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      in health and weelbeing

      5 Ways to Handle Feeling Overwhelmed and Unmotivated

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      I don’t know if it’s COVID-19, hormones, or maybe the stars, but I feel like I’m going through a “mid-life” crisis—if there is such a thing at 32. Currently, I’m back in my hometown, living at my friends’ home, unemployed, and contemplating a career change during a pandemic. Most days, I’m fine but then there are many days where I feel like WTF. I’m generally a confident, well-put-together person, but this pandemic has enlivened me in some ways and caused me to feel deeply insecure in others. I’m unemployed, uninsured, and unsure about which direction my life is going. Some days my anxiety overwhelms me, and I spiral into an emotional, irrational frenzy. Typically, this frenzy leaves me feeling unproductive and unmotivated. It’s so easy to see all that is wrong instead everything that is going right. This time off work has allowed me to strengthen relationships, return to my creativity, open a business, destress, and honestly examine if my current career is something I really want to do. I’m learning to trust the process and recognizing these moments of uncertainty will become clear as I continue on my journey. In the two months I’ve been out of work, I’ve learned how to better handle my stress by doing a few things to bring me back to center and get my head out of the clouds. 

      1. I allow myself to feel my feelings.
      I don’t focus on trying to make myself feel better. I sit with my feelings, whether positive or negative, and examine where those feelings come from. Are these feelings rooted in reality, or have I allowed my imagination to get the best of me? What are realistic, healthy ways to move myself from a negative to a positive space, in a healthy way, while still affirming the validity of sadder emotions? I do a lot of this emotional processing through journaling. I love to write my feelings out. Journaling allows me to fully express myself while simultaneously documenting the moment. I usually journal when I’m feeling especially frustrated, angry, or sad. Journaling helps me identify my emotions and process them. I just sit there with my journal and write. Sometimes I write for five minutes. Sometimes I write for a couple of hours. However long, I don’t stop until I’m “done.” Journaling helps me chart my progress. I can always look back to see how far I’ve come or where I’m stagnant. 

      2. I surround myself with people who support me.
      My family and friends are the best. Since being in this weird space, none of them have ever made me feel low because I’m not working. They fully support me in my creative endeavors and are glad to see me operate with some passion. They uplift and affirm me when I’m feeling down, and hey help me pull myself out of overwhelmed places by reminding me I am accomplished and capable. I live with my family now, so it makes it easier to access them. Some of my friends are available through text and calls. I make sure to connect in any way possible. I also make sure to be honest with them about my feelings, fears, or issues. In order to be supported in the way I need, I feel I have to be honest with them about my highs, as well as my lows. They’ve seen me through everything.

      3. I rest.
      For many, rest is a radical concept. I don’t know about you, but I always feel such an internal pressure to be productive. Honestly, I feel guilty for resting because there is always more to be done. With so many things unchecked on my to-do list, I feel like I don’t deserve rest, but I’m learning rest is necessary and well-deserved. When I need rest, I force myself to take it. I create and enforce a boundary with myself by declaring the day as a non-work day. I’ve worked since I was 16. I’ve been a Masters level Social Worker in a few of the busiest emergency departments for the last four years. I’ve done a lot of hard work, loved on a lot of people, and I deserve this time just for me. For all the mental, emotional, and physical labor I have done, I deserve to rejuvenate. Rest feels foreign, but that in and of itself is problematic.
      I take off the pressure of productivity by finally allowing myself the space and time I need to relax knowing it’s for my good. I’ve forced myself to be productive when I was burned out and exhausted, and my work suffered because of it. Resting allows me to take a break, then come back happier, clearer, and generally more excited. Some days rest looks like being a couch potato while other days it looks like a fun day out with friends. Rest looks different for each of us, but as long as you’re rejuvenated afterward that’s all that matters. 

      4. I have fun.
      Yes, we’re in a pandemic, and “outside” is sort of closed, but that doesn’t mean life has to be boring. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, that means I’m off balance. I try to find things that will bring me some sense of joy. It could be something as simple as potting new plants, doing some sort of arts and crafts, or dancing to a bomb playlist. This will be different for each person, but the point is to do something that brings you joy. Do something that, even if for the moment, shifts the atmosphere and likely your attitude right along with it. Do something that is not a chore. 

      5. I sought professional help.
      Yes! That’s right … I’m in therapy. Therapy not only helps me to sort out what’s happening currently, but it’s also helping me process my past and how that affects me now. Therapy has been a godsend, especially since I’m uninsured right now. I found my therapist through a site called Open Path that my friend, Zee, told me about last year. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a nonprofit organization that “serves clients who lack health insurance or whose health insurance doesn’t provide adequate mental health benefits. These clients also cannot afford current market rates for therapy (between $80-200 a session).” Open Path helps “members access their choice of affordable in-person care from a vetted mental health professional.” You have to pay a one-time membership fee, but after that your therapy is between $30-$60 per session, depending on the provider. I picked my therapist from a list of available therapists in my area. I’d never met her before, but I felt comfortable from the first day. We’re doing telehealth appointments due to COVID, but I still find it effective.
      My therapist is helping me reframe some of my ideologies and shift my paradigm into a much healthier space. This has been particularly helpful when it comes to feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated. Therapy is helping me realize I’ve been in uncertain times before, and I prevailed then just as I will now. 

      Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s good to fully feel your feelings, but it’s not OK to stay in an unhealthy space for long. The world is weird right now and that is having a trickle-down effect on a lot of us. Take care of yourself. Find some ways to still enjoy life. Sometimes our circumstances can get the best of us, but it’s still very important to find some ways to move from an unhealthy space into a healthier one. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something to ensure you are healthy and hopeful. Be gracious with yourself and remember you are doing the best you can.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram

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      The first thing you’ll ever hear about sex is that there are tons of positions and that people get themselves into all kinds of weird ones. Remember thinking that sexual Twister was a thing? There are books and articles and lists abound about hundreds of sex positions to try, but I’d be remiss to say that almost everyone I speak to says they stick to a select few with their partner and that’s about it. No shame in your game—if you and your partner are big Doggy Style people (love that for you), stick to it. But if you’re ready to try something new, these are a few intriguing new positions to try all based on your Enneagram type. 

      Tabletop
      Don’t tell me you aren’t turned on a little bit by the chaos and disorder of the classic “remove everything from the countertop in one fail swoop” movie move. It’s OK to admit chaos kinda gets you excited, one! *WINK* As much as you love order and organization, ones like to get out of their usual when it comes to sex. This tabletop position allows you to try that without throwing all of your important documents on the floor. Make a space on a countertop, desk, table, bed—get creative here, anything that’s the height of your partner’s crotch works—and allow your partner to penetrate or orally stimulate you as you lay on your back. 

      Seated Wheelbarrow
      Twos probably have some of the best sex lives not going to lie. They’re really thoughtful and caring, so they probably have their partner’s favorite positions and sexual routines down pat. To spice things up a little bit, try this position. The wheelbarrow position often requires a lot of balance and coordination, which I wouldn’t be surprised if many twos out there have! But this one makes it a little more accessible without sacrificing the pleasure. Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or couch, place your butt on their lap with your legs behind their body, and place your hands on the floor. They’ll probably need to hold onto your thighs to keep you stable, but this position is great for both parties to get active. 

      Laying Down
      Threes like their sex to be efficient and valuable for both parties. If they’re not getting off, you best believe they’re not interested, which makes this position perfect for them. Lay down on your stomach with your legs together and your hips slightly raised as your partner penetrates on top of you. If you get off from penetration, this one is great because it keeps your legs together so there’s more friction. But this position is amazing for clitoral stimulation because you can easily reach down and touch yourself while your partner penetrates you. It’s basically a two-for-one deal, AKA a threes in heaven.

      Doggy-Style Oral Sex
      Fours are pretty kinky in the bedroom because they know it’s a time to get out of their head and just have fun. Instead of your usual oral sex though, try this position. Just as you would get into doggy style (on all fours) for penetration, allow your partner to give you oral from the back. For one, it’s a comfortable position, so there’s that. But it also allows your partner to get into places they wouldn’t normally. If they had fingers or toys vaginally, this angle has a much easier time getting to your G-spot. Also, you’re able to touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth. H-O-T. 
      This is also a good segue into oral anal sex, which can be a great addition to your oral pleasure repertoire. 

      Cowboy
      The curiosity of a five makes finding new sex positions pretty easy. They’re not one to turn something down; they’re always intrigued by a new idea. Not to mention, a five will do basically anything for research. So, next time, put Cowboy to the test. While traditional Cowgirl position involves one partner laying down and the other straddling them through penetration, Cowboy is the flip side. The one who is penetrating is on top instead. They straddle you and enter from the top. The G-spot potential is very high, and it really allows your partner to use their fingers to stimulate you at the same time. Is it better than Cowgirl? Try it a couple times for the “data.” 😉 

      Knees Together
      Sixes can get into a routine easily, but they’re always excited to try something new when it arises. In usual six fashion, they love sex for the relaxation and stress-relief it provides at the end of their day. So why not add a little yoga into it? You know the Happy Baby yoga pose? This is that except part your thighs enough for your partner to have access to all your bits and bobs. They’ll get a glimpse of everything (hot), and you’ll get quite the stretch in. This position is also really great for oral sex too.

      Corkscrew
      A seven’s sex life is bound to be fun, as they rarely want to indulge in the same position twice. Keep this one in mind next time. The corkscrew involves one person lying down on their side with their back facing the other person while their partner is standing and penetrating them sideways (this is hard to explain, but you see the pretty picture up there). What’s fun for sevens with this position is it allows them to get involved too. Moving your hips slightly or matching your partner’s thrust allows you to up the ante—a job you very much enjoy. 

      Reverse Cowgirl on A Chair
      What else can I say but that eights have major top energy? They like being able to create the pace, but they’re also not afraid to loosen up the reigns a little bit in the name of some pleasure. 
      Instead of the usual Reverse Cowgirl where your partner lies on their back, this one props you both up a little by having your partner sit upright in a chair. You’ll sit backwards and back into them. This puts all the control in your hands (a dream for an eight), so you can decide how fast, how deep, and how hard you want it. To make it a little more fun, have your partner hold your arms as they thrust up and down. A little power reversal never hurt anybody. 

      Seated Oral Sex
      Nines are people-pleasers, so they’ll often find themselves doing what their partner wants during sex as much as possible. It’s lovely for their partner, but they deserve a little time too! Try a seated position in which you stay seated with your legs spread while your partner comes from below to give oral sex. Imagine you’re sitting on the couch or a chair, and your partner sits on the floor. This allows them access to all of you, so they can try oral, finger, and toy stimulation all at once. 
      This can be oral sex, but seated penetration isn’t a bad idea either.  More

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      in beauty and fashion

      My Honest Thoughts About Dating as a Plus-Size Woman

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      When I was 5 years old, I was in love with my next door neighbor, David. (David isn’t reading this, but his sister, Dana, might be. Hi!) He was charming and funny, older than me, smart, close in proximity, had blonde hair, and his mom always let me stay for dinner. The whole package really. I want to say he liked me back—I mean, he kissed me, and I feel like that means like-like, right?—but if anyone was around, he’d never show it. When we’d play a game of Capture the Flag and it was just us two behind the shed, he’d be nice and funny and sweet to me. But the second anyone came around, he called me ugly and fat and made jokes about me. He was only 6 years old at the time, and I’ve forgiven him for all those times I ran home crying after feeling rejected by him, but I have to wonder if even then, he felt embarrassed to admit he liked a fat girl. And this is how most of my relationships have gone over the years. For a long time, I thought I just had horrible taste in men. To be fair, I kind of do (I’m not kidding when I say my dream man is Pete Davidson, and I know that requires a little bit of self-reflection). But after I read One to Watch, a women’s fiction-romance novel exploring plus-size dating, I began to notice that the patterns might have a little more to do with the men than my interest in them. (It’s also important to note that I’ve never experienced this with women before, but I’ve only been on a few dates with girls in my day, so this could be across genders and sexualities. I’m just speaking on my personal experience.) 
      I wanted to believe that being plus-size wasn’t affecting how men were seeing me. Yeah, there are some jerks out there who fetishize larger bodies or who want to try their personal trainer certification on me, but overall, men couldn’t be that affected by my body weighing more than average, right? After doing a deep-dive on my dating history, I think I’ve concluded that the answer here is no and that actually, being plus-size has played a major role in my love life, even after I started loving myself for who I was.
      Since my very first date at 17, I’ve struggled to meet someone who completely accepts me—rolls, flab, fat, and all. Dating is uncomfortable and stormy regardless of your body type, but I’ve noticed a few common themes in my relationships that seem to correlate with being a plus-size woman. 

      People are embarrassed to admit they’re interested in a plus-size person.
      For whatever reason, I’ve experienced a lot of men who are absolutely embarrassed of me. To the point that when I dated a guy a few years ago who kissed me in public, I put up with all of his other abusive tactics because I was so excited to finally meet someone who didn’t deem public appearances with me as a major hit to their ego. 
      First, they’re embarrassed to even admit to themselves that they find me attractive. Is this speculation? Perhaps. But there’s a reason guys are more likely to talk to me when they’re under the influence or behind the guise of a dating app than IRL. A quick search on a porn site (I did the work, y’all) and you’ll see that porn involving plus-size women gets just as many views as porn with thin women, but I’ve never met a guy who would admit that plus-size women is even something they’re attracted to. There’s a stigma around finding a plus-size woman attractive; men have been conditioned by media and society for generations that thinness is what’s beautiful based on what they see, read, and hear, so they might be othered or uncomfortable admitting that their interest deviates from the norm. For sure, being interested in plus-size women is a preference, and I don’t think you’re automatically fatphobic if that’s not what you’re into, but there’s a real societal pressure at play that keeps plus-size women thinking they’re not worthy all the while men are watching us have sex online with no abandon.
      I explored dating men significantly older than me for a long time because I craved the maturity. Young men I find often don’t have the clear sense of self required to differentiate between what they actually feel and what they think they’re supposed to. And while I think this makes a small difference, there’s still something to be said about the power of masculinity and media portrayals because older men often have outdated views of health and beauty standards. Yep, I’m talking a message once that said, “You’re hot, but you’re unhealthy and will probably get diabetes.” I’m actually plenty healthy, but OK 🙂

      My partners treat our relationship like a secret.
      I’ve also found that partners and dates have been embarrassed to be seen with me too. So, they finally allow themselves to take a chance and date someone fat: congrats, here’s your cookie for going against the grain. But they want every meeting in private. They don’t tell their friends I exist, they don’t take me on public dates (I’ve experienced way too many “Netflix and Chill”s for my liking), they strategically move away from me when we’re at bars together. It’s as if being seen with a fat person ruins their reputation and makes them less of a “man.” And just in the same way that women look to height as a security blanket in men, I think seeking women of a certain body type makes them feel inferior and insecure, like they’re not masculine enough if their partner is bigger than them. 
      The first boy who showed interest in me kept our relationship extremely private, ultimately lying to everyone that he’d ever been interested or attracted to me. Our relationship was kept a secret, complete with Snapchat messages that deleted automatically, a short-lived hookup, and me feeling like absolute garbage when he announced he had a girlfriend the same day I delivered handmade Valentine’s gifts to his locker (I will never get over the sheer embarrassment and shame of this one). This all goes back to being embarrassed of me, as if I’m the impulse purchase you took for a spin with joy one day and completely regretted the next. They seem to think there’s a lenient return policy on having feelings for me.

      People festishize my body. 
      So, you see I’ve had my issues meeting guys in real life and on “normal” dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. Then, I tried all the plus-size dating apps. And that was basically a recipe for disaster. The ideas are incredible in theory; a whole community of people who are happy and excited to date a plus-size person. But they were all rife with people who viewed my extra body fat as a kink. 

      …you just KNOW there are gonna be weirdo fetishists on here. Which is why….I almost wish that plus size girls could just *use* normal dating apps freely like everyone else, rather than being treated like a specific ‘kink,’ as it were.
      — Olivia🧜‍♀️ BLACK LIVES MATTER (@myladyteazle) August 14, 2020

      I’ve gotten everything from “I’ve never been with a big girl before, and I really want to try it” (hello, my body isn’t something you can just add to your bucket list, sir) to “Can I use your stomach as a pillow?” to explicit descriptions of how absolutely hot and sexy my rolls are. The worst part is that when I first started dating, I looked at these as compliments. I was so excited that someone was into me that I never allowed myself to feel the discomfort. Plus-size women are made to feel like they’re lucky to have someone be interested in them, so we overlook potential red flags out of fear of rejection. Well, newsflash: I am really f*cking over that. 
      I’m not making plus-size dating seem very fun, and I’ll be the first to admit that I have a lot of trauma and grief to work through over past relationships in relation to my body image. I wish I could end this saying I won’t have this any longer and I’ll only go out with guys who treat me like a princess (heck, just treat me like a regular person, and I’m yours), but it’s not so simple. It’s much more realistic for me to say that I’ll put off dating until I feel confident enough in myself to not allow myself to be treated like this. This is only my experience, and part of being confident and strong is knowing that there are mature, adult people out there who won’t treat me like this one day. I just really wish they’d come a little quicker because I’m getting Carpal Tunnel in my hands from swiping. More

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      How Going Vegan Changed My Relationship With My Partner

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      It was just another lazy weekend at home, as my partner and I decided to watch a few documentaries on Netflix, where we stumbled across The Gamechangers, and afterwards, immediately decided to cut out animal products altogether and go vegan. After a quick chat about our intentions for this new journey, we looked at each other for reassurance of our decision to go vegan for our health and the environment, not knowing whether this would bring us closer together or completely starve us. Whatever the outcome, we would be changing our lifestyles together. Going vegan was never in the plans for us. Before going vegan together, we ate what we wanted, which usually came along with some pretty unhealthy choices. With both of our families also being from the South, we were used to home cooked meals full of an obscene amount of butter, salt, meat, cheese, and starch. We were no strangers to turkey necks in a pot full of greens, big helpings of BBQ ribs, hot dogs and hamburgers at each cookout, and three-cheese baked macaroni and cheese. The benefits of veganism usually skate past or disproportionately don’t make it to the Black community due to the lack of access to healthier food options in many of our communities and the African-American diet overall, even with more and more African-Americans adopting a cleaner diet faster than many other demographics. My partner and I took our new journey day-by-day and started to recognize some of the benefits veganism had on our relationship, shifting the way we viewed food and each other. 

      We work out together more 
      Before, working out together was very sporadic for us. In between work schedules, making time for friends and family and scheduled events and outings, our workouts together would be few and far between.
      Transitioning from working out a day or two every week to multiple times a week wasn’t an easy transition. Holding each other accountable to make time to work out, even after a long shift at work, helped push us mentally. When one of us was tired, we tried to push through and compromise where we could. 
      Since making our collective health a priority and going vegan, working out together became another way we showed our commitment to our wellness—and each other. We both kept the same goal in mind: to be better from the inside out. That meant to make sure not just only one of us was active, but that we both stayed active and made it a point to fit working out into both of our schedules. 
      Instead of a chore, working out to complement our new vegan lifestyle consisted of fun activities like hiking, taking walks on our local trails, biking, and in-home workouts when our schedules got too hectic. In a way, going vegan gave us the push to be better to ourselves for ourselves, and each other. 

      Our sex life improved 
      One unexpected change we noticed instantly after going completely vegan was that our sex life improved in a way that gave us extra energy and stamina. When our eating habits changed to mostly plant-based foods, our libidos and sex drive followed, a welcomed change we both benefited from!
      Before committing to a plant-based diet, my partner and I ate what we could get our hands on between our busy schedules, which usually came in the form of a pre-packaged meal or from a fast food restaurant. Those meals usually consisted of heavy forms of proteins and carbs, which put us in the food coma, and thus, making time for sex would take the backburner. 
      As our meals got more plant-based, we noticed we felt lighter and full of more energy after a meal than sluggish and sedated, giving us that extra “boost” we needed in the bedroom. Having energy for sex now was a great improvement from where we were before, passing out after most meals and only sustaining ourselves enough for quick sessions in the bedroom. And since we made the change in our eating habits together, we both saw—and felt!—the difference. 

      Source: rawpixel

      We cook with and for each other 
      Changing up our eating habits to eat more plant-based came with a whole new way of looking at food and how and what we cooked on a daily basis, and since we were going vegan together, planning dinners, meal prepping, and date nights became a team sport. Whereas before when one of us would get the other some food on the way home, with a different type of diet, we became more mindful of what we ate, and cooking together became more frequent and fun. 
      We started to plan our meals together to make sure we both were eating well and staying full throughout the day. Cooking dinner together became even more fun, as we browsed through Pinterest, vegan cookbooks, and scoured the internet to find new ways to cook our favorite meals, and helped each other in the kitchen. Once we found our new favorite vegan recipes, my partner quickly went from my sous chef to the head chef, taking the reins in the kitchen and whipping up meals for the both of us. As we stayed committed to this new way of eating together, we stayed in the kitchen longer and cooked as a unit instead of making two separate meals that could accommodate both of our appetites. 

      We take more accountability for each other’s wellness 
      Before switching up our eating habits, caring for each other’s overall health wasn’t exactly second-nature. Besides the regular annual doctor’s appointment and daily multivitamins, our health wasn’t exactly top of mind. Going vegan helped us be more attentive to what goes in both our bodies, holding ourselves accountable for making changes to better our overall health. 
      It was no longer about whether I or he was eating well; we both took accountability for each other’s eating habits. We gave each other more grace and patience as well. When meal prepping wasn’t an option, we made an agreement to continue our vegan journey, even while away from each other. This included checking in on each other and giving each other permission to eat how we wanted to. There were some easier days being vegan and not-so easy days where we craved our favorite seafood restaurant, but we remembered why each other’s health was important and gave each other grace when necessary. 

      We now know that changing our eating habits by going vegan was the push we needed to help sustain a healthy relationship from the inside out. Changing up years of eating habits didn’t come naturally overnight, but we had each other as motivation, and as a result, our accountability to each other, how we made time for each other, and our love for food—and each other—grew.  More

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      7 Ways to Practice Self-Care During Tough Times, According to Experts

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      #Selfcare is trending on social media, and yet, putting that trend into practice is not as easy as posting a picture on Instagram. Our health can easily become last priority when greater things feel more urgent. It might even feel selfish to do a face mask and turn off the news when the world is changing and our communities need us. In fact, Rachel Ricketts, an international thought leader, speaker, healer, and author, uses a totally different term. She said, “I prefer to refer to soul-care, which is the act of caring for ourselves in a soulful, nourishing, healing way, so that we can best show up for the collective. It is an act of communal care, which is the opposite of selfish.” In other words, forget about bubble baths and candles (although those things are still enjoyable!). Really caring for yourself means recharging your energy and prioritizing mental health for not only yourself, but for the betterment of the community.
      Ricketts explained, “The difference is most notably in the intention: am I partaking in an act or behavior solely to serve myself, or am I doing so to serve the community (which of course includes, but is not simply about, you)? Soul-care focuses on those most oppressed and how we can best heal our own hearts, and get to work creating change to dismantle the systems of oppression causing harm.” Whether you call it soul-care or self-care, think of it the same way: prioritize taking care of yourself so that you’re able to fully take care of others. 

      Why is caring for ourselves so important when overcoming social injustice?
      “Unless and until we have faced our own inner shadows, wounded inner child, and race-based traumas, we cannot create effective or sustainable collective change that prioritizes those most oppressed (and when we try to do so, we wind up causing more, not less, harm),” Ricketts said. “Racial justice work is healing work, and the healing work starts with you and it starts within. It is from this space that we create and cultivate critical collective change.”
      Jasmine Marie, founder of black girls breathing who just launched a campaign to make virtual breathwork sessions free for Black womxn, agreed. “I think even for those of us who’ve been immersed in this work beyond just this year, you can feel the shift,” she said. “It’s impossible to keep doing this work without taking care of yourself. I’ve had to relearn what my body, mind, and spirit needs during this time, versus what I needed before. There’s lots of unlearning and learning, so self-care is a must.”
      You know the old saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup, so why do we continue to try? Aside from sharing resources, educating yourself, and doing what you can to make changes in your community (go vote!), prioritizing mental health and protecting your energy is essential for making lasting changes in the world. Here are seven ways we can all care for ourselves during a time when it may feel selfish to do so.
       

      7 ways to practice self-care right now:

      1. Set boundaries
      On a daily basis, Ricketts recommended to, “Acknowledge your privilege, set boundaries, and learn to say no.” Setting boundaries is essential to a healthy life, but it’s a skill that many of us never learn. Sticking to specific limits can help boost self-esteem, force you to routinely check in with your needs, and serve as a reminder to put yourself first. Marie agrees that setting boundaries is crucial. “Create boundaries with how much news you allow into your world on the daily,” she recommended. “Log off. Go on social media breaks. Tune inward and ask yourself what you need.”
      Since emotional boundaries are not as obvious as physical limits like road signs or fences (though wouldn’t that be nice?), they can be hard to enforce. Start by considering what you can tolerate, and then what feels draining or overwhelming in order to set limits. Acting on boundaries might look like turning off the news and taking a social media break two hours before bedtime, or it might look like saying no when a family member asks you for a favor that you know will make too stressed. It also looks like taking responsibility for your own emotions, but not taking responsibility for the emotions of other people. No matter what boundaries look like to you, you’ll be conserving emotional energy for much more important things. 

      2. Move 
      Working out for calorie burn is so last year (or like, last decade?). Instead, work out for mental health, and move for the sake of caring for yourself. Exercise, in general, can boost your mental health and help ease stress, so fit in some kind of movement every day that you look forward to, whether it’s a dancing around your living room or going on a hike. For self-care bonus points, try calming activities that focus on relaxing the mind and slowing the breath, like restorative yoga. Ricketts loves yoga with Dionne Elizabeth and Marie counts long walks as one of her go-to self-care practices. 

      3. Meditate
      There’s a reason that meditation is one of the most talked-about practices in the wellness world—this sh*t is powerful. Meditation is effective for self-care because it takes our focus off of the world around us, and puts it back on ourselves. Taking a breath (literally) re-energizes you so you can bring your best self to everything you do, whether it’s tackling your work day, chasing after kids, or fighting social injustice. Ricketts recommends breathwork sessions with Maryam Ajayi, or you can check out black girl breathing for virtual classes. And if sitting still isn’t your thing? Try one of these ways to meditate that involve movement, instead. 

      4. Rest (no, not just sleeping)
      “Burnout is an epidemic for everyone, but no one more than Black and Indigenous women and femmes (especially queer and trans women and femmes). Learning how to rest is imperative for our mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being,” Ricketts said. “Rest is more than sleep. Rest includes time offline, a break from feeling like we need to do it all or be helpful, turning phones off, prioritizing our peace, sitting in silence, spending time with people who nourish us (and avoiding those who do not), and doing absolutely nothing.”
      Think of yourself like the battery pack on an iPhone. If you just recharge for only small spurts at a time, your battery will always stay in red. In order to get all the way to full-charge, you must regularly turn the iPhone off and give it some time plugged in. Getting six hours of sleep and watching TV while scrolling through Instagram for 30 minutes a day does not count as restoration. Turn off technology, do something enjoyable and creative (like reading or painting), invite your best friend over, and give yourself permission to do less. 

      5. Check in with yourself frequently 
      Taking good care of yourself doesn’t have to mean long digital detoxes, consistent yoga flows, or never saying “yes” when you mean “no” (even though those are all good goals). Self-care can sometimes be as simple as feeling intuitive to your individual needs, and checking in with what you really want.
      We often look for outside validation for just about anything (does anyone else need to know what everyone is ordering before making a decision on which entree they want?). Instead, ask yourself what do I really want, and how do I really feel, so often that it becomes habit. Marie recommended, “Check in with how you feel. Validate internally before seeking external advice on your specific and particular experience. This practice is life-changing and will help you show up in all areas of your life.”

      6. Ask for help
      Remember that self-care is not just a buzzword, it’s health. “Therapy” should not be a dirty word, and we should not need to wait until severe symptoms or intense crisis to ask for help. Instead, think of therapy as an investment in your wellbeing. To find a therapist that’s right for you, click here, or check out online mental health resources like Therapy for Black Girls and Sista Afya.
      Beyond professional help, also make sure to ask your boss, coworkers, family members, and friends for help. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to depend on and connect with other people. Marie includes seeking help from other practitioners, having good conversations with friends, and allowing her tribe to support her, as some of her go-to self-care practices she does on a regular basis. 

      7. Seek out resources in a community setting
      If you haven’t gotten the gist already, self-care is not just about yourself; feeling a part of a larger community is crucial for optimal self-care. Even though the global pandemic might make it more difficult to feel community in the sense we’re used to (*sigh* does anyone else surprisingly miss crowds?), online resources are stronger than ever. Seek out resources that not only help you heal and take care of yourself, but make you feel like you’re not alone. 
      For some examples, check out Rickett’s Racial Justice Resources and her Spiritual Activism webinars and workshops, which she said are “rooted in the inner, healing work required for external, collective change.” To hear from more Women of Color on their favorite acts of self-care you can try for yourself, click here. 

      How do you care for yourself that has made the most difference? More

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      in beauty and fashion

      10 Foods That Will Boost Skin Glow

      by

      OK, so it sounds cliché to say “beauty starts from within,” but that old-school aphorism is pretty accurate when it comes to skin health (also self-confidence and kindness, but that’s an article for another day). Just like processed foods might cause breakouts, and eating sugar might cause premature aging (haven’t you heard of “sugar face?“), certain foods can have a reverse effect on skin health. McKenzie Jones, RDN, CLT, explained, “Since we are what we eat, it’s no surprise that diet and beauty go hand-in-hand. Foods that promote a healthy, balanced lifestyle also promote youthful-looking skin and can help keep you looking radiant from the inside, out.”Beauty foods may not sound revolutionary now, but I first heard about the beauty benefits of nutrition when I read Eat Pretty: Nutrition for Beauty, Inside and Out in 2014, and my mind was blown (yes, I have always been a huge nerd). After all, why shell out half your paycheck on fancy serums and treatments when you can boost glow from the produce aisle of the grocery store (OK fine, I’ll still be spending $$$ on skincare products, but at least it will double the effort, right)? Add these foods to your grocery list this week and get ready for a major glow-up. 

      Source: @cynthialions

      1. Avocados
      Apparently, that viral avocado café doubles as a skincare mecca, and Instagram’s favorite toast is just as good for your complexion as it is for your feed. “Avocados contain healthy fats (like polyunsaturated and monounsaturated) that work to keep skin flexible and moisturized,” Valerie Agyeman, RDN, my personal girl crush and founder of Flourish Heights, explained. “Monounsaturated fatty acids keep the surface of your skin moist, while polyunsaturated fatty acids guard the skin from sun damage. Plus, they are packed with antioxidants like vitamin C, vitamin E, and carotenoids, which help protect against free radical damage.” In other words, load up on the millennial-beloved fruit (yes, it is a fruit!) for skin hydration and radiant glow. 
      Try it:

      2. Tomatoes
      Pasta lovers, rejoice! A study by researchers at Manchester and Newcastle Universities found that eating five tablespoons of tomato paste daily helped improve the skin’s ability to protect against harmful UV rays, thanks to the antioxidant lycopene (AKA what makes the tomato its signature red shade). You know from your mom telling you to wear SPF that UV-protection does not only help prevent more serious conditions like skin cancer, but can also protect against signs of premature aging and dark spots, making anything that might protect against UV-damage officially a beauty food. Why tomato paste, you ask? Because cooking tomatoes increases their lycopene levels, so go ahead and load up on pasta sauce (but still wear your SPF!). 
      Try it:

      3. Lemon juice
      As if you needed another reason to DIY spa water, lemon juice is packed with vitamin C. Stefanie Wilkerson, RDN, explained, “Vitamin C helps produce collagen, and works as an antioxidant to neutralize free radicals that can damage our cells.” Hello supple, smooth skin! Bonus: while it is acidic, lemon has alkalizing effects in the body, meaning it might help balance pH levels. This is beneficial for your complexion, because when pH levels are out of whack, the skin can become sensitive, irritated, or acne-prone. Not to mention that adding lemon makes us want to drink more water (and that’s a huge skincare perk). 
      Try it:

      Source: @kayla_seah

      4. Garlic
      Not only is garlic super delicious on bread, but it can be good for your skin too. Jennifer Irvine, nutritional expert and founder of healthy food delivery service, The Pure Package, told Get the Gloss that garlic is “full of a naturally occurring chemical called allicin, which acts against harmful bacteria when digested. This includes bacteria that can cause acne and other skin infections.” If acne is holding you back from the flawless skin of your dreams, try adding a little more garlic into your diet for potential benefits (as long as it doesn’t bother your stomach, obvi). 
      Try it:

      5. Sweet Potatoes
      Sure, you could apply endless serums and face masks, or you could just nibble on some sweet potato fries. Joking aside, the orange alternative to the classic white potato is an excellent source of beta carotene, which converts to vitamin A in the body. May Zhu RDN, the founder of Nutrition Happens, explained, “If you’re a skincare junkie, you might recognize the term ‘retinol,’ which is essentially a different form of vitamin A. Vitamin A (from foods like sweet potatoes) helps with skin turnover by promoting the maturation of skin cells.” You know what that means: fewer wrinkles, clearer skin, and a glowing complexion. Good thing sweet potatoes are one of my favorite foods (not to brag or anything). 
      Try it:

      Source: @flourishheights

      6. Blueberries
      You’ve probably heard about the importance of antioxidants for skin glow from skincare bottles or your dermatologist. That’s because antioxidants are one of the most important factors in protecting skin’s health, and blueberries are one of the easiest ways to get them in your diet. The sweet little berry you used to pick during childhood summers is basically the king (or queen!) of antioxidants. They’re believed to have one of the highest antioxidant levels of all common fruits and vegetables, meaning they’re not only incredibly nutritious, but pack major glow-boosting benefits as well. 
      Try it:

      7. Leafy greens
      What can’t leafy greens do? “Both kale and spinach are rich in a variety of potent antioxidants that help reduce skin inflammation,” Joshua Zeichner, the director of cosmetic and clinical research in dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital, told Allure. Also, greens like collard greens, spinach, and kale contain zeaxanthin, which is an antioxidant that can help even out skin tone. I know he was a cartoon, but no wonder Popeye had such good skin! (Anyone else notice his flawless complexion? Nope, just me?) Aim for adding leafy greens to at least two meals a day for optimal benefits.
      Try it:

      Source: @josie.santi

      8. Flaxseeds
      Seeds that are loaded with omega-3s and fiber (like flaxseeds) are a staple in plant-based diets, but they’re also great for healthy skin. A study in the British Journal of Nutrition found that participants who ate about half a teaspoon of flaxseeds experienced significantly less skin irritation and redness in six weeks, along with better-hydrated skin. Tsippora Shainhouse, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in Beverly Hills, agreed, “Omega-3 fatty acids help to maintain cellular health, reduce inflammation, and maintain a healthy skin barrier.” Add about half a teaspoon to your smoothie or even your favorite pasta recipe to easily incorporate the superfood into your diet. 
      Try it:

      Source: rawpixel

      9. Fatty Fish
      Luckily for seafood lovers, many nutritionists (and Victoria Beckham) swear by fatty fish like salmon for skin hydration and glow. Rima Kleiner, MS, RD, founder of Dish on Fish, said, “Omega-3s and collagen help retain moisture in the skin, nourishing it from the inside out. Seafood is rich in both omega-3s and collagen. Eating oily fish like salmon and tuna at least twice a week will help lower your risk of dry, cracked skin.” FYI, The American Heart Association also recommends eating 3.5 ounces of fatty fish at least two times per week, but talk to your doctor about what’s best for your diet and lifestyle. Also, opt for wild-caught fish (instead of farm-raised) whenever possible. 
      Try it:

      10. Dark Chocolate
      Now for potentially the best news ever, dark chocolate isn’t just a dessert; it’s officially a beauty food (*buys all the dark chocolate bars at Whole Foods*). According to one study, cocoa’s antioxidants can protect the skin from oxidative stress that leads to premature skin aging. Let your mom know that the chocolate addiction you had as a kid was actually good for you (that is, if your chocolate of choice was at least 75 percent cacao). My personal advice is to opt for as “dark” as you can (like 80-90 percent cacao), to avoid added sugars. Otherwise, satisfy your sweet tooth and PMS cravings while boosting skin glow. 
      Try it:

      What’s your favorite beauty food? More