Life & Work Skills

The first time I watched 13 Going on 30, I knew I wanted to be just like Jenna Rink—you know, “big-time magazine editor!” I fantasized about going to my NYC office, putting in a couple of really good years, and eventually finding my way to the top. I thought that’s all it took—showing up and working hard, year after year, to find myself in a corner office. It wasn’t until I got my first big girl job that I realized landing a leadership position has a lot more to do with your skills than your seniority.

According to Grace McCarrick, a Work Skills Consultant, Creator, and Speaker, there is one soft skill that matters the most: Discernment. She claims that it’s the one skill that can make or break your move from middle management to senior leadership—but that most people can’t hack it. The TikTok video she posted about this was so spot on, it went viral—reaching 2.8 million views and counting. It even made its way to the FYP of senior leadership here at The Everygirl, and they couldn’t agree more with what McCarrick had to say about the crucial soft skill. So, what is discernment, and why do we need it to become successful? Here’s the lowdown:

In this article

What is discernment?

Having discernment, by definition, is the ability to make a smart judgment about something. More specifically, it describes a wise way of judging between things or having a particularly perceptive way of seeing things. As a senior manager, this is crucial, but in order to have it, you usually need a major mindset shift and a lot of practice. McCarrick explains this shift by saying that when you’re early in your career, “you’re trying to find every mistake and everything that could go wrong and see how you can improve it.” But once you become a senior leader, this switches. Your job is to only point out “things you can actively make a difference in and that have value to the people sitting in the room.” Basically, discernment requires you to be more thoughtful and aware so you can see beyond the surface.

Without discernment, you’ll likely come off as a complainer, airing out all the problems that need fixing instead of offering solutions to those around you. McCarrick says this can make you look “incredibly juvenile,” in front of other senior leaders. It’s a make-or-break skill that requires active listening and self-awareness, but unfortunately, it’s not a skill that’s trained. You have to work on it daily, even after you reach the top.

5 ways to improve your discernment

Say less

The most effective way to work on your discernment is to zip it. The more time you spend talking, the less time you spend listening. For a lot of people, this is easier said than done. When you’re so used to bringing up every problem, not saying anything can make you feel like you’re not contributing, but it actually allows you to see the bigger picture.

“Not saying anything can make you feel like you’re not contributing, but it actually allows you to see the bigger picture.”

The next time you’re meeting with your team and you feel the urge to speak, take a step back and consider these three questions, as recommended by one commenter on McCarrick’s video: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said now? If the answer is yes, let other people speak first because what they have to say might change your mind.

Observe people whose energy you appreciate

Whether you’re sitting in a board room or on a remote call, take a moment to consider who you admire and why. How do they speak? What do they bring up? Odds are, you’re not looking to the person who is constantly complaining about every little thing. Instead, you might notice how well someone is listening, and what they contribute to the conversation once they do speak. Maybe there is an industry leader you follow online whose energy you admire. As you practice your own discernment, it helps to observe those who have this skill nailed down.

Take yourself out of the equation

As a senior leader, your job is to observe what matters to the people around you (including employees and stakeholders). To do this, McCarrick says you have to “stop applying your version of the world on top of [your] work environments.” Your version (or perspective) is only a small part of the equation, and other people have their own. You have to allow space for other people’s experiences in order to come up with a solution that benefits the team as a whole. If you are too distracted by your individual perspective, you’ll miss out on key issues.

“You have to allow space for other people’s experiences in order to come up with a solution that benefits the team as a whole.”

Assess your priorities

There are a lot of problems to fix in the workplace—your job is to determine which ones are worth prioritizing. What is minuscule versus what will move the needle? Oftentimes, small issues are part of a larger problem. Take a look at your workweek and see where you’re spending the most time. Are you constantly head down, crunching numbers, and fixing holes in the system? If so, take a step back (and take a deep breath, while you’re at it too) and reprioritize so your focus is set on the bigger picture.

Keep practicing

“Soft skills are a muscle,” according to McCarrick. You won’t wake up one day and have discernment; it requires constant practice to become good at it. So continue to observe the people you admire, set a goal to say 10 percent less in the next meeting and 20 percent after that, and keep working at it. Eventually, the problems and mistakes you were used to speaking about before will seem like small potatoes compared to the larger, overarching issues you’ll be capable of tackling next.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hailey Bouche, Associate Editor
As an Associate Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Bouche oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely. More

Of all the advice on social media, one sentiment has stuck with me: Being successful is about increasing your opportunity for luck. Whether you’re on the job hunt (good luck, babe), climbing the career ladder, or starting a business, moving forward isn’t just about talent and hard work—serendipity and luck play a major role in everyone’s success story. Sometimes, increasing your visibility means sending a hundred job applications to increase the chance you hear back from one. But more often, it means putting yourself in front of the right people and hoping, in the future, they’ll think of you. But here’s the catch: The most effective way to do this is (cue Jaws theme) networking.
Networking has gotten a bad rap. Something about it feels seedy and self-interested. I’ve definitely left interactions at networking events feeling like I walked into a job interview I wasn’t prepared for. Nightmare scenario. And I’m a people person. Against all odds, I thrive at house parties where I barely know anyone, and I always make friends when traveling solo. But the second you throw the word “networking” in the mix, my skin crawls, and my brain gets busy coming up with excuses to stay home.
However, I’ve gotten to the point in my career when I can’t deny it anymore: The benefits of networking outweigh the full-body ick that comes with the thought of doing it. When done well, networking is about creating relationships. It’s about making yourself memorable. It’s not like an audition; that’s more like an interview. If you network well enough, your good vibes might let you skip the traditional interview process altogether. It’s about showing off the work you’ve already done—kind of like a press tour.
Why I decided to treat networking like a press tour
Somehow, press tours have become some of the most intriguing pop culture events. More than award shows and interviews, the creative ways the entertainment industry has started to market itself is what’s making headlines and keeping us hooked on social media. From Erewhon smoothies to themed outfits—like Margot Robbie’s vintage Barbie references and Zendaya going full tennis-core for Challengers—press tours have to be more inventive than ever to get people to pay attention.
In the same vein, the job market is more competitive than ever. So, I decided to gamify the intimidating process of networking by thinking of it as a press tour. Lots of career advice is about thinking of yourself as a brand, but have you ever thought about yourself as a movie? Anecdotes about your work are like the trailer, and networking can even be fun if it’s a press tour.
While this might sound a little too abstract or a reach, challenging myself to start thinking this way has done the impossible: made me excited for networking events. And since a press tour is made of many different stops, I’ve been going to a lot of events to test this theory, increase my opportunity for luck, and feel a little like Zendaya in the process. Here are the steps I’m taking to press tour-ify networking and a few of the networking tips and lessons I’ve learned along the way:
How to treat networking like a press tour
1. Figure out your goals
Unlike sitting at your computer and tracking job applications, networking can feel fruitless because there is no real way to quantify it. Unless you put your own parameters in place. You can count business cards or tally every conversation you have, but to really feel like the effort is worth it, base your results on your goals.
For example, as a freelance writer, I attend events with other writers, editors, creators, brands, and more. If I were looking for more writing opportunities, a successful night would be one where I connected with an editor. If I were trying to get on more PR lists, I’d find the right contacts to get me the goods. And if I were looking to form a bigger community of writers, I’d go in resolute to make friends with the other creatives who pursue this career, and then ask them to co-work with me sometime.
My current goal is to get better at talking about myself. So, to get there, I’ve been talking to as many people as possible. While I make sure to ask them questions about themselves, I am trying not to lean on my usual habit of focusing on them to avoid talking about myself. Instead, I try to keep the conversation balanced and offer up anecdotes (that aren’t self-deprecating) about my work and my perspective. To me, it’s like the press tour interviews where the celebrities play with puppies or take lie detector tests. Those aren’t strictly about the project they’re working on, but they’re about getting people interested in the actors themselves. In a perfect world, my work would speak for itself. But there are lots of good writers. My goal is to get people interested in me so they can get interested in my writing, not the other way around.
2. Visualize your ideal definition of success
Now that you know what you want from your foray into networking, try to really visualize what success would look like. Is it a new job in a fancy high-rise building where you get to wear a chic blazer and lean into the corporate-core aesthetic? Is it an inbox full of accepted pitches? Is it a standing dinner date with a bunch of new friends in your industry? Get really clear on this visualization. Even make a vision board. Wherever you stand on the idea of manifestation, research shows that visualization boosts confidence. Since 76 percent of people who write down their goals actually achieve them, I like to make a vision board to visualize the career I want—and the path to get there. My most recent vision board has pictures from publications I’d like to write for, but also, you guessed it, pictures from really good press tours. Visualizing how to nail the process is just as important as imagining the end result. Like this whole press tour concept, it’s important to romanticize the journey.

“My goal is to get people interested in me so they can get interested in my writing, not the other way around.”

The key here is specificity. And aligning your vision with your goals. Do your research. Who are the key players in your industry? Whom do you aspire to be like? Who are the people who can make your dreams a reality? Knowing who they are can help you in two ways. First, you can take cues from their trajectories to inspire your own career. But it also helps you know who to talk to. As you do the networking circuit or attend conferences and events, just knowing who is in the room can give you a major leg up.
3. Rehearse your lines
Have you ever noticed that, during press tours, your favorite celebs will often tell the same stories? Over and over, they talk about that one funny moment behind the scenes or the well-rehearsed tale about how they landed the job, prepared for the role, or wrote the song. It’s because they know it’ll work. Those moments are chosen to showcase something about their project that will reel you in and keep you thinking about them. And while I would advise against writing a script and sounding too rehearsed, having some anecdotes on hand can help alleviate your nerves and keep you talking about things that are relevant to your goals—without veering into boring territory.
This is different than an elevator pitch. It’s not a pitch at all. Just keep a few anecdotes in your back pocket alongside a quick explanation of who you are and what you do. I can’t count the times I’ve resorted to the cliche of weather talk because I couldn’t think of something to say. Prepping a couple of illustrative tidbits helps keep my goals front of mind. I’ve been sharing the tale of the time I got a tarot reading on a brand education trip. It reveals a little bit about me, namely my “woo woo” side, while also allowing me to segue into talking about the kind of writing I do and the people I’ve worked with.
4. Create a character — and dress like them
According to experts, when trying to become a new version of yourself, you should act as if you already are the person you want to be. Essentially, fake it until you make it. How does this person spend their days? How do they carry themselves? What do they wear? When coming up with this “press tour” concept, I thought about how the most fun press tours take every opportunity to reference their characters. The aforementioned Barbie and Challengers press tours are prime examples. In both cases, the cast channeled their characters to make audiences connect with the new characters. Ryan Gosling became Ken. Zendaya appeared in the audience of every major tennis match.
In the same way, the version of myself I take to networking events is me but better. She’s a little more polished, and her life looks like my vision boards. To get into character, I dress like a higher version of myself. I didn’t buy a slew of expensive outfits to wear once—this isn’t a real press tour. But I did buy a couple of cool new pieces to get me out of my comfort zone and into character. New clothes also helped me get excited for the first few networking events. No matter how nervous I was, I got a little confidence boost from the feeling of wearing a new outfit.

“I’ve gone from feeling like I’m playing a role every time I step into a room full of potential connections to feeling like this ‘character’ I created really is a version of myself.”

So the feeling doesn’t wear off, I’ve challenged myself to wear the same pieces, styled differently, to each event. It helps give me some continuity: I know I feel confident in this shirt, so I can step into this character every time I wear it. Plus, exploring how to wear it—jeans one night, a pair of mushroom-colored work pants the next, and mary janes the next—makes each night an opportunity for reinvention.
5. Go solo
The hardest thing to get used to about networking: going alone. While bringing a plus-one can help you feel intimidated, it can also keep you from potentially generative conversations. It’s easy to stand in the corner talking to a bestie but remember: We’re trying to give ourselves every opportunity for luck. The people huddled together at these events don’t get approached as much as the other people who are walking around alone. The first couple of times, I FaceTimed my friends before leaving for the event just to get loose and get myself in the mood to yap. You can’t buy the kind of confidence you get from a quick call with someone who knows (and believes in) you.
6. Keep showing up for yourself
The first networking event I approached with this tactic, I was full of apprehension. It took a few tries to successfully work my practiced anecdotes into conversation and make my self-pitch sound natural. But with each interaction, it got a little bit easier. By the end of the first event, I was buzzing. Despite their rocky starts, each conversation I had was way more generative than any other time I had dipped my toes in the networking waters. I found myself looking forward to the next one instead of dreading it.
Just a few months in, I’ve seen a change. I’ve gone from feeling like I’m playing a role every time I step into a room full of potential connections to feeling like this “character” I created really is a version of myself. And she has gotten so good at starting conversations. While my goal of improving my ability to talk about myself is a little hard to measure, I’ve already seen the results. When I sit down to write pitches or warm emails, I sound much more confident over email. I don’t let nerves make me procrastinate my emails, either. I apply the same principles and get a boost of confidence.
7. Embrace your newfound confidence
Confidence has been the main benefit of this exercise. It’s almost impossible to not be confident when channeling Zendaya and Margot Robbie. But one thing I didn’t expect: I don’t really need to imagine being them anymore. Hearing myself say positive things about myself over and over to strangers—and having them respond positively—has given me a major self-esteem boost. This has created a positive feedback loop where because I’m feeling more confident, I have an even better time at networking events, which boosts my confidence even more. Never one for gatekeeping, I’ve told all my friends about the personal and professional growth I’ve seen with this approach, and they’re taking it on, too.
The main benefit of this “press tour” concept is keeping my momentum going. When it comes to networking, your work is never finished. At some point, you become the person people are trying to meet—and that’s what you’re working toward. But something with such abstract benefits can be hard to get out of bed for. But when I’m tempted to bed rot after a day of work instead of putting on my networking outfit and leaving the house, I pump myself up by reopening my vision board and remembering that if I want my life to feel like a movie, I have to go on the press tour.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Langa Chinyoka, Contributing Writer
Langa is a Los Angeles-based writer and strategist. She is currently an editor and content strategist at a marketing agency. Her work has appeared in The Paris Review, British Vogue, Highsnobiety, Eyeswoon, Camille Styles, The Good Trade, and more. More

Remember water cooler chats? The water cooler or the break area were places you could step away from your desk and let the corporate mask slip. It was a space to let off steam about overbearing supervisors or difficult-to-work-with colleagues. However, now that 22 percent of people work remotely, many “water cooler chats” are restricted to company-provided networks like Slack or Microsoft Teams, and those messages are not private.
While it’s human nature to commiserate, many companies have admonished employees for gossiping. As more corporations rely on data to gauge productivity, they can use this same software to surveil your conversations. So, I can’t stress this enough: You really need to be careful about what you say in your work chats. We want you to keep your job in this chaotic market, so we’re breaking down six rules for slack etiquette to ensure your messages don’t get you fired.

MEET THE EXPERT
Alisha Banks
Alisha Banks is a business management consultant  and creative professional with a diversified background including specializations in product management, fraud prevention and analysis, and competitive intelligence.

1. Keep it neutral
It’s totally reasonable to have critiques about your job and employer. However, when airing your grievances to others, say less and stick to the bottom line. “Keep it neutral and avoid strong wording or stances,” Alisha Banks, Business Management Consultant, advises. While you’re within your right to challenge what is not working, be mindful of how you express your frustrations. For example, instead of saying you “hate” the new company-wide policies rolled out by management, speak about what you like. And for what you don’t, keep it neutral with a simple comment like, “I’m curious to see how these new policies will improve my workflow.” Remain objective and avoid empty complaints, as they can foster an uncomfortable environment for others and negatively affect their experience—giving your employer a reason to fire you.
2. Assume your employer reads your messages
Sometimes, we act before thinking and send off an emotionally charged message. And while you can delete or edit your Slacks, your employer can still view them afterward; oops. If it’s one of those days, and you can’t help but pop off over messages, may we suggest you do it with a tone of neutrality and follow it up with a solution? Using the example of new company-wide policies, refrain from reactive opinions and off-the-cuff remarks. Instead, use your passion to brainstorm with a teammate on alternative solutions to offer up to your supervisor. Most employers are solely focused on what’s best for the company, so tailor your complaints to be solution-oriented. Maybe when they read your messages, they’ll find your grievances warranted! If you really do need to blow off steam (we all have those days!), take the conversation offline and onto your personal devices. More than anything, we recommend venting to a friend, a partner, or your journal.
3. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to be repeated
From work wives to work besties, building close bonds in the workplace is natural and encouraged. However, it’s important to remember they’re still your colleagues, and you never know what’s being repeated to other workmates. Save the juicy gossip for your friends outside of work. “Obviously, be friendly to your colleagues, but remember these are your co-workers at the end of the day, and you don’t know who is telling who what, especially in this remote landscape,” says Banks.
4. Be mindful of your tone
Tone doesn’t always translate via texts, and if you primarily communicate with colleagues on Slack, it’s not guaranteed your messages won’t be taken out of context. When communicating online, keep it light and err on the side of optimism so your comments aren’t perceived as problematic. When used sparingly, emojis are a great tool to soften your delivery or convey a point succinctly and warmly.
5. Remain emotionally unattached
At the end of the day, you should work hard at your job, but remember it doesn’t define you. If it’s affecting your emotions, it might be time to take a step back and redefine your priorities. Expressing your frustrations occasionally can help relieve stress and even trigger an “aha moment” to a problem. But, if you’re often emotionally triggered at work, you may want to find an alternative outlet to let off steam. The age-old advice of taking a beat when angry before communicating applies at work, too. “Try not to be super emotionally attached to whatever is going on at work,” says Banks. And if you do find yourself activated at work, go for a short walk, do a short meditation in your car, or call a friend on your break to take your mind off things; opt for gentle practices that help center and ground you.
6. Set boundaries with coworkers
Sometimes, you’re not the one gossiping; instead, you’re a listening ear to disgruntled co-workers. This can be tricky because you’re technically still participating in the conversation, and your employer may assume you feel the same as your colleagues. Not to mention, work drama is distracting to your actual work, and you’ve got enough on your plate. “You don’t know who is watching, and at the end of the day, it’s better not to be involved in any drama,” Banks advises.
Set boundaries early and swiftly. Let your co-workers know you’re uncomfortable having those types of discussions at work, and if it’s important to you to hold space for them, suggest a meet-up outside of work. Gossip is best discussed over cocktails, anyway.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jasmine Desiree, Contributing Writer
Jasmine Desiree is an L.A.-based writer and editor who covers everything from beauty and lifestyle to interior design. Her writing can also be found in Coveteur, Architectural Digest, POPSUGAR, and more. She loves covering people, places, and trends that are innovative and influential to the culture. More

Up until working at The Everygirl, every job I’d ever had had a dress code that bothered me to no end. From a “no shoulders” rule as a concert usher in high school to a “covered knees, covered chest” rule at a restaurant job in college, I along with many others hear society’s message loud and clear: dressing modestly equates to being taken seriously, and therefore makes you “better” at what you do. Let it be known that acknowledging this ideal as a misogynistic dumpster fire is far from a new revelation. But through none other than the power of TikTok, Gen Z women have recently brought the conversation of what it means to “dress professionally” in the workplace to the forefront—and we should absolutely be hearing them (and their stellar office ‘fits) out.
However, the nuances of the great work attire debate cannot go unrecognized. One TikTok video that garnered quite a bit of buzz sums them up perfectly, as a woman shared how she was asked to reschedule a job interview because she was wearing shorts, with almost all of the 30K+ comments agreeing that she deserved to be turned away. You could argue that this ends the conversation, point-blank period: What you wear to work does, in fact, matter. Well, it does matter, yes—but not for the reasons we’ve been conditioned to think, and maybe not for much longer. Here’s how women in the office today are challenging what it means to “dress professionally”:

The narrative that clothing defines capabilities is changing day by day
I’ll say it: I have seen more cool, creative, expressive, it-girl outfits in office OOTD TikToks than I have on some NYFW runways—and that is a world I want to live in. Unfortunately, change doesn’t happen overnight. That said, our “for you” pages are flooded with videos challenging the traditional office dress code norms set by past generations, not from a place of rebellion but from one of self-expression and a desire to feel confident in the workplace.
Emily Blair Media, an award-winning public relations agency, sets a perfect example of a workplace that sees fashion as a way to empower instead of hinder. Controversially, they openly have a “no dress code” policy in their Gen Z-dominated office. They frequently share office OOTDs on TikTok amongst their impressive “on-the-spot” PR pitches and inspiring advice sessions, demonstrating how someone’s OOTD in no way defines what they bring to the table as a hard-working woman.

A bright-colored top, naked knee, or a sneaker does not negatively impact anyone’s performance—an environment that hyper-sexualizes or shames the expression of its employees does. Associating modest, business attire with how seriously someone takes their job is a deep-rooted patriarchal belief and standard that will take time to reverse, and these silly little videos have become a huge stepping stone in that process.
Workwear expectations are outdated, to say the least
You think you fell out of a coconut tree? When it comes to office dress codes, Kamala Harris kind of hit the nail on the head. Particularly in 9-to-5 corporate spaces, the expectation of what employees (particularly women) should wear to work is a long-standing tradition that has reigned supreme for much longer than the newer generation’s widespread push to redefine it. Like all social or political movements, challenging prejudiced norms is a mandatory first step to creating the change we want to see. However, it’s not until people who embody our visions are in positions of power that the culture will shift entirely. Will your 57-year-old boss in finance ever come to terms with you stunting your eclectic grandpa aesthetic in the all-staff? Probably not. But, promotion by promotion, we are moving closer to that reality.

A bright colored top, naked knee, or a sneaker does not negatively impact anyone’s performance—an environment that hypersexualizes or shames the expression of its employees does.

The goalposts shift little by little with each generation
Like Emily Blair Media, there are already Gen Z-dominated companies that have shifted dress code expectations entirely, but there are not quite enough to change these universally accepted rules of thumb overnight—and that’s totally OK. As of right now, HR, manager, and CEO roles are filled by generations more accustomed to traditional office dress codes—whether they are boomers, Gen X, or millennials. So, making a complete 180-degree switch is easier said than done. However, things are changing. At The Everygirl, for example, our predominantly millennial-led meetings feature women rocking no makeup and matching sweat sets. And when we’re in the office, everyone’s unique personal style is on full display—even if “unique” sometimes means collectively pulling up like a ’90s Gap ad.
Until a time when younger generations outnumber the older ones in positions of authority, patience is key. Is this a bit frustrating at times? Yes. But can we still push the boundary of what it means to dress professionally within these rules? Absolutely, and those rules will evolve generation after generation.

There are more stylish days ahead for employees
Through these fun little TikTok videos, Gen Z has made it known that the conversation of what it means to “dress professionally” isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. At the end of the day, dressing in a way that makes you feel like the most powerful, confident, and productive version of yourself should be the baseline standard, and however that manifests itself from person to person shouldn’t matter. The narrative of “professional dress” will be completely flipped on its head in due time. Until then, all we can do is continue to push boundaries where we can, keep the discourse going both online and next to the office water cooler, and know that there are brighter (and God knows more stylish) days ahead.

MEET THE AUTHOR
As the Branded Content Editorial Assistant, McKenna assists the sales team with the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, pitching and contributing stories of her own, and more. Some of her favorite topics to write about are entertainment, culture, and lifestyle. More

There’s no arguing that we live in a digital world. From TikTok rants to latte art Instagram stories to long Facebook updates from our families, we are constantly tuned in on multiple different platforms. While this can be a good thing (shoutout to FaceTime for sponsoring long-distance relationships), having constant notifications on our phones can also take its toll on our mental health. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good IG story, and I spend more time than I care to admit watching cute otter videos on TikTok; however, when I see good news come up in my feed, whether it be someone I know or a random high schooler getting into Yale, I notice a shift in my emotions that can only be described as envy.
I graduated with a degree in music theatre because I love performing and sharing stories, so why am I jealous of my friend who just got promoted at her 9 to 5 in finance? And why did I feel the need to one-up her? Not only was I confused as to why I wasn’t happy for her, but I felt ashamed that I was so desperate for attention that I was grasping to make up a success of my own to share. I knew I needed to make a shift, and I noticed a pattern in the successful women around me: They all succeed in silence. Here’s why it’s the most important lesson I’ve learned from successful women.
Why Succeeding in Silence is The Most Crucial Lesson I’ve Learned from Successful Women
Succeeding in silence isn’t meant to diminish your accomplishments or isolate you from your support system; rather, it helps you protect your peace and ensure you’re working toward your accomplishments for the right reasons. The days of working your way up the corporate ladder because it’s “what you’re supposed to do” or applying to law school to make your parents happy are over. Succeeding in silence is as much about keeping a low profile as it is working towards something you alone actually want to achieve.
I know “succeed in silence” sounds like something your mother might tell you at the kitchen table because she thinks you’re gloating too much, but this mentality can keep you safe from a rollercoaster of emotions. Whether you’re like me and tend to see everything as a competition or struggle with imposter syndrome and feel like you need others to validate your accomplishments, choosing to refrain from sharing your success can actually help you gain internal peace and pride in your work.
When I stopped posting every update and achievement online, I gained so much clarity. I no longer chase outside validation and instead do the things I’m truly passionate about. Remember, your achievements are still achievements regardless of whether you announce them to the world or not—they don’t need to be displayed on social media to be valid.

Remember, your achievements are still achievements regardless of whether you announce them to the world or not—they don’t need to be displayed on social media to be valid.

How You Can Practice Succeeding in Silence
If you find yourself getting caught in the comparison trap that is your social media feeds, adopting a “succeed in silence” mentality might be the secret to kicking those feelings of imposter syndrome and inadequacy to the curb for good. If you’re not sure how to actually do this, years of practicing this mindset have made me somewhat of an expert. My best tips for succeeding in silence below:
1. Don’t post every single life update
We all have that one person we compare ourselves to, no matter how hard we try. Even with Instagram’s mute feature, we still somehow end up hearing about all the amazing things they’re doing and accomplishing and feeling like failures ourselves. While you might think posting more about what you’ve been up to will stop you from feeling insignificant, it will actually do the opposite because you’re posting to keep up with or outdo someone else. It might seem like the unnatural thing to do, but going incognito will allow you to refocus all the time and energy spent worrying about what they’re up to on yourself, ultimately helping you achieve your goals faster. Don’t feel like you need to advertise your plans and progress to everyone for them to be valid—your goals are valid because they’re important to you.
2. Focus on celebrating rather than sharing your accomplishments
Let me make it so clear that I am the biggest advocate for celebrating the little moments in life. You don’t need to win a Nobel Peace Prize to deserve recognition for your accomplishments. However, there is a difference between celebrating success and sharing success, especially on social media.
You can celebrate without seeking validation from your followers, especially if that’s something that’s caused you stress in the past. Perhaps you order take-out instead of cooking dinner to celebrate a big win at work; treat yourself to your favorite fruit at the farmer’s market because you crossed a mini-milestone in that side project you’re working on. Or, if it’s a big win, you finally pull the plug and book that trip to Spain. Whatever and however you celebrate it, the joy will last longer than the dopamine rush from your follower’s words of affirmation.
3. Delete the apps
OK, raise your hand if you get a jump scare when you see your weekly screen time report. It’s me, I’m raising my hand. When I was at the peak of using competition to mask my self-doubt, instead of deleting social media, I just turned off the screen time notifications. This ultimately agitated my anxiety even further and made me become a person I didn’t want to be.
Eventually, I came to my senses and realized that 90 percent of the negativity I felt day-to-day came from social media, and I realized the quickest fix was not unfollowing people or muting them but rather just going cold turkey and deleting the apps. Like I said before, we live in a digital world and social media can be an exceptional tool, especially for small businesses and creatives, but if you’re using it to try to feel better about yourself, the only way to actually do that is to stop sweeping things under the rug and finally come to terms with where your insecurity is ultimately stemming from.
This doesn’t mean you have to be incognito forever; Instagram can come and go from your home screen as it needs to. If you follow me, you know I LOVE a good Instagram story and reel; however, whenever I sense social media is doing more harm than good, I just delete the apps. Deleting social media is like listening to your body about food—if gluten hurts your tummy, you stop consuming it, so if social media is hurting your soul, stop consuming it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Bryanna Cuthill, Contributing Writer
Bryanna Cuthill is an NYC-based writer with a Bachelor of Music in Music Theatre from Baldwin Wallace University. Being a textbook hopeless romantic, and writing professional pretender on her taxes, Bryanna is no stranger to being delulu and achieving a teaspoon of success for every cup of rejection. She truly believes the pen is mightier than the sword and hopes to be the internet big sister she never had and encourages everyone to chase success while also taking the time to romanticize their own life.  More