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      5 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine

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      You already know that self-care should never be an afterthought (it is one of the biggest buzzwords, after all). But a modern lifestyle, busy work life, and an apocalyptic-level year (is it 2021 yet??) might have made it difficult to prioritize yourself (or make you feel guilty when you do). However, self-care is the most important insurance that you show up as your best self in every area of your life, and therefore, self-care should be completely restorative. Think about it: it’s not really caring for yourself if it doesn’t make you happier, calmer, and less stressed (looking at you, stinging face mask and overpacked workout routine!). Because the holidays are coming, stay-at-home orders are still going strong, and stress levels are through the roof, it’s time we take a look at our self-care routines and incorporate some much-needed upgrades. Here are five easy ways to update your self-care routine to ensure you’re caring for yourself in the best way possible:

      Source: @equilibriawomen

      1. Use CBD to de-stress
      TBH, I thought I mastered the self-care game until I found Equilibria’s CBD. The trendy wellness ingredient started popping up in everything from makeup to dog products a couple of years ago, but it’s stayed around for good reason (even my doctor recommended it for anxiety and stress relief). Whether self-care looks like a CBD bath in the evenings, indulging in self-massage with CBD Relief Cream to relieve aches and pains, or taking Daily Drops to feel more calm and less tension throughout your day (yes, even the busiest workdays), there’s a CBD product for your self-care routine. Pro tip: pretty much everyone on our team swears that they have the best sleep of their lives after using CBD products. And what better way to care for yourself than a good night’s rest?

      Equilibria
      Daily Drops

      use code “theeverygirl” for 20% off your first order!

      Equilibria
      Relief Cream

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      Source: @josie.santi

      2. Schedule self-care in your calendar
      When our schedules get busy, self-care is often the first thing to go since it can be put off “until tomorrow,” and the only person we’re breaking plans with is ourselves. But self-care is not selfish, nor should it be negotiable. Self-care is crucial for not only your health and wellbeing (which should be #1 anyway), but it allows you to show up as your best self in the other areas of your life, whether it’s work or tending to relationships.
      Think of it like charging an iPhone: self-care recharges your battery so that you can be energetic and motivated at work, kind and caring in your relationships, and overall show up as your best self. It’s the necessary ingredient for success in every area of your life, so treat it as such. To make sure you’re consistently prioritizing yourself, schedule self-care like workouts, baths, or downtime to read and relax into your calendar. Honor those time slots like you would any other meeting or appointment.

      Source: @bookofthemonth

      3. Read a book that makes you better
      The point of self-care is to invest time, energy, and money into yourself. Instead of spending all of your downtime bingeing another Netflix series (although there is always time for that), take some time before bed or first thing in the morning to read a book that betters you. Whether it’s a self-help book, a career advice memoir, or inspirational essays, choose to consume material that makes you happier, smarter, or healthier. Not only can a good book impact your life, but spending downtime doing something good for you will increase your confidence and can even snowball into changes in all areas of your life. Now that’s self-care. 

      Source: @ceceolisa

      4. Make sure “self-care” means “self-love”
      “Self-care” is such a buzz-worthy term in 2020 that we give it a clear definition of face masks, bubble baths, and a glass of wine or a yoga flow (whatever floats your boat). However, the root of self-care should not be wellness trends; it should be self-love. In reality, self-care does not have an exact definition; it’s anything and everything that makes you feel recharged, replenished, and cared for. If you’re not sure what that is for you, take some time getting to know yourself: think about what you believe in, what you value, and what restores you. Anything you do for the sake of self-care should be to improve the relationship you have with yourself, so saying “no” when you mean “no,” being true to who you are, and forgiving yourself are some of the most radical acts of self-care you could ever practice.

      Source: @jessannkirby

      5. Take care of your home environment
      So it’s the millionth day of staying at home: dishes are piling up in the sink, the junk drawer has gone rogue, and forget about making the bed every morning. Especially if you’re in a studio apartment like me, you might have given up all hope for keeping up with the space that you use to work, exercise, sleep, and relax in (guilty!). However, your home environment is more important for your wellbeing than you may realize. Clutter in the space translates into clutter in the mind, while a peaceful environment can impact everything from sleep quality to stress levels. If you’re looking for where to start with self-care, try starting with your home. Declutter, upgrade bedding, and add in cozy accents. Turning your home into an oasis is not only a matter of decor, but an act of self-care.

      This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Equilibria, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      How to Get Through the Holiday Season Loneliness When You Can’t See Your Family

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      The holidays will be different this year, and this is a fact I am still processing. The holidays are my favorite time of year, and I know COVID-19 is real. But it is still strange to have to choose isolation during such a special time of year because of a global pandemic. I have personally been feeling the emotional effects of COVID-19 isolation since I am nearly 3,000 miles away from my hometown and family. It wasn’t until September that I started to feel a significant emotional shift. Since I have opted not to go home for Thanksgiving this year (this will be my first Thanksgiving away from home) due to taking COVID-19 safety precautions, I am truthfully feeling a double whammy of sadness. However, I know staying put is the safest choice for my family and me. I thought breaking the news to my parents would be difficult, but they beat me to it—sharing their concern about risking exposure to fly home.It’s safe to assume that I am not the only person who will be spending the holidays alone this year. With that in mind, I reached out to Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the Personology podcast; and Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, a licensed therapist and the medical director of behavioral health at Doctor On Demand, to seek out their guidance on how to cope with loneliness this holiday season. 

      Know that it’s normal to feel more lonely during the holidays
      Feeling lonely or melancholy during this time of the year isn’t abnormal. So if you find yourself feeling less enthusiastic as the holidays grow near, Dr. Benders-Hadi said these feelings aren’t uncommon. “Many people feel more lonely during the holidays since this time of year may bring back memories of time spent with family members they have lost, or feelings of sadness around the status of relationships they have with family or friends,” she told The Everygirl. “There is so much pressure to get into the holiday spirit that if you are not feeling joyous, this time of year can be very difficult.” Since we aren’t alone in having these feelings during the holidays, how do we navigate them? Our experts have a few tips. 

      Connect virtually
      Both experts agree that virtual connections can be beneficial. “Virtual connections can absolutely create a positive sense of community,” Benders-Hadi said. “Similar to how many individuals find it easier to connect to healthcare professionals from the comfort of their own home, the same rings true for developing new friendships and connections. When connecting virtually, the reach of your community is also so much more widespread across the nation and even the world, so you have the ability to learn and experience things you may never have had the opportunity to otherwise.”
      While virtual connections offer an opportunity to open up your world, Saltz said, don’t be afraid to connect one on one. “You need to pump up the emotional content of the conversation when it’s virtual,” she explained. “Be kinder, express more positive feelings, and listen to them more.”

      Source: West Elm

      Fill your time with a new hobby, but don’t isolate
      When we went into quarantine, I was the new hobby queen until I got fatigued. After talking with my therapist, I soon realized that those activities made me feel busy, but still left me feeling alone. If you’re going to pick up a new hobby, bring those you love in on it. “It’s actually more helpful to reach out to others and try to have more intimate, valuable conversations with them,” Saltz said. “That will make you feel better than a solo activity.”
      If you’re unable to go home for the holidays, try booking an online cooking experience with Airbnb (I love them) or schedule a time with a group of your family members to learn a sacred holiday recipe like sweet potato pie or mac and cheese. This way, you’re still a part of your family traditions, but now in a new way.

      Be supportive of others
      Everyone will be dealing with something different this holiday season, including loss. If you don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, our mental health experts have sound advice. “If you know someone coping with the loss of a loved one this holiday season, reach out to let them know you care,” Benders-Hadi advised. “It can be easy to get caught up in negative thinking and grief around this time of the year, so showing that person you are thinking of them can go a long way. A simple phone call or a small gesture are great ways to display kindness to someone struggling.” Saltz added that normalizing a loved one’s grief is also important. “[Express] that you understand it is sad, rather than saying things like, ‘Don’t be sad.’ Reminisce with them of happy times with that lost one, be supportive, and be present.”

      Plan moments to look forward to
      COVID-19 has changed how we live and plan to spend time with our family and friends, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun reminiscing about old times while being hopeful about the future. “If you can’t be with those you love this holiday season, get together on a video call and share a laugh or some memories from afar. You can even start making plans for what you will do when you can see each other again. Having something to look forward to can help ease stress in these uncertain times, even if you have to do so with flexible travel dates,” said Benders-Hadi.  

      I hate to say this is the “new normal” because, let’s face it, none of what we’re experiencing right now is normal. But, I hope one (or all) of these expert tips helps remind you, you aren’t alone.  More

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      15 Books to Read if You Need a Mental Health Boost

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      Some days we feel scared, some days we feel sad, some days we feel stressed, and some days we just feel blah. Luckily for us (and 2020), the best cure for a bad day is a good book (and maybe a tub of ice cream?). Whether you’re looking for an escape, some tangible advice, or major inspiration, there’s a book out there that can help boost your mood, reduce stress, and make you feel motivated. Forget laughter–these 15 books truly are the best medicine when you need a mental health boost (and some will make you laugh too). Add to cart or your Kindle cue now if you’re going through a tough time, to have ready for rainy days, or to gift to a friend that could use some extra inspiration. 

      Oprah Winfrey
      The Wisdom of Sundays: Life-Changing Insights from Super Soul Conversations

      So you need a little pick-me-up? The obvious answer: Oprah. Always. The very best “aha” moments from “Super Soul Sunday” are compiled into this deeply encouraging collection of interviews between Oprah and some of the world’s most inspiring leaders. If you’ve been lacking purpose, motivation, or feel lost, this is the book for you.

      John P. Forsyth PhD and Georg H. Eifert PhD
      Anxiety Happens: 52 Ways to Find Peace of Mind

      If you feel like anxiety is taking over your life (who doesn’t in 2020?), this quick reference guide offers one simple tool or strategy for every single week of the year, so you can work to less stress and anxiety, one step at a time. There’s also some in-the-moment tips to stay calm when you’re having a particularly stressful workday or in an anxious state. By 2022, you could be totally stress-free!

      Lalah Delia
      Vibrate Higher Daily: Live Your Power

      Looking for inspiration to tap into your inner power and become your best self? Instagram superstar, Lalah Deliah, put her self-help wisdom into this comprehensive book that teaches we have control over situations and our emotions. “Vibrating Higher Daily” helps you make intentional day-to-day choices that lift you out of mindsets, habits, and lifestyles that don’t serve you, and into ones that do.

      Gretchen Rubin
      The Happiness Project

      Gretchen Rubin set out on an entire year dedicated to happiness. The result? One of the most helpful and life-changing works of positive psychology that teaches us how to actually be happy. I love “The Happiness Project” because it combines personal anecdotes, scientific research, and wisdom from the past to help us not only achieve happiness, but re-examine what we all want out of life.

      Gabrielle Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest Dreams

      Filled with tangible tools like the “Choose Again Method” for reframing negative and boosting your mood, “Super Attractor” is a more spiritual approach to a mental health pick-me-up, with essential tips to live in alignment with the universe to create the life that you want.

      Elaine Welteroth
      More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)

      If you love memoirs, “More Than Enough” is the memoir that will simultaneously entertain you and boost your confidence, happiness, and purpose. Welteroth unpacks lessons on race, identity, and success through her own journey, while offering advice to readers who need a reminder that they’re f*cking awesome.

      Good Vibes, Good Life

      You may have heard of Vex King from his killer Instagram posts that regularly go viral from their profound advice and relatable inspiration. His book is just as good as his Instagram, only with a little more detail. “Good Vibes, Good Life” draws from his personal experience and intuitive wisdom to help you practice self-care, cultivate positive habits, manifest your goals using tried-and-true techniques, overcome fear, and find a higher purpose to be a shining light for others. It’s like Oprah’s book club for millennials.

      Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
      The Book of Joy

      Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama have faced major hardships, yet continue to radiate love, compassion, and even humor despite what they’ve been through. The two inspirational icons dive into the topic of joy: how do you find it in the face of suffering, and when you do find it, how do you keep it? Read if you’re looking for some serious inspiration or need a little extra joy during a very hard time.

      Michael A. Singer
      The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself

      The perfect combination of psychology and spirituality, “The Untethered Soul” delves into what we can do to free ourselves from the habitual thoughts, emotions, and energy patterns that limit our consciousness and hold us back. By the end of the book, you’ll not only understand yourself better than you ever have, but you’ll feel in control of your emotions (yes, even stress, anxiety, and worry).

      Carissa Potter
      It’s OK To Feel Things Deeply

      If self-help books aren’t really your style and you need some real-time support, this cheeky (but helpful!) book is the perfect option. With practical tips, genuine empathy, helpful honesty, adorable illustrations, and relatable humor, it’s full of support when you need a little extra love. It also makes a great gift for a friend going through a tough time.

      Elizabeth Gilbert
      Eat, Pray, Love

      Even if you haven’t read this modern classic yet, you’ve probably seen the blockbuster hit with Julia Roberts that made you want to move to Bali and eat pasta (simultaneously). This memoir is always a go-to read for me when I’m feeling stuck or complacent. Especially in 2020 when we’re literally stuck, it not only offers an escape, but there’s something about a realistic happy ending that makes me feel hopeful, even when I’m feeling lost.

      Marianne Williamson
      A Return to Love

      Maybe it sounds cheesy, but the key to happiness, stress reduction, and a constant good mood? Williamson makes the case that the answer is love. She shows us how love is a potent force, the key to inner peace, and how, by practicing love for other people, we can make our own lives more fulfilling. This is one of those books that changes you, so get ready for a life-altering read.

      Jenny Lawson
      You Are Here: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds

      A combination of inspiration, therapy, coloring, humor, and advice, this book is filled with intricate illustrations and life advice on how to cope. The writing is both humorous and incredibly honest, so “You Are Here” will be a tool to help you deal with tough life situations in a confident, creative, and happier way. Read if art is therapeutic to you.

      Shonda Rhimes
      Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

      Yes, THAT Shonda Rhimes: the creator of “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Scandal,” and basically all of our other favorite shows. In this inspiring book, Rhimes opens up about the year she decided to say “yes” to everything. Spoiler alert: the results are life-changing. Read if work is bringing you down or you’re not sure what you’re meant to do with your life.

      What’s your go-to book to read when you need a pick-me-up? More

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      Stressed? Try These 10 Simple Things

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      In 2020, it seems like the #1 factor we all have in common is stress. Especially as women, we’re always doing it all (whatever “it all” means): making time for loved ones, working full-time jobs, creating side hustles, and helping those in need while we’re at it. Throw in a terrifying election, global pandemic, and the upcoming holiday season, and chronic stress feels more like normalcy.Even though mandatory isolation might have made you feel otherwise, you are not alone. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or utilizing online resources (some of our favorites are Talkspace, BetterHelp, and Therapy for Black Girls), you can take action to lower stress levels. In the meantime, here are 10 simple ways you can feel OK right now, even if nothing else does.

      1. Be mindful about your mornings
      Waking up in itself is a stressful experience. Even if you don’t have the snooze-twice-while-getting-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn routine and actually wake up well-rested, our minds go straight to all the things we need to accomplish that day. Put off the mental to-do lists with a stress-relieving morning routine as a non-negotiable way to start your day. Don’t check your phone or email until you’ve gone through a skincare routine, meditation, gratitude journaling, or at least brewing a cup of coffee, and fill the 30 minutes after you wake up with rituals and routines that you’ll look forward to.
      If you don’t have the time or luxury to fit in 30 minutes of you-time (because of an early start-time or kids that wake you up), even just spending one minute lying in bed and telling yourself it’s going to be a good day can help. Bottom line: be mindful about your mornings, and the rest of the day will feel more manageable as well. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      2. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks in your day
      Even if you feel energized, calm, and motivated until that afternoon slump, we often don’t realize the stress that accumulates starting first thing the morning. To keep stress from building up, schedule one-minute breaks throughout the day. Whether it’s on the hour, every 20 minutes, or after each important task you complete on your to-do list, just taking 60 seconds to close your eyes and take deep breaths can be enough to let go of the stress and tension that piles up throughout your day. Better yet, visualize the stress leaving your body, relax your shoulders (and other tension areas), or repeat a mantra while taking your one-minute break.  

      3. Light a candle
      That’s right: your stock of pumpkin spice candles is not only good for girls’ nights in. Diffusing essential oils or burning a candle will invigorate your senses, and anything that sparks your senses can help keep your mind more grounded and connected to your body. Plus, according to aromatherapy, scents like rosemary, lavender, peppermint, ylang-ylang, and lemon can help with stress relief, so look for one of these scents in essential oil form to diffuse or smell from the bottle for instant relaxation, or find candles with notes of lavender or peppermint to light throughout the day. 

      Source: @citychicdecor

      4. Make a list of the top 10 sources of stress
      Many people avoid facing their stress, or sweep it under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause high-stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. Spend a few minutes identifying and writing down the top 10 sources of stress in your life. Once you know where your stress is coming from, you’ll be able to find solutions. You can even go so far as to take your #1 stressor and come up with five things you can do right now that can minimize it (and then do them). If you find that some of your stressors aren’t solvable, you can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Even accepting life circumstances as they are can help ease stress, even if you cannot necessarily fix them. 

      5. Take a walk
      Being active and exercising has been shown to significantly reduce stress, and the easiest way to be more active throughout the day is to go on more walks. Looks like your Fitbit was onto something: getting in your steps has many physical and mental health benefits. Plus, it’s not only good for your stress levels, but it’s enjoyable and easy to fit into a busy schedule (so another thing on your to-do list won’t cause you more stress). Whether you schedule a walk on your lunch break or walk around the block whenever you start to feel stress levels rise, cue up a podcast, grab a warm jacket, and get outside for an instant stress-reliever. 

      6. Drink less coffee (or switch to decaf)
      Your morning cup of coffee might be a non-negotiable for feeling like a normal human before 9am, or an afternoon latte might help you push through that slump, but bad news: it might also be affecting your stress. Everyone has varying thresholds for how much caffeine they can tolerate, so while coffee is beneficial for some people,  it can increase stress and anxiety for others by stimulating the fight-or-flight hormone associated with increased energy. If you notice that caffeine makes you jittery or anxious, consider cutting back or sticking with decaf. If you’re not sure because coffee is such a daily ritual, try going a day or two without any caffeine to see if you notice any difference in stress levels. 

      Source: @demidiamandis

      7. Meditation
      I feel like the word “meditation” is so overused in the wellness space that it has become the all-encompassing go-to for any ailment or wellness woe. But just because you may hear about it everywhere doesn’t mean you should disregard it. Deepak Chopra, MD often talks about “equanimity,” or the ability to stay calm in chaos. It’s basically a fancy way of saying stress levels stay low, even when the exterior factors are stressful (like a busy work week, terrifying election, or a global pandemic).
      The goal of meditation is, in fact, to find peace, even in stressful situations. Just because a lot is going on externally does not mean it has to affect our internal state. Meditation gives us the tools to do this because it helps us act with intention, rather than impulse. Whether it’s in the morning, at night, or during the day, start up a meditation practice so stressful situations don’t affect your personal stress. 

      8. Say “no” when you mean “no”
      Sure, not all stressors are under your control, but many are. Reassess where you’re dealing with avoidable stressors. For example, have you helped a coworker finish their project and are therefore pushed on time to complete your to-do list? Good for you for being a selfless employee, but you’re not helping the company if you’re spreading yourself too thin. Tell the coworker what time works best for you, rather than dropping everything for the time that works for them, or say you’re pressed for time and suggest another coworker or intern that would have more time. That also goes for babysitting your neighbor’s cat while they’re away or making plans with friends when you really want a night at home. Learn to say “no” when you mean “no,” and cut out unnecessary tasks from your to-do list.

      Source: @taylranne

      9. At bedtime, think of all the things that went right that day
      Our minds are good at focusing on what we didn’t accomplish, what went wrong during the day, or what we have to get done tomorrow. While that’s great for keeping your work schedule organized, it’s awful for stress and anxiety (and often prevents us from getting a good night’s sleep). Counteract the thought process that most of us have before bed by making a mental list of all the things that went right that day. Maybe you accomplished a difficult task, finally finished the project that’s been taking you forever, or got a compliment from your boss. Or maybe you just got through the day, and that’s an accomplishment enough. Bottom line, take time before you fall asleep to make a mental list of all the things that went right that day, rather than focusing on what went wrong or what you have to do tomorrow. 

      10. Take physical action
      We’re about to get technical here: the “Cognitive-Behavioral Triangle” is a very easy-to-understand diagram, with thoughts, emotions, and behavior at each of the points. The diagram demonstrates that each point of the triangle connects to all the other points (you took elementary geometry, right?). How we think affects how we feel and what we do, but this pattern can work in reverse too. That means that certain actions will affect thoughts and feelings.
      Breathing techniques or relaxing the shoulders are physical actions that signal to the brain that everything is fine. Sometimes, the mind can be hard to control (when I’m really stressed, I cannot always reason myself out of it), but one point of the triangle will affect the others. If you find your stress is hard to control or reason out of, start with physical actions. Try breathing techniques, improving your posture, exercise, or yoga poses. 

      What simple things do you go-to when you’re stressed? More

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      Feeling Anxious and Discouraged by the Election Results? Read This

      by

      As polls closed across the country this week and returns began to roll in, an entire country was decidedly on edge, prepped for the possibility of blue and red mirages, but still feeling all manner of emotions as states went blue and red and back and forth as more returns came in. We still don’t definitively know who will win the presidential race and people are sad, upset, terrified, and so much more. There’s discouragement and so much uncertainty. If you’re feeling that way, here’s what the experts say you should do. 

      1. Acknowledge your emotions
      News flash: it’s OK to not feel OK, especially when we’re waiting on potentially earth-shattering news, barely slept last night, and don’t know what the future of our country will look like. The first step in dealing with how you feel about the election is acknowledging those feelings. “Find a healthy way to express your emotions,” suggested Melissa Lapides, MA, LMFT, a psychotherapist and creator of SafeSpace Trauma Certification. “Remember that you’re in charge of your emotions. Take care of yourself, hold yourself tight, and allow yourself to feel whatever is there.”
      Acknowledge your emotions by checking in with how you feel, and letting yourself feel. Lapides also recommended expressing those emotions by talking it out or letting yourself cry if you’re sad, and exercising or screaming into a pillow if you’re feeling angry. It’s absolutely OK to be discouraged by the results, even if your candidate ultimately wins. Bottom line: no matter what you’re feeling, it’s OK, so acknowledge and express your emotions.

      Source: @outdoorvoices

      2. Listen to your body
      After you check in with your emotions, check in with your body. The body holds a lot of stress, so taking care of the body can also help ease stress. “Many people are feeling stress and anxiety levels rise during the election, so it’s really important to prioritize self-care right now,” said Risa Williams, licensed therapist and author. “Your body might send you signals that it has had too much stress and you might start to feel exhausted both emotionally and physically, so it’s essential to listen to your body and to take breaks when you need to, to rest.” 
      Yes, that means turning off the news or deleting social media apps if you need to. Take multiple breaks throughout the day (both election-coverage breaks and work breaks), to take a walk outside, meditate, exercise, or do something enjoyable like cooking a comfort meal or drawing and painting. Lapides also suggested prioritizing additional body-care, even if you don’t feel like it. She recommended eating well, taking a bath, trying some self-massage, and getting in nature. 

      Source: @onairplanemode__

      3. Surround yourself with positivity
      Yes, even during such a stressful day and a scary time, we can still choose positivity. Not necessarily positivity in election outcomes, but positivity in life. “Gratitude is always the best place to start when countering any anxiety,” said Deedee Cummings, M.Ed, LPCC, JD, therapist and author. “Now is not the time to surround yourself with negativity as it will only make you feel worse. Focusing on positivity (and there is always positivity to be found) will help remind you there is still good.” Call up people who make you laugh, play with your pet who is always happy, or read a book with a happy ending. Focusing on the positive is not always easy during tough times, but coming from a place of gratitude can help ease stress in any situation. Take time to make a list of all the things you’re grateful for today, whether it’s big or small.

      4. Remind yourself of the constant factors
      No matter what happens, the outcome of the election does mean a lot of big changes. If the potential changes are feeling overwhelming, try focusing on the factors of your life that will stay the same tomorrow, next month, and next year. Katie Lear, LCMHC, RPT, RDT suggested, “It can also be helpful to remind yourself of the day-to-day parts of your own life that will remain constant no matter who wins; family, hobbies, and career goals don’t disappear overnight.”
      While we always encourage educating ourselves about the major changes this election could mean for our country, it’s OK to focus on what’s remaining the same in your own life, if just for today. Make a list of everything about your life that won’t change no matter who is in office (your dog will still play with you, your sister will still make you laugh, and you’ll still love finding new banana bread recipes), in order to heal overwhelm. 

      Source: @caitlynwarakomski

      5. Connect with the present moment
      Elections are always stressful, but this one feels particularly overwhelming. If you find yourself anxious about what the potential results could mean for the future, try connecting with the present moment. “Find small moments of peace where you can connect with the present moment,” Williams suggested. “Taking deliberate deep breaths whenever you feel stress rise is like a mini-meditation for your brain and body. It’s one small thing you can do to help regulate your stress during this time.” Try breathwork, or simply putting a hand on your stomach to remind yourself to breath deeply as you feel anxiety increase. You can also try mindfulness to reconnect yourself to the present moment. Notice the temperature of the room, what the candle that you’re lighting smells like, or how each sip of coffee tastes. 

      6. Make a plan to contribute to causes you care about
      If the election doesn’t go the way that we hoped, it doesn’t mean you stop fighting for causes you care about and doing what you can to build the country and world you want. If you’re feeling out of control, turn off the news and make a tangible plan of how you’re going to make a difference, whether it’s yearly or monthly donations, researching organizations to volunteer on a regular basis, or even how you can help out the people you know. “The best way any of us can keep up our sense of empowerment is by continuing to contribute to causes that matter to us, regardless of election results,” Lear recommended. “Volunteer, donate, lend a supportive ear to a friend—these things help other people and promote positive change, while also safeguarding our own mental health. Don’t just save community engagement for election years; make it part of your regular self-care.”
      Cummings agreed that taking action should be a part of your self-care routine and can improve your mental health. “Remember that the world keeps spinning and you are a crucial piece of the puzzle we call life,” she said. “We need you and we need each other. Focus on you and all the things you can do to create a ripple of kindness. This will help rebalance you.”

      Source: rawpixel

      We get it: you’re feeling a lot of emotions RN. Some of those emotions might be hopelessness, discouragement, and sadness. While it’s important to acknowledge and express those emotions (see point #1), you can turn that hopelessness into purpose—once you’re ready. If you’re not yet ready to channel any emotions you may be experiencing, you might want to consider connecting with a therapist, who can help you work through what you’re feeling. “No matter what happens in this election, we can all work for what we believe in,” said Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author. Tessina suggested taking those discouraged feelings and finding some hope where you can by working for a cause you believe in.
      Maybe the election results will be a wake-up call to you to put in more effort into the causes you care about, or maybe it will be a motivation to work harder to achieve a better world. Turn your pain into purpose by enacting the change you wish you saw in the election in your community. Lear agreed, “When I speak to young clients—many of whom are feeling incredibly hopeless and disempowered right now—I remind them about how long the arc of justice is and how much can still change in their lifetimes.” 
      A good place to start is to find a cause you care about. Maybe it has to do with elections and voting, working to boost turnout and access in your state. But maybe it’s not election-related at all. If you’re passionate about addressing food insecurity, homelessness, criminal justice reform, animal rights, reproductive rights, healthcare, or just about anything else, chances are good that there’s some sort of organization or movement with which you can get involved. If there’s not an organization with a physical presence in your city, look further out and see what might be able to be done from afar.
      If you’re passionate about civic engagement in your city, start by learning about how government works in your city. Attend city council meetings and other open community meetings, chat with your representatives, and get involved. 
      Take a beat, take care of yourself, and rest—and then get to work.

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      6 Ways to De-Stress for Free

      by

      My reaction to stress typically goes one of two ways: I either faceplant into a bottle of wine or I spend money on stuff I don’t need. Obviously, these tactics are not sustainable or healthy for every time I feel anxious or overwhelmed. That’s why I rely on these six ways to stay calm, cool, and collected in the face of stress.
      1. Take a one-minute nap.
      I used to claim that I “didn’t have time” to nap on a regular basis. I reserved daytime resting for the occasional weekend when I could set aside an hour or two to dive into dreamland. Now that I’m a mom, it’s even rarer to carve out nap time no matter the time or day, so I’ve become a queen of what I call the “one-minute nap.”
      Here’s what you do: set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes. Breathe and be quiet. That’s it.
      If you have more than a minute to spare, then do the same exercise for three, four, or five minutes. (If anything longer opens up in your schedule, go take a legit nap straight away.) But you always have time for 60 seconds of stillness, and your mind and body will absolutely benefit from pressing pause.

      2. Drink a glass of water.
      Did you know that stress can lead to dehydration? If you’re feeling tense, taking a moment to drink a glass of water can be a short-term fix. When I’m tired or experiencing low energy, downing some H2O forces me to slow down and often creates a ripple effect (pun intended) in terms of paying attention to how I nourish and care for myself.
      Because, let’s be honest: if I’m stressed, I’m probably ignoring my body’s signals in general. (Like, probably drinking a ton of caffeine and eating all the sugar.). A water break allows me to reset and regroup.

      3. Unplug.
      Writer Anne Lamott says, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Practically-speaking, this rings true—raise your hand if you’ve ever shut down your computer to “solve” an error message—but it also references two tricky realities of modern life.
      First, we consume an absurd amount of images and words all day, every day, and much of it is negative. Second, most of us are habitually, obsessively tied to our electronic devices…and we rely on those devices to distract us from our daily worries and help us “relax.”

      READ: 7 Things to Do At Night Besides Stare At Your Phone

      While there’s nothing wrong with a little Hulu and Instagram at the end of a long work day, I’ve found that staying attached does more harm than good when I already feel stressed. I try to give myself a real, honest-to-goodness break from technology once in awhile, and then I prioritize other forms of connection. I hug my partner and look in his eyes instead of down at my phone. I pet the soft fur of my sweet little pug, Stanley, and take him for a quick jaunt around the block. I leaf through a few pages of an actual book.
      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      4. Be kind.
      I’ll admit I’m the first to snap or lash out when I’m stressed because, honestly, that’s when I’m inclined to think my problem is the MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEM EVER. Except it’s usually not. It can be incredibly helpful to get out of my own head and remember that other people exist, too.
      If you’re all worked up about your own life, try to be nicer and more helpful to others, whether you know them or not. Hold the door open for the lady behind you at the coffee shop. Eat lunch with your coworker instead of going out. Smile at the tired mom with two screaming kids in Target. Compliment a family member, just because. Bite your tongue to offer compassion to the distracted waiter. When someone is talking to you, listen to him or her without furtive glances away or responding with absent-minded “uh huhs.”
      In other words, be present and kind. Good vibes only lead to more good vibes.

      5. Tackle one task off your to-do list.
      I will make long, broad to-do lists that serve as a “brain dump” for literally every single task circling my brain. Sure, it feels good to jot these little tasks down on paper, but when it comes to getting shit done? Uh, I look at my list with a shudder and immediately procrastinate as long as possible.
      But I do love the high of accomplishment associated with productivity. The solution when stressed is to pick one thing to do. Just one. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, either; in fact, it’s better if it is crazy small. Wipe down the kitchen counters instead of cleaning your whole place. Call the dentist on your commute to work. Respond to an email lingering in your inbox.
      Doing one thing will make you feel better than stressing about all the things before doing nothing, I swear.

      Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      6. Count your blessings.
      Sometimes, for me, stress can go hand-in-hand with things like resentment, envy, or comparison. For example, my husband and I have been saving for a down payment on a house, which means that every time someone I know buys a house, I feel stressed. Why? Because we want a house, too! Turns out we want lots of things that we don’t have for a variety of reasons, and this line of thinking can quickly spiral into a pessimistic attitude.
      In that moment, I count my blessings: I have a warm, safe roof over my head and the money to save for a larger home in the first place. Many situations—major financial struggles, health scares, lack of safety—those things are truly worth stressing over. Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      How do you de-stress for free? Tell us in the comments below! More

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      Why I Talk About Feminism on First Dates

      by

      “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to meet someone,” I said to my friends one day. But one of my friends quickly told me exactly why: it was because I expected too much from men. I even expected them to be feminists.I was immediately disheartened when I heard that she thought this was a lot to ask. I don’t expect the men I date to wear “women’s rights are human rights” T-shirts or have a PhD in gender studies. I don’t even expect them to identify as feminists, because it’s just a label and doesn’t carry much weight—I’ve met sexist men who call themselves “feminists.” But I do expect them to believe in gender equality, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
      Still, her comment got to me, and for a period of time, I was less outspoken about my beliefs, at least on first dates. It didn’t take me long to realize that holding these views back didn’t make dating any easier for me—in fact, it made it even more difficult. There are several reasons why I continue to talk about feminism on first dates.

      1. Gender equality should not be a radical idea. 
      I get that talking about politics, religion, or social justice issues on a first date could be perceived as intense. At the same time, gender equality should not be a radical idea. If I’m out with someone who is offended or discomforted by the idea that all genders are equal, that’s a red flag. 

      2. I don’t want to be several months in and find out that he harbors sexist views. 
      Speaking of red flags, I’d rather identify them early on than be several months into a relationship only to find out that my partner and I have opposing fundamental beliefs. Gender equality is not something minor to me. There are some things that I’m willing to agree to disagree about, and this is not one of them. The kinds of beliefs someone has about gender tells me a lot about their expectations for our relationship. During the time that I was avoiding talking about feminism on first dates, I still talked about politics and assumed that a guy I went out with was compatible with me because he was anti-racist and fairly left-wing. I only later found out that in addition to being mostly liberal, he’s also anti-abortion and is a strong proponent of traditional gender roles. Because I had already spent a bit of time getting to know him and I liked other things about him, I tried to make it work, but we argued on a regular basis, and I would never be the “good wife” he was truly looking for (and I didn’t want to be). If I’m dating a sexist man, I will find out eventually. Why wait until I’m already in deep? 

      3. I’m not scared of scaring someone away.
      We’ve heard it time and time again: don’t talk about religion or politics on the first date. But from my perspective, everything is political in some way. To avoid all political discussions is to have a pretty shallow conversation. I’m not dating to talk about the weather. I’m dating to truly get to know someone. During the time that I stopped talking about gender issues on first dates, I felt as if I was hiding part of myself. It’s not that my first dates are a two-hour long gender studies lecture; usually, gender issues come up organically because they’re connected to something else we’re talking about. If not, it’s natural for me to mention gender issues when someone asks about my passions or interests. Talking about feminist issues might scare some people away, but if I scare sexist guys away, I’m doing exactly what I want to do: filtering out people I’m not compatible with. 

      4. I want him to like me for who I am.
      When I had my first childhood crush, I actively tried to be the kind of girl I thought he would like. I was a proper chameleon, buying a jacket with his favorite football team’s logo on it, and adapting myself according to his interests. But I’ve lived and learned, and I’m not dating to stroke someone’s ego or to change myself until they finally accept me. I want to date someone who I truly like, and I want to date someone who truly likes me—not the idea of me or an altered, watered-down version of me. I once went out with a man who stopped me mid-sentence when I started talking about gender issues. “I don’t want to hear about this,” he said. “I want to hear about you.” Maybe he thought he was being romantic in a way, but he didn’t realize that they’re one in the same. I’m passionate about gender issues, and it’s part of who I am, not a separate entity. If a man doesn’t believe in gender equality, he’s not going to like me for who I am. It’s that simple. I now realize that the kind of man I want to date is one who is willing to engage in these conversations. 

      5. I can learn more about who this person truly is. 
      I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. I don’t expect a person I’m dating to know everything about gender issues (I don’t either, of course), or to fully understand something that he hasn’t experienced firsthand. But I do expect him to be open to listening. I do expect him to not be defensive. Talking about issues like this shows me how he reacts when faced with something uncomfortable or challenging. Is he just defensive when I’m simply having a discussion and not trying to argue, or does he want to know more? I once went out with a guy who said he didn’t believe some survivors of sexual assault because they reported it years after it happened. Extreme red flags aside, I tried to talk to him about why women might wait to come forward about sexual assault. As I was talking, he got up to add more sugar to his coffee and asked to change the subject once he returned. That told me exactly how he liked his version of reality: sugar-coated and easy to swallow. 

      6. I don’t want to tolerate sexist behavior anymore. 
      Gone are the days in which I would ignore casual and benevolent sexism because it “could be worse.” I’m willing to give second chances. People can change, especially if they didn’t recognize that the way they were thinking was sexist. But if he just doesn’t really care about sexism, thinks it’s not a big deal or says something along the lines of, “Well, that’s just the way things are,” I’m not here for that. Benevolent sexism is still sexism, and I don’t want it in my relationships. I want an equal partnership. Unfortunately, maybe that’s a lot to ask from a heterosexual relationship at this point in time. But I’m going to keep asking.  More