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      Beyond Kanye: 6 Things Everyone Should Know About Mental Illness

      by

      Something is happening with Kanye West, we can all agree on that. Like many, I watched and listened this week as outlets shared video clips and commentary about what that “something” might be. Mental illness? Internalized racism? Publicity stunt? Some combination of these?On Wednesday, July 22, West’s wife, Kim Kardashian West, took to Instagram Stories to address her husband’s mental health. “As many of you know, Kanye has bi-polar disorder. Anyone who has this or has a loved one in their life who does, knows how incredibly complicated and painful it is to understand,” Kardashian West wrote, according to CNN. “I’ve never spoken publicly about how this has affected us at home because I am very protective of our children and Kanye’s right to privacy when it comes to his health. But today, I feel like I should comment on it because off the stigma and misconceptions about mental health.”
      I’m a longtime Kanye fan; I often say playing Never Let Me Down on repeat got me through my last year of college. As a fan, I’ve been shocked and saddened by the course Kanye’s public persona has taken these last few years. Yet, as a mental health advocate, there’s something else I’m seeing that needs to be addressed—a consistent, insidious trend of people who are not mental health professionals publicly speculating on whether or not Kanye is suffering from a mental health crisis. And often (if they don’t believe he is) they’re making statements on their platforms as to why his behavior is not (in their eyes) a result of mental illness.  

      Look, I’m not actually writing this to debate whether or not Kanye is suffering a mental health crisis or, in any way, to condone what I think are dangerous messages he’s sharing. 
      What I am here to say is that we can collectively hold ourselves to a higher standard. Unless someone is a mental health professional or can speak about their own experience, it’s not responsible or humane to make judgements or perpetuate faulty narratives—even if unintentional. To ensure I’m holding myself to this same standard, I even asked my own longtime therapist to review this article before publishing.
      The truth is, like millions of people, I have a close family member that suffers from severe mental illness. For the past 20 years, we’ve experienced far more gut-wrenching lows than fleeting highs in caring for our loved one. Personally, it’s illuminated so many fractures in how—in both government and as a society—we lack important knowledge in two ways: truly understanding the myriad ways psychosis can look on different people, and using that knowledge to honor the humanity in those suffering.
      July is also BIPOC Mental Health month and, as a first-gen Black woman, I can tell you all of this is even more complicated for us as a family of color in America. So much so, that I recently became a member of the mental health board for the county I live in to be an agent of change in my community. 

      So, with that context, here’s what I wish more people knew about mental illness. 

      1. It’s damaging to make public statements about someone’s mental health 
      In 2020, it’s now a more broadly held concept that publicly commenting on someone’s weight is inappropriate, and can be harmful. The same holds true for mental health. Many of us might be unknowingly perpetuating myths on mental health and, by extension, causing additional harm to those affected. Navigating the ongoing journey for mental wellness is already taxing for those directly impacted and for their families, so hearing someone call their ex a “schizo” or “psycho” after an argument, or referring to their own “OCD” as a way to describe being detail-oriented doesn’t help. Neither does making unqualified, public commentary on potential mania or psychosis. It’s a lose/lose. At best, you’re diagnosing without the medical knowledge to do so and fueling ignorance. At worst, you’re causing harm by triggering past or current trauma. 
      This is why it’s best to refrain from making statements about how mental illness can or should look in someone, unless you are speaking from first person experience or are a current mental health professional. 

      2. Being an informed citizen is important 
      It’s surprising how many people move through the world as if this doesn’t affect them just because they may not have an immediate family member living with mental illness. First, I can almost promise you there is someone you love that is impacted in some way, however “mild.” There’s another layer beyond personal responsibility, which is civic duty. 
      Mental wellness—and the lack thereof for so many—impacts every aspect of a society’s overall health. Part of what it means to be an informed citizen and voter is understanding the ripple effect of mental health on everything from our jail system to homelessness to substance abuse to gun violence.

      3. Most often, the family isn’t to blame
      One of the biggest misconceptions around mental health is that the family is accountable for someone’s well-being and safety when, in reality, that is not at all how our system is designed. There have been so many times when friends have asked questions like, “Why can’t the authorities help you?” or “Why don’t you just have them in a long-term facility?” Or worse, that if someone is clearly experiencing homelessness and a mental health crisis, it’s assumed they either have no family or have been abandoned by them. Due to HIPAA guidelines and in an effort to protect the individual rights of those suffering, families’ rights are often non-existent. Let’s give family members a break. Chances are they’re doing their best given the constraints of the law and the ways this is impacting their own mental well-being. Instead of putting the onus on the family to answer what might be complicated and triggering questions, try simply saying, “I can’t imagine how tough this is, and I’m here if you need me.”

      4. Law enforcement shouldn’t be mental health first responders 
      According to an article from the Treatment Advocacy Center, people with an untreated mental illness are 16 times more likely to be killed while interacting with police. While the Black Lives Matter movement has gained momentum in recent months, it’s important to have dialogue on why it’s problematic (and sometimes dangerous) to have law enforcement serve as first responders for mental health crises which, by the way, they don’t have the expertise or bandwidth to do. For example, here’s a scenario that might play out one of two ways in California: a 30-something man has suffered from Schizophrenia for 10 years, and is caught loitering at a store and yelling at other customers. A clerk calls the police.
      Scenario A: The police arrive on the scene, confirm with him he’s not planning to harm himself, and ask him to leave the store. Done and done. This person might need acute care and won’t get it because he’s experienced at answering questions like this and truly does not want to harm anyone. He continues in crisis with no support, and his family does not know where he is since he left their home in a rage weeks earlier. 
      Scenario B: They arrive on the scene, and the man yells (likely as a result of delusions) that he wants to kill eight people. This means police must put the man on an involuntary hold, called a 5150. While in the hospital and forced to take medications, the man stabilizes, and calls his family. The family requests greater support, and maybe even a review for a conservatorship. On the very small chance his doctor agrees, by the time the man is seen by a judge maybe three weeks later, he is not in crisis, has been on medication, and can outline a clear plan for future care (which he may or may not really be committing to—like anyone in that situation, he says what he thinks people want to hear). The judge refuses to review family statements citing she has all the information she needs to make a decision. Case closed and the cycle begins all over again.   
      Can you see how challenging this is? Let me add another layer to it. 
      Given what we’re seeing daily on police brutality, how do you think this statistic plays out for Black and Latinx people suffering from mental health crises? Miles Hall is one tragic example. 

      5. Substance abuse, homelessness, and mental illness are all closely connected 
      Substance abuse and mental illness can be closely linked. Severe mental illness can present like substance abuse AND substances can be used as a means for self-medicating to cope with symptoms of mental illness. According to HelpGuide.org, some statistics from the Journal of the American Medical Association underscore this: 
      Approximately 50 percent of those with severe mental disorders are also impacted by substance abuse. 
      37 percent of those who abuse alcohol and 53 percent of those who abuse drugs also have at least one serious mental health condition. 
      29 percent of those diagnosed with a mental illness abuse either alcohol or drugs. 
      Let’s be conscious of these connected issues, quell judgements surrounding them, and deepen the empathy in our responses. 

      6. Know the ways to get help for yourself or loved ones 
      Finally, if you’re someone who struggles with severe mental illness or loves someone who does, there are ways to get support. One of the most challenging circumstances for some more severe diagnoses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder is that people can sometimes have little to no insight into their own illness. This makes caring for and protecting these loved ones especially challenging. The single most important tool I’ve learned around this is the LEAP method, created by Dr. Xavier Amador and outlined in his book, I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help. LEAP stands for listen, empathize, agree, partner. 
      You can check out this YouTube video on it, but the primary reason it’s so important is that caretakers often try to talk our loved ones out of whatever they are thinking or feeling, and then we wonder why we aren’t getting anywhere. Imagine if someone were trying to talk you out of your current reality. How would that work for you? LEAP provides a framework for approaching conversations—and honestly, it’s also super helpful in relationships where mental health isn’t even an issue. This can also be a game-changer for mental health professionals or others who regularly come in contact with people who need mental health support services. 
      You can also check out NAMI, or the National Alliance on Mental Illness, for more information and access to services. NAMI has chapters across the country, creates space for families living with this to connect with one another, and have incredibly robust support services. 
      In the meantime, let’s stay open to hearing the experiences of others, and hold silent or supportive space for those who need it most. And if you do one thing this weekend, head over to Amazon Prime Video and watch (or rewatch) The Soloist with the lens outlined here. It’s a beautiful and accurate depiction of how mental illness, homelessness, and family dynamics are interconnected for so many.  More

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      13 Wellness Trends to Try From Home

      by

      So your barre studio is closed, the local health food store has limited stock, and you’re lacking motivation to cook anything that doesn’t come from a box or the frozen section. Just because this year looks a little different than you thought it would when you made your New Year’s resolutions, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be working towards your health goals and achieving your best self. With scary headlines and a stay-at-home order, 2020 also brought wellness trends less focused on buzzwords and more focused on actual self-care. Here are 13 of them that you can try at home:
      1. A tech detox
      A juice detox is so last year (or, like, 2010… does anybody think foregoing food for multiple days is a good idea anymore?). In 2020, it’s all about the technology detox. Whether this means keeping your phone at the bottom of your beach bag for the entirety of a pool day or turning off Netflix for an afternoon of reading or painting, designate a specific amount of time to go tech-free. Try an entire day every week (yes, Instagram can wait!), or just an hour tech-free before bed. Read a book, sip some tea, and enjoy the freedom of not having your phone as a fifth limb, 24/7. 
      If you find it difficult to designate a specific amount of time to go tech-free, designate a space in your home. Whether it’s your kitchen table, bedroom, or meditation corner, setting tech-free rules for your space helps set expectations and guidelines. A designated tech-free area can help you remember to put away phones during meals or to turn off Netflix before bed.

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      2. Intuitive eating
      Luckily for our fridges (and our sanity), “dieting” is officially a bad word. Rather than labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and driving ourselves crazy with guilt, we’re eating intuitively. That’s right: restrictive diets and calorie counting are canceled. Instead, tune in to your body to feed it what it needs (and when it needs), and don’t worry so much about outside rules, recommendations, and regulations.
      Intuitive eating can help you not only take control of your eating habits, but can help you know your body better and become your healthiest self. When you’re eating, step away from the laptop, turn off the TV, and notice the smells and tastes of the food. Take time to thoroughly chew and enjoy, feeling thankful for the nourishment you’re receiving. Notice how your body is feeling and stop when you’re no longer hungry. 

      3. Body hair (and identifying what’s best for you)
      Emily Ratajkowski sported body hair in a sexy editorial shoot, Miley Cyrus notoriously dyes her armpit hair, and even Vogue ruled the bush is back. For decades, women’s bodies have been expected to be completely hairless everywhere, all over, and all the time. But we are mammals, and more importantly, humans, and humans have body hair. Humans also have different preferences, so while some of us feel best with the smoothness of just-shaved legs and a freshly waxed bikini line, others of us prefer to grow it all out, and that’s OK.
      Whether you feel better with hair, your waxing salon is closed, or you just don’t give a damn (because there are more important things to worry about than leg hair), experiment with what level of body hair makes you feel most confident. If you feel best without hair (or without hair in certain parts and grown out hair in others), check out our guide to removing body hair. And if you’re enjoying the freedom of not having to worry about hair removal and feel sexier or more badass with body hair, then let it rage. 

      Source: @lolaomonaija

      4. Ayurvedic rituals (and other ancient practices)
      OK, let me nerd out for a sec. I have been obsessed with Ayurveda, one of the world’s oldest systems of medicine, since I wrote my college thesis on it (back in the good old days) and even saw an Ayurvedic practitioner. The system was developed over 3,000 years ago in India and is still widely practiced all over the world today. I know I’m a nerd, but how cool is that!? Imagine my delight when ancient rituals like tongue-scraping,  adaptogens, palo santo burning, and oil pulling started to become a part of mainstream media over the past couple of years. Practices that have been around for centuries are officially “trending” in the 2020 wellness space. 
      I love this “trend” because we have so much to learn about our own bodies through looking at practices in other cultures, time periods, and belief systems. To try some of these ancient practices at home, don’t just do it because your favorite wellness blogger says so. Read up on the history, benefits, and beliefs behind each of the rituals; talk about them with your doctor, and be your own guinea pig. 

      5. CBD for relaxation 
      We’ve talked about CBD for your beauty routine and have tried it in everything from candles to sunburn relief. But this year, we’re focused on how CBD can be used to boost relaxation and soothe anxiety (because 2020 is the year of constant anxiety). CBD can be used for many different purposes, but it has a reputation for its calming effects, delivered in easy and accessible ways. Check out our favorite products of all time, and try incorporating the buzziest wellness ingredient into your routine in whatever way is best for you, whether it’s a bath bomb, a lotion, or ingestible drops. 

      Equilibria
      Balance Box

      Use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Equilibria
      CBD Bath Bombs

      Use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Source: @jahirka

      6. Period tracking
      Staying at home 24/7 means you’re probably spending a lot more time bingeing Netflix, cleaning out your junk drawer, and teaching yourself more TikTok dances than you care to admit. Why not spend a little of your extra time getting to know your reproductive system better? The latest trend in menstrual health is not just holistic gynecology or non-toxic tampons (although both are great!), but tracking your cycle to find out what foods, workouts, and lifestyle tips are best for your body during each phase.
      To learn more, check out seven things every woman should know about her period and download a period-tracking app like MyFlo that gives you information about each day of your cycle. While we’re on the subject, having a period does not have to be a weakness; besides the fact that we can, you know, grow a freaking human being, women can use period tracking as a biohack to achieve better productivity. That goes for your work-from-home schedule, too. 

      7. Red light therapy
      Dubbed “the fountain of youth” by Glamour Magazine, red light therapy has been popping up everywhere from dermatologist offices to fitness centers. Joanna Vargas, celebrity facialist and Everygirl editor girl-crush, told Shape Magazine, “Red light therapy speeds the healing of the body, reduces inflammation, and helps hydration levels in the skin.” Luckily for 2020, this buzzy wellness trend is not just for expensive spas or wellness retreats. The latest products offer benefits of red light therapy from home (which is good since even wrinkles and low back pain isn’t worth risking your or other people’s safety). Try it for yourself with at-home devices that are more effective and affordable than ever.

      8. A tech-focused approach to fitness
      When you’re not detoxing from tech, technology can actually be used for good. Since going on a run can get boring and going to a yoga studio isn’t possible (or safe), technology has been trending in the fitness world. For regular class-goers, fitness apps and online subscriptions (like Everygirl-favorite, obé fitness) provide an alternative to studios, and equipment like The Mirror and Peloton bike bring the fun of workout classes to the comfort of your home (even if they’re out of my price range).
      Besides just alternatives to classes, technology can help you make the most out of your workouts too. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, technology (such as the Fitbit and Apple Watch) was the most popular form of wearable devices in 2019, and in 2020, they’re being used to motivate and monitor at-home exercise. Look out for virtual reality and even smarter fitness equipment making its way into your at-home fitness routine in the future. 

      Source: @theplussizedprep

      9. Mental health is #1 priority
      The past few months have been a wake-up call for several reasons, but one of the biggest was where we’re not prioritizing mental health. Self-care has been trending for years when it comes to face masks and bubble baths, but this year, sh*t got real, and we were all forced to prioritize self-care in the ways that are best for us and will actually help us feel better. Maybe you’ve taken action by prioritizing yourself or booking a session with a therapist, or maybe you’re still struggling like many of us are.
      Staying safe at home doesn’t have to be an excuse for not getting the help you need; many therapists are offering sessions over Zoom, and apps like Talkspace are revolutionizing virtual therapy. Check out resources to find a therapist for you, like BetterHelp, Dr. on Demand, and Therapy for Black Girls, or ask your therapist to schedule a virtual session. Besides getting honest about what you need to soothe stress and anxiety, bring your mental health into everything you do: perfect work-life balance, eat mindfully, and work out to release stress instead of burning calories. 

      10. Beauty that’s good for you (and the earth)
      Health is no longer just about what you put in your body, but also what you put on it. Not only are more non-toxic skincare and makeup brands popping up in the beauty space, but the brands we’ve been shopping for years are adding cleaner options to their offerings (clean beauty is the way of the future). The biggest benefit is that beauty products are not only stopping the use of harmful ingredients, but replacing with natural ingredients that are good for your skin and hair (like a concealer or lipstick with hydrating jojoba oil). Bonus: it’s much better for the earth too.
      To begin your quest towards a cleaner beauty routine, check out clean brands we love, read up on 10 experts’ clean beauty hacks, and shop our favorite non-toxic sunscreens. If it feels overwhelming to go totally clean, try replacing each product you run out of with a non-toxic, sustainable, and ethically-sourced alternative. Bonus points for buying from a small business! 

      Source: @missenocha

      11. Prioritizing pleasure
      2020 is the year of the “pleasure revolution,” and we could not be more excited about it (literally). Female sexuality is no longer a taboo subject; it’s self-care. To prioritize your sexuality, educate yourself, take time to experiment, and read our ultimate self-isolation guide to masturbation. Oh, and pleasure is not just reserved for the bedroom; it’s about living your life more pleasurably. Start by basing decisions off of what would bring you more pleasure (like a warm bath versus a cold shower, or a slow yoga flow versus a sweaty dance workout). Also, take extra time to pamper yourself (turn on a playlist and dry brush or massage in body oil), and don’t forget to check yourself out in the mirror (because you know you look good). 

      12. Biohacking your water
      Kool-Aid is so last decade. This summer, wellness influencers and health experts are making the most of their drink of choice (AKA some good old-fashioned water) with add-ins that are packed with nutrients. Turn any glass of water or reusable bottle (#ecofriendly) into a refreshing drink that not only hydrates you, but fills your body with antioxidants, electrolytes, or vitamins. Just watch out for high-sugar content and make sure the ingredients are as clean and natural as possible. PS check out newcomer Tandem, which uses ingredients like beetroot, turmeric, and ginger. Now that’s my kind of summer drink! 

      13. Inclusivity in wellness
      A necessary change in the wellness industry is way overdue, and it’s time all of us do what we can to promote more diversity in the health and wellness space. Practice inclusivity at home by educating yourself, supporting businesses that promote diversity (yes, that goes for your local yoga studio and favorite athleticwear brand), purchasing Black-owned brands, following Women of Color who are nutritionists, influencers, and wellness experts on social media; and supporting, donating, and attending resources for/from Women of Color (like Loom, Brown Girl Self-Care, The Loveland Foundation, and Dive in Well). 

      What wellness trends are you trying at home? More

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      How I Finally Improved My Gut Health

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      If any one of my friends had to describe my most notable identifiers, I’d guess they’d go something like this: blonde, 5’5″, has a horrible stomach.Far before gut health was a wellness trend, my gut has been somewhere within the realm of broken. I’ve been to dozens of doctors and have done elimination diets galore, but at the end of the day, my problem seemed unsolvable; more days than not, I felt the wrath of what was a stomach that was angry with me. And it isn’t “Oh, I’m a little bloated today!” kind of problems—I’ll spare you the details, but it’s “I can’t leave the house today” kind of problems.
      Quarantine has been an endless stream of days that feel straight out of Groundhog Day, but being confined to my home gave me a new opportunity: to get control of my stomach once and for all. Without after-work happy hours or eating out with friends multiple times a week, it gave me the space to focus on finding things that helped my stomach, rather than hurt it (looking at you, wine and mac and cheese). And let’s be real: there’s no better time to be taking care of ourselves than now.
      After a little trial and a lot of error, I finally feel that my gut and I are on good terms—for the first time since I can remember. Here’s how I improved our relationship for good:

      Source: @raeforwellness

      I got serious about taking pre- and probiotics
      I’ve had points in my life where I was great about taking probiotics consistently, but I always ended up veering away from being consistent because I was under the impression that they cost an arm and a leg (at one point I was buying month supplies for $60—which comes out to $2 for a single pill). 
      Here’s the thing: since my stomach is so deeply off its rocker, I can actually tell when a probiotic is working. It isn’t a miracle fix, but after a couple weeks of taking them consistently, I notice that I haven’t been having as many episodes as usual. I’m a probiotic brand’s worst nightmare: I can tell when their products aren’t up to par.
      This process led me to my new holy grail, Rae Wellness’ Pre + Probiotic. Rae Wellness has been my go-to supplement brand since I spotted their products on an endcap at Target a few months ago, and after picking up their Pre + Probiotic supplement, I was immediately hooked. All of their supplements are vegan, gluten-free, and non-GMO and have no added sugar, artificial preservatives, or harmful fillers or colorants—so basically, they take out all of the bad stuff (that have no business being in a supplement to begin with) and replace it with only the good.
      Rae’s Pre + Probiotic’s pure formulation helps balance the gut and support daily digestion with apple cider vinegar, a prebiotic that helps keep the gut flora balanced; and acidophilus, a probiotic that contains fiber. It’s also worth noting that all of Rae’s supplements have a subtle minty flavor, which makes taking them an enjoyable experience—a far cry from the past probiotics I’ve tried.
      Rae also took my inconsistency problem and eliminated it completely by having a fool-proof “subscribe” option on their website. Instead of needing to remember to pick up new supplements at the store every 30 days, I now have them delivered to my door at the same time every month—and I save 20 percent in the meantime, making them about the same cost as a couple of lattes. It’s a small investment that makes a huge difference to my well-being.

      Rae Wellness
      Pre + Probiotic
      Balance gut health and support your digestion.

      Source: Karolina Grabowska | Pexels

      I got into a consistent exercise routine
      I’ve spoken about being a morning workout person in the past, but once quarantine started, that went completely out the window. It felt like waking up before work to exercise just gave me more hours to do nothing in my day, but after a few early mornings helped me realize how much working out in the morning helped my workday at home, I decided to commit.
      Now, my alarm goes off two hours before I need to be online for work. I thought I’d miss the sleep, but how much better I feel throughout the day makes me not give it a second thought. I get to get an hour-long workout in, then shower, get ready, and make my coffee before my Slack icon turns green, and it leads me to start the day level-headed and more ready to take on whatever the day brings. My morning workouts feel like a zen time with just the world and me, and it brings me much more peace than needing to dread a post-work workout all day. Getting my body moving first thing in the day gives me a grip on any anxiety I might be feeling, which is vital to keeping my stomach in check. Which brings me to …

      Source: @madelinegalassi

      I prioritized activities that decrease my anxiety
      While my morning workouts are #1 on this list, I’ve added other things to my day that help keep my anxiety in-check—and anyone with gut problems knows that anxiety exacerbates any problems you’re having (I’ve had doctors tell me my stomach problems are completely anxiety-related—a theory I’ve since debunked, but that still shows the power of how much anxiety can affect our bodies).
      Normally, besides my face masks and the occasional bubble bath, putting things meant to decrease my stress into my day-to-day life wasn’t a huge priority. But since I now have what feels like endless hours in my day, adding a few things to make me feel better was much easier. For me, it started with the small things, like diffusing an essential oil or putting on some real clothes (don’t worry, not jeans) before I started work. I also have prioritized keeping my space as clean as possible by doing a deep clean once a week, and wiping down all the surfaces in my apartment (with a rose-scented cleaner that brings me a shocking amount of joy) before I go to bed. Having routines meant just for me, to make just me feel good has made my quarantine days feel more bearable—and at some points, have been the things that have kept me going.
      The days working from home feel much longer to me than they did from our office, so I wanted to tackle the afternoon slump I was so often feeling, and Rae’s DeStress Supplement has been the answer to that. I have to admit: I am often a skeptic about anything promising me any amount of zen, but this supplement has made me a believer.

      Rae Wellness
      DeStress
      Calm your mind and fight mental fatigue.

      Rae’s Destress capsules help fight mental fatigue and calm the mind, and I find myself avoiding the 1pm “I have four hours left of work and will never check everything off my to-do list” panic I was so often feeling. With natural ingredients L-Tyrosine, which supports mental processes and cognition to help you deal with the challenges of the day; Rhodiola rosea root, a natural ingredient to calm your mood and fight fatigue; and GABA, which helps support a balanced mood and promote calm, I also don’t need to worry about any weird ingredients going into my body that other supplements might sneak in there.
      When my mind is calm, my body is calm, which means less emergency gut problems and more time actually enjoying my life.

      Source: Alison Marras | Unsplash

      I figured out the foods that make me feel my best
      When your stomach is acting up and it feels like any of the approximately 1 billion foods on the planet could be the culprit, it is impossible to know where to start. Like I mentioned, I’ve done the elimination diets, but they’ve honestly left me no closer to a cure than I was before—so instead, I found the foods that made me feel good instead of just trying to eliminate the ones that make me feel bad. It makes the process feel more bearable and approachable and motivates me more than cutting out everything that tastes remotely good (@ Whole30).
      Obviously, raw, whole foods are at the top of this list—but I need to watch how much fiber I eat, so not eating too many fruits and veggies is also key. The #1 rule I stick to is the simpler, the better. I’m not making anything crazy over here, but eggs and toast for breakfast make me feel 10x better than picking up a breakfast sandwich to-go that I didn’t have the control of making. I like to cook for myself for as many meals as I can and meal-prep whenever possible, and it’s been fun to keep eating the things I ate on days that I lay down in bed and realize my stomach feels normal (usually night time is the point where I realize that my stomach, in fact, does not feel normal).
      I’m no doctor, but I’d assume that a part of this is that I’m getting the nutrients my body craves, and they make it easier for my body to be functioning properly (again, looking at you, wine and mac and cheese). A multivitamin is also a key to achieving this, especially on the days that, yes, both of the aforementioned culprits were a part of my diet. A multivitamin is a must for even those among us who are the least likely to take a supplement, but not all of them are created equal. You want one that’s going to support your health from head to toe, and if you look closely at the labels of many that are available, they aren’t exactly formulated to do that—and what’s the point of taking a supplement if it isn’t really going to help you?
      Rae’s Multivitamin is formulated with all of the ingredients you might pick up in individual supplements, but packed into one, do-it-all pill that can provide it all. With vitamins A, C, D, and E, biotin, and ashwagandha, they support everything from immune system function to skin health and hair growth. If you want to take one step toward improving your health, this supplement is the place to start. 

      Rae Wellness
      Multivitamin
      Nourish your body with head-to-toe health.

      Source: @madelinegalassi

      I made sleep a priority
      It triggers a big eye roll in me that the simplest things often feel like the hardest to do—sleeping enough, eating veggies, exercising—and that those are also the things that can affect our health the most. And of course, the gut is no exception.
      I’ll admit it: I love to sleep. When I wake up in the morning I give a little smile and pull my comforter closer because I literally just feel happy to sleep, but what I’ve always been lacking is routine. On weekends my body would let me drift off until 11am, but on weekdays I was waking up five hours earlier than that—leaving my body not knowing what was going on and making it harder for me to fall asleep every night. The past three months, I’ve tackled that.
      With the help of Headspace’s Sleepcasts (I absolutely swear by these), I made it a priority to fall asleep at the same time every night and wake up at similar times every morning. Of course, I sleep in later on weekends, but I try to keep that to somewhere around 9am instead of closer to noon. It’s left me with a body that knows what to expect, which leaves it happier and healthier on a day-to-day basis. And hey, with what feels like unlimited hours in the day right now, it was a fun challenge to actually try to get this under control.

      I’ve long ago accepted that my stomach will always be a little bit of an enemy to me. It will never like when I eat out or devour an entire package of cauliflower gnocci, but with the right steps, it can be better—and that’s all I can ask for. To me, consistently taking steps to make it better—rather than expecting it to be perfect—is more satisfying than anything else I can do for my health. And it turns out, it doesn’t need to be hard or overwhelming at all.

      This post was in partnership with Rae Wellness, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      11 Ways to Break Bad Habits That You Haven’t Tried Yet

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      Our brains are just like computers (or like the iPhone 11, for all the other millennials out there). All iPhones, and all people, have some “coding” that may not be beneficial. For iPhones and computers, this looks like a glitch in the system. For humans, this looks like bad habits. Luckily, we can rewire the brain to code a little differently and break bad habits, no matter how programmed they are into our routines.Breaking bad habits, like that caffeine addiction, constant scrolling through Instagram, staying up too late, complaining too much, or procrastinating at work, can not only make your life better, but will build confidence and form good habits. Read on for 11 ways to break out of negative routines that you probably haven’t tried yet:

      1. Keep track
      The first step in breaking a habit is increasing your awareness. Maybe you know that you mindlessly check Instagram throughout the day, but you’re not sure exactly how much you’re scrolling or when you’re reaching for your phone out of habit. Maybe you know you need to quit drinking soda but are not sure how many cans you’re sipping on throughout the day.
      Without judging, start keeping track of the bad habit. Try recording each can of soda you drink or have your phone track how many times you check Instagram every day. Plus, sometimes setting measurable goals can help make changes. When you know you hit the snooze button three times before getting up, you can set a goal to hit “snooze” only twice by the next week, and use baby steps to reach the final goal (AKA not hitting “snooze” at all). 

      2. Identify the trigger and then replace the habit
      To stop the habit, identify the trigger. For example, maybe you reach for a piece of candy every afternoon like clockwork. Is it a sweet tooth craving? Keep a stash of dark chocolate so you always have a better option on hand. Is it stress? Take a five-minute break and do something relaxing instead of eating the candy. Is it exhaustion? Take a walk around the block to get more energy. Get curious about why (and when) your bad habit is happening, so you can either avoid the trigger or replace the habit with something better for you. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      3. Trick yourself into changing habits “temporarily”
      There’s a reason going vegan for 22 days worked for Beyoncé; the program is based on the fact that it takes 21 days to form a habit. The key to this trickery is that you’re telling yourself that you only have to stop a bad habit (or keep up a good habit) for a certain amount of time. You’re not telling yourself to stop forever, and therefore, it feels much more doable than making drastic and lifelong changes. For a real-life example, mornings have notoriously been hard for me. A couple of years ago, I decided I wanted to get a better handle on my mornings and thought that making my bed would be a good place to start (it only took 24 years, but I finally became a real adult).
      I made a goal to make the bed for 21 days straight. Sure, I could’ve returned to my same slob-kebab ways after the few weeks were up, but by that point, making the bed was already a habit. Of course, the goal was always permanent change, but staying focused on a short-term accomplishment helped me keep the routine, while I was simultaneously building habits that were better than the sleeping-in-until-the-last-second-possible habit that I had going for me before. And if this strategy is good enough for Beyoncé, it’s good enough for me. 

      4. Leave reminders where you’ll see them
      Sometimes we keep up bad habits because they’re hard to break, and other times we keep up bad habits because we don’t to remember to stop. If you want to stop mindlessly scrolling on Instagram, make your iPhone wallpaper a note that reminds you not to open the ‘gram every time you reach for your phone out of habit. If you want to stop snacking (when you’re not even hungry), leave a sticky note on the fridge or pantry door to remind you to drink some water instead. Whether you need a subtle nudge or an obnoxious reminder (my habits typically require the latter), use phone alarms, sticky notes, or signs to ensure you can’t act on the bad habit without seeing the reminder. 

      Source: @ambrasbrice

      5. Get yourself an accountability buddy
      So you’ve heard that working out with a friend will get you to work out more often, or that planning to eat healthier with your significant other will make you more successful. But when it comes to any habit, we sometimes need more than just ourselves to be accountable. If you want to break your caffeine addiction, ask your work wife if she would be down to do the same, or at least help you limit your daily cups of coffee. Knowing she’ll check in with you or see you drinking another espresso during a Zoom meeting will help motivate you to go for green tea instead.
      PS, I speak from personal experience when I say there is nothing more motivating than knowing an entire social media following (no matter how big or small) knows you’re trying to break a habit. If there’s not one specific person you can ask to be your accountability buddy, post about your goals on social media, or text about it in your group chats. Just knowing other people are aware of your bad habit will help you break it. 

      6. Make unrelated good decisions
      “Confidence” is the ability to keep promises to yourself. Mind-blow, right? Whether or not that lesson shook your world like it did mine when I first heard it, we often keep up with bad habits because we’re not confident or proud in other areas of our lives. We think, I already skipped my workout today, so why not order a pizza for dinner?, or Since my day is ruined from staying up late and watching Netflix, I’ll work on my side hustle another day instead.
      These theoretical debacles may sound silly, but how many times have a couple of bad choices in your life snowballed into more bad choices? Making good choices (even unrelated to the bad habit) will not only make you feel proud of yourself, but will make you feel confident enough to overcome whatever bad habit is holding you back. Likewise, every time you replace any negative routine with a better action, you’re keeping promises you made to yourself, and therefore, building self-confidence. 

      7. Start fresh regularly
      When you skip a workout, binge bad foods, stay up too late, or scroll through Instagram too long, it doesn’t make you bad; it makes you human. Habits are harder to break when we expect perfection. Any slip-up or “bad day” doesn’t mean you failed or are back at the beginning; it’s a normal part of the habit-breaking process. Get rid of the all-or-nothing mindset that one slip-up erases the progress you made previously. Give yourself a clean slate every day, every hour, or even every minute if you need to remind yourself that one unhealthy choice doesn’t negate all the other healthy choices. Rather than focusing on the goal of breaking the bad habit, remind yourself that anytime you just do more of what’s good for you, you’re on the right track. 

      Source: @missalexlarosa

      8. Use visualization
      Breaking bad habits is not just a physical, action-oriented process. After all, a goal needs to be more than just words on paper or an idealistic outcome. You have to see it to make it mean something. If you’re working on bad spending habits, don’t just picture yourself without the money issues, but visualize how your life would be different with more money. With any habit, visualize how getting rid of the bad habit would change your life. Will you have more time to start your side hustle or more money to feel financially stable? Will you feel more well-rested and energized to be able to accomplish the big project at work, or will you feel happier with less stress and anxiety?
      Also, change your identity surrounding the bad habit. If you keep hitting snooze, maybe you think of yourself as lazy, or a night owl instead of a morning person. Instead, start telling yourself that you are a morning person and that you do wake up energized and active. To use one of my favorite quotes, visualize your best self, and then start showing up as her. 

      9. When you realize you’re making excuses, do more
      One of the most valuable pieces of advice that I received when it came to my mediation practice is that on the days where you find yourself saying, “I have no time to meditate today,” then meditate for twice as long. We makes excuses when there’s no immediate reward and wants to stay with what’s comfortable. So if you find yourself saying, “I’ve had a really stressful day and need this Diet Coke,” that’s when you really need to drink extra water instead. If you’re telling yourself not to work out because your favorite leggings are in the laundry, add an extra five minutes to your usual workout time. Excuses are just stopping you from breaking bad habits, so counteract the excuse with even more motivation.
      Quick side note: when trying to break a bad habit, excuses are more common than reasons (“It’s a stressful day, so I’ll stop drinking coffee tomorrow instead,” is an excuse). However, if you listen to your body and decide that it’s feeling too depleted to do an afternoon workout and a relaxing bath would be better for you, that’s a genuine reason, not an excuse. You won’t be able to instill good habits if you’re not intuitive with what your body wants and needs, so learn to decipher between reasons and excuses. 

      Source: @theyusufs

      10. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you
      You’ve probably heard the saying that you’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with (and yes, that includes your competitive coworker or judgmental frenemy). If you’re trying to eat healthier but your friends don’t know kale from spinach, or if you want to go to bed earlier but your roommate keeps telling you to stay up later to finish the second season of The Politician, breaking these habits are going to be tough.
      Your environment matters more than almost any other factor when it comes to habits, and the people in your life are what form the environment. Even if you can’t break up with the people who share your bad habit, spend more time with people who have habits you want to adopt. Ask the coworker who goes on morning runs to get a juice before work, or ask your sister what book she’s reading if she always reads before bed instead of watching TV. If your environment isn’t setting you up for success, reinvent it. 

      11. Remember the “why”
      Sure, we all have goals we want to accomplish, but we often focus on the surface-level goal, rather than the end goal. For example, you might say your goal is “to go to the gym more.” But why do you want to go to the gym more? Is it to feel stronger, live a long and healthy life, or feel more confident in yourself? Those are much more motivating goals than simply going to the gym. The same goes for habit-breaking too. Why do you want to stop drinking coffee, stress eating, or being late? Identify your reason and remind yourself of the end goal every time you’re tempted to fall back into old patterns. 

      What bad habits would you like to break? Which tips have helped you? More

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      5 Exercises to Strengthen Your Core at Home

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      Are you missing your typical workout routine as much as we are? We know it’s been months since you’ve gotten to clip into a bike at a spin studio, had a Body Pump instructor barking at you to squat lower, or blazed a trail on the treadmill. We’ve been stuck working out from home, which isn’t as exciting as exercising in a fancy gym or club-esque boutique studio, but the work itself remains important—especially when it comes to your core muscles. Your core is the epicenter of your body’s success, helping you with everything from stabilization to breathing.The best part of core exercises is that they can be executed without any added weight—your body alone can add resistance to crank up the intensity of the exercise and continue to challenge you. The number of core exercises and variations are seemingly endless, but let’s face it: the motivation to actually complete an ab workout solo or at the end of the rest of your workout can be low. These five exercises in particular are ideal; they’re going to attack all parts of your core, can be done from the comfort of your living room carpet, and will keep you from the mundane routine of crunching yourself into oblivion.

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      Planks are the most classic core move there is, but despite its constant presence in ab routines and group fitness classes, it never gets easy. Starting out on your forearms, extend your legs back behind you and come onto your toes, making yourself flat as a board. Now, it’s time to hold for as long as you can, or to do sets of 30-second rounds. The challenge here comes from ensuring your butt is down and your back is flat. Plank intensity can be increased by raising a leg, an arm, or both to add some instability. This exercise not only has a ton of options for variation, including side planks or raised planks, but it works all the muscles in your core at once.

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      Bird dogs will help strengthen the core through both contraction and balance. This move will help to train your whole core, and will help strengthen your lower back. Start out in a tabletop position on your hands and knees. Extend one arm out and at the same time, extend the opposite leg out. Then, bring both the extended arm and leg in underneath your stomach and squeeze. You can do a certain number of reps on one side and then switch sides, or do alternating reps. The element of balance comes in when the arm and leg are extended, and the other arm and leg are responsible for keeping you stable.

      [embedded content]
      You’ll be channeling your inner superhero with this one. Contrary to popular belief, your lower back muscles are a part of your core—it’s not just about the washboard stomach up front. Start out lying on your stomach, and to execute one rep, contract your arms and legs up off the floor. After holding for a second, you’ll drop back down. Supermans work as a good counter-exercise to all of the other abdominal work you’re doing.

      [embedded content]
      The tricky part about core work is that there are so many different muscles to train. Flutter kicks are an effective way to strengthen your lower abdominal muscles. Start out by lying on the floor and put your hands underneath your glutes or lower back. Next, raise your legs, shoulders, and head off the floor, and from there, you’ll begin to flutter your legs up and down, alternating which leg goes up while the other is coming down. This exercise can be done for time or for a number of reps. It’s important that you keep your legs, shoulders, and head raised off the ground the entire time. You may feel your neck and shoulders becoming tense, and if that’s the case, you can lower your head and shoulders to the floor and just focus on the leg motion. This won’t alter the results or benefit from the movement, but will help you to avoid injury. Once you become more comfortable with the movement itself, you can add back in the challenge of lifting your neck and shoulders off of the ground. 

      [embedded content]
      Russian twists will help to burn out the main part of your core, and also turn up the heat on your obliques. Start out on the ground in a seated position, and raise your feet up off the ground. Next, you’ll literally twist from side-to-side, touching the floor beside your legs while keeping your feet raised. To increase the intensity, you can lean back further with your upper body creating a more difficult angle. This exercise is plenty tough without weight, but adding a dumbbell, heavy book, or detergent bottle will give an extra challenge. More

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      Quarter Life Crisis or Comparison Trap? What to Remember When You Feel Lost

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      Six years into a successful career in PR, with amazing friends and family and my sweet dog napping next to me, I have a lot to be grateful for. I have always been driven, and am proud to say I’ve worked my butt off to get where I am today — from my professional position to my Toronto apartment and my rescue pup, Moose.  That’s why I was pretty shocked to find myself on the eve of my 28th birthday in tears. Not happy tears. More along the lines of, “What the hell am I doing with my life?” tears. Granted, some of this could be credited to the bottle of rosé I’d just enjoyed with my boyfriend, or the fact that I was ovulating. But there was something else: in the weeks leading up to my birthday, it felt like all my single girlfriends had announced engagements; and my married ones, pregnancies. Never major priorities before, I found myself feeling frantic — career success and personal accomplishments aside — was I behind?
      The thing they don’t tell us about our late 20s is the way our lives will look vastly different from the friends we feel so close to — and how to navigate this free of comparison. I thought I was too smart for the comparison trap — Instagram and social norms be damned. Well, here I am, and I’m sure I’m not alone. If you too are the token career woman in your friend group, here are some of the things I’ve found really helpful to ground me in what is truly fulfilling at this time in my life:

      Try something new
      Not as in, trying on wedding gowns. Find a way to connect with other like-minded women in your community who may be experiencing similar uncertainties and anxieties. You will probably be surprised to find the number of female-focused workshops and networking events in your area that can really open doors — even if it’s just a door in your own mind. This may sound daunting, but I promise if you attend just one, you’ll be glad you went.

      Source: @sezane

      Reflect on a ritual that brings you joy
      Something that you only need yourself for. We tend to feel “too busy,” but time to truly unwind on your own can help declutter your mind and validate the things in life that truly matter. This can be as simple as making a coffee, doing a workout, or writing. Do something just for you, on a regular basis, that has no expected return or outcome. What you gain internally just might surprise you.

      Source: Retha Ferguson | Pexels

      Chuck the five year plan
      Goal-setting is second nature to us career-focused gals, but it may be time to hit pause. If you’re feeling the immediate pressure of “keeping up,” your detailed roadmap to 40 may be compounding that pressure. As someone who was admittedly measuring my self-worth by the way others perceived my success, this moment of comparison made me realize it was time to take a step back from my goals, whether personal, professional, or financial. This doesn’t mean you’re back to square one or that those goals will change. There is true value in taking time to think critically about what brings you true fulfillment each day, and letting those goals fall into place or adjust naturally according to that fulfillment.  
      Your late 20s are weird: you don’t feel young but you don’t feel old, everyone is officially on very different life paths, and you’re realizing all the complications your 6-year-old dreamy self didn’t know existed. You’re going to be just fine — be brave, and let your happiness look different from your friends. It’s worth it. More

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      Being Pregnant During COVID-19: How I’m Staying Safe and Sane

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      I had big plans the last seven weeks of my second pregnancy—a huge birthday bash for my 2-year-old, a fancy Easter brunch for our little family of three, even a Pinterest-worthy list of activities to do with my firstborn before he became a big brother.Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
      At first, I wasn’t concerned. It felt like something happening far away, a global event that wouldn’t necessarily affect us in our little enclave in Northeast Florida.
      But that changed quickly. COVID-19 has become something that we’ve all had to face head-on, whether it be dealing with the stress of social distancing, having major events like weddings or birthday celebrations canceled, or worrying about an immunocompromised friend or relative. But being pregnant adds a whole new level of uncertainty.
      Here’s what I’m doing to stay safe and sane as a pregnant woman during the coronavirus outbreak.

      Taking Social Distancing Seriously
      While I love spending one-on-one time with my son, a big part of what keeps me sane as a work-from-home mom is largely dependent on my mom tribe. They’ve been there for me through bad days, stressful work situations, even silly fights with my husband. They’re my sounding board when I worry whether my son is hitting milestones as he should or if I need to take him to the pediatrician (again) for that rash.
      But when officials started encouraging social distancing, I knew I had to take it seriously. The research on how COVID-19 could affect pregnant women is slim, and the CDC says they still don’t know if it can be passed from an infected mother to her newborn. With that said, I knew staying away was what was best for me and my baby.
      Not being able to see my best friends every day has been rough. Postponing my son’s second birthday party was also heart-wrenching. Plus, entertaining my son on my own all day is hard. But I know it’s the right thing to do, not just for my specific situation but for the population as a whole.

      Source: @jyll_mackie via #sharetheeverymom

      Staying Informed—To a Point
      I’m a journalist, and it’s long been a habit to watch the news and stay informed. But the daily updates on COVID-19 are on a whole new level—towns on lockdown, restaurants, and bars closed across entire cities, even beloved celebrities testing positive. To be honest, it sometimes feels like we’re living in a George Orwell novel.
      With the news moving at such a breakneck pace, you could spend most of the day watching the coverage. But I’ve decided to only watch the news in the morning, during naptime, and at night. Any more than that and my anxiety starts to spike. Any less and I feel like I’m ill-informed.
      I’ve also stopped watching in front of my 2-year-old. While I’m not sure he really grasps what’s going on, I don’t want to inundate him with potentially frightening images or adult themes.

      Finding Stress Relief
      As someone nearing the end of her pregnancy, I realize that now more than ever it’s important for me to stay calm. Maternal stress has long been linked to preterm labor,  and the last thing I want to do (especially in the middle of a global epidemic) is to deliver early.
      So, I’ve decided to do everything I can to stay calm. I’ve completely finished the baby’s room, down to washing, folding, and putting away all the tiny clothes and hanging the art. I’ve cleaned out all our drawers and kitchen cabinets, put up new curtains, cleaned and organized long-neglected areas, and wrapped and assembled all my son’s birthday gifts. I’ve also made it a point to support several local small businesses (online, of course), while also squeezing in some time for binge-watching Netflix and reading two books I started ages ago.
      While your version of stress relief may look different than mine, I’ve found that checking things off my to-do list while stuck at home has gone a long way in reducing my stress level.

      Source: @thebeverlyadams

      Having a Backup Plan
      At my 32-week appointment, I asked my doctor about COVID-19 and how it might affect my delivery. She said to prepare myself to not have any visitors in the hospital apart from my husband. Immediately, the sweet visions I had in my head of my son meeting his little brother for the first time in a sunny hospital room, peering into the tiny bassinet at his tiny new brother tightly swaddled in a pink and blue striped blanket, went up in smoke. I wouldn’t get that.
      What she said shocked me then, but restrictions on visitors have become commonplace in recent weeks. I’ve decided to accept that I probably won’t get the birth I envisioned. And that’s OK. But I’ve also started preparing for less optimal situations.
      For example, what if there are too many cases of COVID-19 at our hospital and they can’t accommodate us? Our hospital recently had its first case, and I expect there will be more. Right now, I’m keeping an eye on the situation and researching other options, from delivering at other hospitals to a truncated hospital stay post-birth to yep, even home birth. And I’m not the only mom considering this option. Of course, talking to your own doctor is always the best course of action—they can provide advice and solutions directly relevant to your specific situation.
      The COVID-19 epidemic has affected us all, not just those of us expecting a baby in the coming months. I know there are people who are dealing with far worse situations than I am—those with immunocompromised children, those who still have to report to work and send their kids to daycare, and of course, those who have already contracted the infection or love someone who has.
      But being pregnant and on the cusp of giving birth right now is also really, really hard. Preparing backup plans and being mindful of my mindset is the best thing I can do for myself, and my family, at this time.

      This article originally ran on The Everymom More

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      Sex 101: How to Start Role-Playing With Your Partner

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      Undeniably, one of the best sex scenes in movie history is The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. Are you kidding me? 15-year-old me had a sexual awakening watching Bella and Edward get it on in the water, all to end up in bed. I mean, the scene when she wakes up to a completely broken bed, pillow feathers strewn about the room sounds like exactly what my sex dreams are made of (you know, with less Edward Cullen and more LaKeith Stanfield). And lest we forget the other best sex scene in human history: Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in Black Swan. You know, I claimed Black Swan as my favorite movie of all time for quite a while; somehow it only dawned on me a few years later that I just might be bisexual.But you know why movie sex scenes are just so absolutely sexy? It’s acting; there’s a sense of “these aren’t real people” to the whole thing. And you know what? Regular old folk like us can get that same feeling with just a little role-playing. 
      I’ll be completely honest: role-playing with your partner can feel really intimidating and, of course, totally weird and awkward if you’re new to it. But as most sexual things go, with practice and communication comes many orgasms! So here we go, a 101 guide to the best role-playing of your life. 

      Get your boundaries and safe words all laid out
      Before you and your partner become entirely different people for the night, talk over what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. It’s important to know what each of you is hoping to get out of the experience. For you, it might just be a fun, one-night-only thing. Your partner might want to add this to your usual rotation. Some people like to use role-playing to act out fantasies. Whatever you decide is amazing, just make sure it fits for both of you. As always, communication with your partner about sex is necessary here.
      You’ll also want to come up with any safe words if you’re practicing BDSM or anything similar. 

      How to decide what to role-play
      You absolutely can just come up with a character on the spot and go with it. But if you’re not an Oscar-winning actress just yet (maybe if I flesh out the cash for that Natalie Portman Masterclass, but I digress), it’s OK to take some time to figure it out and come up with it as you go. Of course, the easiest thing would be a different person. Maybe it’s your alter-ego. You don’t totally change your look, but you go by a different name and act a little different (for example, normally you’re more dominant in the bedroom, and instead you act a little more submissive). Pretend it’s your first date all over again. 
      On the other hand, you can also decide who to role-play based on your fantasies. What turns you on? Is it a student/teacher scenario? A nurse/patient? Two roommates? Make your decision on truly what turns you on, because it’ll just feel awkward and funny to you both if it’s not something you actually find sexy. 
      Will you add costumes? You certainly can! But to be fair, if your partner is of the male species, you might be able to get away with putting your hair in a different style and slapping on a smokey eye, and they’ll think it’s different enough. (If your partner is more observant, wigs are a very fun and inexpensive way to change things up!) If the scenario is a little more complex, think about getting into character. This might feel really awkward for your first time role-playing, so don’t be afraid to start small. Speaking of…

      Start small
      It’s OK if the first time you role-play doesn’t involve the sexy French maid costume of your dreams and a fully flushed-out script of everything you’ll say. It’s really easy and casual to start role-playing through text first. You and your partner can gauge how you enjoy it and feel about it without the pressure of “acting” in front of each other. 

      Don’t stress if you feel silly
      Role-playing can sorta feel like you’re back in high school musical theater if you’re not used to it, and that’s completely normal. It’s different and new, but it takes time to get used to being that way with your partner. Think of role-playing like a game, and of course, very few people are good at a game the first time they play.

      Change locations
      Obviously, we’re not heading out to our local hotel bar to reenact our first dates right now. Instead, change up the location of where you are. You can take a walk to the park and start your role-play there (finishing at home, of course). Or just change locations in your home. Get really into it and turn your kitchen island or dining table into a little bar set-up for the evening. You could pretend your home is a hotel. Get into the fun of it and let your imagination go. Sex is all about flexing your creative muscle.

      Some scenarios to try
      Classic power dynamics—boss/employee, teacher/student, guest/maid, nurse or doctor/patient, fitness instructor/student, landlord/tenant, etc. 
      Best friends
      Roommates
      Strangers
      Long-distance—try Skype/FaceTime sex even if you’re not in an LDR
      Massage therapist
      Food delivery (very peak COVID, am I right?) 
      Non-monogamy—one person remains themselves and the other is a stranger
      Photographer and model
      Don’t be afraid to really act
      It’s not weird to get into it; it’s your fantasy for crying out loud! Role-playing is about being someone else for a little and acting out all of your desires with your partner. It’s a fun way to try all those things you dream about without a ton of commitment. Try something and realize you don’t really enjoy it? Try something different! Role-playing is about trial and error, so don’t be surprised if you thought you’d love or hate something and it turns out to surprise you. That’s what sex is all about, really: tons of surprises! More