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      in beauty and fashion

      How My Hair Shaped My Identity

      by

      One of my favorite things about my look is my pixie cut. If you asked me to describe it, I would say: short, edgy, and professional. As a disabled woman, it’s effortless and time-effective. I have the advantage of waking up and not having to brush my hair if my bedhead isn’t too visible. Some days I add a little style, but I love having a hairstyle where it’s easy to manage. My ultimate hair goal, however, is to shave my head and have a buzzcut. Jazzmyne Jay, a BuzzFeed content creator, is my inspiration; she’s given me the courage to experiment with fashion. I’ve wanted to do it for a while; I’ve just been waiting for the right time.
      Honestly, I’ve been waiting for an accepting work environment. I want to work in an environment where diversity is valued, where there is an open-mindedness to individuals who have disabilities and endure mental illness, and where there are strong core values and beliefs; where these things are instilled in the company. In the past few years, I’ve been trying to live intentionally. I’ve always been authentic in who I am, but I’ve tried to be more intentional these last few years with everything that I’ve been through. It’s hard to go into spaces where you are accepted, however, you feel that you still have to hold back a part of your identity, or when you have to hide your entire identity because you are not sure of the reaction, especially in this political climate where you’re often discriminated against for being LGBTQ+. 

      In the past few years, I’ve been trying to live intentionally. I’ve always been authentic in who I am, but I’ve tried to be more intentional these last few years with everything that I’ve been through.

      Chopping off all your hair is a way for you to start afresh and emerge a new person. I feel rejuvenated and on lighter feet after every cut. My hair wasn’t weighing me down anymore. Look at it this way: it’s like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Each haircut is as if I’m escaping from all of the anxiety and the depression that has happened since the last haircut to start a new season.
      Society pushes many stereotypes about the short-haired woman: she’s damaged, she’s aggressive, she’s manly, she must be a lesbian. As a society, we attach so many parts of a person’s identity to their hair: their sexuality, history, gender, and even personality, and when women have short hair, people tend to think of that as almost being political. She’s making a statement. Long hair is depicted as feminine and beautiful, whereas short hair is not. 

      Look at it this way: it’s like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Each haircut is as if I’m escaping from all of the anxiety and the depression that has happened since the last haircut to start a new season.

      As an individual with a disability (I have cerebral palsy and hemiplegia), I do not have the use of my right arm. Because of this, I have difficulty styling my hair, and what began as a move for more independence became a move for self-expression. I had long hair up until college, when I started getting pixie cuts. In high school, I’d had to ask my family to help me style my hair (ponytails, braids, etc.). On my own, I could get at best pin the bangs out of my face. Disabled women’s hair is just seen as yet another inconvenience in terms of independence, and at times we aren’t even given a choice around our hair length and style.
      When I attempted to pull my hair into a ponytail by myself, I ultimately failed. I had to deal with loose long hair in all weather and environments. I loved my long hair, and it was beautiful, but it was a source of inconvenience and discomfort. I’m never going to fit into a box. I’m never going to fit under a label; I’m never going to be anything anybody wants me to be, I’m always evolving. I’m all about breaking boundaries. Breaking barriers, breaking labels, and allowing myself to be free.
      And that’s what my short hair is to me. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Feeling Anxious and Discouraged by the Election Results? Read This

      by

      As polls closed across the country this week and returns began to roll in, an entire country was decidedly on edge, prepped for the possibility of blue and red mirages, but still feeling all manner of emotions as states went blue and red and back and forth as more returns came in. We still don’t definitively know who will win the presidential race and people are sad, upset, terrified, and so much more. There’s discouragement and so much uncertainty. If you’re feeling that way, here’s what the experts say you should do. 

      1. Acknowledge your emotions
      News flash: it’s OK to not feel OK, especially when we’re waiting on potentially earth-shattering news, barely slept last night, and don’t know what the future of our country will look like. The first step in dealing with how you feel about the election is acknowledging those feelings. “Find a healthy way to express your emotions,” suggested Melissa Lapides, MA, LMFT, a psychotherapist and creator of SafeSpace Trauma Certification. “Remember that you’re in charge of your emotions. Take care of yourself, hold yourself tight, and allow yourself to feel whatever is there.”
      Acknowledge your emotions by checking in with how you feel, and letting yourself feel. Lapides also recommended expressing those emotions by talking it out or letting yourself cry if you’re sad, and exercising or screaming into a pillow if you’re feeling angry. It’s absolutely OK to be discouraged by the results, even if your candidate ultimately wins. Bottom line: no matter what you’re feeling, it’s OK, so acknowledge and express your emotions.

      Source: @outdoorvoices

      2. Listen to your body
      After you check in with your emotions, check in with your body. The body holds a lot of stress, so taking care of the body can also help ease stress. “Many people are feeling stress and anxiety levels rise during the election, so it’s really important to prioritize self-care right now,” said Risa Williams, licensed therapist and author. “Your body might send you signals that it has had too much stress and you might start to feel exhausted both emotionally and physically, so it’s essential to listen to your body and to take breaks when you need to, to rest.” 
      Yes, that means turning off the news or deleting social media apps if you need to. Take multiple breaks throughout the day (both election-coverage breaks and work breaks), to take a walk outside, meditate, exercise, or do something enjoyable like cooking a comfort meal or drawing and painting. Lapides also suggested prioritizing additional body-care, even if you don’t feel like it. She recommended eating well, taking a bath, trying some self-massage, and getting in nature. 

      Source: @onairplanemode__

      3. Surround yourself with positivity
      Yes, even during such a stressful day and a scary time, we can still choose positivity. Not necessarily positivity in election outcomes, but positivity in life. “Gratitude is always the best place to start when countering any anxiety,” said Deedee Cummings, M.Ed, LPCC, JD, therapist and author. “Now is not the time to surround yourself with negativity as it will only make you feel worse. Focusing on positivity (and there is always positivity to be found) will help remind you there is still good.” Call up people who make you laugh, play with your pet who is always happy, or read a book with a happy ending. Focusing on the positive is not always easy during tough times, but coming from a place of gratitude can help ease stress in any situation. Take time to make a list of all the things you’re grateful for today, whether it’s big or small.

      4. Remind yourself of the constant factors
      No matter what happens, the outcome of the election does mean a lot of big changes. If the potential changes are feeling overwhelming, try focusing on the factors of your life that will stay the same tomorrow, next month, and next year. Katie Lear, LCMHC, RPT, RDT suggested, “It can also be helpful to remind yourself of the day-to-day parts of your own life that will remain constant no matter who wins; family, hobbies, and career goals don’t disappear overnight.”
      While we always encourage educating ourselves about the major changes this election could mean for our country, it’s OK to focus on what’s remaining the same in your own life, if just for today. Make a list of everything about your life that won’t change no matter who is in office (your dog will still play with you, your sister will still make you laugh, and you’ll still love finding new banana bread recipes), in order to heal overwhelm. 

      Source: @caitlynwarakomski

      5. Connect with the present moment
      Elections are always stressful, but this one feels particularly overwhelming. If you find yourself anxious about what the potential results could mean for the future, try connecting with the present moment. “Find small moments of peace where you can connect with the present moment,” Williams suggested. “Taking deliberate deep breaths whenever you feel stress rise is like a mini-meditation for your brain and body. It’s one small thing you can do to help regulate your stress during this time.” Try breathwork, or simply putting a hand on your stomach to remind yourself to breath deeply as you feel anxiety increase. You can also try mindfulness to reconnect yourself to the present moment. Notice the temperature of the room, what the candle that you’re lighting smells like, or how each sip of coffee tastes. 

      6. Make a plan to contribute to causes you care about
      If the election doesn’t go the way that we hoped, it doesn’t mean you stop fighting for causes you care about and doing what you can to build the country and world you want. If you’re feeling out of control, turn off the news and make a tangible plan of how you’re going to make a difference, whether it’s yearly or monthly donations, researching organizations to volunteer on a regular basis, or even how you can help out the people you know. “The best way any of us can keep up our sense of empowerment is by continuing to contribute to causes that matter to us, regardless of election results,” Lear recommended. “Volunteer, donate, lend a supportive ear to a friend—these things help other people and promote positive change, while also safeguarding our own mental health. Don’t just save community engagement for election years; make it part of your regular self-care.”
      Cummings agreed that taking action should be a part of your self-care routine and can improve your mental health. “Remember that the world keeps spinning and you are a crucial piece of the puzzle we call life,” she said. “We need you and we need each other. Focus on you and all the things you can do to create a ripple of kindness. This will help rebalance you.”

      Source: rawpixel

      We get it: you’re feeling a lot of emotions RN. Some of those emotions might be hopelessness, discouragement, and sadness. While it’s important to acknowledge and express those emotions (see point #1), you can turn that hopelessness into purpose—once you’re ready. If you’re not yet ready to channel any emotions you may be experiencing, you might want to consider connecting with a therapist, who can help you work through what you’re feeling. “No matter what happens in this election, we can all work for what we believe in,” said Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author. Tessina suggested taking those discouraged feelings and finding some hope where you can by working for a cause you believe in.
      Maybe the election results will be a wake-up call to you to put in more effort into the causes you care about, or maybe it will be a motivation to work harder to achieve a better world. Turn your pain into purpose by enacting the change you wish you saw in the election in your community. Lear agreed, “When I speak to young clients—many of whom are feeling incredibly hopeless and disempowered right now—I remind them about how long the arc of justice is and how much can still change in their lifetimes.” 
      A good place to start is to find a cause you care about. Maybe it has to do with elections and voting, working to boost turnout and access in your state. But maybe it’s not election-related at all. If you’re passionate about addressing food insecurity, homelessness, criminal justice reform, animal rights, reproductive rights, healthcare, or just about anything else, chances are good that there’s some sort of organization or movement with which you can get involved. If there’s not an organization with a physical presence in your city, look further out and see what might be able to be done from afar.
      If you’re passionate about civic engagement in your city, start by learning about how government works in your city. Attend city council meetings and other open community meetings, chat with your representatives, and get involved. 
      Take a beat, take care of yourself, and rest—and then get to work.

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

    • 88 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      How to Navigate Thanksgiving in a Pandemic

      by

      Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and if you thought that we’d still be where we are (staying home, washing our hands, wearing masks, social distancing) all of these months after March, well, then I guess you’re vindicated. Thanksgiving is going to look a lot different this year for millions of people across the country. Some will travel early with enough time for quarantining, isolating, or a COVID-19 test (or some combination of that), others will forego their usual bustling holiday table for something more low-key, and still others are scrapping plans entirely, planning on a Thanksgiving dinner for just one or two. It’s hard, this navigating life events, milestones, and holidays during a global pandemic, and while we certainly all hope that next year is an altogether different kind of situation, you don’t just have to ignore the holidays entirely (unless, of course, you want to—this year, all bets are off). The precautions you ultimately decide to take will be dependent on many different factors, but there are some things that you should keep top of mind so that you can (hopefully) celebrate safely this year.

      Source: Adrian Cotiga | Stocksy

      If you’re traveling
      Airports and interstates are notoriously busy during the week of Thanksgiving. But this year isn’t most years and many more people are likely staying closer to home than they would otherwise. The CDC advises that you stay close to home rather than travel because any travel can increase the risk that you’ll be exposed to or come down with COVID-19. If you’re still planning on traveling, the precautions you need to take vary based on how you’re traveling.
      If you’re planning on a plane, train, or any other kind of group transportation, make sure you have masks with you (and wear them while traveling). According to Healthline, mask-wearing is required by all major airline carriers. Some airlines still have social distancing measures in place, while others are again approving filling flights to capacity, so if you feel strongly about trying your best to continue social distancing on the plane, you may need to do a little research. Delta, Southwest, JetBlue, Alaska Airlines, and Hawaiian Airlines are still blocking some seats, according to reporting from the Washington Post, but they’re not all doing so for the same length of time, so if you’re flying closer to the end of the year, your airline options may change.
      Driving in your own car gives you more control over the precautions taken, but don’t forget to think through how you’re going to handle staying safe if or when you need to stop—for gas, for food, for the night, or to use the bathroom.
      No matter how you’re traveling, make sure you pack plenty of wipes and sanitizer, wash your hands frequently, wear a mask, and stay conscious of if or how often you’re touching your face.

      Source: Cameron Whitman | Stocksy

      If you’re staying closer to home
      Staying home doesn’t mean that you don’t have any difficult decisions to make. If your Thanksgiving normally looks like tons of family and friends gathered in one place (indoors), it may need to look a little different this year.
      Michael Osterholm from the Center for Infectious Diseases Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota told STAT News that no one should gather with anyone who lives outside of their household this year because the risk is just too great. The CDC, however, lists a few other suggestions for people who are concerned by the idea of essentially canceling Thanksgiving altogether:

      Make traditional recipes for people who can’t gather with you and do a no-contact drop-off.
      Take your Thanksgiving virtual.
      Skip Black Friday shopping and shop from the comfort of home (or in person later on).
      Skip in-person sporting events, parades, and more and watch from home or participate virtually.

      If skipping a dinner just isn’t something you’re willing to do this year, taking as many precautions as possible can help keep the risk lower. One basic thing you can do is to just continue to make sure you’re following expert guidance to wear a mask, wash your hands, don’t touch your face, stay apart, and get together outside, Stephen Morse, an epidemiologist at Columbia University, told The Atlantic. The CDC’s guidance for hosting or attending a gathering can also help you lower some of your risk. Restricting attendance to your “pandemic pod” (as long as everyone is doing their part) might feel safer to you this year. Keeping an eye on what conditions are like where you are and using that to help decide if you’re going to pare back this year (or even make the transition to FaceTime) may also be a good idea.
      If you live somewhere that outdoor celebrations are possible, consider moving dinner outside this year, a 2020 move if we’ve ever seen one. Experts say that being outdoors is safer than being indoors, so that’s one more way you can try to mitigate some of the risk.

      Source: Felicia Lasala for The Everygirl

      If you’re celebrating solo (or with very few others)
      Celebrating solo might not be your usual Thanksgiving plan, but it very well could be this year, particularly if you live far from family. It might not be the most cheerful Thanksgiving you’ll ever have (or maybe it will—no family feuds to combat or politics to talk over dinner), but it doesn’t have to be the worst either. Consider scrapping your traditional menu and making whatever you think sounds good. Conversely, maybe this year, of all years, is when you feel especially attached to your family’s traditional menu—call your relatives and gather some recipes so that you’ll feel at least some things are still the same. Try upping your holiday decor game with new Thanksgiving duds or just scrap that and put up the decor for a holiday you love. Maybe that means a Christmas tree, maybe that means leaving Halloween decor up far longer than usual, or maybe it’s something else entirely. You’re the one there, so you’re the one who gets to make those rules.
      If you’re celebrating alone or with just a few additional people and you don’t want to put in the work for a full dinner, consider ordering a restaurant-quality Thanksgiving dinner or opting for your favorite local fare. There’s no rule that you have to eat a certain meal on Thanksgiving, so do what feels best to you and what will make your holiday special. Prop up a computer or phone for holiday FaceTiming or embrace the minimal interactions and plan a self-care day all your own.
      The best part of celebrating alone is that it truly gets to be whatever you want it to, so don’t overthink things too much. Plan a day that you’ll enjoy and consider going back to your usual traditions (whatever they may be) next year or the year after.

      Whether you’re staying at home or traveling across the country, if you’re getting together with family members or friends, don’t be afraid to ask them what sorts of precautions they’re taking in their everyday life (or, at least, within a few weeks of Thanksgiving), especially if you or someone else there is at greater risk. After all, when it comes to an infectious virus, what you do doesn’t just affect you, it also affects anyone with whom you’re spending time. If you’re planning to spend time with people who are higher risk or older in age, consider taking even more precautions or canceling the event entirely. Determine if the precautions your fellow family members and friends are taking are things you’re comfortable with or not, and don’t be afraid to tell them what you need so that you do feel comfortable. They may or may not agree to those kinds of guidelines, but at least then you’ll be able to feel more confident in your decision to either gather or skip it this year. Hopefully next year, the COVID situation will be different.
      There are going to be some really hard choices to make this year. No one wants to have to completely overhaul times often spent with family and friends, particularly if it means that you might end up spending that time alone (no matter how festive that time might be). Ultimately, the best you can do is do your research, have honest conversations with friends and family about what you think is best and what you’re comfortable with, and try to make the choice that feels best and safe for you and those around you. More

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      in beauty and fashion

      Every Coat We Need to Discuss From “Emily in Paris”

      by

      OK, confession time: The plot of Emily in Paris wasn’t exactly my thing. I scoffed every time yet another perfect French man strolled into Emily’s life and rolled my eyes at her rapid Instagram growth with little effort. So what made me finish all 10 episodes in a mere weekend? Her clothes.Emily’s wardrobe is, in a word, perfection. It’s eclectic and fun and colorful and everything unexpected that we actually wanted this year. And my personal favorite part of all of it? Her coats and jackets. There is absolutely nothing that can steal the show like a fabulous jacket can, and Emily proved that in just about every scene in the show. I didn’t know I needed a metallic green jacket, but hell, I guess she showed me that I do now.
      Sit back, enjoy the show, and leave the frantic Googling to us—these are the closest dupes on the Internet to Emily Cooper’s swoon-worthy coat collection (all at price’s that are a lot less than her Chanel habits). 

      1.

      Of course Emily was on the shacket trend before anyone else. This red, plaid one is perfect to cozy up in for the holiday season.

      2.

      A classic blush coat is something you’ll never regret having. For extra Emily points, pair it with something bright underneath.

      3.

      Never did I think I’d want something turquoise in my wardrobe in 2020 (the same exact color as my senior year homecoming dress), but leave it to Emily to show us how fun and different it can be.

      4.

      One of Emily’s more classic looks, this plaid blazer pairs well with just about everything—and the beret to top it off is icing on the cake.

      5.

      This coat was, arguably, my favorite of the entire season and made me want to toss my black coats out the window immediately. If you ever needed inspiration to have fun with your outerwear, this is it.

      6.

      Mindy’s chic python blazer dress steals the show here, but we also can’t deny how fabulous this metallic, emerald look is either (again, who would’ve thought?). You can’t go wrong with either of these for a go-to for a statement look.

      7.

      Can you imagine walking into a Christmas party in this? Enough said.

      8.

      When Emily walked on-screen in this coat, I stopped what I was doing and searched “green coat” on every site I could think of. While this Chanel one is a liiiiiittle out of budget, you can get a similar look with these:

      9.

      This slouchy, black denim number captures that effortless Parisian vibe with little-to-no effort.

      10.

      A leather blazer was already on our 2020 wish list, and this solidified it near the top of the spot. Mindy also looks incredible in this out-of-the-box number, proving how fabulous bright patterns can be.

      11.

      Of all the blazers I’ve seen frequently, a classic red one isn’t on that last, and after seeing this one, I can’t figure out why that is. Wear it for the holiday season and beyond by pairing it with all your neutral pieces (or if you want to channel Emily even more, with something bright).

      12.

      While the leather beret is an obvious talking point here, this mid-toned green jacket checks a box that few other things can: it somehow is both classic and fun.

      13.

      A red, plaid blazer is the investment piece that will have you patting yourself on the back again and again. Pair it with one of this season’s out-of-the-box collared tops to capture this look seamlessly.

      14.

      When you’re covering your entire outfit with a coat, the coat might as well do all the talking; and what talks more than this bad boy?

      15.

      This classic coat would look just as amazing with black or white underneath, but Emily shows how versatile it is with these fun, bubblegum pink pieces.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Why I Talk About Feminism on First Dates

      by

      “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to meet someone,” I said to my friends one day. But one of my friends quickly told me exactly why: it was because I expected too much from men. I even expected them to be feminists.I was immediately disheartened when I heard that she thought this was a lot to ask. I don’t expect the men I date to wear “women’s rights are human rights” T-shirts or have a PhD in gender studies. I don’t even expect them to identify as feminists, because it’s just a label and doesn’t carry much weight—I’ve met sexist men who call themselves “feminists.” But I do expect them to believe in gender equality, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
      Still, her comment got to me, and for a period of time, I was less outspoken about my beliefs, at least on first dates. It didn’t take me long to realize that holding these views back didn’t make dating any easier for me—in fact, it made it even more difficult. There are several reasons why I continue to talk about feminism on first dates.

      1. Gender equality should not be a radical idea. 
      I get that talking about politics, religion, or social justice issues on a first date could be perceived as intense. At the same time, gender equality should not be a radical idea. If I’m out with someone who is offended or discomforted by the idea that all genders are equal, that’s a red flag. 

      2. I don’t want to be several months in and find out that he harbors sexist views. 
      Speaking of red flags, I’d rather identify them early on than be several months into a relationship only to find out that my partner and I have opposing fundamental beliefs. Gender equality is not something minor to me. There are some things that I’m willing to agree to disagree about, and this is not one of them. The kinds of beliefs someone has about gender tells me a lot about their expectations for our relationship. During the time that I was avoiding talking about feminism on first dates, I still talked about politics and assumed that a guy I went out with was compatible with me because he was anti-racist and fairly left-wing. I only later found out that in addition to being mostly liberal, he’s also anti-abortion and is a strong proponent of traditional gender roles. Because I had already spent a bit of time getting to know him and I liked other things about him, I tried to make it work, but we argued on a regular basis, and I would never be the “good wife” he was truly looking for (and I didn’t want to be). If I’m dating a sexist man, I will find out eventually. Why wait until I’m already in deep? 

      3. I’m not scared of scaring someone away.
      We’ve heard it time and time again: don’t talk about religion or politics on the first date. But from my perspective, everything is political in some way. To avoid all political discussions is to have a pretty shallow conversation. I’m not dating to talk about the weather. I’m dating to truly get to know someone. During the time that I stopped talking about gender issues on first dates, I felt as if I was hiding part of myself. It’s not that my first dates are a two-hour long gender studies lecture; usually, gender issues come up organically because they’re connected to something else we’re talking about. If not, it’s natural for me to mention gender issues when someone asks about my passions or interests. Talking about feminist issues might scare some people away, but if I scare sexist guys away, I’m doing exactly what I want to do: filtering out people I’m not compatible with. 

      4. I want him to like me for who I am.
      When I had my first childhood crush, I actively tried to be the kind of girl I thought he would like. I was a proper chameleon, buying a jacket with his favorite football team’s logo on it, and adapting myself according to his interests. But I’ve lived and learned, and I’m not dating to stroke someone’s ego or to change myself until they finally accept me. I want to date someone who I truly like, and I want to date someone who truly likes me—not the idea of me or an altered, watered-down version of me. I once went out with a man who stopped me mid-sentence when I started talking about gender issues. “I don’t want to hear about this,” he said. “I want to hear about you.” Maybe he thought he was being romantic in a way, but he didn’t realize that they’re one in the same. I’m passionate about gender issues, and it’s part of who I am, not a separate entity. If a man doesn’t believe in gender equality, he’s not going to like me for who I am. It’s that simple. I now realize that the kind of man I want to date is one who is willing to engage in these conversations. 

      5. I can learn more about who this person truly is. 
      I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. I don’t expect a person I’m dating to know everything about gender issues (I don’t either, of course), or to fully understand something that he hasn’t experienced firsthand. But I do expect him to be open to listening. I do expect him to not be defensive. Talking about issues like this shows me how he reacts when faced with something uncomfortable or challenging. Is he just defensive when I’m simply having a discussion and not trying to argue, or does he want to know more? I once went out with a guy who said he didn’t believe some survivors of sexual assault because they reported it years after it happened. Extreme red flags aside, I tried to talk to him about why women might wait to come forward about sexual assault. As I was talking, he got up to add more sugar to his coffee and asked to change the subject once he returned. That told me exactly how he liked his version of reality: sugar-coated and easy to swallow. 

      6. I don’t want to tolerate sexist behavior anymore. 
      Gone are the days in which I would ignore casual and benevolent sexism because it “could be worse.” I’m willing to give second chances. People can change, especially if they didn’t recognize that the way they were thinking was sexist. But if he just doesn’t really care about sexism, thinks it’s not a big deal or says something along the lines of, “Well, that’s just the way things are,” I’m not here for that. Benevolent sexism is still sexism, and I don’t want it in my relationships. I want an equal partnership. Unfortunately, maybe that’s a lot to ask from a heterosexual relationship at this point in time. But I’m going to keep asking.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      How I’m Learning to Live a More Authentic Life

      by

      I love a romantic comedy. The predictability of the storyline and the inevitable happy ending sucks me in every time. I watch them on rainy days, I watch them on days when I have cramps, and I watch them on days when I’m feeling down. I’ve seen hundreds of romantic comedies, yet I’ve never seen one that is a true reflection of my authentic life. There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all. They have not written my story because my life doesn’t fit the typical mold. I’m a 37-year-old world-traveling free-spirit, living my most authentic life. My life wasn’t always this way, but today I can say that I love my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

      There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all.

      From a young age, I realized that I wasn’t your typical child. My interests were different from my friends, the way I wanted to dress was different from my sisters, and my Christmas lists for Santa were filled with non-traditional items. I remember one year I asked for a hot stone massager and essential oils—and this was the ‘90s, so the term “self-care” as we know it now wasn’t even invented yet.
      I struggled through high school because everyone was so excited to go to college. My friends wanted to be nurses and teachers and seemed like they had it all figured out at the age of 18. I didn’t want to go to college. I asked my mom if I could rent a van and travel the country (#vanlife) when I graduated instead of going to college, and she turned me down faster than the speed of light. 
      I was frustrated because I wasn’t given options to explore what I wanted and what was important to me. It didn’t’ feel like college was the right next step, and I wanted time to explore what felt right for my journey. I grew up in a small town, and the lifestyle that was available to me in my hometown was not the lifestyle that I wanted for myself. I had no idea how to mentally and physically get out, yet I was screaming on the inside for somebody to let me go. I was craving freedom and wanted permission to explore all the options that were available to me.
      Instead, I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me. I went to college and followed the rules, and if I look back on it now, college was a giant waste of time. Yes, I had fun, but that fun cost me $30,000 in student loans. 

      I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me.

      After I graduated from college, I was still trying to figure out how to lead a “normal” life. I got a 9-5 job, a one-bedroom apartment, and moved to Philadelphia to try my hand at adulting. I remember going shopping to get professional clothes (of which I had none). Everyone was so excited as I came out of the dressing room in different versions of dress pants, blouses, and black flats. I’ve never felt like crawling out of my skin more than I did on that day. 
      I believe that moving to Philadelphia (even though corporate life wasn’t for me) was the turning point in my life. Living in a big city on my own gave me the adult playground I craved for in highschool. In Philly,  I was able to encounter different cultures, lifestyles, foods, and careers that I wouldn’t have had access to in my hometown. I remember the first time I tasted Indian food. Wow! I fell instantly in love. The flavors and spices that I experienced that night were completely new to me. I was never exposed to Indian food growing and my mind was blown. If a simple dining experience could open up my mind in this way, I was excited to see what other new experiences were ahead of me. 
      It felt as if I was getting a second education, and this knowledge proved to be more beneficial to me than my geometry class ever was. Because I was able to interact with so many different people I felt confident to show who I truly was. Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth. I went from an unfulfilled, suit-wearing, meat-eating 22-year-old to a happy, thriving, afro-wearing, free-spirit 37-year-old! That transition didn’t happen overnight.  I knew what it felt like to live someone else’s life and I wasn’t willing to do it anymore, so I slowly began making changes that honored who I was. I wanted to celebrate what I loved about myself and stop hiding who I was from the rest of the world. It was time for me to step out as my full self, and I was ready to take that journey. 

      Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth.

      I spent 20+ years being someone I thought I was “supposed to be.” It wasn’t until I started paying attention and honoring who I truly was and what I needed that I began to lead my most authentic life.

      If you want to start living your life on your own terms, ask yourself these three questions:

      What do I love about myself?
      This was not a question that was posed to me growing up, so it wasn’t something I focused on until I was in my 20s. When you ask, “What do I love about myself?” you begin to unlock clues and truths that are meant to be seen. I discovered that I loved my creativity and that creativity was meant to be celebrated. As a child, I was always creating. I sang, danced, cooked, and came up with “science experiments” out of thin air. My thoughts bounce around and don’t necessarily follow a linear pattern. I think my creative mind frustrated the adults in my life, so I was never pushed to use it. Realizing that my creative mind pushed me to brainstorm and innovate allowed me to strengthen this muscle and has become one of my most valuable assets.
      Answer honestly. Let whatever answers come up to be the start of something new. Once you have your list, see if you can use that information to make some small changes. Did you realize that you love your funky fashion sense? Head out to the thrift stores and buy a few favorite items. Not everything on your list will change your life dramatically, but starting small can begin to build the confidence to continue living life on your own terms. Remember, the things you love about yourself may just be your most valuable asset too!

      What and how am I hiding?
      It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro. Hiding who I was and what was important to me was a coping mechanism I created. In the ‘90s where I grew up, the kaftan version of me would have been too much for people to handle. It felt safer to hide that piece of me from the rest of the world instead of walking in my full truth. In hindsight, if I would have continued to stay hidden, I would have never allowed my creativity to help me build the successful business that I have today. That business has allowed me to help so many people, and I never would have gotten there if I continued to hide who I was. 

      It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro.

      Are you hiding? Why? When you hide, who you are you limit yourself from experiencing your full life? You were created in your unique way, and the world needs to see you fully. Stop hiding and walk in your truth one step at a time. 
      In 2005, I decided that I wanted to do the big chop and begin to wear my hair completely natural. I gathered all of my courage and headed to the only Black salon in Philadelphia doing natural hair at the time and cut my shoulder-length hair down to one inch. When I walked out of that salon, it was undeniable that I looked fly. From that point on, I could no longer hide. 
      Discovering how and why you are hiding could require you to make some uncomfortable decisions. There is a reason why you have been hiding, and walking out as your full self may take some time. Be patient with yourself and take it slowly. Ask yourself, “Where do I feel safe as the real me?” Maybe spend some time there and see how it feels. It may just be five minutes, and that’s OK. Know that every day won’t feel like a party, but the work you are doing is important and necessary. 

      Where can I begin to walk in my truth?
      Living an authentic life takes time. It’s unlikely that you will be able to go from 0-100 in 24 hours (although if you do, I will be your biggest cheerleader), so find a place to start. The first unveiling of my truth came when I went cold turkey and became a vegetarian. I was no longer at home having to eat whatever was cooked for dinner. I could make my own choices, and vegetarianism made sense for me. Could I have quit my job, packed my car, cut my hair, and traveled the world? No. That wasn’t an option for me, so I started small. 
      You don’t have to make giant life-altering decisions to live your truth. Why not explore your love of writing by journaling for five minutes each day? There is much satisfaction from small changes that ultimately honor the real you. Take your time and discover the real you at your own pace; even one thing a week can lead to big changes! Every step forward unveils something new. Have fun and enjoy the process. 
      Living my most authentic life is non-negotiable. Our individuality is what makes us special, and we need to honor that uniqueness time and time again. Standing in your truth might be scary, but it’s what we are called here to do. Explore the freedom in being unapologetically you 365 days a year. Celebrate what you love about yourself, step into the light, and one step at a time, you will get closer and closer to living your most authentic life. More

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      Everything I Want to Buy After Binging ‘Emily in Paris’

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      A few months ago, I wrote about my current fashion muse and the joys of having a fictional character that inspires you to get out of your comfort zone with your wardrobe. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it has you throwing your plain, grey sweaters aside and filling your cart up with pieces you never knew you’d touch.To absolutely everyone’s surprise, 2020 just delivered us something we didn’t know we needed, yet another fictional fashion icon: Emily, from Netflix’s new Emily in Paris. Played by the fabulous Lily Collins, as our Graphic Designer Kelly said in our weekly meeting yesterday, “She just makes you want to embrace maximalism.” Not only are her outfits made impeccable by the addition of the backdrop of Paris, but they all have the je ne sai quoi of looking like she effortless threw five different colors and patterns onto her body—and more often than not, topped it off with a wild hat—and they somehow just worked. 
      After binging the series in one weekend (naturally), our carts are full of eclectic, out-of-the-box pieces that are, quite frankly, exactly what we need to get out of our quarantine slumps. Get ready for some bright colors, a lot of prints, and hell, even a beret or two.

      Source: Netflix

      Wool Blend Beret

      Emily rarely leaves her apartment without some form of a hat (often a bucket hat, but I’m choosing to respectfully ignore that), and the standout was, by far and large, her series of berets. I bought a beret last year and wore it endlessly throughout winter, and Emily encouraged me to pick up another one to wear this year. Trust me: it’ll make you forget about your collection of pom hats.

      Knit Houndstooth Cardigan

      A good houndstooth makes an appearance a million times in this show, and this cardigan with gold detailing fits the Parisian-chic bill.

      Source: Netflix

      Arin Bouclé Trench Coat

      One of my favorite looks of the series is a quick scene (where Emily meets Camille, who is also a font of chic style inspo), but the coat is perfection. I haven’t loved a bold coat this much since my J.Crew obsession in 2008, but if I’ve learned anything from “Emily in Paris,” it’s that I should work some bright color back in my wardrobe.

      Jeffrey Campbell
      Bourdin Mary Jane Pump

      Emily basically wears only heels throughout the entire series, which in addition to giving me extreme anxiety because she is indeed wearing them on cobblestone streets, inspired me to be more daring about my footwear choices. These Mary Jane pumps combined with tights, a skirt, and a jacket are the makings of a perfectly Parisian look to wear all winter long.

      Faux Fur Jacket

      Emily’s coats are abundant and all statement-making, and I’d confidently state on the record that nothing is more statement-making than a hot pink fur coat.

      Source: Netflix

      Double Breasted Suit Jacket

      While I’m not going to be trotting out any crop tops to work, I do love the myriad of jackets and blazers Emily tosses over them.

      Silky Scarf

      One of the best parts of Emily’s style is that it feels true to what an American girl would wear in Paris (bonjour berets!), and the scarves are no exception. I love how she pairs them under cardigans and jackets for a silky pop of texture.

      Source: Netflix

      Wool-Blend Shacket

      At Emily’s influencer lunch, she wears a green Chanel jacket that, quite literally, took my breath away. Everything from the tailoring to the color was sheer perfection, and while this jacket is slightly more muted than hers was, the structure and pockets are nearly identical—and you don’t need to shop vintage Chanel to own it.

      Textured-Weave Jacket

      Emily wears a tweed jacket (or 10) throughout the series, and it got me thinking “Why do I have absolutely nothing made out of this incredibly chic material” and googled tweed jackets for hours after. This textured jacket screams Emily—especially paired with a mini skirt and heel.

      Source: Netflix

      Houndstooth Tweed Bomber Jacket

      There are several memorable houndstooth moments throughout the series, and it has completely reignited my love of the fabric. This bomber is the perfect mix of classic and trendy—pair with a bright dress or a complimenting pattern for an Emily-approved look.

      Quilted Chain Bag

      Emily has a series of impeccable Chanel bags to match every outfit, and while we aren’t all on a Chanel budget, we can emulate the classic bags with this (much, much, much) less expensive option. Its quilted details and gold hardware will give you the same feel of classic femininity that Emily’s bag collection gives her.

      Source: Netflix

      Jacquard-Knit Cardigan

      A wild print? That’s what Emily lives for (not to mention that H&M literally styled this with a collared shirt and plaid skirt—which is arguably exactly how she’d wear it).

      Source: Netflix

      Ruffled Cotton Blouse

      I was so into the extraordinarily ruffled shirt Emily dons to hide her outrageous hickey that I immediately bought this top. I can’t wait to pair it with that houndstooth bomber or a classic plaid blazer.

      Collared Pearl Sweater

      One of the most joyous things about this series for me was the excessive amount of statement collars that Emily wore—and what makes a collar a statement more than some pearl embellishments? Emily would approve on all fronts.

      Colburne Colorblock Coziest Textured Yarn Cardigan Sweater

      When I wasn’t busy falling for Gabriel, I was falling for all the cardigans Emily is running around in (the girl changes outfits on this show at the drop of a bucket hat). The color-blocking of this one is perfect. Throw on a scarf and you’re good to go.

        More

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      Harry Styles Is My Fall Fashion Inspiration—Here’s How I’m Copying His Most Popular Looks

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      Because I’m only going a few select places this fall, my wardrobe is shifting quite a bit, but probably not in the way you’d expect. The “trendiness” of my fashion sense has gone up about ten-fold. If I’m wearing an outfit anywhere, it’s going to be to the nine’s because what other excuse do I have to dress?! I’ve pretty much always dressed with the season’s trends in mind, but I’ve taken it to another level in fall 2020. The icon I’m using for all of my inspiration this fall? Harry Edward Styles. 🥰Does anyone remember that tweet that was like, “Does Harry think we just like the music or does he know that we would actually die for him?” I relate to that a lot. While I obviously fantasize about our adorable children (Xander Styles … is that not the coolest name on Earth?) and the miraculous love life we’d have together, I also just am absolutely enamored with him in every facet. His music? Revolutionary. The fact that he’s socially-conscious and aware? A dream. His sense of humor? Pretty good; I’m still thinking about that Sara Lee skit almost a year later. I’ve never seen a single interview with Harry Styles that makes me be like, “Ah, this guy’s overhyped.” He presents himself in the best way, and that, obviously, includes his style.
      I was a One Direction stan in high school, and I still follow about 10 Harry Styles accounts on Twitter and Instagram just for updates about his whereabouts. But the best account I follow is the Harry Styles Fashion Archive, which shares his exact pieces and outfits. After scouring that account for about an hour on a Saturday morning a few weeks ago, I pinned hundreds of Harry-inspired looks on my Pinterest board to copy this year. In the name of sharing everything about me on the Internet, I’ve put together Harry’s key pieces to get the look, plus a few outfits of his I’m dying to recreate. Turn on “Woman” and gush over HS with me!

      Key Pieces
      There are a few key items you can add to your wardrobe if you want to Harry-fy it just a bit. There’s no need to go full Gucci model to get inspired by his style; instead, grab a few of these pieces and mix-and-match with your personal style to make it your own. Basically, “There’s a piece of you in how I dress” is about us. It’s our Harry Styles capsule wardrobe if you will. 

      Old Skool Sneaker

      If Harry’s wearing a sneaker, it’s usually these. Pair them with trousers, denim, leggings, and more to make any look more casual.

      Stella and Haas
      Band Ring

      Harry’s always wearing rings, usually one on every single finger. Layer up your rings in your metal of choice (Harry’s a silver guy, which I can appreciate).

      Rayon Long-Sleeve Blouse

      Harry absolutely loves to layer. He almost never just wears a sweater; he always pairs a button-down collared top underneath. This is a super simple way to upgrade your sweater collection with one simple piece.

      Chinese Laundry
      Finn Bootie

      For Harry’s more dressed-up looks, he’s almost always in leather or suede booties. These are a great heel height, so you can walk in them all day long.

      Alice&Wonder
      United We Vote Tee

      Harry is a graphic tee fiend, and I’ll bet he has a few great voting tees in his closet as we speak. Not only is Harry Styles a talented musician, a lovely-looking person, and a great actor (we’ve all seen “Dunkirk,” right?), but he’s a huge supporter and ally of the LGBTQ+ community and Black Lives Matter. I have a feeling Harry wants us all to vote in 2020—even if he’s not a U.S. citizen.

      Wide-Leg Twill Pants

      You’ll be hard-pressed to find a picture of Harry in a skinny pant since 2018. He lives and breathes wide-leg and flare trousers and jeans, especially when they have a pattern like these plaid ones. If the wide-leg scares you, wear these with a bodysuit to keep your shape.

      LaPierre Cosmetics
      Nail Lacquer

      Harry always has manicured nails, usually in a fun, bright shade (or multiple—he loves rainbow nails!). His nails usually ever-so-slightly match a point in the outfit or the color scheme.

      Sam Edelman
      Notched Collar Wool Blend Coat

      In the fall and winter, Harry always dresses up his looks with a wool coat, often in camel or black. You’ll wear this to death, so we recommend investing if you can!

      Knit Sweater

      You’ll always see Harry in bright sweaters (like the green below!), especially in situations where he can color-block, a major fall trend. But if you’re not quite ready to wear something bright, this sweater also comes in a gorgeous beige I could also see Harry wearing. It’s all in the preppy details.

      Copy His Outfits

      wide-leg pants / green sweater / sneakers / pearl necklace
      The second I saw this outfit, I wanted to compile every piece and wear it myself. This is certainly the most “out there” look on this list, but that’s why I love it. Harry isn’t afraid of mixing colors and styles that seem counterintuitive. The hardest item to source was a sweater—Harry loves his graphic sweaters, but of course, they’re all astronomically priced—but I quickly found a green option that would work just as well. I love how the pearl necklace (a staple in Harry’s closet the last year or so) and trousers dress up this bright sweater and sneakers combo.
      If this outfit was a Harry song, it’d be: “Sunflower, Vol. 6”
       

      black skinny jeans / leopard button-up / gold ring / ankle boots / canvas tote
      This is a classic Harry look circa 2015. At the tail end of One Direction (gone, but never forgotten), Harry sported a version of this look basically every single day: button-up, black skinny jeans, and ankle boots. And even in 2015, I was furiously pinning it to my Pinterest style board. He’s found a way to make even basics look chic, typically by adding a cool bag (I think he’d appreciate this one from Etsy), lots of rings, and unbuttoning the top just enough to see his glorious tattoos.
      If this outfit was a Harry song, it’d be: “Sign of the Times”
       

      black trousers (plus-size option) / organza top (option 2) (plus-size) / black heels / pearl earrings / nail polish
      When I imagined this article, this wasn’t a look that immediately came to mind, but as I kept staring it, I realized this is actually quite an easy outfit to put-together for normal life, just with an added HS flair. Whether you’re going to a wedding this fall (don’t forget your mask!), happy hour on a patio, or just having a pretend girls’ night, this outfit should be top of mind. Tuck the top into the trousers to give the illusion that you’re wearing a jumpsuit, and don’t forget the classic Harry manicure—it truly completes the look.
      If this outfit was a Harry song, it’d be: “Lights Up”
       

      button-up / sweater vest / trousers (plus-size option) / loafers / sunglasses
      I went into our office twice this week, and somehow, I managed to wear a sweater vest both days. I can’t quit. I never thought I’d be so into the preppy style, but staring at photo after photo of Harry Styles absolutely rocking them has convinced me that it’s a must-have. Harry has made this his uniform lately, pairing it atop a button-up with wide-leg trousers and loafers. For a little extra ‘70s the HS way, add big, square sunglasses. Watermelon sugar hiiiiigh.
      If this outfit was a Harry song, it’d be: “Adore You”

      graphic tee / shacket / flare jeans (plus-size + budget-friendly option) / sneakers / cherry earrings
      Harry’s collection of graphic tees make me gasp every time. I love every single one, from the Christopher Kane “Sex” T-shirt (and pajama top!) he wore on SNL to the “But Daddy I Love Him” shirt he was seen wearing in NYC (the same weekend I was there—not saying it’s a conspiracy or anything, but …) to his very own merch while performing with Lizzo (game recognize game), he has mastered the art of the graphic tee, something I cannot say for myself. I love how he dresses them up and makes them look even cooler with plaid jackets and blazers, plus some extra pizazz whether it’s his jewelry, a fun nail design, or a statement pant. For this inspo, I’m head-over-heels for these cherry earrings—they’re handmade in Argentina by artisans using natural materials like glass, metals, and resin. Definitely Harry-approved. 
      If this outfit was a Harry song, it’d be: “Cherry” (duh!) More