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      Everything You Need To Know About Your Enneagram Type—And Why It Matters

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      If you’re a wellness fan and an incessant Instagram scroller, chances are, you’ve seen numbers appearing in the posts and bios of some of your favorite influencers or maybe also a number and then ‘w’ and another number? This is the influencer’s Enneagram sign and a calling card for self-love and awareness. While Meyer-Briggs has ruled the personality-typing roost in previous years, the Enneagram has quickly become a favorite self-discovery technique.
      Surprisingly, the Enneagram isn’t exactly anything new—it actually has ancient roots, with some arguing that it can be traced back to the geometry of Pythagorean mathematics. Easily proving age ain’t nothing but a number, its popularity today rests on several things: the simplicity of its format (it is made up of nine types, each with different aspects of personality), behaviors, fears, and desires.
      “The Enneagram is a personality typing tool that breaks down the patterns of human behavior into nine distinct types. Each type has a specific motivation, along with basic fears, levels of health, and so forth. It’s particularly helpful in showing us our blind spots and coping mechanisms,” explained Sarajane Case of Enneagram and Coffee. “I think we’re seeing our culture through a kind of revolution—a desire for more self-awareness and inclusion. The Enneagram is a great way for us to create dynamic and open relationships with ourselves and others.”
      And why it’s gained popularity is because once you dig into it, it goes way deeper than just a personality test. “It’s a personalized roadmap for self-growth, relational health, and more,” shared Laura Miltenberger and Jennifer Andrew of XO, Enneagram. “There’s a lot of hope in the Enneagram because it’s all about the freedom to change and grow. It’s not about labels. Instead of just speaking to who you are right now, the Enneagram teaches you about who you have the potential to be.”
      But it doesn’t stop with learning your type. This is just the start of the Enneagram journey. Once you get into it, there are lots of ways it can help you reflect, develop, and evolve your thinking, behaviors, and relationships. To help you get started, we’ve broken it down into nine things to know about the Enneagram or—if you’re already an Enneagrammer—some new ideas from true Enneagram experts.

      Everyone’s Enneagram Journey Is Different
      We come to the Enneagram for all sorts of different reasons. Whether to gain greater confidence and self-awareness, to help us in our work and career, to enhance our relationships, or all of these and more, the Enneagram is an evolving tool for self-discovery and helps foster empathy and compassion for others.
      “I first started working with the Enneagram as a way to better relate to my partner,” Case shared. “We found it initially helpful in understanding our differences. As time has gone on, I’ve worked with the Enneagram to bring more awareness to my own patterns of behavior and how I show up both positively and negatively in my life and the life of others.”
      As friends who work on XO, Enneagram together, Andrew and Miltenberger both found their way to the Enneagram on very different paths. “I first began to use the Enneagram as a holistic health coach,” Miltenberger explained. “I was so impressed with its ability to help my clients find more self-awareness, tools for their relationships, and insight into their typical ways of coping with stress. But when I finally found my own number, I wasn’t just enlightened, I was moved. The Enneagram spoke to parts of myself that I’d forgotten about, important pieces of who I am and who I want to be.”
      It can be an uncomfortable process at first, Andrew said. “It made me recognize some unhealthy patterns I had in my life. It also helped me put words to parts of myself that I’d never been able to describe, which made me feel seen and understood.”

      The Types
      “The Enneagram describes nine different types—nine different ways of seeing the world,” Miltenberger and Andrew explained. “Personality quizzes and assessments often deal with surface behaviors and traits, but the Enneagram speaks to deeper parts of who you are. It doesn’t just teach you about your strengths, it brings light to your shortcomings too. So when used mindfully, it has the power to set you on a path toward the healthiest and most whole version of yourself.”
      The nine Types are commonly known by the following names, but these can differ slightly:

      The Perfectionist – The Rational, Idealistic Type: principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.
      The Helper – The Caring, Interpersonal Type: demonstrative, generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.
      The Achiever – The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: adaptive, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.
      The Individualist – The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
      The Investigator – The Intense, Cerebral Type: perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.
      The Loyalist – The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.
      The Enthusiast – The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered.
      The Challenger – The Powerful, Dominating Type: self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
      The Peacemaker – The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent.

      These descriptions—from The Enneagram Institute—are just a brief overview of the types. To really get into it and discover which type you may be, it’s important to read detailed descriptions of all of them, Case advised.
      “Once you find your type, you’ll likely know. Reading the description of your type can feel a bit like reading your own journals back to yourself,” Case explained. “I know it’s tempting to take a test and get a quick answer or to rely on someone else to tell you your type. I want to challenge you to take the time to research yourself. You are so worth the exploration.”

      Source: Caroline Sharpnack for The Everygirl

      But How Do You Know When You Know?
      This is a question many on the road through the Enneagram will spend a lot of time pondering. And that’s totally normal. It’s super easy to believe you’re one type, then read about another that resonates and feel confused about which you could be. It’s also very easy to mistype too, as there are lots of similarities between them. “By reading more and by listening to the experience of others who have already discovered their type, you’ll begin to narrow down your dominant type,” Miltenberger and Andrew said. “Tests and quizzes can be fun, but don’t rely on your results, as they are frequently inaccurate. You’re the only one who can discover your type. It takes some introspection, some reading, and a willingness to look at yourself with honesty.”
      And uncomfortable as it may be, it also helps to look at the more negative aspects of the types as well as positive ones to really help shine a light on your true type. “The truth is that we all can or would like to relate to the positive aspects of each type,” Case added. “It’s the difficult or trying elements that force us to get really honest. It can feel a bit like being exposed when we read the lower-level behaviors of our number. When you read a type and your cheeks get red and you want to hide under the table—that may be your number.”
      Both XO, Enneagram and Enneagram and Coffee offer lots of resources on their Instagram accounts to help with this discovery process—even sharing fun memes and videos, which, while lighthearted, can actually further help the identification process and really help bring that lightbulb moment for you.

      What Are Wings?
      Once you’ve found your type or, at least, the one you feel most resonates with you for now, you can explore the wings of that type and drill down into the type on a deeper level. Wings are the numbers directly adjacent to your Enneagram type, so for example, a type 1 would have type 9 or type 2 as its potential wings.
      “They come into play as a way to balance out the personality patterns of our number. We all have both wings available to us, yet we typically lean into one or the other for support. The ultimate goal is to balance out your wings to fully support your personality,” Case explained. “You’re the same type throughout your life, but your wing can actually shift and change as your life does. Think of your wing as what you bring in to round out your personality patterns. You may need something different for that at different stages of life.”
      For some of us, the wing helps confirm our type and solidify it; for others, the wing descriptions could be completely off and help us reassess. But don’t stress about the wings—the most important thing on the Enneagram is to discover your type. It’s OK to remain undecided on your wing. Case has a great podcast episode dedicated just to wings.

      And What About Subtypes?
      Once you’re in the Enneagram zone, you can read on about subtypes or “instincts.” There are three of these, and typically, you’ll figure out one that is dominant for you. They are more primal and instinctual than the personality aspects of the types and wings but are often the powerful subconscious driving force behind many of our life choices and actions. Your dominant one will relate to what is a priority for you—what you need to get what you want from this world and what area of life you usually attend to first.
      “The three subtypes are One-On-One, Social, and Self-Preservation,” Miltenberger and Andrew explained. “Your dominant subtype describes the way you most instinctually interact with the world around you. It describes what you most naturally pay attention to and what you initially respond to. The One-On-One subtype pays most attention to individual relationships, the Social subtype to the group or social structures, and the Self-Preservation subtype to needs and perceived danger. Bringing awareness to your subtype is a great opportunity to create more health and balance in your life.”
      Understanding this adds another layer of insight into all aspects of who you are and why you are, and you can use this to really dig deeper into your self-discovery and development, helping to identify anything you feel is working or not working for you.

      Source: TONL
      You’ve Found Your Type—Now What?
      Your journey doesn’t end with the identification of your type. In fact, this is where it all begins. Working with the Enneagram can help you feel validated, understood, and, best of all, help forge a greater sense of self-compassion. On the flip side, it can also make you confront some of your more challenging aspects. And this is where it can get a little harder but can also be incredibly rewarding.
      The first step to working with it is really about acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, and then establishing a support plan for them, Case recommended. “Celebrate your strengths and build a life that helps them shine. Open your eyes to your blind spots, noting your motivators and how you receive love, exploring your contribution to relationships, softening your path out of behavior patterns, and finally turning that into something beautiful and sharing it with the world.”
      A good way to do this is to read a variety of websites, books, and Instagram accounts, and listen to podcasts—really get immersed in all the Enneagram resources out there. Many Enneagram experts will also suggest you journal daily, even if just for short bursts on guided topics tailored to your Enneagram type and your discoveries and thoughts. If you’re a list person, make lists of things you’re identifying and learning or what you want to achieve.
      “There’s no wrong way to practice this,” Miltenberger and Andrew added. “Let the Enneagram teach you about yourself. But remember to approach all of these things with a lot of kindness and gentleness toward yourself: You have plenty of time to get to wherever it is that you want to go. You’re multifaceted—for every shadow in you, there’s a diamond, too. You might have growing pains now, but remember that you’re already strong. You might have room for growth, but you’re loved and acceptable already, just as you are.”

      Lean In…
      The Enneagram isn’t just beneficial to your self-acceptance; it radiates out and can be a useful tool in supporting you in the workplace, for your career progression and life goals, and in your relationships. “It’s a tool to allow you access to self-awareness that often takes people decades to figure out,” Case said. “The more aware we are of our own patterns and what we bring to our relationships, our job, and our habits, the more ease we can bring into them through owning our strengths and creating a support plan for our weaknesses.”
      It can really help you work on your compassion and empathy for others as well as yourself. “Since the Enneagram helps you identify your stress patterns and coping mechanisms, it also illuminates which self-care practices will be most vital and impactful for you,” Miltenberger and Andrew pointed out. “And when it comes to relationships, the Enneagram helps you understand where other people are coming from and how to interact with them most effectively. With your work, the Enneagram is amazing for identifying your innate strengths and values, which leads to better career choices and fulfillment.”
      It’s also valuable information to bring into therapy sessions to help a partner or others generally understand you better. “More than anything, the Enneagram is a great tool for language,” Case added. “It gives us a way to express what we’re going through, why we’re going through it, and what we may need.”

      What If You’re Not Happy With Your Type?
      OK, so let’s admit it: On face value, some of the types sound a little more appealing than others. But the Enneagram, in all its egalitarian wisdom, is about just that: equality. There is no best or worst—all the types have their strengths and blind spots, and all are on the path to self-awareness.
      “If you feel unhappy with your type, it probably means you’ve discovered something that your personality has been holding you back from, so there’s a little grieving that comes with that,” Miltenberger and Andrew shared. “We all have different ways of getting in our own way. But awareness is the first step in any sort of change or growth. So try to see this new awareness as an opportunity to find more balance in your life. You’re brave for wanting to look at yourself with honesty and wanting to grow, but be gentle with yourself in the process.”

      To Test Or Not To Test?
      Many experts recommend against doing a test to determine your type—usually because there are so many that can offer inaccurate or misleading results for many of us, and identifying our type or feeling confident we’ve picked the “right” one for us are legit concerns. Mistyping can also be an issue. At this point, it’s probably worth taking a test to reinforce your type or help you see something you might have missed. There’s one test that Case recommends as having one of the best records on accuracy—this can be found at Integrative9.com and is worth a go for us type-TBDs.
      There are also lots of books, podcasts, inspiring IG accounts, and other ways to keep learning about the Enneagram. Tune into Case’s fab podcast Enneagram and Coffee to learn more about her and her wonderful insights.
      XO, Enneagram has a great site full of resources and its Instagram account offers ideas, prompts, self-care challenges, journaling practices, and a direct line to quiz them on all your Enneagram questions. For reading, they recommend The Road Back to You, The Wisdom of the Enneagram, The Path Between Us, The Sacred Enneagram, and The Complete Enneagram.
      Oh, and in case you’re wondering by now, this article was written by a 9 wing 1 who took a few gos at finding her type, but once she did, well, it was a real revelation.

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      The Summer of You: 10 Ways To Upgrade Your Routine for Summer

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      While we know summer self-care is important, self-care is not always as easy in the summer as it is in other seasons when everyone is cooped up indoors (and no one’s posting envy-worthy road trip pics). During warmer months, if you don’t live at a beach, crush intense workouts regularly, or go on dreamy vacations every weekend, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out. I like to call it FOMOOAPS: Fear of Missing Out on a Perfect Summer (maybe a stretch?). But focusing on what you’re not doing is taking away from what you should be doing: caring for yourself. Screw the FOMO and instead, make this the summer you put yourself first. Here are 10 ways to upgrade your routine to make the most of the season.

      1. Switch up your workouts
      If you’re stuck in a rut because you take the same workout class every day, summer is your solution. Consider taking your HIIT circuits or yoga flow outdoors: Bring your mat and sun salutations to the park or go for a walk instead of running on the treadmill. Summer is also a great time to try a workout you’ve never done before: Go for a hike, try an outdoor class, ask a friend to join, or try a totally new type of workout. Bonus: Thanks to the longer days, warmer weather, and brighter sunlight, we often have the most energy in the summertime, so take advantage and up the intensity: Go for a high-energy dance class if you’re usually a relaxing-flow kind of girl or train for the marathon you’ve always wanted to run. Just don’t forget your SPF!

      2. Make your own summer vacations
      Ah, remember childhood (or High School Musical 2) when summer was synonymous with vacation? Summer break meant no school from June to August and weeks of pool trips and popsicles ahead of you. Even if we’re grown-ups now (womp, womp) and don’t get a summer break from work (but like, isn’t that a great idea?), you can still apply the same mentality. Summer serves as the perfect reminder that work should be a part of your life, not your entire life. Take advantage of your PTO, whether that means taking a long weekend for a road trip with friends or a mental health day here and there to sleep in, get outside, and enjoy your life. And if all else fails, turn every weekend into a mini vacation (or staycation) to make the most of the season (and your life). 

      3. “Summer clean” your house
      Why should spring cleaning have all the fun? Let me introduce you to summer cleaning (AKA turning your home into the warm-weather oasis you deserve). Since clutter in the home translates into clutter in the mind, having an organized, clean, and happy home will help you enjoy the warmer months and boost your mood (I mean, how happy does an organized closet make you?). Spend a day organizing your junk drawer, donating clothes you don’t wear, and optimizing the space in your kitchen. But “summer cleaning” doesn’t just have to be the tedious stuff: Update your decor for a happier season by trading darker home accents with more colorful accessories, add a colorful print or two to the wall, and make minor upgrades with of-the-moment trends to brighten up your home. Minor changes like fresh flowers in vases or citrus oil in a diffuser can also make all the difference. 

      4. Eat fresher foods 
      While you may crave hearty dishes and warm meals in wintertime, you’re more likely to crave fresher foods come summer. Healthy eating is easy when the weather is warm. Your body wants lighter foods, herbs are in season, and vegetables on the grill suddenly sound as good as pasta or pizza. Take advantage of grocery stores full of produce in their prime (think: juicy tomatoes, fresh strawberries, and sweet corn), base grocery lists and recipes around the many delicious fruits and vegetables that are in season, and snack on crispy bell peppers or delicious watermelon. Also, make an effort to add more water-rich foods to your diet for bonus hydration points, like watermelon, cucumber, zucchini, and tomatoes. 

      5. Update your skincare for the season
      Imagine this: It’s the middle of summer 2022. You’ve got an effortless glow that even the lifeguards envy, and the disturbing amount of sweat and SPF on your skin at all times doesn’t even break you out. If it sounds too good to be true, know that you can score a killer tan without the harmful rays of the sun (thank you, fake tanning products!), and just because you’re loading up on SPF or sweating more does not mean you have to suffer through acne. Your skin just needs different things in the summer than it does in the winter, so update your routine accordingly. Include exfoliating acids to slough off dead skin, use cooling tools to de-puff and calm inflammation, make sure you have proper sun-care, and, if you’re looking to fake tan, opt for a high-quality faux glow for the summer skin of your dreams.

      6. Take advantage of longer hours
      So you know that days are longer during the summer, but have you ever thought about changing your daily routine to make the most of those long days? Longer days mean more sunlight, and more sunlight means more energy (think about it: waking up at 7 a.m. when it’s already light out is way different from waking up to a dark, cold 7 a.m. that still feels like nighttime). Take full advantage of the extra energy by waking up early for a workout or even just adding 30 minutes to your morning routine for some extra “me” time. And when it comes to staying lighter later, bring your post-work routine outdoors, whether that means eating dinner on your balcony or going on a run instead of opting for the treadmill. 

      7. Go tech-free
      One of the best parts of summer is that there is so much to do that’s not watching TV or staring at your computer screen (winter, I love you, but you forced me into some major Netflix black holes). Commit to going tech-free for at least a couple of hours every week or even a small amount of time every day. Go on a hike, read a book, or spend time with friends sans Instagram posting. No matter how you choose to spend your tech-free time, put down your phone, close your laptop, and turn off the TV to enjoy the screen-free time. If you want more of a challenge, consider going on a social media break for an entire week or limiting social media to one half-hour block a day.

      8. Walk everywhere
      “Fitness” doesn’t have to mean intense, exhausting, hour-long workouts. Instead, it just means simply moving as much as possible and living less sedentarily. True self-care is not about pushing yourself to the limit or reaching exhaustion but rather about just doing more of what you know makes your body feel good. One of the best parts of summer is that walking everywhere is not only possible, but it’s also pleasant. Cue up your favorite summer playlist or a new podcast episode and vow to walk everywhere (at least) within a one-mile radius (bonus: it’s better for the planet). For farther destinations, get creative about your transportation. For example, walk to the farther train stop to get in some extra steps or try bike riding for a quicker method that’s still active. 

      9. Grow your own produce
      Even if you don’t think your thumb is green, the summer season is the ideal time to start growing herbs or vegetables (you can do it, I promise). Let’s talk about why: Growing produce is healthier for you, better for the Earth, and easier on your wallet, and it just feels empowering to be able to whip up a pesto with basil from a pot outside. If you have a yard and the space, start with basics like tomatoes and lettuce (easy-to-grow summer produce). If you’re in an apartment or don’t have space outdoors, grow fresh herbs on a windowsill or with a smart garden.
       
      10. Remember that social health is self-care
      Community care is not only one of the top wellness trends of the past couple years, but it’s also a crucial part of self-care that we often overlook. I’ve been there: the temptation to skip beach days with friends because you’re feeling insecure or getting stressed about dinner plans because every item on the menu will make you bloated. But having strong relationships (and enjoying them regularly) is not only something we want but also something we need. Instead, remember that laughing with friends is truly better for your health than a green juice, and happy memories affect you way longer than a salty margarita ever could. Yes, you can always take care of your body, but this summer, prioritize taking care of your relationships too.

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      What You Should Manifest This Year, Based on Your Enneagram

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      Manifestation isn’t anything new (nor is it magic!). In a very practical sense, manifesting is about living a life of intention because the more energy and intention you direct toward your desires, the more results you see. I keep a manifestation journal where I envision the specific changes I want to see in my life in great detail that I often revisit and use to intentionally make those outcomes a reality. And to help with manifestation, you can turn to your Enneagram, which can tell you about your deepest desires, fears, and core motivations. As a Four, it’s how I realized that creativity was important to me in my career. To make this your best year yet, read on to find out what you should manifest and where to focus your manifestation powers, according to your Enneagram.

      For the ambitious and hardworking Ones, this year’s manifestation is all about self-acceptance. Envision the version of yourself outside of what you think others expect of you and give yourself your own stamp of approval. Ones are loved and worthy, regardless of whether or not they fall short of their goals. Choose to be happy now, not just when the next goal is met. Repeat an affirmation like “my value goes beyond my achievements” and be intentional about infusing joy into your life wherever and whenever you can.

      As selfless caregivers, Twos are ready to manifest a caring relationship because they are always giving. Intentionally seek out relationships that are about a balanced give and take, like a partner who will always check on you or ask about how you feel. Think about what relationships with people who support, encourage, and inspire you would feel and look like, and define what the boundaries around your time and energy mean to you. Manifesting balanced relationships will help you create the connections that leave you feeling appreciated.

      For Threes who put a lot of pressure on themselves, this is the year to manifest peace. Focus on the things in your life that prioritize relaxation and soothe you. Recall a memory or visualize a place that makes you feel the calmest. For me, it’s the sounds of rain falling outside my window or waves crashing on the beach. Close your eyes and take yourself to the place that lets you relax any tension in your body.

      As a Type Four, you are always finding new creative outlets and are only fulfilled if you’re truly imaginative. Manifest greater inspiration and a career opportunity that will allow you to be more creative. Picture exactly what it would feel like to get up every day and do work that excites you and allows you to express yourself creatively, learn a new skill that gets you closer to that goal, and look up your dream company that encourages individual creativity and see if there are any opportunities available. Feel a little underqualified? Fight the career FOMO and apply anyway.

      If you’re a Type Five, 2022 is your year to manifest abundance. This can be an abundance of new information to learn in a career that challenges your critical thinking or more income to feel more freedom and indulge in the things that make you happy. As the minimalist of the Enneagrams, Fives often believe that they have more than enough. Picture life without the feeling of scarcity and the steps you can take, like practicing gratitude. Start a gratitude journal and pick one to three things every day that you’re grateful for in your life. This will help you have a more positive outlook and manifest more abundance in your life.

      Sixes are acutely aware of all the things that might go wrong. This Enneagram type would benefit from manifesting all good things because Type Sixes are motivated by their need for security. Try drowning out the worst-case scenarios that can play out in your head and replace them with positive ones. Believe that good things are coming and picture what the feeling of safety feels like. Be intentional about not creating self-fulfilling prophecies and make decisions based on the feeling of safety, not fear. Focus on trusting that you’ve done all that you could to create safety and that you can handle anything that comes your way. 

      For the Enneagram that loves fun and exploration, manifesting the trip of their dreams is what this year is all about. Take little steps to bring you closer to ziplining in the Caribbean or dinner overlooking Santorini, Greece: research how much flights would cost, look up where you would stay, or just make a vision board of the destination you want to visit most. Even the tiniest acts can help you move toward your goal and manifest an exciting new place to discover. Even if your dream destination isn’t a reality for 2022, you’ll be manifesting more adventure, whether it’s a weekend trip every month or spending your Saturdays exploring places in your own city you’ve never been.

      Eights are natural-born leaders who love making an impact. Since Eights can sometimes feel disconnected from others, try manifesting community this year. You’re already passionate, so why not find a group of people who also care about the causes that matter, and use your assertiveness and influence more intentionally. Envision what it would feel like to be a part of something bigger and what a supportive, collaborative community looks like for you. Search for local opportunities to volunteer or take the lead by organizing a food drive.

      Nines use their communication skills to bring peace amongst their loved ones, often at the cost of their own. Nines can step into their power when they not only think of others but also think of themselves. Manifest main-character energy to make yourself a priority, and shift your perspective to consider that it’s OK (and necessary) to sometimes be the center of attention or romanticize your life. What would it look and feel like if you said how you felt, regardless of any potential conflict? Journal about situations where future you put yourself first.

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      Want To Be As Confident as Rihanna? Here Are Her Best Tips

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      She’s broken down barriers in beauty, fashion, music, and now maternity style—Rihanna isn’t afraid to make a name for herself in everything she does, with a confidence that is hard to match. But confidence isn’t something that happens overnight, and everyone, even Rihanna, has bad self-esteem days, especially as a woman in industries that aren’t historically welcoming. Confidence is not something you’re born with; it’s a muscle that needs to be continually worked.
      If you feel like a lack of confidence gets in the way of opportunities, you are not alone. But as women such as Rihanna continue to break down these barriers, we get closer and closer to breaking the confidence gap. If you still need a little help reaching Rihanna-level confidence, Riri’s got you covered. She’s shared some game-changing confidence secrets over the years, and we’re breaking it all down below. 

      Do everything for you, not for others.
      It may sound cliché to say “love yourself” and you may have seen it in every self-help book or cheesy wooden sign from Home Goods, but Rihanna knows that loving yourself isn’t as simple as a book or quote. In an article with Emirates Woman, she explained that loving yourself is actually about doing everything for yourself, not for others. For example, she said that makeup and fashion can be big influences in helping you feel confident, but you have to “make sure you are doing it to make you feel good and aren’t trying to impress anybody else.” 
      Start living your life for you and not for others. Repeat an affirmation every morning so you wake up for yourself instead of for that morning meeting or even to let your dog out. When you pick out the clothes you wear or decide to post that picture on Instagram, don’t do it for anyone other than you: Maybe those boots make you feel sexy or that photo was taken during a moment when you were having fun. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to impress someone with what you think they’ll like or following a trend you don’t fully love (been there), but those things never end up making you feel better in the long run. We’re all uniquely beautiful, and the sooner we realize it, the faster we can become more confident versions of ourselves. 

      Fake it ’til you make it.
      Rihanna has some pretty iconic red carpet moments, but one of my personal favorites is not her outfit but an interview (although the outfit is fierce too). When asked what she does on days where she doesn’t feel as confident, she responded, “I pretend. It’s either that or cry myself to sleep, and I mean, who wants to do that? You wake up with puffy eyes the next day—it’s a waste of tears.” It’s so true. As the founder of multiple successful companies and a huge public figure, Rihanna probably has had to pretend once or twice. While sometimes it is nice to have a good cry session, other times, we have to pretend we know what we’re doing and power through.
      As women, we often feel we have to be fully qualified to apply for the dream job or know all the answers to be successful, but we’ll never reach our dreams or achieve new things if we’re not putting ourselves out there. Maybe it’s easier to be confident when we know we’re 100% qualified, but the truth is, we rarely will feel totally ready for anything new (especially when we’re challenging ourselves). Perhaps pretending to be confident is the stepping stone we all need to embrace confidence fully. 

      Choose your role models.
      Rihanna might be one of the best role models, but she has great role models of her own. In an interview with Emirates Woman, she opened up about the women in her life who taught her about the power of self-love. “Both my grandmother and my mum were strong independent women—they had to be,” she said. “They were both independent women who made things happen for themselves, and I am so thankful I grew up around women like that.”
      They say the people you spend the most time with are reflections of you. Spending time with confident people who can help guide you can help you become more confident too. Rihanna was able to identify her role models early on and look to them for guidance to become the confident person she is today. Maybe for you, it’s a coworker or your boss. Maybe it’s a mentor or your best friend, or perhaps you have yet to meet your confidence clan, but you can work to do so. Having someone you look up to and to help guide you is a great step to embodying confidence. 

      Stop comparing yourself to others.
      In the age of the internet, it’s no wonder comparison is a major confidence buster. As a woman who grew up in the spotlight, Rihanna was constantly compared to other women. Whether it was her body, music, or opinions, she was unfairly pitted against others when she should have been admired for being uniquely herself. Today, she is shining a light on the importance of not comparing yourself to other women. “The biggest mistake you can make is to compare yourself with someone else,” she told InStyle.
      Social media can sometimes feel so overwhelming that it’s hard not to compare yourself with an influencer, celebrity, or even a friend. But behind the photoshopped images are real people who have good and bad days too. Rihanna knows that the most confident women stay true to themselves and don’t fall down the hole of comparison (it’s the thief of joy, after all). She said that she wants to “encourage girls and women to respect their uniqueness.” Well, if Rihanna says so.

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      5 Manifestation Journal Prompts for Your Best Life Ever

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      As someone who writes for a living, you’d think I’d be a journaling pro, but until recently, the combination of journal prompts and manifestation never crossed my mind. Sure, I had years where I would take to my diary to express my elation any time Tommy (my crush) paid any attention to me when I was in elementary school, but as an adult, the extent I put pen to paper is my to-do list. 
      But recently, that’s all changed. As of late, no matter where I’m reading or scrolling, I come across manifestation and journaling and their touted benefits, like improved well-being and mood (just to name a couple). So why not combine the two and get the best of both worlds? Read on for five prompts I’ve been loving lately that got me into journaling and can work as a manifestation practice to achieve your dream life.

      1. What is your best life?
      Whether or not you realize it, when you fantasize about your dream life, you’re taking the first step in manifestation: identifying what you desire. And when you take note of it on paper, you’re setting your intentions and, in essence, writing your best story: your life. What does a day in your dream life look like? Write in the present tense as if you’re already living it: “I start my morning with…,” “I am an interior designer…,” “I live in X with X.” 
      How do you spend your waking hours? Who do you interact with? How do you feel throughout the day? Put all your senses to work: what do you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch? Be specific and remove any judgments or doubts from your practice. Writing about your dream life will create a clear picture of it and help invoke the feelings that are connected to it, bringing you one step closer to experiencing it IRL. 

      2. Who is your highest self?
      Let’s be real: You can’t live your best life without being your best self. So when you picture your highest and truest version of yourself, what are they like? How do they feel, speak, and dress? What does their typical day entail? Visualize, feel, and put these thoughts down on a page. Tapping into all the senses as your highest self will help you gain clarity on who you strive to be. The result? Aligning with that person and showing up as them—starting today. Also, when you have to make a tough decision or are faced with an issue with a friend or coworker, you can ask yourself, “How would my highest self handle the situation?” Bottom line: Be clear about who you want to be and live as if you’re already that person, and the rest will follow. 

      3. What is your purpose?
      Each of us has innate gifts and passions that we bring to the table and are uniquely ours. Some of us discover them at a young age while others find their path to self-discovery later in life, and that’s OK. If you’re seeking guidance in realizing your true purpose, journaling can be an effective tool. Consider what piques your interest and lights you up. In other words, what are you passionate about? It can be a belief, activity, cause, or line of work. What are you good at? What would you do if fear and judgment didn’t come into play? Think about a time when you were at your happiest. What were you doing? 
      By recording your reflections in your journal, you’re uncovering your “why,” or the purpose that gets you excited to get out of bed every morning; think of it as your inner guide to manifesting a fulfilling career and life. The best part? You can return to it any time you need inspiration or feel compelled to go in a new direction. And there are no right or wrong answers—it’s your own personal discovery. 

      4. What do you appreciate about your body?
      We often take for granted what our bodies do for us on a daily basis (like the simple acts of breathing, walking, and enjoying foods). Expressing gratitude for what our bodies are capable of doing instead of focusing on what we’d like to change makes room for manifesting what we want (whether or not it has to do with our bodies). For example, when I look in the mirror, I often think, “I wish my arms were more toned.” Replacing a critical thought with body-positive affirmations, like “I release self-criticism and choose self-love” or “My arms give me the ability to embrace my loved ones and carry my pup,” shifts my perspective from a place of lack to one of appreciation. Some other uplifting statements to consider journaling are: “I am grateful for my body today because…” and “I take care of my body by…” 
      Jotting down your affirmations will not only foster love for your body but also make your manifestations come to fruition faster (talk about a win-win). Don’t get me wrong: Accepting and loving your body just as it is today is no easy feat. But the more we write out self-talk that lifts us up, the less we pick apart our bodies and the more we celebrate them for what they are and provide. 

      5. What is no longer serving you?
      We all have a past and, inevitably, people or circumstances from it that we have outgrown but still hold onto. The limiting thoughts and feelings associated with them could be holding you back from getting what you desire. To avoid any ghosts from the past, first identify what’s no longer serving you. Write down any individuals, jobs, relationships, beliefs, habits, routines, or other areas of your life that could be blocking what you want to manifest and why. Then, outline three things you can do at this moment to feel better and remove that thing that’s holding you back. My go-to prompt is “I choose to put my energy into what serves me. This includes…” By releasing burdens from your past, you create space for new possibilities, opportunities, experiences, and connections to come into your life. 

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      How You Need to Recharge, According to Your Enneagram

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      I first found my Enneagram type with my husband during an at-home date night while our son slept, and it immediately made us understand each other better. Suddenly, all those little quirks and pet peeves had us going, ah, I get it now. Not only did it leave us with more compassion (and patience!) with each other but with ourselves too. The Enneagram gives insight into understanding who you are by shedding light on your needs, what drives you, what frightens you, and how you experience or perceive life, which means it also helps you care for yourself.
      How we care for ourselves can also mean how we provide our mind, body, and spirit with rest. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a board-certified internal medicine physician and work-life integration researcher, defines “rest” in seven different types, ranging from mental rest to sensory rest. While each individual often needs every kind of rest during a lifetime, they can also be applied to the nine enneagram types to identify what you truly need and the type of rest you may need to focus on more.
      A brief disclosure: Regardless of your Enneagram, what’s most important is to listen to what you need and take time for yourself, so discover and create a routine that works for and feels good to you. But if you need a little help identifying why you’re feeling so drained or how to best care for yourself, the Enneagram is an amazing tool to gain insight. Read on for what type of rest you need and how to best care for yourself, based on your Enneagram type.

      For Ones who place a lot of emphasis on getting everything “just right,” the pressure to continuously perform at such high internal standards can be a lot. Ones need to care for themselves by implementing Dr. Dalton-Smith’s creative rest. You don’t have to identify as “creative” or work in a creative field to benefit from creative rest. Creative rest involves taking a moment to appreciate beauty in all forms, from music and art to nature’s beauty like trees and beaches. Taking a break for creativity is good for Ones because it’s no-pressure, carefree fun where there really is no such thing as “failing” or making a mistake. They can get lost in an activity that doesn’t have an objective or something that has to be checked off a list, which is good balance to recharge.

      Twos are the empathetic caregivers who don’t think twice about putting others’ needs above their own. This Enneagram can care for themselves by implementing Dr. Dalton-Smith’s social rest. Social rest encourages taking a moment for yourself and being alone, which is a way for Twos to set a dedicated “me time” to combat their selflessness and refill their cup before pouring into others. Avoid overextending and start saying “yes” to yourself and prioritizing your own needs. This can look like designated alone time once a week or setting boundaries and asking for help when you need it.

      Threes are often workaholics whose identities are wrapped in their success, and any failure can leave them thinking that they’re a failure. Dr. Dalton-Smith’s mental rest is perfect for the energetic Threes. Mental rest involves quieting their busy brains and staying present and in the moment. Threes can care for themselves by setting scheduled breaks during their workday and eating their meals away from screens. A mindfulness practice—anything from yoga, meditation, or adult coloring—can be beneficial to keep Threes in the present moment. Also, setting boundaries on your availability outside of working hours can give you the space to understand who you are outside of the identity you’ve created for yourself. Indulge your curiosity and try something that you’re not the best at (you’ll find that your self-worth is not tied up to others’ perceptions of you—promise!). 

      Fours would greatly benefit from Dr. Dalton-Smith’s physical (passive) rest because of their tendency to over-identify their flaws and worry that something is missing in their lives compared to others. The passive component of physical rest involves getting high-quality sleep and naps, so focus all your attention on physically recharging. Create a bedroom oasis that you can retreat to, have a go-to evening routine to calm you down, prioritize getting to bed at a decent hour, and move your body during the day to help improve your sleep at night.

      Often found enjoying their independence and seeking knowledge, Fives are energized in their alone time. To cope with their fear of being overwhelmed by the needs of others and the dull aspects of life, introverted Fives protect themselves by setting clear boundaries and retreating into the internal worlds they’ve created. As a result, they can benefit from Dr. Dalton-Smith’s physical (active) rest. This type of physical rest is more focused on using movement and exercise to recharge the body and get you out of your head. A HIIT session or spin class not your thing? Incorporate any activities that get you moving, like yoga or even stretching, to help you unwind and reconnect with your body.

      Sixes use their logic and vigilance to anticipate worst-case scenarios to cope with their fear of being unprepared. To prevent feeling anxious and overwhelmed by always staying a few steps ahead, Sixes can implement Dr. Dalton-Smith’s sensory rest. This can look like reducing the sensory inputs in your day-to-day, like pausing notifications and dimming lights. Dedicate time to unplug and close your eyes to visualize places that evoke feelings of peace. Try a soothing daily affirmation like, “I take it one day at a time” or “I let go of what I can’t change.” The important thing is that you own your power by honoring and naming your fears but create space in your life to not sweat the small stuff. 

      Because Sevens often fear and repress negative emotions, Dr. Dalton-Smith’s emotional rest is perfect for Sevens. While finding the positive in any situation is a good skill, habitual escapism prevents individuals from being their authentic selves and sharing how they’re really feeling beyond the automatic “I’m fine” response. Allow yourself the opportunity to spend some time alone and address your feelings. Create a daily routine to journal your thoughts and be genuine about how you actually feel, or find a therapist to help you do the work if it feels particularly difficult. Sometimes, the glass will actually feel half empty, and it’s important for you to resist the urge to push that down.

      Dr. Dalton-Smith’s spiritual rest is perfect for Eights because they can feel disconnected from others due to their competitive and intimidating nature. Remind yourself that you are a part of humanity and consider channeling your desire to take action by volunteering for a cause that’s important to you (even if you’re not in charge!). Try writing thank-you notes to your colleagues and loved ones or set days to catch up with friends to allow yourself to give and receive love from others. Remember that vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength to be nurtured—especially in leadership. 

      Nines are willing to go the extra mile to avoid rocking the boat, but don’t get it twisted—Nines resist control, which might show up as passive aggression. Like Twos, Nines can benefit from Dr. Dalton-Smith’s social rest to establish boundaries that allow them to put their needs at the top of their list. Say how you feel and declare what you want, take up space, set boundaries, “decline” calls or invites when you’re not feeling it, and resist the urge to stick to the auto-pilot routine and plan a spontaneous trip with your friends or partner. 

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      7 Tips To Change Your Mindset so You Can Manifest Your Dream Life

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      Manifestation is a buzzword you hear everywhere right now. Whether it’s journaling, vision boards, or meditation, there are so many things that go into manifesting a life you want, but the most important aspect is a healthy mindset. Our mindset can drastically affect the way we view the world and ourselves. If we are spending our days in an unhealthy and negative mindset, we can’t manifest that dream job or a happy relationship. Taking the time to focus on ourselves and working to create a positive and healthy mindset only lead us down the path of manifesting even greater things into our lives.
      Manifesting a healthy mindset may seem daunting, but there are small steps you can take to start looking at things in a more positive light. Just by taking the time to read this article, you have already taken one more step forward. So if you are ready to manifest a healthy mindset, here are some ways you can get started.

      1. Set boundaries
      You know that person who drains your energy every time you’re with them, but you continue saying yes to plans with them? Maybe you feel bad letting them down or don’t know how to say no. Or maybe this person is your boss or a family member, and you feel like you have to be around them. No matter who this person is, it’s time to set some boundaries. The longest relationship you will have in this life is the one you have with yourself—you owe it to yourself to understand when someone is not making you feel good and then do something about it.
      Boundaries can look like saying no to plans (even just saying “I’m super busy right now and need some down time—thanks for understanding!”). But if it’s your boss, this may be more difficult, and boundaries might look like having a conversation with them about your availability (for example, “I am happy to answer your calls during work hours, but after, it will have to wait until the next workday”). Boundaries are different for every situation, but the first step is realizing which relationships need them and then creating a plan to set them.

      2. Practice affirmations
      I love an affirmation. I love reading affirmations in books, finding them when scrolling through TikTok, and writing down the ones I resonate with (something I also highly suggest doing). Affirmations can be used while meditating, but they can also be said aloud to yourself every day. Having an affirmation to help you put into clear and concise words what you want to manifest is a great way to tell the universe (and yourself) your intentions. As you repeat the affirmation over and over, you are signaling to the brain to believe it (bonus points if you say it to yourself in front of a mirror). Some easy ones are the “I Am” affirmations, like “I am enough,” “I am capable,” “I am strong,” and “I am loved.” You can also practice more detailed affirmations. My favorites are “Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line” and “I surrender to the flow.” 

      3. Reframe the narrative
      How often have we all found ourselves in a negative thought spiral? It could be something as simple as forgetting to go grocery shopping on Sunday—now you have nothing to eat for lunch tomorrow, and you’ll have to buy take-out, which isn’t as healthy, and spend money when you are trying to save. When any situation arises that isn’t what we desired, we have two options. One is to go down the anxiety-provoking thought spiral and the other is to choose to reframe the narrative. The narrative above is telling us we are unhealthy, lacking in money, and unproductive, AKA not a very healthy mindset.
      To reframe that narrative, you can instead tell yourself that you forgot to go to the grocery store, but you can go tomorrow after work, and you will get take-out from that new healthy place and treat yourself before you save for the rest of the week. This narrative is saying that you value yourself enough to treat your body because you deserve it, and there is a solution to forgetting groceries. Reframing the narrative is a difficult practice, but the more you do it, the more it becomes part of your healthy mindset.

      4. Spend time alone
      Manifestation is the act of using thoughts or emotions to create a certain reality for yourself. But to know what you want to manifest, you have to spend time with yourself. Spending time alone can include something as simple as going for a walk without any distractions, meditating, journaling, taking yourself out on a date, etc. These practices allow you to feel comfortable spending time alone. They also bring up thoughts or feelings you might not experience in your day-to-day life. Having a healthy mindset means being clear on who you are and what you want out of life; you’re not easily influenced by what someone else is doing in their life because you feel confident in your path. Taking the time to be alone and understand your intentions is a great practice to incorporate into your routine.   

      5. Adopt an abundance mindset
      Fear is the biggest issue with a scarcity mindset, so to have an abundance mindset, we have to get to the root of those fears and conquer them. Some of the top fears I hear women talk about is the fear of not finding a loving relationship and fear around lack of money or succeeding in a career. There are many other fears we face in our lifetime, and no matter what is stopping you from having an abundance mindset, know that it is possible to change it.
      Some ways to adopt an abundance mindset can be gratitude journaling. If you are fearful of finding a loving relationship, writing down all the different positive and loving relationships you currently have in your life can put things into perspective. The next step is to write down the loving relationship you want to manifest (and be as detailed as possible). Creating a practice around being thankful for the abundance of what you currently have in your life makes it easier for you to be open to whatever love/money/career journey you’ll take next. 

      6. Pay attention to your choice of words
      Not only does the universe listen to the words you say, but your body and mind do too. If we tell ourselves we are not smart or pretty, our bodies will hear that and feel it. We’ll express it in the way we converse with others or the way we walk down the street. Adversely, if we say, “I look beautiful today, and I am going to have a great day,” the mind and body listen to that and react more confidently. Language is such a powerful tool. Studies have shown the influence of positive self-talk, so taking the time to reconsider the words you use to speak about yourself daily can have drastic effects. Try viewing yourself the way your best friend would. After all, she would only ever say how beautiful and smart you are. Start a self-monologue in the same way your best friend would and see the changes it makes to your mindset.

      7. Stop comparing
      Whether it’s the influencers you see on Instagram or your friend who seems to be living her best life, comparing yourself to someone else will only leave you feeling empty and lost. You are your own person who has a journey unique to only you. We will all face highs and lows at different times in our lives, and chasing after someone else’s happiness is never the answer to your own. The easiest way to stop the comparison game is to go inward. Ask yourself what you admire in these people’s lives and make a list. Then, go back through that list and see what truly aligns with you. Some of the things on that list won’t. Once you have a final list, see what actionable steps you can take in your life right now to manifest these things. Don’t go back and compare with friends or strangers. What worked for them probably won’t be the same for you. Choose the things you know will truly fulfill you, and then start by taking one actionable step toward them. It will lead you away from comparison and toward an authentic you.

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      I Asked a Confidence Coach How To Be More Confident in Any Situation, and Her Tips Will Change Your Life

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      A lot of women don’t think they know how to be confident. In fact, 70% of girls believe they are not good enough (according to a study done by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund) and there’s a measurable Confidence Gap between men and women (when will there be an end to all these gaps?). Call it imposter syndrome, negative body image, or lack of self-worth, but we all feel a lack of confidence at least sometimes, and for many of us, it’s all the time. But confidence is not a personality trait or something we automatically get when we hit a certain weight or income bracket; it’s a skill and practice that requires daily attention, and it’s something we all are entitled to. 
      And if anyone knows how to be confident and love ourselves, it’s Regina Bonds. Not only is she genuinely the most confident person you may ever meet, but she has also dedicated her life to helping other women find their confidence too (because she knows that true confidence means building other people up as well!). Bonds has worked with women around the world to help them recognize their value, find their voice, and clarify their path through the power of confidence. Read on for Bonds’ definition of what real confidence is and the tips you can start doing today in order to achieve it.

      Meet the expert
      Regina Bonds
      Confidence Coach
      Regina Bonds is one of the world’s most trusted voices for women, challenging them to use their confidence to improve, enhance, and ultimately elevate their lives. She is a sought-after speaker, mentor, and confidence expert.

      What is confidence really?
      Most people think confidence is synonymous with arrogance (which is totally wrong!), and others believe it’s about the way you act. Many of us were taught confidence is a gift you’re either born with or not. Most of us—if not all of us—have an on-again, off-again relationship with confidence. While changed actions come as a benefit of gaining self-confidence, it’s much more than that. Confidence is the state of feeling certain about who you are and being certain of your value and worth. When you live in the realm of confidence, you become truly unstoppable. You won’t settle for just anything. Suddenly, all aspects of your life will align with your worth and purpose. 
      Self-confidence is the key to constant success. I like to think of it as a gas tank: If you find yourself feeling drained, depressed, or as though you’re empty inside, it’s possible your confidence tank is on “empty.” Many people try filling their confidence tanks with the wrong type of gasoline: money, relationships, or material things. But unstoppable confidence doesn’t come from external sources; it’s an inside job. You can’t expect people, places, or things to elevate your sense of self-worth. You’ve got to do the inner work,  endure the painful process of self-reflection, and ask yourself some tough questions to get honest with yourself. Confidence is ready, available, and eager to embrace you with loving arms if you want it.

      Tips to take your confidence to the next level:
      Get clarity
      First, you need to know what you want in order to be confident that you deserve what you want; what can’t be explained can never be obtained. There’s power in nurturing the vision of what you want for yourself, and life just makes a little more sense when you have a clear vision. Clarity also gives us a sense of direction and understanding. Write down what you want (even if you don’t know it all!) with specific details, and also make a list of the feelings you want to feel.

      Tap into your courage
      Begin to exercise the ability to go after what you want, even when it scares you. Don’t be afraid to bet on yourself. In order to level up in life and achieve unstoppable confidence, you have to get out there in the game of life and dream, explore, and discover. Don’t limit yourself if you’re afraid; do it because you’re afraid. Doing things that scare you will build confidence all on its own. 

      Commit
      When it comes to building self-confidence, you have to stay committed to yourself and trust the process. Just like we make commitments to another person in a romantic relationship, make a vow to yourself to love you first. Self-love is just like any other great love; it’s a commitment to put yourself first before anyone else. When you use this confidence formula, you will marry yourself to true confidence because confidence isn’t something some of us are born with; it’s something we’re all entitled to. 

      Create your own confidence toolbox
      To nurture your confidence, create a “toolbox” to help you get back on track when you feel yourself going through a confidence slump, you get scared of a new challenge, or you’re questioning your worth. Combining a positive mindset with specific habits leads to successful confidence. Here are a few of my recommendations to add to your own confidence toolbox:

      Create a gratitude journal: Start and end your day writing five things you’re grateful for.
      Meditate: Quiet your mind for five to 10 minutes each day (it may feel hard, but I promise you will rediscover yourself and your bliss).
      Affirm yourself daily in the mirror: Create five “I am” statements to use daily (“I am intelligent,” “I am worthy,” etc.). Then, add to the list as you go.
      Create an encouragement box: Keep a list of the compliments that mean a lot to you (whether it’s a pat on the back from your boss or a compliment from a friend) or ask close friends and family to share what they love about you. Write these down or keep a note in your phone to look at when life gets tough or your confidence takes a hit. You’ll be surprised by how good it can make you feel.
      Find a go-to book: Since books make us feel understood and less alone, create a list of your favorite books—the ones that set your soul on fire, inspire you, or just make you feel good. Highlight your favorite chapter so you can reference it as needed. And if it’s podcasts you prefer, keep a list of the ones that give you those “feel good” vibes to tune in to when you need it.

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