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      14 Affirmations That Will Make You Tap Into Your Best Self, and When To Use Them

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      What do you do when you’re in a stressful moment? When you’re anxious about giving a presentation, or your friends hang out without inviting you, or you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see? What about when bad things happen, or you make a mistake, or you doubt whether or not you’re good enough to have all that you want? Some people cope with stress and anxiety by doing a yoga flow, binging a Netflix show, or eating a sleeve of Oreos. While I still resort back to all those coping mechanisms here and there (healthy or not), the one thing I always have with me is an affirmation.
      Technically, everyone uses affirmations, whether they’re aware of it or not—it’s that one phrase you hear in your head over and over or tell yourself repeatedly. Some lucky people have great affirmations: I’m awesome. What a beautiful day outside. I love my life. And then there are the affirmations that many of us are plagued by: I’m not as pretty. I’m not good enough. What if something goes wrong?  Many of us hear these phrases in our heads so often that we believe them like they’re facts. So what if we could replace these thoughts with phrases that are not only better for us, but can help us be confident, feel less stressed, and live our best lives?

      What is an “affirmation?”
      I first learning about the idea of an affirmation from learning about mantras. The term “mantra” is an ancient Sanskrit term, used in Hindusim and Buddhism to mean a phrase that was repeated frequently in meditation. Neurologically, mantra training can reduce distractions and calm the mind. It’s also been proven to reduce stress because repetition and focus regulate chemicals in the brain, releasing endorphins and blocking stress hormones like cortisol. Nowadays, everyone from yogis to modern psychologists are relaying back to the ancient technique of repeating one word or phrase as a powerful therapy tool in the form. 
      Beyond just the physical benefits, an affirmation puts you in a more positive mindset, and the repetitive nature trains your brain overtime. Affirmations can be repeated as a tool for focus during meditation like mantras, used as a tiny, consistent reminder throughout the day, or looked to when you’re in a moment of anxiety, stress, or lack of confidence. The goal is to find the affirmation that clicks for you; the one that just makes sense. It’s the phrase you need to hear, and the repetition to allow you to actually hear it.
      Here are the affirmations that have changed my mindset, confidence, and life. Memorize the one that clicks with you, write them down and tape them to your wall, or copy them in your phone notes to look to whenever you need it.  Get ready for your most powerful, confident, passionate, and best self, yet.

      14 affirmations to use to achieve your best self
      1. “I am enough.”
      This is the reminder we all could probably use every now and then. It’s human nature to think we could be better, or there’s always someone better than us—it’s what drives competition and keeps us pushing ourselves to be better. But sometimes, that pushing becomes a lack of appreciation for who we are now, causing insecurity and self-doubt. Use this affirmation when you’re worried about being liked, struggling with insecurity, meeting new people, or entering a new job. Remind yourself that you are pretty great, just the way you are.

      2. “I am ready to be healed.”
      Use this affirmation when you’ve been having a particularly hard time and you’re ready to move on, or need help moving on. It’s so easy to get into a funk because we’re going through a hard time—maybe we lost our job, went through a breakup, or have just been feeling sad with winter blues. While grieving and downtime is important, and emotions should never be ignored, this funk can turn into a vicious cycle of self-pity and wallowing. The first step of moving on and feeling better is to acknowledge that it’s time to be healed and it’s OK to be healed. You’ll start to subconsciously seek out your own healing.

      3. “I am discovering my inner superstar.”
      There is an inner “superstar” in all of us, even when we don’t think there is. If the word “superstar” makes you cringe, you might call it your highest version of you, your true self, or your own hero. Use this affirmation when you need some extra motivation and inspiration to achieve your goals and to believe in yourself. The wording of this affirmation is particularly nonjudgmental. Rather than expecting yourself to achieve greater things (and the possibility of feeling disappointed or unconfident if you don’t achieve them), you’re acknowledging that you’re in the process of discovering your best self, without expectation or judgment.

      4. “I return my body to optimal health by giving it what it needs on every level.”
      Use this affirmation when you know your body needs to be (and deserves to be) healthier. Rather than forcing yourself to eat healthy or exercise for vanity reasons, this sentence allows you to reflect on what your body actually wants and needs, whether that means having that piece of chocolate or adding in some leafy greens, or sleeping in and taking a rest day versus getting up before work to go to the gym. Remind yourself to listen to your body and act for the sake of nourishing it.

      5. “I am open and receptive to all good.”
      When you seek the good, you won’t notice as much bad. The issues you run into in your everyday life, like your train being late or your internet running slow, won’t feel so bad. Use this affirmation when you need an extra boost of optimism. Train yourself to be a glass-half-full kinda girl by repeating this sentence whenever you start to complain or notice a negative thought. There’s so much good, whether it’s in a situation, a setting, or in a person. We just have to allow ourselves to be open to it.

      6. “Today is about pleasure. I am living this day for the sole purpose of enjoying it.”
      What if you lived as if the purpose was to enjoy, not to check items off your to-do list or just get through the work day until 5 p.m.? Use this affirmation when you notice you’ve just been going through the motions instead of living. Notice and value indulgences that truly make you happy: a new candle, a long hot bath, a bouquet of flowers you picked up on the way home from work. Fit small pleasurable activities into your day, and when something stresses you out like a tough deadline or a boss in a bad mood, remember that this day is for you to enjoy, and don’t let little problems bother you.

      7. “Stop making people wrong.”
      You know the times when you’re in a fight and you just feel so annoyed, sad, or angry? Maybe your roommate is annoying you about doing the dishes, or your kids are making you mad by not picking up their toys? Use this affirmation when you’re in one of those times. If your mom missed an important event, your best friend has been too busy for you, or your significant other said something you don’t agree with, remind yourself to think about the other’s perspective. Be compassionate to their point of view and voice your feelings with the understanding that your loved ones don’t mean to make you feel bad. Remember that how the incident affects your relationship is not based on their actions, but the way you take them. Seek the right in the people you love instead of making them wrong.

      8. “Be the person who feels like sunshine.”
      Use this affirmation when you’re in a social setting you don’t feel confident in. It might be tempting to be the girl that acts too-cool-for-school, or make jokes to get laughs (even if it’s at the expense of others). When we’re not feeling confident, these are easy defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from being disliked. But this affirmation reminds me that what people actually like to be around is someone who exudes kindness, and is warm and happy; someone who feels like sunshine. Besides, what if your main purpose was to lift others up? Give them compliments, make them laugh, help out when you see they need it—how much happier would you be?

      9. “I give myself permission to be OK where I am. I know that I am doing my best.”
      We’re always thinking about the next goal, always feeling behind or focused on the future so much that we don’t feel good about the present. We don’t really let ourselves be OK with where we are in our lives, knowing that it is exactly where we are meant to be and all good things will come. Use this affirmation when you’re feeling anxious about the future.

      10. “I am seeking contentment, not perfection.”
      Use this affirmation if you have perfectionist tendencies. I probably don’t seem like a perfectionist: I can be messy, my right brain is way more dominant than my left, and I’m a Libra. And yet, I find myself rewriting articles because they never feel good enough, obsessing over my hair when it’s not curling the way I’d hoped, or feeling anxious and stressed when something didn’t go the way I pictured. Sound familiar? Remind yourself that the goal in life is not for everything to be, look, and seem perfect. The goal is to be happy. That’s it. The reminder makes all the little things I worry about seem insignificant.

      11. “I trust that I, and only I, know what’s best for me.”
      We’re so often plagued by self-doubt, especially when we’re making huge choices like college decisions, getting into a relationship, moving cities, or which job to take. Often, we want validation because we don’t listen to the gut instinct, or maybe can’t hear it at all. Use this affirmation when you’re making big life decisions. Listen for your gut reaction, and trust that you don’t need to listen to or seek out anyone else’s opinion because the answers to your biggest life questions is something only you can know.

      12. “Don’t go in your mind where your body is not”
      Are you a worrier, or, like me, a constant worrier? Do you overthink whether or not your friends took your joke the wrong way, if your boss won’t like the work you did, or how a (perfectly normal) doctors appointment will go? Me too. Many of us torture ourselves by thinking about what might happen, we often forget to focus on what is actually happening. This saying helps me remember I’m making up the worry in my mind, and I need to be present to what’s happening in the here and now. Use this affirmation when you’re worrying about something.

      13. “All is well.”
      Though simple, this powerful affirmation serves as a constant reminder that everything is OK and will be OK. Repeat this sentence to yourself when you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety happens because you’re constantly telling yourself that something negative is happening, and your mind starts to believe it. Counteract that anxious voice by giving yourself peace of mind.

      14. “I surround myself with those who make me better.”
      We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with; when you spend a lot of time with someone, you can adopt their mannerisms, their habits, and even their morals. Do you want to be like the five people you currently spend the most time with? Or is it time for a change? Use this affirmation when you’re dealing with a toxic friendship or jealous coworker, and to remind yourself you have control over who you let affect you. 

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      I Ate Like the World’s Happiest Population for a Week, and I Actually Felt Happier

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      The World Happiness Report recently released its list of the world’s happiest countries, with Finland claiming the top spot for the sixth year in a row. As someone who is always striving to live a healthier and happier life, I was curious about what the Finnish are doing that Americans aren’t (the United States ranked 15th on the list), so I decided to do a little digging into Finland’s wellness approach and eat like the world’s happiest women for a week. Read on to learn about the Nordic diet and what happened when I tried it for a week, as well as the other rituals that are supposedly responsible for Finland’s spot as the world’s happiest country. 

      The link between diet and mental health 
      Although diet isn’t one of the factors explored in the report, experts agree that what and how you eat dramatically impacts your mental wellbeing. “The gut contains 95% of the body’s serotonin, so nourishing ourselves with whole, natural foods that support digestion is integral to our mental health,” explained author and founder of wellness brand Bonberi, Nicole Berrie. “When the gut and digestive systems work optimally, the body can access serotonin.”
      Numerous studies have also highlighted the role diet plays on mental health. In fact, an entire emerging field (called nutritional psychiatry) is dedicated to the relationship between mood and food. Research shows healthy eating patterns that focus on whole foods are associated with better mental health than the standard American diet. Furthermore, one study found that diets rich in omega-3 fatty acids have the power to improve and prevent depression because of their anti-inflammatory effects on the brain. 

      The Nordic diet
      The Nordic diet originated from the traditional eating patterns of Nordic countries like Finland. This eating style emphasizes locally-sourced, nutrient-dense whole foods, such as fruits (mainly berries), vegetables (especially root vegetables like beets, turnips, and carrots), whole grains (particularly rye, barley and oats), legumes, nuts, and seeds. The main pillars that distinguish the Nordic diet is that it’s rich in fermented foods, like pickled vegetables, sauerkraut, and yogurt, providing your body with a healthy dose of probiotics. While similar to the Mediterranean diet, the Nordic diet includes more cold-water fish high in omega-3, like salmon and herring. I couldn’t find a study linking the Nordic diet to their place as the world’s happiest country, but it’s no surprise their diet is full of probiotics and omega-3s, knowing how much these factors have been shown to support mood.
      The Nordic diet is relatively unrestrictive. You don’t have to count calories or track macros, but you probably won’t find a lot of heavily processed foods, added sugars, and high-fat red meat. 

      My experience
      I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed eating like the Finnish for a week. Following the Nordic diet challenged me to be more inventive with my cooking and spend more time shopping at my local farmer’s market. By ditching takeout for home-cooked meals made with locally-grown ingredients, I felt more connected with what I was eating. This helped me stay present during mealtime and enjoy each bite of food. 
      I also love how this eating style didn’t force me to track what I ate, allowing me to take an intuitive approach to my meals. This made it easy to follow and enjoy the eating approach because I could simply eat foods I loved that were Nordic diet-approved (think: plant-foods, fermented veggies/yogurt, and omega-3 rich fish) rather than doing mental gymnastics and pulling up MyFitnessPal every time I wanted a snack. Some of my favorite meals from the week included smoked salmon toast with goat cheese, lentil vegetable soup with rice, and berries with yogurt and honey. 

      Other habits I incorporated throughout the week
      Obviously there are a lot of other factors Finland attributes to its happiness ranking than diet. Many experts point to its low levels of crime and good public services, or social support and income equality. But as for habits I could replicate in a week, I found three key habits Finnish citizens do regularly that I tried to emulate as well. 

      I moved more 
      Because I physically felt more energized from all the nourishing veggies, protein, and carbs I was eating, I incorporated more movement, hitting the trail with my dog daily. Research shows that regular exercise has a positive impact on mental health by reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety, improving mood, and enhancing cognitive function. So it’s no surprise that the world’s happiest people are also some of the most fit. 56% of Finnish adults get at least one hour of moderately intense activity a day.

      I spent more time outside
      The Finns also prioritize time spent outdoors, which is one of the reasons why experts believe Finland consistently ranks high on the list of the world’s happiest countries. In fact, 87% of Finns report that nature is important to them because of its mental health benefits. Since I started walking more, I also naturally spent more time outdoors. This resulted in a huge mood boost each day that I didn’t always notice from my indoor workouts. Research shows that spending time in nature helps reduce stress and anxiety by promoting relaxation and lowering levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

      I focused on quality time with the people I love 
      My husband and I often get stuck in the cycle of ordering takeout and parking it on the couch for a good Netflix binge. So although we’re in the same room together, we’re not actually spending quality time together. But while I was following the Nordic diet, I took time to carefully select ingredients and cooked our meals with love. This made us more inclined to enjoy dinner at the table rather than on the couch with the TV on. By doing this, we were able to better connect at the end of the day, which also gave me a significant happiness boost. 
      Experts agree that feeling connected with others has the power to improve mental health. Having a strong sense of community provides people with social support, a sense of belonging, and opportunities for meaningful engagement. Finland is known for its strong sense of community, with a culture that values social support, cooperation, and equality, which contributes to the country’s high levels of mental wellbeing.  

      The Final Verdict 
      So, did eating like the world’s happiest women actually make me feel happier? Honestly, yes. Creating meals based around whole foods I enjoyed gave me more energy throughout the day, which led to a domino effect of healthy decisions that improved my mood. My digestion also felt amazing with all of the gut-friendly foods (fiber and probiotics offer the optimal combination), and my life felt so much simpler to focus on the whole, fresh ingredients I had. 
      While I genuinely enjoyed following the Nordic diet for a week, it’s not the magic pill for happiness. Food can have a huge impact on our mental wellbeing, but it’s only one facet of what brings us joy. Instead, take a holistic approach to happiness that emphasizes nourishing the body with wholesome foods, moving more, and fostering meaningful connections with others.

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      Here’s How To Actually Do A Digital Detox, According To Experts

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      It’s 7 am. Your phone alarm goes off and, after snoozing for twenty minutes, you grab your phone. Inevitably, you’re littered with notifications: Uber Eats, that workout app you never open, WhatsApps from while you were asleep and some viral tweets are all demanding your attention. Of course, you open one and before you know it, it’s 8:30 am and you’ve got 30 minutes to be at your desk.  

      Like it or not, we’re humans enslaved to our digital devices. Come evening, mindlessly scrolling TikTok on mute while simultaneously watching Netflix is the norm. It feels impossible to just ignore every ping and vibration. It stands to reason, then, that our interests pique when someone says they’re taking on a digital detox. The international practice, used by celebrities, CEOs and regular people alike, allow us some distance from our devices.

      “It’s a period of time where you intentionally disconnect from technology, including phones, laptops, tablets, and social media, yes, that means even a quick WhatsApp,” says Melissa Lain, health coach.  

      But there’s more to it than that. Every time you open your phone, your brain is flooded with dopamine, the body’s innate reward hormone. It’s the same thing that makes you feel so satisfied after eating chocolate or winning an arm wrestle. But being exposed to it 24/7? That’s flooding our brains with the stuff, making us addicted to our tech. And, per a new survey, South Africans are spending upwards of three hours a day on social media alone. A digital detox, also called a dopamine detox, can help. “The idea is to take a break from the constant stream of information and stimulation that comes with being connected all the time,” says Lainn.

      How to tell when it’s time for a digital detox

      There are various signs that it’s time to shut down those reward centres for a while. First, if you’re spending excessive periods of time in a scroll hole, it’s time to put the phone down. Zahraa Surtee, counselling psychologist, notes that sleep disruptions – and checking your phone in the middle of the night – is also a tell-tale sign.

      Also, pay attention to how you’re feeling when you’re not on your devices, notes Melissa. “If you feel like you can never switch off, are constantly checking your phone or emails, even when there aren’t notifications buzzing, and feel overwhelmed by the amount of information you are consuming, it might be time for a digital detox,” she says. Zahraa agrees. Are you feeling anxiety when your phone’s not within reach? You’re likely in a dopamine rut. You might even find a feeling of disconnect with the real world, says Melissa. “If you find yourself spending more time online or watching other people live life rather than creating and experiencing your own, it’s a sign that you need to intentionally disconnect for a while and re-engage with the present moment.”

      Then there’s the physical ramifications: “Spending long periods of time in front of a screen can cause eye strain, tension headaches, neck and back pain, and other physical symptoms,” says Melissa.

      How to detox, digitally

      Zahraa sees digital detoxes as a way to carefully curate what you’re exposed to. “It’s not about giving up screen time completely,” she says. “Rather, it’s firstly about recognising that the media we consume DOES affect our mental health and the way we choose to show up in the world.” Spend some time curating your phone. Go through your apps and disable those notifications that annoy you, or that cause you to scroll endlessly. Do you really need a notification every time someone likes your Reel? “Just as we get to choose the type of foods we ideally want to nourish our bodies with, so we do get to choose the type of content we’d like to nourish our minds with,” says Zahraa. “Digital detoxes are ideally about spending screen time more mindfully and in moderation.”

      To Melissa, the digital detox you embark on can be individualised to you. “It can be as short as a few hours or as long as a week, or even more,” she says. “During this time, you commit to disconnecting from digital devices and focusing on other activities that promote stillness and well-being. Don’t overcomplicate it, an hour or two a day is a perfect way to start, especially when there’s load shedding.”

      Keen to try? Instead of using the time to stare into space, itching to check your phone or Netflix, try scheduling a tech-free activity. Maybe that’s a bubble bath, some colouring in time or just some tea and time with your thoughts. More

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      I Went on a 7-Day Complaint Cleanse, and It Kinda Changed Everything

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      You know that amazing feeling when you get a break to b*tch to your coworkers around the water cooler about that irritating thing your boss just did? What about when you call up your mom when your roommate leaves to vent about the dirty dishes she leaves in the sink? Or when you’re tired and your coffee maker isn’t working, so you text your best friend, “omg worst Monday everrrrrr?” What about the thrill of commenting something negative on an Instagram post of a celebrity you don’t like or an Instagram post that you don’t agree with? I, dear readers, have had my fair share of being seduced by the coping mechanism and daily habit that is complaining.
      On bad, stressful days, it’s easy to complain about anything that inconveniences me–the traffic, the weather, a friend getting on my nerves. Whether it’s out loud to whoever is nearby or just thinking it in my head, complaining comes as naturally to many of us as breathing. I often get swept up in both of the major and minor frustrations we encounter every day, and I have a flair for drama so daily frustrations become omg, the world is out to get me! While some venting is healthy to prevent bottling up feelings and a fresh perspective can help solve a situation, too much complaining can cause chronic stress, affect our relationships, and even affect our health. So what’s a girl to do? Here is how I went on a complaint cleanse and why you should too:

      Why do we complain?
      According to Psychology, we complain because we find a gap between expectation and reality, but it can also be a subconscious bonding technique. Venting over shared negative experiences can build a sense of camaraderie, since you’re disliking the same thing and feeling the same emotion. Complaining is actually contagious, meaning you can start complaining more if the people you’re around are complainers, and vice versa.
      But talking about that annoying person who budges you in the Trader Joe’s line or how bad your hair looks creates a feedback loop, making us experience the negative emotion over and over again. Focusing on dissatisfactions that we do not have the power to control (or try to change) can leave us feeling victimized, hopeless, and even depressed. Of course, the occasional dissatisfaction every now and then can’t have that much affect on our minds, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Think about how many things you complain about a day–the weather outside, the crowded public transportation this morning, the TV show you didn’t like, the coffee shop that got your order wrong, the meeting that ran long—and how the immediate reaction of frustration and helplessness accumulates overtime and can rewire our brains to find the negative in any situation. It’s a constant cycle;  complaining actually leads to even more complaining.
      If you’re unsure if you complain too much, look back through your texts, emails, and DMs to see if they have a more negative tone than positive, or if there are as many negative comments as there are positive. You can also keep a thought journal and write down every time you think a negative thought or voice a complaint. If all of your conversations and thoughts are negative 20% of the time, that’s average, but if they’re any more than that, it could be seriously affecting your mental and physical health.

      Why complaining too much can be harmful
      A 2016 study by Standford found that complaining actually shrinks neurons in certain areas of the brain. In other words: it decreases your brain’s ability to problem solve. Complaining also releases cortisol, the stress hormone, which raises blood pressure and affects blood sugar. Now I’ve got your attention, huh? Besides the serious physical effects, complaining also affects our relationships. Psychologically speaking, negative thoughts stand out in the brain more so than positive things (just think of how you’d likely forget a compliment but always remember an insult, or how you’d obsess over losing a $20 bill more than finding a $20 bill). This means that your negativity or negative comments are more likely to stand out in people’s minds than the positive things about you or the positive things you say. Likewise, if you’re complaining about your relationships, you are likely to start seeing more negativity in loved ones. 
      Now let’s switch to the flip side: gratitude, or as I call it for the purpose of this article, the opposite of complaining. Gratitude in general has an extreme amount of benefits, including improved sleep, increased energy, strengthening the immune system, greater longevity, healthier relationships, and the obvious one: making you happier.

      My experience doing a complaint cleanse
      I’ve always believed strongly in the power of positive thinking, but it wasn’t until a scroll through Instagram that I realized I might need more than some meditation apps to fully achieve a grateful mindset. Author Cleo Wade posted about a complaint cleanse and I was immediately inspired:

      I mean, I am a millennial after all; cleanses come like second nature. I’ve tried a digital detox, a skin detox, and even a juice cleanse (don’t worry, only once when it was a thing back in 2016. EAT WHOLE FOODS, PEOPLE!). So a complaint cleanse seemed like the obvious thing to do. I’m also a big believer in the power of words (I dedicated my career to writing them), and feel that every word we say can make a difference in the world, for better or for worse. It’s why I choose not to argue with strangers on the internet, why I refuse to talk behind people’s backs, and why I wanted to write this article.
      These examples may not seem like they make that much immediate difference to the world, but I’ve always had this idea of words being like pennies in a jar: every word that is positive and empathetic of other people is one penny, and every word that’s intended to be negative, judgmental, or mean is a penny taken away. Cleo Wade’s post made me realize all of my complaints—even about the weather, the movie I thought was bad, or the food that arrived cold at the restaurant—were also pennies being taken out of the jar.
      At the risk of going too Mother Teresa on you, trust me when I say it feels good to complain. And this isn’t about getting rid of all negative emotions (no toxic productivity is welcomed here). Negative feelings or thoughts can help us see what to change, realize what we want out of our lives, and stay away from danger (BTW voicing opinions when you see injustice is also not a complaint, it’s a call to action). To be clear, I will always be a fan of venting to my mom and speaking out (as loudly as I can!) about issues and injustices that need to be changed. But I’ve realized the power that frivolous complaints actually have on ourselves and the people around us.
      So for one whole week, I swore off all complaining. Every time I felt myself getting angry at other drivers on the road or being annoyed that my food was taking too long at a restaurant, I noticed the negative thought and then chose to let it go. I thought two positive comments for every negative one, and I wrote down three things I was grateful for every morning and every night. I made an effort to compliment my friends and family more often and tell them good things about my day or funny stories I’d heard instead of bad things that happened to me. In other words, I filled the space I had previously reserved for complaining with only positive, supportive words and thoughts.
      The main thing I learned from going on a complaint cleanse was the difference between what’s worth it to voice and what wasn’t. If something can be fixed, like your spouse leaving dirty dishes in the sink, asking for a change or explaining what you don’t appreciate can actually make the situation better. But if traffic was bad that morning, there is absolutely no reason to complain about it to my coworkers. There’s nothing I can do to fix it, and it just takes up space where I could be thinking, “What a beautiful day it is outside,” or asking how their mornings were (oh yeah, other people have lives too!).
      In the end, I’d much rather see and create good things, without commenting on the bad. I’d much rather be the author, not the critic. As my girl Cleo says, when we do this, we let our language be part of what makes the world better, instead of worse. Juice cleanses may not be worth it, but complaint cleanses, as I voluntarily discovered, are the kind of cleanse that you’ll want to keep going long after the week is over.
       

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      Going on a First Date? Here’s Every Ritual You Need To Get Over Pre-Date Jitters and Feel More Confident

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      I think we can all agree that first dates can be a little nerve-wracking. Whether you met through mutual friends, on an online dating app, or at your local coffee shop (the dream meet-cute, if you ask me), the jittery feelings before the main event are always there. Spending a couple of hours with someone you just met is a very vulnerable act after all. You’re not only trying to figure out if you like each other, but also contemplating what questions to ask them, who’s paying, what to order, or when to call it a night. But let’s not forget first dates should also be fun! So how do you let go of the jittery nerves and go into a first date confident and open? It’s all about mindset. 
      Your mindset can be the make-or-break factor in having a great date. We’ve all experienced the date who unloads their bad day on you before the drinks have even been ordered, and no one wants that. Going into a first date with a great mindset won’t necessarily weed out the bad dates, but it will allow you the grace of not being phased by them, and even better, to truly connect on the good ones. Read on for some first date tips and rituals to try to get in the right mindset before your next rendezvous.

      Meditate
      Taking a moment to connect with yourself before a first date sets you up to feel good about the conversations you’ll have and the questions you’ll ask, and there’s no better way to do that than by meditating. Meditation is the ultimate mind-body connection, and when you take five or ten minutes to meditate, you are re-centering and sending signals to your brain to relax and trust yourself.
      There are lots of ways to meditate before a date. For example, the Superhuman App has a “Getting Ready” guided meditation and the Unplug App has a wide array of guided meditations to choose from, or you can do a walking meditation or guided journaling. However you meditate, by taking that time to reconnect with yourself, you can go on a date feeling more open to connecting with others. 

      Repeat affirmations
      Affirmations can feel a little uncomfortable at first, especially if they are not part of your routine. But words are powerful, and when you repeat an affirmation enough, you start to believe it. Some affirmations to try before a first date include: “I will trust my own intuition,” “I am a complete person on my own,” “I am open and full of good energy,” and “I can leave whenever I want to.” I like to think of affirmations as secret weapons you can pull out whenever you need them. Say them before, during, and after the date. They are great little reminders of your boundaries and how amazing you are. 

      Manifest a great date
      It may sound a little cheesy to manifest a great date, but hear me out. Manifestation is the act of turning your thoughts into a reality. Now, it’s not as simple as just wishing for a great date and hoping it comes true. You have to intentionally live out your dreams in your day-to-day life. In a broader sense, manifesting a great date might look like getting clear about the kind of partner you hope to have one day, then writing down those characteristics and being intentional about the people you choose to date after that. It could also look like letting go of any preconceived ideas of the type of person or relationship you want or should have and being more open to the people who come into your life (a Charlotte and Harry situation here for all the Sex and the City fans). Manifesting a great date really breaks down to manifesting a great love life, and when you live openly and intentionally, you allow yourself to have both.

      Set clear boundaries
      I’ve always disliked the phrase, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet Prince Charming,” because you actually don’t have to kiss any frogs if you don’t want to. Before you go on any date, get clear with yourself about what your boundaries are, and then don’t be afraid to be open about them. Boundaries are there to make us feel safe and comfortable, and whoever you are dating should be respectful of those boundaries. And if they aren’t, then they’re probably not a good fit.
      Taking some time before each first date to set clear boundaries makes navigating any situation that may arise on the date easier. For example, you’ll already know how to answer questions like, “Do you want to come back to my place?” or “Can I kiss you?” You should also feel fully in your power to change your boundaries as the date progresses or for different people. They are your boundaries to set and change as you like.

      Create and practice a “getting-ready” ritual
      Part of the reason we feel so nervous about first dates is because of the pressure we put on them. There’s the pressure to look your best, be outgoing and fun, all the while deciphering if they are “the one,” or at least worth going on date #2. This makes dating not only nerve-wracking, but also exhausting, and the whole point of dating is to have fun. Creating and practicing a “getting-ready” ritual before a first date can help ease some of that pressure. Your ritual should be something you enjoy doing that helps you relax and get in a good mindset before going on a date. Maybe your ritual involves a Bravo show and your go-to cocktail while doing your makeup or simply a cup of coffee and a kickass playlist. 

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      Yes, You Can *Actually* Manifest a Better Love Life–Here’s How

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      Growing up, most of us learned about dating, sex, and relationships from an issue of Cosmopolitan or an episode of Sex and The City, not by knowing how to manifest. But a few years ago I was introduced to manifestation and it quite literally changed my life (which, by definition, is the whole point of manifesting). As more and more people started to swear by the Law of Attraction for increasing their wealth, popularity, or happiness, it only made sense that it would be used to improve love lives too. 
      After all, some of the biggest questions throughout human history are matters of the heart (“They love me; they love me not”), and everything from Shakespeare’s sonnets to Nancy Meyers’ rom-coms tries to explain the secret to a happy relationship. So could manifestation really be the answer to kicking ass on dates and dating apps, improving your relationship, or overall feeling more satisfied in your relationship status? I asked Dana Lord Lewis, a manifestation expert and founder of Energy Think, for all her tips and tricks on how (and why!) manifestation can transform your love life. Take a break from swiping and read on to achieve a fulfilling love life in 2023.

      Meet the expert
      Dana Lord Lewis
      Energetics Expert and Founder of Energy Think
      Dana Lord Lewis is a thought leader in the realm of manifestation and the founder of Energy Think, a science-based modality that coaches individuals to achieve their dream lives.

      What is “manifesting” and how does it work?
      Manifestation is all the buzz across TikTok and The New York Times Best Seller list, but the concept of the Law of Attraction is nothing new, rooted in ideas that come from various philosophical and religious traditions. The idea of manifesting has been covered in dozens of self-help books and discussed by thought leaders around the world, from Oprah to Deepak Chopra to Iyanla Vanzant. The concept is essentially creating reality or bringing something tangible into your life based on attraction and belief. For example, if you think it, believe it, and then act on it, it will come (the key words being “belief” and “action,” since hoping for something alone isn’t enough). But that’s not all. 
      “When people talk about manifestation, it typically has to do with bringing something intentional to fruition,” Lewis explained. “But manifestation also comes from potentials of the unconscious mind. Many people do not realize that they have, on an unconscious level, called it in.” In other words, manifestation does not only come into play when you want a dream promotion, relationship, or house; whether consciously or unconsciously, our thoughts, worries, and beliefs can become our reality too. 

      How can manifestation affect your dating life?
      Since we are constantly manifesting thoughts into existence (whether consciously or unconsciously), it can affect every area of your life—including your love life. Lewis said that she often sees the negative effects of unconscious manifestation in relationships because of worry and fear. “A lot of limiting beliefs play themselves out in the dating world. Our insecurities are triggered, and therefore, we feel fearful and we take action that comes from that fear.” Maybe this looks like sending a text out of insecurity or not sending a text to protect your vulnerability. Maybe this means you tend to date multiple people at the same time because it feels scary to get serious, or maybe this means you always need a serious partner because it makes you feel safe.
      All of our insecurities look different in our dating lives and relationships, but they can be holding us back from a happy love life. “What you do with your energy when you are emotionally challenged is the most important thing to ensure you aren’t sabotaging a love life you may want,” Lewis suggested. But just like we want to get out of certain thought patterns and behaviors to avoid the love lives we don’t want, we can also manifest what we do want.

      3 steps to manifest a better love life:
      1. Develop self-awareness
      The Laws of Attraction are not about stating what you want and expecting to get it like a spoiled kid in a toy store. Instead, the Laws of Attraction state that the way you behave or feel about yourself attracts certain energies to you. When it comes to dating, that means the energy you’re giving out is what you will attract in dates or a partner. “How you treat yourself internally is going to be projected out onto others,” Lewis explained. “This means what you put out, you will get back, perhaps in a different form but with the same character.” So the first important step is to know what you are attracting by developing more self-awareness. What do you do when you feel under pressure? How do you handle insecurities? Why do you want (or not want) a relationship?

      2. Shift out of energy habits that don’t serve your goals
      Once you’re aware of the energy you’re giving off and what you truly want, you can make adjustments to get what you want. For example, if you’re looking for a healthy, lasting relationship but have rooted insecurities that cause you to be jealous or controlling, you may unconsciously attract partners who will give you reason to be jealous or controlling. Work on your own insecurities and prioritize self-love, and you’ll begin attracting partners who will love you like you love you.

      3. Take ownership of your life
      Lewis said the most powerful step is the last one, which she calls “Radical Self Ownership.” You must truly believe and realize that your life is in your control. Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens by you. “The third step is where you realize that you are the creator of your reality, both its pleasure and its pain,” she explained. “When this power is recognized and embraced, everything changes—especially the way you relate to those closest to you. Ultimately, the more you can learn about yourself and accept yourself, the more you will experience love with others.”

      How to improve your love life if…
      You’re single…
      If you’re feeling exhausted or stressed out about the dating apps, online profiles, and planning IRL meet-ups, don’t push through in hopes you’ll achieve the love life of your dreams (because you won’t!). PSA: Dating does not have to be tiring and should be enjoyable if you’re going to manifest a better love life. “Dating feels tiring when there is fear experienced around it because fear is immensely draining,” Lewis explained. “When you take away fear, dating is a source of energy.” In other words, dating should be fun. If it’s not, you might be dating out of fear of being alone or feel too much fear of rejection in order to actually enjoy the process (more on that below). 
      Instead of dating from a place of fear, date from a place of enjoyment. “There are so many benefits to this phase of life,” Lewis said. “If you are single, it is a gift. If you’re single and want to be in a relationship, singlehood is a gift that won’t last forever.” Lewis recommended spending time getting to know yourself better and to try something different to “shake up your current understanding of the world.” Also, remember that all situations exist to benefit you—and yes, that means even single phases, bad first dates, or hurtful ghosting. “Take this opportunity to go beyond the desire for a relationship, and connect to the part of you that feeds this idea that being ‘alone’ is negative.”

      You’re in a relationship…
      So you’re in a relationship but looking to kick it up a notch? Maybe you’ve been together forever and it’s feeling a little complacent, or you’ve recently coupled up but your communication is off. There’s a lot you can do to manifest a better love life too, and—no surprise—it also starts with getting to know yourself better. Lewis recommended getting to know how you like to cycle energy, which can cause patterns in relationships. For example, if you’re a very giving person, you may fall into a pattern of putting others first and yourself last, or if you’re a perfectionist and self-critical, you may be overly critical of your partner or relationship as well. Also, if you have the mentality that your relationship is holding you back from other dreams (like moving across the country, having kids, or getting your dream job), it can lead to disconnect and resentment.
      Lewis explained that (as long as there are no toxic behaviors) the areas where your relationship needs improvement is a reflection of your own energetic state and the way you see yourself. If you give too much to your partner, work on giving more to yourself (instead of expecting them to give more to you). If you’re critical of your relationship, work on being kinder to yourself, and the way you talk about your partner or relationship will follow. “There are so many things you can do to make yourself more in alignment, which will bring happiness and improve all relationships,” Lewis said.  But beware: Since the work is coming from working on yourself, it can be tempting to think that you’re “doing all the work” and fault your partner for not doing the same. Lewis claimed the best advice she has for couples is to not have expectations of your partner to better the relationship to the same degree that you do. In other words, don’t keep score, which can manifest a relationship you don’t want. “To depend on someone else for your better life (even in a relationship) is a losing battle and puts dependency on them for your happiness,” Lewis explained. “To be truly happy in your relationship, the utmost priority should be your own alignment, independent of all others.”

      You’re worried about rejection…
      And now for the majority of us: the ones who avoid going on dates because we’re worried we won’t be liked, or the ones who put too much pressure on our relationships because we don’t feel secure. When you’re worried about rejection, you are literally manifesting a negative love life. Instead, shift your perspective to believe that rejection is not real (no, really). “When we experience the feelings of rejection, we are experiencing it because we have rejected ourselves,” Lewis explained. In other words, everything you know about your relationships to other people is from your own perception. Therefore, you can shift your perception of a bad date, break up, fight with your partner, or Tinder match who never responded to not include rejection at all. 
      All it takes to make this shift is a few key changes. Lewis recommended spending more time on the people and things that fill you with joy. For example, maybe limit the happy hours with the coworkers who complain about their relationships or gossip about the office and spend more time with the friend who’s really into yoga (and is good at motivating you too) or your sister who is so passionate about her non-profit. Beyond the people you spend time with, spend more time on your own fostering your interests, taking care of your body, and making the effort to heal wounds by going to therapy or gratitude journaling. We only experience fear of rejection when we believe our worth is tied to whether we fit the bill of what another person thinks of us, so work on your own worth. “When you live in alignment and are nourishing yourself, it genuinely won’t matter to you if people vibe with that or not,” Lewis agreed. 

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      Everything You Need To Know About “Lucky Girl Syndrome,” the Internet’s Favorite Manifestation Method

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      “I’m so lucky; everything works out for me.” If you haven’t heard that viral affirmation yet, you must be living under a rock–or maybe you’re just doing something more productive than scrolling on your phone. Either way, you’re missing out on the latest manifestation trend that everyone on TikTok is using to achieve their dream life: Lucky Girl Syndrome. Content creators Laura Galebe (AKA the CEO of the “Memoir Technique”) and Sammy K (AKA the college girl with a flip phone) helped popularize the trend by sharing their personal experiences trying it out. Both share in their videos about how the manifestation technique completely changed their lives and helped them attract unbelievable outcomes and opportunities. If this sounds like the kind of energy you’re trying to manifest this year, read on to learn more about Lucky Girl Syndrome and how you can apply it to your everyday life. 

      What is Lucky Girl Syndrome? 
      Before we had Lucky Girl Syndrome, we had the Law of Assumption. In his book The Law of Assumption: An Essential Lesson, Neville Goddard explained the principle, saying that whatever we assume to be true will eventually become true, for better or worse. This is the same thinking as Lucky Girl Syndrome. Do you know someone who always seems to have things go wrong for them? Think: They get a parking ticket, are summoned for jury duty, and spill their coffee all in the same day. Maybe these bad things always happen to them because they assume bad things will always happen to them. The same can be said for lucky people who find money in their pockets or get an unexpected promotion. Things always seem to work out for them because they assume they will. 
      The Law of Assumption also places importance on the power of imagination, saying that everything that exists came from someone’s imagination and was then brought into reality. If we can imagine something and assume it will happen, it will become our truth. If you can visualize being lucky and assume everything will work out for you, you’re on your way to becoming a lucky girl.

      @lauragalebe
      The secret is to assume and believe it before the concrete proof shows up. BE DELUSIONAL. #bedelusional #luckygirlsyndrome #affirmations #lawofassumption #manifestationtiktok #manifestingtok #lawofassumptiontok #manifestation
      ♬ original sound – Laura Galebe

      How to practice it 

      Listen to an affirmation playlist
      On a recent episode of The Everygirl Podcast, self-development coach, manifestation expert, and best-selling author Roxie Nafousi shared that listening to affirmation playlists helped kickstart her manifestation journey. She recommended listening to affirmations as you fall asleep because it’s one of the few times of the day the self-conscious is most susceptible to reprogramming beliefs. “A belief is just a thought that’s repeated so many times that it becomes so,” Nafousi said. Search for affirmation playlists on YouTube, listen to the meditations and positive affirmations Roxie offers on her website, or try recording your own with customized lucky girl statements, like “I am so lucky” or “I don’t chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me.” 

      Say your affirmations out loud
      Nafousi and Galebe both believe that saying affirmations out loud is key to making practices like manifestation and Lucky Girl Syndrome work for you. Like Nafousi explained, “The sub-conscious can’t differentiate a truth from a lie, so it will believe whatever you tell it. So, if you say a mantra or an affirmation, even if you don’t consciously feel it’s true, it doesn’t matter. Your sub-conscious will take it as truth.” Say your affirmations out loud in the morning to set the tone for a positive mindset, and prepare to have a lucky day.  

      @coachrachelleindra
      Lucky girl syndrome is something that science has proven. This is why setting morning I tensions is so important. #luckygirl #luckygirlsyndrome #manifesting #manifestingmethods #milennials #eldermillenial #boomer
      ♬ original sound – Life Coach

      Set reminders  
      No matter how hard we try, it can be tough for some of us (*raises hand*) to remember to say affirmations every day. The solution? Try leaving affirmation notes around your house (think: a Post-it Note on your bathroom mirror) or making your affirmations your lock screen on your phone as a reminder that you are lucky and everything goes your way. Then when you stumble upon them throughout the day, take time to read them to yourself and say them out loud. Even lazy girls can be lucky girls. 

      Look for proof
      If you find that affirmations alone aren’t doing the trick, try this tip from brain training specialist and hypnosis practitioner Emilie Leyes. According to Leyes, our brains learn better from experiences than from words. In other words, pairing affirmations with real life examples will help us believe them. “Set an intention to start noticing the moments when things do go your way even if it’s the smallest thing,” Leyes said. “All of a sudden your brain is learning from these experiences and you’re going to subconsciously believe by default that things do go your way.” 

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      Astrologists Share the Journal Prompts That Can Transform Your 2023

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      While a clean, blank slate (read: the new year) brings with it an air of excitement, it also comes with added pressure, leaving you wondering where to even begin (and–if you’re like me–anxiety-ridden that I’m already somehow behind). The good news: Journaling can be just what you need as a jumping-off point to make sh*t happen. If the 4.4 billion views #journaling has on TikTok or the benefits journaling has on your mental health and well-being haven’t already convinced you to put pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard), consider this your sign to get writing.
      I tapped into the expertise of astrologists to kick us off, because writer’s block is real and 2023 is all about doing the most. We’re not talking the “Dear Diary” of the past or cliche prompts, but rather deep self-reflection to (actually) achieve your best life. Remember that there is no right or wrong answers when it comes to journaling, and you won’t get dinged for improper syntax, spelling, or grammatical errors. Translation: Your journal—whether notebook or app—is a safe, judgment-free zone. Ahead, astrologists share the practices they swear by to reach your goals in 2023. 

      Why 2023 is an important year to start a journaling practice
      So you set an intention to take up journaling this year, but your new notebook has been sitting pretty on your desk collecting dust since January 1. Sound familiar? Well, if there was ever a year to channel your inner Sylvia Plath, it’s 2023. “We have lucky Jupiter in Aries this year, so it’s all about being bold and brave, creating opportunities for yourself, and pushing the limits,” said Iva Naskova, a western astrologer at Nebula. “2023 gives all of us a chance to take control and adjust our life the way we see fit and think it’s best. So self-reflection and writing about your future can help you manifest happiness, abundance, good health, and success.”
      Whether we care to admit it or not, we are often our own worst enemies—you know, the harsh inner critic, the overanalyzing, not trusting your gut. All the more reason to jot down your thoughts and create the life you want. “This is a year of understanding what is really going to be there for you, and where you need to become more self-reliant and anti-fragile,” conveyed Jill Loftis, an astrologer and Founder of Nuit Astrology. “It’s time to take responsibility for who you are and where you are going. It is up to you to decide if you are successful; if you are happy. And typically, there is one person standing in your way—you. That should become abundantly clear this year, and instead of scattering your energies, take the momentum of the beginning of this year to get clear and take charge.”
       
      Journal prompts to start the year off

      What makes you thrive and excites you? How can you make your everyday experiences richer and more endearing? 
      What aspects of your life have always stayed the same and why? What can help you make a change and move forward? 
      How can your life experiences help you expand and grow, and in which direction?
      What one self-defeating habit or pattern do I need to eliminate and how can I focus all of my energy and resources to healing that destructive habit?

      Why you should journal with the phases of the moon
      If you’ve ever noticed yourself in your feels during a full moon, that was no coincidence. In astrology, the moon represents your emotions—your feelings, hopes, fears, moods, relationships. And your journaling practice should vary with it. “Consistent action through the ebbing cycles of life is so key for living your best and astrology echoes that with its monthly moon cycles,” affirmed Julien Elizabeth, astrologer and yoga teacher. “My best tip for staying aligned is reflection and journaling with the phases of the moon. Life is always shifting and so too can our perspective to it.” Elizabeth suggests beginning with the new moon (January 21) to initiate a new cycle, and then staying steady with these weekly (or daily!) prompts to witness your growth.
      Liz Simmons, an astrologer and tarot reader, agreed: “Astrological journal prompts are best used during new moons, full moons, and when a planet enters a new zodiac sign. Depending on the astrological period, we can use the journal prompt to plan, set goals, or reflect. For example, new moons can be the perfect time to journal about new opportunities, manifestations, resolutions, and more. Full moons are more of a reflective period, so this is the time to journal about what has unfolded during this past lunar cycle and what you have gone through.”

      Journal prompts for each moon cycle

      New Moon: great energy for setting intention and orienting yourself for the cycle ahead.

      What dream or vision do you want to stay aligned to this month?
      What negative or unhelpful habits are you ready to transform?
      What actions or practices can you commit to integrate your vision and build upon your intentions?
      Where do you see yourself in six months? What are your top three goals or resolutions that you want to pursue during these next six months? What will inspire you to move forward during these next six months?

      Waxing Crescent Moon: a phase of small actions and building confidence, great for getting organized.

      What do you need to feel confident, energized, and engaged with your life right now?
      What strengths are needed to work towards your intention?

      Quarter Moon: great energy to come back to your “why” and check in with yourself, your actions, and how you’re feeling.

      What hurdles are you experiencing in your vision? 
      Where do you feel yourself out of alignment?
      Where is their pressure or intensity building in your life? How can you lean into the pressure that feels productive and helpful? Where can you lean away from any intensity that feels limiting or distracting?

      Full Moon: a powerful time to release what isn’t working and celebrate progress made.

      What are you learning most about yourself and your circumstances this month?
      What behaviors or patterns can you identify as blocking my progress?
      How can you honor these unhelpful patterns and release them to create more space for growth? (Creating a ritual or ceremony is great!)
      What have you learned or experienced over the last six months? What are three high points and three low points that stand out to you from this lunar period? What can you take away from this lunar cycle?”

      Last Quarter Moon: This is a time to get grounded back into the self and reflect on how you’re showing up this month.

      What are you celebrating about yourself this lunar cycle?
      What routines or rituals ground you and help you feel well cared for?

      Waning Crescent Moon: The days leading up to the next new moon are for reflection.

      Free write on what you feel grateful for and how you feel about the month’s cycle.

      Here’s What Astrologists Say To Add to Your Wellness Routine RN More