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    All the Products and Hacks That Helped Me Enter My Gym Girl Era

    It’s a truth we Swifties know well: life is a series of eras. Alongside my soft girl and dinner party eras, this summer has seen me take on perhaps my most surprising identity yet. With weights and yoga mat in hand, I’ve now entered my gym girlie era.
    Take a quick spin around Instagram or TikTok and you’ll find influencers and friends alike ditching their outdoor jogs or boutique fitness classes for strength training at the gym. Whatever brought you to the habit—whether it be a desire to build strength, meet friends, or empower yourself with something entirely new—the outdated belief that the gym is solely for bros or bodybuilders is over (thank god). We’re hitting the gym in droves, taking our unapologetic mirror selfies without looking back.
    But as anyone who has ever embarked on a fitness journey knows, the path isn’t linear. Instead, it ebbs and flows, moving with the rhythms and patterns of life. And remember, exercise is meant to be enjoyable (endorphins, y’all!). With all of these truths to guide my way, I dove deep into all the joy there is to be found in a solid gym routine. Keep reading for what I’ve learned—through experience and the expertise of fitness trainers—about not just making fitness a habit, but a lifestyle I love. 

    In this article

    The Hacks That Helped Me Build a Gym Routine

    1. I found a workout I’m obsessed with
    I played sports all the way through college. But post-grad, with a new 9-5 schedule, the same activities no longer fit into my life. As any twenty-something would in the late 2010s, I blindly followed what everyone else seemed to be doing on my feeds: SoulCycle, boxing, bootcamp workouts—check, check, and check. But everything I tried felt like a chore. I dragged my feet to every studio and incurred a few late fees after canceling classes an hour before start time.
    So what worked this time? I’m still kicking myself for not realizing it earlier: do the workout you love! It’s a simple truth that applies to almost anything in life—when we enjoy something, we look forward to coming back to it. When I stepped into my gym, it all connected. The music was energizing, the trainer was inspiring, and the low-impact movements were challenging but left me feeling empowered and accomplished. The adage rings true: follow your (fitness) bliss.
    Of course, this may take a little experimentation if you don’t immediately have a workout you love. As Morgan Raphael, the creator behind Self-Care Society and an instructor at the Free People Movement studio in Chicago, reminded me, it’s OK to explore different forms of movement when you’re just starting out. She encourages fitness newbies and those looking to switch things up to “try different workouts to see what feels good and fun for you. And remember, this will be different for everyone.”

    2. I learned to trust my body
    Now that I’d connected with a workout I actually looked forward to, I found myself challenged by a second obstacle: letting go of what I’d been told an effective workout looks like. Over the years, I had internalized the belief that if I wasn’t completely depleted, dripping in sweat, and spending an hour-plus in the gym, then I wasn’t actually exercising. 
    PSA: While going all-in can sometimes be what our body needs, every day looks and feels different. Some days may mean challenging yourself to heavier weights or setting out for a long run. But you can’t—nor should you—go your fastest, hardest, or longest in every workout. Jodie Lyons, an instructor at three Chicago fitness studios: barre3 West Loop, Page One Pilates, and Full Circle Pilates, agreed. “When you’re just starting out, it can be tempting to go all in,” Lyons noted. “But give yourself time to readjust. Don’t go too hard, too fast.” If there’s one thing that truly changed the game when I was first building my gym routine, it’s Lyons’ advice: “Rest days are key.”

    3. I listen to a high-vibe playlist
    I’ve never been one who can work out without music, so it came as no surprise that I found that the experience of going to the gym became all the more fun when I found motivating music. What’s more, I began to see my gym sessions as a hobby when I introduced this creative component. Music makes working out more than a purely physical pursuit. It’s enjoyable to discover new-to-you songs and artists, and I’m often curious about what others listen to as well. I find myself growing and learning alongside building physical strength—and it’s been one of the most game-changing benefits of becoming a self-professed gym girlie.
    Raphael added that it can be fun to introduce new playlists as the seasons change, honoring the natural shifts that may take place in your body and energy throughout the year. “I love making seasonal playlists that capture what I want to feel in my workout,” she said. Raphael pointed me to her “Seratonin” playlist, and the vibes are on point.

    4. I found my workout community
    Fitness isn’t something we have to pursue alone. While our goals may differ, moving our bodies, building strength, and experiencing growth are some of the most rewarding things we can share with others. And thankfully, fitness communities are easier to connect with now more than ever. No matter how niche your interest (Pickleball, anyone?), there will be someone who’s just as dedicated.
    Raphael added that finding a fitness community can introduce a positive accountability element, affirming that you have other people in your life cheering you on. Not sure how to start? A community can be as simple as a friend or partner who you touch base with after your workout. This also gives you the opportunity to reflect on internal measures of success. Ask yourself: How do you feel after that particular workout? Do you feel stronger, more coordinated, or more aligned in your body? Did you learn or experience something new? I’ve found that by asking myself these questions, I reaffirm the positive rewards that can come with working out.

    5. I embrace walking as a workout
    OK yes, this article is about me in my gym girlie era, but a big part of my fitness routine is walking more too. If you haven’t heard, Hot Girl Walks aren’t just a passing trend. We’re all leaning into walking as a sustainable and enjoyable form of exercise. And as I’ve discovered, interspersing my days at the gym with walks outside is one of the best ways to make other wellness-focused friends. Alivia Lee, a fitness instructor and the founder of 54 Wellness, is such a strong proponent of the practice, she even started her own walking group (bonus points for building community from #4). Connection, movement, and a little time outdoors? Walking is a true workout trifecta.

    6. I make myself a priority
    Each of the fitness trainers I spoke with agreed: when you start to think of fitness as a form of self-care, everything shifts for the better. In the past, my workout was often the first thing to go when days got busy. It felt like the easiest way to free up time in my day. But as ditching my workout routine became more of a pattern, I noticed my sleep, emotions, and overall well-being suffered. The advice that helped me make myself a priority was treating my workouts like a meeting. “Even as someone who teaches fitness, I recently took a four-month break from working out,” Lyons admitted [Editor’s Note: see, breaks are OK too!]. “But I put a time block on my calendar four times a week and I treated my workout like a meeting, marked it as a high priority on my calendar, and I showed up for it.”
    Of course, if I was exhausted or my body needed a break, I was more than happy to give myself a rest day. But now, when I’m faced with the decision of attending my yoga class or saying “yes” to another task at work, I remember how good I feel post-workout. Lyons’ words ring true: “When you make that time for yourself, you’re going to have so much more mental space for everything else you do in your day.”

    Shop My Gym Routine Must-Haves
    A big part of my gym girl-era success is cultivating a toolbox of products that keep me feeling motivated or make working out more convenient.

    Workout Equipment
    While I love the energy and environment of hitting the gym, I learned that having some equipment at home or to take with me while traveling (looking at you, booty bands) ensures that I was consistent on days when getting to a gym just isn’t realistic. Also, whether I’m hitting the gym or working out at home, these are my go-to water bottles, yoga mats, and training gloves.

    Workout Apparel
    While I try my best to look to internal factors for motivation, activewear sets that fit my body well make me feel confident, which means I’m more excited and motivated to get to the gym when I put on a good outfit. These are my absolute favorite items that always make me feel good about myself and excited to move my body.

    Snacks and Supplements
    Health will always be holistic, and fitness goes hand in hand with nutrition and how you nourish your body. I rely on supplements to restore electrolytes before a tough workout or protein to help restore muscles, and snacks to pack in my gym bag to give me energy. Below are my favorite picks.

    How To Achieve Your Health Goals This Summer—Without It Affecting Your Fun More

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    5 Motivating Podcast Episodes to Listen to on Your Next Hot Girl Walk

    If there’s one habit that I developed during the pandemic that I will never let go of, it’s the hot-girl-walk-and-podcast combo. No other practice is guaranteed to make me feel as inspired, productive, and–well–hot as prancing around my neighborhood while the sun is shining and a podcast is playing. Whether I’m tuning into a casual, chatty podcast, or taking mental notes from a deep dive with an expert, a great podcast is the key to getting me out the door and moving. Bonus points for hour-long episodes that cause me to wander to a new coffee shop or complete the whole two-mile loop of the park in my neighborhood.
    If you love a stroll-plus-podcast moment as much as I do, we have you covered. On The Everygirl Podcast, we discuss everything from manifestation to finances to pop culture: there’s a little bit of something for every hot girl walker! Without further ado, here are five podcast episodes to inspire your next hot girl walk.

    If you’ve listened to an inspirational, manifestation-related podcast in 2023, chances are you’ve probably heard of Roxie Nafousi. For those who have not, Roxie is a self-development coach, manifestation expert, and author of Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life and Manifest: Dive Deeper. In this episode, Josie gets the scoop on Roxie’s personal background and childhood, how she found manifestation, and an in-depth explanation of her viral steps to manifesting anything you want out of your life. This is the ultimate episode for anyone looking to become their best selves.
    Listen if: You want your hot girl walk to double as a manifestation practice.

    There’s no better time to brush up on health and nutrition than the sunny, motivating summer months, and Nicole Berrie has a wealth of knowledge to share about fueling our bodies properly. This episode covers everything you could possibly want to know about intuitive eating and healing your relationship with food. Plus, Nicole gives Josie a run-down on the how-tos of food combining, which she blends with her intuitive eating in order to optimize gut health. If you want to finish your hot girl walk with new recipe ideas or inspo for dinner tonight, this is the episode for you.
    Listen if: You want to feel your very best this summer.

    To be honest, if I were to ever dare to take my hot girl walk in silence (the horror), the first thing I would start spiraling about is my budget. Enter Tori Dunlap, globally recognized financial expert, founder of Her First $100K, and author of Financial Feminist. Whether you’re looking to get started with long-term saving options, want to know more about investing, or need to get out of debt, Tori has a wealth of knowledge (pun intended). This episode even addresses how to handle your psychological and emotional relationship with money, meaning you’ll definitely end your walk with some journal prompts in mind.
    Listen if: Your best self includes better wealth, abundance, and relationship with your finances.

    Regular listeners of The Everygirl Podcast know: on this podcast, we talk about periods, and we talk about them a lot. This episode, featuring hormone expert and author of Woman Code and In The Flo Alisa Vitti, is our 101 guide on cycle syncing and hormone health. For those who might not know about each stage of the menstrual cycle, the infradian rhythm, or optimizing your lifestyle for peak hormonal health, this episode provides a fantastic and thorough explanation. Alisa shares all of her expert advice on altering your diet, exercise routines, and even your sex and work life to align with your cycle.
    Listen if: You want to biohack your health or understand your body better.

    Ready to kick your physical activity up a notch after a low-impact hot girl walk? This episode, featuring celebrity fitness trainer and The Sculpt Society founder Megan Roup, will totally motivate you to get moving. Josie and Megan chat about Megan’s personal background as a dancer and fitness instructor, how to improve your relationship with fitness, and tips for staying consistent with your workout routine. If you’ve been wanting to infuse your life with all things Sofia Richie (and haven’t we all), then you’re in luck, because the viral star happens to be one of Megan’s top clients. 
    Listen if: You’re sick of your workout routine and want to improve your relationship with exercise. More

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    5 Really Good Wellness Hacks From the World’s Healthiest Country

    The Bloomberg Global Health Index released its 2023 list of the healthiest countries in the world. The country that claimed the #1 spot (and has for many years now)? Spain. FYI, the index looks at metrics such as health risks (tobacco use, high blood pressure, obesity), availability of clean water, average life expectancy, malnutrition, and causes of death to determine its rankings. Because of these factors, more developed countries with access to healthcare and clean water are higher ranked. Yet I still couldn’t help but wonder what else contributes to Spain’s top ranking. As it turns out, there are a lot of reasons why Spain is such a healthy country—from their diet to exercise and mental well-being. Read on for the best wellness tips Spain and its people have to offer.

    1. Eat lots of healthy fats and smaller dishes
    It’s no surprise that diet is a contributing factor to a country’s overall health, and the Spanish diet is made up of many healthy fats and legumes, fruits and vegetables, and less red meat and processed foods. One of their most popular dishes, Paella, is high in omega-3 and protein from the combo of seafood. But aside from Paella, their Mediterranean diet is filled with olive oils, nuts, and fish that are high in healthy fat.
    Spanish cuisine is also made up of tapas (AKA small snacks or small-portioned dishes), which allows for a diverse collection of food that you can graze on and savor. If you’re looking to incorporate some Spanish influence into your diet, try subbing red meat for more seafood and opting for snacks such as fruit, vegetables, nuts, and crackers with hummus instead of packaged foods as a starting point.

    2. Walk everywhere
    Spain’s number one mode of transportation is walking—there’s no denying its beautiful climate helps. Walking not only keeps your muscles strong, but also boosts your vitamin D intake, which is beneficial for cognitive health, cancer prevention, and more. What’s more, traveling by foot also helps produce better air quality with lower emissions from vehicles. And while many cities in the United States aren’t designed for walking everywhere, getting outdoors more—whether going for a stroll around the block or sipping your coffee on your balcony—or in the winter months, walking on a treadmill, can drastically improve overall health.

    3. Make time for social connections every day
    One of my favorite parts about Spanish culture is that they prioritize social connections above all else. While most of us spend mealtimes in front of the TV or while on our phones or computers, the people of Spain see meals as a chance to connect with their friends and family. Instead of rushing through eating, they spend hours chatting with loved ones while savoring every bite. This helps to reduce overeating as well as boost happiness.
    Many countries prioritize working and a successful career above all else, but Spain promotes a more balanced lifestyle, which explains why their mental health is ranked so high. With our busy schedules, eating hour-long meals with friends every day may not be realistic. So instead, make it a point to spend a couple of nights a week socializing over a meal with friends and put all electronics away during meals to ensure mindful eating. 

    4. Spend a lot of time outside
    The Spanish terrain is filled with plenty of greenery and a seaside scape, both of which add to the health of the country. Its vast amount of forest helps keep the air clean and the sea breeze is an aid in reducing pollutants. If you’ve ever wondered why an oceanside city surrounded by nature smells so refreshing and clean, the luscious landscape is to thank.
    When you live in a country with a beautiful setting, you’re naturally going to spend more time outdoors. Between walking everywhere, dining alfresco, working in cafes, and hanging out with friends in the park, the Spanish lifestyle is one designed to be enjoyed outdoors. Taking in fresh air is not only beneficial for your physical health, but also your mental health by reducing stress levels, lowering cortisol, and decreasing muscle tension. Even if you don’t live in an oceanside country like Spain, making it a priority to step outside even once a day can go a long way.

    5. Seriously lower stress levels
    The Spanish people are the epitome of work-life balance and they believe that happiness comes from the little things—whether it be enjoying time with friends and family, cooking a meal with fresh ingredients, or even taking naps in the middle of the day. They don’t let their jobs define them, and instead, they find purpose and passion by focusing on the things they love. In other words, the Spanish lifestyle is relatively free of stress, something not easily attainable in the United States (it’s safe to say most bosses aren’t about to hop on a company-wide nap train).
    Rather than simply daydreaming about a carefree life, implement one small act a day that will help you emulate the Spanish way of life and appreciate the seemingly mundane experiences in your life. Maybe it’s waking up a little earlier to implement a morning routine that brings you joy or working at a coffee shop once a week. The small acts add up and can make for a much calmer, happier week, month, and year.  

    I Ate Like the World’s Happiest Population for a Week, and I Actually Felt Happier More

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    How Armani’s Getting Ahead Of The Global Water Scarcity Crisis

    When water comes out of our taps, we often don’t think about it – until it disappears. But water scarcity is a reality around the world and in South Africa, too. That’s why the Armani Acqua for Life campaign takes steps to address the issue.

    What is the water scarcity situation in South Africa?

    In South Africa, over 3 million people still don’t have access to a basic water supply service. And, only 64 percent of households have access to a reliable water supply. Globally, 1 in 10 people don’t have access to clean water close to home. And without this access, the door is open for contaminated water sources, bringing diseases like cholera and dysentery.  

    What is the Armani Acqua for Life initiative?

    The same year that Armani created Acqua for Life, the United Nations recognised the right to water and sanitation as a human right. Added to that, Armani’s initiative has invested 14 million euros in water projects across 23 countries, which has helped over 590,000 people worldwide. They focus on delivering universal access to drinking water in water-scarce regions. That includes the installation of water points, latrines rainwater collection, water filtering and water purification systems.

    The Armani Acqua for Life initiative took steps in South Africa. They also put up a series of portraits of people who have been positively impacted by the programme. These were displayed at Nirox Sculpture Park in Johannesburg. Through this initiative, Armani aims to raise awareness about water scarcity. Estimates show that by 2025, half of the world’s population could be living in water-stressed areas.

    Raising awareness about water scarcity

    The exhibition unveils authentic and optimistic portraits of people positively impacted by an Acqua for Life project in South Africa. South African artists Justice and Fhatuwani Mukheli – with the help of videographers, Simba, and Wesley Takaedza, shine a light on the concrete impact that Acqua for Life projects have had. The artists went to the Mamburu and Maangane villages, with a series of portraits of those who live there. These portraits illustrate how access to water allows people to flourish, enhancing the intrinsic connection between water and life. More

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    6 Viral Hacks To Make Insanely Healthy (but Delicious) Desserts

    Call me a peanut-butter-dark-chocolate-anything diehard, a cookie-dough fanatic, and a brownie-blondie lover. Let’s just say if there was one food group I could subsist on all day every day, it would be desserts. But because I’m a wellness girlie through and through, you better believe you’ll find “recipes for healthier [enter every sweet you can think of]” among my top Google searches. Needless to say, I’ve done my fair share of homework on how to healthify treats and give them a nutritional boost without sacrificing flavor (you’re welcome).
    Side note: There’s nothing wrong with indulging in a, say, hot fudge sundae in all its rich, decadent glory, but if you’re like me and crave something sweet on the reg, some nutrient-dense additions or ingredient swaps can’t hurt. And while the word “healthy” comes with many connotations (whether good or bad), we’re referring to foods that are not only nourishing, but also mouth-watering, hit the spot, and bring you joy. Without further ado, read on for all the hacks you need to make healthy takes on your fave desserts. Oh, and must-try recipes for healthy desserts are included. Spoiler: You’re going to want to go preheat the oven stat. 
     
    1. Swap oil, butter, or cream for avocado
    Avocados can do no wrong, and being the base of a sweet treat is no exception. Scrap the oil, butter, or cream your typical dessert recipe calls for and let the versatile kitchen staple do its thing. The best part (other than a more moist final product)? Avocados are packed with key nutrients, including heart-healthy monounsaturated fats, fiber, protein, vitamin C, vitamin E, vitamin B6, potassium, magnesium, folate, not to mention antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds. Take that oil, butter, and cream. 
    A general rule of thumb is a 1:1 ratio, so replace one cup of butter with one cup of pureed or well-mashed avocado. FYI, one avocado yields about three-quarters of a cup. And pro tip: According to the The Kitchn, since avocado doesn’t melt the same way butter does, it won’t coat your dry ingredients as well, so to compensate, increase the amount of your wet ingredients or just replace half of the butter with avocados instead.
     
    Recipes To Try
    Avocado Ice Cream
    Avocado Chocolate Mousse
    Dark Chocolate Avocado Truffles

    2. Opt for fruits or other natural substitutes as sweeteners
    While we’re on the topic of nature’s candy (yes, avocado is a fruit), ditch the refined (read: processed) sugar found in traditional desserts and sub in pureed apples, bananas, figs, pumpkin, or dates to deliver a comparable sweetness. Just make sure your fruit of choice complements the flavor of what you’re making. Your taste buds will be none the wiser, and you’ll be loading up on essential vitamins, minerals, and fiber. The cherry on top? The fiber content in fruit slows digestion, so you can say goodbye to that dreaded sugar crash you otherwise would experience with refined sugar. 
    When choosing which sweetener to use, consider this: Apples, bananas, and pumpkin work best in breads, while figs and dates pair well with brownies, cookies, or cakes. Then, there are always the unrefined iterations of sweeteners—maple syrup, honey, coconut sugar—you can count on to sweeten your baked goods. Whichever backup floats your boat, simply replace one cup of sugar with 2/3-1 cup of the alternative sweetener of your choosing and subtract ¼ cup of other liquids in the recipe for every cup of alternative sweetener you add.

    Recipes To Try
    Banana Coconut Oatmeal Cookies
    Lemon Blueberry Snack Cake
    Vegan Chocolate Banana Bread

    3. Sneak in nutrient-dense additions
    “Eat your greens,” they say, and why not by way of a slice of lemon zucchini pound cake, a serving of cauliflower rice pudding, or a helping of red velvet brownies? I don’t have to tell you that vegetables are good for you (hello, fiber, antioxidants, potassium)—nothing beets (get it?) ’em, especially when they’re in baked goods, IMO.
    Next up: legumes, in particular black beans, chickpeas, and white beans (blondies, anyone?). Brimming with fiber, protein, iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc, and folate and exuding a mild flavor and creamy texture, what’s not to love about beans? Plus, they can help balance your blood sugar. Some recipes use beans as a replacement for flour (more on that to come), others as a substitute for butter or oil (avocado, you’ve got some competition). Finally, go nuts for nuts. Almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, pecans, pistachios, walnuts (I could go on and on)—they’re all highly nutritious, and filled with healthy fats, antioxidants, and fiber. Whether you add nuts into or atop your baked goody, you can’t go wrong. 
     
    Recipes To Try
    Carrot and White Bean Vegan Blondies
    Chocolate Lentil Frosting 
    Pecan Pie Bars 
     
    4. Utilize cottage cheese  
    ICYMI, the high-protein, low-glycemic-index, probiotic-rich, and vitamin B-packed dairy food has made a major comeback, and we’re here for it. Cottage cheese’s mild, slightly sweet, and salty flavor makes it an ideal complement to countless dessert recipes without compromising taste. It’s no wonder cottage cheese has become #FoodTok’s latest sensation and TikTokers are transforming it into sweet concoctions that will blow your mind—from pancakes to ice cream to cookie dough. Just beware of any other ingredients such as flavoring, additives, a lot of sodium, or other artificial preservatives present in your cottage cheese product—it can quickly go from a wholesome snack to a not-so-healthy option. If dairy tends to give you digestive drama (ahem, bloating), it may be best to exclude the retro snack from your grocery list. Otherwise, it can be a healthy way to stay satiated and load up on essential nutrients as a substitution in or addition to your beloved confection. 
    If satisfying your sweet tooth while giving yourself a leg up in your daily protein intake, improving your gut health, reducing inflammation, and boosting energy sound too good to be true, don’t take my word for it. Try these cottage cheese creations for yourself:
     
    Recipes To Try
    Banana Cottage Cheese Blender Pancakes
    Cottage Cheese Ice Cream
    Cottage Cheese Cookie Dough
     
    5. Substitute white all-purpose flour for alternatives 
    Step aside white flour, you’re not needed here. Most conventional desserts use refined white flour or enriched wheat flour where grains are stripped of their fiber, iron, and B vitamins. In other words, they don’t provide any nutritional value (sugar isn’t the only culprit that gives baking a bad rap). According to recent research, a diet high in refined grains, such as white flour, poses a similar risk for premature coronary artery disease as a diet full of sugars and oils. Instead, reach for whole wheat, almond, or coconut flour that actually brings something to the table. Whole wheat flour, for example, has 12 grams of fiber in one cup; almond flour is a gluten-free option that’s higher in fat and protein than many of its counterparts; and coconut flour, another gluten-free stand-in, is another rich source of fiber with 28 grams of fiber in a half-cup.
     
    Recipes To Try
    Whole Wheat Cinnamon Rolls
    Almond Flour Chocolate Cupcakes
    Coconut Flour Shortbread Cookies
     
    6. Add protein powder
    Eating the right amount of protein is a must for our muscles and bones to repair and grow. The macronutrient is also a critical part of the processes that fuel your energy, carry oxygen throughout your body, and make antibodies that fight off infections and illnesses. Falling short on your protein goals? TikTok’s protein fluff just might be your answer (it’s got 263.7 million views after all). What exactly is it? Consider it an easy-to-make dessert or post-workout snack chock-full of protein with your go-to protein powder as the star ingredient. Using a blender or food processor, throw in unsweetened plant-based milk, a handful of ice, a scoop of protein powder, and frozen fruit of your choice, and voila!—thick, creamy protein goodness. There are countless other renditions, so knock yourself out on TikTok. 
    For other protein-loaded dessert ideas, add your protein powder to the usual suspects: brownies, ice cream, cookies, pies, you name it. A word to the wise: When selecting a protein powder, look closely at its ingredients—one that’s low in sugar and has zero to minimal added ingredients is *chef’s kiss*.
     
    Recipes To Try
    Strawberry Protein Fluff Bowl
    Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Fluff
    Protein Cheesecake
     

    14 Ways to Eat Healthier Without Going on a Diet More

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    Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful And What To Say Instead

    “You have to keep strong! or ‘Everything happens for a reason!” “Don’t grieve like a non-believer!” or “You need to stop moaning about him, and get over him already!” or “You’re young enough, you will still be able to have more kids!” Let’s pick your brains real quick…What do these five statements have in common? *Drum Roll*

    They are those go-to phrases most people over-rely on during trying times, you might say! Or that, secondly, they discourage the person on the receiving end (or, yourself even!) to process their truest feelings. Or that, they reek of an unrealistic pressure to stay positive even when an incident doesn’t call for it. And don’t get us wrong, we’re not advocating for people to chuck their resilience out the window at the first sign of distress or to romanticise negative emotions.

    But what we’re defs saying is that toxic positivity, as demonstrated in the musings above, tends to be inauthentic and unrealistic at the best of times — even though it may come from a heartfelt place.

    READ MORE: Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

    Read The Room

    By now, the above examples should’ve jogged your memory back to those incidents where someone’s statement left you thinking: ‘What in the name of tone deafness is that?’

    Experts describe toxic positivity as unsolicited pressure to only display positive emotions while dismissing any negative emotions and experiences. It invalidates human experience and can lead to trauma, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

    Over the years, many research studies have found positivity to reduce stress, anxiety and depression, improve coping skills, increase physical wellbeing – including reducing the risk of cardiovascular issues – andeven lengthen your lifespan. However, when positivity turns is forced to the point of it being toxic, the results are considerably different. “Toxic positivity is beyond having a positive approach to life,” explains Dr Jennie Hudson,a professor of clinical psychology.

    “It extends beyond the edges of reality. It is insincere optimism, an extreme positive bias that ignores reality.” It also ignores the negative ramifications, both on those spreading toxic positivity and those on the receiving end.

    Though optimism is a powerful tool, forced positivity isn’t helpful at all. In 2020, researchers at the University of found that “overestimating outcomes was associated with lower well-being than setting realistic outcomes”. Circa 2018, universities of Toronto and California researchers found that people who avoided acknowledging challenging emotions could actually end up feeling worse. Dr Hudson unpacks this, saying: “It is normal to experience painful events, or emotions like anger, sadness and guilt. If we live in a toxically positive environment that doesn’t allow us to experience emotions like anger or sadness, then we are robbed of important life experiences and lessons.” She adds that these emotions have a role in our lives, in childhood development, in our relationships. When we feel angry it is usually because someone has wronged us. When we feel sad it is because we have lost something important. These emotions help to guide us and our choices.

    READ MORE: “Social media had me romanticising my mental illness and put me in a hole”

    Say This Instead

    When it comes to showing support or motivating loved ones, words matter far more than we think. Instead of finding yourself uttering words that will leave people rolling their eyes, life and relationship coach Megan Luscombe offers alternative approaches to “motivational” phrases.

    INSTEAD OF: Look on the bright side 

    RATHER SAY: “Sometimes there isn’t a bright side. I’ll stay with you in the dark for as long as it takes and when you want to turn the light on, I’ll help. “

    INSTEAD OF: Everything happens for a reason 

    RATHER SAY: “I’m sure you feel like you need a reason for this to have happened to make sense of it. What’s the story you’re telling so far? I want to support you.” 

    INSTEAD OF: You’ll get over it

    RATHER SAY: “Instead of thinking you have to get over it, let’s instead start to process it.” 

    INSTEAD OF: It could be worse 

    RATHER SAY: “Your feelings are valid. Don’t minimise your experience.” 

    INSTEAD OF: Never give up 

    RATHER SAY: “It’s OK to sidestep, press pause or even change our minds. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re re-prioritising.” 

    INSTEAD OF:  It is what it is 

    RATHER SAY: “What it is, is something that’s hurt/upset/disappointed you. You’re allowed to feel your feelings instead of dismissing them.” More

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    What Is Insomnia, Exactly? And How Can We Get Better Sleep?

    If sleep is a constant struggle for you (here’s looking at you, doom scrollers), welcome to the club. According to the sleep tracking app Sleep Cycle, South Africans get fewer hours in the hay than any other nation in the world. It also seems that the older you get, the worse your insomnia becomes. Per a 2012 study, people aged 65 and older have higher rates of insomnia.

    Meet The Expert: Dr Alison Bentley is a Restonic Sleep Expert

    So… What is insomnia?

    “It’s easiest to describe insomnia as a reduced quantity of sleep,” Dr Bentley says. “But, to be an insomniac, the reduction in hours of sleep has to cause some kind of problem with daytime function. This could range from poor concentration to memory problems, trouble focusing on tasks and fatigue.”

    She adds that apart from a drop in daytime function, insomnia can have many long-term effects on health, including cardiac issues and metabolic disorders, such as obesity and diabetes. This makes it important to address insomnia as soon as possible.

    What are the symptoms of insomnia?

    There are three main symptoms of insomnia, according to Dr Bentley.

     Trouble falling asleep

    Waking in the middle of the night and battling to go back to sleep

    Waking too early in the morning.

    Most people have more than one of these symptoms and a particular symptom does not necessarily link to a specific cause.

    There are different types of insomnia

    Insomnia is a class of disorders as there are multiple causes. Dr Bentley says the condition can also either be acute or chronic.

    Acute insomnia

    “Acute insomnia occurs when sleep is disrupted due to a specific stressor and in most people only lasts for as long as the stress does, after which it resolves and sleep becomes normal again,” she says.

    “The stress is often psychological. For example, someone might struggle with after the death of a loved one or during a period of intense work stress. It can, however, also be caused by a physical trigger, such as the development of a painful disorder, such as arthritis. Only a quarter of people with acute insomnia go on to suffer with chronic insomnia.”

    Chronic insomnia

    Got chronic insomnia? That’ll be the case if you’ve got sleep problems, from the above symptoms, lasting at least three days per week for at least three months. “At this point, it’s usually not stress causing the sleeplessness, but changes in the way we think of sleep (cognitive issues), as well as some bad habits (behavioural issues) that we adopt to try to get more sleep,” says Dr Bentley. “These mean we worry more about our sleep and spend longer in bed trying to get more sleep and both of these factors make our sleep problems worse.”

    Other types of insomnia

    If you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, chronic pain or obstructive sleep apnoea, you might also have insomnia. Various medications used to treat other medical disorders can also interfere with sleep, for example, medications that lower cholesterol and antiretrovirals for treating HIV infection, says Dr Bentley.

    Is your mattress the culprit?

    Sometimes, your mattress might be to blame. If you have a mattress that leaves you waking up with aches and pains, you might need to replace it. “Over time, the comfort layers in your mattress break down, which can cause pressure points when you sink onto the firmer support core,” says Dale Harley, Executive in Restonic Marketing.

    Dr Bentley adds that other signs that your mattress is affecting your sleep can include finding it difficult to get comfortable causing a longer sleep onset (time to fall asleep).

    “If you no longer wake up feeling refreshed, your mattress may be at the end of its life,” Harley says. “It’s worth exploring whether this is the case.”

    How do you know if you have insomnia?

    Sure, you’re not clocking eight solid hours every night, but does that mean you’re an insomniac? Not necessarily, says Dr Bentley. “The number of hours usually quoted as constituting ‘normal sleep’ is seven to eight hours a night. However, this is not quite true,” says Dr Bentley. “Yes, seven to eight hours is the average amount of sleep for a population. But there are many people who need more than that and some who need less.”

    Treatments for insomnia

    Treatment for insomnia can include CBT, or cognitive behavioural therapy, as well as medication. You’d also need to cultivate a sleep routine that includes cues your body would learn from. When you expose yourself to a certain scent, for example, that might signal sleep time for your brain, enabling you to nod off. Per the Sleep Foundation, healthy sleep would also involve limiting stimuli around bedtime. Yip, that includes your cellphone and TV.

    Bottom line: if you wake up feeling tired, you likely need more sleep. Think you’re dealing with insomnia? Chat with your doctor first. “There are a number of conditions that cause insomnia and treatment does not always need to involve sleeping tablets,” says Dr Bentley. “But ignoring the problem does not result in improvement over time. Once insomnia has become chronic, it will generally continue unless specific action is taken.” More

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    11 Things I Wish I Learned in Sex Ed (but Didn’t)

    When I think back to 7th-grade sex ed, I recall a series of three VHS videos that are burned into my memory: a graphic depiction of a baby crowning during birth, an instructional video about how to use a condom, and a sketch involving a student who drops a massive box of tampons at school and a teenage boy who steps in to help (and who, BTW, is entirely unphased by the sheer number of feminine products in her possession). These were the takeaways of the lessons I learned: birth is wild, protection is non-negotiable, and menstruation is normal. (Of course, that last one only the female students learned while the males were shuffled into another room to learn about wet dreams and such.) 
    As I advanced into adulthood, I remember coming across various scenarios that prompted the thought, “Huh, that would’ve been nice to learn in sex ed.” And I know I’m not alone. So I decided to team up with Ariele Myers, a fertility specialist, board-certified herbalist, licensed acupuncturist, and Founder of The Whole Woman Collective, to devise the top things I wish I’d learned about the female body in sex ed. Ahead, 11 lessons about sex I wish I learned, but didn’t. 

    Meet the expert
    Ariele Myers
    LICENSED ACUPUNCTURIST, BOARD CERTIFIED HERBALIST, AND FERTILITY SPECIALIST
    Myers founded Arieles Apothecary, where she worked with some of the top Reproductive Endocrinologists and IVF centers in the country to help hundreds of women on their hormonal health and fertility journeys. In 2016, she founded Wisdom of the Womb, an online platform to educate on all things reproductive health.

    1. It’s not that easy to get pregnant
    In a very informal poll I took of all my friends, this was the number one issue that we felt our sex ed classes misled us on. I get that it’s tough to explain nuance to a bunch of 7th graders, but if you’re under the impression that you can get pregnant any day of the month, you’re in for a surprise if and when you decide to try to get pregnant. According to Myers, a woman’s “fertile window” is about 6 days long. The math here is that women ovulate for about 12-48 hours, and “While our egg is only viable for a short time, sperm can live for 5 days, so we can actually become pregnant by having sex before we ovulate,” Myers explained. 
    If you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, Myers suggested backtracking 5-6 days from the day you ovulate and either avoiding vaginal sex or using contraception until about 48 hours after ovulation to be safe. Basically, avoid unprotected sex for a week. “Where some women go wrong in trying to avoid pregnancy is that they wait until they’re ovulating to abstain from penetrative vaginal intercourse,” Myers added. “If there is sperm in your body at the time you ovulate, you can get pregnant.” Another disclaimer: This can be a helpful timeframe if you have a regular cycle, so if you have an irregular cycle (and even if you don’t), chat with your doctor about a plan that works best for you. 

    2. Tracking your ovulation is a great way to get to know yourself
    If you’ve never tried tracking your ovulation, I highly encourage you to. Not only does it empower you to know when pregnancy is possible (whether you’re trying to achieve or avoid it), but it’s also an indicator of good health. There are a few ways to track your ovulation, and Myers’s favorite is by tracking your Basal Body Temperature (BBT). “BBT charting tells us so much about our reproductive health, like our follicular and luteal health as well as how we ovulate, not just if and when we ovulate,” Myers said. 
    If you’re into cycle syncing, BBT is an excellent way to gauge which phase of your cycle you’re entering. Myers offers a free YouTube tutorial on tracking BBT if you’re wondering how to start. Alternatively, you could buy an Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) at any major store that sells pregnancy tests. “OPK testing is simple, pee-on-a-stick easy, but can get expensive if you’re using them monthly,” Myers stated. These tests can also misread whether you’re actually ovulating as they often only track LH (luteinizing hormone) spikes, which occur just before ovulation, and not the progesterone that kicks in after ovulation.
    Lastly, you can keep an eye on ovulation by tracking your cervical mucus, which Myers referred to as helpful, but also takes some figuring out. “Around the time you ovulate, the consistency of fertile cervical mucus [will be] similar to that of raw egg whites,” Myers said. “Ever try to get a little piece of shell out of the egg white? It’s nearly impossible!” This “raw egg white” consistency usually appears within four days of ovulation.
     
    3. Period pain is not normal
    I was shocked to discover well into my mid-20s that severe cramping alongside my period—though common—wasn’t actually “normal.” Rather, it was a sign that my hormones were out of whack. “Within the framework of Eastern Medicine, pain before and during our cycle can indicate a stagnation of Qi and Blood or blockage in our reproductive organs,” Myers said. “This can inhibit blood flow, which can contribute to pain and cramping.”
    I can personally speak to the power of acupuncture (and herbal tea!) for hormonal health (after going down that road, I rarely cramp when I menstruate). “Some profoundly impactful ways to reduce your menstrual pain at home are Moxibustion and womb massage,” Myers added. 
     
    4. The birth control pill is not a cure-all for all menstrual issues
    Birth control can be an effective tool for contraception, but it’s often used to treat a myriad of menstruation issues. And like all medications, it carries risks along with benefits. “While I believe that the hormonal contraceptive was one of the best things to happen for women’s reproductive freedom, anything we put into the body has to be processed by our body—by our liver—and this does impact our overall health,” Myers said. “Birth control pills are a powerful method of preventing pregnancy, especially when a woman isn’t available or open to tracking her cycle.” But if you’re looking to improve the health of your hormones or your cycle, options outside of birth control might provide a better long-term solution.
     
    5. Orgasms are good for you
    I honestly can’t remember if orgasms were discussed in sex ed, but I know we didn’t talk about their health benefits (spoiler: there are a lot of benefits!). “During orgasm, women release endorphins, ‘feel good’ hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, and prolactin,” Myers explained. Not only do these chemicals counteract stress, but they can also relieve anxiety. Pleasure can actually be healing if we are intentional about how we access it. Imagine if your sex ed class encouraged you to explore what made you feel good. 
    “Only 31-40% of women say that they reach orgasm during penetrative intercourse, and many women say they feel ashamed or embarrassed that they don’t orgasm,” Myers pointed out. “I want there to be so much more support for people to have the time and space to learn what their body likes and wants. Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are is an amazing resource for all bodies wanting to understand and discover their capacity for desire.”
     
    6. Post-sex care is important
    Do you know when I learned it was important to pee after sex to avoid a urinary tract infection (UTI)? After getting my first UTI. Though it may feel like hearsay, it’s not a myth: “Peeing after sex is important as it helps you flush bacteria that could potentially cause UTIs out of the urethra,” Myers said. “The belief that it can ward off pregnancy, however, is not factual as the urethra is separate from the vagina.” Emotional post-sex care is important too, Myers pointed out. “Some people need and want cuddles or talking after sex, some need a nap, and some are fine to just get up and go,” she said. She encourages leaning into what you want and need—and practicing asking for it.

    7. Intimacy and sex are different
    Though this isn’t strictly related to physical health, it’s important for anyone engaged in sexual activity to know how to differentiate the physical act of sex from the emotional bond of intimacy. “It feels important to remember that sex is sex and love is love,” Myers said. When both parties aren’t aligned on exactly how they’re using sex, people can get hurt. “It’s OK to have sex without intimacy and connection if that’s what you choose,” Myers noted. “But when you have sex as a means to increase connection,” especially when the other person isn’t on the same page, “it often doesn’t work and can leave us feeling vulnerable.” Wouldn’t it have been great if sex ed helped us navigate these nuances from the start?
     
    8. Consent is an enthusiastic “yes,” and “no” is a complete sentence
    Consent is critical for obvious reasons, but I wish the nuances of consent had been discussed and taught more clearly in sex ed. Myers explained that so many women tell her they don’t feel entitled to their “no.” Other times, they worry about the other person feeling rejected. “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” Myers said. “Even if you like someone, even if you want to continue feeling connected, you never owe anyone your body. Sexuality is not a performance. I believe this should be the foundation of sexual education: that we get to feel, explore, and honor our feelings of desire as well as lack of desire.”
    In the same vein, if you have been told “no,” know that it is not a reflection of your worth (another thing I wish they told us in sex ed). There are so many reasons a person might not be interested in sex that have nothing to do with who you are. 
     
    9. What you’re calling a “vagina” is probably a “vulva” (and they all look different!)
    Screaming “penis” and “vagina” at the top of our lungs to normalize the words—another sex ed lesson burned into my brain (anyone else?): “A” for effort, but it reduced our understanding of the anatomy to two terms. I’m pretty sure I thought my vulva was called a vagina well into my 20s, and most men I know still don’t know the difference.
    Let’s settle any confusion now: The vulva is the area outside a woman’s genitals. Within the vulva, you’ll find a clitoris (the pleasure center), labia majora and minora (the outer and inner lips), a urethra (where urine travels), and the vaginal opening. The vagina is actually inside the body. It’s the inner canal that leads toward the uterus. The beautiful thing about vulvas is that no two are identical, much like fingerprints. It can be maddening when younger women worry about whether their vulva looks “normal,” because there’s no real “normal” to compare it to. Again, that’s something that would have been really helpful to learn in sex ed.
     
    10. Non-sexual infections happen and are nothing to be ashamed of
    There’s a lot of talk about sexually transmitted diseases in sex ed, but not a whole lot of discussion about the fairly common non-sexual infections that can crop up—yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. “It is best to go to a doctor to check on any excessive itching or unusual discharge,” Myers suggested. But it’s not necessary to get overly concerned right away. These types of infections can occur as a side effect of antibiotics, birth control, hormone imbalance, or diet. “Our digestion can change the pH in our vagina, which can become a breeding ground for infections, like Candida overgrowth,” Myers said. Talk to your doctor if you experience any changes, and practice proper hygiene. 
     
    11. Sex is not just heterosexual (because duh)
    This one really goes without saying, but we’re saying it anyway. It’s hard enough navigating being a woman in a heteronormative society, considering the fact that women were forced to rely on a man for survival throughout most of history. “This framework only shifted as recently as the 1970s when women could open their own bank account and even be considered for certain professions—but our value as women is still strongly steeped within that historical context,” Myers shared.  
    For folks who identify outside the bounds of heteronormative culture, who have faced even more invisibility and had to fight for any real contextualization of value at all, navigating sexual intimacy is even hazier. Queer relationships need to be visible, normalized, and valued so that the folks who reside within them can feel visible, normal, and valued. And sexual education needs to cover these kinds of relationships so that all students are offered the health and safety information they deserve.

    The Surprising Connection Between Posture and Sex More