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    The Morning Routine I Follow For the Busiest Work-From-Home Days

    Before the chaos of 2020 ensued, I would have laughed at the idea of a “morning routine.” Y’all, I was spending an hour putting my makeup on and doing my hair every day; I didn’t have time to do yoga and make some elaborate smoothie bowl and make my bed and journal and meditate in silence for 20 minutes and write affirmations. I could barely get out of the door in time for the Starbucks *I* ordered. But then, life imploded and I needed something to quite literally fill my time so I wouldn’t wake up with existential dread every single day! I know what you’re thinking: this girl needs a therapist, and yes, I just made an appointment on ZocDoc. 
    Because every day is different (despite the Groundhog Day memes floating around), I can’t have one blanket routine that works for everything. My days are different and revolve around various meetings, deadlines, and ~personal engagements~ (I am not as important as I’m making myself out to be right now). So throughout the last few months, I’ve been slowly perfecting a few different morning routines to get myself in the groove, and the most important one as of late has been my Productive Busy Day Get Sh*t Done routine (trademark coming soon). For the days I have a to-do list that’s an entire page long and it seems like there’s no end in sight, I prepare myself with this morning routine. It gets me up and at ‘em and ready to pull through a day of endless list-making with ease! 

    Wake up early
    OK, I’ll admit that this isn’t hard for me. My internal clock wakes me at about 6-6:15am—I have no idea why. But on the days I’m tempted to sleep in a little longer, I make sure I get up at least by 6:45. Knowing I have about two hours to do what I want before I really have to work makes me much more excited for the day than when I grab my computer from my desk at exactly 8:29am.

    Schedule my day
    One aspect of this morning routine is that I write my to-do list before bed. I am a #bulletjournaler, so I track my habits and mood in a notebook at night which is also when I write my to-do list. We use Asana to track tasks for the day, so I look at all my tasks and brain dump what I want to get done the next day, both for work and my personal life (things like “call the Internet company because they raised your rate $20 a month!” and “walk to the library” make the list). 
    Then, in the morning, I actually put all of that into a schedule. Some days, I do it right on my iCal. Other days, I’ll write it in my notebook. And sometimes, I’ll be honest, it simply lives in my head. But knowing that I want to write this article at 10am, schedule Facebook at noon, attend a meeting at 1pm, and take my lunch at 2 keeps me on a schedule. It also forces me to work even when I want to procrastinate. Because I know I need to take my lunch at 2, I have to get all those other things done before that time.

    Scroll on my phone
    I know you just audibly gasped. Does this girl have any concept of wellness? You know, not really. When I know my day will be full, I allow myself that scrolling time in the morning. If I get out my Twitter fingers first thing in the morning, I’m less tempted to pick up my phone at all the other lulls in my day. I’ve done my liking, sharing, retweeting, Story-ing, and following for the day, so I can wait until later to get ahead. Also, I’m sure I’m in the minority here, but social media motivates me sometimes. I see a cute picture that inspires me to read a new book, or I see a hilarious tweet that I absolutely want to reference in a story (here is my favorite from this morning).
    This is also the time I catch up on news and current events. I get NYT news alerts and always read those, but I also love getting my news from Instagram and Twitter. I follow a lot of news outlets and creators who share a lot of what’s going on in the world (the good and the bad), and I enjoy that kind of news coming from #OwnVoices (a term coined in book publishing that describes books authored by someone who identifies with the marginalized community expressed in the work) sometimes even more than 2,000-word long-form articles about a community (shoutout to the journalism degree I’ll be paying off for the next 15 years!). 
    If this will affect your mental health (which it absolutely does to me sometimes), then it’s probably not the best for you. Know yourself. 

    Eat a big breakfast
    On a day that I know I have a gazillion things to do, I make a big breakfast. I know what you’re thinking. “She makes a big breakfast because it gives her energy and electrolytes and brain power!!!” Not one bit. I wish that was why. In actuality, I make a big breakfast because it’ll keep me full until lunchtime so I’m not spending my entire morning thinking about when I can take a break and eat something. Instead, I eat at breakfast, and then I’m full, alert, and ready to work until I take my scheduled lunch break. 
    This breakfast looks different sometimes, but right now, I am absolutely addicted to these breakfast wrap/burrito/too-big-so-I-make-it-a-taco situation. Just a wrap, scrambled eggs, cheese, two strips of bacon (I buy the pre-made that you just heat up in the oven or skillet because LOL, I don’t actually know how to cook bacon at 23 years old), and veggies or salsa! I also go the easy route with savory oatmeal, eggs and hash browns, or basically any variation I can cook an egg in! 

    Listen to music
    Again, I’m showing that I’m weird, but on days that I’m busy, I rarely listen to music and prefer to either work in silence or ASMR videos (LOL, guys, give it a try—watching this woman gently sanitize her groceries will soothe your germ-anxiety). It just is calming and soothing for me, and when I listen to music, I want to sing or dance and feel like I can’t focus my thoughts. So, before I start my day is when I like to shuffle a Spotify playlist and get all of that out. Music is another thing that really motivates me, so I rarely listen to soothing, soft music and almost always listen to “Frat Rules” by A$AP Mob at least once a day! 

    Get ready
    If my hair and makeup aren’t at least somewhat done or I’m wearing gross clothes, I will mess around and stare at myself in disgust all. day. long. I’ll usually put my hair in some kind of bun or braids so it’s out of my face and I can’t fidget with it all day (because I’m basically a child!). Then, I’ll just apply the basic makeup (tinted moisturizer, mascara, brows, bronzer, and highlighter). I look good enough for any meetings that come up (they almost never do, but a girl can hope) or walks around the neighborhood, but most importantly, I feel better and won’t worry about my appearance all day. 
    As far as clothes, it’s pretty strategic. I’ll usually grab a dress (the one above is sold out, but all of our editors have been loving this one all summer!) because it’s one piece and no pants. I wish I could say it’s because I want to look nice, but that’s mostly it. I just hate pants. Otherwise, it’s leggings or shorts and a blouse or tank! Pretty basic, but most of all comfortable for me. 

    How do YOU get ready for a busy day?! Tell us your tips in the comments! More

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    What It’s Like to Be a COVID Bride and How I’ve Found Peace

    Maybe COVID-19 ruining our big wedding was the plan all along. When we got engaged in September of 2018, my fiancé Zach and I chatted about getting married in Yosemite National Park, where we were living at the time—just eloping and then moving back to the Midwest. We like things simple, and it seemed like just the relaxing and stress-free plan we needed. My mom, ever the traditionalist, had a different plan; she was set on seeing my fiancé and I tie the knot. And truth be told, once I started thinking about celebrating with all of our friends and family, I started to get really excited about the idea. 
    Fast forward to September of 2019. My fiancé and I moved back across the country to Kansas City and had just moved into our new house, a milestone we wanted to check off the list before we started the wedding planning. We set a date for the spring of 2020, and everything started to get real. 
    We selected a venue, went wedding dress shopping, picked out a cake, started paying our photographer… the works! The process was fun and less stressful than I’d heard it would be. And as a bride on a budget, I was putting in the extra work to explore the various options for food and drinks to get the least expensive option. Wedding dress shopping with my Gucci tastes on a dimestore budget was time consuming, but I was committed to keeping our costs low! 
    Just over two months out from the wedding, we only had rings, a suit, and vows to worry about nailing down. My sister and my best friend were well into the bachelorette party planning, and my mom was all over the decor. As someone who relishes in planning and being ahead of schedule, I was over the moon. 
    It was at this point that I heard about the virus. News about COVID-19 was starting to speckle my Twitter timeline, and the fact that it was spreading rapidly was starting to make me feel uneasy. 
    I stayed on top of the news, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about the novel coronavirus. Most people were still shrugging it off at this point, not taking it seriously. I didn’t know what to think, but I had a feeling that it wasn’t good. When businesses and events started closing down, the brides in my favorite wedding planning Facebook group had to start cancelling their weddings. Most of the initial shutdowns and cancellations were on the East and West coasts, so the reality of the impact this disease was having hadn’t quite made it to us in the Midwest yet. 

    I stayed on top of the news, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about the novel coronavirus. Most people were still shrugging it off at this point, not taking it seriously.

    Source: rawpixel

    The Facebook group quickly became divisive; alarmist and devastated brides having their feelings invalidated by women who were already married, or brides whose wedding was too far out to be bothered worrying about something “like the flu.” Women were lashing out at other women on totally non-COVID-related topics. It was a stressful and sad—and quite frankly, angry—place to be. I had to leave. 
    Just two months out from the wedding, with more and more things shutting down across the country, travel was beginning to be restricted. Friends and family members started losing their jobs. Zach and I started to realize that our wedding guests would need to start booking travel to our wedding soon. While a lot of brides were looking at whether they could or could not hold their event due to event restrictions, we were much more concerned with the stress—financially and emotionally—our wedding was putting on our guests. 
    At the end of March, my fiancé and I made the call to postpone the wedding. There’s no defined etiquette for how one should postpone or reschedule or even cancel a wedding. (Cue the Four Weddings and a Virus Facebook group creation, a lifesaver to spring brides everywhere.) I quickly transitioned into the more appropriate group for me, accepting my fate as a Corona bride. Brides were putting together templates and resources for one another, providing feedback on invitation language, and sending love when someone just needed the space to scream.

    Many couples were rescheduling, but as the realists we are, we decided to postpone indefinitely.

    I used some of the information I found in the group to email everyone on our guest list and made calls to those who weren’t the email type. The news was received with overall love and support and lots of disappointment, mostly from friends and family who were excited for us, and knew we were looking forward to it. Many couples were rescheduling, but as the realists we are, we decided to postpone indefinitely. The experts had no idea when it would be safe for our friends and family to gather again, and if they didn’t know, then, of course, we didn’t either. It seemed like the easier option than possibly rescheduling again. 

    Source: Emma Bauso | Pexels

    The Waiting
    When we postponed until further notice, we went through the process of notifying vendors. Many didn’t respond to us, but our photographer was gracious and flexible. We decided to chat in another month. In April, our photographer pushed us to at least get a second date on her calendar, just in case things get better and we were able to go through with our wedding. Setting a second date also gave us something to look forward to, but we still didn’t want to tell people we’d rescheduled for fear of having to postpone again. Zach and I decided between the two of us that we’d see what the COVID situation was toward the end of July and try to give everyone an update at that time. Morale in our house was low, but honestly, whose wasn’t? 
    For the month or two that followed, it was constant questioning and a stall in planning. I’d lost all motivation to nail any plans down. 
    “When is the wedding going to be?”
    “Have you set another date yet?”
     And then, once group sizes were allowed to get larger in our region, it was:
    “Why don’t you just have a small wedding?”
    “You could get married in your backyard?”
    “What are you waiting for?”
    “What are you going to do to celebrate your original wedding date?”
    It was constant. When asked, I didn’t get the feeling that people really wanted to hear our answer, or when they did hear it, they looked at me like I was making an excuse to not get married. Umm, nope. I’d try to explain that two-thirds of our wedding guests were from out of town, including 100 percent of our immediate family. If we had a small local ceremony, our closest friends and family wouldn’t be able to make it. That, and I had a deep fear that the coronavirus would just hang over the ceremony and celebration and it wouldn’t feel like the celebration of our dreams. In the Four Weddings and Virus Facebook group, I learned that lots of brides had this fear. How could we sit back and enjoy this joyous day when people are dying all over the world? 

    How could we sit back and enjoy this joyous day when people are dying all over the world? 

    The persistent questioning coupled with the never-ending news cycle of doom felt like hundreds of pounds of weight on my shoulders. And the waiting and not knowing felt hopeless. But I kept reminding myself, we’re in no hurry.
    My fiancé and I have stayed employed and stayed busy throughout the spring, and I’ve leaned into the online community of women going through the same experience. I saw so many brides struggling with their vendors not being flexible, with their families not being flexible, with sick relatives, with fiancés overseas, or with putting families on hold, and it helped me to remain centered and humble. We weren’t losing a lot of money on uncooperative vendors. We weren’t putting our life on hold until we got married. Our relatives were being safe and staying healthy. We were still the lucky ones. And still, the not knowing persisted.
    Worrying about the wedding felt not only pointless, but also selfish, so we didn’t. Both Zach and I got involved supporting those in our local community who needed food, money, and supplies, and doing our absolute best to not go insane in the house. The wedding stayed quietly in the back of our mind. 
     
    The Wedding Date
    By the time our original wedding date rolled around, Zach had totally put the change behind him and was looking forward to the future. I tried to do the same, but the full weight of things crashed down on me. I was supposed to be joining a new family and celebrating with all of my favorite people. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
    To my relief and utter appreciation, bouquets of flowers and sweet texts from friends filled my entire day. c
    Once the day passed, I felt lighter. We still didn’t know what the plans were going to be, but people slowly got tired of asking us if we’d picked a new date. It’s almost like they totally forgot, and honestly, it was a relief. The pressure of having a wedding slowly melted away over the next few weeks. With the pressure off, it was much easier to not dread the date that we’d make our decision on whether or not to have our wedding on the secondary date.

    Even when it feels like the world is against you, there are people in your life that are there for a reason. I realized that mine will show up for me even when I don’t ask for them to.

    Source: Flora Westbrook | Pexels

     
    The Pivot
    As summer continued to pass and news of the virus spreading seemed to get worse and worse, we still didn’t feel safe being around a handful of people—let alone our whole families or friends. News of dozens of people getting COVID-19 after attending a wedding kept popping up on our timelines and newsfeeds. It felt irresponsible to host a group of people to celebrate us. Many brides and grooms were still moving forward with small weddings, and I was genuinely happy for them. Genuinely. But with our guests traveling across the country, we had to have the conversation. Is the health of our guests worth risking for the wedding of our dreams? If we did risk it, would the fear and confusion around the virus bring down the mood on our big day? Did we want to wait until a vaccine was widely available to host our wedding?

    Is the health of our guests worth risking for the wedding of our dreams? If we did risk it, would the fear and confusion around the virus bring down the mood on our big day? Did we want to wait until a vaccine was widely available to host our wedding?

    Ultimately, Zach and I decided the answer was no. The risk of our loved ones getting sick and possibly having long-term damage from a virus that doesn’t have a vaccine was too high. We didn’t want that pressure and responsibility to be on us. The second date with our photographer was just too soon. In an ultimate resolve and sigh of relief, we decided we’d get married—just the two of us. Our original dream wedding.
    My fiancé was thrilled when we made the decision, of course—he’d wanted to elope all along. And my bridesmaids gave me overwhelming support, “Go marry your man, lady!” It was the right choice; having a plan gave me relief and I was finally at peace. I get to marry my dream man in the mountains. We’ll be at minimum risk, and our friends and family won’t have the emotional and financial strain that our wedding would put on them. Plus, as people keep saying, what a story to tell. 
    We’ll party with friends and loved ones eventually, but for now, we’re off to go get married. More

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    The Top-Rated Sex Toys on Amazon

    A Saturday Night Live skit from April pretty much explained every feeling I have about sex right now: “During quarantine, I straight up murdered all my vibrators.” Yep. That’s it. 
    After having seriously zero sexual interaction for months, any vibrator stash is looking a little bleak. Whether you’ve used it ‘til the batteries were dead or are just desperately looking for something to spice it up (even with a partner!), we found the best sex toys on Amazon to do the trick. Don’t worry: we already vetted the reviews, so you know you’re getting exactly what you paid for. Your next Prime package is about to be quite thrilling.

    Rechargeable Personal Wand Massager

    With over two thousand reviews, this cost-effective cordless “massager” (LOL) will add a little something different to your sex toy drawer. This offers 20 different vibrating patterns and eight speeds, meaning you won’t get tired of this toy for a while.

    Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation Air-Pulse Clitoris Stimulator

    Oh, the Satisfyer. If you’re new to sex toys, it might seem simple to go with a classic vibrator first, but I recommend this every time. It’s like nothing else on the market (or at least it was when it launched) because instead of focusing on penetration or vibration, it focuses on suction, mimicking the feeling of oral sex. Did I just sell you? I hope so. They last for years and absolutely change the sex toy experience—trust me.

    LELO Beads Mini Small Kegel Exercise Balls

    Spice up your drawer with these kegel balls. Whether you use them alone or with a partner, you’ll get a little joy adding these to your routine. They’re super versatile and can be used about a dozen different ways to boost pleasure, exercise your pelvic floor, and add a new sensation.

    Clitoris Vibrator

    This little clitoral vibrator is basically a Carpal Tunnel users’ BFF. It’s small and effortless to hold in your hand, especially for… prolonged periods of time, if you will. This has over 10 speed and pattern combinations to give you a unique experience basically every time you use it. Reviewers love the small size as well for storage, travel, and partner play.
    Another note to mention: tons of reviews boasted the customer service, saying that anytime they’ve had issues with performance, they’ve reached out to customer service and were given a replacement or taught how to fix the problem.

    Partner Couple Vibrator for Clitoral & G-Spot Stimulation

    The reviews for this vibrator are both hysterical and quite true. After seeing the hilarious reviews on Twitter, I picked up one for myself and cancelled all of my plans for about two weeks. Please read this review and then go buy it and then come back here and thank me. That’s all.

    G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

    With over 6,700 reviews, this rabbit vibrator makes the top of the list. Not only are there tons of reviews, over 3,000 of them are five stars. This has everything a good rabbit vibe does: waterproof, quiet, USB-charger, and multiple speeds. One reviewer said this brought her sex life back after a bad breakup, that it helped her orgasm for the first time, and that it has so much power that it ended up in her husband’s glass when he walked in the room (please read the second review; you won’t be disappointed).

    Silicone Dual Penis Ring

    Add a little extra somethin’-somethin’ to your sex life with this penis ring. Use it on yourself or with a partner to increase pleasure during penetration, during oral sex, or for (mutual) masturbation. The reviews are filled with positive experiences from people with and without penises who have found pleasure using this on themselves or with a partner.

    G Spot Vibrator for Vagina Stimulation

    This vibrator is bendable to hit your G-spot. Reviewers love how quiet it is (perfect for any roommate situations), the discreet packaging, the storage container it comes with, the magnetic charger, and the various speeds and patterns. If you’re looking to get outside the box of external vibrators, this is an easy one to start with!

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    10 Things to Do If Your Confidence Needs a Major Boost

    Confidence might sound like some fluffy, idealistic principle your Girl Scout leader used to talk about, but it’s the most powerful, tangible thing you can cultivate to achieve the life you want. You might have learned from ’90s makeover movies that once you make major changes, then you’ll finally feel confident. But actually, confidence is the key to make drastic improvements, whether it comes to your health, career, or relationships. In other words, stop waiting for circumstances to happen and, instead, work on boosting confidence first. The changes you want to make in your life will happen as a byproduct. Here are 10 concrete ways to love yourself like Lizzo and boost confidence to achieve your best life.
    1. Be brutally honest with yourself
    Do you love your job? Do you genuinely enjoy all of your friendships? Are you open about the hobbies that bring you joy (yes, even the geeky ones)? Not only will being brutally honest illuminate areas in your life where you’re not your true self, but it will also force you to stop trying to “fit in” (middle school trauma can still really affect us, you know?). And when you realize what you do genuinely love and enjoy, do more of it. You can’t be fully confident unless you openly own, accept, and feel comfortable with who you are.
    That also means knowing your strengths and accepting whatever you previously deemed a “weakness.” You know that famous quote by Albert Einstein that’s written on inspirational cards and quoted in graduation speeches? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Remember this lesson when you’re picking at your “weaknesses.” If you’re shy in large groups, don’t sit around wishing you were more outgoing. Instead, appreciate that you’re really charismatic in one-on-one situations. Keep track of the hobbies, people, and activities that make you feel like your true self, and then seek them out more. 

    2. Use visualization
    Before first dates or big presentations, we often focus on the worst-case scenarios. Not just your-date-turned-out-to-be-a-serial-killer type of scenario, but the forget-the-entire-presentation or what-if-they-don’t-like-me kinds of scenarios. Instead, visualize yourself acing the presentation or enjoying the first date as the highest version of yourself. If you’re not sure what your highest self looks like, think about how you act in your most comfortable relationships. Are you goofy, vivacious, enthusiastic, kind, or thoughtful? What memory do you have where you did feel good about yourself? Visualize showing up as that person and the best-case outcome. You’ll not only feel more confident going into uncomfortable situations, but you’ll be more likely to achieve your highest self.

    Source: @simplytandya

    3. Practice empathy and positivity
    We’ve already established that confidence requires a change in internal mindset, not a change in outside validation. But if changing your mindset was as easy as flipping a switch, we’d all be confident. So the key to self-confidence? Empathy and positivity. Just like happiness, empathy and positivity are skills, not circumstances. When you work those muscles on other people and situations, you’ll start to feel empathy and positivity for yourself too. Work on positive thinking through gratitude journaling or exercises, and prioritize the glass-half-full mentality in all situations. See the good in other people (including celebrities, influencers, and frenemies–ex-boyfriends exempt from this list), and you’ll start to see more good in yourself too (guaranteed). 

    4. Accept compliments
    PSA: can we agree to stop downplaying when we receive a compliment!? Especially as women, we’re taught to be polite at our own expense. However, it’s just not true that putting ourselves down makes other people feel more comfortable. In fact, it typically makes people more uncomfortable, not to mention it’s hurting your confidence. When a coworker tells you that you nailed the presentation, don’t respond with “I couldn’t have done it without my team,” or “Really? I messed up the whole second half!” Say, “Thank you so much! I worked so hard and am so excited about how it turned out.”
    Likewise, when a friend compliments your hair, don’t say, “Ugh, I have such frizzy hair, I spent 45 minutes getting it to lay straight!” Instead, respond with a simple “Thank you!” and take a moment to internally feel good about yourself (why yes, my hair does look phenomenal. *Cues ***Flawless by Beyoncé*). If just saying “thank you” feels uncomfortable, feel free to give a compliment in return but stop downplaying the compliments you receive. 

    Source: @devyn.p.miller

    5. Be smart about social media
    It’s no secret that social media is a common confidence-suck. Being constantly bombarded by the pretty, filtered version of hundreds or thousands of other people’s lives is not exactly the best recipe to feel good about our own. We know that we only put our very best pictures, selfies, and sides for the world to see, while keeping “real life” (like messy kitchens, PMS tears, and stretch marks) offline. But somehow, it doesn’t always register that other people do the same. Do yourself a favor and mute or unfollow everyone on Instagram except a few select accounts that bring you inspiration, motivation, and happiness whenever you click through their feed or stories (like, IDK, @theeverygirl, just as a totally random example). 

    6. Change the words that follow “I am”
    Personally, my identity has been defined as a writer my whole life. Ever since elementary school, my love for writing was always the first thing teachers noticed about me. For 24 years, I put myself into categories of, “I’m a writer, and I’m creative,” but because of that identity, I also said, “I’m not good at business” or “I am not a math person.” I loaded up on English classes in college and didn’t take one business, finance, or economics class. I always took on the “creative and free-spirited” type of personality, and didn’t feel confident in any skills related to business or personal finance. 
    But when I became a grown-ass woman (AKA, like a few months ago, but it depends who you ask), I was over feeling like I wasn’t good with money and that creativity was all I had to offer the world. I started telling myself, “I am a businesswoman,” and, “I am smart with money.” It gave me the confidence to sign up for finance classes and start my own side business. The lesson here? Think about what stories you’ve been telling yourself about who you are, and then replace the words that follow “I am.”  Have you been telling yourself, “I am awkward,” “I am shy,” “I am ugly,” or “I am not good enough?” Change the words after “I am” to anything you want to be, and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Fake it ’til you make it, you know?

    Source: @crystalinmarie

    7. Get outside yourself
    Listen, I’m not calling anyone self-centered in a negative way. As humans, we see reality through our own perspectives, and therefore, everything centers around the way we experience it. When you’re feeling a lack of confidence, it can be tempting to wallow in your feelings or vent to friends. While you should lean on the people who make you feel better, make sure to get outside yourself too. Ask other people questions more than you talk about yourself (and listen!), or volunteer for an organization that needs help.
    Not only will focusing on other people make you feel better about yourself (because nothing is more powerful than helping someone else), but you’ll also realize that other people don’t think about you the way you think they do. Other people are too caught up in their own problems to realize you’re a little awkward or have a breakout on your chin. One of the most important life hacks I’ve ever learned: you’ll stop feeling self-conscious the minute you turn your attention to helping someone else. 

    8. Do more things that make you uncomfortable
    Stepping outside your comfort zone is–you guessed it–uncomfortable, but it can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself. Try something new that you’re scared to try, whether it’s cooking a new type of food, attending a different workout class, or networking with people you’re typically too shy to reach out to. The good news is that you don’t have to be good at whatever new thing you’re doing in order to boost self-esteem. In fact, you probably won’t be good. The confidence comes when you keep showing up, even when you’re not good at it. It will teach you to feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations and accomplished in trying something new. 

    Source: @missenocha

    9. Keep promises to yourself
    We have a conception that “confidence” has to mean thinking highly of ourselves, which is not necessarily true. To break it down, confidence is actually a combination of both self-esteem and self-efficacy. Self-efficacy refers to the belief you have in yourself to accomplish something. In other words, to boost confidence, you must make and keep promises to yourself. If you want to eat more veggies or get to bed earlier, make a plan, and then follow through with it. Remember that there’s more on the line than leafy greens or getting enough sleep. Think of it like a friend; the more you can rely on them and trust them, the more you love and respect them. The same goes for the relationship you have with yourself. Eat what you say you will, get to bed when you say you will, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

    10. Cultivate the “eff it!” mentality
    Channel your inner Dua Lipa and just don’t care. Typically, I’m not a fan of IDGAF energy (I think caring about people is the most powerful thing we can do as human beings, even when it hurts), but when it comes to cultivating self-confidence, I’m an advocate. You see, sometimes you have to remind yourself that not everything is as big of a deal as you make it in your mind. You gained a few extra pounds–who cares? You’re shy meeting new people–big deal! The side business you want to launch might fail–so what? Doing something you want to do or being someone you want to be (while saying “screw you!” to insecurities) might be the absolute best thing you could ever do for yourself. Just as a reminder, don’t take everything so seriously; it’s just life! The point is to enjoy it. 

    What tips have helped improve your confidence? More

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    4 Essential Tips for Starting a New Job During COVID-19

    Starting a new job can be an exciting time, as you prepare to walk into the office on your first day to meet your new team, set up your office, and hit the ground running. But starting a new job remotely sometimes can lack that same luster, especially when working from home is the “new normal” across the company. As many companies are now adjusting to new or modified schedules that allow their employees to work from home, and as the future of offices shift, as a new employee, it can be intimidating to begin a job with a new company without the formalities of orientation and meeting your new colleagues in person. Adapting to a new job remotely poses its own set of challenges: How do you get acquainted with colleagues who are not on your immediate team? How will your new coworkers know about your hire? How will you establish rapport with your team?  
    Being patient and flexible seems to be the name of the game when adjusting to a new job from home. Make your adjustment to your new company a smooth one, even from your own home, with a few tips on starting a new job remotely.

    1. Make your manager the middle man 
    There’s no bigger advocate to have when starting a new job with a new company than your manager, especially when meeting colleagues in person on your first day is no longer an option. Your manager will be your guide and biggest cheerleader, announcing your arrival as a new hire while everyone is working from home and pre-occupied with adjusting to a new type of work-life balance. 
    See if your manager would consider sending out an announcement of your hire, and open your calendar up for e-introductions from your new coworkers. An announcement is a great way for others in your company to get to know you and your role and how you might be working with them. Your manager can also include you in on various video conferences and meetings to introduce you to a variety of coworkers to get acquainted with. Ask about meetings that could help you not only introduce yourself and your role, but also help you become familiar with the moving parts of the business and current projects to get you up to speed. 
    Build a rapport with your manager by suggesting one-on-one meetings frequently during the start of your role to gain more understanding of your team, their preferred communication style, and short-term and long-term goals you should adhere to. When working from home, it is easy to be out of sight, out of mind when it comes to connecting with your manager, so proactively scheduling regular check-ins helps keep the communication flowing, making work more effective and your transition even smoother. 
    Your manager is in charge of making sure you get your foot in the door with all of the right people while working from home; make sure to use their influence to ensure a graceful start to your new job. 

    2. Use human resources as a resource after onboarding
    When starting a new job, onboarding can be one of the most helpful ways to introduce yourself to your new company. Whether you are in the office or working from home, the onboarding process is a great tool to learn more about the structure of the company, your new role and responsibilities, and what to expect when you do eventually come back into the office.
    Navigating a new company after onboarding without the proper connections or guidance in person can seem daunting. Your human resources team is the perfect team to help guide you through a new company, even past the initial onboarding, having access to everything you need to make your transition to a new company and role from home a smooth one. Keep in touch with your human resources team after onboarding to get key information that will help you past your first days with the company, including company directories, work-from-home polices and procedures, and employee resource groups to get involved with to acclimate yourself to your new company. Your human resources professional should be on top of the latest company news and any changes, especially during major shifts in the company with work-from-home schedules. They can be your introduction to the full company and help you explore your new job without having to leave home. 

    Source: cottonbro | Pexels

    3. Discover your team’s communication style 
    One of the major setbacks of working from home is establishing and maintaining effective communication with colleagues, your manager, and other coworkers, especially as a new employee who is just learning the ropes. For some of your colleagues, this might be their first time working from home for an extended period of time, adjusting to new forms of communication online and by phone vs. the standard in-person boardroom meeting many workers have been accustomed to. 
    Discover your immediate team’s preferred communication style, whether it be by phone, email, instant messaging, or via video conference. Some colleagues may rather not be inundated with emails and respond better using other forms of communication, which will help you be more effective at reaching them when starting your new role.
    How your team communicates, along with when your team best connects and is productive, is also crucial to starting off on the right foot from day one. Does your team have frequent check-ins, or should you put time on each calendar to have one-on-ones? Is your manager available during normal business hours or likes to catch up before or after the workday? These are all important preferences to note when working with your new team, especially when face-to-face time is limited or nonexistent and many are juggling family and work during the workday. 

    4. Connect with new team members offline 
    If you’re starting a new job remotely, it can be difficult connecting with your new team outside of work-related tasks and duties. Whether you’re working from home or going into the office occasionally, make time to get to know your colleagues, and give them the opportunity to get to know you. 
    Video conferencing is a great way to connect with your new team face-to-face if you haven’t already done so in person. Put some time on your team’s calendar to meet virtually either during or after work to get to know them informally. If video conferencing isn’t an option, a good old-fashioned phone call works just as well. Get to know them by connecting on a more personal level: How did they get started at the company and what has their experience been? What would they like to know about you? Who else should you try to meet within the company?
    Giving your new team the opportunity to get to know you outside of your new role within the company helps bridge the gap between being the new employee no one has met yet to someone they know and can trust professionally. It also helps build relationships with other team members who can help advocate for you as a new hire. Look at connecting with your new team as networking in a different way, connecting with your colleagues on a different level to establish trust and build morale professionally. 

    Starting a new job working from home doesn’t have to be intimidating or daunting; make your presence known across your company so that you can hit the ground running and make the biggest impact. 

    What’s your advice on starting a new job from home?  More

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    9 Things to Do This Summer (on a Budget)

    Maybe this isn’t exactly the summer we had in mind (read: canceled vacations and closed beaches), but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of this year. Because you deserve the very best that the season has to offer, we’ve partnered with Gilt City to bring you major discounts on all of our summer favs that can be enjoyed from the comfort (and safety) of your own home.Gilt City is an online shopping and lifestyle website that offers insider-level access to major deals on experiences in your area, top brands, and beyond. To quote Norah Jones, “it’s summertime, and the livin’ is easy.” Oh yeah, and it’s majorly discounted too. Read on for nine things to do this summer, and check out Gilt City for our favorite brands and experiences at a lower price. 

    So you’re wearing flip-flops and open-toe sandals more than booties, and you can no longer hide a bad manicure or chipped polish behind gloves and mittens. Painted and groomed nails are as essential for summer as a cute swimsuit and a faux tan, but they’re not always easy to maintain. Not only is painting your nails at home more affordable, but it’ll be safer this summer as well. Thanks to Gilt City, you can score major deals on high-end nail care brands that will leave your fingers and toes looking pretty all season long. Try MiniLuxe Nail Kits for up to 42 percent off nail kits, or Deborah Lippmann for 50 percent off nail treatments, colors, and more. 

    Fall fashion is fun (the plaid!), but I’m partial to summer clothes. Light fabrics, effortless styles, and pretty colors make this season’s clothing chic without having to try too hard. Revamp your 2020 summer wardrobe with crisp basics, lightweight shorts, and pretty dresses you can throw on (because the hardest decision you make all day should be whether to have a glass of rosé or an Aperol Spritz, not what to wear). We love Joules for effortless styles and summer basics, and thanks to Gilt City, you can get 40 percent off full-price items (yes, really!), and an extra 20 percent off of sale items. Revamping your summer wardrobe with the best items of the season doesn’t have to break the bank. 

    I love coffee as much as the next girl, but there’s something about warmer weather that motivates me to fuel my body with only the best. Instead of reaching for the second cup of coffee or an afternoon americano (which comes with coffee jitters and caffeine crashes), I’ve been opting for matcha, which is a powder made of concentrated green tea leaves. You get the boost of energy without crashes or jitters, plus up to 33 percent off MatchaBar with one of the packages from Gilt City. 

    The #1 most Instagrammed accessory of summer? A pool float. Whether you’re booking a weekend away at a nearby lake or you’re lounging by your aunt’s backyard pool more often than you’re in your own home, a pool float that’s as cute as your swimsuit is a necessity. Try the Giant Swan Float that went more viral than the “Renegade” Dance on TikTok, or the Seashell Float that helps you live out your wildest The Little Mermaid fantasies. Get up to 43 percent off fashion girls’ favorite pool floats and accessories at #GETFLOATY when you purchase through Gilt City. 

    Sure, wine tastings are fun and cheese boards are always a crowd-pleaser, but if you want to really impress your friends, host a dessert tasting instead (yes, I did get this idea from Kyle Richards’s infamous party on season 7 of RHOBH). Not only is it fun, different, and creative, but who doesn’t love desserts? Give the people what they want and surprise your significant other with gourmet versions of their favorites, or have a few friends over for some cake and chill. Using Gilt City, you can score up to 36 percent off award-winning sweets from Mini Melanie, shipped to your door (be warned: the Oreo Sprinkles Cookie Cake will make you drool). 

    Summer means more energy and longer days. With all the extra time you have after the workday is over, turn off the TV (sorry, Netflix!) and tap into your creative side. Michaels is our go-to store for everything you need to make a scrapbook for your college roommate’s bridal shower present or to get materials to try out a free sketching class on Youtube. Gilt City is conveniently offering 25 percent off any online purchase (available for delivery or curbside pick up). With a discount and easy delivery (or pick up), there’s no excuse to keep putting off that mood board you’ve been telling yourself you’ll start or picking up a new hobby like painting. 

    One of the best parts of the season is fresher, brighter flowers, so why not make the most of summer by buying yourself a pretty bouquet (because self-love is a good enough reason for any indulgence). Plus, a fresh bouquet of your favorite peonies or sunflowers will not only freshen up your home and show off your style personality, but it will feel like a little extra luxury (and you deserve it!). Get up to 35 percent off bouquets from Bouqs when you order online through Gilt City. Plus, a major bonus for our Everygirl brides: you can also score almost $100 off towards any wedding floral package.

    Laundry is a chore, but upgrading to the right products can make it feel more like a luxury. With better options (and insane discounts), you no longer have to settle for laundry care that’s bad for the planet or bad for your skin. The Laundress has been saving us from dry cleaning prices and stains on delicate fabrics (like cashmere and silk) for years, and Gilt City is offering 40 percent off their eco-friendly detergent and laundry care. This season is the perfect time to freshen up bed sheets, wash the linen pants and swimsuits you never get around to dry cleaning, and turn laundry into a luxury (all while being friendly to the environment). Win, win! 

    Winter is meant for cozy accessories, warm throw blankets, and lit candles. Summer, however, is the perfect time for brightening up the home with fun accessories and bold colors. Make the most of the season by adding a standout piece or two that will draw a whole lot of attention and revamp your space. And what’s brighter and bolder than a trendy neon sign? Name Glo is a go-to for high-quality custom designs and Insta-worthy accessories (my personal favorite is the Mini Stand “Yes”). Yes, they’re investment pieces, but only at Gilt City can you get them for 50% off. I mean, can you even resist a deal this good!?

    This post was in partnership with Gilt City, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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    These Free, 10-Minute Workouts Are Perfect for Days When You’re Short on Time

    “Petting as many dogs as humanely possible” is one of my most significant life goals.I’ve never met a dog that I didn’t like. I am the CEO of stopping on the Chicago Lakefront mid-run to pet all of the good doggos that proudly and happily trot past me. While I’m not in a place to own a dog of my own, this small fact does not stop me from getting my canine fix any time the opportunity presents itself.
    It has become very important for me to streamline my life to allow for as much time to provide belly rubs and compliments to dogs as possible. It is crucial to me that no matter what I accomplish in life, I never lose sight of prioritizing activities that I love most. Maybe for you, that joy comes from cooking, hanging out with family/friends, reading, watching Netflix, pouring a large glass of wine, or journaling. Regardless of what gets your heart pumping, I think we can all agree that making more time for the things we love is a good thing.
    So on days where I’m slammed with work, drowning in laundry, or itching to prioritize the petting of the dogs, I simply don’t have time to head to my gym and spend an hour on the treadmill (note: I have never actually spent one whole hour on a treadmill). I have always been a firm believer that quality is better than quantity (in this case, quantity being the amount of time spent working out) and have found that doing an effective, 10-minute workout is better than doing nothing at all. On the days where you don’t have time or are just looking for a quick way to move, these 13 free 10-minute workouts will have your back:

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    What are your favorite ways to workout at home? Let us know in the comments below! More

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    5 Things to Remember If You’re Working Remotely Right Now

    Months ago, millions of us packed up whatever gear we could grab from the office, went home, and, overnight, began life as remote workers. From taking regular breaks to sticking to a schedule to establishing a dedicated workspace, there are plenty of strategies for making working from home work. But there’s a huge difference between choosing to go remote and being forced to do so during an emergency. As remote work becomes more of a long-term or even permanent situation for many during the COVID-19 pandemic, what can we do to prevent burnout? We got experts to give us their best tips, advice, and things to keep in mind.
    1. Take the plunge and invest in a more comfortable set-up
    If you’ve spent the last few months hunched over the kitchen table or curled up on the couch, avoiding investing in home office gear in hopes you’d get back to the real office soon, it might be time to reconsider. Even after just a short time, your body may be feeling the effects (stiff neck, back, and shoulders, anyone?). “The ergonomics of home offices are absolutely horrible,” according to Laurel Farrer, founder of the Remote Work Association. “There are hundreds of rules that go into keeping us healthy and safe at [on-site] work, from which watt of the lightbulb is used, to the length of carpet and how high desks are. When we go home, we don’t know what those are or that we should be implementing them,” potentially putting our health at risk. 
    Farrer, who also runs Distribute Consulting from her home in Connecticut, said it can be liberating to realize that we don’t need a lot of office odds and ends we thought we did, from stodgy office furniture to giant file cabinets. But making sure your pared-down remote set-up supports your well-being is still critical (see how yours measures up with this checklist from the National Institutes of Health). And you don’t necessarily have to spend a lot to feel better. “Small, simple, and cheap changes,” she said, like putting your laptop on top of a box (to raise it closer to eye level) or simply standing up more, can make a real difference. If you are ready to invest, though, Farrer suggested a riser or standing desk of some sort for your laptop, plus a real keyboard and mouse. Some fun extras? Arranging a good video call backdrop, and buying a good microphone and ring light, “things we’ve never thought about before” that can make video meetings look way more professional.

    2. Continue to reinforce boundaries, but remember to (virtually) socialize 
    “You wouldn’t barge into someone’s office and expect them to drop everything they are doing for you,” a teammate once told Julie Chabin, who heads product design at Product Hunt and YourStack remotely from Paris. It’s the same with remote work. In the virtual workplace, with requests cascading in through email, instant messages, and calls, “it’s OK to say ‘thank you, I’ll take a look at this after I’m done with my current task,’ when you get a notification,” advised Chabin, who has worked remotely for five years. 
    That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t connect with colleagues. It just has to be more intentional, said Daisy Chang, professor of organizational psychology at Michigan State University. Though she misses walking down the hall to chat with colleagues and checking in with her graduate students in person, her department, like all newly remote teams, have to carve out time to “talk to each other, exchange ideas, maintain social connection” and get support virtually. From scheduling chats to more formal ways of getting on the same page, like syncing digital calendars to focus on a project at the same time, Chang said it’s important, especially for people who particularly crave in-person connection, “to find ways to inject that back into their work life.”

    3. Over-communicate and be proactive 
    A lot can get lost virtually, especially when the shift happens abruptly, so it’s important to be super clear when discussing a project, idea, or request with coworkers. “In remote work, over-communication is just communication,” said Farrer. Even if it feels like you’re talking a ton and over-explaining, keep at it. “That’s how you stay connected.”
    Chang, who recently conducted a study on the hasty transition from in-person to working at home and some of the unique challenges that workers face in the COVID-19 context, agreed it’s harder to communicate effectively. But the self-described optimist said she actually sees this as an opportunity to be clearer. Being apart could force us to be more thoughtful and challenge us to consider a problem more deeply before crafting an email or speaking up on a call, rather than throwing out a half-baked idea in passing.
    Something both Chang and Farrer agree on is the need to be proactive, especially if a new colleague joins virtually or you’re the newbie yourself. Managers and companies should ideally be providing training and channels to get to know people, but some are still playing catch-up with the remote situation, too. In the meantime, “we really have to rely on ourselves,” said Farrer, whether that’s mustering the courage to hit “send” on an email to a potential mentor or simply scheduling a virtual coffee chat with someone you don’t know well. 

    4. Mix things up 
    Hated your hours or dress code? More productive in the early mornings? One benefit to remote work is that, on your own turf, there are opportunities to make your job work better for you. “We all sort of fall into a routine, something that’s comfortable, but it doesn’t hurt to learn new habits or change it up,” said Chang, who also suggested sharing what worked or didn’t with coworkers, from blocking out mornings for focused work to changing up your online hours. 
    After all, Farrer said, “you don’t have your employer sitting next to you telling you what to do,” so it’s important to work on being more self-reliant when it comes to getting things done and how you do them. Employees (even those with amazing supervisors) have to “take initiative to be their own boss for a little while,” making calls about what works for them.  

    5. Embrace kindness and vulnerability 
    It’s time for us to get real at work—at least a little bit. While keeping things professional is paramount, it’s important to recognize that everyone has their own struggles and personal demands, especially now. “The reality of working from home is it’s not all sunshine and rainbows all the time,” Farrer said, even in normal times. Being yourself and being open “is how you create a sense of culture in a remote team.” (In fact, Chang said, a number of studies show that being allowed to be your authentic self at work may lead to higher performance and engagement while feeling inauthentic at work can lead to burnout). 
    In other words, your coworkers are your coworkers, but we’re all human. “It’s essential to care about people, genuinely. Ask them how they are doing, let them be people, not just colleagues or clients,” Chabin said. “As we’ve seen with this global pandemic, we all have families, pets, children… it’s okay to have candid conversations.” And if you’re a freelancer or solo business owner, it may be helpful to find people in your field to reach out to for that same sort of support. 
    If you’re not ready to open up or your company’s culture doesn’t allow for it, acts of kindness can go a long way virtually. Whether that’s shouting out someone’s success with a client, or recognizing a birthday or work milestone, Chabin suggested, these simple acts still go a long way toward building trust. Extend those kindnesses to yourself—this is an incredibly difficult time for everyone (even remote work experts, Farrer said, were struggling at the beginning of the pandemic). If self-care has slipped as the months have gone on, recommit to claiming those extra hours you spent commuting as personal time, Chabin emphasized, whether that’s reading a book, working out, going for a walk, chatting with family or trying out a 15-step skincare routine. 

    If you’re struggling with remote life or feeling burnout creep in, above all, it’s important to remember: “This is not working remotely,” Farrer said, “this is trying to maintain economic and business continuity during a global crisis.” More