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      in health and weelbeing

      How My Husband and I Reconciled Our Spending Differences

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      One of the first things my husband and I bonded over when we met was that as children we both had a peculiar habit. While playing video games, we both refused to spend any of the “money” we earned while playing. Even if the video game currency was there to help win the game or unlock special features, we held onto our virtual cash. We were fun children.We met very young, and for many years, our spending habits were in sync. As cash-strapped college students, we worked hard and we saved our money for a rainy day. We never knew when we would need money to help pay for school, cars, or living expenses, so we didn’t spend any of it. Our idea of a wild Friday night was a Blockbuster movie on the couch. (That gives you an idea of how long ago we met.) Why the movie love? We could afford to go out to dinner, but we were more comfortable not spending the money. We had a financial routine and it worked well. But when you least expect it, life throws you a curveball.

      When the friction started
      For over five years, we were in perfect financial harmony. But a funny thing happened: we grew up. And we grew in different, albeit both good, directions. He started graduate school and I jumped right into the working world. His grad school stipend paid his bills and left a little money to add to savings every month. I wasn’t bringing in the big bucks, but my entry-level salary felt hefty compared to what I was making babysitting in college. Within a few months, I began freelance writing on the side and had even more cashflow coming in.
      I was working 60 hour weeks and I was ready to treat myself. The occasional happy hour here, a new blouse there. As my income rose, so did my spending habits. I was never spending more than I could afford to and I was saving money every month. But I can see how from my husband’s perspective it felt like my spending habits were changing drastically.
      To this day, I consider myself to be thrifty. I only buy clothing on sale (and rarely at that). I don’t spend money on entertainment like Netflix or concerts, and I skip pricey beauty treatments like manicures or highlights. But I’m not as thrifty as my husband, which caused some frustrations as we adjusted to our new financial reality. 

      How we make it work

      We still had the same financial goals and saw eye-to-eye on many areas of our financial life. But we knew there were some kinks to iron out if we wanted to live harmoniously.

      Finding common ground
      One of our biggest recurring money fights revolved around the fact that after college I wanted to travel. I didn’t travel at all during school and worked every spring break, summer, and winter holiday. Because I was making extra money freelancing, it felt like it was my moment to hit the road. Unfortunately, my husband didn’t feel the same way. He was doing his best to get through grad school in one piece, and on a modest stipend. There came a point where we decided that it would be best if I traveled without him (this was before we married). Well long story short, that plan lasted one trip before an opportunity for us to travel together arose. An opportunity that was too good to pass up. And guess who learned he loved to travel, and that it was worth every penny? Yep, you guessed right.
      Now that we both know for certain we are passionate about traveling, we never disagree about spending money on a dream trip. We learned from this conflict, that before rejecting any experiences because of the cost, we should be open to trying them first.

      Respecting our differences
      My frugal husband sure comes in handy sometimes. (Hello, hefty savings account and emergency fund.) But I get frustrated when he is too slow to make a necessary purchase because he’s debating the cost. Even if he knows he is going to buy that new pack of phone chargers, he’ll wait a week or two to wrap his head around the purchase. I don’t hesitate before buying a true necessity. It’s not like I want to spend my hard-earned money on a water filtration pitcher, but what can you do? Now, even if I am itching to cross a purchase off my to-do list, I patiently wait until he is comfortable spending the money. That doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed by this habit at times. But the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t harm anyone and it makes him feel more comfortable.

      Planning
      Something that makes both of us more comfortable with each other’s financial decisions is planning together. We discuss everything in detail, with no topic off limits. We debate how career choices may affect our finances down the road, think carefully about retirement planning, and we have financial plans for what we will do in an emergency. Keeping each other informed of the financial moves we’re making, whether we approve of the decision or not, means neither of us feel like we’re left in the dark or purposely misled. No secrets and no guilt for us, thank you very much!

      Have you ever reconciled financial differences in a romantic relationship? More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      10 Career Connections You Need to Make By the Time You’re 30

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      There’s a reason the word “networking” has “work” in it—it takes effort, initiative, and drive to network purposefully and effectively. It’s not easy, and can be really terrifying when you’re just starting out. Effective networking starts with being purposeful about what you’re doing; putting time into building career connections that can diversify and offer you a fresh perspective is essential.Make the whole process more fun with a go-to ice breaker to get the conversation going—we love a good virtual happy hour to celebrate that week’s wins with a La Marca Prosecco mini in hand. Remember that networking and building connections don’t have to be ultra serious or devoid of fun. Make them meaningful conversations that spark thoughtful ideas and help you release a bit of tension from a challenging week or toast a win, big or small.

      To get you started, we’ve put together a list of connections (or reconnections) to make over the course of your career: 

      1. A Lifetime Mentor
      Many of our mentors or sponsors come and go as we change jobs, but one of your best network additions will be a mentor who sees you through the course of your career. A “lifetime” mentor can provide you that long-term perspective and help you reflect on how you’ve grown over time. 
      Look for your lifetime mentor among an immediate manager that may have assisted you developmentally. And remember, to keep someone in your network over the long haul, it takes effort. Schedule periodic check-ins over coffee and always offer to pay it forward.

      2. A Thought Leader
      We’re increasingly in an ideas economy. Staying on the cutting edge of your field means that you need to know what big ideas are brewing, where the industry is headed, and how your sector may transform. What do you read? What conferences do you go to? Find a person or “thought leader” whose future vision of your work feels meaningful to you, then track their work and keep in touch.
      How do you find a thought leader in your world? You probably have a lot in your purview that you might not recognize! Again, look to what you read or events in your industry you’ve enjoyed. Identify speakers or authors that speak to you.

      3. An Academic in Your Field
      Similarly, being excellent at your work often means understanding some of the emerging views coming out of academia. Often times academic colleagues are also closely connected to firms’ talent pipelines. You might also be able to find unique opportunities to bring students into your company for short-term intern programs or special task forces that can be useful for the school and your company.
      Universities often keep blogs for each respective area of expertise. This more informal publication can be a great way to identify an expert who is working on a topic of interest to you. 

      4. A Teacher from Your Youth
      Giving back to your alma mater (or even your high school) is an important piece of networking. It can help you source new talent for your industry. Schools are also a great place to ensure you stay plugged in with events, alumni offerings, and to leverage the built in network from your previous academic experience. 
      Checking in with your alma mater should be super straightforward! Alumni networks are in place just for that purpose. And, even reaching out to the registrars office is a great way to keep in touch. School connections can also be a great place to look for speaking or panel opportunities as you continue to build your public profile and brand in your field.

      5. The Incumbent in Your Dream Job
      Cold pitches may seem a little intimidating. However, a thoughtfully crafted pitch to the person who is currently in your dream job can pay all kinds of dividends. Remember, you’re not explicitly on the hunt for this seat in your ask, but want to learn about the path that got them to where they are today.
      Be incredibly thoughtful and tactical in this outreach. If this is someone who works inside your current organization, see if your current manager or a mentor can help broker an introduction. You want to use this person’s time really effectively. Ask them if they may have time for a brief call (15 minutes) and send along an agenda of three direct questions. What are the things they could answer for you about career development that no one else could? Use that time wisely!

      6. The Most Junior Person Doing Your Job
      A well-structured network is purposefully built to pay it forward. That means it’s important for you to connect with people at all levels of seniority. There is always something to be learned from those who are coming up in the organization who are more junior than you are. And, more importantly, think how amazing it feels to have someone senior in the organization take an interest in your work. You’ll be encouraging, supporting, and helping the next generation of leaders in your field.
      Think of the skills you currently have that a newer generation could benefit from. You may consider setting up some informal roundtables, “lunch and learn” sessions, or a panel of your mid-level peers.

      7. A Skills Coach
      Part of career success is identifying our flat spots. Whether it is around the technical aspects of your job or around softer skills like building emotional intelligence, a skills coach is an important network addition. Through your annual review process or your own self-assessments, figure out the two or three skills you really want to refine. Ask around and recognize among your contacts who excels there, and get them on the books for a coaching coffee.
      Who can play the role of skills coach? Often our own immediate peer set is a great place to look. If you saw a colleague rock a public speaking gig, be sure to pay her that compliment. Then, ask if you can put a coffee date on the books for her best tips, or, if she’d be willing to be the audience for your own future prep sessions.

      8. An Interviewing Expert
      Interview skills are tricky. It’s one of those capabilities that we may not practice often if we stay in a job we love for years, or have promotion opportunities. That means that when it’s time to hit the interview circuit and find a new job, we might need some brushing up. It is essential to find that colleague or senior leader who always seems to have the best interview tips. Book them for practice sessions and offer to do the same for the more junior people they connect with.
      It can feel a little fake to completely practice an interview start to finish, but especially in our digital days, it’s worth being really deliberate here. Sometimes the best interview experts are of course our HR colleagues, but also those who work in high volume or frequently turning over positions. They’ve seen a lot of resumes!

      9. Your Polar Opposite
      As someone who has worked in finance her whole career, folks who have done the same tend to be most of my network. But that’s the fastest way for your network to simply become an insular echo chamber. For new thoughts, new ideas, and to give you a fresh perspective on career opportunities, find your “opposite.” For example, that means I’ve been deliberately trying to add more colleagues in the arts, sciences, and non-profit world to my set of connections.
      To expand that horizon, I have to go a little outside of my comfort zone. It means asking other friends who they know in those industries. And, it means that I may need to employ some of the same tactics you use to make friends as an adult, like saying yes to a lot more invitations and being “social” on social media. Which leads us to…

      10. A Social Media & Branding Rockstar
      Whether or not we’re in the social space, branding and messaging matters. Building your personal brand ensures that you can articulate exactly how your skills and expertise match with opportunities over the course of your career.  Find that social and marketing expert in your world and stay on top of the tips that keep your digital first impression fresh and current.
      What could this person help you with? The debate rages on over how SEO continues to evolve for professional profiles like LinkedIn. But, it certainly can’t hurt to have your expert colleague provide you some feedback on the language you’re using to describe your achievements. They can also keep you posted on newer networks, and really help you refine the target audience for your skills and talents. 
       
      Tips for Making Socially Distanced Connections 
      These networking efforts can be challenging in the best of times. In 2020, networking needs a whole different set of skills. It’s nearly impossible to do the same “grab coffee” routine we’ve all gotten used to. And, even if restrictions are lighter where you are, you don’t want to put colleagues in the awkward position of declining an in-person invite. The good news is, our all-virtual world has some perks.
      It’s never been easier to drop slightly dormant contacts a “How Have You Been?” note. Flag an interesting article, share a story of a project you’ve worked on, or simply ask how they’ve been maintaining their network this year. Do they know of any virtual industry events? Have they read or attended any webinars of interest? Simply sharing stories around how work is changing and staying connected can be a big part of sustaining and building our network this year. It’s also really important to build digital visibility. Get active on your work-related social channels. Comment on others’ posts, and take the bold step of creating content yourself. This could look like some sort of newsletter on your industry, or round up of interesting reads that are relevant to your peers. (Be sure to check in with your compliance colleagues that this doesn’t pose a problem for your day job!)
      Lastly, virtual industry events now give you a perfect hit list of experts you can reach out to and connect with. Drop a note via LinkedIn or see if the event shares contact information for presenters. A simple, “Hi – I really enjoyed your webinar presentation on building new digital marketing channels. I’d like to share a few interesting papers our team has put out on the topic, and get your quick feedback on part of a project we’re undertaking. Do you have 15 minutes for a call?” Make sure, however, it is a super brief, pointed call, and voice only unless they offer otherwise. We’re all completely burnt from sitting on video all day for our actual day job, so it’s best to keep as light a footprint as possible with new contacts.
      If you want to add a fun spin, invite them for a 30-minute virtual happy hour. Grab a La Marca Prosecco mini (prosecco makes everything better) and just have a loose, after-work chat. Remember that not all your connections have to be stringently work-related. You want to start a relationship with this person, so don’t be afraid to inject some personality! And chances are, after a full day of work-related calls, they’ll welcome the chance to relax over some bubbly and just talk and enjoy. 
      You’d be surprised how many people will take you up on this, especially if you have a robust public profile and a well-built digital work presence. And, using this approach allows you to network far beyond your own backyard. Get creative! Ever wonder how your work is done in London? In Shanghai? Stretch your comfort zone and use our virtual world to expand your networking horizons.

      La Marca Prosecco is an elegant sparkling wine grown in the heart of Italy’s Prosecco region. La Marca Prosecco believes in celebrating the joy in everyday moments, including the tireless work that so many women go through to make their dreams come true. A focus on career empowerment has always been part of The Everygirl’s mission and our partnership with La Marca Prosecco has helped us take that mission into the real world with live and virtual events, small business grants, and more. Let’s raise a glass to that!

      This post is sponsored by La Marca Prosecco but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl Media Group editorial board. More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      Your Business Marketing Strategy Based on Your Enneagram

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      Watching your business grow based on the steps and tactics you’ve implemented along the way is one of the best parts of being a business owner. Whether your blog just hit its page view goal for the month, you made a sale on your website, or you got a referral from a client, you’ve done it! But how can we keep pushing those goals further, make more money, and explore your passions even further? By using your website to its full potential! We’re big fans of Squarespace for all your website needs, and their various options and features make it so easy to keep pushing and trying new things. But it can be challenging to try new things if you’re unsure of the result (perfectionism is a curse sometimes!), and when it seems like you’re overflowing with options and business plans abound, the decision fatigue sets in, and then you ultimately do nothing. To get out of that rut, we’re figuring out which new marketing strategy you should implement based on your type of our favorite personality test, the Enneagram (it’s all about personality, rather than birthdays or charts). Grab your notebook and a pen, and start taking notes!

      Grow Your Email List
      Email is a powerful tool to keep in your back pocket. I mean, how many times a day do you check your own email? How often do you ooh and ah over a product, service, or link you found in a newsletter? Ones know the power of their words, and they’re often very intentional and strong. But they have a tendency to get caught up in all the little details and nuances, which can cause them to self-sabotage through perfectionism. Make it easy on yourself by using Squarespace’s built-in email campaigns, which pull directly from your site so your logo, products, and social links are there waiting for you.
      When building out your emails, include lead generators and clickable content to keep your audience engaged and encourage new signups. Try free downloads, short mini courses, checklists, exclusive blog posts, product discounts, and more! 
      READ: 8 Things You Should Do Before Hitting Send on That Email

      Repurpose Old Content
      Twos are friendly and smooth (charming at best), and they let that come through their content and business. You’ve spent so much time and effort on your website, so don’t let old posts and pages fall to the wayside as time goes on. As your audience grows, you want to make sure they’re able to access all of your content. Update popular posts from the past with new keywords and extra content and links. Write a post about work-from-home tips last summer? Add more photos and relevant topics and post again. This is also a good time to revisit previous projects and breathe new life into them. If you spent a lot of time on something at one point, keep repurposing it for your audience!
      Create a content schedule using all of these reposts. Squarespace allows you to schedule posts in advance, so you can build out your content calendar for the weeks and months ahead. Take note of what types of content perform best based on the day of the week and time to help you keep your audience engaged and increase your click rate. 

      Use Email Automation
      Threes are excited when they can automate and streamline a process, and email is a great option that will save you ample time when you’re in the zone. 
      We love the automations within Squarespace email campaigns that allow you to keep your site top of mind without having to send an individual email every time. Have an online store? Set up an automation that will email new customers a few days after their initial purchase, offering a discount code. A surefire way to turn first customers into repeat customers. Have a blog? Send out an automatic welcome email to new subscribers featuring some of your most-loved blog posts. The best part about creating these automations is that you can “set it and forget it.” A little work upfront and you can reap the rewards for months to come. 

      READ: 6 Email Marketing Hacks to Double Your Traffic and Sales

      Dive into Hashtags
      Fours are creatively-driven, so they love sharing their projects, products, and more on social media. Want to show your masterpieces to more people? Get acquainted with hashtags. On Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, hashtags are a great way to group content and show it to as many people as possible. Search through the hashtags your audience is following and create a list that you can add to your own posts.
      It also might be a good idea to create your own hashtags to group your content and encourage your audience to share their own similar images and posts! Try keeping sets of hashtags in a note on your phone, based on different content you post. That way no matter what you’re posting, you’re maximizing the number of people who will see it. 

      Explore New Features
      A five never lets a rock go unturned. They want to try and research everything they can, and it’s a big factor in their success—they get results! To keep your marketing strategy up to date, you’ll want to keep that same energy and make sure you’re trying every feature on the social platforms you use. Try Instagram Live, Reels, and IGTV, or Facebook Live and Stories. Did you know you can make “Pinterest Stories” too? Not only will these help the algorithms of these sites to show your content to more people, but your audiences might see a new side of your business, a product from a different angle, more of your personality, and more.
      We love Squarespace’s tool, Unfold, that helps you create beautiful Instagram Stories, straight from your phone. 

      READ: Work Smarter: 15 Ways to Improve Your Website and Business

      Create A Stellar “About” Page
      Sixes have a really strong handle on who they are, so they’re not likely to publish and work on projects they’re unsure about. But they aren’t always so good at talking themselves up! Make it a point to add a little extra bit of you to your business with a really solid about page on your website. Tell potential customers about your favorite movie, or how you got your start in your business. Explain why your product or service is unique. Readers and customers will be more willing to engage with your blog, site, or shop if they feel like they know you. Add photos, quick FAQ type questions, what you’re loving lately, and more. 
      Not sure about where to start? Think about your story. Why did you start your blog or business? Share a bit about where you started and where you are now. Bring readers on the journey with you! 
      Read: Why You Need a Website for Your Small Business

      Go Behind-the-Scenes
      People love your personality, seven! Part of the fun of being a business owner is all the behind-the-scenes stuff you get to do, and your readers and customers want to see all of that too. Give people an insight into your day-to-day: how you package orders, what your office looks like, your favorite office music to play, what your favorite products are. Give your brand a personality—and if a seven can do anything, it’s show their personality! 
      To keep up with your branding, make your personality really matches the aesthetic of the brand. If you’re an outgoing and lively person, a black-and-white website filled with basic serif fonts won’t correlate. The good news? With Squarespace, there’s no need to have any experience coding or designing either—you can easily match your brand’s aesthetic without spending hours upon hours toying around with the design. Choose from Squarespace’s robust library of templates, fonts, stock images, and more to ensure your site reflects your personality and business mission.

      READ: 8 Ways to Make Your Website Stand Out

      Upgrade Your SEO
      Eights love a good project, and optimizing your entire site for SEO is the perfect weekend activity to get your blog and/or business in tip-top shape. Do some research on what your audience is searching and what keywords are best to include to attract even more site visitors. Get specific in your data about when people are clicking on your site, what pages they’re reading the most, what device they’re reading on, what they’re commenting on—seriously, go deep into the data. Then, build your marketing strategy on that. It’s basically the most magical set-up an eight could ask for. 
      Not a whiz with SEO? No worries. Squarespace builds SEO optimization right into its templates, so you don’t have to take an SEO course to understand exactly what to do. Steps such as automatically creating mobile versions of all of your pages that load quickly make it easy on you but efficient and effective for your business plan. Squarespace also includes free SSL certificates to notify search engines that your site is legit, so you’ll show up in more searches. We also love that Squarespace has built-in Google Analytics integration so you can easily track all of your stats and goals.
      READ: Ready to Publish Your Website? Read This SEO Checklist First

      Squarespace’s SEO Checklist

      Try Promoting Social Content
      Nines, you create content that deserves to be seen! Nines are usually the shyest of the Enneagram types, so they usually need a little boost of confidence every once in a while to keep their business thriving. And the same could be said about their content. Sometimes, you just need a little boost to get it seen by the right person to convert to sales, and a great way to do that is through promoting your Pinterest pins and Instagram and Facebook posts. This can be pretty low budget (anywhere from $5-15), but could boost your traffic immensely. This might help you gain new followers, sales, website clicks, and more.

      This post is sponsored by Squarespace, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      in lifestyle and culture

      9 Sneaky Ways to Save Money During the Week

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      Does anyone else think saving money is kind of addicting? Don’t get me wrong—I spend it too. Much as I wish it was otherwise, I find my hard-earned dough has the unnerving ability to disappear in the blink of an eye, usually when the travel bug hits. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good adventure.On the flip side, or perhaps because of my penchant for getaways, I’ve become just a little obsessed with finding new ways to save money. Some moves are obvious: budgets, CDs with high-yield interest rates, and what not. Others, however, I like to think of as sneaky money moves (s/o to my girl Cardi B). Before you ask, no, I’m not hoarding money under any tables like I did during Monopoly games as a kid. Instead, I’m doing my research and figuring out under-the-radar techniques to pinch pennies wherever I can. While these steps might not amount to huge savings, they do lessen living costs and, little by little, build up bank accounts. Every cent counts in the long haul, right?

      1. Save pennies at the pump
      I’m not exaggerating when I say pennies here. Depending on the day, sometimes all I get are pennies back on my gas purchase. Other times, however, I can earn more than a dollar back at the pump. The secret? It’s all thanks to Checkout 51. If you’re not using the coupon app yet, I highly recommend downloading it. While the app is great for grocery shopping (I’ll get to that in a second), it’s also a sneaky tool for lowering your gas receipts.
      So what’s the catch? Checkout 51 cashback discounts aren’t available at every gas station. For instance, the pump closest to where I live doesn’t participate. The one on my way to work, however, does. Because of this, I’ve taken to planning my fill-ups to coincide with my drive to the office. Before I leave home, I upload the offer to my account (a required step), then fill’er up at the gas station. Later that day, I snap a picture of my receipt for the app, then wait for my cashback savings to apply to my account. Ba da bing! Money back for me.

      2. Become a coupon queen
      No, you don’t have to go all Extreme Couponing to save big at the grocery store. All it really takes are a few easy-to-use apps to score deals on the groceries you buy anyway. First things first, take a minute to see if the grocery store near you has its own app. For example, I usually go to Stop & Shop, so I always use the store’s app to load discounts to my card (related: get a supermarket card!) and show the cashier my account barcode right on my phone. Through the Stop & Shop app, I also receive personalized coupons based on my frequent purchases (I get a lot of yogurt deals) and keep track of how many gas points I have for the Stop & Shop gas program (again, get a supermarket card!).
      Beyond the basic supermarket app, other favorites include Checkout 51 and Fetch Rewards. While all are similar, they each have unique pros that make having them all worthwhile. With Checkout 51, the coupon selection isn’t huge, but it can pay off well. Chobani yogurt is a recurring deal on the app, so I make the most of it whenever I can. Depending on the day, I can get a dollar or two back just from buying yogurt. As for Fetch Rewards, it’s all about points. Instead of loading specific deals, all you need to do is scan your receipt and let the app do the rest.

      3. Drop the gym membership
      Towards the end of college, one of the first things I vowed to myself was that I’d never pay for a gym membership. Now, I’m not in any way saying gyms are bad or a waste of time, because they’re not. What they are, however, is expensive. Based on my lifestyle, I knew that I never actually needed to pay for a membership when I could easily take advantage of free resources instead. And I did.
      When I worked abroad for a year after graduation, I relied exclusively upon running and Youtube fitness videos to stay in shape. I still do, although I’ve also added Shape’s fitness challenges to the mix. Is running not in the cards for you? Nowadays, Youtube has every type of workout under the sun, including my favorites by Fitness Blender and POPSUGAR. Not only do both channels offer routines with and without equipment, but they’re approachable for individuals of all fitness levels. And yes, I can say first-hand that they definitely do make you sweat.

      4. Cook one new recipe per week
      You might be reading this one and saying to yourself, “Um, I already cook at home.” Nice! Sweet! You go, Everygirl! But when’s the last time you cooked something new? On the flip side, when’s the last time you ate out or ordered takeout? If the answer to the latter is anything along the lines of “way too often,” then it’s time to get cooking. 
      I know you probably know that cooking at home is less expensive than eating out all the time. The sneaky part of this tip is that it’s not just about saving a few bucks by skipping Seamless, but also about creating a gradual lifestyle change. See, when you get in the habit of picking out a new recipe every week or two, you win twice. On the one hand, you get to try a new-to-you dish and improve your skills in the kitchen. On the other, you commit to regularly forgoing dinner out in order to save money and work your creative muscles. And who knows? You just may love it.

      5. Make coffee at home
      This one’s for you, Starbucks lovers (also, I’m sorry, but you’ll thank me later). Depending on where you live, a standard cup of drip coffee can run anywhere from an affordable $1.50 to a cringeworthy $5 and above. I don’t know about you, but $3 a day—and $15 per workweek—is a gut punch to my wallet. To avoid the temptation of stopping into any of the two Starbucks or four Dunkins on my way to work (yes, I counted), I’ve made a commitment to only brew coffee at home. I can’t operate without java in the morning, so this is actually instant gratification for me, since it means I don’t have to suffer through getting ready sans-caffeine. Three scoops and eight minutes after hitting the start button, I’m happily sipping on my preferred medium roast, hazelnut blend. 
      Want to make coffee at home even easier? With auto-timers, you can set your coffee to brew at a certain hour every day. In the warmer months, you could also brew a huge pot on Sunday and turn it into iced coffee to sip during the week. 

      6. Get a library card—and actually use it
      Unlike platinum highlights and Tamagotchis, library cards are one childhood memento you want to keep with you into adulthood. In case it’s been a minute since you last stepped foot into your local library, consider the fact that library cards grant access to so much more than books. Depending on the library closest to you, signing up for a member card might mean just getting access to hundreds, if not thousands, of new-to-you reads (which sounds pretty wonderful, tbh). On the other hand, it might also mean gaining admittance to everything from career prep programs and language courses to movies and music. And did I mention it’s all free?
      P.S. Your local library isn’t the only place to sign up for a card. For college alums, many universities offer library access to books and databases for graduates and students alike. Check with your school’s alumni services to confirm.

      7. Carpool with friends or take public transportation at least one day a week
      Depending on where you live or what your work setup is like, commuting solo might be the path of least resistance. If you want to get serious about saving, though, carpooling and public transportation are the way to go. Make either option more doable by introducing one or the other to your routine on a set day per week. Perhaps you know your cubicle buddy lives in the next town over from you and drives by your place on the way to work. Why not ask him or her to alternate driving duty with you every Friday? Not only will carpooling save you gas money in the short-term, but it can also extend the life of your ride and decrease pollution.
      If carpooling is not feasible or realistic (in other words, if you live in a big city), public transportation is a saving grace. Instead of relying upon your own car or an Uber to get you to the office, consider taking the local bus or subway to work instead. For the price of a single ride, you may have to sacrifice a few minutes of your morning routine, but you’ll score big on gas or Lyft fee savings. Plus, public transportation is an easy way to make your daily commute just a teensy bit greener.

      8. Shop for makeup at the drugstore
      As much as it pains me to say it, sometimes skipping that Sephora order is a good idea. If you think about it, many “must-have” makeup items aren’t really essential at all. Case in point: mascara. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been suckered into purchasing a prestige mascara just because I was a fan of the brand (looking at you, Lancome Hypônse Drama) or I fell for the packaging. Yet when it came down to testing each tube, I found I loved them about as much as I loved the versions from the drugstore. 
      All in all, for frequent repurchases like mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick, it’s much more affordable to pick them up at the drugstore instead. With cheaper prices and membership discounts, drugstores offer all the go-to products for a fraction of the prices found at department store counters. And if we’re being honest, we all know the CoverGirl LashBlast Volume Mascara is never not a good thing to have in your makeup stash.

      9. Look at leftovers like gold (because they are)
      If you’re trying to save dough and you’re not all aboard the leftover bandwagon, it’s time to hop on and never look back. You see, leftovers are, if not a full meal in and of themselves, the start of something delicious. To make leftovers work for me, I love purposefully making extra of whatever I’m cooking for dinner so that I can pack it up in my container of choice for lunch the next day. While this is a major boon when it comes to lunch prep in the morning (simply grab the container and go), it’s also a sneaky way for me to curb my takeout expenses. If I know I already have a perfectly scrumptious portion of food waiting for me in the office fridge, I’m far less likely to place a pickup order than I would be if I threw together a sad desk lunch that morning. (Let me tell you, a can of microwaveable soup gets old real fast.)

      What everyday savings techniques do you practice? More

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      4 Reasons to Ditch Your Perfectionist Streak for Good

      by

      I have jumped awake at 3:52am more times than I can count. As a former editor who worked years of evening shifts in newspaper publishing, I was supposed to be able to gracefully manage time, words, and people each night to turn out a perfectly polished product for readers every morning.Most of the time, it went fine, or at least fine-ish. But even if I felt pretty confident about the newspaper I’d helped put together hours earlier, I’d still jolt awake in the dark, absolutely sure I had forgotten something important and would be judged for it.
      In my predawn terror, I was starting to realize that my perfectionism wasn’t just about maintaining my own high standards. It was coming from a place of deep, deep fear. 
      What if someone judged me in the morning or found my work lacking? That would be awful. Maybe I would never recover from the embarrassment. So I played it safe, never taking risks or exploring outside my narrow comfort zone. 
      Over time, though, that zone actually became a lot less comfortable. I was scrambling every day to live up to others’ expectations, afraid to use my own voice. And you know what the worst part was? Nobody whose opinion I valued had ever judged me. The expectations I imagined others had for me were just that — imaginary. 
      That’s when I realized that, as scary as it might sound, living in the real world as the flawed human I was (and very, very much continue to be!) was the only way I could learn and develop my skills and confidence. I was learning what experts already know: Perfectionism can be the very thing that holds us back from being the best version of ourselves. 
      Need more reasons to ditch that perfectionist streak once and for all? Try thinking about what it doesn’t do for you. 

      1. It doesn’t raise your game
      First, those high standards we hold ourselves to? They don’t have to disappear. Striving for excellence and being conscientious is something we should be proud of. But there’s a simple reason that perfection isn’t worth chasing. Our goals have to be achievable, and perfection just isn’t. 
      Take it from Dr. Brené Brown, the bestselling author who studies shame, vulnerability, and leadership. “What emerged for me in the data is that perfectionism is not about striving for excellence or healthy striving,” Brown told Oprah, according to HuffPost. “It’s… a way of thinking and feeling that says this: ‘If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment.’”
      If you’ve been hanging on to that perfectionist streak because you think letting go will lower your standards, breathe easy. It’s time to set new goals — ones that challenge you, inspire you, and leave you feeling proud of your progress.

      2. It doesn’t help you grow
      Consider adopting the mantra of entrepreneur and life coach Marie Forleo: “Go for progress, not perfection.” On her blog, Forleo admitted that she could easily polish her posts and other products all day. Like many of us, she wants her work to be as good as it can be.“However, perfectionism is an insidious trap that can grind your output to a halt and suffocate your soul — if you let it,” she wrote. 
      That’s because all that endless tweaking doesn’t give you space to grow. Put your best effort out there and be done with it until you’re ready to make real improvements, Forleo argued.
      “The goal is to always keep yourself in a growth-oriented mindset where you’re focused on learning and experimentation and getting better and just putting shiz out there,” she told viewers of her show, Marie TV. 
      Perfectionism is a defense mechanism that’s more about seeking external approval than it is about doing your own best work and learning and growing in the process. The latter tends to be more meaningful, so remind yourself from time to time that progress — not perfection — is the goal. 

      3. It doesn’t support your health
      If you brush off the rest of these reasons, listen to this one. Perfectionism does zero favors for your health.
      “Recent findings suggest that perfectionism is highly prevalent among children and adolescents, and perfectionism can be quite destructive in terms of its links with anxiety, depression, and suicide,” the summary of a 2014 report on perfectionism begins. 
      Other studies support those findings. They connect the dots between perfectionism and depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and more. If perfectionism is becoming more common, as studies suggest, more people are at risk.
      An increase in perfectionism doesn’t indicate that we’re all just getting better at everything, as BBC Future noted. It’s actually a bad thing.

      4. It doesn’t enrich your life and relationships
      Psychologists say there are a few types of perfectionists. Some — self-oriented perfectionists — may need to know that they’re working at their full potential all the time. They may be disproportionately bothered by making a mistake. They may even expect themselves to be consistently perfect. 
      Other-oriented perfectionists hold others to high standards, expecting the people around them to be perfect. They may not be able to delegate effectively, needing to retain control of work so that it meets their own standards. 
      Socially-prescribed perfectionists are fueled by pressure and others’ expectations of them — real or imagined. They may base their self-worth on whether they can meet those high standards, even if they’re not realistic.
      Each one may struggle with life and relationships in different ways. We are all on our own imperfect journey, like the one that’s described in one of my favorite childhood stories. In it, the Velveteen Rabbit and its friends are discussing the process of becoming Real and truly loved by a child. As they explain, it’s not a journey that has room for perfection — only for being authentic and unique. 
      “It takes a long time,” one toy explains to another. “That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
      Take it from Brown. She believes that in order to genuinely connect with others, we have to show them genuine versions of ourselves — struggles and all. The truth, she argued, is that we are naturally interested in people who are authentic, who are honest about their imperfect lives.
      “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield,” Brown noted in a CNN op-ed. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” More

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      Why Imposter Syndrome Can Make You Your Own Worst Enemy

      by

      I speak fast when I’m nervous. Scratch that: I always speak fast, but when I’m nervous my speed kicks into high gear to the point where it can be difficult to understand me. The first time I had to give an important presentation in the workplace, I was understandably nervous. As part of my training, I knew my colleagues were planning to give me feedback post-presentation, which made me even more nervous. Once the presentation was over, I received overwhelmingly positive feedback. The only negative feedback? I spoke too fast. Sigh.It was at that moment that I realized that being nervous about doing a good job led to my nerves getting in my way. From there on out, I realized that a lack of confidence and those creeping feelings of imposter syndrome did nothing but hurt me. Now, even if I am nervous about a job interview or an important meeting, I push those nerves to the side. I know that if I give into them, they’re just going to get in my way, which in turn gives me one less thing to worry about.
      Being excited about an opportunity, feeling nervous, and lacking confidence can all lead to falling head first into an imposter syndrome black hole. Here’s why you can’t give into those feelings.

      Imposter syndrome isn’t productive
      There’s a dangerous perception spreading around the inspirational spaces of the internet that you have to shut imposter syndrome out completely, and that you can never let those feelings of doubt or insecurity even cross your mind. That’s a really unfair standard to set, and one that can make you feel even worse when you are struggling with imposter syndrome. It’s OK to have feelings associated with imposter syndrome, as long as you can set them aside before they begin to harm you.
      For example, if you’re scrolling through LinkedIn and see your dream job pop up, it’s totally understandable to worry you aren’t qualified based on the job description, but it’s not OK to choose to not apply because you don’t feel like you deserve your dream job. You can feel insecure when pitching a potential client, as long as you don’t lower your prices drastically just because they have a different idea of what your time is worth.
      Imposter syndrome is so unproductive, so acknowledge your feelings, remind yourself of where these feelings stem from and why you’re ready to move past them, and then go ahead and check imposter syndrome off your to-do list.

      Source: Gabriele Gzimailaite

      Skip the self-fulfilling prophecy
      Similar to how I learned that my fears about doing a bad job while public speaking make me actually do a bad job while public speaking, there are countless ways that imposter syndrome can lead to the exact results you were afraid of. If we tell ourselves we aren’t worthy of an exciting new opportunity, don’t put ourselves out there at networking events, or are afraid to start that business because we’ll never sell a single product, then what will happen? We won’t gain the new opportunity we wanted so badly; we won’t make any valuable new connections; we won’t ever start that business. If you succumb to imposter syndrome, you end up with the same results that imposter syndrome makes you feel will come to fruition. So what’s the point in giving in instead of taking that shot?

      Source: Andrew Neel

      You owe yourself more
      Nowadays, I don’t have to do much public speaking. As a freelance writer, I tend to stick to the written word, but there are countless other ways imposter syndrome creeps into my daily life. Is it a waste of time to pitch that really cool publication? Does anyone want me to share my work on my Instagram Stories? Can I really ask for that rate? I can’t get an answer to these questions unless I move forward. I won’t know if a publication will reject me until I pitch them. I won’t know if I can raise my rates until I try. I won’t get feedback on my work until I put it out into the world. One day I realized I owed it to myself to try. Do I get rejected? All the time. But rejection gets way easier to deal with once you’ve faced it a few times. Not to mention, by putting myself out there more and more, I don’t have all of my eggs in one basket, and don’t find myself as disappointed if something doesn’t work out.
      We all owe it to ourselves to try. This sounds cheesy, but do you really think at the end of anyone’s life that they wished they didn’t put themselves out there as much? Probably not. You without a doubt owe it to yourself to stop letting imposter syndrome be your own worst enemy. I know that is so much easier said than done, but try to remember that next time imposter syndrome is about to take hold. You’re a total badass and you’ve got this, no matter what that voice in the back of your head says. More

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      I’m a Black Woman and I Don’t Know How to Celebrate My Accomplishments

      by

      “You are your ancestors’ wildest dreams, you are the epitome of what Martin Luther King Jr. marched for,” said my friend Steven. This statement took me back for a second. I knew what he was implying with his statement, I just didn’t know how to feel about it. During that moment, I started to think about how this a common feeling I had since I graduated high school. Hearing these words brought back a lot of feelings that have plagued my mind since I started my undergraduate studies. Were my accomplishments really that powerful that I made my ancestors proud? Was I really “making my ancestors proud”? Which is a popular saying in the Black community. I always had some of my family and friends hype me up about the opportunities that I have been fortunate to have. But honestly, I always felt like I still wasn’t good enough. It sometimes felt like I was living a double life. I was successful, put-together, and happy on the outside, but on the inside I was crippled with self-doubt, anxiety, and self-pity for some of the decisions I made and how my life turned out. 
      Feeling like I “made it” gave me sorrow about Black people who would never know the feeling because they had the opportunity to live to see their full potential. Feeling like I “made it” gave me doubt about what my future held since I accomplished a lot in my early 20s. The feeling of accomplishing a goal was never an easy feeling for me. I would feel immense gratitude for how far I came, and then a rush of sadness came over me because it was a voice in my head telling me I just got lucky and one day it would not always be that way. A feeling of self-doubt would tell me that I was not worthy of the dreams I had in my head. Anxiety told me that I was only achieving my dreams because I was the token Black girl and I made white people feel comfortable. Not knowing how to celebrate my accomplishments started when I was in elementary school. 

      Were my accomplishments really that powerful that I made my ancestors proud? Was I really “making my ancestors proud”

      In elementary school, I loved reading, and my mother did too, so we would go to the library every weekend to find a good book to dive into. Reading became my safe haven from the world and let me explore life beyond the subsidized housing I lived in. I was able to put myself in someone else’s shoes for a short period of time. I was able to learn about things that “project kids” never had the chance to learn or experience. Since I loved reading, this helped me excel in school and get ahead of many of my peers. I was always praised by my parents for my good grades and excelling in different subjects in school. 

      It sometimes felt like I was living a double life. I was successful, put-together, and happy on the outside, but on the inside I was crippled with self-doubt, anxiety, and self-pity for some of the decisions I made and how my life turned out. 

      The praise and congratulations went on into high school and college. I was always made to feel like I was on top of the world. In retrospect, I have learned that this was a contributing factor to why I felt like I couldn’t slow down and appreciate my wins. I always felt like I had to achieve more, go harder, and not settle too much on what I had accomplished or the opportunities I had opened up doors for me. I always had to think 10 steps ahead, and never get too comfortable with what I had. This is a problem that not only I deal with, but the reality of what people of color, especially Black people, have to deal with. When you are a Black person—a Black woman—society and systematic oppression make you feel like you no one cares about what you accomplished and that you need to always stay on your toes. If we celebrate, there is always something in the back of our heads telling us that it could be taken away or we don’t deserve the fruit we bear because we are not worthy of hitting that “glass ceiling” (whatever that means) that we see so many non-people of color hit. 

      I always felt like I had to achieve more, go harder, and not settle too much on what I had accomplished or the opportunities I had opened up doors for me. I always had to think 10 steps ahead and never get too comfortable with what I had.

      I recently spoke to a friend of mine who expressed on social media that she always felt like she wasn’t doing a good enough job at work and the pressure she always felt at work, regardless of what her superiors told her. She said that the hardest part about being a Black woman in corporate America/non-profit is, “We aren’t afforded bad days, passion, frustration, or disappointment. Every negative emotion we may have is an attitude of aggression. We aren’t even allowed to be introverted or shy because then we are mean, stand-offish, or unapproachable. This is especially problematic in the non-profit sector because of the emphasis put on the donor opinions and experiences.”
      When Black women constantly feel this way at work, it often seeps into our personal lives. We often think our accomplishments or wins won’t matter when the dust settles because it’s always “what’s next.” We never get extended the grace to reel in what we accomplished and the life we have built for ourself. If we get the job, the house, the man, or the promotion, we always get the rebuttal of “When are you going to get a man?” or “What do you even do?” I asked my same friend, “Would you say you know how to celebrate your accomplishments? And she expressed to me it is difficult for her to acknowledge them. “Honestly it is difficult. A lot of times I look at things like ‘this is what I was supposed to do.’ This is no different than what Black women also feel in their personal lives. Society looks at us as being the “strong” one because of what they have made us endure and what we keep allowing. But when you feel like you are already a minority, you already know you have to work 20 times harder than anyone else, Black and white people included, we often feel like being strong and enduring what is thrown at us is what we are designed to do. 

      When you are a Black person—a Black woman—society and systematic oppression make you feel like you no one cares about what you accomplished and that you need to always stay on your toes. If we celebrate, there is always something in the back of our heads telling us that it could be taken away or we don’t deserve the fruit we bear because we are not worthy of hitting that “glass ceiling” (whatever that means) that we see so many non-people of color hit. 

      In most of my jobs, relationships, and friendships, I always felt like I had to know how to take pain and suffering as the first step in order to reap the rewards. As I sit back and think of what I have accomplished and how I accomplished it, it all was derived from pain. I wanted to excel in college because I know most people like me don’t get the opportunity. Pain. I moved to New York to have better opportunities and felt ostracized and dealt with systematic racism. Pain. I found one of my passions for working in Diversity and Inclusion, but if I had not attended a predominantly white graduate school and faced racism and prejudice for the majority of my days, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But it was all derived from pain and suffering that America chooses as a weapon to make Black women feel inadequate for what they want to accomplish.

      We never get extended the grace to reel in what we accomplished and the life we have built for ourself. If we get the job, the house, the man or the promotion we always get the rebuttal of “When are you going to get a man?” or “What do you even do?”

      Sometimes it’s hard to decipher whether something is right for me if I didn’t have to suffer first to get it. This is an ongoing struggle for not just Black women, but also Black people. We always work 20 times harder, we are always thinking about our next goal, what we are going to do next and if suffering or obstacles are not attached to them—it feels too good to be true. 
      Black women don’t get the same grace from a society that we give everyone else. It is a never-ending cycle that we have to go through in order for people to see our worth. Just because you think we are strong, doesn’t mean we have to always showcase that trait every day. 

      Black women don’t get the same grace from a society that we give everyone else.

      There is no right solution to make Black women feel like they don’t have to wear the weight of the world on their shoulders. It is a learned habit that America and the people who have made up their own idea of what a Black woman is before getting to learn them. It will take years and decades to untwine the idea of what a Black woman is or is not. 
      Black women deserve the same dignity, rights, protection, and grace that is given out so freely to everyone but them. In order for Black women to get the chance to heal, feel, celebrate, and accomplish their desires, society has to change the narrative that has kept Black women in a box.  More