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      What “Libido” Really Is—and How You Can Tap Into Yours

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      The question heard in gynecologists’ offices and typed into Google all over the world: what is libido, and how, oh how, can I improve it!? It seems like “libido” is the word on everyone’s mind, and many women are feeling like theirs just don’t measure up: according to a 2013 study, up to 43 percent of women claim to experience low libido. But what does libido really mean? (Hint: it’s not just about sex drive.)
      If you feel like your sex drive has gone MIA, you might just be focusing on the wrong things. Take back your power, claim your right to experience pleasure, and tap into the libido that you already have within of you. Here’s how:

      What really is libido?
      We often use the word “libido” as synonymous for sex drive, or how often (and how strongly) we want to have sex. But the term was actually coined by Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, to define an energy driven from an individual’s sexual and survival instincts. In other words, libido is so much more than having regular sex. “Libido is part of an individual’s unconscious, primal energy that encompasses not only sexual energy but also psychic energy. Libido is the force behind all of our instincts, actions, and motivations,” explained Dainis Graveris, a certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha.
      Think of libido as an energy that helps you feel pleasurable, alive, and tapped into your body. It encompasses anything and everything that just genuinely feels good for your truest self. Yes, sex is a major part of that, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Instead of thinking of libido as a tool to have more sex, think of sex as a tool to have more libido. When we have full access to our libidos, we have access to more inspiration, creativity, connections, and, most importantly, understanding of our deepest desires (both in and out of the bedroom). “Libido is a life force,” agreed Dr. Caroline Madden MFT, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist. “It connects you with yourself and the parts of you that you are most proud of.”
      We can also think of libido as a vital sign. Just like we feel hungry when we need to eat and thirsty when we need to drink water, libido is another way our bodies tell us that they need something. However, because it’s not “socially discussed” like hunger or thirst (and might have even been suppressed), many of us lose the ability to fully tap into it. But when we can tap into our libidos, we not only feel more pleasure in our sex lives, but have access to a powerful tool that will help keep our bodies as healthy and fulfilled as possible.

      So how do you tap into your libido?

      Reassess other areas your mental and physical health
      News flash: libido is equally mental and physical. Knowing that the brain and body are intrinsically connected will help you tap into your libido. “To increase libido, you need to see the body and mind as a whole unit,” explained Tatyana Dyachenko, a sex and relationship therapist. “Improving one piece in your life or body will affect other pieces.” Since libido encompasses so much more than just our sex lives, improvements to any area (whether it’s a health change for the body or a change in routine for our mental health) can simultaneously help us tap into libido. 
      For example, Dyachenko suggests that even a minor change in diet (like eating more leafy greens or trying plant-based meals) will not only make your body feel better but will also increase energy levels and confidence. And when you feel good about yourself and feel energized? Hello, libido! Likewise, if you’re feeling rundown and exhausted from too much work, your libido will feel rundown and exhausted, too (more on that below). The libido affects every part of your life and vice versa. “People have a habit of compartmentalizing when, in reality, everything is connected. If you want to tap into your libido more, take a look at other factors of your lifestyle,” Dyachenko suggested.

      Exercise regularly
      I know, I know: not another reason to add regular exercise to your routine! “Engaging in regular exercise increases testosterone levels, thereby increasing libido levels. Plus, you get a good confidence boost when you sweat it out and attain your fitness goals,” Graveris explained. Exercise has many amazing benefits for the body, but exercise is also important for your libido because it allows you a chance to tap into your body.
      Think about it: you’re probably in your head all day long, whether it’s writing proposals, taking calls, or leading meetings. Even after work, you’re making to-do lists or thinking about the next day, and in your free time, you’re reading or binging Netflix. All of your energy is constantly going to the mind. Exercise is a chance to bring energy and focus to the body when following the movements or noticing how your muscles feel. To make your workouts really work for your libido, find the type that feels most pleasurable: do you feel sensual after a hot yoga flow or powerful post-heavy lifting?

      Indulge in your sweet tooth
      It turns out your sweet tooth might actually be good for you. “Throughout history, chocolate has been a symbol of desire. Not just because of its delicious taste, but because of its power to improve sexual pleasure,” explained Dr. Mike Anderson, Ph.D., a sex and relationship expert. “According to one study, chocolate promotes the release of phenylethylamine and serotonin, which can both produce aphrodisiac and mood-lifting effects.” *Immediately orders dark chocolate in bulk.*
      While chocolate may affect the physical body to help you feel more turned on, the important part is pleasure. Indulging in a couple of rich, decadent squares of dark chocolate after dinner might feel like an incredibly luxurious and pleasurable moment of your day, but if it’s not, find and indulge in other moments of pleasure, whether it’s a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine at night. Start making everything you eat and smell more pleasurable by taking a moment to stop and enjoy it.

      Have a stress management plan
      Stress gets a bad rap for many reasons, but it’s also notorious for being a major party pooper when it comes to libido. “Stress disrupts normal hormone levels and blood flow, which affects your overall well-being, including your sexual desire,” Graveris explained. Since sex drive is often the first thing to take a hit when work is crazy busy or the kids are driving you nuts, have a plan to manage stress as much as possible in advance. Try deep breathing exercises when you feel your body start to move into fight-or-flight mode and practice regular meditation whenever you can fit it in to lower your overall stress threshold.
      Also, when you know you’re going into an extra stressful time like an important board meeting or a hectic week, schedule extra self-care in advance, whether it’s a luxurious bath, a workout class you love, or just some alone time to read first thing in the morning. Prioritizing your wellbeing will not only improve the way you react during stressful situations but will help you use your libido as a powerful tool, rather than ignoring it when you’re at your busiest or most stressed. 

      Practice mindfulness
      “In today’s always-connected world, it is hard to stay focused on one task for very long–including sex,” explained Dr. Leah Millheiser, a board-certified OB-GYN and Senior Vice President of Medical Affairs at Hims & Hers. When you practice mindfulness more regularly, you can start tapping into more pleasure. For example, when you close your laptop and sit down for a long lunch, you’ll be able to taste and smell how delicious your lunch is instead of wolfing it down while working.
      Pleasure is simply a state of being in the moment, so bringing yourself into the moment more often will translate into more pleasure in your life and greater access to your libido. When it comes to staying mindful during sex itself, “focus on what you’re feeling, how you’re breathing, or a spot on the wall: anything that keeps you from thinking about work, kids, grocery lists, the laundry, etc.,” Dr. Millheiser recommended. “Mindfulness during sex is important for sexual satisfaction and intimacy (whether it’s with a partner or by yourself).”

      Self-pleasure
      If you’re still viewing sex only as a part of a relationship or something you do with someone else, you’re missing out on a key piece of the puzzle. “If you have yet to embrace self-pleasure, reframe it as another tool for self-care (because it is),” suggested Mia Sabat, a sex therapist at Emjoy. “Taking care of yourself means attending to your needs and enjoying your body without feeling guilt or remorse. Respect and self-knowledge are the basics of self-care–is there anything more important than knowing what we want and how we want it?”
      This crucial piece of the libido puzzle also expands way beyond your favorite vibrator or a regular ménage-à-moi. Practice radical confidence, self-love, and self-acceptance in everything you do: stop making decisions based on what you should or shouldn’t do and start making decisions based on what will feel best to you. Once you start using self-pleasure as a compass for your entire life (rather than a guilty pleasure we hide in a bedside table drawer), you’ll be able to step into your greatest power. 

      Stop thinking your libido needs to change
      IDK who needs to hear this, but your libido is perfect, just as it is. While we often talk about “boosting” or “improving” libido, it’s a powerful life force we already have inside of ourselves. When talking about your libido, it’s not about changing it, but about finding it. How do you find it? Start trusting your body to know best. “A ‘lacking’ libido is considered a problem that needs to be fixed,” explained Katrina Marie, a sex educator and sexual empowerment coach. “If we have ‘low libido,’ we’re told to keep up, get with it, or to ‘fake it ’til you make it,’ but this messaging just teaches us to doubt our inner knowing.”
      The truth is that there’s no “healthy” definition of libido, and your partner or a headline in a magazine doesn’t know what libido looks like to you. As life changes, desires, energy, and preferences change. If you find yourself craving bubble baths and quality talks over wine instead of spontaneous sex as you (or your relationship) get older, there’s nothing wrong with you. This just means that you’re experiencing pleasure in different ways. You are your own erotic self, so tap into the life force you already have access to, rather than thinking it needs to be changed. “What if there is nothing wrong with your libido?” Marie said. “Maybe you just haven’t found what this current version of yourself wants. Get creative, be willing to try new things, and trust your body.” More

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      5 Things I’ve Learned About Working Out at Home That Make Me Never Want to Go Back to the Gym

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      While I’ve never really been a fan of working out at home, of all my relationships in life, my relationship with the gym has (mostly) been one that’s happy and thriving. We’ve had our ups and downs, but honestly, I’ve never had much to complain about.
      That is, until the pandemic hit.
      I was an athlete in high school, then got into a good groove with exercise in college and packed my schedule with group fitness classes that I looked forward to every day to blow off steam. After graduation, I became what the Dance Moms moms would have labeled as a “studio hopper.” I tried out memberships at just about every fitness class you can think of, from yoga to barre to Orange Theory. I always was consistent about supplementing the classes I took with running, but never realized how much I relied on the atmosphere of a class to push me until it was taken away from me, and I was left with a corner of my apartment, my yoga mat, and a brain scrambling to find a crumb of motivation.
      Over the past 15 months, I’ve tried everything I could think of to get into habits that gave me a consistent, fun workout routine, and with a little trial and a lot of error, I can honestly say I’m so happy with my routine that I don’t see myself going back to classes or the gym any time soon. Here’s what I learned, and why it’s changed my mind about working out at home:

      1. I came up with a schedule that works best for me
      Much to my dismay, I am very much a person who works out best in the morning, which is the opposite of what I want as I am very much not a morning person. But over the past year, I’ve found that waking up and moving before I start work completely changes my day, and for that, it’s worth getting out of bed a couple of hours earlier than I’d prefer.
      When you’re taking classes, you’re bound to a schedule that the studio you go to creates. There are usually one or two morning classes at the crack of dawn, and if they’re filled up, you’re pretty much out of luck. Quickly into the pandemic, I realized how nice it was to have my workouts completely on my own schedule. I didn’t need to be up as early as some studios’ schedules forced me to be and I figured out a time that works best for me. The best part? If I oversleep, I don’t get fined for not showing up to class and can work out on my lunch break instead.

      2. I took care of my body in new ways
      My primary workout is running, but for me, that’s always come with a lot of aches and pains. With nothing else to do this year, I vowed that I’d prioritize stretching and taking care of my body to get it in in a place where pain was no longer a factor. 
      Equilibria’s Relief Balm has been a long-time favorite of our editors, as it’s loaded with CBD that helps target achy joints, cramps, and soreness (our wellness editor swears by it to help her period cramps). After some particularly painful runs in the shin department, I put the creams from my knees down to my ankles, and worked it in by massaging my calves with my gua sha. The next day, I felt like I had teleported out of my body and into a new, fresh one of someone with the pain-free shins of a 10-year-old. It made such a world of difference that it’s now a part of my weekly routine, and two nights of my week are dedicated to my Relief Balm and gua sha duo. 
      If you’re new to the Relief Balm, you can use it anywhere you’re feeling discomfort, be it from soreness from a tough workout or aches from pushing yourself a little too hard. While I mainly use it on my shins, I also slather it on my knees after a particularly tough run, and then rub it onto any places that feel tired and in need of a little TLC.

      Equilibria
      Relief Balm
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      3. I got outside
      Sure, it isn’t always possible to get outside, especially considering that I live in finicky Chicago, but any time it’s even remotely possible, I do. When the alternative was my living room in the five feet between my couch and dining table, I bundled up and got outside to exercise in ways I never would have in ordinary times.
      If exercising makes me feel twice as good, exercising outside makes me feel double even that. The fresh air and joys of being outside for my workouts made me never want to enter the alternative of a sweat-filled, humid gym again for the rest of my days.

      4. I found extra guidance
      If there’s one thing that fitness classes offer, it’s a dose of motivation that you might not be able to find without a room filled with other people and an instructor telling you exactly what to do. 
      Last summer, I stumbled upon guided runs on Spotify, and when I say that my life has done a 180 since, I mean it. I’ve always been a music-blasting-the-entirety-of-my-workout girl, but being coached through my runs through my headphones left me feeling a calm and peace afterward that I didn’t even know I could, not to mention that it gave me accountability and motivation that’s hard to find when it’s just you trying to run. Rather than messing with my music the entirety of my runs, I found myself easing into them in a way that felt almost like meditation. Be it on Spotify or through fitness apps, guided runs are, in my opinion, the key to becoming a runner in adulthood and they give me all of the encouragement that classes used to.

      5. I found joys in the solidarity
      After I initially mourned the loss of my beloved boutique fitness classes, I learned that there were a lot of benefits of working out alone that I didn’t realize before. 
      When you’re in a class, trying a new move that you know is going to take a few tries to master can feel intimidating; at home, I found myself doing things that I would have thought twice about before, like yoga poses I knew I didn’t have down just yet and would have modified if I was in a studio. 
      As someone whose brain never takes a second to breathe, my solo workouts have turned into a time that’s just me and my body, where my thoughts take the back seat to what I’m doing physically. I’ve found such a comfort in being able to do workouts that are on my own, and it’s made me come to terms with—and even enjoy—not doing them around other people. 

      This post is sponsored by Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      8 Proven Benefits of Exercise (That Have Nothing to Do With Weight Loss)

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      We often talk about exercise in regards to calorie-burn or “toning up”: gyms promise results using “before” and “after” pictures, the #fitspo hashtag on Instagram is full of women who generally all look the same, and fitness watches track how many calories are burned while we’re on a run or in a workout class. Frankly, I’m over it. The body receives so many more benefits from exercise than just looking a certain way. Reducing something as powerful as exercise to be worth nothing more than a tool to burn calories and fit into a pant size is doing us all a disservice. Forget about weight loss: these eight benefits of exercise are about to give you some serious workout motivation.

      1. To boost mood
      If you’ve ever left a workout class feeling like you can take on the world, or a bad day seems to totally turn around after going on a run, you already know this one. The mood boost you feel after exercise doesn’t just come from a motivating instructor or crazy-good playlist (although those things help): it’s biological. “Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that help you to feel happier, more relaxed, and less anxious,” explained Dr. Kristin Hughes MD, a board-certified emergency medicine physician and concierge health strategist. 
      “Exercise regulates mood because it helps the body move from ‘fight-or-flight’ mode to ‘rest-and-digest mode,’” agreed Martha Munroe M.Sc., a certified personal trainer. “Emotions are physiological, so movement can help get us from stressed to calm. Physical activity is correlated with better psychological wellbeing and positivity, as well as better body confidence.” In other words, moving the body can help boost mood in many ways. Exercise releases happy hormones like endorphins to trigger positive feelings and can also help you calm down when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Besides just an overall mood boost, exercise can also improve the way you feel about yourself (totally unrelated to a number on a scale). 

      2. To prevent lower back injuries
      Lower back pain might not be the sexiest topic, but this area is important for so many different functions in the body. “Nerves from the low back control everything from bowel function to muscle coordination, as well as sensation and strength in the lower extremities,” said Dr. Jenifer Epstein DC, a chiropractor based in Pennsylvania. In other words, lower back injuries can mean more than just pain.
      Dr. Epstein explained that working on core strength is crucial to lower back pain or injury prevention because strengthening the area takes harmful pressure off of the back. While you may know to do ab exercises like crunches to work the ol’ six-pack, the good news is that the core is stimulated during many movements, even if they’re not “targeting” the area. For example, any movement that requires balance works the ab muscles. Also, think about engaging the core in every exercise or movement you do for extra strengthening.

      3. To improve focus and energy
      If you find yourself reaching for a third cup of coffee or feel an afternoon slump coming on, you’re going to want to listen to this: Saara Haapanen, BSc, MSc, a personal trainer based in Denver, created the “Move at Work Challenge” to get people to move more during their workday for just 5-7 minutes, and then studied the results. Out of a survey of hundreds of people, she found that 65 percent experienced increased energy and 100 percent experienced improved focus. Turns out a yoga flow might be better than a cup of coffee or a nap when it comes to improving focus and increasing energy. To maximize the benefits, take a break to go for a walk if you start to feel your energy dip during the workday, or fit in a workout before working on a project instead of after.

      4. To help you sleep
      While it may sound counterintuitive since exercise can increase energy, one of the many perks of exercising during the day is that you might sleep better at night. “Exercising for even just 20 minutes a day will improve your sleep cycles,” suggested Kenzie Mariano, a personal trainer and fitness expert. According to The Sleep Foundation, moderate to intense exercise (meaning anywhere between a brisk walk and sprinting) improves sleep quality in adults because it can help decrease the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep. However, if you exercise too late at night, you might wake up the body and have difficulty sleeping. To find the time of the day that will best help your sleep, experiment with workouts during different times (like early morning, mid-afternoon, or right after work) and notice how your sleep quality changes. 

      5. To help (or prevent) chronic pain
      Many of us focus on calorie-counting or the number on the scale to measure health while simultaneously ignoring an ankle injury or chronic back pain. In reality, how you feel is way more important than how you look when measuring health (and everything else, while we’re at it). One of the biggest reasons to work out? It helps your body feel its best because it can help prevent chronic pain from coming.
      “Exercise is often a prescribed treatment for pain,” explained Beret Kirkeby, certified yoga therapist, licensed massage therapist, and owner of Body Mechanics Orthopedic Massage in NYC. “For many people who battle chronic pain, moving is the best management tool they have access to.” While exercise is beneficial for prevention, if you do have chronic pain, always work with a doctor to form a plan that won’t overly stress the body (which can make pain worse). Also, make sure you have good form (incorrect form can cause injuries instead of preventing them) by checking with a trainer, instructor, or doctor. 

      6. To boost creativity
      Constantly getting hit with a case of writer’s block or stuck in a rut on a work project? Grab your sneakers and get moving. “Because the hippocampus is also responsible for creative thinking, when we work out, we are more creative,” explained Cathy Spencer-Browning, the VP of Training and Programming at MOSSA. In other words, the same part of the mind connected with mood (see point #1) is also connected to creativity.
      Spencer-Browning also noted a study published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience that showed regular exercisers performed much better on creative tests than their sedentary peers. “Exercising regularly may act as a cognitive enhancer, promoting creativity,” said Lorenzo Calzato, the study’s researcher. While you might feel a little jolt in inspiration after one workout (thanks to all those mood-boosting benefits!), try exercising more regularly for long-term improvement in overall creativity. 

      7. To increase longevity
      So we know that exercise is just plain good for us (and for even more than just the points already mentioned). But what does “good for us” mean, and how do we measure it? Many experts use the word “longevity” to not only refer to lifespan, but to describe how healthy we are as we age. I’d argue that the main goal of whatever we do for our health now is to keep us healthy in the years to come. One of the biggest things we can do now? You guessed it—exercise. “Being active might lower the risk of chronic diseases as we age and can generally increase our quality of life when we do get to an advanced age,” said Phung D. Tran, an ACSM Certified Exercise Physiologist. 
      Dr. Hughes agreed that exercise is important for overall longevity and a healthy life, explaining that while we build up muscle mass when we’re younger (and throughout our lives), it can slow bone loss as we age. Bottom line: exercise can help us live better—not just right now, but for our whole lives. Think of each workout like investing in your future self: consistently building strength and endurance as you get older will help you maintain mobility throughout your life. “Exercise is needed to maintain the functional integrity of the cardiovascular system, muscles, bones, and ligaments. Exercise is a powerful intervention that helps in healthy aging,” explained Dr. Rashmi Byakodi MD.

      8. To improve other areas of your life
      Exercise can impact more than just your physical body (what can’t it do!?). When you keep a consistent and fulfilling workout routine, you start to see the effects bleed into other areas of your life as well. “The discipline that comes with exercise (like sticking to a routine or committing to a workout) shows up in other areas of life too,” explained Patricia Johnson, a fitness expert, cyclist, trainer, and owner of Pedal Lovers. “If you can lift weights three times a week or go for a bike ride every day, other goals like drinking more water or eating healthier are often easier.”
      Exercise can work like a snowball effect: once you do one thing for your body, you start to crave other things as well, whether that’s a plant-focused meal instead of fast food or a self-care routine instead of working an extra hour. Working out can also affect your confidence levels and the way you see yourself. “People who work out consistently are communicating to themselves and the world how they want to be treated,” said Melanie Shmois, a cognitive behavioral therapist and CEO of Mind Your Strength Coaching. When you prioritize a workout, that means you prioritize your well-being. And when you care for, prioritize, and show up for your body? You begin to love it. BRB about to go do some squats now!

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments or routines. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      6 (Non Awkward) Ways To Approach Someone You Want To Be Friends With

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      Making friends when we’re kids can be as simple as sharing a toy or deciding that we’re suddenly “best friends.” But the older we get, the significantly less straightforward it becomes and the more friendship changes. It’s probably been a while since many of us had to put ourselves out there; we might feel out of practice and, at the very least, a little confused about what we should actually say to someone we’d like to get to know better (are we coming off creepy? Desperate? Weird?). While there isn’t one right way to make new friends as an adult, here are six ice breakers that can help.

      1. Highlight a similarity
      The root of friendship is often an underlying similarity, whether it’s a shared interest, hobby, or sense of humor. That’s why pointing out something you have in common is a great way to approach someone you want to be friends with. Commenting on your shared love of camping, sushi, or rap music shows that you’re paying attention to and are interested in the other person. Plus, you can set the stage for future plans more easily when there’s something in common (“I’ve been dying to try the new hiking trail! Want to check it out together?” or “There’s a great sushi restaurant nearby if you want to go sometime!”). The key is to not force it. Avoid exaggerating and don’t try to be someone you’re not just to find something in common. Noticing and highlighting genuine similarities will not only make you both feel more comfortable, it’ll also help you come across as authentic and increases the chances the two of you will connect.

      Source: @hauteofftherack

      2. Ask them questions
      We often think that to win people over, we have to be impressive: we have to have interesting things to say, be well informed about the topic, or be hilarious and entertaining. But the secret to winning friends and building connections is actually the opposite: make the other person feel like they are impressive and they’ll like you. People like talking about themselves—it’s just fact. So focus on other people and genuinely care about what they have to say. Come up with thoughtful, open-ended questions (forget boring small talk).
      If it’s a brand new friendship or you’re just meeting, ask for a restaurant recommendation, a new workout class, or the best nearby cafe to work from. If it’s someone you know a little bit, focus on getting to know them better instead of stating your opinion or talking about yourself. For example, if they’re talking about balancing a career and a side hustle, ask them how hard it is or what they’re most passionate about instead of stepping in with your experience right away. Asking questions shows that you have an interest in the other person’s opinion, and feeling comfortable opening up will make them want to build a connection with you.

      3. Give them a compliment
      Compliments from strangers or people we don’t know well can be so powerful. Since they’re unexpected, they might even be more appreciated; one compliment to a potential new friend could be memorable enough to be the start of a strong connection. It might feel easier to compliment the things that are obvious, like physical appearance or style, but if you feel up to it, make it something a little more personal. Compliment their work ethic, creativity, or great laugh. These kinds of genuine, perceptive compliments are the ones that stick with us. Plus, moving beyond the superficial (“cute top!”) can make people feel seen and heard in ways that really foster connection and friendship. No need to go overboard and base the entire conversation around various compliments: one thoughtful compliment will come off much more genuine and lay the foundation for the conversation to flow from there.

      Source: Colorjoy Stock

      4. Offer help
      One of the main things that separates good friends from casual acquaintances is emotional, practical, and social support. That’s why letting someone know that you’re available if they need help is a great way to approach them and subtly let them know that you’re interested in being friends. For example, if they mention that they’re moving to a new building, offer to move some boxes on moving day or help them pick out furniture. If they’re stressed about a work presentation or an exam at school, offer to drop off a coffee later or go through flashcards together. This can work especially well if you’re able to work together toward a common goal (like if you’re both training for a marathon or trying to meal prep more often). Offering tangible support or having a concrete goal for you to both help each other can form a connection and let the potential friend know that you’re trustworthy, supportive, and thoughtful. 

      5. Use humor
      After all, what’s the point of friendships if not to have a good laugh? Humor is actually an important basis of friendships, but it’s not about knock-knock jokes or trying to show off your wit and charm (remember #2!). It actually has very little to do with impressing someone else and everything to do with trying to make both of you feel more at ease. Sharing a lighthearted joke or making a humorous comment about the situation you’re in lets the other person get a glimpse of your personality. Plus, you’ll both be able to relax and get to know each other when you’re not taking everything so seriously. Just remember that humor shouldn’t come at anyone’s expense because it might come off mean-spirited and uncomfortable instead of funny (if you ever have to say “It was just a joke,” it wasn’t). Bottom line: be your hilarious, fun self, and at the very least, it can be a helpful test to see whether you share the same humor or not and if you two have friendship chemistry. 

      6. Be upfront
      While this strategy might feel the most vulnerable, it can also be the most impactful. It’s hard to put yourself out there when there’s always the possibility of rejection (yes, even with friendships). If you’ve had only brief interactions with someone you want to get to know better, it’s absolutely OK to share that you’re looking to meet new people and you’d love to get coffee, drinks, or [insert other amazingly fun friendship date here]. Being direct doesn’t have to come off as creepy or clingy. In fact, it typically comes off confident and flattering.
      To try this strategy for yourself, invite the potential friend to get together in a different context (“I really enjoyed meeting you! Would you be interested in grabbing a coffee sometime?” or “I actually just moved here and don’t really know anyone. I’d love to find a time to go for a walk together.”). The truth is that making the first move is scary in friendships, just as it is in dating, so the other person will likely be relieved that they know where you stand.  More

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      I Online Dated the Entire Pandemic—Here’s What It Was Like

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      A mere week or so before quarantine began, I finally felt ready to start dating again. An abusive relationship, a negative self-image, stress, life changes—it all kept me single for a while. But just before the pandemic, I downloaded all the apps, took some good selfies, updated my profiles… and then I had to figure out dating during the pandemic.
      Fast-forward a year, and I’ve spent the entire COVID-19 pandemic online dating (spoiler alert: to no avail). When I was stuck at home watching every Netflix show that existed or trying to learn a new hobby, my phone was near, picking up all my little matches across the city. I’ve had quite the go of dating throughout the past year—here’s a peek into my process and what I’m taking away now that I’m vaccinated:

      The Apps I Use
      I’m bisexual and use way too many dating apps. I use Bumble for meeting men, Hinge for men and women, and Tinder and Her for women. I feel like I get the best results this way. But of course, I have favorites: Bumble is the easiest interface and has been the most helpful throughout the pandemic because they have options to put what your comfort level is around COVID dating, and I find it helpful to be able to see the person’s political affiliation. If that’s not important to you, then it doesn’t matter, but it helps me weed out people that I simply know that I won’t mesh with romantically. I want to love Her, but I simply never meet anyone, and I have this horrible fear that every single person I speak to is a catfish because I’ve met an odd number of catfishes on there in the year I’ve used it.

      Spring 2020
      The first couple months of the pandemic, I had apps on my phone but I didn’t put too much stake into it. I’d swipe if I got really bored watching TV, but I couldn’t imagine meeting someone and having to talk to them for an unsure amount of time before we’d be able to safely meet. I remember telling my mom that I was worried my dating life would get put on hold for a few months (lmao) because I couldn’t see a “reason” in online dating while I was stuck at home. For everyone, this time period was so isolating and confusing, and those emotions aren’t conducive as a foundation to build a relationship on.

      Summer 2020
      But then, once outdoor dining opened up, I started seeing my friends again, and being outside in the real world didn’t feel like a death sentence to myself and everyone I know. I started using apps a little bit more, but meeting was really difficult. One aspect of COVID dating has been constantly having to worry that this new person you’re bringing into your life has the same thoughts around COVID that you do. It’s one thing to worry my partner won’t like the same music taste as me or prefers to stay in instead of going out, but with COVID, I’m worried I could be bringing someone into my life who could get myself, or worse, one of my close friends or family members sick. And that’s a risk I haven’t been willing to take for almost anyone this pandemic. So, this involves a lot of weeding out.
      First, you have the COVID deniers. My friend saw a guy whose literal bio was “COVID is a hoax,” which actually is probably helping people to make sure to swipe left real quick. I’m horrified of meeting someone who doesn’t take wearing a mask seriously or is going on wild vacations or simply just has very different views and boundaries around COVID from how I do. This worry has caused me to not meet up with tons of people on apps in the last year because I can’t risk hurting someone just so I can have one hot date.
      But there are also the people who *only* want to talk about COVID. Their opener and every message after is about how their sister got COVID and gave it to all of her friends and might give it to three sets of grandparents and how you think we’ll never go back to living normal lives ever again. It’s bleak sh*t. I am already worrying about 3897237 things at all times, including COVID—I don’t need it to take over my messages too.

      Fall 2020
      After months of swiping, I actually met someone. But because of COVID, I was hesitant to do anything in person. Turns out, this guy explained that he was regularly tested for COVID through his job, and after a 10-day quarantine, we hung out. I was uncomfortable and nervous the first hour or so; I was already preparing to quarantine again so I didn’t accidentally get someone else sick. That all said, when it went well, I planned our second (and third) date immediately to “limit the exposure.”
      It was a whirlwind of a romance, but ultimately ended in him making up this elaborate lie that he had a secret job in the government and had to move that very night. All this to say, I felt pretty defeated after that for a couple of months. I finally meet someone in the pandemic, and it was all so fleeting. Dating in the pandemic feels like a constant push and pull: you put in tons of effort and get excited about a match, all for it to end and you’re alone again. Pre-pandemic, rebounds were a little easier; I had a whole office full of friends to see every day and I made regular visits to see my family. The loneliness of the pandemic really got to me in those moments when I realized the simple act of meeting one person gave me so much serotonin (and then how easy it was to all go away).

      Spring 2021
      There’s been a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel recently, though. As soon as people I know started getting vaccinated, it felt like maybe there was hope for in-person dating soon. This made me, and I’m sure other people, get a little more into their apps. Instead of closing it and not swiping again for days every single week, I’m using the apps more consistently, and I’m getting more matches too.

      How I’m Using Apps Going Forward
      I was lucky to get vaccinated recently. Although this doesn’t make the entire pandemic go away, there is finally some hope that, eventually, we’ll get to meet up in person and maybe even take our masks off! For so much of the last year, there were a lot of communal feelings about what was going on. At some points, it was all hope and excitement that things could get better soon (i.e., in the beginning when every week it felt like maybe we’d be going back to work in a few weeks), but other times it felt extremely bleak and sad (such as when I officially started saying that I didn’t know if I’d ever go back into work). And in a time of hopelessness, I think dating felt that way too.
      I can’t lie and say that I’m not pumped for the first person I meet out in the world again. It’s so much easier to tell context and interest and connection in person, and not having to wait hours for someone to respond sounds like heaven. But I also know that online dating is the way of the times and the future, and people will likely still populate apps like crazy, even once the pandemic is over. More

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      9 Natural Ways to Beat Brain Fog—And Get Over That Afternoon Slump

      by

      As I’m writing this, it’s currently Monday afternoon, and the effects of my double-shot Starbucks have worn off, leaving me feeling tired, unfocused, and a tad unmotivated. In short: I’ve got a serious case of brain fog. A couple of late nights and bad meals over the weekend are hitting hard, making this feel like the Mondayest Monday ever. Sound familiar?
      All of us experience the occasional lack of energy on account of brain fog or an afternoon slump. You know the feeling: around 2 p.m., you just need another cup of coffee to keep going, or you have trouble focusing and checking items off your to-do list becomes harder and harder. Even though brain fog is common, it doesn’t mean we should have to put up with it. We’re #bosses taking over the world, one raise at a time, and simultaneously fighting for equal rights while defeating the patriarchy. The last thing we need to distract us from reaching our goals is an afternoon slump, right?

      What is “Brain Fog?”
      We throw around the term “brain fog” as a reason to have that 2 p.m. coffee or to explain an occasional lack of focus, but mental fatigue can show up in a lot of different ways. It might feel like an inability to concentrate on conversations or having to reread sentences over and over because they’re just not clicking. Maybe it’s scrolling through social media because you can’t focus on work tasks, or the feeling that your head is in the clouds. Small decisions might feel difficult to make and you may rely on coffee or snacks to keep you focused. 
      While brain fog is common and something we’ve all likely experienced (Mondays, am I right?), it’s actually a symptom of something else, whether it’s something going on in your body or a symptom of not getting enough sleep. “Brain fog can be a symptom of a nutrient deficiency, sleep disorder, hormonal changes, bacterial overgrowth, depression, or even a thyroid condition,” wrote Dr. Jeffrey Egler M.D. for Parsley Health. These are just a few examples of what could cause brain fog, so talk to your doctor if you regularly experience brain fog in order to identify the root cause of the issue, which could be anything from diet to stress levels. In the meantime, there are a few general lifestyle changes that might help improve overall concentration, productivity, and energy. 

      9 Natural Ways to Prevent Brain Fog

      1. Get enough (good!) sleep
      The amount (and quality) of your sleep can contribute to brain fog in multiple ways. “Poor sleep hygiene like an irregular sleep and wake time, getting less than 7-8 hours of sleep a night, or blue light exposure before bed disrupts your natural circadian rhythm, which contributes to brain fog,” Dr. Egler explained to Parsley Health. Even the little things like hitting snooze or going to bed at different times every night can cause grogginess throughout the day, so sleep hygiene is incredibly important.
      Make sure to get at least seven hours of sleep a night, but aim for 8-9 hours when possible for optimal brain function. Even if you think you’re sleeping through the night, your body might not be going through full REM cycles, so track your sleep patterns with an app like Sleep Cycle to make sure you’re getting enough good quality sleep, and check out these products to help you get the most from your sleep.

      Source: @helloitsloh

      2. Try adaptogens
      If stress is contributing to brain fog (it is one of the most common causes!), work on getting rid of stress using therapy, meditation, breaks, etc. But while you’re working on stress reduction, adaptogens may help reduce the way that stress affects the body. You might have heard the wellness buzzword from your favorite blogger or on your Instagram feed, but the miraculous effects of adaptogens prove a staying power stronger than the typical trend.
      “When you take adaptogens, you’re training your body to handle the effects of stress,” explained Dr. Brenda Powell, the co-medical director of the Center for Integrative and Lifestyle Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic’s Wellness Institute. Adaptogens are not stimulants (like caffeine), so you will not feel immediate effects. Instead, talk to your doctor about taking them consistently for a few months to see if they can help with brain fog or mental fatigue. Add powdered adaptogens like ashwagandha or cordyceps to coffees, smoothies, teas, or even baked goods. 

      3. Take more work breaks
      Sometimes, brain fog is a symptom of lifestyle instead of physical conditions. If you’re suffering through an afternoon slump due to a lack of motivation, it might be because you haven’t done enough that makes you feel excited. To help, think about your favorite part of the workday or something that gets you excited. Is it brainstorming new ideas or problem-solving with coworkers? If you can, schedule your favorite items on the to-do list for the mid-afternoon when that slump typically hits. Also, try taking a break from work and get your creative juices flowing with doodling, cooking, or scrapbooking. Bottom line: take a break from whatever tasks could be causing exhaustion and stimulate other parts of the mind (like creativity or communication) to help with the mental fatigue.

      Source: @outdoorvoices

      4. Do a mini-meditation
      If you start to feel groggy or tired in the middle of the day, consider resetting and refocusing through meditating. By now, you probably know that meditation has a long list of benefits, from stress reduction to improving attention span. While the benefits themselves are enough to improve the symptoms of brain fog, you can also think of meditation as a mini reset for your brain during those moments when you feel a fog coming on. One study even found that short meditation breaks helped children with attention, self-control, and participation in school. Not sure where to begin? An app like Headspace walks you through guided meditations, and Happy Not Perfect uses visuals and activities to help you meditate based on your current mood. Next time that afternoon slump starts to hit, reach for your meditation app instead of a coffee.

      5. Talk to your doctor about vitamin levels
      Another common cause of brain fog comes from what we’re lacking in our diets, so talk to your doctor about checking vitamin levels and supplementing or adjusting your diet accordingly. For example, low levels of some B vitamins can cause dizziness, a decrease in brain function, and even memory loss. Why? Some studies suggest that adequate levels of vitamin B6 play a significant role in brain glucose function and boosting mood, while vitamin B12 affects overall cognitive function.
      If you’re low in any vitamins, your doctor might suggest supplementing or eating more foods rich in that vitamin. PSA: While there are some vitamins generally associated with brain health, it’s important to get your levels checked and talk to your doctor before trying anything out yourself. Vitamin and supplement needs vary from person to person, so the key is getting answers on what is right for you.

      Source: Love and Lemons

      6. Eat whole foods
      My motto is that food is medicine, and we can often find ways to improve our overall wellness and energy by looking into our diets. While you may have heard a lot of buzz about “brain foods,” the most important strategy is to make sure your diet is full of healthy, whole foods from the earth. Green, leafy vegetables, berries, and foods high in omega-3 fatty acids (like walnuts, chia seeds, and salmon) could be particularly good for brain health, but the key is feeding your body with foods that make it feel good. In general, make sure you’re getting enough nutrients for energy and overall health. Eat a balanced diet of healthy fats, proteins, and carbohydrates from the earth (AKA less processed foods), and get a variety of nutrients by eating a wide range of fruits and veggies. 

      7. Exercise
      I get it: after a long, busy day at work, nothing feels harder than putting on your running shoes and getting your exhausted butt to the gym (especially when your couch and a new episode of Real Housewives are calling your name). But (no surprise) exercising is so good for you, it’s well worth saying “see ya later!” to your couch in an effort to help with brain fog and that ongoing afternoon slump. Not only can regular exercise help the brain to improve memory, concentration, and thinking skills, but moving the body can have immediate effects on your brain through the release of endorphins, which increases energy and boosts mood. Bottom line: regular exercise might help prevent brain fog in the long run (pun intended), but if you do feel an energy slump coming on, take a walk around the block or go through some yoga stretches.

      Source: @tourdelust

      8. Go outside
      A Standford-led study in 2015 found that people who spent time walking outside for 90 minutes a day had significant decreases in cortisol levels. Translation? The great outdoors can help the way your body deals with stress, potentially preventing stress from turning into mental fatigue. Being outside can also improve short-term memory and boost attention, so if you’re preparing for a big presentation or major exam that requires your focus, don’t skip your daily run or a walk around the block just because you feel pressed for time–the brain benefits are well worth it. Vitamin D also can have a huge effect on brain health, so soak up some sun on your lunch break (but don’t forget your SPF!) for an instant mental reset that will help you feel energized for the rest of the day.

      9. Experiment with essential oils
      By now, you’ve probably heard the benefits of essential oils range from beating breakouts to helping you fall asleep, but did you know they can also be used to increase focus and energy too? Aromatherapy has way more benefits than just relaxation. For example, peppermint oil might help prevent fatigue and rosemary oil can help improve focus and memory. Practice aromatherapy by diffusing oil throughout the day (a diffuser is one of my at-home office must-haves), diluting it to use on the skin (mix it with another oil like coconut and don’t try if you have sensitive skin or allergies), or taking a deep breath to inhale the scent. It turns out your sniffer is pretty powerful for improving focus and beating that brain fog. 

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      20 Amazon Products That Will Take Your Wellness Routine to the Next Level

      by

      So you probably use Amazon for stocking up on dish soap or buying toilet paper in bulk. Perhaps you’re an Amazon expert and have used the mega-retailer to elevate your at-home work setup or scour for designer dupes that upgrade your wardrobe. But I bet you didn’t know that Amazon is also a goldmine for affordable wellness must-haves that can transform your routine. That’s right: achieve your healthiest, happiest, and best self in two days from now (thanks, Prime shipping!). From weighted blankets to the best leggings on the internet, here are 20 of our favorite wellness products on Amazon that could make the biggest difference in your life. Shop on and get ready to achieve all your wellness goals at the push of an “add to cart.”

      High Waisted Yoga Leggings
      Arguably the most viral leggings on the internet, this pair has 4.5 stars and over 25,000 ratings. Besides the fit and comfort, you’ll love the vast range of sizes and colors, and the deep pockets are a major plus (oh, and did I mention that they’re under $25?). 10+ colors available.

      Wooden Gua Sha
      If you’ve only tried facial Gua Sha (or haven’t tried Gua Sha at all), you’re missing out. This wooden tool (inspired by the ancient Chinese medicine technique) is used for everything from lymphatic drainage to reducing cellulite.

      Vitscan Store
      Motivational Water Bottle
      I’ve had this water bottle for about two months now, and I can honestly say that I’ve never been so hydrated. With convenient time stamps, motivational sayings, and an adorable design, you’ll refuse to drink out of any other water bottle. 11 colors available.

      Sivan Health & Fitness Store
      Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set
      Never thought an “acupressure mat” was something you needed? Think again. With benefits like better sleep, less tension, and help with back pain or headaches, laying on this mat will become your new favorite way to watch Netflix.

      Extra Brite Baking Soda Toothpowder
      If your wellness routine includes dental care (it should) and your goals include whiter teeth (mine always do), look no further than this $7 bottle of “toothpowder” said to whiten teeth in a more natural way than strips or pens. The best part? The bottle is small, but that $7 will last you a LONG time.

      Herb Keeper
      If you’re not consistently using herbs in every meal, you’re seriously missing out on some nutrients (and flavor). Do yourself a favor and get this herb keeper so your herbs stay fresher for longer.

      Sense Sleep System
      Slumber is more than just beauty sleep; you know that a good night’s snooze is crucial for every part of your health. This genius machine plays calming sounds, monitors your sleep, tells you how your environment is affecting sleep quality, and wakes you up in the lightest part of your cycle. Say hello to the best Zzz’s of your life!

      Ankle & Wrist Weights
      So you had to say goodbye to your beloved barre studio or gym the past year? Not to worry: these cute ankle & wrist weights will help you step up your workout (and look cute sitting out in your living room). 3 colors available.

      Sunrise Simulation Alarm Clock
      Waking up in the morning chipper and ready to start the day felt so out of reach to me. Instead, I would groggily shut off my alarm and will my eyes to open for approximately 5-10 minutes before I ever got out of bed. But not anymore: this alarm clock mimics the sunrise and signals your body that it’s time to wake up. You’ll never have waken up so well-rested or chipper.

      Tongue Scraper Cleaner
      If you don’t have a tongue scraper, YOU NEED ONE (my personal mission is to get the whole world tongue scraping). Bad bacteria and toxins form on your tongue that you re-ingest whenever you swallow. Do yourself a favor and scrape your tongue every morning (that means before your oat milk latte!).

      Skipping Rope
      Jumping rope isn’t just the activity you were really good at as a kid: it’s also a kickass workout that will torch calories while toning muscles and improving endurance. Get this one for home for intervals throughout your work day or while watching TV.

      Click and Grow
      Smart Garden
      No matter if you live in a tiny apartment or a gigantic mansion (um, HMU for a sleepover), you can be growing your own herbs. Growing your herbs ensure that they’re free of pesticides, residue, and are as nutrient-dense as possible. Thanks to this genius indoor garden (that’s super chic BTW!), you can grow your own herbs, no matter where you live. 3 colors available.

      Moon Juice
      Sex Dust
      If you haven’t heard of Moon Juice’s cult-favorite “Sex Dust,” listen up. The Instagram-worthy supplement is filled with natural adaptogens and herbs to balance hormones, increase energy, and boost libido. *adds to cart ASAP* Put in your coffee, smoothies, baked goods, or water.

      Weekly Pill Organizer
      If I had a penny for every day I thought to myself, “did I take my b12 yet…?” Never forget a vitamin or supplement again with these nifty and cute pill organizers that are big enough to fit your prescriptions, vitamins, and probiotics, while being small enough to fit perfectly in your carry-on or purse to take on the go. 3 colors available.

      Intelligent Change
      The Five Minute Journal
      Meditation and mindfulness are crucial for peak health. If you don’t have all day to meditate, this five-minute prompted journal gives you just five minutes every day to tune in to yourself and focus on living your best life.

      Deodorant Wipes
      Never leave the gym for brunch or happy hour worrying about your smell again. These individually wrapped deodorant wipes are biodegradable, smell delicious, and are non-toxic (only the best for you!). Throw them in your gym bag (for post-workout), carry-on (for long travel days), and every purse (for emergencies, obviously).

      Clitoris Stimulator
      Our sex writer, Beth, swears by this vibrator (check out the article she dedicated to singing its praise), and it looks like the rest of Amazon agrees. With 4.5 stars and over 35,000 ratings (you read that right!), this vibrator has people all over the world buzzing (literally).

      Weighted Blanket
      A weighted blanket is one of those things that sounded weird when it came on the market years ago, but it has taken off as one of our wellness must-haves, thanks to its immediately comforting effects and anxiety-reducing benefits. This one is comfortable, high-tech, and comes in a wide range of sizes and colors. More