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      Carbs Aren’t the Enemy—These Healthy Recipes Prove It

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      Can you eat a healthy diet and still eat carbs? Well, to be fair, part of that depends on your definition of “healthy,” but experts suggest that you should focus on the quality of what you’re eating, rather than trying to cut them out entirely, according to Harvard Men’s Health Watch. Carbs definitely have a place in my diet, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about trying to make good choices—at least, much of the time. If you, like me, don’t feel like cutting out carbs is right for you, but you still want to eat healthy, try one of these 22 recipes, which prove that healthy recipes with carbs are totally possible—and absolutely delicious.

      Source: By Erin Clarke of Well Plated

      Source: Foodie Crush

      Source: Isabel Eats

      Source: Jessica in the Kitchen

      Source: What’s Gaby Cooking

      Source: Two Peas and Their Pod

      Source: Sweet Potato Soul

      Source: Ambitious Kitchen

      Source: Platings and Pairings

      Source: My Food Story

      Source: Two Peas and Their Pod

      Source: Pinch of Yum

      Source: Isabel Eats

      Source: Sweet Potato Soul

      Source: Snixy Kitchen

      Source: Gimme Some Oven

      Source: My Food Story

      Source: Platings and Pairings

      Source: Jessica in the Kitchen

      Source: Ambitious Kitchen

      Source: Pinch of Yum

      Source: Orchids + Sweet Tea More

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      The 5 Daily Goals Keeping Me Sane in 2020

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      Five daily goals might seem like a heavy lift in 2020. This year, some big picture dreams, like saving for a home or climbing the corporate ladder, might feel further afield. (But the good news is that small, actionable steps are the only way we actually achieve our big goals anyway.)I start every day by jotting down these five things in my day planner. In aggregate, it may feel like a lot. But each of these can be broken down to their smallest selves and still have impact. Checking them off throughout the day gives a major sense of accomplishment during an otherwise really distracting year.
      And science shows that is not just for us list lovers. Dopamine is released every time we check something off of a list, reinforcing our mind’s willingness to do that task again, and helping cement the habit. I’m also loving planners from female-founded small businesses, The Daily Page and Silk and Sonder, both of which have habit tracking built right into your other scheduling needs. 

      1. Meditation
      Short, daily meditation is the cornerstone of my 2020 wellness. The optimal amount of meditation time is up for debate. But, some meditation studies show that consistent, smaller sessions produce better results than a larger block of time.
      This news is comforting, because most days all I can manage is a short 5-10 minute stretch of quiet and focus. Apps like Headspace are well known for their excellent variety of meditations. I’ve also been turning to the free app Insight Timer and it’s been fun to explore the more informal and wide varieties of global takes on music, messages, and meditation.

      2. Movement
      There is a reason this doesn’t say “work out.” Staring at a “to-do” that used to represent beloved classes, some much-needed gym time, or a long run just isn’t a motivator for me right now. It feels much more achievable to commit to move, every day, even for just a little bit.
      Some days this takes the form of stretching while I’m on a conference call. Others it means going on a walk while I listen to an industry webinar. And on my best days, I’m setting up shop with my home gym and exploring new favorite at-home workouts.

      3. Vitamins and supplements
      Vitamins and supplements are a super personal choice, and should be tailored to our particular health or wellness considerations. I have a little line up of collagen, a multi-vitamin, and a few other supplements that after a lot of trial and error, I’ve found work for my daily routine.
      Making this a daily goal feels like an easy win because it’s baked into a series of other things I’m always sure to do in the morning, like grabbing coffee and making my bed. It also reminds me that in small steps, I’m working toward larger wellness goals, and it encourages me to be sure I’m fueling up my body as effectively as possible the rest of the day.

      4. Money management
      Reviewing my checking account every day is a financial behavioral change that has yielded big results for me. I can easily lapse into being an “avoider” on my financial wellness, especially when things feel uncertain. Being home more means I’ve had fewer excuses around tending to personal admin. Truly understanding your holistic financial picture, even when you’re in the middle of tough times, is a key piece of money management.
      I have gotten this down to a five-minute review, either first thing in the morning before I start my work day or just as I’m wrapping up at night. It literally takes me just moments to kick open my banking app and scan for any unexpected charges, update a bill pay, or send a few dollars to savings. Some apps like YNAB even make a daily check in explicit as part of managing your budget, highlighting that it’s a key cornerstone to achieving bigger financial goals.

      5. Networking
      My fellow introverts are probably cringing hard now. Networking in the best of times can feel like a heavy lift, so doing it daily might feel impossible. But I’m finding that again, taking the very smallest molecule of this task and giving myself wide room for how to interpret it feels like a success. My goal here is that relationships don’t languish while we’re all socially distant and to stay in touch with key contacts, especially if the economy and job security feels less stable.
      I’m also taking advantage of our virtual-first world. It makes it easier to cold pitch an introduction on LinkedIn, or join webinars and follow up with notes to the host. On my most energized days, I try to think of two people in my network who might not know each other, and introduce them over an article or piece of content I found interesting that they may both enjoy.

      What are your daily cornerstones of wellness and productivity?  More

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      8 Sex Toys So Mind-Blowing, You’ll Want to Gift One to Your BFF

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      It’s a common fact that I’m an astounding gift-giver. I’m really attentive to people’s tastes; when I shop, I can see exactly what I think my friends and family would adore. But I’m rarely asked about my favorite gift I’ve ever received, which is maybe lucky because the answer is 100 percent a vibrator. Buying yourself a vibrator is a self-care choice, but buying one for your best friend is the sign of true companionship. The first step to de-stigmatizing sex for women (stream “WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, people) and using sex toys, whether alone or with a partner, starts with you. Show your friends that sex toys are fun and exciting and not something they should be afraid of. So whether you’re introducing your friend to the vast world of vibrators or surprising them with a little something to brighten their day (or night, or mid-afternoon, or lunch break—we don’t judge), these sex toys will do it. Friends don’t let friends use crusty old vibrators from boyfriends past, so be a true friend with one of these magical treats.

      Mini G-Spot Vibrator

      HELLO, WORLD. I would like to introduce you to my newest discovery: Nasty Gal (yes, one of our favorite retailers for clothes) sells sex toys. *cue my happy dance* Grabbing yourself a new blazer or loungewear set for the fall? Add this little vibe with it (and maybe grab one for yourself too). This G-spot vibrator is biodegradable (love) and has multiple speeds. But I really should only have to say it’s currently on sale for $12…

      Joy Rabbit Vibrator

      First of all, I want to shoutout Rodeoh, a line made by and for women with a focus on comfortable harnesses, particularly for queer women. It’s the most LGBTQ+-friendly site I’ve found for sex toys, lingerie, harnesses, dildos, and more. I also have to mention I love that they offer plus-size harnesses too! But onto what you came for: this rabbit vibrator is designed for both clitoral and vaginal stimulation, has 12 speeds, and is quiet and waterproof. Your BFF will love the vibe, but love the brand even better.

      Bodystar Vibrator

      Another vibrator obsession I found on Nasty Gal, this little star is perfect for the friend who’s just getting into sex toys but is a little afraid to dive into some of the others on this list (but by all means, get her the butt plug too if that’s the kind of friend you are—it’s the kind of friend I am).

      Massage Wand Vibrator

      A classic wand vibe should be on everyone’s wishlist, so why not surprise your BFF with it? There’s a reason a wand vibe like this is the muse of art, music, comedy, and more: it’s outrageous and extremely effective. For the most intense clitoral orgasms, this will be your favorite.

      Tenga Iroha Mini Vibrator

      This vibrator lands on this list as an editor-favorite because it’s so discreet. Not that we’re traveling all the much anymore, but you’ll love this to throw in your bag, whether you’re jet-setting across the country or across town to see your partner. But don’t let the small size fool you; it’s ultra-powerful and waterproof.

      Beginner’s Butt Plug

      Invite your friend into the land of sunshine, rainbows, and anal play with a beginner’s butt plug like this. It’s pink, non-threatening, and easy to use. Add in a little bit of lube (our favorite is below!), and she’s about to have a grand ole time.

      Pride Heart of Gold Dildo

      Show your BFF the magic of a dildo! Many of us can only picture what a dildo looks like, and it’s usually a little jarring if not uncomfortable for some. But there are non-realistic dildos out there that are perfect to use alone or with a partner.

      Nécessaire
      The Sex Gel

      If you’re a little unsure about giving your BFF a toy, a sophisticated, vanity-friendly lube like this one makes the cut for sure. Nécessaire has taken over our Instagram feeds with their chic body washes and lotions, but my favorite product in their line is this lubricant. It takes the shame and stress out of lube and instead makes it a whole nightstand moment. It’s a water-based lube that works with all of the toys above, during sex, or whatever the heck you’re into. Add it to your next Nordstrom order, and thank me later. More

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      Everything You Need to Know About ASMR and Reducing Stress

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      I vividly remember my many nights of sinking into the depths of the lounge chair in my sophomore year dorm’s hallway, hoodie-laden and hunched over my computer screen, binging The Vampire Diaries at 2am (team Katherine if anyone asks). I’ve always been a bit of a night owl, but my insomnia had gotten so out of hand that year, even my peers took notice.When Jason (from across the hall) finally decided to be the one to ask me about my many sleepless nights, he recommended I try out this thing called “ASMR.” Having never heard of it, I stared at him blankly before asking him to explain it to me, and proceeded to switch my laptop screen from TVD to a video of a woman making 3D sounds from props in a candlelit room.
      …Cut to now, having Cardi B lull me to sleep on the reg as she slowly waves her freshly-manicured nails up and down my phone screen while delicately whispering okurrr into my (and 41 million others’) ears.
      ASMR, short for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, has quickly become my go-to method of winding down at night to help me fall asleep, and has honestly done wonders for my mental health, especially during these past few months. Curious about if this phenomenon—that I’ve often heard described as “oddly satisfying,” “strangely relaxing,” and “borderline erotic”—could work for you? Let’s dive in.

      What is ASMR? 
      If you’ve never heard of this concept before, you might be visualizing me as an alien with some sort of sixth sense that just doesn’t add up. ASMR is best described as a feeling of positive well-being that is usually combined with a physical sensation that simply makes you feel good. These feelings and sensations—referred to as tingles in the world of ASMR— are results of various stimuli, or triggers (audio and visual cues) that heighten all of your senses. The Washington Post described the reaction as “a pleasurable tingling that begins in the head and scalp, shimmies down the spine and relaxes the entire body.”
      Remember the feeling of the slight combing of your hair when you’d have that annual lice check at school, or having a bedtime story softy read to you as a kid, or being annoyed—yet strangely satisfied—by hearing someone smack their gum, or simply watching Bob Ross paint? If you felt ~some type of way~  at any of those moments, those were tingles, my friend. 
      ASMR is not necessarily something you have, but more something that you can be receptive to. Tons of YouTube videos exist to create the triggers people desire to feel tingles and that sense of well-being, but many might notice that when they watch or listen to them, they might not have the same reaction. Some may just feel a sense of drowsiness and relaxation rather than a physical tingle, while some might just not be susceptible at all. It is essentially a scale with various degrees of sensitivity.
      Triggers can take on various forms, such as specific sounds like tapping on a wooden object, watching paint be mixed, or even experiencing a role-played virtual hair salon visit. When listening to an ASMR video or audio piece (particularly with headphones), you’ll notice sounds appearing in a three-dimensional manner around you, creating a very realistic setting. Creators often utilize binaural audio with multiple microphones to achieve this effect and create that illusion that you’re experiencing situations IRL, which is why role-playing-type ASMR videos are especially popular. 
      According to the American Sleep Association, the physical and mental sensations of ASMR have always been around since humans have existed, though it wasn’t until quite recently that there was a term coined (by a woman named Jennifer Allen in 2010) to describe them. The ASA also noted that these feelings of comfort, calmness, and drowsiness are likely caused by our brains releasing certain chemicals (including endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine) as a response to a trigger, leaving us happy and relaxed.
      With it being a relatively new phenomenon, the amount of studies completed so far are quite limited. However, as ASMR has increased in popularity, the research and medical interest has also gone up with it, with this Swansea University study conducted in 2015 being a prime example.

      You might be wondering: Is ASMR “a sex thing?”
      So before we discuss this any further, it’s definitely worth addressing the elephant in the room: is ASMR… kind of sexual? I’ll admit that whenever I describe this phenomenon to someone who’s hearing about it for the first time, we can’t really talk about ASMR without discussing the notion that those not susceptible to it might correlate it to sex.
       “[It’s] more sensual, less fetishistic—that being said, I’m sure if you look at certain [NSFW] video sites, you can probably find some ASMR-related videos,” Ross Miller, a senior editor at The Verge, said on The Verge’s What’s Tech podcast. It creates a sense of intimacy that can technically be considered to fall into the gray area of what is sexual versus what purely involves the senses, but leans more towards the latter. 
      Real talk: as Miller pointed out, essentially everything in this world can be spun to relate to sex in some way or another. So like all else, ASMR is also ultimately left open to interpretation.

      Its rise to fame in recent years:
      From a community of over 216 thousand members on Reddit to W Magazine’s popular video series dedicated to celebrities trying it out to the emergence of in-person immersive experiences like Whisperlodge, ASMR has become a real rising star in pop culture. The hashtag #asmr on Instagram itself has over 9.2 million hits, and people are thoroughly loving discovering this way to retreat from reality into a hypnotic state of calm. 
      For many people who can’t exactly feel the tingles, ASMR has become a popular form of white noise to help soothe them to sleep. “The genre had begun to find broader appeal as a sleep aid, an alternative to guided meditation and a drug-free, online version of Xanax,” Jamie Lauren Keiles wrote for The New York Times in 2019.
      With this new form of entertainment comes the obvious: a new wave of niche celebrities. If you do a quick Google search on top “ASMRtists” (as they’re referred to), you’ll notice YouTube channels that have millions of subscribers. So many of these creators have completely transformed this notion into full-time careers, with a slew of loyal and passionate tingle-loving fans to support them.
       
      How to integrate ASMR into your wellness routine:
      Experiencing ASMR is like going to a virtual spa for your senses, and role-playing instances that make you feel calm, contented, and comfortable. From watching videos of getting a relaxing haircut or facial to listening to positive affirmations whispered to you as you drift to sleep, it creates feelings of intimacy and attentiveness that we all inherently crave—something that’s especially valued during a time in our lives where loneliness, stress, and insomnia are at an all-time high for many of us. 
      There’s no “right” method or time to try and engage in ASMR-related activities, but there are some that have proven to work for me, as well as many people I know. One of those includes making it the last step of your nighttime routine as you’re lying comfortably in bed, trying to fall asleep. Just pop on an ASMR podcast, and notice yourself drift deep into slumber. Another is to utilize it as a meditative mid-day retreat if you want to slow down and recharge your energy (perhaps even take a little nap!) by watching some videos. 
      For some, ASMR has also helped reduce stress and even alleviate pain from headaches. Though it is extremely low-risk, if you do find yourself suffering from chronic pain, anxiety, depression, or any other condition, please note that ASMR should not be used as a substitute for professional or medical intervention.

      Ready to give it a try? 
      If I’ve intrigued you enough, perhaps it’s time to give this whole thing a whirl! Dim the lights, snuggle up with your favorite blanket, put in your headphones, and test drive ASMR through these soothing and mesmerizing videos, accounts, and podcasts that might just be the gateway to your favorite new method of self-care:

      Podcasts: 
      Sleep Whispers
      The ASMR Garden
      Sleep and Relax ASMR

      YouTube Videos:
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      Instagram Accounts: More

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      4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Get Married

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      Getting married is a big step—they don’t call it taking the plunge for nothing. The person you choose as a life partner will, in one way or another, affect every aspect of your life: your mental health, your peace of mind, how you get through tragedies and celebrate triumphs, how your children (should you choose to have them) will be raised, and more. The weight of these aspects of your life, not to mention the countless others you’ll share with a partner, makes the advice to “choose wisely” seem like an understatement. Still, the reasons we choose a partner are numerous and complicated. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’ve probably heard your fair share of unsolicited marriage advice from the well-intentioned (or sometimes jaded) wedded people in your life. 
      It can be difficult to filter through this advice for nuggets of wisdom, and even more challenging to take an objective look at your own motivations and see them for what they really are. Sometimes, your real intentions are buried a few layers deep, and you need something to gently shake them to the surface for you.
      We turned to relationship experts to identify the most common reasons people choose to get married that can lead to relationship challenges down the road. But this list is 100 percent a guide; the person and reasons you choose for marriage are, ultimately, your choice. The goal is to help you make that choice a little more wisely!

      1. Are you getting married because you don’t want to end up alone?
      For someone who is afraid of ending up alone, I present this counterargument: What is scarier, ending up alone, or choosing to marry the next person who comes along simply because you’re tired of being alone—and they wind up being a terrible match for you? Both Erin Parisi, LMHC, MCAP, a licensed mental health counselor, and Heidi McBain, MA, LMFT, LPC, PMH-C, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said that this is a common concern.
      Try not to let this fear get in the way of enjoying your current season of life or how you value yourself as an individual. The fear of ending up alone is rooted in how you’re judging and valuing yourself, and your value as a person is not determined by who you’re with. Take some time to develop yourself into who you want to be first, then find someone who is excited to be with you because you’re already living your best life.

      2. Do you feel obligated to get married?
      “Once a couple has announced an engagement, news spreads, wedding planning gets into motion, and it can feel like an unstoppable, runaway train. It can be easy to get swept up in excitement at first, and block out any negative, nagging thoughts a person could have,” Parisi said. “Even if a person does start to wonder if they’re making the right choice for themselves, they may feel like saying something would disappoint too many other people.”
      The thought of breaking your spouse-to-be’s heart, disappointing your parents, losing down payments, or feeling embarrassed about retracting an engagement on social media can create enough inner turmoil that pressures you to follow through on a marriage you’re not sure you want just to save face.
      Even before an engagement, obligation can take other forms, like family members telling you “your clock is ticking” or feeling as though you “owe” your significant other a wedding date because you’ve been dating for awhile. Even watching your friends get married can trigger feelings of obligation. 
      “I think that many people feel as though they ‘should’ be getting married when the other people in their friend group are getting married,” Parisi said. Not wanting to be the third or fifth or tenth wheel all the time can affect your reasons for choosing to get married.
      Obligation can also be subtle, such as thinking of marriage as a status symbol, or a point on a made-up timeline that must be checked off. 
      Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone else—or even to yourself—can lead you to choose someone you might not have chosen otherwise.

      3. Are you getting married for monetary reasons or financial stability?
      “There are other benefits that come with being married, like financial or healthcare benefits, or being able to follow a partner deployed in the military, that may lead couples to get married before they are otherwise ready to do so,” Parisi explained. 
      The reality is, marrying for reasons like these may cause you to overlook major value or personality differences, stick with someone who doesn’t want the same things out of life as you do, or who doesn’t have the same expectations of marriage as you.  

      4. Are concerns about your age making you want to tie the knot?
      “Plenty of people have an idea of how they want their lives to look at certain ages, and one of the milestones for many people is marriage,” Parisi said. “For someone approaching an age they’ve identified as the age they ‘should’ be married, being married may become more important than who they’re marrying.” 
      Age aside, your own mindset about getting married can also rush you down the aisle. “Feeling ready to get married and not wanting to wait any longer for the ‘right’ person can make you feel like the person you’re with is ‘good enough,’ even though you know you are settling in some important areas to you,” McBain said.

      It can be incredibly difficult to ask ourselves these questions, let alone answer them honestly. That’s because, Parisi said, we’re emotionally invested in our relationships, which means we might not be able to see the red flags that outsiders see.  
      Plus, none of us can see into the future! We all want to hope for the best and believe the future will unfold that way, even with evidence to the contrary. Many of us even believe that marriage will magically fix existing problems, but in many cases, getting married prematurely can make them worse. 
      McBain added, “There are often positive things about the relationship, even though there are negatives, too. It can be hard to figure out if those negatives outweigh the positives. There are usually emotions around not wanting to hurt the other person as well, as you typically care about them on some level at least.”
      But if you’re reading this list and something resonates with you, know that it’s OK if you still want to get married. Only you can decide what’s right for you. Parisi and McBain both recommended counseling, both by yourself as well as with your partner, so that you have a safe space to process these emotions and figure out the best next step for you, for both of you. 
      Parisi recommended that you continue to ask questions: “What would things be like if I didn’t get married right now and/or to this person? If I changed my mind about getting married, how would I communicate that, or how would I handle the responses from other people?” You’ll be able to more objectively assess your situation, so that if you ever decide that you no longer want to be in the relationship, you’ll already know what to do.  
      While thinking through questions like these might not seem like a very romantic idea on the surface, what’s more romantic than staying with someone because you want to, and not because you have to?  More

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      The Plant-Based Recipes You Need for Every Craving During Quarantine

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      As a self-titled health nut and nutrition nerd, this may come as a surprise, but I’m a big fan of cravings. In my humble opinion, suppressing cravings is total BS. Not only are cravings your body’s way of communicating to you, but feeling guilt about cravings can lead to bingeing or an unhealthy relationship with food. My trick for getting the nutrients my body needs while still indulging in whatever I want? Finding plant-based alternatives.If staying at home for months on end has left you ordering pizza most nights of the week or going through chocolate chip cookies quicker than you go through a new Netflix series, not to worry. Whether you’re craving sweet, salty, heavy carbs, or all three, honor your body and most importantly, enjoy your life. Get in the kitchen and get creative with these plant-based alternatives that will nourish the body and satisfy taste buds.

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: The Movement Menu

      Source: Live Eat Learn

      Source: Love & Lemons

      Source: Ambitious Kitchen

       

      Source: Pinch of Yum

      Source: Cotter Crunch

      Source: One Lovely Life

      Source: Feasting at Home

      Source: Cotter Crunch

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: Abra’s Kitchen

      Source: The Movement Menu

      Source: Well and Full

      Source: Eating Bird Food

      Source: Eating Bird Food

       

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: Isabel Eats

      Source: Drizzle & Dip

      Source: Jessica in the Kitchen

      Source: Ambitious Kitchen

      Source: Downshiftology

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: Eating Bird Food

      Source: Cotter Crunch

      Source: Live Eat Learn

      Source: One Lovely Life

      Source: Downshiftology

      Source: Cookin Canuck

      Source: The Movement Menu

      Source: Eating Bird Food

      Source: Love and Lemons

      Source: Lively Table

      Source: Top with Cinnamon More

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      10 Ways to Carve Out Alone Time When You Don’t Live Alone

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      With the pandemic keeping us close to home—and close to roommates and partners—for the foreseeable future, many of the introverts among us are desperately seeking true alone time. With roommates and partners always around the [literal] corner, we’re looking for ways—any ways—to find time and space for ourselves, particularly when living in a small space. So, here are 10 ways to carve out that alone time you desperately need, even when you don’t live alone.
      1. Communicate that you need alone time
      It’s easier said than done, telling someone who you live with and enjoy spending time with, that, yes, you need to get away from them… or you’re going to lose it. But, communication is the ever-present key to successful relationships. So, break it to your partner, your roommate, or whoever occupies your space: I need alone time. Bring it up as you would any plan, “So, I’m thinking Monday evening I might schedule some quiet time to journal.” Emphasize that it’s a solo activity, not something you are going to do side-by-side. Keep it casual so your friend or loved one doesn’t interpret it as a referendum on your relationship.

      2. Wake up earlier
      It’s the secret introvert parents have been employing for years. If you get up before everyone else, you can grab a few minutes of peace and quiet to yourself. Wake up just 30 minutes earlier, make a cup of coffee, read a book, or even catch up on Instagram if that’s what fills your cup.

      3. Set up agreed-upon spaces during the workday
      If you’re an introvert, being on Zoom calls all day can you leave you starved to recharge. Add in an ever-present partner and there’s no solace. Do what you can to carve out your own designated spaces during the day and you’ll find yourself basking in those quick breaks between meetings when you can grab a few moments alone. And, yes, I get it: my husband and I live in a small condo, so I know it’s not always as easy as running off to opposite ends of the house, but even a division of bedroom/ living room can do the trick.

      4. Take a daily intention-setting walk
      Put on your mask and get out of the house. It’s good for the soul to get some fresh air, plus, it gives you an excuse to slip away from everyone. But, don’t simply walk, make it a time when you can reconnect with yourself, set intentions for your day, and assess where you are right now. Put on an inspiring podcast or the new Taylor Swift album and enjoy your best company: you.

      5. Incorporate quiet movement
      Yes, working out is an awesome way to spend time on your own. However, if you’re looking for a way to exercise and recharge, think about incorporating intentional, quiet movement like yoga into your routine. Plus, chances are slim that a roommate will crash your daily restorative and meditation session in the way they might join in on a virtual Zumba class. I mean, it’s just a bit more awkward to invite oneself to a dimly-lit, quiet room than a workout with a pounding playlist, right?!

      6. Be intentional about your alone time activities
      Look, if you need your alone time to consist of catching up on Bravo, you do you! Just be intentional about it. Don’t find yourself with precious solo moments and then wonder where they went. If you’re a planner, write down exactly what you plan on doing with your time alone. Keep a note in your phone of the books you’d like to read next time you’re enjoying an introverted afternoon. Or, rediscover Pinterest and make a “Me Time” board with recipes to bake, topics to journal, plants to parent, or movies to watch.

      7. Practice solitude within a crowd
      One of my favorite ways to find quiet moments alone is to find myself in a crowd. You’ve probably heard melancholy messages of being alone in a mess of people, but you can also find a sense of peace and solitude when surrounded by strangers. I love going to the Farmer’s Market or a bustling (socially-distanced) park all by my lonesome and enjoying the freedom to slowly stroll about, taking it all in.

      8. Create morning and evening rituals… and shut the door
      Now’s the time to start indulging in that 12-step skincare routine. Maybe you pick up a bubble bath and book habit. Slather on a 10-minute face mask. Light a candle and write down your intentions for the week. Explore your spirituality through reading and spirituality. Slowly sip your evening tea and savor the aroma. Whatever your pampering or relaxation routine might be, make it your morning or evening ritual. It’s an excuse to shut the door and escape from the world for just a bit.

      9. Get into bed earlier
      On the opposite end of wake up earlier, you can also get into bed earlier. Leave your partner or roommates in the living room after dinner and head back to your bedroom, even if it’s still light out. Brew a cup of tea, then crack open that book you’ve barely been able to put down.

      10. Set up weekly happy hours or date nights
      OK, you might still be worried about the hurt feelings that you’re convinced you’ve left in the wake of #1. So, to prove that you still love their company, set up a weekly dinner or date night. Maybe it’s a Friday evening cheese board or a Saturday afternoon cocktail experiment. Perhaps one of you tries a new recipe each week and cooks dinner for the group. Or, you even instate a biweekly book club to discuss all the reading you’re doing by yourselves. Whatever your new tradition looks like, your roommates or partner will have an easier time accepting your introverted request knowing that you also love spending time with them, just so long as you get your alone time, too. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      I Realized I Loved My Friend-With-Benefits a Little Too Late

      by

      They say you should never date a writer, because one way or another, you’ll be used as material—I guess this is Jeremy’s turn.I love Jeremy. I love him in a way that is not entirely romantic or platonic. (And yes, before I divulge the inner workings of a years-long situationship, you’d better believe Jeremy’s name has been changed to protect his identity.)
      I’m not really sure when I realized I loved Jeremy, or even how it happened. One day, I just knew. But I also knew that it was too late to do anything about it. By this time, it felt like Jeremy and I had gone too far down the wrong road, and turning back felt tedious. Plus, I’d been absent for a while, and Jeremy was in a committed relationship by the time I came back. We’d always had this way of coming together, drifting apart, then coming together again. I’m lying. Jeremy never drifted—I did. It’s one of the things I like about him: he was always there.
      But the last time was different. When I came back, he was with someone else. I always counted on him to be steady, even when I am on an emotional rollercoaster fueled by trauma, fear, and selfishness. I counted on him to put up with me and to stay centered when I spiral out of emotional control. Jeremy was the sun and I was the moon, controlling the ebb and flow of this situation until there was no situation to control. It was all over. There was nothing left of it but regrets.
      I met Jeremy some summers ago when things were hot and sticky and confusing. My world was a bit heavy, and I coped by drinking alcohol and kissing men who were no good for me. I called it “fun,” but really, it was stress. In the midst of that, I met him. He was quiet and kind of sweet. Not at all as brash or in any way a “bad boy” like I was used to. It took me too long to figure out if I liked him. I was at an impasse, so I turned our dating into a friends with benefits (FWB) situation because it was easier and seemed a lot less complicated.
      We made a home out of casual sex that was anything but casual, and spent the next few years sharing secrets, fears, and an intimacy I still can’t figure out. Every time things got too hard or we got too close, I’d dip out without notice. There have been times during this saga where I have impolitely excused myself for days, weeks, or months at a time. And each time I came texting or knocking, calling or DMing—there was Jeremy, willing and ready to accept me without question or accusation. Typing this out, I can honestly admit there have been several “Jeremys.” I have been a terrible lover to some people. Fortunately, I’ve grown since then; unfortunately, my growing pains have hurt more than me. I’ve missed a few love connections. The love was there, but the willingness was not, because trauma, because fear, because control issues, because timing. Just because. We were just two people who were not vulnerable, honest, and self-aware. Here’s how it all went wrong:

      I was impatient
      In the very beginning of our relationship, there were no sparks. No butterflies. There were just a boy and a girl doing regular things like eating lunch and going to the movies. For some reason, I used to think that instant chemistry was a sure indicator of compatibility. I’ve learned a thing or two since then. I didn’t give Jeremy a chance because I was not particularly enamored from the very beginning. I now know to test the connection and build the foundation—brick by brick, layer by layer. Any house thrown up fast won’t stand. Don’t quote me, but I think that’s biblical. Had I been who I am now, I would’ve given this thing a little more time, attention, and room to grow. 

      I was a poor communicator
      I failed to communicate properly—or sometimes, to communicate at all. When I was uncomfortable with my own feelings, I failed to address them with myself, let alone him. Instead of communicating clearly and effectively, I’d just ghost. Ghosting is such a cowardly move because it leaves people wondering and trying to figure out what happened. It isn’t fair. Now, regardless of how insignificant the relationship may be, I try my best to communicate my intentions, needs, and feelings. My experiences with half-spoken love have taught me to speak my truth—even when my voice trembles. 

      I didn’t behave as if I had any agency or power in the situation.
      I figured that if Jeremy wanted this situation to be any more than what it was, he would move it forward. I prefer when men take the initiative, so I unintentionally made it Jeremy’s responsibility to chart the course of our relationship. I didn’t take into consideration Jeremy’s personality or the actions he showed me. Jeremy was patient, present, and showed me he had feelings for me beyond a bedroom tango, but I didn’t recognize it as such. I allowed him to control the narrative instead of stopping and saying what I wanted or what I needed. Recently, Jeremy told me he never took it further because he assumed that all I wanted was what we were doing at the time. After all, I was the moon, right? I just didn’t act like it. 

      I honestly believe that if these things had been different, then Jeremy and I would have been too. We’ve been able to talk about what happened versus what could have been. We’ve discussed the ways we’ve grown and the things we could have done better. Personally, I’m speaking my truth more and opening myself in ways I hadn’t before. I don’t want another Jeremy, so I’m dating with an open heart. I have regrets, but I won’t have any repeats. If you have a Jeremy, tell him how you feel. Love people correctly the first time. 
      Because of our vulnerability, Jeremy and I have been able to connect on a deeper, emotional level. It’s been good, but if you’ve read all this way expecting me to tell you that Jeremy and I are together, happy, and thinking about getting a dog, I’m sorry to disappoint you. There is no fairy tale “happily every after” waiting for you at the end of this piece. There is no prince. No knight. No white horse. There is just me—healed, happy, and whole. As for Jeremy, we’re better friends to each other than we have been in years past. That is enough.  More