health and weelbeing

Subterms

    More stories

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      6 Simple Ways to Have Better Posture at Your Desk

      by

      You’re probably currently sitting at your desk reading this, blissfully unaware of your posture right now—and that’s perfectly normal. It can be difficult to always be mindful of your posture, especially during a hectic workday through hours of Zoom meetings and conference calls.Your posture is a very important indicator of your overall health, as it supports blood flow, improves your mood, increases your confidence, and strengthens your other muscles and joints. Practicing better posture while at your desk at work or at home, even in the smallest ways, is a great way to be mindful of your health on a daily basis, and there are a few quick ways you can improve your posture as you go along your workday. Give your posture some attention and work smarter, not harder, at your desk.  

      1. Switch up your seating 
      Your seating can make or break your posture—literally. Seating with little to no back support, worn-out chairs, and working from your couch or bed could wear on your body over time, straining your shoulders, spine, and lower back. 
      If your desk chair doesn’t have the support you need to sit comfortably and in an upright position for an hour or two at a time, you may need to switch up your seating. A good, ergonomic chair for your workspace will have lumbar support to help the middle of your back, where most of the tension goes when you’re hunched over your desk. You also want to pick a chair that keeps your body at a neutral, upright position with an adequate seat height that keeps your arms and legs leveled and a backrest that isn’t too firm or too soft. 
      If you’re now working from home, make sure to be mindful of where and how you’re sitting. Set up your own workspace with a desk and chair that supports your back and shoulders and promotes better posture over time.

      2. Take frequent stretch breaks 
      Spending hours upon hours every day in a seated position where your back is either slouched or hunched over is detrimental to your posture. Many health professionals have declared that sitting has now become the new smoking, a popular myth that compares the negative chronic health effects of both, such as weight gain and diabetes.
      Prolonged sitting can have long-lasting effects on not only your back, but on your overall health. Make it a priority to get up and move around on a regular basis throughout your workday to give your body some relief from sitting and staring at a screen all day. Put yourself on a daily schedule to get some time away from the desk to give your back a break from sitting in an upright position, putting more pressure on your spine. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your workday and forget to move, so set an alert on your work calendar or on your phone as a regular reminder to take a break and switch up your posture by taking a walk, standing briefly in between meetings, stretching, or getting a quick exercise in. 

      Source: Danielle Moss

      3. Exercise for better posture
      When we exercise, we often forget to exercise for better posture, especially as working from home becomes more prevalent. Your posture is key to better overall health, and taking out the time to focus on it during your workday can help prevent lifelong body issues. 
      Exercising throughout the workday for better posture can be as simple as standing upright for an hour or two at a time at your desk, stretching and rotating your neck to relieve some of the tension from hours of working, or getting a good back bend at the waist to loosen up that lower back. Give yourself a few small breaks during the workday to work out those kinks in your shoulders, neck, and back from sitting too long, and focus on exercises specifically for those areas. 

      4. Keep your workspace eye level
      Hunching over your desk to look at your laptop or to type is one of the key indicators of poor posture. If your laptop or desktop computer isn’t eye level, it makes it easy to slouch and get stuck working that way for hours. 
      Do an overall assessment of your workspace, including your laptop, your monitor, your desk, and your computer accessories like your keyboard and mouse to make sure they are level to your eyesight and body to ensure that you’re not straining your neck, shoulders, and back to use your devices. Your workspace should be at a comfortable level, but upright enough where your posture isn’t compromised. Switch up the positioning of your workspace so that it makes it easier to sit upright while still being effective throughout the day. If you work remotely or from home, find a better place to set up your workspace like on a high bar-style countertop where you can easily sit in an upright position, or even stand and work for a change of pace. 

      Source: Jenny Komenda | Juniper Studio

      5. Practice mindfulness of your posture 
      It can be difficult to take a lunch break or grab a second cup of coffee during the workday when you’re juggling emails and meetings, let alone be actively aware of how your body feels. Taking the time out to connect with your body every so often throughout the day to see how it feels can seem like another item for your to-do list, but your back most importantly will thank you for it! 
      Practice being mindful of your posture throughout the workday by setting frequent reminders on your phone to check in with your body. There are plenty of mindfulness apps that can help you break away from your work mentally for a few minutes to give your body and mind a quick check-up. Block off time in your work calendar to check in with yourself, your posture, your mood, and your overall body. Scheduling time on your work calendar helps you stay accountable to yourself and your health. 
      Use this mindfulness to be more aware of your posture on a daily basis and when you place the most tension on your back. Do you find that your posture suffers during long Zoom meetings? Are you sitting for more than 2-3 hours at a time in the mornings or afternoons? Take note daily of all of your workspace habits and how it impacts your posture and your overall body. This will help you anticipate and be more mindful of your posture during the most stressful times of your day and prepare to change it up.

      6. Keep your feet flat on the floor 
      Your feet and their position while at your desk play a crucial role in your overall posture while sitting. If your feet are crossed or elevated, that could compromise your posture, as your weight is primarily on one leg or your back is taking the brunt of it. When your feet are flat on the floor and properly leveled, the weight of your body is evenly distributed across your hips. Keeping your feet flat on the floor also makes you more mindful of the overall stance of your body, as it unconsciously makes you straighten up.
      Practice keeping your feet fully on the floor for longer periods of time instead of elevating them using a footrest or crossing your legs at the knees underneath your desk. Planting your feet on the ground will help you be more aware of your posture and if you’re slouched or hunched over your desk. 

      Your posture is a key indicator of your body’s health during your workday. Don’t ignore any signs of back or shoulder pain; make it a point to take care of yourself while working, starting with your posture.  More

    • 75 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      How to Turn Jealousy Into Productivity

      by

      How many times has this happened to you: you’re sitting on the train on your way to work, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. You speed past the engagements, the baby photos, and yet another brunch photo. Then it stops you in your tracks. A post with “some personal news.” An old friend from college has an announcement to make: she’s taken a new job in the city with a big-name agency and an impressive title. Her montage of photos includes a glimpse of her shiny new apartment and flowers from her adorable fiancé.You want to be happy for her, but the pangs of envy are running deep. Why not you?
      When we’re feeling jealous, there are two roads we can take: we can use it to feel bad about ourselves and validate complacency, or we can use it to kick ourselves into high drive and put a plan in place. We can channel our jealousy into productivity. Jealousy can be an amazing tool that gives you a glimpse into what exactly you want in life — and gives you the motivation to chase after it.

      First, Take a Moment to Practice Gratitude for What You Do Have.
      Pause for a second. For every person who you are jealous of, there’s probably someone out there looking at you and wondering how you’ve got it all together. Maybe you have a degree that you worked your ass off for. Perhaps you are the friend who always knows just how to celebrate those close to her. Or maybe you’re the one who everyone looks to for decor advice. 
      For anything you don’t have, there’s something you’ve got going on that’s awesome and worth being grateful for!

      Figure Out Where Exactly Your Jealousy is Rooted.
      Once you’ve taken stock of what you do have, take a step back and figure out where exactly your jealousy is coming from. Are you envious of a career? Relationships? Travel? Just an overall feeling of happiness? 
      If you can nail down why you’re feeling jealous, you have a tangible way to figure out what it is you’re striving for in your own life.
      The only way to change your current situation is to know what you want to change.

      Look at the Path That This Person Took to Reach Their Goals.
      So, this acquaintance (or maybe just the random blogger on Instagram!) that you’re feeling jealous of? Use them as inspiration to get moving. Turn your jealousy into admiration, and remember: if she can do it, so can you. 
      OK, she’s got your dream career — what jobs or internships did she use as stepping stones along the way? Her travel schedule is unreal — has she set up an agreement to work remotely? Did she find a job that involves monthly travel or cut back in other areas in order to splurge on flights? She has the most supportive partner — did she spend years culling through dating apps and figuring out her must-haves and deal-breakers? Or maybe you’re wishing your apartment looked as magazine-worthy as hers — hey, ask her how she found it and where she discovered those quirky vintage chairs.
      When you reframe your jealousy as motivation, it gives you the freedom to be happy for others and to reach out with respect and interest in how they created their life. Never be afraid to ask if you want to know more about how they’ve accomplished something you admire! People love to share their successes with others. 
      Not sure how to reach out? Just be genuine! “Hi! I’m so impressed with how you’ve done X. I’d love to learn more about how you got there!”

      Create an Actionable Roadmap for Yourself to Achieve Your Version of Success.
      The best part about turning your jealousy into productivity is that it allows you to create an action plan to find the same success in your own life. 
      When your jealousy is no longer a vague feeling of not being enough, you can use it to say, “Sarah is doing exactly the work I hope to be doing in the next five years and I want to become a digital marketing director at a socially-conscious corporation too. In order to do that, I need to first refresh my resume and take this course in data and analytics. Then, I’ll land a role as a digital marketing manager to set me up for the director position. I’m going to attend networking events once a month and make connections at companies that are doing work that inspires me.”
      And, if your jealousy is more of the, “Why am I sitting in an office while Carrie is lounging on the beach in Bali?” variety, you can think about ways to create more work-life balance. You may feel like you can’t take your vacation days without professional repercussions, but perhaps with enough preparation, you can feel comfortable leaving the office for a week. You may not have the flexibility to take a two-week European adventure, but you could do five days in Charleston.
      Whatever form your jealousy takes — career, relationships, style, fitness, travel – look into ways to create an actionable roadmap to achieve your version of success in your own life. No one’s reality will look exactly the same, but you can channel those feelings of jealousy into productive moves towards your own happiness.

      Don’t Forget to Recognize and Celebrate Your Own Milestones!
      This goes back to expressing gratitude for what you do have, but don’t forget to hit pause and recognize when you’ve accomplished something worth celebrating! It doesn’t have to be big, but if you were feeling stuck in your career two months ago and now you have an updated resume and an interview on the horizon, pat yourself on the back! If you felt like you were living in a bubble between work and home and back again, but now you’ve planned a long weekend away, great job! 
      Your success may not look exactly like the Insta images that were stirring up jealousy, but if you’re making productive steps towards achieving your dreams, that’s something that’s always worth celebrating. More

    • 113 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      6 Simple Ways You Can Start Reducing Your Waste

      by

      I have always been a lover of the Earth—in fact, Earth Day is one of my favorite holidays. One year, my elementary school gave out tree saplings for Earth Day and asked us to go home and plant them. I asked my dad for help choosing a space to plant the tree and we decided we should put it in a bare spot in our backyard. I am proud to say that the tree I planted over 20 years ago is still thriving in my parents’ yard and has turned into a giant pine tree. As I grew up and started managing my own household, I knew I wanted to continue to find ways to do more to protect the Earth, so I decided to start the journey of reducing my waste. As an Earth-conscious herbalist, I knew I wanted to live, shop, and work as sustainably as possible. I began to research and follow waste-free social media accounts to try and get as much information and inspiration as I could. 
      As I dug deeper, it seemed that going waste-free was pretty expensive. It was ironic that some of the information out there wanted you to buy all of the new stuff in order to go waste-free. To me, it just didn’t make sense. 
      I was discouraged, but I didn’t believe that it was necessary to throw away everything I was already using just so I could be waste-free. I was more determined than ever to figure out a way to reduce my waste—and I’ve figured out a few ways to make it happen.

      1. Take note of your daily habits
      When you are trying to reduce your waste, there might already be routines and habits you are doing that support your goals. I find it’s best to notice what’s working and where changes can be made. Maybe you’ve already got your recycling habits figured out, or maybe you’re throwing your food scraps into a compost bin. Celebrate what’s working and give yourself the option to develop new habits when you are ready. 

      2. Set boundaries
      If you dig deep enough into all of the information on reducing waste, there are tips from food storage to feminine hygiene and everything in between. Look at your budget (the list of items you “need” can get very long and very expensive), your time, and your comfort level when you are beginning to reduce your waste. Doing this will allow you to clearly see what you will actually be able to achieve. 
      Paying attention to my budget and setting a boundary on how much I was willing to spend when going waste-free was very important to me. It didn’t make sense for me to spend hundreds of dollars on new items just so I could be waste-free. The list of items recommended for a waste-free lifestyle can overwhelming look a little something like this:
      Masons Jars of all sizes
      Metal straws and straw cleaners
      Reusable utensals
      Toothpaste pellets
      Silicone lids
      Cloth napkins
      Unpaper towels
      Metal razor
      Reusable produce bags
      Reusable water bottles
      Silicone sponges
      Period cups
      Reusable grocery bags
      Reusable coffee mugs
      Bamboo toothbrushes
      Biodegradable floss
      The list above is just the beginning of some of the items suggested to start a waste-free lifestyle, and the further you go in the lifestyle, the longer the list becomes. 
      For me, I noticed that the biggest impact would come from my kitchen, but some of my easiest changes could come from my bathroom habits. Right now, I don’t have the courage to try reusable pantyliners, but I loved swapping out my tampons for a reusable menstrual cup! Setting boundaries like this allowed me to feel empowered and successful in my choices instead of feeling like I needed to do it all. Get honest with yourself and set some clear boundaries based on what best supports you and your household. As you get comfortable in this lifestyle, your boundaries may change. Keep an open mind and let the rest flow. 

      3. Save, save, save
      The next time you head to the grocery store, see how many items you can purchase that are in glass jars. Items like spaghetti sauce, salsa, olives, and mayo usually have a glass jar option. If it doesn’t up your grocery bill too much, see if you can grab some of those glass items. 
      Buying glass jars will allow you to get multiple uses out of them, because now you have reusable storage. No need to run out and buy tons of mason jars, just repurpose those saved jars to store leftovers and more. Mayo jars are great for your lunchtime salad in a jar, and yogurt jars on your nightstand are great to hold small items like rings and earrings. Glass jars come in all shapes and sizes and are great for so many uses. You are already heading to the grocery store—why not get your money’s worth and get multiple uses out of those jars?

      4. Buy it once, use it twice
      When I began to take stock of where I could make changes, I realized that I could make improvements in my food waste. I love cooking and noticed that when I was prepping my meals, I continued to throw out a lot of food scraps that I could’ve reused into stock instead. It’s so easy and takes minimal effort. Here’s what you do:
      Keep a container (any size) in your freezer
      Pull out your container whenever you are cooking.
      Add your veggie scraps (onion peels, garlic, carrot shavings, herbs, celery ends, etc.). Get as creative as you want.
      Continue to fill your container each time you cook.
      Once the container is full, add your scraps to a slow cooker. Cover with water. Add some salt. Cook eight hours on low, four hours on high. Set it and walk away. The slow cooker will do the work.
      Strain the scraps from the liquid and store in the fridge or freezer depending on how quickly you will use the stock. 
      Honestly, the stocks I’ve made from my food scraps have had way more flavor than the store-bought varieties. Last year, I was able to make my entire Friendsgiving from my food scrap stock! The “buy it once, use it twice” motto can be applied all over your house. Get creative, you’ll be surprised at how much you can reduce your waste by using items again and again. 

      5. Is there a swap here?
      As I began settling into a reduced-waste lifestyle, I began to look at items in my house a little differently. I wasn’t going to throw out perfectly good stuff just because it wasn’t the most eco-friendly item. However, when that item was completely used, I asked myself, “is there a swap here?” If I had to buy something new anyway, why not swap it out with a more eco-friendly option that would help me reduce my waste?
      Here are some easy swaps that you can make the next time you are shopping:
      At some point, we will have to buy new things and this is your opportunity to see if there is a swap that makes sense for you. It might not be the right time, and that’s OK. These tips are not to add stress to your life. Just asking “is there a swap for this?” and building awareness is moving in the right direction. Try and let these swaps happen naturally and enjoy the journey.

      6. Sell or donate what you can
      I love getting rid of stuff! There’s something about letting go of things I’m no longer using that feels therapeutic. Whether it’s a few items or a large overhaul, I try and donate or sell as much as I can. Just because I no longer wear high heels doesn’t mean someone else can enjoy them. Why throw away perfectly good shoes?
      Does throwing stuff out stress you out? I get it, my husband also struggles with this. If you have trouble getting rid of stuff ask yourself the same questions I ask my husband:
      Have you used it in the last year?
      Does this item have purpose in your life now?
      If you got rid of this item today, would you even notice?
      If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it might be time to either sell or donate some items in your house. It’s OK to get rid of things that you aren’t using. Trust me, there is someone out there who will absolutely take it off of your hands and put it to good use. 
      The next time you are doing a cleanout, keep one container for donation and another one with items you will sell. Not only do you get to keep the landfills empty of items that are difficult to break down, but you have also given your items the opportunity to have a second purpose. 
      Reducing your waste is a practice that happens gradually. Start with one change at a time. Once you feel settled in that new habit, then maybe add one more. Resist the urge to throw out everything that doesn’t fit your reducing waste mindset. Grant yourself permission to celebrate what you are already doing, while exploring ways to take the next step. Have fun and remember that even one action to reduce your waste is a step in the right direction.  More

    • 150 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      10 Ways to Revive a Workout Routine (If You’ve Totally Given Up)

      by

      I don’t know who needs to hear this, but we’re human beings. We don’t get energy from an iPhone charger or AAA batteries like the Energizer Bunny, and therefore, we naturally ebb and flow. That goes for moods, motivations, and workout routines. We’ll have periods where we’re more active and periods where we’re less active (yes, that includes when walking to the fridge and back to the couch is the only activity we’ll do in a day). Maybe you got injured and had to cool down the workouts for a while, maybe you got so busy you had difficulty finding time, or maybe there was a freaking global pandemic that removed every sense of normalcy and stripped you of the workout routine you were used to.If you’re in one of the ebbs (or the flows? IDK), don’t panic. First of all, know that you’re not lazy. You’re just in one of the less active periods where other things have become more important than exercise (and yes, that includes finishing season one of Tiger King). But movement is crucial for physical and mental health, and can help you feel like your happiest and best self; the times when you feel busy, stressed, or anxious are when you need it the most. Even if you’ve totally given up on a workout routine, there are many ways to find the motivation to start again (and keep it up!). Here are 10 of them: 

      Source: @ceceolisa

      1. Change your motivation
      When you work out solely because of the way it will make you look, you’re more likely to feel discouraged. You might feel shame and guilt for being “out of shape,” or you don’t see results quickly enough and give up out of disappointment. Nothing is less motivating than thinking you’re not good enough as already you are. Exercise establishes a connection between your mind and body, helps you feel stronger, makes you love your body for what it can do (instead of the way it looks), and can have powerful effects on mental health. 
      Too often, we focus on common motivators like weight loss or because we know we’re “supposed to” as reasons to work out. But you won’t truly be motivated to keep up a routine unless you have what I call a “why reason.” Sure, you want to lose weight or be healthier, but why? Do you want to feel more confident and connected to your body? Do you want to feel like you’re doing everything you can to be your healthiest? Do you want to live a long and healthy life for your children or your spouse? Do you feel happier and less stressed after a workout? Now those are reasons that will motivate you to exercise even on days where you’re tired, unexcited, and just don’t feel like it. 

      2. Take your time getting back into it
      Not only could going from laying on the couch all day to three-mile sprints twice a day be harmful, but it won’t be sustainable. When you do get back into the gym (or the yoga mat on your living room floor), remember that the goal is to make the body healthier, not strain it or overwork it. You’ll most likely feel discouraged forcing your body to do workouts that it’s just not ready for, so remember that you don’t need to be painfully sore or out of breath to make a workout count. Start by going on more walks, lifting light weights, and doing short workouts that feel less overwhelming and difficult. You’ll be more likely to fit in exercise and keep up with a workout routine when it feels manageable and doable. Don’t start where you were or where you want to be; start from where you are right now. 
       

      Source: @crystalinmarie

      3. Make small changes in your routine
      One of the most common reasons we give up on workout routines is because we don’t see ourselves as the kind of person who keeps up with a workout routine. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you don’t see yourself as someone who prioritizes health and exercise, you never will prioritize health and exercise. Boost your overall confidence and change the way you see yourself by making small changes like keeping a full water bottle with you at all times to increase hydration, ordering a side salad with your takeout, or always taking the stairs. Making a bunch of small habits can help you stay motivated to keep up with your fitness goals or workout schedule because it boosts the confidence you have in yourself.

      4. …But don’t change everything at once
      When getting back into a fitness routine, you may be tempted to overhaul your diet too. Even if a total health makeover comes from the best intentions, focusing on too many changes at once can be overwhelming. Instead, try focusing on one thing. If your #1 goal is to get back into a fitness routine, then fit in some movement every single day. Don’t try to totally change your diet or wake up two hours earlier for an extensive morning routine. Once your fitness routine becomes more habitual, you can use it as motivation to make other changes in your routine. Start with one focus and let it snowball into others, rather than trying to change everything at once.

      5. Set a schedule
      Yes, it’s important to create a schedule, but it’s even more important to be realistic about it. Don’t set your alarm for 5:30am to fit in that workout if you typically wake up five minutes before your workday starts, and don’t add in a 60-minute block every day if you know you’re busy from the minute you wake up until the minute you go to bed. Instead of feeling disappointed by an unrealistic schedule that you won’t keep, start small. Add in time slots here and there as quick work breaks or as a part of your morning and evening routine. Once you find the schedule that works best for your lifestyle, add it to your calendar and honor that schedule like you would any work meeting or appointment. 

      Source: @laurenkaysims

      6. Try something new
      There’s a reason you didn’t keep up with a workout routine before. Sure, it might be because times are weird, and Selling Sunset was so good you had to binge it all at once, or it might be because whatever you were trying before just wasn’t working. Therefore, don’t go back to the same type of workout or the same schedule you’ve tried before. If you dread running or weight-lifting, then don’t do it: try a Zumba class on Youtube, sign up for a boxing app, or go on a walk while listening to a podcast. Also, try experimenting with working out at different times. Maybe you’ve realized you like to have peaceful, slow mornings, so you should schedule workouts after work, or that multiple 15-minute workouts throughout the day are better for you than a 60-minute session. 

      7. Redefine what exercise means
      If you’re like me and depended on trendy studios, ill-lit rooms, and fancy lavender cloths to get you to work out, the stay-at-home order likely caused a big shift in your fitness routine. But here’s the reality: you don’t need a gym, a motivating instructor, or an hour every day to get a good workout. Instead, fit more movement into your average day to make a huge impact. If you stopped exercising at all because going on a two-mile run or 45-minutes of HIIT was never happening for you, you might be defining exercise the wrong way. Instead, think about how you can do a quick yoga flow in the morning, go on a walk at lunch, and jump rope after work. Think of exercise as living less sedentary, rather than a specific time or way to get your body moving. 

      8. Create competition with yourself
      Being competitive might not always be a positive trait when it comes to sibling rivalry or a romantic relationship (anyone else guilty of keeping score when it comes to chores?), but you can use it to your advantage when it comes to a motivating fitness routine. Studios like Orange Theory and Cyclebar have dedicated their classes to exactly this concept: seeing your numbers on a screen will push you harder, whether it’s in competition with the other class-goers’ stats or just trying to beat your personal best.
      Luckily for 2020, you don’t need to go into a trendy fitness studio to reap the benefits of your competitive edge. Every day, challenge yourself to add in an extra rep, run or walk an extra half mile, or exercise for five minutes longer. You can also challenge yourself to hit a milestone by a specified time; people who train for marathons are more likely to stay motivated when the marathon is already on the calendar. 

      Source: @missenocha

      9. Invest in your workout routine
      Sure, sometimes motivation comes from loving ourselves enough to do what’s best for our bodies, and sometimes motivation comes in the form of a super cute matching leggings and sports bra set. People are more likely to keep up with whatever they put money into, so try investing in an online subscription, a new pair of leggings, or a pretty yoga mat or pair of dumbbells (it’s like the at-home equivalent to that $20 cancellation fee at your local spin studio). Personal trainers are effective for more reasons that just one-on-one expertise: putting money into someone that will hold you accountable means you’re less likely to slack off. There’s nothing more worthy of your time and money than your most energetic, happiest, healthiest self, so start prioritizing it. 

      10. Focus on holistic exercise rather than calorie burn
      By now, you know you need a reason to work out that’s more motivating than burning calories (and if you don’t, see #1). But beyond motivation, you need to focus on more than intensity to keep up a sustainable routine. Keep in mind cool down, recovery, stretching, and enjoyment. Yes, you can revive a workout routine you’ve had zero motivation to keep up with by prioritizing everything else besides the physical “workout.” Incorporate stretching, foam rolling, and walking more often into your daily routine. Not only will it keep your body healthier and avoid injuries when you are working out, but you’ll be reminded that keeping your body in peak health is so much more than cardio or weight-training.

      What has helped you revive your workout routine? More

    • 138 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Small Changes You Can Make If You Gained Weight During Quarantine

      by

      So 2020 has been a ride, huh? Comfort food recipes are trending on Google, you haven’t worn pants without a drawstring since March, and workouts look more like laying on the living room floor and forcing ourselves to go through a yoga video on Youtube. The most thrilling part of the past six months was perfecting a banana bread recipe or when the new season of Selling Sunset came out, and you’ve totally ditched your Fitbit because it’s way too judgmental RN (the only steps we’re getting in is to and from the kitchen, so that 10,000 step goal is pretty much a distant memory). It’s no surprise that “Quarantine 15” is a trending phrase and weight loss is a trending topic these days.As a health coach, I’ve found that many clients will feel uncomfortable saying they’d like to lose weight, as if it’s materialistic or wrong. On the flip side, other women feel like they’re supposed to want to lose weight, even if they feel great as they are, because weight loss and diet culture are so normalized. So here’s my preface: instead of shaming yourself for whatever goal you do or don’t have, listen to your body, respect other women’s health goals, and know that what makes you feel good in your body is going to be different than anyone else. 
      Now that we have that out of the way, if weight loss is your goal after gaining weight in quarantine, here are 11 small changes you can make to help you feel like your best, healthiest self (yes, even after doing nothing but watching reruns of The Office on your couch for the past six months):

      Source: Chelsea Victoria | Stocksy

      1. First of all… chill out. 
      Weight gain does not mean anything besides just that: you gained weight. It doesn’t mean you’re less attractive, strong, or lovable. It simply means the entire world is going through a very scary time. Your routine and any sense of normalcy have changed, and it’s only normal for your body to change with it. Stress over weight gain is just as bad for your body as pandemic-induced anxiety, so don’t feel guilt or shame. Instead, know that your body is doing what it’s supposed to. If you want to lose weight because you feel less connected to your body and just overall less healthy, then I commend you for knowing your body well enough to identify what it needs. But prioritize losing the shame around weight gain over losing the weight. 

      Source: Daria Shevtsova | Pexels

      2. Don’t ignore cravings. Instead, find healthier alternatives.
      Cravings are not mistakes or punishments, and they’re not there to sabotage your weight loss or health goals. Cravings are actually one of the ways our bodies try to communicate with us what they need. Plus, if we have a major craving for delicious fajitas and force ourselves to eat another boring salad instead, it can lead to bingeing, restrictive eating, and an unhealthy relationship with food. Now that will sabotage your health goals. 
      Instead, find alternatives with nutritious whole foods to nourish your body. For example, if you have a sweet tooth, grab a square of dark chocolate after dinner. If you’re craving chips or fries, DIY sweet potato fries by tossing sweet potato slivers with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and baking them in the oven. If heavy comfort foods are more your medicine of choice, score a frozen cauliflower crust from Trader Joe’s to top with tomato sauce and organic cheese, or try chickpea pasta or spaghetti squash. For any other craving, check out these recipes to find a healthier alternative. 

      Source: Eli Sommer | Pexels

      3. Take a work break with movement instead of an Instagram scroll
      You know those moments when you mindlessly reach for your phone to scroll through Instagram or Tiktok after finishing a major task you’ve been working on for hours? Either your brain needs a break, or you need a few minutes “off” to transition into the next task. Instead of reaching for your phone, get up, and move. Do some stretching, go through a yoga flow, or do ten jumping jacks to get blood flowing. Not only will movement help you refocus and reenergize better than an Instagram scroll ever would, but it’s also an easy way to fit in more movement and motivate yourself to make better choices for the rest of the day. 

      4. Drink more water
      Drinking more water is a tale as old as time, but there’s a reason it’s the most basic, universal health hack in the book. For me, drinking a big glass of water first thing when waking up, sipping on a reusable straw throughout the day (I’m partial to these pretty gold ones), and having three drinks at a time to achieve optimal hydration (like lemon water and green juice with my coffee), has made a drastic difference in how my body feels. If I get hungry soon after eating, I drink a big glass of water rather than going straight to the pantry to mindlessly snack (more on that below!). Of course, if I’m still hungry afterward, I’ll eat something nourishing (the body knows what it needs), but I’ve also learned that a lot of hunger cues are actually thirst. Try drinking even more water every day and just watch how much better your body feels. 

      Source: Lauren Naefe | Stocksy

      5. Go on a walk every day
      Intense workout plans don’t always help us achieve health goals because they’re hard to keep up. You might run out of time to fit in a workout and forego exercise altogether that day, and we will all likely have days (or weeks) where we feel too tired to even start a 60-minute HIIT workout. Instead, shift your focus to living less sedentary and moving more often. Whether workouts are a part of your daily routine or you haven’t worked out since your gym was open in spring, make it a goal to go on walks every day. Take your dog for a walk in the morning, go on a walk while listening to a podcast on a work break, or grab your significant other for a stroll in the evening. 

      Source: Annie Spratt | Unsplash

      6. Every time you snack, ask yourself why
      Back to the cravings: yes, they can tell us what our bodies need, but it’s not always about food. More often than not, whenever we mindlessly snack or crave (like snacking while working or watching TV), it’s because our bodies are lacking something else, whether it’s a break, excitement, comfort, or joy. Every time you subconsciously reach for the bag of chips or Cheez-Its, ask yourself if you’re hungry or not. If you are, then great! You’re listening to your body’s cues. Proceed with the snack, or make a snack that might feel more fulfilling and satisfying.
      If you’re not hungry, ask yourself what void your body is trying to fill. Are you stressed and your body’s telling you to take a break from work, or are you looking for a way to comfort yourself because you’ve been feeling extra anxious lately? Maybe it’s the lack of anything exciting to look forward to, so you’re supplementing with cheesy, delicious snacks that don’t really fill the void. If you identify it is emotional snacking, try to feed your body in other ways: take a work break and go for a walk, plan a fun movie night with your roommate, or just give yourself a little extra love. 

      Source: Nabi Tang | Stocksy

      7. Stop weighing yourself
      You’ll see the most drastic changes when you enjoy healthy habits for both the mind and body, rather than thinking you have to do them for weight loss. You’ll stop hating yourself when the scale isn’t moving quickly enough, and will naturally look, feel, and be better. This is not woo-hoo self-help advice; being healthy for benefits like mental health and energy is what made the most drastic changes in my body (oh, and it was actually sustainable). When you’re focused on a number on the scale, you naturally feel more stressed, restricted, and disappointed. Instead, focus on how you feel to measure where you are, instead of relying on an objective number to tell you how you’re supposed to feel. 

      Source: Marc Bordons | Stocksy

      8. Turn workouts into a social activity 
      One of the most common sources of stress during this time is that we lack connection. Happy hours are restricted to Zoom, you gossip with your work wife over Slack instead of over lattes, and you run away from people at the grocery store who get too close–it’s against our nature as human beings to be so unconnected, leading to stress and anxiety. Kill two birds with one stone by turning workouts into social activities. Not only will you feel happier with more social connection, but you’re more likely to work out since you’ll have a friend to hold you accountable. Try going on socially-distanced hikes, doing group workouts with your quarantine crew, or meeting up with your sister to go through a workout series together.

      Source: @josie.santi

      9. Eat more vegetables with every meal
      In my humble opinion, one of the most effective changes you could make is learning about foods and the effects they have on the body. When you’re aware of the nutrients and benefits that come from whole foods, you start to see them as medicine and fuel, rather than in categories of “good” or “bad” foods that you’re either supposed to eat or not supposed to eat (and just like bad boys and the cookie jar, we want it more when it’s off-limits).
      Focusing on eating more vegetables can not only help you feel your best and crave fruits and vegetables, but it can also subconsciously crowd out processed and sugary foods (totally guilt-free). Do you typically have eggs for breakfast? No need to shift what you’re used to or enjoy. Instead, add some spinach to an omelet or put some avocado on top. Do you eat pasta on the regular? Throw in some kale and asparagus, and you’ll never feel deprived, while simultaneously giving your body nutrients that keep it healthy.

      Source: @barre3

      10. Invest in your health
      There’s a reason pricey programs work (if only temporarily): when people invest money into it, they’re more likely to stay motivated and on track. If you decided at the beginning of quarantine to workout with Youtube videos or some yoga flows on your own and find yourself never making time for exercise, it might be because you don’t have anything on the line. Try investing in an online subscription, a new pair of leggings, or a pretty yoga mat or pair of dumbbells. Likewise, invest in healthy produce. Because fresh produce goes bad much quicker than a box of mac n’ cheese or a frozen pizza, you’re more likely to go for a meal incorporating the fruits and veggies, if for no other reason than you don’t want your money to go to waste. There’s nothing more worthy of time and money than your most energetic, happiest, healthiest self, so start prioritizing it. 

      Source: Thais Varela | Stocksy

      11. Ask yourself the “why”
      You already know that setting goals are important when it comes to your health. Health goals are commonly to “lose weight,” “work out more,” or “eat cleaner,” and while these are all fine health goals, they don’t really mean anything. Ask yourself why you want to reach that goal. Why do you want to lose weight? Is it to feel more confident, to feel less sluggish, or to heal symptoms? Not only will reflecting on the “why” behind your goals be so much more motivating to keep in mind throughout the process than weight loss could ever be, but you’ll be able to assess whether or not you actually want your goals.
      If your goal is to be more confident, will losing weight truly help? And even if you know it would, what other things can you work on while simultaneously trying to lose weight to help reach that goal? Shift your goal from feeling good about your body to feel good in your body. You’ll realize that what you actually want is a holistic process that isn’t just about your diet or how much you’re exercising, but about how much joy you’re feeling. 

      What changes have helped you with weight loss or achieving your health goals? More

    • 138 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      4 Lessons I Learned From Grief—and How They’ve Changed My Life

      by

      As a child, I remember my friends going over to their grandparents’ homes for the weekend and coming home with mountains of homemade cookies and hand-knit sweaters. Me? I came home from my Grammy’s house smelling of patchouli and incense. I would hop back in the car from East Texas back to Dallas arm-in-arm with a pile of new books from the thrift store, a head chock full of Beatles songs, and lots of stories to chat about on the two-hour drive home.From what you can probably gather, my Grammy wasn’t the typical grandparent that you may have grown up with. She was a nurse dedicated to each and every patient that saw her, an activist for everyone who walked past her, an animal rehabber who took care of everything from chinchillas to possums, and a hippie at heart. When she died in 2017, I was wrecked—and so was everyone else. It wasn’t until I began to deal with my grief in a productive way that I realized something: the people we love leave us with lessons in the smallest, most magical of places—it’s just up to us to find them. 

      1. Life’s too short for boring
      I’ve always been a monochrome girl. I love a nice gray sweater, a fantastic pair of black jeans, and dainty gold jewelry. My room has always been decorated in neutrals (with the exception of an unfortunate satin purple bedspread in the 4th grade), and I’ve always been happy with it. My Grammy, on the other hand? Everything has always, always been an explosion of color. From the tie-dyed peace sign bumper stickers on her red Nissan Cube to the bright shirts and scrubs she wore on the daily to the card she carried as a member of the Red Hat Society, she was a huge proponent of rainbows and color bursts in any and every situation. 
      When she died, I wanted to honor her in little, everyday ways. For me, this looked like adding a rainbow quilt to my bed and a bright-colored tassel to my keys. More importantly, it was a reminder to me that she wasn’t one for normal things—and life was too short to be normal all the time. Loss is heavy, but finding bright spots to remember your loved one by is a way to lighten the load. By finding tangible, small ways to remember the person you lost, the grieving process might just shorten itself.
      My challenge to you: Add a little color to your bedroom with a bright pillow, swipe on some red lipstick, or pick up the bright blue socks from Target instead of the plain white ones.

      It was a reminder to me that she wasn’t one for normal things—and life was too short to be normal all the time. Loss is heavy, but finding bright spots to remember your loved one by is a way to lighten the load.

      2. Spread some love in your loved one’s honor
      As a (sometimes) vegetarian, an animal rehabber, and a seriously political woman, my Grammy did her absolute best to teach my sister, my cousin, and I about how lucky we were to have an Earth that supported us like it did. She also taught us how lucky we were to have animals that roamed the Earth and snuggled up next to us, and she was recycling everything in sight and carrying reusable bags way before it was the cool thing to do. She spent every extra second of her life volunteering somewhere, in some capacity, and I never once heard her complain. From picking up extra shifts as a hospice nurse on top of her normal ER hours and waking up at all hours of the night to bottle-feed injured possums, she never, ever put herself first. 
      In the years that have passed, I’ve become acutely aware of the holes in my community and the world that I could be helping with. Many of us probably understand the dichotomy that often occurs when we lose someone close to us—that balance between honoring someone while remembering they weren’t perfect people—that can add a confusing element to an already confusing time. While I’m sure my Grammy had qualities that were certainly not great, choosing to embrace her love for the world has helped me become a better person in every way. Grief is a messy, convoluted process, and none of it is particularly joyful. However, choosing to embrace and live out the spots in your loved one’s lives that gave them joy is the surest and quickest way to give yourself some spark.
      My challenge to you: Set up a recurring monthly donation to a political candidate that inspires you, go pet the puppies living in cages at your local animal shelter, and rinse the shampoo out of your bottle so you can recycle it, damn it!

      Grief is a messy, convoluted process, and none of it is particularly joyful. However, choosing to embrace and live out the spots in your loved one’s lives that gave them joy is the surest and quickest way to give yourself some spark.

      3. People make all the difference
      After my Grammy died, we had the intensely un-fun job at our hands to go through her things. I found myself near her bookshelves—the exact ceiling-to-floor shelves that had captivated me as a child—picking through the thousands of novels and self-help books that filled out. On the bottom shelf, I found a collection of all of her old high school yearbooks. They were coated in a thin layer of dust, and it was obvious that she hadn’t touched them in a while. I cracked them open, and the inside front and back covers were simply covered with long, handwritten notes about how grateful they were to have met a sweet spirit like her. As a high school teacher myself, I understand how rare it is for any high schoolers to write much more than “have a good summer” in anyone’s yearbook. 
      The truth is, our life is full of tiny little moments and seemingly ordinary encounters that can, quite literally, change lives. Whether we’re in line for an oil change or making friends at work, the same old adage rings true: people will simply never forget how you made them feel. In a world rife with turmoil and heavy with reminders that life can change on a dime, it’s our job to build meaningful relationships and love as well as we can. After all, not a single day is guaranteed.
      My challenge to you: Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t talked to in a while, write a thank-you note to a teacher who made an impact on you, or make a point to have a true conversation with someone you love.

      The truth is, our life is full of tiny little moments and seemingly ordinary encounters that can, quite literally, change lives. Whether we’re in line for an oil change or making friends at work, the same old adage rings true: people will simply never forget how you made them feel.

      4. Never, ever stop searching for more
      My Grammy was always looking for something. I spent 23 years as her granddaughter before she died, and in that time I saw her explore transcendental meditation, dabble in Buddhist and Hindu prayers, twist herself into yoga positions, burn incense, and convert to Judaism from Methodism. She was on a constant quest for self-improvement, an understanding of the beyond, and a spiritual view of the world. While her method was unorthodox, it also reminds me of how important it is to never stop looking. While religion might be an extreme example, it’s our job to question the world we live in. It’s our job to look into things, to try new methods for life, and to be unorthodox while we still can. 
      Losing someone is a difficult mountain to climb, and it often opens up questions that weren’t there before. However, taking that heartbreak and sadness and making it into a learning experience? I feel like there’s nothing that could honor those we love any better than that. We’re only on this earth for a short while, and making the most of every single second is the only good way to do it.
      My challenge to you: Go to therapy, download an app and dabble in meditation, or crack open a new self-help book that challenges you.

      It’s our job to question the world we live in. It’s our job to look into things, to try new methods for life, and to be unorthodox while we still can. 

      Perhaps the most vivid memory from the week my Grammy died is getting the call that she had passed away and thinking to myself that it was my job to hold everyone else together. We’re a family of close-knit, like-minded women, and my mom lost her mother that day. The way I saw it, I couldn’t let myself cry or be overcome with grief. If I did, I was letting everyone else down and giving us permission to unravel from the inside out. I held my sister’s hand at the funeral and spoke to everyone gathered without a single shake in my voice, and I never, ever let anybody see me cry. 
      In hindsight, all that stoicism did was turn me away from every single lesson my Grammy had ever taught me. Feelings are there for a reason, and the people we love leaving us is staggeringly painful. Instead of sinking into ourselves, we’re all meant to rise up by loving people deeply, constantly bettering ourselves, sending love out in every direction, and doing it dressed in colorful clothes. After all, what’s left without color, light, love, and emotion? Nothing but darkness. When the people we love leave us with good, we have to carry it on. More

    • 213 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Social Distancing Doesn’t Have to Mean the End of Your Sex Life—Here’s How to Keep It Going

      by

      It’s well-known that a healthy sex life can help our physical and mental well-being. And yet, with the COVID-19 pandemic causing many couples to isolate apart or to social distance from prospective sexual partners, many of us are finding that our intimate lives are suffering. Recent research suggests that 43.5 percent of people have experienced a decline in their sex lives during the pandemic, with only 13.6 percent reporting improvements.But being single in quarantine doesn’t have to mean a total dry spell. In fact, many individuals are finding creative ways to get kinky, both alone and with a socially-distanced sexual partner. If quarantine has left you frustrated, then here are some ways that you can feel more fulfilled:

      Invest in a sex toy
      Early on in the pandemic, the NYC health department suggested that “you are your safest sex partner.” But solo sex doesn’t have to mean that you can’t have a helping hand—the sex toy industry has been booming during the pandemic, and now is the perfect time to find a toy that you love.
      Finding a vibrator that works for you is a highly individual choice that will depend on your own experience of orgasm. Do you prefer internal or external stimulation? How much pressure works for you? Do you live with roommates, or even parents, and need something subtle and on the quiet side? There’s so much on offer, and this handy guide can help you to figure out what to try first. Order online and stock up on lube for a totally socially distanced and pleasurable experience.
      READ: 8 Sex Toys So Mind-Blowing, You’ll Want to Gift One to Your BFF
      READ: The Top-Rated Sex Toys on Amazon

      Try out audio pornography or erotica
      Although pornography is a good way to get in the mood, the male-focused nature of much of the sex depicted can be conflicting and difficult to enjoy. Fortunately, a new wave of feminist pornography is re-centering the content that we get off to, focusing on female pleasure and a more sensual experience.
      There are plenty of porn videos out there that were produced or directed by women, but if you feel like trying something different then you might like to look into audio pornography. This intimate and sensory genre ranges from sexy stories to guided masturbation—perfect for if you need to use headphones in your current living situation. You and that person that you’ve been chatting to could even tune into something at the same time for a distanced and yet mutually-satisfying experience. 
      READ: Don’t Think You Like Porn? Try This Instead
      READ: Yes, I’m a Woman and I Watch Porn

      Source: Tessa Neustadt for ALLPRACE HOMES on The Everygirl

      Suggest some flirty phone sex
      With the rise of sexting, phone sex has taken a backseat over the last few years. But with many of us relying on digital communication for our work and social life, perhaps it’s time to give our thumbs a rest when it comes to our sex life. 
      Phone sex might feel awkward at first, especially if it’s with a new partner who you have yet to do the dirty in real life with. Test out what feels comfortable to you—you might be turned on simply by discussing your favorite positions. If you’re feeling more creative, you can describe your fantasies, and the things that you’d like to do with your prospective partner, once social distancing measures allow, and if you’re feeling really confident, describe what you’re doing to yourself right now and get them to do the same.
      READ: 7 Ways to Up Your Dirty Talk

      Take a dirty picture
      Although a sexy picture pinging up on their phone is great news for the recipient, this can also be an incredibly gratifying experience for you. If you’ve been spending all day in your pajamas, getting dressed up in your best underwear can be a total turn-on and boost your sexual confidence.
      It’s worth noting that sharing explicit pictures comes with a host of risks, and there are numerous examples of intimate images being used against women. If you choose to share a sexual image, think carefully about how you’d feel if it was shared with anyone other than the intended recipient, and only send content that you would be comfortable with others seeing. Protect your privacy by ensuring that your face and any other identifying features are not visible, and don’t feel pressured into sending images or footage if you’re not comfortable doing so and if the experience isn’t gratifying for you as well as for the recipient.

      Source: Jonathan Borba | Pexels

      Take the time to connect with someone
      The rise of digital dating means that encounters can be fleeting, and sex is readily available. Although this can be liberating, it also means that new and casual partners may be less invested in our pleasure. Relying on sexting, Zoom dates, and socially-distanced walks might be frustrating, but it can also give you the opportunity to connect with someone on a deeper level, to explore each other’s turn-ons, and to build sexual tension. By the time that you feel comfortable initiating physical intimacy, or even just exploring some distanced play, you might find that getting to know a new partner better leads to a sexier experience.
      READ: I Stopped Giving Out My Number on Dating Apps—Here’s Why

      Find a safe sexual partner
      For some of us, nothing beats the real thing, and in-person intimacy and sex can be important for well-being. There’s no way to guarantee a completely safe way to have sex during the COVID pandemic, but if you find that socially-distanced sex isn’t cutting it for you, then you should try and take all precautions possible.
      Make sure that you are having open conversations and setting boundaries with any sexual partner about what behavior is acceptable and what you are both comfortable with. If a new sexual interest lives alone and is following social distancing guidance strictly, then you may feel safe to stay over at their place. If you do so, make sure that you are following all government guidance on hand-washing, limiting contact with others, and following usual safe sex procedures to protect against all kinds of infections.
      READ: What “Finding The One” Really Means in 2020 More

    • 200 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Exes & Quarantine: 8 Questions to Ask Yourself If You’re Thinking of Rekindling With an Ex

      by

      Maybe it’s the alluring romanticism of The One That Got Away, or maybe it’s the lack of sex in quarantine, but if you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex, you’re not alone. Even though you probably broke up for a legit reason, human beings crave attachment and comfort. During a time that is so uncomfortable, it’s no surprise that you might be considering going back to what feels familiar, or maybe such a scary time has made you realize what’s important and who you want to have in your life. Plus, if you grew up believing that Ross and Rachel would end up together (were they on a break?) or that Big and Carrie were destined to be together (no matter how many times they broke up and got back together), you know that a breakup does not have to mean the end. But how do you know if you two needed to grow and are now ready to have a healthy, happy relationship, or if you are just tired of swiping through Bumble and endless dates over Zoom? Here are eight questions to help you decide if going back to your ex is the right decision for you. 

      1. Why did you break up in the first place?
      It’s easy to remember the highlight reel of all the good moments, but nothing ends without a reason. Since it’s easier to remember the good over the bad (nostalgia, you bastard!), you’ll most likely romanticize your past relationship instead of remembering the pain it caused you. The reality is that no matter what, we leave relationships for a good reason. Unless that reason is completely resolved (and you have solutions to prevent it moving forward), the same pain will sneak up again if you get back into the same situation. Instead of reflecting on the beginning and middle of the relationship (which is likely a supercut of happy memories), reflect on the end. 

      2. Have you truly forgiven your ex?
      No matter why you broke up, there’s probably hurt on both sides. You might have trust issues, insecurities, built-up resentment, or all the above. While you’ll need to talk through past issues before you decide to give it another shot (more on that below), you should not bring up those past issues in new disagreements that come up in the future. When you bring up past arguments during new fights, it’s just repeating the cycle that broke you up, and might be a sign you’re not really over what happened in the past. Forgiveness is a process. If you’re not there yet, hold off until you’re ready to forgive them, or ask yourself if your gut is telling you not to forgive them.

      Source: @missalexlarosa

      3. Did you have enough space after the breakup?
      Especially when you’re in the same social circle, work together, or just talk to each other frequently, you might not have had enough separation to get used to life without your ex. If you’ve been through breakups before, you know the hardest part of getting over the end of a relationship is often because that person was a part of your routine, like any other habit. Not having enough space from your ex prevents you from moving on because you never get a chance to break that “habit.”
      Sure, missing your ex could be a sign that you really should be with them, or it might be a sign that you didn’t give yourself the chance to move on. Try muting or unfollowing them on social media, or ask friends to make separate plans without your ex for a while. If you’ve already spent enough time apart where you should be moving on by now but aren’t, the relationship could be worth trying again. 

      4. Have you fully discussed the old issues?
      If you’re even thinking about rekindling the romance, first have a conversation with your ex about what went wrong and what you don’t want to repeat. Discuss relationship expectations, define your love languages, and talk about what trust and love truly mean to you. If your ex is quick to sweep things under the rug or act like it wasn’t a big deal, remember that even the smallest things led to the breakup; they are a big deal. Your feelings should be validated, and you should thoroughly discuss what didn’t work last time to make the relationship work this time. Not only should you make sure that the old issues are resolved, but you should also have a “what are we” chat like the beginning of any relationship. Be open about what you both truly want out of the relationship and make sure your values align. 

      Source: @missenocha

      5. Will you be OK with it if your friends and family are not on board?
      You think you’ve been through ups and downs with your dating history, but remember that your support system goes through the ups and downs with you. Your friends probably cried with you after the breakup, unfollowed your ex on Instagram, and told you how you could do better. Your family might be protective of you, so they’ll want to prevent the hurt you experienced the first time around. Even if you’ve gotten over the past issues with your ex, that doesn’t mean your loved ones have too.
      Remember that your friends and family have your best interests at heart, and probably only dislike your ex because of the experience you had with them. Understand where they’re coming from and listen to their advice. If you do decide to get back together, explain to your loved ones what is different this time around and your plan to avoid past conflict moving forward, but don’t expect them to be 100 percent on board right away. 

      6. Are you expecting your ex to be a different person?
      Sure, some people change, and we’re all growing (or at least, that’s the hope), but here’s the ugly truth: your ex is still the same person. If their actions caused the last breakup (like cheating, emotional unavailability, lack of effort, etc.) or just made you unhappy, remember that they’re still the same person, even if the situation or timing is different. If that is the case and you’re still considering getting back together, you should see a lot more change in your ex than just a promise that it will be different this time around. Bottom line, get back together because you’ve changed (like you’re now truly ready for a relationship), not because you’re hoping that they have. 

      Source: @taylranne

      7. Do you miss the person or just the companionship?
      Do you sometimes find yourself mindlessly dialing your ex’s number to share a joke you know they’d find funny, or thinking how much you miss the way they laugh? Maybe you miss their stories that went on and on or the way they held your hand when they could tell you were nervous. Or did you only start missing them when your last Zoom date sucked or since you’ve been feeling lonely while staying at home? Maybe you just miss having someone so much that you’re remembering only the good things in your previous relationship. It’s OK to miss those good things, but just because you miss them doesn’t mean they’re worth going back to. 
      With all the emphasis on being independent women (which we all are), we might sometimes feel ashamed to admit we just want to be in a relationship. But craving companionship isn’t a sign of weakness or dependence; it’s human nature (PSA: you can be a badass independent woman whether you’re in a relationship or not). It’s OK if you are a “relationship person,” but, at the risk of sounding cliché, there are other fish in the sea. And yes, that means fish who won’t give you a reason to break up with them in the first place. Rekindle the flame if you genuinely miss your ex, but not if you just miss the companionship. 

      8. How do you feel when you’re with them?
      It’s easy to get caught up in how you feel about them, but how do you feel about yourself when you’re with them? Feeling safe, secure, lovable, and like your truest self when you’re around your ex is a sign that getting back together might be the right decision. However, if you feel insecure, jealous, or they make you feel lesser than and undeserving, no amount of loneliness is worth feeling like that again. Remember that life isn’t Friends or Sex and The City. No one’s going to write the finale episode for you, and you don’t have season after season to figure it out. In the end, this is your life, and if your ex did not help you make the most of it back then, they’re not worth wasting time on now.  More