Mental Wellness

Whether you’re one of the many who identifies as sober curious, soberish or California sober – it’s hard to deny: More and more people are looking for ways to decrease the role that alcohol plays in their lives. Between hangovers, hangxiety and um, the fact that alcohol is a known carcinogen, there’s plenty of reasons to limit just how much you’re consuming. But it’s easier said than done when alcohol is the focal point that many people’s social lives are centred around. That’s why we consulted the experts to show you how to cut back on drinking alcohol without your social life taking a knock.“It’s hard to go anywhere without someone offering you a drink,” says licensed clinical professional counsellor Leah Young, a Clinical Manager at Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Centre. Even if you’re not someone who struggles with alcohol addiction, it can be hard to decrease your alcohol intake. This is because alcohol shows up *a lot* in our day-to-day. It’s at sports games, company events and for some people, a regular night out with friends. “Alcohol has really permeated both happy moments and celebrations and sad ones when people are grieving and everything in between, including even when people are bored,” says Hilary Sheinbaum, author of The Dry Challenge: How to Lose the Booze for Dry January, Sober October, and Any Other Alcohol-Free Month. “It’s become almost the main character in social situations.” (Think: post-work happy hour, first-date drinks, best friends’ birthday parties, cry sessions after a breakup.) Chances are, you’re never too far from the next opportunity to drink, which only makes it harder to cut back.READ MORE: 13 Simple Mocktail Recipes To Keep On Hand All Year LongWhat to expect when you cut back on drinkingThe truth is that alcohol – through marketing, media and thousands of years of traditions – has wormed its way into a prominent role in our lives, both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes, it provides a reason to get together with friends and other times it helps make a social situation feel a little bit smoother. Trying to decentre it then comes with some logistical and personal challenges. Like, can you still go to the bar with your friends? And, how do you handle how other people might react to you not drinking?Because drinking is so normalised, deciding not to might come with questions. You can expect that some people will be curious, says Young. But, it might also come with seemingly some discomfort or disappointment from friends. Those moments can be thought of as a “them thing, and less of a you thing,” says licensed clinical social worker Shani Gardner, a therapist at Soulful Grace Therapy. Switching up your behaviour might make people question their own and result in them projecting onto you. Approach that with kindness and compassion – but don’t take it personally, she says.READ MORE: Seriously Now, Is Alcohol Really THAT Bad For Your Sleep?“It’s become almost the main character in social situations.”At the same time *you* might be the one projecting. “We fill in the gaps in our head with what we think other people are thinking or feeling about us,” says Dr Hayley Treloar Padovano, an associate professor of behavioural and social sciences at the Centre for Alcohol and Addiction Studies at Brown University. “A lot of times those things aren’t true.” You might be worried about your friends judging you for not drinking, but it’s a misconception that drinking less or not drinking at all necessarily needs to turn your entire social life upside down. “You’re still going to be as fun. You’re still going to be as engaged – if not more engaged – in the conversation,” says Sheinbaum. “It’s just that you are going to have something different in your hands.”Untangling alcohol from your social life might feel like a big task, but on the other side of it is better sleep, better digestion and financial savings, to name a few, says Sheinbaum, who is sober curious herself and only drinks about once a month. Luckily, these expert tips for people looking to drink less make it a lot simpler.Meet the experts: Hilary Sheinbaum is a journalist, the founder of GoingDry.co, and author of The Dry Challenge: How to Lose the Booze for Dry January, Sober October, and Any Other Alcohol-Free Month and Going Dry: A Workbook: A Practical Guide to Drinking Less and Living More. Leah Young is a licensed clinical professional counsellor and the Clinical Manager at Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Centre. Shani Gardner is a licensed clinical social worker and the founder and therapist at Soulful Grace Therapy. Dr Hayley Treloar Padovano is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behaviour at Brown University’s Centre for Alcohol and Addiction Studies.6 Tips To Decentre Alcohol From Your Life & How To Cut Back On Drink Alcohol1. Practice turning down alcohol in advance.If you know you’re heading to an event where you’ll be offered alcohol, prepare what you’re going to say before you get there, says Young. You don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation, but coming up with something short and sweet beforehand can help minimise attention to your lack of drinking and make you feel more confident about navigating the convo.“You can have one statement ready to go for everybody, or you can vary and tailor it depending on your relationship with the person,” says Young. “But it’s important to practice it, otherwise you might stand there looking like a fish gasping for air.”You can stick to something simple, like, “Thank you, but I have a huge day at work tomorrow, so I’m not planning on drinking tonight” or “Actually, what I’m really craving right now is a Diet Coke.” Or, give more insight by saying something along the lines of, “I’ve been experimenting with drinking less to see if it boosts my energy/improves my mental focus/clears my skin,” – or whatever your reason is for cutting down on alcohol. You might even find that others have the same goal. But how you say it matters. Confidence is key, says Young. So is making sure you’re firm if you need to be, adds Sheinbaum. READ MORE: How To Do Social Season Sober, Plus The 15 Best Alcohol-Free Drinks2. Delay your drinking by 30 minutes.Ordering a drink upon arrival to your destination might feel like an icebreaker or a way to ease yourself into a social situation, and it often happens out of habit. By setting a goal to wait 30 minutes before you order your first glass of rosé, you can learn to tolerate any discomfort – and discover that you don’t need the alcohol in the first place. “If you put yourself in that situation and you say, ‘Okay, for 30 minutes I’m not going to drink and I’m just going to see what happens,’ you’ll discover that what goes up must go down; Our anxiety just can’t keep going up forever,” says Treloar Padovano. It’s kind of like exposure therapy for not drinking for longer periods of time. You’ll get better at navigating spaces without an alcoholic beverage in hand and build up the muscle to deal with the anxiety you have about not drinking. When the 30 minutes is up, feel free to order an alcoholic drink if you want one – or maybe you end up opting to wait another 30 minutes, and then another 30 and so on.3. Take the lead when ordering a drink or making plans.Have you ever been out to dinner and the first person to order gets an espresso martini and then suddenly everyone else at the table orders an espresso martini? That’s because drinking can also be about sharing an experience, says Sheinbaum. The thing is, your shared experience doesn’t have to be with alcohol. Set the tone by ordering a creative mocktail, the house-made lemonade or a classic Shirley Temple. Your friends might just follow suit. (Pro tip: If you pick the restaurant, you can be sure that there are plenty of delicious-sounding non-alc options.)You can also take the lead in other ways by volunteering to host or inviting people to get togethers where alcohol isn’t centre-stage or even present at all, says Young. Game or craft nights, bowling, museum-exploring and pottery are all things that can be done sans-alcohol (though your friends might bring some anyway). What you can control is serving a killer mocktail for the evening and providing your friends with something fun to do that isn’t sipping on alcohol. “Anything that is using your hands or using your body is fun,” says Gardner. “How could you drink alcohol and be wheel throwing at the same time? It just would be a little bit challenging to do that.” When the main event isn’t just showing up to a bar, it takes some of the pressure off of drinking.At the end of the day, remember that drinking is just one of the many activities you can do with loved ones, says Gardner. Adding some variety can help not only decrease your weekly drink count, but also expose you to new hobbies.READ MORE: 3 Easy Summer Mocktails For Social Gatherings4. Make your intentions clear to trusted friends and voice what type of support you need from them.While you don’t need to discuss your drinking habits with everyone, bringing a few friends in on your intention is a good idea, says Treloar Padovano. “Find a believer,” she says, or someone who is supportive of you. You can be vulnerable and open up the conversation before you head out to your plans, says Gardner. Start by sharing your goal, and then what you’re hoping your friend can do to help. It doesn’t need to be a super-intense talk. You can casually and confidently mention that you’re trying to drink less – and why. One reason to talk it out? You might find that some of your friends feel the same way, and this can help you feel more confident and comfortable with your decision. Even better: If you’re concerned about other people harping on the decision while you’re out, having an ally can help by distracting or backing you up when the topic arises about what’s in your cup, says Young. “Or you can even find somebody who’s willing to not drink with you that night,” she says. Whatever you need, just make sure to communicate it with your friends.Having a conversation in advance can also help set expectations on your friends’ part. This way, by the time you get to your destination for the evening, they know you won’t be drinking and have managed their own ideas for how the night will go. It also might help navigate any weirdness or surprises later on. For example, when it comes to the ever-popular suggestion of first-date drinks, mention that you probably won’t be drinking – but that they should free to – before making set plans.READ MORE: Here’s How To Spot Secret Addictions And Tips To Break The Cycle5. Find something else to calm your nerves.If you feel like alcohol helps you in a social setting, whether it’s by making you more calm or confident, just know that there are other, potentially healthier options for getting that effect, says Gardner.Instead of pregaming your date with a White Claw, turn on your favourite pump-up playlist to boost your confidence or try a quickie yoga meditation to quiet your nerves. If you show up to a social event and suddenly feel a little overwhelmed and nervous, head over to the bathroom for a deep-breathing break. This also might be a good time to call on the friend you’ve told about your decreased-drinking goals. They could make the ultimate hype person.You’ll have to find what works for you, but it starts with identifying what you’re perceiving alcohol to help you with and finding something else that does the same, says Gardner. 6. Try a dry challenge.While going cold-turkey from alcohol might not work for everyone, for some, a short dry challenge might be a helpful way to disrupt your drinking habits and have a long-term impact. “In some ways, not drinking at all is easier because you take the decision-making out of it,” says Treloar Padovano. Having a hard line to draw might simplify drinking less, rather than having to decide each time how much (or how little) you plan on drinking.For Sheinbaum, doing a dry challenge started out as a competition with her friend, but it turned into something much more. “I’m a stubborn Aries, so I was very dedicated to this challenge,” she says. And, while Sheinbaum was technically the winner because she didn’t drink for the entire month while her friend had one cocktail (and was treated to [a pricy] dinner as a result), both she and her friend saw benefits. “I say that we both ended up winning because it changed my perspective entirely about how alcohol is affecting my brain, my body, my mood, my life and my career,” she says.READ MORE: 5 Ways To Protect Your Liver From “Summer Season” DamageTake on the challenge with a friendJoining in on challenges like Dry January and Sober October – two months during which people abstain from alcohol – are also a built-in explanation for not drinking and likely mean you won’t be making the decision alone, too. Doing a dry challenge with a friend gives you a built-in support to vent to and cheer you on. Another perk: When you set a time goal to abstain from alcohol, every day you can track your progress, Sheinbaum says. Each day you get closer to your goal simply by skipping a post-work glass of wine. Plus, the effects are noticeable fast, she says. “Within the first ten days I noticed better sleep and my skin definitely improved,” she says.This article is intended for those looking to change their relationship with alcohol socially. If you are someone who deals with addiction, find emergency hotlines, counselling and treatment options here.This article by Olivia Luppino was originally published on Women’s Health US. More