Body Image

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to change something about my body. When I was in high school, it was that I felt too thin and wanted to put on weight; in college, I wanted to lose the pounds I finally put on, and it felt like weight loss was always in the back of my brain. No matter what stage of life I was at or what my body looked like, it felt like something was holding me back from being truly, completely confident in it.
When I was growing up, I was extremely thin. I was a competitive swimmer, which meant that my prepubescent and then-teenage body was burning more than it ever took in, and it left me never having to think twice about what I ate—if anything, I was always trying to eat more, regardless of what it was. I felt scrawny and bony and altogether undesirable, and I remember countless late-night conversations with my friends that started with “if I could just put on a little weight…”
When I graduated high school and went to college, with the one-two punch of no longer swimming and the weight gain that comes with most people’s freshman year, I put on around 20 pounds within a few months. Obviously, that was something I needed—and had even wished for at the time—but instantly, seeing my body in a form that it had never been in before was jarring. While my face finally filled out in ways I was happy with, as my pants size went up, it didn’t come with the feeling of transformation I thought it would. Instead, I was insecure in a whole new way, worrying about the new stretch marks on my thighs and cellulite on my stomach instead of what had occupied my mind before.

Since then, there has always been a nagging voice at the back of my mind that told me that if I just put my head down and lost 10 pounds, I would finally be what I considered “perfect.” I’ve always been good about consistently exercising and eating healthy, so every time a new year rolled around, I told myself this was the time that I’d do it; I’d make the change that meant I’d be happy with my body at last—and in 2021, I did it.
After months of waking up early to exercise, meal-prepping, and being extremely meticulous with my health, I saw the number on the scale that I thought was the key to my happiness. The morning it happened, I thought, “huh, I did it” and went on my way. The world didn’t stop spinning and I didn’t look in the mirror and see a flawless person; I was still just me, flaws, insecurities, and all.

The world didn’t stop spinning and I didn’t look in the mirror and see a flawless person; I was still just me, flaws, insecurities and all.

While I was proud of the accomplishment and finally—finally—checking it off my to-do list, it gave me a slap back to reality that I needed, but not in the way I thought it would. I still have the same stretch marks at the tops of my thighs and still have days where I don’t feel my best, and I realized that the green light I had been chasing for so long was fruitless; I didn’t need to change anything about myself to be confident, I just needed to figure out how to love myself even when I had things I’d change if I could. Changing something about myself was never going to make the rest of my insecurities vanish, even when I swore up and down that it would.

When I hear New Year’s resolutions about weight loss and the constant stream of talk from women who have their own 10 pounds they want to lose, I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now and give myself the grace that I so often forget to. I will never be someone who believes you need to not have insecurities in order to love yourself, but loving yourself despite them is what makes all the difference—and forbidding yourself from being happy with yourself until you reach a goal is not the way to get there.

I will never be someone who believes you need to not have insecurities in order to love yourself, but loving yourself despite them is what makes all the difference—and forbidding yourself from being happy with yourself until you reach a goal is not the way to get there.

I will always have things I’m insecure about—more metaphorical 10 pounds that I could say I need to wait for to be truly confident—but instead, I’m choosing to put the same effort I’d put into obsessing over that into being unabashedly confident in myself, perceived flaws and all.

The Hacks My Therapist Taught Me That I’m Using to Make 2022 My Best Year Yet More

As a fitness professional, whether during one-on-one personal training sessions or while leading cycling classes, a large majority of my waking hours have been spent in front of a mirror. I like to think that “body checks” were more of an occupational hazard from all my time spent in front of a mirror, but if we’re being honest, I remember grabbing a bathroom pass to check my reflection in middle school. At 12 years old, I started staring at my reflection to see if the way I sat at my desk made my legs look too big. 
Throughout my teenage years and well into adulthood, there wasn’t a mirror, store window, car door, or front-facing camera that was safe from my constant need to check on my body. Each reflective surface I passed had the ability to make or break my self-esteem. I was a woman possessed until, in early 2021, I ditched almost all mirrors. It’s been a full calendar year without them ruling my life—and I’ll never go back. Read on for my experience with body checks, how (and why!) I got rid of mirrors, and how you can gain more confidence and body love too. 

What are “body checks?”
Body checking is the repeated behavior of seeking details about your body’s size, shape, weight, or appearance from mirrors, reflections, photos, or other people. While checking your reflection in a mirror as you pass by or zooming in on yourself in the group photo are normal behaviors, compulsive body checks are when these habits happen compulsively and negatively affect your mood and self-esteem.
When I started my career in fitness after college, mirrors were in no short supply, and I was performing body checks almost constantly. I started looking for these checks to define my self-worth and place in the industry, which often made me feel like an imposter posing as a personal trainer. I watched my reflection as I demonstrated every exercise, taught every class, and walked from one corner of the gym to the other, seeking constant validation and often ridiculing each part of my body in my own head. This was my constant reality until last year, when I decided constantly checking mirrors was ruining my confidence, so I ditched body checks and it changed my life.

How I limited mirrors and stopped body checking
A year ago, I began working at a gym that doesn’t have a single mirror in the whole facility. There was no way for me to see what my body looked like, which forced me instead to be present in the moment and focus on what I was doing. For the first time, I was unable to obsess over what I looked like while working or working out. For the first few weeks, I felt myself yearning for a way to see how others saw me when I moved, but as time went on, my concern with what I looked like dissipated as my confidence grew.
As months passed, my desire for body checks waned as I focused instead on performing well, making friends, and improving my skills as both an athlete and a trainer. Slowly but surely, this release of control over knowing what my body looked like at any given moment began to creep into my life outside of the gym. I no longer opened my front-facing camera to check my reflection every time I went on my phone. I stopped wondering what my body looked like to others. The oversized full-length mirror in my living room no longer had a grip on me, and when I moved into a new apartment in the spring, I chose not to take it with me. I didn’t need it anymore.

While the complete lack of mirrors in my workspace was the catalyst for this change, what really broke my habit of habitual body checking was the discovery that I could be valued for things other than what I looked like. I focused on the intangibles that I brought to the table, such as knowledge and commitment, and I learned to be proud of those characteristics—irrespective of my size, shape, or weight. Lastly, I stopped thinking about what other people looked like and instead focused on their qualities and how they made me feel. For the first time, I really saw people for who they were—myself included.
Today, I have a small, full-length mirror next to my closet to use while getting dressed, and I do my hair and makeup in a medicine cabinet mirror over the sink in my bathroom, but my obsession with staring in the mirror has completely changed. When I do look at my body (whether it’s in a mirror, window reflection, etc.), I do so with neutrality. I repeat, “This is what my body looks like today” and choose to reflect on what it’s capable of, the person it houses, and all the people who love her. These days, I’m even often pleasantly surprised by the reflection looking back at me and like what I see. I’ve realized my body looks exactly the same whether I can see it or not—the difference is that what it looks like no longer has a death grip on how I feel about myself.

Tips I learned to improve body confidence
1. Limit mirrors 
I challenge you to remove the full-length mirrors you find yourself obsessing over for just one month. While it might be scary to break such a strong habit, you just might find freedom and gain confidence when you allow yourself a separate perspective. Instead of working out in front of the floor-to-ceiling gym mirror, set yourself up in an area where you can’t fixate on what you look like. When passing by a mirrored store window, take the time you’d normally spend checking out your own reflection to smile at a stranger, window shop the store displays, or simply be more present in the moment. Lastly, replace any mirrors used for “decor” with beautiful art that makes you feel happy.

2. Notice the ebb and flow of your body
When I stopped fixating on what I looked like every second of the day, I started to understand that the things that used to upset me about my body (bloating, hormonal changes/PMS, lack of sleep, dehydration, etc.) were predictable and, more importantly, impermanent. I used to cry about the way I looked a few days before my period, but now I treat that time with far more grace because I know that it’s normal and no fault of my own. The body is meant to fluctuate—in weight, in symptoms, in cravings, in strength, and in appearance. Once you realize bodies are meant to be ever-changing, you can better understand and appreciate yours.

3. Use a mirror affirmation
Sure, it would be a lot easier if I could avoid any and all reflections altogether, but mirrors are unavoidable. Plus, your reflection shouldn’t be a scary thing; you can rewire your mind to actually like what you see. When I do look at my reflection, whether it’s when I’m passing a reflective store window or doing my makeup in the morning, I use a mirror affirmation. Lately, my mirror affirmation has been “This is my body today, and I choose to love it,” reminding me that I am grateful for my body, who I am, and all that I can do, even on the days that I don’t feel my best. It might feel weird at first, but before long, you’ll be repeating your mirror affirmation subconsciously (and believing it too).

4. Shift your focus to qualities that are not appearance-related
The next time you find yourself obsessing over what you look like or feeling bad about your body, make a list of things you love about yourself that are not image-related. Don’t forget to include things you’re good at, the way you make people feel, your educational or work achievements, and all the wonderful qualities that you possess. Learning to value yourself for more than the shape of your body will change the way you see yourself, the things you value, and the way you present yourself to the world. By limiting mirrors and reframing the way I saw my reflection, I learned to trust myself and feel proud of non-physical qualities. The removal of unnecessary body checks from your life will improve your relationship with yourself. I promise—you deserve it.

While this article addresses body checking behaviors, it is not meant to treat body dysmorphia or disordered eating. If you are struggling with body image or disordered thoughts or behaviors regarding food and eating, please seek help. Call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 for support, reach out to a qualified medical professional, or, for a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.

How to Achieve Body Acceptance and Self-Love
According to an expert More

I was terrified to start my own business. Even after years of success, I have fearful moments every day. Sometimes I worry that I’m not smart enough, not productive enough, or not talented enough to make this work. I’ll tell myself that I’m not competent enough to be successful, while other days I’m convinced that any success I’ve had thus far is a fluke, due to luck and timing (not my own skill and hard work). Of course, some days I feel more confident, but it’s hard to avoid the fear of not being good enough or feeling like an imposter. 
The fear of not being “good enough” is pervasive. No matter how much success we get, we still doubt if we truly deserve it. And it’s not just in our professional lives: we might worry we’re not good enough in our relationships and friendships, or as a parent. No matter how universal the feeling is, it doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) the norm. It’s detrimental to our personal lives, professional goals, and, most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves. Read on for how to get over the feeling of not being good enough, once and for all. 

So why can’t you get over feeling inadequate?
There are a lot of factors that can contribute to not feeling good enough, like the unrealistic portrayal of women in the media, pressure from external sources like a parent or boss, or our own lack of self-confidence. If we recognize and pay attention to the source of our self-doubt, there’s a greater likelihood that we’ll be conscious of it and able to work through it once it starts to creep in. No matter what the root of your imposter syndrome is, it likely comes from one (or both) of the biggest proponents of low self-worth. Read on to for the two reasons you’re not able to get over the fear of not being good enough:

You’re constantly comparing yourself to others
As a society, we’ve identified tangible markers of success: a nice house, a long term relationship, making a certain salary, or a certain body type. We compare ourselves to friends, family members, and accounts on social media who have reached these “accomplishments,” regardless what their reality might actually be like. Social media plays a huge factor because it’s easy to compare the worst parts of your life to the highlight reel of someone else’s. We’re constantly being bombarded with and exposed to people that have what we want or are doing something better. 

You have high expectations of yourself
Sometimes the fear of not being enough comes from internal, rather than external sources. If you call yourself a perfectionist or rarely pause to celebrate goals you reach and instead focus on reaching the next one, your own expectations might be setting you up for imposter syndrome. As Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect.”
Of course, you should be setting high expectations, prioritizing self-improvement, and pushing yourself to pursue your greatest goals. After all, you are worthy and deserving of so much, and you should know how much you can (and will!) accomplish. But you can still love who and where you are right now while still looking forward to your future. If it feels like you’re never reaching goals or living up to expectations, they might be unrealistic and impossible. 

3 ways to get over the fear of not being good enough: 
Be honest and ask for help
If we were all a little bit more transparent about our lives, fears, and where we feel we’re falling short, we might learn that no one has it all together and very few people actually feel “good enough.” When one person is brave enough to share where they feel inadequate, everyone feels permission to do the same. Plus, when you ask a coworker for help with a skill you fall short in, lean on your significant other during a difficult week, or open up to your best friend about your insecurities, you’d be surprised to find that no one else expects you to be perfect expect you, and that falling short is actually normal. We are not “good enough” when we can do it all perfectly or achieve a certain body type. We’re good enough as we currently are, knowing when to ask for help and being open about where we’re struggling. 

Identify what you truly want out of life
When I find myself in comparison mode, I try to decipher between my perception and reality. It may seem like my college friend’s side business is way more successful than mine is, but how am I defining success? Is it because she has more Instagram followers or has a fancier website? Success can mean so many different things, whether it’s the ability to have a flexible schedule or passion for what you’re doing. Someone else’s definition of success doesn’t necessarily have to be mine, and success very rarely looks the same for everyone.
The same thing goes for standards of beauty: The ideal body that you feel best in should look and feel vastly different from everyone else’s. When you find yourself feeling lesser than out of comparison to other people, whether it’s their career, relationship, or body type, identify if what you’re comparing is truly what would make you happy. Happiness looks and feels differently to everyone. Identify if these comparisons would actually matter to you, or if you’re just caught up in the mindset of not being good enough. 

Realize and remember the wins
When you find yourself comparing your behind-the-scenes to the perfectly-filtered highlight reel of someone else’s life, remember that everyone has private struggles,  failures, and insecurities. There is no such thing as a perfect career, relationship, body, or life, so instead of focusing on where you inevitably aren’t “perfect,” focus on where you do have success. For every missed opportunity, mistake, or flaw, you have so much more to be proud of. When we’re bogged down by where we fall short, we’re blind to everything we do have going for us. Take more time to notice your strengths, successes, and wins. Write them down and return to them when you need to.

7 Steps to Take When Imposter Syndrome Creeps In More

Some of us want to get stronger, some of us want to eat healthier, and some of us want to get more sleep, but the one goal we all have in common is to feel more self-love. Self-love is not something that’s taught in school. In fact, we’re more likely taught how not to love ourselves and accept our bodies from friends, parents, and the media (more on that below). But thinking we’re not good enough or constantly trying to change the way our bodies look is stressful, destructive, and a complete waste of energy.
Think about all the time and energy you spend obsessing about the way your body looks or not loving who you are. That time and energy could be spent on more important things like running successful companies, growing fulfilling relationships, and actually going through life feeling happy (imagine!). So how do we get out of the self-hate cycle and accept our bodies as they are? I turned to an expert for advice. 

Dr. Adrienne Youdim is not your regular weight lost specialist—she’s a cool weight lost specialist. And by that, I mean she uses her expertise and practice to teach women how to achieve self-love and body acceptance first, knowing that true health can only begin when you love yourself. Dr. Youdim is an internist who specializes in weight loss and nutrition and served as the medical director of the Cedars-Sinai Center for Weight Loss before opening up her own private practice in Beverly Hills. Read: She’s seen a lot of patients who do not accept their body as it is.
As if her long list of experience wasn’t enough, she’s also the author of the book Hungry For More, which connects the desire for weight loss with what we’re lacking emotionally. While she’s a weight loss expert on paper, she’s really a self-love expert because she knows that you cannot reach any health goal without it. Read on for her definition of body acceptance, where it comes from, and six tips that will help you achieve it. 

Meet the expert
Dr. Adrienne Youdim, MD, FACP
An internist who specializes in medical weight loss and nutrition
Dr. Youdim served as medical director of the Cedars-Sinai Weight Loss Center before opening her own practice in Beverly Hills. She wrote the book “Hungry For More,” an empowering memoir and how-to guide for women looking to reach their health goals and love their bodies.

What does “body acceptance” even mean?
We talk a lot about accepting your body and loving yourself, but what does that really mean? Does it mean looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking everything is perfect, or is it like any other romantic relationship where you feel unconditional love and respect? According to Dr. Youdim, body acceptance is different from self-love, but they both share an important factor. “Body acceptance and self-love are not the same, but they are both unconditional and are not dependent on outside factors,” she explained. “We can accept and love ourselves regardless of how we look, how much we weigh, what kind of car we drive, or how much money we make.”
Another important PSA: Body acceptance and loving yourself does not mean that you don’t have goals or aren’t prioritizing self-improvement. Rather, you love and accept yourself so much that you know you deserve to reach your goals. “For example, you can want to lose weight, but body acceptance means that you still accept yourself for who you are in this moment. In fact, that acceptance makes it more likely that we will achieve our goals.” In other words, you don’t accept your body once when you reach certain health goals, you can reach health goals because you accept and love your body as it is right now.

We talk a lot about accepting your body and loving yourself, but what does that really mean? Does it mean looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking everything is perfect, or is it like any other romantic relationship where you feel unconditional love and respect?

Where do body insecurities come from?
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a “joking” conversation with your friends over which body part you hate most (Mean Girls style). I am certainly guilty. The sad truth is that body insecurities are so normal that it’s something we bond over with other women. If you’re the Cady Heron who can’t think of anything to dislike about yourself besides bad morning breath, you’re probably the outsider. When we grow up and assimilate to societal norms, we learn pretty quickly that hating our bodies is not only socially acceptable but expected. 
“There is so much outside noise that affects how we see ourselves and particularly how we see our bodies,” Dr. Youdim explained. “Not only does social media, TV, and our culture at large dictate how we should look, but many of us are even affected by people we love. For example, a mom who struggles with body image may criticize her own body or engage in unhealthy weight loss strategies. Her words and actions are a form of role-modeing that sends a message to her children that a body needs to look a certain way in order to be acceptable.”
Bottom line: Your body insecurities actually have nothing to do with your own body. They come from external pressure to look a certain way or feel a certain way about yourself. For that reason, no pant size, weight, or body shape is immune. But good news: There’s a way out. Read on for tips to accept your body and love yourself more. 

Tips to improve self-love and achieve body acceptance:

1. Start by being more aware
“The first step to achieving self-acceptance is self-awareness,” Dr. Youdim suggested. Self-awareness means knowing what we are saying to ourselves and the messages we’re sending to our bodies. She also suggested distancing yourself from the negative thoughts. For example, if you find yourself hating your thighs or feeling like everyone is staring at your stomach, notice the thought and then look at it objectively. Ask yourself, Is this belief really true? Would a close friend or confidant tell me the same thing? Then, think like the opposite is true, like your thighs look amazing, your jeans fit perfectly, or everyone is staring because of how good you look. “Operate from a place of possibility,” Dr. Youdim advised. “Dare to imagine a different story and allow for that new narrative to stick. With time and practice, it will!”

2. Know that self-love is a skill, not a circumstance
Self-love doesn’t just happen to you once you reach a certain weight, promotion, or get in a relationship. Self-love is a state of mind you work on internally, not a factor that hits you from the inside. If you need some proof, even Dr. Youdim has had to overcome insecurities too. “I was just as critical of myself at size 2 as I was at size 10,” she explained. “Self-love is an inside job, and being overly critical, engaging in self-limiting beliefs, or not accepting our bodies can and will happen at any size.” For whoever needs to hear this: Yes, you can and should love yourself, regardless of “imperfections” you see in the mirror. Stop thinking that changing those imperfections will make you love yourself more and start cultivating self-love as you are now.

Self-love is a state of mind you work on internally, not a factor that hits you from the inside

3. Notice where your relationship with your body is physically manifesting
And now where the tie between lack of self-acceptance and Dr. Youdim’s weight loss practice comes in: Your relationship to food has everything to do with your relationship to your body. “There is a physiologic reason why we can’t control ourselves when it comes to food,” she said. “When we are sad, unfulfilled, anxious, etc., we seek comfort and often turn to food for that comfort.” While a glass of wine or a tub of Ben & Jerry’s might feel temporarily comforting, it does not fix what is making us uncomfortable to begin with and, as Dr. Youdim said, does not address what we are truly hungry for. If you’re anxious or hateful when it comes to your body, those feelings manifest into uncomfortable feelings that then physiologically trigger food cravings. Your body is affected by negative emotions, including when you have negative emotions about your body. Start getting curious about cravings. Identify what you are truly hungry for and what would actually comfort the uncomfortable feeling. 

4. Try intentional mindfulness and meditation 
As for tangible practices we can add into our routines to cultivate more body acceptance, Dr. Youdim cited mindfulness, meditation, and journaling as being the most effective tools to improve our self-love. Since negative thoughts are typically automatic, being more mindful will allow you to catch yourself in these thoughts (read: self-awareness), and change thought patterns. As the mental health practice taking the world by storm, “studies show that we can foster greater self-acceptance through meditation,” Dr. Youdim said. Meditation in general can help with clarity, but try meditating with an affirmation like “I love myself” or “my body is healthy and powerful” to make it specific to body acceptance. And if meditating isn’t for you, journaling is also a powerful tool. “Writing is a gateway to awareness, self-healing, and transformative change. Gain awareness of thoughts and patterns, set intentions and goals, and offer yourself compassion and grace.”

5. Remind yourself that you are not alone
It may sound cheesy to say that you are not alone, but when we’re struggling with body image issues and lack of self-love, we often are overly focused on our own experience. For example, we’re thinking that everyone is judging us or that other people notice the insecurity like we do. In reality, no one thinks of you as critically as you think of yourself (duh!), and everyone is dealing with their own insecurities. Personally, when I start feeling overly insecure about the way I look, I take it as a sign that I’ve been too focused on myself and start checking in with friends or call my mom to see how she is. 
“When we suffer, we imagine that we are the only one,” Dr. Youdim agreed. “Being human means being imperfect. A sense of common humanity can make you feel differently about negative beliefs you have about yourself. Remind yourself that you are not the only one suffering or experiencing insecurities.” When you’re focused on your body, remind yourself that you are not alone. Remember that no one is perfect and everyone has their own insecurities. And then, shift your focus to loving and taking care of other people; it will translate into loving and taking care of yourself. 

6. Practice self-kindness (not self-judgment)
The last thing you should do when noticing your insecurities and negative thoughts is to add even more insecurities and negative thoughts on top of that. Don’t be angry at yourself every time you notice a negative thought come up. Instead, practice self-kindness as much as possible. Look into your reactions when you’re feeling inadequate or insecure: Do you feel compassionate and understanding, or are you criticizing? Dr. Youdim suggested thinking of a negative belief you have about yourself. Do you think you’re bad at your job, aren’t likable, or aren’t as attractive as someone else? Now think about how to reframe this belief with an attitude of kindness. How would your best friend, mom, or whoever is kindest to you reframe this thought? Even if you don’t believe the kinder version of the thought, after enough practice, you eventually will. 

5 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Self-Love More