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      50 Positive Affirmations You Should Tell Yourself

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      Every now and then, there are days when you just need a little pick-me-up. You can blame it on the weather, on the wrong side of the bed, that horrible thing that your co-worker said, or That Time of The Month. However, this doesn’t mean you should talk down to yourself and allow those negative thoughts to marinate. To combat those not-so-great feels, we curated a healthy list of positive affirmations you should tell yourself and bookmark so you can always come back to remind yourself just how awesome you are.
      1. I’m allowed to take up space.
      2. My past is not a reflection of my future.
      3. I am smart enough to make my own decisions.
      4. I’m in control of how I react to others.
      5. I choose peace.

      6. I’m courageous and stand up for myself.
      7. I will succeed today.
      8. I deserve to have joy in my life.
      9. I’m worthy of love.
      10. I approve of myself and love myself deeply.
      11. My body is healthy, and I’m grateful.
      12. I’m more at ease every day.
      13. I’m calm, happy, and content.
      14. My life is a gift and I appreciate everything I have.
      15. I’ll surround myself with positive people who will help bring out the best in me.
      16. I don’t need someone else to feel happiness.
      17. I’m allowed to take the time to heal.
      18. My imperfections make me unique.
      19. I’m allowed to make mistakes; they don’t make up my whole story.
      20. I choose not to criticize myself or others around me.
      21. My potential to succeed is limitless.

      22. Difficult times are part of my journey and allow me to appreciate the good.
      23. I forgive those who have hurt me.
      24. I’m in charge of my life and no one will dictate my path besides me.
      25. I’m doing my best and that is enough.
      26. I have the power to create change.
      27. I know exactly what to do to achieve success.
      28. I choose to be proud of myself and the things I choose to do.
      29. I will not compare myself to strangers on the Internet.
      30. I am enough.
      31. I let go of all that no longer serves me.
      32. I love myself fully, including the way I look.
      33. My life becomes richer as I get older.
      34. I can absolutely do anything I put my mind to.
      35. I’m worthy of respect and acceptance.
      36. My contributions to the world are valuable.

      37. My needs and wants are important.
      38. I make a significant difference to the lives of people around me.
      39. I am blessed with an amazing family and friends.
      40. I attract money easily into my life.
      41. My life is full of amazing opportunities that are ready for me to step into.
      42. I’m free to create the life I desire.
      43. I’m open to new adventures in my life.
      44. I’m bold, beautiful, and brilliant.
      45. My body shape is perfect in the way it’s intended to be.
      46. When I allow my light to shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
      47. No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.
      48. To make small steps toward big goals is progress.
      49. Negative thoughts only have the power I allow them.
      50. I can choose to make my curses my blessings.

      This article was originally published on April 22, 2018. More

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      My Daily Routine in Quarantine That Has Made a Huge Difference in My Health

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      We all have daily routines. Big or small, healthy or unhealthy, our routines become habits that shape who we become. Sounds heavy, right? My daily routines sometimes look like Epsom salt baths, jade rolling while meditating, and checking every item off my to-do list while having enough time to add the exact adaptogen blend that’s best for my current energy state into my matcha latte. Other days look more like shoveling an entire box of Annie’s White Cheddar Mac n’ Cheese (the best kind. You can @ me on it) while working through lunch and bingeing Selling Sunset after dinner until I realize it’s 1am.Typically though, my days alternate between varying degrees of both examples. Routines don’t have to be total transformations or all-or-nothing, as if getting to bed too late or eating a candy bar after dinner cancels out the healthy rituals you kept up with all day. I’ve recently adopted a few specific habits while in quarantine that has made a huge difference in my overall health and wellbeing, and might improve yours too. Remember that it doesn’t have to be a major transformation for any of these routines to make an impact; even just one minor change can crowd out an unhealthy habit or make a huge difference on its own. Here are the daily routines that have made the biggest difference for me: 

      I keep technology away from the bedroom
      A relevant preface: I live in a studio apartment. The “bedroom” is also my workspace, eating space, sleep space, and living space, so I never thought the “no-technology-in-the-bedroom” rule could apply to me and the 650 square-feet that I call home. I used to charge my laptop in an outlet next to my bedside table, work while sitting in bed at night, and kept my phone next to me overnight. A couple of months ago, I designated a “tech space” at the kitchen table and left devices there to charge, use, and work on.
      Not only did this minor shift in geography transform my evening routine (no more working in bed!), but it transformed my morning routine. I no longer lay in bed, scrolling through Instagram until the last second possible. Instead, I get out of bed right away (since I have nothing else to do) and go through my brief morning routine. Not only does it help me sleep better when technology no longer takes over my life, but getting out of bed immediately makes me feel more awake and energized throughout the entire day. Not to mention that I have a better work-life balance as a byproduct, but more on that below. 

      I wake up 10 minutes before I need to
      Speaking of waking up easier, I need you to know that my workday starts at 6:30am. A couple of years ago, my move to southern California was all sunshine and rainbows (literally) besides the fact that my office is on central time. I actually work way better in the early mornings than in the evenings (so I enjoy the earlier end to my day), and I thrive on getting sh*t done before it feels like the rest of the world has woken up, but I’m not going to say that the wake-up part is always easy. Full confession: I used to groggily roll out of bed at 6:15am to quickly brush my teeth and make a cup of lemon water before the workday starts. 
      When quarantine hit and I realized I had to prioritize my mental health even more (though we should be prioritizing ourselves as much as possible, pandemic or not), I knew I had to find more time for myself in the mornings. I challenged myself to get up just 10 minutes before I absolutely need to. I spend those 10 extra minutes doing a meditation, stretching on my yoga mat, going through a full skincare routine, or lighting a candle and getting my day ready. No matter your work start time or when you wake up, getting up 10 minutes earlier than you have to allows you to take your time, keep your mornings calm, and help keep stress down for the rest of the day. 

      I eat fruit for breakfast 
      I get it; I used to do the whole omelet-or-protein-powder-smoothie thing, because my focus was getting in more protein than any other macronutrient or nutrient. When I transformed my nutrition mindset to be about adding more plants, I started eating more fruit in the mornings. After a while, I realized fruit filled me up without making me lethargic or painfully bloated like I usually felt by noon. So now, every morning, I’ll either dress up berries and pears with tahini, cacao nibs, and goji berries (I like to be #extra), and other days, I’ll cut up whatever apples or peaches are in the fridge.
      I have since let go of the idea that I need a protein-heavy breakfast to be healthy and, instead, opt for what makes my body feel its best: fruit. I’ve never felt so energized, had less digestive issues, and even have fewer cravings throughout the day. The lesson to take from this daily routine is not that you should eat fruit for breakfast too. Instead, the lesson is to listen to your body to identify what’s best for it. 

      I make the most of my lunch break
      Confession: pre-quarantine Josie used lunch breaks to watch 30 minutes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and I would fall asleep for 25 of those minutes) or work through lunch with a salad at my desk (I’ve had to force myself into better work-life balance). I still do love the occasional reality TV to turn off the brain while I cook and eat (nothing quite like fights between Denise and Rinna to help me temporarily forget about work woes and to-do lists), but I feel so much better when I check in with my body to identify the kind of break it really needs. Sometimes that looks like foam rolling, sometimes that’s getting other errands and chores done, and sometimes I go for a walk to get outside. Since making the most of my lunch breaks, I’m more energetic, productive, and happier.  

      I force myself to have a work cut-off time
      So your office hours “end at 5pm,” but 5pm turns into 8pm and you find yourself responding to emails, finishing projects, or putting out fires well into the night? Take it from someone who has been trying to perfect the work-from-home routine for years now: you need a non-negotiable cut-off time. I give myself a reasonable daily cut-off time (typically with an extra hour in case I do need some more time to wrap up), and then make sure that’s it for the rest of the night. Work-life balance starts with leaving work exactly where it belongs: at the office (or at your designated kitchen-table-turned-desk).
      I also transition out of the workday with closing rituals like changing into a(nother) loungewear set, shutting my laptop, tidying up my apartment, and physically crossing off the last item on my to-do list (so satisfying, right?). No matter when your workday ends, turn the last step into a ritual that signals to your brain that it’s no longer work time. (Pssst… a closing ritual is especially a hot tip if you find yourself checking emails throughout the night or can’t fall asleep because you’re worried about your to-do’s for the next day.)

      I make time for social connection
      I’ve previously talked a lot about the social mistakes that pre-quarantine Josie made (besides calling a teacher “mom” in high school and accidentally liking a post from 2015 when stalking a potential love interest, but those wounds aren’t healed enough to talk about yet). To paint you a picture, I used to think I had my shit together because I would go home early on Fridays to avoid being too hungover to make my Saturday morning workout, and would typically skip out on Taco Tuesdays and Wine Wednesdays because I had too much to do during the week.
      Responsible, yes, but I also didn’t acknowledge that social connection is just as important for our health as eating veggies and regularly exercising. Now, I prioritize social connection like I eat leafy greens with two meals a day and consistently move my body. Eating dinner with my boyfriend, Facetiming my college friends, or calling my mom for at least a few minutes every day has made me feel more motivated, fulfilled, happy, and healthy.  

      I drink a cup of tea before bed
      Since quarantine started, I have become all about the rituals. I’ve learned that while it’s hard to do the same thing every single day, there’s a reason children go through an entire nighttime routine to be able to fall asleep (anyone else miss bedtime stories?): rituals become habits that tell our bodies when it’s time for sleep. If some nights we read before bed, some nights we stay out late with friends, and some nights we work until midnight with no consistent rituals, our brains struggle to figure out when it’s time to sleep. Since bedtime is not always as consistent as I’d like it to be, I find consistency in rituals like having a cup of tea after dinner. Not only does a cup of tea get more nutrients into my body (I love peppermint tea, which can help digestion), but I’ve had it so consistently that all it takes to put me to bed is a warm, cozy cup of tea.

      I end my day with yoga or stretches
      In addition to a traditional workout earlier in the day, I’ve started doing yoga or some stretches right before bed, and it has potentially made the biggest difference to my health in the shortest amount of time. The purpose of yoga or stretches before bed is not to exercise my body or burn calories (like what I used to think was the only reason to move). Instead, I see nighttime yoga as 5-10 minutes of screen-free mental stillness. I feel such a drastic difference in my body when I get out of bed in the morning (if I say I typically feel stiff when I wake up, will it make me sound old?), but I also feel a lot more peaceful, calm, and content at night. I fall asleep quicker and stay in a deeper sleep than on days when I don’t fit in any stretching at all. Go through a few stretches tonight and get ready to sleep like a baby (your mind and body can thank me later).

      What daily routine has made the biggest difference in your health? Which of these rituals would you try? More

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      10 Ways to Get Back Into a Healthy Routine for the Colder Seasons

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      Whether you took on summer with a margarita in hand and a permanent seat on a lawn chair or went on daily jogs in the warm weather after sipping on green juices, summer isn’t the only chance you have to form healthy routines throughout the year. If 2020 has left you with extra unhealthy habits or you’re still in laid-back summer mode, don’t worry: it’s not too late to get back into a healthy routine. Back-to-school season can feel like a fresh start (even for adults), making it an ideal time to revive habits that will get you through the colder months as healthy and happy as possible. Here are 10 ways to eat better, move your body more, and achieve your health goals through fall and winter. 
      1. Set easy-to-reach goals
      Your inclination may be to set higher goals to push yourself so you achieve more. While lofty goals can challenge you to be your best, hard-to-reach goals can actually prevent you from making progress when you’re trying to get back into a healthy routine. Lofty milestones can feel overwhelming, so start small with goals you know you will be easy and enjoyable to reach (like going on a walk every day or doing yoga for 10 minutes in the morning), and then work your way up. The point of making and hitting milestones is that every achievement builds motivation to achieve even more. Instead of running five miles, losing 10lbs, or eating 100 percent clean by the end of the season, set weekly or daily goals. Try eating leafy greens with two meals a day, drinking eight glasses of water by dinner, or moving your body for 30 minutes for five days a week. 

       
      2. Don’t deprive yourself
      When we want to get back into a healthy routine, it’s tempting to start with the “don’ts:” don’t eat sugar, don’t have processed foods, don’t skip a workout, etc. But depending on rules to get your body to make changes sets up for failure. First of all, we always want what we can’t have, so you’re going to be craving Halloween candy or an apple pie more than you would’ve been if it wasn’t off-limits. More importantly, external rules prevent you from listening to what your body really needs. Maybe your body needs grounding foods or to take a break in order to be healthier, so listen to what your body is telling you. DIY whatever you’re craving with more nourishing options, rest when you need to, and prioritize what brings you joy. True health comes from a place of freedom, intuition, and abundance, not deprivation. 

      3. Get more sleep
      If you couldn’t tell by the shorter days and longer nights, your body is craving more sleep. Don’t push through the tired feeling; use daylight savings as an opportunity to set an earlier bedtime. When you get enough sleep at night, you wake up feeling great, stay energized throughout the day, and are able to make the best choices for your mind and body. Sleep can be the most crucial ingredient for a healthy routine, so prioritize it above anything else. If you have to choose between 7-9 hours of sleep and an early workout or late work night? Choose sleep every time. 

      4. Set support methods along with goals
      You could set the most motivating goals with the best intentions, but they may be too difficult to reach if you’re not looking at the big picture. If your goals are fitness-related, think about the food and lifestyle choices you can make to support that goal, like getting enough sleep and eating whole, energizing foods, so you have the energy to keep up with the exercise routine you want. And if you want to eat cleaner, think of how you can set yourself up for success with meal prepping, healthy snacks, or strategic grocery shopping. No matter what healthy habits you hope to adopt, you have to look at every area of your life to see how you make changes to support those healthy habits. 

      5. Make small tweaks to your diet
      Good news: you don’t have to transform your diet to be healthier (yes, even if you’ve enjoyed too many glasses of rosé over the summer or one too many frozen pizzas in 2020). The most sustainable and effective way to eat healthy (without hating your life)? Make small tweaks to your diet. For example, if pasta is your go-to for dinner, add some kale to the sauce, or order a side salad whenever you order out. You can also try having a smoothie instead of a breakfast sandwich or eating carrots and hummus instead of your usual chips and salsa snack in the afternoon. No matter what tweaks you make, the point is to make one small change at a time, rather than to transform your entire diet at once. In terms of what to change, think of adding more fruit and vegetables rather than taking away any foods that are a part of your routine.

      6. Start with stretching
      Even an athlete doesn’t get back into a fitness routine by running a 10k; don’t expect your strength and endurance to be the same as it was the last time you had a consistent exercise routine. Whether you were a gym rat pre-virus, work out here and there, or have never cared much about exercise before, start with stretching. Stretching will likely feel less daunting than weight training or cardio, so it’s a good way to start moving your body again. Also, stretching keeps muscles flexible, strong, and healthy. Without stretching, the muscles shorten and become tight, so any strenuous activity meant to strengthen them could cause joint pain, muscle damage, or strains. There’s also a wide variety of other benefits to stretching, including mental health; try these stretches to help anxiety or these to get a better night’s sleep. 

      7. Enjoy the season
      Just because the days of jogging on the beach and swimming in the pool are over, it doesn’t mean the rest of the seasons can’t help you be active and healthy too. Instead of staying inside on your couch 24/7 (although we’ll definitely be doing a lot of that), enjoy all that autumn has to offer to achieve your healthiest self. Take a walk to look at the changing leaves, rake leaf piles, go apple picking, and enjoy all the fresh seasonal foods like apples, sweet potatoes, kale, butternut squash, and pumpkin. Sure, a PSL and Harry Potter movie marathon are not necessarily fall essentials that were invented with our health goals in mind, but there are so many ways to enjoy the season that will help establish a healthy routine. Enjoying the crisp air will help get you moving, and eating the delicious seasonal produce will not only result in killer pumpkin recipes, but will be giving your body more nutrients.  

      8. Be kind to yourself
      Forming a new routine or habit is not easy; our bodies are conditioned to crave what’s comfortable. If you find it’s difficult to adopt healthier routines, know that it’s not because you’re lazy, weak, or have something inherently wrong with you; it means you’re normal. To get through the tough transitions that come with forming new habits, remind yourself why you want a healthier routine. Is it because you love your body enough to treat it as well as possible? Is it so you can feel more confident, vivacious, or happy? Remember that self-judgment, criticism, or shame are not going to get you to that end goal any more than your unhealthy habits. Lead with self-compassion, and I promise you’ll get to your goals quicker and easier. 

      9. Cook at home more often
      Fall and winter are the perfect time to hone your cooking skills. The weather’s colder, you’re staying in more, and you’re craving grounding foods that can easily be made with an instant pot or in the oven. Cooking at home typically means healthier meals, more accurate portions for what your body needs, and satisfying your cravings with as much nutritional value as possible. Cooking newbie? Stock your fridge at the beginning of the week with seasonal produce and healthy basics like leafy greens, grains like quinoa or brown rice, and a few organic proteins to prepare grounding, warm, satisfying meals throughout the week. Check out easy recipes like here, here, and here. If prepping meals in advance feels overwhelming, try making a little extra dinner and save as leftovers for lunch the next day. 

      10. Strive for consistency
      We often look at healthy routines with all-or-nothing thinking: we either eat perfectly or binge on junk food because indulging in one bag of chips made the day “no longer count” (I hear that one a lot!). But the key to any routine is exactly that: routine. Unlike friends or clothing items, strive for quantity over quality when it comes to healthy habits. For example, if you’ve had a busy and exhausting day, fit in five minutes of some movement, even if it’s not the intense HIIT workout you had hoped for. Likewise, keep up healthy eating goals by eating as healthy as you can every day, rather than eating perfectly. If your friends go to a fast-food restaurant, keep up consistency by ordering a side salad with your meal or extra veggies on the side, instead of telling yourself you’ll start tomorrow. After all, a healthy routine is just consistent decisions that snowball into habits to make us feel our very best. 

      How do you get back into a healthy routine? More

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      Online Dating as a Plus Sized Woman

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      These days, online dating is basically just dating. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Her (great for lesbian and bisexual women!), Match, The League (if you’re accepted — I just was and am ELATED) — there are so many options! These apps have entirely changed the way our society views dating and relationships. Many people have found short and long-term relationships and marriage through dating apps, but if that isn’t necessarily what you’re looking for, hook-ups and friendships can be possibly even easier to find.Being a plus size woman, however, there come even more challenges than the usual. Since the start of my dating app days, I have learned a lot about how to navigate these apps in a way that is empowering and builds my confidence rather than doing the opposite.

      Ignore the Voices In Your Head
      “Do I look larger than I am in that photo?” “Will he still be interested in me when he sees me in real life?” “Will I ever find someone who wants to do more than hook up?” I am constantly questioning how people will respond to how I look in my photos, especially in a world where photos on a dating site are so crucial. I can recall meeting a guy from Tinder in real life and him completely rejecting me because he thought I looked different in my pictures. After that, I was terrified to meet up with anyone, changed all my pictures, and basically stopped opening the app. Rather than getting down on myself, I really should have remembered that it was his fault for wanting to tear me down like that. Once I stopped paying attention to my inner dialogue, I started having fun and swiping right on whoever interested me rather than who I “thought I could get.” This confidence worked, too, and led to way more dates!

      Unmatch Anyone Who Shames Your Body
      Aside from the internal criticism, it is incredibly common for men on these sites to comment on how I look. According to research done by WooPlus, a dating app specifically for plus sized women, 71% of its users say they were fat-shamed on “regular” apps. In a world where 67% of women identify as plus sized, this is absolutely unacceptable. For a long time, I thought that I needed to keep talking or give explanations when men would make negative comments about how I look or dress because I was worried I would miss out on a chance for a date with my “dream guy.” Turns out, my “dream guy” would never tell me I would look better if I wore skinny jeans. Keeping this negativity around would bring down anyone’s confidence, so getting rid of it is naturally a boost. Sure, it hurts to see something like that regardless of how much self-love and acceptance you have, but it acts as a reminder that you are the boss of your own life (and matches!).

      Pay Attention to the Signs of Fetishization
      There is a big difference between someone desiring your body and loving you for your perceived flaws and them fetishizing your weight. If a match constantly makes comments about your size, asks about specific numbers in regards to your weight, encourages you to eat more or gain weight in an unhealthy way, or refers to you in common fetishizing words, that probably means he or she is a hard no. It is important for someone to be attracted to who you are rather than being obsessed with a specific trait about you. Understanding that these are two different things has stopped me from potentially harmful relationships many times.

      Be YOU!
      I know this is a given, but learning to be myself and finding new ways to share my personality has changed the dating game for me. Finding my favorite gifs to say “hi,” adding all my favorite emojis to my bio, and not being afraid to ask a guy out for Taco Tuesday all allow me to express who I am without the pressure of looks or my weight. If a guy really wants to make a connection rather than a one night thing, he should appreciate who I am over how I look.

      Take Risks Without Fear of Rejection
      When I first started using dating apps, I never asked anyone out first, and I always waited for the guy to message me first. Bumble definitely helped get over the latter issue, but it took understanding that I have some power too to comprehend how important it is to take the risk of asking someone to coffee or out for drinks. The fear of rejection can get to anyone, especially if you’ve experienced situations like the ones above, but the risk is so worth it sometimes. Being able to go after what I want rather than waiting for it to happen applies to more than just my career, and the confidence that has given me is way more important than any date I’ve ever gotten.
       
      How do you navigate the online dating world? Are there any tips we missed? Let us know in the comments!

      This article was originally published on May 18, 2018. More

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      I’m a Sex Writer—This Is the Question I Get Asked the Most

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      I’ve always wanted to be the friend people can go to to talk about sex. Even before I started writing about it, I’ve enjoyed discussing the details, from what’s going right to what’s going wrong. People’s sex lives are quite compelling to me, especially because everyone’s is usually so different. But as a sex writer, I’ve gotten even more of an inside scoop into what people like and what they don’t, particularly from what they request we write about. There are a few common themes, like how to have virtual sex—because duh, pandemic—how to seamlessly walk into the room wearing lingerie without looking like Bella from Breaking Dawn awkwardly waltzing in the room to Edward’s laughter, where to buy sex toys, how to encourage your partner to give you oral sex, just to name a few. But for the most part, there’s one thing every single person wants to know. “Is my sex life normal?” 
      It’s always accompanied by a part of their sex life they deem “unfit” in some way: how much they’re having it, where they’re having it, when they’re having it, how they’re having it—the list goes on, and every single time, I give pretty much the same answer. 
      Yep, it’s normal!
      I know you’re wondering, “OK, well, everything can’t just be ‘normal,’” to which I respond you’re absolutely right. There are certainly situations that aren’t typical. Feeling pain during sex? Not normal, talk to your doctor. Your partner pressuring you into having more sex than you want? Not normal, dump them. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about anything in your sex life, then that isn’t normal. We all deserve good sex. But if you’re self-conscious that you’re not having enough, having too much, not getting frisky enough, getting too frisky, not trying enough new positions, only having sex at night, only having sex in the morning, only having oral sex, not having oral sex, then it’s not that your sex life isn’t normal; it’s that for some reason you’re self-conscious about it. Here’s why these are all completely normal, and what I tell people to focus on instead. 

      Having sex “too little” or “too much”
      It’s a misconception that couples should be having sex the “perfect” amount. I’ve stressed over and over with friends, colleagues, and strangers that while there is no “normal” amount, most couples say they have sex once a week. Does this stop people from being stressed about it? Not in any way. Whether you or your partner has a low sex drive, you don’t live with each other, or you just don’t get around to it all the time, there’s nothing wrong with how much sex you’re having—unless you want to change it. 

      Only having a certain type of sex 
      Many people are stressed that their sex lives are weird because their sex is atypical. To this, I pretty much always say: different strokes for different folks! While someone may exclusively prefer penetrative sex but someone else likes oral, or some people like to practice BDSM and others enjoy what some deem “vanilla” sex, there’s nothing wrong with doing what you like. To be quite honest, it actually is pretty admirable that you and your partner are able to have sex that is enjoyable for the two of you, even if it seems “weird” to you.

      Not trying “new things” enough
      It’s really common to fear that your sex lives aren’t normal when you’re reading about role-playing, anal sex, sending nudes, and more if you haven’t ventured into those parts of sex yet. But there’s no rush, and no requirement, to try things that don’t excite you. Want to try something new? Yay! But don’t force yourself, or your partner, if one of you isn’t interested. 

      Source: Diego Rezende | Pexels

      Here’s what I recommend
      When someone asks me if their sex life is normal, I immediately get into advice mode, but not in the way you’d expect. Instead of telling them to have more sex or try something new, I tell them how they can increase their sexual confidence and inspire them to feel more comfortable with their libido and their sex life. 

      Talk about sex 
      Knowing about the sex lives of the other people around you is a powerful tool in understanding that every sex life is valuable. Say you’re worried that you have too much sex and your sex drive is too high, but then you talk to someone else and realize their worry is that they don’t have enough. Likely, you’ll experience a little jealousy for one another! Then, you and your friend are able to have a candid conversation about why you feel that way. Maybe you feel insecure that you and your partner participate in a certain kink, and talking about how that kink has impacted your sex life positively inspires a friend to open up about a kink they’re involved in. It doesn’t have to get extra personal if you’re a more private person, but the simple act of talking about your sex life with people other than your partner might encourage you to look at it differently.

      Address any changes 
      Have you or your partner experienced a big life change recently? (Perhaps a global pandemic!) Maybe you just moved or got a new job, and this has impacted your sex life. Sex is, of course, fun, but it’s also about promoting intimacy and bonding with one another. Dealing with a significant life change is another way you and your partner might be bonding, so you may be having less sex because you’re already getting in communication that other way. 

      Masturbate
      I will recommend masturbating for just about any life issue. Stressed? Upset? Excited? Just masturbate it away! But I’d be remiss if I didn’t describe the connection between masturbating and sexual confidence. Knowing that you can make yourself orgasm is pretty powerful, and it’s a great way to get to know your body, both physically and mentally. You can see what you like and tell your partner afterward. If you have a low sex drive, masturbating can get you more excited to have sex the next time. There are endless benefits of masturbating, and I’ll say it’s nearly essential to achieving the sex life of your dreams.

      Focus on your sexual compatibility
      A lot of the time people tell me they’re worried their sex life is abnormal in some way, I ask if their partner ever says anything about wishing their sex life was different. Almost always, they say no. To me, this often means that you are sexually compatible with each other. It’s an unexpected pleasure to meet someone who has a similar sex drive, likes the same sexual acts, has a similar kink or fetish as you, enjoys having sex at the same time, etc. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your sex life, wondering how it compares to others, keep this in mind. You and your partner are on the same page, and that’s worth being excited about. More

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      8 Wellness Products I Never Knew I Needed Until They Totally Changed My Health

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      Truth be told, I am the target consumer when it comes to buying products I don’t need. I’m a sucker for anything on sale, hoard knickknacks like nobody’s business, and always find at least one thing I have to have in the “As Seen on TV” aisle. However, when it comes to wellness, I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering what’s a worthy investment of my time and money and what’s a passing fad. I’ve spent way too much time geeking out over nutrition studies and ancient medical practices to be wooed by the latest diet or workout class. But I do try a lot of products, and sometimes I don’t expect a product to be as good as it is. Here are eight products that, frankly, seemed silly or unnecessary to me until they totally transformed my health (and might transform yours too). 
      1. Tongue Scraper
      Honestly, I never thought I’d be here, swearing that scraping sh*t off my tongue has transformed my life, but here we are. Tongue scraping means using designated tools to remove extra particles and bacteria from the surface of the tongue. While it has been #trending on social media the past couple of years, it’s nothing new. It’s actually really, really old. Tongue scraping is a practice from Ayurveda, which teaches that we can learn a lot from our tongues.
      Besides just reducing bad breath, according to Ayurveda, tongue scraping can stimulate digestion by activating the salivary glands and can even improve immunity because it prevents toxins from being reabsorbed into the body. Call it placebo or call it coincidence, but I swear I’ve gotten sick less often since starting tongue scraping a couple of years ago. Even if that doesn’t sell you on the idea, once you scrape your tongue once and see the ~gunk~ that comes off, you’ll never be able to go a day without scraping again. 

      2. Ice Roller
      Since I’m highly basic, I’ll try just about anything that influencers, aestheticians, and beauty experts recommend on their Instagrams, but this is one of the few things that has made a lasting impact on my life. A couple of years ago, it seems like everyone was rolling their face with an ice roller, which promised a reduction in puffiness, smaller pores, and less inflammation. While I do believe that all of these things are true, the benefits for me didn’t stop at a glowy complexion. It is one of my go-to hangover cures to decrease overall puffiness and soothes headaches when I roll on my temples (soothing AF!). Also, you know those days when you decide to do an inner thigh workout after not lifting a weight for months? An ice roller helps soothe even the sorest muscles and feels so satisfying. 

      3. Blue-Light Glasses
      Like most of the workforce in the 21st century, I stare at a screen from morning to night. 2020 didn’t help screen usage, now that meetings are over Zoom and happy hours are over Facetime. I used to get consistent headaches and chalked it up to tension or allergies. When blue-light glasses (or lenses that block the blue light exposure from screens) became popular, I obviously had to get them for myself (read: basic). After just a few days, I immediately noticed my headaches had gone away, as well as eye dryness and strain. Now, my blue-light glasses are as essential to my workday as a cup of coffee and a killer playlist to keep spirits high, stress low, and headaches at bay. 

      4. Facial Massage Tools
      Facial massage has become such a part of my life that I literally crave it and find myself randomly rubbing out my cheeks and jawline without even noticing. Everyone has their weird ticks, right? The practice has made my skin glowier, reduced inflammation, and even prevented/healed breakouts when I’m really consistent. I used to go to town with my Gua Sha in the mornings so my face is de-puffed and sculpted for the entire day, but I started Gua Sha-ing at nighttime instead as a relaxation technique.
      I used to think facial massage meant under the eyes, along the cheekbones, etc., to sculpt the face. But I’ve learned the neck and shoulders are just as important, if not more important. I Gua Sha my shoulders and neck at night because it makes me feel like all the tension in my body is immediately released. Try jade rolling, gua sha, or self-massage to reap the physical (and mental) benefits for yourself. 

      5. Resistance Bands
      I’ve never been a big home workout person. In fact, the only reason I started working out years ago was for the lavender-scented cloths, fun music, and the limitless opportunities for chic mirror selfies (barre studios have the ideal I-work-out-but-can-still-look-cute vibe). Also, I live in a studio apartment, so any hopes for an at-home gym are completely unrealistic. I want to fill my tiny space with fuzzy blankets and candles, not dumbbell sets. However, I purchased a set of resistance bands since my trendy gyms closed back in March to revive my at-home workout routine, and I have no idea why it’s taken me this long to get on board. They’re good for any exercise, can work any muscle group or body part, and are perfect for traveling because they take up very little space. 

      6. An “Easy” Blender
      Listen, I would love to be the girl with the huge blender. You know the type: the girl who makes her own green juices every morning and blends things like soups or sauces instead of just smoothies. Maybe I  just need to step up my soup game or put a little more effort into juicing, but as hard as I try, I  swear I just don’t have big blender energy (BBE). I know if I were to get a complicated, legit blender, it would just sit there unused. I need something small enough to fit in my tiny kitchen, easy to clean so I don’t have to think about using it multiple times a day, and that doesn’t feel overly complicated to use.
      Enter: a single-serving blender or hand-held blender. My Nutribullet has rocked my world because I can blend a smoothie in the same cup I’ll use to drink it (yay for fewer dishes!) and is small enough to froth up a cup of coffee and almond milk. The lesson here is to find the kitchen tools that work for your lifestyle, preferences, and needs. 

      7. Superfood Coffee Alternatives
      Speaking of coffee, I have a confession: coffee does not make me feel good. Rather than energized, any amount of caffeine makes me feel jittery, weak, and nauseous, but I desperately crave coffee for the ritual and taste. Is there anything more satisfying than a warm cup of coffee in the morning? Thank goodness for the modern wellness world that offers a plethora of “coffee alternatives” that are not only better for you than the high-caffeine and overly-processed coffees of latte past, but are full of superfoods and adaptogens that can bring extra health benefits to your body. I’m all about maximizing health and fitting in as many nutrients as possible, so these alternatives have become delicious replacements to my morning cup of coffee. 

      8. Foam Roller
      I’ve always had tight hip flexors that hurt after every ab exercise or uphill walk (which is an extra bummer because I currently live on a steep hill). My doctor recommended I try foam rolling (a wellness practice I always thought seemed stupid), and my whole body felt better after just a couple days. It came at a good time because my back and hips have felt tighter than ever before, probably because of either: A. I’m getting old, or B. I’ve been doing nothing for seven months except sit on the couch and rewatch Riverdale). It’s one of the few practices that has helped my hip flexors feel better, but my posture gets better the more I roll out my back and shoulders, and overall, I feel lighter and healthier. File “foam roller” under things I was wrong about.

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      The Stay-At-Home Habits That Have Actually Made Me Healthier

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      Yes, there are those stay-at-home habits many of us have picked up throughout 2020 that might not be the healthiest, like eating frozen pizzas every other night or staying on the couch until we’ve binged all three seasons of Selling Sunset (no, just me?). You might have given up on a workout routine the second your gym closed and stopped prioritizing healthy eating because you’ve been dealing with a dangerous combination of high-stress, lack of normalcy, and the Doritos bag on top of the fridge staring at you 24/7. You probably picked up the mentality way back in March that normal life is on pause, so who cares if you forego healthy habits?But the reality is that life is not “on pause.” It’s happening right now, every day and every minute, pandemic or not. We can either adopt healthy habits to help us work through the stress of this time, or use it as an excuse to be unhealthy. The good news is that becoming healthier might be easier than you realize. Personally, I’ve recently learned how many stay-at-home habits are actually good for me. I realized a lot about my body, habits, and overall health that I wouldn’t have learned had I not been stuck in my studio apartment for months on end. Here are eight habits I’ve picked up in 2020 that I’ll keep up even long after the pandemic is over. 

      1. Prioritizing sleep over everything else
      What I thought was “healthiest” for me always came first. Back during the office days (anyone remember what was that like?) I would wake up extra early to go to a workout class beforehand. Even after I switched to working remote full-time over a year ago (before the rest of the world went work-from-home), I would stay up late getting work done instead of calling it quits by 10pm to get in a full eight hours of sleep before my early start time. When the pandemic did hit, workout classes were no longer an option, and I had enough time to check every item off my to-do list and still go through a leisurely nighttime routine.
      After months of sleeping more than I have since I was an infant (if only we could have multiple naps a day as adults), I realized how much better I felt. My work was higher quality, exercise felt more enjoyable, and, most importantly, I just felt so much better. I’m not going to lie to you: getting enough sleep is still tough when I have such an early start time to my day. But these days, if I have to choose between a workout or checking items off my to-do list and getting 7-8 hours of sleep, you know what I choose? Sleep. Every time. 

      2. Getting outside more
      Although I live in Southern California, I am not a beach person. In fact, I notoriously avoid going outside at all costs (I burn instead of tan, and there’s nothing I despise more than feeling hot and sweaty); an air-conditioned indoor space has always been more enticing. Looking back, I didn’t see the outdoors as the crucial part of wellness that it is, and was lazy about getting fresh air and sunshine. Like, check-my-phone-to-find-out-the-weather-instead-of-walking-the-five-steps-to-my-balcony kind of lazy. 
      I humbly acknowledge what an idiot I was not to take advantage of the outside world while I had full access to it. After being stuck indoors 24/7, I crave the outdoors and nature. I started going on more hikes, fitting in walks around the block when I have a 10-minute work break, and having more meals out on the balcony instead of at the kitchen table. Getting outside more often (SPF-protected, of course) has been life-changing for me. Even just small changes like drinking your morning coffee on the patio or taking a walk instead of running on the treadmill can have a wide variety of health benefits. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      3. Spending free time wisely
      If you work a 9-5 job and sleep for the recommended eight hours, that means you still have eight hours of free time a day. You’ll have 40 hours of free time by the end of this work week, and don’t even get me started on the free time you have on weekends. Before the stay-at-home order, I didn’t think about that free time very much. I relaxed on the couch, went to workout classes, hung out with friends, and took naps more often than I’d like to admit. After staying at home all day every day, I had so much free time that I was forced to think about it.
      Not to get all deep on you, but having extra hours that I didn’t know what to do with made me reconsider what truly makes me feel fulfilled. Now, I don’t look at free time as something to spend; I think of it as something to invest. And yes, somedays that does mean that aforementioned nap or bingeing Gossip Girl with my boyfriend (I’m very proud to say I got him into it recently), because my wellbeing is worth an investment too (see #1). 

      4. Leaving my laptop out of the bedroom
      To preface, I live in a studio apartment. My “bedroom” is basically my workspace, eating space, and sleep space. So I never thought the “no-tech-in-the-bedroom” rule could apply to me. Without thinking about it, I charged my laptop in an outlet next to my bedside table and would do work sitting in bed at night. My laptop even lived next to my bed when I slept (don’t ask me why I mindlessly started that habit).
      Without any escape from my home at all, my studio apartment was no longer just my workspace, eating space, and sleep space. It also became my 24/7 reality, and I knew I had to make some changes with how technology was a part of every minute of my day. Since I didn’t have a separate room for work, I planned to keep technology away from my sleeping space. Now, my laptop charges overnight across the apartment instead of next to my bed, and I can’t climb under the covers in the evening until work is finished. Call it the placebo effect, but I swear I sleep better, wake up easier, and am less burned out overall. 

      Source: @gimmesomeoven

      5. Examining my relationship with food
      Yes, I’m obsessed with wellness and eat mostly plant-based. But I can also lick a plate of Fettuccine Alfredo clean and never say no to sushi takeout or cheeseboards. I love food and will always let myself enjoy it (food should never be “off-limits”), but staying at home helped me see where I was mindlessly eating and not even enjoying it. When I’m craving, sometimes it’s my body telling me that it needs nourishment in the form of laughter, a break, or stress-relief, not food. I also identified where I had unconscious food rules that kept me from having a positive relationship with food and with my body. 
      To rewrite your food narrative, you must first identify what it is. If you find yourself saying, “I can’t have this pasta dish because I’m on a diet,” or “I can’t eat this cookie because there are too many calories,” your food narrative is one of deprivation. No matter what weight you reach or what diet you perfect, you will never feel satisfied. Instead, change your thoughts to feeling excited about trying a new plant-based recipe or how leafy greens will nourish, energize, and revitalize your body. Healthy eating will become a reward. 

      6. Exercising at home (and outside of a routine)
      Pre-global crisis, my workout routine went like this: sign up in advance for trendy studio classes with expensive cancellation fees, so I had to debate whether the $20 cancellation fee was worth it to lay in bed a while longer (it never was). On the days I didn’t have time to make it to a 60-minute class, I didn’t exercise at all since anything less didn’t feel worth it. But as soon as my studio closed down, I had to rely on pure motivation to get my butt to move after a long workday, and if I didn’t fit in smaller movements (like a walk around the block and 15-minute Pilates video), I knew I wouldn’t exercise at all.
      Even just a few weeks into my new workout norm, I realized something. For the first time, I was listening to my body–not only about when to workout, but how (does my body need to burn some energy and dance around the living room, or does it need a relaxing yoga session?). While I’m still counting down the days until my trendy LA studios can open (what can I say, I’m a sucker for dim lighting and lavender towels), I will never forget to listen to my body instead of mindlessly signing up for a class to check another thing off my to-do list. Plus, I changed what exercise means to me. Instead of fitting in a 60-minute class, I focus on living less sedentary in whatever way that looks like each day.

      Source: @ceceolisa

      7. Regularly breaking out of my wellness routines
      I’m a creature of habit: I like to have the same thing for breakfast every morning (berries, tahini, and cacao nibs, please!), do the same workout every day, and do not like trying new things (just ask my mom how I refused to go to sleepaway camp every summer). But it wasn’t until I broke out of some of my wellness routines that I truly felt healthy. Don’t get me wrong: routine is crucial because it helps build beneficial habits. Because of routine, I crave fruit in the morning instead of sugary cereal, and I don’t even have to think about regularly exercising because it’s already a part of my daily schedule. 
      But here’s another important factor of wellness that I learned when my beloved workout studios and juice bars closed: while routine is important for building habits, breaking out of routine is also important for enjoying your healthy habits. Trying new things can not only introduce you to new practices to add to your routine, but breaking out of the norm can build confidence and feel exciting (instead of feeling bored or complacent). Take a different route on your walk, cook with a vegetable you’ve never tried before, and take an online Zumba class if you’ve always sworn you have no rhythm. 

      8. Socializing more (and smarter)
      Pre-pandemic Josie thought she had her shit together. I wouldn’t stay out too late on Friday nights so I could wake up well-rested for a Saturday morning workout, and I could not be tempted by even the most persuasive friend to come to Wine Wednesday if I had a lot to get done that day. Sounds like a very adult thing to do, right? I’ll give myself an A+ for responsibility, but you know what I’m thinking now that my favorite bars are closed and I’m quarantining away from many of my friends? I would give anything for more Wine Wednesdays and late Friday nights.
      Perhaps the biggest lesson we can all take from 2020 is that humans don’t just want to be social; we need it. Since March, a weekly Zoom date with my college best friends is non-negotiable. I call my mom more often, say yes to plans on weeknights, and prioritize seeing people I love over checking items off my to-do list. We can work out every day and eat only the healthiest foods on the planet, but we can’t truly be healthy if we’re not surrounded by a strong support system of people who make us happy. After all, what’s the point of wellness? Being healthy is not the end goal; it’s simply the tool that gives us more time (and better time) with the people we love.

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      Dealing With Irregular Periods? This Condition Could Be the Culprit

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      You’ve likely heard it before (maybe even more than once): if your period is irregular or if something changes, you should head to your doctor’s office to get to the bottom of what is going on. Though it might not be anything major or life-changing, it could be something that warrants a diagnosis—even if it ultimately doesn’t make a huge difference to your day-to-day life.Polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS, is one such diagnosis. “Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal disorder caused by elevated levels of male hormones, which can lead to less frequent ovulation and irregular periods,” said Dr. Jessica Ryniec, board eligible in obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive endocrinology and infertility, who practices at CCRM Fertility in Northern Virginia. CCRM is a leading fertility provider specializing in egg freezing, IVF, research, and more. Its doctors work personally with patients throughout their fertility journey. Because PCOS can affect the ease with which people are able to get pregnant, people experiencing PCOS may work with a fertility specialist to help them navigate any challenges that may arise. But PCOS affects more than just someone’s ability to conceive—and it’s actually more common than you think.
      “PCOS affects around 10 percent of reproductive-aged women overall and is the underlying problem in 40 percent of [people] with irregular or absent periods,” Dr. Ryniec said. “Normally, a [person’s] brain releases hormones that signal the ovary to grow an egg. Once that egg matures, it is released or ovulated, and if sperm is present there is the chance to become pregnant that month. In [people] with PCOS, the signals from the brain are altered due to excessive male hormones and high insulin levels, and the ovary is unable to mature and ovulate an egg.”
      Now that you have a better idea of what PCOS is, you may have some questions about how it’s diagnosed and what a diagnosis might mean for your life. Luckily, Dr. Ryniec is here to break everything down for us. Read on for those answers and more.

      How do you know if you have PCOS?
      If you’re not someone who is missing a period, you may not even realize you have PCOS, because, Dr. Ryniec said, symptoms can sometimes be disguised by hormonal birth control. Acne and hair growth on your face, chest, or back could also be sneaky signs that you might have PCOS (and might likewise be hidden if you’re using a hormonal form of birth control). That being said, it’s important to get a diagnosis because undiagnosed PCOS could potentially affect your long-term health.
      “Because [people] with PCOS are not having regular cycles, their uterine lining is not shedding as normal and this can lead to problems like endometria hyperplasia, which can lead to uterine cancer,” Dr. Ryniec explained. “Other long-term health risks include elevated BMI, diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Studies show [people] with PCOS are more likely to experience depression and anxiety as well.”
      So if you think your symptoms point to (potential) PCOS, the best thing you can do is make an appointment with your doctor. Dr. Ryniec said that because there isn’t a clear-cut test that can tell you for sure if it’s PCOS you’re dealing with, your doctor will likely start by ruling out other things. After that, they’ll look for two of three things: you have fewer than eight menstrual cycles a year, you have levels of androgens, or your doctor notices “multiple small follicles on the ovary” when they do an ultrasound.
      “I see so many [people] who were told they have PCOS because they have a history of ovarian cysts or because they have a lot of follicles, but this does not actually mean you have PCOS unless you have the other symptoms,” Dr. Ryniec said. So if that’s the only way you’ve been diagnosed, you may want to consider looking for a second opinion to really get to the bottom of things.

      What comes next?
      Once you receive a PCOS diagnosis, you’re probably going to start thinking about what’s next. Are there treatments you need to think about? Lifestyle changes to make? Procedures to consider?
      “Treatment for PCOS depends on the symptoms that are concerning you, and so it is important to talk to your doctor about what your goals are and make decisions together,” Dr. Ryniec said. Making sure you’re living a well-balanced lifestyle, eating a healthy diet and fitting in exercise (at least 30 minutes, three times a week) can help.
      “Birth control blocks male hormones and renders them ineffective, decreasing acne and abnormal hair growth, improving menstrual regularity, and protecting against endometrial hyperplasia. It also provides effective contraception which is important when you can’t predict ovulation and don’t want to become pregnant,” Dr. Ryniec said. “For [people] with insulin resistance as a result of PCOS, doctors might prescribe Metformin or other insulin sensitizing medications.”
      Because the exact treatment you’re going to want to move forward with is so dependent on the specific symptoms you’re experiencing, being open and honest with your doctor is essential. They’ll be able to guide you towards what will hopefully help most.

      What about if you’re trying to get pregnant?
      If you’re actively trying to conceive, getting a PCOS diagnosis might bring up a lot of feelings (good or bad). One thing Dr. Ryniec wants you to know? “Having PCOS does not mean that you can’t get pregnant or even that you can’t get pregnant on your own. But because [people] with PCOS frequently have difficulty ovulating, PCOS is often associated with infertility. Luckily, PCOS is one of the most treatable forms of infertility.”
      If you’re trying to get pregnant, your doctor might prescribe a medication to provide a bit of extra help when it comes to ovulation. Beyond medication, some people with PCOS might need additional fertility treatments, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF).
      That being said, if you know you have PCOS and you’re struggling to conceive, make sure to talk to your doctor or a fertility specialist like one at CCRM sooner rather than later. “If you aren’t ovulating or aren’t ovulating regularly, there is less of a chance to get pregnant because there is no egg to meet the sperm, so you shouldn’t delay seeking treatment,” Dr. Ryniec explained.
      At your appointment, your fertility specialist will, in all likelihood, want to run a few tests to determine how to best move ahead.
      “First, we want to make sure your fallopian tubes are open, so that once we help you ovulate, the egg has a way to meet the sperm. Second, we also want to make sure there is sperm for your egg to meet. If you have a male partner, we recommend a semen analysis. If you don’t have a partner or your partner is female, we would discuss the possibility of using a sperm donor,” Dr. Ryniec explained. “After completing the evaluation and assuming all else is normal, we would likely proceed with ovulation induction with Femara or Clomid, to help you ovulate an egg. You could then either time intercourse or have an intrauterine insemination or IUI. If these don’t lead to pregnancy, your doctor may recommend IVF.”

      If you’ve been discouraged by the fact that doctors don’t seem to be taking your symptoms seriously, it’s time to find a new doctor. Trust your gut.
      “Be confident in knowing that not having a period or having long intervals between periods is likely an indication of a larger problem. Keep looking until you find a doctor who will take it seriously. Not only can there be other hormonal disorders like thyroid disease leading to your symptoms, if you do have PCOS you might be at risk for other health problems, and you deserve a doctor that will work with you to optimize your health,” Dr. Ryniec said. “Share your goals with your doc. Why are you seeking medical care? What are your symptoms? What do you see as the best outcome with treatment? These are things to think about since there are so many facets to PCOS, you want to make sure you address your goals and not get lost in PCOS in general.”
      Your health and health goals are important—PCOS or no PCOS—so believing that you know yourself and taking your symptoms seriously (no matter what they are) is so important. Talk to your doctor or another specialist if you think that you might have symptoms of any sort of condition. You’re more than worth it.
      CCRM helps patients meet their health and lifestyle goals every single day, no matter what kinds of fertility-related objectives might be involved. Plus, with 25 locations across the United States and Canada, you may be closer to that personalized fertility care than you think. Ensuring that you have a doctor on your side that’s working with you can make all the difference. 

      This post was sponsored by CCRM, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More