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      “We Need To Have More Open Conversations About Miscarriages, Abortions And Pregnancy”

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      Social psychologist Hilary Davies shares her experience and lays out the need for open conversations about miscarriages, abortions and pregnancy.**Trigger Warning: This personal experience piece discusses sensitive topics such as abortion, miscarriage, pregnancy and grief. Please proceed with caution and take care of yourself while reading this content.**Five uncertain days About a year ago, I found out that I was pregnant. I was not in a stable relationship with the man involved. It was still the early days of starting up my first business. I was not financially stable, and my living situation was not conducive to raising a child. The logical decision was to terminate the pregnancy. But even at that early stage, there was a deep internal desire and instinct to keep this pregnancy. Whilst I was grappling with what felt like an impossible choice, the decision was taken out of my hands. I miscarried. In the space of five days, I found out I was pregnant, registered the impact on my future, experienced the miscarriage and felt the emotional loss. Those five days of turmoil, fear and uncertainty felt like months.  After the initial rawness of my experience wore off, I found myself talking openly about it to friends, family and colleagues. To my surprise, this opened up new layers of conversations on a topic that until then, for me, remained relatively unspoken. It has led me to reflect on how we respond to pregnancies, especially the unplanned ones, and the subsequent miscarriages and terminations that may follow. Once I started peeling back the layers of conversation, I was shocked by the frequency and similarity of this common experience, and the lack of open dialogue we have around them.Miscarriage, by the numbers This isn’t a debate on the moral standing of abortion. In South Africa, abortion is regulated and protected by the Choice On Termination Of Pregnancy Act of 1996. It gives us the freedom to choose based on our own morals and lived experiences. Grounding into the freedom that we are bestowed with this Act, I’m sharing my experience. It’s a small step to normalise conversations about miscarriages, abortion and pregnancy.Globally, the prevalence of miscarriage is estimated at 10-25%. One recent WHO source putting the number at one in four pregnancies. Per the WHO Department of Sexual and Reproductive Health and Research, 30% of all pregnancies end in abortion, either through choice or for medical reasons. In South Africa, 461 000 pregnancies ended in abortion between 2015 and 2019. The official figure, however, is known to be underreported. This is because of social stigma, financial barriers and access issues that result in women seeking abortions that are not recorded in official statistics. Research shows that including unreported and illegal abortions, the total figure could be more than double the official data. Adding to this the miscarriage rate of 20% and the number of births each year – just under one million live births annually?  It can be estimated that up to nearly half a million women each year could experience a miscarriage or abortion in South Africa.READ MORE: No, Women’s Fertility Isn’t Suddenly Doomed At Age 35The power of conversation With these numbers in mind, how do we – both as individuals and as a society – support women in these experiences? I believe in storytelling as one of the intrinsic ways that we seek to connect to each other. Through this, we learn from others’ experiences, normalise our own and form connections and safety with similar experiences. Storytelling is one of the most direct ways we can meet our psychological need for belonging and acceptance. So if topics of miscarriage and abortion remain taboo and unspoken, what is the impact of that on women? How does the experience of pregnancy, miscarriage and abortion shape our emotions, lives and relationships?“Storytelling is one of the most direct ways we can meet our psychological need for belonging and acceptance.”During those turbulent five days, my emotional response was an uncomfortable cocktail of shock, overwhelm, anxiety, vulnerability and fear. My body was processing the sudden and dramatic spike in hormones that occurred from around the time of the first missed period, followed by the sudden and dramatic drop that came after the miscarriage. Physically sore and emotionally exposed, I went into a state of numbness that protected me against the very heightened feelings. In a bid to avoid anything that felt uncomfortable, I threw myself into work. Within ten days, I was on an overseas work project that kept me busy. Through this, I could avoid any feeling of discomfort.Dealing with griefAfter about two months, I slowed down enough to start dealing with what happened to me. Two major things hit me: grief and shame. The loss of a pregnancy can trigger layers of grief – whether it’s planned or not. The pregnancy itself, the longed-for future of a family, the life plan unfolding, and many more. For some women, miscarriages deeply affect their relationship with their bodies and the deep, evolutionary sense of purpose some of us hold linked to motherhood and childbearing. My grief was for something I didn’t even know I wanted. In my mid-thirties, fiercely independent and career-focused, a baby at this stage was almost disruptive. But suddenly a new future unfolded before me that I had never considered with any serious thought. I started to plan and dream – and then just as suddenly as it arrived, it was gone again.  Stages of grief Brené Brown identified three elements of grief in her research. The first is loss: the actual process of losing either a person or thing, as well as the loss of a ‘sense’ such as a sense of normality, a belief about a person, or an understanding. The second element is longing: an involuntary yearning for something. The third element is feeling lost, experienced as a disorientation of ourselves in our physical or emotional world. Things stop making sense the way they did before the loss happened. All three of these were present for me in the months after the loss of my pregnancy.It was only in January this year, with time alone and having taken a break from work, that I was ready to start feeling the grief. Robert A. Neimeyer, a leading researcher in grief, wrote, “A central process in grieving is the attempt to reaffirm or reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.”  The process of reconstructing could only be started when I created space between the acute grief I felt and was ready to start integrating it back into my life.  Part of that reconstructing is in establishing a connection with others through shared storytelling – one of the components that make support groups so impactful in grief healing processes.READ MORE: Here’s How To Actually Practise Mindfulness And Unlock Inner PeaceWhy we need conversations about miscarriages, abortion and pregnancyThe need for connection after a loss is a common response to sadness, as it helps us feel seen and held in compassion. The connection also helps overcome the isolation that accompanied my other major response: shame. Shame is the sense that we, as our unique selves, are flawed or unworthy. It can be triggered by events in our lives where we feel we have fallen short. Shame thrives on secrecy, self-judgement and isolation. We continue to perpetuate the stories that we tell ourselves about our failures or inadequacy. In the context of pregnancies, shame is worsened by the social taboos that still exist around unplanned pregnancies, the judgement around abortions, and the sometimes perceived failure of our bodies during a miscarriage. In my case, I felt irresponsible for getting pregnant outside of a relationship. I felt that I would be judged for the situation I found myself in. I felt ashamed that my body was unable to keep the pregnancy. None of this is logical, but in my own mind, the conversation became a dark spiral. The inability to talk openly about these experiences only worsens them.The remedy to this comes again from connection, from feeling understood and from empathy. The fastest way to eliminate shame is to put it in broad daylight, to expose all of the gremlins that are waiting to catch us.  But to do this, we need to create safe spaces where conversations can be had without judgement that leads to further shame. Through this, I was also able to show myself empathy. Slowly but surely, I rebuilt my trust in myself and my body.Support is keyIt took me three months of running away from the feelings before I could address them. But I was lucky in the support I had around me when I was ready. What became abundantly clear was that rather than dealing with this on my own, I needed to lean on my support, through family and friends, to help me process my feelings and reactions. By sharing my experience, I managed to reframe the self-judgement and self-blame that I’d had with for months. Research by Martin Seligman into resilience factors helps us address this with the three P’s: personalisation, permanence and pervasiveness. Through hearing other’s stories and sharing my own, I recognised that this was not all my fault. It was not a permanent pain that I couldn’t work through. It was not pervasive in all areas of my life.These conversations developed in me a sense of belonging and connection with women that helped me feel safe and accepted. It also helped me accept myself and what had happened, turning the blame into compassion. With that, I was able to give myself a break – literally and figuratively. Easing the pressure on myself and taking some time off to rest and recover from the events was the single most important thing I could do.Connections create healingIt’s taken me a year, a lot of conversations and hours of embodiment practices, but I can now reflect on the events of last year with a gentle sadness and deep acceptance. Despite the loss, I’ve gained invaluable wisdom from it. For starters, I know for the first time that being a mother one day is a deep desire that I hope to be lucky enough to fulfil. My miscarriage has given me clarity on my future that I’ve never had before. Although I don’t plan to start a family in the next few years, the decisions I make now around my business, my health and my lifestyle are already helping me prepare and build that future life.This experience has also given me a newfound respect for a woman’s body, what she is capable of and how she continues to be judged, talked about, misunderstood and misrepresented in our society. In general, our understanding of our own bodies, cycles and needs often falls below par. Education about our cycle, how to work with it and adapt our daily lives to optimise it, is one of the most empowering gifts we can give ourselves.“I felt that I would be judged for the situation I found myself in. I felt ashamed that my body was unable to keep the pregnancy. None of this is logical, but in my own mind, the conversation became a dark spiral. The inability to talk openly about these experiences only worsens them.”Men should join, too The men in our lives also play a key role in how we heal and recover from experiences of pregnancies. We often focus on the women’s experience in these matters, even though they can have a significant impact on the men as well. Creating space for conscious conversations about each person’s experience is a powerful way to process it together, through being vulnerable and present with each other. Successfully navigating these conversations can, as well as help with healing for both, ultimately create a stronger trust and sense of belonging within the relationship.READ MORE: Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful And What To Say InsteadOpen up Every woman’s experience when it comes to pregnancy, miscarriages and abortions is different. Mine is neither unique nor representative. How we feel, respond and process this depends on a myriad of factors. On reflection though, one thing I can say for certain is that we need to be having more open conversations about these very normal and very common experiences that women have. We need to speak about it so that we can ask for the support that we need – from our loved ones, from work, from our friends. So we challenge the shame and isolation that women face. We need to speak so others feel safe as well. We need to speak about it so that we can tell our own stories, and through that find the sense of belonging and support we need through these challenging times.If you find yourself or a loved one going through this, I encourage you to embrace the vulnerability to be open about the experience. Take time to rest. Be compassionate and gentle. Ask for help. Share your feelings. Lean into the support around you, or seek out the support you need, rather than withdrawing into the pain. Together, through the shared experiences and storytelling of women, we can normalise our experiences to create safety and acceptance, that allows us to heal.

      Hilary Davies

      Hilary Davies is a social psychologist specialising in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) coaching and consulting. Her focus is on gender equality and organisational transformation. She is passionate about supporting women’s development by addressing the invisible barriers that impact their lived experiences. Hilary is the founder of 328 Women’s Coaching. It’s a programme designed to help women deepen self-awareness and catalyse growth in both their personal and professional lives. For more information, visit www.hedcoaching.com or learn more about coaching at www.328.co.za. More

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      4 Most Common Questions Women Ask About Their Sexual Health

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      What does your ‘Girls Night’ consist of? Pizza, wine and a few episodes of Emily In Paris? Or is it a night where you and your girls get deep into conversations about sex, toys and men? For many, it will be the first option, as the latter tends to make many feel uncomfortable. Why is it difficult to engage in conversations about our sexual health? Perhaps it’s a fear of judgement, that something may be “wrong” with you?Did you know that a staggering 63% of women experience some form of sexual discomfort? Yes. It’s you and almost every woman around you!Don’t worry, we have your back. Here’s a list of questions and answers you may be thinking of, but have never been comfortable to ask before.1. My period is irregular — have I reached menopause?You’ve crossed off all the calendar days and Aunty Flo hasn’t paid you a visit yet. Your initial thoughts could be pregnancy or menopause. Menopause is a reality between 45 and 55, but irregular periods can happen at any age. Dr Bradley Wagemaker, Medical Director at Lamelle Research Laboratories says, “When your body experiences hormonal imbalances and changes in hormone levels (such as when taking contraceptives or falling pregnant), you could experience an irregular flow.”Research suggests that stress and pollution can affect the body, causing devastating effects on your sex organs and your vital sex hormone: oestrogen.READ MORE: These Unusual PMS Symptom Treatments Actually Work – Minus Painkillers2. Why am I so moody?I find it offensive when people accuse me of being moody. It’s never my fault, but my hormones fault. Mood swings are very common when there are hormonal changes happening inside your body. “Oxidative stress depletes nitric oxide in your body, causing the type of hormonal changes that lead to mood swings at any age,” says Dr Bradley Wagemaker.3. I’m struggling to “get in the mood” — help me!You want to get your groove back, but it’s a bit of a struggle? Dr Bradley Wagemaker says, “A decrease in libido or sexual desire is a normal psychological (mental) response to the physiological (physical) damage in your organs. When you experience dryness and discomfort during sex, your brain will often trigger a natural response in your brain to try and avoid the uncomfortable situation again.” Don’t be embarrassed and don’t avoid sex either. Explore different ways to spice things up in the bedroom.READ MORE: The 9 Best Natural Lubes For A Happy Vagina4. How can I improve intimacy with my partner?A couple’s physical intimacy requires work to maintain beyond the “honeymoon phase”. Take care of yourself by investing in your wellness, your personal development and your mindfulness. When you’re feeling your best, you bring an important vitality to your relationship. Be curious and open yourself up to new things. More

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      12 Unexpected Health And Beauty Benefits Of Epsom Salt

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      Epsom salt is popularly used to solve a myriad of different ailments, including everything from soothing tired and achy muscles to easing stress and eliminating toxins from the body. It’s cost-effective and safe, making it a great product to keep at home for the whole family. Plus, the benefits don’t end with healthcare – there are also various ways of using them around the home.What exactly is Epsom salt?Epsom salt was named after a bitter saline spring at Epsom in Surrey, England. Epsom salt is not actually salt at all, in fact, it comprises a naturally occurring pure mineral compound made up of magnesium, sulphur and oxygen.It’s been around forever, too: There “have been recorded uses of Epsom salt to solve health problems since the 1500s,” says Jim Hill, president of the Epsom Salt Council.It was most likely named Epsom “salt” because of its chemical structure and appearance, as it looks very similar to traditional table salt. Most of its benefits are due to the presence of magnesium, a mineral that many people do not get enough of.‌When Epsom salts are dissolved in water, they release magnesium and sulphate ions. Studies indicate that magnesium and sulphate ions can be absorbed through the skin, which is why Epsom salt baths are so popular.READ MORE: 10 Signs You May Have a Magnesium Deficiency‌Why we need magnesiumWhat’s so special about magnesium? Well, it takes on several important roles in the body. It helps regulate enzymes, reduces inflammation, supports muscle and nerve function, helps the body flush out toxins and much more. You may have written it off as something collecting dust in your grandparents’ bathroom closet, but Epsom salt has a number of practical – and effective – uses. Stock up on it to reap the benefits:1. It exfoliates skin“People use it as an exfoliator, a blackhead reduction [method], and a standard facial cleanser,” says Andrew C. Krakowski, a dermatologist. That’s because unlike a lot of exfoliators on the market, Epsom salt isn’t made up of plastic. “It provides gentle abrasion and then dissolves into your tub or shower,” says Hill.2. It pumps up puny strandsHills says Epsom salt can also be used as a hair volumiser since it’s great at removing gunk. “It will definitely give hair more body,” he says.How to use it: mix equal parts Epsom salt and conditioner, massage into your hair, and let it sit for 10 to 15 minutes before rinsing out. You can also use Epsom salt to create a paste that will eliminate dead skin on your scalp if you’re plagued by itching.3. It temporarily reduces bloatYep, soaking in an Epsom salt bath can be a quick fix for temporarily reducing water weight, says Sabrina Sarabella, certified personal trainer. The reason: The sulphate ions pull toxins and water out of your system. (Word is Amanda Seyfried has used this trick to squeeze into a red carpet dress.)The best bath recipe: Add ½ cup of Epsom salt to your bath for every 25kgs of body weight, says chiropractor David Jockers.Get the benefits of Epsom salts with these products

      This food-grade bag is natural and multi-purpose.

      This lavender-scented bath bomb helps relax the body and mind.

      This vitamin-enriched Epsom salt also has shea to moisturise.

      4. Epsom salt soothes sore muscles“If you have a sprained ankle or are just in pain, it can help drain out toxins or [reduce] inflammation,” says Jockers. He even points out that it can decrease pain during the early stages of labour. So fill up your tub!5. It relaxes the mindJockers recommends that his clients regularly turn electronics off, throw on some music, lower the lights, and soak in the tub in an Epsom salt bath. “It’s a really awesome practice to be doing on a regular basis,” he says. “It’s really good for relaxation.” One study found that the magnesium in Epsom salt helps to lower cortisol, the stress hormone.READ MORE: Here’s How To Actually Practise Mindfulness And Unlock Inner Peace6. Improves Your Bone HealthBecause Epsom salt has magnesium, taking a bath in the product allows users to absorb the element, which can help with bone health, says Sarabella. “Many people think that consuming calcium through dairy products is [the most important thing for bone health],” she says. “But that’s untrue. You need magnesium.”7. It could boost happinessMagnesium helps produce serotonin, the happy hormone that’s key for good mood. It also affects the binding of serotonin receptors, enhancing its transmission. Some studies suggest that Epsom salt, because of its high magnesium content, can benefit your mood. A perfect pre-bedtime routine.‌8. It treats constipationMagnesium is very useful in alleviating constipation because it draws water into the colon, stretching the intestines and helps move things along.How to use it: mix two to six teaspoons of Epsom salt with 250ml (one cup) of water and drink it. Make sure to use edible Epsom salt and not the kind with added essential oils for baths. Also, make sure to not use it for more than a week. Avoid if you have kidney conditions, stomach pain, nausea or vomiting.Soaking feet in a mixture of warm water and Epsom salts for ten minutes has been shown to neutralize odour, soften rough skin and even relieve the symptoms of athlete’s foot.10. It helps remove splintersGot a splinter or something stuck under your skin? Soak the area in a bowl of Epsom salt water to draw it out.11. It cleans tiles and other surfacesGet your bathroom and kitchen sparkly clean by mixing equal parts Epsom salt and dishwashing detergent and use as a scrub on tiles and other surfaces with stubborn stains.READ MORE: These Unusual PMS Symptom Treatments Actually Work – Minus Painkillers‌12. It can fertilise plantsPlants rely on magnesium and sulphur in the soil to stay in good health and flourish. Sprinkle Epsom salts over the plant soil weekly to nourish flowers, veggies and houseplants.When to *not* use Epsom saltThough there is information floating around out there about the possibility of using Epsom salt for an internal cleanse, Krakowski warns against it, stating that many outrageous claims about the product should be “taken with a grain of salt” – pun intended. “Do not confuse this product with something that you would want to use internally [by ingesting it],” he says. “You will get into trouble doing that.” Noted. More

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      7 Signs You’re At Risk For Gum Disease – And What To Do

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      Fact: gum disease is super common. In fact, per the South African government, around 90% of us experience it at some point. The only other thing more common? A cold. But it’s also risky. That’s because gum disease is mostly not noticeable – and research has linked the problem to a range of serious health issues. Alzheimer’s, heart disease, infertility and even cancer. Here’s how to dodge the danger. What are the symptoms of gum disease? According to Dirna Grobbelaar, oral hygiene advisor for Ivohealth and a member of the Oral Hygienists Association of South Africa (OHASA), most people don’t realise they have gum disease. Visible signs include redness, swelling or bleeding gums. “Bleeding gums are never normal,” she says. “You may attribute bleeding gums to using the wrong brush or floss; in most cases, bleeding gums indicate gingivitis, the early form of gum disease.”Fortunately, gingivitis can be treated and is reversible. If untreated, it can develop into a more serious form of gum disease – periodontitis – which can lead to bone and tooth loss. “Gum disease is best prevented and the earlier you intervene the better,” says Grobbelaar.Can you be at risk of gum disease? Bummer: yes you can. Genetics play a role, as does dry mouth and diabetes. But your habits can also contribute to a higher risk of yucky bacterial growth and unhealthy gums. Here, some signs you’re putting your oral health at risk – besides smoking or vaping. You brush too hard Maybe not a precursor for gum disease per se, but “aggressive brushing can cause gum recession,” says Grobbelaar. Your fix: use a soft-bristled brush or one that snaps back when you apply too much pressure. Or, think of it this way: your teeth are not your enemy. You skip flossing We’ve all been guilty of it – but making it a habit puts you at risk. Plaque and food debris love to hide between teeth where brushing cannot reach. If you don’t floss, it builds up and irritates the gums, potentially causing gingivitis.You should be brushing twice a day for at least two minutes – 15 seconds per quadrant. Then, a daily floss is in order. If you can’t stand the strand kind, get a water flosser or interdental brush pick – see those below. READ MORE: Are Wellness Shots With Turmeric, Ginger, Or ACV Actually Good For You? A Dietician Weighs InYou’re brushing like a see-sawGood brush technique gets to the far back of the mouth and uses small, circular motions. “Incorrect brushing can damage the gums or leave plaque behind,” explains Grobbelaar. You ignore bleeding gums Per experts, bleeding gums are never normal – and is usually a sign of gum disease, Grobbelaar says. “If you see red when you brush or floss, follow a meticulous oral hygiene routine for a week,” says Grobbelaar (details below). “If it continues, consult a dental professional.” More scary stuff: “If untreated, bleeding gums can lead to more serious problems including periodontitis, tooth loss, cardiovascular disease and pregnancy complications,” says Grobbelaar. “It is also more expensive to treat gum disease at an advanced stage.”You use alcohol-based mouthwashes Weird but true! “Alcohol dries out the mouth, which can lead to gum problems,” says Grobbelaar. “Opt for alcohol-free options.” You skip the dentist Set up an auto-alert every six months for the dentist – and actually stick to it. “Regular dental check-ups allow your dentist to spot issues before you can,” says Grobbelaar. What’s more, even with your good routine, pesky plague and troublesome bacteria still need to be professionally cleaned. Excitingly, it no longer has to be painful. EMS Guided Biofilm Therapy® is a new treatment to clean the mouth – and it’s gentler, more comfortable and more effective. Find a practitioner for it here. You’re not replacing your brush heads Another thing to schedule, maybe: an old brush can’t clean well, which can lead to… you guessed – gum disease. And, the longer you have it, the more mould it can grow, which can make you sick. It also collects more bacteria over time, which could lead to a dental infection. Replace the brush every three months – or sooner, if it starts looking worn out or dirty. You have hormones Ah, another wonderful side-effect of being a woman. “Pregnancy, menopause, and menstruation can make gums more sensitive and prone to disease,” says Grobbelaar. While that’s certainly not something you can blame yourself for, take the time to pay special attention to your teeth during this time. READ MORE: Manual vs Electric Toothbrushes: Which Is Better?How to treat gum disease at homeIf you have the early signs of gum disease, follow these steps every day for a week. If things don’t resolve, see a dentist. Brush twice a dayAnd brush for two minutes every time. Use a soft-bristled brush, and make it a small head that can get to tricky spaces more easily. Ordo Sonic+ Toothbrush

      Not only us it pretty, it also has four brush modes, 40 000 sonic pulses per minute and does the job well.

      Oral B IO Series 3 Electric Toothbrush

      This brush even monitors your brushing, featuring a pressure sensor, interactive display and gum protection.

      Balene Toothbrush

      Made for anyone with mobility issues, this brush has a dual-sided head that brushes inside and out and rotates 180°.

      READ MORE: 11 Ways To Get More Energy When You’re Feeling TiredGet flossing These get in between your teeth to remove stuck bacteria. Pomafloss Portable Water Flosser

      This nifty water flosser is perfect for sensitive teeth and makes flossing way easier.

      GUM Soft-Picks PRO

      These picks are part brush, part toothpick and all plague-busting, making cleaner teeth.

      White Glo Tight Fit Toothpicks

      These handy picks easily slide between each tooth to scrape off debris and is mint-infused.

      Use the right mouthwash These alcohol-free formulas won’t dry out your mouth and are friendly to sensitive gums. GUM Paroex Intensive Action

      This alcohol-free rinse helps restore gum health, especially before or after oral surgery.

      Faithful To Nature Mouthwash

      Made with natural materials, this minty, cooling wash banishes bacteria and plaque build-up.

      Listerine Total Care Mild Mouthwash

      Also alcohol-free, this milder wash maintains healthy, strong teeth and gums.

      Test your gum health Ivohealth has a nifty quiz that gauges your gum sitch from just a few questions. Take the #HealthyGUMCheck to quickly assess your gum health, discover early indicators of disease and receive expert advice from a trusted oral health professional. Try it out here. Women’s Health participates in various affiliate marketing programmes, which means we may get commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. More

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      Adult Bullying Often Goes Overlooked—Here’s How To Spot It And Shut It Down

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      When you think of bullying, high school drama might immediately come to mind: Perhaps you picture the girls you thought were your friends passing mean notes about you in class, or you replay the scene where Johnny Lawrence beats up Daniel LaRusso in the O.G. Karate Kid movie. Unfortunately, bullies don’t magically disappear on graduation day—many of them continue these habits through adult bullying.Causes Of BullyingBullies—both as children and adults—feel a need to dominate others for their own personal gain or satisfaction and can cause serious harm to their victims, says Bill Eddy. However, bullying has nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the bully themselves, as they often have low confidence that causes them to behave this way, says Eddy. Perhaps the bully themself was abused from an early age and consequently, learned that bullying was the best way to handle conflict, he adds.Too much praiseOn the flip side, bullying can also stem from too much positive reinforcement. Someone who was overly praised as a child by their parents and their community “to the point where they think they can get away with injuring others” can easily become a bully, Eddy says. Because they’ve been told they can do no wrong, they might have a “my way or the highway attitude,” and anyone who doesn’t agree with them faces the consequences.Mental illnessAnother cause might be that the bully is genetically predisposed to a mental illness like narcissism, which can cause a lack of empathy, says Eddy. However, there’s a range of how severe the behaviour is. Similarly, those with borderline personality disorder often do have empathy but sometimes experience mood swings and anger that can cause them to bully others. However, just because someone struggles with narcissism or borderline personality disorder doesn’t automatically make them a bully, he adds.Bullying takes many formsBut while bullies may not mature with age, their methods evolve from typical school lunchroom drama. Experts say adult bullying takes many forms, such as unwanted touching, rumour spreading, insulting someone, yelling and online harassment, including sending threatening emails or texts. In fact, the existence of adult bullying and the profound impact it can have on victims is particularly troubling now since cyberbullies and trolls run rampant online, Eddy says.What’s more: Victims of work-related bullying can actually develop health-related issues as a result, according to research in Personality and Individual Differences. Bullying can wreak havoc on a person’s confidence, causing them to suffer from mental and physical problems like anxiety, depression, headaches, gastrointestinal problems and suicidal ideation, says Eddy. Victims are also sometimes driven to concerning behaviours, like binge drinking and eating, and overall, may feel disengaged from their life and the world around them, adds Roberta Fida, who co-wrote the study.While you’re likely bound to run into an adult bully now and again—that’s life—you don’t have to live in fear of mean comments from a frenemy or unfair office politics. Here’s how to identify all the different types of adult bullying and how to handle it in the workplace and beyond.READ MORE: People Pleasing Can Have Some Harmful Mental Health Effects — Experts Say This Is How To StopAdult bullying can take many forms.Adult bullying sometimes looks like outright yelling at someone or physically harming them, which are common behaviours in perpetrators of domestic violence, says Eddy. But it can also be more covert, like leaving someone off an important email thread at work.Here are the five main types of adult bullies:CyberbullyAs the name suggests, a cyberbully creates negative posts about another person or engages in “trolling” or other harmful behaviour online, says Eddy. This type of bully might comment rude things on someone’s post repeatedly, send someone direct messages full of insults, screenshot and share private text messages, or spread intimate photos. However, cyberbullies can also engage in more passive-aggressive behaviours, like leaving someone off a text chain with friends.While it may seem like there are more online trolls than ever in 2024, that’s actually not the case, according to Eddy. It’s just that “the small percent of people who are bullies are much louder and they feel free to bully,” he says. Plus, bullies are especially motivated when they’re anonymous, because they feel they can get away with it—cyberbullying lacks the face-to-face element of IRL bullying, which means people can be bolder online, safely hidden behind their screen.Verbal BullyThis bully uses words to shame, insult and distress their victim. They always have a critique or negative comment to say, sometimes even making snide remarks about your appearance, says Julie Robinson.This is the person who walks into their office meeting saying, “Someone smells in here,” alluding to their victim, she says. Even though the bully isn’t actually saying anything directly, this can still cause the victim to feel self-conscious. “They do this to undermine the confidence of the individual,” she says.Physical BullyThis type of bully uses their physical presence to threaten victims, says Robinson, and they can be extremely dangerous. Their behaviour can show up as physical abuse with a romantic partner, family member, or friend, such as hitting, pushing, hair pulling, or even sexual coercion or assault. But it can also be more subtle, like coming up behind a coworker and touching their shoulders or constantly bumping into someone in the hall on purpose to annoy them, says Robinson.Material BullyThis bully tries to withhold or take something from their victim. Maybe your boss doesn’t pay you on time or a coworker takes your favourite pen, your lunch, or even an idea or client at work, while your roommate steals your clothes or money at home, says Robinson.Passive Aggressive BullyThe passive-aggressive bully can be challenging to spot, as they generally try to stay under the radar, says Robinson. They use underhanded remarks to intimidate victims and break down their confidence. The behaviour may seem innocent to others, but it has malicious intentions, says Robinson. At work, maybe someone comes into the office and makes a comment about how another co-worker always seems to be having so much fun and not working. The passive-aggressive bully can also be the friend who always seems to “forget” to invite you to the group plans or add you to group chats.There are several ways to deal with bullying.VictimIf you are being bullied, hang in there—it can be challenging to deal with, but fortunately, there are many ways to find relief.Go to therapy. Talking to a professional is extremely important for victims because it can help you build your confidence and learn self-care techniques to help fill your cup, says Eddy. Through therapy, victims can also work on strategies to deal with their bully, Robinson adds.Use non-violent communication. By being calm and non-violent with your bully, you decrease the chances that they’ll become defensive. Try “I am” statements: If you have a workplace bully who frequently stands over your desk and makes passive-aggressive comments about whether you’re capable of hitting deadlines, for example, say, “I feel uncomfortable when you stand over my desk and make these comments, and I would like to talk through a solution for this,” Robinson suggests.

      Document the events. “It is important for targets to keep track of what happened and if there are witnesses,” says Fida. This is especially helpful in case you need to file a workplace bullying complaint with your Human Resources (HR) department. The more evidence—like screenshotting text messages or emails to yourself or even typing up notes (and marking the date and time) after interactions—the better position you’ll be in later on to file the complaint, adds Robinson.

      Leave the situation. If you are a victim of domestic violence and/or physical bullying, removing yourself from the situation as soon as possible is critical. That way, you’ll get out before the situation escalates further. If you’re in a toxic work environment that is not being adequately remediated, consider applying to jobs elsewhere, adds Robinson. While, of course, you shouldn’t have to leave a job that makes you happy (outside of these bullying interactions) and want to make a financially-sound decision, keep your mental health in mind and consider how it would feel to have this burden lifted.READ MORE: Here’s How To Actually Practise Mindfulness And Unlock Inner PeaceBystanderBystanders have the most power in bullying situations because they can diffuse what’s happening and provide support to the victim, says Eddy. Some tips from the experts:Speak up. If you witness bullying, pull the bully aside to separate them from the person and ask them if they intended to come off as harsh, says Eddy. Keeping the conversation light rather than accusatory can prevent the situation from getting worse, Eddy says. Additionally, bystanders of workplace harassment can also speak to HR and file a complaint detailing what they saw, says Fida.

      Talk to the victim. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking up in the moment because of work politics, family dynamics, or something else, try reaching out to the victim one-on-one, says Robinson. This can help the person feel supported and less alone, which can ease some of the mental and physical strain of bullying. You can tell them you are sorry that they are being bullied and validate how they are feeling, letting them know you see the behaviour too.

      Document what is happening. While it is important for the victim to record details of their own, any additional information the bystander can provide will only strengthen their complaint. If you are witness to something that made you feel uncomfortable or was out of line, even if you weren’t directly targeted, write down the facts of the event, including what happened and when. If the victim decides to file a complaint, you will be well-equipped to back them up.BullyIf you find yourself harming others physically or emotionally, here are some strategies you can use to find out why and then stop:Seek therapy. The challenging thing about bullies is that they don’t often take accountability or even acknowledge their wrongdoing. Therapy can help them develop these skills, in addition to identifying the root cause of their toxic behaviour and working to correct it, says Eddy.Take a deep breath. Deep breathing can have a bigger impact than you might think—it can help diffuse a situation and bring a person’s nervous system back to centre, says Robinson. If you find that you are very reactive or behaving in a way you don’t like, try to slow down, breathe and then address the situation later when you’re feeling a bit more level-headed, she adds.

      Walk away. If you find yourself engaging in harmful behaviour, remove yourself from the situation, the experts say. While it can be difficult to have the self-awareness to do so, it is an incredibly powerful move that will calm the situation immediately.Unfortunately, adult bullying may always exist, but so do the strategies to shut down this harmful behaviour.Meet the Experts: Bill Eddy, LCSW, is the co-founder of High Conflict Institute and the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies. Roberta Fida, PhD, is a professor at Aston Business School in Birmingham, England. Julie Robinson, PsyD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and president of Las Vegas Therapy Center.This article written by Jacqueline Tempera first appeared on Women’s Health US. More

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      These Unusual PMS Symptom Treatments Actually Work – Minus Painkillers

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      If you’re like most people with ovaries on earth, you have a hate-hate relationship with PMS. Seriously, what’s to like about premenstrual syndrome, with its ugly calling cards: mood swings, bloating, uncontrollable food cravings and irrational crying fits? The worst part? We’ve mostly been taught that PMS symptom treatments start with hot water bottles and chocolate and end with a heavy dose of painkillers. No longer! We’ve scoured the science, and as it turns out, we can do so many things to make those PMS symptoms so much less painful. What are PMS symptoms? All told, the condition describes a collection of more than 150 symptoms that can strike the week before your period due to an imbalance of oestrogen and progesterone levels. Factors such as stress, insufficient sleep and unhealthy eating compound the hormonal plunge, says hormone researcher Lorraine Pintus, author of Jump Off The Hormone Swing. The most common PMS symptoms include:Mood swings

      Feelings of depression or irritation and anxiety

      Tiredness or trouble sleeping or feeling extra fatigued

      Bloating or cramping – or both

      Tender breasts

      Headaches or migraines

      Acne

      Changes in appetiteThe good news? PMS symptom treatments exist that don’t involve a raid of the medicine cabinet. No matter your symptoms, you may be able to find a fix with these alternative therapies.READ MORE: PCOS Diet Plan: The Best Foods To Eat (And Limit) When You Have PCOS, According To ExpertsPMS symptom treatmentsThe right vitamins BEST FOR: mood swings, sore breasts, cramps, headaches, acneIntroducing the new premenstrual superstars: vitamin E and essential fatty acids, according to a study in Reproductive Health. Women who swallowed the two every day for six months saw major PMS improvements, possibly because both nutrients interact with prostaglandin receptors (prostaglandins are the hormones believed to cause fierce cramps). What to look for: A daily multivitamin should supply you with the 15mg of vitamin E you need and you can pop a daily fish oil capsule to get your fatty acids. Vitamin B6, magnesium and calcium – the mineral you get from a diet full of leafy greens, almonds and yoghurt – may help prevent several PMS symptoms, according to Dr Erika Coertzen, a Limpopo-based integrative medical doctor and homoeopath. Aim for about 1 300mg of calcium a day.READ MORE: Your Most Urgent ‘Down There’ Questions Answered By ExpertsAcupunctureBEST FOR: cramps, anxiety, insomnia, headaches, nauseaFinally, a prick you can love. Research shows acupuncture is a brilliant PMS symptom treatment. One study found that acupuncture quelled symptoms in 78 percent of women.Though Western doctors still don’t quite understand how it works, they believe acupuncture may increase circulation and elevate endorphins, which enhance mood and alleviate pain. A 2018 study remarks that it works on a variety of inflammatory markers, which may ease pain. Most women experience PMS relief within 24 hours after a session, so depending on your reaction, you could get treated once a month in the week before your period.Progesterone CreamBEST FOR: mood swings, cramps, anxiety, insomniaBecause researchers believe most premenstrual troubles stem from out-of-balance oestrogen and progesterone levels, many treatments aim to restore that equilibrium (one reason birth control pills are often prescribed for PMS).Using a natural progesterone cream – applied daily to your inner thighs or lower abdomen before your period – can have a similar effect, says integrative and functional medical practitioner Dr Frank Lipman. Although a few forms – such as Solal – are available OTC at pharmacies, you should consult your doctor before using them. WH advisor Dr Tamlyn McKeag recommends a combination of evening primrose oil, vitamins and minerals, or the herbal pill Agnucaston instead.HerbsBEST FOR: mood swings, sore breasts, cramps, bloatingScience suggests the leafy stuff might lighten your PMS load. The chaste tree berry has been the go-to plant for easing women’s gynaecological complaints for more than 2000 years. It may help stimulate and regulate different hormones. Added to that, it can increase natural progesterone in the second half of your cycle, says Coertzen. This may seriously improve your bloating, irritability and achy-boob symptoms. Evening primrose oil, high in the essential fatty acid GLA, is also often used to soothe breast tenderness.Dong quai, liquorice and wild yam may help alleviate migraines, cramps and bloating. And, valerian root and St John’s wort may calm your moods. (Be sure to check with your GP before beginning any regimen.) These hormone-balancing supps, when taken regularly, could work to ease your PMS symptoms, since they contain these herbs:KIKO Vitals Hormone Balance

      This supp, with chaste berry, magnesium and ashwagandha, is used for irregular periods, PMS and even PCOS.

      Zoie Health Cycle Calm

      Carefully constructed by experts, this supplement eases your flow with chase berry, L-Theanine and artemisia herb to regulate periods.

      Vitamin Me PMS Support

      Formulated specifically for PMS, this blend, with St John’s Wort and other herbal extracts, works to alleviate PMS and regulate hormonal function.

      Sweating and stretchingBEST FOR: mood swings, cramps, anxiety, headaches, back painDon’t snigger. Mild forms of exercise can be a potent PMS symptom treatment, says Tegan Burger, owner of Joburg-based Ubuntu Yoga. Working out releases painkilling endorphins and triggers dopamine (the pleasure hormone) and serotonin (a depression and anxiety fighter).Yoga’s breathing exercises also help eliminate moodiness, says Burger, who recommends regular practice (starting twice a week) for long-term benefits. When PMS strikes, try poses like triangle and reclining goddess to open the hips. Do twisting postures like half spinal twist to ease lower back pain. Gland-stimulating poses such as cobra, bow, boat and bridge will also help. Avoid inversions during the heaviest part of your period.READ MORE: Soothe Your PMS Symptoms With This 15-Minute Yoga WorkoutNatural diureticsBEST FOR: bloatingFluid retention, a particularly unsightly PMS signature symptom (“Um, these pants fitted last week!”), builds up as a result of fluctuating hormones. It can make you feel like overstuffed wors. Eastern doctors have believed for centuries that nutrients such as potassium, calcium, magnesium and vitamins B and C act as natural diuretics, relieving big-time bloat.Western docs have recently caught on, advising patients to snack on bananas, fennel, tomatoes, celery, watercress and citrus fruits pre-period. And think twice before you reach for your morning latte or a diet cool drink to get things, um, moving. Research shows that while caffeine might be able to slash fluid retention to potentially bring down bloating, it can also heighten anxiety.DIY massageBEST FOR: cramps, headaches, bloatingSelf-massage can lessen your pre-period woes, as any kind of rubdown increases blood flow and eases muscle and mental tension. Some of the essential oils used in massage also make a difference, including lavender (a muscle relaxer) and geranium (an oestrogen balancer) but it’s important to dilute them before applying to your skin.Use several drops of one type of oil in a handful of massage lotion and start on your right side above your groin, massaging up to your waist in a clockwise motion. “Always massage in a clockwise direction around the abdominal area as digestion takes place from left to right,” says Cape Town massage therapist Lisa Roese, who also recommends massaging your lower back. Do it for five minutes twice a day during peak PMS time.Magnetic therapyBEST FOR: sore breasts, cramps, bloating, acneDoctors have used pulsed electromagnetic field therapy (PEMF) to relieve depression and chronic pain, and now it seems magnets can also do wonders as a PMS symptom treatment. In a study, women who wore magnetic devices attached to the sides of their underwear two days before and during their periods saw their symptoms improve significantly. In fact, a subsequent survey found that when some women used the magnets for a year or more, they continued to experience pain relief.This story first appeared in WomensHealthmag.com and was written by Stacey Baker. Additional reporting and product recommendations by the Women’s Health SA team. More

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      Here’s How A High-Fibre Diet Can Improve Your Digestion And Gut Health, According To Nutritionists

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      It’s no secret that fibre supplements are making a major comeback these days. From gummies and capsules to psyllium husk to help your gut health, there are plenty of products on the market these days to aid digestion, ease constipation and help you stay fuller for longer. When it comes to good nutrition, experts say you shouldn’t sleep on a high-fibre diet—but before shopping for supps, it may help to stock up on fibre-rich foods first.

      Consuming more fibre in your diet has many health benefits, says dietician Deborah Cohen. Because fibre is typically found in plant-based foods, consuming more of those tends to be good for your overall health, she says. Fibre also helps your intestinal tract function optimally and plays an important role in preventing metabolic diseases, according to a 2022 study in Nutrients.

      So, what does a high-fibre diet involve and can it really help your gut health? Ahead, dieticians break down what fibre is, how much you need and simple ways to work more into your diet.

      Meet the experts: Vanessa Rissetto, RD, is a dietician and the CEO and co-founder of Culina Health. Deborah Cohen, DCN, RDN, is an associate professor in the Department of Clinical and Preventive Nutrition Science at Rutgers University. Nutritionist Karen Ansel, RDN, is author of Healthy in a Hurry.

      What is fibre and how much do you need?

      Fibre is a nutrient that comes from the food you eat and is an essential part of a healthy diet, according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH). The current recommendation for daily fibre intake is 14 grams for every 1,000 calories per day—about 25 grams for women and 38 grams for men, according to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. That said, most adults need about 25 to 30 grams of fibre per day, according to a 2022 review in the National Library of Medicine. “Trouble is, most of us only consume about 10 to 15 grams a day, so almost all of us could use more,” says dietician Karen Ansel, RDN, author of Healthy in a Hurry.

      Here are the different types of fibre to have on your radar:

      Photo by Valeriya Kobzar on Pexels

      Dietary Fibre

      This type is typically found in plants, says dietician Vanessa Rissetto.

      “It’s resistant to digestion in the human small intestine,” she says, meaning that it can’t be broken down and therefore passes through your body undigested.

      Dietary fibre can help keep your hunger and blood sugar in check, per Harvard Health.

      Image by: Wikimedia Commons

      Added Fibre

      Also known as “functional fibre,” this type is added to foods during the manufacturing process, Cohen says.

      “Types of added fibre include beta-glucan soluble fibre, psyllium husk, cellulose, guar gum, pectin, locust bean gum and hydroxyethylcellulose,” she says. “These fibre are either found naturally in foods or made synthetically in a lab and added to foods to increase the fibre content of a food.”

      Added fibre may help with lowering cholesterol and keeping you regular, Ansel says.

      Image by Freepik

      Soluble Fibre

      Soluble fibre interacts with water to create a gel-like substance, Cohen says. It is found in oats, peas, beans, apples, citrus fruits, barley, nuts and many vegetables, per Mount Sinai. It’s also known for its role in lowering cholesterol in the blood, per Cohen.

      Image by Freepik

      Insoluble Fibre

      This form of fibre doesn’t dissolve in water and is found in wheat products (especially wheat bran), quinoa, brown rice, legumes and leafy greens, per Harvard Health.

      “Insoluble fibre works like a broom, moving food through your gut so it’s great for keeping you regular and preventing constipation,” Ansel says.

      READ MORE: Fibre For Weight Loss: How Much Should You Eat? What Nutritionists Recommend

      Benefits Of A High-Fibre Diet

      Here are a few potential perks of going on a high-fibre diet, according to experts.

      More fibre may help lower your cholesterol.

      Foods high in soluble fibre, in particular, may cause at least moderate (0.20-0.40 mmol/L) reductions in LDL cholesterol (the “bad” kind), per a 2021 review in Nutrition, Metabolism and Cardiovascular Diseases. “This gel blocks cholesterol absorption and whisks it out of the body, making it a powerful tool for anyone trying to lower their cholesterol,” Ansel says.

      “Soluble fibre is so effective that consuming five to 10 grams a day has been shown to lower LDL cholesterol by five to 11 points,” she says.

      It supports good gut health.

      Loading up on fibre helps keep you regular (as in, pooping frequently), Cohen says. Keeping things moving also lowers your risk of constipation and diverticulosis, a condition where small pouches form in the lining of the intestine, she says. Fibre-rich diets may help improve your gut microbiome, per a 2022 review in Trends in Food Science and Technology.

      It may lower your risk of certain diseases.

      Getting more fibre in your diet has been associated with a lowered risk of dying from heart disease and cancer, among other serious health conditions, per a study on dietary fibre in The Lancet. High fibre intake is associated with a lower risk of type 2 diabetes, research shows, and it has even been linked to a lower risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer, per a 2020 study.

      It helps you to feel full and may help with weight loss.

      “Fibre promotes satiety and helps us feel full,” Cohen says. This is because fibre helps stimulate signals from the gastrointestinal tract to parts of the brain involved in appetite regulation, according to a 2024 review in Critical Reviews in Food Science and Nutrition.

      In addition to staying fuller for longer, if you’re trying to lose weight, increasing your fibre intake may be beneficial. In a recent 16-week study of 4,477 participants in the U.S., 62.5 percent of people who participated in a plant-based, fibre-rich eating program reported weight loss (about 3.2 kilograms on average).

      Potential Risks Of A High-Fibre Diet

      “Adults—typically those who are vegans or following a raw food diet—could run into problems with too much fibre or if they increase their fibre intake too quickly,” Cohen says. Having more than 40 grams a day is usually too much for people, leading to uncomfortable symptoms like bloating, gas, feeling really full, cramps, diarrhea, constipation and nausea, she says.

      This also means that having a high-fibre diet may not be ideal for people with certain bowel diseases. In fact, a low-fibre diet may be recommended for people with inflammatory bowel disease (IBS) during a flare, per Mount Sinai. If you’re upping your fibre intake, be sure to drink plenty of water to avoid constipation.

      Additionally, having too much fibre may also cause nutrient deficiencies of calcium, iron and zinc, Cohen says. “Fibre binds to these nutrients and prevents their absorption,” she says. If you suspect you may have a nutrient deficiency, consult your healthcare provider about lab tests and the best next steps.

      READ MORE: PCOS Diet Plan: The Best Foods To Eat (And Limit) When You Have PCOS, According To Experts

      General Guidelines For A High-Fibre Diet

      “If you’d like to increase your fibre intake, start with small servings of fibre-rich foods to give your digestive system time to adjust,” Ansel says. This may mean sprinkling a few tablespoons of canned black beans on top of tacos before amping up to having a mixture of half beef and half beans. “Once that feels comfortable, skip the beef and try a taco made entirely with beans,” Ansel says.

      It’s a good idea to drink plenty of water when you’re having lots of fibre, since fibre binds to water, she says. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting constipated or bloated.

      Fibre supplements can be one way to increase your intake of the nutrient, but Cohen doesn’t recommend going this route if you can help it. “Taking a fibre supplement does not make up for a diet that is low in fruits, veggies and whole grains, or high in ultra processed food,” Cohen says. “Most published research on the health benefits of fibre were conducted in populations who consume foods high in fibre and not just supplements with fibre.”

      The bottom line: If you’re looking to increase your fibre intake, start slow. Listen to your body and gradually increase things up from there.

      This article written by Korin Miller first appeared on Women’s Health US. More

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      Queen Modjadji’s Breakout Star Masutang Rasekele On Life, Wellness And Finally Living Her Dream

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      There’s been a lot of curiosity around new kid on the block Masutang Hope Rasekele, who recently made her acting debut on Queen Modjadji, a new Mzansi Magic series that has had South Africans talking since its premiere on Sunday, 14 July. Delivered purely in Khelovedu, an indigenous South African language, the show is a celebration of the life and times of the legendary rainmaking Queen Modjadji of the Balobedu nation, whose story hasn’t been documented enough to date.

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      On the show, Masutang plays Dzugudini, a role she admits she got purely by being ‘at the right place at the right time’. Initially hired as a language and cultural advisor on Queen Modjadji, Masutang was recommended by a fellow crew member when the show’s ‘powers that be’ were specifically looking for an actress fluent in Khelovedu to play the fierce and controversial Princess Dzugudini. Below, the 26-year-old breakout star lets us in on her wellness practices.

      READ MORE: Food, Fitness & Family: How Zinhle Masango Juggles It All

      Best way to start your mornings…

      “I love ushering in my mornings with absolute silence. No phone, nothing – just meditating and gathering my thoughts from the previous day and deciding how I want to proceed with the new day, the kind of energy that I want to pour into the day and lots of positive affirmations. This practice of gathering my mind, body and soul in one space usually gets me into a good mental space, especially on days when I have lots of tasks ahead of me. All of this is usually sealed with a cup of tea at the end.”

      My name means…

      “Masutang (or Mmasutdani as I prefer to spell it), means ‘make way for me’. I was born on 24 May 1998, the same day on which my great grandmother passed on. My family believed that she made way for me to arrive safely in this lifetime. So, there is the Home Affairs spelling of my name, which is Masutang. ‘Mmasutdani’ is just me trying to reclaim the real spelling of my name, especially because Khelovedu is not an official language in South Africa. The latter spelling captures the true sound of my name.”

      Wellness routine that works best for your lifestyle 

      “I usually don’t have time to go to the gym. I stay active by dancing, stretching and walking wherever possible to get those steps in. I also meditate a lot and love spending time in absolute silence – it’s literally the only time I get to evaluate the state of my mental health. I also journal a lot, I find that it elevates my mood.”

      Lessons from the last book I read 

      “It’s a book called Zwireto by Makhwekhwe Volume 1, written by an old Bolobedu-based lady called Makhwekhwe. She documents the different idioms and proverbs used in Khelovedu. This is the best purchase I’ve ever made because we seldom have material that is aimed at preserving languages and cultures. Language is a huge part of anyone’s identity. Having a book written in Khelovedu and aimed at preserving my language is the best thing that I’ve come across – and I absolutely love it.”

      READ MORE: This Cape Malay Stuffed Linefish Is Simple And Delicious

      My favourite go-to breakfast

      Molatša (leftover pap) with hot eggs. The eggs must be extremely well done, please! [chuckles]

      How I nourish my body

      “I could definitely do better in this area of my life. I love to prep for salads and could have them any time of the day. I follow someone who does what’s called ‘salad chemistry’ which has inspired me to incorporate a lot of fresh foods in my own creations. I also drink a lot of sparkling water — I don’t know if sparkling water is healthy enough though?! [chuckles]. I also believe that nourishing the body alone isn’t enough. So, I also make an effort to be gentle with, and speak positively to, myself. I’m also very particular with what I surround myself with.”

      Best wellness advice I have received

      “It’s the very common phrase: ‘Your health is your wealth’. I can’t think of any truer statement. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely reap the rewards in the end. This includes listening to my body when it’s had enough, that way I’m able to replenish my energy levels and continue with whatever work needs to be done. My work requires good physical and mental health. So, it’s only through taking good care of myself that I’m able to deliver.”

      READ MORE: Advice For Your 20s And 30s: What They Don’t Tell You About Ageing

      The last song that made me cry

      “Bonus by J John The Big Baby & Huzz Beats. Loosely translated, this Tsonga song says ‘we’re not sleeping today because we’ve received a bonus in the form of blessings.’ The song may not make sense or be relevant to some but, for me, it signifies the day my life changed when I bagged my current role on Queen Modjadji. I play this song daily to remind myself how blessed I am. Anyone more qualified could’ve gotten this role, instead I was chosen. The song, in the context of my life story, brings me to tears because I’m finally walking in the direction of the life that I’ve always dreamt of. “

      Best way to end my day

      “I love wrapping up my days by watching something light and funny on TV and debriefing via journalling. The latter allows me to take stock of my emotions and how I responded to certain things throughout the day. I love to laugh and don’t enjoy going to sleep with a heavy heart – so comedy and some self-awareness do the trick for me.” More