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    The Importance of Mental Health Awareness in the Black Community

    When I was a child, my mom would drop me off at my grandma’s house when she went to work. The entire time she was gone, I would sit at the window and wait, watching the road for headlights signaling her return. Later, family members would tell stories about how easy I was to babysit because I would only sit in the window and cry. They made jokes for years about how sensitive I was, how spoiled and attached. The truth is, I was developing anxiety.While I appeared to just be spoiled or a “mama’s girl,” I was actually sitting there in that window because every time my mom was late coming home, I was convinced she had been arrested or had died. And it was more than just a fleeting thought or worry. I could envision it clearly in my head, and it would replay over and over until she finally returned. I didn’t know it then, but I was experiencing several adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that were taking hold of my mental well-being and causing these types of thoughts and fears. Unfortunately, like many other Black people and people of color, I wouldn’t obtain the language to describe nor the knowledge to understand this for a very long time.
    There are several unique difficulties that underrepresented groups have to contend with relating to mental illness. The first step to addressing these struggles is reducing the stigma around mental illness in these communities; then, advocating for greater support and inclusion. Let’s begin with key reasons why it’s critical for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) to address mental health.
     
    1. Adverse childhood experiences
    Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are potentially traumatic experiences and events that can have lasting effects on health and well-being in childhood and/or later in life. ACEs can include exposure in the home to factors such as parental separation/divorce, substance abuse, physical/emotional neglect, mental illness and suicide, incarceration, violence, and psychological, physical, and sexual abuse; but can also include environmental factors such as exposure to violence outside of the home, living in unsafe neighborhoods, homelessness, bullying, discrimination, and experience of income insecurity.
    In a 2018 study of ACEs by state, race, and ethnicity, it was found that nearly half of all children nationally and in most states have experienced at least one ACE. However, Black and Hispanic children and youth in almost all regions of the United States are more likely to experience ACEs than their white and Asian peers. These racial disparities reflect discriminatory policies and biases that systematically disadvantage black and Hispanic children, specifically, leaving them more vulnerable to traumatic experiences in childhood. Then, as they move into adulthood, ACEs are linked to chronic health problems, poverty, depression, suicide, and substance abuse. With 61 percent of Black non-Hispanic children and 51 percent of Hispanic children have experienced at least one ACE, it is imperative that the likely subsequent mental health impact is met with social/community support and treatment.
     
    2. Racism and collective trauma
    Racism itself is its own adverse childhood experience, disproportionately affecting BIPOC. Racism leads to feelings of inferiority, guilt, self-hatred, and helplessness; additionally, racism can be the cause of mental health issues such as anxiety (and related symptoms), depression, psychological distress, and intergenerational racial trauma. Racial trauma describes the physical and emotional response that BIPOC have as a result of being exposed to racism. The emotional responses to racism include fear, confusion, and self-blame; there are also physical symptoms, including headaches, fatigue, and increased heart rate and blood pressure. Black folks are regularly experiencing collective, intergenerational trauma due to a legacy of hate and discrimination that includes slavery, police brutality, and the lynching of Black bodies (both now and then).
    Oftentimes, when we (BIPOC) think about how racism has affected our lives, we are thinking about the racist encounters we have experienced, and how we felt in those moments. What we often forget to consider is how those racist encounters remain in our minds and our bodies, wreaking havoc in ways greater and more dangerous than the encounter alone likely did. Mental health awareness and treatment is imperative to the process of ridding our bodies of the poison and toxicity of racism.
     
    3. Self-perception
    Many factors lead to Black people feeling as if they are “less than” others, including internalized racism and negative self-evaluations. If I had to guess, I would bet this began during slavery, when Black bodies were up for sale at humiliating rates based on perceived fitness, agreeableness, and ability to “break.” Unfortunately, this discounting of Black bodies did not end with slavery.
    Black people are consistently underpaid and/or undervalued in the workplace. And instead of getting better as wages improve in the economy, the wage gap between black and white workers has grown significantly since 2000. And it’s not just about wages; Black people experience disparities in wages, opportunities, and treatment. And when Black people call attention to these disparities, we are often accused of playing the victim or exaggerating or outright lying. It’s no wonder, then, that many Black people struggle with feelings of inadequacy, self-hate, and blame. Left untreated, these feelings can compound into psychological patterns/issues such as anxiety, imposter syndrome, and depression. 
    For BIPOC, addressing mental health is a necessary step to healing—but it’s not that easy. There are also many barriers in place that prevent Black people, specifically, from accessing mental health care.

    4. Stigma
    In the Black community, there is a serious stigma around mental health. Another memory I have from childhood is growing up with an aunt who everyone called crazy. Much later, I learned that she likely suffered from dissociative identity disorder. But those words were never used to describe her. Instead, I heard words such as paranoid, not right, and crazy den a betsy bug. Growing up Black, I learned pretty quickly the things we weren’t supposed to speak about. Right in front of my eyes, there was mental illness, alcoholism, addiction, violence, and substance abuse; yet I knew better than to mention any of it.
     
    5. Black cultural values
    Although there are many merits of the traditional Black church, mental health awareness is not one of them. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I grew up being taught that Jesus could heal any issue I had. If I said I was depressed, I was told to pray. If I was still depressed after praying, well, that was the devil’s doing. And anything that was the devil’s doing was not to be brought up in the presence of God. It was a confusing circle that caused me to never speak up about my depression, not even once it became serious. Black cultural values, while well-intentioned, often lead to these types of inconsistencies.
     
    6. Fear of seeking help
    I recently attended a writing workshop for writers of color. When our cohort completed an exercise on cultural values, we discovered that many of us shared one particular value: an insistence on keeping family issues private. BIPOC tend to value privacy, even at the expense of getting help. This means that an issue in the family stays in the family, at all costs. BIPOC value privacy for a multitude of reasons, including the fear of persecution. When speaking out about an issue at home could put your family at risk of separation, deportation, arrest, etc., you learn right away to keep your mouth shut. While this level of privacy is certainly warranted, it often leaves BIPOC struggling and with nowhere safe to turn.
     
    7. Lack of access to quality care
    According to Mental Health America, Black people have less access to mental health care, due to issues such as insurance coverage, lack of Black care providers, and discrimination in healthcare settings. Even when Black people manage to get past the stigma and actively seek help, we are often met with challenges and denial. For example, Black people are more likely to be diagnosed with schizophrenia and less likely to be diagnosed with mood disorders compared to white people experiencing the same symptoms. Even when Black people can access mental health care, we are often treated poorly and/or not taken seriously. This leads to mistrust of the medical system, which further deters Black people from seeking help.

     
    I am actively working to break down the stigma around mental health and mental illness; and I challenge my Black community to do the same.
    It is not just about placing blame on someone or something else for your issues (which is what I once thought); it is about liberation. Liberating ourselves from our past traumas and our collective traumas. Demanding effective care and access. Fighting for our right to be whole. It was truly empowering when I obtained the language to describe the issues I’d been battling all my life. Once I learned about anxiety, I began to understand myself in a new way. I was able to understand and piece together how my childhood factored into my adult struggles. I was able to identify how slavery continues to impact me now, a Black woman born after its abolishment. And I was able to realize how racism, oppression, trauma, and fear factor into my everyday experience as a Black woman in America.
    In my journey towards liberation, I have found many things that work well for me, and others that don’t. For my anxiety, I utilize a combination of therapy, meditation, mindfulness, and physical movement/awareness. I’ve also found several mental health resources specifically catered to Black people, many of which have been compiled into this Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) Mental Health Resource Guide. My best (non-expert) advice: find what works for you and do it.
    Having a mental illness does not make us weak. It makes us human.
    Acknowledging our struggles does not make us weak. It makes us strong.
    It is human to struggle. It is strong to keep fighting.
    It is human to fear. It is strong to face our fears.
    Human to question.
    Strong to speak up for ourselves.
    Human to hurt.
    Strong to survive.  More

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    The Morning Routine I Follow For the Busiest Work-From-Home Days

    Before the chaos of 2020 ensued, I would have laughed at the idea of a “morning routine.” Y’all, I was spending an hour putting my makeup on and doing my hair every day; I didn’t have time to do yoga and make some elaborate smoothie bowl and make my bed and journal and meditate in silence for 20 minutes and write affirmations. I could barely get out of the door in time for the Starbucks *I* ordered. But then, life imploded and I needed something to quite literally fill my time so I wouldn’t wake up with existential dread every single day! I know what you’re thinking: this girl needs a therapist, and yes, I just made an appointment on ZocDoc. 
    Because every day is different (despite the Groundhog Day memes floating around), I can’t have one blanket routine that works for everything. My days are different and revolve around various meetings, deadlines, and ~personal engagements~ (I am not as important as I’m making myself out to be right now). So throughout the last few months, I’ve been slowly perfecting a few different morning routines to get myself in the groove, and the most important one as of late has been my Productive Busy Day Get Sh*t Done routine (trademark coming soon). For the days I have a to-do list that’s an entire page long and it seems like there’s no end in sight, I prepare myself with this morning routine. It gets me up and at ‘em and ready to pull through a day of endless list-making with ease! 

    Wake up early
    OK, I’ll admit that this isn’t hard for me. My internal clock wakes me at about 6-6:15am—I have no idea why. But on the days I’m tempted to sleep in a little longer, I make sure I get up at least by 6:45. Knowing I have about two hours to do what I want before I really have to work makes me much more excited for the day than when I grab my computer from my desk at exactly 8:29am.

    Schedule my day
    One aspect of this morning routine is that I write my to-do list before bed. I am a #bulletjournaler, so I track my habits and mood in a notebook at night which is also when I write my to-do list. We use Asana to track tasks for the day, so I look at all my tasks and brain dump what I want to get done the next day, both for work and my personal life (things like “call the Internet company because they raised your rate $20 a month!” and “walk to the library” make the list). 
    Then, in the morning, I actually put all of that into a schedule. Some days, I do it right on my iCal. Other days, I’ll write it in my notebook. And sometimes, I’ll be honest, it simply lives in my head. But knowing that I want to write this article at 10am, schedule Facebook at noon, attend a meeting at 1pm, and take my lunch at 2 keeps me on a schedule. It also forces me to work even when I want to procrastinate. Because I know I need to take my lunch at 2, I have to get all those other things done before that time.

    Scroll on my phone
    I know you just audibly gasped. Does this girl have any concept of wellness? You know, not really. When I know my day will be full, I allow myself that scrolling time in the morning. If I get out my Twitter fingers first thing in the morning, I’m less tempted to pick up my phone at all the other lulls in my day. I’ve done my liking, sharing, retweeting, Story-ing, and following for the day, so I can wait until later to get ahead. Also, I’m sure I’m in the minority here, but social media motivates me sometimes. I see a cute picture that inspires me to read a new book, or I see a hilarious tweet that I absolutely want to reference in a story (here is my favorite from this morning).
    This is also the time I catch up on news and current events. I get NYT news alerts and always read those, but I also love getting my news from Instagram and Twitter. I follow a lot of news outlets and creators who share a lot of what’s going on in the world (the good and the bad), and I enjoy that kind of news coming from #OwnVoices (a term coined in book publishing that describes books authored by someone who identifies with the marginalized community expressed in the work) sometimes even more than 2,000-word long-form articles about a community (shoutout to the journalism degree I’ll be paying off for the next 15 years!). 
    If this will affect your mental health (which it absolutely does to me sometimes), then it’s probably not the best for you. Know yourself. 

    Eat a big breakfast
    On a day that I know I have a gazillion things to do, I make a big breakfast. I know what you’re thinking. “She makes a big breakfast because it gives her energy and electrolytes and brain power!!!” Not one bit. I wish that was why. In actuality, I make a big breakfast because it’ll keep me full until lunchtime so I’m not spending my entire morning thinking about when I can take a break and eat something. Instead, I eat at breakfast, and then I’m full, alert, and ready to work until I take my scheduled lunch break. 
    This breakfast looks different sometimes, but right now, I am absolutely addicted to these breakfast wrap/burrito/too-big-so-I-make-it-a-taco situation. Just a wrap, scrambled eggs, cheese, two strips of bacon (I buy the pre-made that you just heat up in the oven or skillet because LOL, I don’t actually know how to cook bacon at 23 years old), and veggies or salsa! I also go the easy route with savory oatmeal, eggs and hash browns, or basically any variation I can cook an egg in! 

    Listen to music
    Again, I’m showing that I’m weird, but on days that I’m busy, I rarely listen to music and prefer to either work in silence or ASMR videos (LOL, guys, give it a try—watching this woman gently sanitize her groceries will soothe your germ-anxiety). It just is calming and soothing for me, and when I listen to music, I want to sing or dance and feel like I can’t focus my thoughts. So, before I start my day is when I like to shuffle a Spotify playlist and get all of that out. Music is another thing that really motivates me, so I rarely listen to soothing, soft music and almost always listen to “Frat Rules” by A$AP Mob at least once a day! 

    Get ready
    If my hair and makeup aren’t at least somewhat done or I’m wearing gross clothes, I will mess around and stare at myself in disgust all. day. long. I’ll usually put my hair in some kind of bun or braids so it’s out of my face and I can’t fidget with it all day (because I’m basically a child!). Then, I’ll just apply the basic makeup (tinted moisturizer, mascara, brows, bronzer, and highlighter). I look good enough for any meetings that come up (they almost never do, but a girl can hope) or walks around the neighborhood, but most importantly, I feel better and won’t worry about my appearance all day. 
    As far as clothes, it’s pretty strategic. I’ll usually grab a dress (the one above is sold out, but all of our editors have been loving this one all summer!) because it’s one piece and no pants. I wish I could say it’s because I want to look nice, but that’s mostly it. I just hate pants. Otherwise, it’s leggings or shorts and a blouse or tank! Pretty basic, but most of all comfortable for me. 

    How do YOU get ready for a busy day?! Tell us your tips in the comments! More

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    What It’s Like to Be a COVID Bride and How I’ve Found Peace

    Maybe COVID-19 ruining our big wedding was the plan all along. When we got engaged in September of 2018, my fiancé Zach and I chatted about getting married in Yosemite National Park, where we were living at the time—just eloping and then moving back to the Midwest. We like things simple, and it seemed like just the relaxing and stress-free plan we needed. My mom, ever the traditionalist, had a different plan; she was set on seeing my fiancé and I tie the knot. And truth be told, once I started thinking about celebrating with all of our friends and family, I started to get really excited about the idea. 
    Fast forward to September of 2019. My fiancé and I moved back across the country to Kansas City and had just moved into our new house, a milestone we wanted to check off the list before we started the wedding planning. We set a date for the spring of 2020, and everything started to get real. 
    We selected a venue, went wedding dress shopping, picked out a cake, started paying our photographer… the works! The process was fun and less stressful than I’d heard it would be. And as a bride on a budget, I was putting in the extra work to explore the various options for food and drinks to get the least expensive option. Wedding dress shopping with my Gucci tastes on a dimestore budget was time consuming, but I was committed to keeping our costs low! 
    Just over two months out from the wedding, we only had rings, a suit, and vows to worry about nailing down. My sister and my best friend were well into the bachelorette party planning, and my mom was all over the decor. As someone who relishes in planning and being ahead of schedule, I was over the moon. 
    It was at this point that I heard about the virus. News about COVID-19 was starting to speckle my Twitter timeline, and the fact that it was spreading rapidly was starting to make me feel uneasy. 
    I stayed on top of the news, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about the novel coronavirus. Most people were still shrugging it off at this point, not taking it seriously. I didn’t know what to think, but I had a feeling that it wasn’t good. When businesses and events started closing down, the brides in my favorite wedding planning Facebook group had to start cancelling their weddings. Most of the initial shutdowns and cancellations were on the East and West coasts, so the reality of the impact this disease was having hadn’t quite made it to us in the Midwest yet. 

    I stayed on top of the news, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about the novel coronavirus. Most people were still shrugging it off at this point, not taking it seriously.

    Source: rawpixel

    The Facebook group quickly became divisive; alarmist and devastated brides having their feelings invalidated by women who were already married, or brides whose wedding was too far out to be bothered worrying about something “like the flu.” Women were lashing out at other women on totally non-COVID-related topics. It was a stressful and sad—and quite frankly, angry—place to be. I had to leave. 
    Just two months out from the wedding, with more and more things shutting down across the country, travel was beginning to be restricted. Friends and family members started losing their jobs. Zach and I started to realize that our wedding guests would need to start booking travel to our wedding soon. While a lot of brides were looking at whether they could or could not hold their event due to event restrictions, we were much more concerned with the stress—financially and emotionally—our wedding was putting on our guests. 
    At the end of March, my fiancé and I made the call to postpone the wedding. There’s no defined etiquette for how one should postpone or reschedule or even cancel a wedding. (Cue the Four Weddings and a Virus Facebook group creation, a lifesaver to spring brides everywhere.) I quickly transitioned into the more appropriate group for me, accepting my fate as a Corona bride. Brides were putting together templates and resources for one another, providing feedback on invitation language, and sending love when someone just needed the space to scream.

    Many couples were rescheduling, but as the realists we are, we decided to postpone indefinitely.

    I used some of the information I found in the group to email everyone on our guest list and made calls to those who weren’t the email type. The news was received with overall love and support and lots of disappointment, mostly from friends and family who were excited for us, and knew we were looking forward to it. Many couples were rescheduling, but as the realists we are, we decided to postpone indefinitely. The experts had no idea when it would be safe for our friends and family to gather again, and if they didn’t know, then, of course, we didn’t either. It seemed like the easier option than possibly rescheduling again. 

    Source: Emma Bauso | Pexels

    The Waiting
    When we postponed until further notice, we went through the process of notifying vendors. Many didn’t respond to us, but our photographer was gracious and flexible. We decided to chat in another month. In April, our photographer pushed us to at least get a second date on her calendar, just in case things get better and we were able to go through with our wedding. Setting a second date also gave us something to look forward to, but we still didn’t want to tell people we’d rescheduled for fear of having to postpone again. Zach and I decided between the two of us that we’d see what the COVID situation was toward the end of July and try to give everyone an update at that time. Morale in our house was low, but honestly, whose wasn’t? 
    For the month or two that followed, it was constant questioning and a stall in planning. I’d lost all motivation to nail any plans down. 
    “When is the wedding going to be?”
    “Have you set another date yet?”
     And then, once group sizes were allowed to get larger in our region, it was:
    “Why don’t you just have a small wedding?”
    “You could get married in your backyard?”
    “What are you waiting for?”
    “What are you going to do to celebrate your original wedding date?”
    It was constant. When asked, I didn’t get the feeling that people really wanted to hear our answer, or when they did hear it, they looked at me like I was making an excuse to not get married. Umm, nope. I’d try to explain that two-thirds of our wedding guests were from out of town, including 100 percent of our immediate family. If we had a small local ceremony, our closest friends and family wouldn’t be able to make it. That, and I had a deep fear that the coronavirus would just hang over the ceremony and celebration and it wouldn’t feel like the celebration of our dreams. In the Four Weddings and Virus Facebook group, I learned that lots of brides had this fear. How could we sit back and enjoy this joyous day when people are dying all over the world? 

    How could we sit back and enjoy this joyous day when people are dying all over the world? 

    The persistent questioning coupled with the never-ending news cycle of doom felt like hundreds of pounds of weight on my shoulders. And the waiting and not knowing felt hopeless. But I kept reminding myself, we’re in no hurry.
    My fiancé and I have stayed employed and stayed busy throughout the spring, and I’ve leaned into the online community of women going through the same experience. I saw so many brides struggling with their vendors not being flexible, with their families not being flexible, with sick relatives, with fiancés overseas, or with putting families on hold, and it helped me to remain centered and humble. We weren’t losing a lot of money on uncooperative vendors. We weren’t putting our life on hold until we got married. Our relatives were being safe and staying healthy. We were still the lucky ones. And still, the not knowing persisted.
    Worrying about the wedding felt not only pointless, but also selfish, so we didn’t. Both Zach and I got involved supporting those in our local community who needed food, money, and supplies, and doing our absolute best to not go insane in the house. The wedding stayed quietly in the back of our mind. 
     
    The Wedding Date
    By the time our original wedding date rolled around, Zach had totally put the change behind him and was looking forward to the future. I tried to do the same, but the full weight of things crashed down on me. I was supposed to be joining a new family and celebrating with all of my favorite people. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
    To my relief and utter appreciation, bouquets of flowers and sweet texts from friends filled my entire day. c
    Once the day passed, I felt lighter. We still didn’t know what the plans were going to be, but people slowly got tired of asking us if we’d picked a new date. It’s almost like they totally forgot, and honestly, it was a relief. The pressure of having a wedding slowly melted away over the next few weeks. With the pressure off, it was much easier to not dread the date that we’d make our decision on whether or not to have our wedding on the secondary date.

    Even when it feels like the world is against you, there are people in your life that are there for a reason. I realized that mine will show up for me even when I don’t ask for them to.

    Source: Flora Westbrook | Pexels

     
    The Pivot
    As summer continued to pass and news of the virus spreading seemed to get worse and worse, we still didn’t feel safe being around a handful of people—let alone our whole families or friends. News of dozens of people getting COVID-19 after attending a wedding kept popping up on our timelines and newsfeeds. It felt irresponsible to host a group of people to celebrate us. Many brides and grooms were still moving forward with small weddings, and I was genuinely happy for them. Genuinely. But with our guests traveling across the country, we had to have the conversation. Is the health of our guests worth risking for the wedding of our dreams? If we did risk it, would the fear and confusion around the virus bring down the mood on our big day? Did we want to wait until a vaccine was widely available to host our wedding?

    Is the health of our guests worth risking for the wedding of our dreams? If we did risk it, would the fear and confusion around the virus bring down the mood on our big day? Did we want to wait until a vaccine was widely available to host our wedding?

    Ultimately, Zach and I decided the answer was no. The risk of our loved ones getting sick and possibly having long-term damage from a virus that doesn’t have a vaccine was too high. We didn’t want that pressure and responsibility to be on us. The second date with our photographer was just too soon. In an ultimate resolve and sigh of relief, we decided we’d get married—just the two of us. Our original dream wedding.
    My fiancé was thrilled when we made the decision, of course—he’d wanted to elope all along. And my bridesmaids gave me overwhelming support, “Go marry your man, lady!” It was the right choice; having a plan gave me relief and I was finally at peace. I get to marry my dream man in the mountains. We’ll be at minimum risk, and our friends and family won’t have the emotional and financial strain that our wedding would put on them. Plus, as people keep saying, what a story to tell. 
    We’ll party with friends and loved ones eventually, but for now, we’re off to go get married. More

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    Why Do I Always Think Everyone is Mad at Me?

    Awhile ago, after a weekend of ruminating over why no one was replying to my text messages, I found myself in a meeting wondering why no one was smiling at me when I spoke, and Googled, “Why do I always think everyone is mad at me.” (And of course, asked my therapist about it later.)If you’ve found yourself worrying about past disagreements to solve the no-response mystery, feeling like you said something stupid, or that all the people you love and respect most are conspiring against you, you’re not alone. I have an intense internal desire to be liked by everyone. I mean everyone—friends, friends of friends, family, colleagues, even cashiers and yoga instructors. At some point along the way, I’ve been conditioned that liked=good, and disliked=bad. Likely, you can relate on some level. The desire to be liked is very human—we all want to be liked and accepted.
    I know objectively that being liked by everyone is simply not possible. As a woman with strong opinions, values, and personality, it would be naive to think that I will be everyone’s cup of tea.
    Yet despite how much we can talk ourselves back to reality, it doesn’t fix the terrible, anxious thoughts and feelings we experience in the moment. Wanting to be liked isn’t inherently bad. In fact, in some cases it allows us to be thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. However, when our desire to be liked becomes intense or feels overwhelming—i.e. thinking everyone is mad at you—there are two main problems. 

    Source: Aline Viana Prado | Pexels

    First, it can be really easy to lose a sense of self. When you try to practice everyone else’s values, you are left with none of your own. Because I want everyone to like me and I’m afraid of upsetting people, I find myself fearing true self expression, like expressing my opinion or standing up for what I believe in. However, I find that when I do, people actually like me more. 
    The thing is: people like you when they trust and respect you. And people trust and respect people who are willing to stand up for what they believe in, set loving boundaries, and show kindness, compassion, and love to themselves and the world around them. 
    Second, always acting to please others deflects the work that goes into looking inward and developing internal resilience, validation, and confidence. We “pleasers” get so much validation from external sources that we spend our time constantly looking to fill other people up. Not only is this exhausting, it holds us back from the real joys in life, which actually come from the inside work. 

    Source: Elevate | Pexels

    So… what do we do? 
    Since the desire to be liked is a very human feeling, I don’t want to eliminate that part of who I am, but instead I try identify why I want to be liked. I want to be liked for the right reasons: for being me. Despite working on this, anxiety can get the best of me, especially in times like these. When the rumination starts, it’s hard to stop it from spiraling into more stories, more people being mad at me or not liking me—like the cashier at the grocery store. 
    Yes, I know. Wow. 
    When I really think about it, it actually feels like a pretty self-centered thought to have. Let’s be real: people aren’t thinking about me that much. As it turns, out people are really busy with their own lives, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 
    At the end of the day, it has nothing to do with being liked, valued, and respected by other people. It’s about being liked, valued, and respected by me. 
    For me, feeling like everyone is mad at me is a manifestation of anxiety and a reflection of my desire for perfection. In my mind, I often feel like nothing I ever do is good enough and that there’s always more that could be done. 
    Fortunately, there are moments when I’m not feeling anxious or trying to please. These moments usually come when life feels more certain, I’m not in the middle of big changes, and when I am taking care of myself, monitoring my stress levels, and doing things that make me feel good. In these moments, I get an opportunity to reflect and pivot. 

    Source: Diana Titenko | Pexels

    It can be really hard to take stock of our emotions while we’re having them and find the opportunity to reflect and pivot, but here’s the process I use with myself when I feel those nasty anxious feelings creep in. 

    1. Create a foundation 
    Start by developing a mindfulness practice. This will not only help you but will also support you in developing a strong intuition around your needs. Your mindfulness practice can be anything that helps you connect your mind and body. Things like journaling, meditation, breathing exercises, and mindful movement are a few great places to start. I also like to take the time to learn about everything from psychology to health and wellness to identify new practices I can adopt. 

    2. Pause 
    Take a couple of minutes a few times each day or when you’re experiencing extreme emotions to pause and assess how you’re feeling. It’s like a quick temperature check. Ask yourself what is that feeling? Where is it coming from? Why am I having it? 
    We’re so accustomed to running through life without intentionality, pausing allows us to get in touch with ourselves, expand your perspective, and supports relaxation. 

    3. What is really happening? 
    So often, when we start ruminating, we tell ourselves stories that aren’t true. Identify what’s really happening in the situation by asking questions like: “Did I really do something wrong? Was I disrespectful? What is going on for this person that might be impacting their life?”
    This reality check can be hard when you’ve worked yourself up to truly believing your own stories, but these questions and gentle reminders can help us feel more grounded when our minds feel out of control.
    If this feels overwhelming, deep breathing is equally impactful. Try simple box breathing: breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. In just a few breaths, you’ll feel more relaxed and clear. 

    Source: cottonbro | Pexels

    4. Get empowered 
    You’re way more wonderful than you think. Now you just need to believe it. When you feel empowered, you’ll value yourself more and the desire to be liked less. This will enable you to show up in life as your truest, most authentic self. 
    Identify your true beliefs and the things that you like about yourself to support you in developing confidence and feeling empowered. 
    Here are a few beliefs and mantras I have that make me feel empowered: 
    Do I agree with everything everyone else says/do? Nope. Does that make me like them any less? NO. Actually, it often makes me like them more.
    It’s OK if you mess up. No one is perfect. 
    Perfection is BORING. 
    I act in alignment with my values.
    My opinion matters.
    If someone doesn’t like me because of who I am or what I believe, that is OK. I know that I am a good person.
    What else could you be focusing on right now that would be more productive than wondering if people are mad at you? 
    Where are these feelings really coming from and how can you deal with them? 
    Sometimes, I need to be extra gentle with myself and I just repeat, “it’s OK, you’re OK, you’re safe here” as if I was speaking to a younger me who felt lost and confused.
    This is not the last time I will spiral thinking people don’t like me, but by implementing these practices and reflecting, it stings a little less each time. I’ve given myself the opportunity to quell the vicious anxiety cycle, develop self-love and respect, and gain confidence that allows me to live life in a way that feels more meaningful.

    Have you ever felt like everyone was mad at you? Or like anxiety got in the way of you truly enjoying a moment?  More

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    The Top-Rated Sex Toys on Amazon

    A Saturday Night Live skit from April pretty much explained every feeling I have about sex right now: “During quarantine, I straight up murdered all my vibrators.” Yep. That’s it. 
    After having seriously zero sexual interaction for months, any vibrator stash is looking a little bleak. Whether you’ve used it ‘til the batteries were dead or are just desperately looking for something to spice it up (even with a partner!), we found the best sex toys on Amazon to do the trick. Don’t worry: we already vetted the reviews, so you know you’re getting exactly what you paid for. Your next Prime package is about to be quite thrilling.

    Rechargeable Personal Wand Massager

    With over two thousand reviews, this cost-effective cordless “massager” (LOL) will add a little something different to your sex toy drawer. This offers 20 different vibrating patterns and eight speeds, meaning you won’t get tired of this toy for a while.

    Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation Air-Pulse Clitoris Stimulator

    Oh, the Satisfyer. If you’re new to sex toys, it might seem simple to go with a classic vibrator first, but I recommend this every time. It’s like nothing else on the market (or at least it was when it launched) because instead of focusing on penetration or vibration, it focuses on suction, mimicking the feeling of oral sex. Did I just sell you? I hope so. They last for years and absolutely change the sex toy experience—trust me.

    LELO Beads Mini Small Kegel Exercise Balls

    Spice up your drawer with these kegel balls. Whether you use them alone or with a partner, you’ll get a little joy adding these to your routine. They’re super versatile and can be used about a dozen different ways to boost pleasure, exercise your pelvic floor, and add a new sensation.

    Clitoris Vibrator

    This little clitoral vibrator is basically a Carpal Tunnel users’ BFF. It’s small and effortless to hold in your hand, especially for… prolonged periods of time, if you will. This has over 10 speed and pattern combinations to give you a unique experience basically every time you use it. Reviewers love the small size as well for storage, travel, and partner play.
    Another note to mention: tons of reviews boasted the customer service, saying that anytime they’ve had issues with performance, they’ve reached out to customer service and were given a replacement or taught how to fix the problem.

    Partner Couple Vibrator for Clitoral & G-Spot Stimulation

    The reviews for this vibrator are both hysterical and quite true. After seeing the hilarious reviews on Twitter, I picked up one for myself and cancelled all of my plans for about two weeks. Please read this review and then go buy it and then come back here and thank me. That’s all.

    G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

    With over 6,700 reviews, this rabbit vibrator makes the top of the list. Not only are there tons of reviews, over 3,000 of them are five stars. This has everything a good rabbit vibe does: waterproof, quiet, USB-charger, and multiple speeds. One reviewer said this brought her sex life back after a bad breakup, that it helped her orgasm for the first time, and that it has so much power that it ended up in her husband’s glass when he walked in the room (please read the second review; you won’t be disappointed).

    Silicone Dual Penis Ring

    Add a little extra somethin’-somethin’ to your sex life with this penis ring. Use it on yourself or with a partner to increase pleasure during penetration, during oral sex, or for (mutual) masturbation. The reviews are filled with positive experiences from people with and without penises who have found pleasure using this on themselves or with a partner.

    G Spot Vibrator for Vagina Stimulation

    This vibrator is bendable to hit your G-spot. Reviewers love how quiet it is (perfect for any roommate situations), the discreet packaging, the storage container it comes with, the magnetic charger, and the various speeds and patterns. If you’re looking to get outside the box of external vibrators, this is an easy one to start with!

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    7 Ways to Start Eating More Vegetables—Plus All the Recipe Inspo You Could Need

    If you’re anything like me, some days are a vegetable paradise—healthy and colorful meals all.day.long—while on others, there’s nary a vegetable in sight. So, basically, I’m always striving to fit more vegetables in where I can. And, luckily, it’s pretty easy to sneak extra vegetables into just about anything.Eating plenty of vegetables is super important when it comes to your overall health and well-being. From nutrient deficiencies to higher rates of chronic disease and beyond, focusing on getting enough vegetables in your diet is key. Here are just a few ways that you can up your vegetable intake—without changing things up too much or sacrificing flavor.

    1. Add extra to soups, sauces, and smoothies
    Soups and sauces probably aren’t too shocking in terms of where you can make sure to get your veggies in, but you can pack a serious punch in both of them. Soups, in particular, are such an easy place to add extra vegetables. There are probably already vegetables in your soup anyway—just add some more. Sauces, too, can be easy spots. Add spinach, kale, broccoli, or even beets to pesto, purée carrots or red bell peppers and add them to a pasta sauce, or make a creamy sauce a little healthier by including cauliflower—the possibilities are endless.
    Smoothies are one of my all-time favorite ways to “trick” myself into eating extra vegetables, though. Of course, adding greens to a smoothie is always a good way to go, but there are plenty of other vegetables that make great additions as well. Frozen cauliflower, zucchini, cucumber, and pumpkin or butternut squash purée are all good options. You won’t even taste it.

    2. Stick them on a pizza
    What’s better than pizza for dinner, you ask? Not much in my book. I don’t guilt myself for eating plain old cheese, but I’ve found that adding herbs and vegetables can make it even better. Try kale, mushrooms, spinach, garlic, potato, peppers, tomatoes, artichoke hearts, a pickled vegetable like giardiniera, carrots, broccoli, and more.

    3. Get creative with dessert
    Add beets to your brownies, make carrot, zucchini, butternut squash, or pumpkin cakes. It’s such an easy way to get a few more vegetables in your diet. Of course, you’re still eating dessert, so don’t feel too much like the epitome of health, but it’s something!

    4. Add them to breakfast
    If given the choice, I will always opt for a savory breakfast over a sweet one. The good news? A savory breakfast makes it even easier to add vegetables. Serve your fried eggs over sautéed leafy greens, add tomatoes or mushrooms, make a veggie-packed frittata, quiche, or omelet. You’re already well on your way to your vegetable goal for the day and you’ve only eaten breakfast.

    5. Make vegetable tacos, sandwiches, or quesadillas
    If you’re a meal-prepper (or even a sort of meal-prepper), roast or sauté a big batch of vegetables at the beginning of the week and then season for tacos, layer onto sandwiches, tuck into quesadillas—it’s just as quick (if not quicker!) than making the veggie-less versions and oh so delicious.

    6. Go meatless one day (or more!) a week
    Whether it’s Monday or another day, opting to try to go meatless at least one day per week can help you boost your vegetable intake. A meatless day isn’t a guarantee that you’ll eat more vegetables, but you might find that it encourages you to branch out a bit more and get more creative with what you’re eating those days, leaning more on vegetables than you otherwise would.

    7. Try a new-to-you recipe
    If you don’t usually eat a ton of vegetables, trying new-to-you recipes just might encourage you to eat more. Rather than sticking with your typical side salad, try vegetable-packed meatballs, a vegetarian curry, one-pan dinners, and more. You’ll be introduced to a new dish, but maybe also new foods and cooking techniques. It’s a great way to help shake off your routine.

    What to Make

    Source: The Real Food Dietitians

    Source: Sweet Potato Soul

    Source: Eating Bird Food

    Source: Midwest Foodie

    Source: By Erin Clarke of Well Plated

    Source: What’s Gaby Cooking

    Source: My Food Story

    Source: Orchids + Sweet Tea

    Source: What’s Gaby Cooking

    Source: My Food Story

    Source: Sweet Potato Soul

    Source: Eating Bird Food

    Source: Midwest Foodie

    Source: The Real Food Dietitians

    Source: By Erin Clarke of Well Plated

    Source: Orchids + Sweet Tea More

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    10 Things to Do If Your Confidence Needs a Major Boost

    Confidence might sound like some fluffy, idealistic principle your Girl Scout leader used to talk about, but it’s the most powerful, tangible thing you can cultivate to achieve the life you want. You might have learned from ’90s makeover movies that once you make major changes, then you’ll finally feel confident. But actually, confidence is the key to make drastic improvements, whether it comes to your health, career, or relationships. In other words, stop waiting for circumstances to happen and, instead, work on boosting confidence first. The changes you want to make in your life will happen as a byproduct. Here are 10 concrete ways to love yourself like Lizzo and boost confidence to achieve your best life.
    1. Be brutally honest with yourself
    Do you love your job? Do you genuinely enjoy all of your friendships? Are you open about the hobbies that bring you joy (yes, even the geeky ones)? Not only will being brutally honest illuminate areas in your life where you’re not your true self, but it will also force you to stop trying to “fit in” (middle school trauma can still really affect us, you know?). And when you realize what you do genuinely love and enjoy, do more of it. You can’t be fully confident unless you openly own, accept, and feel comfortable with who you are.
    That also means knowing your strengths and accepting whatever you previously deemed a “weakness.” You know that famous quote by Albert Einstein that’s written on inspirational cards and quoted in graduation speeches? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Remember this lesson when you’re picking at your “weaknesses.” If you’re shy in large groups, don’t sit around wishing you were more outgoing. Instead, appreciate that you’re really charismatic in one-on-one situations. Keep track of the hobbies, people, and activities that make you feel like your true self, and then seek them out more. 

    2. Use visualization
    Before first dates or big presentations, we often focus on the worst-case scenarios. Not just your-date-turned-out-to-be-a-serial-killer type of scenario, but the forget-the-entire-presentation or what-if-they-don’t-like-me kinds of scenarios. Instead, visualize yourself acing the presentation or enjoying the first date as the highest version of yourself. If you’re not sure what your highest self looks like, think about how you act in your most comfortable relationships. Are you goofy, vivacious, enthusiastic, kind, or thoughtful? What memory do you have where you did feel good about yourself? Visualize showing up as that person and the best-case outcome. You’ll not only feel more confident going into uncomfortable situations, but you’ll be more likely to achieve your highest self.

    Source: @simplytandya

    3. Practice empathy and positivity
    We’ve already established that confidence requires a change in internal mindset, not a change in outside validation. But if changing your mindset was as easy as flipping a switch, we’d all be confident. So the key to self-confidence? Empathy and positivity. Just like happiness, empathy and positivity are skills, not circumstances. When you work those muscles on other people and situations, you’ll start to feel empathy and positivity for yourself too. Work on positive thinking through gratitude journaling or exercises, and prioritize the glass-half-full mentality in all situations. See the good in other people (including celebrities, influencers, and frenemies–ex-boyfriends exempt from this list), and you’ll start to see more good in yourself too (guaranteed). 

    4. Accept compliments
    PSA: can we agree to stop downplaying when we receive a compliment!? Especially as women, we’re taught to be polite at our own expense. However, it’s just not true that putting ourselves down makes other people feel more comfortable. In fact, it typically makes people more uncomfortable, not to mention it’s hurting your confidence. When a coworker tells you that you nailed the presentation, don’t respond with “I couldn’t have done it without my team,” or “Really? I messed up the whole second half!” Say, “Thank you so much! I worked so hard and am so excited about how it turned out.”
    Likewise, when a friend compliments your hair, don’t say, “Ugh, I have such frizzy hair, I spent 45 minutes getting it to lay straight!” Instead, respond with a simple “Thank you!” and take a moment to internally feel good about yourself (why yes, my hair does look phenomenal. *Cues ***Flawless by Beyoncé*). If just saying “thank you” feels uncomfortable, feel free to give a compliment in return but stop downplaying the compliments you receive. 

    Source: @devyn.p.miller

    5. Be smart about social media
    It’s no secret that social media is a common confidence-suck. Being constantly bombarded by the pretty, filtered version of hundreds or thousands of other people’s lives is not exactly the best recipe to feel good about our own. We know that we only put our very best pictures, selfies, and sides for the world to see, while keeping “real life” (like messy kitchens, PMS tears, and stretch marks) offline. But somehow, it doesn’t always register that other people do the same. Do yourself a favor and mute or unfollow everyone on Instagram except a few select accounts that bring you inspiration, motivation, and happiness whenever you click through their feed or stories (like, IDK, @theeverygirl, just as a totally random example). 

    6. Change the words that follow “I am”
    Personally, my identity has been defined as a writer my whole life. Ever since elementary school, my love for writing was always the first thing teachers noticed about me. For 24 years, I put myself into categories of, “I’m a writer, and I’m creative,” but because of that identity, I also said, “I’m not good at business” or “I am not a math person.” I loaded up on English classes in college and didn’t take one business, finance, or economics class. I always took on the “creative and free-spirited” type of personality, and didn’t feel confident in any skills related to business or personal finance. 
    But when I became a grown-ass woman (AKA, like a few months ago, but it depends who you ask), I was over feeling like I wasn’t good with money and that creativity was all I had to offer the world. I started telling myself, “I am a businesswoman,” and, “I am smart with money.” It gave me the confidence to sign up for finance classes and start my own side business. The lesson here? Think about what stories you’ve been telling yourself about who you are, and then replace the words that follow “I am.”  Have you been telling yourself, “I am awkward,” “I am shy,” “I am ugly,” or “I am not good enough?” Change the words after “I am” to anything you want to be, and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Fake it ’til you make it, you know?

    Source: @crystalinmarie

    7. Get outside yourself
    Listen, I’m not calling anyone self-centered in a negative way. As humans, we see reality through our own perspectives, and therefore, everything centers around the way we experience it. When you’re feeling a lack of confidence, it can be tempting to wallow in your feelings or vent to friends. While you should lean on the people who make you feel better, make sure to get outside yourself too. Ask other people questions more than you talk about yourself (and listen!), or volunteer for an organization that needs help.
    Not only will focusing on other people make you feel better about yourself (because nothing is more powerful than helping someone else), but you’ll also realize that other people don’t think about you the way you think they do. Other people are too caught up in their own problems to realize you’re a little awkward or have a breakout on your chin. One of the most important life hacks I’ve ever learned: you’ll stop feeling self-conscious the minute you turn your attention to helping someone else. 

    8. Do more things that make you uncomfortable
    Stepping outside your comfort zone is–you guessed it–uncomfortable, but it can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself. Try something new that you’re scared to try, whether it’s cooking a new type of food, attending a different workout class, or networking with people you’re typically too shy to reach out to. The good news is that you don’t have to be good at whatever new thing you’re doing in order to boost self-esteem. In fact, you probably won’t be good. The confidence comes when you keep showing up, even when you’re not good at it. It will teach you to feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations and accomplished in trying something new. 

    Source: @missenocha

    9. Keep promises to yourself
    We have a conception that “confidence” has to mean thinking highly of ourselves, which is not necessarily true. To break it down, confidence is actually a combination of both self-esteem and self-efficacy. Self-efficacy refers to the belief you have in yourself to accomplish something. In other words, to boost confidence, you must make and keep promises to yourself. If you want to eat more veggies or get to bed earlier, make a plan, and then follow through with it. Remember that there’s more on the line than leafy greens or getting enough sleep. Think of it like a friend; the more you can rely on them and trust them, the more you love and respect them. The same goes for the relationship you have with yourself. Eat what you say you will, get to bed when you say you will, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

    10. Cultivate the “eff it!” mentality
    Channel your inner Dua Lipa and just don’t care. Typically, I’m not a fan of IDGAF energy (I think caring about people is the most powerful thing we can do as human beings, even when it hurts), but when it comes to cultivating self-confidence, I’m an advocate. You see, sometimes you have to remind yourself that not everything is as big of a deal as you make it in your mind. You gained a few extra pounds–who cares? You’re shy meeting new people–big deal! The side business you want to launch might fail–so what? Doing something you want to do or being someone you want to be (while saying “screw you!” to insecurities) might be the absolute best thing you could ever do for yourself. Just as a reminder, don’t take everything so seriously; it’s just life! The point is to enjoy it. 

    What tips have helped improve your confidence? More

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    How to Improve Your Relationship When You’ve Been Stuck Together for Months

    We’ve been staying at home for months now. Your boss is still accidentally hitting mute on Zoom, you failed at baking sourdough more times than you’ve succeeded, and your significant other forgot to unload the dishwasher again. For couples that live together or have chosen to quarantine together, the global pandemic doesn’t just mean severe anxiety and limited toilet paper. It also means facing a future of indefinite togetherness, lack of alone time, and maybe some fights that you never expected to have (like whose turn it is to disinfect the groceries).Quarantining couples are fighting more than ever, missing their alone time, or feeling anxious about fast-tracking their relationship. No one signs up for 24/7 togetherness when signing a lease or marriage certificate, and it’s normal to struggle with your relationship as you’re struggling with scary headlines and changing routines. However, it’s possible to not just survive staying at home together, but to enjoy it. Here’s how you can still improve your relationship, even if you’ve been stuck together for months.

    Reassess what’s working and what isn’t.
    Being stuck at home together is no longer uncharted territory that we’re all just trying to figure out. At this point, you’ve had enough experience to identify what’s working well (like dividing up chores or having weekly mental health check-ins), and what isn’t (like getting stir crazy or having the same fight about the dishes three times a week). Start with what has been going well in your relationships. Do you love playing Scrabble on Friday nights or feel supported when you’re stressed? Talk about what’s going well for both of you and the relationship. Then identify the areas that still need work and problem-solve together how to improve what hasn’t been working. 

    Source: @kayla_seah

    Switch up your routine
    If your evening routine is consistently eating takeout on the couch while watching Stranger Things, there’s nothing wrong with that (in fact, that sounds like my ideal night). However, try surprising your partner one night with dinner served at the dining room table (with candles, of course). Not only will switching it up help you get out of any ruts that come with the same routine every day for months, but doing something different might ignite a little extra spark. Planning a themed date night on the weekend, going on a hike together instead of working out in the living room, or even eating breakfast on the patio (instead of hunched over laptops) can make a huge difference. 

    Practice empathy for your partner
    If you are constantly bickering or get to the point where you can’t stand each other, this might be an enlightening time for some couples to reassess if this relationship is the right choice. However, if you are in it for the long haul and the extra bickering is only on account of stress and change in routine (not incompatibility), don’t worry. The fix could be as simple as practicing empathy.
    This is probably a weirder time than you anticipated when you were reciting vows or moving in together. Therefore, what you expect from your partner needs to change too. Be empathetic to the extra pressure they’re under (is their company suffering or were they furloughed?), and any anxiety they might be feeling from headlines or changes in routine. The greatest way you can grow stronger as a couple during a time like this is to better understand, relate to, and feel for each other.

    Source: @missalexlarosa

    Keep up your personal hobbies, and encourage your partner to keep up theirs
    While I’m embarrassed to declare Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as a “personal hobby,” it has always been my go-to when I need to turn my brain off on a lunch break or relax on a Sunday afternoon. My boyfriend knows when it’s RHOBH time to put in headphones if he’s working or do his own thing if he doesn’t feel like watching. This might be a sad example, but just because you’re spending 24/7 together doesn’t mean you should stop all the things you typically love doing. 
    Your significant other should encourage your hobbies, even if they don’t share your exact interests (and might be like mine where you notice his eyes are glued to the TV when Kyle and Lisa are fighting, even though he pretends he “doesn’t like reality TV”). Whether it’s the shows you watch, the books you read, or how you like to work out, keep up the things you love, and allow your partner the space and time to keep up theirs. Yes, relationships are about shared interests and compromises, but they’re also about giving each other the support to be who you really are. 

    Remember to celebrate milestones
    After four or five months of barely leaving the house, you might have experienced one (or both) of your birthdays in quarantine, and maybe even an anniversary has come and gone. Perhaps one of you graduated or got a promotion at work. Since it might feel easier to ignore anything that’s supposed to be “celebratory” (because it serves as a reminder of what you’re missing out on like birthday parties, anniversary trips, etc.), you might have glossed over or put little effort into celebrating. However, even if you’re grieving for what you thought 2020 would be like, it’s still important to make the most of it. Dress up for dinner at home, order takeout from your favorite fancy restaurant, and decorate the living room. Don’t just think of how to survive 2020; make your relationship better by making new memories. 

    Source: @raffinee

    Think of your relationship as a business
    So this might be the most unromantic relationship advice you’ve ever received, but hear me out. We often think love is supposed to be magically perfect, and two separate people are supposed to seamlessly combine their lives together (preferably with a romantic montage or public declaration of love, but that’s just me). And while many aspects of being in love with the right person should feel seamless and perfect, being stuck at home together for months doesn’t have to be one of them. 
    To navigate the changes and work through this new life together, both of you need to be open to accepting new responsibilities and helping each other in ways you didn’t have to before. Think of your partnership as you would think of a business: schedule regular meetings into the “team” calendar, divide up responsibilities based on what’s most effective, and consistently reflect on how you can be a better “coworker.” Remember that the goal is success (in this case, happiness in the relationship), not for you to be right or “win” an argument. Just limit your business-mindset to outside the bedroom, or else, you know, it could get weird. 

    Find a new activity to do together
    In a society where couples are starting podcasts and travel blogs together, you should have more than enough inspo and motivation to find a new activity you’ve never done together. It can be as simple as going on evening walks or doing a puzzle, or can be as time-consuming as learning a new language or starting a side business if you have the extra time to spend. The point is to find something you both are excited about, so you can spend quality time in a different and more meaningful way than you have in the past few months. Turn off Netflix, stop scrolling through Instagram, and try something new together.

    Source: @missenocha

    Make pleasure a priority 
    No, it’s not what you think. Hopefully, you already work on fulfilling intimacy with your partner (and if you’re not, click here or here), and it’s OK if the abundance of anxiety and loungewear has created a lull in your sex life (it’s normal!). What I mean instead is to make your pleasure (outside of the bedroom) a top priority. Start by basing decisions off of what would bring you more pleasure (like a warm bath versus a cold shower, or a slow yoga flow versus a sweaty dance workout). Also, take time to pamper yourself (turn on a playlist and dry brush), and don’t forget to check yourself out in the mirror (because you know you look good!).
    Why is this good for your relationship, you might ask? Living for the sake of pleasure (instead of just checking items off of a to-do list) will make you happier and feel more fulfilled. It might reduce stress or help you stop depending on your partner for happiness. Therefore, fights could be easier to solve or prevent, and you might enjoy your time together more. Oh, and if you want to talk about sex life specifically, it will help that too. Just as a bonus, no one can resist a confident, happy woman (just see for yourself).

    What habits or tricks have been helping improve your relationship while being stuck at home together? More