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      What Elaine Welteroth Taught Me About Identifying and Pursuing Your Purpose

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      I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be a writer. I can recall the day that I came home from elementary school, beaming with excitement over a story I wrote in my 2nd grade class. I remember racing to my parents’ room, eager to share my story with them, watching their eyes as they read over the tale of a young Black princess and her evil parents. I realize now that the story I wrote was nowhere near a New York Times bestseller, but in that moment, you couldn’t tell me otherwise.As an adolescent fantasy writer, I had very clearly used my personal experiences to shape my characters. Although, this story was a little too close to home, and even with my dad’s displeasure over the inspiration of the narrative, I was so pleased with my work. I had this intrigue with storytelling and continued to feed that hunger as I grew older. That passion for writing and storytelling never left and felt more and more like a calling than just a hobby. I knew I had to spend the rest of my life writing, telling stories and sharing my experiences with the world. 

      Thankfully, I discovered that there are others who share in this experience as well. Not too long ago, I found myself feasting on Elaine Welteroth’s new memoir, More Than Enough. There I witnessed the retelling of Elaine’s journey to success. This is important because most of us view the most notable of celebrities as people who just make a lot of money and are famous. But, as Elaine so eloquently puts it, “The truth is, job titles are temporary. But purpose is infinite.”

      As she reminisces on her journey from childhood aspirational magazine editing to real-life Editor-in-Chief of Teen Vogue, Elaine draws a distinction between her career and her purpose, placing all of her value on accomplishing goals and making career decisions that are linked to her passions and what she would define as her purpose rather than chasing after the stereotypical “American Dream.” She believed her presence in the publishing industry served a greater purpose and was more valuable than simply collecting a check or gaining celebrity; it was an opportunity to educate and to amplify the voices of people from historically marginalized communities on the greatest platforms in media. Here are three lessons I learned from Elaine about pursuing, as inspired by her wonderful book, More Than Enough.

      1. Your purpose will call you (not literally, but in a figure sense).
      Because we live in a society that is all about “securing the bag,” the idea of pursuing purpose seems outdated. I mean, after all, how do you even know what it is? Much like Elaine, I believe that I discovered my purpose at a young age. Or, rather, it found me. Not only was I saturating pages of my notebook with fairytale-like adaptations of my life, but I was also always found with a Junie B Jones or Romona Quimby novel on hand. My natural interests in literature and writing were evident. Sometimes, when we think about our purpose and what we were put on this Earth to do, we feel as though we have to go searching for it. We must experiment with different trades and different majors in order to land on the career that is exclusively ours. But, no one ever tells us to examine our history and to maybe even look within for the purpose that has always been there, written on our hearts, burning deep inside us from birth. Identifying your purpose takes introspection—to look back and remember the things that used to drive us as children, the dreams, aspirations and passions that we had when we were young. It requires us to use those moments as our launching pad for insight into our purpose. This is one way we can start to identify it: remember the passions that called you when you were young.

      2. Pursuing your purpose will challenge you. 
      The other side to pursuing your purpose is that it will challenge you. In my experience, finding a job was never difficult, but landing a job within the realm of what I believe I am meant to do was no easy feat. I think Elaine would concur. With the end of her college career drawing near, she found her future hanging in the balance as she contemplated her next steps post-graduation. She says, “Trying to figure out how to pursue your passion in ninety days sounds like one of those bestselling self-help books or a viral TED Talk, but ultimately, in practice it was more like being lost in a dark room and not knowing if I’d ever find my way out.” Let’s be real, opting for a quintessential lifestyle that ends with the white picket fence is easy. However, pursuing a path that is greater than yourself is risky and actually takes quite a bit of faith. Contrary to Elaine, I had to face the music long after college. I had already opted into the traditional 9-5 safe zone, but my purpose kept calling. It wasn’t until a few years after college graduation that I fell in headfirst in pursuing my writing and haven’t stopped yet. I’m just bold enough to believe that because this purpose is linked to my natural-born passions and my very existence, I will always find a way to operate in it. While you may encounter obstacles and challenges as you pursue it, persevere. After all, the greatest things in life never come easy. 

      3. Your purpose will change you (for the better, of course). 
      Though the journey of identifying and pursuing your purpose may be turbulent, it doesn’t compare to when you’re finally able to operate in it. Every moment that you spend fulfilling your purpose feels like confirmation that you’re doing what you were created to do. Not only do you begin to impact the lives of other people (because purpose is also about changing the lives of the people after you), but you are changing as well. Your perspective begins to shift, your priorities change, your values evolve and that’s what’s meant to happen. In Elaine’s story, shifting the paradigm in the publishing industry, especially in regards to beauty, was always her goal. But, as she continued to climb the corporate ladder, arriving at the front doors of Teen Vogue offices, her vision extended beyond Black representation in media to also stirring up and equipping the next generation. Her role at Teen Vogue radicalized the content of the magazine, taking it to new heights that no other teen magazine had reached, while simultaneously changing her. 

      For most of us, career success has been our life’s ultimate goal. We go to college to earn a degree or two—arriving at our final destination of a great job that makes us a lot of money and comes with a little bit of fame. For others, we may find ourselves in an endless pursuit of this form of success. But, at some point, we have to ask ourselves if that is really all there is to life—money, success, and fame. Or, is there more? Can we pursue careers that allow us to leave a real impact on the world? Can we pursue passions that are linked to a greater calling on our lives? Does that even exist for all of us? I think Elaine’s answer would be, yes. Those convictions, passions and intrinsic motivators are all linked to the very reason you have graced this earth. Don’t suppress them. Take that leap of faith and chase after them. They are calling you. They will challenge you. And, best of all, they will change the world while also changing you.  More

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      Daytime Routine: How I Stay Productive, Happy, and Healthy During the Day

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      I’ll be the first to admit that working-from-home is not my strong suit. I live in a 300 sq. ft. box, get distracted easily, and have way too much to say during the day to be alone (and it is way too easy for my coworkers to ignore my hilarious messages all day long). It has also been hard for me to stay healthy (my fridge is just so close) and active while I’m home all day. But we’re on month #5 with months to go, and I’ve somehow figured out how to manage doing something I hated.We often discuss nighttime and morning routines here, but now that I do basically the same thing every single day, it was high time I started a routine for during the day too. I wanted something that I could loosely follow every day to create some healthy, productive habits while also not absolutely hating my life all day long. Am I the most productive person ever? Absolutely not. There are days when I look at the clock at 2:30pm and realize I’ve ticked off nothing from my to-do list. But I’ve noticed these simple steps have helped me stay on track throughout the day with work and make my evenings a lot better too! Here are a few things I’ve implemented into my day that have made going through the motions of stay-at-home life a little easier. 

      Do chores
      As you can tell, I basically do anything I can to add little breaks in my day. Sitting at my desk and cranking out a ton of work for eight hours a day just isn’t feasible for me; I have to keep myself excited by working toward breaks and timing myself. One way I build that into my day is by doing chores. I’ll tell myself I’ll write for 45 minutes uninterrupted, and then I’ll wash the dishes. I am not normally one who looks forward to chores in any capacity, but knowing that I’ll be able to get up and listen to music and do something else for a little bit of time keeps me moving, regardless of the task I’m convincing myself is fun to do. 

      currently reading The Right Swipe by Alisha Rai!

      Take a full lunch break
      When I was working in an office, I almost never took my entire lunch break. I would work through lunch to keep my productivity up. But even on my busiest days now, I make a point to give myself that full hour-long break every single day. It’s not much, but it’s the oomph I need to keep going throughout the day. Some days I’ll go outside and read, and others I’ll go for a walk. Sometimes, I honestly just watch TV. But I make sure to close my computer and do something else.

      Make lunch
      Now that I’m at home, it’s rare that I fully meal prep a lunch to go straight into the microwave. I might cook all of my ground turkey or chicken breast on Sunday, but that’s about it. While prepping your entire meal might help a lot of people, I find that taking the time to prepare lunch is a good break in my day. Some of my favorite lunches to make include salad with some kind of protein (I always buy the salad mixes at the grocery store and add extra veggies and protein), sandwiches, bowls, and more. 

      These leggings are from Girlfriend Collective—they’re made from recycled water bottles, go up to a 5X, and have a secret pocket for my keys. I own in two colors, and I’m obsessed!

      Workout/Go for the walk
      I won’t lie and say I get a workout in every single day (LOL, most days is even a stretch), but simply walking anywhere is something I try to accomplish every day (at least when my day isn’t an intentional Saturday binge-watching Selling Sunset, of course). I’ll try to take my lunch break or a short coffee break to go for a walk around my neighborhood. Or if I know I need to go to the grocery store or pick something up for dinner, I’ll walk a little farther just to get some more steps in.
      When I first switched to full-time WFH, I was getting maybe 2,000 steps a day, and if you’re someone who tracks their steps, you’ll know that is basically nothing. I had a hard time feeling like I could be productive all day long and move my body. Adding a couple of different walks throughout the day made it a lot easier, and I’ve even noticed that I sleep better and feel less drained at the end of the workday. 
      If I’m working out, it’s almost always on my lunch break and includes either an Obé Fitness workout or something from YouTube! I’m obsessed with MadFit’s dance workouts (this One Direction one gave me life), and POPSUGAR Fitness is also great for HIIT and barre workouts. I am still getting back in the habit of working out (I am a big “paying for a gym and having to walk somewhere motivates me to workout” person; I have little to no motivation to workout at home), but it helps to have a few workouts on hand that I know I enjoy.

      Prioritize to-do lists
      I make a to-do list every morning (sometimes the night before!), but I get to a point in my day where I have to prioritize what gets done and when. I’ll message my supervisors or anyone who’s waiting on something from me to ask if they need anything ASAP or let them know that I might get to something later in the day. While this maybe helps them, it’s more about keeping myself productive throughout the day and holding myself accountable. At home, it’s easy to say I’ll work on a project at 3pm, and then find myself invested in pop culture drama once 3pm rolls around with no end in sight. By telling someone I’ll have something to them at a certain time, I know I have to get it done. 
      Once I’ve done this, I’ll go through my to-do list and schedule when I’ll do them and what needs to get done versus what I’ll work on next. My to-do lists tend to get pretty lofty, which is likely a nightmare for anyone with perfectionist tendencies, but it actually keeps me motivated so I can have more time at the end of my day to get more done. But I make sure to mark which need to get done first by using the ABC system. A tasks need to get done immediately, B tasks should get done today but can be pushed, and C tasks are extras in case I have time. I used this before working-from-home, but it’s especially helpful now that my to-do list now contains random life tasks that I can now do during the day (is this my silver lining to WFH? perhaps). More

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      5 Ways to Handle Feeling Overwhelmed and Unmotivated

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      I don’t know if it’s COVID-19, hormones, or maybe the stars, but I feel like I’m going through a “mid-life” crisis—if there is such a thing at 32. Currently, I’m back in my hometown, living at my friends’ home, unemployed, and contemplating a career change during a pandemic. Most days, I’m fine but then there are many days where I feel like WTF. I’m generally a confident, well-put-together person, but this pandemic has enlivened me in some ways and caused me to feel deeply insecure in others. I’m unemployed, uninsured, and unsure about which direction my life is going. Some days my anxiety overwhelms me, and I spiral into an emotional, irrational frenzy. Typically, this frenzy leaves me feeling unproductive and unmotivated. It’s so easy to see all that is wrong instead everything that is going right. This time off work has allowed me to strengthen relationships, return to my creativity, open a business, destress, and honestly examine if my current career is something I really want to do. I’m learning to trust the process and recognizing these moments of uncertainty will become clear as I continue on my journey. In the two months I’ve been out of work, I’ve learned how to better handle my stress by doing a few things to bring me back to center and get my head out of the clouds. 

      1. I allow myself to feel my feelings.
      I don’t focus on trying to make myself feel better. I sit with my feelings, whether positive or negative, and examine where those feelings come from. Are these feelings rooted in reality, or have I allowed my imagination to get the best of me? What are realistic, healthy ways to move myself from a negative to a positive space, in a healthy way, while still affirming the validity of sadder emotions? I do a lot of this emotional processing through journaling. I love to write my feelings out. Journaling allows me to fully express myself while simultaneously documenting the moment. I usually journal when I’m feeling especially frustrated, angry, or sad. Journaling helps me identify my emotions and process them. I just sit there with my journal and write. Sometimes I write for five minutes. Sometimes I write for a couple of hours. However long, I don’t stop until I’m “done.” Journaling helps me chart my progress. I can always look back to see how far I’ve come or where I’m stagnant. 

      2. I surround myself with people who support me.
      My family and friends are the best. Since being in this weird space, none of them have ever made me feel low because I’m not working. They fully support me in my creative endeavors and are glad to see me operate with some passion. They uplift and affirm me when I’m feeling down, and hey help me pull myself out of overwhelmed places by reminding me I am accomplished and capable. I live with my family now, so it makes it easier to access them. Some of my friends are available through text and calls. I make sure to connect in any way possible. I also make sure to be honest with them about my feelings, fears, or issues. In order to be supported in the way I need, I feel I have to be honest with them about my highs, as well as my lows. They’ve seen me through everything.

      3. I rest.
      For many, rest is a radical concept. I don’t know about you, but I always feel such an internal pressure to be productive. Honestly, I feel guilty for resting because there is always more to be done. With so many things unchecked on my to-do list, I feel like I don’t deserve rest, but I’m learning rest is necessary and well-deserved. When I need rest, I force myself to take it. I create and enforce a boundary with myself by declaring the day as a non-work day. I’ve worked since I was 16. I’ve been a Masters level Social Worker in a few of the busiest emergency departments for the last four years. I’ve done a lot of hard work, loved on a lot of people, and I deserve this time just for me. For all the mental, emotional, and physical labor I have done, I deserve to rejuvenate. Rest feels foreign, but that in and of itself is problematic.
      I take off the pressure of productivity by finally allowing myself the space and time I need to relax knowing it’s for my good. I’ve forced myself to be productive when I was burned out and exhausted, and my work suffered because of it. Resting allows me to take a break, then come back happier, clearer, and generally more excited. Some days rest looks like being a couch potato while other days it looks like a fun day out with friends. Rest looks different for each of us, but as long as you’re rejuvenated afterward that’s all that matters. 

      4. I have fun.
      Yes, we’re in a pandemic, and “outside” is sort of closed, but that doesn’t mean life has to be boring. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, that means I’m off balance. I try to find things that will bring me some sense of joy. It could be something as simple as potting new plants, doing some sort of arts and crafts, or dancing to a bomb playlist. This will be different for each person, but the point is to do something that brings you joy. Do something that, even if for the moment, shifts the atmosphere and likely your attitude right along with it. Do something that is not a chore. 

      5. I sought professional help.
      Yes! That’s right … I’m in therapy. Therapy not only helps me to sort out what’s happening currently, but it’s also helping me process my past and how that affects me now. Therapy has been a godsend, especially since I’m uninsured right now. I found my therapist through a site called Open Path that my friend, Zee, told me about last year. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a nonprofit organization that “serves clients who lack health insurance or whose health insurance doesn’t provide adequate mental health benefits. These clients also cannot afford current market rates for therapy (between $80-200 a session).” Open Path helps “members access their choice of affordable in-person care from a vetted mental health professional.” You have to pay a one-time membership fee, but after that your therapy is between $30-$60 per session, depending on the provider. I picked my therapist from a list of available therapists in my area. I’d never met her before, but I felt comfortable from the first day. We’re doing telehealth appointments due to COVID, but I still find it effective.
      My therapist is helping me reframe some of my ideologies and shift my paradigm into a much healthier space. This has been particularly helpful when it comes to feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated. Therapy is helping me realize I’ve been in uncertain times before, and I prevailed then just as I will now. 

      Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s good to fully feel your feelings, but it’s not OK to stay in an unhealthy space for long. The world is weird right now and that is having a trickle-down effect on a lot of us. Take care of yourself. Find some ways to still enjoy life. Sometimes our circumstances can get the best of us, but it’s still very important to find some ways to move from an unhealthy space into a healthier one. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something to ensure you are healthy and hopeful. Be gracious with yourself and remember you are doing the best you can.  More

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      The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram

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      The first thing you’ll ever hear about sex is that there are tons of positions and that people get themselves into all kinds of weird ones. Remember thinking that sexual Twister was a thing? There are books and articles and lists abound about hundreds of sex positions to try, but I’d be remiss to say that almost everyone I speak to says they stick to a select few with their partner and that’s about it. No shame in your game—if you and your partner are big Doggy Style people (love that for you), stick to it. But if you’re ready to try something new, these are a few intriguing new positions to try all based on your Enneagram type. 

      Tabletop
      Don’t tell me you aren’t turned on a little bit by the chaos and disorder of the classic “remove everything from the countertop in one fail swoop” movie move. It’s OK to admit chaos kinda gets you excited, one! *WINK* As much as you love order and organization, ones like to get out of their usual when it comes to sex. This tabletop position allows you to try that without throwing all of your important documents on the floor. Make a space on a countertop, desk, table, bed—get creative here, anything that’s the height of your partner’s crotch works—and allow your partner to penetrate or orally stimulate you as you lay on your back. 

      Seated Wheelbarrow
      Twos probably have some of the best sex lives not going to lie. They’re really thoughtful and caring, so they probably have their partner’s favorite positions and sexual routines down pat. To spice things up a little bit, try this position. The wheelbarrow position often requires a lot of balance and coordination, which I wouldn’t be surprised if many twos out there have! But this one makes it a little more accessible without sacrificing the pleasure. Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or couch, place your butt on their lap with your legs behind their body, and place your hands on the floor. They’ll probably need to hold onto your thighs to keep you stable, but this position is great for both parties to get active. 

      Laying Down
      Threes like their sex to be efficient and valuable for both parties. If they’re not getting off, you best believe they’re not interested, which makes this position perfect for them. Lay down on your stomach with your legs together and your hips slightly raised as your partner penetrates on top of you. If you get off from penetration, this one is great because it keeps your legs together so there’s more friction. But this position is amazing for clitoral stimulation because you can easily reach down and touch yourself while your partner penetrates you. It’s basically a two-for-one deal, AKA a threes in heaven.

      Doggy-Style Oral Sex
      Fours are pretty kinky in the bedroom because they know it’s a time to get out of their head and just have fun. Instead of your usual oral sex though, try this position. Just as you would get into doggy style (on all fours) for penetration, allow your partner to give you oral from the back. For one, it’s a comfortable position, so there’s that. But it also allows your partner to get into places they wouldn’t normally. If they had fingers or toys vaginally, this angle has a much easier time getting to your G-spot. Also, you’re able to touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth. H-O-T. 
      This is also a good segue into oral anal sex, which can be a great addition to your oral pleasure repertoire. 

      Cowboy
      The curiosity of a five makes finding new sex positions pretty easy. They’re not one to turn something down; they’re always intrigued by a new idea. Not to mention, a five will do basically anything for research. So, next time, put Cowboy to the test. While traditional Cowgirl position involves one partner laying down and the other straddling them through penetration, Cowboy is the flip side. The one who is penetrating is on top instead. They straddle you and enter from the top. The G-spot potential is very high, and it really allows your partner to use their fingers to stimulate you at the same time. Is it better than Cowgirl? Try it a couple times for the “data.” 😉 

      Knees Together
      Sixes can get into a routine easily, but they’re always excited to try something new when it arises. In usual six fashion, they love sex for the relaxation and stress-relief it provides at the end of their day. So why not add a little yoga into it? You know the Happy Baby yoga pose? This is that except part your thighs enough for your partner to have access to all your bits and bobs. They’ll get a glimpse of everything (hot), and you’ll get quite the stretch in. This position is also really great for oral sex too.

      Corkscrew
      A seven’s sex life is bound to be fun, as they rarely want to indulge in the same position twice. Keep this one in mind next time. The corkscrew involves one person lying down on their side with their back facing the other person while their partner is standing and penetrating them sideways (this is hard to explain, but you see the pretty picture up there). What’s fun for sevens with this position is it allows them to get involved too. Moving your hips slightly or matching your partner’s thrust allows you to up the ante—a job you very much enjoy. 

      Reverse Cowgirl on A Chair
      What else can I say but that eights have major top energy? They like being able to create the pace, but they’re also not afraid to loosen up the reigns a little bit in the name of some pleasure. 
      Instead of the usual Reverse Cowgirl where your partner lies on their back, this one props you both up a little by having your partner sit upright in a chair. You’ll sit backwards and back into them. This puts all the control in your hands (a dream for an eight), so you can decide how fast, how deep, and how hard you want it. To make it a little more fun, have your partner hold your arms as they thrust up and down. A little power reversal never hurt anybody. 

      Seated Oral Sex
      Nines are people-pleasers, so they’ll often find themselves doing what their partner wants during sex as much as possible. It’s lovely for their partner, but they deserve a little time too! Try a seated position in which you stay seated with your legs spread while your partner comes from below to give oral sex. Imagine you’re sitting on the couch or a chair, and your partner sits on the floor. This allows them access to all of you, so they can try oral, finger, and toy stimulation all at once. 
      This can be oral sex, but seated penetration isn’t a bad idea either.  More

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      Why Women Should Lift Weights

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      On a regular basis, clients tell me that they are afraid to strength train because they are afraid of getting “bulky.” When paired up with cardio and the right nutrition, strength training will NOT make you bulky.
      Fit, firm and tone is not bulky. In fact, you will more than likely drop a few sizes as your body composition changes. Where’s the bulk? It’s definitely not in the slimmer waist, tighter butt and things or those toned arms.

       
      Here are six fantastic benefits of strength training:
      1. Strength training will make you stronger. And when is strength ever a bad thing? Whether it benefits your girlfriend when you help her move, or impresses the hot guy at work when you beat him in arm wrestling, there just isn’t a downside to being strong.
      2. Building muscle gives you shape. The best part is you have the ability to put that shape EXACTLY where you want it! You can make yourself more symmetrical (which is a sign of beauty across all cultures), balance your upper body with your lower body and create the illusion of a smaller waist if you don’t already have one. Building a beautiful physique is a choice made in the gym.
      3. Strength training helps support the spine. If you find yourself with aches and pains in new places, you may lack core strength and postural support. Strengthening those muscles can alleviate those aches and pains.
      4. Standing tall with better posture can help you immediately look leaner. If you got it, you should definitely flaunt it. Chest up, boobs out, stand tall. Building overall muscle will help you stand up straighter and look more confident.
      5. Strength training makes you a badass! Confidence is sexy. And walking over to the weight rack and grabbing 25-pound dumbbells is impressive. The best part? You don’t care who is watching because you have officially left every guy in the free-weight section speechless.
      6. Muscle helps burn fat and raises your metabolism. Your body burns more calories, maintaining muscle even at rest. While this is not permission to eat whatever you want, it does allow you to control your physique.
       
      There is no downside to strength training as a girl. As for the “bulky” myth … we do not produce enough testosterone nor do we eat enough food to get bulky with muscle. Like I tell my clients: “Strength training doesn’t make you bulky, cupcakes make you bulky … ”
      Girls, if you want to feel energized, confident, stronger and more alive … strength training is for you. What about fitting into your favorite outfit from last year or the year before? Strength training. Want to tighten up that butt, slim your waistline or get back those sexy, shapely legs? You guessed it, strength training.
      Bottom line, strength training, along with good nutritional habits and cardio, should be a part of every girl’s workout! More

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      How Going Vegan Changed My Relationship With My Partner

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      It was just another lazy weekend at home, as my partner and I decided to watch a few documentaries on Netflix, where we stumbled across The Gamechangers, and afterwards, immediately decided to cut out animal products altogether and go vegan. After a quick chat about our intentions for this new journey, we looked at each other for reassurance of our decision to go vegan for our health and the environment, not knowing whether this would bring us closer together or completely starve us. Whatever the outcome, we would be changing our lifestyles together. Going vegan was never in the plans for us. Before going vegan together, we ate what we wanted, which usually came along with some pretty unhealthy choices. With both of our families also being from the South, we were used to home cooked meals full of an obscene amount of butter, salt, meat, cheese, and starch. We were no strangers to turkey necks in a pot full of greens, big helpings of BBQ ribs, hot dogs and hamburgers at each cookout, and three-cheese baked macaroni and cheese. The benefits of veganism usually skate past or disproportionately don’t make it to the Black community due to the lack of access to healthier food options in many of our communities and the African-American diet overall, even with more and more African-Americans adopting a cleaner diet faster than many other demographics. My partner and I took our new journey day-by-day and started to recognize some of the benefits veganism had on our relationship, shifting the way we viewed food and each other. 

      We work out together more 
      Before, working out together was very sporadic for us. In between work schedules, making time for friends and family and scheduled events and outings, our workouts together would be few and far between.
      Transitioning from working out a day or two every week to multiple times a week wasn’t an easy transition. Holding each other accountable to make time to work out, even after a long shift at work, helped push us mentally. When one of us was tired, we tried to push through and compromise where we could. 
      Since making our collective health a priority and going vegan, working out together became another way we showed our commitment to our wellness—and each other. We both kept the same goal in mind: to be better from the inside out. That meant to make sure not just only one of us was active, but that we both stayed active and made it a point to fit working out into both of our schedules. 
      Instead of a chore, working out to complement our new vegan lifestyle consisted of fun activities like hiking, taking walks on our local trails, biking, and in-home workouts when our schedules got too hectic. In a way, going vegan gave us the push to be better to ourselves for ourselves, and each other. 

      Our sex life improved 
      One unexpected change we noticed instantly after going completely vegan was that our sex life improved in a way that gave us extra energy and stamina. When our eating habits changed to mostly plant-based foods, our libidos and sex drive followed, a welcomed change we both benefited from!
      Before committing to a plant-based diet, my partner and I ate what we could get our hands on between our busy schedules, which usually came in the form of a pre-packaged meal or from a fast food restaurant. Those meals usually consisted of heavy forms of proteins and carbs, which put us in the food coma, and thus, making time for sex would take the backburner. 
      As our meals got more plant-based, we noticed we felt lighter and full of more energy after a meal than sluggish and sedated, giving us that extra “boost” we needed in the bedroom. Having energy for sex now was a great improvement from where we were before, passing out after most meals and only sustaining ourselves enough for quick sessions in the bedroom. And since we made the change in our eating habits together, we both saw—and felt!—the difference. 

      Source: rawpixel

      We cook with and for each other 
      Changing up our eating habits to eat more plant-based came with a whole new way of looking at food and how and what we cooked on a daily basis, and since we were going vegan together, planning dinners, meal prepping, and date nights became a team sport. Whereas before when one of us would get the other some food on the way home, with a different type of diet, we became more mindful of what we ate, and cooking together became more frequent and fun. 
      We started to plan our meals together to make sure we both were eating well and staying full throughout the day. Cooking dinner together became even more fun, as we browsed through Pinterest, vegan cookbooks, and scoured the internet to find new ways to cook our favorite meals, and helped each other in the kitchen. Once we found our new favorite vegan recipes, my partner quickly went from my sous chef to the head chef, taking the reins in the kitchen and whipping up meals for the both of us. As we stayed committed to this new way of eating together, we stayed in the kitchen longer and cooked as a unit instead of making two separate meals that could accommodate both of our appetites. 

      We take more accountability for each other’s wellness 
      Before switching up our eating habits, caring for each other’s overall health wasn’t exactly second-nature. Besides the regular annual doctor’s appointment and daily multivitamins, our health wasn’t exactly top of mind. Going vegan helped us be more attentive to what goes in both our bodies, holding ourselves accountable for making changes to better our overall health. 
      It was no longer about whether I or he was eating well; we both took accountability for each other’s eating habits. We gave each other more grace and patience as well. When meal prepping wasn’t an option, we made an agreement to continue our vegan journey, even while away from each other. This included checking in on each other and giving each other permission to eat how we wanted to. There were some easier days being vegan and not-so easy days where we craved our favorite seafood restaurant, but we remembered why each other’s health was important and gave each other grace when necessary. 

      We now know that changing our eating habits by going vegan was the push we needed to help sustain a healthy relationship from the inside out. Changing up years of eating habits didn’t come naturally overnight, but we had each other as motivation, and as a result, our accountability to each other, how we made time for each other, and our love for food—and each other—grew.  More

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      7 Ways to Practice Self-Care During Tough Times, According to Experts

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      #Selfcare is trending on social media, and yet, putting that trend into practice is not as easy as posting a picture on Instagram. Our health can easily become last priority when greater things feel more urgent. It might even feel selfish to do a face mask and turn off the news when the world is changing and our communities need us. In fact, Rachel Ricketts, an international thought leader, speaker, healer, and author, uses a totally different term. She said, “I prefer to refer to soul-care, which is the act of caring for ourselves in a soulful, nourishing, healing way, so that we can best show up for the collective. It is an act of communal care, which is the opposite of selfish.” In other words, forget about bubble baths and candles (although those things are still enjoyable!). Really caring for yourself means recharging your energy and prioritizing mental health for not only yourself, but for the betterment of the community.
      Ricketts explained, “The difference is most notably in the intention: am I partaking in an act or behavior solely to serve myself, or am I doing so to serve the community (which of course includes, but is not simply about, you)? Soul-care focuses on those most oppressed and how we can best heal our own hearts, and get to work creating change to dismantle the systems of oppression causing harm.” Whether you call it soul-care or self-care, think of it the same way: prioritize taking care of yourself so that you’re able to fully take care of others. 

      Why is caring for ourselves so important when overcoming social injustice?
      “Unless and until we have faced our own inner shadows, wounded inner child, and race-based traumas, we cannot create effective or sustainable collective change that prioritizes those most oppressed (and when we try to do so, we wind up causing more, not less, harm),” Ricketts said. “Racial justice work is healing work, and the healing work starts with you and it starts within. It is from this space that we create and cultivate critical collective change.”
      Jasmine Marie, founder of black girls breathing who just launched a campaign to make virtual breathwork sessions free for Black womxn, agreed. “I think even for those of us who’ve been immersed in this work beyond just this year, you can feel the shift,” she said. “It’s impossible to keep doing this work without taking care of yourself. I’ve had to relearn what my body, mind, and spirit needs during this time, versus what I needed before. There’s lots of unlearning and learning, so self-care is a must.”
      You know the old saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup, so why do we continue to try? Aside from sharing resources, educating yourself, and doing what you can to make changes in your community (go vote!), prioritizing mental health and protecting your energy is essential for making lasting changes in the world. Here are seven ways we can all care for ourselves during a time when it may feel selfish to do so.
       

      7 ways to practice self-care right now:

      1. Set boundaries
      On a daily basis, Ricketts recommended to, “Acknowledge your privilege, set boundaries, and learn to say no.” Setting boundaries is essential to a healthy life, but it’s a skill that many of us never learn. Sticking to specific limits can help boost self-esteem, force you to routinely check in with your needs, and serve as a reminder to put yourself first. Marie agrees that setting boundaries is crucial. “Create boundaries with how much news you allow into your world on the daily,” she recommended. “Log off. Go on social media breaks. Tune inward and ask yourself what you need.”
      Since emotional boundaries are not as obvious as physical limits like road signs or fences (though wouldn’t that be nice?), they can be hard to enforce. Start by considering what you can tolerate, and then what feels draining or overwhelming in order to set limits. Acting on boundaries might look like turning off the news and taking a social media break two hours before bedtime, or it might look like saying no when a family member asks you for a favor that you know will make too stressed. It also looks like taking responsibility for your own emotions, but not taking responsibility for the emotions of other people. No matter what boundaries look like to you, you’ll be conserving emotional energy for much more important things. 

      2. Move 
      Working out for calorie burn is so last year (or like, last decade?). Instead, work out for mental health, and move for the sake of caring for yourself. Exercise, in general, can boost your mental health and help ease stress, so fit in some kind of movement every day that you look forward to, whether it’s a dancing around your living room or going on a hike. For self-care bonus points, try calming activities that focus on relaxing the mind and slowing the breath, like restorative yoga. Ricketts loves yoga with Dionne Elizabeth and Marie counts long walks as one of her go-to self-care practices. 

      3. Meditate
      There’s a reason that meditation is one of the most talked-about practices in the wellness world—this sh*t is powerful. Meditation is effective for self-care because it takes our focus off of the world around us, and puts it back on ourselves. Taking a breath (literally) re-energizes you so you can bring your best self to everything you do, whether it’s tackling your work day, chasing after kids, or fighting social injustice. Ricketts recommends breathwork sessions with Maryam Ajayi, or you can check out black girl breathing for virtual classes. And if sitting still isn’t your thing? Try one of these ways to meditate that involve movement, instead. 

      4. Rest (no, not just sleeping)
      “Burnout is an epidemic for everyone, but no one more than Black and Indigenous women and femmes (especially queer and trans women and femmes). Learning how to rest is imperative for our mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being,” Ricketts said. “Rest is more than sleep. Rest includes time offline, a break from feeling like we need to do it all or be helpful, turning phones off, prioritizing our peace, sitting in silence, spending time with people who nourish us (and avoiding those who do not), and doing absolutely nothing.”
      Think of yourself like the battery pack on an iPhone. If you just recharge for only small spurts at a time, your battery will always stay in red. In order to get all the way to full-charge, you must regularly turn the iPhone off and give it some time plugged in. Getting six hours of sleep and watching TV while scrolling through Instagram for 30 minutes a day does not count as restoration. Turn off technology, do something enjoyable and creative (like reading or painting), invite your best friend over, and give yourself permission to do less. 

      5. Check in with yourself frequently 
      Taking good care of yourself doesn’t have to mean long digital detoxes, consistent yoga flows, or never saying “yes” when you mean “no” (even though those are all good goals). Self-care can sometimes be as simple as feeling intuitive to your individual needs, and checking in with what you really want.
      We often look for outside validation for just about anything (does anyone else need to know what everyone is ordering before making a decision on which entree they want?). Instead, ask yourself what do I really want, and how do I really feel, so often that it becomes habit. Marie recommended, “Check in with how you feel. Validate internally before seeking external advice on your specific and particular experience. This practice is life-changing and will help you show up in all areas of your life.”

      6. Ask for help
      Remember that self-care is not just a buzzword, it’s health. “Therapy” should not be a dirty word, and we should not need to wait until severe symptoms or intense crisis to ask for help. Instead, think of therapy as an investment in your wellbeing. To find a therapist that’s right for you, click here, or check out online mental health resources like Therapy for Black Girls and Sista Afya.
      Beyond professional help, also make sure to ask your boss, coworkers, family members, and friends for help. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to depend on and connect with other people. Marie includes seeking help from other practitioners, having good conversations with friends, and allowing her tribe to support her, as some of her go-to self-care practices she does on a regular basis. 

      7. Seek out resources in a community setting
      If you haven’t gotten the gist already, self-care is not just about yourself; feeling a part of a larger community is crucial for optimal self-care. Even though the global pandemic might make it more difficult to feel community in the sense we’re used to (*sigh* does anyone else surprisingly miss crowds?), online resources are stronger than ever. Seek out resources that not only help you heal and take care of yourself, but make you feel like you’re not alone. 
      For some examples, check out Rickett’s Racial Justice Resources and her Spiritual Activism webinars and workshops, which she said are “rooted in the inner, healing work required for external, collective change.” To hear from more Women of Color on their favorite acts of self-care you can try for yourself, click here. 

      How do you care for yourself that has made the most difference? More

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      Hormones and Weight Loss

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      Ladies— have you ever felt that your hormones were working against you when you were dieting and trying to lose weight? Well, perhaps you were not entirely incorrect! Oftentimes, low-calorie diets can adversely affect certain hormone levels, especially those hormones that stimulate appetite and cause increased hunger. This is frequently the reason many women wind up gaining weight back after a diet ceases. Two such hormones that do those things are called “the hunger hormones,” ghrelin and leptin.

      Ghrelin and Fat Storage
      Ghrelin, a 28-amino-acid peptide hormone that is secreted primarily by the stomach, is implicated in signaling hunger to the brain and increasing food intake. It may also stimulate fat storage. Ghrelin levels have been found to increase when a person consumes a low-calorie diet (eating less than their resting metabolic rate), and decrease when a person eats too many calories. Research is showing that the ghrelin receptors (GSR1a) and the dopamine receptors (DRD2) in the brain can interact with one another and cause a person to increase their caloric consumption, which could lead to weight gain and obesity. Ghrelin increases food intake by modulating the activity of dopaminergic neurons, and restricting food intake can increase the activity of ghrelin, increasing the number of DRD2 receptors. Studies are now finding decreased levels of dopamine DRD2 receptors in obese people compared with normal-weight people.
      The ghrelin hormone not only stimulates the brain to give rise to an increase in appetite, it also favors the accumulation of lipids in visceral fatty tissue, located in the abdominal region and considered to be the most dangerous type of adipose tissue. Excess abdominal fat is strongly associated with an increased risk for many different diseases, such as hypertension, metabolic syndrome, high cholesterol, coronary artery disease and premature death. Abdominal obesity also places people at a higher risk for developing a condition called insulin resistance, which increases the risk of type 2 diabetes.
      Leptin’s Effects on Bodyweight
      The other hormone associated with appetite is leptin. Leptin is known as the appetite suppressor and appears to have great effect on bodyweight and metabolism.
      Leptin helps signal the brain that the body has enough energy stores such as body fat. Many people who are overweight or obese have an impaired response to leptin’s signals, even though they have higher levels of the hormone in their blood, suggesting that obese individuals may be resistant to the effects of leptin. Leptin is synthesized and secreted primarily by adipocytes. It is present in blood serum in direct proportion to the amount of adipose tissue. As the fat cells become enlarged in obese individuals, they secrete a greater amount of leptin. Leptin communicates with the central nervous system to regulate energy intake and energy stores in the body so that the hypothalamus can efficiently maintain a stable bodyweight.
      Leptin Resistance
      Leptin resistance describes the apparent inconsistency of leptin’s action as an appetite-suppressing hormone and the reason for elevated levels in the majority of obese individuals. Theoretically, the human body is designed to respond to low levels of leptin, which occurs when fat stores are depleted, and not when the hormone is circulating at normal or elevated levels. There are a couple of suggested molecular mechanisms used to explain the reason for leptin resistance, such as impaired leptin transport across the blood-brain barrier or impairment of leptin receptor function and signaling. Also, it may be leptin itself playing a role in the development of resistance to its own effects, so called “leptin-induced leptin resistance.”
      Chronically raised leptin levels, which characterize obesity, decrease the transport of leptin into the central nervous system and impair the signaling properties of leptin receptors. The resulting resistance to leptin is the cause of the increased susceptibility to diet-induced obesity, which in turn raises leptin levels further and worsens existing leptin resistance leading to a vicious cycle of weight gain.
      Several factors influence the rate of leptin transport into the central nervous system. One influential factor may be α-adrenergic stimulation increasing transporter activity and decreasing transporter activity could be due to hypertriglyceridemia. Hypertriglyceridemia is generally observed during prolonged, very low calorie dieting (starvation dieting), and it is theorized that the ability of triglycerides to inhibit leptin transport may be due to their ability to counteract the stimulation of appetite suppressing signals. Conversely, hypertriglyceridemia is also associated with obesity and may in part be responsible for the impairment of leptin transport that is observed in obese individuals and defines the condition of peripheral leptin resistance.
      Cytokines
      Adipose tissue not only secretes leptin, it also secretes cytokines. Cytokines are elements of the immune system that are critical for maintaining proper levels of the immune system and they respond to inflammation in the body. Research is showing that lower levels of cytokines could also help to prevent obesity. Improvements in insulin sensitivity with weight loss are mediated by changes in inflammation in obese individuals. Improvements in glucose metabolism with weight-loss programs are independently associated with decreases in cytokine concentrations, suggesting that a reduction in inflammation is a potential mechanism that mediates improvements in insulin sensitivity.
      Cytokines respond to inflammation, and inflammation is produced by the eicosanoids, which originate from arachidonic acid. Arachidonic acid is an omega-6 fatty acid that is primarily controlled by diet. Following an anti-inflammatory diet (foods low in omega-6) may help to decrease levels of cytokines and aid in weight loss.
      Peptide YY
      Peptide YY is another protein hormone released by cells in the ileum and colon of the intestines in response to feeding that reduces appetite. Peptide YY is released in the blood and works by binding to receptors in the brain. These receptors then cause a decreased appetite and make people feel full after eating. Peptide YY also acts in the stomach and intestines to slow down the movement of food through the digestive tract. Peptide YY secretion is mainly stimulated by the presence of food in the digestive tract, particularly fat and protein. The amount of peptide YY that is released into the blood depends on the amount of calories eaten. The highest levels of peptide YY are found in the second hour after eating. Peptide YY levels then gradually decrease. Low levels of peptide YY are seen during long periods without eating, for example overnight.
      High peptide YY concentrations are unusual. They will cause a decrease in appetite and food intake. High peptide YY concentrations are associated with diseases where there is dramatic weight loss, such as anorexia nervosa, celiac disease, inflammatory bowel disease (Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis) and some cancers. Low peptide YY concentrations are associated with an increase in appetite and food intake. Low peptide YY levels are seen in relation to obesity and before the onset of type 2 diabetes and may contribute to weight gain in these conditions. It has also been known that obese people secrete less PYY than non-obese people. However, low peptide YY concentrations are very unlikely to be the main cause of obesity, as the levels decrease after weight gain has started. Researchers are showing that increasing the protein content of a person’s diet increases the body’s own peptide YY, helping to reduce hunger and aid in weight loss.
      Cortisol
      The hormone cortisol is produced in the adrenal cortex in response to adrenal cortical stimulating hormone (ACTH) produced in the pituitary gland. Cortisol plays an important role in regulating blood sugar, energy production, inflammation, the immune system and healing. Low cortisol levels may cause chronic fatigue, exhaustion and a disease of the endocrine system called Addison’s disease. If your adrenal glands are producing too much cortisol, you may develop conditions such as weight gain, especially around the abdomen, depressed immune function with all of the consequences, accelerated aging and stomach ulcers. Recently, a lot of attention has been directed to the effects of excess cortisol on weight gain and on the difficulty in losing weight.
      Cortisol is released in response to stress. The stress can be physical, environmental, chemical or idiopathic. All forms of stress produce the same physiological consequences. This includes environmental stress (heat, cold and noise, etc.), chemical stress (pollution, drugs, etc.), physical stress (overexertion, trauma, infection, etc.), psychological stress (worry, fear, etc.) and biochemical stress (nutritional deficiencies, refined sugar consumption, etc.). Whenever a person is subjected to a prolonged amount of stress, they are also subject to prolonged elevated levels of cortisol, which can cause the increased central adiposity and weight gain. Ways to lower cortisol levels include stress reduction, rest and eating a low glycemic diet. High dietary sugar can increase cortisol levels.
      Human Growth Hormone
      Human growth hormone (HGH) is produced by the pituitary gland and is necessary for organ and bone growth in youths. In adulthood, it is still vital for other functions. Deficiencies in HGH can cause cardiovascular disease, weight gain, decreased muscle mass, wrinkling of the skin, decreased energy and other conditions associated with the aging process. The hormone naturally decreases rapidly after age 30, and by the time a woman reaches her 40s the results are quite noticeable.
      Overall, obesity and, more importantly, fat stores in the abdominal region are indicative of impaired growth hormone production, but weight loss can help to offset this problem. High-glycemic-load carbohydrates inhibit growth hormone secretion and should be avoided. Since the majority of growth hormone secretion occurs at night during deep sleep, it is important to get a full seven to nine hours of good sound sleep. Also, your last meal of the day should contain a high-protein source and possibly a low-glycemic carbohydrate to help growth hormone secretion. Maintaining optimal levels of HGH through healthy lifestyle practices, nutrition and exercise can significantly help to increase lipolysis due to the fat-burning effects of HGH.
      Estrogen
      Estrogen actually refers to a collection of hormones that affect sexual function and reproduction, metabolism, mood, development growth and tissue health and development. There is an inverse relationship between estrogen and bodyweight during menopause, when estrogen levels drop, but weight tends to rise. Changes in estrogen receptors in the hypothalamus of the brain, a sign of menopause, means it can be harder to lose weight. In turn there is a greater burden on women to eat a healthy diet and exercise more to help their metabolism make up for the loss of estrogen, which helps regulate weight gain and appetite. Interestingly, fat cells produce estrogen, along with other hormones and proteins. But estrogen produced in fat cells will not help regulate obesity and metabolism. Instead, estrogen that accompanies weight gain, especially in abdominal fat, puts women at a higher risk for breast cancer, because estrogen stimulates cell growth.
      There is another condition associated with estrogen know as “estrogen dominance.” Estrogen dominance occurs when the body has too much estrogen, from overproduction or lack of progesterone. Estrogen dominance can result from excess estrogen production within the body, hormone replacement therapy common in menopause, and a drop in progesterone production or intake of excess estrogen from environmental sources, such as meat injected with hormones or man-made chemicals the body confuses with estrogen. Weight gain is a direct effect of estrogen dominance, especially increased fat accumulation in the abdominal region. This condition, if left unmanaged, can result in a continuous cycle of excess fat tissue producing more estrogen and estrogen producing more fatty tissue.
      The type of treatment you may need to follow to balance this hormone level depends on whether you have high or low levels. Some women entering menopause may need to have a discussion with their physician about the possibility of hormone replacement treatment, but there are many natural supplements that can aid in balancing levels of estrogen. Another way is through exercise and diet. It is no secret that exercise can help lower fat levels in your body, and since fall cells produce estrogen, exercise is a great way to possibly lower levels of the hormone. The reduction of estrogen in postmenopausal women causes an accumulation of fat, which can be counteracted by exercise as well. Many foods contain certain levels of estrogen. Food containing higher levels of estrogen (cucumbers and brown rice) can help to raise levels, whereas low estrogen containing foods (white rice and broccoli) can help to lower them.
      The Bottom Line
      There is increasing evidence showing that once people lose weight, their natural hormones may tend to push them towards regaining weight due to people’s adaptation to low-calorie dieting and being poorly adapted to proper nutrition. Changes in the appetite hormones can persist for a prolonged period of time, sometimes up to one year after dieting. Losing weight is not always a neutral event. Sometimes it is not by accident that people who lose weight wind up gaining it back.
      Many of the hormones in your body regulate metabolism and make it challenging to lose weight if those particular hormones are not balanced within your body. People struggling with their weight-loss efforts should not be discouraged by the new research suggesting that hormones are a key component in weight loss and/or weight regain. The power of success is in your hands towards achieving a healthy bodyweight by eating a nutritious diet, exercising and possibly receiving proper medical supervision if necessary.
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