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      in health and weelbeing

      The Best Books, Podcasts, and Social Media Accounts for a More Inclusive Wellness Journey

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      Wellness has come a long way. While the industry has been criticized for being largely consumption-led (gadgets and wellness apparel, while fun to stockpile our virtual shopping carts with, market an aspirational image of “health”), we’ve thankfully begun to shift our idea of what wellness really means—and, in turn, what it looks like.
      While wellness is our individual physical, mental, and emotional health, it’s also community health. A holistic, inclusive view of wellness requires that we acknowledge the social, economic, and environmental disparities that allow some people access while keeping others out. And while one of the best ways to transform an industry and create a more inclusive world is action, alongside that is the role education plays in informing our worldview. Thankfully, in this era of seemingly-infinite content mediums available at our fingertips, ending body shaming, illuminating wealth’s role in the shaping of green spaces, and amplifying the voices of WOC throughout the wellness community and beyond has become all the more accessible.
      In celebration of the many folks doing the work of investigating these issues and educating all of us Everygirls out there, I rounded up my favorite podcasts, social media accounts, and books that not only inform and entertain but also are sure to fuel your fight for a more inclusive and equitable wellness world.

      In this article

      Podcasts to listen to

      Maintenance Phase
      If you ever come to me for a podcast rec (please do), this will, without fail, be the first one I enthusiastically share. I’ve gotten my friends, coworkers, family members, and even my partner to listen, and they can all attest: The addiction is real. Hosted by writer Aubrey Gordon (the once-anonymous author behind the SELF Magazine column “Your Fat Friend”) and journalist Michael Hobbes, the pair breaks down and exposes the “junk” science behind the dominating wellness trends (re: fads) of our day.
      A few seconds into your first episode and you’ll quickly discover that this is one of the most hilarious and well-researched podcasts available for download. Gordon and Hobbes take a discerning look at topics such as BMI, the keto diet, and plenty of diet book deep-dives. Each episode is conducted through the lens of wellness inclusivity, revealing telling looks at how marginalized groups are kept from these privileged approaches to health.

      Balanced Black Girl
      It was a year or so ago that I officially considered myself done with the misleading idea of balance. Everywhere I turned, social media told me that “balance” meant religiously keeping up with your 10-step skincare routine, waking up at 6 a.m. every day for a workout, and swearing off caffeine for life. Thankfully, folks like Les, the founder and host of the Balanced Black Girl, have spoken up and introduced a new understanding of balance—one that aligns with whatever the word means to you.
      Les has experience as a personal trainer and nutrition coach and can speak to the transformative impact of a sustainable approach to wellness. Trust me: This is more than a podcast. It’s an inclusive community and safe space that’s accepting of anyone who wants to ignite their wellness journey.

      I Weigh
      While social media often comes with a host of negative connotations and critiques, it can’t be denied that when a powerful, game-changing idea enters the chat, social media can amplify it in an instant. That’s exactly the case for Jameela Jamil, whose first post on the account @i_weigh went viral thanks to its radical valuation of women’s worth (hint: it’s not the number on the scale).
      Jamil promotes a critical look at the wellness industry and encourages us to adopt a gentler, more inclusive approach. Episodes discuss everything from sexism to navigating the acting world in the face of rampant ableism to the current abortion crisis. The conversations are vulnerable and enlightening. If you’re looking for a healthy dose of empowerment, subscribe now.

      She’s All Fat
      Described as “The podcast for fat activism, radical self-love, and chill vibes ONLY,” She’s All Fat was created to fill the need for a show that spoke to the intersections of fat visibility and the female, queer, and people of color experience. I’m always inspired by projects and initiatives that arise from a lack of representation, and She’s All Fat is definitely it. Even if you don’t exist in a larger body, it’s important that all shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds educate ourselves on how fatness has historically been treated in our culture, so that we can shift the script on the anti-fat bias.

      How to Love Your Body
      As someone a ways into her journey of eating disorder recovery, I know very well how an “interest” in wellness can quickly devolve into a full-on obsession. And though I’m doing the work to unwind the diet culture-influenced ideas of what health should look like, I’m always grateful for people who make me feel less alone in this process of unlearning. Enter: How to Love Your Body. The hosts break down key topics in the realm of self-love and acceptance, and they also provide actionable steps for how to adopt a “Health At Every Size” mindset. If you’re ready to dismantle the diet industry and gain a sense of belonging in an appearance-centric world, you’ll find your community here.

      Explorations
      Inspired by the belief that “humanizing people who are different from us is the beginning of connection and empathy,” Lola Ayodele created Explorations to reveal and shed light on the unique narratives that guide our lives. Each episode includes elements of relatability, while also illuminating the stories we couldn’t possibly know the details of ourselves. Start with the third episode, “Being Yourself,” for a roadmap on owning your authenticity and honoring that of others.

      Body Stuff with Jen Gunter
      As a self-described life-long learner, I’m always diving deep into the depths of TED’s many varied opportunities to explore new ideas. Dr. Jen Gunter recorded this podcast with the team from TED Audio Collective, so you already know you’re in for a treat. Similar to Maintenance Phase, this podcast jumps into the science behind some of the world’s biggest wellness trends. If you’re looking for a way to sift through the TikTok trends and get to the evidence and research-backed truths, press play. 

      Social media accounts to follow

      @thenutritiontea
      Like many of us on the ‘gram, I first caught wind of Shana Minei Spence’s work when it went viral at the beginning of the pandemic. And I’ll admit, when I came across her posts, I had no idea that some dietitians take a non-diet approach to their work (oh, how the times have changed). Her mostly text-based posts and Reels not only educate her 222K+ followers, but her work also aims to make nutrition less restrictive and more realistic. She often speaks to the emotions tied to what we eat, and how by developing a healthier relationship with the foods on our plate–we can experience true, whole-body health once and for all.

      @olivianoceda
      It wouldn’t be a hyperbole to write that I am truly, passionately OBSESSED with everything Olivia Noceda posts. She’s the sort of influencer whose gentle approach to wellness inspires how I want to spend each and every day. While the motivational “that girl” videos have, IMO, run their course, Olivia’s accessible recipes and easy-to-adopt routines inspire me to create opportunities for more joy and authenticity in my day. Her work is a reminder that while wellness can look like buying into the buzzy brands and trying each and every trend, it can also simply be about finding what works for you and letting that guide your way.

      @selfcareisapriority
      The handle says it all. Thankfully, we’ve come a long way to understanding self-care as not an indulgence but as a necessary practice for existing in an increasingly stressful world. Their posts offer relatable reminders that your productivity doesn’t define you, change is inevitable, and taking breaks is essential to thriving. If you want an account that tells you exactly what you need to hear, this is it.

      @emotions_therapy
      I’m here for any and all accounts that remind me that my worth has nothing to do with my physical appearance and that the time we put into our mental health is the most important work we’ll ever do. This account is a kaleidoscopic array of motivational and joy-inducing affirmations and is also the source of many of my wellness epiphanies. While the advice still stands to take regular breaks from your phone, you have my permission to scroll this page for hours.

      @beauty_redefined
      I only recently discovered this account, but my feed is all the better because of it. Twins Lexie and Lindsay (who both boast a Ph.D.) promote a critical look at how our appearance-obsessed culture has led to women seeing their bodies as the primary determinant of happiness and value. And while the body positivity movement has done a lot to rewrite this narrative, Lexie and Lindsay are adamant about getting to the root of the problem. My feelings, frustrations, and concerns about how women and girls are perceived in the world are validated and transformed with every post that comes across my screen. Lexie and Lindsay offer an important reminder that women are not—and have never been—the problem. 

      Books to read

      Aubrey Gordon
      What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat
      I can’t write about “Maintenance Phase” without highlighting Aubrey Gordon’s brilliant debut book. This book is the first that I’ve come across that not only illustrates the emotional and physical harm our cultural values of thinness have put on people in larger bodies, but it also reveals actionable ways we can shift our collective mindset and actively work toward supporting fat justice. Gordon’s writing brings awareness to how anti-fatness shows up in our everyday lives and points readers’ attention to the many ways our social systems fail fat people. 

      Alice Wong
      Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century
      When it comes to understanding the experience of individuals living with a disability, first-person reflections offer the most authentic accounts. This collection of original pieces ranges from blog posts to congressional testimonies (and every medium in between). While the stories reveal the bias and prejudice disabled folks often face, it’s adamant about celebrating the triumphs and multi-dimensional complexities of the disabled experience. Disability Visibility is a testament to the innovation, hope, and joy that comes with honoring our differences.

      Bessel van der Kolk M.D
      The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
      This is the book that literally everyone recommended before I finally got my hands on a copy. Though it was first published almost a decade ago, the wisdom, science, and revelations offered on each page endures. Trauma exists in many diverse ways, but regardless of the experience, its impact takes root in both the body and the mind, having an effect on everything from our ability to experience pleasure to our willingness to trust others. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, an expert on trauma, dives into the scientific developments and treatments that support recovery and healing. Personally, this book offered me a new way to process trauma and encouraged empathy for others’ stories. 

      Blair Imani
      Read This to Get Smarter: about Race, Class, Gender, Disability & More
      What does it mean to be socially conscious? In the pages of Read This to Get Smarter, historian, educator, and author, Blair Imani, dives deep into this question, all the while revealing the role that education, awareness, and understanding all play in shaping a more equitable world. As I was reading the book, I appreciated how accessible the content is—the book makes no assumptions about how much you do or don’t know. It takes the intimidation out of diving into topics like intersectionality, gender, disability, and more, supporting you with the language to have the challenging but culture-shifting conversations we need to be a part of.

      Meghan O’Rourke
      The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness
      Esquire said it best when it called The Invisible Kingdom, “a rigorous work of scholarship and a radical act of empathy.” The best books do exactly that: educate while also engaging you in an emotional experience. And often, that’s the root of our ability to connect with others. Chronic illness and autoimmune disease have gained more visibility with the rise of social media, but still, little is understood about the nuances and specifics of the countless diseases that often go undiagnosed. And because many of these conditions present few symptoms, their obscurity is only perpetuated. Meghan O’Rourke’s research sheds new light on this health crisis, giving a voice to the populations and groups whose experiences are often underreported and underrepresented. 

      10 Ways to (Actually) Love Yourself More That You Haven’t Tried Yet More

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      in health and weelbeing

      7 Hacks I Learned From ‘Atomic Habits’ That Changed My Life—and Will Change Yours Too

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      You may have come across Atomic Habits while scrolling through #BookTok or browsing Barnes & Noble looking for your next self-help read. After all, it’s been a consistent bestseller since its release in 2018. And as a book lover with a passion for books that cater to bettering oneself, I had to give this one a go. I am happy to say it lived up to the hype–I walked away with tangible tools to create better habits that I now stick with while letting go of old ones holding me back.
      Habits make up our everyday life, some as simple as brushing your teeth each morning or setting an alarm before you go to bed each night. These habits require little thought or energy and are ingrained into our routines. Starting a new habit is not always easy as keeping up with old ones, so it’s important to have the motivation and a good system in place to be able to stick with it. Atomic Habits breaks down a foolproof way to not only make sure you stick to your habits but also choose the right ones, and it even reverses theories to help break the bad ones too. So if you’re looking to build better habits, read on for the hacks that changed my life.

      James Clear
      Atomic Habits
      An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

      1. Improve by 1 percent every day
      Let’s say you want to lose weight. Your goal is to go to the gym every day and eat a healthier diet. At first, that may seem daunting, which is why the best way to start is to start small. Maybe it’s as simple as putting on your running shoes and walking outside for 10 minutes (it may not seem like much, but over time it adds up!) or adding leafy greens to one meal per day. Eventually, you can work up to 30 minutes or a workout at the gym and eat delicious, healthy foods for every meal, but focusing on the end goal will be overwhelming instead of helpful. “Breakthrough moments are often the result of many previous actions, which build up the potential required to unleash a major change,” James Clear explains in the book. Oftentimes, we look at athletes or successful business leaders and wonder how they got to where they are and how they accomplished so much. The answer is that they started small and never stopped. 

      2. Start habit stacking
      The easiest way to introduce a new habit into your daily routine is to implement it with other habits you already have. Habit stacking is a formula for ensuring that your new habits don’t fall to the wayside. For example, if you want to create the habit of meditating each morning but find yourself forgetting or not having the time, the best way to fix this is by inserting it with another habit. If your morning routine consists of waking up, brushing your teeth, and pouring a cup of coffee, insert “meditate for five minutes” before you have your coffee. Set the intention, say it aloud, and then insert the new habit into your routine. Sometimes when and where you choose to execute a habit can make a big difference. 

      3. Be aware of your environment
      We are both victims and architects of our environments—AKA the home we live in and where we go to work and exercise. All of these different spaces can affect our habits for better or worse. If every night before you go to sleep you lie in bed and watch TV, over time your bed will be associated as a place where you watch TV. Working from the comfort of your bed may sound nice but can be much more difficult if your bed is already associated with a place of rest. Once we understand the relationships we have with the spaces we occupy, we can use that knowledge to help form better habits and break unproductive ones. As Clear said, “It is easier to associate a new habit with a new context than to build a new habit in the face of competing cues.” It’s no wonder working from home can be more difficult if you don’t have a designated space to do so.

      4. Use the “Two-Minute Rule”
      Clear’s two-minute rule states that when you start a new habit, it shouldn’t take longer than two minutes to complete. The idea is to scale down a habit so that it is more attractive and you are more likely to continue repeating the habit. If the goal is to write a book, start by writing one sentence each day. If you want to read more before bed each night, start by reading one page. If you want to work out more, start with jumping jacks for two minutes, or if you want to have a meditation practice, set the timer for two minutes–you get the idea. The more the process is ritualized, the easier it will be to continue. You have to start small before you move on to bigger and better habits.

      5. Try a commitment device or accountability partner
      We all start off with the best of intentions when we decide to form a new habit, but then life gets in the way and it becomes easy to forget why we wanted to start the habit in the first place. This is where a commitment device or accountability partner comes in. A commitment device is a choice made in the present to help control your actions in the future. For example, if you want to stop buying coffee every day, you can decide to leave your wallet at home to reduce temptation. Another version of this is an accountability buddy: someone who can help keep you accountable for your actions, understands your commitment, and can check in on you (read: a friend, partner, family member, coworker, coach, etc.). We value the opinions of those around us, which is exactly why an accountability partner can work to help build better habits.

      6. Make the habit satisfying
      It’s a cardinal rule in life that we repeat actions that are satisfying: eating ice cream on a hot summer day, consistently working out and releasing endorphins, or online shopping and receiving a package in the mail. We return to these actions over and over again because we remember how satisfying they were. The same tactic is effective when forming a new habit. There’s a reason why you book your next workout class right after you finish one and then a couple of days later debate whether to go. Providing immediate reinforcement tells the brain to keep going back to an activity, whereas delayed satisfaction is not as effective. In other words, when you’re starting a new habit, make sure it’s enjoyable so it will last.

      7. Reflect on your habits and progress
      Habits are great tools to help us accomplish our goals, but as we evolve and complete certain goals or set new ones, it’s important to look back and assess our habits and progress. If you set out to write a book and haven’t finished one chapter, maybe the habits you set are not working and need to be changed. Our habits should be our motivators and keep us engaged in our goals. They should be something we look forward to doing. Taking the time to reflect on our habits (both the good and bad) is a great way to make sure we are constantly challenging ourselves to do better.

      James Clear
      Atomic Habits
      An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

      15 Sunday Rituals to Set You Up for an Amazing Week More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      An insight into the rise of cinemas in Saudi Arabia

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      Lifestyle

      by Sarah Joseph
      1 minute ago

      Since the 1980s, cinemas had been banned in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for the better part of four decades.
      However, this all changed in 2018. It was announced by the General Commission for Audio-visual Media that the ban would be lifted on cinemas in Saudi Arabia and since then the country has embarked on a new mission to promote culture and entertainment.
      Now, four years on, it appears cinema has become a focal entertainment point in the Kingdom. In a recent report published by the Saudi Press Agency, there have been over 30 million ticket sales in cinemas in the last four years, with around 1,144 films shown, including 22 Saudi films across 56 theatres.
      With the news came a larger scope of employment in the country, giving 4,439 young Saudi men and women the opportunity to work in the media market.
      Regarded as “a billion-dollar opportunity”, the 35-year ban uplift came with several perks such as forecasting the Kingdom’s cinema box office market to be USD 950 million in 2030, per PWC.
      The rule change came to be in line with Saudi Arabia’s Vision 2030 vision: “A strategic framework to reduce Saudi Arabia’s dependence on oil, diversify its economy and develop public service sectors such as health, education, infrastructure, recreation and tourism.”

      As cinemas continue to be an important sector for increasing investment and improving expansion, the country has already established itself as an emerging market to watch. To support the growing industry, the second edition of The Red Sea International Film Festival (RSIFF) is set to run from December 1 to 10, 2022 in Jeddah.
      “At Expo 2020 Dubai, the Saudi Arabia Pavilion also celebrated several cultural sectors of the Kingdom. Visitors had an opportunity to watch a number of Saudi films under the cultural program ’16 Windows’ that reflected the country’s creativity and talent in a completely new light,” as reported by the Saudi Press Agency.
      With the film industry now booming in the Kingdom, more cinemas are set to open to enhance the Kingdom’s competitiveness on the global map.
      – For more on luxury lifestyle, news, fashion and beauty follow Emirates Woman on Facebook and Instagram
      Images: Supplied & Feature Image: Pexels @tima-miroshnichenko More

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      in health and weelbeing

      Everything You Need To Know About Your Enneagram Type—And Why It Matters

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      If you’re a wellness fan and an incessant Instagram scroller, chances are, you’ve seen numbers appearing in the posts and bios of some of your favorite influencers or maybe also a number and then ‘w’ and another number? This is the influencer’s Enneagram sign and a calling card for self-love and awareness. While Meyer-Briggs has ruled the personality-typing roost in previous years, the Enneagram has quickly become a favorite self-discovery technique.
      Surprisingly, the Enneagram isn’t exactly anything new—it actually has ancient roots, with some arguing that it can be traced back to the geometry of Pythagorean mathematics. Easily proving age ain’t nothing but a number, its popularity today rests on several things: the simplicity of its format (it is made up of nine types, each with different aspects of personality), behaviors, fears, and desires.
      “The Enneagram is a personality typing tool that breaks down the patterns of human behavior into nine distinct types. Each type has a specific motivation, along with basic fears, levels of health, and so forth. It’s particularly helpful in showing us our blind spots and coping mechanisms,” explained Sarajane Case of Enneagram and Coffee. “I think we’re seeing our culture through a kind of revolution—a desire for more self-awareness and inclusion. The Enneagram is a great way for us to create dynamic and open relationships with ourselves and others.”
      And why it’s gained popularity is because once you dig into it, it goes way deeper than just a personality test. “It’s a personalized roadmap for self-growth, relational health, and more,” shared Laura Miltenberger and Jennifer Andrew of XO, Enneagram. “There’s a lot of hope in the Enneagram because it’s all about the freedom to change and grow. It’s not about labels. Instead of just speaking to who you are right now, the Enneagram teaches you about who you have the potential to be.”
      But it doesn’t stop with learning your type. This is just the start of the Enneagram journey. Once you get into it, there are lots of ways it can help you reflect, develop, and evolve your thinking, behaviors, and relationships. To help you get started, we’ve broken it down into nine things to know about the Enneagram or—if you’re already an Enneagrammer—some new ideas from true Enneagram experts.

      Everyone’s Enneagram Journey Is Different
      We come to the Enneagram for all sorts of different reasons. Whether to gain greater confidence and self-awareness, to help us in our work and career, to enhance our relationships, or all of these and more, the Enneagram is an evolving tool for self-discovery and helps foster empathy and compassion for others.
      “I first started working with the Enneagram as a way to better relate to my partner,” Case shared. “We found it initially helpful in understanding our differences. As time has gone on, I’ve worked with the Enneagram to bring more awareness to my own patterns of behavior and how I show up both positively and negatively in my life and the life of others.”
      As friends who work on XO, Enneagram together, Andrew and Miltenberger both found their way to the Enneagram on very different paths. “I first began to use the Enneagram as a holistic health coach,” Miltenberger explained. “I was so impressed with its ability to help my clients find more self-awareness, tools for their relationships, and insight into their typical ways of coping with stress. But when I finally found my own number, I wasn’t just enlightened, I was moved. The Enneagram spoke to parts of myself that I’d forgotten about, important pieces of who I am and who I want to be.”
      It can be an uncomfortable process at first, Andrew said. “It made me recognize some unhealthy patterns I had in my life. It also helped me put words to parts of myself that I’d never been able to describe, which made me feel seen and understood.”

      The Types
      “The Enneagram describes nine different types—nine different ways of seeing the world,” Miltenberger and Andrew explained. “Personality quizzes and assessments often deal with surface behaviors and traits, but the Enneagram speaks to deeper parts of who you are. It doesn’t just teach you about your strengths, it brings light to your shortcomings too. So when used mindfully, it has the power to set you on a path toward the healthiest and most whole version of yourself.”
      The nine Types are commonly known by the following names, but these can differ slightly:

      The Perfectionist – The Rational, Idealistic Type: principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.
      The Helper – The Caring, Interpersonal Type: demonstrative, generous, people-pleasing, and possessive.
      The Achiever – The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: adaptive, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.
      The Individualist – The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
      The Investigator – The Intense, Cerebral Type: perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.
      The Loyalist – The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.
      The Enthusiast – The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered.
      The Challenger – The Powerful, Dominating Type: self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
      The Peacemaker – The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent.

      These descriptions—from The Enneagram Institute—are just a brief overview of the types. To really get into it and discover which type you may be, it’s important to read detailed descriptions of all of them, Case advised.
      “Once you find your type, you’ll likely know. Reading the description of your type can feel a bit like reading your own journals back to yourself,” Case explained. “I know it’s tempting to take a test and get a quick answer or to rely on someone else to tell you your type. I want to challenge you to take the time to research yourself. You are so worth the exploration.”

      Source: Caroline Sharpnack for The Everygirl

      But How Do You Know When You Know?
      This is a question many on the road through the Enneagram will spend a lot of time pondering. And that’s totally normal. It’s super easy to believe you’re one type, then read about another that resonates and feel confused about which you could be. It’s also very easy to mistype too, as there are lots of similarities between them. “By reading more and by listening to the experience of others who have already discovered their type, you’ll begin to narrow down your dominant type,” Miltenberger and Andrew said. “Tests and quizzes can be fun, but don’t rely on your results, as they are frequently inaccurate. You’re the only one who can discover your type. It takes some introspection, some reading, and a willingness to look at yourself with honesty.”
      And uncomfortable as it may be, it also helps to look at the more negative aspects of the types as well as positive ones to really help shine a light on your true type. “The truth is that we all can or would like to relate to the positive aspects of each type,” Case added. “It’s the difficult or trying elements that force us to get really honest. It can feel a bit like being exposed when we read the lower-level behaviors of our number. When you read a type and your cheeks get red and you want to hide under the table—that may be your number.”
      Both XO, Enneagram and Enneagram and Coffee offer lots of resources on their Instagram accounts to help with this discovery process—even sharing fun memes and videos, which, while lighthearted, can actually further help the identification process and really help bring that lightbulb moment for you.

      What Are Wings?
      Once you’ve found your type or, at least, the one you feel most resonates with you for now, you can explore the wings of that type and drill down into the type on a deeper level. Wings are the numbers directly adjacent to your Enneagram type, so for example, a type 1 would have type 9 or type 2 as its potential wings.
      “They come into play as a way to balance out the personality patterns of our number. We all have both wings available to us, yet we typically lean into one or the other for support. The ultimate goal is to balance out your wings to fully support your personality,” Case explained. “You’re the same type throughout your life, but your wing can actually shift and change as your life does. Think of your wing as what you bring in to round out your personality patterns. You may need something different for that at different stages of life.”
      For some of us, the wing helps confirm our type and solidify it; for others, the wing descriptions could be completely off and help us reassess. But don’t stress about the wings—the most important thing on the Enneagram is to discover your type. It’s OK to remain undecided on your wing. Case has a great podcast episode dedicated just to wings.

      And What About Subtypes?
      Once you’re in the Enneagram zone, you can read on about subtypes or “instincts.” There are three of these, and typically, you’ll figure out one that is dominant for you. They are more primal and instinctual than the personality aspects of the types and wings but are often the powerful subconscious driving force behind many of our life choices and actions. Your dominant one will relate to what is a priority for you—what you need to get what you want from this world and what area of life you usually attend to first.
      “The three subtypes are One-On-One, Social, and Self-Preservation,” Miltenberger and Andrew explained. “Your dominant subtype describes the way you most instinctually interact with the world around you. It describes what you most naturally pay attention to and what you initially respond to. The One-On-One subtype pays most attention to individual relationships, the Social subtype to the group or social structures, and the Self-Preservation subtype to needs and perceived danger. Bringing awareness to your subtype is a great opportunity to create more health and balance in your life.”
      Understanding this adds another layer of insight into all aspects of who you are and why you are, and you can use this to really dig deeper into your self-discovery and development, helping to identify anything you feel is working or not working for you.

      Source: TONL
      You’ve Found Your Type—Now What?
      Your journey doesn’t end with the identification of your type. In fact, this is where it all begins. Working with the Enneagram can help you feel validated, understood, and, best of all, help forge a greater sense of self-compassion. On the flip side, it can also make you confront some of your more challenging aspects. And this is where it can get a little harder but can also be incredibly rewarding.
      The first step to working with it is really about acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, and then establishing a support plan for them, Case recommended. “Celebrate your strengths and build a life that helps them shine. Open your eyes to your blind spots, noting your motivators and how you receive love, exploring your contribution to relationships, softening your path out of behavior patterns, and finally turning that into something beautiful and sharing it with the world.”
      A good way to do this is to read a variety of websites, books, and Instagram accounts, and listen to podcasts—really get immersed in all the Enneagram resources out there. Many Enneagram experts will also suggest you journal daily, even if just for short bursts on guided topics tailored to your Enneagram type and your discoveries and thoughts. If you’re a list person, make lists of things you’re identifying and learning or what you want to achieve.
      “There’s no wrong way to practice this,” Miltenberger and Andrew added. “Let the Enneagram teach you about yourself. But remember to approach all of these things with a lot of kindness and gentleness toward yourself: You have plenty of time to get to wherever it is that you want to go. You’re multifaceted—for every shadow in you, there’s a diamond, too. You might have growing pains now, but remember that you’re already strong. You might have room for growth, but you’re loved and acceptable already, just as you are.”

      Lean In…
      The Enneagram isn’t just beneficial to your self-acceptance; it radiates out and can be a useful tool in supporting you in the workplace, for your career progression and life goals, and in your relationships. “It’s a tool to allow you access to self-awareness that often takes people decades to figure out,” Case said. “The more aware we are of our own patterns and what we bring to our relationships, our job, and our habits, the more ease we can bring into them through owning our strengths and creating a support plan for our weaknesses.”
      It can really help you work on your compassion and empathy for others as well as yourself. “Since the Enneagram helps you identify your stress patterns and coping mechanisms, it also illuminates which self-care practices will be most vital and impactful for you,” Miltenberger and Andrew pointed out. “And when it comes to relationships, the Enneagram helps you understand where other people are coming from and how to interact with them most effectively. With your work, the Enneagram is amazing for identifying your innate strengths and values, which leads to better career choices and fulfillment.”
      It’s also valuable information to bring into therapy sessions to help a partner or others generally understand you better. “More than anything, the Enneagram is a great tool for language,” Case added. “It gives us a way to express what we’re going through, why we’re going through it, and what we may need.”

      What If You’re Not Happy With Your Type?
      OK, so let’s admit it: On face value, some of the types sound a little more appealing than others. But the Enneagram, in all its egalitarian wisdom, is about just that: equality. There is no best or worst—all the types have their strengths and blind spots, and all are on the path to self-awareness.
      “If you feel unhappy with your type, it probably means you’ve discovered something that your personality has been holding you back from, so there’s a little grieving that comes with that,” Miltenberger and Andrew shared. “We all have different ways of getting in our own way. But awareness is the first step in any sort of change or growth. So try to see this new awareness as an opportunity to find more balance in your life. You’re brave for wanting to look at yourself with honesty and wanting to grow, but be gentle with yourself in the process.”

      To Test Or Not To Test?
      Many experts recommend against doing a test to determine your type—usually because there are so many that can offer inaccurate or misleading results for many of us, and identifying our type or feeling confident we’ve picked the “right” one for us are legit concerns. Mistyping can also be an issue. At this point, it’s probably worth taking a test to reinforce your type or help you see something you might have missed. There’s one test that Case recommends as having one of the best records on accuracy—this can be found at Integrative9.com and is worth a go for us type-TBDs.
      There are also lots of books, podcasts, inspiring IG accounts, and other ways to keep learning about the Enneagram. Tune into Case’s fab podcast Enneagram and Coffee to learn more about her and her wonderful insights.
      XO, Enneagram has a great site full of resources and its Instagram account offers ideas, prompts, self-care challenges, journaling practices, and a direct line to quiz them on all your Enneagram questions. For reading, they recommend The Road Back to You, The Wisdom of the Enneagram, The Path Between Us, The Sacred Enneagram, and The Complete Enneagram.
      Oh, and in case you’re wondering by now, this article was written by a 9 wing 1 who took a few gos at finding her type, but once she did, well, it was a real revelation.

      The Enneagram Type You Should Date, Based on Your Own Enneagram More

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      How to Have a Better Relationship, According to Your Enneagram

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      Let’s be real: Relationships can be complicated. The good news? They don’t have to be. Thanks to the Enneagram, we can show up as our best and most authentic selves in our relationships while better understanding ourselves and our other halves, no matter how different they are. And the result is deeper connection, mutual respect, and empathy. Grab your partner and read on to learn the strengths, differences, and motivations of each Enneagram type and find out where you fit. 

      Type Ones are great in relationships because they always have a sense of their priorities. It’s rare you’ll meet a Type One who doesn’t have a grasp on what it is they want in a relationship and where you fall in line with their other duties and identities. They’re also known for being faithful, helpful, and dedicated in relationships, meaning you can expect them to be all-in. 
      On the other side, Ones are known for being perfectionists, which can mean they’re critical and have overly high expectations of a partner. Type Ones should be aware of their expectations and work on finding a medium with their partner. Instead of expecting your partner to have the dishes done when you get home (without asking first) or wondering why they haven’t asked about your weekend plans yet, ask for what you want. I know, this goes against basically everything in your nature as a Type One, but unless your partner can read minds (we’re all jealous), there’s no way for them to know what you want and, in turn, meet your expectations. 

      The Helper is all about doing what they can for their loved ones. They know how to make you feel loved and appreciated, and they’re great at validating the feelings of others (even if it means doubting their own). 
      Because Type Twos are so focused on what the other person wants or needs, they often struggle to get their own needs met in a relationship. Instead of worrying about what your partner wants for dinner or how they’re feeling after a fight, ask for what you need. If your feelings were hurt or you feel like they’re not taking your ideas into consideration, this is your chance to tell them how you feel and exactly how they can support you too. A relationship goes both ways, and because a Two is so focused on their partner, they often forget to prioritize their needs too. 
      Twos can also be possessive at times, causing them to show an excess of love to their partner in an attempt to woo them or keep them in their lives. Talk to your partner about how they personally want to feel love (might we suggest the Love Languages test?) so you can give them exactly what they want too.

      If you’re familiar with Love Languages, Threes almost always feel loved through words of affirmation. They like knowing their partner is proud of their achievements, whether it’s something big, such as a promotion at work, or small, like finding the best new restaurant for date nights. Threes love to feel appreciated, and because of this, they enjoy giving to their partner too. 
      Because Threes put so much of their worth into their career, they often bring that into relationships. Talking about work over dinner, being absentminded when you’re together, and putting your work-related stress onto your partner can make your partner feel like they’re not as important to you as your career. To combat this, create work-free times with your partner. Much like some of us are with our cell phones (guilty), Threes can often be that way about their career. Give yourself two hours when you’re out to dinner or just catching up on Bridgerton where you occupy yourself with your partner. No work, all play. 

      Fours are known for being creative, but in relationships, they are playful, fun, and spirited. They are open to new experiences and love getting to share their creativity and passion with someone else. They are typically emotional and have a strong idea of who they are. In relationships, this means they’re romantic and intuitive. They love sending love notes, cards, and gifts to their loved ones, and they feel loved when their partner understands and compliments their self-expression (such as their art!). 
      In a relationship, a Four can be a little overbearing at times. They can be moody and have a hard time separating their emotions from their day-to-day lives. As a Four, it is important to remind your partner that they aren’t to blame for your emotions. Fours do not like being called overdramatic or being told they’re overreacting in a situation; therefore, it’s important to talk with your partner about your emotions instead of closing them off. You don’t have to be alone with your feelings!

      Fives love to approach situations with data on hand. They’re natural teachers who observe their surroundings and analyze situations deeply before committing or speaking up. Unlike Fours, they take time alone to process and understand their emotions before acting on them, which can make a partner think they’re uninterested or uninterrupted by a conflict (which isn’t usually the case). They have a thirst for knowledge and love to learn, making them a great companion for intellectual dates, such as going to new exhibitions, museums, libraries, and events in your city. 
      In their quest for knowledge, Fives can seem somewhat withdrawn or even contentious or irritated with a partner. While they are generally introverted and prefer to stay in, they can get frustrated when a partner always wants to pull them out of their comfort zone. Similar to Type Three, create times with your partner to discuss your lives without judgment. Your partner wants to know what you’re learning and what is interesting to you at the moment, so don’t be afraid to geek out about your latest project. They love that side of you too!

      We all know Sixes are all about commitment, making them perfect for long-term relationships. They’re loyal and feel content knowing their relationships are safe and secure. They can be introverted and extroverted, so they’re easy to open up to but also to have fun with. Helping others is important to a Six, and they feel irresponsible when they think they haven’t fulfilled that duty. They are also independent, so they’re able to do their own thing once in a while without worrying about their partner.
      Sixes are some of the most trustworthy people; however, they’re not quick to trust others themselves. This can make them seem self-conscious, nervous, and even defensive in relationships where the other person doesn’t feel trusted or accepted. Trusting another person is hard at first, but it takes being confident in yourself and your relationship to get you there. Spend some time every day focusing on building up your own self-confidence. You can’t be the best version of yourself with a partner if you’re constantly worrying about how you look or if they still like you (you look great, and, yes, they do!). Then, start building trust by allowing yourself to be vulnerable at times. Open up to your partner about your insecurities in the relationship, and discuss from there.

      The adventurers of the Enneagram, Sevens are all about a party. They’re upbeat and positive, knowing how to find the good in most situations. They almost always seem happy and carefree, which can sometimes seem stressful to a partner who’s another type. 
      Although Sevens are the life of the party, they can also seem narcissistic and distracted in relationships. They have a short attention span, which is great for having fun but stressful for discussing issues in a relationship. We know it’s hard, but Sevens, you have to slow down. Allow your partner to get serious every once in a while. Being an optimist doesn’t have to mean you never discuss negativity or the stress and anxiety each other goes through. However, make sure you’re letting your partner speak up. While they certainly love your center-of-attention personality, they also want to feel understood and heard too.

      Eights are confident and outgoing, but this can also manifest itself as arrogance and competition. They are natural leaders who view life’s challenges as exciting, and they’re never afraid of conflict. When issues arise in a relationship, they’re the first to be honest and ready to discuss what’s going on with their partner. 
      A reminder to Eights: It’s OK to show your vulnerable side. Eights feel like they have to have everything together all the time, and they can’t share the tender side of themselves without getting angry or frustrated first. To make this easier, practice active listening with your partner. No more trying to come up with a response before the other person is even finished (as an Eight, I totally understand this!). Listen to your partner as they speak, and empathize with whatever they’re going through, no matter how big or small it may seem to you. You’ll be able to relate to them on a deeper level while also prioritizing some quality time.

      Nines can often be mistyped as Twos because they are overly accommodating in relationships and can be people-pleasers. However, what makes them different from Twos is their drive to keep harmony and peace in their relationships. Known as the peacemakers, they are active listeners and sensitive to other people’s emotions. 
      Nines will do anything to avoid conflict, which can sometimes cause situations to never reach a solution (the opposite of Eights!). Instead of your usual, speak up about what’s going on with you and your partner. Whether it’s about your sex life, someone forgetting to take out the trash, or something bigger, be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling and what’s going on. Remember that not all conflict has to be disruptive; there is such a thing as productive conflict. 

      The Enneagram Type You Should Date
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      7 Wellness Podcasts That Will Help You Get Healthier

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      When I first got into self-improvement, I wanted to consume all the information I could. I started following all the experts—reading their books, studying their blogs, and attending their seminars (well, the free ones at least). And then I discovered health podcasts. I was already a big fan of Serial and This American Life, but it never dawned on me that there’s literally a podcast for every topic you can imagine. Since realizing that podcasts could be used to make me healthier instead of just fulfill my true crime addiction, I’ve listened to countless episodes that have transformed my life. Whether you’re interested in food, mental health, or spirituality, read on for the holy grail podcasts that have changed my health.

      Let It Out was the first wellness podcast I listened to and it’s still one of my favorites. Each week, host Katie Dalebout shares her personal experience with trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle and talks with leading voices in the wellness space. Notable episodes include author and yoga teacher Jessamyn Stanley discussing body acceptance, spiritual entrepreneur Gabby Bernstein on mindset tips, and author and gluten-free chef Phoebe Lapine sharing her journey with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. 
      My favorite thing about this podcast is its focus on balance and doing what works for your individual body. Katie admits to being “overly addicted to wellness” and struggling with orthorexia in the past, so she’s learned first hand the importance of balance. Listen if you want a well-rounded view of health. 

      If you’ve already binged every episode of Let It Out like I have but still want more, tune into Spiraling. Katie Dalebout also hosts this podcast alongside author and chef Serena Wolf. The two friends share their personal stories of anxiety, from the daily angst of having a zit on a first date to the deep-seated fears and worries that keep them up at night. They don’t just vent and leave you hanging, though. The best part is that they discuss how to handle anxieties. They share their personal de-stress methods and the techniques their therapists have taught them. I come away from each episode feeling so understood and find a new way to cope with my anxiety. Listen if you want to feel like you’re getting advice from friends. 

      The TED family of podcasts is an oldie but still a goodie, especially if you’re interested in learning about health from different perspectives. TED Health covers a variety of topics, including everything from the importance of sleep to dealing with grief to preventing Alzheimer’s. I love this podcast because it covers a wide range of topics, approaches every topic from a scientific (yet approachable) angle, and serves as a reminder that health is so much more than just a number on the scale. Listen if you’re interested in the science behind health.  

      It’s no doubt Gwyneth Paltrow has carved out her corner of the wellness world, so it’s only natural she’d bring us a top health podcast as well. Much like TED Health, Gwyneth and her co-host Erica Chidi cover a variety of topics, ranging from mental and emotional health to physical and sexual health. They also feature exciting guests like authors Glennon Doyle and Robin DiAngelo and intimacy coach Amina Peterson. While goop has been controversial in the wellness world, they bring on amazing thought leaders and wellness experts that have helped me grow in every aspect of my life. If you’re looking for a place to start, some of my favorite episodes are “Ending the War on Self,” “Eating to Beat Disease,” and “Decoupling Shame from Sexuality.” Listen if you want to learn from the experts. 

      One of my favorite self-improvement authors is Andrea Owen, so you can imagine my delight when I discovered she had a podcast too. Andrea gives candid, big-sister advice on how to live your best life and focuses on topics such as perfectionism, the inner-critic, courage, and more. Make Some Noise is geared specifically toward women and breaking the negative cycles we so often partake in. I love the casual nature of this podcast and how digestible and easy her advice is. Listen if you want no-frills life coaching. 

      Expanded is a leading manifestation and spiritual podcast, and once you listen you’ll see why. Host Lacy Phillips helps her audience create their dream lives through neuroscience, psychology, epigenetics, energetics, and a little bit of spirituality. The podcast discusses techniques to open your mind and heart to the manifestation process and also highlights other manifestation experts and thought leaders. I especially love this podcast as a way to start my mornings off with an abundance mindset. It’s also a great addition to the To Be Magnetic membership program. Listen if you want to manifest your dream life. 

      Everyone seems to have an opinion on the “right” way to diet these days (*insert eye roll here*), so it was refreshing to hear How to Love Your Body described as a “non-diet” podcast. Hosts Lauren McAulay and Jenna Free are self-proclaimed ex-dieters, binge eaters, and weight-obsessed women turned intuitive eaters with the goal of helping listeners “stop dieting and find wellness without obsession.” As someone who has struggled with dieting in the past, this was music to my ears.
      It’s comforting to hear someone who’s been in my shoes talk about how to create a sustainable relationship with food. Listening to this podcast has helped me shift my mindset around nutrition and embark on my intuitive eating journey. A few of my favorite episodes are “What if I DO care about how I look?,” “Intuitive Drinking Tips,” and “End Binge Eating Permanently.” Listen if you want to reframe your diet mindset. 

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      10 Books To Read if You Want To Improve Yourself

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      The cliche of “finding yourself” always made no sense to me until I actually did. But finding out who you are and what makes you unique just skims the surface. Discovering what makes me truly happy, the kind of people I want to surround myself with, and what motivates me to work hard has shaped who I am and what I will become. A huge part of this has been self-improvement books. I mean, we gotta learn how to be our best selves from someone else, right? It can be difficult to find the best self-improvement books for you, as every self-discovery journey is pretty tailored. We’ve made it just a little easier by rounding up some of our favorites to get you started.

      Cara Alwill Leyba
      Style Your Mind
      This read made me finally understand what I was missing in order to be successful: KNOW YOURSELF *cue Drake voice*. This workbook forces you to contemplate your goals and desires, and because the book is so gorgeous, I focused on including more than just scribbles and half-thought out responses. After working through this, I have a stronger understanding of what I want out of my life and how I’m going to get there.

      Eckhart Tolle
      A New Earth
      To no one’s surprise, Oprah was right. I was really apprehensive of this book at first – the entire concept of an “ego” just seemed a little weird. Boy was I wrong! This book is perfect for anyone who struggles to let things go. I have a tendency to get obsessive about things; I always want to be better! Tolle addresses this through his explanations of the ego while providing some actually pretty common sense resolutions to that stress in your daily life. Reading this finally allowed me to realize what causes stress and anxiety in my life and encouraged me to change those things.

      Maureen Johnson
      How I Resist: Activism and Hope for a New Generation
      Finding my voice in my activism has been difficult. I am a privileged woman and can sometimes feel like I don’t have any experiences or insight to bring to the table. Regardless of where you stand politically, this book discusses more about how you can fight for change and the hope that comes along with that. This is really aimed at a teen audience, but I took away a hope and excitement for the future as an adult. Not to mention the incredible list of contributors on this makes it a necessary read.

      Jolene Hart
      Eat Pretty: Nutrition for Beauty, Inside and Out
      This is not your typical recipe book. Eat Pretty simplifies the whole idea of “holistic nutrition” and makes food easy. I’ve always had a negative relationship with food, and this book has reminded me over and over again (I’ve read it a few times!) the ways in which food can nourish and support my skin, hair and bones and the energy it gives me to go through my day. Now I’m not saying I didn’t have a donut for breakfast this morning, but if you’re looking for a new way to look at food and improve that relationship, this is the read for you.

      Brené Brown
      Daring Greatly
      If you’ve ever seen Brené Brown’s amazing podcast about shame and vulnerability, this is basically its mom. I’ve always been a pretty open person, but this book took it to another level. One of the hardest things to learn is being vulnerable, and this book does an incredible job at explaining why it is so difficult and provides the little steps we can take to learn how. Brown includes several anecdotes to share just how she struggles with this same thing even though researching and discussing shame is her job. I might be biased as this is one of my favorite self-development reads, but this is one I would most certainly pick up if I were you.

      Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls
      Sleeveless tops, shorts, bathing suits – summer can be rough if you have any issues with body images, and unfortunately, that is something many women experience. This book is not only a fun read, but everything Jes Baker says is backed up by research, making her advice feel even more credible. Don’t struggle with body image issues? (Woohoo!) Baker gives tons of advice on just living unapologetically yourself, which I think everyone could really benefit from.

      Shannon Kaiser
      The Self-Love Experiment
      As a self-proclaimed perfectionist and atychiphobic (fear of failure!), I can get pretty hung up on every little mistake I make. The Self Love Experiment is that bit of encouragement to get me out of those thoughts and remember just how much good my failures can do. Kaiser takes you on her journey to self-love and acceptance, and through her true testimony, I started to realize more about my own journey as well. She’s candid and real and doesn’t lead you on that self-love is a quick fix. Also, having a little reminder that you’re more than a sum of your failures is pretty powerful.

      Dan Harris
      10% Happier
      As a journalist, I already knew I’d identify with Dan Harris. As I read through his struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, though, I began to realize just how relatable he is to so many of us. 10% Happier chronicles his experience working on ABC News, what it was like having a panic attack on the air and how meditation and mindfulness helped him get a handle on his anxiety. Anyone who’s even slightly curious about meditation but doesn’t know where to start, look no further.

      Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
      The Confidence Code
      For those who are more left brained, this is the one for you. The Confidence Code utilizes research and science to discuss confidence: why we want it and why it’s so hard to get. Both authors are journalists and do a great job of making the neuroscience understandable for someone who knows nothing about DNA. This book showed me a new way to look at being confident in myself all while providing the tools and stories I needed to actually start my own journey toward it.

      Gabby Bernstein
      Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
      No matter your experience level with the Law of Attraction, Gabby Bernstein makes it simple and effective. The Law of Attraction is about more than manifesting sports cars and diamond jewelry, and this book shows that it can be as simple as changing your mindset for a positive one. This dives pretty deep, so expect to take lots of notes.

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      6 Things I Learned About Vaginas From This Netflix Show

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      I just learned a lot about vaginas from a streaming service, and (thankfully) it’s not porn. Say what you will about Gwyneth Paltrow, her $250 million brand, or the sometimes ridiculous claims (a $3,000 dildo? I don’t even have $5 for daily Starbucks!), but one of the episodes on the Netflix series The Goop Lab shook my world. Episode three, titled “The Pleasure Is Ours,” features Betty Dodson, a PhD sexologist who has been one of the principle leaders in female sexual health and pleasure for decades. Just for reference, her first book, Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Self Love, came out in 1974. It turns out the viewer (and Gwyneth Paltrow) has a lot to learn from this 91-year-old (yeah, you read that right).
      Regardless of what you think of Goop or GP’s acting skills, this episode was profound, and, dare I say, life-changing. Watching the episode and writing this article felt like one big therapy session for me. I would go so far as to say that watching it should be required for everyone, because very few of us (sadly) got this kind of education in school. Read on for key takeaways from the episode and the six life-changing things I learned about vaginas. 

      1. Paltrow doesn’t know what a vagina is—and neither do most people
      First of all, let’s start with the word “vagina:” it’s not what you think it is. Even though she recently launched a candle that smells like it, GP got it wrong when talking about “the vagina” in the episode. Many people, Paltrow and myself included, use the word “vagina” to describe the entire system going on “down there,” especially when referring to what we can see on the outside and the parts that relate to pleasure. Like the badass she is, Dodson gracefully schooled Paltrow with a subtle FYI. “The vagina is the birth canal only,” she said. “You’re talking about the vulva: that’s the clitoris, the inner lips and all that good sh*t around it.” Note to self: We know the difference between the penis and testicles, so it’s about freaking time we all know the correct names of female anatomy as well. 

      2. Genital shame hinders our sexuality
      While this one isn’t necessarily surprising, it is surprising how many people with vaginas feel shame about them. Dodson talks about a disassociation with female genitals; most women think theirs is gross, abnormal (more on that below), or don’t even want to look at them (also more on that below). A lot of this comes from a lack of education (did you learn about the “clitoris” in school? I sure didn’t) and also just from cultural norms. Think about it: Even the nicknames and language commonly used to describe vulvas sound gross at worst and risqué at best. Plus, as Dodson points out, a lot of us grew up thinking that sexuality was something we needed to hide or keep to ourselves (can we all just agree that the rules some parents place on teens around dating and sex is a little outdated and effed up?). Shame around our vulvas directly translates to shame around our sexuality, and shame around sexuality hinders our pleasure (and you wonder why you can’t orgasm?). 

      3. Yes, your vulva is “normal”
      Now for what I think is the saddest part of the episode (but also the most empowering): The show cited a study done by the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, which found that purely aesthetic labiaplasty surgeries (or surgeries to alter the folds of the skin around the vulva) increased by 45 percent worldwide just between 2015 and 2016. Females as young as 9 years old were asking for the procedure. While we support every woman in making her own decisions about plastic surgery and what’s right for her, the point is that there are many people with vaginas who believe they need to change theirs. A big reason is that our culture teaches us that they’re “gross,” so our default is insecurity, but it’s also because of lack of example.
      Dodson and the president of the Betty Dodson Foundation, Carlin Ross, explained that almost all female genitalia shown in pornography have received surgical altercation. For many people, the only vulvas they see besides their own come from pornography, since there are no other examples in mainstream culture. So The Goop Lab did something revolutionary and showed real vulvas. Yes, up close and personal. They didn’t just show one (because then that one might become the “norm”); they showed multiple in an effort to prove to people with vaginas that theirs is normal, no matter what it looks like. The verdict: Every one is vastly different, and they should be, because we all have different bodies and a different makeup for pleasure. You can stop wondering and worrying—yes, your “down there” is totally normal. 

      4. …And you should know what it looks like
      I’d like to change the saying “know it like the back of my hand” to “know it like every inch of my vulva” after watching this episode. After all, what does the back of the hand do? If it’s worth knowing so well that it becomes a well-known cliché, shouldn’t we also know the most powerful, pleasurable part of ourselves? As Dodson says, “The genitals are your power spot.” Beyond just the pleasure, they are also where the next generation comes from. Regardless of whether birthing children is part of your plan, there’s no denying that the female genitals innately hold so much power and strength (and more capacity for pleasure than a penis, thank you very much).
      But many people don’t even know what theirs (or any—see point #3) look like. In 2016, The Eve Appeal, a Gynecological Cancer Research center in the U.K., asked 1,000 women to identify their own anatomy from medical illustrations (another study cited in the episode. Yes, I took rigorous notes). Only 44 percent were able to identify. A quick PSA on behalf of Betty Dodson: If you are not well aware of what your vulva both looks and feels like, stop what you’re doing, grab a mirror, and get to exploring. 

      5. There are many important systems within the “genitals”
      Dodson and Ross explain how the clitoris is not just one single “spot” as the nickname “the G-spot” makes it sound like. It’s actually a complex system on its own, with multiple parts and more than 8,000 nerve endings in the tip alone. FYI, that’s double the entirety of the penis. Also, the clitoris and vagina (or what we mean as vulva) get all the buzz, but your pelvic floor muscles are crucial for pleasure as well.
      For one reason, tight pelvic muscles and tension are common causes for pain, which obviously hinders pleasure. But also, when you work the pelvic muscles, you bring more blood to the area, which means more orgasms. In other words, your genitals deserve a workout routine too. The most talked about way to engage the pelvic floor is kegels, but Dodson has her own fascinating (and successful!) technique if you want to watch the episode or check out her website. 

      6. Knowing your vulva is important for you, not just for your partner
      I think we can all agree that partnered sex is more pleasurable and fulfilling when everyone involved is, you know, pleasured and fulfilled. But the point of knowing your vulva is not just so you can have a fire sex life in your relationship. Yes, feeling just as entitled to pleasure and just as knowledgeable about your own biology as your partner is crucial for many reasons, but this information is also important for you.
      As Dodson said when Paltrow asked why women being in touch with their sexuality has been seen as dangerous (read: thousands of years of slut-shaming), “When we’re in touch with our sexualities, love our bodies, and know how to orgasm on our own, we are independent. We’re dangerous when we’re knowledgeable.” In essence, your own association with your genitals is not about anyone else around you; it’s about your own pleasure, and the knowledge of how to fully access it is one of your greatest powers.  

      5 Things You’re Doing to Your Vagina That You Shouldn’t Be More