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      The Importance of Mental Health Awareness in the Black Community

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      When I was a child, my mom would drop me off at my grandma’s house when she went to work. The entire time she was gone, I would sit at the window and wait, watching the road for headlights signaling her return. Later, family members would tell stories about how easy I was to babysit because I would only sit in the window and cry. They made jokes for years about how sensitive I was, how spoiled and attached. The truth is, I was developing anxiety.While I appeared to just be spoiled or a “mama’s girl,” I was actually sitting there in that window because every time my mom was late coming home, I was convinced she had been arrested or had died. And it was more than just a fleeting thought or worry. I could envision it clearly in my head, and it would replay over and over until she finally returned. I didn’t know it then, but I was experiencing several adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that were taking hold of my mental well-being and causing these types of thoughts and fears. Unfortunately, like many other Black people and people of color, I wouldn’t obtain the language to describe nor the knowledge to understand this for a very long time.
      There are several unique difficulties that underrepresented groups have to contend with relating to mental illness. The first step to addressing these struggles is reducing the stigma around mental illness in these communities; then, advocating for greater support and inclusion. Let’s begin with key reasons why it’s critical for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) to address mental health.
       
      1. Adverse childhood experiences
      Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are potentially traumatic experiences and events that can have lasting effects on health and well-being in childhood and/or later in life. ACEs can include exposure in the home to factors such as parental separation/divorce, substance abuse, physical/emotional neglect, mental illness and suicide, incarceration, violence, and psychological, physical, and sexual abuse; but can also include environmental factors such as exposure to violence outside of the home, living in unsafe neighborhoods, homelessness, bullying, discrimination, and experience of income insecurity.
      In a 2018 study of ACEs by state, race, and ethnicity, it was found that nearly half of all children nationally and in most states have experienced at least one ACE. However, Black and Hispanic children and youth in almost all regions of the United States are more likely to experience ACEs than their white and Asian peers. These racial disparities reflect discriminatory policies and biases that systematically disadvantage black and Hispanic children, specifically, leaving them more vulnerable to traumatic experiences in childhood. Then, as they move into adulthood, ACEs are linked to chronic health problems, poverty, depression, suicide, and substance abuse. With 61 percent of Black non-Hispanic children and 51 percent of Hispanic children have experienced at least one ACE, it is imperative that the likely subsequent mental health impact is met with social/community support and treatment.
       
      2. Racism and collective trauma
      Racism itself is its own adverse childhood experience, disproportionately affecting BIPOC. Racism leads to feelings of inferiority, guilt, self-hatred, and helplessness; additionally, racism can be the cause of mental health issues such as anxiety (and related symptoms), depression, psychological distress, and intergenerational racial trauma. Racial trauma describes the physical and emotional response that BIPOC have as a result of being exposed to racism. The emotional responses to racism include fear, confusion, and self-blame; there are also physical symptoms, including headaches, fatigue, and increased heart rate and blood pressure. Black folks are regularly experiencing collective, intergenerational trauma due to a legacy of hate and discrimination that includes slavery, police brutality, and the lynching of Black bodies (both now and then).
      Oftentimes, when we (BIPOC) think about how racism has affected our lives, we are thinking about the racist encounters we have experienced, and how we felt in those moments. What we often forget to consider is how those racist encounters remain in our minds and our bodies, wreaking havoc in ways greater and more dangerous than the encounter alone likely did. Mental health awareness and treatment is imperative to the process of ridding our bodies of the poison and toxicity of racism.
       
      3. Self-perception
      Many factors lead to Black people feeling as if they are “less than” others, including internalized racism and negative self-evaluations. If I had to guess, I would bet this began during slavery, when Black bodies were up for sale at humiliating rates based on perceived fitness, agreeableness, and ability to “break.” Unfortunately, this discounting of Black bodies did not end with slavery.
      Black people are consistently underpaid and/or undervalued in the workplace. And instead of getting better as wages improve in the economy, the wage gap between black and white workers has grown significantly since 2000. And it’s not just about wages; Black people experience disparities in wages, opportunities, and treatment. And when Black people call attention to these disparities, we are often accused of playing the victim or exaggerating or outright lying. It’s no wonder, then, that many Black people struggle with feelings of inadequacy, self-hate, and blame. Left untreated, these feelings can compound into psychological patterns/issues such as anxiety, imposter syndrome, and depression. 
      For BIPOC, addressing mental health is a necessary step to healing—but it’s not that easy. There are also many barriers in place that prevent Black people, specifically, from accessing mental health care.

      4. Stigma
      In the Black community, there is a serious stigma around mental health. Another memory I have from childhood is growing up with an aunt who everyone called crazy. Much later, I learned that she likely suffered from dissociative identity disorder. But those words were never used to describe her. Instead, I heard words such as paranoid, not right, and crazy den a betsy bug. Growing up Black, I learned pretty quickly the things we weren’t supposed to speak about. Right in front of my eyes, there was mental illness, alcoholism, addiction, violence, and substance abuse; yet I knew better than to mention any of it.
       
      5. Black cultural values
      Although there are many merits of the traditional Black church, mental health awareness is not one of them. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I grew up being taught that Jesus could heal any issue I had. If I said I was depressed, I was told to pray. If I was still depressed after praying, well, that was the devil’s doing. And anything that was the devil’s doing was not to be brought up in the presence of God. It was a confusing circle that caused me to never speak up about my depression, not even once it became serious. Black cultural values, while well-intentioned, often lead to these types of inconsistencies.
       
      6. Fear of seeking help
      I recently attended a writing workshop for writers of color. When our cohort completed an exercise on cultural values, we discovered that many of us shared one particular value: an insistence on keeping family issues private. BIPOC tend to value privacy, even at the expense of getting help. This means that an issue in the family stays in the family, at all costs. BIPOC value privacy for a multitude of reasons, including the fear of persecution. When speaking out about an issue at home could put your family at risk of separation, deportation, arrest, etc., you learn right away to keep your mouth shut. While this level of privacy is certainly warranted, it often leaves BIPOC struggling and with nowhere safe to turn.
       
      7. Lack of access to quality care
      According to Mental Health America, Black people have less access to mental health care, due to issues such as insurance coverage, lack of Black care providers, and discrimination in healthcare settings. Even when Black people manage to get past the stigma and actively seek help, we are often met with challenges and denial. For example, Black people are more likely to be diagnosed with schizophrenia and less likely to be diagnosed with mood disorders compared to white people experiencing the same symptoms. Even when Black people can access mental health care, we are often treated poorly and/or not taken seriously. This leads to mistrust of the medical system, which further deters Black people from seeking help.

       
      I am actively working to break down the stigma around mental health and mental illness; and I challenge my Black community to do the same.
      It is not just about placing blame on someone or something else for your issues (which is what I once thought); it is about liberation. Liberating ourselves from our past traumas and our collective traumas. Demanding effective care and access. Fighting for our right to be whole. It was truly empowering when I obtained the language to describe the issues I’d been battling all my life. Once I learned about anxiety, I began to understand myself in a new way. I was able to understand and piece together how my childhood factored into my adult struggles. I was able to identify how slavery continues to impact me now, a Black woman born after its abolishment. And I was able to realize how racism, oppression, trauma, and fear factor into my everyday experience as a Black woman in America.
      In my journey towards liberation, I have found many things that work well for me, and others that don’t. For my anxiety, I utilize a combination of therapy, meditation, mindfulness, and physical movement/awareness. I’ve also found several mental health resources specifically catered to Black people, many of which have been compiled into this Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) Mental Health Resource Guide. My best (non-expert) advice: find what works for you and do it.
      Having a mental illness does not make us weak. It makes us human.
      Acknowledging our struggles does not make us weak. It makes us strong.
      It is human to struggle. It is strong to keep fighting.
      It is human to fear. It is strong to face our fears.
      Human to question.
      Strong to speak up for ourselves.
      Human to hurt.
      Strong to survive.  More

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      Why Do I Always Think Everyone is Mad at Me?

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      Awhile ago, after a weekend of ruminating over why no one was replying to my text messages, I found myself in a meeting wondering why no one was smiling at me when I spoke, and Googled, “Why do I always think everyone is mad at me.” (And of course, asked my therapist about it later.)If you’ve found yourself worrying about past disagreements to solve the no-response mystery, feeling like you said something stupid, or that all the people you love and respect most are conspiring against you, you’re not alone. I have an intense internal desire to be liked by everyone. I mean everyone—friends, friends of friends, family, colleagues, even cashiers and yoga instructors. At some point along the way, I’ve been conditioned that liked=good, and disliked=bad. Likely, you can relate on some level. The desire to be liked is very human—we all want to be liked and accepted.
      I know objectively that being liked by everyone is simply not possible. As a woman with strong opinions, values, and personality, it would be naive to think that I will be everyone’s cup of tea.
      Yet despite how much we can talk ourselves back to reality, it doesn’t fix the terrible, anxious thoughts and feelings we experience in the moment. Wanting to be liked isn’t inherently bad. In fact, in some cases it allows us to be thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. However, when our desire to be liked becomes intense or feels overwhelming—i.e. thinking everyone is mad at you—there are two main problems. 

      Source: Aline Viana Prado | Pexels

      First, it can be really easy to lose a sense of self. When you try to practice everyone else’s values, you are left with none of your own. Because I want everyone to like me and I’m afraid of upsetting people, I find myself fearing true self expression, like expressing my opinion or standing up for what I believe in. However, I find that when I do, people actually like me more. 
      The thing is: people like you when they trust and respect you. And people trust and respect people who are willing to stand up for what they believe in, set loving boundaries, and show kindness, compassion, and love to themselves and the world around them. 
      Second, always acting to please others deflects the work that goes into looking inward and developing internal resilience, validation, and confidence. We “pleasers” get so much validation from external sources that we spend our time constantly looking to fill other people up. Not only is this exhausting, it holds us back from the real joys in life, which actually come from the inside work. 

      Source: Elevate | Pexels

      So… what do we do? 
      Since the desire to be liked is a very human feeling, I don’t want to eliminate that part of who I am, but instead I try identify why I want to be liked. I want to be liked for the right reasons: for being me. Despite working on this, anxiety can get the best of me, especially in times like these. When the rumination starts, it’s hard to stop it from spiraling into more stories, more people being mad at me or not liking me—like the cashier at the grocery store. 
      Yes, I know. Wow. 
      When I really think about it, it actually feels like a pretty self-centered thought to have. Let’s be real: people aren’t thinking about me that much. As it turns, out people are really busy with their own lives, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 
      At the end of the day, it has nothing to do with being liked, valued, and respected by other people. It’s about being liked, valued, and respected by me. 
      For me, feeling like everyone is mad at me is a manifestation of anxiety and a reflection of my desire for perfection. In my mind, I often feel like nothing I ever do is good enough and that there’s always more that could be done. 
      Fortunately, there are moments when I’m not feeling anxious or trying to please. These moments usually come when life feels more certain, I’m not in the middle of big changes, and when I am taking care of myself, monitoring my stress levels, and doing things that make me feel good. In these moments, I get an opportunity to reflect and pivot. 

      Source: Diana Titenko | Pexels

      It can be really hard to take stock of our emotions while we’re having them and find the opportunity to reflect and pivot, but here’s the process I use with myself when I feel those nasty anxious feelings creep in. 

      1. Create a foundation 
      Start by developing a mindfulness practice. This will not only help you but will also support you in developing a strong intuition around your needs. Your mindfulness practice can be anything that helps you connect your mind and body. Things like journaling, meditation, breathing exercises, and mindful movement are a few great places to start. I also like to take the time to learn about everything from psychology to health and wellness to identify new practices I can adopt. 

      2. Pause 
      Take a couple of minutes a few times each day or when you’re experiencing extreme emotions to pause and assess how you’re feeling. It’s like a quick temperature check. Ask yourself what is that feeling? Where is it coming from? Why am I having it? 
      We’re so accustomed to running through life without intentionality, pausing allows us to get in touch with ourselves, expand your perspective, and supports relaxation. 

      3. What is really happening? 
      So often, when we start ruminating, we tell ourselves stories that aren’t true. Identify what’s really happening in the situation by asking questions like: “Did I really do something wrong? Was I disrespectful? What is going on for this person that might be impacting their life?”
      This reality check can be hard when you’ve worked yourself up to truly believing your own stories, but these questions and gentle reminders can help us feel more grounded when our minds feel out of control.
      If this feels overwhelming, deep breathing is equally impactful. Try simple box breathing: breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. In just a few breaths, you’ll feel more relaxed and clear. 

      Source: cottonbro | Pexels

      4. Get empowered 
      You’re way more wonderful than you think. Now you just need to believe it. When you feel empowered, you’ll value yourself more and the desire to be liked less. This will enable you to show up in life as your truest, most authentic self. 
      Identify your true beliefs and the things that you like about yourself to support you in developing confidence and feeling empowered. 
      Here are a few beliefs and mantras I have that make me feel empowered: 
      Do I agree with everything everyone else says/do? Nope. Does that make me like them any less? NO. Actually, it often makes me like them more.
      It’s OK if you mess up. No one is perfect. 
      Perfection is BORING. 
      I act in alignment with my values.
      My opinion matters.
      If someone doesn’t like me because of who I am or what I believe, that is OK. I know that I am a good person.
      What else could you be focusing on right now that would be more productive than wondering if people are mad at you? 
      Where are these feelings really coming from and how can you deal with them? 
      Sometimes, I need to be extra gentle with myself and I just repeat, “it’s OK, you’re OK, you’re safe here” as if I was speaking to a younger me who felt lost and confused.
      This is not the last time I will spiral thinking people don’t like me, but by implementing these practices and reflecting, it stings a little less each time. I’ve given myself the opportunity to quell the vicious anxiety cycle, develop self-love and respect, and gain confidence that allows me to live life in a way that feels more meaningful.

      Have you ever felt like everyone was mad at you? Or like anxiety got in the way of you truly enjoying a moment?  More

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      10 Things to Do If Your Confidence Needs a Major Boost

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      Confidence might sound like some fluffy, idealistic principle your Girl Scout leader used to talk about, but it’s the most powerful, tangible thing you can cultivate to achieve the life you want. You might have learned from ’90s makeover movies that once you make major changes, then you’ll finally feel confident. But actually, confidence is the key to make drastic improvements, whether it comes to your health, career, or relationships. In other words, stop waiting for circumstances to happen and, instead, work on boosting confidence first. The changes you want to make in your life will happen as a byproduct. Here are 10 concrete ways to love yourself like Lizzo and boost confidence to achieve your best life.
      1. Be brutally honest with yourself
      Do you love your job? Do you genuinely enjoy all of your friendships? Are you open about the hobbies that bring you joy (yes, even the geeky ones)? Not only will being brutally honest illuminate areas in your life where you’re not your true self, but it will also force you to stop trying to “fit in” (middle school trauma can still really affect us, you know?). And when you realize what you do genuinely love and enjoy, do more of it. You can’t be fully confident unless you openly own, accept, and feel comfortable with who you are.
      That also means knowing your strengths and accepting whatever you previously deemed a “weakness.” You know that famous quote by Albert Einstein that’s written on inspirational cards and quoted in graduation speeches? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Remember this lesson when you’re picking at your “weaknesses.” If you’re shy in large groups, don’t sit around wishing you were more outgoing. Instead, appreciate that you’re really charismatic in one-on-one situations. Keep track of the hobbies, people, and activities that make you feel like your true self, and then seek them out more. 

      2. Use visualization
      Before first dates or big presentations, we often focus on the worst-case scenarios. Not just your-date-turned-out-to-be-a-serial-killer type of scenario, but the forget-the-entire-presentation or what-if-they-don’t-like-me kinds of scenarios. Instead, visualize yourself acing the presentation or enjoying the first date as the highest version of yourself. If you’re not sure what your highest self looks like, think about how you act in your most comfortable relationships. Are you goofy, vivacious, enthusiastic, kind, or thoughtful? What memory do you have where you did feel good about yourself? Visualize showing up as that person and the best-case outcome. You’ll not only feel more confident going into uncomfortable situations, but you’ll be more likely to achieve your highest self.

      Source: @simplytandya

      3. Practice empathy and positivity
      We’ve already established that confidence requires a change in internal mindset, not a change in outside validation. But if changing your mindset was as easy as flipping a switch, we’d all be confident. So the key to self-confidence? Empathy and positivity. Just like happiness, empathy and positivity are skills, not circumstances. When you work those muscles on other people and situations, you’ll start to feel empathy and positivity for yourself too. Work on positive thinking through gratitude journaling or exercises, and prioritize the glass-half-full mentality in all situations. See the good in other people (including celebrities, influencers, and frenemies–ex-boyfriends exempt from this list), and you’ll start to see more good in yourself too (guaranteed). 

      4. Accept compliments
      PSA: can we agree to stop downplaying when we receive a compliment!? Especially as women, we’re taught to be polite at our own expense. However, it’s just not true that putting ourselves down makes other people feel more comfortable. In fact, it typically makes people more uncomfortable, not to mention it’s hurting your confidence. When a coworker tells you that you nailed the presentation, don’t respond with “I couldn’t have done it without my team,” or “Really? I messed up the whole second half!” Say, “Thank you so much! I worked so hard and am so excited about how it turned out.”
      Likewise, when a friend compliments your hair, don’t say, “Ugh, I have such frizzy hair, I spent 45 minutes getting it to lay straight!” Instead, respond with a simple “Thank you!” and take a moment to internally feel good about yourself (why yes, my hair does look phenomenal. *Cues ***Flawless by Beyoncé*). If just saying “thank you” feels uncomfortable, feel free to give a compliment in return but stop downplaying the compliments you receive. 

      Source: @devyn.p.miller

      5. Be smart about social media
      It’s no secret that social media is a common confidence-suck. Being constantly bombarded by the pretty, filtered version of hundreds or thousands of other people’s lives is not exactly the best recipe to feel good about our own. We know that we only put our very best pictures, selfies, and sides for the world to see, while keeping “real life” (like messy kitchens, PMS tears, and stretch marks) offline. But somehow, it doesn’t always register that other people do the same. Do yourself a favor and mute or unfollow everyone on Instagram except a few select accounts that bring you inspiration, motivation, and happiness whenever you click through their feed or stories (like, IDK, @theeverygirl, just as a totally random example). 

      6. Change the words that follow “I am”
      Personally, my identity has been defined as a writer my whole life. Ever since elementary school, my love for writing was always the first thing teachers noticed about me. For 24 years, I put myself into categories of, “I’m a writer, and I’m creative,” but because of that identity, I also said, “I’m not good at business” or “I am not a math person.” I loaded up on English classes in college and didn’t take one business, finance, or economics class. I always took on the “creative and free-spirited” type of personality, and didn’t feel confident in any skills related to business or personal finance. 
      But when I became a grown-ass woman (AKA, like a few months ago, but it depends who you ask), I was over feeling like I wasn’t good with money and that creativity was all I had to offer the world. I started telling myself, “I am a businesswoman,” and, “I am smart with money.” It gave me the confidence to sign up for finance classes and start my own side business. The lesson here? Think about what stories you’ve been telling yourself about who you are, and then replace the words that follow “I am.”  Have you been telling yourself, “I am awkward,” “I am shy,” “I am ugly,” or “I am not good enough?” Change the words after “I am” to anything you want to be, and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. Fake it ’til you make it, you know?

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      7. Get outside yourself
      Listen, I’m not calling anyone self-centered in a negative way. As humans, we see reality through our own perspectives, and therefore, everything centers around the way we experience it. When you’re feeling a lack of confidence, it can be tempting to wallow in your feelings or vent to friends. While you should lean on the people who make you feel better, make sure to get outside yourself too. Ask other people questions more than you talk about yourself (and listen!), or volunteer for an organization that needs help.
      Not only will focusing on other people make you feel better about yourself (because nothing is more powerful than helping someone else), but you’ll also realize that other people don’t think about you the way you think they do. Other people are too caught up in their own problems to realize you’re a little awkward or have a breakout on your chin. One of the most important life hacks I’ve ever learned: you’ll stop feeling self-conscious the minute you turn your attention to helping someone else. 

      8. Do more things that make you uncomfortable
      Stepping outside your comfort zone is–you guessed it–uncomfortable, but it can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself. Try something new that you’re scared to try, whether it’s cooking a new type of food, attending a different workout class, or networking with people you’re typically too shy to reach out to. The good news is that you don’t have to be good at whatever new thing you’re doing in order to boost self-esteem. In fact, you probably won’t be good. The confidence comes when you keep showing up, even when you’re not good at it. It will teach you to feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations and accomplished in trying something new. 

      Source: @missenocha

      9. Keep promises to yourself
      We have a conception that “confidence” has to mean thinking highly of ourselves, which is not necessarily true. To break it down, confidence is actually a combination of both self-esteem and self-efficacy. Self-efficacy refers to the belief you have in yourself to accomplish something. In other words, to boost confidence, you must make and keep promises to yourself. If you want to eat more veggies or get to bed earlier, make a plan, and then follow through with it. Remember that there’s more on the line than leafy greens or getting enough sleep. Think of it like a friend; the more you can rely on them and trust them, the more you love and respect them. The same goes for the relationship you have with yourself. Eat what you say you will, get to bed when you say you will, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

      10. Cultivate the “eff it!” mentality
      Channel your inner Dua Lipa and just don’t care. Typically, I’m not a fan of IDGAF energy (I think caring about people is the most powerful thing we can do as human beings, even when it hurts), but when it comes to cultivating self-confidence, I’m an advocate. You see, sometimes you have to remind yourself that not everything is as big of a deal as you make it in your mind. You gained a few extra pounds–who cares? You’re shy meeting new people–big deal! The side business you want to launch might fail–so what? Doing something you want to do or being someone you want to be (while saying “screw you!” to insecurities) might be the absolute best thing you could ever do for yourself. Just as a reminder, don’t take everything so seriously; it’s just life! The point is to enjoy it. 

      What tips have helped improve your confidence? More

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      10 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Your Mood

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      To say 2020 has been a hard year is the understatement of the decade, and we’re only about halfway through. Countless people around the world are facing fear, uncertainty, disappointment, and loneliness on a daily basis, and it’s important to know that if you’re having these feelings, you are not alone. On lower days, which can occur with or without a global pandemic, there are steps you can take to lift your spirits beyond just another glass of wine.We’ve rounded up 10 science-backed ways to help improve your mood when you’re feeling down. Some of these tips and tricks can lead to an instant boost, but others will help with lessening feelings of stress and anxiety longer term. So let’s get happy!

      1. Head outdoors
      I think we can all agree that staying cooped up indoors all day can lead to feeling anxious and unhappy. It comes as no surprise that a study by the University of Vermont found that those who lived in urban areas used happier words and were less negative on Twitter after a visit to a park than they were pre-visit. If you’re feeling down, try to get some fresh air and sunshine, even if that just means sitting on your patio for a little while.

      Source: Miss Enocha | @missenocha

      2. Walk the right way
      Since you’re planning on going outside anyways, try going for a nice stroll. A walk in the park can provide a mental boost, but when you’re on your walk, make sure you walk in a positive manner. Researchers found that walking as if you’re unhappy (slumped with little arm movement) can lead to experiencing a worse mood than if you walked in a happier style (upright and bouncing). Fake it and you will make it!

      3. Surround yourself with positive friends
      It would be unfair to expect your friends to look on the bright side all the time, but when you’re feeling down, spending time with a friend who tends to be more positive can be helpful. The University of Warwick found that you can pick up on the moods of your friends, and they can be somewhat contagious. Give your friend who tends to look on the bright side a call next time you need to gain some new perspective.

      Source: The Rustic Foodie

      4. Eat healthy
      While sticking to a healthy diet has more benefits than we can outline here, one we’ll focus on is the impact healthy food can have on your mood. After analyzing data from nearly 46,000 people, Dr Joseph Firth found that a healthy diet can lead to an improved mood and reduced depression symptoms. So for dinner tonight, try reaching for anything full of vitamins and antioxidants!

      5. Be a well wisher
      Take a note from that glass-half-full friend we were talking about earlier and be a positive influence in someone else’s life. Researchers at Iowa State University found that instead of trying to make ourselves feel better, we should focus on trying to make others feel better. They found that offering kindness to others can help reduce anxiety, improve happiness, and lead to stronger feelings of social connection. Send congratulatory cards when something good happens to a loved one, compliment a stranger’s shoes, or give a colleague a stellar recommendation on LinkedIn. These acts take just minutes, or even seconds to complete, and may lead to everyone feeling a bit happier.

      6. Move your body
      We can thank Elle Woods for this insightful gem, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” Exercise is good for both your physical and mental health and can decrease feelings of tension, improve sleep, increase self-esteem, give a sense of control, and elevate your mood. That’s a lot of benefits for a quick run or gym session a few days a week!

      7. Sleep On It
      So this one is a bit of a Catch-22. Stress and anxiety can lead to insomnia, which in turn can cause feelings of depression and irritability. But getting a good night’s sleep can help alleviate those feelings. As tempting as it may be to zone out in front of Netflix for a few hours after a rough day, try to hit the hay early. That way, if you have trouble sleeping, you can hopefully squeeze in a few extra hours.

      Source: Gian Cescon

      8. Discover your passion
      Remember hobbies? It feels like they’re becoming less and less common, but that shouldn’t be the case. Hobbies can be fun, mentally stimulating, and lead to feeling accomplished, confident, and happier. So give one a try! Don’t know where to start? Here are 21 hobbies you can try at home today.

      9. Find peace of mind
      You’ve heard it before, but let’s talk about it once again: meditating has ample health benefits worth considering. Meditating, like all of these suggestions, can’t eradicate the roots of stress, but it can help manage the effects stress and anxiety have on your body. Finding a meditation practice that helps you focus your attention inward can lead to a state of deep relaxation, increased focus, and fewer nervous thoughts. It can take time to find the right fit, so don’t feel discouraged if it takes a few tries to get the hang of meditating. At the very least, setting aside 10 minutes a day to meditate will force you to focus on your breathing, which is also beneficial!

      10. Stimulate the senses
      Aromatherapy is famous for its mood-impacting abilities, so why not load up your diffuser with a relaxing scent? Or you can keep a handy rollerball blend of oils in your purse or at your desk for when you need a quick boost. Similar to scent, sound can also be impactful. Researchers at the University of Missouri found that upbeat music can positively affect our wellbeing, so crank up your favorite happy tunes and let the music do its thing! More

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      14 Things to Do If You Get Dumped That Don’t Include Texting Your Ex

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      I don’t know who needs to hear this but: don’t. text. your. ex.We’ve all been there: post-breakup, wondering where things went wrong, wanting to dig up the dirt with hopes of uncovering that one piece of artifact that might give you an ounce of closure. Rejection in any form hurts, but feeling rejected by someone you love dearly hits differently.
      Navigating the post-relationship dating scene after experiencing a breakup is hard enough as it is, but, I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that adding a global pandemic to the situation makes things exponentially more complicated. So it’s no surprise if you’ve been considering reaching out to revisit the idea of familiar past relationships.
      Heidi McBain, a Texas-based counselor for women, moms, and moms-to-be, has had her fair share of experience helping women who have struggled through breakups and divorces. “[Texting your previous partner] may be a default response,” she said. “When you were together, they were your go-to person when times were hard. When you’re going through a period of transition, it can be easy to fall back into old patterns, especially if you don’t yet have a good social support system in place that doesn’t include your ex.”
      Speaking from personal experience, I’ve found that nothing good has ever come out of texting my ex after we uncoupled. Time after time, I looked for closure and comfort from him and was often left feeling unsettled, as he didn’t have the answers I was seeking. After too many times of extending the olive branch and being left with feelings of defeat, I learned that, in my case, I couldn’t look for happiness in the place that I lost it. I started to heal once I stopped looking back.
      Texting your ex can be tempting, but I promise you, you’ll feel better if you don’t. Instead, McBain suggested identifying your support system and practicing self-care. What exactly does that look like? We’ve got you covered:

      1. Call or FaceTime a friend 
      McBain advised redirecting your impulse to reach out to that certain someone, and instead, reaching out to a friend or family member you love. Whether you want to vent or be distracted, talking to someone you love can help you to feel connected if you’re feeling isolated.

      2. Watch a comedy
      Sometimes, when life is hard, you might find yourself in need of a good laugh. I’m not sure if watching a comedy series counts as self-care, but binge-watching The Office post-breakup was my personal saving grace. If you’re looking for a new comedy to watch, check out these 11 comedies that are sure to help you look on the brighter side of things. 

      3. Clean out your closet
      Yes, that includes that hoodie of theirs that you (previously) love(d) to snuggle up with. It’s dead to us now and simply must go. Cleaning out your closet can be a great metaphor for a fresh start and will give you an opportunity to donate old clothes to someone who needs them more than you. Also, an obvious bonus, you’ll have more space for all of the Anthropologie goodies you have in your online shopping cart.

      4. Volunteer at an animal shelter
      Get in on a little bit of puppy/kitty lovin’ by volunteering at your local animal shelter. If you’re a person who can be cured by animal snuggles, reaching out to see how you can help and getting some playtime with some furry friends (without the commitment) can be a great and wholesome distraction. Pups would never leave you on read, sis. If you reach out to your local shelter, please be mindful of their quarantine precautions and protect yourself, fellow volunteers, and staff. Never go to a public place if you have symptoms of COVID-19 or know someone close to you who has it. If they’re closed to the public at this time, fostering or adopting a furry friend could be a lovely alternative to look in to. 

      5. Print out pictures of your friends and family, and switch out old pictures of your ex-S.O.
      Switch out old photos in your current frames to better reflect your current social circle. Being surrounded by pictures of wonderful memories and others that you love can be a great way to remind yourself of how loved you are and of all the goodness you have experienced.

      Source: Daria Shevtsova | Pexels

      OK, let me make this clear. Do not, I repeat, do not cut your bangs in a frenzy post-breakup. While I don’t condone cutting your own hair, I am a firm believer that a professionally-crafted, fresh cut or color can be a great way to revive your style, and can give you that pep in your step you’ve been missing. While it’s important to pick a stylist based on Yelp reviews and before and after results on their personal page, it’s now equally as important to ask the salon what precautions they will be following to prioritize infection control so that you can leave with fresh hair and fresh hair only.

      7. Make a list of the things you’re grateful for
      Good things are all around us, but when you’re feeling low or are fixated on finding closure after a breakup, it can be easy to lose sight of the positives. If you’re reaching for the phone to text your ex, divert your attention to your Notes app, a journal, or a nearby sticky note. I challenge you to reflect on five things you’re grateful for. According to Harvard Health Publishing, practicing gratitude can make you a happier person. So let’s get to writing, ladies.

      Getting up and moving is always a good idea (bonus: McBain approved this activity too). If you’re feeling down, going on a small walk or going all out at an online scheduled workout class can be a great way to get your endorphins pumping, which can have a positive effect on your mood. And that’s a self-care activity we can get behind.

      Source: Taryn Elliott | Pexels

      Journaling is another McBain-endorsed activity to channel your emotions into if you’re struggling with a breakup. Allowing yourself the space to reflect on your feelings and put them on paper can help you sort through a mess of thoughts. Get yourself a pen and a notebook, and you’re set.

      If you’re looking for another therapeutic, hands-on activity to help fill a void after a breakup, try a hand at baking. Pick out a recipe you’ve been dying to try, put on some feel-good music, and get to cooking. Relieving stress and having a yummy treat as the end reward? Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

      11. Research therapists in your area and consider making an appointment
      As great as it is to have support from friends and family during a rough time, it can be helpful to consider speaking to a therapist if you’re having trouble cutting ties with your ex, McBain noted. Transitioning out of a relationship and assuming a single identity is no easy feat. You may find yourself ruminating on the past and therapists can be a wonderful resource to helping you develop cognitive tools to help you to reframe your thoughts and move forward. Right now, many therapists are offering online therapy sessions which are a great option to seek professional care amidst the pandemic. 

      Source: Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels

      12. Download a dating app to see what’s out there
      If you’re a dating app skeptic like I was, hear me out: downloading a dating app can be a new way for you see what’s out there and to remind you that you’ve still got it. The idea of swiping seems superficial (and let’s be candid, it kind of is), but the connections that people make on the app can be very real. Downloading a dating app can be a low commitment way to dip your toes in the water if you’re looking to get back out there. If you’re not ready yet, that’s fine too! Save this one for when you are.

      When I was experiencing my first breakup, I was pretty self-centered. Not in a bad way … during the heartbreak, I needed to focus my energy on myself to keep it together and to figure out exactly what I needed to heal. After a while of being in my own head, one of the things that I found brought me joy was reaching out to others and helping them where I could. PSA: I don’t mean taking on a laundry list of someone else’s problems, because that won’t be helpful to you. Rather, partake in a simple, random act of kindness to spread some positivity. A good place to start? Send a love letter to a friend.

      Source: Daria Shevtsova | Pexels

      14. Rearrange your furniture
      You mean all those years of shamelessly watching hours of HGTV might actually pay off? Rearranging your furniture can be an easy way to switch up your design aesthetic and can be a great project to tackle while you’re looking to move forward and create a new reality for yourself. 

      If you need to cry, do it. If you want to scream, open your window and let it out. Experiencing a breakup is a loss, and grieving loss looks different in each of us. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient. We know you’re worth it. We’re here for you, girlfriend.  More

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      How 12 Experts Are Staying Their Healthiest While Staying at Home

      by

      I don’t know about you, but since the stay-at-home order started months ago, I’ve been moving my body less and eating more frozen pizza than I have in years. Even though 2020 has looked a lot different than we all thought it would when making health goals back in January, the well-being of our bodies shouldn’t just be a priority when we can go to juice cafes and workout studios. In fact, prioritizing health might even be more important during a scary and uncertain time. For some much-needed inspo, I asked my favorite nutritionists, trainers, and wellness entrepreneurs how they’re taking care of their bodies while staying at home. 
      1. Les Alfred, Personal Trainer, Nutrition Coach, and Host of the Balanced Black Girl Podcast
      Source: @balancedles

      “While spending so much more time at home, mental health check-ins and daily exercise are non-negotiables. For my daily mental health check-in, I’ll spend some time journaling and reflecting on how I’m feeling. My emotions have ranged from optimistic and hopeful to lonely and unsure of what the future holds. Creating space to feel while honoring all of my feelings has been incredibly helpful. I also move my body every day. Some of my favorite ways to move at home include Sun Salutations each morning, short dumbbell or bodyweight workouts during my lunch break to keep my energy up for the afternoon, and early evening walks to relieve stress before winding down for the night.” 
      Listen to the Balanced Black Girl Podcast and follow her on Instagram here. 

      2. Melissa Wood-Tepperberg, Founder of The MWH Method
      Source: @melissawoodhealth

      “Prioritizing my practice of meditation and mindful movement is what keeps me sane through anything that comes my way. Even taking just two minutes to yourself makes such a massive impact toward shifting your mood. I do this through my method of movement to sculpt beautiful, long lean lines throughout the entire body through precise, low-impact movements.”
      Try a seven-day free trial of the MWH Method and follow her on Instagram here. 

      3. Berrion Berry, Period Educator and Founder of The Flo Academy
      Source: @berrionlberry

      “My hottest tip for staying healthy while safe at home is to focus on the breath. I do a three-minute breathwork exercise every morning, then again just after lunch, and again right as I end my day. I’ve found that it allows me to remain aligned and grounded. Breathwork is extremely helpful for managing both stress and anxiety. Oh, and the song I like to breathe to is called Deeper by Sion. The power of breath is so underrated, but I love it! And it helps with period pain too (can’t forget to mention that!).”
      Join The Flo Academy and follow her on Instagram here. 

      4. May Zhu, MBA, RD, LDN, and Founder of Nutrition Happens
      Source: @nutritionhappens

      “Maximize the benefits from the leafy greens you’re eating by rotating different varieties from week to week. This will add more nutrition diversity in terms of vitamins and minerals. For example, if you chose spinach this week, maybe go for arugula or chard the next. I love doing this because it also helps me get out of a kitchen rut when I feel uninspired. If there’s a leafy green you haven’t tried, now is a great time to try it in a new recipe. Also, I love walks on days when I’m feeling something more low impact. I’ll take a walk either before or after dinner to get fresh air. Several studies support that even 10 minutes of brisk walking can improve our moods.
      I’ve been working from home for a few years now, and I’m always working on work time boundaries. One thing that has helped me set up the post-work environment to transition out of the workday is to light a candle after I finish work to set the tone for the night. Lately, I love candles from The Koop New York and Dear Sunday Co, which are both Black-owned businesses that I adore!”
      Check out Nutrition Happens and follow her on Instagram here. 

      5. Valerie Agyeman, RD, Women’s Health Dietitian, and Founder of Flourish Heights
      Source: Flourish Heights

      “I’ve been stretching more! A few weeks ago, I realized I was sitting all day on a sofa or an office chair, which hasn’t been the best for my posture. So lately, I’ve been trying different stretches throughout the day, both indoors and outdoors. It helps keep my mind and body calm and at ease.”
      Check out Flourish Heights and follow her on Instagram here. 

      Source: @danielleduboise

      “I’m focused on enjoying the little things that make me happy, whether it’s spending time with my husband and daughter or taking some time to move my body every day (I’m currently obsessed with Fit Pregnancy Club online classes). I’ve also been trying to keep my routine as normal as possible by eating plenty of leafy greens and adding Sakara Beauty Water Drops to my water first thing every morning.”
      Shop Sakara, listen to The Sakara Life Podcast, and follow her on Instagram here. 

      Source: @whitneytingle

      “I’m using this extra time to focus on nourishing my body with Sakara meals 3-5 days a week and regularly eating my go-to snack, Sakara Detox Super Bars. I try to dedicate at least 20 minutes a day for some sort of movement, whether it’s taking a walk or doing an online class. I’ve been really into Melissa Wood Health and Caravan Wellness, and I just added The Bloom Method, which is for pregnant mamas. I also try to spend some time each day filling my brain with information that helps inspire me to be more creative. I’ve been loving podcasts like The Doctor’s Farmacy, On Being, Esther Perel, and the Goop Podcast.”
      Shop Sakara, listen to The Sakara Life Podcast, and follow her on Instagram here. 

      8. Ingrid S. Clay, Celebrity Fitness Trainer and Plant-Based Chef
      Source: @ingridsclay

      “I’ve been working out every day! I do 30 minutes of cardio on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. I also always tell clients to not buy junk food (so it’s not in the house) and to only eat when hungry.”
      Book a meal plan or class pack and follow her on Instagram here. 

      9. Serena Poon, CN, CHC, CHN, Nutritionist, Reiki Master, and Founder of Culinary Alchemy
      Source: Serena Loves

      “Stay super hydrated! Drink at least 75 percent of your weight in ounces of water. Hydration is key for your entire organ system to function optimally. Also, eat the rainbow; make sure your meals and snacks throughout the day include a variety of fresh, whole produce that spans the colors of the rainbow. By doing this, you are taking in a multitude of vitamins and minerals in the most bioavailable form. Always opt for nutrient-dense meals, smoothies, juices, or broth, packed with tons of vitamins, minerals, fiber and nutrients over anything that is processed.
      Finally, connect with nature. Talk a walk, sit in the sun, open up the windows, or play in the water if you are near the ocean or a lake. Take off your shoes and stand in the grass. Do a little gardening or water your plants. Do something every day that reminds you that there is something much greater than us, the earth is healing, and whatever is happening right now will heal and pass.”
      Book a nutrition program or reiki session, download a free E-book, and follow her on Instagram here. 

      10. Mona Dan, LAc., MTOM, Herbalist, Acupuncturist and Founder of Vie Healing

      “I sit outside under direct sunlight for at least 20-30 minutes. It gives me a chance to reset and relax but also sweat a little while soaking in some vitamin D. After that, I take a hot shower and gently scrub with bath salts. I also make sure to include fresh fruits and veggies in my meals to take in lots of vitamins and minerals to keep my immunity up.”
      Shop Vie Healing and follow her on Instagram here. 

      Source: @laurengores

      “I’ve been moving my body every day, which has proven to be the most incredible medicine for me, internally and externally. Some days I have time for an hour-long workout, and other days, it’s a 15-minute yoga flow with my toddler crawling on top of me. But it’s the movement that matters, and I think it’s been key to my health and well-being during this time. Also, I’ve been doing a lot of face masking with our Summer Fridays Jet Lag Mask to make me look a lot less sleepy than I feel.”
      Shop Summer Fridays and follow her on Instagram here. 

      12. Sahara Rose, Ayurveda Consultant, Best-Selling Author, and Host of The Higher Self Podcast
      Source: @iamsahararose

      “Every day, I ask myself what I can do for my body, mind, and spirit. For my body, I love to do a barre workout followed by some yoga (especially hip openers since we are sitting so much more). For my mind, I love to read spiritual books and do some writing for my next book, Discover Your Dharma. For my spirit, I am obsessed with doing what I call “Goddess Breathwork,” which consists of deep inhales and exhales while doing cat-cows with your spine. It completely relaxes the body, so it’s easy to drop into a meditation! I feel so energized, refreshed, and in alignment with these practices. Often, I’ll break out into a spontaneous dance party because I feel so good!”
      Read Eat Feel Fresh, take the quiz to find your dosha, and follow her on Instagram here.

      What at-home health tips make you feel your best? More

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      Making These 9 Simple Changes Totally Transformed My Body (and Mind)

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      OK, fine, I’ll say it: I’m a huge nerd. I’m the girl in the office who brings a Ziploc bag of adaptogens and collagen for an afternoon superfood latte, I spend all of my free time researching ancient medical practices, and I’ve recently become a certified health coach out of sheer passion for helping other women get healthier too (#shamelessplug). Call it nerdy or call it extra, but health has always been my thing. However, when it comes to my body, health hasn’t always been so simple.Yes, I love to eat well and have tested lots of expert nutrition advice over the years, but I can’t resist a good truffle mac ‘n’ cheese and I never say no to a glass of red wine. Restriction has never been my forte, which has caused a lot of guilt over the years (after all, wasn’t I the “healthy” girl?). Accidental weight fluctuations came (as they naturally do), through transitioning in and out of college years, and, while I’ve always prided myself on being self-confident, I could never escape the occasional distress over a fat roll or a patch of cellulite.
      Over the past couple of years, my life changed drastically (like moving to Los Angeles), and with it, my body did too. Today, I feel in touch with my body and what it needs. The right changes made my skin clear up, my digestion improve, my confidence skyrocket, and my anxiety decrease. Sound like another “miracle” diet? Think again. After a lot of trial and error throughout my life, these nine changes made the greatest impact on my body (and mind): 

      1. Not labeling foods as “good” or “bad”
      Everything we eat has been predefined by our culture. “Sugar is bad for you,” “Whole30 is good for you,” or “I was so bad last week when I was on vacation” are all phrases you’ve probably heard too many times to count. Putting a moral value on food choices may not seem like a big deal. In fact, maybe you feel like it’s a helpful way to narrow down options (I certainly did!). However, when we put black and white labels on food, what’s meant to nourish us becomes associated with guilt. Plus, the “want-what-we-can’t-have” mentality is not just true for bad boys; it’s true for food too, leading to cravings, binges, and serious regret. 
      I have so many thoughts on labeled eating, but for the sake of not going on and on (because I can), I’ll say this: food is meant to be nourishing, satisfying, and pleasurable. I was over food plaguing my will to live and meals that were more like an internal battle than an act as natural as breathing. Getting rid of labels helped me listen to what my body needed to eat, not what I should or shouldn’t eat. And guess what? I started craving fresh vegetables and whole grains, stopped bingeing on late-night snacks, and was able to feel satisfied after a cookie or one slice of pizza because I listened to my body’s cues. 

      2. Working out less
      Yes, you read that right; working out less transformed my body for the better. Let me explain: I grew up as a competitive dancer (I wish it was as cool as Dance Moms, but I was never even half as good as Maddie Ziegler), which meant I was used to daily, intense exercise. When I went away to college, I attended regular workout classes (thinking it might counteract the limitless cafeteria food or slapping the bag at frat parties, I guess?). Fast-forward to 2020: I have a much better relationship with working out and have been exercising for the mental benefits instead of calorie burn (but more on that below!). However, if I could not make it to an hour-long class one day, I wouldn’t exercise at all, since anything else felt pointless.
      When the stay-at-home order hit and my precious gyms and yoga studios closed, I had limited motivation and a lot of anxiety. As a fix, I got more into restorative yoga and would go through flows for 15, 20, or 30 minutes instead of my usual hour-long classes. My new form of movement did not involve weights, fancy machines, or heart-rate monitors. Instead, I went on more walks, took deep breaths during yoga flows (instead of exasperating myself with intense cardio), and started to think every movement made a difference (rather than thinking it has to be an hour long to be worth it). The difference? I’m stronger than I have ever been because I’m prioritizing consistency over length or even quality, and I’m more intuitive to when and what my body needs. 

      Source: Felicia Lasala for The Everygirl

      3. Realizing that there is no “secret”
      Every season brings a new “weight loss pill,” “magic supplement,” or “miracle diet” that promises to be the cure-all to health woes and weight management. If you feel overwhelmed by what you should and shouldn’t try in the wellness space, that’s not on accident. In order to sell you on limitless products and programs, you have to feel like your health is not in your control. I’ve tried popular diets, regularly tested new supplements, and have always been a follower of the latest workout trend, but what I’ve been missing is the big picture. The truth is that one change won’t transform your body, mind, or life. Instead, it’s a bunch of little habits that build up into greater changes. Also, the body is not a one-size-fits-all pair of socks. What works for one person may not work for you, and vice versa. The only “secret” applicable to everybody is to listen to your body. 

      4. Adding instead of subtracting
      In my humble opinion, the problem with any diet is that it’s focused on what not to eat, which reinstates the labels of “good” and “bad.” One of the greatest changes that made the most difference in my eating habits is learning about food. When I knew about the nutrients and benefits that come from whole foods and plants (rather than just knowing they were “good”), I started seeing food as medicine and fuel, rather than just seeing it as a reward (like when I had an intense craving for mac ‘n’ cheese) or an enemy (like when I felt guilt for bingeing on said mac ‘n’ cheese). Focusing on eating more plants and whole foods has not only helped me feel my best and crave fruits and vegetables, but it has also subconsciously crowded out processed and sugary foods (totally guilt-free!). 

      5. Eating fruit for breakfast
      Pre-transformation Josie was obsessed with protein. I had heard protein was the secret for toning muscles, so of course, breakfast always had to mean eggs or two scoops of the protein powder du jour (relevant side-note: as a lifelong vegetarian, getting enough protein was my downfall anyways). When I started thinking about how to add more produce, I tried eating more fruit in the mornings. After a while, I realized eating fruit surprisingly filled me up without making me lethargic or painfully bloated like I usually felt by noon.
      So I let go of the idea that I needed a protein-heavy breakfast and instead listened to what my body craved: fruit. Some days, I dress up berries and pears with nut butter, coconut shreds, and goji berries like the pillar of health that I strive to be, and other days, I’ll cut up whatever fruits are in my fridge. I’ve never felt so energized, had less digestive issues (which have unfortunately always been a problem for me), and even have fewer cravings throughout the day. The lesson here is not that you should eat fruit for breakfast too. Instead, the lesson is to listen to your body instead of outside opinions. 

      6. Enjoying healthy habits for reasons that have nothing to do with weight loss
      You might be thinking around this point that this article is just a body-positive message, and maybe even a commentary on diet culture, but it’s not a concrete list of ways to reach your body and health goals. But honestly and truly, after years of testing out different diets, workout methods, and “healthy” habits, nothing changed until everything clicked at once. The changes started happening when I was enjoying healthy habits (for both the mind and body), rather than thinking I had to do them in order to look a certain way. This is not woo-hoo self-help advice; being healthy for benefits like mental health and energy is what made the most drastic changes in my body (oh, and it was actually sustainable). 

      7. Drinking more water
      Drinking more water is a tale as old as time, but there’s a reason just about every expert on the planet recommends it. Drinking a big glass of water first thing when waking up, sipping on a reusable straw throughout the day (I’m partial to these pretty gold ones), and having three drinks at a time to achieve optimal hydration (like lemon water and green juice with my coffee), has made a drastic difference in how my body feels. If I start getting hungry too soon after eating, rather than going straight to the pantry to mindlessly snack, I drink a big glass of water. Of course, if I’m still hungry afterward, I’ll eat something nourishing (the body knows what it needs), but more often than not, I’ve realized that a lot of hunger cues are actually thirst. 

      Source: Iron + Honey for The Everygirl

      8. Prioritizing sleep
      Yet another mistake pre-transformation Josie made: every Thursday morning during my senior year of college, I would wake up when it was still dark out and go to a 6am spin class. Yes, even after Wine Wednesday (imagine!). I often abided by the “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” mentality, which often meant staying out late while still fitting in a workout when I could (AKA the crack of dawn). It’s not that going to an early morning workout class is bad (it’s not!). But I chose working out over getting enough sleep, thinking it was the better option for me. These days, if I have to choose between a workout and getting 7-8 hours of sleep, you know what I choose? Sleep. Every time. 
      Don’t take my word for it. Even celebrity trainer, Anna Kaiser (who counts Karlie Kloss and Shakira as clients—’nuf said), told The Cut, “If you’ve only been sleeping five or six hours and can either sleep an extra hour or work out, sleep an extra hour. If not, you’re running your body down, which will affect your energy. Working out harder or better or eating less isn’t the answer. It’s about getting enough sleep.” 

      9. Changing what “dream bod” or “goal weight” means to me
      Now for the biggest truth bomb of all: if you’re struggling to reach your health goals, perhaps the problem is not what you are or are not doing, but what your health goals are to begin with. On social media, we’re bombarded with hashtags like #fitspo and #dreambod, and often build health goals around a certain pants size or number on a scale. But those extra five, ten, fifteen, twenty pounds is where life happens. That’s the extra glass of wine with your best friend, the ice cream cone at the beach in the middle of summer, your favorite chocolate cake from the bakery down the road that tastes like the one your mom used to make. Why are we so focused on shrinking these moments, demoting them to be worth nothing more than a pants size or a fat roll?
      Instead, I’m letting my body exist in the healthy space it wants to be in. My “ideal weight” or “ideal body” is the one that yes, I feel most strong, energized, and healthy in, but also that allows me the extra indulgences, fun moments, and enjoyment. Above all, being a health coach has taught me that “health” is not a destination or a final accomplishment. Rather, it’s a tool we can use to help us live our happiest lives. Otherwise, what’s the point?  

      Have you tried any of these tips? More

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      Beyond Kanye: 6 Things Everyone Should Know About Mental Illness

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      Something is happening with Kanye West, we can all agree on that. Like many, I watched and listened this week as outlets shared video clips and commentary about what that “something” might be. Mental illness? Internalized racism? Publicity stunt? Some combination of these?On Wednesday, July 22, West’s wife, Kim Kardashian West, took to Instagram Stories to address her husband’s mental health. “As many of you know, Kanye has bi-polar disorder. Anyone who has this or has a loved one in their life who does, knows how incredibly complicated and painful it is to understand,” Kardashian West wrote, according to CNN. “I’ve never spoken publicly about how this has affected us at home because I am very protective of our children and Kanye’s right to privacy when it comes to his health. But today, I feel like I should comment on it because off the stigma and misconceptions about mental health.”
      I’m a longtime Kanye fan; I often say playing Never Let Me Down on repeat got me through my last year of college. As a fan, I’ve been shocked and saddened by the course Kanye’s public persona has taken these last few years. Yet, as a mental health advocate, there’s something else I’m seeing that needs to be addressed—a consistent, insidious trend of people who are not mental health professionals publicly speculating on whether or not Kanye is suffering from a mental health crisis. And often (if they don’t believe he is) they’re making statements on their platforms as to why his behavior is not (in their eyes) a result of mental illness.  

      Look, I’m not actually writing this to debate whether or not Kanye is suffering a mental health crisis or, in any way, to condone what I think are dangerous messages he’s sharing. 
      What I am here to say is that we can collectively hold ourselves to a higher standard. Unless someone is a mental health professional or can speak about their own experience, it’s not responsible or humane to make judgements or perpetuate faulty narratives—even if unintentional. To ensure I’m holding myself to this same standard, I even asked my own longtime therapist to review this article before publishing.
      The truth is, like millions of people, I have a close family member that suffers from severe mental illness. For the past 20 years, we’ve experienced far more gut-wrenching lows than fleeting highs in caring for our loved one. Personally, it’s illuminated so many fractures in how—in both government and as a society—we lack important knowledge in two ways: truly understanding the myriad ways psychosis can look on different people, and using that knowledge to honor the humanity in those suffering.
      July is also BIPOC Mental Health month and, as a first-gen Black woman, I can tell you all of this is even more complicated for us as a family of color in America. So much so, that I recently became a member of the mental health board for the county I live in to be an agent of change in my community. 

      So, with that context, here’s what I wish more people knew about mental illness. 

      1. It’s damaging to make public statements about someone’s mental health 
      In 2020, it’s now a more broadly held concept that publicly commenting on someone’s weight is inappropriate, and can be harmful. The same holds true for mental health. Many of us might be unknowingly perpetuating myths on mental health and, by extension, causing additional harm to those affected. Navigating the ongoing journey for mental wellness is already taxing for those directly impacted and for their families, so hearing someone call their ex a “schizo” or “psycho” after an argument, or referring to their own “OCD” as a way to describe being detail-oriented doesn’t help. Neither does making unqualified, public commentary on potential mania or psychosis. It’s a lose/lose. At best, you’re diagnosing without the medical knowledge to do so and fueling ignorance. At worst, you’re causing harm by triggering past or current trauma. 
      This is why it’s best to refrain from making statements about how mental illness can or should look in someone, unless you are speaking from first person experience or are a current mental health professional. 

      2. Being an informed citizen is important 
      It’s surprising how many people move through the world as if this doesn’t affect them just because they may not have an immediate family member living with mental illness. First, I can almost promise you there is someone you love that is impacted in some way, however “mild.” There’s another layer beyond personal responsibility, which is civic duty. 
      Mental wellness—and the lack thereof for so many—impacts every aspect of a society’s overall health. Part of what it means to be an informed citizen and voter is understanding the ripple effect of mental health on everything from our jail system to homelessness to substance abuse to gun violence.

      3. Most often, the family isn’t to blame
      One of the biggest misconceptions around mental health is that the family is accountable for someone’s well-being and safety when, in reality, that is not at all how our system is designed. There have been so many times when friends have asked questions like, “Why can’t the authorities help you?” or “Why don’t you just have them in a long-term facility?” Or worse, that if someone is clearly experiencing homelessness and a mental health crisis, it’s assumed they either have no family or have been abandoned by them. Due to HIPAA guidelines and in an effort to protect the individual rights of those suffering, families’ rights are often non-existent. Let’s give family members a break. Chances are they’re doing their best given the constraints of the law and the ways this is impacting their own mental well-being. Instead of putting the onus on the family to answer what might be complicated and triggering questions, try simply saying, “I can’t imagine how tough this is, and I’m here if you need me.”

      4. Law enforcement shouldn’t be mental health first responders 
      According to an article from the Treatment Advocacy Center, people with an untreated mental illness are 16 times more likely to be killed while interacting with police. While the Black Lives Matter movement has gained momentum in recent months, it’s important to have dialogue on why it’s problematic (and sometimes dangerous) to have law enforcement serve as first responders for mental health crises which, by the way, they don’t have the expertise or bandwidth to do. For example, here’s a scenario that might play out one of two ways in California: a 30-something man has suffered from Schizophrenia for 10 years, and is caught loitering at a store and yelling at other customers. A clerk calls the police.
      Scenario A: The police arrive on the scene, confirm with him he’s not planning to harm himself, and ask him to leave the store. Done and done. This person might need acute care and won’t get it because he’s experienced at answering questions like this and truly does not want to harm anyone. He continues in crisis with no support, and his family does not know where he is since he left their home in a rage weeks earlier. 
      Scenario B: They arrive on the scene, and the man yells (likely as a result of delusions) that he wants to kill eight people. This means police must put the man on an involuntary hold, called a 5150. While in the hospital and forced to take medications, the man stabilizes, and calls his family. The family requests greater support, and maybe even a review for a conservatorship. On the very small chance his doctor agrees, by the time the man is seen by a judge maybe three weeks later, he is not in crisis, has been on medication, and can outline a clear plan for future care (which he may or may not really be committing to—like anyone in that situation, he says what he thinks people want to hear). The judge refuses to review family statements citing she has all the information she needs to make a decision. Case closed and the cycle begins all over again.   
      Can you see how challenging this is? Let me add another layer to it. 
      Given what we’re seeing daily on police brutality, how do you think this statistic plays out for Black and Latinx people suffering from mental health crises? Miles Hall is one tragic example. 

      5. Substance abuse, homelessness, and mental illness are all closely connected 
      Substance abuse and mental illness can be closely linked. Severe mental illness can present like substance abuse AND substances can be used as a means for self-medicating to cope with symptoms of mental illness. According to HelpGuide.org, some statistics from the Journal of the American Medical Association underscore this: 
      Approximately 50 percent of those with severe mental disorders are also impacted by substance abuse. 
      37 percent of those who abuse alcohol and 53 percent of those who abuse drugs also have at least one serious mental health condition. 
      29 percent of those diagnosed with a mental illness abuse either alcohol or drugs. 
      Let’s be conscious of these connected issues, quell judgements surrounding them, and deepen the empathy in our responses. 

      6. Know the ways to get help for yourself or loved ones 
      Finally, if you’re someone who struggles with severe mental illness or loves someone who does, there are ways to get support. One of the most challenging circumstances for some more severe diagnoses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder is that people can sometimes have little to no insight into their own illness. This makes caring for and protecting these loved ones especially challenging. The single most important tool I’ve learned around this is the LEAP method, created by Dr. Xavier Amador and outlined in his book, I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help. LEAP stands for listen, empathize, agree, partner. 
      You can check out this YouTube video on it, but the primary reason it’s so important is that caretakers often try to talk our loved ones out of whatever they are thinking or feeling, and then we wonder why we aren’t getting anywhere. Imagine if someone were trying to talk you out of your current reality. How would that work for you? LEAP provides a framework for approaching conversations—and honestly, it’s also super helpful in relationships where mental health isn’t even an issue. This can also be a game-changer for mental health professionals or others who regularly come in contact with people who need mental health support services. 
      You can also check out NAMI, or the National Alliance on Mental Illness, for more information and access to services. NAMI has chapters across the country, creates space for families living with this to connect with one another, and have incredibly robust support services. 
      In the meantime, let’s stay open to hearing the experiences of others, and hold silent or supportive space for those who need it most. And if you do one thing this weekend, head over to Amazon Prime Video and watch (or rewatch) The Soloist with the lens outlined here. It’s a beautiful and accurate depiction of how mental illness, homelessness, and family dynamics are interconnected for so many.  More