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      The Pandemic Helped Me Become More Confident With My Disability

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      As someone with a physical disability, I have always struggled with my mental health. I’m not certain whether my anxiety and depression are only manifested as a reaction to my experiences as a disabled woman, but I am confident they are, at the very least, exacerbated by it. Even if I tend to forget, I’m fortunate that my disability (Charcot-Marie-Tooth) is fairly easy to hide. My disability is a neurological disorder that causes the muscles in my lower extremities to be weaker than normal. I wear leg braces to help me walk, but other than that, I live a fairly normal life. My mental health is severely impacted by my disability, however, because my anxieties are constantly on edge as I worry about people staring, or about climbing stairs, or about standing for too long without a chance to sit. Ever since I was a child, I’ve lived with severe anxieties that caused stomachaches and nightmares. I feared everything from going over bridges to being sucked down the drain (this fear inspired by a Rugrats episode). It was so bad that if my family went out on a school night, I would nearly be in tears if I hadn’t been able to finish my homework beforehand, for fear of not having enough time to complete it when we finally returned home. 
      It wasn’t until a few months ago, when my anxiety transformed into depression and I struggled to keep up appearances of being just fine, that I finally got help. I am unable to pinpoint the exact moment my depression became a thing. It’s possible that I was rejected from one too many jobs, or I could feel some of my college friends and I growing apart as our early 20s began to slip away. Either way, I knew I was in trouble when I struggled with my writing; my creative juices simply were not flowing. I am writing about living with a disability for an MFA program and constantly focusing on the struggles I have faced with my disability became too much for me to work on. At the same time, I knew I needed to complete my memoir not just for my degree, but because I felt by getting my truth down on paper it would begin to help me understand and reconcile my negative feelings towards my disability. 

      I am unable to pinpoint the exact moment my depression became a thing. It’s possible that I was rejected from one too many jobs, or I could feel some of my college friends and I growing apart as our early 20s began to slip away.

      I had wanted to work with a therapist for several years, as more of my friends began seeing one and shared their positive experiences. But, like many Americans, mental health costs were not covered under my insurance. I contacted therapist after therapist, hoping I would find one who would take pity on me and offer a discount. Finally, I found one and have been working with her for several months. 
      We were able to meet in person once before we were forced into quarantine. I was worried that I would no longer be able to see my therapist, but was glad when she offered telehealth sessions. Our first session was a struggle, the video continuously froze, the audio was too low, and I ended the session fearing the next virtual appointment. After that first session though, we decided to forgo the video and just do a phone call.
      While I was happy that I was still able to speak with my therapist on a weekly basis, I feared that by not being able to see me, she would miss out on certain physical cues that were instrumental to understanding my anxiety. I have found that the only way to combat this is by vocalizing the reason behind the fidgeting, or if I don’t know the reason, simply vocalizing the fact that I am feeling anxious at that moment. This is challenging me to be more honest about my thoughts and feelings. On the flip side, not seeing my therapist face-to-face has given me a certain level of confidence I would not exude in person. In-person, I would be more focused on what I was doing with my hands or fidgeting with my hair than the conversation at hand. Like many aspects of our lives at this time, I need to be OK taking the good with the bad.

      While I was happy that I was still able to speak with my therapist on a weekly basis, I feared that by not being able to see me, she would miss out on certain physical cues that were instrumental to understanding my anxiety.

      I told my therapist how, in a weird way, I felt fortunate that I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life and that I had sought help before the pandemic began. Nearly everyone is now living in a state of constant fear and anxiety, and many people have not had to deal with these feelings before. As someone who has lived with anxiety all my life, I am slightly better equipped to recognize irrational fears versus rational ones, which I think makes a huge difference in this pandemic. I read a lot—whether books, magazines, newspapers, etc., I am almost always reading—and I have found this breadth of information and various perspectives have made it easier for me to identify those rational versus irrational thoughts.
      Books allow me to see that I am not alone in my way of thinking. For example, I am currently reading Sally Rooney’s Normal People (which is also a limited series) which tackles numerous mental health issues. I see myself in those characters, and it is helping me understand why I think the way I do. With the pandemic, I read verified sources that reference experts to determine what level of worry is rational. I admit the beginning of the pandemic made my anxieties even worse (for a time I had a panic attack anytime I listened to White House press briefings), but as the weeks stretched into months, the shock has worn off and I have educated myself enough to feel I have the tools necessary to be as safe as I can be, without closing myself off from the rest of the world.
      Whenever I go out I wear a mask, I wash my hands, and I keep my distance. I have not seen my family and friends in person because many of them are essential workers, but I video chat with at least one or two people every week and plan on having safe, socially-distanced dates with a friend. I feel as time has passed, I have begun to settle into my “normal” levels of anxieties, which I have been learning to deal with for months now. I work to challenge my suffocating mindsets, but more importantly, I am working to trust myself. 

      Like many aspects of our lives at this time, I need to be OK taking the good with the bad.

      I have decided to treat myself throughout this pandemic by ordering an abundance of goodies from face masks to bath bombs, salon-quality hair products to new clothes. When I put on new clothes and my hair is done, my face is clear and my makeup looks good, I feel rejuvenated.
      Doing these things, like buying fashion and beauty products, helps me feel good about myself and my body, something that I have always struggled with. With the pandemic, I went several weeks where I didn’t do my hair at all, I wore sweats or pajama pants every day, and it negatively impacted my mental health. I was hesitant to order things at first because I felt guilty for the delivery drivers and warehouse workers, but after a few weeks of realizing that things were not going to change anytime soon and I was not going to be able to go shopping in person for the foreseeable future, I finally broke down and made my first purchase: prescription glasses and sunglasses.
      I felt this was a necessary purchase, as I did need new glasses, and when I got them in the mail and tried them on I felt better than I had in weeks. They helped me feel cute and confident. After this, it was as though the floodgates opened and I felt free to order more: I bought a new CC cream from Ulta, as well as bath bombs, face masks, and lotion, I bought salon-quality hair care products from R+Co and, my most exciting purchase, I signed up for a clothing subscription service.

      Doing these things, buying fashion and beauty products, helps me feel good about myself and my body, something that I have always struggled with.

      Before the pandemic, it was my goal to become more comfortable with my body and less afraid of showing my leg braces. I planned to promote body positivity on social media by sharing photos of myself in dresses or shorts with my leg braces on full display. I have yet to get the courage to do this, but with my beauty purchases and focusing on my mental health with my therapist, I believe my confidence level is growing daily, and before long, I will be ready for the world to see me as I am—disability and all. More

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      These Activewear Trends Are So Cute, They’ll Motivate You to Work Out At Home

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      I’ve always lacked motivation when it comes to working out. For example, I faked my period every other week to get out of gym class (thankfully, my PE teacher was an awkward older man who didn’t want to question that frequency). As an adult, I finally established a consistent exercise routine by going to workout classes (and have only faked my period a few times). There are exactly two reasons classes gave me the motivation to work out: 1. the chance to get out of the house (I work at home full-time), and 2. steep cancellation fees. You can imagine my panic when all studios and gyms started closing mid-March. What other reason is there to work out than $20 to cancel and lemon-lavender cloths!? There’s nothing that motivates me to do anything or go anywhere more than a really cute outfit, so I took the same approach. Sure we all should exercise for our health and wellbeing, but sometimes it’s just hard when a new episode of Riverdale is calling. 
      Whether you’re live streaming yoga, getting after it on the treadmill, or taking your dog for a long walk, the biggest activewear trends of 2020 are so cute you’ll want to throw them on, get moving, and maybe take a selfie or two. Happy shopping (I mean working out)!

      1. Matching sets

      A matching set is the activewear equivalent of a crisp, ironed button-down: whenever you wear it, you just look like you have your sh*t together. A matching set of leggings and bra top in a cute print or a comfy fabric is as worthy of an #OOTD selfie as your favorite sundress or newest blouse. Plus, you’ll look damn good doing downward dog in all one color.

      2. One-shoulder top

      The latest trend in sports bras and workout tops mirrors one of the biggest trends in your closet: one-shoulder is officially all the rage. If you’re anywhere above an AA cup, no worries. The latest designs are built for the best support, so your beloved breasts won’t slosh around during even the toughest HIIT series (did that sentence really gross anyone else out?). 

      3. Pastel leggings

      The weather is warm, which means it’s time to get brighter and bolder with the colors we wear. The most stylish trainers and active fashion girls are ditching their black, gray, and neutral leggings for more blues, purples, and pinks. Leggings have never been so pretty.

      4. Tie-Dye

      Yes, the it-trend of the season (nay, year), has officially made its way into your activewear. Dye your own shorts or sweatshirts if you’re dying for a DIY, or get a matching set to knock out two trends at once. No matter what your preference, adding some tie-dye into your workout routine will power you through a long run or an online barre class. 

      Electric & Rose
      Tularose Bra

      2 colors available and 30% off!

      5. Ribbed fabrics

      If there is such a thing as a “texture of the season,” ripped fabric is officially the MVP. Staying at home for months on end and living in loungewear challenged us to investigate the comfiest, coziest fabric available, and there’s something about a slightly ribbed design that takes the cake. If you’re looking for activewear that doubles as loungewear, or even sleepwear, look no further. 

      6. Bright citrus colors

      Every season has an it-color, and summer 2020’s is bright, sunny, and citrusy. Think: tangerine orange, grapefruit pink, or lemon yellow. Go bold in a pair of leggings, or keep it subtle with shoes and small details. 

      Eleven By Venus Williams
      Hoodie

      2 colors available, and 39% off!

      7. Printed bike shorts

      You already know bike shorts are cool (Kim K has been wearing them for years), but plain black bike shorts are can be worn for brunch plans or a night out now. Make your workout looks a little more fun with a printed version that’s as comfortable as it is cute. They will be your go-to for every outdoor workout throughout the entire summer. 

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      4 Ways to Stay Safe This Summer With COVID-19

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      As summer kicks into full gear and states and businesses are reopening from the COVID-19 pandemic that took over our schedules this past spring, the urge to get out of the house and back to our “normal” way of life is strong—but cases of COVID-19 are still on the rise here in the United States. In just the past week, confirmed cases of COVID-19 in states like Florida, California, and Texas have risen dramatically in just days, with California setting the record for highest number of new cases reported in one day. As we begin to venture out of our homes to support local businesses, visit family and friends we haven’t seen in months, gear up for summer travel, and adjust to a modified routine, we also have to be mindful of our health and the health of those around us. If you’re craving a little fun in the sun this summer and are looking to break out of the house, make sure you do so in the safest way. 
      1. When in doubt, continue to social distance 
      It can seem like the world has let up on COVID-19 since the summer began, but don’t let that trick you into jeopardizing your health. Rushing back to our old routines and the luxuries of meeting up with friends for our favorite brunch, pampering ourselves in a nail salon or spa full of customers, and attending large gatherings and celebrations could put us at risk of getting sick, which would keep us in the house even longer. Avoid large crowds and social gatherings when you can this summer to continue to social distance properly. Being judicious about who you are spending time with could make or break your health. 
      When out to see family and friends, make sure to continue to wear a mask, sanitize and wash your hands as often as possible, and limit your time around those you may not know. Remember that family and friends are still vulnerable to COVID-19 this summer, so when visiting them, make sure to limit your physical contact. 
      Summer is the time for cookouts, celebrations, pool parties, and outdoor events that attract big crowds. If that family cookout or Sunday brunch in the sun is calling your name, make sure to continue to protect yourself and others by being cautious and limiting your physical interactions as much as possible. If you plan to host a gathering this summer, here are few tips to make sure your event keep everyone safe and healthy: 
      Sanitize and clean surfaces before, during, and after your gathering to keep from spreading possible viruses in your home 
      Keep your invite list friendly, but small and manageable, as to not overcrowd your space with too many guests 
      Consider having masks, hand sanitizer, and enough soap for everyone to properly wash their hands before entering and throughout the party 
      Keep everyone safe by ensuring your set-up is social distancing-friendly, with tables and chairs spaced apart and enough utensils and food portioned out where large crowds won’t have to gather

      Source: Rawpixel

      2. Support local businesses safely 
      Not surprisingly, online shopping has increased the past few months, and supporting local businesses that may be reopening is now more accessible than ever. Continue to support the businesses in your area by purchasing items and gift cards online or scheduling curbside pick-up or home delivery for your favorite items. This helps businesses limit the number of customers they have to be in contact with, protecting themselves and their employees too. 
      If you have to go into a store this summer, prepare in advance and know what you need beforehand to get in and get out for the safety of yourself and others. Head to your favorite restaurant for a quick drink and a meal and ask about menu items (and even drinks!) that can be prepared ahead of time before you arrive for your reservation, or ask to see if properly-spaced outdoor seating is available. When dining, make sure to continue to follow your area’s mandate for social distancing and wearing your mask when possible. 

      3. Travel with caution 
      The travel industry came to a halt this spring during the pandemic, becoming one of the hardest-hit industries—and we all felt it. Canceled travel plans—from getaways with our friends to delayed celebrations and road trips—left us itching to get out of the house this summer, but consider every precaution you can when deciding whether to travel this season or not: 
      Are you traveling with anyone who is more likely to get sick? What’s the plan to keep them safe? 
      Can you drive to your destination, or do you have to take public transportation or fly to get there? 
      When you arrive, is that destination prepared to accommodate patrons in the safest way possible? 
      Are you willing to stay home and quarantine for 14 days after traveling? 
      Remember that all states and countries are not under the same mandates, as some have either loosened or tightened their restrictions during the pandemic, according to what case numbers look like in a given area. According to the CDC, air, bus, and train travel makes social distancing harder to manage and maintain throughout the airport, in planes, on buses, and in train stations, but all modes of travel can pose risks to your health. Staying at home is the safest way to prevent getting sick, but if you must travel this summer, it is up to you to take every precaution possible to ensure you, your family, and friends are safe: 
      When booking, make sure to confirm what that state or country’s mandates are and how they are accommodating travelers safely at their hotels, resorts, bars, and restaurants.
      Bring and use your own cleaning supplies, face coverings, and sanitizer, and be diligent about washing your hands.
      Continue to avoid close contact with other travelers where you can. 
      Be prepared to quarantine if needed for at least 14 days when returning home. 
      Travel is especially risky this summer, but there are other ways to get away without necessarily having to pack up and leave.

      Source: Bianca | Pexels

      4. Make indoors feel like the outdoors
      We’ve all been pretty creative and resourceful this spring, using what we have to make the best out of staying at home, from working out in the middle of our living rooms to turning our kitchens and dining rooms into fancy restaurants for date night. This summer, bring the fun of the outdoors indoors and create your own getaway with activities you can do at home. Were you looking forward to your glamping trip with the girls this summer? Turn your living room or your backyard into your own camping space and invite your friends in-person (with proper distancing, of course!) or online to join you. Made plans to attend a few concerts this summer? Many concerts have turned to broadcasting their annual live event online, so set up your TV and space to enjoy a few music events from your couch. Make your home feel like the best place to travel this summer by making it your own personal, exclusive destination. Making the best of this summer doesn’t mean you have to risk your health to do so. Continue to stay safe and protect those around you while enjoying these summer months. 

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