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      5 Things an OB-GYN Wants You to Know About Sex

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      I don’t know about you, but when my feet are in the stirrups and someone’s poking around down there, the last thing on my mind is the list of questions I wanted to talk to ask OB-GYN. Keeping up with your gynecologist can feel more difficult than keeping up with the Kardashians; while you should be going to regular appointments, sometimes we forego, forget, or miss out on some of those important conversations during the 30-minute (max!) appointment, particularly when it comes to sex (anyone else spend the entire time complaining about their period cramps?).If all of the knowledge you have about sex comes from the birds-and-the-bees talk with your mom, that “experienced” friend’s dating life, or watching Sex Education three times in a row, you could probably benefit from more conversations with your gyno. Just as a reminder: you deserve and are entitled to a pleasurable, fulfilling, and healthy sex life. Your gynecologist is one way to help you stay healthy, explore your sexuality, and feel your best. Until you make it to your next gyno appointment, I asked Dr. Kiarra King M.D., a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist (who somehow still has time for blogging like the ultimate boss she is), for some of the info she tells her patients, that many of us could be missing out on. Here are five things she wants you to know about sex:

      1. “Good sex” is relative
      The phrase “the best sex of my life” has been thrown around so often in movies and TV shows, and I’ve always been confused about what that really means. I’ve heard frat douchebags in college talk about their sexapades with phrases like, “the sex wasn’t great,” as if there’s a checklist that determines “good sex” from “bad sex” (and where the hell can I find this checklist!?). If you’re like me and have wondered what makes sex “good,” you’re probably not as focused on your own pleasure as you should be.
      Dr. King explained that whether sex is good or bad is only for you to decide; it’s always an individual opinion. “Only you can determine what is good and ultimately what is better for you,” she said. If you’re so out of touch with your pleasure (literally), she also recommended asking yourself questions like, do you genuinely enjoy your partner? Does your partner seek to pleasure you, or is it a one-way street? Do you feel safe and validated? Is the experience equally enjoyable for both of you? Bottom line: “good” or “bad” sex is defined only by how much pleasure and enjoyment you feel. 

      2. Stop comparing
      Back to that “good sex” versus “bad sex” crap, comparisons are common when it comes to sex since it has been a taboo subject for far too long. Many women want to know what’s considered “normal,” or feel lesser-than if friends have different sexual experiences than they do. But guess what: you don’t need to compare in order to know what’s normal, and someone else’s experience or preferences do not mean anything about yours. “When it comes to an intimate partnership, what benefits will be gained by comparing to the point that better sex is defined by someone else’s experience?” Dr. King said. “Of course, a couple can try new things, but the goal should be that they enjoy one another, not out of comparison.” Explore your sexuality to find more and better pleasure, but don’t compare other people’s experiences and preferences to your own. 

      3. Sex should not be consistently painful
      If you’ve ever had discomfort or pain during sex, you’re not alone. In fact, as many as 75 percent of women will experience pain during sex, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Dr. King advised that a momentary sensation with a specific position that resolves itself is likely of no concern (just don’t forget your lube!). However, sex does not have to be painful. Not only does pain during sex suck, but it contributes to the orgasm gap, and, most importantly, prevents you from experiencing the optimal pleasure that you deserve.
      “If a woman experiences continued pain or is unable to engage in sex due to fear of pain, I recommend talking to your doctor,” Dr. King said. Your doctor might be able to identify an underlying cause and provide treatment options, like pelvic floor physical therapy (which is more common than you may realize). The point is that pleasure is your birthright; your body is not trying to prevent you from it, so anything that is can (and should) be resolved. 

      4. If you’re experiencing low sex drive, you can fix it
      When we experience low sex drive as women, we typically accept it as a reality, not see it as a symptom. It’s the stereotype we’ve seen in every sitcom and comedy film in the United States: the constantly-horny husband and the “not tonight, honey” response from the wife. We’re taught from old-school beliefs that women are inherently more sexually restrained than men, and therefore, have a lower sex drive. The truth? The female sex drive is consistently underrated; not only is it inherently strong (duh!), but it can increase with age. That also means that low libido, in fact, can be a symptom, and not “just the way you are.” 
      “Lack of sex drive or decreased libido can occur for a variety of reasons including stress, depression, anxiety, chronic medical conditions, or certain medications,” Dr. King explained. In other words, you don’t have to settle for low libido. Talk to your doctor about identifying the root causes of low sex drive and come up with a plan to restore your libido. PS, if your doctor doesn’t prioritize your sex drive and sexual pleasure, it might be time to find a new doctor. 

      5. Good news: your vagina can clean itself!
      While there’s an overwhelming amount of products and processes promising reproductive health, Dr. King knows that it’s actually very simple. “The vagina is capable of cleaning itself,” she told Essence in 2019. “A good old-fashioned shower or bath daily during menstruation should do the trick to help rinse away any old blood or discharge. Women shouldn’t use scented hygiene products, as they may cause an allergic reaction known as contact dermatitis.” When it comes to sexual health, Dr. King recommended getting STD screenings before being with a new partner (both of you!) and using a water-based lubricant to keep up with vaginal health. Remember that your vagina is incredibly smart and self-sufficient (as are you!). It has its own self-cleaning mechanisms that will keep you healthy as long as you do your job with safe sex practices. 

      Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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      15 Workouts for When You Don’t Feel Like Working Out

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      Whether you’ve been working on reviving your workout routine or working out at home is as routine to you as Netflix before bed and 24/7 loungewear, somedays we just don’t feel like it. You know those days: the ones where excuses to skip the workout are aplenty (the dishes are piling up in the sink, your Hulu free trial is almost over, your favorite sports bra is in the dirty laundry, etc.). No matter what excuses we come up with, keeping up with a workout routine sometimes feels impossible for no other reason than we just don’t feel like it (it’s like our body’s version of “because I said so”). And guess what: that’s OK. On these days where you don’t feel like working out, listen to your body and identify why you don’t feel like it, and then find a solution to keep you moving. Whether you think you don’t have time, feel bored with the same workout, or are too tired to get off the couch, here are 15 videos that will change your mind. P.S.: the point is not to work out every day. The point is to listen to your body, identify what it needs, move more often, and make exercise easy (because it should be enjoyable!).

      If you don’t have time…

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      You don’t need equipment, you don’t need a yoga mat, and you don’t need more than five minutes to get in this killer workout. Everyone has five minutes to spare (even if it’s waiting for coffee to brew), and you can also do this workout while still in your pajamas, meaning there’s absolutely no reason you wouldn’t have time to squeeze it into your routine.

      If you have a resistance band, six minutes is all you need to make your glutes and inner thighs sore for days–trust me. This one will feel like a tough workout in the amount of time it takes to wait for your Lean Cuisine to heat up. (P.S.: use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!)

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      So five minutes feels like too much to spare? How about four minutes? You can squeeze in this mini-workout while you wait for your coworker to respond about those spreadsheets. Even doing this arm workout while sitting at your desk will be enough to get blood flowing and work those arm muscles. 

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      This is truly one of the most fun workout videos I’ve found on Youtube. After just 10 minutes, you’ll be sweating, sore, and checking yourself out in the mirror. Plus, choreography will put the brain to work, which means you won’t have room to get distracted by your to-do list. 

      Warning: yes, this class is only seven minutes long, but it will get your heart rate up and make you sweat. This short HIIT circuit takes you through quick, intense cardio bursts, allowing you to burn more strength in less time. Try squeezing in this seven minutes before your morning shower. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

      If you’re bored of your workouts…

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      So you’re bored with your workouts and can’t get yourself to step on another treadmill or lift another weight? Opt for exercise that feels more like a night out with the girls than a workout session. 305 Fitness bases their classes off of Miami nightlife, so you know it’s going to be fun. Turn up your speakers and get ready to whip your hair back and forth.

      If you’re bored with the same type of exercise, it might be time to invest in some new equipment that will make your home workouts more challenging and exciting. Try a mini trampoline (bonus points if you still have yours from when you were a kid!) and have some fun while you feel the burn. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

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      If you’ve been exercising on your living room floor for months, you might just need a change of scenery. Apply your SPF, grab a jacket (if the temperatures are getting cold where you are), and take your workout outside. Fantasize that you’re at the beach while watching this Tone It Up HIIT session, or simply go on a jog or hike to get in some exercise that feels like new. 

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      Because what’s more motivating than your favorite songs? The Fitness Marshall has a large variety of fun dances to all of the songs we love. Warning: Lizzo will make you want to twerk, even on a Tuesday in the middle of the workday. Shuffling The Fitness Marshall videos is basically just listening to your favorite Spotify playlist, except with some fun dance moves that will make you break a sweat (in the fiercest way possible). 

      Feeling little motivation to go on another run or do the same workout video? This 15-day challenge that walks you through a variety of yoga, pilates, and sculpt classes, so you’re always trying new things. You won’t have to wonder which exercise you want to do that day (or whether or not you will exercise that day), so you’ll be more likely to stay on track. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

      If you’re feeling tired…

      Feeling unmotivated to exercise could mean you’re tired or burned out, so listen to your body. On days where even changing into a workout set feels like too much work, opt for a therapeutic stretch that will improve your mobility, flexibility, and overall performance, so you’ll be able to work out better when you get back into your usual exercising tomorrow. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!

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      On those days where you’re too tired to get off the couch, think of movement as a self-care practice, not exercise (even though it’s both!). This slower-paced sequence holds postures and poses for longer than usual, so you can slow down and do something for your body while restoring energy levels. 

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      If your body is begging for a break, focus on stillness instead of movement, and work your breath instead of your body. This kundalini practice is meant to cultivate more energy, so even a quick break will give you the strength and motivation to get through the rest of your day (even when you’re at your most tired). 

      Yoga is the perfect exercise when you’re feeling tired but still want to work your body. Vinyasa flows are designed to build heat, loosen muscles, and build strength, so you’re reaping all the benefits of working out without over-working your body. This video is a personal favorite for days where I need extra motivation to get to my mat because it focuses on reflection and intention, combining mental health with physical movement. Use code TEG50 for a seven-day free trial and 50 percent off your first month of Obé Fitness!
       

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      If you need to ease yourself into a workout, we get it. This five-minute flow is meant for the mornings, so it wakes up your body with slow stretching before building to energizing movement by the end. It’s the perfect morning workout or an ideal pick-me-up during that afternoon slump. 

      What’s your go-to workout when you don’t feel like working out? More

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      6 Ways to De-Stress for Free

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      My reaction to stress typically goes one of two ways: I either faceplant into a bottle of wine or I spend money on stuff I don’t need. Obviously, these tactics are not sustainable or healthy for every time I feel anxious or overwhelmed. That’s why I rely on these six ways to stay calm, cool, and collected in the face of stress.
      1. Take a one-minute nap.
      I used to claim that I “didn’t have time” to nap on a regular basis. I reserved daytime resting for the occasional weekend when I could set aside an hour or two to dive into dreamland. Now that I’m a mom, it’s even rarer to carve out nap time no matter the time or day, so I’ve become a queen of what I call the “one-minute nap.”
      Here’s what you do: set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes. Breathe and be quiet. That’s it.
      If you have more than a minute to spare, then do the same exercise for three, four, or five minutes. (If anything longer opens up in your schedule, go take a legit nap straight away.) But you always have time for 60 seconds of stillness, and your mind and body will absolutely benefit from pressing pause.

      2. Drink a glass of water.
      Did you know that stress can lead to dehydration? If you’re feeling tense, taking a moment to drink a glass of water can be a short-term fix. When I’m tired or experiencing low energy, downing some H2O forces me to slow down and often creates a ripple effect (pun intended) in terms of paying attention to how I nourish and care for myself.
      Because, let’s be honest: if I’m stressed, I’m probably ignoring my body’s signals in general. (Like, probably drinking a ton of caffeine and eating all the sugar.). A water break allows me to reset and regroup.

      3. Unplug.
      Writer Anne Lamott says, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Practically-speaking, this rings true—raise your hand if you’ve ever shut down your computer to “solve” an error message—but it also references two tricky realities of modern life.
      First, we consume an absurd amount of images and words all day, every day, and much of it is negative. Second, most of us are habitually, obsessively tied to our electronic devices…and we rely on those devices to distract us from our daily worries and help us “relax.”

      READ: 7 Things to Do At Night Besides Stare At Your Phone

      While there’s nothing wrong with a little Hulu and Instagram at the end of a long work day, I’ve found that staying attached does more harm than good when I already feel stressed. I try to give myself a real, honest-to-goodness break from technology once in awhile, and then I prioritize other forms of connection. I hug my partner and look in his eyes instead of down at my phone. I pet the soft fur of my sweet little pug, Stanley, and take him for a quick jaunt around the block. I leaf through a few pages of an actual book.
      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      When you unplug, you have an opportunity to savor the sensations, smells, tastes, and sounds of your life happening right in that very moment, up close and personal.

      4. Be kind.
      I’ll admit I’m the first to snap or lash out when I’m stressed because, honestly, that’s when I’m inclined to think my problem is the MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEM EVER. Except it’s usually not. It can be incredibly helpful to get out of my own head and remember that other people exist, too.
      If you’re all worked up about your own life, try to be nicer and more helpful to others, whether you know them or not. Hold the door open for the lady behind you at the coffee shop. Eat lunch with your coworker instead of going out. Smile at the tired mom with two screaming kids in Target. Compliment a family member, just because. Bite your tongue to offer compassion to the distracted waiter. When someone is talking to you, listen to him or her without furtive glances away or responding with absent-minded “uh huhs.”
      In other words, be present and kind. Good vibes only lead to more good vibes.

      5. Tackle one task off your to-do list.
      I will make long, broad to-do lists that serve as a “brain dump” for literally every single task circling my brain. Sure, it feels good to jot these little tasks down on paper, but when it comes to getting shit done? Uh, I look at my list with a shudder and immediately procrastinate as long as possible.
      But I do love the high of accomplishment associated with productivity. The solution when stressed is to pick one thing to do. Just one. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, either; in fact, it’s better if it is crazy small. Wipe down the kitchen counters instead of cleaning your whole place. Call the dentist on your commute to work. Respond to an email lingering in your inbox.
      Doing one thing will make you feel better than stressing about all the things before doing nothing, I swear.

      Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      6. Count your blessings.
      Sometimes, for me, stress can go hand-in-hand with things like resentment, envy, or comparison. For example, my husband and I have been saving for a down payment on a house, which means that every time someone I know buys a house, I feel stressed. Why? Because we want a house, too! Turns out we want lots of things that we don’t have for a variety of reasons, and this line of thinking can quickly spiral into a pessimistic attitude.
      In that moment, I count my blessings: I have a warm, safe roof over my head and the money to save for a larger home in the first place. Many situations—major financial struggles, health scares, lack of safety—those things are truly worth stressing over. Practice gratitude for what’s already abundant in your life.

      How do you de-stress for free? Tell us in the comments below! More

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      4 Reasons Why Multitasking Is Not the Best Option

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      Allow me to recap what my morning has looked like so far.I answered a couple of emails before starting a load of laundry. I answered another email, jotted down a few thoughts in an article outline, scrolled through Instagram, and then returned a couple more emails. I changed the laundry loads while on a phone call and then turned my attention once again to that article outline I promised myself I’d finish that morning.
      That’s pretty much standard for me — and I’m willing to bet the same holds true for you. When there are seemingly endless things to get done during any given day, multitasking is our new normal.
      But, in case you haven’t already heard, as irresistible as multitasking might seem, it’s really not the most efficient way for you to get your work done. Here’s why.

      1. Multitasking makes you less productive.
      This seems counterintuitive. How can doing two things at the same time actually make you less productive? Well, for starters, you aren’t actually doing two things simultaneously. Scientists say that’s almost impossible for humans to do well (hence why rubbing your stomach while tapping your head is such a beloved party trick). What you’re doing instead is rapidly switching between two tasks. You jump from that email to that project, and so on and so forth.
      Not so bad, right? Consider this: That constant switching counts as an interruption. You’re ripping your focus from one task to dedicate it to another. And, those constant disruptions come at a pretty high cost. Research shows that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to refocus on the original task that was interrupted.
      So, if you task switch just four times each workday (and, let’s be honest, you’re doing it far more than that), you’re spending nearly an hour just trying to get yourself re-committed to the project at hand. See? Not so productive after all.

      Source: @brooklynblonde1

      2. Multitasking hinders your memory.
      The other day, my mom called me to remind me of something important I had to do. “Oh, that’s right — you need to remember that,” I recited to myself while hanging up the phone. I figured I’d crank out one quick email before tackling that reminder. But — you guessed it — before I managed to circle back around to that, I had entirely forgotten what I was supposed to be doing.
      Sound familiar? That’s because our compulsion to multitask is actually sabotaging our memory. Research from the University of California San Francisco found that multitasking negatively affects our short-term memory — which is also referred to as our “working” memory. Your working memory is what enables you to remember an important deadline someone just told you or the fact that you need to call and schedule a dental cleaning.
      So, if you find yourself forgetting your lunch in the fridge after you told yourself eight times to grab it or not being able to remember a friend’s phone number when she just told it to you, you might be able to blame your multitasking habit for those lapses in your memory.

      Source: Colorjoy Stock

      3. Multitasking leads to poor work.
      Another danger of not being able to commit all of your focus to something? You’re increasing the likelihood of errors. Dr. Paul Hammerness and Margaret Moore, authors of Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life, discovered that multitasking increases your chances of making a mistake or even missing important information or context entirely.
      It makes sense. I’m far more likely to let a typo slip through in an important email if I’m writing that message while also watching TV or talking with a friend. While your urge to rapidly switch between tasks might make you feel like a productivity superhero, it’s probably actually leading to lower-quality work than what you’re capable of producing.

      Source: @alabasterfox

      4. Multitasking makes you feel frazzled.
      How does constantly hopping back and forth between different emails and assignments make you feel? Personally, I feel totally stressed — my eyes feel bleary, my heart rate quickens, and I end the day feeling like I got nothing of real value accomplished. Compare that to spending a couple of dedicated, focused hours to making progress on a big project. How do you feel at the end of that work session? Probably a whole lot different.
      According to David Meyer, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, that’s because multitasking has been proven to boost your stress levels. When you’re trying to accomplish a bunch of tasks — particularly highly important ones — simultaneously, your brain responds to those seemingly impossible demands by pumping out a bunch of adrenaline and other stress hormones.

      Your brain responds to seemingly impossible demands by pumping out adrenaline and other stress hormones.

      The even worse news? A steady flow of those types of hormones can threaten your health. That means multitasking isn’t just sending you into a mental tizzy, it can actually be throwing your body out of whack as well. This only scratches the surface on all of the potential pitfalls related to multitasking. From stifling your creativity to negatively impacting your relationships, this compulsion to cram as many tasks as possible into one time slot doesn’t have a lot of benefits.
      That being said, stopping this natural tendency can be tough — particularly when you’re saddled with a to-do list as long as your arm. The next time you feel the urge to multitask (which I can only assume will be within the next five minutes or so), challenge yourself to stay focused on the task in front of you. You can also experiment with different time management techniques — such as task batching or the Pomodoro Technique — to see what makes you feel your most productive.
      Whatever you do, it’s sure to be a lot more beneficial than constantly switching gears.

      How do you resist the urge to multitask? Let us know! More

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      How to Navigate Thanksgiving in a Pandemic

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      Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and if you thought that we’d still be where we are (staying home, washing our hands, wearing masks, social distancing) all of these months after March, well, then I guess you’re vindicated. Thanksgiving is going to look a lot different this year for millions of people across the country. Some will travel early with enough time for quarantining, isolating, or a COVID-19 test (or some combination of that), others will forego their usual bustling holiday table for something more low-key, and still others are scrapping plans entirely, planning on a Thanksgiving dinner for just one or two. It’s hard, this navigating life events, milestones, and holidays during a global pandemic, and while we certainly all hope that next year is an altogether different kind of situation, you don’t just have to ignore the holidays entirely (unless, of course, you want to—this year, all bets are off). The precautions you ultimately decide to take will be dependent on many different factors, but there are some things that you should keep top of mind so that you can (hopefully) celebrate safely this year.

      Source: Adrian Cotiga | Stocksy

      If you’re traveling
      Airports and interstates are notoriously busy during the week of Thanksgiving. But this year isn’t most years and many more people are likely staying closer to home than they would otherwise. The CDC advises that you stay close to home rather than travel because any travel can increase the risk that you’ll be exposed to or come down with COVID-19. If you’re still planning on traveling, the precautions you need to take vary based on how you’re traveling.
      If you’re planning on a plane, train, or any other kind of group transportation, make sure you have masks with you (and wear them while traveling). According to Healthline, mask-wearing is required by all major airline carriers. Some airlines still have social distancing measures in place, while others are again approving filling flights to capacity, so if you feel strongly about trying your best to continue social distancing on the plane, you may need to do a little research. Delta, Southwest, JetBlue, Alaska Airlines, and Hawaiian Airlines are still blocking some seats, according to reporting from the Washington Post, but they’re not all doing so for the same length of time, so if you’re flying closer to the end of the year, your airline options may change.
      Driving in your own car gives you more control over the precautions taken, but don’t forget to think through how you’re going to handle staying safe if or when you need to stop—for gas, for food, for the night, or to use the bathroom.
      No matter how you’re traveling, make sure you pack plenty of wipes and sanitizer, wash your hands frequently, wear a mask, and stay conscious of if or how often you’re touching your face.

      Source: Cameron Whitman | Stocksy

      If you’re staying closer to home
      Staying home doesn’t mean that you don’t have any difficult decisions to make. If your Thanksgiving normally looks like tons of family and friends gathered in one place (indoors), it may need to look a little different this year.
      Michael Osterholm from the Center for Infectious Diseases Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota told STAT News that no one should gather with anyone who lives outside of their household this year because the risk is just too great. The CDC, however, lists a few other suggestions for people who are concerned by the idea of essentially canceling Thanksgiving altogether:

      Make traditional recipes for people who can’t gather with you and do a no-contact drop-off.
      Take your Thanksgiving virtual.
      Skip Black Friday shopping and shop from the comfort of home (or in person later on).
      Skip in-person sporting events, parades, and more and watch from home or participate virtually.

      If skipping a dinner just isn’t something you’re willing to do this year, taking as many precautions as possible can help keep the risk lower. One basic thing you can do is to just continue to make sure you’re following expert guidance to wear a mask, wash your hands, don’t touch your face, stay apart, and get together outside, Stephen Morse, an epidemiologist at Columbia University, told The Atlantic. The CDC’s guidance for hosting or attending a gathering can also help you lower some of your risk. Restricting attendance to your “pandemic pod” (as long as everyone is doing their part) might feel safer to you this year. Keeping an eye on what conditions are like where you are and using that to help decide if you’re going to pare back this year (or even make the transition to FaceTime) may also be a good idea.
      If you live somewhere that outdoor celebrations are possible, consider moving dinner outside this year, a 2020 move if we’ve ever seen one. Experts say that being outdoors is safer than being indoors, so that’s one more way you can try to mitigate some of the risk.

      Source: Felicia Lasala for The Everygirl

      If you’re celebrating solo (or with very few others)
      Celebrating solo might not be your usual Thanksgiving plan, but it very well could be this year, particularly if you live far from family. It might not be the most cheerful Thanksgiving you’ll ever have (or maybe it will—no family feuds to combat or politics to talk over dinner), but it doesn’t have to be the worst either. Consider scrapping your traditional menu and making whatever you think sounds good. Conversely, maybe this year, of all years, is when you feel especially attached to your family’s traditional menu—call your relatives and gather some recipes so that you’ll feel at least some things are still the same. Try upping your holiday decor game with new Thanksgiving duds or just scrap that and put up the decor for a holiday you love. Maybe that means a Christmas tree, maybe that means leaving Halloween decor up far longer than usual, or maybe it’s something else entirely. You’re the one there, so you’re the one who gets to make those rules.
      If you’re celebrating alone or with just a few additional people and you don’t want to put in the work for a full dinner, consider ordering a restaurant-quality Thanksgiving dinner or opting for your favorite local fare. There’s no rule that you have to eat a certain meal on Thanksgiving, so do what feels best to you and what will make your holiday special. Prop up a computer or phone for holiday FaceTiming or embrace the minimal interactions and plan a self-care day all your own.
      The best part of celebrating alone is that it truly gets to be whatever you want it to, so don’t overthink things too much. Plan a day that you’ll enjoy and consider going back to your usual traditions (whatever they may be) next year or the year after.

      Whether you’re staying at home or traveling across the country, if you’re getting together with family members or friends, don’t be afraid to ask them what sorts of precautions they’re taking in their everyday life (or, at least, within a few weeks of Thanksgiving), especially if you or someone else there is at greater risk. After all, when it comes to an infectious virus, what you do doesn’t just affect you, it also affects anyone with whom you’re spending time. If you’re planning to spend time with people who are higher risk or older in age, consider taking even more precautions or canceling the event entirely. Determine if the precautions your fellow family members and friends are taking are things you’re comfortable with or not, and don’t be afraid to tell them what you need so that you do feel comfortable. They may or may not agree to those kinds of guidelines, but at least then you’ll be able to feel more confident in your decision to either gather or skip it this year. Hopefully next year, the COVID situation will be different.
      There are going to be some really hard choices to make this year. No one wants to have to completely overhaul times often spent with family and friends, particularly if it means that you might end up spending that time alone (no matter how festive that time might be). Ultimately, the best you can do is do your research, have honest conversations with friends and family about what you think is best and what you’re comfortable with, and try to make the choice that feels best and safe for you and those around you. More

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      10 Ways to Orgasm That You Haven’t Thought Of, According to Sex Therapists

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      It’s centuries too late if you ask me, but our culture is finally starting to embrace the female orgasm and acknowledge the fact that women feel, want, and need pleasure too (shocking!). Scientists are researching determinants of female orgasms, women are singing about feelin’ themselves, and people wouldn’t bat an eye if Sally pulled her orgasm-in-public performance in 2020 (well, maybe they would, but you get the point).All of this is amazing progress for long-overdue gender equality (and we still have a lot of work left to achieve it), but all this “O” talk can put pressure on women to reach an orgasm, whether they’ve never had one, can only have one by themselves, or only know one way to have one (news flash: there are lots of ways). So for the betterment of your sex life (and because pleasure is your human right), here are 10 ways to orgasm that you might not have thought of, according to sex therapists and experts.

      1. Indulge in other self-care practices 
      Megwyn White, a certified clinical sexologist and director of education at Satisfyer, suggested practices like dry brushing and scalp massage to increase sexuality and pleasure. “Dry brushing is a great way to stimulate circulation and detox the skin,” White said. “You’ll feel refreshed, and your tissues will feel soft and satiated. It’s a great self-care practice that can add a sensual start or end to your day. Likewise, giving yourself a scalp treatment at home with essential oils can reduce stress and activate your senses. You’ll feel refreshed, invigorated, and sexier.” Bottom line: find the indulgent practices that connect your mind with your body and stimulate the senses. You’ll feel heightened awareness that can translate into more sexual pleasure (and the chance to check out yo’ bad self in the mirror will be an added sexy bonus). 

      2. Explore blended orgasms
      Here’s the good news: from clitoral orgasms to nipple orgasms, there’s no shortage of orgasms to be had. And better yet, they don’t necessarily have to be independent of one another. A blended orgasm is two (or more) simultaneous orgasms, resulting in an intense, full-body response. While this may sound difficult and you may be thinking great, even more pressure in the climax department, know that our bodies are meant to experience multiple different sensations.
      “If you stimulate multiple regions, you create more intense sensations, and multiple nerves communicate the sensation of pleasure at the same time,” said Dr. Jess O’Reilly, founder of Sex With Dr. Jess and Astroglide’s resident sexologist. For example, the vagus nerve is believed to communicate signals from the cervix, uterus, and vagina, bypassing the spinal cord. Crazy, right!? Bottom line: there’s more to your sexuality than just the vagina. Explore, experiment, and try multiple different forms of pleasure at once. 

      3. Get creative juices flowing
      That’s right: that pottery class you took in college could have been increasing your chance to orgasm. “Sexual energy and artistic expression are not mutually exclusive,” White said. “Creativity will naturally stir the pot of your sexual nature and also invite you to think out of the box and invite new experiences into your world.” No matter if your favorite form of creativity is singing, dancing, painting, or scrapbooking, it doesn’t necessarily have to be erotic to help boost your pleasure when it comes to sex.
      Being creative in whatever way feels expressive and enjoyable to you can tap into your sexual energy, but will also get you into a creative and open mindset that will encourage you to try new things (see #6 below). You can tell your significant other we told you to sign up for that painting class or dance lesson (and I’m sure when they know the benefits, they’ll want to join too). 

      4. Talk about sex
      Looks like Salt-N-Pepa were onto something! Kamil Lewis, AMFT, believes getting comfortable talking about sex outside of the bedroom can help encourage a healthy sex life. “Talking about sex with friends is a great way to normalize sex and provides a space to ask questions and hear about other experiences,” Lewis said. “The more comfortable you feel talking about sex, the more empowered you will feel when it’s time to get into it.”
      Yes, it’s important to have a support system outside of your relationship or sexual partner (Sex-and-the-City style) to talk openly about sex and normalize a lot of the subjects that have been taboo for far too long. But it’s equally just as important to communicate openly and honestly with your sexual partner, whether you’re in a committed relationship or not. “Give yourself permission to talk with your partner or partners about orgasms,” Lewis said. “If this is something you want to change in your relationship, it’s important to bring it up.”

      5. Build sensuality outside of the bedroom
      Sexuality is an equal mix of physical and mental. It’s not going to immediately switch on when you walk into the bedroom, nor is it reserved for the bedroom. Hani Avital, clinical sexologist and sensuality expert, said it best to S Life Magazine, “Sexuality is our life force. The more we cultivate that energy in everything we do, the more alive we will feel. Period.” Remember that your sexuality is powerful and life-giving, not shameful. Build sensuality in your day-to-day life by indulging in self-care that feels good (like massaging in body oil after your shower or taking a decadent bath) and making decisions based on what would feel more pleasurable for you. 
      Not only will this help you feel more vibrant in your day-to-day life, but it might also help you experience more pleasure in the bedroom. Lewis recommended using mindful moments throughout the day, like paying attention to the temperature of the water in your shower or the smells of your food, to feel more connected to your body and improve sexual connection. Dr. O’Reilly agreed. “You are not a light switch. You likely can’t transition from talking about your kids and taxes to indulging in sexual pleasure and orgasm,” she said. “Take time to indulge in all things pleasurable throughout the day to cultivate more presence in your body and remind yourself that pleasure is your birthright.” 

      6. Try new things
      If you’re not reaching climax, it might be because whatever you’re doing is not working. Even if you are orgasming but are hesitant to try something new, you could be missing out on an even more intense and enjoyable climax. Dr. O’Reilly recommended getting creative with sex toys and lube, which are both associated with heightened pleasure and orgasmic response.
      Mia Sabat, the sex therapist at Emjoy, agreed that trying new things is important. “You don’t know what’s going to get you going until you try,” Sabat said. “Sometimes, we forget that there’s more to our body than our vulva, and we’re surprised to see how much a specific place or type of stimulation can help us reach our orgasm end-goal.” Bottom line: try new things, whether it’s positions, toys, body parts, or even the routine, for the sake of enjoyment and getting to know your body better. An orgasm will just be a welcomed bonus. 

      7. Make masturbation a part of your self-care routine
      So you already know that masturbation can help you orgasm, but it might not be easy to reach climax if you only think of the ménage à moi as a must-do when you’re in between partners (thank you, quarantine). Exploring your own sexuality and pleasure should be just as much a part of your self-care routine as a face mask or a bubble bath (and, FYI, can be done simultaneously with both!). “Stop thinking about masturbation as a dirty little secret. It’s a perfectly healthy thing to do, with a myriad of health benefits. It can be used to ease pain, boost your mood, and even help with period cramps,” Sabat said. “By framing masturbation as part of your self-care routine, you can explore your body with comfort and confidence instead of something to feel embarrassed about.” 

      8. Fantasize
      Dr. O’Reilly calls the brain the most powerful sex organ, and for good reason. Remember how sexuality is a mix of physical and mental? The physical component might be stimulated, but the mental component needs to be stimulated too in order to achieve mind-blowing pleasure. Fantasizing can help you explore your sexuality and find different ways to feel pleasure, rather than getting caught up in achieving an orgasm and the dreaded performance anxiety.
      Luckily for us, there are multiple ways to fantasize besides imagining shirtless Ryan Gosling or watching Rihanna’s “Pour it Up” music video (though both are great if they do it for you!). “There are many ways you can stimulate the brain, like listening to erotica, engaging with pornography created for a female audience, or simply taking the time to gently let your mind and body ease into a sexual state through sensual massages, candlelit baths, or self-pleasure,” Sabat said. 

      9. Don’t over-hype the climax
      OK, back to that pressure to orgasm. Yes, there is a huge orgasm gap, and yes, you deserve to orgasm as often as you want every single time. But we often hype up the climax so much (I mean, it is called “the climax”) that so many women struggle to get there because of the pressure to achieve it. We look at our ability to orgasm to determine whether it was “good sex” or even whether or not we’re “normal.” Here’s the truth: it’s good sex if it felt good, and anything is normal if it’s normal for you. Instead of focusing on the end-goal, focus on the pleasure you feel before and during sex. Not only will it be more pleasurable overall, but you might be more likely to orgasm. The destination is better when you enjoyed the journey, right?
      In fact, Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and award-winning author, suggested delaying orgasming instead of focusing on achieving it. She said, “Slowly bring yourself closer and closer, but hold back before going over the edge. When you become aroused and then let it go, the energy is recycled, waiting just under the surface to be ignited once again. If you keep building towards a finale, the endgame will be unreal.”

      10. Romance yourself
      No, this is not some cheesy self-love advice; it’s truly the most effective way to increase pleasure, sensuality, and orgasms, whether you’re solo-sexing or with a partner. When we take time to make ourselves feel special like we would a romantic partner, we increase confidence, comfortability, and just feel hotter; to quote my queen Lizzo, “No, I’m not a snack at all. Look, baby, I’m the whole damn meal.” FYI, Lizzo definitely knows how to romance herself. No matter your relationship status, we can all afford a little more self-romance.
      “Even if you’re going solo, it doesn’t mean that you have to skip the romance,” Sabat said. “Don’t be afraid to light some candles, put on some perfume, and dim the lights to set the mood. This is your own personal adventure and something to enjoy, not rush. Don’t rush it or sell yourself short; this is about treating yourself in exactly the way you want to be treated, and you deserve the best.” As Lizzo would say: “‘Scuse me while I feel myself.”  More

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      I Washed My Face With Only Honey for Two Weeks

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      Hey guys, Josie here. I know I already have the infamous reputation of the crazy Will-Try-Anything-For-Good-Skin Lady, but hear me out on this one…Your favorite natural sweetener and Prince Charles’s favorite tea add-in is actually the secret to the skin of your dreams. That’s right, honey is truly the Taylor Swift of the beauty world — it’s been around forever, and, though there’s been some controversy, it remains the queen of DIY face masks and soothing body lotions (okay so that’s not really Taylor Swift related, but you get where I was going with that analogy, right?).
      Note: not all the sweet stuff on the shelves has the same outcome. Stick to Manuka honey or raw honey — the other stuff (including the cute teddy bear shaped bottle) has loads of added sugar (which will clog pores and lead to breakouts) and less antioxidants. But when you stick to the natural stuff, it’s a game changer. Read on to find out about my experience washing my face with nothing but honey for two weeks.

      Benefits of Honey on the Skin
      It has antibacterial and anti-septic properties, so it gets rid of dirt and bacteria, perfect for both preventing and treating acne
      It’s full of antioxidants and boosts collagen production—two things that are MVPs in preventing aging and boosting glow
      It’s extremely moisturizing and hydrates even the driest of skin.
      Honey is naturally soothing and has healing properties (it was traditionally used on wounds to aid healing!). It also nourishes damaged skin to fade scars (like those pesky acne scars!).
      It works as a clarifying agent because it naturally opens up pores, making them easier to unclog.
      The enzymes work as a gentle exfoliator, sloughing off dead skin cells and leaving you with a radiant complexion.

      My Experience
      So I’ve never had troubled skin per se, but I’ve always been on a constant journey for the glowiest, clearest skin ever (because we all should be dreaming big, right!?). Hormonal acne, pesky blackheads, and dark under eye circles have been the extent of my problems. That is, until this year — as Chicago’s brutal winter arrived, so did the worst skin woes I’ve EVER experienced (not to be dramatic…). It started when I woke up with severely itchy skin, which I innocently blamed on the changing weather. It then became red bumps all over my face, and a puffiness that was definitely not normal.
      I knew it must be an allergic reaction, and, after talking to my dermatologist, got a prescription to keep the inflammation down. It momentarily helped, but the bumps, itchiness, and puffiness still came back every week or so. The worst part was I could not figure out what was causing it — I changed pillowcases, stuck to oils instead of retinoids in my nighttime skincare, and used sensitive wash instead of standard. And still, despite all my efforts and tears, it kept coming back like a Disney Channel theme song that gets stuck in your head. This was my Everest.
      I decided I needed a massive lifestyle change. As someone who believes natural is always better (unless it’s Oreos or Kim Kardashian), I wanted to get rid of everything that might be harmful to skin — which included my trusty face wash. Even the supersensitive replacement I’d been using didn’t count as “natural.” So what could I replace it with? Enter: honey. I’d actually heard a lot of buzz (pun intended) about the stuff made by bees and its benefits for the skin. Face wash had been my security blanket for so long that it felt like a ginormous leap of faith to go without it, but I was excited to test out something so drastic (read: would try anything for good skin).

      I planned to simply splash my face with cool water in the morning, and wash with honey at night. I also used Summer Fridays as an overnight mask (also natural) and massaged it in with a Clarisonic for extra hydration. The honey cleanup was way easier than I thought it would be. Raw honey is much thicker than the regular kind, which made it easy to spread on my skin. I rubbed it in for about a minute, and then kept it on like a mask for another minute or two as I got ready for bed. The first time, I was ready with a roll of paper towels and backup face wash, but with just a splash of water, the honey melted away and washed off like a piece of honeycomb cake.
      The only change up was when I wore makeup — the honey wasn’t enough to take off all mascara and eyebrow gel galore, so I opted for a natural cleansing oil as the first step, followed by the honey. Two weeks and a jar of honey later — my skin has NEVER. BEEN. BETTER. I repeat — I HAVE ALMOST ACHIEVED SKINCARE NIRVANA.

      Let me break it down: the honey did not clog my pores or cause acne as I had worried. I’ve actually remained fairly clear-skinned with a few smaller zits popping up here and there, but not as many as I normally would during a period week, especially, which was a #miracle. But the biggest shock of all… after washing with honey, the pesky, horrible, seemingly permanent blackheads I’ve struggled with on my nose FOR. FREAKING. EVER. popped out so easily, just like that! (not to be graphic)
      Overall, my skin just looks more even-toned, glows, and has actually survived winter, dryness-free. *Knock on wood* but my red bumpiness and itchy skin has not come back since I started washing with honey. To be clear, I don’t think using face wash was the problem. I just think honey is that good that it helped heal and soothe my poor, sad skin. Plus, it came with a lot of other perks too. It truly was a miracle product, and to be totally transparent, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to standard face wash again. Not all heroes wear capes — sometimes, they come in a jar.

      Would you try washing your face with honey? Tell us in the comments below.

      This article was originally published on January 2, 2019. More

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      Why I Talk About Feminism on First Dates

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      “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to meet someone,” I said to my friends one day. But one of my friends quickly told me exactly why: it was because I expected too much from men. I even expected them to be feminists.I was immediately disheartened when I heard that she thought this was a lot to ask. I don’t expect the men I date to wear “women’s rights are human rights” T-shirts or have a PhD in gender studies. I don’t even expect them to identify as feminists, because it’s just a label and doesn’t carry much weight—I’ve met sexist men who call themselves “feminists.” But I do expect them to believe in gender equality, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
      Still, her comment got to me, and for a period of time, I was less outspoken about my beliefs, at least on first dates. It didn’t take me long to realize that holding these views back didn’t make dating any easier for me—in fact, it made it even more difficult. There are several reasons why I continue to talk about feminism on first dates.

      1. Gender equality should not be a radical idea. 
      I get that talking about politics, religion, or social justice issues on a first date could be perceived as intense. At the same time, gender equality should not be a radical idea. If I’m out with someone who is offended or discomforted by the idea that all genders are equal, that’s a red flag. 

      2. I don’t want to be several months in and find out that he harbors sexist views. 
      Speaking of red flags, I’d rather identify them early on than be several months into a relationship only to find out that my partner and I have opposing fundamental beliefs. Gender equality is not something minor to me. There are some things that I’m willing to agree to disagree about, and this is not one of them. The kinds of beliefs someone has about gender tells me a lot about their expectations for our relationship. During the time that I was avoiding talking about feminism on first dates, I still talked about politics and assumed that a guy I went out with was compatible with me because he was anti-racist and fairly left-wing. I only later found out that in addition to being mostly liberal, he’s also anti-abortion and is a strong proponent of traditional gender roles. Because I had already spent a bit of time getting to know him and I liked other things about him, I tried to make it work, but we argued on a regular basis, and I would never be the “good wife” he was truly looking for (and I didn’t want to be). If I’m dating a sexist man, I will find out eventually. Why wait until I’m already in deep? 

      3. I’m not scared of scaring someone away.
      We’ve heard it time and time again: don’t talk about religion or politics on the first date. But from my perspective, everything is political in some way. To avoid all political discussions is to have a pretty shallow conversation. I’m not dating to talk about the weather. I’m dating to truly get to know someone. During the time that I stopped talking about gender issues on first dates, I felt as if I was hiding part of myself. It’s not that my first dates are a two-hour long gender studies lecture; usually, gender issues come up organically because they’re connected to something else we’re talking about. If not, it’s natural for me to mention gender issues when someone asks about my passions or interests. Talking about feminist issues might scare some people away, but if I scare sexist guys away, I’m doing exactly what I want to do: filtering out people I’m not compatible with. 

      4. I want him to like me for who I am.
      When I had my first childhood crush, I actively tried to be the kind of girl I thought he would like. I was a proper chameleon, buying a jacket with his favorite football team’s logo on it, and adapting myself according to his interests. But I’ve lived and learned, and I’m not dating to stroke someone’s ego or to change myself until they finally accept me. I want to date someone who I truly like, and I want to date someone who truly likes me—not the idea of me or an altered, watered-down version of me. I once went out with a man who stopped me mid-sentence when I started talking about gender issues. “I don’t want to hear about this,” he said. “I want to hear about you.” Maybe he thought he was being romantic in a way, but he didn’t realize that they’re one in the same. I’m passionate about gender issues, and it’s part of who I am, not a separate entity. If a man doesn’t believe in gender equality, he’s not going to like me for who I am. It’s that simple. I now realize that the kind of man I want to date is one who is willing to engage in these conversations. 

      5. I can learn more about who this person truly is. 
      I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. I don’t expect a person I’m dating to know everything about gender issues (I don’t either, of course), or to fully understand something that he hasn’t experienced firsthand. But I do expect him to be open to listening. I do expect him to not be defensive. Talking about issues like this shows me how he reacts when faced with something uncomfortable or challenging. Is he just defensive when I’m simply having a discussion and not trying to argue, or does he want to know more? I once went out with a guy who said he didn’t believe some survivors of sexual assault because they reported it years after it happened. Extreme red flags aside, I tried to talk to him about why women might wait to come forward about sexual assault. As I was talking, he got up to add more sugar to his coffee and asked to change the subject once he returned. That told me exactly how he liked his version of reality: sugar-coated and easy to swallow. 

      6. I don’t want to tolerate sexist behavior anymore. 
      Gone are the days in which I would ignore casual and benevolent sexism because it “could be worse.” I’m willing to give second chances. People can change, especially if they didn’t recognize that the way they were thinking was sexist. But if he just doesn’t really care about sexism, thinks it’s not a big deal or says something along the lines of, “Well, that’s just the way things are,” I’m not here for that. Benevolent sexism is still sexism, and I don’t want it in my relationships. I want an equal partnership. Unfortunately, maybe that’s a lot to ask from a heterosexual relationship at this point in time. But I’m going to keep asking.  More