lifestyle and culture

January 1st marked the start of a new year, but for me, it was the anniversary of a major career milestone: becoming a manager. One year ago, I was promoted from an individual contributor to a manager, and every day since has been an opportunity to learn and grow in my career. And while there’s a lot of great career advice about landing the promotion, there’s not always clear next steps about what to do once you get it. 
Managing and leading others is a huge responsibility and a privilege. My first year as a manager introduced me to many firsts, like hiring for the first time and providing regular feedback. It also came with both highs and lows. For instance, I’ve gained so much fulfillment in my career by providing support and career growth opportunities for others. I’ve also been challenged like never before as I learned how to delegate and balance my responsibilities with those of my team. While I’m nowhere near perfect at it, managing is a skill set I look forward to continuing to develop.
Most of the career lessons I’ve learned can be difficult to identify in the day-to-day but often become clear in hindsight. I hope that by sharing the lessons I learned as a manager, I can inspire a new leader to have a fulfilling first year. Here are five lessons I’ve learned throughout the past year that can set you up for success, too:

Just because you’re good at doing doesn’t mean you’ll be natural at leading.
Exceptional performance as an individual contributor doesn’t always equate to exceptional performance as a manager. You get promoted because you have the skills, but being a manager requires more than being great at your job; it requires inspiring others to do their best work. Some people may think they’re one and the same, but this past year, I learned they’re absolutely not. 
Exceptional performance as an individual contributor doesn’t always equate to exceptional performance as a manager.
Managing others has flexed a muscle I’ve never used before in my career. Sure, I’ve led interns or projects throughout my career, but to be responsible for fostering someone else’s development and career growth was an entirely new ball game. I’m fortunate to have enjoyed learning how to use that muscle and building it throughout the past year. Some newly promoted managers may give it a try and realize they don’t like the new responsibility and are better suited as an individual contributor, which is totally fine. It takes experience and intentionality to be a good leader. It also takes time to cultivate your skills. As a stellar individual contributor and new manager, allow yourself the space and grace to become a great leader, especially if it doesn’t come second nature to you.

The best way to learn is by doing.
You can read all the professional development books (and trust me, I have), but nothing prepares you to be a manager quite like doing the work. It’s common to make assumptions about roles and responsibilities you’ve never done first-hand. You may even think, “If that were me, I’d never do that. I’d do it this way.” It’s easy to make up stories about situations we’ve never found ourselves in. But it’s harder to do the work once you get there. You can plan and strategize your way to success before getting into a new role, but practical application is key to letting those important career lessons really sink in.
The good thing about managing for the first time is that you can draw from your experience on the other side. Throughout my career (and I’m sure you’ve done the same), I’ve noted great leaders and not-so-great managers. I have first-hand experience of how it feels to work with a great leader and examples I can draw from to lead with the same poise. While I believe the best way to get good at something is by doing it, I’ve had inspiration to help me be successful throughout my first year as a manager—the rest I’ve had to learn the hard way, through doing the work.

Building trust is just as important as building skills.
People often get promoted into management roles because they’re awesome in their line of work, and they show potential to grow and succeed with a company. While a balance of hard and soft skills is essential no matter your position, individual contributor roles are based more heavily on the hard skills (i.e., the technical skills of fulfilling your job responsibilities). This looks like creating an awesome slide deck or writing a well-thought-out communication. But as you develop as an employee and build your legacy at a company, building trust with others and cultivating relationships becomes equally as valuable as knowing how to get the job done. 
Roles and teams don’t operate in a vacuum. It’s up to employees to collaborate for the company to succeed. Just as a server at a restaurant wouldn’t have food to serve a customer without a chef and everyone in the prep kitchen, a manager needs individual contributors, managers, and company leaders to thrive in their role. No matter what career stage you’re in, but especially as a first time manager, take the time to connect with others at your organization. That includes those on your team, people you collaborate with, and others with valuable insight to share about your company or industry. 
While it might feel awkward to send an email asking to connect with someone you usually don’t interact with, I know from experience that people are more welcoming and open to the idea than you’d think. Taking the time to build trust with others is crucial because there will come a time when you’ll need to rely on each other to accomplish a goal, and you’ll have already laid the foundation of a fruitful relationship.

As a leader, asking for what you need is still important.
You might think that as a team leader you need to have all the answers and everything you need to succeed. But that’s simply not the case. Since managers have the crucial responsibility of supporting and developing others, they need to ensure that they have what they need to perform well in their roles. 
Yes, some managers of managers will offer suggestions and guidance unprompted, but that’s not always the case. People are not mind readers, so ask for what you need. Do you need support on a project? Ask. Do you have questions you’re struggling to answer? Make it known. Do you need training, or are you interested in a professional development opportunity? Gather the details and ask your manager for their support. We can’t rely on others to anticipate our needs. So, don’t be afraid to speak up.
People are not mind readers, so ask for what you need.

Don’t forget to allow yourself to be new.
If you’ve recently been promoted, congratulations! That’s a huge deal, and chances are this is the first time you’ve been in this specific role at your current company. You don’t need to have it all figured out. No one is expecting you to. Remember, you’re new, so allow yourself to be new. 
This may feel hard, especially if you want to appear like you have it all together. I know it was for me. But think about what you’d expect of the people you manage. Would you expect a new hire to come in and know exactly what they’re doing from day one? Of course not, they’re new. Allow yourself the same grace. It’s okay not to know what you’re doing and ask for help. It’s okay, and even encouraged, to ask questions to better understand your role and responsibilities. You’re only new for so long. Use it to your advantage and as an opportunity to learn and grow.
These are a few of the valuable lessons I learned during my first year, and I imagine there will be many more lessons awaiting me in the future. If I can offer one final piece of advice to support you in your first year as a manager, always remember you’ve got this. You were promoted for a reason. You’re meant to be here. You deserve to be here, and I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you’re going to accomplish.

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As a communications professional, it’s literally my job to communicate. And yet, I still find myself in situations where I don’t feel like a confident communicator. Let me elaborate. Last year, I was tasked with leading a monthly meeting at work to champion an initiative I raised my hand to support. I was excited and grateful for the opportunity, but as I kicked off the first call, I could sense the anxiety creeping in. I felt myself start to sweat and I even began stumbling over my words. I was confident enough to throw my hat in the ring to do the work, but when it came time to articulate what we were trying to accomplish, I became nervous and couldn’t seem to get the words out right. I felt anything but confident, even when communication is my area of expertise.
No matter what you do for a living, you are always communicating. Whether intentionally or not, we’re constantly sending messages to our coworkers through how we carry ourselves in meetings, respond to questions, and handle our emotions at work. While I’d like to think I masked my nerves during that meeting last year, I guarantee others caught on to my less-than-confident communication style. So, how can we ensure we communicate in the most confident way and don’t find ourselves anxious and sweaty in challenging situations? I sat down with Women’s Leadership Coach Laura Weldy to find out.

Meet the expert
Laura Weddy
Leadership Coach
Laura is a certified career and leadership coach known for helping smart, ambitious women go from undervalued in what she has coined the ‘Pre-Suite’ (i.e., your career before executive leadership) to confident women leading in the C-Suite.

If you’re looking to communicate with confidence and succeed in your career this year, take a look at these six expert strategies.

How to Confidently Communicate When You’re Feeling Emotional
We all encounter emotions at work, sometimes out of our control. You might feel frustrated in a meeting and be on the verge of tears, or perhaps it’s common for you to blush in uncomfortable situations. These negative emotions may lead you to stay quiet instead of speaking up. To ensure you continue to communicate with confidence when you experience an emotional response, Laura recommends anticipating potential emotional reactions.
Take a moment three to five minutes before a meeting starts to center yourself and find a sense of calm. This can be accomplished through mental rehearsal. Imagine a time when you felt like a really confident communicator. Remember how you felt in that moment, how others responded to you, and even the room you were in when it happened. Then channel that energy and imagine yourself being similarly successful in your upcoming meeting. Laura is also a proponent of tapping, a meditative practice that stimulates your meridian points to help reduce anxiety and stress in under five minutes.
If you’re aware of your body’s reactions to anxiety or stress, you can also plan a way to make yourself more comfortable. For example, when I’m in situations that make me anxious or stressed, my body tells on me, and my chest tends to get red and blotchy. To alleviate any unnecessary attention, I choose my outfits to hide this insecurity and make me feel most confident.

How to Confidently Communicate When You Feel Panic in the Moment
If you’ve ever been in a meeting where you’re put on the spot and immediately filled with anxiety, you’re not alone. To help ease panic, Laura is a firm believer in a formulaic communication strategy. Creating a formula to account for responses eases your fight-or-flight response. This looks like knowing that every time you’re asked for your opinion or feedback, you already have a thought-out formula for responding.
For example, if you’re in a meeting where you’re talking about how you’re tracking on a project and somebody asks why you’re not meeting your goals, a formulaic response looks like (1) sharing an acknowledgment of what the person is asking, (2) sharing your opinion on the situation, and then (3) sharing a willingness to follow up on your opinion. Laura puts it into practice as follows, “So, you want to hear my opinion on this. Of course, I’m open to more information as it comes to light, but my current take on it is ‘X.’ I’d love to hear from ‘X’ about their thoughts because it would make the conversation even deeper.” If you’re nervous about remembering your formula, write it down in a notebook for ease of reference.

How to Confidently Communicate When You’re Afraid of Being Unprepared
Simply put, the easiest way to avoid being unprepared is to prepare. Planning alleviates unnecessary stress and helps you become a confident communicator. This process also helps you develop executive-level thinking skills, rather than being a passive member of the meeting. If you’re afraid of being caught unaware in a meeting, take the time to create an agenda or request one from the meeting host. Laura also suggests shortly before the meeting to take the time to prepare and ask yourself questions like:

What is the most important thing for you to share in the meeting?
What is a relevant question that would further inform your opinion if you knew the answer?
What is the energy or vibe you want to bring to the conversation?

“By asking yourself these questions, you’re getting your vocabulary, intention, and tone in alignment before the meeting starts,” Laura said.
You can also build confidence in the workplace and feel prepared by understanding your personal brand (i.e., how you want to carry yourself and present yourself to others). Confidence is often the result of practice, preparation, and self-awareness. Take 10 minutes to reflect on your personal brand in the workplace. Think about what words you want people to associate with you, how you want people to feel after they talk to you, what areas you’re an expert in, and what you care about in the workplace. Having clarity on your brand helps you be prepared in situations where you might be caught off guard. Working with a leadership coach can also provide clarity if you need help understanding yourself and your leadership style. 

How to Confidently Communicate When You Fear Being Inauthentic
“A lot of women feel that when they speak up at work, they need to have a completely different voice that fits in with the company norms or sounds more professional,” Laura shares. To combat this fear of being inauthentic at work, Laura challenges her clients to write a personal brand guide to clarify how they strive to communicate in the workplace. “We struggle to feel authentic because we don’t actually know what to point to when it comes to communicating authentically. If you can write out a personal voice guide, it reminds you that you do have a strategy to utilize in the moment.” Just as planning instills confidence, having a strategy ahead of time helps mitigate fears.

How to Confidently Communicate When Speaking in Front of Higher-Ups
If your palms get sweaty at the thought of speaking with higher-ups in your organization, join the club. While nerves are common, you can still communicate confidently in times of stress by proactively building relationships with leaders at your company. “Be intentional about networking within your organization, so the one time your leaders hear you speak in a meeting isn’t the one bit of information they have to judge you on,” Laura recommends. Finding time to network and create rapport can boost your confidence when you’re tasked with communicating in front of a room of executives.
Additionally, Laura shares that it’s important to remember that everyone on your team wants you to succeed. There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching someone present who isn’t comfortable speaking in front of a group. Instead of focusing on the negative, Laura suggests, “Reframe your perspective from ‘everyone wants me to fail and are critiquing me’ to ‘everyone wants me to be successful in this meeting because it makes everything more comfortable for all of us’.”

How to Confidently Communicate When You’re Hesitant to Share Opinions
When we shift from doing roles to leading roles within an organization, we begin to be asked for our perspectives more frequently than our expertise. As new managers and leaders, it’s common to feel new at the table and like we’re missing context in conversations, thus leading to hesitancy sharing our valuable opinions. To ensure confident communication as you move up in your career, it’s crucial to acknowledge that your voice matters. “Even if you feel like an outsider, your perspective as the newest person in the room or only woman in the room is a really unique one, and that’s why it’s needed more than any other perspective,” says Laura. By turning what feels like a challenging situation into an opportunity, you can feel confident sharing your opinion, knowing it’s adding value to the conversation.
All of these strategies can help you develop more confident communication skills, one meeting at a time. At the end of the day, Laura believes that confident communication in the workplace is a reflection of high levels of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a strong personal brand. Working one-on-one with a leadership coach can help ensure you have those fundamental identity pieces and professional skills in place so that your confidence can be reflected authentically in your communication and in every other aspect of your professional and personal life. You can learn more about Laura’s communication and leadership coaching expertise by connecting with her on LinkedIn or at lauraweldy.com.

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