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      I Tried Text Therapy to Help My Anxiety—Here’s How It Went

      by

      I have never given much thought to how I cope with anything: racism, violence against Black bodies, stress, and sadness. As an outsider looking in, this is the reality for many of the Black women in my life. My mother is the strongest person I know; many would say I am one of the strongest women they know. I now understand how the strong Black woman trope has been passed down through my lineage. Because of the generational shield, our ability to fully express ourselves is limited even amongst those who love and care for us deeply. I can count on one hand how often I’ve seen my mother express her feelings fully, without apology. When I hear her laugh fill a room, it brings me so much joy because I know she is letting go. Truthfully, I can’t tell you the last time I have expressed a full range of emotions, out of fear that I would be labeled difficult, loud, emotional, soft, or angry. I am starting to realize that making my emotional being smaller is likely directly contributing to my new experiences with panic attacks. When I cry, I feel weak; when I laugh, I feel undeserving; when I am angry, I hold it in. The night I found myself in my bedroom closet, crying as my best friend Samantha listened on the phone, I realized it was time for me to talk to someone. That week, I couldn’t drive or do anything without feeling like I would have a panic attack. It was terrifying and made me feel completely out of control—like I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

      I couldn’t drive or do anything without feeling like I would have a panic attack. It was terrifying and made me feel completely out of control—like I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

      Trying Talkspace
      I had thought about therapy before this; however, I continued to put it off. Finding a therapist takes effort and time, especially with the uptick people seeking help due to the coronavirus. I couldn’t wait and go through my healthcare provider, I needed immediate help. So, I settled on Talkspace. Their platform is one that I see ads for often, and they are now accepting health insurance. Kaiser Permanente offers a reduced fee of $40 a week for the first four weeks. Now, this isn’t a permanent solution; however, it can offer a start, because let’s be real: therapy (including teletherapy) is too expensive and not accessible to all. 
      After an emotional release surrounded by my clothes, I was ready to talk. Shortly after setting up my profile, Talkspace helped match me with a therapist. My first match was with a Black woman, and for that reason, I didn’t seek out any other options. If you do find yourself matched with someone who doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, you can ask for other options. Therapist profiles share their specialties, how long they’ve been in practice, and their approach to therapy.
      Before we started to text, I filled out a questionnaire to answer questions about why I was seeking therapy. My therapist also asked, “What brings you to Talkspace?” Truthfully, I felt a little apprehensive about sharing what was going on with me. You know, I’m used to being a strong Black woman—we don’t share these types of inner secrets.
      Instead of shutting down, I typed, “I’m here because I have chronic anxiety, and I want to do more to understand why I’m always so anxious.” Getting that out felt like a relief. Acknowledging my anxiety with a professional instantly made me feel better. As we continued to talk, we started to get to the root of my anxiety, much of which is triggered by my need for control and my position as my family’s glue. “This is all still related because it’s your fear of a loss of control,” she typed. “That’s the struggle!” Seeing this revelation, as simple as it was staring back at me in a green text bubble, was my “ah-ha” moment. Even a small level of understanding made me feel like I was getting closer to feeling like myself again. 

      Even a small level of understanding made me feel like I was getting closer to feeling like myself again. 

      When I started to feel anxiety about little things, like signing a lease on a new apartment (something I always avoid—I’m a month-to-monther), I’d text her. She’d ground me. “There is no promise that everything will be perfect, but it will be good enough,” she typed. “The apartment isn’t a life-altering decision. You have options now, and you’ll have options later. You are making an informed decision. If/when new information comes in, you will evaluate it and determine whether or not you need to act on it.” As someone who feels anxiety about everything because of “what if,” those words in my mind translated to, “Hey, you’re OK. Take things day by day.” When I find myself freaking out over little things, I go back to this message to get re-grounded. 
      Talkspace therapists will typically respond 3-4 times a day up to five days a week. The flow of the responses worked well for me. However, I don’t know if this is the right form of therapy for me long term. The responses were helpful, and even mind-blowing at times. However, I realized I need a one-on-one, face-to-face experience to build what I feel is a genuine rapport with my therapist. This might be the old-school millennial in me, but connecting with someone face-to-face is important in my life beyond therapy. Because of that, I felt a bit disconnected, even when her observations were spot-on. The platform does offer teletherapy options, which means you get one-on-one time virtually with your provider. However, the package that offers four live, 30-minute sessions a month is $396 monthly ($296 with my insurance for the first four weeks), and that just isn’t in my budget. 

      Moving Forward
      Talkspace allowed me to slowly move into giving therapy a try as an adult without feeling any judgment. Texting my responses made me feel comfortable being completely honest about what was going on with me at the time, so much so I now share my anxiety with my friends without feeling any angst. Their support has fueled me, even on tough days. When I’m too anxious to drive, they come to see me (with masks on, of course). When I feel a panic attack creeping in, I call one of them, and they talk to me until I get home. No matter how long it takes. For folks who are curious about therapy, Talkspace is, in my opinion, an excellent entry point. It can be difficult to share your innermost thoughts with a complete stranger, and texting can feel less intrusive. I found it cathartic to type what I was feeling. It was like writing into my diary, except with a mental health professional on the other end.  
      Talkspace provided a stepping stone to my mental health journey. I am setting boundaries with my family, working on letting go, outwardly sharing my experience with anxiety, and discovering new things about myself.
      I am still on the hunt for my forever therapist (and potentially an app that works with my budget), but I’m on the right track.  More

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      I’ve Worked From Home for Years—Here Are 5 Things I Do in My Routine to Keep My Sanity

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      After about a year of commuting by bus, train, and foot to my employer’s Hollywood office, working from home became my dream. After being laid off, I got the opportunity. Since I had freelance writing opportunities, I worked on the side; I continued working even though I wasn’t quite full time. I enjoyed the benefits: no commute, no traffic.If I’m honest, there were days when I didn’t bother to get dressed. After a couple of months, I quickly realized that having a routine was necessary for my mental health and productivity. I found myself working into the night’s wee hours, waking up late, and repeating that cycle for weeks. Once I realized working from home wasn’t one big party, I set some ground rules for myself. Here are a few things I do each day to keep a healthy balance between my work and home life. 

      1. Create a morning routine
      How you start your mornings can affect how you navigate your day, at least from my experience. For this reason, I created a morning ritual that I now stick to without much thought. First things first, I make my bed. I thought working from my bed was a good idea until I realized that it wasn’t healthy for my bed to be where I worked and slept. Making my bed is a physical indicator my day has started. On days when I like to lounge and work, I use my chaise. Never my bed. 
      Next up, I make a slow cup of coffee with my Moka pot. I find this gives me time to wake up without feeling rushed. I don’t check my emails or social media until I’ve had a glass of water and a cup of coffee. Now, I am notoriously terrible at making breakfast—or any meal for that matter. That doesn’t mean I won’t encourage you to whip up something to eat, even if I’m not the best example. 
      If coffee isn’t your thing, maybe make a smoothie or even read a few pages from a book you’ve been putting off finishing. Essentially, my coffee-making time is my morning self-care. That is 15-20 minutes I block off for myself. I imagine this would be more difficult if I had children, but this time is sacred to me as a single woman. 
      READ: The Morning Routine I Follow For the Busiest Work-From-Home Days

      2. Call my friends during lunch
      Setting a time for lunch is essential in any workplace scenario. Instead of only nourishing my body, I feed my mind with some chit-chat. I call one of my friends every day to catch up. We talk while I move about the kitchen, making some quick, struggle meal that is typically a boiled egg, a piece of fruit, and any other miscellaneous thing I can pop into the microwave and make in three minutes. I love how that time breaks up my day. Since my friends live on the East Coast and I live in LA, my lunchtime works best for us to catch up due to the time difference. 
      READ: 17 Gifts You Can Send to a Friend You’re Missing While Social Distancing

      3. Sit outside and get some sun
      When I started working from home, there were many days when I’d look up and the sun was setting. I’d think to myself, “I haven’t been outside all day.” Getting outside became an intentional practice for me. I would walk to get coffee from the small business on the corner for a midday pick-me-up or go for a quick walk around the block to get some fresh air. My practice has changed a little due to COVID. I left LA for Atlanta in March to be close to my family, and visiting my favorite shops anywhere feels like a task these days. You have to remember your mask. You may even have anxiety about coming into contact with people, not in your household. 
      I can relate. Quarantining at my parents for the last six months was nice. Especially since I got to spend quality time with Max, our family dog. Every day, we’d sit outside for 15 minutes (or until we started sweating). I’d even take my shoes off and walk on our driveway on days when I needed to feel grounded. As my mom always says when she can tell I’m feeling down, “Go get some sun on your face.” Now, I’m encouraging you to do the same. 

      4. Put on something I love
      Truthfully, I miss getting dressed. Sweats have been my go-to lately. While I love how comfortable I feel, I miss my denim and boots. One day I missed them so much, I put on my favorite pair of jeans and my new silver boots to go to the grocery store and to bug my mom. She says boots aren’t for summer, and she’s probably right. But, I say boots are for whenever I feel like wearing them, especially if they’re silver. 
      I’m not suggesting you draw attention to yourself in the way I did. But pull out those signature pieces you miss wearing. Throw them on for a Zoom call or on a day when you’re in the mood to get a little flashy. Oh, and put on your favorite beauty product for good measure. My beauty favorite of choice these days is Glossier’s Cloud Paint.

      5. Set a time to end your day
      Boundaries are important in all aspects of life. You have to give yourself a time each day to stop working without wavering. This practice has gotten a little tricky for me during the quarantine. The boundaries I’m encouraging you to set, I have had trouble implementing myself. It is always easier to tell someone to do something than it is to put it into practice. 
      Give yourself some grace. There will be days you work beyond you set a boundary, but having a time set makes it easier for you to stick to it. Each morning I make a to-do list of items I have to get done. I also make a follow-up list at the end of my day of the things I didn’t get to that I plan to roll over into the next day. Organization and boundaries are your best friends when working from home. You’ll find your grove if you work at it. I promise.
      READ: 6 Steps to Set Boundaries Between Your Work and Personal Life More

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      15 Recipes to Make at Home Using Trader Joe’s Ingredients

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      Trader Joe’s is the novelty grocery store we know and love. From the friendly workers donning their Hawaiian “uniforms,” the store’s awesome floral selection, and of course, all the different grocery items TJ’s has to offer, there is a lot to like about shopping at Trader Joe’s. One of my favorite parts is seeing all their new product releases. I’m also intrigued by what they’re going to launch next, but sometimes I’m not sure how I can incorporate their new products into my meals.How do I cook with harissa?
      What would pair well with coconut milk?
      Can I put the Impossible Burger on the grill?
      How do I make an acai bowl at home?
      See what I mean? If you’re anything like me and avoid buying new products because you’re not quite sure what to do with them once you get home, fear not! Below, I’ve rounded up 15 recipes using Trader Joe’s ingredients so you can grocery shop with confidence and add new meals to your weekly rotation.

      TJ’s Ingredient: Frozen charred corn

      Source: What’s Gaby Cooking

      TJ’s Ingredient: Spicy Thai cashews

      Source: Pinch of Yum

      TJ’s Ingredient: Sweet Chili Thai Sauce

      Source: One Lovely Life

      TJ’s Ingredient: Coconut aminos

      Source: Food Heaven Made Easy

      TJ’s Ingredient: Everything But The Bagel Seasoning

      Source: 40 Aprons

      TJ’s Ingredient: Jackfruit

      Source: Love & Lemons

      TJ’s Ingredient: Frozen seafood mix

      Source: Budget Bytes

      TJ’s Ingredient: Coconut sugar

      Source: Cookie + Kate

      TJ’s Ingredient: Pimento cheese

      Source: The Kitchenista Diaries

      TJ’s Ingredient: Cruciferous cabbage mix

      Source: All The Healthy Things

      TJ’s Ingredient: Dark chocolate PB cups

      Source: Gimme Some Oven

      TJ’s Ingredient: Cauliflower gnocchi

      Source: A Saucy Kitchen

      TJ’s Ingredients: Beef bone broth

      Source: The Defined Dish

      TJ’s Ingredient: Vegan cream cheese

      Source: Minimalist Baker

      TJ’s Ingredient: Quinoa spaghetti

      Source: Foolproof Living More

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      How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having in a Relationship?

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      I once read that happy couples have sex once a week. So, when I was having more or less than that in a relationship, I started feeling like my sex life was wrong, and my relationship was doomed to failure. On to the next one, I suppose!Relationship comparison is so real. Whether you’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, watching To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and swooning over Peter and Lara Jean’s innocent and beautiful romance, or talking with friends and family, it’s easy to feel like you’re relationship isn’t what’s considered “normal,” especially when it comes to intimacy.  
      You’re supposed to wait three dates to have sex, one year to move in together, and two years to get engaged, and another year until you get married — all these arbitrary timelines are exhausting! Of course, we all want to be in the happiest relationship, but why do we have to follow the same timeline as everyone else? In the same vein, why do we all have to have sex the same amount of times in a week?! So, I looked into a few sociological studies and decided how much sex we really should be having if we want the best relationship possible.

      What the studies say
      Sociologists love studying couples almost as much as they love studying sex, so there’s tons of information out there on how often happy couples should be sleeping together. A 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science studied 30,000 couples over 40 years. They discovered that having sex once a week was the perfect medium for couples; however, couples having more sex weren’t more or less happy, but couples having less did report being less fulfilled sexually.
      Another 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult prefers to have sex 54 times a year, which roughly equates to once a week.
      My personal favorite study on the subject comes from Carnegie Mellon University. This study split couples into two groups: Group A kept their sex lives normal, while Group B had twice as much sex as they normally were having. At the end of the study, Group B actually reported that the sex “wasn’t much fun” and that it started to feel like a chore. Go figure.

      So, what should we be doing?
      This Carnegie Mellon study got it right. If there isn’t a strain on your relationship, and your needs are both being met, why should we (or science!) question how often you should be getting it on with your partner?! There’s really no need to mess with a good thing. It’s easy to feel like your sex life doesn’t measure up to someone else’s (i.e. that one couple your BFF knows who has sex every night vs. the other couple you know who is perfectly fine going once or twice a month).
      Sexual pressure comes from all areas and reading up on study after study to tell you if your sex life is normal is pretty counterproductive. How often you’re having sex isn’t what makes a relationship “happy,” often sex comes when you’re feeling happy in your life. Stress at work, money troubles, or family drama all have a negative impact on our mental health and can decrease your libido. Just because you’re having less sex than your idea of normal doesn’t mean your relationship is bad.
      Whether you’re having sex four times a week and loving every second of it or you enjoy your time in the bedroom once every two weeks, your relationship shouldn’t rely on a number of to be considered happy. You get to decide what your normal is, not science this time. Anyway, normal is just a social construct to make us feel inferior to others, so to that, I say, good riddance with whatever the heck normal is. More

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      6 Fresh Ways to Spend a Girls’ Night In

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      Before the world fell apart, my friends and I loved to play this game where we would plan a girls’ night out which, after a few drinks, would time and time again turn into a girls’ night in. As much as I used to love hitting the town with my girl gang pre-COVID, the nights in were the ones that would allow us the true quality time to catch up, laugh at old memories, and look forward to the future. Staying in with my friends is my favorite way to recharge, and while I love vegging out and watching our favorite cringe-worthy reality TV shows, I equally love hanging out with purpose. If there’s one good thing about quarantine, it’s the opportunity to slow down, catch up, and touch base with those closest to you (those being asymptomatic/also quarantined/COVID negative, of course!). Here are six ways to switch up your favorite Netflix binge-a-thon with your besties to foster new conversations, more ways to connect, and extra opportunities to belly-laugh. 
      1. Channel your inner Food Network star
      I consider girls’ night to be incomplete without some yummy, indulgent snacks, and while raiding the grocery store for Flaming Hot Cheetos, Sour Patch Kids, and/or cookie dough might be your first go-to move, opting for ingredients to pop in the oven can be just as magical. Whether you go the Betty Crocker route or start from scratch (I would do illegal things for this double chocolate zucchini bread), roasting your best friend’s ex pairs well with warm, gooey chocolate and is bound to bring your GNI to the next level. 

      2. Host a game night
      I. love. game. night. You could always go the traditional route with an instant, competitive classic like Life, Sorry!, Scrabble, Monopoly, or Settlers of Catan or you could opt for a game that sparks side conversations and is a bit more open-ended like We’re Not Really Strangers, The Voting Game, Hot Seat, Cards Against Humanity, For The Girls, or What Do You Meme (my personal favorite). Another favorite of my friend group is to invest in a huge puzzle and attempt to finish it before the wine runs out. So far, wine 2, puzzle 0.

      3. Get crafty
      Very rarely do I take the time to get crafty, but I love a good excuse to pretend that I’m Martha Stewart. Have your girls pitch in for supplies for a DIY project that can range from home decor and homemade beauty products (like these make-at-home face masks) to chunky knit blankets. You’ll leave girls’ night with more than just a mild hangover, a hoarse voice, and new memories—you’ll have a take-home souvenir, too!

      4. Turn your home into a spa
      Allow me to set this lovely scene for you: you and your gal pals, robes on, feet up, listening to serene music while enjoying the aroma of eucalyptus and peppermint from a nearby oil diffuser. Group manis and pedis are encouraged, but not required, as that would require someone to lift a finger and whether you want to exert the energy is absolutely your prerogative. Reset, recharge, and let the time with your friends set your soul alright.

      5. Make vision boards
      It’s never too late to set intentions for your future and making it visual with your girls by your side can be a whole other experience. You’ll need some sort of canvas, glue, markers, scissors, magazines, and a printer to get started. Pop some champagne, let your hair down, and dream about the future together. If crafting isn’t your thing, try opening up with your friends and asking about their big dreams and life goals. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day drama with friends, but looking forward and discussing the future will leave everyone inspired. 

      6. Write love letters to each other
      We did a version of this in the office on Galentine’s Day and it was quite the treat. We used brown paper bags with everyone’s name on them, threw in little handwritten love notes, and received plenty of words of affirmation towards the end of the day that made us feel so loved and appreciated. It’s a great way to show your friends that you couldn’t do it without them and, if you’re an emotional queen like me, to have an excuse to get a little mushy.  More

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      13 Ways to Make the Most of the End of Summer

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      If you feel like summer is slipping through your fingers, you’re not the only one. So much of what makes summer great just hasn’t been possible for most of us this year. Long days spent at the beach, hiding out in the air conditioned movie theater, and leaving work early on Friday for patio happy hours didn’t happen this year. And of course, summer vacations feel like a distant memory at this point. These sacrifices are worth it and are the least we can all do as we work together to overcome 2020’s challenges, but it’s OK to feel sad that a season we all had so much hope for this year didn’t look the way we wanted or needed it to.To make the most of these last few weeks of summer, we’ve rounded up a list of fun—and most importantly, safe—ways to enjoy these final summer days.

      Source: Sween Shots | Stocksy

      1. Reconnect with friends
      Who doesn’t miss those long summer days spent with friends as a kid? One of the best parts of summer is enjoying our longer days out in the sun socializing. While that may not be possible right now with social distancing still being a necessity in many parts of the world, you can still make a point to spend time with your friends from a distance. In March, Zoom happy hours, long phone calls, and snail mail were all the rage. It’s understandable that most of us got burnt out on the whole virtual friendship thing, but make an effort to foster some type of connection with your pals—whether that be with a picnic on the grass spaced appropriately, a video call on your porch while you watch the sunset, or a virtual game night with your favorite frosty drink in hand. 

      2. Enjoy a nostalgic movie night
      Circling back on the whole-summer-as-a-kid-was-awesome thing, try to plan a nostalgic movie night with your favorite childhood movie. You may not be able to go catch the latest and greatest blockbuster in theaters, but you sure can fire up The Sandlot while munching on some on-theme s’mores (’90s kids will know exactly what we’re talking about). Host a Disney movie marathon with your favorite candy or fire up that inspirational sports movie that always makes you cry after grilling those tasty Impossible Burgers you can’t get enough of!

      Source: Kate Hliznitsova | Unsplash

      3. Dine al fresco
      While you may not be able to escape to Italy anytime soon, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy a little al fresco dining in your backyard or on your patio. Similar to being on vacation, indulge in a special meal, open a great bottle of wine, and really take your time. There’s no need to rush! Try whipping up one of these super craveable recipes.

      4. Stay out late
      Chances are, you’ve been a bit of an early bird since stay at home orders were put in place, so why not mix things up and stay out late? (As long as you’re keeping your distance of course!). Watch the waves crash on the beach, lay on the grass at your favorite park and gaze at the stars, or play a board game with your roomie on the front porch until the wee hours of the night. 

      Source: Mallory | Reserve Home

      5. Head to a drive-in
      Most of us dreamed of going to a drive-in movie growing up, but sadly those theaters were few and far between. Nowadays everyone is finding creative ways to have fun and stay safe and drive-in theaters are back! Pile into the car with whomever you’re sharing a space with right now and make sure to pack all your favorite snacks. That’s right, there’s no need to buy overpriced movie candy anymore.

      6. Lean into a beach read
      You know the one: the book you’re too embarrassed to admit you couldn’t put down. Fill up your tub, take a good soak, and lose yourself in a cheesy romance novel or a young adult book with an absurd plot. Even if you can’t make it to the beach this summer, you deserve a juicy read. BTW, at The Everygirl we love beach reads (no shame ever on this front!) and have rounded up a ton of great options here.

      Source: Holly Mandarich | Unsplash

      7. Let’s get physical
      It seems safe to say—and please pardon our French—that the idea of a “bikini body” is total BS. Before summer ends, try working out for your health, not for swimsuit season. Find a way to stay fit and focus on burning off stress and anxiety, not calories. A game of tennis, a long jog, or a yoga session on the grass will help you get outdoors to enjoy that gorgeous end of summer weather and keep you feeling good. Prioritize finding a workout or physical activity that you can enjoy (and want to do long-term) and start working on creating healthy habits that you can carry into the fall season. 

      8. Plan a faux vacation
      Not really though, please stay home for now. Even though a real vacay may not be possible, it’s not too late to plan a great escape this summer. Who doesn’t love a good theme? So why not plan a themed night around your favorite international vacay. Bake (or buy, we get it) your favorite French pastries and stream any movie you can find set in Paris. Play French music while you bake and wear your favorite striped shirt. You could try tapas and tango music for a Spain inspired date at home or could celebrate all things Anglophile starting with a Downton Abbey marathon and a good cup of tea. Get creative and don’t be afraid to be silly. 

      Source: Celebrating Sweets

      9. Staycation 
      There’s something to be said about staycations, and right now, they’re even more appealing than they were before. Since most attractions and restaurants have been closed for months, you may be dying to simply explore your own town. We all miss our favorite shops, cafes, and local museums, so if your area is starting to open up, put on a mask and go have some fun. You can also totally indulge at home. Splurge on takeout and a new bottle of wine, invest in that fluffy bedding you’ve always wanted, put on a face mask and enjoy some peace and quiet at home (with a pitcher of Aperol Spritz if you please). If possible where you live, plan a mini-road trip that takes you to a luxe AirBNB or go camping. There are safe ways to get away if you do a little planning!

      10. Take a dip
      Before summer ends, prioritize getting in the water. Whether it be at your local beach, lake, river, or a pool, head out early to avoid the crowds and soak in the amazing feeling of getting too hot from sunbathing and run straight to the water for a cool off. We’re feeling refreshed already.

      Source: Jonathan Ybema | Unsplash

      11. Fire up the grill
      Have one last bbq this summer, even if your only guest is your S.O. Pick up all your favorite BBQ/picnic foods (you’ll thank us when you have leftovers tomorrow) and take your time cooking outdoors and enjoying the fruits of your labor.

      12. Embrace the great outdoors
      It’s no secret that we’ve all been cooped up for months. Don’t let these last few weeks of stunning weather slip through your fingers. Spend an entire Saturday (or better yet, take a day off work in the middle of the week) and head outside. Now that you’re outside, stay there all day. Find an activity that you love, play a round or two of basketball on the driveway, and grill up some fresh corn. Even if you’re just in your own backyard, try to stay outside and really embrace your favorite parts of summer.

      Source: Dylan Alcock | Unsplash

      13. Wear the damn shorts
      Last, but certainly not least, strip off those leggings and wear the damn shorts. You won’t be able to much longer, so give your legs some breathing room and enjoy the ease and comfort of your favorite cutoffs.  More

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      7 Things All Successful Women Know About Rejection

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      Whether it’s being ghosted by a Tinder match or losing out on that dream job, rejection is an inevitable part of life. It can be hard not to take being turned down personally, but there will usually be numerous factors and circumstances beyond our control that mean that the answer can’t always be yes.While spending a few days sulking can help, coping well with rejection is an important life skill that will set you up to better handle future disappointments. Honing an ability to pick yourself up and try again is crucial to achieving your goals. Next time that you get knocked back, remember this:

      1. That being rejected shows that you had the courage to put yourself forward
      You’ve been rejected? Congratulations! The fact that you have even been turned down in the first place shows that you were brave enough to put yourself forward for something that was difficult to achieve—and that doing so takes a tremendous amount of courage and self-belief.
      When you get rejected, take some time to remember the challenges that you overcame by going for that job interview, asking for a pay rise, or putting yourself out there on a dating app. Striving for what you wanted is still a success, regardless of whether or not it ultimately leads to rejection.

      2. That rejection happens to everyone
      Even the seemingly most successful among us will have struggled with rejection at some stage. Don’t believe me? Check out this list of celebrities who were rejected by other celebs, or this one of famous people who failed before they succeeded. If Oprah can pick herself up after getting fired from her first TV job or Vera Wang can launch a fashion empire after being passed over for Vogue’s editor-in-chief position, then you can bounce back from rejection too.
       
      3. That some factors that lead to rejection are out of our control
      Perhaps you spent hours on that job application. Maybe you thought that things were going really, really well with that person that you were dating. You might have been convinced that that presentation to land an important new client was perfect.
      Your performance, skills, and personal attributes will only ever be part of the story. There could simply have been someone else who was better suited to that job opening. That person you were seeing just might not have had the space in their life for a relationship right now. The other client could have offered a cheaper rate that your company couldn’t beat. Instead of internalizing rejection, remember that many of the factors that contributed to it were likely unknowable and out of your control.
       
      4. Why you had the opportunity in the first place
      The more that we strive for difficult-to-achieve things, the more we open ourselves up to rejection. Try and view this setback as evidence that you are pushing your limits and coming closer to the things that you want to achieve.
      Focus on the small successes that you experienced on the way to rejection—perhaps you can celebrate that you landed an audition in the first place, or that you had opened yourself up to getting to know someone new. Take stock of the strengths that you demonstrated rather than the reasons for the rejection, and work on refining and showcasing them the next time that you get a new opportunity.
       
      5. What you can learn from the experience
      Although it might take time to be able to view a rejection as a learning opportunity, it can be valuable to attempt to understand the reasons why you were turned down. For career rejections, you should ask for feedback so that you’re prepared when another opportunity presents itself. Meet with the decision-maker to ask them areas that you performed well in, and what ultimately motivated their choice.
      Romantic rejections can also be a chance to learn about yourself and what you want from a relationship. Is it losing the chance to be with that person that hurts, or the rejection itself that is painful? Would you change anything about the situation given the chance, or did the rejection come from being true to yourself and what you want in a partner? Try journaling your thoughts or discussing them with a friend or therapist to learn about your own emotions when it comes to rejection, and how you can be better placed to deal with it in future.
       
      6. What you still have to offer
      Rejection can be a blow to self-esteem and confidence. Avoid becoming too caught up in negative emotions by focusing on what you have to offer. Make a list of all of the best things about you and the reasons why you were hopeful for success in the first place. Revisit this every time that you doubt yourself or fear rejection as a reminder that you deserve a shot.
       
      7. That fearing rejection will hold you back
      A fear of rejection can easily become what stops us from asking out someone we really like, applying for a dream job or internship, or attempting to achieve our goals. That emotion that you’re feeling right now? Really feel it. Get comfortable with it. Remember that it isn’t the worst feeling in the world. Learning to be OK with rejection will set you up for success in the future. There will be a time when the answer is yes. Make sure that you’re ready when it comes. More

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      in health and weelbeing

      The Trader Joe’s Staples I’ve Relied on During Quarantine

      by

      I haven’t had Taco Bell in 46 days.
      I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Wow Beth, this is big!” and you’re right. I hate cooking. Absolutely despise it. But I’m also on a ~journey~ of sorts to learn how to cook things that make me feel fabulous (because my rotation of ramen and Taco Tuesday is getting a little stale), so I’ve had to do some digging to find things that were easy to make, didn’t require a million ingredients (read: a bunch of trips to the store during a pandemic), and weren’t filled with excess sodium and sugar.
      Like many of us, I turned to Trader Joe’s for my grocery shopping the majority of the pandemic thus far. It’s the safest grocery store in my area (carts are always sanitized, only a select number in the store at a time, etc.), and it feels like a treat and a hint of normalcy to make my weekly trip. Here are a few of the staples that I’ve relied on the last few months of cooking at home: 

      Pre-Cooked Chicken Breast
      I don’t have time to make grilled chicken every week, especially considering it’s one of the two proteins I ever eat (I am super picky, please don’t judge me). At the beginning of quarantine, I would talk myself out of having a salad or wrap for lunch because I didn’t meal prep enough chicken on Sundays. Now, I just buy this and keep it in a storage container for the week to eat from. I also love adding this into stir-frys, pasta dishes, and bowls to make my meals more filling.

      These came straight from my freezer because I could not wait to eat them! 

      Riced Cauliflower Stir-Fry
      I used to buy the chicken fried rice stir fry and the frozen cauliflower rice to mix together, and while I still love that, I’ve been purchasing this more often. For one, it takes up way less space in my tiny, tiny freezer, but I also love the flavor and never miss “real” rice. I feel good every time I eat this, and it is beyond easy to make. My current favorite meal is a bowl of this, some chicken breast, and a couple of Chicken Cilantro Mini Wontons!

      Chicken Cilantro Mini Wontons
      Like I said, these are a go-to for me with the Cauliflower Rice Stir-Fry. I love to dip them in a little bit of TJ’s Coconut Aminos (a good alternative to soy sauce if you’re trying to lower your sodium intake!) as an easy dinner that keeps me full all night. 

      Banana Trek Mix
      If you’re a banana-hater, don’t be scared of these. When I first tried them, I was actually a little bummed because you can’t taste the banana in them at all. They’re seasoned really well and have the perfect crunch. Work-from-home has truly brought out the snacker in me; I feel like I’m hungry all day long, and it’s absolutely because my desk is ever-so-strategically placed right next to my kitchen. I’ve been keeping a bag of this by my desk, and a couple little bites every now and then keeps me from going back and forth to the kitchen all day long.

      Sugar Snap Peas
      These are one of my favorite snacks of all time. I’m a major chip eater (you’re about to see below), but I know if I keep too many in my apartment, I will eat them all in a mere sitting. I snag these every time I’m at TJ’s because they’re a mindful snack I can eat at my desk and feel good about. The crunch is perfect, and I love pairing them with hummus or my other favorite dip from TJ’s (again, see below). 

      Spicy Cheese Curls
      I would literally die for Flaming Hot Cheetos. I’m not kidding, my body absolutely punishes me every single time I eat them. I was always unsure about grabbing these from TJ’s, but they’re a new staple in my kitchen. They’re baked, not fried, so I can eat a quarter of the bag and feel full and satisfied without feeling gross afterward. Whenever I make sandwiches for lunch, you can bet I add a handful of these to my plate.

      Bamba Peanut Snacks
      Peanut butter is quite possibly my favorite food on this earth, but it took me a really long time to try these. I. AM. OBSESSED. Did you read that like I am screaming because I am. These are filled with protein, so I actually feel full when I snack on these and rarely have the urge to mindlessly eat the whole bag (note that I said rarely). I have a very minimal sweet tooth, so these suffice as the perfect treat at the end of the day for me.

      White Meat Chicken Salad
      My dad makes the best chicken salad ever, so while I was at home during the first part of quarantine, I had the luxury of his cooking at my fingertips. Then, I came back to Chicago, remembered how much I hate cooking, and went on a bit of a roll ordering take out, especially when it came to busy days and lunch time. I tried this chicken salad from Trader Joe’s and never looked back! My go-to lunch on a workday is a little bit of this on two slices of bread, a chip variety, and a giant glass of water. Am I a beacon of health or what?

      Chili Lime Chicken Burgers
      Cooking dinner during quarantine has been a challenge. OMG, I made it through yet another dreary day of doing the exact same thing? I deserve a treat! Keeping weeknights special without going to happy hours and seeing friends has really fallen on ordering Uber Eats or making the same pasta dish every night. I snagged these on a recent trip, and they give me all those feels that I’m eating something exciting and different, but they’re so good. I like to top mine with a little cheese and my favorite spicy ranch, and they’re delicious. 

      Butternut Squash Spirals 
      I’m doing just about anything to get some extra veggies in my diet, and this is my new favorite creation. I spread these out on a baking sheet with a little bit of olive oil and season with pepper, garlic powder, and a little crushed red pepper (I like it spicy), and bake at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes, flipping half-way through. They get crispy and taste similar to sweet potato fries! I love pairing these with one of the Chili Lime Burgers or with my other new obsession … 

      Turkey Corn Dogs
      Do I have the palate of a 12 year old? Basically. My brother got my addicted to corn dogs a few months ago, and these are a slightly healthier version. I love these as a lunch or for those nights I just want to watch a nostalgic movie and feel like a kid. 

      Mini Chicken Tacos
      Y’all, I live in the frozen section of Trader Joe’s. Is it the healthiest thing I could eat? No, but it’s a step up from the other things I could make in my arsenal. These are really filling, and the entire package lasts me a few meals. I’ll pair them with some salsa to dip for a casual Taco Tuesday that requires seriously zero effort.

      Smoked Turkey Breast
      I get all of my lunch meat from Trader Joe’s because it’s delicious, organic, and doesn’t require me to awkwardly speak to the person working the deli because I never know what to ask for. (Once, I asked for 3 lbs of Havarti cheese not realizing that is a giant amount of cheese for just myself because I don’t necessarily remember measurements from math class.) I always either get the Smoked Turkey Breast or the regular Oven Roasted Turkey Breast. Regardless, they’re both delicious and so easy for sandwiches and wraps! 

      Cauliflower Jalapeno Dip
      This is a very new find for me, but I absolutely love it. It’s not super spicy, which is great for those who hate spice and just means I add extra jalapenos because I prefer my mouth to be on fire at all times. This dip is super creamy. I love it with my sugar snap peas or baby carrots, or with pita chips. I also just tried it in a wrap with chicken and veggies, and that was delicious. I will buy this for eternity. More