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      8 Small Changes I’m Making to My Routine

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      I am typically not a big resolution gal, but at the start of 2021, I decided to make a list of some basic changes I wanted to make to my routine. They are not really goals, but instead just some simple habits that I want to incorporate into my everyday life. This way of looking at it helps me to remove the pressure of “New Year’s resolutions” and the inevitable disappointment when I don’t achieve them. As everyone knows, the last year or so has presented us with not only more challenges than we could’ve ever expected, but an entirely new way of living. So what better time than now to reevaluate our routines and make some changes? Personally, I’m working toward an overall more wholesome and fulfilling life, and I feel like these small things have helped me nail down just how to go about that. 
      Here are the eight small changes I’m making to my daily routine in 2021:

      1. Come up with a real plan to drink more water
      I have been telling myself to drink more water for what feels like a lifetime now, and it’s something that I always struggle with. However, I purchased a half-gallon “motivational” water bottle at the beginning of January, and I have never been so hydrated. I am trying to drink at least 64 oz. per day, and I am also aiming to drink at least about 20 oz. before my first cup of coffee to be sure to start my day hydrated.

      2. Make time for the things I care about and genuinely enjoy
      As we go into another year while we are staying at home and needing to find more ways to entertain ourselves, I really want to make more time for the things and creative outlets that I enjoy. I feel as though when I was younger, I was always reading, learning, and making art in my free time, but now I tend to just feel exhausted and want to watch Netflix during that time. I am making a conscious effort to take time to express myself through these creative outlets I love and work on learning and refining some skills like cooking and illustration. 

      3. Eat more well-balanced meals
      Rather than making a New Year’s goal like “eat healthier” or “lose weight”—which just never works for me and often ends up making me feel negatively about myself—I decided that I wanted to make more nutritious and well-balanced meals for myself at home. I am doing this by incorporating more fruits and veggies (trying to get in at least one serving with every meal), making simple swaps like regular pasta for chickpea pasta or regular tortillas for low-carb ones, and trying to not rely so much on processed foods. I also have been on a mission to cook at home for a majority of meals—and I have to say, I have been loving it and can’t wait to continue on this journey of becoming a *Top Chef*. 

      4. Wake up earlier
      This has, by far, been the hardest change on this list for me to make. I have never been a morning person, and I am a chronic snoozer, but whenever I do wake up early, I genuinely enjoy it. I like having extra time before work to really just start my day slowly and allow myself to wake up, so I’m trying to get to the point of doing that regularly. The problem comes from the physical process of opening my eyes and getting out of bed (LOL). I have been slowly but surely setting my alarm earlier and working on getting out of bed with more and more time before I log on for work for the day. Maybe eventually I can add a morning workout in?! I’m dreaming big here. 

      heimvision
      Sunrise Alarm Clock

      I have also switched to this sunrise alarm clock versus my phone alarm. It provides a gentler way to wake up (light and nature sounds) and prevents me from grabbing my phone first thing in the morning.

      5. Read before bed instead of being on my phone
      I have a bad habit of getting in bed at night and then scrolling on my phone for far too long. I have decided that instead of just saying “I’m not going on my phone before bed anymore!” (because that would never work for me), I am working on replacing that time with reading, even if it’s just a few pages. My Kindle has been key in achieving this because of the ease of holding it in bed and the fact that it’s backlit (no reading light required).

      6. Incorporate more movement into my routine
      This is another modified version of a classic New Year’s resolution that tends not to work for me (in this case, “workout more”). I am working toward adding more movement into my daily routine, in the simplest way possible. This could come in the form of a full-blown workout, but I am just trying to get outside and walk more, do a quick yoga flow in the morning or before bed, or even do a few minutes of floor exercises whenever I can fit them in.

      7. Upgrade my WFH space
      At the beginning of the year, with no back-to-the-office date in sight, I decided it was finally time to upgrade my work-from-home space. I invested in a couple items—a laptop stand, keyboard, and mouse—that have really made my experience a lot better. Not only has the new setup made me feel more productive, it now feels like I have somewhere to be, rather than just opening my laptop wherever I am and calling it a day.

      8. Do something every day for the mind
      When a new year comes around, we often make goals that have to do with our physical health without really considering what changes we can make in regard to our mental health. After the year that 2020 was and the things we are still going through, I felt like there was no better time than now to take inventory and decide what I needed for my mind this year. I’m keeping it simple: trying to read more, incorporating yoga and meditation into my routine, napping when I need it, and even coloring and journaling to relax. More

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      What Is Your Attachment Style and How Is It Affecting Your Relationships?

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      Picture this: after the 1,000th swipe on Tinder, you meet someone who seems to have some potential. They’re a good conversationalist, consider themselves a dog person, and want to go on a real date in a well-lit public spot (so you know they’re not a serial killer). After getting to know them more, they mention future plans like traveling together or meeting their sister when she comes into town. The romantic montage is basically forming itself! But then they stop responding and before you know it, it’s been weeks without even a text.Or perhaps you’ve been the one making future plans and do feel genuinely interested, but then realize it’s moving too fast and ghost before you get in any deeper. Maybe the situation that rings a bell for you is more like being in relationship after relationship, each with jealousy issues or a lack of intimacy. Whatever your dating life looks like and whichever rom-com it resembles least, there is probably one root cause of your problems.
      “Love,” or even “relationship,” does not look the same to all of us. We each have a specific type of attachment that determines how we love and how we accept love. Sounds nice, right? But the problem is that all the different types end up swimming (or drowning) in the dating pool together, and somehow, we still wonder why relationships don’t work out. Knowing your attachment style (and dating accordingly) can not only change your relationships, but can change your life.

      What is an attachment style?
      The Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that describes emotional attachment in relationships (not just romantic relationships, but connection between all people). While there are categories and lots of online quizzes, it’s different than Enneagram or Myers-Briggs because it takes into account childhood and past experiences, which determine how we interact with others in the present. The theory comes from two researchers, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, who found that the way infants get their needs met by their parents significantly contributes to their nature of attachment in relationships for the rest of their lives (crazy, right!?). 
      If you’re currently racking your brain to remember what infancy was like, don’t stress. There are quizzes for that (I like this one). While its origins are focused on the parent-child relationship, I also think that any relationship can affect your attachment style, whether it was a sibling relationship, friendship, or a romantic relationship. Your attachment style doesn’t explain everything about your relationships, but it may explain why you gravitate toward certain people and which problems consistently come up in your love life.

      The Four Styles of Attachment

      Secure

      So you have a secure attachment type? Lucky you. You’re comfortable displaying affection to loved ones, and you feel confident in both your romantic relationships and friendships. You have probably been able to accept rejection and move on, labeling it as a matter of incompatibility instead of a fault. You easily depending on people, whether it’s a romantic partner, a best friend, or your sister, and find it easy to get emotionally close to others. When conflict does come up (because it always does), you don’t shut down or react with anxiety. FYI, being the secure type doesn’t mean you haven’t faced hardships or trauma in your life, but it does mean that your emotions were validated and needs were met in your past, which made a strong, lasting impression.

      Anxious Attachment 

      If you can imagine from the name, the anxious attachment type means you feel anxiety in your relationships (self-explanatory, right?). You’re probably living in fear that your relationship will end, or your partner doesn’t care about you anymore, or maybe you don’t like being alone. Anxious types also have trouble trusting people (even people they’re close to), but rely on exterior validation. Think of Gigi from He’s Just Not That Into You: she calls 10 times in a row, focuses more on what the guy thinks of her than what she thinks of him, and feels devastated by every breakup and rejection (side note: no shame in Gigi’s game. We’ve all been Gigi, TBH). But traits of the anxious attachment can also be controlling or manipulative too, like regularly snooping through your partner’s phone or putting your friends down so you feel better about yourself. 

      Avoidant Attachment

      The avoidant attachment type can be represented in another rom-com cliché: the heroine who is completely closed off to love (until the right person comes along, of course: Amanda Woods from The Holiday, Sara from Hitch, Julianne from My Best Friend’s Wedding… need I say more?). Avoidant types are independent, not very emotional, and typically commitment-phobic. You get cold feet often or might be a serial ghoster. You want to be alone when you’re feeling down, and prefer not to talk about your emotions with others (even those close to you). In romantic relationships, you might feel like your partner is trying to control you, or want to leave when you feel yourself getting too attached. Even in heated situations, you’re able to turn off your emotions and not react. Your go-to response during tough conversations might be “I don’t care,” “fine,” or “whatever.” 

      Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

      Anxious-avoidant attachment types are a combination of the previous two types (again, self-explanatory). You might be afraid of commitment, but can also lash out and feel anxious about anyone who gets close to you. You probably suppress emotions (or choose not to share with loved ones), but can have emotional outbursts when under stress or if emotions build up. You probably want to be close to someone, but don’t believe that the other person wants to be close to you. In other words, it’s not that you avoid intimacy because you don’t want it (like avoidant attachment types); you avoid intimacy because you think whoever gets close will hurt you.

      How your attachment style affects your relationships
      Opposites don’t always attract; we’re more likely drawn to people that are the same type. A relationship that’s avoidant or anxious on both sides replicates the patterns you’re used to, or maybe you think those behaviors are normal in relationships. You might even define love with anxious attachment tendencies, or feel less safe if someone isn’t as emotionally avoidant as you are (vulnerability is hard!).
      Not only does your attachment style affect your relationships, but your relationships can affect your attachment style. If you were in a toxic relationship, it might have made you untrusting, overly cautious, or insecure. Likewise, a bad friendship may have left you unable to be vulnerable in future ones. So while it’s possible to change your attachment style by being in relationships with people that help you feel safe and secure, work must be done on your own to change your adjustment style and attract secure relationships to you.

      How to change your attachment style
      If you’re feeling both seen and doomed to a life of less-than-great relationships, don’t stress. Even if you’ve had the same attachment style for as long as you can remember, it does not mean you’re destined to keep it. The mind adapts when new ways of thinking are acknowledged and practiced. If you’re an anxious type, prioritize self-love and surround yourself with people who lift you up. If you’re more of an avoidant type, challenge yourself to open up more. Call your mom to vent after a tough day at work, tell a personal story on a first date, ask friends for advice, and become curious instead of judgmental about everyone you meet. Also, seek out secure friendships, coworkers, and partners; they’ll help you learn trust, vulnerability, or even love. For any attachment style, therapy can also be helpful.
      In the end, unlearning attachment styles must start with self-compassion. Even if your attachment style isn’t serving you now, you only adapted it because it served you at some point in your life. When you were younger, your attachment style kept you safe, prevented you from getting hurt, and helped you prioritize your emotional wellbeing. But as an adult, your attachment style might not be serving you and could even be preventing you from forming healthy, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships. Appreciate what your attachment style has done for you, feel empathy for the little girl it was trying to protect, and then choose to change.

      What’s your attachment style and how has it affected your relationships? More

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      The 15 Best Books for Your New Year’s Resolutions

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      Even though New Year’s resolutions look a little different this year, it’s still the season for self-invention. The beginning of January means making new promises to ourselves, letting go of the past year, and, most importantly, reflecting on what we want out of the year ahead. And the best way to keep resolutions (instead of letting them trickle out by January 28 like most years)? Go all-in by indulging in a good book that offers concrete advice to reach your goals and become your best self. So to help you make resolutions that will stick (because we all deserve a win in 2021), we’ve rounded up the best books that will give you a much-needed dose of inspiration, optimism, and motivation. Whether your 2021 resolution looks more like running a marathon or just getting off the couch every once in a while (no judgment), these books will help you get there. 

      Sallie Krawcheck
      Own It: The Power of Women at Work

      This bestseller is basically the #1 career playbook for 2021. No matter your industry or where you’re at in your career, “Own It” is a powerful manual for a new set of rules to achieve professional success. Read if: your resolutions are career-focused.

      Mallika Chopra
      Living with Intent: My Somewhat Messy Journey to Purpose, Peace, and Joy

      Because sometimes resolutions aren’t about changing your life; they’re about changing your mindset. Use this book as your go-to for finding purpose, joy, gratitude, and balance. Read if: you’re done thinking about what your life could be, and instead want to appreciate where you are now.

      Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life

      Never feel like you have enough energy or time to accomplish all you want? Maybe your to-do list feels impossible to finish, or you give up on goals because you don’t have the time. Drawing on practical advice from the latest in business, psychology, and economics, this book proves you can accomplish everything you want. Read if: you feel like you’re always lacking time or energy.

      Laura Thomas, PhD
      Just Eat It: How Intuitive Eating Can Help You Get Your Shit Together Around Food

      Whether your nutrition resolution is to stop eating late-night pizza (right, like that’s going to happen!) or to get rid of outdated food rules, intuitive eating is the way to finally eat nourishing foods and achieve food freedom. “Just Eat It” is a life-changing read about trusting your appetite, listening to your body, and ditching diet culture once and for all. Read if: you’re sick of struggling with your relationship with food.

      Michelle Obama
      Becoming

      Because we would be remiss if we didn’t include our queen, Michelle Obama, on any list of life-changing books. “Becoming” is the inspirational memoir you’ve been looking for to motivate you to chase your dreams. Read if: you want to focus on New Year’s resolutions, but self-help books aren’t typically your thing.

      Barbara L. Fredrickson, PhD
      Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection

      This isn’t your average relationship book. Whether or not your resolutions have to do with your love life, Fredrickson argues that love is the secret to improving our physical and mental health. Oh, and FYI, she also argues that love is not about a romantic relationship (though it can be!). It’s about connection between all people, including strangers, coworkers, friends, and family members, so this book is for anyone (regardless of relationship status). Read if: you’re looking for a new perspective to change your health.

      BJ Fogg, PhD
      Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything

      No matter how big your resolutions or goals are, the secret to achieving them is in small changes. Fogg breaks down how exactly to achieve anything you want by starting small. For example, try two push-ups a day instead of aiming for a 60-minute workout, or take a deep breath whenever you get in your car instead of starting with a full meditation practice. Read if: you have some lofty resolutions you’re not sure how to achieve.

      Maxie McCoy
      You’re Not Lost: An Inspired Action Plan for Finding Your Own Way

      With step-by-step advice, thoughtful exercises, and real-life stories from McCoy and other inspirational women, “You’re Not Lost” is an inspiring action plan to get the life you want (and deserve!). Read if: 2020 made you feel lost, hopeless, or confused in any area of your life.

      James Clear
      Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

      No matter your 2021 resolutions, “Atomic Habits” offers a proven framework for changing your life by forming good habits, breaking bad ones, and mastering small behaviors that lead to massive transformation. Learn how to overcome a lack of motivation or willpower, get back on track when you fall off course, and design your schedule for success. Read if: your New Year’s resolutions typically don’t last past January.

      Ann Shoket
      The Big Life

      Sometimes just a few key changes can help you achieve everything you want in your career, finances, love life, and overall wellbeing. Or, at least, that’s what trailblazing editor-in-chief of Seventeen, Ann Shoket, argues in her self-help book and memoir packed with actionable guidance to living your best life. Read if: your resolution is to find more meaning in your life.

      Lalah Delia
      Vibrate Higher Daily: Live Your Power

      Looking for inspiration to tap into your inner power and become your best self? Instagram superstar, Lalah Deliah, put her self-help wisdom into this comprehensive book that teaches us that we have control over situations and our emotions. “Vibrating Higher Daily” helps you make intentional day-to-day choices that lift you out of mindsets, habits, and lifestyles that don’t serve you. Read if: you’re over physical resolutions and ready to transform your soul instead.

      Dan Harris
      10% Happier

      Dan Harris experienced a nationally televised panic attack that acted as a wake-up call to prioritize mental health and make some major changes in his life. Follow Harris on his quest for happiness as he explores spiritual practices, studies scientific research, and explains his own experiences to help you get 10 percent happier (and maybe a lot more). Read if: anxiety or stress levels are affecting your life.

      Gabrielle Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest Dreams

      Filled with tangible tools like the “Choose Again Method” for reframing negative thoughts and boosting your mood, “Super Attractor” is a more spiritual approach with essential tips to live in alignment with the universe to create the life that you want. Forget resolutions–start attracting the life you want right now. Read if: your resolutions include getting more in touch with yourself. More

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      12 Hacks to Hold Yourself Accountable with Your Resolutions

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      It’s that time of year again: we’re putting away Christmas decorations, coming back from holiday break, and setting New Year’s resolutions. But will 2021 be any different than 2020, 2019, or any other resolutions of New Years’ past? If you’ve never even remembered your goals by the end of most years (much less reached them), you’re not alone. According to U.S. News & World Report, 80 percent of resolutions fail (depressing, right?).So what does it take to be in the 20 percent that succeeds? We all say #newyearnewme every January 1st, so how do we make sure that 2021 will really be “our year;” the year where we become happier, achieve our healthiest body, and get that dream career? The answer: change your approach. Here are 12 hacks to keep you accountable and help you be in the 20 percent of resolutions that succeed. Look out, 2022! 

      1. Get in the right mindset
      You probably already have your 2021 resolutions, but do you know why you set those resolutions? The first step to holding yourself accountable is to put meaning behind the goals you set. For example, “going to the gym every day” or “getting a raise” are fine resolutions, but you need to look at the bigger picture goal as well. Why do you want to go to the gym every day? Is it to be stronger, feel more confident, or live longer? What about getting a raise: do you want to be more financially independent or feel valued by your company? If you’re not looking at the “why” goal, the surface-level goal will never feel motivating enough to last until 2022. 
      Bottom line: set your resolutions, but make sure you’re also reminding yourself why you care about achieving them in the first place. Take some time to reflect or journal about why accomplishing this goal is important to you and how it will make a difference in your life. Months from now, when the newness of resolutions wears off, you won’t be thinking, “I have to wake up at 7 a.m. to exercise.” You’ll be thinking, “I want to wake up at 7 a.m. to exercise because it makes me feel so much happier and healthier throughout the day.” 

      2. Set smaller goals that are easy to reach
      Trust me, “losing weight,” “running a marathon,” or “reading 100 books” are far off goals that will leave you disappointed and unmotivated, no matter what. Instead, break down big resolutions into smaller, more specific goals throughout each week. On Sundays, think about what you want to achieve just that week: fit in four workouts, run three miles instead of your usual two, lift 10 extra pounds, or add greens to two meals a day. By the time the week is over, you’ll feel accomplished, proud of yourself, and more motivated to set harder goals for the next week. If week-by-week is not your thing, start in small increments to get to where you want. For example, start with two push-ups a day. Once push-ups feel like a habit, increase a couple more reps or exercises each day until you get to your fitness goal.

      3. Prepare what you need in advance
      If you prefer morning workouts, lay out all your clothes next to your bed, untie your sneakers, and fill up a water bottle. If you work out in the afternoon, change into your workout clothes first thing in the morning so you’ll be ready to go whenever you can fit it in. Having everything ready will not only make it easier to work out, but will put you in the mindset that this workout will happen. Preparation works for nutrition goals, too: meal prep makes it much less likely for you to resort to takeout after a busy workday or snack on unhealthy choices like chips and cookies. Likewise, if you want to have a better morning routine, lay out your clothes, fill up a bottle of water, set out your skincare lineup, and get out the meditation pillow. Bottom line: set yourself up for success to reach your resolutions by preparing in advance. 

      Source: @kateogata

      4. Get a buddy
      Do you have a friend, significant other, roommate, or work wife who also wants to stick to their resolutions? Make them your accountability buddy and motivate each other by exchanging healthy recipes, sending motivational quotes, and checking in to see how the other is feeling or keeping up with their goal. You don’t have to have the same resolutions to motivate each other, but it certainly helps if you plan to hop on a Zoom yoga class with a friend or set up weekly meetings with your work wife to see how your career resolutions are coming along. You’ll be much more motivated feeling like you’re in this together.

      5. Schedule resolutions into your calendar
      When appointments, meetings, or tasks are on your calendar, you know they’re going to get done. And you’ll probably show up on time, be fully prepared, and never skip. Just because a workout, meal prep session, or personal budget check-in are not work meetings does not mean you shouldn’t prioritize them as such. Honor your resolutions like you would any other appointment on your schedule. For example, either sign up for an online workout class in advance (the cancellation fee in itself will be enough to hold you accountable) or put “going on a jog” in your calendar. Not only will scheduling resolutions make it more likely you’ll do them, but you’re also more likely to prioritize them. Treat a workout, check-in, reading session, meditation time, grocery shopping, etc., like you would anything else on your calendar: show up on time, be prepared, and don’t cancel.
       
      6. Set up your environment for success
      Maybe you are what you eat, but you are where you live too. Surround yourself with motivating images and rearrange your home environment to help you with your resolutions. If mantras are your thing, come up with your own, write it down, and post it on your mirror, computer screen, and fridge. Start a vision board filled with motivating images like a picture of yourself from when you felt healthy and happy, or a magazine cut-out of someone achieving your goal (like crow pose or running a 5k). You can also post healthy recipes or pictures of women you admire. Visually seeing your goals as often as possible will keep you motivated. Beyond vision boards and mantras, make sure your home is setting you up for success. Keep your blender in an accessible spot, display healthier cookbooks on the shelves, leave your yoga mat out, and turn your bedroom into a relaxing oasis if you want to get more sleep this year. 
       
      7. Journal your progress
      Journaling creates a space for mindfulness, thoughtfulness, and purpose, and can help you achieve all of your goals (powerful stuff, right?). Use a blank notebook for morning pages, record your daily goals in your planner (shoutout to The Everygirl planners at Target!!), or use the Notes app on your phone. Not only will journaling about your resolutions keep you motivated, but knowing you’re tracking your progress will hold you accountable. It’s a lot less tempting to skip the workout or order takeout when you know that you’ll be writing about it later. More importantly, journaling will keep the resolution in the front of your mind, so you’ll prioritize it.

      Source: @devyn.p.miller

      8. Have a plan B
      So you slept through your alarm and missed your morning workout? Or you’re extra hungry and aren’t in the mood for your usual smoothie? Have an easy and flexible backup plan, so that you don’t completely give up when your plan doesn’t work out. Going on a 30-minute walk after dinner or doing a yoga YouTube video before hopping in the shower are great ways to fit in movement and keep you feeling motivated. Likewise, have a few different healthy meal options so that when you’re not in the mood for your typical go-to’s, you don’t opt for fast food takeout. Having a backup for when your plan falls through is crucial to staying on track.
       
      9. Fit resolutions into your routine
      Your resolutions can be lofty, but they have to fit into your life. For example, if you hate salad, don’t force yourself to eat salads. If you want to get fit but can’t run a mile to save your life, don’t try to run five miles. Instead, find healthy foods you like and exercises that are fun or make you feel good. Learning how to enjoy achieving your goals will help them stick. Experiment with healthy recipes like plant-based versions of your favorite foods, and test out workouts to find one that you’ll not only enjoy, but will look forward to.
      Also, don’t vow to wake up at 6 a.m. for meditation and a workout if your alarm clock typically rings five minutes before you have to be on Slack. Start with a meditation while your coffee brews, some calf raises while brushing your teeth, and going on a walk while you’re on a conference call. There are dozens of ways to fit your resolutions into your likes and routines, and those ways are the key to reaching goals by 2022.

      10. Read, listen to, or watch something positive
      I love Real Housewives as much as the next girl, but let’s be real: bingeing it every night before bed and on my lunch break certainly does not help with motivation (been there, done that). Instead, take a break from your usual Netflix binges to listen to a motivating podcast, read a chapter from a self-improvement book before bed, or (if reality shows really are your cup of tea) stream a show like Queer Eye that will inspire you to be your best self. Filling your time with inspiration and motivation will make you excited to reach your goals. Don’t worry, there will always be time for Real Housewives or The Bachelor, but remember that nutrition isn’t just what you eat; it’s what you read, watch, and listen to as well. 
       

      Source: @twentysomethingplus

       
      11. Look for one small victory every day 
      The key to resolution success is not to look at what you have yet to accomplish. Instead, the key is to focus on what you’ve already done. Looking at how far you’ve come (even if it is just baby steps) will boost confidence and motivation to inspire you to keep going. Every single day, look for a victory you made towards your final end goal. It could be doing an extra 10 crunches, having a smoothie for breakfast instead of getting an Egg McMuffin, or going on a walk during your lunch break instead of bingeing Hulu. Taking steps towards your final goal (no matter how small) will feel much more motivating than a distant goal that’s out of reach. Let each small step be its own victory, and get excited for whatever victories you’ll accomplish tomorrow. You’ll reach your end goal in no time–2022 will be so impressed.

      12. Be flexible and trust your gut
      Remember those aforementioned “why” goals? Maybe your resolution is to work out more, but the reason for that is to feel more confident, or perhaps you want a raise, but you want a raise because you want to take a step in your career. The secret to achieving your resolutions (instead of forgetting about them by February) is to focus on the “why goals” and be flexible with resolutions. From now until 2022, there will times when you’re too tired to work out, need to take a mental health day from work, or want to enjoy a glass of wine and an entire Dominos pizza on a Friday night. And those times don’t mean you’re failing at your resolutions; they mean you’re listening to what your body needs.
      Reality check: if you’re not flexible with your resolutions, you’ll never be able to keep them. To hold yourself accountable, stay focused on the overarching goals like feeling more confident, progressing in your career, or treating your body well. It will help you stay motivated to keep your goals, but most importantly, you’ll be listening to your body instead of external expectations. Even resolutions need balance, not perfection.

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      6 Things to Stop Doing in 2021 (and 6 to Start)

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      I get a new notebook entirely to plan out my goals every year. It’s my bliss to set, track, reflect on, and plan dozens of goals the few days before a new year. Dec. 31 is for partying for some; for me, it’s about sitting down with a notebook, at least five variations of my favorite pen, and a whole lot of time to myself.But in 2021? I didn’t even order a new notebook until Jan. 2, let alone set a single goal. 
      2021 already looks different than any year we’ve probably ever experienced. Setting goals when you don’t know what the rest of the month will look like, let alone the year, feels like an impossible task. So, we’re calling 2021 the year of anti-resolutions. Big, lofty goals like “eat healthier” and “get a promotion” and “run a marathon” simply aren’t it. 
      But if you’re like me, you’re craving the joy and motivation of a new goal. You’re dying to have something to look forward to. So instead of those big goals, we’re sharing simple, easy, and attainable swaps you can make in your daily life. What can you leave behind in 2020 and bring into this year instead? 

      1. Mindless scrolling
      Social media isn’t the devil; I’d be the last person to say that. But when you’re trying to watch The Bachelor with your friend or sitting at the dinner table eating or taking a restful break during the workday, your phone doesn’t also need to be in hand. Being present in those small moments of your day will make you appreciate them even more.

      2. Overworking
      Stop spending your precious evening “getting ahead” on the next day’s work, emailing clients, or catching up on what you couldn’t finish earlier in the day. I’m not saying you have to abandon your to-do list, but you also aren’t helping your clients, your company, or yourself by burning yourself out week after week. Set a time to stop working every night, set an alarm, and do what you can to stick to it. 

      3. Foods that make you feel “blah”
      And I’m not just talking about stereotypical “junk food.” If eating Brussels sprouts makes you feel blah as much as a bag of potato chips, say goodbye! This will take time, and no, it doesn’t have to include an elimination diet, Whole30, or something else that will make you want to throw in the towel a few days in. Instead, make mindful shifts in your diet as you notice foods that simply don’t work with you, or that you just don’t really love. (For me, I’m giving up the idea of falling in love with quinoa “eventually.” It won’t happen, and I’m not wasting time or money on a freaking grain any longer.) 

      4. Overthinking
      Imagine how much of your time, energy, and focus is spent on overthinking. Playing out scenarios in your head before they happen, reading into situations, going off of feelings instead of facts—it’s doing nothing for you and is a waste of time. 

      5. Not setting or following boundaries
      In 2021, we’re kissing those moments of wondering how we got roped into doing something goodbye. Whether it was working late when you really were looking forward to at-home date night, seeing people even if you didn’t feel safe, talking about your dating life to extended family whose business is nothing of the sort, and simply doing or saying anything you just don’t really want to, setting a boundary and following it will be your saving grace.

      6. Exercising because you “need to”
      Exercise shouldn’t be a punishment or an item to tick-off your to-do list, and I stand by that if it is, you’re not doing the kind of exercise that you actually enjoy. Viewing exercise and movement as a form of caring and loving yourself will propel your fitness journey far more than following a plan because you ate too much over the holidays or had a “cheat meal” (go ahead and also ditch the idea of “cheat meals” in 2021, please). 

      1. Enjoying food in the moment
      2020 made me realize that I enjoy food so much more when I’m sharing it with friends or family. I enjoy takeout on my living room floor when I’m sharing it with my best friends way more than when I pick it up after a long, stressful day because I “deserve it.” Savor those food-related gatherings and view them as more than just eating a meal. When you’re with friends, pizza isn’t just pizza; it’s a memory. Focus on these moments and make a point to add them to your calendar. 

      2. Attentively listening and validating
      After a year full of struggles for everyone, being able to effectively listen and validate people when they’re sharing something vulnerable is a strong trait. Instead of zoning out on your phone or thinking of how you’ll respond before they’ve even finished a sentence, take a moment to think about what they’re saying, see how you can share that you understand what they’re going through, and then move onto your response. You’ll notice a shift in your friendships, and it’s exactly what you’d expect and hope from others too. 

      3. Love
      This might seem really straightforward, but it doesn’t have to be only about loving your partner. How can you show more love to your mind, your body, your intellect? What about your career? How can you show love to your friends and family? How can you love yourself spirituality? Showing love is only one way of showing gratitude toward every aspect of your life, and we all know the impacts of cultivating gratitude. 

      4. Tailored, actionable goals
      Telling yourself you’ll “eat healthier this year” is not a goal; it’s basically an empty promise. It’s amazing if you want to eat healthier, but if you actually want to feel like you accomplished something, not get off track easily, or make a habit, you must create highly-tailored action-steps you can take to truly make that goal. Maybe it’s eat a vegetable with every meal for a week. Maybe it’s to finally use up the bag of spinach you bought. Perhaps you’ll research and find a new supplement or daily vitamin to add to your routine. This can be done for every area of your life and basically any goal you can think of, and it’s the true, sure-fire way to actually reach those big goals you have. 

      5. Learning a new skill
      With an indefinite amount of time left spent stuck at home, we could all stand to find something productive to pour our time into that isn’t work, exercise and heath, or endless hours of Netflix. The key to this goal is choosing something and sticking to it rather than deciding you want to take on five new skills and learning a bit about each one and never actually mastering it. Need some ideas? Here are over 20 hobbies you can start right now. 

      6. Rest
      You might think that because we spent the majority of 2020 at home that we’re all super well-rested and ready to take on 2021. Quite the contrary! 2020 was inundated with stress, worry, uncertainty, more stress, so much anger, confusion, seriously more stress—it’s no surprise that many of us feel incredibly spiritless going into this new year. In 2021, shift your focus from these “unprecedented times” and instead on processing all of those negative emotions and how you can properly receive a little relief and rest. Tip #1: journal it out, baby.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      6 Things to Do This Month to Kick off Your New Year Right

      by

      After a very trying year that was shaped by a global pandemic that halted our personal and professional lives, we are all cautiously optimistic for a brand-new year in 2021 after the holiday season. For many, the only New Year’s resolution is for a more pleasant year than last. The top of a new year brings on new chances to improve yourself, reset, or simply take a break after a stressful, eventful year’s past. Even though there’s no surefire way on how to start a new year off right, here are a few ways you can usher in a new year this month to strive to be your happiest and healthiest.  

      1. Prioritize your health 
      After a stressful year for all, your physical, mental and emotional health at the top of another year should take priority in order to kick off your new year right, as your overall health is crucial in getting through another year. Whether you’ve sought out help in 2020 or are still trying to prioritize your health in the middle of a pandemic, your overall health is important and should not be ignored in the new year.
      Make time to assess your health mentally and physically and schedule time to seek out resources and small ways to help you kick start your year with the help you need. Whether you are looking to be more physically active or to better yourself mentally by attending therapy, use the top of the year to focus on ways you can be healthier holistically. 

      2. Consider switching up your daily routine 
      If you’ve been looking to start and end your day more positively, the beginning of a new year is a great time to switch up or refresh your daily routine. A healthy daily routine improves your productivity and your mood throughout the day and keeps you focus and grounded as you move throughout your day. 
      Establish a daily routine that meets your needs by evaluating what makes you happy throughout the day, whether it’s finding time to meditate, spending time with your partner, your family, or your pet, or having time to pamper yourself in the mornings or evenings with your beauty routine. Identify what brings you joy and make it a priority to incorporate it throughout your day. 
      If you already have a daily routine, refresh what it looks like and be more mindful of prioritizing yourself first, avoiding just “getting through” your day robotically. A new year is a great time to shake up your schedule and make room for yourself and new, healthy practices that will carry on throughout the year. 

      3. Find an accountability partner for your new year’s goals
      The new year brings on resolutions and goal-setting to ensure a productive year ahead. If you need that extra push to get you going, identify a friend or your partner to hold you accountable to reach your goals. Having an accountability partner helps you put your goals into perspective and holds you to reach them. 
      Your accountability partner can also remind you to show yourself more grace and patience throughout the year, as the effort to reach New Year’s resolutions can make us harder on ourselves. Find someone who is not only your coach, but your cheerleader and confidant who can remind you to press forward, but to also take a break and reset when your expectations are weighing heavily on you. 

      4. Check in on family and friends 
      We have all been through a tumultuous year, so make sure to check in on family, friends, and loved ones in the new year to express your gratitude for them and to give yourself some joy as well. Positive relationships with family and friends help us get through rough times but also helps us celebrate good ones, so start your new year off right by cultivating and prioritizing those relationships before the year picks up. 
      If you can’t physically spend time with family and friends due to the pandemic, schedule some Zoom time or even just a quick phone call or text to let them know you’re thinking about them as the year gets started. If there’s anything 2020 has taught us, is that everyone is going through a struggle that you may or may not know about, so connecting with your loved ones can help them get through the beginning of the year and the end of another. 

      5. Practice gratitude 
      Ring in the New Year practicing gratitude this year, which helps boosts your mood and refocuses your attention on positivity versus the challenges of the past year. Practicing gratitude helps put another year in perspective, helping you usher in another year on a positive note and being thankful for the year behind. It also helps you reflect on the good in your life rather than the negative, looking ahead in an optimistic, more productive way. 
      You can practice gratitude in a variety of ways to start to your year. Here are a few great ways to practice gratitude at the beginning of the year: 
      Give back monetarily or volunteer your time to an organization or charity that could use some assistance in the new year 
      Practice mindfulness by using meditation as a guide to stay present and aware of yourself and your mental health going into another year 
      Write down what you’re grateful for from the past year by either journaling or making a simple list to recognize your own hard work and perseverance
      Treat yourself to an at-home spa day, give yourself a gift, or spend the day resting to show yourself some appreciation 
      Express your gratitude for someone else by sending them a gift or kind words to start their new year off with appreciation 
      Gratitude is all about appreciating who you are, what you have, and loved ones around you in the moment; celebrate a new year by giving thanks to yourself each day. 

      6. Give yourself a moment to rest 
      We all need a little break mentally and emotionally from the whirlwind that was 2020. Give yourself a much-needed break at the top of the year and find some time to wind down and rest, putting aside the hustle and bustle (and stress) of what a new year brings. 
      Before ringing in the New Year with a mound of work, New Year’s resolutions, and a host of productive tasks to jump-start your year, give yourself permission to rest before overexerting yourself too early. Rest and relaxation is just as important to your overall health as productivity and goal-setting. If available, carve out some time before jumping back into the swing of things after celebrating the New Year to relax and focus on self-care. Whether you hop right back in the bed to get some much-needed sleep, or binge your favorite TV show or Netflix movie, give yourself some time to decompress to refocus your New Year’s energy on yourself first. This downtime will help you jump start another year at your best physically, and most importantly, mentally.  

      How do you plan to start your new year off the right way? More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      14 Mantras for Your Best Self Ever, and When to Use Them

      by

      What do you do when you’re in a stressful moment? When you’re anxious about giving a presentation, or your friends hang out without inviting you, or you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see? What about when bad things happen, or you make a mistake, or you doubt whether or not you’re good enough to have all that you want? Some people cope with stress and anxiety with a yoga flow, a Netflix show, or a sleeve of Oreos. While I still resort back to all those coping mechanisms here and there (healthy or not), the one thing I always have with me is a mantra.Technically, everyone has a mantra, whether they’re aware of it or not — it’s that one phrase you hear in your head over and over or tell yourself repeatedly. Some lucky people have great mantras: I’m awesome. What a beautiful day outside. I love my life. And then there are the mantras that many of us are plagued by: I’m not as pretty. I’m not good enough. What if something goes wrong?  Many of us hear these phrases in our heads so often that we believe them. So what if we could replace these thoughts with phrases that are not only better for us, but can help us be confident, feel less stressed, and live our best lives? The secret to achieving your best self might just be a mantra away…

      What is a “mantra?”
      The term “mantra” is an ancient Sanskrit term, used in Hindusim and Buddhism to mean a phrase that was repeated frequently in meditation. Nowadays, everyone from yogis to modern psychologists are relaying back to the ancient technique as a powerful therapy tool. Neurologically, mantra training can reduce distractions and calm the mind. It’s also been proven to reduce stress because repetition and focus regulate chemicals in the brain, releasing endorphins and blocking stress hormones like cortisol.
      Beyond just the physical benefits, a mantra puts you in a more positive mindset, and the repetitive nature trains your brain overtime. In other words, remember those negative thoughts? With mantra training, they will be a thing of the past, because you’ll naturally think more positively.
      Mantras can be repeated as a tool for focus during meditation, used as a tiny, consistent reminder throughout the day, or looked to when you’re in a moment of anxiety, stress, or lack of confidence. The goal is to find the mantra that clicks for you; the one that just makes sense. It’s the phrase you need to hear, and the repetition to allow you to actually hear it.
      Here are the mantras that have changed my mindset, my confidence, and my life. Memorize the one that clicks with you, write them down and tape them to your walls, or copy them in your phone notes to look to whenever you need it.  Get ready for your most powerful, confident, passionate, and best self, yet:

      1. “I am enough.”
      This is the reminder we all could probably use every now and then. It’s human nature to think we could be better, or there’s always someone better than us — it’s what drives competition and keeps us pushing ourselves to be better. But sometimes, that pushing becomes a lack of appreciation for who we are now, causing insecurity and self-doubt. Use this mantra when you’re worried about being liked, struggling with insecurity, meeting new people, or entering a new job. Remind yourself that you are pretty great, just the way you are.

      2. “I am ready to be healed.”
      Use this mantra when you’ve been having a particularly hard time and you’re ready to move on, or need help moving on. It’s so easy to get into a funk because we’re going through a hard time — maybe we lost our job, went through a breakup, or have just been feeling sad with winter blues. While grieving and downtime is important, and emotions should never be ignored, this funk can turn into a vicious cycle of self-pity and wallowing. The first step of moving on and feeling better is to acknowledge that it’s time to be healed and it’s ok to be healed. You’ll start to subconsciously seek out your own healing.

      Source: @metricdisco

      3. “I am discovering my inner superstar.”
      There is an inner “superstar” in all of us, even when we don’t think there is. I call it “superstar” because the word makes me smile, but you might call it your best self, your true self, or your own hero. Use this mantra when you need some extra motivation and inspiration to achieve your goals, and to believe in yourself. The wording of this mantra is particularly nonjudgmental. Rather than expecting yourself to achieve greater things (and the possibility of feeling disappointed or unconfident if you don’t achieve them), you’re acknowledging that you’re in the process of discovering your best self, without expectation or judgment.

      4. “I return my body to optimal health by giving it what it needs on every level.”
      Use this mantra when you want to resist the box of donuts at the office, or you know your body needs to be (and deserves to be) healthier. Rather than forcing yourself to eat healthy or exercise for vanity reasons, this mantra is allowing you to reflect on what your body actually wants and needs, whether that means having that piece of chocolate or adding in some leafy greens, or sleeping in and taking a rest day versus getting up before work to go to the gym. Remind yourself to listen to your body and act for the sake of nourishing it.

      5. “I am open and receptive to all good.”
      When you seek the good, you won’t notice as much bad. The issues you run into in your everyday life, like your train being late or your internet running slow, won’t feel so bad. Use this mantra when you need an extra boost of optimism. Train yourself to be a glass-half-full kinda girl by repeating this mantra whenever you start to complain or notice a negative thought. There’s so much good, whether it’s in a situation, a setting, or in a person. We just have to allow ourselves to be open to it.

      Source: @carlycristman

      6. “Today is about pleasure. I am living this day for the sole purpose of enjoying it.”
      What if you lived as if the purpose was to enjoy — not just to check items off your to-do list or just get through the work day until 5pm? Use this mantra when you notice you’ve just been going through the motions instead of living. Notice and value indulgences that truly make you happy — a new candle, a long hot bath, a bouquet of flowers you picked up on the way home from work. Fit small pleasurable activities into your day, and when something stresses you out like a tough deadline or a boss in a bad mood, remember that this day is for you to enjoy, and don’t let little problems bother you like they normally would.

      7. “Stop making people wrong.”
      You know the times when you’re in a fight and you just feel so annoyed, or sad, or angry? Maybe your roommate is annoying you about doing the dishes, or your kids are making you mad by not picking up their toys? Use this mantra when you’re in one of those times. If your mom missed an important event, your best friend has been too busy for you, or your significant other said something you don’t agree with, remind yourself to think about the other’s perspective. Be compassionate to their point of view and voice your feelings with the understanding that your loved ones don’t mean to make you feel bad. Remember that how the incident affects your relationship is not based on their actions, but the way you take them. Seek the right in the people you love instead of making them wrong.

      8. “Be the person who feels like sunshine.”
      Use this mantra when you’re in a social setting you don’t feel confident in. It might be tempting to be the girl that acts too-cool-for-school, or make jokes to get laughs (even if it’s at the expense of others). When we’re not feeling confident, these are easy defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from being disliked. But this mantra reminds me that what people actually like to be around is someone who exudes kindness, and is warm and happy — someone who feels like sunshine. Besides, what if your main purpose was to lift others up? Give them compliments, make them laugh, help out when you see they need it — how much happier would you be?

      9. “I give myself permission to be ok where I am. I know that I am doing my best.”
      We’re always thinking towards the next goal, always feeling behind or focused on the future so much that we don’t feel good about the present. It’s not often that we actually let ourselves be ok with where we are in our lives, knowing that it is exactly where we are meant to be and all good things will come. Use this mantra when you’re feeling anxious about the future.

      Source: @teresalaucar

      10. “I am seeking contentment, not perfection.”
      Use this mantra if you can be too much of a perfectionist. From the outside perspective, no one would expect me to call myself a “perfectionist” — I can be messy, my right brain is way more dominant than my left, and I’m a Libra (a social, charming, romance-obsessed sign — not a perfectionist). And yet, I find myself rewriting articles because they never feel good enough, obsessing over my hair when it’s not curling the way I’d hoped, or feeling anxious and stressed when something didn’t go the way I pictured. Sound familiar? Remind yourself that the goal in life is not for everything to be, look, and seem perfect. The goal, instead, is to be happy. It makes all the little things I worry about seem insignificant.

      11. “I trust that I, and only I, know what’s best for me.”
      We can so often be completely plagued by self-doubt, especially when we’re making huge choices like college decisions, getting into a relationship, moving cities, or which job to take. Oftentimes, we want validation because we don’t listen to the gut instinct, or maybe can’t hear it at all. Use this mantra when you’re making big life decisions. Listen for your gut reaction, and trust that you don’t need to listen to or seek out anyone else’s opinion because the answers to even your biggest life questions is something only you can know.

      12. “Don’t go in your mind where your body is not”
      Are you a worrier, or, like me, a constant worrier? Do you overthink whether or not your friends took your joke the wrong way, if your boss won’t like the work you did, or how a (perfectly normal) doctors appointment will go? Me too. Many of us torture ourselves by thinking about what might happen, we often forget to focus on what is actually happening. This mantra helps me remember I’m making up the worry in my mind, and I need to work on being present to what’s happening in the here and now. Use this mantra when you’re worrying about something.

      Source: @gypsykait

      13. “All is well.”
      Though simple, this powerful mantra serves as a constant reminder that everything is okay and will be okay. Use this mantra when you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety happens because you’re constantly telling yourself that something negative is happening, and your mind starts to believe it. Counteract that anxious voice by giving yourself peace of mind.

      14. “I surround myself with those who make me better.”
      Have you ever heard that study that says we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with? It’s an important study and makes a lot of sense — when you spend a lot of time with someone, you can adopt their mannerisms, their habits, and even their morals. Do you want to be like the 5 people you spend the most time with? Or is it time for a change? Use this mantra when you’re dealing with a toxic friendship or jealous coworker, and to remind yourself you have control over who you let affect you. 

      Which mantra do you use? Which one of these do you relate with the most? Let me know in the comments!

      This post was originally published on January 5, 2019. More