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      in lifestyle and culture

      17 One-Minute Habits That Will Change Your Life

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      So you want to get healthier, achieve your career goals, and feel happier? Sounds nice, but it’s always easier said than done. Where do you even start making such major changes? If lofty goals and ambitious resolutions feel overwhelming, know that you don’t need to immediately rearrange your entire life, spend $$$, or have unlimited time to achieve your best life. In fact, you need just one minute. That’s right: the difference between who you are and who you want to be might be just 60 seconds. Try these one-minute habits that will transform your life when done consistently. Add in lots of habits throughout your day or start with just one, but either way, one minute is all you need to change your life.
      1. Get out of bed right away
      If I have one weakness (besides a good cheese plate *swoon*), it’s scrolling through Instagram after waking up. While it seems like a harmless habit, the body won’t fully wake up until you get out of bed and move around, but also because you lose the full 10, 30, or 60-minute morning routine before you open your laptop for work. Get out of bed as soon as you wake up and fill your mornings with as many peaceful, productive, and fulfilling minutes as possible. Your inbox, TikTok explore page, or iMessage app can wait.

      2. Breathe deeply
      Deep breathing (or diaphragmatic breathing) is crucial for mental and physical health, but many of us never focus on our breath. If you think about it, oxygen is the one thing we can’t even go minutes without, so making sure we’re getting more of it can only be beneficial. When you’re feeling anxious or stressed, take a few deep breaths to get more oxygen in the lungs and slow the heartbeat, which can help with anxiety. Try it right now (yes, I mean right now): slowly inhale, count to five, and then exhale, relaxing the entire body. It’s like instant medicine, right?

      3. Take movement breaks
      Whether an hour-long workout is a daily essential or you barely have time to change sweatpants before work starts, the body isn’t meant to sit for hours at a time, much less all day long. At least once every hour, take a minute to flow through yoga poses, do some stretches, or turn on your favorite song and dance. 60 seconds of movement is enough to energize the body, reset the mind, and will help you focus better for the rest of the day. Plus, if you don’t think you have time to work out, one-minute periods throughout the day add up.

      4. Add lemon to your water
      Squeezing a lemon into your go-to water bottle takes a couple of seconds, but can result in lasting benefits. Lemon packs nutrients like vitamin C, which plays an important role in the immune system and can boost skin glow. Stefanie Wilkerson, RDN, explained, “Vitamin C helps produce collagen and works as an antioxidant to neutralize free radicals that can damage our cells.” Hello supple, smooth skin! Bonus: while it is acidic, lemon has alkalizing effects in the body, meaning it might help balance pH levels. A squeeze of lemon basically turns a glass of water into a cocktail of super nutrients. As if you needed more convincing, adding delicious lemon will make you want to drink more water, and staying hydrated always comes with health perks. 

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      5. Mute negative social media accounts as they pop up
      In 2021, it’s high time to rethink whether the bloggers, celebrities, and brands we follow on social media make us feel inspired or bad about our lives. Want to feel instantly happier? If an account or post pops up on your feed that doesn’t leave you feeling inspired, happy, or confident, you know what to do: unfollow (or mute). That also means muting or unfollowing the frenemy you had in high school or your sorority sister’s ex-boyfriend’s cousin that you met a few times. Instead of watching other people live their lives, you can actually go live your own. Use social media to make you better instead of worse by replacing negative accounts with accounts that inspire you or bring you positivity whenever you’re tempted to scroll (like, IDK, @theeverygirl, for a totally random example).  

      6. Tidy up before bed
      That’s right: you only need 60 seconds of tidying up to make a major difference in your life. Whether it’s clearing the dirty laundry off the chair in your bedroom, organizing the bedside table, or wiping the kitchen counter, do a super quick decluttering or cleaning before hitting the hay. Not only can a cleaner environment help you sleep better, but you’ll wake up feeling stress-free and ready to start the day. That pile of dirty laundry on the bedroom chair really knows how to harsh one’s mellow (if you know, you know). 

      7. Express gratitude (out loud)
      You probably already know that gratitude is the secret to boosting mental health or fostering healthier relationships, so practice it beyond gratitude journaling in the morning. For example, whenever you say “thank you,” reflect on how grateful you feel, instead of just going through the motions. If your work wife offered to help with a big project, let her know how much you appreciate having her support, or if your roommate cleans your dishes, tell them how much it made a difference in your busy day. But it doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t be) just the times when you’d say “thank you” anyway. Text your mom out of the blue to say thanks for being there for you, or let your partner know how much you appreciate having them in your life. Express gratitude wherever and whenever you can, and watch how your life transforms. 

      8. Add a finishing touch to your OOTD that makes you feel confident 
      Whether you’re dressing up in business-casual, rocking a button-up and sweatpants (for Zoom meetings, of course), or never bother changing out of your pajamas to start the day (no shame), try adding one finishing touch that makes you feel like the badass you are. Depending on what makes you feel good, try a fitted pair of jeans, a swipe of mascara, or a trendy hair clip to add a little something to your OOTD. The goal isn’t to look better, it’s to feel better, so play around to find what small touches make you feel more confident, energized, or motivated. Never underestimate the power of a structured work blazer or swipe of red lipstick. 

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      9. Check your bank account
      Self-care doesn’t always mean bubble baths or face masks; sometimes, self-care means being an independent adult and doing what you can to feel in control of your finances. While having a detailed financial plan and setting goals can help you reduce money-related stress and achieve what you want out of life, feeling in control of your finances doesn’t always require a lot of time and energy. Every few days, take a minute to glance over your bank account and credit card statements. Getting in the habit of frequently checking can help identify fraud early-on, but will also give you a good idea of where you’re spending and where you can be saving.

      10. Use visualization
      Do you get nervous before a first date or big presentation? Do you ever lack motivation with health goals or feel stuck in your career? The fix to any negative thought could be as easy as visualizing an alternative. We get nervous, stuck, or unmotivated when we visualize the worst-case scenario: a bad date, a failed presentation, a boring job, or too-difficult workouts. So why not replace the thought with a more positive one?
      If you’re feeling nervous, imagine yourself acing the presentation or being your charming self on the date. When you lack motivation, visualize that you are the kind of person who prioritizes workouts and loves eating nourishing foods. And if you’re feeling stuck? Think about what you want the outcome to be, and then picture what that looks like. Visualization may be another name for imagination, but it can serve as the minor confidence boost you need to achieve the desired outcome.

      11. Make your bed
      I know I sound like your mom, but please make your bed. Not only will it feel good to get into a made bed at night, but it’s important for the success of your day. Making your bed first thing every morning means one small win before you even have a cup of coffee, which subconsciously will motivate you to achieve thousands of small wins throughout the day (and you know what they say about small wins: they lead up to big ones). Plus, Gretchen Rubin found in her research that it’s the easiest and most common daily habit you can do to boost happiness.

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      12. Fix your posture
      Bad news for all the other slouchers out there (guilty): your posture might be affecting your physical and mental health. Practice better posture by straightening your back and relaxing your shoulders (and stop looking down at your phone, damn it!). Did you sit up taller just now? Good. Improve your posture throughout the workday (yes, even while working from home) by setting reminders with phone alerts, sticky notes, or as your phone wallpaper to remind you to correct your posture whenever you check the time or read a text message.

      13. Set a mantra or intention
      Everyone has a mantra, whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s that one phrase you hear in your head over and over, or what you tell yourself repeatedly. Many of us are plagued by phrases like “I’m not good enough,” or “What if something goes wrong?” We hear these phrases in our heads so often that we believe them. So what if we could replace these thoughts with phrases that are not only better for us, but can help us be more confident, feel less stressed, and live our best lives? Every morning, pick a mantra or daily intention and write it in your daily planner so you don’t forget it. If you find one phrase you particularly relate to, repeat it to yourself whenever you’re feeling stressed, scared, or not enough.

      14. Apply a layer of SPF at the end of your skincare routine
      It’s easy to remember SPF when the sun is out, the temperature’s warm, and we’re spending all day outside. But in cold weather, or even when we’re spending all day indoors, it’s a little less obvious. To set the record straight once and for all, yes, you still need sunscreen when it’s cloudy outside and even when you’re indoors. Wearing a daily SPF is not only good for skin glow (prevents aging, hyperpigmentation caused by sun exposure, keeps an even complexion, etc.), but is crucial for your health. Click here to find the perfect sunscreen for your skin, and click here for non-toxic options. 

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      15. Add a handful of leafy greens to your meal
      Being healthier does not have to be a dramatic transformation. It’s actually more sustainable when it’s a gradual series of small habits. The best place to start achieving a healthier diet is not cutting out entire food groups or limiting what you “should” and “should not” eat (which can lead to bingeing or an unhealthy relationship with food). Instead, start transforming your health by adding a handful of leafy greens to your meal. For example, add spinach if you’re making an omelet, throw kale into a pasta sauce, or order a side salad when you’re eating out. Not only are leafy greens superfoods that pack a lot of benefits and are easy to fit into the meals you’re already used to, but small, non-restrictive tweaks can snowball into an overall healthier diet and lifestyle. 

      16. Set your alarm 60 seconds earlier 
      If your mornings feel more like a race against the clock than the peaceful start you imagine, the fix is waking up earlier. However, a full 30 minutes, or even 10 minutes, might seem like you’re missing out on too much sleep. Instead of trying to transform your wake-up time (which would just make you hit “snooze” a couple more times), set your alarm one minute earlier every day. While it sounds like a small change, after 10 days, you could have 10 extra minutes in your morning without even noticing it. Whether you spend that time meditating, indulging in a luxurious skincare routine, or just brewing a cup of coffee with a moment of silence, you won’t miss the 10 minutes of sleep.

      17. Master the art of listening
      Perhaps the #1 life hack and most life-changing habit? Listening. And I mean really listening. Caring about what other people have to say can transform your personal relationships and strengthen (or build more) professional relationships. Your communication will be more effective, and you’ll experience more meaningful connections. You’ll feel less self-conscious when you’re less focused on yourself, and less unsure when you look for answers outside yourself. Of course, utilize important cues like eye contact and follow-up questions, but the best way to listen? Genuinely get curious about what other people have to say. Empathy, understanding, and curiosity will not only transform your life, but will transform the world too. 

      What one-minute habits have made the biggest difference for you? More

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      in health and weelbeing

      9 Sexy Must-Haves for a Cozy Night In with Your Significant Other

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      For some couples (I call them the “unicorn couples”), staying at home together 24/7 with nothing to do means doing the nasty more than you did when you were first dating. But for most couples, staying at home means a lack of motivation, an abundance of takeout, and a disregard for basic hygiene. In other words, your sex drive (and overall intimacy in the relationship) has been on the lower side these days.But with chilly temperatures outside and a stay-at-home order still in effect, you’ve got nowhere to go. It’s the perfect time to reignite that spark with a little cozy night at home. Whether you’re newly dating or have been together for decades, consider this the comprehensive checklist of everything you need for the romantic night you deserve (BTW, the same rules apply if you’re indulging in a night of self-love too). Get in the mood, light a candle (more on that below), and have a romantic night in, thanks to these spark-igniting must-haves.

      1. The right scent
      Candles not only set a romantic ambiance thanks to dim lighting and flickering fire (there’s a reason the sex scenes in every rom-com include candles), but sensuality is about awakening each of the senses, and that includes smell. While some scents might be arousing based on a personal memory (like rose from the perfume you wore on your wedding night or vanilla from a lotion you used on your first trip away together), other scents might act as aphrodisiacs. Look for candles with spicy notes like cinnamon and sandalwood, luxurious scents like vanilla and ylang-ylang, or relaxing scents like lavender and sage. 

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      2. Bath (or shower) essentials
      Getting “in the mood” is not just about the 10-30 minutes leading up to sex; it’s about building the anticipation throughout the entire day. Set yourself up for feeling your best by indulging in some self-care in the bath or shower. Try dry brushing, exfoliating with bath salts or body scrubs, and massaging in an oil. Oh, and don’t forget to check yourself out in the mirror (confidence is the #1 best sex hack!). Plus, a relaxing bath or steamy shower can be part of the romantic night if you want to bring your significant other with you. After all, sex is self-care. 

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      3. Luxurious beauty products
      Speaking of confidence, how much pleasure you feel is not determined by how you look to your partner, but it can be determined by how you feel about yourself (your partner is going to think you’re smokin’, no matter what). Invest in products that make you feel good, whether it’s a full face of makeup, a brightening facial treatment, a spritz of perfume, or a texture spray to DIY bedhead. After all, beauty is not about what we think we have to do to look good; it’s about indulging in ourselves (because we’re worth it) and remembering how attractive we are (from the inside out). Get your glow on with the beauty products that make you feel your very best.

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      4. Music to set the mood
      It’s no surprise that music dictates the mood. How else would we know to feel hopeful and excited if the rom-com didn’t include Why Can’t I by Liz Phair, and would we even burst into tears if My Heart Will Go On didn’t play at the end of Titanic? Would Jaws be so scary without the daunting theme song, or would the rose ceremonies on The Bachelorette feel as dramatic without the suspenseful soundtrack? Music tells us how to feel, and that goes for getting in the mood too. Make a playlist of the songs that make you feel confident, sexy, and romantic, or turn on our “Get Sexy” playlist, filled with all the songs 13-year-old you were scandalized by (in the best way). 

      5. Lube
      At The Everygirl, we are big advocates for the fact that everyone (yes, everyone) should at least try lube. Our editor, Beth, even went so far as to say, “Personal lubricant is not a choice in my book; it is a necessary tool for sexual pleasure and health. Lube is the best sex toy you could ever add to the bedroom.” If that’s not convincing enough, I don’t know what is. Pick a lube that will not only increase pleasure, but will be good for your vagina, thanks to non-toxic ingredients, nourishing formulas, and treatment-like benefits. 

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      6. Something pretty to wear
      Disclaimer: if you feel your very best in your birthday suit, you go, girl. Feel free to skip this point and go on with your bad self. However, if wearing some pretty lingerie or wrapping yourself in a silky robe gets you in the mood, you deserve to treat yourself to something indulgent and luxe. If full-on lingerie isn’t your thing, even a pair of new underwear or a pajama set that makes you feel sexy can completely revamp your sex life (yes, really). After all, remember that your pleasure directly correlates to your confidence, and if a lacy bra helps you feel like the badass you are, it’s well worth any price tag.

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      7. An activity
      You may not think you need another activity than the activity, but experimenting with conversation-starters like a couple’s journal or question cards could not only break you out of your routine but could also help you learn new things about your partner and even inspire you to try new things (yes, even if you’ve been together ~forever~). Especially if communication in the bedroom is not your strong suit or if you’re still figuring out what you like and don’t like, prompted questions can be a fun, relaxing way to open up communication. 

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      8. Vibrator or sex toy
      If you feel stuck in a sex rut or have trouble orgasming with your partner (AKA 75 percent of women), the answer might be incorporating a vibrator or sex toy. Experimenting and trying new things is always important, but it’s also a good idea to have a go-to vibrator or sex toy that you both enjoy using (and that you also enjoy using alone). If you haven’t found a favorite or are interested in exploring, we have many helpful guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners (hint: there are lots of options). Bottom line: talk it out together, explore some options, and figure out what you would both like. 

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      9. Luxurious bedding
      Sex is better on vacation, right? Sure, maybe it’s thanks to the stress-free attitude, exciting new experiences, and the lack of kids/long to-do lists/daily chores you would normally have at home, but I also wouldn’t discount hotel bedding. Whether crisp pillows and clean sheets are turn-ons to you or not, upgrading your bedding can switch up your environment, and just a small change can make sex feel new. Some couples even switch out their bedding just for special occasions (a cozy night in counts as special), but you can also try a few simple upgrades like satin pillowcases, a linen duvet cover, or fur throw pillows.

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      in beauty and fashion

      I’m Focusing on Skincare Right Now—This is My Current Favorite Product

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      Having all of this time on my hands has encouraged me to delve into new hobbies. I started bullet journaling—complete with fancy pens and highlighters. I started doing my own manicures. I took a leadership class on Skillshare. And I’ve gotten neck-deep in skincare.Now, listen: I know I say the same “I’m lazy about skincare” line in every story like this, and it’s true. But I’ve always enjoyed it, nonetheless. I like knowing about what can make our skin tick, from what products and ingredients to use for different skin concerns to what’s trending in dermatologist offices, Sephora, and more. I might be more of a makeup girl, but any and all beauty products give me the buzz of excitement most people can only dream of. All of this to say, my skincare habits have definitely changed within the last few months, not only to keep up with stress acne, but as self-care in the morning and at the end of a long day.
      While making my dream skincare routine (which yes, I did put in my previously-stated bullet journal) a few months ago, I wanted to add a higher-potency vitamin C product to my morning routine. I had been using one from Dr. Loretta to ease into it, but I was ready to try something that would tackle my hyperpigmentation and dullness with a little more vigor. Maelove’s hero product, The Glow Maker Serum, stood out to me immediately.

      If you’ve lusted after some of the most popular vitamin C serums (Skinceuticals C E Ferulic and Ole Henrikson Truth Serum, for example), they all have a few things in common: a high vitamin C content with the addition of vitamin E and Ferulic Acid. Oh, and they’re all expensive AF. Maelove’s formula? It has all of those buzzy ingredients with a price tag under $30. 

      I’ve been using it pretty much daily (laziness doesn’t just go away overnight, people) for two months now, and I see all the hype and more. There’s a reason this product goes in and out of stock constantly: it works. 
      Vitamin C, E, and Ferulic Acid are a common pair in skincare—but why? In a 2005 study from Duke University Medical Center, ferulic acid paired with 15 percent L-ascorbic acid (AKA vitamin C) and 1 percent alpha-tocopherol (a type of vitamin E) “improved chemical stability and doubled photoprotection.” Other studies, such as one from Mount Sinai Medical Center’s Department of Dermatology in 2007, suggest that vitamin C and E are “synergistic,” meaning they work best when put together. Basically, all of this science-jargon to say: there’s weight in using these ingredients together, and the Maelove serum combines it all right there for you. 
      My skin has broken out on and off since I started using it (thanks, Retin-A!), but my scars are fading much faster than usual. My skin also feels smoother and just overall clearer—I might have a few active zits, but my face has clarity and looks brighter. My morning skincare routine is pretty bare-bones, but I still feel like my skin is prepped and ready for makeup or to just look good on its own. 
      After cleansing in the morning, I pat Glow Maker on my skin with my fingertips. It has a really thin, liquid consistency that goes on easily. It does make my face quite tacky, but once I apply moisturizer, that goes away. I immediately wash my hands because the vitamin C stains your palms almost like a self-tanner would. Then, I go over it with a moisturizer and sunscreen, and I’m good for the day!
      As far as the scent, I don’t notice it and find it to be very mild on the spectrum of horrible-smelling vitamin C serums.

      How it looks on the skin with a little moisturizer—this product has hyaluronic acid as well, so it really plumps the skin and makes it look VERY glowy (hence, Glow Maker). 

      It’s rare for me to like every single thing about a product (I’m a little critical, what can I say), but I really have no complaints about this serum. I’ve been pining after the Skinceuticals since my dermatologist recommended it, but the $166 price tag just isn’t in my budget. This Maelove serum has a really similar ingredient list for a mere quarter of the price. With over 6,300 reviews (most of them five stars!), many say it works as well if not better than the one over five times the price. With free shipping and returns, I mean, you really can’t go wrong.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      The 15 Best Books for Your New Year’s Resolutions

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      Even though New Year’s resolutions look a little different this year, it’s still the season for self-invention. The beginning of January means making new promises to ourselves, letting go of the past year, and, most importantly, reflecting on what we want out of the year ahead. And the best way to keep resolutions (instead of letting them trickle out by January 28 like most years)? Go all-in by indulging in a good book that offers concrete advice to reach your goals and become your best self. So to help you make resolutions that will stick (because we all deserve a win in 2021), we’ve rounded up the best books that will give you a much-needed dose of inspiration, optimism, and motivation. Whether your 2021 resolution looks more like running a marathon or just getting off the couch every once in a while (no judgment), these books will help you get there. 

      Sallie Krawcheck
      Own It: The Power of Women at Work

      This bestseller is basically the #1 career playbook for 2021. No matter your industry or where you’re at in your career, “Own It” is a powerful manual for a new set of rules to achieve professional success. Read if: your resolutions are career-focused.

      Mallika Chopra
      Living with Intent: My Somewhat Messy Journey to Purpose, Peace, and Joy

      Because sometimes resolutions aren’t about changing your life; they’re about changing your mindset. Use this book as your go-to for finding purpose, joy, gratitude, and balance. Read if: you’re done thinking about what your life could be, and instead want to appreciate where you are now.

      Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life

      Never feel like you have enough energy or time to accomplish all you want? Maybe your to-do list feels impossible to finish, or you give up on goals because you don’t have the time. Drawing on practical advice from the latest in business, psychology, and economics, this book proves you can accomplish everything you want. Read if: you feel like you’re always lacking time or energy.

      Laura Thomas, PhD
      Just Eat It: How Intuitive Eating Can Help You Get Your Shit Together Around Food

      Whether your nutrition resolution is to stop eating late-night pizza (right, like that’s going to happen!) or to get rid of outdated food rules, intuitive eating is the way to finally eat nourishing foods and achieve food freedom. “Just Eat It” is a life-changing read about trusting your appetite, listening to your body, and ditching diet culture once and for all. Read if: you’re sick of struggling with your relationship with food.

      Michelle Obama
      Becoming

      Because we would be remiss if we didn’t include our queen, Michelle Obama, on any list of life-changing books. “Becoming” is the inspirational memoir you’ve been looking for to motivate you to chase your dreams. Read if: you want to focus on New Year’s resolutions, but self-help books aren’t typically your thing.

      Barbara L. Fredrickson, PhD
      Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection

      This isn’t your average relationship book. Whether or not your resolutions have to do with your love life, Fredrickson argues that love is the secret to improving our physical and mental health. Oh, and FYI, she also argues that love is not about a romantic relationship (though it can be!). It’s about connection between all people, including strangers, coworkers, friends, and family members, so this book is for anyone (regardless of relationship status). Read if: you’re looking for a new perspective to change your health.

      BJ Fogg, PhD
      Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything

      No matter how big your resolutions or goals are, the secret to achieving them is in small changes. Fogg breaks down how exactly to achieve anything you want by starting small. For example, try two push-ups a day instead of aiming for a 60-minute workout, or take a deep breath whenever you get in your car instead of starting with a full meditation practice. Read if: you have some lofty resolutions you’re not sure how to achieve.

      Maxie McCoy
      You’re Not Lost: An Inspired Action Plan for Finding Your Own Way

      With step-by-step advice, thoughtful exercises, and real-life stories from McCoy and other inspirational women, “You’re Not Lost” is an inspiring action plan to get the life you want (and deserve!). Read if: 2020 made you feel lost, hopeless, or confused in any area of your life.

      James Clear
      Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

      No matter your 2021 resolutions, “Atomic Habits” offers a proven framework for changing your life by forming good habits, breaking bad ones, and mastering small behaviors that lead to massive transformation. Learn how to overcome a lack of motivation or willpower, get back on track when you fall off course, and design your schedule for success. Read if: your New Year’s resolutions typically don’t last past January.

      Ann Shoket
      The Big Life

      Sometimes just a few key changes can help you achieve everything you want in your career, finances, love life, and overall wellbeing. Or, at least, that’s what trailblazing editor-in-chief of Seventeen, Ann Shoket, argues in her self-help book and memoir packed with actionable guidance to living your best life. Read if: your resolution is to find more meaning in your life.

      Lalah Delia
      Vibrate Higher Daily: Live Your Power

      Looking for inspiration to tap into your inner power and become your best self? Instagram superstar, Lalah Deliah, put her self-help wisdom into this comprehensive book that teaches us that we have control over situations and our emotions. “Vibrating Higher Daily” helps you make intentional day-to-day choices that lift you out of mindsets, habits, and lifestyles that don’t serve you. Read if: you’re over physical resolutions and ready to transform your soul instead.

      Dan Harris
      10% Happier

      Dan Harris experienced a nationally televised panic attack that acted as a wake-up call to prioritize mental health and make some major changes in his life. Follow Harris on his quest for happiness as he explores spiritual practices, studies scientific research, and explains his own experiences to help you get 10 percent happier (and maybe a lot more). Read if: anxiety or stress levels are affecting your life.

      Gabrielle Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest Dreams

      Filled with tangible tools like the “Choose Again Method” for reframing negative thoughts and boosting your mood, “Super Attractor” is a more spiritual approach with essential tips to live in alignment with the universe to create the life that you want. Forget resolutions–start attracting the life you want right now. Read if: your resolutions include getting more in touch with yourself. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      10 Ways to Up Your Dating Game in 2021

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      Dating is always tough to navigate: what do you text back, who pays the check, and why is it so hard to meet normal people!? But dating during lockdown is a whole new set of difficulties: the old rules of dating no longer apply, our go-to date spots are closed, and we totally forgot how to do our makeup (nope, just me?). But lockdown or not, you deserve a fulfilling life, fun ways to meet new people, and to actually enjoy dating (because no one should have Charlotte’s dating exhaustion). 

      We all say it every year, but 2021 can truly be the year you reach all of your goals (#newyearnewme, right?). No matter what’s going on in the world, this year can be a golden opportunity if you’re looking for love (or, you know, just looking to go on dates that don’t suck). Here are 10 ways to not only date in 2021, but to totally up your dating game, achieve a fulfilling love life, and find a happy relationship (no matter how serious you’re looking for). Read on for romantic success by 2022:

      1. Appreciate how dating is different now
      Maybe you’re getting Zoom-date fatigue, or maybe you’ve kept your dating life on hold since the stay-at-home order hit. However, a global pandemic and social distancing restrictions don’t have to harm your love life. In fact, they could even be beneficial. For example, dating during a pandemic means focusing on an emotional connection first, since the physical connection and new-relationship excitement isn’t possible. You can get to know who someone is without spending time and energy doing the actual dating. Slower connections are a new kind of intimacy (plus it’s more foreplay, you know?), unsexy topics like who pays the bill is off the table (literally), and staying at home is an opportunity to get to know each other with fewer distractions. In other words, 2021 brings a lot of potential for your love life–not in spite of the pandemic, but because of it. 

      2. Keep all options open
      Many of us have this idea that we need a movie-worthy meet-cute when finding a soulmate. But closing yourself off to any meeting that isn’t locking eyes across a crowded bar or running into a long-forgotten high school sweetheart from back home (Hallmark Channel style) limits your chances. And during a lockdown? Your chances are next to nothing. Despite what Hollywood has us believe, we can meet worthwhile people anywhere. You could meet your ideal partner over a Zoom meeting, at an online singles event, in an elevator, at the park walking your dog, or yes, on a dating app. The more options you keep open, the higher your chances of meeting people that you’ll enjoy being around. Instead of a “meet-cute,” try to find the dating apps or methods that feel right for you, and be open to any possibility.

      Source: @ashbegash

      3. Be ready for “the talk”
      No, not the “seeing other people” talk, or even the STD talk (although I urge you to have those conversations as well). I’m talking about the global pandemic talk. It may be awkward, but being on the same page about COVID safety and social distancing practices is crucial to make dating safe and enjoyable. Make sure you’re connecting with people who are taking the same safety precautions that you are and be open and honest about what you’re comfortable with. If an in-person date is on the table, let them know exactly how you’re staying safe, and what you expect from them to feel safe being together.
      As weird as the conversation might feel, one of the good things about dating in a pandemic is that you have to be more intentional and selective about who you spend your time with. Having an open and honest dialogue not only keeps you safe and worry-free, but lays the foundation for a trustworthy relationship. 

      4. Forget prerequisites
      Many of us have extensive prerequisite checklists before even considering going on a first date. Maybe you want someone who is exactly like you, whether it’s interests, religion, or background. Maybe you’re not looking twice at people who have a certain dating history, are over a certain age, or own a cat (because you’re way more of a dog person). 
      While shared values are crucial and compatibility is often determined by similarities, try getting to know someone before making assumptions based on your prerequisites. The only “prerequisites” you need are your non-negotiable values, like kindness, integrity, and humor. Otherwise, base opinions on how you feel, not off of a checklist. Pay attention to the person in front of you, and try not to project a narrative or assign meaning to traits before you even know the person. Ask questions, and genuinely care about why someone is the way they are before determining whether or not they are for you.

      Source: @missenocha

      5. Cut it off with the “maybes,” already!
      Do you have an ex that has been hanging around for years, or a f*ckboy that’s been messing with your head? What about those people you text when you’re feeling lonely or bored, or who you think you might be interested in someday (keyword: might)? I call these people the “maybes:” the exes, previous dates, and “it’s complicated” relationships that didn’t work out the first time around, but you keep their number in your phone “just in case,” or are hoping something will change.
      There’s a lot of reasons we stick around with people we know are not good for us. Maybe they’re a security blanket, maybe we’re lonely, or maybe we’re seeking external approval. But no matter the reason the wrong person is in your life, as soon as you realize they’re not the one for you, that should be the end of it, not the beginning of the end. Now, if you have a friend with benefits (you don’t have feelings for) or love flirty-texting that hot coworker, you do you, girl. But those people you go to out of loneliness, comfortability, or insecurity? They’re just holding you back. Know what you deserve, be honest with yourself, and don’t settle. Bonus tip: unfollow on social media. Just do it!

      7. Visualize your best self
      Dating highlights our biggest insecurities: we overanalyze what we say over text or Tinder, try on 15 different outfits (even if the date is just on Zoom), and maybe even expect the worst and prepare to be ghosted or for the date to go bad. Sound familiar? To cure pre-date anxieties, try visualizing the best version of yourself. Are you confident, comfortable, or friendly? How would the most confident you act on this date? What would you wear? Would you even care about what you wear? Remind yourself that you are the catch that your date is trying to impress, not the other way around. Even if you don’t feel confident or calm, the simple act of visualizing your best self can help you relax, and enjoy the date instead of getting in your head.

      Source: @missalexlarosa

      6. Remember that “no” is not a dirty word
      In fact, it’s one of the most important words in your dating vocabulary. Especially as women, we’re taught to be likable and easy-going on dates, and we focus more on how to be liked than whether or not we actually like them (but more on that below). You know what we should vow to end in 2021? Going on dates we’re not excited about, texting back people we don’t like, or not vocalizing what we want and need in our relationships to protect other people’s egos. Overall, let’s work on saying “no” when we want to say no. Compromise and empathy are crucial in relationships, but so is respect for each other’s wants and needs. Communicating what you don’t want should be just as easy as what you do. If it’s not, this person doesn’t respect you or care about you as much as they say they do. Thank you, next.

      7. Use alone time to your advantage
      While 2020 was a lonely year for many of us, being alone has allowed us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Think about it: we’ve grown a lot, started new hobbies or hustles, and got to know our likes and dislikes in 2020. Even an abundance of alone time can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner. Plus, scary times make people crave connection, and hitting pause on all normalcy helps you let go of the habits, traits, or dating rules that are no longer serving you. Not only have you been subconsciously preparing yourself for a more successful dating life, but any potential partners have too.

      8. Ditch outdated rules
      Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorite of all dating rules are “don’t kiss on the first date” and the “three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body, and when you want to do it, is not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling. 
      Next up: playing hard to get or waiting for the other person to make the first move. Besides outdated gender roles, these “rules” come from the idea that whoever cares less in the relationship is the one who has the most power. But should love be about power? It’s OK to care; we’re supposed to care about each other. So what does it matter if you “come on too strong” or “care more?” Be true to your feelings and what you want. Oh, and making the first move can save us a lot of time wondering if they like us back. It’s 2021: we’re starting side hustles, prioritizing our health, and smashing glass ceilings. Ain’t nobody got time to wait around for a phone call. 

      Source: @cmcoving

      9. Focus on finding out what you want
      Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Some people will like you and some people won’t. Whether or not someone wants to pursue a relationship or a second date with you has nothing to do with how likable you are, but has to do with compatibility. And I think we can all agree there are many people we wouldn’t mind being incompatible with. Prioritize what you want in a partner by making a list of non-negotiable qualities or values you want, and stop yourself from getting caught up in what a relationship or person could be. Instead, ask yourself if you genuinely enjoy each person you’re talking to, and whether or not they deserve you. 

      10. Know that dating is supposed to be enjoyable (and stop if it isn’t)
      Repeat after me: dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience–whether it’s a Zoom date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating–brings you closer to clarity.
      The purpose of going on dates, talking to new people, and opening yourself up to meet someone new is not to feed your ego, affirm insecurities, or to find a soulmate ASAP. The purpose is to collect information that will bring you closer to a happy, fulfilling life, and to have a good time along the way. Bottom line: it should be fun meeting new people, whether or not a second date follows (yes, really!). If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life.
       
      How are you updating your dating game this year? More

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      in health and weelbeing

      6 Things to Do This Month to Kick off Your New Year Right

      by

      After a very trying year that was shaped by a global pandemic that halted our personal and professional lives, we are all cautiously optimistic for a brand-new year in 2021 after the holiday season. For many, the only New Year’s resolution is for a more pleasant year than last. The top of a new year brings on new chances to improve yourself, reset, or simply take a break after a stressful, eventful year’s past. Even though there’s no surefire way on how to start a new year off right, here are a few ways you can usher in a new year this month to strive to be your happiest and healthiest.  

      1. Prioritize your health 
      After a stressful year for all, your physical, mental and emotional health at the top of another year should take priority in order to kick off your new year right, as your overall health is crucial in getting through another year. Whether you’ve sought out help in 2020 or are still trying to prioritize your health in the middle of a pandemic, your overall health is important and should not be ignored in the new year.
      Make time to assess your health mentally and physically and schedule time to seek out resources and small ways to help you kick start your year with the help you need. Whether you are looking to be more physically active or to better yourself mentally by attending therapy, use the top of the year to focus on ways you can be healthier holistically. 

      2. Consider switching up your daily routine 
      If you’ve been looking to start and end your day more positively, the beginning of a new year is a great time to switch up or refresh your daily routine. A healthy daily routine improves your productivity and your mood throughout the day and keeps you focus and grounded as you move throughout your day. 
      Establish a daily routine that meets your needs by evaluating what makes you happy throughout the day, whether it’s finding time to meditate, spending time with your partner, your family, or your pet, or having time to pamper yourself in the mornings or evenings with your beauty routine. Identify what brings you joy and make it a priority to incorporate it throughout your day. 
      If you already have a daily routine, refresh what it looks like and be more mindful of prioritizing yourself first, avoiding just “getting through” your day robotically. A new year is a great time to shake up your schedule and make room for yourself and new, healthy practices that will carry on throughout the year. 

      3. Find an accountability partner for your new year’s goals
      The new year brings on resolutions and goal-setting to ensure a productive year ahead. If you need that extra push to get you going, identify a friend or your partner to hold you accountable to reach your goals. Having an accountability partner helps you put your goals into perspective and holds you to reach them. 
      Your accountability partner can also remind you to show yourself more grace and patience throughout the year, as the effort to reach New Year’s resolutions can make us harder on ourselves. Find someone who is not only your coach, but your cheerleader and confidant who can remind you to press forward, but to also take a break and reset when your expectations are weighing heavily on you. 

      4. Check in on family and friends 
      We have all been through a tumultuous year, so make sure to check in on family, friends, and loved ones in the new year to express your gratitude for them and to give yourself some joy as well. Positive relationships with family and friends help us get through rough times but also helps us celebrate good ones, so start your new year off right by cultivating and prioritizing those relationships before the year picks up. 
      If you can’t physically spend time with family and friends due to the pandemic, schedule some Zoom time or even just a quick phone call or text to let them know you’re thinking about them as the year gets started. If there’s anything 2020 has taught us, is that everyone is going through a struggle that you may or may not know about, so connecting with your loved ones can help them get through the beginning of the year and the end of another. 

      5. Practice gratitude 
      Ring in the New Year practicing gratitude this year, which helps boosts your mood and refocuses your attention on positivity versus the challenges of the past year. Practicing gratitude helps put another year in perspective, helping you usher in another year on a positive note and being thankful for the year behind. It also helps you reflect on the good in your life rather than the negative, looking ahead in an optimistic, more productive way. 
      You can practice gratitude in a variety of ways to start to your year. Here are a few great ways to practice gratitude at the beginning of the year: 
      Give back monetarily or volunteer your time to an organization or charity that could use some assistance in the new year 
      Practice mindfulness by using meditation as a guide to stay present and aware of yourself and your mental health going into another year 
      Write down what you’re grateful for from the past year by either journaling or making a simple list to recognize your own hard work and perseverance
      Treat yourself to an at-home spa day, give yourself a gift, or spend the day resting to show yourself some appreciation 
      Express your gratitude for someone else by sending them a gift or kind words to start their new year off with appreciation 
      Gratitude is all about appreciating who you are, what you have, and loved ones around you in the moment; celebrate a new year by giving thanks to yourself each day. 

      6. Give yourself a moment to rest 
      We all need a little break mentally and emotionally from the whirlwind that was 2020. Give yourself a much-needed break at the top of the year and find some time to wind down and rest, putting aside the hustle and bustle (and stress) of what a new year brings. 
      Before ringing in the New Year with a mound of work, New Year’s resolutions, and a host of productive tasks to jump-start your year, give yourself permission to rest before overexerting yourself too early. Rest and relaxation is just as important to your overall health as productivity and goal-setting. If available, carve out some time before jumping back into the swing of things after celebrating the New Year to relax and focus on self-care. Whether you hop right back in the bed to get some much-needed sleep, or binge your favorite TV show or Netflix movie, give yourself some time to decompress to refocus your New Year’s energy on yourself first. This downtime will help you jump start another year at your best physically, and most importantly, mentally.  

      How do you plan to start your new year off the right way? More