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      Feeling Anxious and Discouraged by the Election Results? Read This

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      As polls closed across the country this week and returns began to roll in, an entire country was decidedly on edge, prepped for the possibility of blue and red mirages, but still feeling all manner of emotions as states went blue and red and back and forth as more returns came in. We still don’t definitively know who will win the presidential race and people are sad, upset, terrified, and so much more. There’s discouragement and so much uncertainty. If you’re feeling that way, here’s what the experts say you should do. 

      1. Acknowledge your emotions
      News flash: it’s OK to not feel OK, especially when we’re waiting on potentially earth-shattering news, barely slept last night, and don’t know what the future of our country will look like. The first step in dealing with how you feel about the election is acknowledging those feelings. “Find a healthy way to express your emotions,” suggested Melissa Lapides, MA, LMFT, a psychotherapist and creator of SafeSpace Trauma Certification. “Remember that you’re in charge of your emotions. Take care of yourself, hold yourself tight, and allow yourself to feel whatever is there.”
      Acknowledge your emotions by checking in with how you feel, and letting yourself feel. Lapides also recommended expressing those emotions by talking it out or letting yourself cry if you’re sad, and exercising or screaming into a pillow if you’re feeling angry. It’s absolutely OK to be discouraged by the results, even if your candidate ultimately wins. Bottom line: no matter what you’re feeling, it’s OK, so acknowledge and express your emotions.

      Source: @outdoorvoices

      2. Listen to your body
      After you check in with your emotions, check in with your body. The body holds a lot of stress, so taking care of the body can also help ease stress. “Many people are feeling stress and anxiety levels rise during the election, so it’s really important to prioritize self-care right now,” said Risa Williams, licensed therapist and author. “Your body might send you signals that it has had too much stress and you might start to feel exhausted both emotionally and physically, so it’s essential to listen to your body and to take breaks when you need to, to rest.” 
      Yes, that means turning off the news or deleting social media apps if you need to. Take multiple breaks throughout the day (both election-coverage breaks and work breaks), to take a walk outside, meditate, exercise, or do something enjoyable like cooking a comfort meal or drawing and painting. Lapides also suggested prioritizing additional body-care, even if you don’t feel like it. She recommended eating well, taking a bath, trying some self-massage, and getting in nature. 

      Source: @onairplanemode__

      3. Surround yourself with positivity
      Yes, even during such a stressful day and a scary time, we can still choose positivity. Not necessarily positivity in election outcomes, but positivity in life. “Gratitude is always the best place to start when countering any anxiety,” said Deedee Cummings, M.Ed, LPCC, JD, therapist and author. “Now is not the time to surround yourself with negativity as it will only make you feel worse. Focusing on positivity (and there is always positivity to be found) will help remind you there is still good.” Call up people who make you laugh, play with your pet who is always happy, or read a book with a happy ending. Focusing on the positive is not always easy during tough times, but coming from a place of gratitude can help ease stress in any situation. Take time to make a list of all the things you’re grateful for today, whether it’s big or small.

      4. Remind yourself of the constant factors
      No matter what happens, the outcome of the election does mean a lot of big changes. If the potential changes are feeling overwhelming, try focusing on the factors of your life that will stay the same tomorrow, next month, and next year. Katie Lear, LCMHC, RPT, RDT suggested, “It can also be helpful to remind yourself of the day-to-day parts of your own life that will remain constant no matter who wins; family, hobbies, and career goals don’t disappear overnight.”
      While we always encourage educating ourselves about the major changes this election could mean for our country, it’s OK to focus on what’s remaining the same in your own life, if just for today. Make a list of everything about your life that won’t change no matter who is in office (your dog will still play with you, your sister will still make you laugh, and you’ll still love finding new banana bread recipes), in order to heal overwhelm. 

      Source: @caitlynwarakomski

      5. Connect with the present moment
      Elections are always stressful, but this one feels particularly overwhelming. If you find yourself anxious about what the potential results could mean for the future, try connecting with the present moment. “Find small moments of peace where you can connect with the present moment,” Williams suggested. “Taking deliberate deep breaths whenever you feel stress rise is like a mini-meditation for your brain and body. It’s one small thing you can do to help regulate your stress during this time.” Try breathwork, or simply putting a hand on your stomach to remind yourself to breath deeply as you feel anxiety increase. You can also try mindfulness to reconnect yourself to the present moment. Notice the temperature of the room, what the candle that you’re lighting smells like, or how each sip of coffee tastes. 

      6. Make a plan to contribute to causes you care about
      If the election doesn’t go the way that we hoped, it doesn’t mean you stop fighting for causes you care about and doing what you can to build the country and world you want. If you’re feeling out of control, turn off the news and make a tangible plan of how you’re going to make a difference, whether it’s yearly or monthly donations, researching organizations to volunteer on a regular basis, or even how you can help out the people you know. “The best way any of us can keep up our sense of empowerment is by continuing to contribute to causes that matter to us, regardless of election results,” Lear recommended. “Volunteer, donate, lend a supportive ear to a friend—these things help other people and promote positive change, while also safeguarding our own mental health. Don’t just save community engagement for election years; make it part of your regular self-care.”
      Cummings agreed that taking action should be a part of your self-care routine and can improve your mental health. “Remember that the world keeps spinning and you are a crucial piece of the puzzle we call life,” she said. “We need you and we need each other. Focus on you and all the things you can do to create a ripple of kindness. This will help rebalance you.”

      Source: rawpixel

      We get it: you’re feeling a lot of emotions RN. Some of those emotions might be hopelessness, discouragement, and sadness. While it’s important to acknowledge and express those emotions (see point #1), you can turn that hopelessness into purpose—once you’re ready. If you’re not yet ready to channel any emotions you may be experiencing, you might want to consider connecting with a therapist, who can help you work through what you’re feeling. “No matter what happens in this election, we can all work for what we believe in,” said Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author. Tessina suggested taking those discouraged feelings and finding some hope where you can by working for a cause you believe in.
      Maybe the election results will be a wake-up call to you to put in more effort into the causes you care about, or maybe it will be a motivation to work harder to achieve a better world. Turn your pain into purpose by enacting the change you wish you saw in the election in your community. Lear agreed, “When I speak to young clients—many of whom are feeling incredibly hopeless and disempowered right now—I remind them about how long the arc of justice is and how much can still change in their lifetimes.” 
      A good place to start is to find a cause you care about. Maybe it has to do with elections and voting, working to boost turnout and access in your state. But maybe it’s not election-related at all. If you’re passionate about addressing food insecurity, homelessness, criminal justice reform, animal rights, reproductive rights, healthcare, or just about anything else, chances are good that there’s some sort of organization or movement with which you can get involved. If there’s not an organization with a physical presence in your city, look further out and see what might be able to be done from afar.
      If you’re passionate about civic engagement in your city, start by learning about how government works in your city. Attend city council meetings and other open community meetings, chat with your representatives, and get involved. 
      Take a beat, take care of yourself, and rest—and then get to work.

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      6 Ways to De-Stress for Free

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      My reaction to stress typically goes one of two ways: I either faceplant into a bottle of wine or I spend money on stuff I don’t need. Obviously, these tactics are not sustainable or healthy for every time I feel anxious or overwhelmed. That’s why I rely on these six ways to stay calm, cool, and collected in the face of stress.
      1. Take a one-minute nap.
      I used to claim that I “didn’t have time” to nap on a regular basis. I reserved daytime resting for the occasional weekend when I could set aside an hour or two to dive into dreamland. Now that I’m a mom, it’s even rarer to carve out nap time no matter the time or day, so I’ve become a queen of what I call the “one-minute nap.”
      Here’s what you do: set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes. Breathe and be quiet. That’s it.
      If you have more than a minute to spare, then do the same exercise for three, four, or five minutes. (If anything longer opens up in your schedule, go take a legit nap straight away.) But you always have time for 60 seconds of stillness, and your mind and body will absolutely benefit from pressing pause.

      2. Drink a glass of water.
      Did you know that stress can lead to dehydration? If you’re feeling tense, taking a moment to drink a glass of water can be a short-term fix. When I’m tired or experiencing low energy, downing some H2O forces me to slow down and often creates a ripple effect (pun intended) in terms of paying attention to how I nourish and care for myself.
      Because, let’s be honest: if I’m stressed, I’m probably ignoring my body’s signals in general. (Like, probably drinking a ton of caffeine and eating all the sugar.). A water break allows me to reset and regroup.

      3. Unplug.
      Writer Anne Lamott says, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Practically-speaking, this rings true—raise your hand if you’ve ever shut down your computer to “solve” an error message—but it also references two tricky realities of modern life.
      First, we consume an absurd amount of images and words all day, every day, and much of it is negative. Second, most of us are habitually, obsessively tied to our electronic devices…and we rely on those devices to distract us from our daily worries and help us “relax.”

      READ: 7 Things to Do At Night Besides Stare At Your Phone

      While there’s nothing wrong with a little Hulu and Instagram at the end of a long work day, I’ve found that staying attached does more harm than good when I already feel stressed. I try to give myself a real, honest-to-goodness break from technology once in awhile, and then I prioritize other forms of connection. I hug my partner and look in his eyes instead of down at my phone. I pet the soft fur of my sweet little pug, Stanley, and take him for a quick jaunt around the block. I leaf through a few pages of an actual book.
      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      4. Be kind.
      I’ll admit I’m the first to snap or lash out when I’m stressed because, honestly, that’s when I’m inclined to think my problem is the MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEM EVER. Except it’s usually not. It can be incredibly helpful to get out of my own head and remember that other people exist, too.
      If you’re all worked up about your own life, try to be nicer and more helpful to others, whether you know them or not. Hold the door open for the lady behind you at the coffee shop. Eat lunch with your coworker instead of going out. Smile at the tired mom with two screaming kids in Target. Compliment a family member, just because. Bite your tongue to offer compassion to the distracted waiter. When someone is talking to you, listen to him or her without furtive glances away or responding with absent-minded “uh huhs.”
      In other words, be present and kind. Good vibes only lead to more good vibes.

      5. Tackle one task off your to-do list.
      I will make long, broad to-do lists that serve as a “brain dump” for literally every single task circling my brain. Sure, it feels good to jot these little tasks down on paper, but when it comes to getting shit done? Uh, I look at my list with a shudder and immediately procrastinate as long as possible.
      But I do love the high of accomplishment associated with productivity. The solution when stressed is to pick one thing to do. Just one. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, either; in fact, it’s better if it is crazy small. Wipe down the kitchen counters instead of cleaning your whole place. Call the dentist on your commute to work. Respond to an email lingering in your inbox.
      Doing one thing will make you feel better than stressing about all the things before doing nothing, I swear.

      Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      6. Count your blessings.
      Sometimes, for me, stress can go hand-in-hand with things like resentment, envy, or comparison. For example, my husband and I have been saving for a down payment on a house, which means that every time someone I know buys a house, I feel stressed. Why? Because we want a house, too! Turns out we want lots of things that we don’t have for a variety of reasons, and this line of thinking can quickly spiral into a pessimistic attitude.
      In that moment, I count my blessings: I have a warm, safe roof over my head and the money to save for a larger home in the first place. Many situations—major financial struggles, health scares, lack of safety—those things are truly worth stressing over. Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      How do you de-stress for free? Tell us in the comments below! More

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      Why I Talk About Feminism on First Dates

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      “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to meet someone,” I said to my friends one day. But one of my friends quickly told me exactly why: it was because I expected too much from men. I even expected them to be feminists.I was immediately disheartened when I heard that she thought this was a lot to ask. I don’t expect the men I date to wear “women’s rights are human rights” T-shirts or have a PhD in gender studies. I don’t even expect them to identify as feminists, because it’s just a label and doesn’t carry much weight—I’ve met sexist men who call themselves “feminists.” But I do expect them to believe in gender equality, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
      Still, her comment got to me, and for a period of time, I was less outspoken about my beliefs, at least on first dates. It didn’t take me long to realize that holding these views back didn’t make dating any easier for me—in fact, it made it even more difficult. There are several reasons why I continue to talk about feminism on first dates.

      1. Gender equality should not be a radical idea. 
      I get that talking about politics, religion, or social justice issues on a first date could be perceived as intense. At the same time, gender equality should not be a radical idea. If I’m out with someone who is offended or discomforted by the idea that all genders are equal, that’s a red flag. 

      2. I don’t want to be several months in and find out that he harbors sexist views. 
      Speaking of red flags, I’d rather identify them early on than be several months into a relationship only to find out that my partner and I have opposing fundamental beliefs. Gender equality is not something minor to me. There are some things that I’m willing to agree to disagree about, and this is not one of them. The kinds of beliefs someone has about gender tells me a lot about their expectations for our relationship. During the time that I was avoiding talking about feminism on first dates, I still talked about politics and assumed that a guy I went out with was compatible with me because he was anti-racist and fairly left-wing. I only later found out that in addition to being mostly liberal, he’s also anti-abortion and is a strong proponent of traditional gender roles. Because I had already spent a bit of time getting to know him and I liked other things about him, I tried to make it work, but we argued on a regular basis, and I would never be the “good wife” he was truly looking for (and I didn’t want to be). If I’m dating a sexist man, I will find out eventually. Why wait until I’m already in deep? 

      3. I’m not scared of scaring someone away.
      We’ve heard it time and time again: don’t talk about religion or politics on the first date. But from my perspective, everything is political in some way. To avoid all political discussions is to have a pretty shallow conversation. I’m not dating to talk about the weather. I’m dating to truly get to know someone. During the time that I stopped talking about gender issues on first dates, I felt as if I was hiding part of myself. It’s not that my first dates are a two-hour long gender studies lecture; usually, gender issues come up organically because they’re connected to something else we’re talking about. If not, it’s natural for me to mention gender issues when someone asks about my passions or interests. Talking about feminist issues might scare some people away, but if I scare sexist guys away, I’m doing exactly what I want to do: filtering out people I’m not compatible with. 

      4. I want him to like me for who I am.
      When I had my first childhood crush, I actively tried to be the kind of girl I thought he would like. I was a proper chameleon, buying a jacket with his favorite football team’s logo on it, and adapting myself according to his interests. But I’ve lived and learned, and I’m not dating to stroke someone’s ego or to change myself until they finally accept me. I want to date someone who I truly like, and I want to date someone who truly likes me—not the idea of me or an altered, watered-down version of me. I once went out with a man who stopped me mid-sentence when I started talking about gender issues. “I don’t want to hear about this,” he said. “I want to hear about you.” Maybe he thought he was being romantic in a way, but he didn’t realize that they’re one in the same. I’m passionate about gender issues, and it’s part of who I am, not a separate entity. If a man doesn’t believe in gender equality, he’s not going to like me for who I am. It’s that simple. I now realize that the kind of man I want to date is one who is willing to engage in these conversations. 

      5. I can learn more about who this person truly is. 
      I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. I don’t expect a person I’m dating to know everything about gender issues (I don’t either, of course), or to fully understand something that he hasn’t experienced firsthand. But I do expect him to be open to listening. I do expect him to not be defensive. Talking about issues like this shows me how he reacts when faced with something uncomfortable or challenging. Is he just defensive when I’m simply having a discussion and not trying to argue, or does he want to know more? I once went out with a guy who said he didn’t believe some survivors of sexual assault because they reported it years after it happened. Extreme red flags aside, I tried to talk to him about why women might wait to come forward about sexual assault. As I was talking, he got up to add more sugar to his coffee and asked to change the subject once he returned. That told me exactly how he liked his version of reality: sugar-coated and easy to swallow. 

      6. I don’t want to tolerate sexist behavior anymore. 
      Gone are the days in which I would ignore casual and benevolent sexism because it “could be worse.” I’m willing to give second chances. People can change, especially if they didn’t recognize that the way they were thinking was sexist. But if he just doesn’t really care about sexism, thinks it’s not a big deal or says something along the lines of, “Well, that’s just the way things are,” I’m not here for that. Benevolent sexism is still sexism, and I don’t want it in my relationships. I want an equal partnership. Unfortunately, maybe that’s a lot to ask from a heterosexual relationship at this point in time. But I’m going to keep asking.  More

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      9 Things That Might Be Affecting Your Libido

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      We know the drill. You come home late after a long day, cook dinner, and basically just melt right into bed. Your partner, of course, was wishing for other plans. While most of us shrug this off to stress or exhaustion (which it can be!), there are other reasons you might not get as excited to get down to business tonight. It’s normal to not be in the mood every now and then (I mean, sometimes we just want to sleep!); however, when it becomes a consistent occurrence, there could be something deeper going on.A low libido seriously sucks, but it’s something most of us will go through at some point. Instead of causing yourself more stress, we looked into all the reasons you’re not too keen on doing much in the bedroom right now — besides sleep.

      1. Stress
      We all know how it feels to get home and still have a to-do list. Whether you’re experiencing work, school, or personal stress, it’s easy to let that get into your head and discourage you from engaging in time with your partner.
      Try one of these — might I add, wonderful — ways to reduce your day to day stress, so you and your partner can get back to it. You could also start adding some self-care to your routine, or if you’re feeling ~spicy~, treat yourself with a little me time. We promise you’ll feel renewed.

      2. Certain medications
      Antidepressants, some anti-anxiety medications, blood pressure medications, and more can have a low sex drive as a side effect. If you’ve started taking a new medication recently, look back at the list of side effects your pharmacist gave you (that you probably wanted to throw out and thought again that it might be important). If you think it’s impacting your life or your relationships, you can talk to your doctor about another option.  

      3. Pregnancy or breastfeeding
      Pregnancy and breastfeeding cause a lot of changes to occur within your body. Your hormones are raging, which can cause fluctuations in your sex drive. One day you might want to go at it like rabbits, and another, you’re not interested at all. Understand that this is just a change in your body, and it won’t last forever.
      Aside from your hormones, the other side effects of pregnancy can turn you off from sex. Nausea and fatigue in the first trimester just make sex uncomfortable — who wants to go at it when they feel sick!? Then, as your body grows and changes (woohoo! A baby!), traditional sex positions can feel kinda awkward, and women can sometimes be self-conscious about their pregnant bodies. Be kind to yourself, you’re about to birth another human into the world!

      4. Lack of sleep
      Along with stress, we completely understand. Whether you had a work report due at 8am, you had a scary dream (I watch too much AHS), or you stayed up reading (#guilty), you didn’t get your full eight hours last night. And that’s okay! It’s when you continuously forgo sleep that you start to notice a consistent decrease in your libido.
      Try some lavender oil in your diffuser, turn off your electronics an hour before bed, or my personal favorite, give yourself a good Saturday morning to sleep until noon.

      5. Negative body image
      When you don’t feel comfortable or accepting of your body, it’s hard to want someone else to see you naked. Continued fear and self-consciousness when having sex is enough to make you never want to do it again. Yoga, meditation, or buying a cute new set of lingerie are all examples of ways you can start to gain a little confidence (and maybe feel a little sexier, too!).

      Source: @eberjey

      6. Mental health issues
      If you’re struggling with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder included) or anxiety, it can significantly impact your sex drive. This can have to do with medication, issues with trust, anxiety and worry about your partner — the list goes on. Because there are so many ways mental illness can affect your libido, reach out to your doctor to discuss ways in which you can either bring it back or make it easier on yourself.

      7. Relationship issues
      You and your partner might have gotten in a fight recently, or you feel as though you can’t trust him or her. There are many different issues that you and your partner can experience that might lower your libido. If you’re experiencing conflict, talk with your partner openly and honestly. The conflict might be stressful and hard to deal with at first, but you’ll be grateful when it’s over and you and your partner feel closer than ever.

      8. Conditions that make sex painful
      Vulvodynia and endometriosis are known to cause painful sex, which can not really make you super excited to get in the sack, right? If you suffer with these conditions, talk to your doctor about treatments. You can also talk to your partner about different positions that might reduce or avoid pain. You deserve to feel good during sex, not uncomfortable!

      9. Birth control
      Again with the hormones! Birth control pills can sometimes lower the hormones in your body — like testosterone — that make you want to have sex. Luckily, there are alternatives, such as non-hormonal IUDs, condoms, and diaphragms. You could also talk with your doctor about trying a different birth control pill or option, like the NuvaRing.

      How have you handled a low libido? What are your tips and tricks to keeping your sex drive up?!

      This article was originally published on November 17, 2018. More

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      My Daily Routine in Quarantine That Has Made a Huge Difference in My Health

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      We all have daily routines. Big or small, healthy or unhealthy, our routines become habits that shape who we become. Sounds heavy, right? My daily routines sometimes look like Epsom salt baths, jade rolling while meditating, and checking every item off my to-do list while having enough time to add the exact adaptogen blend that’s best for my current energy state into my matcha latte. Other days look more like shoveling an entire box of Annie’s White Cheddar Mac n’ Cheese (the best kind. You can @ me on it) while working through lunch and bingeing Selling Sunset after dinner until I realize it’s 1am.Typically though, my days alternate between varying degrees of both examples. Routines don’t have to be total transformations or all-or-nothing, as if getting to bed too late or eating a candy bar after dinner cancels out the healthy rituals you kept up with all day. I’ve recently adopted a few specific habits while in quarantine that has made a huge difference in my overall health and wellbeing, and might improve yours too. Remember that it doesn’t have to be a major transformation for any of these routines to make an impact; even just one minor change can crowd out an unhealthy habit or make a huge difference on its own. Here are the daily routines that have made the biggest difference for me: 

      I keep technology away from the bedroom
      A relevant preface: I live in a studio apartment. The “bedroom” is also my workspace, eating space, sleep space, and living space, so I never thought the “no-technology-in-the-bedroom” rule could apply to me and the 650 square-feet that I call home. I used to charge my laptop in an outlet next to my bedside table, work while sitting in bed at night, and kept my phone next to me overnight. A couple of months ago, I designated a “tech space” at the kitchen table and left devices there to charge, use, and work on.
      Not only did this minor shift in geography transform my evening routine (no more working in bed!), but it transformed my morning routine. I no longer lay in bed, scrolling through Instagram until the last second possible. Instead, I get out of bed right away (since I have nothing else to do) and go through my brief morning routine. Not only does it help me sleep better when technology no longer takes over my life, but getting out of bed immediately makes me feel more awake and energized throughout the entire day. Not to mention that I have a better work-life balance as a byproduct, but more on that below. 

      I wake up 10 minutes before I need to
      Speaking of waking up easier, I need you to know that my workday starts at 6:30am. A couple of years ago, my move to southern California was all sunshine and rainbows (literally) besides the fact that my office is on central time. I actually work way better in the early mornings than in the evenings (so I enjoy the earlier end to my day), and I thrive on getting sh*t done before it feels like the rest of the world has woken up, but I’m not going to say that the wake-up part is always easy. Full confession: I used to groggily roll out of bed at 6:15am to quickly brush my teeth and make a cup of lemon water before the workday starts. 
      When quarantine hit and I realized I had to prioritize my mental health even more (though we should be prioritizing ourselves as much as possible, pandemic or not), I knew I had to find more time for myself in the mornings. I challenged myself to get up just 10 minutes before I absolutely need to. I spend those 10 extra minutes doing a meditation, stretching on my yoga mat, going through a full skincare routine, or lighting a candle and getting my day ready. No matter your work start time or when you wake up, getting up 10 minutes earlier than you have to allows you to take your time, keep your mornings calm, and help keep stress down for the rest of the day. 

      I eat fruit for breakfast 
      I get it; I used to do the whole omelet-or-protein-powder-smoothie thing, because my focus was getting in more protein than any other macronutrient or nutrient. When I transformed my nutrition mindset to be about adding more plants, I started eating more fruit in the mornings. After a while, I realized fruit filled me up without making me lethargic or painfully bloated like I usually felt by noon. So now, every morning, I’ll either dress up berries and pears with tahini, cacao nibs, and goji berries (I like to be #extra), and other days, I’ll cut up whatever apples or peaches are in the fridge.
      I have since let go of the idea that I need a protein-heavy breakfast to be healthy and, instead, opt for what makes my body feel its best: fruit. I’ve never felt so energized, had less digestive issues, and even have fewer cravings throughout the day. The lesson to take from this daily routine is not that you should eat fruit for breakfast too. Instead, the lesson is to listen to your body to identify what’s best for it. 

      I make the most of my lunch break
      Confession: pre-quarantine Josie used lunch breaks to watch 30 minutes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and I would fall asleep for 25 of those minutes) or work through lunch with a salad at my desk (I’ve had to force myself into better work-life balance). I still do love the occasional reality TV to turn off the brain while I cook and eat (nothing quite like fights between Denise and Rinna to help me temporarily forget about work woes and to-do lists), but I feel so much better when I check in with my body to identify the kind of break it really needs. Sometimes that looks like foam rolling, sometimes that’s getting other errands and chores done, and sometimes I go for a walk to get outside. Since making the most of my lunch breaks, I’m more energetic, productive, and happier.  

      I force myself to have a work cut-off time
      So your office hours “end at 5pm,” but 5pm turns into 8pm and you find yourself responding to emails, finishing projects, or putting out fires well into the night? Take it from someone who has been trying to perfect the work-from-home routine for years now: you need a non-negotiable cut-off time. I give myself a reasonable daily cut-off time (typically with an extra hour in case I do need some more time to wrap up), and then make sure that’s it for the rest of the night. Work-life balance starts with leaving work exactly where it belongs: at the office (or at your designated kitchen-table-turned-desk).
      I also transition out of the workday with closing rituals like changing into a(nother) loungewear set, shutting my laptop, tidying up my apartment, and physically crossing off the last item on my to-do list (so satisfying, right?). No matter when your workday ends, turn the last step into a ritual that signals to your brain that it’s no longer work time. (Pssst… a closing ritual is especially a hot tip if you find yourself checking emails throughout the night or can’t fall asleep because you’re worried about your to-do’s for the next day.)

      I make time for social connection
      I’ve previously talked a lot about the social mistakes that pre-quarantine Josie made (besides calling a teacher “mom” in high school and accidentally liking a post from 2015 when stalking a potential love interest, but those wounds aren’t healed enough to talk about yet). To paint you a picture, I used to think I had my shit together because I would go home early on Fridays to avoid being too hungover to make my Saturday morning workout, and would typically skip out on Taco Tuesdays and Wine Wednesdays because I had too much to do during the week.
      Responsible, yes, but I also didn’t acknowledge that social connection is just as important for our health as eating veggies and regularly exercising. Now, I prioritize social connection like I eat leafy greens with two meals a day and consistently move my body. Eating dinner with my boyfriend, Facetiming my college friends, or calling my mom for at least a few minutes every day has made me feel more motivated, fulfilled, happy, and healthy.  

      I drink a cup of tea before bed
      Since quarantine started, I have become all about the rituals. I’ve learned that while it’s hard to do the same thing every single day, there’s a reason children go through an entire nighttime routine to be able to fall asleep (anyone else miss bedtime stories?): rituals become habits that tell our bodies when it’s time for sleep. If some nights we read before bed, some nights we stay out late with friends, and some nights we work until midnight with no consistent rituals, our brains struggle to figure out when it’s time to sleep. Since bedtime is not always as consistent as I’d like it to be, I find consistency in rituals like having a cup of tea after dinner. Not only does a cup of tea get more nutrients into my body (I love peppermint tea, which can help digestion), but I’ve had it so consistently that all it takes to put me to bed is a warm, cozy cup of tea.

      I end my day with yoga or stretches
      In addition to a traditional workout earlier in the day, I’ve started doing yoga or some stretches right before bed, and it has potentially made the biggest difference to my health in the shortest amount of time. The purpose of yoga or stretches before bed is not to exercise my body or burn calories (like what I used to think was the only reason to move). Instead, I see nighttime yoga as 5-10 minutes of screen-free mental stillness. I feel such a drastic difference in my body when I get out of bed in the morning (if I say I typically feel stiff when I wake up, will it make me sound old?), but I also feel a lot more peaceful, calm, and content at night. I fall asleep quicker and stay in a deeper sleep than on days when I don’t fit in any stretching at all. Go through a few stretches tonight and get ready to sleep like a baby (your mind and body can thank me later).

      What daily routine has made the biggest difference in your health? Which of these rituals would you try? More

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      10 Ways to Get Back Into a Healthy Routine for the Colder Seasons

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      Whether you took on summer with a margarita in hand and a permanent seat on a lawn chair or went on daily jogs in the warm weather after sipping on green juices, summer isn’t the only chance you have to form healthy routines throughout the year. If 2020 has left you with extra unhealthy habits or you’re still in laid-back summer mode, don’t worry: it’s not too late to get back into a healthy routine. Back-to-school season can feel like a fresh start (even for adults), making it an ideal time to revive habits that will get you through the colder months as healthy and happy as possible. Here are 10 ways to eat better, move your body more, and achieve your health goals through fall and winter. 
      1. Set easy-to-reach goals
      Your inclination may be to set higher goals to push yourself so you achieve more. While lofty goals can challenge you to be your best, hard-to-reach goals can actually prevent you from making progress when you’re trying to get back into a healthy routine. Lofty milestones can feel overwhelming, so start small with goals you know you will be easy and enjoyable to reach (like going on a walk every day or doing yoga for 10 minutes in the morning), and then work your way up. The point of making and hitting milestones is that every achievement builds motivation to achieve even more. Instead of running five miles, losing 10lbs, or eating 100 percent clean by the end of the season, set weekly or daily goals. Try eating leafy greens with two meals a day, drinking eight glasses of water by dinner, or moving your body for 30 minutes for five days a week. 

       
      2. Don’t deprive yourself
      When we want to get back into a healthy routine, it’s tempting to start with the “don’ts:” don’t eat sugar, don’t have processed foods, don’t skip a workout, etc. But depending on rules to get your body to make changes sets up for failure. First of all, we always want what we can’t have, so you’re going to be craving Halloween candy or an apple pie more than you would’ve been if it wasn’t off-limits. More importantly, external rules prevent you from listening to what your body really needs. Maybe your body needs grounding foods or to take a break in order to be healthier, so listen to what your body is telling you. DIY whatever you’re craving with more nourishing options, rest when you need to, and prioritize what brings you joy. True health comes from a place of freedom, intuition, and abundance, not deprivation. 

      3. Get more sleep
      If you couldn’t tell by the shorter days and longer nights, your body is craving more sleep. Don’t push through the tired feeling; use daylight savings as an opportunity to set an earlier bedtime. When you get enough sleep at night, you wake up feeling great, stay energized throughout the day, and are able to make the best choices for your mind and body. Sleep can be the most crucial ingredient for a healthy routine, so prioritize it above anything else. If you have to choose between 7-9 hours of sleep and an early workout or late work night? Choose sleep every time. 

      4. Set support methods along with goals
      You could set the most motivating goals with the best intentions, but they may be too difficult to reach if you’re not looking at the big picture. If your goals are fitness-related, think about the food and lifestyle choices you can make to support that goal, like getting enough sleep and eating whole, energizing foods, so you have the energy to keep up with the exercise routine you want. And if you want to eat cleaner, think of how you can set yourself up for success with meal prepping, healthy snacks, or strategic grocery shopping. No matter what healthy habits you hope to adopt, you have to look at every area of your life to see how you make changes to support those healthy habits. 

      5. Make small tweaks to your diet
      Good news: you don’t have to transform your diet to be healthier (yes, even if you’ve enjoyed too many glasses of rosé over the summer or one too many frozen pizzas in 2020). The most sustainable and effective way to eat healthy (without hating your life)? Make small tweaks to your diet. For example, if pasta is your go-to for dinner, add some kale to the sauce, or order a side salad whenever you order out. You can also try having a smoothie instead of a breakfast sandwich or eating carrots and hummus instead of your usual chips and salsa snack in the afternoon. No matter what tweaks you make, the point is to make one small change at a time, rather than to transform your entire diet at once. In terms of what to change, think of adding more fruit and vegetables rather than taking away any foods that are a part of your routine.

      6. Start with stretching
      Even an athlete doesn’t get back into a fitness routine by running a 10k; don’t expect your strength and endurance to be the same as it was the last time you had a consistent exercise routine. Whether you were a gym rat pre-virus, work out here and there, or have never cared much about exercise before, start with stretching. Stretching will likely feel less daunting than weight training or cardio, so it’s a good way to start moving your body again. Also, stretching keeps muscles flexible, strong, and healthy. Without stretching, the muscles shorten and become tight, so any strenuous activity meant to strengthen them could cause joint pain, muscle damage, or strains. There’s also a wide variety of other benefits to stretching, including mental health; try these stretches to help anxiety or these to get a better night’s sleep. 

      7. Enjoy the season
      Just because the days of jogging on the beach and swimming in the pool are over, it doesn’t mean the rest of the seasons can’t help you be active and healthy too. Instead of staying inside on your couch 24/7 (although we’ll definitely be doing a lot of that), enjoy all that autumn has to offer to achieve your healthiest self. Take a walk to look at the changing leaves, rake leaf piles, go apple picking, and enjoy all the fresh seasonal foods like apples, sweet potatoes, kale, butternut squash, and pumpkin. Sure, a PSL and Harry Potter movie marathon are not necessarily fall essentials that were invented with our health goals in mind, but there are so many ways to enjoy the season that will help establish a healthy routine. Enjoying the crisp air will help get you moving, and eating the delicious seasonal produce will not only result in killer pumpkin recipes, but will be giving your body more nutrients.  

      8. Be kind to yourself
      Forming a new routine or habit is not easy; our bodies are conditioned to crave what’s comfortable. If you find it’s difficult to adopt healthier routines, know that it’s not because you’re lazy, weak, or have something inherently wrong with you; it means you’re normal. To get through the tough transitions that come with forming new habits, remind yourself why you want a healthier routine. Is it because you love your body enough to treat it as well as possible? Is it so you can feel more confident, vivacious, or happy? Remember that self-judgment, criticism, or shame are not going to get you to that end goal any more than your unhealthy habits. Lead with self-compassion, and I promise you’ll get to your goals quicker and easier. 

      9. Cook at home more often
      Fall and winter are the perfect time to hone your cooking skills. The weather’s colder, you’re staying in more, and you’re craving grounding foods that can easily be made with an instant pot or in the oven. Cooking at home typically means healthier meals, more accurate portions for what your body needs, and satisfying your cravings with as much nutritional value as possible. Cooking newbie? Stock your fridge at the beginning of the week with seasonal produce and healthy basics like leafy greens, grains like quinoa or brown rice, and a few organic proteins to prepare grounding, warm, satisfying meals throughout the week. Check out easy recipes like here, here, and here. If prepping meals in advance feels overwhelming, try making a little extra dinner and save as leftovers for lunch the next day. 

      10. Strive for consistency
      We often look at healthy routines with all-or-nothing thinking: we either eat perfectly or binge on junk food because indulging in one bag of chips made the day “no longer count” (I hear that one a lot!). But the key to any routine is exactly that: routine. Unlike friends or clothing items, strive for quantity over quality when it comes to healthy habits. For example, if you’ve had a busy and exhausting day, fit in five minutes of some movement, even if it’s not the intense HIIT workout you had hoped for. Likewise, keep up healthy eating goals by eating as healthy as you can every day, rather than eating perfectly. If your friends go to a fast-food restaurant, keep up consistency by ordering a side salad with your meal or extra veggies on the side, instead of telling yourself you’ll start tomorrow. After all, a healthy routine is just consistent decisions that snowball into habits to make us feel our very best. 

      How do you get back into a healthy routine? More

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      4 Lessons I Learned From Grief—and How They’ve Changed My Life

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      As a child, I remember my friends going over to their grandparents’ homes for the weekend and coming home with mountains of homemade cookies and hand-knit sweaters. Me? I came home from my Grammy’s house smelling of patchouli and incense. I would hop back in the car from East Texas back to Dallas arm-in-arm with a pile of new books from the thrift store, a head chock full of Beatles songs, and lots of stories to chat about on the two-hour drive home.From what you can probably gather, my Grammy wasn’t the typical grandparent that you may have grown up with. She was a nurse dedicated to each and every patient that saw her, an activist for everyone who walked past her, an animal rehabber who took care of everything from chinchillas to possums, and a hippie at heart. When she died in 2017, I was wrecked—and so was everyone else. It wasn’t until I began to deal with my grief in a productive way that I realized something: the people we love leave us with lessons in the smallest, most magical of places—it’s just up to us to find them. 

      1. Life’s too short for boring
      I’ve always been a monochrome girl. I love a nice gray sweater, a fantastic pair of black jeans, and dainty gold jewelry. My room has always been decorated in neutrals (with the exception of an unfortunate satin purple bedspread in the 4th grade), and I’ve always been happy with it. My Grammy, on the other hand? Everything has always, always been an explosion of color. From the tie-dyed peace sign bumper stickers on her red Nissan Cube to the bright shirts and scrubs she wore on the daily to the card she carried as a member of the Red Hat Society, she was a huge proponent of rainbows and color bursts in any and every situation. 
      When she died, I wanted to honor her in little, everyday ways. For me, this looked like adding a rainbow quilt to my bed and a bright-colored tassel to my keys. More importantly, it was a reminder to me that she wasn’t one for normal things—and life was too short to be normal all the time. Loss is heavy, but finding bright spots to remember your loved one by is a way to lighten the load. By finding tangible, small ways to remember the person you lost, the grieving process might just shorten itself.
      My challenge to you: Add a little color to your bedroom with a bright pillow, swipe on some red lipstick, or pick up the bright blue socks from Target instead of the plain white ones.

      It was a reminder to me that she wasn’t one for normal things—and life was too short to be normal all the time. Loss is heavy, but finding bright spots to remember your loved one by is a way to lighten the load.

      2. Spread some love in your loved one’s honor
      As a (sometimes) vegetarian, an animal rehabber, and a seriously political woman, my Grammy did her absolute best to teach my sister, my cousin, and I about how lucky we were to have an Earth that supported us like it did. She also taught us how lucky we were to have animals that roamed the Earth and snuggled up next to us, and she was recycling everything in sight and carrying reusable bags way before it was the cool thing to do. She spent every extra second of her life volunteering somewhere, in some capacity, and I never once heard her complain. From picking up extra shifts as a hospice nurse on top of her normal ER hours and waking up at all hours of the night to bottle-feed injured possums, she never, ever put herself first. 
      In the years that have passed, I’ve become acutely aware of the holes in my community and the world that I could be helping with. Many of us probably understand the dichotomy that often occurs when we lose someone close to us—that balance between honoring someone while remembering they weren’t perfect people—that can add a confusing element to an already confusing time. While I’m sure my Grammy had qualities that were certainly not great, choosing to embrace her love for the world has helped me become a better person in every way. Grief is a messy, convoluted process, and none of it is particularly joyful. However, choosing to embrace and live out the spots in your loved one’s lives that gave them joy is the surest and quickest way to give yourself some spark.
      My challenge to you: Set up a recurring monthly donation to a political candidate that inspires you, go pet the puppies living in cages at your local animal shelter, and rinse the shampoo out of your bottle so you can recycle it, damn it!

      Grief is a messy, convoluted process, and none of it is particularly joyful. However, choosing to embrace and live out the spots in your loved one’s lives that gave them joy is the surest and quickest way to give yourself some spark.

      3. People make all the difference
      After my Grammy died, we had the intensely un-fun job at our hands to go through her things. I found myself near her bookshelves—the exact ceiling-to-floor shelves that had captivated me as a child—picking through the thousands of novels and self-help books that filled out. On the bottom shelf, I found a collection of all of her old high school yearbooks. They were coated in a thin layer of dust, and it was obvious that she hadn’t touched them in a while. I cracked them open, and the inside front and back covers were simply covered with long, handwritten notes about how grateful they were to have met a sweet spirit like her. As a high school teacher myself, I understand how rare it is for any high schoolers to write much more than “have a good summer” in anyone’s yearbook. 
      The truth is, our life is full of tiny little moments and seemingly ordinary encounters that can, quite literally, change lives. Whether we’re in line for an oil change or making friends at work, the same old adage rings true: people will simply never forget how you made them feel. In a world rife with turmoil and heavy with reminders that life can change on a dime, it’s our job to build meaningful relationships and love as well as we can. After all, not a single day is guaranteed.
      My challenge to you: Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t talked to in a while, write a thank-you note to a teacher who made an impact on you, or make a point to have a true conversation with someone you love.

      The truth is, our life is full of tiny little moments and seemingly ordinary encounters that can, quite literally, change lives. Whether we’re in line for an oil change or making friends at work, the same old adage rings true: people will simply never forget how you made them feel.

      4. Never, ever stop searching for more
      My Grammy was always looking for something. I spent 23 years as her granddaughter before she died, and in that time I saw her explore transcendental meditation, dabble in Buddhist and Hindu prayers, twist herself into yoga positions, burn incense, and convert to Judaism from Methodism. She was on a constant quest for self-improvement, an understanding of the beyond, and a spiritual view of the world. While her method was unorthodox, it also reminds me of how important it is to never stop looking. While religion might be an extreme example, it’s our job to question the world we live in. It’s our job to look into things, to try new methods for life, and to be unorthodox while we still can. 
      Losing someone is a difficult mountain to climb, and it often opens up questions that weren’t there before. However, taking that heartbreak and sadness and making it into a learning experience? I feel like there’s nothing that could honor those we love any better than that. We’re only on this earth for a short while, and making the most of every single second is the only good way to do it.
      My challenge to you: Go to therapy, download an app and dabble in meditation, or crack open a new self-help book that challenges you.

      It’s our job to question the world we live in. It’s our job to look into things, to try new methods for life, and to be unorthodox while we still can. 

      Perhaps the most vivid memory from the week my Grammy died is getting the call that she had passed away and thinking to myself that it was my job to hold everyone else together. We’re a family of close-knit, like-minded women, and my mom lost her mother that day. The way I saw it, I couldn’t let myself cry or be overcome with grief. If I did, I was letting everyone else down and giving us permission to unravel from the inside out. I held my sister’s hand at the funeral and spoke to everyone gathered without a single shake in my voice, and I never, ever let anybody see me cry. 
      In hindsight, all that stoicism did was turn me away from every single lesson my Grammy had ever taught me. Feelings are there for a reason, and the people we love leaving us is staggeringly painful. Instead of sinking into ourselves, we’re all meant to rise up by loving people deeply, constantly bettering ourselves, sending love out in every direction, and doing it dressed in colorful clothes. After all, what’s left without color, light, love, and emotion? Nothing but darkness. When the people we love leave us with good, we have to carry it on. More

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      I Tried Text Therapy to Help My Anxiety—Here’s How It Went

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      I have never given much thought to how I cope with anything: racism, violence against Black bodies, stress, and sadness. As an outsider looking in, this is the reality for many of the Black women in my life. My mother is the strongest person I know; many would say I am one of the strongest women they know. I now understand how the strong Black woman trope has been passed down through my lineage. Because of the generational shield, our ability to fully express ourselves is limited even amongst those who love and care for us deeply. I can count on one hand how often I’ve seen my mother express her feelings fully, without apology. When I hear her laugh fill a room, it brings me so much joy because I know she is letting go. Truthfully, I can’t tell you the last time I have expressed a full range of emotions, out of fear that I would be labeled difficult, loud, emotional, soft, or angry. I am starting to realize that making my emotional being smaller is likely directly contributing to my new experiences with panic attacks. When I cry, I feel weak; when I laugh, I feel undeserving; when I am angry, I hold it in. The night I found myself in my bedroom closet, crying as my best friend Samantha listened on the phone, I realized it was time for me to talk to someone. That week, I couldn’t drive or do anything without feeling like I would have a panic attack. It was terrifying and made me feel completely out of control—like I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

      I couldn’t drive or do anything without feeling like I would have a panic attack. It was terrifying and made me feel completely out of control—like I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

      Trying Talkspace
      I had thought about therapy before this; however, I continued to put it off. Finding a therapist takes effort and time, especially with the uptick people seeking help due to the coronavirus. I couldn’t wait and go through my healthcare provider, I needed immediate help. So, I settled on Talkspace. Their platform is one that I see ads for often, and they are now accepting health insurance. Kaiser Permanente offers a reduced fee of $40 a week for the first four weeks. Now, this isn’t a permanent solution; however, it can offer a start, because let’s be real: therapy (including teletherapy) is too expensive and not accessible to all. 
      After an emotional release surrounded by my clothes, I was ready to talk. Shortly after setting up my profile, Talkspace helped match me with a therapist. My first match was with a Black woman, and for that reason, I didn’t seek out any other options. If you do find yourself matched with someone who doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, you can ask for other options. Therapist profiles share their specialties, how long they’ve been in practice, and their approach to therapy.
      Before we started to text, I filled out a questionnaire to answer questions about why I was seeking therapy. My therapist also asked, “What brings you to Talkspace?” Truthfully, I felt a little apprehensive about sharing what was going on with me. You know, I’m used to being a strong Black woman—we don’t share these types of inner secrets.
      Instead of shutting down, I typed, “I’m here because I have chronic anxiety, and I want to do more to understand why I’m always so anxious.” Getting that out felt like a relief. Acknowledging my anxiety with a professional instantly made me feel better. As we continued to talk, we started to get to the root of my anxiety, much of which is triggered by my need for control and my position as my family’s glue. “This is all still related because it’s your fear of a loss of control,” she typed. “That’s the struggle!” Seeing this revelation, as simple as it was staring back at me in a green text bubble, was my “ah-ha” moment. Even a small level of understanding made me feel like I was getting closer to feeling like myself again. 

      Even a small level of understanding made me feel like I was getting closer to feeling like myself again. 

      When I started to feel anxiety about little things, like signing a lease on a new apartment (something I always avoid—I’m a month-to-monther), I’d text her. She’d ground me. “There is no promise that everything will be perfect, but it will be good enough,” she typed. “The apartment isn’t a life-altering decision. You have options now, and you’ll have options later. You are making an informed decision. If/when new information comes in, you will evaluate it and determine whether or not you need to act on it.” As someone who feels anxiety about everything because of “what if,” those words in my mind translated to, “Hey, you’re OK. Take things day by day.” When I find myself freaking out over little things, I go back to this message to get re-grounded. 
      Talkspace therapists will typically respond 3-4 times a day up to five days a week. The flow of the responses worked well for me. However, I don’t know if this is the right form of therapy for me long term. The responses were helpful, and even mind-blowing at times. However, I realized I need a one-on-one, face-to-face experience to build what I feel is a genuine rapport with my therapist. This might be the old-school millennial in me, but connecting with someone face-to-face is important in my life beyond therapy. Because of that, I felt a bit disconnected, even when her observations were spot-on. The platform does offer teletherapy options, which means you get one-on-one time virtually with your provider. However, the package that offers four live, 30-minute sessions a month is $396 monthly ($296 with my insurance for the first four weeks), and that just isn’t in my budget. 

      Moving Forward
      Talkspace allowed me to slowly move into giving therapy a try as an adult without feeling any judgment. Texting my responses made me feel comfortable being completely honest about what was going on with me at the time, so much so I now share my anxiety with my friends without feeling any angst. Their support has fueled me, even on tough days. When I’m too anxious to drive, they come to see me (with masks on, of course). When I feel a panic attack creeping in, I call one of them, and they talk to me until I get home. No matter how long it takes. For folks who are curious about therapy, Talkspace is, in my opinion, an excellent entry point. It can be difficult to share your innermost thoughts with a complete stranger, and texting can feel less intrusive. I found it cathartic to type what I was feeling. It was like writing into my diary, except with a mental health professional on the other end.  
      Talkspace provided a stepping stone to my mental health journey. I am setting boundaries with my family, working on letting go, outwardly sharing my experience with anxiety, and discovering new things about myself.
      I am still on the hunt for my forever therapist (and potentially an app that works with my budget), but I’m on the right track.  More