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      New Year’s Sucks When You’re Plus-Size—Here’s How to Manage the Weight Loss Pressure

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      Every New Year’s Eve on the dot, I grab a fresh new notebook and write some goals. And you might be surprised to know that even as a proud, plus-size woman who is in recovery for an eating disorder, without fail, “lose weight” always weasels its way onto the list. Somehow, I always manage to convince myself after years of trying and failing that “this year will be the year!” And almost always, it doesn’t start with me creating a workout plan or trying to become healthier; I retreat to negative emotions and behaviors that mimic disordered eating patterns I thought I’d left in the past.
      But why do I make this lofty goal every single year? Because we’re told it’s the #1 goal to make, especially if you’re overweight (which, might I add, is so subjective and means very little about someone’s overall health). Every year, we see commercials, ads, magazines, articles, and more about the best ways to lose weight, how to drop the pounds (usually with some form of “finally!” or “once and for all!”), and I expect in 2020, how to lose all the weight you gained in quarantine. And as a plus-size person, it’s damn exhausting. 

      We’re inundated with reasons why looking like us is a problem
      It’s one thing to make a goal to get healthier. I think it’s a goal most of us should have every year. We could all stand to drink a little more water, try therapy, find a new vegetable you love, and hit a fitness goal or milestone. But as a plus-size person, seeing hundreds of people on social media, in ads, and more make it their #1 goal for the year to lose 10, 15, 20 pounds just makes us feel like our bodies are wrong.
      Of course, it’s optimal to want to feel and look your best; and for many people, losing weight helps them do that. I don’t want to take that away. But it’s always rooted in fatphobia. People are horrified that they’ve gained weight because being anything but thin is the worst thing there is. This time of the year, it feels like I’m being thrown reason after reason why my body isn’t what people want to look at. 

      This time of the year, it feels like I’m being thrown reason after reason why my body isn’t what people want to look at. 

      Not making a weight loss goal is often seen as “brave”
      But then, we have the people who want to call us out when we don’t make a weight loss goal. When I say that my #1 goal of the year is to love myself, regardless of my size or how I look, people respond as if sharing my authentic self is courageous and brave, when I don’t have a choice. Why are we brave for simply choosing to not give into the pressures of diet culture? Why is it brave to not have the mental capacity to try keto or paleo or whatever random diet being shoved down our throats in that blip in time? I’m not brave for choosing to love myself instead of promote the thin ideal, and to say so makes the point that wanting to lose weight should just be the norm, when in fact we should be actively moving away from that ideal.

      My body constantly looks like a before picture
      We’ve probably all seen the memes about “expectations and reality” on Instagram, sharing how posing can make your body look different. I appreciate and love the message that all bodies are beautiful, and I think it’s important to see that even people you think are the most beautiful and thin have insecurities. But as a fat person, I don’t have the option to pose in a way that makes it look like I don’t have rolls or so you can’t see my double chin—my natural body looks like the before picture for some of these memes. The body positivity movement was created by fat people, for fat people, and it’s frustrating to see these posts that are still entirely rooted in diet culture and white thin privilege be spouted as “loving oneself.” It’s crushing to constantly see a body that looks like mine be torn apart or told that it’s wrong; that having love handles is undesirable, that the sheer nature of becoming thinner will make you a happier person, when my body looks just like all of these pictures we’re supposed to be disgusted by. 
      Like I said, I want people to be healthy and happy, and I cannot deny that for some, losing weight can be a healthy process that makes them feel better about themselves physically and mentally. If losing weight is something you can do in a healthy way, I’m so into it. And having before pictures to recognize your progress might be a good tool for you to use. But watch how you talk about yourself in them. You were beautiful before; there was nothing aesthetically wrong with your body before. 

      When people we already deem as thin are told to lose weight, it sets the ideal that even thin bodies aren’t good enough
      Since I was young, I’ve had a hard time discerning how someone who’s already thin could be insecure. My weight has been a topic of anxiety my whole life; how could one possibly feel bad about themself if they already have everything I’ve ever wanted? But when it’s a goal for everyone to lose weight, what’s the ideal? If thin bodies aren’t good enough, what does that make mine? It feels like I’m chasing after something I can’t even achieve because even once you achieve it, you’re expected to do more, be more. 

      So, how can you deal? 
      There’s no way for us to get around New Year’s resolutions, but there are ways to handle the season without feeling like the punchline all the time.

      Set boundaries with loved ones

      If you have loved ones who make comments about weight often, engage in assertive communication about how it affects you. There’s nothing worse than working on something within yourself all to have to deal with the people around you not understanding it. Set boundaries for the communication you have with each other, whether it’s talking about meals, health goals, how much or how little you’re eating, how much activity you’re engaging in, and more. 

      Set intentions

      When you feel the weight loss pressure come along as you’re working on being healthier, it’s important to set really clear intentions for yourself. What do you truly want to accomplish? “Get healthier” might feel like an easy goal, but it’s easy to get jumbled. Make this goal tangible, like do 10 pull-ups or eat more protein three times a week for a month. 

      Address all-or-nothing thinking

      When you feel yourself leaning into the mindset that someone smaller than you wanting to lose weight has a reflection of your own self-worth, it’s time to reassess your focus. Is there fact in what you’re thinking, or are you creating this narrative in your head because you’re self-conscious? Therapy is a great tool to learn coping mechanisms to help with this type of thinking, or I love journaling. More

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      Every Hack I’m Actually Trying to Get Healthier in 2021

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      I started 2020 pretty strong. I went to my gym about four days a week. I was trying new recipes. I started a bullet journal. I felt very prepared to take on the next decade of my life. And yada yada, one thing led to another, and here I was, July 2020, and I, like many others, had fallen off. For the record, there was a global pandemic, but I wasn’t doing so hot. I reignited myself, made some updated goals that fit the times, and went on my merry way. I’m here to say: I feel 100 times better now than I did then, and I’m carrying that same fervor into the new year. But I’ll be the first to admit: health “trends” are not my jam. I need something that’s going to stick. I don’t want to completely overhaul my life and routine, and I’ll never dare give up socializing over food and alcohol. So, what’s a girl to do? Here are the health hacks I’m actually planning to implement into my life in 2021. 

      1. “32 Before Brew”
      I saw this on Instagram a while ago, and it has changed my life; however, after the holiday season, I’m sure I’ll need to reassign this goal to myself. Basically, it’s the idea that you drink 32 ounces of water before you drink your cup of coffee in the morning, which I found genius. It’s an easy, pretty straightforward concept, but I love that it gets me drinking water first thing, and it reminds me to keep drinking water after I’ve had my coffee. If I don’t drink water during the workday, it’s so hard to catch up and drink enough later, and this keeps me accountable all day, starting with the morning.

      Source: @lolaomonaija

      2. Controlling volume instead of portions
      I will never be someone who eats like a bird. If I’m eating a meal, I’m eating a meal; that’s all I’m going to say. But adjusting portion sizes is often a recommended hack for being able to still enjoy all the foods you love without eating in excess. Instead, I’m opting to try focusing on the volume of food I’m consuming versus how much. I can eat an entire plate of pasta, but I also want to bulk up the meal with protein, a side salad, and a big glass of water. I feel fuller, faster, and it builds my meals upon nutrients rather than going into it controlling how much I’m eating, which can often lead me to disordered eating. If I want to go get McDonald’s, I’ll drink a lot of water and add extra veggies or protein to my cheeseburger (highly recommend—one of the best hacks I’ve ever seen is asking for double meat and splitting the sandwich in half to eat two open-faced sandwiches!). 

      3. Finding alternatives to the foods I crave
      If I tell myself that I can’t have pizza or pasta or chips, it’s all I’ll want, and it’ll lead to a binge. Always. No foods are “bad,” so I can easily find or make alternatives to my favorites that feel better (and sometimes taste better too!). Currently, I’m loving MyBizzyKitchen’s healthier pizza dough recipe, I’ve swapped regular chips for baked versions (Peetos are my current favorite spicy chip alternative!), and I’m using the above hack to enjoy pasta and other foods that are easy to overindulge in. 

      Source: @gabbywhiten

      4. Creating “ceremony” in the evenings
      Mental health is important as well, and it’s especially necessary to create goals around this too. A therapist once recommended creating “ceremony” around normal day-to-day routines as a way to reorient your brain into a specific task and make these feel like an event more than another thing to tick off your to-do list. 
      One way I want to practice this is through working from home and separating my workday from my evening. When the clock strikes 6 p.m., I’m closing the computer, lighting a candle, drinking something other than water (see the next tip!), and reading 30 pages of a book, or maybe I’ll watch a YouTube video or an episode of a show. (As long as it’s not work or scrolling on my phone, I’m game!) I want to create a ceremony, or a ritual, around ending the workday. When I light the candle next to my bedside, it’s time to finish work for the night. 

      5. Swapping to a different drink in the evening
      Drinking water is not my strong suit. I have to really force myself to stay hydrated, especially working from home because it’s easy to sit at my desk and not fill up my water bottle all day. So, I’m taking a slightly different approach to fixing that problem this year, and it’s allowing myself to drink anything but water in the evenings. Don’t get me wrong, I will still drink water with dinner, to take my medicine before bed, or just simply to sip throughout the night. But right after work ends, whether I’m hankering for a bubbly soda, sparkling water, or an adult libation, I’m letting myself have it instead of forcing myself to stick to water only. It encourages me to stick to water as much of the day as I can, but I know I can “indulge” with something else to change it up.

      Source: @theplussizedprep

      6. Create challenges for workouts
      Motivating yourself to workout at home when the gym isn’t an option is hard. Why would I push hard if no one can see me? Why would I create or follow a routine if I don’t have to? There’s nothing holding me back from stopping in the middle of a workout just because I don’t feel like it. So to keep myself motivated and inspired, I’m creating challenges for myself. I’ll tell myself to work out three times a week, and then after I do that for four weeks straight, I push it to four days a week. Maybe I’ll try to do yoga every day for seven days straight, and then the next week I focus on doing 20 minutes of cardio a day. Making these small, reachable goals every week rather than some overarching goal of “work out more” is much easier to follow and accomplish.

      7. Keep your phone in another room while sleeping 
      I can’t be the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night, checks their phone, and ends up staying awake for way too long because I end up scrolling for no reason at all. I really try to limit how much I use my phone before bed, but if I keep it next to me, I’ll inevitably use it any time I wake up (including first thing in the morning). By keeping it away from my bed, I’d have to get up to grab my phone if I want to use it, and when I’m half-asleep at 4 a.m., that’s unlikely to happen. Prioritizing better sleep is a major goal of mine in 2021, and I’m trying this first!
      This hack also might help me hit snooze less because I’ll have to get up to turn the alarm off. Win-win!

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      8. Add movement into every part of your routine
      If starting from no workouts to five a week feels daunting (for one, it is!), try just adding different forms of movement into every part of your day. Turn on some music (maybe a glass of wine!), and dance around the kitchen while you cook dinner. Maybe you do some stretches from the couch while watching your favorite show. You could try setting a timer during the day to get up and get more water and move around for 10 minutes. You don’t have to follow an eight-week intense HIIT program to feel the benefits of moving your body more, and finding small ways to add that in (especially while working from home) is beneficial too. More

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      13 Ways to Cleanse Your Life

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      Sure, you’ve heard of (and probably dread) spring cleaning, when you change the pillows, flip the mattress, and deep clean your bathroom, but we also stan a cleaning at the end of the year that cleanses more than just the home. Take a cue from nature: the trees are shedding their leaves, so why shouldn’t we? The end of 2020 is the perfect time to let go of physical, mental, and emotional toxins. So what’s the best way to clean up your life during a time where we’re always distracted, on-the-go, stressed, or busy? Try these 13 holistic challenges simultaneously, or tackle one challenge every day to Marie-Kondo your health, wellbeing, and entire life.
      1. Simplify your diet
      When it comes to cleansing nutrition, a juice cleanse doesn’t have to be your go-to. Instead of opting for a totally different diet, simplify your diet. Focus less on frozen meals, processed products, or a plethora of sauces, dressings, and dips, all of which have a multitude of ingredients. Instead, prioritize whole foods that come from the earth, not a factory. Make sure the majority of your grocery cart is from the produce section or full of whole foods like beans, lentils, rice, or quinoa. Make meals more flavorful with whole ingredients like herbs, spices, olive oil, or apple cider vinegar. Yes, you might be opting for processed foods as a way to simplify your life and make meal time easier, but trust me, a few fresh, whole ingredients is way simpler than an ingredients list that you can’t pronounce. 

      Source: @ariellelorre

      2. Refresh your personal finance
      Money is not just something you make and then spend; it’s your life’s energy force. Think about it: money is an exchange of value for the effort and energy we give about 40 hours every single week. Take a look at your bank accounts and credit card statements to reevaluate how you’re spending your life’s energy. Does it really bring you joy to go to drinks with the friend you don’t have fun with or to buy the top you’ll never end up wearing? Managing money based on what does and doesn’t bring you joy will reduce stress that comes with spending money on the vacations, items, and experiences that you truly love.
      If money is a consistent source of stress for you and you feel like you’re always coming from a “lack” energy instead of an abundance energy, try cleansing your spendings. Temporarily cancel recurring charges, increase your savings by five percent, order out less, or designate certain days of the week where you won’t spend any money. With the money you do save, consider investing it in yourself: get the gym membership, purchase that online course, or put more into your savings account for future you. The more money you put into something, the more likely you are to make it a priority. 

      3. Limit stress and clear out negative emotions 
      You’ve probably heard of a juice detox, but what about an emotional detox? Sometimes we need a little extra focus on removing impurities in the mind, too. The goal of an emotional detox is not to totally totally get rid of negative emotions (ups and downs are a part of being human, after all), but rather to clear out emotions that are stagnant and no longer serving us. Try recording negative emotions, coming up with a plan of action when negative emotions come up, or go on a full-on complaint cleanse. Since a big (unavoidable) piece of mental health is stress, prioritize cleansing that too. Limit stress by scheduling breaks and downtime into your calendar, forgive yourself (and others) for making mistakes, and incorporate CBD to limit day-to-day or chronic stress (bonus tip: try any of the products from Equilibria, which is our very favorite for stress relief). 

      Source: @kelclight

      4. Reassess your relationships
      Whether online or in real life, unfollow toxic people that drain your energy instead of lift you up. Make a list of the people you come in contact with most often, including friends, roommates, family, coworkers, etc., and ask how you feel being with each person. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you should only be giving your precious energy and time to people who are deserving. That means people you’re proud to be around, people who bring you joy, and people who make you feel loved. If you find that some unavoidable people don’t fall into this category (like a jealous coworker or a toxic family member), you can still consciously decide to give them less thought and energy, even if they still require your time. 

      5. Designate a tech-free space
      Sadly, technology is a big part of cleansing because it’s a big part of our lives. While tech is often unavoidable (we need to make a living somehow, you know?), try to designate one space in your home that’s tech-free. Try the bedroom, kitchen table, or corner where you keep a yoga mat and meditation pillow to create one space in your home where Netflix, Instagram, and Slack are not allowed. Having this tech-free space will remind you to have some “off” time every day, whether it’s during dinner with your significant other, while meditating and working out, or right before bed.

      Source: @the_stables_

      6. Cleanse your social media
      If it tickles your fancy, take a social media detox and delete all the life-sucking apps (sorry, was that dramatic?) from your phone for a designated period. However, also be mindful of how you can keep your social media habits cleansed, even after the detox is over. Utilize the mute or unfollow button for accounts that don’t inspire you, stop checking your phone first thing in the morning, and turn off all notifications. Yes, I said “all.” When your notifications are on, whether it’s a like on Instagram or an iMessage, you’re no longer in charge of your own life and habits. The phone buzzes or lights up to tell you when it’s time to check your texts or Instagram feed, instead of being able to choose when is best for you to check your phone. 
       
      7. Donate “excess” clothes
      You knew that organization would come into a life cleanse at some point (or you would if you binged Get Organized with The Home Edit in a day as I did). In my opinion, the closet is the most important space to start with, as it’s often a representation of what we need to let go of. For example, donate or sell clothes that don’t fit. Period. Holding onto items you hope you’ll fit into one day is only stopping you from loving, accepting, and dressing for who you are right now. Also, in the most Mario-Kondo fashion ever, get rid of what doesn’t spark joy. Even your clothing items should bring value to your life: a cozy sweater that keeps you warm, a sparkly necklace that makes you happy, a nice bra that makes you feel sexy, or a dress that reminds you of that shopping trip you took with your mom. If they don’t, time to make room for something that will. 

      Source: @waityouneedthis

      8. Refine decision making 
      We make a lot of decisions every single day, even just within the first few minutes of waking up: whether or not to hit snooze, what to wear (which is approximately 100 different decisions), and when to turn on the coffee pot. The little decisions add up to feel so overwhelming that we become unable to make even the most basic decision. Decision fatigue is real, people! To keep up with healthy habits and improve your overall wellbeing, limit decision making as much as possible and reduce decision fatigue. Meal prep all your lunches, sign up for online workout classes in advance (or put a workout in your calendar), do the dishes right after dinner without the choice to do them later, and try a go-to outfit formula so you don’t have to think about what to wear. 

      9. Get sweaty
      The word “detox” has basically lost its meaning since it has become one of the most over-used buzzwords in the wellness space. However, there’s one sneaky method that can actually help the body get rid of toxins, and guess what: it’s not a juice cleanse. “The primary detox organs are the liver and kidneys, but sometimes they’re not able to get rid of certain toxins,” Jeffrey Morrison, MD, told Well + Good.  “What doesn’t leave gets stored, so the body gets rid of it through a secondary system, which is sweat.”
      That’s right: the embarrassing stuff you try to prevent with antiperspirant and prevents you from going straight to work after a hot yoga class can help your body rid itself of toxins. Add “detoxing” to the long list of reasons to exercise. If you’re not exercising regularly or prefer low-impact workouts that don’t break a sweat, try taking a steam shower or finding a sauna near you. 

      10. Spend time in silence
      When’s the last time you actually sat in silence and did nothing? Yes, I mean without the TV on or Instagram pulled up on your phone. Sitting in silence is one of the most crucial and effective things we can do to declutter the mind. Think of it like plugging your phone in the charger when its battery is running low; when the brain is always on, it never gets a chance to shut off. Cozy up on the couch and stare at the fireplace, spend two minutes taking in every scent, sight, and smell, sit on a park bench and take in the scenery, or try meditation. The more uncomfortable sitting in silence is, the more you probably need it. 

      Source: @aroundthewaygyrl

      11. Reassess your schedule
      That’s right: you can (and should!) detox your schedule too. Try looking through a few days or a week of your planner to get a better understanding of what you’re doing all day, every day. If you don’t schedule and plan out every second of your entire life like I do (how does anyone live without an overly detailed planner!?), consider tracking every activity and task for a couple of days to get a good understanding of how you spend your time. Include everything from work projects to a five-minute Instagram scroll. Once you know exactly how you’re spending your day or week, reassess what’s really worth your time and energy. Find the pockets of time that feel like a waste (looking at you, TikTok scroll), and reassess how you can fill that time differently to make you happier or calmer. 

      12. Get some indoor plants
      You don’t have to have an inherent green thumb to know that plants bring, attract, and give off good energy. It’s believed that they ease stress, purify the air, boost creativity, and help increase productivity. In other words, having a plant in your home or workspace can simultaneously cleanse stress levels, your work quality, and the air. BRB, my apartment is about to become a forest. Don’t have much of a green thumb? Click here for how to keep your indoor plants alive, or check out these houseplants that you won’t kill (promise!). And if you’re really not about that plant-life, some affordable fake plants couldn’t hurt (if nothing else, they’ll look really in your home!).

      13. Detox your sleep 
      I like to say that everything starts in the bedroom. Get your mind out of the gutter–not like that (although that might be true too). I mean that sleep is one of the most crucial elements to our overall wellbeing. Thanks to factors like stress at work, overexposure to light, and Netflix binges (curse you, Love is Blind!), more people than ever are relying on coffee to get through their day (forget about optimizing health). To fully achieve a cleansed life, you need to regularly get 7-9 hours of quality sleep a night. If you’re not waking up refreshed and staying energized throughout the day, your sleep (or lack thereof) might be to blame. Detox your sleep routine by limiting light in the evenings, perfecting your sleep environment, and stick to a sleep schedule. 

      How do you cleanse your life? More

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      50 Things You Can Do to Be Healthier and Happier in 2021

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      As much as we want to head into each new year with excitement and motivation, it’s not always that easy. While it can seem like new beginnings and fresh starts for some of us, New Year’s resolutions can also set us up for disappointment. There’s so much pressure to reach lofty goals like “exercise every day” and “lose 10 pounds.” While those are certainly valid resolutions to strive for, far-off or difficult goals can make the start of 2021 feel like a burden instead of a blessing. No one looks forward to starting a diet, right? Plus, it’s easy to lose motivation when you’re focused on a number on the scale or a specific guideline to follow. Instead of heading into the new year with far-off goals that will only disappoint you (sorry, not sorry), there are so many small steps you can take to be your healthiest and happiest self this year (that you’ll actually be able to keep). We’re running through 50 (yes, 50!) concrete steps you can take to boost endorphins and keep your health on track. And while some are focused on diet and exercise, there are also so many ways to improve your wellness beyond being physically fit. After all, you could eat a perfectly clean diet and exercise every day, but if you’re not taking care of yourself in other ways, you can never be truly healthy. Here are 50 things you can do right now to be healthier and happier this year (that have absolutely nothing to do with eating less sugar or burning calories):

      1. Say “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”
      2. Make your bed every morning

      4. On days you don’t feel like exercising, try one of these workouts

      6. Schedule all your doctors appointments for the year (virtual counts too!)
      7. Download a meditation app like Headspace or Calm
      8. Sit in child’s pose for a minute when you’re stressed
      9. Buy yourself flowers
      10. Call a friend or coworker instead of texting

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      11. Eat the rainbow by trying a variety of fruits and vegetables 
      12. Go stargazing and get fresh air
      13. Drink a glass of water before and after every meal
      14. Start a cookbook club

      16. Go on more walks
      17. Delete the news apps on your phone
      18. Sneak leafy greens into sauces, dips, and dressings
      19. Go to bed five minutes earlier every night until you’re waking up without an alarm clock

      Source: Felicia Lasala for The Everygirl

      21. Prioritize sexual wellness by downloading an app like Coral or treating yourself to a new vibrator
      22. Declutter the playlists, pictures, apps, and notes on your phone
      23. Improve your relationship with food by eating with self-love instead of self-criticism 

      27. Come up with an affirmation, theme, or mantra for your year

      29. Instead of FOMO, talk yourself into having JOMO (joy of missing out)

      Source: @thebeverlyadams

      31. Sign up for virtual events or online courses

      33. Prep healthy snacks to have on-hand at all times
      34. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks into your workday to take deep breaths or walk around
      35. Leave your laptop out of the bedroom

      37. Make a list of your top 10 sources of stress, and then identify solutions for each of them

      39. Get sunlight first thing in the morning
      40. Add something nutritious to your diet every day

      Source: @sarahlouiseslusher

      41. Stretch your body while watching TV

      43. Add spices and herbs to every meal

      45. Instead of eating less calories, focus on adding more nutrients
      46. Chop and roast veggies to prepare for the week 
      47. Text compliments to loved ones
      48. Turn on a playlist and dance around the kitchen while cooking

      We want to know: what goals do YOU have for 2021?!  More

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      7 Lessons From 2020 We’re Bringing Into 2021

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      Considering the blockbuster-worthy, 12-month, traumatic event that was 2020, even the most enthusiastic “new year, new me” advocate is probably tempted to skip the whole resolution thing this year (or forever). I must admit that I am an avid New Year’s resolution writer; there’s just something about setting down a year’s worth of intentions on paper that feels magical to me. But this year I’m feeling a little different. As 2020 (also known as the most drawn-out, sped-up, chaotic year in recent memory) comes to a close, I realized that this was a year that life forced a lot of very necessary lessons on me. And despite my very valid apprehension about 2021, I owe it to myself, to bring those lessons along with me. 2020 taught me a hell of a lot—here are some things I definitely don’t want to forget in the New Year. 
      1. Some days (or weeks), you’ll accomplish absolutely nothing—and that’s OK
      Throughout this pandemic, my productivity came in waves—some days all I could find the energy to do was shower and eat handfuls of cereal. I felt so frustrated with myself because I’d always said “if only I had more time…” and now here I was, with an excess of time, and squandering it. And so I’d plan my days out—‘Learning Tuesdays’, ‘Writing Wednesdays’—in hopes of forcing productivity, and end up feeling totally overwhelmed. Now, I try to listen to my body’s natural rhythms; to be guided by my energy’s ebb and flow, rather than try to fight it. These past few months have shown me that our desire to create needs to be coupled with moments of rest. We won’t always be in a pandemic, but the rules don’t change—real productivity comes with peace, and peace comes from mental, physical, and emotional rest. So rest.

      Source: @jaceyduprie

      2. Personal space is not negotiable
      I’m eagerly awaiting the day that face masks are a thing of the past, but I will definitely be maintaining my six feet of distance. Having a mandated personal bubble has shown me that people (often men) really have been encroaching on my space in a way that I’ve never enjoyed. And yet, I’ve just been allowing it. But now that I know the peace that comes with the appropriate amount of breathing room, I’m never going back. Back it up, please!

      Source: @jahirka

      3. Dressing up has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with anyone else
      My Leo sun already knew this, but this year definitely solidified it for me. There were a lot of days this year where I just didn’t feel like myself, and doing my hair, putting on something nice, and adding a swipe of my favorite Fenty lipstick made a huge difference. I’d look at myself in the mirror-like, “sure, you might have lost your job in the middle of a pandemic, but sis, don’t you look good?” Getting all dolled up for no one’s benefit but my own gave me the boost I so desperately needed at times. And I learned a very valuable lesson: there’s no one who deserves me showing up as my best self more than me.

      4. Black lives still matter
      This year was a tumultuous one, and for many of us, a wake up call, especially when it comes to issues of racial injustice. But the work does not and cannot stop in 2020. No one wants to be a ‘black square’ ally, where posting that black square back in June is the extent of your engagement with racial issues. You still need to buy Black, you still need to support Black women, and you still need to call out your racist colleagues, neighbors, and family members. Keep that same energy in 2021 and beyond; the work is not done.
       

      Source: @localwanderer

      5. You’re better than stressing over a few extra lbs
      Full disclosure—I’m still working on this one! While I understand that a little extra weight is NBD in theory, putting it into practice is where things get a little shaky. But here’s the thing, guys, maybe we did gain a little weight over this year… but like, so what? No seriously, so what? We survived every single thing this year has thrown at us—how dare we beat ourselves up over a couple of inches! Our bodies are operating constantly and dynamically on our behalf (even in a pandemic); let’s give them a little grace, shall we? It helps to remember that your body is not some future goal, but a current, wonderful reality. I used to see my post-HIIT sweat as calories burned, ergo, potential lbs lost. Now, I try to embrace the exhaustion and endorphins, focusing on the fact that I’ve done something that serves my body.

      6. Falling in love with your bare face is beautiful
      This year stripped me bare in a lot of different ways. Even though I certainly spent days in lockdown, thinking wistfully about my next visit to my wax girl, nail tech, lash girl, etc., the time forced me to come to terms with my face without the enhancements. And I started finding things I liked—the shape of my cheekbones, how my skin looks like the perfect cup of coffee, the way my smile reaches all the way to my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much I relied on the extra stuff to feel satisfied about the way I look and the process of becoming reacquainted and falling in love with my naked face feels really, really good. This doesn’t mean I don’t still love a perfect brow and a bomb highlight (cause I do), but I’ve also become OK with leaving home with just sunscreen and lip balm. We call that growth!

      Source: @onairplanemode__

      7. No more waiting for a ‘special occasion’
      I’m no longer putting down that bottle of wine for later or saving that outfit for a special date. Forgive the cliché, but life is short! I don’t think we consider how much of our life we spend waiting—waiting for the right moment, the right weather, the right mood, the right crowd. I’m here to say the right ‘whatever’ is exactly when and where you want it to be. If you feel like the right time to pop a bottle of champagne is on a Thursday evening after clearing a particularly daunting inbox, then so be it, darling! Forgive this second cliché, but being alive is the special occasion! More

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      in health and weelbeing

      How to Support Friends Who Are Spending the Holidays Alone

      by

      While this time of year is traditionally full of opportunities for celebration, there are many for whom the holidays can be an isolating and difficult season to get through. With the year that we’ve had, it’s also likely that for some, this is their first holiday season alone. And while spending time with ourselves is a great way to explore and invite growth into our lives, it can be particularly challenging to find the positive in being by yourself during a time of year when we’re expected to feel nothing but happy holiday joy.The good news is that while virtual chats have become our go-to—albeit exhausting—means of communication, there are many ways you can connect with and support loved ones from a distance. From dropping off baskets filled with homemade goodies to exchanging cards expressing your gratitude and love, below are 10 ideas that’ll help you foster connection and build community this season.

      1. Check in
      Reaching out is a great place to start. Be sure to ask before you assume how they’re responding to being on their own for the holidays. It’s possible that they’re looking forward to not having to endure a long family meal, and of course it’s also possible that they’re heartbroken over not being able to go home or gather with loved ones. By checking in, you’re inviting your friend to share their truth, and you’re offering them the space to be heard. 
      This is also a great time to provide additional outlets for your friend if they need extra support. Maybe that’s encouraging them to connect with their therapist or schedule a phone or Zoom call with their family. Listen as they voice their needs, and respond with resources that can further support them.

      2. Support their rest
      Many of us have at least a couple days off from work around the holidays, and 2020 plus a busy season means everyone is in need of more than a little rest. Curate a line-up of their favorite holiday episodes, send them a roundup of books they’ll love, or put together a soothing playlist of songs that will put them at ease. Not only are you sharing tools and resources that will help them unwind, but you’re also letting them know that their health and well-being is important to you.

      3. Marathon your favorite holiday movies 
      I’ve waxed poetic about The Holiday being my favorite Christmas movie more times than I can count. And while a Nancy Meyers script combined with scenes of a picture-perfect English village is enough to make me happily burrow away for several days without human contact, there’s really nothing better than watching your favorite holiday movies with friends. Whether that’s telepartying on Netflix or FaceTiming while you watch Happiest Season, there are plenty of ways you can still connect over the beautifully-cheesy films we can’t get enough of during this time of year. 
      Pull on your coziest PJs, mix up a batch of your favorite holiday-themed snack (I’m going for Muddy Buddies), and get ready for hours-long texting convos about whether or not The Princess Switch or The Princess Switch: Switched Again is the superior Vanessa Hudgens performance (we’re awaiting your honest thoughts!).

      4. Dream together
      Next time you’re chatting with your friend, let your focus shift to the future for a bit, and share how good it’ll feel when you can get together, go for dinner, or even just see each other from closer than six feet again. While a disheartening news spiral can make us all feel a little hopeless at times, it’s important to remember that it won’t always be this way. Dreaming up possibilities for a future trip to Europe together can brighten up any challenging day, and the only thing that’s better than travel planning is taking the vacation itself.

      5. Drop off a basket filled with their favorites
      There’s a reason sharing gift baskets with new neighbors was once a staple of every guide to etiquette. Putting together a collection of your friend’s favorite things—snacks, baked goods, the cedar-scented candle they can’t get enough of—and dropping it off on their front step is a thoughtful surprise anyone would be happy to receive. You can even pack your friend dinner plus a bottle of wine or pair store-bought jam with an assortment of homemade baked goods. Whatever it is you think they’ll look forward to the most, fill the basket with that.

      6. See the lights 
      Pack up your holiday beverage of choice (I’m pouring peppermint hot cocoa), and set out in your respective cars to find the prettiest holiday lights. A quick Google search for holiday light displays in your city will likely turn up helpful results, and you can always ask around for recommendations from those in the know. When you get to your destination, bundle up, walk around, and get ready to ooh and aah at all the winter wonderlands you find.

      7. Go virtual, but challenge yourselves to get creative
      With months of Zoom-only interactions behind us, Zoom fatigue is very real. But it’s also possible that it’s the way that we’re interacting virtually that’s contributing to the drain. Virtual happy hours were fun for about a minute, but it’s time that we branch out and find all the many amazing classes, performances, exhibitions, and more that we have access to now that we’re all online. DIY a winter wreath, tune in for a virtual performance, cue up an online workout, or learn how to create gorgeous lettering like an artist. Whatever you decide to do, it’ll be an opportunity for you to connect, grow, and learn something new together.

      8. Go for a socially-distant walk
      Walks are the real MVP of quarantine, and if you live in the same city, send a text to see if your friend wants to go for one together. Not only are endorphins, sunshine, and connection a game-changing combo for your mental space, but you’ll also get the opportunity to catch up in-person, even if from behind a mask.

      9. Volunteer together
      Whether you’re spending the holidays alone or not, giving back can raise anyone’s spirits and reminds us of all we have to contribute. See what opportunities are available right now in your community or go online for ideas. Connect with an organization that’s distributing hand-written letters to senior facilities or gather up donations to bring to your local food bank. Any option you choose will have the same effect: Boosted empathy and a reminder of what this season is really all about.

      10. Send a little “thinking of you”
      What are the things about your friend for which you’re the most grateful? Maybe it’s their vulnerability, their strength, or their kindness. Maybe it’s their ever-expanding imagination that keeps you inspired. Make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about them. Write your list in a card and drop the little love note in the mail.
      Whether that’s a DM, text, or a small note in the mail, it’s a simple gesture that can have an amazing impact. Sometimes the simplest things matter most. More