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      in health and weelbeing

      Update Your Workout Clothes With These 25 Editor-Approved Picks

      by

      I’d be lying if I said I’ve kept up with the at-home workout plan I optimistically had in mind back in March. I had the best intentions, but alas, when a new Netflix series calls, I must answer. That is until I got a new set from Alo Yoga. In my experience, nothing is as motivating to get moving as a cute workout set. I’ve tried a lot of athletic-wear in my day, but I always come back to Alo Yoga because they truly make the best yoga clothing, with the mission to inspire mindful movement (and they do!). Plus, they are eco-friendly, sweatshop-free, and very high-quality, so you know the pieces are worth investing in. Whether you’re rolling out your mat for a quick yoga flow, RSVPing to virtual HIIT classes, or in search of some new comfy loungewear, the best workout clothes are the ones that do it in style. Also, an important PSA: Alo Yoga just launched a brand new color today, and it’s stunning. Blue Quartz is as cool as it sounds: it’s icy, pretty, and pairs perfectly with all your neutral pieces, making it the ideal color for winter (but low key, I’ll for sure be rocking it well into spring and summer).

      Shop the new color (before it sells out!) and all of our other favorite picks below. 

      Bras/Tops

      Bottoms

      Jackets

       

      This post is sponsored by Alo Yoga, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      in beauty and fashion

      We Tested This Cult Favorite Sports Bra—Here Are Our Thoughts

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      The world is full of recommendations left and right. Whether you’re texting your friends about which restaurant to try for a first date, asking your mom what she thinks of your new hairstyle, or googling the reviews of a new foundation you have your eye on, someone’s first-hand account of something is typically only a few clicks away. But the best recommendations are those that come out of nowhere. When someone is so excited about something that they have to tell you right away, whether you asked for it or not. We really stand by that praise at The Everygirl. Heck, it’s how we’ve found some of our favorite products, from Spanx’s leather leggings to our favorite haircare product Maddie found on a beauty podcast. Today’s story comes from a recommendation from a good friend of ours (perhaps we’ll call her a BFF). After texting about trying some leggings from Aerie, she announced that her favorite sports bra in the world comes from there. I mean, we couldn’t not try them? 
      So, Maddie and I placed an order for Aerie’s Strappy Back sports bra (in different colors because we’re different gals—duh), and here’s how it went. Hint: we both kinda fell in love.

      Maddie

      Finding an amazing sports bra is a bit of an anomaly; I always hear people complaining about their sports bras, but very rarely hear someone compliment one. My biggest challenge with finding a sports bra that I love? Finding that Goldie Locks, juuuuuuuust right amount of support that holds me in but doesn’t leave me feeling like Mulan when Li Shang discovers she’s actually a girl and she’s sitting in the snow with her torso wrapped up to hide that she has boobs (just me?).
      I’m a 34D, which I like to think of borderline-large boobs. Are they objectively big? No, but they’re big enough that holding them in is a concern when I’m working out. My workout of choice is, unfortunately for me, running, which makes finding an amazing sports bra even more difficult because of the level of bouncing around that comes with it. I can honestly say that in my 24 years, I have exactly 0 sports bras that I love, so my loyalty could go to any one that impresses me.
      The second I took this bra out of its package, I knew I was going to like it based on how it felt alone. The material is, to me, a hybrid between cotton and the dry-fit, slippery material a lot of bras come in. It has some padding, which I personally prefer, but not too much by any means. Check and check.
      You know how it’s trendy and cute to wear a sports bra as a top with high-waisted leggings? I’ve never understood how people could do that until I tried this. This bra is right in between being a bra length and a crop-top length, and felt like I could get away with wearing it to a barre or yoga class. It held me in the perfect amount so that I didn’t feel too exposed nor constricted—it fit me, quite literally, perfectly. Plus, with all the criss-crossing straps in the back, it’s cute as all hell.
      After testing this out for workouts, since it’s a medium support bra, it isn’t the best in the world for running, but it’s perfect for barre or pilates or yoga or anything of the like. It’s so comfortable that I want to pick a few more up in different colors to make it my everyday, lounging bra too—something I can’t say for any other sports bra I have with any real amount of support. It hits a completely unique mark for me out of all of the sports bras I’ve ever had—and it’s less than half the price of the ones I own that I like half as much. The hype for this one is absolutely real, and I can’t imagine finding another sports bra I like this much anytime soon. 

      Beth

      Since we started working from home, I’ve been searching high and low for a comfortable bra that didn’t make me look frumpy but was comfortable to wear all day long, and it got bonus points if I could seamlessly transition it to working out during the day. I’d ordered a few here and there, and nothing knocked my socks off. I love Fabletics sports bras, but they have quite a bit of support, so I only really like them for working out. But a bralette is way too little support to work out in. You see my dilemma? 
      When I ordered this bra, I wasn’t really expecting it to be something I could work out in. It looked way too comfortable for that. “More of a bralette than a sports bra” is what I envisioned. But upon receiving it, I immediately changed my tune. Based on the material (which Maddie described loving too), it’s really flattering and sweat-wicking, making it a great workout bra. But it also is comfortable enough to wear just lounging at home. I’m typing up this review wearing the sports bra with a pair of sweatpants, and it’s honestly WFH bliss. But I have plans to work out as soon as I finish this, and I don’t plan to change either. That’s the golden ticket of bra comfort if you ask me.
      For reference, I wear a 38E bra and am currently between wearing an XL and XXL at American Eagle. I ordered the XXL in this, assuming larger was better than smaller, and I’m glad with my choice. The XL would have been much more compressive, and I love this for just hanging around the house even more so than working out (and even then, I’m not a runner or jumper in any way, so I rarely need anything with lots of coverage). 
      I ordered the white color because my current sports bra collection consists of entirely black bras (I like versatility, OK), and I love it so, so much. It’s so cute with every pair of leggings, sweatpants, pajamas, and any other random pair of pants I own. The white isn’t see-through at all, and cups inside the bra don’t cause any nipple outlines or anything of the sort. Basically, you can order this rest assured that you’ll be covered up whether you’re on a run outside, on a Zoom barre class, or just hanging around the apartment with your roommates.

      Other Aerie sports bras we have our eyes on: More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      7 Everyday Hacks We’ve Been Using to Feel Our Best

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      As if you didn’t already know, I’m big on self-improvement. I much prefer a self-help book over a fiction novel, love a good makeover rom-com, and my daily affirmation is to show up as my highest self. But now that the temperatures are dropping and killer Netflix series are coming out every day (anyone else binge all of Emily in Paris in one day?), it feels like much more of a struggle to prioritize self-improvement and our overall wellbeing. So for you, dear readers (and selfishly for myself), I’ve compiled seven things we’ve been doing every day to keep up our health goals. Here are the hacks and routines our team has been buzzing about that’s helping us all eat healthier, stress less, and feel like our best selves: 

      Source: @equilibriawomen

      1. Incorporating CBD for stress-relief 
      If you haven’t heard, our team is obsessed with Equilibria CBD products. Beth has been taking baths with the Mineral Soak when she needs a little TLC, Abigail puts the Daily Drops in her morning coffee to help stop her mind from racing, and Allyson’s husband loves the Relief Cream so much that he requests it nightly to ease neck tension (Everyhusbands count too!). Whether you want an excuse to fit in a little extra self-care or need some quick stress-relief, CBD is the perfect addition to your daily routine. Not sure where to start? Try the Brilliance Box or Balance Box to try out all of our favorite products. 

      Equilibria
      Brilliance Box
      The Brilliance Box includes Daily Drops for fast-acting, targeted relief, Daily Softgels for a sustained-release, and topical Relief Cream for local discomfort.

      Equilibria
      Dynamic Duo Roller
      Expertly crafted with 75mg of full-spectrum, premium CBD to relieve pressure points, regulate mood and ease topical discomfort.

      Equilibria
      Daily Softgels
      Perfect for all-day balance, Daily Softgels are a slow-release product for long-lasting effects.

      Equilibria
      Mint Daily Drops
      Use Daily Drops to help increase a sense of calm and balance in the face of day-to-day stress.

      Source: colorjoy stock

      2. Not looking at our phones before 9am
      Some of us wake up and immediately scroll through Facebook like it’s the newspaper, while others stay in bed too long because we’re catching up on Instagram stories we missed while sleeping. But for my mental health and overall wellbeing, I’ve been challenging myself to stop looking at my phone first thing in the morning. Not only does checking social media start your day with a focus on what other people are doing in their lives (rather than setting the tone for what you’re doing in your life), but it can waste your precious morning time. Try waiting to check social media until a specific time (like 9am) or an hour after you wake up. You can also try little tricks like not checking your phone until you’ve made a cup of coffee, did some gratitude journaling, or finished your skincare routine. 

      Source: @daniellemoss_

      3. Making one small change to your diet every day
      At The Everygirl, we believe that healthy eating doesn’t have to be difficult or restrictive. We’re big fans of adding more nutritious foods into our routines instead of going on intensive diets or restricting food groups to eat healthier. For a fun challenge that won’t feel too difficult, try making one small change to your diet every day. For example, add kale to your pasta, order a side salad with your takeout, drink an extra glass of water, or replace your afternoon Goldfish snack with carrots and hummus. Making one change a day will feel manageable enough to be sustainable, and you might even find recipes or a new routines you’ll like enough to turn into habits. After all, a healthy lifestyle is just a series of minor habits that snowball into major changes.

      Source: @gabbywhiten

      4. Waking up (and going to sleep!) a few minutes earlier
      If your mornings feel like a race against the clock or an episode of Chopped (anyone else get anxious watching timed cooking shows?), you’re probably setting yourself up for an equally stressful rest of your day. Waking up even slightly earlier gives you more time so you’re not rushed through your routine, and you might even be able to fit in enjoyable activities like stretching, meditating, or gratitude journaling. If you have limited control over your mornings (like a super early work start time or a child to take care of), try waking up just 10 minutes earlier than you need to. Those 10 minutes to yourself can help you feel more in control, centered, and calmer throughout the entire day. Yes, this also means you should try to get into bed a little earlier as well. If that feels impossible, try turning off the lights just five minutes earlier than you did last night.

      Source: @alainakaz

      5. Managing money based on what sparks joy
      If Marie Kondo can do it with closets, we can do it with our bank accounts. Truth be told, as a self-proclaimed “creative,” I never even thought about taking a business course in college, and the extent of my money knowledge upon graduation was how to budget for Starbucks. But I started understanding personal finance in a different way when I realized money was just an exchange of value for the effort and energy that we’re giving about 40 hours every single week. Thinking about personal finances as my life’s energy helps me manage my money based on what’s truly worth spending on and saving on.
      For example, does it really bring you joy to get dinner with the friend who always gossips, or to buy the pair of pants you’ll never end up wearing? Managing your money based on what does and doesn’t bring you joy will reduce stress that comes with spending money on the items and experiences that you truly love. That also means you should invest your life’s energy in yourself: get the gym membership, purchase that online course, and open a savings account.

      6. Have a workday cut-off
      So your office day “ends” at 5pm, but you find yourself responding to emails, finishing projects, or putting out fires well into the night? Been there, done that! But work-life balance starts with leaving work at the office (or at your designated kitchen-table-turned-desk) and using your off-hours for yourself. Especially if you’re working from home, establish a non-negotiable end time, like 6pm (if you need an extra hour), and transition out of the workday with a closing ritual. Whether it’s Slacking your work wife good night, changing into pajamas, or lighting a candle and closing your laptop, a ritual signals to the brain that it’s no longer work time. Not only will establishing a firm end of the workday help with improving work-life balance, but it will prevent you from stressing about your to-do list for the next day. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      7. Going on more walks
      Since being in quarantine, we’ve been adjusting the way we think about fitness. Personally, I’m no longer prioritizing a designated workout time (which meant no exercise at all if I couldn’t fit in a good calorie-burn), and instead, I’m doing what I can to live less sedentary. The easiest (and best) way to be more active throughout the day is to go on more walks. Looks like my Fitbit was onto something: getting in your steps has many physical and mental health benefits.
      Plus, it’s not only good for you, but it’s enjoyable and easy to fit into a busy schedule. Especially after being stuck indoors 24/7 for the majority of 2020, I crave being outdoors more than I ever have. I’ve been going on more hikes, using 10-minute work breaks to take a walk around the block, and walking to the nearby coffee shop instead of driving. Cue up a podcast, grab a warm jacket, and get outside for more walks before the weather gets too cold. 

      What hacks or routines help you feel your best?

      This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      10 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Unproductive

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      If you’re lacking motivation or energy these days, it’s not just you. Unfortunately, we don’t have an “on” button, and we can’t be plugged into an outlet. That means that no matter how much our employers expect us to be productive from 9-5, our energy levels and motivation don’t always fall in line with our work calendars. The conversation about women “having it all” somehow fails to mention that sometimes we just don’t want to do any of it. But there are tricks and tips to check in with your body, boost your energy levels, and find that motivation whenever you need it. If it’s an important week or a busy workday and your energy levels missed the memo, here are 10 things to boost productivity and motivation. 
      1. Take a break
      Yes, you do deserve a break, no matter how busy your day is (and you can let your boss know that we said so!). If it feels difficult to get anything done or you’re just feeling low energy overall, don’t force yourself to push through; it’s probably your body’s way of telling you that you need to take a break. Even spending five minutes to organize your space or 10 minutes to go on a quick walk around the block can re-energize you when you’re feeling rundown. Also, make sure you’re taking a (real!) lunch break every single day to do something enjoyable besides eating before you get back to work. If taking breaks still doesn’t feel like a fix, you might be suffering from burnout, whether it’s emotional or work-specific. If possible, take a long weekend to reset and talk to your boss about finding more work-life balance. 

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      2. Get outside
      As humans, we’re meant to be outdoors while the sun is out. Even though that’s not always possible with 9-5 office hours and dropping temperatures, getting your daily dose of sunshine is crucial for energy levels because it can suppress melatonin production and increases alertness. Plus, fresh air feels refreshing AF and will invigorate you when you need an energy push. If you don’t have time to go on a walk or do some outdoor meditation, try eating your meals outside. Bundle up, sip on a hot cup of coffee, and enjoy your breakfast on the patio, or take your lunch break sitting out in your yard or a nearby park. You can also try taking calls while going on a walk or sitting outside instead of at your desk for a Zoom meeting. 

      3. Take a shower
      Besides just extra points for cleanliness and hygiene, taking a shower makes you more alert. I rarely shower in the morning (I’m a bath-at-night kinda girl), but on the days that I do, I feel a huge difference in my energy and productivity. In my opinion, water wakes you up better than a shot of espresso ever could, so if you’re in a bit of a slump, you don’t need a nap or another cup of coffee. Instead, take a quick five-minute shower and watch your motivation increase immediately. If you’re #extra like me, try a “shot” of cold water by decreasing the water temperature at the very end of your shower for 5-10 seconds. The cold water increases alertness and might offer a variety of health benefits as a bonus. 

      4. Turn off your phone
      With endless scrolling on Instagram or entertaining TikToks just a touch of a button away, I don’t know how anyone gets anything done anymore. Smartphone addiction is real, and social media could be severely hurting your productivity. Try turning off your phone, leaving it in another room, or deleting any apps that are sucking up your time. With the phone out of the picture (literally), you won’t be as tempted to check Facebook or scroll through Instagram and might realize it’s easier to get things done when the temptation is removed. Also, try one of these habits to help you spend less time on your phone. 

      Source: @simplytandya

      5. Put on a playlist 
      Sometimes all it takes to get out of a funk is a funky (the good kind) playlist. For me, my “Caffeine” playlist makes me want to get sh*t done; for Social Media Editor Abigail, her “Anti-Anxiety League” playlist helps her feel centered and focused; and for a productivity-boosting playlist that we all love, “The Everygirl Listens: Office Tunes” totally slaps (I hear that’s a thing the cool kids are saying). Whether “Eye of the Tiger” gets you amped to check items off your to-do list or “Confidence” makes you want to conquer the world, the goal of this playlist is to energize and motivate you. Turn on the playlist when you’re feeling a lack of energy and let the gift of Harry Styles or Taylor Swift boost your productivity. 

      6. Check off the to-do list tasks that take less than two minutes to complete
      Long to-do lists can nag at us and make us feel overwhelmed. Your to-do list might feel so daunting or exhausting that you can’t even face it. Instead, start working on all of those tiny little things on your overall to-do list that you’ve been putting off but take less than two minutes. Schedule a doctor’s appointment, answer that email you’ve been meaning to get to, or order a restock of toilet paper from Amazon. You don’t have to complete every single task to improve your mood, so checking the smaller things off will increase motivation and ease overwhelm. For the bigger tasks, just making a plan for tackling them is sufficient to help make them feel less daunting. Decide when you’ll do the task and set a reminder on your phone or a Post-It.

      Source: @waityouneedthis

      7. Get moving 
      Anything that takes you out of your head and back into your body can help with stress, anxiety, and lack of energy. If stress is causing the lack of productivity, movement that focuses on breathing helps center you. Take a break to go through a yoga flow whenever you feel motivation dip, and focus on taking deep breaths with each movement (think “inhale” and “exhale” to stay focused). Breathwork (or breathing exercises) is another powerful tool to destress that you can do anytime. If the lack of productivity is due to overall fatigue or boredom, try a fun workout like going on a jog while listening to a podcast or trying a dance cardio video on Youtube for an immediate fix, and make sure to get to bed earlier that night. 

      8. Set up your environment to make you feel better
      Your environment completely affects the way you feel. Whether you’re in a perpetual funk or just having an off-day, take some time to arrange the aspects of your environment you have control over. For example, clean the kitchen, organize the desk area, put on a playlist (see above!), burn a candle, and turn off phone notifications. Clutter in your space results in clutter in your mind, and too much clutter (in your space and your mind) can make you feel overwhelmed or exhausted. Making simple changes to your workspace or even organizing that junk drawer can transform the way you feel about the rest of your day.

      Source: @_harlowejames

      9. Identify a purpose through visualization 
      Without a doubt, the greatest tool for self-development is our imagination. If you’re lacking productivity, you probably haven’t checked in with your “why” enough. Why are you putting in the effort? Is it to achieve a career milestone, save up enough money to buy a house, or feel fulfilled in your job? Maybe you want to eat healthy foods so you can feel like your best self, or keep the house organized so you can feel relaxed when you’re at home. Once you’ve identified the purpose of being productive, visualize yourself reaching it and how your life would be different. When you visualize achieving the goal instead of just setting it, you’ll automatically feel more motivated to put in the effort. It’s like dangling a carrot right in front of you instead of a far-off goal that doesn’t seem real. 

      10. Be OK with feeling “OK”
      If all else fails, remind yourself that it’s OK to have an off-day (or even an off-week). In fact, productivity naturally ebbs and flows depending on the time of day, sleep quality, and even our menstrual cycles. Are you noticing a lack of productivity, or are you shaming yourself for a lack of productivity? We believe that we’re not supposed to need a break. In reality, it’s not only OK to have an off-day, but it’s necessary. Know that negative feelings, while uncomfortable, are also human. Despite whatever intentions you have or how hard you work, some days are just going to be better than others. Let yourself take it easy, rest, and recover today, and then pick yourself up and choose to find a purpose to get excited about tomorrow. 

      How do you find motivation when you’re feeling unproductive? More

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      in health and weelbeing

      9 Things That Might Be Affecting Your Libido

      by

      We know the drill. You come home late after a long day, cook dinner, and basically just melt right into bed. Your partner, of course, was wishing for other plans. While most of us shrug this off to stress or exhaustion (which it can be!), there are other reasons you might not get as excited to get down to business tonight. It’s normal to not be in the mood every now and then (I mean, sometimes we just want to sleep!); however, when it becomes a consistent occurrence, there could be something deeper going on.A low libido seriously sucks, but it’s something most of us will go through at some point. Instead of causing yourself more stress, we looked into all the reasons you’re not too keen on doing much in the bedroom right now — besides sleep.

      1. Stress
      We all know how it feels to get home and still have a to-do list. Whether you’re experiencing work, school, or personal stress, it’s easy to let that get into your head and discourage you from engaging in time with your partner.
      Try one of these — might I add, wonderful — ways to reduce your day to day stress, so you and your partner can get back to it. You could also start adding some self-care to your routine, or if you’re feeling ~spicy~, treat yourself with a little me time. We promise you’ll feel renewed.

      2. Certain medications
      Antidepressants, some anti-anxiety medications, blood pressure medications, and more can have a low sex drive as a side effect. If you’ve started taking a new medication recently, look back at the list of side effects your pharmacist gave you (that you probably wanted to throw out and thought again that it might be important). If you think it’s impacting your life or your relationships, you can talk to your doctor about another option.  

      3. Pregnancy or breastfeeding
      Pregnancy and breastfeeding cause a lot of changes to occur within your body. Your hormones are raging, which can cause fluctuations in your sex drive. One day you might want to go at it like rabbits, and another, you’re not interested at all. Understand that this is just a change in your body, and it won’t last forever.
      Aside from your hormones, the other side effects of pregnancy can turn you off from sex. Nausea and fatigue in the first trimester just make sex uncomfortable — who wants to go at it when they feel sick!? Then, as your body grows and changes (woohoo! A baby!), traditional sex positions can feel kinda awkward, and women can sometimes be self-conscious about their pregnant bodies. Be kind to yourself, you’re about to birth another human into the world!

      4. Lack of sleep
      Along with stress, we completely understand. Whether you had a work report due at 8am, you had a scary dream (I watch too much AHS), or you stayed up reading (#guilty), you didn’t get your full eight hours last night. And that’s okay! It’s when you continuously forgo sleep that you start to notice a consistent decrease in your libido.
      Try some lavender oil in your diffuser, turn off your electronics an hour before bed, or my personal favorite, give yourself a good Saturday morning to sleep until noon.

      5. Negative body image
      When you don’t feel comfortable or accepting of your body, it’s hard to want someone else to see you naked. Continued fear and self-consciousness when having sex is enough to make you never want to do it again. Yoga, meditation, or buying a cute new set of lingerie are all examples of ways you can start to gain a little confidence (and maybe feel a little sexier, too!).

      Source: @eberjey

      6. Mental health issues
      If you’re struggling with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder included) or anxiety, it can significantly impact your sex drive. This can have to do with medication, issues with trust, anxiety and worry about your partner — the list goes on. Because there are so many ways mental illness can affect your libido, reach out to your doctor to discuss ways in which you can either bring it back or make it easier on yourself.

      7. Relationship issues
      You and your partner might have gotten in a fight recently, or you feel as though you can’t trust him or her. There are many different issues that you and your partner can experience that might lower your libido. If you’re experiencing conflict, talk with your partner openly and honestly. The conflict might be stressful and hard to deal with at first, but you’ll be grateful when it’s over and you and your partner feel closer than ever.

      8. Conditions that make sex painful
      Vulvodynia and endometriosis are known to cause painful sex, which can not really make you super excited to get in the sack, right? If you suffer with these conditions, talk to your doctor about treatments. You can also talk to your partner about different positions that might reduce or avoid pain. You deserve to feel good during sex, not uncomfortable!

      9. Birth control
      Again with the hormones! Birth control pills can sometimes lower the hormones in your body — like testosterone — that make you want to have sex. Luckily, there are alternatives, such as non-hormonal IUDs, condoms, and diaphragms. You could also talk with your doctor about trying a different birth control pill or option, like the NuvaRing.

      How have you handled a low libido? What are your tips and tricks to keeping your sex drive up?!

      This article was originally published on November 17, 2018. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      How I’m Learning to Live a More Authentic Life

      by

      I love a romantic comedy. The predictability of the storyline and the inevitable happy ending sucks me in every time. I watch them on rainy days, I watch them on days when I have cramps, and I watch them on days when I’m feeling down. I’ve seen hundreds of romantic comedies, yet I’ve never seen one that is a true reflection of my authentic life. There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all. They have not written my story because my life doesn’t fit the typical mold. I’m a 37-year-old world-traveling free-spirit, living my most authentic life. My life wasn’t always this way, but today I can say that I love my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

      There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all.

      From a young age, I realized that I wasn’t your typical child. My interests were different from my friends, the way I wanted to dress was different from my sisters, and my Christmas lists for Santa were filled with non-traditional items. I remember one year I asked for a hot stone massager and essential oils—and this was the ‘90s, so the term “self-care” as we know it now wasn’t even invented yet.
      I struggled through high school because everyone was so excited to go to college. My friends wanted to be nurses and teachers and seemed like they had it all figured out at the age of 18. I didn’t want to go to college. I asked my mom if I could rent a van and travel the country (#vanlife) when I graduated instead of going to college, and she turned me down faster than the speed of light. 
      I was frustrated because I wasn’t given options to explore what I wanted and what was important to me. It didn’t’ feel like college was the right next step, and I wanted time to explore what felt right for my journey. I grew up in a small town, and the lifestyle that was available to me in my hometown was not the lifestyle that I wanted for myself. I had no idea how to mentally and physically get out, yet I was screaming on the inside for somebody to let me go. I was craving freedom and wanted permission to explore all the options that were available to me.
      Instead, I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me. I went to college and followed the rules, and if I look back on it now, college was a giant waste of time. Yes, I had fun, but that fun cost me $30,000 in student loans. 

      I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me.

      After I graduated from college, I was still trying to figure out how to lead a “normal” life. I got a 9-5 job, a one-bedroom apartment, and moved to Philadelphia to try my hand at adulting. I remember going shopping to get professional clothes (of which I had none). Everyone was so excited as I came out of the dressing room in different versions of dress pants, blouses, and black flats. I’ve never felt like crawling out of my skin more than I did on that day. 
      I believe that moving to Philadelphia (even though corporate life wasn’t for me) was the turning point in my life. Living in a big city on my own gave me the adult playground I craved for in highschool. In Philly,  I was able to encounter different cultures, lifestyles, foods, and careers that I wouldn’t have had access to in my hometown. I remember the first time I tasted Indian food. Wow! I fell instantly in love. The flavors and spices that I experienced that night were completely new to me. I was never exposed to Indian food growing and my mind was blown. If a simple dining experience could open up my mind in this way, I was excited to see what other new experiences were ahead of me. 
      It felt as if I was getting a second education, and this knowledge proved to be more beneficial to me than my geometry class ever was. Because I was able to interact with so many different people I felt confident to show who I truly was. Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth. I went from an unfulfilled, suit-wearing, meat-eating 22-year-old to a happy, thriving, afro-wearing, free-spirit 37-year-old! That transition didn’t happen overnight.  I knew what it felt like to live someone else’s life and I wasn’t willing to do it anymore, so I slowly began making changes that honored who I was. I wanted to celebrate what I loved about myself and stop hiding who I was from the rest of the world. It was time for me to step out as my full self, and I was ready to take that journey. 

      Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth.

      I spent 20+ years being someone I thought I was “supposed to be.” It wasn’t until I started paying attention and honoring who I truly was and what I needed that I began to lead my most authentic life.

      If you want to start living your life on your own terms, ask yourself these three questions:

      What do I love about myself?
      This was not a question that was posed to me growing up, so it wasn’t something I focused on until I was in my 20s. When you ask, “What do I love about myself?” you begin to unlock clues and truths that are meant to be seen. I discovered that I loved my creativity and that creativity was meant to be celebrated. As a child, I was always creating. I sang, danced, cooked, and came up with “science experiments” out of thin air. My thoughts bounce around and don’t necessarily follow a linear pattern. I think my creative mind frustrated the adults in my life, so I was never pushed to use it. Realizing that my creative mind pushed me to brainstorm and innovate allowed me to strengthen this muscle and has become one of my most valuable assets.
      Answer honestly. Let whatever answers come up to be the start of something new. Once you have your list, see if you can use that information to make some small changes. Did you realize that you love your funky fashion sense? Head out to the thrift stores and buy a few favorite items. Not everything on your list will change your life dramatically, but starting small can begin to build the confidence to continue living life on your own terms. Remember, the things you love about yourself may just be your most valuable asset too!

      What and how am I hiding?
      It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro. Hiding who I was and what was important to me was a coping mechanism I created. In the ‘90s where I grew up, the kaftan version of me would have been too much for people to handle. It felt safer to hide that piece of me from the rest of the world instead of walking in my full truth. In hindsight, if I would have continued to stay hidden, I would have never allowed my creativity to help me build the successful business that I have today. That business has allowed me to help so many people, and I never would have gotten there if I continued to hide who I was. 

      It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro.

      Are you hiding? Why? When you hide, who you are you limit yourself from experiencing your full life? You were created in your unique way, and the world needs to see you fully. Stop hiding and walk in your truth one step at a time. 
      In 2005, I decided that I wanted to do the big chop and begin to wear my hair completely natural. I gathered all of my courage and headed to the only Black salon in Philadelphia doing natural hair at the time and cut my shoulder-length hair down to one inch. When I walked out of that salon, it was undeniable that I looked fly. From that point on, I could no longer hide. 
      Discovering how and why you are hiding could require you to make some uncomfortable decisions. There is a reason why you have been hiding, and walking out as your full self may take some time. Be patient with yourself and take it slowly. Ask yourself, “Where do I feel safe as the real me?” Maybe spend some time there and see how it feels. It may just be five minutes, and that’s OK. Know that every day won’t feel like a party, but the work you are doing is important and necessary. 

      Where can I begin to walk in my truth?
      Living an authentic life takes time. It’s unlikely that you will be able to go from 0-100 in 24 hours (although if you do, I will be your biggest cheerleader), so find a place to start. The first unveiling of my truth came when I went cold turkey and became a vegetarian. I was no longer at home having to eat whatever was cooked for dinner. I could make my own choices, and vegetarianism made sense for me. Could I have quit my job, packed my car, cut my hair, and traveled the world? No. That wasn’t an option for me, so I started small. 
      You don’t have to make giant life-altering decisions to live your truth. Why not explore your love of writing by journaling for five minutes each day? There is much satisfaction from small changes that ultimately honor the real you. Take your time and discover the real you at your own pace; even one thing a week can lead to big changes! Every step forward unveils something new. Have fun and enjoy the process. 
      Living my most authentic life is non-negotiable. Our individuality is what makes us special, and we need to honor that uniqueness time and time again. Standing in your truth might be scary, but it’s what we are called here to do. Explore the freedom in being unapologetically you 365 days a year. Celebrate what you love about yourself, step into the light, and one step at a time, you will get closer and closer to living your most authentic life. More

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      After Years of Painful Periods, I Finally Got a Diagnosis Explaining Why

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      As I age, I’m finding comfort in unlearning things I thought were the gospel. From the moment aunt flow said, “Hey girl, I’m here to make your life miserable for one week a month” as a teen, I thought heavy, painful periods were normal. I’ve spent most of my life thinking that my experience was just a part of being a woman. I was lucky to have a doctor in my youth give me some tools to help with my pain. She recommended taking Motrin a few days before my period was set to appear, but on my toughest days, a hot water bottle was her only other piece of advice.She kept a watchful eye on things until I aged off of my parents’ health insurance at 26. It almost seemed like as soon as I got the boot off of my parent’s health insurance, I started to experience heavier cycles and cramps that lasted the full seven days of my period. Truthfully, I’d taken my ability to see a doctor for granted because it was something that was a natural part of my upbringing. Taking my healthcare access for granted caused me to delay sharing these abnormalities with my doctor while I had the chance. 
      Three years went by where I had no healthcare. One day I woke up and finally saw paying for my healthcare out of pocket via the marketplace as an adult action idea that couldn’t wait. After enrolling, I made an appointment at the same Kaiser location I’d visited as a child. Before my appointment, I researched fibroids. I knew that all of the women in my family had them. So, I went into my appointment, hoping for confirmation—at least then I’d know what was wrong. 
      I told my doctor about my concerns. I first asked if fibroids were hereditary, to which he said no. Once he said no, I took the rest of his commentary at face value. His disregard for my pain and overall health shouldn’t have been a surprise given the history of Black women and the healthcare system. The statistics don’t lie. Black women experience discrimination and bias within the healthcare system. This implicit bias didn’t just start in the days of Jim Crow. Black women were used for inhumane experiments by the “father of modern gynecology” during slavery and endured forced sterilization throughout much of the 20th century. 
      So a white male doctor writing me off is expected, not the exception. The healthcare system wasn’t made with me in mind. My ER visit in Los Angeles because of his negligence, just three months after moving to the city of sunshine and celebrities, confirmed that.

      Getting Diagnosed
      I knew then that it was my job to advocate for myself. Because of my negative experience with this doctor, I make it my mission to share my experience with women I speak to one-on-one and emphasize the importance of taking your reproductive health seriously. Everyone’s experience with fibroids will be different. For me, my symptoms were hard to miss: large blot clots, severe pain, sharp back pain, and even a pudge in my stomach. For others, there are no symptoms. However, the generally benign tumors can affect some women during pregnancy and as they age. If you want a more detailed list of symptoms, I found that The Fibroid Foundation was a valuable tool in my own research.

      Here are a few things I’ve learned on my road to being diagnosed with fibroids.

      When something feels even a little off, see a doctor.
      Whenever someone asks me about my experience with fibroids, that first thing I say is I should have gone to see a doctor sooner. Well, I actually should have gotten a second opinion. The idea that painful and heavy periods are normal is an outdated norm. No one should have to spend days in their bed popping 1600mg of painkillers and bleeding through ultra tampons in minutes because we have been conditioned to think this is “normal.” 
      There are holes in our healthcare system, and because of this, all Americans don’t have access to healthcare. Not to mention, those who do can’t always afford the additional testing, co-pays, or the surgeries that might be a necessity. My laparoscopic myomectomy was $8,000 with health insurance. 
      I don’t have the answers to fixing our broken system, but for those with access to healthcare: stop putting off scheduling that appointment. For those without health coverage, Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource for pap smears and pelvic exams that can help detect fibroids, and they offer financial assistance. Fibroids, aside from causing pain and heavy bleeding, can cause severe anemia and sometimes impact fertility.  

      Have a list of questions 
      The time you have scheduled with your doctor is your time. Use it. If you’ve gone down the Google search rabbit hole or a question pops into your head before your appointment, write all of that down. Having a list of questions ensures you don’t forget any of your concerns or that a doctor who may be trying to rush you out the door can’t steer the conversation. I asked questions like, “What are fibroids? What helps them grow? What are the benefits of surgery? Can I have children even with fibroids?”
      When I got my second opinion, my doctor encouraged me to ask questions. She even asked me questions about my family planning goals to get a better idea of what was best for me at the time. You are the driver of your health. Own that seat and make sure the person on the passenger side cares about your health too. 

      Get a second opinion
      I can still visualize the doctor dismissing me while I sat in a backless gown on the plush table with loud white paper under me. I was 30 at the time of that appointment. I still had a somewhat authoritative point of view of doctors. I’d always been taught that doctors are the experts. After my experience with him, I finally understood why people distrust doctors. Finding a practitioner that will care for you with compassion can be a challenge. For that reason, I encourage you to seek a second opinion if you know something isn’t right. My ER visit wasn’t ideal. However, that experience is how I was matched with a Black female doctor specializing in helping women with fibroids. 
      When looking for a new doctor, I recommend starting with your inner circle if they’re in the same location. If that’s not an option, think about what you want in a doctor and reach out to your insurance company to get a list of doctors that are currently accepting new patients, then Google and look at reviews before scheduling an appointment. At your first appointment, you will get a feel for if the person is right for you. Your gut won’t lead you astray as long as you’re willing to listen to it. Learning to advocate for yourself doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a muscle you have to build. Give yourself some grace. 

      Do what’s best for you
      I wrote my first story about dealing with fibroids in 2017 just as I was processing what my new diagnosis meant for me. I was inundated with the DMs and unsolicited advice from outsiders who had no idea what my health specifics were at the time. I had women telling me not to get surgery; I had others telling me they’d wholly gotten rid of their fibroids with special diets and supplements. 
      They were coming from a good place; however, their advice felt like judgment. The laparoscopic myomectomy was best for me at the time. One of my largest fibroids was sitting smack dab in the middle of my uterus, along with a polyp that helped make my bleeding worse. $8,000 later, I don’t regret it. I still have fibroids, and the fibroid causing all the trouble may just grow back. That is just the nature of the tumors. 
      Bleeding through my clothes and bedding is still a thing. I also still have painful days. You may be thinking, “You went through all of that for minimal change.” I think it’s all about perspective. For me, the little changes have made a significant difference. I don’t have to take iron pills that make me nauseous because I’m no longer anemic. I have shorter cycles (five days instead of seven), even if I still have heavy, painful days. I’m no longer bleeding through an ultra tampon in minutes. These are all pros. Going into my surgery, I thought it would “cure” me. There is no cure for fibroids. However, there are things you can choose to make life better. 
      My doctor and I came up with a comprehensive step-by-step plan that was best for me. This plan included birth control. I know that some people don’t like birth control. I don’t particularly appreciate having to take a synthetic hormone every day, but I will continue to take it if that means a better quality of life. Without my birth control, I’d be anemic and dangerously close to a blood transfusion. 
      If you want to change your diet, do it. If you want to try natural supplements, give them a try. If you want to lean into hormone therapy recommended by your doctor, give it a try. Your choices are just that: yours. 

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      50 Positive Affirmations You Should Tell Yourself

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      Every now and then, there are days when you just need a little pick-me-up. You can blame it on the weather, on the wrong side of the bed, that horrible thing that your co-worker said, or That Time of The Month. However, this doesn’t mean you should talk down to yourself and allow those negative thoughts to marinate. To combat those not-so-great feels, we curated a healthy list of positive affirmations you should tell yourself and bookmark so you can always come back to remind yourself just how awesome you are.
      1. I’m allowed to take up space.
      2. My past is not a reflection of my future.
      3. I am smart enough to make my own decisions.
      4. I’m in control of how I react to others.
      5. I choose peace.

      6. I’m courageous and stand up for myself.
      7. I will succeed today.
      8. I deserve to have joy in my life.
      9. I’m worthy of love.
      10. I approve of myself and love myself deeply.
      11. My body is healthy, and I’m grateful.
      12. I’m more at ease every day.
      13. I’m calm, happy, and content.
      14. My life is a gift and I appreciate everything I have.
      15. I’ll surround myself with positive people who will help bring out the best in me.
      16. I don’t need someone else to feel happiness.
      17. I’m allowed to take the time to heal.
      18. My imperfections make me unique.
      19. I’m allowed to make mistakes; they don’t make up my whole story.
      20. I choose not to criticize myself or others around me.
      21. My potential to succeed is limitless.

      22. Difficult times are part of my journey and allow me to appreciate the good.
      23. I forgive those who have hurt me.
      24. I’m in charge of my life and no one will dictate my path besides me.
      25. I’m doing my best and that is enough.
      26. I have the power to create change.
      27. I know exactly what to do to achieve success.
      28. I choose to be proud of myself and the things I choose to do.
      29. I will not compare myself to strangers on the Internet.
      30. I am enough.
      31. I let go of all that no longer serves me.
      32. I love myself fully, including the way I look.
      33. My life becomes richer as I get older.
      34. I can absolutely do anything I put my mind to.
      35. I’m worthy of respect and acceptance.
      36. My contributions to the world are valuable.

      37. My needs and wants are important.
      38. I make a significant difference to the lives of people around me.
      39. I am blessed with an amazing family and friends.
      40. I attract money easily into my life.
      41. My life is full of amazing opportunities that are ready for me to step into.
      42. I’m free to create the life I desire.
      43. I’m open to new adventures in my life.
      44. I’m bold, beautiful, and brilliant.
      45. My body shape is perfect in the way it’s intended to be.
      46. When I allow my light to shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
      47. No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.
      48. To make small steps toward big goals is progress.
      49. Negative thoughts only have the power I allow them.
      50. I can choose to make my curses my blessings.

      This article was originally published on April 22, 2018. More