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    Adult Bullying Often Goes Overlooked—Here’s How To Spot It And Shut It Down

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    When you think of bullying, high school drama might immediately come to mind: Perhaps you picture the girls you thought were your friends passing mean notes about you in class, or you replay the scene where Johnny Lawrence beats up Daniel LaRusso in the O.G. Karate Kid movie. Unfortunately, bullies don’t magically disappear on graduation day—many of them continue these habits through adult bullying.Causes Of BullyingBullies—both as children and adults—feel a need to dominate others for their own personal gain or satisfaction and can cause serious harm to their victims, says Bill Eddy. However, bullying has nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the bully themselves, as they often have low confidence that causes them to behave this way, says Eddy. Perhaps the bully themself was abused from an early age and consequently, learned that bullying was the best way to handle conflict, he adds.Too much praiseOn the flip side, bullying can also stem from too much positive reinforcement. Someone who was overly praised as a child by their parents and their community “to the point where they think they can get away with injuring others” can easily become a bully, Eddy says. Because they’ve been told they can do no wrong, they might have a “my way or the highway attitude,” and anyone who doesn’t agree with them faces the consequences.Mental illnessAnother cause might be that the bully is genetically predisposed to a mental illness like narcissism, which can cause a lack of empathy, says Eddy. However, there’s a range of how severe the behaviour is. Similarly, those with borderline personality disorder often do have empathy but sometimes experience mood swings and anger that can cause them to bully others. However, just because someone struggles with narcissism or borderline personality disorder doesn’t automatically make them a bully, he adds.Bullying takes many formsBut while bullies may not mature with age, their methods evolve from typical school lunchroom drama. Experts say adult bullying takes many forms, such as unwanted touching, rumour spreading, insulting someone, yelling and online harassment, including sending threatening emails or texts. In fact, the existence of adult bullying and the profound impact it can have on victims is particularly troubling now since cyberbullies and trolls run rampant online, Eddy says.What’s more: Victims of work-related bullying can actually develop health-related issues as a result, according to research in Personality and Individual Differences. Bullying can wreak havoc on a person’s confidence, causing them to suffer from mental and physical problems like anxiety, depression, headaches, gastrointestinal problems and suicidal ideation, says Eddy. Victims are also sometimes driven to concerning behaviours, like binge drinking and eating, and overall, may feel disengaged from their life and the world around them, adds Roberta Fida, who co-wrote the study.While you’re likely bound to run into an adult bully now and again—that’s life—you don’t have to live in fear of mean comments from a frenemy or unfair office politics. Here’s how to identify all the different types of adult bullying and how to handle it in the workplace and beyond.READ MORE: People Pleasing Can Have Some Harmful Mental Health Effects — Experts Say This Is How To StopAdult bullying can take many forms.Adult bullying sometimes looks like outright yelling at someone or physically harming them, which are common behaviours in perpetrators of domestic violence, says Eddy. But it can also be more covert, like leaving someone off an important email thread at work.Here are the five main types of adult bullies:CyberbullyAs the name suggests, a cyberbully creates negative posts about another person or engages in “trolling” or other harmful behaviour online, says Eddy. This type of bully might comment rude things on someone’s post repeatedly, send someone direct messages full of insults, screenshot and share private text messages, or spread intimate photos. However, cyberbullies can also engage in more passive-aggressive behaviours, like leaving someone off a text chain with friends.While it may seem like there are more online trolls than ever in 2024, that’s actually not the case, according to Eddy. It’s just that “the small percent of people who are bullies are much louder and they feel free to bully,” he says. Plus, bullies are especially motivated when they’re anonymous, because they feel they can get away with it—cyberbullying lacks the face-to-face element of IRL bullying, which means people can be bolder online, safely hidden behind their screen.Verbal BullyThis bully uses words to shame, insult and distress their victim. They always have a critique or negative comment to say, sometimes even making snide remarks about your appearance, says Julie Robinson.This is the person who walks into their office meeting saying, “Someone smells in here,” alluding to their victim, she says. Even though the bully isn’t actually saying anything directly, this can still cause the victim to feel self-conscious. “They do this to undermine the confidence of the individual,” she says.Physical BullyThis type of bully uses their physical presence to threaten victims, says Robinson, and they can be extremely dangerous. Their behaviour can show up as physical abuse with a romantic partner, family member, or friend, such as hitting, pushing, hair pulling, or even sexual coercion or assault. But it can also be more subtle, like coming up behind a coworker and touching their shoulders or constantly bumping into someone in the hall on purpose to annoy them, says Robinson.Material BullyThis bully tries to withhold or take something from their victim. Maybe your boss doesn’t pay you on time or a coworker takes your favourite pen, your lunch, or even an idea or client at work, while your roommate steals your clothes or money at home, says Robinson.Passive Aggressive BullyThe passive-aggressive bully can be challenging to spot, as they generally try to stay under the radar, says Robinson. They use underhanded remarks to intimidate victims and break down their confidence. The behaviour may seem innocent to others, but it has malicious intentions, says Robinson. At work, maybe someone comes into the office and makes a comment about how another co-worker always seems to be having so much fun and not working. The passive-aggressive bully can also be the friend who always seems to “forget” to invite you to the group plans or add you to group chats.There are several ways to deal with bullying.VictimIf you are being bullied, hang in there—it can be challenging to deal with, but fortunately, there are many ways to find relief.Go to therapy. Talking to a professional is extremely important for victims because it can help you build your confidence and learn self-care techniques to help fill your cup, says Eddy. Through therapy, victims can also work on strategies to deal with their bully, Robinson adds.Use non-violent communication. By being calm and non-violent with your bully, you decrease the chances that they’ll become defensive. Try “I am” statements: If you have a workplace bully who frequently stands over your desk and makes passive-aggressive comments about whether you’re capable of hitting deadlines, for example, say, “I feel uncomfortable when you stand over my desk and make these comments, and I would like to talk through a solution for this,” Robinson suggests.

    Document the events. “It is important for targets to keep track of what happened and if there are witnesses,” says Fida. This is especially helpful in case you need to file a workplace bullying complaint with your Human Resources (HR) department. The more evidence—like screenshotting text messages or emails to yourself or even typing up notes (and marking the date and time) after interactions—the better position you’ll be in later on to file the complaint, adds Robinson.

    Leave the situation. If you are a victim of domestic violence and/or physical bullying, removing yourself from the situation as soon as possible is critical. That way, you’ll get out before the situation escalates further. If you’re in a toxic work environment that is not being adequately remediated, consider applying to jobs elsewhere, adds Robinson. While, of course, you shouldn’t have to leave a job that makes you happy (outside of these bullying interactions) and want to make a financially-sound decision, keep your mental health in mind and consider how it would feel to have this burden lifted.READ MORE: Here’s How To Actually Practise Mindfulness And Unlock Inner PeaceBystanderBystanders have the most power in bullying situations because they can diffuse what’s happening and provide support to the victim, says Eddy. Some tips from the experts:Speak up. If you witness bullying, pull the bully aside to separate them from the person and ask them if they intended to come off as harsh, says Eddy. Keeping the conversation light rather than accusatory can prevent the situation from getting worse, Eddy says. Additionally, bystanders of workplace harassment can also speak to HR and file a complaint detailing what they saw, says Fida.

    Talk to the victim. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking up in the moment because of work politics, family dynamics, or something else, try reaching out to the victim one-on-one, says Robinson. This can help the person feel supported and less alone, which can ease some of the mental and physical strain of bullying. You can tell them you are sorry that they are being bullied and validate how they are feeling, letting them know you see the behaviour too.

    Document what is happening. While it is important for the victim to record details of their own, any additional information the bystander can provide will only strengthen their complaint. If you are witness to something that made you feel uncomfortable or was out of line, even if you weren’t directly targeted, write down the facts of the event, including what happened and when. If the victim decides to file a complaint, you will be well-equipped to back them up.BullyIf you find yourself harming others physically or emotionally, here are some strategies you can use to find out why and then stop:Seek therapy. The challenging thing about bullies is that they don’t often take accountability or even acknowledge their wrongdoing. Therapy can help them develop these skills, in addition to identifying the root cause of their toxic behaviour and working to correct it, says Eddy.Take a deep breath. Deep breathing can have a bigger impact than you might think—it can help diffuse a situation and bring a person’s nervous system back to centre, says Robinson. If you find that you are very reactive or behaving in a way you don’t like, try to slow down, breathe and then address the situation later when you’re feeling a bit more level-headed, she adds.

    Walk away. If you find yourself engaging in harmful behaviour, remove yourself from the situation, the experts say. While it can be difficult to have the self-awareness to do so, it is an incredibly powerful move that will calm the situation immediately.Unfortunately, adult bullying may always exist, but so do the strategies to shut down this harmful behaviour.Meet the Experts: Bill Eddy, LCSW, is the co-founder of High Conflict Institute and the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies. Roberta Fida, PhD, is a professor at Aston Business School in Birmingham, England. Julie Robinson, PsyD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and president of Las Vegas Therapy Center.This article written by Jacqueline Tempera first appeared on Women’s Health US. More

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      Advice For Your 20s And 30s: What They Don’t Tell You About Ageing

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      It’s rare to find an older woman who doesn’t wish they could give their younger self some advice. With age comes adaptation, lessons and a good dose of resilience. So why not tap into those who have lived it – consider this a page from a thick-ass adulting textbook. We asked three women, all with varying qualifications and experiences on the joys of ageing. Below, some lessons for women in their 20s and 30s as they look to the future. One thing’s for sure: so many things get better with age!

      READ MORE: Actress Temi Otedola On Why She Prefers A Simple Wellness Routine

      Advice #1: Let Go Of Self-imposed Limitations

      The forties for Palesa Boka have been about fully owning and embracing who she is, sans any societal limitations. In the process, she’s decided to show up the best way she knows how. As many of us already know, growing older is always a daunting thought or that arduous but necessary task we avoid, until you actually turn the page! AGE: 44

      I turned 40 in 2019 and oh boy what an unpredictable ride it has been! No one warned me about the self-assuredness that comes with this age! The constant taking stock of all facets of my life, and the self-growth that comes as a result, are just some of the things I wouldn’t trade in for anything. Then there’s the ‘I chooseme’ that comes with this age! I’m learning to prioritise myself and my needs despite the urgency of others’requests. I’d like to believe that I’m a late bloomer. A lot of changes started taking place later in my life. Our 40s aren’t about trying to fit in, I’ve learned. It’s as though our bodies and souls fight back any forced effort placed on them to conform, be likeable or to tone down.

      “I can confidently say that I have finally met my truest self at this age. I’m letting go of self-imposed limitations and embracing the fact that I’m right where I need to be – well, on most days.”

      It’s also the best time for me spiritually, physically, emotionally and sexually. I’m more confident in my skin. I honestly couldn’t give two hoots about what anyone thinks of me [chuckles]. My body? This is all I have to work with, so let’s! Mentally? I can only do better and that’s that! Financially? Well, this remains a tricky area but one that I’m working hard at. The sins of my 20s money mistakes are catching up with me. For instance, if I’d bought a house in my 20s, it’d be paid up by now. But all’s not lost!

      PALESA’S BEST ADVICE

      You don’t suddenly wake up one day to find the guilt, shame and past mistakes magically gone, but your mind evolves to see them differently. In a way, this approach is gentler and more solution-driven than self-pity.

      READ MORE: How To Get Fit In Your 20s – This Is Your Healthy Routine

      Advice #2: Live For Yourself

      Thami Magele, founder of Leungo Education Learning Circles, a company aimed at preparing future-fit children for their active participation in building a better Africa, is passionate about curating a life that overflows with purpose, love and rich experiences.AGE: 49

      As I edge closer to 50, I find myself sympathising with my own mother more and more. She married her parents, siblings, her husband and her children before marrying herself. As a result, her self-worth was left in their hands, and nothing for herself. My mother’s worst mistakes came from the depth of her love for her children, as well as wanting to honour her parents. Her lowest point was her inability to reconcile her mistakes as courage – she could only recognise them as shameful because her decisions didn’t attract the applause of those people whose opinions she valued the most.

      Now more than ever, I’m sympathetic to how we, parents, can hold onto and do things for the sake of our children – to a point where we are broken and left functionally handicapped. Just because a plan failed, doesn’t mean that you have failed as a parent. Children need their parents whole.

      With that bit of reflection out of the way, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciate the grace I receive daily. I’m not self-made and my life is not in my hands. I do my absolute best daily to indulge in some of my favouritethings. Those include watching the sky at night while sleeping alfresco in nature, swapping playlists with my daughter each morning, solo morning walks in nature and spreading love however and wherever I please.The thought of being in love no longer scares me because I now measure love, first and foremost, by how much of it I give to myself, how I choose the company I keep, the spaces I visit, the activities I spend my time doing and the people I choose to share my life and love with. In fact, my worst fear is not doing what I love. My joy and peace are currently my greatest currencies!

      “Whatever fears used to plague and contain me are gone. My life is richer right now! I no longer fear losing assets. “

      THAMI’S BEST ADVICE

      Identify and invest in the things, spaces and people that always bring you peace, joy and fulfilment – instead of those that leave you feeling depleted or questioning yourself. Remember that the societaldefinition of success is informed by an inferiority complex, maintained by power and control and continually instills a feeling of inadequacy. The sooner you ditch the societal definition, the better. Lastly, spend the bulk of your time creating pleasing memories and experiences for yourself and those less fortunate.

      READ MORE: How To Get Fit At 30 – And Important Healthy Habits

      Advice #3: Do Things Without Needing To Excel

      After a long spanning career as an education consultant, Vanessa Francis took her expertise to Room To Read, an NGO dedicated to improving children’s literacy and girls’ education across Asia and Africa – a job she describes as purposeful.AGE: 65

      In 2019, just a few days shy of my 60th birthday, our house burnt to the ground. Days went by and I waited for the shock and sadness at how much we’d lost to kick in, but it just never came. We lost some sentimental items such as family photos, but I was most grateful that no life had been lost.

      Naturally, friends and family thought I’d postpone the 60th birthday celebration that was scheduled in Ballito, KZN, a week after the fire, to another time. I think everyone became more surprised when I announced that the celebration would go ahead as planned. This incident confirmed two things for me: that relationships are important. The photos may be gone but I still have many more chances to create and capture happy memories with my loved ones. I also realised just how much resilience I’ve built over the years. We were now careful and minimalistic about what we were accumulating. I mean, I now have a woman cave as a result of this rebuilding and renovation exercise!

      “When we’re younger, we get upset over the smallest things but as we get older, we allow painful experiences to glide past without getting stuck in that sad moment. Ours was a real cleansing by the fire and an opportunity to do things anew.”

      READ MORE: How To Get Fit At 40 – And Thriving Healthy Tips

      Also, 65 is when I should be slowing down and preparing for retirement. Yet I feel more energised, grounded, centred and eager to learn (which is key for me). I’m also more amped to leave behind a legacy rooted in meaning and purpose through my work as country director for Room To Read. Years ago, I signed up for a drawing class. Now,I take pottery lessons – and I’m so bad at it [chuckles]. The point here is to learn to go with the flow and not listen to my ego’s need for perfection. My perfectionism serves me well at work but in pottery, I get to learn to do things for pure enjoyment without needing to excel.

      VANESSA’S BEST ADVICE

      Whatever’s happening now is for now. Basically, this too shall pass. Your task is to balance yourself and create space for the storm to pass through with ease. More

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      Here’s How To Actually Practise Mindfulness And Unlock Inner Peace

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      We’ve got some good news. While you may feel that mindfulness is a a lot to get a handle of, the truth is you already practise mindfulness in other ways all the time. For example, you’re mindful when you need to change lanes, or when you use an oven mitt so you don’t burn yourself.

      So why not try intentionally putting some mindfulness techniques into practice? We’ve got everything you need to know right here in one place so you can click away from this article a whole lot more zen.

      What Is Mindfulness?

      Based on Zen, Vipassanā, and Tibetan meditation techniques, the concept is over 2 500 years old and has been practised over countless generations. It’s the practice of being aware and conscious in the present moment, calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings and is used as a technique in therapy. This awareness has opened the door for thousands of pieces of literature on the topic because it works so well.

      3 Books To Read About Mindfulness

      The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle

      Wherever You Go by Jon Kabat-Zinn

      The Miracle Of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh

      READ MORE: These 3 Mental Exercises Can Help You Find Your Purpose In Life At Any Age

      What Are The Benefits Of Mindfulness?

      Studies reveal a direct link between mindfulness practices such as meditation, breathwork and yoga, and an array of health benefits.

      Mindfulness Can Lower Your Blood Pressure

      A 2022 study in the Journal of Tehran University Heart Centre found that mindfulness meditation “showed a significant reduction in the mean blood pressure, stress, depression and anxiety scores, as well as a significant improvement in different aspects of quality of life in patients.” Fabulous news!

      It Can Reduce Inflammation

      A 2019 study found that mindfulness meditation helped the brain manage stress – a known inflammation trigger – and therefore could reduce levels of inflammation.

      Mindfulness Can Promote Better Sleep

      A 2018 study found a promising correlation between mindfulness practises and better sleep with less disturbance. Other experts believe it might even help fight insomnia, too.

      It Can Help You Recover Quicker From Stress

      While it’s kinda the whole point for mindfulness to nix stress, it could also help you bounce back from current stressors. That’s likely because mindfulness equips you to better respond to stress, helping you recover from it faster.

      It Can Positively Influence Willpower and Interpersonal Relationships

      Studies have found that when you practise mindfulness, your ability to react to relationship stress is better. Also, your satisfaction in relationships improves.

      It’s Good For Your Immune System

      Physically, mindfulness practices enhance immune functioning and foster greater bodily awareness.

      It Can Shift Your Mindset

      When you practise mindfulness, a few great things happen. “Mindfulness is more than just a practice,” says Cami Barausse, Head of Yoga at Virgin Active. “It’s a whole mindset shift.”

      It Can Give You Emotional Balance And Mental Clarity

      “For many, it has offered a transformative pathway towards mental clarity and emotional balance,” says Barausse.

      It Can Help You Handle Pressure

      “Mindfulness can empower you to navigate through life’s daily pressures with composure, ensuring that you view challenges as transient phases,” Barausse explains.

      It’s Great For Fitness Enthusiasts

      Additionally, mindfulness offers a plethora of performance benefits for sportspeople and fitness enthusiasts. For athletes, the holistic benefits derived from mindfulness practices can be especially pronounced. Personal trainers and coaches often encourage daily mindfulness and meditation to boost their overall performance and recovery.

      READ MORE: How To Turn Those Forgotten Resolutions Into Attainable Goals

      How To Practise Mindfulness

      “Incorporating mindfulness into one’s routine can be a game-changer for anyone looking to elevate their wellness journey,” says Barausse. For her, it can be as simple as incorporating the practice into your everyday life.

      “Dedicate a few minutes each morning, during a break, or before sleep. Find a quiet space, focus on your breathing, and gently acknowledge your thoughts before bringing your attention back to your breath. This simple practice can anchor you in the present, enhancing your day or preparing you for restful sleep.”

      But if you’re not quite ready to be alone with your thoughts, these activities can help you settle into the present moment, too.

      1. Practise Mindfulness With Yoga

      “The social aspect of mindfulness as a group makes it a validating, often profound experience, which many people find spiritually significant,” says Barausse. So head to your local gym to try out a yoga class.

      By focusing on your breathing as you work your way through each pose, you allow yourself to focus only on the present moment – which in itself is an act of mindfulness. Allow other thoughts to melt away and focus only on your breath, each moment, and how it feels.

      Want to get started at home? Try this easy 15 minute yoga flow.

      2. Try Walking Meditation

      If it’s hard to sit in one position while focusing on creating mindfulness, so why not try a meditative walk? During the walk, focus on your breath, the air and objects around you.

      And if you want to level up those walks, why not take on our WH Walking Challenge right here.

      READ MORE: 18 Mental Health Books For Anxiety, People-Pleasing And More

      3. Use Journalling

      Nothing forces you to zero in on your emotions quite like flooding the pages of your diary with your thoughts. While you’re writing, you’re forced to focus on the words you’re creating, which creates mindfulness. You can also take note of the texture of the paper, the way the ink flows, and where in your body you’re holding tension.

      Want to get started? Here are 15 wellness journals you can buy right now.

      4. Do Crafts

      Any activity that requires you to use your hands and stay focused on your given task is a gateway to mindfulness. Keep yourself from wondering thoughts by focusing on the task at hand, like perfecting your brushstroke as you paint.

      5. Eat Mindfully

      Not only is this a healthier way to consume food, it also has mood benefits. While chewing, focus on the feel of your food, the way it smells and how it’s filling you up. You’ll be surprised to see you’ll likely eat less, too.

      6. Try An App

      Mindfulness and meditation apps help you settle into the OG meditation practice. They’ll also let you customise things like the voice, listening time and more. Try apps like Headspace, Calm or Insight Timer.

      3 Mindfulness Apps To Download

      Headspace app

      Calm app

      Insight Timer More

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      Could Bed Rotting Be The Answer To Your Self-Care Struggles?

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      New Age, TikTok wellness trends will have you believe that everything your parents taught you about waking up early daily and making your bed is as irrelevant and outdated as a feature phone. Take for instance the latest fad: bed rotting (the tag has garnered more than 2 billion views on TikTok)!

      Ever had those weekend episodes where your eyes are wide awake (yay, new day!), but your body tells you that it doesn’t feel like leaving the bed. So, you end up eating, reading, catching on the latest season of Love Is Blind, taking calls, mindlessly browsing the rabbit hole that is the ‘net – all from comfort of your bed! Yep, you may have done this a couple of times already but thanks to GenZers redefining life as we’ve always known it via TikTok, the trend now has a phrase. What you call being consciously unproductive your grandmother may call pure laziness – but however you see it, let’s delve deeper into what ‘bed rotting’ a.k.a. ‘much-deserved rest’ entails – and how to do it right!

      READ MORE: 5 Reasons This Mauritius Holiday Is A Wellness Dream

      What You Do In Bed Matters

      Granting yourself a lazy day every once in a while is purely warranted and is no new concept. However, equally important is knowing when bed rotting is totally healthy and when it’s feeding into your existing mental health issues. “If, for instance, you’re already struggling with basic day-to-day functions and you’d rather sleep than face certain emotions head-on, sleeping or spending more time in bed could signal depression and other mood disorders,” explains counselling psychologist Selloane Molalogi-Makau, adding that if you’re constantly feeling lethargic and feel safer spending time in bed than anywhere else, perhaps it’s time to seek professional help.

      If, however, there is nothing alarming about your behaviour and you function just as well when you’re not cooped up in bed, Molalogi-Makau, suggests setting time limits to how much time you’re going to spend ‘bed rotting’ could be a good idea. For instance, are you going to use that time catching up on to-do list items that you didn’t get to in the week or are you immersed in a book whose storyline literally transports you to another world?

      “Just be careful not to indulge in anything that could upset you, stress you out or make you feel like your bed is safer than being out there in the world,” warns Molalogi-Makau.

      A February 2023 study by the University of Bath found that “long-term inactivity significantly increases blood sugar levels even if you reduce your food intake to avoid gaining weight.” While another pilot study published in the National Library of Medicine found that there was a correlation between “sleeping or lying in bed all day and an increased risk of stress and depression, systemic inflammation and other psychological and cardiovascular ailments.”

      READ MORE: Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

      Bed Rotting Done Right?

      Durban-based psychologist Lindani Mnyaka believes that there’s nothing sinister with bed rotting – provided it’s done once in a blue moon, as opposed to regularly. He does, however, add that nothing adds meaning to our lives such as kicking that duvet cover and being up and about creating a life of meaning. He also highlights the importance of constantly checking in one’s mental health state, so as to avoid sinking into a mood disorder without being aware of it.

      Changing your sleep schedule drastically ultimately does more harm than good for your mental and physical health, says Mnyaka. Per a 2019 Harvard Health report, “too much sleep can lead to too little energy.” Why is that? “Because it appears that any significant deviation from normal sleep patterns can upset the body’s rhythms and increase daytime fatigue,” according to the report. That said, Mnyaka agrees with Molalogi-Makau re: setting a limit to how much time time you’re going to spend in bed, as well as mapping out exactly what you’ll be doing.

      Among some of the activities he suggests are reading, watching a series, colouring in, sewing in buttons (time to own a sewing kit!) or a catch-up video call with a loved one. “It’s also very important to mention that just because a health trend has attracted billions of views doesn’t necessarily make it a healthy solution. People really need to start scrutinising

      READ MORE: 20 Fitness Apps To Kickstart Your Wellness Journey

      A Problematic Title, Maybe?

      Perhaps worth asking is – why is resting referred to as rotting, when the former is actually a good thing (and especially when self-care/resting comes in many forms? What’s self-care to one person may not work for another individual and such is the case with many subjective practises. TikTokers are probably rolling their eyes this very minute and thinking – what’s in a name, anyway? If there’s anything that we should take away from the bed rotting trend, it’s that aimless and unplanned rest – especially in a culture that praises busyness over relaxation – is completely healthy and okay. We’re allowed to take care of ourselves, the best way we know how. More

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      How Dyslexia Led Me To A Thriving Career In Art

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      Lerato Motau’s art career is testament to the fact that life is never to be measured by what we lack or can’t do. This also happens to be a lesson that she has instilled in her two daughters – one of whom is dyslexic just like her. Things started unfolding when Lerato Motau; an artist who employs paint and embroidery in her work; was in Grade 8. Aged 16, she had just failed Grade 8 for the third time when her mother was called in by the school to inform her that: “Something is wrong with your daughter.” 

      READ MORE: Radio Personality Gugu Mfuphi On The Lessons Learnt During Her Kilimanjaro Summit — And More

      The school insisted that she consult an educational psychologist. The year was 1990 and such services were few and far in between.

      “My mother took me to Baragwanath Hospital (now Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital) where luckily, they’d soon be having an educational psychologist from the UK consulting for them. “Following a range of tests, the educational psychologist diagnosed me with dyslexia and explained that a remedial school wouldn’t work for my condition,” she recalls.

      Dyslexic as a teen, Lerato’s self-esteem took quite a knock while her anxiety peaked. Confused, she kept asking herself: “How will I navigate the world? What would my peers think of me? How am I going to explain myself?”

      But as the saying goes, nothing beats accepting a situation for what it is. 

      Enter Art

      Lerato’s mom enrolled her at the Johannesburg Art Foundation in Saxonworld, Johannesburg. Here, Lerato realised that while she couldn’t express herself using the written word, she did far better in oral exams and when creating things with her hands. “Art school taught me to speak up and boosted my confidence because I clearly had a talent and could finally do something right. The lecturers were really attentive to students’ needs which made me feel comfortable in class.

      “Making art made me feel talented. I majored in painting. I graduated with a Fine Arts and Teaching Diploma Enrolled in 1994 and later enrolled for a Craft Enterprise qualification at the Craft Council where we were taught how to run our art like a business. In 2005, I did another short course in basic embroidery. In the same year, I attended a handmade felt making workshop which included crocheting and knitting,” she explains.

      In fact, it was during this very workshop where she remembered just how much she loved needlework in primary school and years later, it was beneficial. “In that moment, I remembered that nothing ever happens by chance,” she muses. 

      READ MORE: These 3 Mental Exercises Can Help You Find Your Purpose In Life At Any Age

      Stitching Stories Together

      Lerato started making art in 1996 after being introduced to an art collector by a friend and mentor. With all the skills she had learned, Lerato experimented with textile art, choosing to fuse painting with embroidery. “Every stitch goes through a journey and every artwork tells a unique story,” she says. Lerato has since had two solo exhibitions since the start of her career in 2010 and 2022 respectively. She’s also been commissioned by many corporates to create her unique pieces for display at their offices – among them SAB, Nandos London, ABSA, FNB, Pikitup, BRT Maraisburg bus station, Exxara (previously Eyesizwe), FNB, The Leonardo in Sandton, DBSA (Botswana) and the North West University satellite campus located in the Vaal.

      She also teaches kids basic embroidery and art with the aim that they will grow up knowing that academia is not the only path to success. Her work has also been showcased at international exhibitions – her most recent being at the Affordable Art Fair in the UK, where her gallery Art in the Yard went on her behalf. 

      Overcoming Dyslexia

      “When my first daughter was born, I couldn’t spell nor write her name. When I was younger, my mom would write basic information for me in a diary. Dyslexia affects the most basic things, things that many take for granted,” explains Lerato, adding that she can’t read English, Setswana and Afrikaans but she’s sharp with numbers.

      Lerato still keeps a diary where she writes the basic info that she needs daily – and that makes life easier. For instance, when she has to fill out a form, she’ll write down all the info in her diary and then copy everything across. For work, she makes notes with every piece that she creates and has a friend who writes all her proposals. “When I knew that I’d overcome dyslexia was when she taught her daughters how to read using the sounding out method. When my eldest daughter was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of four, I had long spotted the signs and was determined to help her overcome it early,” she enthuses.

      Her eldest daughter is currently in her second year at university. And unlike in her own case where dyslexia affected her self-esteem, Lerato always urges her daughter to explain dyslexia to those who don’t understand and share her story to inspire others. “I always encourage parents to take teachers’ feedback seriously –  thinking that your child is being victimised may be a waste of the child’s life/time. There are so many resources and professionals who are well equipped to help children co-exist well with dyslexia.”

      READ MORE: Here’s Why Burnout Among Women Is A Bigger Issue Than You’d Think

      Lessons Learnt

      Where dyslexia is concerned, there are still a lot of myths that need to be demystified. “There are many successful and famous people, such as Whoopi Goldberg, Richard Branson and Tom Cruise amongst others, who have overcome dyslexia. When I tell my story to people who don’t know me, they immediately assume that I’m disabled then turn around and ask how dyslexia works because I seem complete,” she says, adding that she’s learnt to not judge people based on their looks.

      Second to that, Lerato always remembers how far she’s come and has committed to laughing and smiling regularly.

      “I once saw a meme that said, ‘when we laugh, our bodies don’t recognise that there’s nothing funny happening’.” Lastly, she credits her healthy state of mind to therapy. “If it weren’t for therapy, I’d still be angry at the teachers and everyone else who used to make fun of me.” 

      Below is some of the art Lerato created from scratch for the Affordable Art Fair in the UK, which opened on 18 October 2023.

      To buy her art or to organise a private viewing, contact Lerato on Facebook (Lerato Motau) and Instagram (LeratoMotauStudios).  More

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      These 3 Mental Exercises Can Help You Find Your Purpose In Life At Any Age

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      From the outside, it looked as if Tenise Hordge, 39, had it all. After spending 18 years climbing the corporate ladder, the engineer had the impressive title, big salary and corner office. But she wasn’t happy.

      After her daughter was born prematurely in 2017, she began to feel adrift at work. Who cares about this title I have? she remembers thinking. It didn’t help her carry her baby to full term. The money was not helping her daughter come home from the hospital sooner. Then came 2020. Hordge was exhausted, in so many ways. “I didn’t want to continue being this person I no longer was,” she says.

      You might call it an identity crisis, but psychologists would describe what Hordge was going through as a crisis of purpose.

      What does that actually mean?

      Purpose is a driving force in your life that connects you to values and ideals bigger than yourself, says psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a WH advisor and the author of Nervous Energy. Some prioritise crushing it in their careers. Excellence is a value, “so the drive to be excellent as a professional can be a purpose,” says Carmichael. But purpose can also take other forms—you may be motivated to devote yourself to religion, create art, or advocate for a social cause.

      “You can create meaning in your life no matter your circumstances.”

      All this may seem a bit abstract, but research shows purposeful living has a real impact on our well-being. Not only are those who move through life with a defined purpose more likely to stay happy in their jobs, but they are also better at keeping up with regular health screenings and less likely to have anxiety and depression. A strong sense of purpose has been linked to greater longevity too.

      It can be good to intentionally rethink and renew your purpose periodically throughout your life. This helps you stay in tune with what’s important to you at different points in time. FYI: Adults are more likely to feel happy with their life if they have a purpose and concrete strategies to carry out that purpose, a study in Frontiers in Psychology found.

      On that note, let us introduce you to a process called “life crafting.” It involves actively reflecting on your life via writing and thinking exercises—then setting goals to make changes so that how you spend your time aligns with what you value most, says Michaéla Schippers, a professor of behaviour and performance management at Rotterdam School of Management at Erasmus University in the Netherlands, who coined the term.

      You’re prompted to take an honest look at your passions, skills and even social life. “For a lot of people, without realising it, they find they are working a certain job or living in a way their parents wanted for them or what they think society demands of them,” says Schippers.

      Life crafting involves actively reflecting on your life—then setting goals to make changes.

      In Hordge’s case, it definitely took time—and a lot of planning—to figure out her next steps. Hordge wanted to help new moms navigate the challenges she faced, especially in breastfeeding. When her daughter was in the NICU, having a lactation consultant made a huge difference. She decided that was what she wanted to do and nailed down the specifics of how to turn it into reality. First, she used her bonus to cover a year’s worth of expenses. She and her husband paid off their car loans and debts. She found a certification program near her family so she could complete her clinical hours and have help with her two children. She found a lawyer and set up an LLC. Hordge now runs her own business helping new moms.

      “You can create meaning in your life no matter your circumstances,” Schippers says. “But what’s really important is that you have to set aside time to focus on it. It’s something you create for yourself. You’re the only one who can do it.”

      The good news is anyone willing to put in the effort can reap the benefits of life crafting. Keep reading for a step-by-step guide with exercises from experts to find your spark, design your future and set a unique and fulfilling vision in motion.

      READ MORE: 18 Mental Health Books For Anxiety, People-Pleasing And More

      1. Get to Know Yourself

      The first step is clarifying your values. “My biggest piece of advice is to relearn yourself,” Hordge says. “Once you understand who you are, you’ll know what’s important to you.” The cultural obsession with status or achievement drives many to go after the next pay raise or better title versus something truly meaningful to them. “For high-achieving women and especially women of colour, we’re valued and judged by what we do and not who we are,” says Omolara Thomas Uwemedimo, MD, founder of Melanin and Medicine. “That allows people to do all these things because of positive reinforcement from others without asking, ‘Is this what I really want?’”

      Explore Your Values

      Organising your thoughts in writing is key, per research. Ideally, you want to identify a passion that aligns with your values. So, from the two prompts below, pick one that speaks to you and write a short essay to discover where you stand:

      Look to the past. Your past experiences shape you, sure—but they can also teach you a lot about your purpose. “Look back at the moments in your life that have been meaningful to you,” Dr. Uwemedimo says. “That can help you find what brings joy and lead you to where you should put your focus.”

      Look to the future. Think about what kinds of relationships you’d like to have in your private and professional lives and what kind of career you want. Also, become aware of your current habits and skills while reflecting on the ones you adore or want to develop. That’s the first step toward breaking old patterns and building new routines.

      2. Set Goals

      Research shows that goals that are aligned with values are better for overall well-being. So, once you clarify your values, you’re already halfway there. Now give some thought to how you might turn them into action. For Hordge, that meant a career change. But finding your purpose can also mean simply creating space in your life to do more of what brings you meaning. For example, if it’s being a parent, a goal may be to find a way to delegate more tasks so you can spend time with your family.

      Imagine the Alternate Universe…

      Fantasise what your life will look like if you don’t take any actions. This actually motivates you to follow through because you’re confronted with the consequences of doing the opposite. Ask yourself, “What would my future look like five to 10 years down the road if nothing changes?”

      …Then Prioritise

      Write a passage laying out your ideal life. How would you spend your days if there were no limits of any kind? When Schippers started assigning first-year students this exercise, the university saw a 22 percent decrease in dropout rates among those who wrote it. List specific goals that will help you achieve your ideal life, then prioritise them. Identify the stumbling blocks that could get in your way and write down how you might work through them.

      READ MORE: Can Manifesting Really Help You Smash Your Goals?

      3. Open Up

      Finally, announce your plans to the world, Schippers says. Sharing your goals increases accountability and makes it more likely you will achieve them. Post your goals on Instagram, or simply talk through them with your partner or friend.

      It’s also important to start a new conversation with yourself. Life crafting can help you cultivate what’s known as an “internal locus of control.” With it, you believe it’s within your control to shape and affect the outcome and experience you have in life.

      Visualise Your Success

      Once you get the ball rolling, spend a few minutes each day or week picturing yourself living the ideal life you wrote about in your essay. If your goal is to travel the world, you might imagine looking up at the northern lights or chatting with the locals in Rome. Then envision yourself messaging your 2023 self to let her know you’re proud of her. “This can help you feel connected to the person you aspire to be,” Carmichael says. “This way, your aspirational self feels more attainable.”

      This article by Amelia Harnish originally appeared in the March 2023 issue of Women’s Health. More

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      4 Proudly South African Apps For Mental Health Support

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      There are very few things in life that we can never tire of talking about. And mental health should top that list. This, in a country where the stigma surrounding mental health challenges is still met with nonchalant responses such as, “you’re being lazy” or “just keep pushing”, therefore making it harder for people to ask for help. At around a R1000 and more for a consultation, quality mental health care has become the reserve of those with deep pockets! 

      South Africa’s mental health culture still sees many people choosing to suffer in silence and embarrassment instead of speaking out. Other than private mental health specialists, there aren’t many free or affordable mental health resources to cater to the population. 

      A 2022 research paper published by the Wits/Medical Research Council Developmental Pathways for Health Research Unit found that “South Africans suffer higher rates of probable depression and anxiety than other countries”. This was also a finding recorded by the Mental Health of the World report 2021 which, through the lowest mental health quotient score in the world, concluded that South Africa had a masked mental health crisis. To help you along on your mental health journey, we have compiled a list of apps and social media platforms to lean on when hard times strike. 

      READ MORE: 5 Morning Routines That Actually Work, According To Science

      Fee: Free for individualsAvailable: Android and iOS usersPanda is on a serious mission: to empower people to be proactive with their mental health battles. The user-friendly mobile app features tailored content, assessments, one-on-one therapy sessions as well as anonymous group sessions where you learn on topics ranging from anxiety to depression (and everything in between). The app offers three care packages for individuals, employees and insurers. 

      Fee: R185 per consultation or R120 for an express consultationAvailable: Android and iOS usersWith guaranteed quality healthcare at your fingertips, Kena Health has made it easy to consult a doctor or mental health professional directly. The app connects patients to qualified healthcare practitioners for advice, diagnoses, prescriptions and referrals to specialists or another place of care. Their aim: to make quality health care accessible at a steal.

      READ MORE: It’s Official: Stress Makes Us Crave Junk Food

      Fee: FreeAvailable: Android and iOS users Developed by medical doctors, WHOLE empowers users with ongoing self-care focused on holistic wellness in its entirety. How do they do this? Through a fun way to build healthy habits that can help improve mental health. Experiment with over 100 science-backed activities to boost your happiness. Plus, useful tips that keep you balanced all day and measure your progress. 

      READ MORE: “Social media had me romanticising my mental illness and put me in a hole.”

      Fee: FreeAvailability: Not available as an app yetDeveloped by IT entrepreneur Pieter Oosthuizen, this online support group helps you achieve your mental health and greater self-awareness through sharing and conversations. “The benefit of joining a support group has been widely recognised by mental health professionals around the world,” says Oosthuizen, who was inspired to launch the platform by his own sister’s battle with depression and anxiety.

      “Working with my sister, we started developing a platform that would enable anyone wanting to join any type of support group for a mental health condition or for life coaching generally to do so in a way that’s convenient, secure and affordable. It has also been designed to protect their privacy by allowing them to hide their identity from the host and other group members should they choose to do so.”

      READ MORE: Actress Shannon Esra On Learning To Trust Her Intuition

      More habits to hone

      Over some past few years, several studies have deduced that being constantly plugged into social media increased anxiety and depression. Taking a social media break is helpful for our mental health, as per the research findings of study by the Penn State University, USA and Jinan University, China. If you’re able to silence your mind for a few minutes a day (or more), then meditation also comes highly recommended. Several studies have, in the past, found that practising mindfulness and meditation ultimately leads to decreased stress levels. To get you started, we suggest downloading Insight Timer, Breathe2Relax or Smiling Mind for some guided meditation and breathwork. 

      Click here for some mental health resources and support if you’re in South Africa.  More

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      Actress Shannon Esra On Learning To Trust Her Intuition

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      The South African actress, best known for her impressive catalogue of local and international productions such as I Dreamed of Africa, The Queen, The Gamechangers, The River, Still Breathing and, more recently, season 2 of M-Net’s Lioness, is finally allowing her intuition to take centre stage.

      “I’ve spent a great deal of time not listening to my intuition and it’s because I hadn’t understood the voice that was speaking to me,” she says.

      Recently, she’s become conscious of where her intuition resides in her body. “For the most part of my life, I liked bouncing things off of people that I trust. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known people or how close you are to them, they will only understand certain dimensions. Whatever message comes from your own intuition is for you alone,” muses Shannon.

      Staying Connected

      READ MORE: Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

      The truest way to connect to herself? Tapping into what’s happening whenever her intuition nudges her. We spend much time receiving the bulk of our feedback from the outside world. And sometimes, we do so while ignoring our primal and instinctual knowledge of self – also forgetting that the brain and body are built for survival – notes Shannon.

      ”Clichéd as it may sound, what I know is that our instincts are never wrong.” Along with relying on her instincts more, Shannon is also invested in healing her past traumas through therapy. She has a Netflix feature Do Your Worst film that was released in March. The movie’s about a failing actress about to turn 40, who’s dealing with some seriously bad decisions.

      READ MORE: Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful And What To Say Instead

      Shannon didn’t particularly resonate with the character much, apart from the very real fear of being an out-of-work actor. “The character, Sondra, is a complete dits but the reason I bring her up is because when I’m in the midst of a project, I kind of become the person that I’m playing,” she explains.

      “I think, in this very strange way, every character that crosses my path comes to inevitably teach and open me up to something in myself that might not have presented itself without their influence. Every character comes at exactly the right time – it’s as if acting is its own type of wonderful healing and evolving experience,” she explains.

      Closed Off

      Shannon goes on to explain that in her world, embracing a character has been much easier than being her true self. Therapy, she acknowledges, helped her realise that she’d been a shutdown human. She cites two events, in particular, that led to her being closed off. Number one: Her love-filled childhood where she never learnt how to process her feelings, nor establish her own boundaries.

      “This created a perfectionist mentality in me, something that has troubled me for a large part of my life.”

      READ MORE: 10 South African TikTok Fitness Accounts That’ll Give You ALL The Motivation You Need

      The second event was a six-year relationship that she recently got out of. “I didn’t realise the extent of how its trauma had affected me because I grew up with that ‘if it doesn’t bleed, it doesn’t hurt’ mentality, which created space for me to keep shoving things under the rug.” Right now, Shannon only cares about being real, flawed and engaging in authentic conversations.

      Going Forward

      Her goal going forward? “…To be as self-aware and present as I can possibly be and, of course, listen to my intuition when something doesn’t feel quite right.” More

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      “Social media had me romanticising my mental illness and put me in a hole”

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      Mental illness, once maligned and stigmatised, is now in a new era, with people proudly opening up about their struggles. But have we gone too far and romanticised mental illness to the point of making it desirable? WH investigates. 

      It started with a giggle. One post that really felt like it saw me. Saw my depression in ways I had never even considered. Before I knew it, I was scrolling through the entire feed, liking and commiserating with this shadowy account choc-o-block full of memes detailing my battle with depression with such levity, I felt that it might be all ok. Everyone struggles to get out of bed, right? None of us feel good about getting dressed? Doing the dishes? Going out?

      Mental illness, destigmatised

      That’s not to say that all social media use is detrimental to your mental health. Fairuz Gaibie, a clinical psychologist, notes it can be helpful. “Social media and mental health-related posts or information can serve an incredibly important and positive purpose,” she says. “Many individuals have finally recognised in themselves that they may be struggling with more than just the everyday struggles through identifying with a post and therefore realising that something more serious might be at play.” It’s also helped immensely with destigmatising mental illness. “Many feel incredibly heard and seen through posts that convey to them their very own experiences and struggles,” Gaibie says. 

      Bolstered by feeling like I was being seen, my scrolls through Instagram pages were endless. Instead of getting up and walking my dog, I found myself in a veritable scroll hole. I was looking for any sign that other people were struggling like me. They became bastions of my stance on my deteriorating mental health. That yeah, it was ok to lie around and stew about my lack of motivation to complete basic tasks like washing or going outside for a bit.

      I didn’t realise there was a problem until it was too late and I had imbibed the personality of the memes I was constantly digesting. I’d self-isolated for weeks and foregone my weekly workouts in favour of downing glasses of wine after getting through a tough workday. My texts to friends became darker, more worrying. When I sent memes to friends, the laughing emojis were lacklustre, with some even commenting, “Everything ok?”.

      What romanticising mental illness looks like 

      Turns out, romanticising mental illness is a well-established trend, not only on social media, but in movies and TV, too. Like how Elle Woods in Legally Blonde snaps out of her breakup-induced depression so fast? And becomes fabulous overnight? A girl can dream. Or how Lana Del Rey’s music makes depression seem romantic, beautiful and desirable. 

      One study notes the proliferation of mental illness online and how it forms part of creating an entire identity. “The presentation of the self, performed by a popular creator on TikTok, often implies that a mental illness diagnosis adds to their attractiveness and popularity,” the author notes. 

      Mental illness, but make it #trendy

      “Glamourising [or romanticising] mental illness is the move from what would otherwise be described as a life-altering and impacting condition into a ‘trend,” explains Zahraa Surtee, psychologist. “Many people use terms such as ‘anxiety,’ ‘depression’ and ‘bipolar’ freely on social media, stripping these terms of their true importance and disregarding the importance of considering it an illness, rather than a mere phase one experiences.”

      It’s a double-edged sword, notes Gaibie. “The comfort of seeing yourself and your struggles in a meme or article and knowing that many others go through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting and helpful,” she says. “Beginning to normalise these experiences to the extent of no longer realising the need to address and work on the struggles, however, is deeply problematic.”

      Compounding this, people with mental health disorders are drawn to social media at higher rates, per one study. “Studies have reported that individuals living with a range of mental disorders, including depression, psychotic disorders, or other severe mental illnesses, use social media platforms at comparable rates as the general population, with use ranging from about 70% among middle-age and older individuals to upwards of 97% among younger individuals,” the authors note. What we’re looking for? Community, encouragement; a sense of belonging. But the community can fast become something ‘trendy’ and dangerous instead of helpful. 

      What trivialising mental illness looks like 

      You might find yourself laughing off the serious side effects of your mental illness when you should seriously evaluate what’s going on. This could be taking stock of all the patterns and habits that are pointing to something bigger. “Due to the romanticisation of mental illness, especially in the online sphere, many tend to look at it as something trendy to label themselves with, without the informed opinion of a mental health professional,” says Surtee. It’s something echoed in many responses from friends. I asked them about the rising trend and whether or not it’s affected them at all. One friend texted back, “OMG ME AS A 15-year-old being obsessed with Jeffree Star and wanting to be emo and shit.”

      The side-effects 

      For context, Jefree Starr, in his early days, struggled with self-harm and this encouraged other people to do the same; made it seem cool. “He basically was a walking advertisement for self-harm and shit back in his early days,” my friend texted me. “Seeing that as a kid was confusing because on one hand, he was openly gay so that was nice to see, but then the other stuff…” It’s a slippery slope to a dark place.

      Romanticising mental illness can lead to trivialisation of the problem, says Kerry Rudman, founder of Brain Harmonics International and neurofeedback practitioner, who works with people struggling with mental illness. “This can take many forms, such as romanticizing the struggles of people with mental illness or portraying it as an essential part of a creative or artistic lifestyle,” she says. “It can also involve promoting harmful stereotypes and misconceptions about mental illness or portraying it as something that is easily overcome with quick solutions.”

      Prime example: me, thinking it’s totally ok to lie about all day and do nothing at all fed my unrealistic idea of life as something perpetually depressing, without getting help for what was an untreated depressive episode. “We run the risk of getting far too comfortable with mental illness or psychological distress; perhaps equating the fact that many have these struggles with it being the way things kind of just are and that this is acceptable. Just because something is very common (of which struggles like depression and anxiety are), does not mean that it is healthy to accept it,” explains Gaibie. 

      The way out 

      Psychologists see the rising trendiness of trivialised mental illness, too. “Ever since I joined social media, roughly about 10 years ago, I have witnessed only an increase in the ‘trending’ of mental illness online,” says Surtee. “Social media is not a guarded space and we don’t always have control over what we’re exposed to, leading many to gather false information about mental illness and causing them to wrongly self-diagnose. Hashtags like #broken, #thinspo, and #depressingquotes are largely popular and followed by millions on social media.”

      It’s also a catch-22 since people reach out to social media for mental health support, per one study.

      But it’s hard to control the kinds of content you’re fed, especially on Explore and For You Pages. From that study, respondents noted that they often felt overwhelmed by content and felt ‘out of control’ when it came to picking what they wanted (and maybe needed) to see on social media. The study also noted that once your algorithm starts feeding you the content you’re looking for (mental health content), it’s hard to stop that or opt-out, barring quitting the app altogether. 

      So how do we break out of doom-scrolling our way into another episode? 

      The pendulum can swing too far to the other end of the spectrum, from destigmatising mental illness to romanticising it. But there are steps that can be taken to ease your way into prime mental health. 

      Minimise screen time

      First, you might want to step away from the screens. “Social media is not a space to seek therapy or holistically educate ourselves about illness,” cautions Surtee. “It speaks largely in generalities and not to us an individuals.”  Digital detox, anyone? 

      Get professional help

      Are the memes you’re turning to getting darker? Are you using them as a crutch instead of engaging in real self-care? A therapist can help. “Seeking professional help can help you gain a more realistic understanding of the challenges,” says Rudman.

      Practise self-reflection

      “Check in with yourself and your thoughts about mental health,” says Rudman. “Check if your beliefs or attitudes about it are based on accurate information or if they are influenced by media or societal messages.”

      Clean up your feed 

      Notice how certain accounts make you feel. Do they make you feel uncertain about yourself, make you feel down? Unfollow those accounts and make space for positivity and upliftment rather than comparison. More