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      How to Support Friends Who Are Spending the Holidays Alone

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      While this time of year is traditionally full of opportunities for celebration, there are many for whom the holidays can be an isolating and difficult season to get through. With the year that we’ve had, it’s also likely that for some, this is their first holiday season alone. And while spending time with ourselves is a great way to explore and invite growth into our lives, it can be particularly challenging to find the positive in being by yourself during a time of year when we’re expected to feel nothing but happy holiday joy.The good news is that while virtual chats have become our go-to—albeit exhausting—means of communication, there are many ways you can connect with and support loved ones from a distance. From dropping off baskets filled with homemade goodies to exchanging cards expressing your gratitude and love, below are 10 ideas that’ll help you foster connection and build community this season.

      1. Check in
      Reaching out is a great place to start. Be sure to ask before you assume how they’re responding to being on their own for the holidays. It’s possible that they’re looking forward to not having to endure a long family meal, and of course it’s also possible that they’re heartbroken over not being able to go home or gather with loved ones. By checking in, you’re inviting your friend to share their truth, and you’re offering them the space to be heard. 
      This is also a great time to provide additional outlets for your friend if they need extra support. Maybe that’s encouraging them to connect with their therapist or schedule a phone or Zoom call with their family. Listen as they voice their needs, and respond with resources that can further support them.

      2. Support their rest
      Many of us have at least a couple days off from work around the holidays, and 2020 plus a busy season means everyone is in need of more than a little rest. Curate a line-up of their favorite holiday episodes, send them a roundup of books they’ll love, or put together a soothing playlist of songs that will put them at ease. Not only are you sharing tools and resources that will help them unwind, but you’re also letting them know that their health and well-being is important to you.

      3. Marathon your favorite holiday movies 
      I’ve waxed poetic about The Holiday being my favorite Christmas movie more times than I can count. And while a Nancy Meyers script combined with scenes of a picture-perfect English village is enough to make me happily burrow away for several days without human contact, there’s really nothing better than watching your favorite holiday movies with friends. Whether that’s telepartying on Netflix or FaceTiming while you watch Happiest Season, there are plenty of ways you can still connect over the beautifully-cheesy films we can’t get enough of during this time of year. 
      Pull on your coziest PJs, mix up a batch of your favorite holiday-themed snack (I’m going for Muddy Buddies), and get ready for hours-long texting convos about whether or not The Princess Switch or The Princess Switch: Switched Again is the superior Vanessa Hudgens performance (we’re awaiting your honest thoughts!).

      4. Dream together
      Next time you’re chatting with your friend, let your focus shift to the future for a bit, and share how good it’ll feel when you can get together, go for dinner, or even just see each other from closer than six feet again. While a disheartening news spiral can make us all feel a little hopeless at times, it’s important to remember that it won’t always be this way. Dreaming up possibilities for a future trip to Europe together can brighten up any challenging day, and the only thing that’s better than travel planning is taking the vacation itself.

      5. Drop off a basket filled with their favorites
      There’s a reason sharing gift baskets with new neighbors was once a staple of every guide to etiquette. Putting together a collection of your friend’s favorite things—snacks, baked goods, the cedar-scented candle they can’t get enough of—and dropping it off on their front step is a thoughtful surprise anyone would be happy to receive. You can even pack your friend dinner plus a bottle of wine or pair store-bought jam with an assortment of homemade baked goods. Whatever it is you think they’ll look forward to the most, fill the basket with that.

      6. See the lights 
      Pack up your holiday beverage of choice (I’m pouring peppermint hot cocoa), and set out in your respective cars to find the prettiest holiday lights. A quick Google search for holiday light displays in your city will likely turn up helpful results, and you can always ask around for recommendations from those in the know. When you get to your destination, bundle up, walk around, and get ready to ooh and aah at all the winter wonderlands you find.

      7. Go virtual, but challenge yourselves to get creative
      With months of Zoom-only interactions behind us, Zoom fatigue is very real. But it’s also possible that it’s the way that we’re interacting virtually that’s contributing to the drain. Virtual happy hours were fun for about a minute, but it’s time that we branch out and find all the many amazing classes, performances, exhibitions, and more that we have access to now that we’re all online. DIY a winter wreath, tune in for a virtual performance, cue up an online workout, or learn how to create gorgeous lettering like an artist. Whatever you decide to do, it’ll be an opportunity for you to connect, grow, and learn something new together.

      8. Go for a socially-distant walk
      Walks are the real MVP of quarantine, and if you live in the same city, send a text to see if your friend wants to go for one together. Not only are endorphins, sunshine, and connection a game-changing combo for your mental space, but you’ll also get the opportunity to catch up in-person, even if from behind a mask.

      9. Volunteer together
      Whether you’re spending the holidays alone or not, giving back can raise anyone’s spirits and reminds us of all we have to contribute. See what opportunities are available right now in your community or go online for ideas. Connect with an organization that’s distributing hand-written letters to senior facilities or gather up donations to bring to your local food bank. Any option you choose will have the same effect: Boosted empathy and a reminder of what this season is really all about.

      10. Send a little “thinking of you”
      What are the things about your friend for which you’re the most grateful? Maybe it’s their vulnerability, their strength, or their kindness. Maybe it’s their ever-expanding imagination that keeps you inspired. Make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about them. Write your list in a card and drop the little love note in the mail.
      Whether that’s a DM, text, or a small note in the mail, it’s a simple gesture that can have an amazing impact. Sometimes the simplest things matter most. More

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      I’m a Health Coach and This Is the #1 Goal I’m Focused on This Month

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      I love health goals: the only type of books on my nightstand are self-improvement, my step tracker is my best friend, and I even built a career out of helping other people reach them. But as we near the end of the worst year, I don’t know, ever, there’s only one health goal I’m focusing on. You see, no matter what New Year’s resolutions you make or even what feels best for you throughout the year, health is not supposed to be restrictive or definitive. In fact, you’re supposed to change how you take care of your body based on the seasons, years, and what’s going on in your life.Most of us are wrapping up the year with pressure at work, pandemic anxiety, and even stressors about the little, normal things like finding a budget for all the gifts you need to buy or scheduling every social gathering (even if those social gatherings are over Zoom). Add in the sad moments like not being able to hug your grandma, foregoing your favorite yearly traditions, or making a Christmas Eve dinner for one, and it’s easy to start letting stress take over your life. So my only health goal this month? Restoration, relaxation, and stress reduction. After all, I believe the only point of physical health is for mental health; eating nourishing foods and moving our bodies are simply tools to help us live the happiest lives possible. Here’s how I’m rethinking all of my healthy habits in every area of my life to focus on reducing stress:

      Source: @jesskeys_

      With exercise: trying stress-relieving yoga challenges
      Listen, I love a good HIIT class or sculpt session as much as the next girl. But “health” does not mean working out hard every single day; it means finding balance, depending on what your body needs. My body needs stress relief and relaxation this month, and exercise is no exception. Since I still love a good “challenge,” I’m embarking on Obé Fitness’s Yoga Deep Dive as my form of movement. This 15-day program explores yoga’s most foundational practices while helping you gain new tools to improve your flow. It will basically be like taking a mini retreat in between work meetings, so sign me up! Yoga based on stress reduction will help me find balance and grounding through an extremely stressful month, while the “challenge” aspect will keep me focused and motivated to prioritize myself.
      Use promo code “TEG50” to get 50% off your first month of Obé Fitness.

      With diet: eating intuitively 
      Even if you think diet rules like “no sugar” or “no processed food” is healthy for you, restrictions are stressful. Period. While I like to think I’ve ditched outdated food rules years ago, I still stick to a plant-based diet and prefer to feed my body with whole foods from the Earth that make me feel good. The problem with this is that when it’s time for holiday dinners and festive goodies, believing that you need to stick to any one diet or way of eating can cause guilt, and guilt will cause stress.
      Instead of sticking to my plant-based way of eating 24/7, I know that since I nourish my body with fruits and vegetables most of the time, sugar cookies or Christmas Eve fettuccine alfredo won’t do any harm to my body. There’s plenty of room for mindful indulgences, even in a healthy diet. I will consistently check in to identify what my body truly needs: am I feeling sluggish and need some more veggies to nourish, or will I enjoy this slice of pumpkin pie? Forget eating for perfection; I’ll be eating with the #1 priority of self-compassion.

      Source: @gabbywhiten

      With morning and evening routines: making extra time for myself (whatever that means)
      I live for a morning and evening routine. I love a warm cup of lemon water and gratitude journaling in the a.m., and I look forward to evening stretches, skincare, and meditation all day long. However, routines feel more difficult to fit in during the holidays (or any other busy time). My clients often come to me around this time of year, frustrated that they didn’t make time for a morning meditation or that they binged Netflix instead of taking a bath. My answer? The goal of a routine (or any self-care practice) is not to check items that you’re “supposed” to do off of a list. Instead, the goal is to do something that makes you feel good, whatever that looks like to you, and for however long you can.
      Sure, I love an entire hour for a wind-down routine, but some nights, it looks more like five minutes of sitting alone and reading my favorite book before bed without even washing my face. And guess what: that’s OK. In other words, morning and evening routines should not feel like something else to check off your to-do list or another chore on the calendar. Instead, it should feel easy and something to look forward to. Make time for yourself every morning and night, but be OK if what that time looks like changes.

      With work: prioritizing self-compassion and enjoyment
      At this time of year, we’re having end-of-year reviews and setting goals for next year. You probably have a long to-do list of what needs to get done before holiday break or are working long hours to set your business up for success in 2021. I find that I put the most pressure on myself during this season: I want to make myself proud of how the year went, but also want to feel ahead in the new year. While ambition and hard work are great, putting pressure on yourself makes you forget to prioritize yourself. I actually can be more productive and successful overall in my work life if I allow myself to take breaks, am strict with cut-off times, and remember that the point of life is to enjoy it (that means in your career too!). This month, I’m responding to what I can’t accomplish with self-compassion and spending more time on the jobs that don’t even feel like work (like client sessions or writing articles like this one). 

      Source: @kayla_seah

       
      With holiday activities: finding balance between alone time and time with loved ones
      Through seasons of Christmas past, I tried to fit in everything: holiday parties, gift exchanges, happy hours, limitless shopping trips. “Balance” was the last thing on my mind, and “alone time” felt more like a far-off memory than a priority. This year, of course, I am indulging in and enjoying the family traditions (although they look a little different in 2020). However, instead of doing it all, my goal is to find a balance between family time and making time for myself to decompress and relax.
      If you are spending the holidays with family, make sure you’re still fitting in alone time to prioritize yourself. Go on a jog in the morning, take a bath at night, or find any time you can to recharge. If you’re spending the holidays alone, try to schedule a socially-distanced gathering outdoors or a virtual holiday party with your closest friends. Having social events on the calendar will give you something to look forward to, but scheduling it will also ensure you’re spending time with people you love, even if it is virtual or socially distanced. Alone time to prioritize ourselves and time with loved ones to laugh and connect are equally important, so focus on finding the balance of both, depending on what you need more of.

      This post includes a sponsored inclusion of obé, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      A Socially Distanced Trip to the Mountains Showed Me Resting and Resetting Takes More Than Getting Away

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      Whenever I feel overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out, the first thing I do is plan a trip. Traveling has long been my escape, but as we all know, changing scenery has been tricky during the pandemic. After seeing a friend post photos of her trip to Getaway House—a community of socially-distanced cabins 80 miles from Atlanta in Suches, Georgia—I wanted in. I had reached my breaking point, and my anxiety was on at its peak. I just knew escaping for three days was what I needed to reset, especially since the cabin was WiFi-free and the website hinted that cell service could be spotty. To me, that translated to that even if I wanted to work or obsessively check my email, I couldn’t.I packed a few bare necessities and items to induce relaxation like books, a puzzle, sheet masks, a journal, wine, and loads of snacks from Trader Joe’s. If you notice, I didn’t mention my computer. My freelance career has helped me create an unhealthy obsession with work and deadlines, because when I’m not working, I’m not earning an income. Some would call this the scarcity mindset—and they’re right. This mindset has made me a workaholic without any boundaries. Leaving behind my laptop felt like leaving my phone at home. I thought that no WiFi and a boatload of items proven to calm the mind would make relaxing easy.
      Boy, was I wrong.

      On the first day of my trip, I woke up and went for a walk. Truthfully, because it was so quiet, I was afraid that the boogie man or a bear would get me. But since I have lived to tell this tale, you can see I proved my anxiety wrong and made it back to civilization just fine. After my walk, I committed to spending the day reading a book I’d been carrying in my purse for months. But as I read the words on the page, my mind kept wandering. All I could think about were the emails I must be missing, not to mention that I was having social media withdrawals. My need to check-in felt so urgent that I walked for about 20 minutes and held my phone in the air until I got enough service to check my email.

      My relaxing trip was starting to feel like torture. I couldn’t understand why relaxing was so difficult. I mean, shouldn’t it be enough that I took a break? I quickly realized that escaping to new scenery didn’t guarantee relaxation because I don’t make caring for myself in everyday life a priority. Self-care is hard and something to work at daily. A trip can’t change our habits or how we treat ourselves, even if we’re in a space curated for the very reset we so crave.
      By day three, I was finally starting to shake the work and social media FOMO. I didn’t worry about capturing the moments for Instagram, and I felt less anxious about not having access to emails and started to get used to the silence. I recently spoke with my therapist about my daily bad habits of checking emails the moment I open my eyes, and she said something so simple but profound: “This means you’re putting the needs of others above your own and not caring for yourself.” I felt that. For the first time, someone had put into words that my habits were indeed unhealthy and in need of tweaking.

      Do I still sometimes wake up and check my emails? Yup. Do I let the last-minute requests stress me out at times? Yup. However, there is something that has changed. I recognize that my emotional reactions to these things are mine to change, and that I don’t have to say yes to everything that comes my way if it means busting my boundaries. Self-care and relaxation aren’t just about doing something nice for yourself—like a bubble bath, face mask, or a nice meal—it’s about setting boundaries and creating good habits in your day-to-day life so that when you do have an opportunity to take a well-deserved break and change your scenery, you can actually enjoy it without guilt.
      What I’m about to say might be a hot take, but it was an important takeaway from my trip: I don’t have to share every trip I go on—well, at least in real-time. Take photos because you want to, not for likes. I understand what I’m saying could be perceived as coming from a judgmental place, but it’s not. I am learning to adopt this mindset because my work intertwines with social media. I sometimes find it challenging to turn that creative part of me off, but it’s essential.

      Find a way to shift how you relax that works for your lifestyle.

      It’s the little changes to your life that can make a big impact. When I want to relax and notice myself multitasking or mindlessly scrolling social media, I put my phone in another room and allow myself to be in the moment with limited distractions. Find a way to shift how you relax that works for your lifestyle. I promise you, it makes a difference. More

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      7 Ways to Stay Your Healthiest Through Winter, According to Ayurveda

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      Winter is not typically our healthiest season of the year; we’re eating Christmas cookies more often than vegetables, staying in pajamas all day, and stressed out 24/7 (thanks to endless gift shopping, triggering relatives at holiday events, and busy work schedules). It’s safe to say that New Year’s resolutions are typically a cry for help after a holiday season of bottomless eggnog and weather-induced laziness. But just because your fridge is stocked with pumpkin pie leftovers and it’s too cold to go on a run does not mean that you can’t prioritize your health until spring.Studying ancient belief systems in college (who says I wouldn’t put my Religious Studies major to good use!?) helped me realize that we can learn a lot about our bodies and how to keep them healthy from other cultures, time periods, and philosophies. During times like winter, when motivation and healthy habits fade, I turn to Ayurveda to help keep me healthy, and there are many tips that could help you stay healthy too (yes, even if you’ve already drank your weight in hot chocolate and PSLs).

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      What is Ayurveda?
      In technical terms, Ayurveda is one of the world’s oldest systems of medicine. In Sanskrit, ayur means “life,” and veda means “knowledge,” so the word itself literally means the knowledge of life. It was developed over 3,000 years ago in India and is still widely practiced all over the world today. AKA it’s some of the original holistic medicine. To briefly summarize for the sake of this article (but like, how do you fit 3,000 years into 1,500 words!?), Ayurveda teaches that every person consists of different proportions of the three governing principles of nature: vata (air), pitta (fire), and kapha (earth).
      But it’s not only humans who hold a particular dosha; seasons are also closely linked to doshas, and our needs change based on time of year and the weather outside. In winter, the body and mind require different things than they do in the summer or spring. By balancing your diet and lifestyle with the seasons, you’re setting yourself up for optimal health all year long. What I love most about Ayurveda is that it serves as a reminder to stay connected to nature because human beings are nature.
      Thanks to busy workdays and modern technology, we can have any food we want when we want it, stay awake even long after the sun sets, and sometimes go days without sunshine or fresh air. But our bodies are meant to be in alignment with nature, not our work schedules. There are many Ayurvedic practices I love for staying healthy through the season, but the overall idea is that the body and mind achieve optimal health when operating in tune with nature. Here are seven health tips I learned from Ayurveda that can help you stay healthy through winter:

      Source: @missenocha

      1. Eat for the season
      Ayurveda not only teaches eating for your dosha type, but it teaches eating for the season you’re in. “In the colder months, our bodies change along with the weather,” said Sahara Rose, Ayurvedic Practitioner, Best-Selling Author, and Host of The Higher Self Podcast. “The temperature cools down and the air dries out, so our bodies follow suit. We begin taking on more qualities of the Vata dosha, comprised of air and space energy. This is why we begin craving pumpkin spice, cozy teas, and butternut squash soup. Our bodies require more grounding and warming foods to counterbalance Vata’s cold and dry energy. Root vegetables are grown under the ground, so they have the most warming qualities.”
      Basically, indulge in whatever is opposite of the season to balance out the effects of the weather. For winter, that means eating warm foods with hearty in-season vegetables like carrots, cauliflower, and turnips. Take a break from raw salads or cold sandwiches and opt for nourishing soups, stews, or bowls. Besides just the temperature, also be mindful of the humidity in your area. Some geographical areas (or even some days) are wet (snow, rain, etc.), while some are dry (leaves falling off of trees, lack of humidity that causes dry skin, etc.). If it’s raining or snowing, eat more dry foods like roasted vegetables or nuts and seeds. If the weather feels very dry, load up on soups and stews.

      2. Get more rest
      Animals hibernate during winter, so it’s no surprise that we’re more inclined to focus on rest too. Increased darkness and earlier sunsets are obvious signs that the body needs more sleep this time of year, so try to limit the late-night Christmas movie binges and keep up with an earlier bedtime that aligns with the earlier sunset (you know you’re tired by 5 p.m., anyway!). No, you don’t have to get ready for bed at 4:30 p.m. when it starts getting dark (although that sounds nice, doesn’t it?). Instead, focus on starting your wind-down routine 30 minutes or an hour earlier than you usually do.
      Meditation is another important Ayurvedic practice year-round, but take extra time during winter to turn inward, sit in stillness, and indulge in more quiet time, like the mental version of hibernation (back to that mirroring nature thing!). “Meditation is important for all the doshas, all year long, but it’s especially important this time of year as we re-focus goals and set intentions,” said Larissa Hall Carlson, co-leader of Yoga Journal’s course, “Ayurveda 101,” and previously the dean of Kripalu’s School of Ayurveda.

      Source: @yunah.lee

      3. Load up on herbs
      Ayurveda says that digestive fire (or agni) is strongest during winter, which is why we typically eat more than we would in the summer (well, that and holiday party leftovers). Spices like cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, nutmeg, and black pepper not only help keep up that digestive fire, but are also thought to warm the body, which we could all use a little more of during the cold winter months. While these warming herbs are crucial year-round (especially depending on your dosha), they are extra beneficial and necessary from November until spring. Add cinnamon and nutmeg to your coffee, sip on ginger tea throughout the day, and sprinkle turmeric or black pepper into soups, curries, and sauces. 

      4. Wake up earlier 
      Ayurveda teaches a daily routine called Dinacharya that determines when is best to do certain activities throughout the day, based on both personal dosha and what doshas are associated with times of day (yes, even times of day have doshas). Since it starts getting lighter earlier this time of year, Ayurveda suggests that–you guessed it!–you mirror nature and wake up when the sun rises.
      “While it’s easy to stay in bed because it’s cold and dark out, hitting snooze is what gets us into winter funks,” explained Tiffany Chen, an Ayurvedic Health Counselor. “It’s important to rise before the sun to give ourselves plenty of time to get our morning routines in so that we set ourselves up for success.” Instead of jumping into work or exercise, fit in a peaceful morning routine that will help you feel centered, calm, and ready for the day. If you want to go all out for bonus points, try tongue scraping and/or oil pulling first thing in the morning to help the body get rid of toxins.

      5. Drink wisely
      Sorry, iced coffee drinkers: Ayurveda recommends drinking only warm liquids whenever possible through the entire season. Warm liquids will not only physically warm the body during cold weather, but they can help the body digest food properly (AKA the best reason ever to have a Hot Toddy). Drink warm water with lemon first thing in the morning, sip on hot tea throughout the day (like green tea in the morning if you want some caffeine and chamomile or ginger in the afternoon), and avoid drinking anything straight out of the fridge. If you are drinking a liquid that you wouldn’t drink warm like a green juice or wine (whatever floats your boat!), resist drinking straight out of the fridge, and let the liquid get to room temperature. You probably already know this, but winter is not the season for frappuccinos. 

      Source: @devyn.p.miller

      6. Fit in movement everyday
      Since winter is a kapha-heavy season, we’re more prone to feeling lethargic. To counteract a lack of energy, fit in frequent movement throughout the day, whether it’s stretching or yoga flows. In Ayurveda, walking is the ideal exercise since it is considered tri-doshic, meaning that no matter your dosha type, walking will help balance your body and mind. As a bonus, walking after meals helps to aid in digestion, so it’s especially important to walk after the heaviest meal of the day (which Ayurveda recommends making lunchtime, but if you’re like most Americans in the 21st century, it’s probably dinner).
      Plus, there’s more benefits than just counteracting seasonal lethargy. “Daily movement is important to stimulate the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is imperative in the functioning of our immune system, and it does not inherently have pumps to move its contents,” Chen said. “The two things that move lymphatic fluid is daily movement and warm oiled self-massage” (more on self-massage below). Since needs are different for every body and dosha type, the bottom line is to listen to your body: if you’re feeling exhausted, go for vata-balancing exercises like walking, stretching, or gentle yoga. If you’re feeling lazy or lethargic, then balance out kapha with more energizing practices like jogging or dancing. 

      7. Try self-massage
      Good news if you haven’t seen your masseuse since the stay-at-home order started in March: self-massage is not just a self-care activity in Ayurveda; it’s an essential healing practice. Abyanga (or Abhyanga), or self-massage, is a form of medicine that involves massaging the body with dosha-specific warm oil. You know that massage boosts relaxation and hydration of the skin (thank you, massage oil!), but Ayurveda sees massage as a form of medicine because of its belief that warm oil massage can improve circulation, body strength, lubrication of internal organs, sleep, and overall health. “A daily Abyanga practice restores the balance of the doshas and enhances well-being and longevity,” Sandhiya Ramaswamy, an Ayurvedic practitioner, educator, and chef, wrote for Chopra.  
      To practice for yourself, heat sesame oil (which is considered the best oil for winter since it’s warming to the body) between the palms of your hands. Ramaswamy recommended applying oil first to the crown of your head and massaging down to your feet. Sit with the oil for 5-15 minutes so that the oil can absorb and penetrate into the deeper layers of the body, and then enjoy a warm bath or shower. Now that’s medicine we can get behind.

      Which of these tips from Ayurveda would you incorporate into your winter self-care routine? More

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      4 Reasons to Ditch Your Perfectionist Streak for Good

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      I have jumped awake at 3:52am more times than I can count. As a former editor who worked years of evening shifts in newspaper publishing, I was supposed to be able to gracefully manage time, words, and people each night to turn out a perfectly polished product for readers every morning.Most of the time, it went fine, or at least fine-ish. But even if I felt pretty confident about the newspaper I’d helped put together hours earlier, I’d still jolt awake in the dark, absolutely sure I had forgotten something important and would be judged for it.
      In my predawn terror, I was starting to realize that my perfectionism wasn’t just about maintaining my own high standards. It was coming from a place of deep, deep fear. 
      What if someone judged me in the morning or found my work lacking? That would be awful. Maybe I would never recover from the embarrassment. So I played it safe, never taking risks or exploring outside my narrow comfort zone. 
      Over time, though, that zone actually became a lot less comfortable. I was scrambling every day to live up to others’ expectations, afraid to use my own voice. And you know what the worst part was? Nobody whose opinion I valued had ever judged me. The expectations I imagined others had for me were just that — imaginary. 
      That’s when I realized that, as scary as it might sound, living in the real world as the flawed human I was (and very, very much continue to be!) was the only way I could learn and develop my skills and confidence. I was learning what experts already know: Perfectionism can be the very thing that holds us back from being the best version of ourselves. 
      Need more reasons to ditch that perfectionist streak once and for all? Try thinking about what it doesn’t do for you. 

      1. It doesn’t raise your game
      First, those high standards we hold ourselves to? They don’t have to disappear. Striving for excellence and being conscientious is something we should be proud of. But there’s a simple reason that perfection isn’t worth chasing. Our goals have to be achievable, and perfection just isn’t. 
      Take it from Dr. Brené Brown, the bestselling author who studies shame, vulnerability, and leadership. “What emerged for me in the data is that perfectionism is not about striving for excellence or healthy striving,” Brown told Oprah, according to HuffPost. “It’s… a way of thinking and feeling that says this: ‘If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment.’”
      If you’ve been hanging on to that perfectionist streak because you think letting go will lower your standards, breathe easy. It’s time to set new goals — ones that challenge you, inspire you, and leave you feeling proud of your progress.

      2. It doesn’t help you grow
      Consider adopting the mantra of entrepreneur and life coach Marie Forleo: “Go for progress, not perfection.” On her blog, Forleo admitted that she could easily polish her posts and other products all day. Like many of us, she wants her work to be as good as it can be.“However, perfectionism is an insidious trap that can grind your output to a halt and suffocate your soul — if you let it,” she wrote. 
      That’s because all that endless tweaking doesn’t give you space to grow. Put your best effort out there and be done with it until you’re ready to make real improvements, Forleo argued.
      “The goal is to always keep yourself in a growth-oriented mindset where you’re focused on learning and experimentation and getting better and just putting shiz out there,” she told viewers of her show, Marie TV. 
      Perfectionism is a defense mechanism that’s more about seeking external approval than it is about doing your own best work and learning and growing in the process. The latter tends to be more meaningful, so remind yourself from time to time that progress — not perfection — is the goal. 

      3. It doesn’t support your health
      If you brush off the rest of these reasons, listen to this one. Perfectionism does zero favors for your health.
      “Recent findings suggest that perfectionism is highly prevalent among children and adolescents, and perfectionism can be quite destructive in terms of its links with anxiety, depression, and suicide,” the summary of a 2014 report on perfectionism begins. 
      Other studies support those findings. They connect the dots between perfectionism and depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and more. If perfectionism is becoming more common, as studies suggest, more people are at risk.
      An increase in perfectionism doesn’t indicate that we’re all just getting better at everything, as BBC Future noted. It’s actually a bad thing.

      4. It doesn’t enrich your life and relationships
      Psychologists say there are a few types of perfectionists. Some — self-oriented perfectionists — may need to know that they’re working at their full potential all the time. They may be disproportionately bothered by making a mistake. They may even expect themselves to be consistently perfect. 
      Other-oriented perfectionists hold others to high standards, expecting the people around them to be perfect. They may not be able to delegate effectively, needing to retain control of work so that it meets their own standards. 
      Socially-prescribed perfectionists are fueled by pressure and others’ expectations of them — real or imagined. They may base their self-worth on whether they can meet those high standards, even if they’re not realistic.
      Each one may struggle with life and relationships in different ways. We are all on our own imperfect journey, like the one that’s described in one of my favorite childhood stories. In it, the Velveteen Rabbit and its friends are discussing the process of becoming Real and truly loved by a child. As they explain, it’s not a journey that has room for perfection — only for being authentic and unique. 
      “It takes a long time,” one toy explains to another. “That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
      Take it from Brown. She believes that in order to genuinely connect with others, we have to show them genuine versions of ourselves — struggles and all. The truth, she argued, is that we are naturally interested in people who are authentic, who are honest about their imperfect lives.
      “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield,” Brown noted in a CNN op-ed. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” More