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      4 Reasons to Ditch Your Perfectionist Streak for Good

      by

      I have jumped awake at 3:52am more times than I can count. As a former editor who worked years of evening shifts in newspaper publishing, I was supposed to be able to gracefully manage time, words, and people each night to turn out a perfectly polished product for readers every morning.Most of the time, it went fine, or at least fine-ish. But even if I felt pretty confident about the newspaper I’d helped put together hours earlier, I’d still jolt awake in the dark, absolutely sure I had forgotten something important and would be judged for it.
      In my predawn terror, I was starting to realize that my perfectionism wasn’t just about maintaining my own high standards. It was coming from a place of deep, deep fear. 
      What if someone judged me in the morning or found my work lacking? That would be awful. Maybe I would never recover from the embarrassment. So I played it safe, never taking risks or exploring outside my narrow comfort zone. 
      Over time, though, that zone actually became a lot less comfortable. I was scrambling every day to live up to others’ expectations, afraid to use my own voice. And you know what the worst part was? Nobody whose opinion I valued had ever judged me. The expectations I imagined others had for me were just that — imaginary. 
      That’s when I realized that, as scary as it might sound, living in the real world as the flawed human I was (and very, very much continue to be!) was the only way I could learn and develop my skills and confidence. I was learning what experts already know: Perfectionism can be the very thing that holds us back from being the best version of ourselves. 
      Need more reasons to ditch that perfectionist streak once and for all? Try thinking about what it doesn’t do for you. 

      1. It doesn’t raise your game
      First, those high standards we hold ourselves to? They don’t have to disappear. Striving for excellence and being conscientious is something we should be proud of. But there’s a simple reason that perfection isn’t worth chasing. Our goals have to be achievable, and perfection just isn’t. 
      Take it from Dr. Brené Brown, the bestselling author who studies shame, vulnerability, and leadership. “What emerged for me in the data is that perfectionism is not about striving for excellence or healthy striving,” Brown told Oprah, according to HuffPost. “It’s… a way of thinking and feeling that says this: ‘If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment.’”
      If you’ve been hanging on to that perfectionist streak because you think letting go will lower your standards, breathe easy. It’s time to set new goals — ones that challenge you, inspire you, and leave you feeling proud of your progress.

      2. It doesn’t help you grow
      Consider adopting the mantra of entrepreneur and life coach Marie Forleo: “Go for progress, not perfection.” On her blog, Forleo admitted that she could easily polish her posts and other products all day. Like many of us, she wants her work to be as good as it can be.“However, perfectionism is an insidious trap that can grind your output to a halt and suffocate your soul — if you let it,” she wrote. 
      That’s because all that endless tweaking doesn’t give you space to grow. Put your best effort out there and be done with it until you’re ready to make real improvements, Forleo argued.
      “The goal is to always keep yourself in a growth-oriented mindset where you’re focused on learning and experimentation and getting better and just putting shiz out there,” she told viewers of her show, Marie TV. 
      Perfectionism is a defense mechanism that’s more about seeking external approval than it is about doing your own best work and learning and growing in the process. The latter tends to be more meaningful, so remind yourself from time to time that progress — not perfection — is the goal. 

      3. It doesn’t support your health
      If you brush off the rest of these reasons, listen to this one. Perfectionism does zero favors for your health.
      “Recent findings suggest that perfectionism is highly prevalent among children and adolescents, and perfectionism can be quite destructive in terms of its links with anxiety, depression, and suicide,” the summary of a 2014 report on perfectionism begins. 
      Other studies support those findings. They connect the dots between perfectionism and depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and more. If perfectionism is becoming more common, as studies suggest, more people are at risk.
      An increase in perfectionism doesn’t indicate that we’re all just getting better at everything, as BBC Future noted. It’s actually a bad thing.

      4. It doesn’t enrich your life and relationships
      Psychologists say there are a few types of perfectionists. Some — self-oriented perfectionists — may need to know that they’re working at their full potential all the time. They may be disproportionately bothered by making a mistake. They may even expect themselves to be consistently perfect. 
      Other-oriented perfectionists hold others to high standards, expecting the people around them to be perfect. They may not be able to delegate effectively, needing to retain control of work so that it meets their own standards. 
      Socially-prescribed perfectionists are fueled by pressure and others’ expectations of them — real or imagined. They may base their self-worth on whether they can meet those high standards, even if they’re not realistic.
      Each one may struggle with life and relationships in different ways. We are all on our own imperfect journey, like the one that’s described in one of my favorite childhood stories. In it, the Velveteen Rabbit and its friends are discussing the process of becoming Real and truly loved by a child. As they explain, it’s not a journey that has room for perfection — only for being authentic and unique. 
      “It takes a long time,” one toy explains to another. “That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
      Take it from Brown. She believes that in order to genuinely connect with others, we have to show them genuine versions of ourselves — struggles and all. The truth, she argued, is that we are naturally interested in people who are authentic, who are honest about their imperfect lives.
      “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield,” Brown noted in a CNN op-ed. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” More

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      Why You Don’t Need a Thanksgiving Detox (and What to Do Instead)

      by

      So the leftover turkey is in the fridge, the recycling bin is full of empty wine bottles, and you’re planning to be in sweatpants for the next 48 hours because pants that button sound implausible RN. Welcome to the day after Thanksgiving, otherwise known as the day of painful bloating, undeniable sluggishness, and mild (or extreme) regret. We’ve all fallen victim to exclaiming, “I can never eat again!” after Thanksgiving dinner, or feeling lethargic and regretful for days after.It’s no surprise that the Thanksgiving detox is a popular trend following the holiday (if you’ve never heard of it, Google to find hundreds of hits). Juice cleanses boom, workout classes skyrocket, and guilt-ridden dieters download MyFitnessPal and eat salad for lunch as a means to atone for their sins. But no matter what you eat on Thanksgiving (or how much of it), a Thanksgiving detox is unnecessary (and might even be damaging). Read on for reasons you don’t need to cleanse or detox after overeating that turkey, and six things you should do instead if you are feeling uncomfortably full and sluggish the next day. 

      The body repairs itself
      No matter how many calories you gorged or how many slices of pumpkin pie you gobbled down, the body will process everything you ate within 24-72 hours. Everything from the saliva in the mouth to the enzymes in the stomach is meant to digest food, get the nourishment it needs from that food, and then get rid of excess through waste. Gross, but true! Yes, this is anatomy 101, but it’s important to keep in mind that the body is built to repair itself. Your body will digest all that sweet potato casserole and snickerdoodles on its own, whether or not you try to help it the next day. Likewise, you don’t need juice cleanses to “flush out toxins;” it’s the liver and intestine’s job to detoxify the body, so they’ve got you covered. Bottom line: the body is meant to repair itself, and it doesn’t need cleanses or detoxes to get the job done. 

      Source: @celebratingsweets

      A healthy diet should include indulgences
      Maybe your idea of a healthy diet is specific macronutrient percentages, or maybe it’s more about what you’re not eating (no sugar, no gluten, no refined carbs, etc.). There’s a lot of confusion, uncertainty, and debate about what a “healthy diet” really means. In reality, a healthy diet looks different to every single person; it’s whatever honors what your body needs (including foods that you love), and it’s about making intuitive choices with whatever is available. Enjoying cornbread or pecan pie does not mean you “broke” a healthy diet; it simply means your healthy diet includes foods that feed your soul and honors special occasions. 

      Nutrition is more than just what’s on your plate
      If you think your body needs a detox to help it get back to “healthy” after one meal, know that health is not just about the foods we eat. Yes, fruits and vegetables nourish the body, but so do the people we spend our time with, the music we listen to, and what we see when we scroll through Instagram. Leafy greens and lean proteins are important, but how we spend our time and who we’re around feeds us too. If you’re not also focused on the ways you’re being nourished besides the food on your plate, you’re missing key pieces of the puzzle. Keep your stress levels down, regularly indulge in activities you love, and surround yourself with people who make you happy, and your body will respond accordingly. 

      Source: @noelledowning

      1. Listen to your body during the meal
      Instead of a free-for-all come Thanksgiving at 4pm that you’ll regret the next day, why not just keep up healthy habits and listen to your body? Before eating, check in with yourself to identify what your body really wants and needs. Maybe you’re not hungry, but you would enjoy every bite of a slice of pumpkin pie because it’s your favorite holiday dessert, or maybe you realize your digestion is feeling off and you haven’t had enough veggies with your meal. Notice when you start feeling satisfied and are no longer enjoying each bite to know when to stop, rather than mindlessly eating until you’re uncomfortably stuffed. Aim for a balance of favorite holiday foods and nutrients that will make your body feel good, and stop eating when you’re satisfied.

      2. Drink a lot of water
      Water seems to be the cure-all for everything, and with good reason. Staying hydrated can improve energy levels, relieve digestive discomfort like constipation, and overall help you feel your best. Especially if you’re feeling hungover (whether it’s a food hangover or a real hangover), drink lots of water to ensure your body stays hydrated so that it can do all that repairing it’s meant to do. If you want to be #extra like me, I always start the morning with warm lemon water and a little ginger whenever I eat a lot the night before and my digestive system feels off. I swear that simple hack makes my body feel 100 percent better. If it’s hard for you to remember to drink water (or you’re an overachiever and want an additional challenge), try an herbal tea like peppermint, which can ease indigestion or painful bloating. 

      Source: @kayla_seah

      3. Stretch and (gently) move the body
      Please do not attempt a two-hour HIIT class first thing Friday morning as a means to “erase” or “make up for” what you ate the night before. First of all, that’s not how the body works, but also it’s unnecessary. Go on a jog or work out if it makes you feel better and your body is craving movement. But if you’re feeling sluggish and lethargic like the rest of us after Thanksgiving, try going on a walk and doing some stretches to relax the body. Movement, no matter how low-impact, can boost energy, motivation, and mental health, which is especially important if you’re feeling that post-feast food guilt. 

      4. Add in extra veggies 
      A “detox” or “cleanse” implies that you’re subtracting and streamlining your diet. Instead, you should really be thinking about how to add more nutrients to give your body what it needs to get energy and help with digestion. Vegetables are loaded with good-for-the-gut fiber and immune-boosting antioxidants that help your body stay healthy. No matter what you feel like eating for the next few days, focus on incorporating even more veggies with each meal. Have a side salad or add spinach to your omelet, get all the steamed veggie sides when ordering out, and try a green juice or veggie-packed smoothie for an afternoon snack as an added boost. 

      Source: @kateogata

      5. Take a nap
      The ultimate lazy-girl activity is healthy and a great way to help your body recover from Thanksgiving indulgences. As another example of the body repairing itself and DIY detoxing, sleep is a crucial time where the brain can cleanse itself (according to a 2013 study). A 2019 study agreed that sleep may be the key to detoxing our brains, AKA the best thing that happened to the day after Thanksgiving since the leftover turkey sandwich was invented. So if you’re feeling lethargic and don’t want to get off the couch all day, don’t force yourself to work out or be productive. Give the body time to restore and repair by getting a full 7-9 hours of sleep at night and taking a nap if your body is feeling tired during the day.

      6. Indulge in some self-care
      Whether the way you best care for yourself looks more like 20 minutes of meditation, dry brushing before a steaming hot shower, or approximately five different face masks, spend some extra time making yourself feel pampered and cared for the day after Thanksgiving. Not only will a little extra TLC help you feel physically better from that food coma, but it can help ease the stress from any food guilt. Remember that stress and guilt after eating are worse for your body than pumpkin pie or green bean casserole could ever be, so prioritize self-love if you’re feeling the regret kick in. Try taking a bath, reading a book that makes you happy, DIYing a spa day, or staring in the mirror and giving compliments to remind yourself that one meal (or any meal) doesn’t change how worthy you are. Detox your thoughts; your body’s already got you covered.
       
      How will you care for yourself during the holidays? What do you think of the Thanksgiving detox? More

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      The 5 Healthy Habits I Strive for When I’m Feeling Unmotivated

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      Some days, I feel like a complete rockstar. I get up early, do my morning skincare routine, stay on top of my hydration game throughout the day, hit the gym, and shower. I fly through my to-do list, jump at opportunities to help coworkers, and create new tasks for myself. I feel social, I reach out to friends to see how they’re doing, and I am active in my family group chat.Other days, I feel like the human equivalent of a stale piece of bread. 
      It’s 100 percent normal to have good days and bad days. Those of you who have more good days than bad, I envy you! For me, especially this year, having a heavy amount of rough, unmotivated days has been more prominent. I’ve been trying really hard not to get too down on myself. Living alone and working from home has taken quite a toll on my mental health and, while I do my best to put my best foot forward (yay therapy! yay reaching out to friends! yay journaling!), some days I just straight up feel like garbage.
      Years ago, there was a darker time in my life where, on my days off from my job as a nurse, I literally wouldn’t get out of bed. If you’ve ever had one of those days… you already know. Feeling too anxious or depressed to get out of bed on top of feeling guilty for not being as motivated as you’re used to being is a vicious cycle and it can be tough to get out of. After too many days of feeling like an absolute blob, I made a not-feeling-so-great action plan to help me rebuild my confidence and to stay present on the days where I’m just not feeling it. Here are the five non-negotiable healthy habits that I prioritize on my most unmotivated days:

      1. Stay hydrated
      After I emerge from my nighttime slumber, I always, always, always rehydrate. Lately, I’ve been reaching for a big mason jar of hot lemon water to help me hydrate, improve digestion, and supplement some vitamin C. Drinking any kind of water is one of the easiest things you can do for your health and sets the tone for a better day. Trust me, being a dehydrated raisin withering away in bed is just not the move!

      2. Make a realistic to-do list
      I’m not talking about a list of “20 things that need to be done today.” Even on my most productive days, the likelihood that I fully complete a to-do list is rare, so I’m not trying to set myself up for failure. I’ll jot down multiple things that “need to be done at some point,” then, I’ll filter out my top three. Those three things must be done by the end of the day and I start with the least taxing first to help me ease in and to help me build my confidence. Checking something off of my to-do list always gets me going.

      3. Move my body
      I actually love working out once I get going but, like a lot of people, getting there can be the hardest part. When I’m feeling motivated and have time to spare, I could easily hit the gym for two hours to do cardio and lift which is a huge feat to tackle on days where I’m feeling low. On “blah” days, I still make sure I move my body to improve circulation, work on my mobility, and pump up my endorphins. I’m not talking anything crazy. I’ll either go on a walk if the weather is nice or I’ll pull out my yoga mat to either stretch or do a few yoga flows. 

      4. Tidy up my living space
      When I’m not feeling so hot, the last thing I want to do is fold laundry, do dishes, or round up the water cups that have been accumulating around my apartment. But this year, I’ve gotten in the habit of cleaning up as I go, no matter what (I know, groundbreaking). My grandmother was right: It has made the day-to-day cleanup more manageable. For me, there’s nothing less inspiring or more anxiety-inducing than being surrounded by clutter and having the constant visual reminder that my life is an absolute mess.

      5. Laugh
      They say that laughter is the best medicine and, honestly, I am “they.” Besides the known scientific benefits of laughing, I have found it to be one of the best ways to help me feel like myself again. Whether I find laughter in FaceTiming a friend, rewatching my favorite episode of The Office, putting on a stand-up comedy, or reading a humorous book, it is my daily challenge to find it—no joke. More

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      5 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine

      by

      You already know that self-care should never be an afterthought (it is one of the biggest buzzwords, after all). But a modern lifestyle, busy work life, and an apocalyptic-level year (is it 2021 yet??) might have made it difficult to prioritize yourself (or make you feel guilty when you do). However, self-care is the most important insurance that you show up as your best self in every area of your life, and therefore, self-care should be completely restorative. Think about it: it’s not really caring for yourself if it doesn’t make you happier, calmer, and less stressed (looking at you, stinging face mask and overpacked workout routine!). Because the holidays are coming, stay-at-home orders are still going strong, and stress levels are through the roof, it’s time we take a look at our self-care routines and incorporate some much-needed upgrades. Here are five easy ways to update your self-care routine to ensure you’re caring for yourself in the best way possible:

      Source: @equilibriawomen

      1. Use CBD to de-stress
      TBH, I thought I mastered the self-care game until I found Equilibria’s CBD. The trendy wellness ingredient started popping up in everything from makeup to dog products a couple of years ago, but it’s stayed around for good reason (even my doctor recommended it for anxiety and stress relief). Whether self-care looks like a CBD bath in the evenings, indulging in self-massage with CBD Relief Cream to relieve aches and pains, or taking Daily Drops to feel more calm and less tension throughout your day (yes, even the busiest workdays), there’s a CBD product for your self-care routine. Pro tip: pretty much everyone on our team swears that they have the best sleep of their lives after using CBD products. And what better way to care for yourself than a good night’s rest?

      Equilibria
      Daily Drops

      use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Equilibria
      Relief Cream

      use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Source: @josie.santi

      2. Schedule self-care in your calendar
      When our schedules get busy, self-care is often the first thing to go since it can be put off “until tomorrow,” and the only person we’re breaking plans with is ourselves. But self-care is not selfish, nor should it be negotiable. Self-care is crucial for not only your health and wellbeing (which should be #1 anyway), but it allows you to show up as your best self in the other areas of your life, whether it’s work or tending to relationships.
      Think of it like charging an iPhone: self-care recharges your battery so that you can be energetic and motivated at work, kind and caring in your relationships, and overall show up as your best self. It’s the necessary ingredient for success in every area of your life, so treat it as such. To make sure you’re consistently prioritizing yourself, schedule self-care like workouts, baths, or downtime to read and relax into your calendar. Honor those time slots like you would any other meeting or appointment.

      Source: @bookofthemonth

      3. Read a book that makes you better
      The point of self-care is to invest time, energy, and money into yourself. Instead of spending all of your downtime bingeing another Netflix series (although there is always time for that), take some time before bed or first thing in the morning to read a book that betters you. Whether it’s a self-help book, a career advice memoir, or inspirational essays, choose to consume material that makes you happier, smarter, or healthier. Not only can a good book impact your life, but spending downtime doing something good for you will increase your confidence and can even snowball into changes in all areas of your life. Now that’s self-care. 

      Source: @ceceolisa

      4. Make sure “self-care” means “self-love”
      “Self-care” is such a buzz-worthy term in 2020 that we give it a clear definition of face masks, bubble baths, and a glass of wine or a yoga flow (whatever floats your boat). However, the root of self-care should not be wellness trends; it should be self-love. In reality, self-care does not have an exact definition; it’s anything and everything that makes you feel recharged, replenished, and cared for. If you’re not sure what that is for you, take some time getting to know yourself: think about what you believe in, what you value, and what restores you. Anything you do for the sake of self-care should be to improve the relationship you have with yourself, so saying “no” when you mean “no,” being true to who you are, and forgiving yourself are some of the most radical acts of self-care you could ever practice.

      Source: @jessannkirby

      5. Take care of your home environment
      So it’s the millionth day of staying at home: dishes are piling up in the sink, the junk drawer has gone rogue, and forget about making the bed every morning. Especially if you’re in a studio apartment like me, you might have given up all hope for keeping up with the space that you use to work, exercise, sleep, and relax in (guilty!). However, your home environment is more important for your wellbeing than you may realize. Clutter in the space translates into clutter in the mind, while a peaceful environment can impact everything from sleep quality to stress levels. If you’re looking for where to start with self-care, try starting with your home. Declutter, upgrade bedding, and add in cozy accents. Turning your home into an oasis is not only a matter of decor, but an act of self-care.

      This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      How to Get Through the Holiday Season Loneliness When You Can’t See Your Family

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      The holidays will be different this year, and this is a fact I am still processing. The holidays are my favorite time of year, and I know COVID-19 is real. But it is still strange to have to choose isolation during such a special time of year because of a global pandemic. I have personally been feeling the emotional effects of COVID-19 isolation since I am nearly 3,000 miles away from my hometown and family. It wasn’t until September that I started to feel a significant emotional shift. Since I have opted not to go home for Thanksgiving this year (this will be my first Thanksgiving away from home) due to taking COVID-19 safety precautions, I am truthfully feeling a double whammy of sadness. However, I know staying put is the safest choice for my family and me. I thought breaking the news to my parents would be difficult, but they beat me to it—sharing their concern about risking exposure to fly home.It’s safe to assume that I am not the only person who will be spending the holidays alone this year. With that in mind, I reached out to Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the Personology podcast; and Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, a licensed therapist and the medical director of behavioral health at Doctor On Demand, to seek out their guidance on how to cope with loneliness this holiday season. 

      Know that it’s normal to feel more lonely during the holidays
      Feeling lonely or melancholy during this time of the year isn’t abnormal. So if you find yourself feeling less enthusiastic as the holidays grow near, Dr. Benders-Hadi said these feelings aren’t uncommon. “Many people feel more lonely during the holidays since this time of year may bring back memories of time spent with family members they have lost, or feelings of sadness around the status of relationships they have with family or friends,” she told The Everygirl. “There is so much pressure to get into the holiday spirit that if you are not feeling joyous, this time of year can be very difficult.” Since we aren’t alone in having these feelings during the holidays, how do we navigate them? Our experts have a few tips. 

      Connect virtually
      Both experts agree that virtual connections can be beneficial. “Virtual connections can absolutely create a positive sense of community,” Benders-Hadi said. “Similar to how many individuals find it easier to connect to healthcare professionals from the comfort of their own home, the same rings true for developing new friendships and connections. When connecting virtually, the reach of your community is also so much more widespread across the nation and even the world, so you have the ability to learn and experience things you may never have had the opportunity to otherwise.”
      While virtual connections offer an opportunity to open up your world, Saltz said, don’t be afraid to connect one on one. “You need to pump up the emotional content of the conversation when it’s virtual,” she explained. “Be kinder, express more positive feelings, and listen to them more.”

      Source: West Elm

      Fill your time with a new hobby, but don’t isolate
      When we went into quarantine, I was the new hobby queen until I got fatigued. After talking with my therapist, I soon realized that those activities made me feel busy, but still left me feeling alone. If you’re going to pick up a new hobby, bring those you love in on it. “It’s actually more helpful to reach out to others and try to have more intimate, valuable conversations with them,” Saltz said. “That will make you feel better than a solo activity.”
      If you’re unable to go home for the holidays, try booking an online cooking experience with Airbnb (I love them) or schedule a time with a group of your family members to learn a sacred holiday recipe like sweet potato pie or mac and cheese. This way, you’re still a part of your family traditions, but now in a new way.

      Be supportive of others
      Everyone will be dealing with something different this holiday season, including loss. If you don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, our mental health experts have sound advice. “If you know someone coping with the loss of a loved one this holiday season, reach out to let them know you care,” Benders-Hadi advised. “It can be easy to get caught up in negative thinking and grief around this time of the year, so showing that person you are thinking of them can go a long way. A simple phone call or a small gesture are great ways to display kindness to someone struggling.” Saltz added that normalizing a loved one’s grief is also important. “[Express] that you understand it is sad, rather than saying things like, ‘Don’t be sad.’ Reminisce with them of happy times with that lost one, be supportive, and be present.”

      Plan moments to look forward to
      COVID-19 has changed how we live and plan to spend time with our family and friends, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun reminiscing about old times while being hopeful about the future. “If you can’t be with those you love this holiday season, get together on a video call and share a laugh or some memories from afar. You can even start making plans for what you will do when you can see each other again. Having something to look forward to can help ease stress in these uncertain times, even if you have to do so with flexible travel dates,” said Benders-Hadi.  

      I hate to say this is the “new normal” because, let’s face it, none of what we’re experiencing right now is normal. But, I hope one (or all) of these expert tips helps remind you, you aren’t alone.  More

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      15 Books to Read if You Need a Mental Health Boost

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      Some days we feel scared, some days we feel sad, some days we feel stressed, and some days we just feel blah. Luckily for us (and 2020), the best cure for a bad day is a good book (and maybe a tub of ice cream?). Whether you’re looking for an escape, some tangible advice, or major inspiration, there’s a book out there that can help boost your mood, reduce stress, and make you feel motivated. Forget laughter–these 15 books truly are the best medicine when you need a mental health boost (and some will make you laugh too). Add to cart or your Kindle cue now if you’re going through a tough time, to have ready for rainy days, or to gift to a friend that could use some extra inspiration. 

      Oprah Winfrey
      The Wisdom of Sundays: Life-Changing Insights from Super Soul Conversations

      So you need a little pick-me-up? The obvious answer: Oprah. Always. The very best “aha” moments from “Super Soul Sunday” are compiled into this deeply encouraging collection of interviews between Oprah and some of the world’s most inspiring leaders. If you’ve been lacking purpose, motivation, or feel lost, this is the book for you.

      John P. Forsyth PhD and Georg H. Eifert PhD
      Anxiety Happens: 52 Ways to Find Peace of Mind

      If you feel like anxiety is taking over your life (who doesn’t in 2020?), this quick reference guide offers one simple tool or strategy for every single week of the year, so you can work to less stress and anxiety, one step at a time. There’s also some in-the-moment tips to stay calm when you’re having a particularly stressful workday or in an anxious state. By 2022, you could be totally stress-free!

      Lalah Delia
      Vibrate Higher Daily: Live Your Power

      Looking for inspiration to tap into your inner power and become your best self? Instagram superstar, Lalah Deliah, put her self-help wisdom into this comprehensive book that teaches we have control over situations and our emotions. “Vibrating Higher Daily” helps you make intentional day-to-day choices that lift you out of mindsets, habits, and lifestyles that don’t serve you, and into ones that do.

      Gretchen Rubin
      The Happiness Project

      Gretchen Rubin set out on an entire year dedicated to happiness. The result? One of the most helpful and life-changing works of positive psychology that teaches us how to actually be happy. I love “The Happiness Project” because it combines personal anecdotes, scientific research, and wisdom from the past to help us not only achieve happiness, but re-examine what we all want out of life.

      Gabrielle Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest Dreams

      Filled with tangible tools like the “Choose Again Method” for reframing negative and boosting your mood, “Super Attractor” is a more spiritual approach to a mental health pick-me-up, with essential tips to live in alignment with the universe to create the life that you want.

      Elaine Welteroth
      More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)

      If you love memoirs, “More Than Enough” is the memoir that will simultaneously entertain you and boost your confidence, happiness, and purpose. Welteroth unpacks lessons on race, identity, and success through her own journey, while offering advice to readers who need a reminder that they’re f*cking awesome.

      Good Vibes, Good Life

      You may have heard of Vex King from his killer Instagram posts that regularly go viral from their profound advice and relatable inspiration. His book is just as good as his Instagram, only with a little more detail. “Good Vibes, Good Life” draws from his personal experience and intuitive wisdom to help you practice self-care, cultivate positive habits, manifest your goals using tried-and-true techniques, overcome fear, and find a higher purpose to be a shining light for others. It’s like Oprah’s book club for millennials.

      Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
      The Book of Joy

      Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama have faced major hardships, yet continue to radiate love, compassion, and even humor despite what they’ve been through. The two inspirational icons dive into the topic of joy: how do you find it in the face of suffering, and when you do find it, how do you keep it? Read if you’re looking for some serious inspiration or need a little extra joy during a very hard time.

      Michael A. Singer
      The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself

      The perfect combination of psychology and spirituality, “The Untethered Soul” delves into what we can do to free ourselves from the habitual thoughts, emotions, and energy patterns that limit our consciousness and hold us back. By the end of the book, you’ll not only understand yourself better than you ever have, but you’ll feel in control of your emotions (yes, even stress, anxiety, and worry).

      Carissa Potter
      It’s OK To Feel Things Deeply

      If self-help books aren’t really your style and you need some real-time support, this cheeky (but helpful!) book is the perfect option. With practical tips, genuine empathy, helpful honesty, adorable illustrations, and relatable humor, it’s full of support when you need a little extra love. It also makes a great gift for a friend going through a tough time.

      Elizabeth Gilbert
      Eat, Pray, Love

      Even if you haven’t read this modern classic yet, you’ve probably seen the blockbuster hit with Julia Roberts that made you want to move to Bali and eat pasta (simultaneously). This memoir is always a go-to read for me when I’m feeling stuck or complacent. Especially in 2020 when we’re literally stuck, it not only offers an escape, but there’s something about a realistic happy ending that makes me feel hopeful, even when I’m feeling lost.

      Marianne Williamson
      A Return to Love

      Maybe it sounds cheesy, but the key to happiness, stress reduction, and a constant good mood? Williamson makes the case that the answer is love. She shows us how love is a potent force, the key to inner peace, and how, by practicing love for other people, we can make our own lives more fulfilling. This is one of those books that changes you, so get ready for a life-altering read.

      Jenny Lawson
      You Are Here: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds

      A combination of inspiration, therapy, coloring, humor, and advice, this book is filled with intricate illustrations and life advice on how to cope. The writing is both humorous and incredibly honest, so “You Are Here” will be a tool to help you deal with tough life situations in a confident, creative, and happier way. Read if art is therapeutic to you.

      Shonda Rhimes
      Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

      Yes, THAT Shonda Rhimes: the creator of “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Scandal,” and basically all of our other favorite shows. In this inspiring book, Rhimes opens up about the year she decided to say “yes” to everything. Spoiler alert: the results are life-changing. Read if work is bringing you down or you’re not sure what you’re meant to do with your life.

      What’s your go-to book to read when you need a pick-me-up? More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Stressed? Try These 10 Simple Things

      by

      In 2020, it seems like the #1 factor we all have in common is stress. Especially as women, we’re always doing it all (whatever “it all” means): making time for loved ones, working full-time jobs, creating side hustles, and helping those in need while we’re at it. Throw in a terrifying election, global pandemic, and the upcoming holiday season, and chronic stress feels more like normalcy.Even though mandatory isolation might have made you feel otherwise, you are not alone. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or utilizing online resources (some of our favorites are Talkspace, BetterHelp, and Therapy for Black Girls), you can take action to lower stress levels. In the meantime, here are 10 simple ways you can feel OK right now, even if nothing else does.

      1. Be mindful about your mornings
      Waking up in itself is a stressful experience. Even if you don’t have the snooze-twice-while-getting-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn routine and actually wake up well-rested, our minds go straight to all the things we need to accomplish that day. Put off the mental to-do lists with a stress-relieving morning routine as a non-negotiable way to start your day. Don’t check your phone or email until you’ve gone through a skincare routine, meditation, gratitude journaling, or at least brewing a cup of coffee, and fill the 30 minutes after you wake up with rituals and routines that you’ll look forward to.
      If you don’t have the time or luxury to fit in 30 minutes of you-time (because of an early start-time or kids that wake you up), even just spending one minute lying in bed and telling yourself it’s going to be a good day can help. Bottom line: be mindful about your mornings, and the rest of the day will feel more manageable as well. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      2. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks in your day
      Even if you feel energized, calm, and motivated until that afternoon slump, we often don’t realize the stress that accumulates starting first thing the morning. To keep stress from building up, schedule one-minute breaks throughout the day. Whether it’s on the hour, every 20 minutes, or after each important task you complete on your to-do list, just taking 60 seconds to close your eyes and take deep breaths can be enough to let go of the stress and tension that piles up throughout your day. Better yet, visualize the stress leaving your body, relax your shoulders (and other tension areas), or repeat a mantra while taking your one-minute break.  

      3. Light a candle
      That’s right: your stock of pumpkin spice candles is not only good for girls’ nights in. Diffusing essential oils or burning a candle will invigorate your senses, and anything that sparks your senses can help keep your mind more grounded and connected to your body. Plus, according to aromatherapy, scents like rosemary, lavender, peppermint, ylang-ylang, and lemon can help with stress relief, so look for one of these scents in essential oil form to diffuse or smell from the bottle for instant relaxation, or find candles with notes of lavender or peppermint to light throughout the day. 

      Source: @citychicdecor

      4. Make a list of the top 10 sources of stress
      Many people avoid facing their stress, or sweep it under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause high-stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. Spend a few minutes identifying and writing down the top 10 sources of stress in your life. Once you know where your stress is coming from, you’ll be able to find solutions. You can even go so far as to take your #1 stressor and come up with five things you can do right now that can minimize it (and then do them). If you find that some of your stressors aren’t solvable, you can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Even accepting life circumstances as they are can help ease stress, even if you cannot necessarily fix them. 

      5. Take a walk
      Being active and exercising has been shown to significantly reduce stress, and the easiest way to be more active throughout the day is to go on more walks. Looks like your Fitbit was onto something: getting in your steps has many physical and mental health benefits. Plus, it’s not only good for your stress levels, but it’s enjoyable and easy to fit into a busy schedule (so another thing on your to-do list won’t cause you more stress). Whether you schedule a walk on your lunch break or walk around the block whenever you start to feel stress levels rise, cue up a podcast, grab a warm jacket, and get outside for an instant stress-reliever. 

      6. Drink less coffee (or switch to decaf)
      Your morning cup of coffee might be a non-negotiable for feeling like a normal human before 9am, or an afternoon latte might help you push through that slump, but bad news: it might also be affecting your stress. Everyone has varying thresholds for how much caffeine they can tolerate, so while coffee is beneficial for some people,  it can increase stress and anxiety for others by stimulating the fight-or-flight hormone associated with increased energy. If you notice that caffeine makes you jittery or anxious, consider cutting back or sticking with decaf. If you’re not sure because coffee is such a daily ritual, try going a day or two without any caffeine to see if you notice any difference in stress levels. 

      Source: @demidiamandis

      7. Meditation
      I feel like the word “meditation” is so overused in the wellness space that it has become the all-encompassing go-to for any ailment or wellness woe. But just because you may hear about it everywhere doesn’t mean you should disregard it. Deepak Chopra, MD often talks about “equanimity,” or the ability to stay calm in chaos. It’s basically a fancy way of saying stress levels stay low, even when the exterior factors are stressful (like a busy work week, terrifying election, or a global pandemic).
      The goal of meditation is, in fact, to find peace, even in stressful situations. Just because a lot is going on externally does not mean it has to affect our internal state. Meditation gives us the tools to do this because it helps us act with intention, rather than impulse. Whether it’s in the morning, at night, or during the day, start up a meditation practice so stressful situations don’t affect your personal stress. 

      8. Say “no” when you mean “no”
      Sure, not all stressors are under your control, but many are. Reassess where you’re dealing with avoidable stressors. For example, have you helped a coworker finish their project and are therefore pushed on time to complete your to-do list? Good for you for being a selfless employee, but you’re not helping the company if you’re spreading yourself too thin. Tell the coworker what time works best for you, rather than dropping everything for the time that works for them, or say you’re pressed for time and suggest another coworker or intern that would have more time. That also goes for babysitting your neighbor’s cat while they’re away or making plans with friends when you really want a night at home. Learn to say “no” when you mean “no,” and cut out unnecessary tasks from your to-do list.

      Source: @taylranne

      9. At bedtime, think of all the things that went right that day
      Our minds are good at focusing on what we didn’t accomplish, what went wrong during the day, or what we have to get done tomorrow. While that’s great for keeping your work schedule organized, it’s awful for stress and anxiety (and often prevents us from getting a good night’s sleep). Counteract the thought process that most of us have before bed by making a mental list of all the things that went right that day. Maybe you accomplished a difficult task, finally finished the project that’s been taking you forever, or got a compliment from your boss. Or maybe you just got through the day, and that’s an accomplishment enough. Bottom line, take time before you fall asleep to make a mental list of all the things that went right that day, rather than focusing on what went wrong or what you have to do tomorrow. 

      10. Take physical action
      We’re about to get technical here: the “Cognitive-Behavioral Triangle” is a very easy-to-understand diagram, with thoughts, emotions, and behavior at each of the points. The diagram demonstrates that each point of the triangle connects to all the other points (you took elementary geometry, right?). How we think affects how we feel and what we do, but this pattern can work in reverse too. That means that certain actions will affect thoughts and feelings.
      Breathing techniques or relaxing the shoulders are physical actions that signal to the brain that everything is fine. Sometimes, the mind can be hard to control (when I’m really stressed, I cannot always reason myself out of it), but one point of the triangle will affect the others. If you find your stress is hard to control or reason out of, start with physical actions. Try breathing techniques, improving your posture, exercise, or yoga poses. 

      What simple things do you go-to when you’re stressed? More