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      Anxious about the Reopening? Same. I Asked Experts How to Cope

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      In 2019, I considered myself to be a social person (pre-pandemic and pre-reopening): I’m a decent conversationalist, never had a Taco Tuesday that I didn’t like, and tended to gravitate toward the people I didn’t know at a party. When I got vaccinated and restaurants started opening back up at the beginning of the summer, I thought I was ready to dive all in, see people I hadn’t seen in over a year, and even make new friends. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. 
      Instead of the pre-2020 excitement I felt before going to a large social gathering or meeting someone new, dread set in. Questions like, “What do I do if the conversation lulls?”, “What if I’m awkward?”, and (the worst of them all) “What if I’m still not safe, even with the vaccine?” plagued the nights out where I used to only worry about what to wear or if my mascara would smudge. The truth is that we’ve been at home with only our quarantine crew and Uber Eats drivers to keep us company, and a lot of those “fun” things (like crowded bars or concerts) became situations that put us in danger. Of course, there’s going to be some adjusting. 

      “Feeling anxious about reopening is quite common,” explained Dr. Tyson Lippe, MD, a psychiatrist at Heading Health in Austin, Texas. “A lot of our fear in returning to pre-pandemic functions, like the office and engaging in social events, stems from uncertainty. It is unclear who is vaccinated, what precautions will be implemented, and what the new social norms are.” Basically, even the most social of butterflies are way out of practice. Add on stress about safety and dangerous new strains, and it’s no wonder so many of us are feeling stressed RN. So I did what any wellness editor would do and asked experts for their best tips to cope if reopening and getting back to “normal” isn’t as easy as we thought. 
      Just as a brief disclaimer: We always recommend seeking help. Whether that’s leaning on your best friend, finding a therapist near you, or joining a community for your mental health, it’s always important to prioritize how you feel, especially when going through a tough time. Find a therapist you love, come up with a game plan, prioritize self-care over anything else, and try out these seven tips from experts on how to cope with getting back to “normal.”

      Recognize how you feel
      It may sound basic, but the first step is identifying and acknowledging the way you feel. Maybe you haven’t historically been anxious in social settings or maybe you didn’t know our lack of normalcy throughout 2020 and 2021 affected you as much as it did. Once you recognize what you’re feeling, you can make a plan. “The first step is to recognize that you’re feeling anxious,” Dr. Lippe said. “Pay attention to your emotional state as well as any physical manifestations.” For example, does your stomach get queasy when thinking about going back to the office or does your heart start pounding when you enter a crowded restaurant?
      Keeping track of how and what you feel will help identify certain triggers. “Is it a particular place, group of friends, type of setting, etc., that’s making you feel anxious?” asked Merissa Goolsarran, LCSW, a licensed therapist who specializes in anxiety treatment. “Keeping a log of situations where you might experience anxiousness is helpful in determining if a pattern is present.” 

      Appreciate those feelings (yes, even the negative ones)
      I get it. Any negative emotion, whether it’s stress, worry, annoyance, frustration, or sadness, can feel so uncomfortable that we actually get mad at the feeling. But take it from someone who has been in a toxic relationship with anxiety for years: Thinking “why me?” or “I just need to get over this already!” makes it worse. “We have to give ourselves time to be programmed back in the other direction,” said Dr. Emily Stone, PhD, LMFT-S, a professor and licensed marriage and family therapist. “Of course we are going to experience anxiety returning to work and other pre-COVID activities: We have been telling ourselves that these situations are dangerous.” 
      Any extra worry or stress may be annoying, but it’s not irrational. In the big picture, “negative” feelings can actually keep us safe. Feelings of anxiousness and fear are biologically useful—the mind reacts to help us avoid danger so we survive (that’s where “fight-or-flight” comes from). After all, emotional reactions like fear, worry, or empathy are what drove us to make safe decisions during the pandemic in the first place. Appreciate the purpose of that extra stress and worry, and then remind yourself that you aren’t in any immediate danger like the fight-or-flight response tells us, and those feelings aren’t serving a purpose anymore.

      Have a mini escape plan
      If you anticipate that your first day back at the office or a larger social gathering might garner some overall overwhelm, have a game plan to help ease discomfort during each situation. “There are several useful techniques to keep you calm when faced with anxiety-provoking situations,” suggested Dr. Mimi Winsberg, a board-certified psychiatrist and the chief medical officer at Brightside. “Try self-talk, breathing exercises, or even rehearsing worst-case scenarios to realize they are not that bad.” Planning ahead is crucial when easing into uncomfortable situations you’re not used to. For example, mentally repeat an affirmation when you start feeling a little overwhelmed at the office, make a list of topics in your head for when there’s a lull in a conversation, or have a back up plan if the restaurant feels a little too crowded for your comfort level (takeout and wine nights are still fun!). 

      Say “no”
      Just because everything is opening back up does not mean you have to totally open back up. In other words, just because you’re happy that concerts, office happy hours, dinner parties, and restaurants are coming back in full swing does not mean you have to do it all. “Go at your own pace,” advised Jenny Okolo, an occupational therapist from London. “While it may be tempting to say yes to everything, do so at your own pace until you feel more comfortable as your confidence returns.” Also, it’s OK if your comfort level looks different from your friends, significant other, or coworkers. “You’ll probably have different standards or a different ‘normal’ than others,” Goolsarran agreed. “It’s helpful to communicate what you’re comfortable with so that you don’t get stuck in an uncomfortable situation.” Let friends know that you’re sticking to small groups or invite your work friend to meet up at a coffee shop with outdoor seating.

      Get into your body
      Whether it’s a day at the office or a night out, if you anticipate any uncomfortable feelings coming on, try a ritual that will help you calm down before heading out the door. “Think of something simple that leaves you feeling more confident, like exercise or meditation,” suggested Teri Schroeder, a licensed clinical social worker and co-founder of Just Mind Counseling. “For many people, focusing on the body before a challenging event can help reduce stress and clear the mind.” Dr. Winsberg agreed, explaining that she often recommends her clients try jumping jacks or even singing out loud prior to social situations to loosen up and let out anxious feelings. Sometimes the secret to calming the mind is as simple as putting energy into the body. 

      Start small 
      Even if you frequented clubs, concerts, and crowds all the time pre-2020, there are many “muscles” you haven’t worked in over a year. That’s right: Feeling social can be like a muscle and requires work to keep it healthy. “Too much too soon may feel overwhelming right now: start small and try to exercise that social muscle again. Resume social life with your inner circle, and gradually expand outward,” Dr. Winsberg suggested. “It may feel most comfortable to first interact with one or two other people who are vaccinated in an outdoor setting,” Dr. Lippe agreed. “As you begin to acclimate [and the CDC guidelines say so], you can move toward larger groups or indoor environments.” Just like biceps or glutes, it may take some time to warm up that social muscle and to identify what will make it fatigue too quickly. Identify what feels doable and enjoyable, and then limit what might be too much, knowing you’ll work your way there.

      Adjust your routines
      So you’re still in the habit of sleeping in until two minutes before the workday starts, staying in pajamas, and then eating Postmates for dinner in front of the TV? No shame in your quarantine game, but we can all agree that our routines are very different from the days working out at 7 a.m. or putting on a full OOTD before commuting, and then running errands or heading to happy hour after 5 p.m. (how did we do it all?). If your routines are the same when you were staying at home, of course, any difference will feel overwhelming. Even if you’re not ready to go back to the office or fill up your social calendar, start adjusting your routines.
      Roxanne Francis, MSW, RSW, a psychotherapist and owner of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, recommended structuring your day as if you were going into the office (even if you’re still working from your couch): get up earlier, get dressed as if you were going to work, and treat your WFH space as if it was your actual office (no more empty candy wrappers or dirty dishes). Also, if you’re Zooming with friends after work, put on jeans (pause for shock), take a walk around the block beforehand, or just do a quick makeup routine to start feeling that normalcy come back.
       
      *These tips are meant to be used as inspiration for coping with stress or anxious feelings, not as a treatment for anxiety. Anxiety can feel isolating, but you shouldn’t have to feel as though you’re going through it alone. Please reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or another trusted professional for support.
      If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or actions, please get help immediately. 
      National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
      Crisis Textline: text CONNECT to 741741

      Hitting a Pandemic Wall? These Are the Best Ways to Cope
      according to experts. More

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      Feeling Down? Here Are 20 Products That Can Help Boost Your Mood Instantly

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      We talk a lot about ways to boost your mood because having a random bad day here and there or feeling a little extra stressed is a part of being human. But just because we all get bad days sometimes doesn’t mean we shouldn’t always be working on happiness. There are many ways to get yourself out of a funk or just feel overall happier, like going for a walk, taking a bath, talking to your therapist, or eating your favorite meal. If you’re like me, a not-so-great mood can also push you into a little retail therapy. Money can’t buy happiness (unless it’s one of these ways), but sometimes, spending a few dollars on something that instantly brings you joy, helps get rid of stress, or squeezes a little self-care into your day can do the trick. Shop on for 20 products that could instantly boost your mood (now that’s some retail therapy I can get behind!).

      Blue Apron
      Home Meal Kits
      We all have a lot on our plate right now (pun intended), and meal prepping, grocery shopping, and cooking can often be more stress on a long to-do list. Blue Apron wants to help you find more “me-time” to boost your mood and stress less, starting with new low-maintenance recipes that require less prep, less cleanup, and less time spent at the store. Because what’s going to boost your mood more than a nutritious, delicious, and convenient meal delivery kit delivered straight to your door? It will save you time, energy, and (most importantly) stress.
      Plus, new customers can get 8 free meals and free shipping!

      Motivational Water Bottle
      If you’re feeling lethargic, unmotivated, or lackluster about your health/life goals, consider switching to this water bottle that will not only help keep you hydrated, but will offer time-stamped reminders throughout the day that you deserve, like “Well done!” and “You’ve got it!” 10+ colors available.

      Gretchen Rubin
      The Happiness Project
      If you have five minutes to read, this is one of the most helpful and life-changing works of positive psychology because it teaches us how to actually be happy. “The Happiness Project” combines personal anecdotes, scientific research, and wisdom from the past to help us not only achieve happiness, but re-examine what we all want out of life. Talk about a mood boost.

      Spoken Flames
      Light It Into Existence
      Never underestimate the power of aromatherapy and the effect it can have on your mood. This candle uses notes like lavender, rose, and patchouli to engage your senses and help you feel more grounded, inspired, and connected to yourself. If you’re looking for a little more positive energy and a little less stress, this is the candle for you.

      Yoga Bolster Pillow
      Another one of our favorite methods to feel better instantly: meditation. Try meditating in one of the suggested positions with this yoga pillow to also stretch out the body for bonus points. Plus, having this pillow in the corner will remind you to get to your meditation practice, even during the busiest of days. 5 colors available

      Wellness Journal
      If journaling is more your style, make time for yourself to record your thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Whether it’s first thing in the morning to set the tone for the day or a five-minute break whenever you need to, this journal is designed to boost your overall wellness. 3 colors available.

      Charlotte Tilbury
      Matte Revolution Lipstick
      Sometimes all it takes for an instant mood boost is adding a final touch to your #OOTD that makes you feel extra special, whether that’s a piece of jewelry, a hairdo, or a makeup look. Try a swipe of red lipstick before your next Zoom meeting for an instant oomph of badass confidence (or whatever makeup look or clothing item makes you feel your best). 15 shades available.

      Compendium
      Motto of the Day Card Set
      So you only have 30 seconds? Pick a card (any card!) to get a one-sentence affirmation for the day. Not only will reading the card to yourself instantly make you feel good, but you can repeat the affirmation throughout the day for a happy reminder any time you need one. 2 colors available and 12% off!

      HappyLight Therapy Lamp
      Sunlight is nature’s mood booster, but sun isn’t always readily available, thanks to long office days, cloudy weather, and the fact that SPF is a necessary step in our skincare routines (I repeat: necessary). Get the happiness effects of sunlight thanks to this affordable and easy-to-use light therapy lamp. It mimics the sun using full spectrum light to improve mood, energy, sleep, and focus, without the harmful UV rays. 25% off!

      3 Pack Face Masks
      Even if the world is starting to feel normal, it’s still crucial to wear your face masks. Might as well be one with happy colors and an important reminder, right? Wear these masks to the grocery store, while traveling, or running errands to get an instant mood boost whenever you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. 15% off!

      Love Wellness
      #Mood Pills
      Thanks to all-natural and mood-enhancing ingredients like vitamin B6, organic St. John’s Wort, and chasteberry, this nifty little supplement promises to deal with occasional stress or irritability, fight fatigue, and assist with mood changes associated with PMS (because sometimes a “bad day” just comes from a bad period).

      Intelligent Change Store
      The Five Minute Journal
      Gratitude is not just a cheesy method your mom preaches or a polite “thank you” when someone does something for you. It’s actually a key factor of happiness and an effective way to improve your mood. If making a mental list of what you’re grateful for is not your thing, try this Five Minute Journal with prompts that will help you feel more confident, calm, and grateful. 2 colors available.

      Etsy | Empow Her Prints
      Affirmation Yoga Mat
      If you struggle with reminding yourself that you are “talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular…” (cue the Lady Gaga meme), let a yoga mat do it for you. Whether you’re going through flows, working out, or just have it laying out on your living room floor for later, you’ll be served some important reminders about how awesome you really are.

      Cryo Skin Icing Dual-Ended Roller
      If a busy workday or stressful to-do list is ruining your mood, try squeezing in a little pampering throughout the day to give yourself a break and serve as a check-in. I love a good facial massage to make myself feel pampered and cared for, but a cold facial massage? Extra luxurious.

      Lalah Delia
      Vibrate Higher Daily
      Instagram superstar, Lalah Deliah, put her self-help wisdom into this comprehensive book that teaches we have control over our emotions (yes, including that bummer of a mood). “Vibrating Higher Daily” helps you make intentional day-to-day choices that lift you out of mindsets, habits, and lifestyles that don’t serve you, and into ones that do.

      Abercrombie & Fitch
      Sweater Lounge Shorts
      Never thought a piece of clothing could impact your mood? Well you probably haven’t felt these sweater shorts yet. Hop out of your uncomfortable jeans or form-fitting dress and into clothing that will feel like a warm hug. These shorts are perfect for warmer weather, but still feel just as cozy and comforting as your favorite sweats. 4 colors available and 60% off!

      ANTIK LAKAY
      Serenity Candle
      Picture this: you’ve been working for hours, have barely gotten up from your desk, and you can feel your stress levels rising. So you take a break from your laptop, get up from your desk, check-in with your body, and light a candle that’s called “Serenity” (and for good reason). How much better do you feel already? This mix of pomegranate, sage, patchouli, and cinnamon is the perfect way to soothe your senses into relaxation mode. More importantly, lighting a candle serves as a reminder to take breaks (no matter how short).

      Painted Floral Doormat
      Get an instant mood boost every time you enter or exit your door with this gorgeous, happy, and colorful doormat. Not only will you get a ton of compliments (and compliments make you feel good!), but replacing basic items with extra special pieces can brighten up your day.

      Equilibria
      Dynamic Roller Duo
      Whether you need stress-relief or an energy boost, these rollers have got you covered. With 75mg of CBD per roller, they work on a topical level to relieve pressure points, regulate mood, and ease topical discomfort. Use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off the first order!

      Mini Wand Massager
      Because there is nothing (and I mean nothing) more mood-boosting than an orgasm, right? Besides the fact that pleasure should be a key piece of a regular self-care routine, orgasms release happy hormones and allow us the important opportunity to care for our bodies.

      Products I Go To When I Need an Immediate Mood Boost

      10 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Your Mood

      This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Blue Apron, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      10 Products I Go To When I Need an Immediate Mood Boost

      by

      Let’s be honest: We all have terrible, no good, very bad days every now and then. Even Beyoncé can feel stressed, unmotivated, or just plain bleh (not every Bey song is as upbeat as ***Flawless). We talk a lot about ways to get yourself out of a funk or just feel happier overall, like going for a walk, taking a bath, talking to your therapist, or eating your favorite meal. If you’re like me, a not-so-great mood can push you into a little retail therapy. No, money can’t buy happiness (unless it’s one of these ways), but a few key products help me de-stress, pamper myself, and squeeze self-care into my day whenever I need more energy, confidence, or positivity. IDK what helps Beyoncé get back to 7/11 energy, but read on for 10 mood-boosting products that have actually helped me care for myself and boost my mood instantly. 

      Equilibria
      Dynamic Roller Duo
      These genius little rollers are my secret weapon for a quick mood boost throughout the day. If I need a little more energy (like right before a big meeting or if I’m feeling an afternoon slump), I pull out the Energy Roller from my desk drawer for an instant boost. I keep the Calming Roller by my bed to use before I sleep or whenever I’m feeling anxious or stressed. Massaging it into my temples or on pulse points can make a huge difference in my mood thanks to 75mg of CBD per roller and essential oils. Both of these rollers work on a topical level to relieve pressure points, regulate mood, and ease topical discomfort. Trust me: You’re going to want both.
      Use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Intelligent Change
      The Five Minute Journal
      PSA: Gratitude is not just a cheesy practice your mom preaches or a polite “thank you” when someone does something for you. It’s one of the easiest things I do that makes a drastic difference in my mood and overall happiness. Mentally reminding myself to be more grateful doesn’t always work, which is why I love this Five Minute Journal because it has prompts that make me feel more confident, calm, and grateful. I write in it for five minutes in the morning or turn to it when I’m feeling down. Works like a charm!

      Leaf Yoga Mat
      Good news for yogis and gym rats: Exercise is truly one of the best mood-boosters. Many people forego workouts on busy days because they don’t have time, but the busiest days are when I know I need exercise the most. Even a five-minute flow or a 30-minute at-home barre class transforms my entire day. I use this yoga mat for every at-home workout, and the banana leaf print makes me happy every time I look at it (because mood-boosters can come in even the smallest forms)!

      The Essentials Kit
      Another practice that has made a huge difference in preventing energy slumps and improving overall mood is diffusing essential oils. During my work day, I diffuse oils like peppermint, lemon, or eucalyptus to keep me focused and ease stress. At night, my go-to is lavender to help my body relax. Bonus: No matter what essential oil I’m diffusing, doing this always reminds me to take deep breaths and stay in the moment.

      Himalayan Salt Lamp
      I’m an anxious person, so fitting in relaxing practices throughout the day (instead of making it just a morning or night routine) has made a huge difference in my overall mood. One of my favorite practices to do when I’m feeling stressed, worried, or overwhelmed is to take a shower with the lights off and my Himalayan salt lamp on. Sounds weird, but I swear it calms me down and makes me happy. Try it for yourself and I guarantee you’ll never need a glass of wine to wind down again.

      Spoken Flames
      Light It Into Existence Candle
      Never underestimate the power of aromatherapy and the effect it can have on your mood. This candle uses notes like lavender, rose, and patchouli to engage your senses and help you feel more grounded, inspired, and connected to yourself. Whenever I need a little more positivity, I take a break, light this candle, and set an intention. Not only does the scent help, but the quick reminder also helps me reframe my mindset.

      Click & Grow
      Ultimate Smart Indoor Garden
      Call me an Ina Garten wannabe, but the kitchen will always be my happy place. Cooking makes me feel so good because I’m truly present during this time—instead of thinking about my to-do list, I’m focused on chopping veggies or mixing ingredients. To keep it feeling like a hobby rather than a chore, I make my time in the kitchen feel special by lighting candles, playing music, and using herbs I grow at home to add flavor and health benefits. Cooking can be one of the most frequent ways we care for ourselves and our loved ones. How could it not make you happy?

      Curling Tool
      Sometimes, a mood boost comes from external actions that affect how you feel more than changing mindset alone. We all have that one change in our appearance that helps us feel like our best selves. Maybe it’s a swipe of red lipstick or a power blazer for you, but for me, it’s a little wave in my hair. A good hair day makes me feel like I can take on the world, and I know that curling my hair can transform my mood for the rest of the day. When you take the time to do what makes you feel your best, you’re subconsciously proving to yourself that you deserve the best—instant mood boost!

      Sonia Kashuk
      Dry Brush
      We’ve already established that extra pampering throughout the day reminds me to focus on myself and totally transforms my mood. Dry brushing is another essential pampering practice, but there’s more to it than just that. I’ve heard that dry brushing can biologically boost mood because it stimulates the nervous system. Call it placebo, but I really do feel an immediate calmness afterward. I love this small brush to keep at my desk for a little stress-relieving pampering throughout the day.

      Oprah Winfrey
      The Wisdom of Sundays
      If I’m feeling stressed, anxious, bored, or just a little down, I know that I’ve been focusing too much on to-do lists or spending too much time on social media. In other words, I’m stuck in the mundane day-to-day routine instead of remembering that the point of life is to enjoy it. When I need a perspective shift, I read. This collection of interviews by Oprah is my favorite because it’s basically the best words of wisdom from her favorite interviews. For an inspiring read that will transform your perspective and give you a long-term mood shift, grab this.

      6 Techniques to Reduce Stress That My Therapist Taught Me

      This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      How to Admit You’re Overwhelmed at Work

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      Feeling stressed at work is the worst, but it happens to the best of us. Though you may worry about looking incompetent in front of your boss or disappointing your colleagues, it’s better for your sanity — and your career — to fess up in order to get some help. Here are eight ways to actually let someone know you’re overwhelmed at work, instead of pretending to be “fine,” so you can bounce back like the productive, confident person you already are.

      1. Don’t play the “I’m so busy!” game.
      Admit it: there’s a weird sense of satisfaction in claiming to be “sooooo busy.” It makes you feel important and needed; however, it’s completely unsustainable. Falling into the busy trap will not only make you sick, tired, irritable, and less productive, but also doesn’t allow you to figure out a solution to feeling overwhelmed at work.
      Instead, think through your daily to-dos and fess up some honest answers to important questions: are your priorities straight?  What never seems to get checked off your list (and do you even need to accomplish it)? What should be delegated to a team member? Taking an assessment of how you’re truly spending your time is a helpful first step is deciphering what actions will affect change.

      2. Admit what you don’t know.
      In my first job out of college, I remember spending hours on a project, filled with dread. Why? I had said yes to the assignment, but wasn’t entirely sure how to do the work itself. I wanted to be the type of employee who could breezily problem-solve on my own, and I also hoped to appear more than proficient (aka, impress my team).
      Don’t do this. It’s okay to admit what you don’t know! I mean, there’s a huge difference between shrugging at your manager in a “not my problem, man” kind of way and saying, “I’ve never done this before, but I’m excited to try! Can you help me get started?” Asking for more knowledge is a good thing, and owning up to where you could benefit from reinforcements saves you time and energy in the long run.

      3. Vent to a trusted colleague.
      When you’re freaking out at work, sometimes it helps to just get it out of your system with someone you trust, and then move on. In fact, almost every time I pause from a panic session to grab a coworker and say, “I need five minutes to vent!” I end up feeling better, and more clear-minded afterwards.
      It’s also nice to ground yourself in reality. Talking through a problem, even if you’re not looking for a solution, can allow you to stop jumping from task to task. If anything, literally show your schedule to someone and say, “I’m stressed and need to spend less time in meetings to meet that deadline. Is there anything I could pass on this week?”

      4. Get feedback from someone you don’t normally work with.
      Whenever I get stuck on a project, I ask somebody outside of my team (or industry, or even company, if possible) for input. It is easy to spend SO much time on a creative endeavor, and then realize you can’t even see where you’re trying to go anymore.
      Besides, there’s no reason to try to be an isolated genius. All the best work usually involves multiple rounds of edits and full team insights before going to print or production. So cut yourself some slack, and stop assuming you have to be the hero at work and solve every single dilemma or master every single assignment.

      5. Stop saying yes to more.
      Once, a boss of mine told me, “It’s great that you can turnaround work so quickly when people ask. But make sure you’re doing the right work first.” Yikes. He wasn’t wrong, though. I used to think it was optimal to be the go-to person, always willing to help or step in. Of course, this isn’t always a bad thing, but can easily set you up for failure, because if you’re the person who can be relied on “to help” all the time… you’ll be the person relied on to help all the time.
      More isn’t better — it’s just more, and that can easily be the source of your stress at work. If you’re overwhelmed, you need to refine, not add on. So for every well-meaning coworker who is like, “Hey, do you have 5 minutes to…” give yourself permission to politely decline. Say, “I’d love to help, but I need to focus on XYZ. Did you ask so-and-so?” Ask yourself if somebody else can do that same work, or if you’re the right person to help at that given moment. Or just flat-out learn how to say no: “That’s not going to line up with my priorities this month, but let’s talk about how we can get the work done.”

      6. Figure out what’s temporary and what’s not.
      A friend of mine is a news anchor, and a few times a year, she knows her schedule will be absolutely bananas due to ratings months. Because she can anticipate the overload, she can mentally prep, and since it’s that way for her entire team, it feels much more doable to survive. She also knows it’s just the industry, and not her fault, which helps her keep a cool head.
      If you’re in that boat, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone; in fact, you may be relieved to know you’re not the only person feeling overwhelmed. But if you ask around, and that’s not the case, it might be time to have a conversation with your supervisor.

      7. Take real breaks — and explain why.
      I know you want to look cool as a cucumber no matter what, but this  attitude can be to your detriment. For example, if your coworkers know you as someone who responds to email in 0.1 seconds flat, tell them you’re now batch-checking email at set times. If you can’t seem to make progress on a singular project, devote a day to it and go one hundred percent (okay, 95%) off the grid: shut off your phone, put on a cheery out of office response, and get in the zone. If you’re always waking up early, or staying late, or working weekends, see if you can cut back just a little bit.
      When people see you practicing self-care, they’ll (hopefully!) recognize what a good work-life balance looks like. When you’re intentional and outspoken about your own boundaries and need for breaks, you will be less likely to burn out, and you’ll manage your own energy much better.

      8. Propose a solution to your boss.
      If you can’t find a way to ease up on your own, you’ll eventually need to talk to your boss — which can be terrifying, because you want him or her to see you as a valuable asset who can consistently deliver and add value. The good news is that you can be all of those things and still need clarity or guidance.
      Instead of showing up unannounced and saying, “Hi, I’m drowning in work, help,” take a moment to think through some potential solutions with an attitude of fixing the problem. Look at your job description and consider where you’re outperforming versus falling behind. Ask yourself what seems daunting, where you struggle, what feels completely unmanageable — and the type of help that would make a difference, like more education, less responsibility, or better support. If it is clear you’ve thought through what needs to happen, with tangible examples, it’s likely the conversation will go more smoothly.
      Finally, keep a calm, positive, professional tone. You’re not weak to ask for help, and your boss may not have even realized you needed it. Focus on the fact that you care about your career growth, and remain committed to finding a solution that works for both of you. More

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      Feeling Burnt Out? Here Are 7 Ways Experts Recommend Dealing With It

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      Burnout: You know it, you don’t love it, and you’ve probably Googled “how to deal with burnout” at some point in the past 365 days. The cherry on top of the annoying AF cake? Women experienced more burnout than men in 2020 (as if we didn’t have enough going on). Many of us are emotionally fatigued from a crazy year, feeling overworked, and don’t get enough rest or off-time. What’s a girl to do? Since burnout is way too common, I grilled some holistic doctors and health coaches at Parsley Health for all of their best burnout tips. Whether you’re way past the point of exhaustion or you just know your job, schedule, or life feels unsustainable, it’s time to make some changes. Read on to see how seven doctors and health coaches prevent, deal with, and heal burnout. 

      1. Fit in more movement
      “Implement restorative mini-moments throughout your day. When you may not have larger blocks of time available for self-care, take five minutes to breathe deeply (such as the 4-7-8 method or box breathing), stretch, step outside for some sunshine, or to snuggle your pet—it can make a profound difference in the way you feel (and in lowering cortisol levels). Consider setting reminders on your phone or using a time cube to take mini breaks throughout your day (like every 60-90 minutes if your schedule allows).” –Ivy Carson, NP-BC, IFMCP

      2. Create boundaries
      “Create a physical boundary around work life and home life (this is especially important when working from home!). By establishing a physical boundary or action, you’ll be sending a strong signal to your brain that work is done for the day and you can ‘shut down’ your work brain to transition to your non-work self. For example, practice breath work at the beginning and end of your workday, or make a ritual around both turning on and shutting down your work station. It can be something as simple as listening to the same song to both start and end your day, but whatever it is, a daily ritual will signal to the brain when you should be working and when you should be ‘off.’” –Erica Zellner, MS, CNS, LDN

      3. Be mindful of your energy levels
      “I call it a body budget: Treat your energy levels the same way you would maintain your bank account. Avoid getting in the habit of spending too much energy without replenishing it. Try to identify the activities, people, and things that bring you energy and make them a regular part of your routine to balance the energy you spend on work, tasks, and even taking care of loved ones. Just being aware of what’s draining your energy versus what’s giving you energy can treat existing burnout or prevent it entirely.” –Tina Ralutz, MS, RDN

      4. Do something every day that inspires you
      “A lot of the work I do is left brain dominant, so I like to fit in creative work like designing and styling ethnic clothing or jewelry (like clay work). However, it’s not something I do only if I find time—it’s a non-negotiable and my protected time. Just like I show up for work, I also show up for myself every week and every day. My affirmation is to do something every day that inspires you (rather than ‘expires’ you) since inspiration creates energy.” –Nisha Chellam, MD

      5. Get restorative sleep
      “Ensuring that you are getting restorative sleep will help you prevent and heal from burnout. Not looking at your phone for 30 minutes (or more) before going to bed can help decrease cortisol and allow melatonin to rise for restorative sleep. Also, creating a relaxing environment is really helpful. For example, dimming the lights as it gets closer to bedtime will help with that cortisol and melatonin balance. When we are getting restorative sleep, we feel like we can take on the next day. We’ll also be more focused, feel more optimistic, and choose food and movement that will better support our health.” –Amanda Perrin, MS, RD

      6. Be intentional about your productivity 
      “I love using The Eisenhower Matrix (a productivity method), to help me decide what tasks I should prioritize, plan, delegate and remove from my plate. It can really help to avoid the ‘urgency trap,’ or that feeling like everything is on fire all the time, which so often leads to burnout. This is a great tool if you feel like you’re always spread too thin or feel like you’re busy all the time but not noticing any progress in your goals.” –Erin D’Elia Assenza, Health Coach

      7. Lean on the people you trust
      “While you can’t always choose your colleagues, you can choose the amount of energy and time you place into cultivating and strengthening bonds with the coworkers that resonate with you and you feel a connection with. Positive thinking is great, but touching base with colleagues on the struggles or hardships with your job is beneficial in decreasing burnout risk.” –Dawn Rene Johnson, DO, IFMCP, MHA More

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      5 Reasons Why Your Career Does Not Define Your Identity

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      For as long as I can remember, I’ve always associated my self-worth in conjunction with my job. Whether it was because of how our society views certain positions or because of my pride, I made sure to work hard enough to get a job that I (and my mom) would be proud to identify with. To say “I work for [employer]…” or “I am a [job title]…” made my heart fill with excitement. So when I finally accepted my dream position that was far from the involvement of serving tables, I felt like I earned the right to let those words slip off my tongue to show the world that I did, I made it. But even when my dream scenario came to fruition, I eventually realized that I was no longer in love with the job, which thus resulted in a life-changing moment.
      I was eventually let go from the company that I was only holding onto because of its status. While I felt burnt out and lacked the enthusiasm to work for them, I didn’t listen to my gut and decided to hold onto the position because I loved how I felt accepted by others when I’d mention my position in conversations. It was an addiction I wasn’t willing to let go. I felt like my identity was closely tied to this job, and if I’d lose it, then I was a nobody and I would have no proof of all my hard work. However, when I was let go, a new high took over: relief. While one part of me wanted to hold on to something that wasn’t making me happy for prideful reasons, a weight was lifted off my shoulders because I was finally following my truth.
      For most people, this experience would tear them apart: if they’re let go from a job, it means they’re incompetent and their self-worth has taken a nosedive into the pools of hell (yes, I’m being dramatic). However, while it did hurt a little to receive the news, I was more hurt that I didn’t initially follow my heart and, instead, allowed someone else to control my fate. I soon realized that my self-worth isn’t defined by a nice-sounding job, it’s defined by my values, my truth, and what happens beyond the typical nine-to-five timeframe. Yes, it was nice to be associated with a well-known company and, not going to lie, sometimes I miss that “accepted” feeling. But deep down I know that my career doesn’t define my identity, because the only approval I need is my own.
      If you can relate to any of this, here are five reasons why you shouldn’t define yourself by your career or job — because, honestly, your self-love is totally worth way more than that paycheck or job title. 

      1. Because having a well-known job isn’t your only success.
      Working for a renowned company does look good on your resume, but it’s not the only thing that you should consider to be successful. Success can be rarely measured by someone’s job or wealth. The true definition of success derives from the ability to do something that you truly love, to be able to care for others, to overcome your greatest fears, or to find blissful happiness. One person’s definition of success could look completely different than someone else’s. And that’s totally okay. Because in the end, you should always aim to be yourself and not replicate what you believe to be considered successful just because of someone else’s journey.

      2. Because your truths and values are the only things you should be defined by.
      Wouldn’t it be lovely to not be judged based on your profession? Immediately when we meet someone new, we want to know their name and what they do for a living. Why? Isn’t there another way to define a person? Yes, it’s great to know what they’re passionate about, but shouldn’t we just ask them that upfront?
      Your identity should be defined by what you love, what you dream of, what you value, and who you cherish. Think about it: Your true friends and family don’t care about what kind of job you have or how much you make. All they care about is your happiness. Treat yourself as you would want your friends to treat you, because you should value your happiness before any job, paycheck, or boss. Period.

      3. Because most jobs are a temporary state and can change at any moment.
      While life is known to be filled with uncertainty, most of us believe we have complete control over our circumstances. Today you may identify yourself as a hardworking architect, but four years from now, you may want to be a dairy farmer, milking cows for a living. You just never know what kind of experiences you may go through and how they’ll change you. Essentially, nothing is permanent. Life is full of surprises, and there are more things that make an impact in your life than your career.

      4. Because this is something you do and not something you are.
      Whether you work as a cashier for a store or as an illustrator for an advertising company, these are things you do — they don’t define you as a person. There are plenty of ways to identify yourself, especially if you’re not in love with your job. For instance, in addition to your career, you could also be known as a mother, a lover of puppies, a video game enthusiast — anything you admire or hold value to is a part of you and your identity. At the end of the day, you should be known for the things you love to do and be, not for the type of positions you’ve held.

      5. Because other people won’t remember you by the job you have, but by how you make them feel.
      How you decide to treat others and express yourself is glued to your identity way more than your jobs ever will be. When other people talk or think about you, the thought of your career might come up, but your personality and character will resonate with them more. You’re on this earth for so many other reasons aside from having a job. Maybe you’re meant to help someone else through their own journey, or to make a difference in your town and inspire others to do the same. You’re doing yourself an injustice if you only identify yourself by your career. Try to open your world and help others to do the same. The more we realize we’re more than our jobs, the happier we all may be.

      Quarter Life Crisis or Comparison Trap? What to Remember When You Feel Lost More

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      So You’ve Decided To Quit Your Job—Here’s How To Do It Like a Pro

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      There’s nothing like some good old-fashioned anxiety when you have to confront someone about something. It only gets worse when that “someone” is your boss and that “something” is quitting your job. 
      I don’t blame you—it isn’t fun. Maybe you’ve never done it before, maybe you’re leaving after a short amount of time, maybe you have no clue how to leave on a positive note when you hate everyone and everything about your job… the list goes on. The good news is, you have this amazing chapter of your life ahead of you to look forward to, and you are in control of this situation. So with your head held high, embrace this position, and let your team witness your professional beauty and grace.
      With some help from the experts, I’ve found that there’s a simple and effective formula to go about this process smoothly in a way to make everyone happy. Here are my tips on how to quit your job so professionally and artfully that you’d consider adding it as a skill to your resume.

      At what point should I notify my manager? 
      We’ve all heard about the famous “two weeks notice” (no, not the Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant movie—we’re not trying to replicate that situation here). Two weeks is generally an ample amount of time to begin a transition period for many employees shifting out of their current roles. 
      However, it doesn’t hurt to give an earlier notice (of maybe three to four weeks instead), especially if your role is more senior with higher-level duties that need some extra time to hand over to others. It’s also important that you don’t notify your boss too far in advance—you don’t want to awkwardly linger and waste anyone’s time (including your own!).

      What’s the best way to tell my manager “I want to quit?”
      Most HR professionals agree that a face-to-face meeting is the best way to go in this scenario. Krystal Yates, an HR consultant turned career coach, advised that this in-person conversation is the best route, but things (like geographic restrictions) can often come in the way of that. “If in-person isn’t an option, a phone call is the next best way,” Yates said. “A written resignation should be a last resort and used as the primary form of resignation only if all other avenues are unavailable.”
      It is important to note that if there is serious negative history between you and your manager, it is OK to take this conversation to their superior or an HR representative.
      Aside from being professionally courteous, a formal letter is needed for HR. Jodi RR Smith, a nationally recognized etiquette consultant said, “A resignation letter needs only three pieces of information: 1. Your last day. 2. Contact email, address, and phone number. 3. Your signature.” Keep it short and sweet!

      So how do I approach this conversation?
      You’ve set up that meeting with your boss and now are biting your nails in anticipation of having to have this conversation. You might be overcome with anxiety (if you’re anything like me and hate confrontation in any shape or form), but I’ll have you know that there is a simple, pain-free way to go about this.
      The first thing to remember is to keep your emotions at bay. Yes, you might have some grudges, and yes, you might want to burst out in tears—but remember that this conversation will be the beginning of the end to this part of your life, and there are far better things to come. “As an employee, come in prepared with what you’re going to say and be confident in your decision,” Natalie Morgan, the director of HR at CareerPlug, said. There are undoubtedly going to be emotions on both sides of the table, and staying calm and collected is essential.
      Smith emphasized that it’s super important to keep your wits about you. She said to make sure you “don’t yell at anyone, destroy company property, or disparage the organization to the media or to the clients,” since what you ultimately do reflects on you. Though these all sound like common sense, sometimes our emotions can get the best of us, so it’s important to try to keep ourselves a few steps ahead of them.

      Source: rodnae productions | pexels

      Should I tell my boss why I’m leaving?
      While you don’t want to say too much, you also don’t want to leave your manager questioning the reason for your departure. Morgan noted that “a resignation conversation isn’t a time to present a laundry list of grievances, but [most managers] do expect to know a general reason. You’ve gotten an opportunity at your dream job. Your role has changed and no longer feels in line with your career goals. You want to move into a new industry. You didn’t feel you were a good fit with the company culture and vision.” Again, the key is to keep it brief, honest, and professional.
      Many companies offer an exit interview, and those situations are great for voicing more candid feedback.

      How should I involve my team and coworkers in this? 
      Oftentimes, we become best friends with some of our coworkers (à la Lorelai and Sookie) and want to tell them about everything first. This is understandable, since many of us feel like we have that one trusted confidant, but it’s important to still be cautious when dealing with something big like this. 
      Adam Calli, an HR consultant and founder of Arc Human Capital, noted that things can and do go wrong. It’s important to not divulge too much information about your upcoming resignation to your coworkers (especially while you are still waiting to finalize an offer from your new company), since people can often let details accidentally slip up in work gossip. Trust me, that’s not the way you want your boss finding out you’re quitting.
      “Be patient and keep it to yourself,” Calli added. “You can tell them as soon as you give your official notice to your company, even if that means walking from your boss’s office directly to your friends’ desks!”
      Once the information is out in the open with everyone, it’s important to show your gratitude for your managers, coworkers, and team as a whole. Maybe these were some of your favorite people—maybe not. But, remember that the way you end your time in this role is what everyone is going to recall the most. It’s truly a small world out there! With the internet and social media, you don’t who will keep in touch, stay connected, and keep tabs on you and when, how, and where you might run into someone! 

      What will those last couple weeks look like?
      Ideally, your manager will inform the rest of your team about you leaving shortly after you hand in your notice. This will begin your transition period. Your coworkers might have a hard time with your departure emotionally because they’ll miss you, or professionally because they’re taking on your workload—so it’s in everyone’s best interest to keep this process as smooth as possible. 
      “Wrap up projects, communicate what is still outstanding, and offer suggestions for coverage if appropriate. It’s ultimately your manager’s and the company’s responsibility to make a plan here, but act in good faith and get the ball rolling where you can,” Morgan advised. The golden rule, of course, is to treat everyone how you would hope to be treated—if it were you taking on your former role, wouldn’t you want things to be in place and be squeaky clean? 
      When your last day of work arrives, treat it as a checklist you need to mark things off of:

      Clean out your desk (disinfectant wipes and all!).
      Make sure you have turned in any company devices.
      Make rounds to talk to all the people you’ve worked with, and thank them for their help.
      Meet with your manager one last time to say your final goodbyes and express gratitude.
      Attend your exit interview (if there is one scheduled).
      Start connecting with your now-former coworkers on LinkedIn!

      When is a good time to ask for a reference?
      It can be an awkward situation wanting to leave your job, but then also wanting your boss to write down nice things about you for future jobs. Honestly though, so many people leave their positions every day and want a reference or letter or recommendation—it’s completely fair! You worked hard and most definitely deserve to be recognized for that, and should be able to show future employers how great of a catch you are. But as always, it’s all about the timing.
      Morgan recommended saving asking for a reference until your last day, either during an exit interview or your final meeting with your manager. Make sure you communicate your gratitude for this position and opportunities you’ve received, and reiterate what you’ve learned from them. This way, you’ll be parting on good terms, and it’s going to feel easier to ask if they’d be open to writing a letter of recommendation or being a reference for you in the future. 
      Waiting until the end will help your manager will see how well you handled this whole process, and it will add a whole layer to your character that they can refer back to when writing a recommendation. Your grace will speak for itself!

      7 Totally Valid Reasons to Quit Your Job More

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      Feeling “Meh? Have Zero Motivation? You’re Not Alone. Here’s How I’m Actively Combating Languishing

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      A couple of months ago on my nightly phone call with my mom, I explained that I was feeling off—not sad, not angry; overall, I just felt “meh.”
      A few weeks later, I woke up to an article from The New York Times being shared by enough people that I follow on Instagram to make me click through and read it, and it felt like it was written directly for me. The piece was about something called “languishing,” which they described as “a sense of stagnation and emptiness.” It isn’t hopeless like depression, but rather feeling aimless throughout your days. 
      As we’re starting to see the light at the end of the COVID-19 tunnel, it felt wrong that I was feeling like this—wasn’t this what we’ve been waiting for for the past 15 months?—but it brought me solace knowing that I wasn’t alone, and that there was a word to describe the overall lack of motivation I was feeling day in and day out. And I knew I wasn’t alone in my personal life either; my coworkers and I had just had a conversation about how we felt like we were less motivated at work, and how our usual work was taking us longer, for reasons we couldn’t quite put our finger on. Alas, there was a reason, and that reason was called languishing.
      Over the past year, no matter how you cut it, everyone you know has experienced something traumatic: life as we know it was pulled out from underneath us, and even now as things are looking up, there are emotions of trauma and grief that are nowhere near being healed. 
      According to The New York Times, “Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing—the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work.”
      The article gave me something tangible to work off of, and naming it was enough to commit myself to getting out of my languish, or at least improving upon it. These are the things I’ve done over the past month to break through languishing and get my mojo back:

      Taking a walk first thing in the morning
      Last summer, my favorite thing in the world was waking up at 6 a.m. to get an early-morning workout in; it was tough, but I didn’t struggle to do it once I got in the habit of it. This year, I’ve felt exactly the opposite. Despite my 6:15 a.m. alarm going off every day, I find that it feels impossible to have the motivation to get up like I used to, and I found myself snoozing and choosing a lunch-break workout instead. This lead to rolling out of bed moments before I had to be online for the day—something that doesn’t lead to creativity or productivity for me.
      While I do want to get back to my early-morning routine, in the meantime, I found a compromise: no matter what, I at least get up with enough time to go for a walk before I have to start work. It can just be to Starbucks or on the lake or even around the block, but the act gets my blood pumping and tells my brain it’s time to start the day—something that rolling out of bed and plopping myself at my desk with a cup of coffee doesn’t. I’ve found that taking even 10 minutes to do this flips something on in my brain and leads me to feeling better throughout my morning, which in turn translates to a better day overall.

      Focusing on tangible wins at work
      One of the main symptoms of languish is feeling unmotivated, and when it comes to work, that’s not something I’m used to feeling. I generally feel truly excited to do my work, but I had found that my to-do list was piling up so much that I didn’t even know where to start. The New York Times article suggested focusing on small wins, which I decided to start.
      The sweet spot to me was starting my day with a task that has in-between difficulty; it isn’t something too easy, like adding a photo to an article, but rather is something on my to-do list that is going to make me feel good and accomplished when it’s done. When I looked through my to-do list every day keeping my eye out for this kind of task, it gave me a place to start, and more importantly, something to feel good about immediately in my day. 

      Having goals that don’t involve work
      A big part of many people’s struggle right now is that most of us are still existing from the confines of our homes—something that might not go away as office life looks toward changing permanently. My work matters immensely to me; I put all of myself into it every day, and while that gives me a huge sense of satisfaction and identity, I’ve come to realize I need goals that don’t have to do with my career.
      For me, the answer to this was running. I’ve always turned to running as my exercise of choice, but for the first time, I signed up for a virtual race that came with a training plan. I’ve never done a running training plan in my adulthood, and the fact that my workouts were determined for me each day gave me something to throw myself at that didn’t involve my computer. They were that sweet spot of difficulty—challenging but not impossible—and made me feel truly like a new person at the end of every day. The workouts being something I needed to rise to even when I didn’t necessarily feel like it was what I personally needed, and it helped me to remember that life isn’t just working in my one-bedroom apartment. 
      Whatever your hobbies are, finding something that’s going to stimulate and challenge you outside of your 9-5 is vital for getting out of the feeling of dread so many of us are experiencing right now. If you do anything for yourself, make it this.

      Adding something new to my days
      Part of my feeling of languish was a nagging feeling that I was living in Groundhog Day; give or take a meeting or two, all of my days were essentially identical. The route I’d walk my dog on, the trail I ran on, even what I put into my coffee. I made it my goal to change something each day, even if it was just talking my dog for a walk around a different block than usual once a day.
      Setting this as a goal for multiple weeks in a row has forced me to get creative. I’ve woken up 30 minutes earlier to drink my coffee on my rooftop instead of my couch, I’ve tried new recipes, and I’ve even driven to new locations to find different trails to run on—but no matter what change the day entailed, it reminded me that life can still be new and exciting even if it isn’t completely back to normal. The smallest changes can lead to bigger ones, which to me, just meant that I was finally—finally!—feeling stimulated again.

      Watching a new show
      One of the parts of the article that stuck out the most to me was that they mentioned that a universal experience in 2021 is that people are turning to forms of media they already are familiar with. Days before, a friend of mine had mentioned that she watched Mamma Mia multiple times that week even though she could write the script front to back, and I realized I was doing it too: I hadn’t watched a new show since Tiger King. Instead, I was re-watching old favorites that felt comforting and familiar, and while it did, in fact, comfort me, it wasn’t helping what I was feeling.
      Instead of re-watching Grey’s Anatomy for the fifth time, I started Killing Eve, something I’ve been saying I was going to dive into for years but never got around to. Watching something that I don’t know how will end or what twists will arise has helped knock feeling that every day is the same. Every time I go to watch a movie, I’ve also been making an effort to make sure it’s something I haven’t seen, and the same goes for my playlists. Gone are my days of listening to the same 40 songs every day while I work or the same 25 while I’m out on a run—switching it up and incorporating new things has made a world of difference.
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