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      This Health Expert Swears by One Hack to Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions

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      I’m choosing to ignore all the memes about how 2022 is “2020 too” (no one needs that kind of negativity in their life) and believe that this is going to be a good year. Besides a celebration of what we’re leaving behind us, the start of a new year also means new year’s resolutions. You know the ones: eat less sugar, stop drinking alcohol, go to the gym more, lose 10 pounds, save more money. I don’t know about you, but the most common resolutions do not sound fun. It’s no surprise that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail—people expect resolutions to make them feel happier or stress less, instead of prioritizing stress relief or happiness in order to achieve resolutions. New year’s goals typically have nothing to do with stress levels, happiness, or fulfillment, but if we really want to eat healthier, work out more, or save money, mental health should be the first thing we work on in order to get us there.
      Enter: Kadeem One. Kadeem is an author, meditation expert, holistic wellness coach, motivational speaker, aromatherapist, and hypnotherapist (how’s that for a long list of credentials?). He has worked with a variety of clients and even Fortune 500 companies to help achieve goals and develop habits that stick for a lifetime using meditation. Obviously I had to grill him so we can all break out of the New Year’s resolution rut and finally adopt healthier and happier habits that will extend beyond 2023. Read on for all his best tips to use meditation to (actually) achieve your New Year’s resolutions. 

      Meet the expert
      Kadeem One
      Meditation Teacher, Holistic Wellness Practitioner, and Motivational Speaker
      Kadeem One is an author, meditation expert, wellness coach, and hypnotherapist who has worked with corporate companies like Google, Yahoo, and Verizon, as well as individual clients to help everyone reach their goals and achieve successful lives. His expertise has been featured in publications like Martha Stewart Living, Healthline, and The Huffington Post.

      Why is meditation so important for achieving resolutions?
      Good for you if “meditate more” is one of your resolutions, but meditation is also an important tool to achieve any goal, from going to the gym to getting a promotion at work. Why? It helps you get in the mindset required for intentional decision making. “Most of us are constantly in a sympathetic state known as the ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response, or a high state of stress,” Kadeem explained. “It can be hard to pinpoint problem areas or figure out roads to success when we’re in this sympathetic state. Meditation puts the body in a parasympathetic state, also known as the ‘rest and digest’ response. During this state, you feel balanced and focused, which helps you stay committed to achieve New Year’s resolutions.”
      In other words, consistent meditation allows your body to be in a calmer state, which improves motivation and decision making, and you’re less likely to make decisions out of stress response (like ordering Chinese takeout after a stressful day instead of heating up the nourishing meal that you know will actually make you feel better). A meditation practice can also be beneficial for improving sleep quality, and when you’re sleeping better, you have more energy throughout the day to go to the gym, crush your work presentation, connect with loved ones, or cook nourishing meals. “Meditation regulates sleep by increasing GABA, a neurotransmitter that helps create deep relaxation and sleep,” Kadeem said. In other words, meditation is the secret to make better decisions and achieve optimal energy so that you increase your chance of achieving goals.

      I’m sold…so where do I start?

      Start with focusing on breath
      New to meditation? Kadeem recommends newbies start their meditation journey with breathing. “For a simple start, set an alarm for 60 seconds and do some deep inhales and exhales while pausing in between each,” he suggested. “This technique is called square breathing (also known as box breathing). Inhale, exhale, and pause in between for an equal amount of time (like 3-4 seconds each).” Once you get used to 60 seconds of square breathing, extend to 90 seconds, two minutes, etc. and work your way up to whatever amount of time you need. If you start panicking when thoughts like your to-do list or weekend plans come up, know that meditation is about stillness of the body. Acknowledge the wandering thoughts, come back to your breath, and give yourself grace. Sitting still and making time for yourself is good enough. 

      Aim for consistency over quality
      A meditation practice doesn’t have to be 30 minutes of deep, intense meditation to reap serious benefits. In fact, the most important part of a meditation practice is not the length of sessions or even the quality of your focus. The most important part is consistency and showing up for yourself every day, even if it’s just 60 seconds while riding the subway or in line at Starbucks. “You can’t just meditate once or twice and think it’ll do the trick,” Kadeem explained. “That’s like saying you went to the gym once or twice and expect to lose 20 pounds. Meditation is like a muscle: you have to keep working at it for it to grow and strengthen your life.” Aim for a daily practice, knowing that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” meditation. Some days will be better than others in terms of length or focus, but the important thing is that you show up every day. 

      Focus on an intention
      While any type of meditation can help you stay on track to hit your resolutions, doing meditations for your specific goals can take it a step further. For achieving goals and resolutions, Kadeem recommends gratitude meditations in which your focus is on being thankful for various aspects of your life related to the resolution (like gratitude that your body can move, gratitude for nourishing food, etc.), visual meditations where you visualize your best self (like doing 100 push-ups at the gym or being confident at work), or expanded meditations, which means focusing on wishing others well, just to name a few different types.
      You can also search for meditations on any topic, so try Googling “Meditations for healthy eating,” or “Meditations for high performance at work,” etc. If your resolutions are more specific, get more broad by searching for “Meditations for abundance” or “Meditation to help achieve your best self.” The key, of course, is to find whichever type resonates with you (and your goals) most. To try some of Kadeem’s meditations for yourself, check out his teachings on Insight Timer or tune into his weekly live meditations. 

      Know that you already have the ability to be your best self
      Another problem with resolutions is that when we think about where we wish we could be, we’re telling ourselves that we’re not already enough as we are. In reality, we can be be our very happiest, healthiest selves right now–it’s just a matter of how we show up. “We have that power to heal ourselves,” Kadeem said. “Achieving that best self may require you to have a daily meditation practice, keep a gratitude journal, change up your friendships to those who energize and support you, donating to charity, or meeting with a holistic wellness coach to help you with your blind spots.” His point: You may think you need to lose 20 pounds or get a major promotion to be your best self, but you actually already are—it’s just a matter of making small changes and showing up as your best every day. “If you are looking to thrive in the new year and beyond, start to do a few new things like meditation to truly achieve the highest and best version of yourself.” Yep, that’s it. 

      12 Hacks to Hold Yourself Accountable with Your Resolutions More

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      5 Easy Meditations You Can Do Anywhere To Help Deal With Holiday Stress

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      Navigating holiday stress can seem nearly impossible, but I have a fix for you: meditation. Between family dinners with in-laws who like to argue, waiting in long lines while holiday shopping, or dealing with inevitable delays while traveling, the holidays can feel like the most stressful time of year. In a perfect world, we would all love to maintain our regular healthy routines through these months, but sometimes, it’s just not possible. So instead of putting pressure on yourself to do it all, stop, take a breath, and find little moments throughout the day to give yourself some self-love with an easy and quick meditation. 
      Meditation is an amazing tool for keeping calm during stressful moments of the season because it can be done almost anywhere and for any length of time. You also don’t need to have any previous knowledge or experience to start. As a breathwork facilitator and diehard meditation fan, here are five meditations I use consistently to help conquer the holidays with ease and joy. 

      1. The Starbucks Line Meditation
      If there’s one place where it is easy to succumb to anger and stress, it’s a Starbucks line: You’ve been waiting for a while, your to-do list is nowhere near ending, and the clock is just ticking by. Instead, turn the dreaded wait into a quick meditation by Suze Yalof Schwartz from her book Unplug.
      Length: However long it takes to get your coffee order
      Practice: As you are in line, begin by placing your gaze on your feet and noticing how they feel on the ground. Allow them to really connect to the floor beneath you. Then, very slowly, as the line moves, lift up one foot and place it, heel first, onto the ground in front of you. Continue with the other foot as well in the same slow motion. As you do this, notice how your body moves, how your ankle allows your foot to turn, how your legs work with your feet. Continue in slow motion, taking your time until you reach the barista. Once there, look your barista in the eyes and smile at them, then place your order. Nine out of 10 times, they will smile back; a smile always goes a long way. After you have ordered, continue the slow and careful movements to wait for your coffee. Once it arrives, pick up your coffee and feel the warmth of the cup, bringing it to your face and breathing in the smell before taking a slow sip and allowing the taste to absorb in your mouth. Just like that, your coffee line has turned into an easy reset. 

      Do you feel like you never have time for mediation? You don’t actually need 20 minutes, 10 minutes, or even one. Instead, try this 16-second meditation any time you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or worried. This meditation by renown spiritual teacher Davidji is perfect for escaping a high-stress situation and giving yourself a moment of rest.
      Length: 16 seconds
      Practice: To start, think about something that has bothered you this week. Maybe you missed your flight, lost your wallet, or spilled coffee on your favorite shirt (whatever the first thing is that comes to mind!). Once you have it, close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose. Notice how the breath travels all the way down to your belly. Let it sit there for a moment before exhaling back up through your body and out your nose again. Once more, notice the breath as it escapes, pausing as it is released. Now you can return to your normal breathing. That was 16 seconds! If you were following along during those 16 seconds, you were not thinking about the past or the future, you were simply living in the moment. You most likely weren’t even thinking about whatever had been bothering you this week. You were fully present. In just 16 seconds, you can push the stress away. 

      3. The Traffic Meditation
      While some of us get road rage, others just feel triggered by any extra inconvenience during a busy time of year. Suze Yalof Schwartz created this genius meditation for those moments where you feel restless sitting in traffic. Pro tip: While this meditation was initially designed for trips in the car, it’s also great for a delayed flight. Think of this meditation as the perfect de-stressor for things that are out of your control.
      Length: 1-3 minutes
      Practice: The first step is awareness. Start by looking at the road and cars in front of you. Register your surroundings and how you are feeling. Maybe there is no movement, or you are late, stressed, annoyed, or want to scream. No matter how you feel, become aware of everything. The next step is to do a body scan. Start at your feet and notice how they feel, then your ankles, legs, and stomach. Continue until you have registered every part of your body all the way up to the top of your head. The final step is to connect with your breath. Start by breathing in through your nose for four counts, allowing the breath to go down into your belly, holding there for four counts and then letting out for four counts, and finally holding for four again. Repeat this breath a couple of times until you start to feel your body relax. Now, open your eyes and repeat the phrase “it is what it is” three times. Even if the traffic is still there, hopefully, your agitation is gone. 

      Practicing gratitude is always important, but it’s especially important during the holiday season when it can become easy to lose perspective and let holiday triggers or a busy schedule take over. This gratitude meditation by Deepak Chopra will bring you back around to awareness. 
      Length: 5 minutes
      Practice: Start by finding a quiet place where you can be alone (even your car or a bathroom will work). To begin, close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath in through your nose all the way down to your stomach. Hold it there for a moment before letting it out through your mouth. Pause and then continue the breath a couple more times until you feel more connected and centered. Now focus on your heart, feel it beating, and maybe even place your hands over it if you like. Ask yourself the question, “What are you grateful for?” Allow whatever comes into your mind, and then let the question go. “What are you grateful for?” Let your mind fill with images, words, or people that capture this. Now say to yourself in your mind, “Whatever happens today, I will not judge.” Repeat the phrase a few times. To end, slowly wiggle your hands and feet, open your eyes, and come back into your body. 

      It’s a long season of delicious desserts, tasty wine, and turkey dinners. Sometimes, it’s hard to say no to it all, which leads us to overeat and not feel great, or other times, we feel guilty when we do want to indulge and enjoy the food that the season has to offer. This meditation by Amanda Gilbert is here to help you eat mindfully, all season long. 
      Length: 5 minutes
      Practice: Begin by taking a few breaths to help center and connect to your body before starting. This meditation is meant to be done with food, so once you’re ready, take a moment to look at the meal in front of you. Take in the colors, the smells, and the shapes. Now you can pick up the food, and before you take a bite, ask yourself how you are feeling right now. Are you really hungry? Moderately hungry? Once you know, take your first bite and allow the flavors to burst in your mouth, chew slowly, and take your time before swallowing. How do you feel now? Are you less hungry? Did you enjoy the first bite? Continue to repeat this practice as you take your next bite and so on. Really register each piece of food and remember to eat slowly and mindfully. Once you have taken your last bite, sit for a moment and appreciate the food that filled you. Not too full, but fully satisfied. 

      35 Gratitude Affirmations To Help You Get Through the Holidays
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      5 Things To Try if You Feel Stressed During the Holidays

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      Sure, many of us are wrapping up the year with a calendar full of family time and happy traditions, but this time of year also brings holiday stress like figuring out a budget for all the gifts you need to buy or finding time for every event. Throw in pressure at work and less energy from the lack of sunlight and it seems like we’re all doomed. Even as a wellness editor and health coach, my only health goal this season is to stress less. After all, the point of physical health is for mental health—eating nourishing foods and moving our bodies are simply tools to help us live our happiest lives. Since the holidays are known as the most stressful time of year (just as much as they’re known as the most wonderful time of year), I gathered the best tips to decrease stress in every area of your life so you have the most enjoyable, happy, and stress-free season possible. The Ghost of Christmas Present will thank you. 

      1. Try CBD
      We’ve talked a lot about CBD for deeper sleep and even help reaching orgasms, but this super ingredient should not just be reserved for the bedroom. CBD can help promote a sense of calm and stress relief without making you tired or have lower energy. Whether you’re stressing about an overpacked schedule, year-end work presentation, or just feel more stressed because of the time of year (the weather outside is frightful AF), CBD might be the secret ingredient you’re missing.
      We love Equilibria because their products are high-quality, organically grown, and made without GMOs, heavy-metals, and pesticides—it’s basically like the farm-to-table version of CBD (and when it comes to supplements, it’s so important to know where they’re coming from). To stay calm, help your body relax, and overall decrease stress, add the Daily Drops to your morning coffee for sustained stress relief throughout the workday, rub the Calming Roller onto pulse points for a stress relief boost before meetings, or take the Daily Softgels for increased stress relief over time.

      Equilibria
      Daily Drops
      Buy any two stocking stuffers, get one free from now until Dec. 13, and use code theeverygirl for an additional 20% off!

      Equilibria
      Dynamic Roller
      Buy any two stocking stuffers, get one free from now until Dec. 13, and use code theeverygirl for an additional 20% off!

      2. Eat mindfully
      Food can be a major source of stress, especially around the holidays. Whether your stress comes from the chores of grocery shopping, meal prepping, and cooking (it can be so much work!), or your stress is more along the lines of feeling like you broke your “diet rules” during holiday meals, nutrition can feel taxing. Since you have much more important things to worry about than how many calories are in that cinnamon bun or when to go the grocery store, get rid of expectations, rules, or habits and just eat mindfully and frequently check in with your body.
      For those of you who are stressed about how much work cooking is, search for ways to make meal prepping easier for you during this busy season: Is it worth investing in grocery delivery or a meal delivery service to eradicate some stress? Most importantly, frequently check in on what your body really wants for each meal (sometimes it will crave something nourishing like soup, and other times it will crave Chinese takeout—and that’s OK!). For those of you who get stressed about “overeating” at holiday meals, know that there’s plenty of room for mindful indulgences, even in a healthy diet. Give yourself permission to eat foods you enjoy, eat intuitively, and check in with your body. Are you feeling sluggish and need some more veggies to nourish or will you enjoy a slice of pumpkin pie? Forget eating for perfection—eat with the priority of self-compassion and it’ll drastically reduce your stress levels (guaranteed). 

      Source: @alainakaz

      3. Schedule alone time
      I live for a morning and evening routine. I love a warm cup of lemon water and gratitude journaling in the a.m., and I look forward to evening stretches, skincare, and meditation all day long. However, routines feel more difficult to fit in during the holidays (or any other busy time), and we don’t realize that practices we started in the name of “stress relief” are actually making us more stressed. If you’re frustrated that you didn’t make time for a morning meditation or you binged Netflix instead of working out, don’t panic. The goal of a routine (or any self-care practice) is not to check items that you’re “supposed” to do off of a list. Instead, the goal is to do something that makes you feel good, and that might look different every day or season. Your only stress-relief routine should be to make time for yourself every morning and night, and then be OK if what that time looks like changes.

      4. Prioritize having fun
      A realization that changed my life is that the only purpose of the holiday season is to enjoy it. That’s it. The purpose isn’t to buy the best gifts, fit in every single tradition, make the most delicious pie ever, or even see every person you care about. The purpose is just to enjoy it. Once you start reframing the purpose of the season, you’ll be able to start realizing how you’re holding yourself back from that goal and causing stress you could actually get rid of. It sounds so childlike and basic, but it’s the #1 reason most of us are stressed out this time of year. We don’t realize that the items on our to-do list that are meant to make the most of the season are actually keeping us from enjoying it. Before scheduling every event you’re invited to, adding a bunch of different wellness practices to your routine, or deciding what food you’re going to eat at every holiday meal, ask yourself if this truly helps you enjoy your life. If not, you know what to do: thank u, next. 

      Source: Maddie Galassi for The Everygirl

      5. Make a list of the top 10 sources of stress (and then fix what you can)
      Many people avoid facing their stressors or sweep them under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause a ton of stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. Spend a few minutes identifying and writing down the top 10 sources of stress in your life. Once you know where your stress is coming from, you’ll be able to find solutions. You can even go so far as to take your #1 stressor and come up with five things you can do right now to minimize it (and then do them). If you find that some of your stressors aren’t solvable, you can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Accepting life circumstances as they are can also help ease stress, even if you can’t actually change them (because you can always change mindset). 

      Lindsay Kramer
      Write It Down, Let It Go: A Worry Relief Journal
      If you feel worried about everything from work to-dos to how you’ll have time to bake that pumpkin pie for a family party, writing it all out will help you organize what needs to get done and (most importantly) release the worry.

      Paper Source
      The Anti-Anxiety Notebook
      Designed by therapists to help ease anxiety (in between actual sessions), this notebook offers tips, exercises, journal entries, and more.

       

      6 Techniques to Reduce Stress That My Therapist Taught Me

       
      Head to Equilibria and get two stocking stuffers to get one free from now until December 13, and use code theeverygirl for an additional 20% off! 
       

      This post includes a sponsored mention of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      How to Cope With These Common Holiday Triggers

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      It’s supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year,” so why are there so many holiday triggers? It’s the time of the year when families come together, gifts and food are abundant, and memories are made, but it’s also a time when it’s dark by 5 p.m., the weather is freezing, and Taylor Swift just dropped an album that make you want to cry, not to mention that this time of year can actually bring up a lot of painful feelings, anxiety, and stress. Whether your stress starts at Thanksgiving or you’re hit with the post-holiday sadness after New Year’s Day, read on for expert tips on how to cope and get through the season enjoyably.

      If you’re feeling pressure or exhaustion thinking about the season…
      You are probably expecting way too much. “The holidays are so stressful because there are a lot of ‘shoulds’ placed around them,” explained Chloe Ballatore, a relationship and communications expert and author. “Holidays have rituals, or repetitive activities, so really think through if doing these activities are serving your own best interests.” With the holidays approaching, identify where you think you “should” do something and if you’re doing it for any other reason than it makes you happy or you want to do it. Respect your own happiness over expectations and try not to do anything because you feel like you “should” do them. 

      If you have a negative relationship with food… 
      Whether it’s Friendsgiving, gift exchanges, Hanukkah, or Christmas dinner, holiday gatherings often revolve around food. For those with any kind of negative relationship with food or even a medically restrictive diet, the focus on food can be triggering. Tayler Silfverduk, a registered dietician who specializes in celiac disease and disordered eating, advised to be aware of food pushers, which are people who do not take “no” for an answer when offering food (even if it’s a well-intentioned aunt or grandparent), which can be highly triggering. If you need to, remind your family that your body and eating habits aren’t up for discussion. Overall, eat mindfully, have a game plan if you know you’ll have limited food options (like bringing a hearty side dish to eat for your main course if you don’t eat turkey), and consistently remind yourself that nourishment should be pleasurable—stress about food is worse for your body than any Christmas cookie or cup of eggnog. 

      If family get-togethers are triggering…
      Maybe you don’t get along with certain family members or maybe your family events can just be draining. Maybe you have family members who do not agree with your political or core beliefs, argue through every get-together, or make you feel stressed/pressured. Missy McCrickard, an energy healer, breathwork facilitator, and wellbeing coach, suggested setting boundaries with your family members or removing yourself from the situation altogether. It’s OK to say “No thank you” or “I can’t engage in this conversation.” When setting boundaries, let your family know the boundaries beforehand so they know what will or will not happen when you are together. You can also let them know you will remove yourself from the situation if you do not feel respected or comfortable. You cannot control anyone but yourself, so setting what your personal boundaries and reactions will look like is crucial for navigating tricky family dynamics.

      If you feel lonely during the holidays…
      Whether this time of year reminds you of family members who are no longer in our lives, you feel sad not seeing family this year, or the season is a reminder that you don’t have the relationship or family you want, the holidays can feel lonely. Dr. Rebecca Leslie, a psychologist and owner of Best Within You Therapy & Wellness, said that connecting in whatever way feels fulfilling to you is the most important thing to do when you’re feeling lonely. Set up friendsgivings, gift exchanges, or get-togethers (even if they’re virtual) with people who make you feel loved and supported. “If you’re feeling alone, know that you are not alone in feeling that way,” Dr. Leslie said. “Try to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion.” Talk to yourself as you would your best friend or little sister, spend time with your favorite hobbies, books, people, and movies, and say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happier. Practicing self-compassion and fostering connection can help ease loneliness.

      If you’re sober during the holidays…
      If you find that many holiday traditions rooted in a partying or drinking environment feel triggering to your sobriety in any way, set boundaries and seek support. Beth Bowen LMSW, a coach for alcohol-free and sober-curious women, suggested managing your physical, mental, and emotional energy by making sure you are getting extra sleep, turning down invitations to events you don’t want to attend, fueling your body with nutritious food, and exercising regularly. These practices can help you feel grounded so you can make choices that help your body feel best. If you feel uncomfortable being sober in an alcohol-focused environment, bring your own non-alcoholic beverage or perfect your non-alcoholic order so you can have something tasty and celebratory. This can be a mocktail, non-alcoholic beer/wine, or something like sparkling water. 

      If you are financially stressed during the holidays…
      While this season should be more about spending time with loved ones than spending money, we often like to show our love with gifts come the holiday season. Beyond our shopping list, we spend money on new outfits, food and drinks to bring to parties, travel expenses, etc., which can all really add up. “First and foremost, remember you are not alone,” said Sara Kuburic, a holiday triggerspsychotherapist, consultant, writer, and columnist. “Stick to your budget, be honest with people you are spending time with, and find traditions that are more affordable or free.”
      Good news: Gifting doesn’t have to break the bank. Homemade gifts like jewelry, candles, or art can help erase some of the expenses and can even be more personal and thoughtful than a store-bought gift. Lastly, while it can be a bummer to say “no,” try setting boundaries around foregoing gift exchanges or events that cause you more financial stress than enjoyment. Instead, make plans with loved ones for activities that won’t cost a lot of money (and stress): a virtual catch-up, movie night at home, walking around the neighborhood to look at the lights, or a potluck and BYOB dinner (so you’re not in charge of providing all the food and drinks). 

      And no matter what you feel triggered by…
      Practicing consistent self-care is crucial all year long but especially during extra stressful or triggering times like this season. “Make a schedule every day so you can plan ahead and schedule in ways to care for yourself,” suggested Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, a celebrity psychologist, keynote speaker, and author. “Determine which days will be particularly demanding and plan self-care activities before, during, or after those days.” Also, when you feel triggered in the moment, have a game plan. Try grounding yourself by taking 10 deep breaths from your belly, journaling, venting to a trusted loved one, or any other coping skills you have in your toolbox. Lastly, you should not be triggered, struggling, or coping alone. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

      Anxiety, toxic family relationships, and depression can feel isolating, but you shouldn’t have to feel as though you’re going through it alone. Please reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or another trusted professional for support.
      National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
      Crisis Textline: text CONNECT to 741741
      If you are struggling with an eating disorder or with disordered thoughts or behaviors regarding food and eating, please seek help. Call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 for support, reach out to a qualified medical professional, or, for a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.

      35 Gratitude Affirmations To Help You Get Through the Holidays
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      10 Books To Read if You Want To Improve Yourself

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      The cliche of “finding yourself” always made no sense to me until I actually did. But finding out who you are and what makes you unique just skims the surface. Discovering what makes me truly happy, the kind of people I want to surround myself with, and what motivates me to work hard has shaped who I am and what I will become. A huge part of this has been self-improvement books. I mean, we gotta learn how to be our best selves from someone else, right? It can be difficult to find the best self-improvement books for you, as every self-discovery journey is pretty tailored. We’ve made it just a little easier by rounding up some of our favorites to get you started.

      Cara Alwill Leyba
      Style Your Mind
      This read made me finally understand what I was missing in order to be successful: KNOW YOURSELF *cue Drake voice*. This workbook forces you to contemplate your goals and desires, and because the book is so gorgeous, I focused on including more than just scribbles and half-thought out responses. After working through this, I have a stronger understanding of what I want out of my life and how I’m going to get there.

      Eckhart Tolle
      A New Earth
      To no one’s surprise, Oprah was right. I was really apprehensive of this book at first – the entire concept of an “ego” just seemed a little weird. Boy was I wrong! This book is perfect for anyone who struggles to let things go. I have a tendency to get obsessive about things; I always want to be better! Tolle addresses this through his explanations of the ego while providing some actually pretty common sense resolutions to that stress in your daily life. Reading this finally allowed me to realize what causes stress and anxiety in my life and encouraged me to change those things.

      Maureen Johnson
      How I Resist: Activism and Hope for a New Generation
      Finding my voice in my activism has been difficult. I am a privileged woman and can sometimes feel like I don’t have any experiences or insight to bring to the table. Regardless of where you stand politically, this book discusses more about how you can fight for change and the hope that comes along with that. This is really aimed at a teen audience, but I took away a hope and excitement for the future as an adult. Not to mention the incredible list of contributors on this makes it a necessary read.

      Jolene Hart
      Eat Pretty: Nutrition for Beauty, Inside and Out
      This is not your typical recipe book. Eat Pretty simplifies the whole idea of “holistic nutrition” and makes food easy. I’ve always had a negative relationship with food, and this book has reminded me over and over again (I’ve read it a few times!) the ways in which food can nourish and support my skin, hair and bones and the energy it gives me to go through my day. Now I’m not saying I didn’t have a donut for breakfast this morning, but if you’re looking for a new way to look at food and improve that relationship, this is the read for you.

      Brené Brown
      Daring Greatly
      If you’ve ever seen Brené Brown’s amazing podcast about shame and vulnerability, this is basically its mom. I’ve always been a pretty open person, but this book took it to another level. One of the hardest things to learn is being vulnerable, and this book does an incredible job at explaining why it is so difficult and provides the little steps we can take to learn how. Brown includes several anecdotes to share just how she struggles with this same thing even though researching and discussing shame is her job. I might be biased as this is one of my favorite self-development reads, but this is one I would most certainly pick up if I were you.

      Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls
      Sleeveless tops, shorts, bathing suits – summer can be rough if you have any issues with body images, and unfortunately, that is something many women experience. This book is not only a fun read, but everything Jes Baker says is backed up by research, making her advice feel even more credible. Don’t struggle with body image issues? (Woohoo!) Baker gives tons of advice on just living unapologetically yourself, which I think everyone could really benefit from.

      Shannon Kaiser
      The Self-Love Experiment
      As a self-proclaimed perfectionist and atychiphobic (fear of failure!), I can get pretty hung up on every little mistake I make. The Self Love Experiment is that bit of encouragement to get me out of those thoughts and remember just how much good my failures can do. Kaiser takes you on her journey to self-love and acceptance, and through her true testimony, I started to realize more about my own journey as well. She’s candid and real and doesn’t lead you on that self-love is a quick fix. Also, having a little reminder that you’re more than a sum of your failures is pretty powerful.

      Dan Harris
      10% Happier
      As a journalist, I already knew I’d identify with Dan Harris. As I read through his struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, though, I began to realize just how relatable he is to so many of us. 10% Happier chronicles his experience working on ABC News, what it was like having a panic attack on the air and how meditation and mindfulness helped him get a handle on his anxiety. Anyone who’s even slightly curious about meditation but doesn’t know where to start, look no further.

      Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
      The Confidence Code
      For those who are more left brained, this is the one for you. The Confidence Code utilizes research and science to discuss confidence: why we want it and why it’s so hard to get. Both authors are journalists and do a great job of making the neuroscience understandable for someone who knows nothing about DNA. This book showed me a new way to look at being confident in myself all while providing the tools and stories I needed to actually start my own journey toward it.

      Gabby Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
      No matter your experience level with the Law of Attraction, Gabby Bernstein makes it simple and effective. The Law of Attraction is about more than manifesting sports cars and diamond jewelry, and this book shows that it can be as simple as changing your mindset for a positive one. This dives pretty deep, so expect to take lots of notes.

      15 Books to Read if You Need a Mental Health Boost More

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      8 Things To Do When the Sunday Scaries Set In

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      One of the pure banes of adulthood is the dreaded Sunday Scaries. Typically following a blissfully unaware weekend, the Sunday Scaries creep into your mind on a Sunday morning, fully setting up shop and wreaking havoc by the afternoon. They bring with them feelings of intense doom, despair, and usually a little self-doubt and loathing, just for good measure. Ultimately, your mind turns to your job, then your career, and then every life choice you’ve ever made. Instead of giving in, give these tips a try to take back your weekend fun. 

      1. Get chores done at the end of your work week
      We’ve all been guilty of barreling down the office door at 5 p.m. on Friday, hoping to find some work-week relief in the bottom of a wine glass. This blissfully unaware state spills into Saturday and then early Sunday morning, and soon you’re left staring at a massive to-do list, a pile of laundry, and an empty fridge by Sunday afternoon. The anxiety sets in, you wonder where the weekend went, and you’re now panicking to get your chores in order so you can pretend you’ve actually got a pulled-together life. Sound familiar?
      Instead of leaving all your unpleasant-but-necessary tasks for Sunday, try to complete them on Friday or another weeknight. This means picking out outfits for the week, meal prepping, and grocery shopping. Sunday is now your day to enjoy, with tasks already sorted for the week ahead.

      2. Finish work tasks on Friday and make a to-do list for Monday
      Does the phrase “that’s a problem for Monday” sound familiar? Many times, the biggest source of the Sunday Scaries is the loose ends we leave at work on Friday, being both too unmotivated to complete them and too naive to realize that we probably won’t remember where we left off. Nip this problem in the bud by leaving your desk and inbox super tidy, with detailed notes that’ll jog your memory on Monday. I like to spend the last 15 minutes at my desk on Friday writing a detailed to-do list for Monday, which usually saves me a half hour of trying to remember what I needed to do when Monday finally hits. 

      3. Set a loose weekend objective
      I often text my significant other on Friday (or Thursday, depending on how desperate I am for the weekend) about what I want to do over the weekend. It’s usually just one or two things and can range from the ambitious and specific (“I want to go on a hike”) to something more low-key (“can we just sleep all weekend?”). He usually agrees to my proposals, and then we have a framework for our weekend. It helps us plan fun activities amongst the chores and obligations and also makes us consciously think about what we need to feel recharged on any given weekend. As an extreme planner and goal setter, this tip has helped me feel accomplished and rejuvenated when I get back to my desk on Monday because I feel like I accomplished what I intended to.

      4. Completely unplug
      It’s tempting to want to glance at your emails over the weekend to stay on top of any major issues and gear up for the following week, but I’m going to tell you right now that you need to stop. It’s a soul-sucking task that will leave you feeling drained and resentful. I’ve personally been guilty of “just checking” my work emails at 2 p.m. on a Sunday and then having my whole day ruined over an issue I can do nothing about until the next morning. Unless your job requires you to be on call, deactivate all work notifications over the weekend to avoid having your phone become a source of anxiety. If you truly cannot imagine yourself unplugging all weekend, allow yourself a few minutes of skimming time Sunday night to help put your mind at ease and prep for the work week.

      5. Treat your weekends as mini vacations
      Avoid getting into weekend ruts and instead think of each weekend as a vacation and opportunity instead of mindlessly going through your typical weekend routine. This mindset shift can help you feel recharged and relaxed come Monday morning, and I encourage you to do enjoyable things over your weekend. The idea is to treat your two days off as a complete break from your everyday life by stepping away from work, chores, and other obligations as much as possible. This is your chance to finally try out that brunch spot, take a painting class, or just walk through the park without interruptions. It’s two full days to relax and recharge the skills you use at work.

      6. Do something fun Sunday night
      Planning an activity for Sunday night means two things: You have to get all your sh*t done before and you have something to look forward to at the exact time Sunday Scaries rears its ugly head. It usually helps if this activity is relaxing, such as trying out a new dinner recipe, meeting a friend for dessert, or reading your favorite book. Treat those last fleeting moments of your weekend freedom as what they are: freedom. 

      7. Plan a Monday treat
      Carry some of that weekend “treat yo’ self” magic into your Monday and give yourself something to look forward to every week. Maybe Mondays are the day you get UberEats and binge watch Netflix or take yourself out for lunch at your favorite deli. Pick something you look forward to, no matter how small, and make it your Monday thing. Don’t allow this treat any other day of the week (especially on the weekends!). You’ll be looking forward to the start of the week in no time. 

      8. Ask yourself why you feel this way
      It’s normal to occasionally dread the work week, no matter how much you enjoy your job. Sometimes just identifying the stressor (like a meeting with your boss first thing Monday morning or having an overly packed schedule) can be enough to help you feel empowered enough to face it. Often times, the stress from one or two things can be overwhelming and manifest itself into something bigger and scarier. Chatting with your partner or friend about your feelings can often help put the stress to rest. If your anxiety about Mondays is crippling week after week, it’s time to address why. Sometimes these dark feelings can be cause for a re-evaluation of a career or serious chat with your boss about work-life balance or work-related issues. 

      9 Things All Successful Women Do On Sunday More

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      What I Learned After Going to Intensive Outpatient Therapy Online

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      Not that long ago, I was going through a super rough period in my life dealing with a terrible depressive episode and causing myself harm because I couldn’t deal with it all alone. Because of how worried my family and friends were, I ended up deciding it was time that I needed more help and support than I was receiving. My therapist told me about a Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), where, for at least a month, I would have to go to more intense therapy sessions online that consisted not only of talk therapy.
      Right when I started IOP, the world was entering into a period of utter chaos. People were stocking up on toilet paper like nobody’s business and glued to the news talking about the latest surge of COVID cases in the U.S. I couldn’t have chosen a better time to start intensive therapy. But due to quarantine restrictions, the program I decided to do made everything virtual. Like many other places, it was the first time the IOP program had ever been held virtually, so they were worried about how it would go and if it would be as effective. There were definitely pros and cons of it being held virtually. Read on to learn more about Intensive Outpatient Care and the lessons that I learned from my own experience.

      What is the Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)?
      Before my therapist recommended IOP, I had absolutely no idea what it entailed. There are different types of IOP depending on individual needs. While it can look different to everyone or in different programs, it’s typically a short-term treatment, meaning more intensive focus than therapy sessions once or twice a week. IOP care is meant for anyone suffering from eating disorders, bipolar disorder, depression, self-harm, or chemical dependency. Doctors and therapists will recommend IOP to patients when they have been identified as needing a higher level of care in an outpatient setting. While most people spend 3-12 weeks in IOP treatment, it can be much more or less, depending on individual needs (my IOP program lasted for two months). 

      My experience doing IOP
      During my IOP program, I did both group therapy and individual therapy, working on a combination of trauma therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and relationship skills. For three days a week, I started with about an hour of individual therapy sessions (just me and my therapist), followed by three hours of group therapy. The first hour was dedicated to trauma therapy, which was about processing past difficult experiences (this one was the most difficult for me because it was so personal). The following hour focused on relationship skills, including discussing our attachment styles and how we show up in relationships. Lastly, the third session focused on DBT. DBT is meant to provide coping skills when someone is in emotional distress. DBT also hones in on the practice of mindfulness. I’m now able to turn to some of these skills whenever I feel emotionally triggered or upset.
      While it sounds like a lot, I still had time to keep up with normal day-to-day activities, and doing it all online made it a little easier to fit into my days. Since it was online, I was still able to show up to classes, complete work, and keep up with outside clubs and activities at school. However, everyone is different and all patients should establish individual schedules that would work best with their lifestyle, needs, and program of choice.

      How does it work when it’s all virtual?
      Online IOP obviously worked a bit differently from how it would function in person. Everything was held via Zoom, with a moderator for extra safety. They wanted to make sure that no one besides group members and the therapist would go into the meeting. In the program I was in, people in person could usually choose their own therapy schedule that involved different groups of people. However, since it was online, we had to stick to the same schedule and have the same group members. Many programs had to cut a lot of the different types of therapy since not all therapists were comfortable switching to a completely virtual IOP.
      One benefit of doing IOP online was having the freedom to still be at home with my family while I was going through intensive therapy. It was extremely helpful to have them around me during a difficult time. Another great thing was that I was in an environment where I felt comfortable. I don’t know about you, but my room is my safe haven. No matter what’s going on in my life, when I enter my own personal space, I feel calmer and less anxious. Intensive therapy can sometimes be draining and bring up a lot of difficult emotions, so it was nice to be in a familiar, comfortable place. It can also be difficult for me to express my feelings in a group setting, and the virtual option made group therapy a little bit easier for me to communicate without feeling intimidated.
      But there were also challenges to the virtual setting. I get distracted easily, so sitting in front of a computer screen for four hours of total concentration was definitely difficult. It’s so tempting to scroll through Instagram or check my text messages instead of paying attention. But overall, I still feel as if I got as much as I could out of my experience with IOP despite it being done online.

      What I learned from my experience
      It’s powerful to be vulnerable
      I am definitely someone who finds it difficult to share my emotions with other people. When I feel vulnerable, I tend to shut down and isolate myself. Although I was in talk therapy before, I still found it quite difficult to be completely open and honest with my therapist. I started IOP in a very vulnerable state; I had just gone through an intense breakup and was deeply depressed. The thought of having to talk to other people about what I was going through seemed terrifying. I just wanted other people to think that I was doing OK and pushing through it when really, I was suffering tremendously. During my time in IOP, we focused on how being vulnerable isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
      Like Brené Brown says, vulnerability is an act of courage, not a weakness. It is so difficult to show and share with others what we’re really going through, but when we do it, it actually allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. When I opened up to my IOP group about my depression and past traumatic experiences, I learned that other people related to me and felt the same way. It made me feel heard and like I wasn’t alone in what I was going through. I’ve applied this practice in my own life too. I’ve started becoming more open and honest with my family and friends when I am struggling with something, and every single time it always has a positive outcome.

      It’s OK to need help
      I have always been a very independent person. I used to feel like a burden to other people if I ever asked for help. Although independence is good, we need support from others—it’s impossible to do everything alone. I was barely passing my classes, dealing with a breakup, and couldn’t get out of bed; yet I still thought I could do it all by myself. I thought I had to fix myself because I would look weak if I reached out for help. It was a huge decision for me to enter IOP.
      A lot of it did have to do with my personal therapist saying that I needed it, but I also acknowledged that I wanted to get better but had no clue where to start. The first step to really getting better is finally accepting that you need help. Like me, you may have a lot of judgment around asking for help, but I promise you it’s worth it. People want to see you succeed and get better; you don’t have to deal with everything yourself. Although I still struggle with asking for help from others, I’ve realized that the benefits outweigh the challenges.

      Accept the past and let it go
      IOP brings up a lot of things from your past that you may not really want to relive. Sometimes during therapy, I would remember really painful memories that I had repressed for so long. There were times when it was really emotionally challenging to think of things that made me so upset, but talking through these past memories helps us acknowledge the hard times that we have endured in our past and be able to move on. Bad things may have happened in your past, but that doesn’t mean they should define your future.
      One of the skills of DBT is radical acceptance, which means accepting things for how they are, even if it makes us feel uncomfortable. It’s a pretty hard skill to learn, especially since it sometimes feels impossible to accept some things we have been through. But there is so much power in letting go. We are getting rid of all the things that have been holding us back for so long. After talking through some of my most difficult memories, I was able to finally let go and get rid of so many negative emotions that I felt toward those particular experiences.

      How to know if IOP is right for you
      Before I started IOP, nothing was really working for me. I was in talk therapy, but it didn’t seem to be enough to process and heal from what I was going through. I knew that I needed more support than I was receiving. If you are experiencing severe depression, an eating disorder, addiction, or bipolar disorder and feel like you’re not getting the support you need, talk to your doctor or therapist about IOP options near you. You are not alone and people are here to help you.

      National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)Crisis Textline: text CONNECT to 741741 More

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      ‘Tis the Season: 35 Gratitude Affirmations To Help You Get Through the Holidays

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      What do you do when you’re overwhelmed looking at your holiday to-do list or bank account post-gift shopping? What about when you totally forego all your healthy habits or struggle with your relationship with food, but all the holiday meals can be triggering? What do you do if you’re having a hard time staying present and truly enjoying the season or feel sad your traditions aren’t the same as they used to be? 
      This is undoubtedly my favorite time of year, but it can also be the most emotionally draining, stressful, and even sad (that’s why Kacey Musgraves wrote a song about it). Consider this your reminder to schedule some extra appointments with your therapist, as you’ll likely need a little extra TLC. But for in between therapy sessions or when you’re actually in the moment at office parties, festive outings, or during Hallmark movie nights at home, read on for a list of affirmations you can repeat to yourself to help you stay present and manifest your best season ever. 

      If you’re celebrating Thanksgiving…
      It is the season of giving thanks, after all. What better way to reset our priorities, check in with ourselves, and enjoy our loved ones than a Thanksgiving truly rooted in gratitude? Avoid going through the motions of who’s going to bring the turkey or what family drama is going to come up and repeat one of these mantras to stay present in the purpose of the day.
      1. I’m grateful for another year to make happy memories2. Thankfulness, appreciation, and sincere gratitude are core to who I am3. I invite gratitude into my heart every day4. I am grateful I am so loved5. My entire body feels warm with gratitude and thankfulness

      If you struggle with your body this time of year…
      The holidays are supposed to be a happy time, but they can bring up a lot of stress when it comes to our health habits. Between busy schedules, holiday dinners, and lots of eggnog, we can easily feel stressed about not keeping up regular health habits, especially if we struggle with food. Give your body a little extra patience, compassion, and love this year with one of these affirmations. 
      6. I make time for myself every day7. My body receives nourishment from joy and pleasure too8. Rest and social time are physically good for me9. (All) food is a nourishing pleasure that’s good for my body10. I’m connected with my body and I love to keep it healthy

      If you feel triggered by family…
      Let’s be honest: Not every family get-together is a happy scene from a holiday movie or what is depicted in Christmas carols (in fact, most are not). If being around family or certain friends is triggering, know that you are not alone. Remember that you can (and should) set boundaries to protect your peace, and focus on staying as grounded and mindful as possible.
      11. I release memories of my past and stay present12. I am worthy of healing13. I am proud of the person I am and the life I have14. I give myself permission to set boundaries that bring me peace15. I do not control and am not responsible for the actions of others

      If you’re feeling stressed about money…
      Of course the gift giving, holiday parties, and special outings are some of the best parts of this time of year, but it can wreak havoc on our bank accounts. If you’re feeling stressed about money, try these tips and remember that the most special, memorable, and happy parts of the season are totally free. 
      16. Making other people happy makes me happy17. I am happy with simplicity 18. The most memorable gifts I can give don’t cost a penny19. I spend and save money based on what brings me joy20. I give myself permission to accept and honor where I am in my financial state right now

      If you’re exhausted from a busy schedule…
      The holidays are exhausting. Between office parties, family plans, and a busy to-do list, our schedules are packed from November until January. Instead of letting this season become another frazzled mess, rethink the events, tasks, and people who are actually worth your time, make you-time a non-negotiable, and stay present so you can fully enjoy it all. 
      21. My plate is full of things and people I am lucky to have22. I am grateful for the abundance of the season23. I deserve “me” time24. I say “no” when I mean no and “yes” when an event or task brings me joy25. Only I am in control of my life

       
      If you feel lonely this time of year…
      Whether you’re still at home alone (Kevin McCallister style) or have a schedule full of holiday parties, the season can feel especially lonely. The holidays might serve as a reminder that you’re not with certain loved ones right now, or questions from nosy aunts about when you’re getting married/having children/settling down feels draining (and rude!). Reframe your thoughts and practice self-compassion to prevent loneliness from getting you down this year. 
      26. I am whole as I am27. I feel joy in where I am in my life28. My life is full of people who love me29. I am connected to all the love in the world30. I can make space for loneliness and practice being kind to myself

      If you’re always let down by the holidays…
      Anyone else deal with holiday perfectionism? We make long to-do lists of all the things we want to do this year and have plans for how we want to make the most of the season, forgetting that we never have enough time for it all, and sometimes the holidays can feel sad. If you’re expecting this season to be “perfect” or are let down if plans don’t go “as they should,” these affirmations are for you.
      31. When things don’t go as planned, I will adjust my expectations32. I am present and in the moment33. This season is going to be filled with joy34. My happiness is more important than t0-do lists or schedules35. The only purpose of this season is to enjoy it

      Anxiety, toxic family relationships, and depression can feel isolating, but you shouldn’t have to feel as though you’re going through it alone. Please reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or another trusted professional for support.
      National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
      Crisis Textline: text CONNECT to 741741
      If you are struggling with an eating disorder or with disordered thoughts or behaviors regarding food and eating, please seek help. Call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 for support, reach out to a qualified medical professional, or, for a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.

      50 Positive Affirmations To Tell Yourself More