love won’t just make you happier down the line—it will also make you a better, more honest partner.
      I’ll be the first to confirm that staying in a successful, working marriage is more difficult work than any job I’ve ever had. The people my husband and I were when we married five years ago are not the people we are now, and we’ve had growing pains as our new goals and plans shifted us together in some ways, and apart in others.

      Holding on to yourself after falling in love won’t just make you happier down the line—it will also make you a better, more honest partner.

      Long-term commitment is never easy, and it’s compounded by the fact that, in the early stages of a relationship, we work really hard to make it look like it is. In those magical first few months and years when your partner can do no wrong, we ignore personality traits that will bother us later (and disguise our own bad habits that will later reemerge), put our own goals on hold to make more time for our partners, and generally change ourselves in ways that make for really blissful short-term relationships and really difficult long-term ones.
      Remaining fearlessly ourselves: the good, the bad, the trying-to-untangle-headphones-while-you’re-in-a-rush ugly, might scare off more than a few potential partners who never would have worked out anyway. It might make the initial phases of dating scarier and more vulnerable, and it might make it seem more difficult to find someone special in the first place. But then you can rest easy knowing that the ones who stick around are the ones who are truly compatible with the real you.

      Source: Polina Tankilevitch | Pexels

      Some things to remember:

      1. Remember your goals
      While it’s natural for your goals to fluctuate and change as you re-envision a shared future with someone else, remember that it’s OK (and necessary) to have goals that extend outside of your relationship. You owe it to yourself not to get complacent after settling down.

      2. Make family and friends a priority
      When you start a new relationship, it’s too easy to leave your family and friends in the dust. As you start seeing someone new, double your effort to maintain connections with loved ones. Ask yourself, “Am I saying ‘no’ to them more than ‘yes’?”

      3. Have your own hobbies
      You don’t need to have everything in common with your partner. I will repeat: you don’t need to have everything in common with your partner. You might like reading while he or she prefers video games. You might be an outdoor person while he or she likes staying inside. Sure, these things can help you determine if you’re truly compatible or not, but it’s perfectly healthy for aspects of your lives and interests to exist independently from one another. It’s far more important to be honest and supportive of each other than it is for you to both like camping. I promise.

      Do you change at all when you start a relationship or is this a non-issue? Start a discussion in the comments! More

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      Exclusive: Shop Equilibria’s New Flavors Early + a Special Discount for Our Readers

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      I couldn’t be more excited for Valentine’s Day this year. I’ve always been a Valentine’s girl, TBH. I’d get a fancy new pink or red dress to wear to school, a heart-print sweater, and one year, I debuted my pink Converse. I always think of it as a day to share some love with those around me, and after you know, I am craving the aura of love. I’m indulging in all the self-care I can to show my body and mind a little love right now, and thanks to our friends at Equilibria (after all the restless nights, anxious mornings, and mid-day slumps they’ve gotten me through, I’d say we’re definitely in “friend” territory), exploring self-love just got a lot easier. *Drum roll, please*

      Equilibria is dropping three (!) new flavors of their ever-popular Daily Drops (our team’s favorite CBD product… ever) just in time for the Valentine’s season. The Indulgence Collection includes three decadent, brand new flavors: Peach Gelee, Mint Chocolate Truffle, and Strawberry Shortcake. 😋

      Equilibria
      The Indulgence Collection

      A collection of three new limited edition flavors of Equilibria’s best-selling regular-strength, premium CBD oil.
      – Peach Gelée: Sweet, fruity peach paired with the complex earthiness of ginger
      – Mint Chocolate Truffle: Rich milk chocolate with a hint of minty coolness
      – Strawberry Shortcake: Bright, ripe strawberry with a sweet, creamy finish

      Excited to try? Here’s why we love the Daily Drops and how we use them. 

      Why We Love the Daily Drops
      Our editors swear by Equilibria’s full-spectrum CBD Daily Drops for a myriad of reasons. For one, they’re both fast-acting and long-lasting. You get results in as little as 10 minutes, but these results continue for hours. Plus, as you use it over time, you might notice an overall deeper sense of calm in general. They’re great for tackling the typical day-to-day stress, menstrual-related pain and discomfort, and helping you fall asleep. Here are a few ways we use them:

      Under Your Tongue

      I think of this in the same way people take a shot of protein powder instead of mixing it with someone (dry scoop people are so brave). Simply squeeze a dropper-full of CBD under your tongue, hold it for 15 seconds, and swallow. You’ll notice the effects in as little as 10 minutes, and they last for hours too.

      In Coffee or Smoothies

      If you’re not into the idea of putting the dropper right under your tongue every day, no worries. One of the biggest ways our editors use the Daily Drops is by using a dropper-full in a morning coffee or smoothie. This is a really easy way to level-up your beverage in both taste and effect. I  notice when I put a drop of CBD in my coffee that I digest it better (if you know what I’m sayin’) and notice fewer caffeine crashes. I’m so excited to try the new Peach Gelee drops in a tropical smoothie, and Mint Chocolate Truffle is basically calling out to be in a decadent at-home latte. 

      Topically

      While the Daily Drops are meant to be ingested, they can also be used topically. When I have muscle aches and pains, a headache, or anything that resembles swelling, I love applying a little bit of the Daily Drops on it and massage with a massaging tool (or my hands).

      Equilibria
      The Indulgence Collection

      A collection of three new limited edition flavors of Equilibria’s best-selling regular-strength, premium CBD oil.
      – Peach Gelée: Sweet, fruity peach paired with the complex earthiness of ginger
      – Mint Chocolate Truffle: Rich milk chocolate with a hint of minty coolness
      – Strawberry Shortcake: Bright, ripe strawberry with a sweet, creamy finish

      This post was in partnership with Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      8 Small Changes I’m Making to My Routine

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      I am typically not a big resolution gal, but at the start of 2021, I decided to make a list of some basic changes I wanted to make to my routine. They are not really goals, but instead just some simple habits that I want to incorporate into my everyday life. This way of looking at it helps me to remove the pressure of “New Year’s resolutions” and the inevitable disappointment when I don’t achieve them. As everyone knows, the last year or so has presented us with not only more challenges than we could’ve ever expected, but an entirely new way of living. So what better time than now to reevaluate our routines and make some changes? Personally, I’m working toward an overall more wholesome and fulfilling life, and I feel like these small things have helped me nail down just how to go about that. 
      Here are the eight small changes I’m making to my daily routine in 2021:

      1. Come up with a real plan to drink more water
      I have been telling myself to drink more water for what feels like a lifetime now, and it’s something that I always struggle with. However, I purchased a half-gallon “motivational” water bottle at the beginning of January, and I have never been so hydrated. I am trying to drink at least 64 oz. per day, and I am also aiming to drink at least about 20 oz. before my first cup of coffee to be sure to start my day hydrated.

      2. Make time for the things I care about and genuinely enjoy
      As we go into another year while we are staying at home and needing to find more ways to entertain ourselves, I really want to make more time for the things and creative outlets that I enjoy. I feel as though when I was younger, I was always reading, learning, and making art in my free time, but now I tend to just feel exhausted and want to watch Netflix during that time. I am making a conscious effort to take time to express myself through these creative outlets I love and work on learning and refining some skills like cooking and illustration. 

      3. Eat more well-balanced meals
      Rather than making a New Year’s goal like “eat healthier” or “lose weight”—which just never works for me and often ends up making me feel negatively about myself—I decided that I wanted to make more nutritious and well-balanced meals for myself at home. I am doing this by incorporating more fruits and veggies (trying to get in at least one serving with every meal), making simple swaps like regular pasta for chickpea pasta or regular tortillas for low-carb ones, and trying to not rely so much on processed foods. I also have been on a mission to cook at home for a majority of meals—and I have to say, I have been loving it and can’t wait to continue on this journey of becoming a *Top Chef*. 

      4. Wake up earlier
      This has, by far, been the hardest change on this list for me to make. I have never been a morning person, and I am a chronic snoozer, but whenever I do wake up early, I genuinely enjoy it. I like having extra time before work to really just start my day slowly and allow myself to wake up, so I’m trying to get to the point of doing that regularly. The problem comes from the physical process of opening my eyes and getting out of bed (LOL). I have been slowly but surely setting my alarm earlier and working on getting out of bed with more and more time before I log on for work for the day. Maybe eventually I can add a morning workout in?! I’m dreaming big here. 

      heimvision
      Sunrise Alarm Clock

      I have also switched to this sunrise alarm clock versus my phone alarm. It provides a gentler way to wake up (light and nature sounds) and prevents me from grabbing my phone first thing in the morning.

      5. Read before bed instead of being on my phone
      I have a bad habit of getting in bed at night and then scrolling on my phone for far too long. I have decided that instead of just saying “I’m not going on my phone before bed anymore!” (because that would never work for me), I am working on replacing that time with reading, even if it’s just a few pages. My Kindle has been key in achieving this because of the ease of holding it in bed and the fact that it’s backlit (no reading light required).

      6. Incorporate more movement into my routine
      This is another modified version of a classic New Year’s resolution that tends not to work for me (in this case, “workout more”). I am working toward adding more movement into my daily routine, in the simplest way possible. This could come in the form of a full-blown workout, but I am just trying to get outside and walk more, do a quick yoga flow in the morning or before bed, or even do a few minutes of floor exercises whenever I can fit them in.

      7. Upgrade my WFH space
      At the beginning of the year, with no back-to-the-office date in sight, I decided it was finally time to upgrade my work-from-home space. I invested in a couple items—a laptop stand, keyboard, and mouse—that have really made my experience a lot better. Not only has the new setup made me feel more productive, it now feels like I have somewhere to be, rather than just opening my laptop wherever I am and calling it a day.

      8. Do something every day for the mind
      When a new year comes around, we often make goals that have to do with our physical health without really considering what changes we can make in regard to our mental health. After the year that 2020 was and the things we are still going through, I felt like there was no better time than now to take inventory and decide what I needed for my mind this year. I’m keeping it simple: trying to read more, incorporating yoga and meditation into my routine, napping when I need it, and even coloring and journaling to relax. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      It’s Hard to Watch the Growing Interest in Asian Food After Being Shamed for My Culture as a Kid

      by

      Everyone has a handful of memories that are painful to remember. I have a fistful of memories that are shrouded in guilt and shame. These memories lie deep within my belly, and among these darker memories, there are several of them that are connected to being Asian American. In between the shrouds, I remember being ridiculed for my eyes and being told to “go back to where I came from.” To be frank, growing up Asian American was difficult for me. I grew up in the early 2000s; in a past world where I often felt marginalized by my classmates. While not all Asian-Americans or BIPOC share my experience, based on my candid conversations with my peers, there seems to be a feeling some of us share; this is a feeling of shame. Whether it’s shame over our bodily features or over our heritage, this feeling, I’ve felt many times, lies within the recesses of our bellies. My shame is often surrounding my Korean heritage and the “pungent” foods we eat.
      In the early 2000s, Asian food was not as popular as it is today. Anglo-cized Asian staples, such as Orange Chicken and California Rolls, were around and accepted, but Asians and their authentic food were not. I’m talking about Asian Barbeque, Hot Pot, Xiao Long Bao, Dduk Gook. I was taught by my family that if I ate Korean food in public, that people would shun me. The shame I felt started at a young age. 
      I remember the night I learned that my Korean food was not accepted. It was a cool September “school night.” I was in first grade and would be experiencing my first lunch period since graduating from kindergarten. 

      Source: Shutterstock

      My family had just finished a giant pot of Kimchi Jigaae (a spicy, tangy stew made out of sour fermented kimchi and beef). After scarfing down my bowl, I declared: “I’m bringing this to lunch tomorrow.”
      In response, my mom quickly stated that, in fact, I would not be bringing this to lunch tomorrow… or ever. Her reasoning was that my mostly white, non-immigrant classmates would make fun of me for a number of reasons. She broke it down for me pretty quickly:

      “It smells too strong”
      “It has a weird taste compared to a typical peanut butter sandwich”
      “Your schoolmates simply can’t handle it”

      In Korean culture and in many cultures, food is celebrated, and family time can mean cooking and eating together. In Korean culture, food is our culture. After all, making kimchi with your whole family in the fall is a ritual called Kimjang. 
      I had known that food was a big deal to my family for as long as I remembered, but after hearing my mother explain that our food wouldn’t be accepted, I understood something else. At the tender age of 5, I learned that society didn’t accept who I was because of my heritage and race. After all, if my food and my culture weren’t accepted, how could I be accepted? 
      As years passed, I would remain quiet as my non-POC peers laughed at the thought of Korean people making “BBQ” and would turn their noses up to homemade mahndoo (otherwise known as Korean dumplings). I would even occasionally be the butt of the joke as people asked whether I ate dogs or not.

      At the tender age of 5, I learned that society didn’t accept who I was because of my heritage and race.

      Source: Alejandra Cifre González | Unsplash

      It took until my senior year of high school for something strange to happen. One of my friends said she tried Korean food for the first time and loved it. Since then, my friends have asked me to go to Korean BBQ with them, or have asked how to use chopsticks properly. 
      Over the years it has been hard watching my friends embrace Asian culture with open arms. There lies an underlying frustration that stems from the pain of having to hide my identity for so long. More importantly, my frustration also lies in the way Asian Americans have been treated in the United States over the last 150 years.

      It has been hard watching my friends embrace Asian culture with open arms. There lies an underlying frustration that stems from the pain of having to hide my identity for so long.

      In the past, the rise in awareness of Asian cuisine has come from historic immigration waves. President Lyndon Johnson’s Immigration and Naturalization Act of 1965 allowed for more Asians to finally migrate to the United States, including the immigration of my family. The migrants then exposed non-Asian Americans to new cuisines. 
      The Immigration and Naturalization Act of 1965 is something that has always made me cringe. While it’s lauded for ending a quota-based immigration system, I always felt that it’s a remembrance of wrongdoing towards the Asian community. After all it was the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 that did not allow Chinese immigrants to the U.S. (Later, in 1924, other East, Southeast, and Southern Asians were barred from immigrating also). The Exclusion Act, the first federal law to restrict immigration by nationality, later turned into a restriction by race. It took until 1943 for the Exclusion Act to be repealed, and during the 19th century, there was even a persisting stereotype that the Chinese ate rats. 
      Fast forward to present day, when the Pew Research Center noted in 2017 that there are 20 million Asian-Americans in the U.S., and Asian fast-food restaurant sales in the United States have increased by 135 percent since 1999. 

      Source: Matthieu Joannon | Unsplash

      This growth in Asian food over the last several years has been astounding to see. But after years of Asians being ridiculed, how can I not feel frustration towards this growing interest in Asian food? Why show interest now? What’s the point? 
      After being shunned for my Asian food and heritage my entire life, now the current exoticism and wonder towards Asian cuisine is something that makes me wince. When my friends mention that they want to try more authentic Asian food, I can’t help but feel like they are rubbing salt in an old wound. Where was this acceptance and love for this food when I was a kid.
      Given my uneasiness, I asked my Asian peers what they thought about the current rise in popularity of Asian food. Kevin Chen, a Tawainese-American, said, “People are being more aware of cultures now. It’s just hard because it’s not something that’s going to happen overnight. It’s more about bringing up the message [about Asian food] and having people be more aware of these cultures and the depth of them.”
      Chen continued, “It’s not easy. I had a coworker that said a certain type of Asian Cuisine, Sichuwan, is superior to all Asian food, and you can’t just write off a whole culture like that. You can’t just pigeonhole cultures. Each culture’s cuisine is different.”
      Chen’s cautious optimism towards the growing interest in Asian food is one that mirrors my own. It’s hard to envision a place where people are becoming more accepting towards the Asian community. Their curiosity is often one that I look at with weariness. This weariness comes from a fear of snide comments and a wall of shame. All it really boils down to is a wish to be respected for your culture and identity.

      After being shunned for my Asian food and heritage my entire life, now the current exoticism and wonder towards Asian cuisine is something that makes me wince. When my friends mention that they want to try more authentic Asian food, I can’t help but feel like they are rubbing salt in an old wound. Where was this acceptance and love for this food when I was a kid.

      Source: Filippo Faruffini | Unsplash

      Harinder Kaur, an Indian American, had different thoughts as she reflected on her childhood. Kaur said, “Growing up, I wanted to be more white and accepted. When we came to America, we didn’t even have ‘American’ clothes. I saw more racism through the way I looked, not over food. I think I’ve gotten more comfortable accepting my culture, but there’s more to it than food and racism.” 
      Kaur’s story is one that holds true for many Asian families today including my own. The attempt to assimilate to white culture shows the amount of shame we harbor towards our own Asian cultures. 
      While Kaur and Chen may not be reflective of the whole Asian American community, they share a sentiment that needs to be heard louder during these trying times. This sentiment is that Asian stories need to be heard more and accepted more into society, but more importantly, we as Asians need to be prouder of who we are. I truly believe this is the only way forward. After years of hiding and feeling shame within our bellies I believe it’s time we finally stand proud together.
      Perhaps this can be a new step towards more equality and understanding. Instead of focusing solely on our past, it’s time to discuss and reflect on what our future as a nation can be, Asian or otherwise. More