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      How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive During a Dry Spell

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      Through most of quarantine, I’ve kept my social distance. In fact, I’ve kept too much of a distance because I’ve not had nearly as much sex as I’d like. This era of contact isolation precautions has led me into a season of what I affectionately call: vaginal depression. Vaginal depression is what happens when you’re not getting any. Signs and symptoms include not feeling particularly sexy, unable to get aroused by any of the recurring penises in your phone, and/or overgrown pubic hair that’s grown into something oddly similar to a bush.Yeah, I think most of us have experienced vaginal depression at least once in our lives. I was on a slow downward spiral into my vaginal woes when I decided to take charge of my sexless life and do something about it. Here’s what rebalanced my hormones, turned me on, and made my vagina happy. 

      1. Take a trip down memory lane
      When I was going through my imagination searching for “inspiration” for my “me time,” I really thought about what was it that I enjoyed by the sex I was most inspired by. Often times, sex is a lot of kiss here, touch there, rub this, lick that, and then someone moans and before you know it, sex is over. What I realized when I thought back on some intimate moments is that I enjoyed being rubbed sensually and often. I enjoyed lovers who were vocal and complimented me before, during, and after sex. I love a good performance review, honey! Seriously, taking the time to think about what actually turned me on about the experiences that came to mind helped me to learn more about what I really like, what actually turns me on, and what types of partners I need to ensure I’m involving myself with. 

      2. Get hands-on
      Alright, people with vaginas! Now is the time to pull out those toys, those fingers, a mirror, and whatever you feel you need. When you’re in a sexless era, it could be the perfect time to explore your body a little bit more. It’s great to let your lover do some exploration, but don’t cheat yourself out of a good time. When you’re sans partner, you can use that time to get to know your body a bit better and not just in a sexual sense. I attended an event recently that focused on sex and sensuality. To my surprise, many women were not familiar with their own anatomy. Some didn’t know the difference between their vulva and vagina. Can you find your labia minora? Where is your clitoris? Our private area shouldn’t be this thing we tuck away until it’s someone else’s turn to have their way with it. We aren’t Barbie dolls; our private area isn’t some nebulous plastic region that we birth babies out of. It’s a beautiful part of our bodies that we should learn more about. 

      3. Turn yourself on
      Hey, like I said before when I go through bouts of vaginal depression, I feel anything other than sexy. I don’t feel ugly, but I don’t feel sexy and sensual as much as I usually do. Vaginal depression can rob even the sexiest, most confident of us from feeling our best, so it’s important to be intentional about turning ourselves on. Take a trip to a local sex store (online or in-person) to see what toys, gidgets, and gadgets pique your curiosity or make you feel good. My go-to thing to do is to buy cute lingerie or underwear. I feel so sexy when I look delicious. Toss out the period panties for a spell and throw on some lace undies. Don’t be so practical with your desires. Try things you never thought you would. Maybe you’re into whips, chains, and other things that excite you (word to Rihanna), but you just don’t know it. Buy some new toys (I personally recommend a glass dildo, but that’s neither here nor there). See if you’d like to incorporate feathers, massage oils, or ball gags into your sex sesh.

      4. Reevaluate your partners
      Ok, so this may be a lot harder, but after thinking on what you enjoy and what you may need from your sexual partner or experience, it may be time to reflect on what type of people you’re actually having sex with. Do you want to make love or just make out? Do you want meaningless sex, or do you need something a little more intimate? Going at sex alone is important, but sharing your sexual self with someone should come with some level of consideration, especially if you’re opening yourself up to some new experiences. Are your current partner(s) able to satisfy you in the way you want? Are they willing to learn and explore with you? Do you think they’ll kink shame you out of a good time? All of these are questions worth asking. 

      What I learned is that your “dry season” doesn’t have to be a season of vaginal depression like it has been. You can enjoy your sex life with or without a partner. In some ways, your sex life may be better without a partner because it’ll give you time to focus on yourself, your desires, and your needs. Sex isn’t a performance, but it’s an experience. Don’t allow your dry season to leave you hot and bothered. You can have just as much fun by yourself. Now, pull out your vibrator, your mirror, and get to work. More

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      I Tried On These 5-Star Workout Clothes from Amazon—Here Are My Thoughts

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      The world of workout apparel is pretty weird. One day you’re shopping with your mom at Dick’s Sporting Goods for shorts to wear at track practice, and all of the sudden you’re an adult being told that the absolute only pair of leggings you should ever wear cost a casual $130.I am someone who does work out a lot (queue eye roll), but I’ve never let myself join the bandwagon of paying for overpriced workout gear. If I’m spending an exorbitant of money on something I’m wearing, it’s going to be something I get to use to create a fashion moment for myself, not something I’m going to sweat through in 10 minutes. But the unfortunate truth is that when it comes to workout clothes, sometimes feeling confident is half the battle (and I wouldn’t wish leggings that are slipping down during a workout on my worst enemy).
      On the opposite end of the workout gear hype spectrum is Amazon—something I’ve never tried, but that definitely caught my interest. Thousands of reviewers leaving five-star claims can’t be wrong, right? I set out to see and tried the highest-reviewed workout pieces on Amazon (hint: you’re going to regret those $130 leggings real quick).

      While I love bike shorts on other people, I’ve never exactly loved them on me. I don’t have the longest legs in the world, and I usually feel like they make me look shorter and stockier than I am, but these are definitely the best I’ve found. They don’t create a weird bulge where they end (which some with really tight seams have done on me) and are super comfortable and the perfect amount of high-waisted. 
      This long-sleeved crop top is something I’d wear both to work out and in my normal life as athleisure. It’s perfect for a cool all-black moment and isn’t super thin but isn’t as thick as a sweatshirt material either. Sometimes you don’t want something super tight on your torso, and that fits that bill while still feeling like you’re in something you’re meant to work out in.

      This. sports. bra. Holy cow. I’ve never tried on anything quite like it, and when I put it on, I spent some time just admiring it from all angles in the mirror. It’s that sweet spot of length where it feels like it could be worn as a top on it’s on, the back is criss-crossy and amazingly cool, and it’s super, super supportive. This is one worth buying in a few colors and living in both while you’re working out and when you’re not. I cannot say enough good things about this bra.
      These leggings, in my opinion, are really good for lounging, but not so much for sweating in. They’re a bit thicker material, and when I worked out in them, I didn’t like how they felt clung to my body. But everyone needs a perfect, warm black pair of leggings for winter, and they could fit that bill perfectly.

      If you’re planning on walking or running outside for exercise this winter, you need these shirts. It was cold in Chicago last week, and I needed something to layer under my jacket and realized I, in fact, had nothing. This top is so unbelievably warm but doesn’t cling to your body in weird ways like some dry-fit materials do. They look just like a plain long-sleeve tee, but there’s nothing wrong with that when you’re just dressing for warmth.

      These leggings were the thing I was the most excited to try; I’ve seen these leggings everywhere this year with people swearing they’re their favorite leggings. They come in a ton of colors, and while I probably would have been boring and ordered black, those were going to take two weeks to ship, so I was convinced that it was a sign to order these fun wine-colored ones.
      These leggings are, in a word, incredible. They are thin and moisture-wicking but stay put and hug you in just the right amount. They’re seamless and feel like nothing is on your body in the best way possible. These are a 10/10.
      This workout top is nothing super out-of-the-box, but it’s uber-flattering and is perfect if you don’t want a dry-fit material in your tops (sometimes I don’t). Both of these are things I’d reach for before anything else in my athleticwear wardrobe.

      If you are someone who needs a high-impact sports bra, you have met your match. When I say that my boobs stay completely still in this, I absolutely mean it. There is no bouncing or discomfort, but it also doesn’t have me sucked in so tight that I’m uncomfortable. The back is also super fun, which brings a little something extra to it.
      I’ve found that high-impact sports bras are particularly hard to find—for whatever reason, I feel like most are meant for medium-impact—but this one is something I’ve been looking for for a really long time.

        I predict that this winter is going to be filled with lots of yoga since we’ll be stuck inside and won’t always have other activities we can do. This yoga top is so necessary—it’s lightweight, soft, and breathable. If you don’t think you need special clothes for yoga, I’ll say this: neither did I until I got this.

        More

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      5 Ways to Get Your Heart Rate Up Indoors This Winter

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      I’m about to say something that makes me sound incredibly annoying: I absolutely love cardio. I ran track in middle and high school, and I get such a high from a hard run or a long spin class. In college, I tried to replicate the feeling with more ~trendy~ workouts like expensive barre or yoga classes—until I finally realized the key to my almighty endorphin high: I love getting my heart rate up and my breathing ragged, in a way that I just don’t feel can be accomplished with small, tight, more stationary movements. While I do love a relaxing yoga flow or the shaky burn of barre technique (and I do incorporate them into my routine as well!), cardio has historically been the most mentally beneficial for me.We are, however, in a global pandemic—and that (combined with the chilly weather) does not bode well for my workout preferences. While I have thus far been able to step outside and go for masked runs, it can feel disheartening to wonder how exactly you can get in a good workout while in the confines of your own home.
      Thankfully, I’ve done the work for you—and am now sharing how you too can get your heart thumping and your lungs pounding, even while stuck inside.

      Source: Obé Fitness

      1. A HIIT class that will make you forget you’re in your own home, not in a studio
      HIIT (which stands for high-intensity interval training) essentially reminds me of my high school volleyball practices—short intervals of various exercises and drills, designed to build endurance, get your heart rate up, and build muscle. I love the virtual HIIT classes from obé fitness for a few reasons: they’re nice and short (some as short as 10 minutes, but many come in at 28 minutes), they require little to no equipment (and any suggested equipment is completely optional), and they’re genuinely SO fun.

      The word “intensity” in the name sounds intimidating, but a HIIT class moves from exercise to exercise so quickly that there’s simply no time to get scared (or bored!). If you’re looking to quickly amp up your heart rate while also clearing your mind and gaining some energy and positivity to carry through the rest of your day, this is the move.

      Source: Colorjoy Stock

      2. Jumping jack breaks to spice things up
      No time to carve out a long workout? No problem. One of my favorite hacks for getting in some active minutes (I’m obsessed with closing my Apple Watch rings) is to take periodic jumping jack breaks at different times. If you’re trying to stay fired up throughout the day, you could challenge yourself to do 50 jumping jacks every hour, on the hour. You could do 100 jumping jacks right when you wake up or while waiting for your coffee to brew. Or, if you’re really feeling creative, you can challenge yourself to complete jumping jacks for the entire commercial break of your favorite show (or, for my fellow Netflix lovers, you could actually watch the intro song instead of skipping it, then spend that whole time jumping). I swear these little breaks give way more energy than they take away!

      Source: Urban Outfitters

      3. Pretending you’re out with your friends and dancing the night away
      There’s a bar near my apartment that has a sign outside that says “Mask up so we can dance again,” and it makes my heart clench every time I see it. I’m not afraid to say it: I MISS DANCING IN BARS. Until I can get back on those sticky dance floors (ew, why did I say that), I’ll instead crank up the One Direction and dance in my living room. Whether it’s for one song or an entire playlist (try this one), the simple act of letting loose and busting a move will put some pep in your step and a smile on your face. 
      Not one to cut a rug alone? No problem! I love the dance cardio classes from obé fitness, which teach you choreography while sneaking in some classic moves (high knees, anyone?). At first, they may cause you to feel completely uncoordinated—but the inclusive virtual atmosphere at obé can help anyone feel comfortable (even as comfortable as I feel with a drink in my hand and my party Vans on my feet!).
      Bonus: Get 50% off your first month of obé fitness (after a 7-day free trial!) with code TEG50.

      Source: Danielle Moss

      4. Who needs a treadmill when you have stairs?
      Yes, I’m telling you to take the stairs instead of the elevator when grabbing your mail or walking your dog—but I’m also reminding you that the stairs in your home can serve as a super valuable workout tool. Just as I used to run stairs in high school for agility and endurance training, the stairs in your home or apartment building can function in the same way. Whether it’s a few quick up-and-downs while your dinner’s in the microwave or a full-fledged workout (try running up and walking down as many times as you can, then see if you can get more day after day), the elevation difference adds an element to your workout that feels plenty different from running in place at home (because let’s face it, that would be deeply boring).

      Source: sirtravelalot | Shutterstock

      5. Sex is a workout!
      I’m not saying that having sex is a substitute for a good old-fashioned workout—but I am saying that it’s a simple way to get your heart rate up and release some oxytocin (and, frankly, can be a much more fun way to spend a lunch break than a run around the block). If you and your quarantine buddy are both looking to consensually and safely turn up the heat, sex can be a great way to move your body while stuck at home. (Bonus: Working out together can be excellent foreplay—so try a sexy dance class first, then move it to the bedroom!). Check this out for some of our best quarantine-friendly sex tips, and for those going solo, check THIS out for your new favorite quarantine sex toy.

      This post is sponsored by obé, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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      48 Hours Only: Our Favorite Wellness Gifts Are 30% off

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      It isn’t news that we love CBD around here. Whether it’s to calm the Sunday scaries, relieve sore muscles, soothe period cramps, and more, we’ve pretty much all added CBD to our daily routines in one way or another. The only problem is that CBD can get a little expensive, especially if you’re choosing a high-quality formula. But no fear this holiday season, our favorite CBD from Equilibria is on a major sale right now! *EEP!* For the next two days, Equilibria is offering 30 percent off your entire order when you purchase a holiday set. Snag a set for yourself and one for a loved one (we’ve personally found moms, brothers-in-law, neighbors, best friends, and caregivers to love it!), and you’ll already have some of your holiday shopping done in one fell swoop. If you’ve had your eye on a holiday set or wanted to try Equilibria on a budget, now’s your time to shop! New to CBD? Here are our editors’ favorites and how we use them. 

      when you purchase a holiday set

      Holiday Sets
      Source: Equilibria

      Equilibria
      Season of Intention Gift Set, $132

      $244 value
      What’s included:- Mindful Mineral Soak, 200MG/8OZ- Daily Softgels, 10MG/30CT- Cranberry Elderflower Daily Drops, 300mg/30ML (Limited Edition)- NEW! Daily Treatment Oil for Face + Body, 500mg/1OZ- Exclusive artist-designed holiday pouch- 5% of sale benefits Black Girl Ventures

      Equilibria
      Joy of Sleep Gift Set, $90

      $176 value
      What’s included:- Spiced Bergamot Daily Drops, 300MG/30ML (Limited Edition)- Daily Softgels, 10MG/30CT- Mindful Mineral Soak, 200MG/8OZ- Luxury Sleep Mask- Exclusive artist-designed holiday pouch- 5% of sale benefits Black Girl Ventures

      Equilibria
      Comfort of Calm Gift Set, $69

      $152 value
      What’s included:- Mindful Mineral Soak, 200MG/8OZ- Relief Cream, 500MG/1OZ- NEW! Daily Treatment Oil for Face + Body, 250MG/0.5OZ- Exclusive artist-designed holiday pouch- 5% of sale benefits Black Girl Ventures

      Equilibria
      Peace of Mind Gift Set, $55

      $128 value
      What’s included:- Cranberry Elderflower Daily Drops, 300MG/30ML (Limited Edition)- Dynamic Roller Duo, 75MG/10ML/Roller (Calming/Energizing)- Exclusive artist-designed holiday pouch- 5% of sale benefits Black Girl Ventures

      Editors’ Favorites:
      Source: Equilibria More

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      10 Things to Do This Week for a Healthier Relationship

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      Many people spend so much time looking for that “spark” or feel like it’s Happily Ever After once they’ve found The One, that they forget a relationship doesn’t just sustain itself; it needs work, like any worthwhile achievement in your life. If the word “work” is enough to get you sweating RN, don’t panic. The good thing about relationship work is that it should be enjoyable, fulfilling, and worthwhile when you’re with the right person. Since we’re all busy, stressed, anxious, and probably can’t think beyond seven days from now (nope, just me?), here are 10 simple things you can do today to have a healthier relationship by the end of the week: 
      1. Do one thing you did when you were first dating
      There’s a lot of perks to a brand new relationship: butterflies, long conversations getting to know each other, can’t-keep-hands-off-each-other chemistry. And then there are the perks of a long-term relationship: feeling comfortable and secure, always having a plus-one, and never having to shave your legs. What if I told you that you could bring back some pros of the beginning of your relationship? Think back on the routines you and your partner had at the beginning. Maybe you gave more compliments, dressed up to impress them, or went on more creative dates than takeout and Disney+. This week, try to bring back at least one of those rituals, jokes, or dates to spark the long conversations, butterflies, and chemistry you had at the beginning. 

      Source: @taylranne

      2. Talk about money
      It is probably the most unromantic topic, but relationship experts agree that money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. Normalizing the money talk and getting on the same page early on can not only prevent finances from becoming an issue in the future, but it can also strengthen your trust and intimacy. While it may not be something you look forward to, schedule a time to go through and pay bills together or have a conversation about saving up for a house or dividing up pet expenses. If you’re in a newer relationship and don’t have any shared responsibilities or finances, you can still have the money talk by chatting about your individual money goals and spending habits. 

      3. Ask “how was your day?” every day
      One of the simplest and most important things you could do to improve your relationship is to ask your partner, “how was your day?” and actually care about the answer, rather than letting the question become routine. Perfect the art of conversation: know how to make your partner feel heard, ask follow-up questions instead of just listening to what they have to say, and share your opinions or thoughts (only) once they’re done sharing with you. When your partner feels like you care about more than you have to and want to be a part of everything they do, it subconsciously creates a new level of teamwork, love, and intimacy. 

      4. Practice giving (and receiving) constructive criticism
      If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should both feel safe and accepted. And if you feel safe and accepted, it’s probably easier for you to receive constructive criticism than in other friendships or familial relationships. The point of constructive criticism is that you’re working as a team and covering each other’s blind spots to become your best relationship and best selves. It’s the cliché that two heads are better than one, and giving supportive input builds trust, care, and teamwork.
      Give your partner a suggestion on how they can improve their work presentation, or let them know they should call their sister more often. Likewise, ask them how you can improve a project at work or how they would handle a situation with a friend differently. What’s not OK? Criticizing what your partner cannot change, like their personality traits or needs. If you’re worried about constructive criticism (or it turns into an argument), either you’re going about it more critical than constructive, or your relationship might need some more growth. 

      Source: @babybaileymamadrama

      5. Schedule sex
      Yes, really. While many people think that scheduling sex takes the spark away and turns it into a chore, if you’ve ever been in an LTR, you know that spontaneous sex just doesn’t happen with a busy schedule, putting kids to bed, or working late every night. And even if it does, it still feels like a chore (let’s hurry up, we’re waking up in five hours!). Just as you schedule workouts and meetings, scheduling sex is another way to stay connected and prioritize intimacy. Plus, it ups the anticipation when you know it’s coming, and you might even want to “remind” your partner throughout the day for some bonus romance points (not my fault if they have a hard time concentrating at work!). 

      6. Look at arguments as if you’re a third party
      The OG love life hack, called “The Marriage Hack,” became a viral sensation for a reason. Essentially, the fancy term means viewing conflicts and disagreements through the eyes of a third party who wants the best for all involved and realizing the obstacles each person faces when trying to think from a different perspective. This method lessens the emotions of a situation by reframing it in a way that allows you to not only understand your partner, but how to solve the problem. It’s like DIY couples therapy! Whether you’re in a marriage or a brand new relationship, the Marriage Hack can help reframe how you communicate and resolve arguments. 

      7. Read together
      You know that final scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant is reading a very intelligent-looking novel on a park bench while a gorgeously pregnant Julia Roberts lays on his lap and watches kids play (oh yeah, and they’re holding hands)? It’s rom-com gold, yes, but it’s also a scene I think about often. Even though they were spending time together, they must have had such interesting things to talk about afterward: what Hugh read about or what Julia saw while watching kids play. Whether you read the same book separately or read at the same time to “spend time together without actually spending time together,” à la Hugh and Julia, reading stimulates meaningful conversation and a deeper bond.
      Especially if you’ve been quarantined together with nothing to talk about except for which Netflix show to watch next, the novel you’ve been dying to read or your partner’s favorite book from college will form a closer connection and create exciting conversation. Bonus: it’s way easier to get the book club together when it’s just you and your significant other.

      Source: @missenocha

      8. Have a check-in
      While it may sound cheesy, couples who have regular check-ins are typically more in-tune and better at communicating. Think about it: you have a check-up with your doctor to keep your body healthy, so you need a check-in with your significant other to keep your relationship healthy. Schedule a time where you’re both free from work or the kids are occupied, and check in with how the other is feeling with different aspects of the relationship. Cover topics like workload and housework (and whether or not you feel like they’re being equally shared), if you’re satisfied with how the other one is expressing love languages, and one thing the other person can do this week to make you feel more loved in your relationship or happy in your life. 

      9. Apologize before you “need” to
      I have a lot of personal problems with the classic romance film, Love Story, #1 being that no, love does not mean never having to say you’re sorry. Love means saying you’re sorry a lot because you care about your loved one’s feelings more than you care about being right. FYI, apologizing whole-heartedly means acknowledging the other person’s feelings, taking ownership, and then offering a solution to ensure you’ll never do it again (yes, I do remind my boyfriend quite often that this is what an apology is supposed to look like). To make your relationship healthier by the end of the week (it’s that effective!), apologize whole-heartedly before you even need to, meaning before your partner is looking for an apology.
      Think of ways you recently could have been a better partner but fell short. Say, “I’m sorry I haven’t done my fair share of the chores this week,” or “I’m sorry I haven’t been a good listener lately.” Even if your significant other has not acknowledged it, let them know that you’re prioritizing their feelings without them asking. Bringing “I’m sorry” into more than just arguments will strengthen your bond because not only will you start noticing what your significant other needs before they have to ask (or fight), but it will allow your partner to feel seen, appreciated, and cared for. 

      10. Celebrate something
      Even if there’s not an anniversary or birthday coming up, your relationship deserves a good celebration (2020 is almost over–need I say more?). Relationships can feel mundane when you’re going through everyday routines without stopping to acknowledge where you are or how far you have come. Take some time this week to celebrate a work promotion, a monthiversary like you used to do back in the day (double points for #1), or just to celebrate your lives together. No matter your reason, popping some champagne, cooking your favorite meal, or making a normal night feel special will help you feel gratitude for the person you get to celebrate life with. Cheers! 

      What do you do to keep your relationship healthy? More

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      Stressed? Try These 10 Simple Things

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      In 2020, it seems like the #1 factor we all have in common is stress. Especially as women, we’re always doing it all (whatever “it all” means): making time for loved ones, working full-time jobs, creating side hustles, and helping those in need while we’re at it. Throw in a terrifying election, global pandemic, and the upcoming holiday season, and chronic stress feels more like normalcy.Even though mandatory isolation might have made you feel otherwise, you are not alone. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment with a therapist or utilizing online resources (some of our favorites are Talkspace, BetterHelp, and Therapy for Black Girls), you can take action to lower stress levels. In the meantime, here are 10 simple ways you can feel OK right now, even if nothing else does.

      1. Be mindful about your mornings
      Waking up in itself is a stressful experience. Even if you don’t have the snooze-twice-while-getting-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn routine and actually wake up well-rested, our minds go straight to all the things we need to accomplish that day. Put off the mental to-do lists with a stress-relieving morning routine as a non-negotiable way to start your day. Don’t check your phone or email until you’ve gone through a skincare routine, meditation, gratitude journaling, or at least brewing a cup of coffee, and fill the 30 minutes after you wake up with rituals and routines that you’ll look forward to.
      If you don’t have the time or luxury to fit in 30 minutes of you-time (because of an early start-time or kids that wake you up), even just spending one minute lying in bed and telling yourself it’s going to be a good day can help. Bottom line: be mindful about your mornings, and the rest of the day will feel more manageable as well. 

      Source: @mylittlebooktique

      2. Schedule multiple one-minute breaks in your day
      Even if you feel energized, calm, and motivated until that afternoon slump, we often don’t realize the stress that accumulates starting first thing the morning. To keep stress from building up, schedule one-minute breaks throughout the day. Whether it’s on the hour, every 20 minutes, or after each important task you complete on your to-do list, just taking 60 seconds to close your eyes and take deep breaths can be enough to let go of the stress and tension that piles up throughout your day. Better yet, visualize the stress leaving your body, relax your shoulders (and other tension areas), or repeat a mantra while taking your one-minute break.  

      3. Light a candle
      That’s right: your stock of pumpkin spice candles is not only good for girls’ nights in. Diffusing essential oils or burning a candle will invigorate your senses, and anything that sparks your senses can help keep your mind more grounded and connected to your body. Plus, according to aromatherapy, scents like rosemary, lavender, peppermint, ylang-ylang, and lemon can help with stress relief, so look for one of these scents in essential oil form to diffuse or smell from the bottle for instant relaxation, or find candles with notes of lavender or peppermint to light throughout the day. 

      Source: @citychicdecor

      4. Make a list of the top 10 sources of stress
      Many people avoid facing their stress, or sweep it under the rug until it comes out in moments that wouldn’t typically cause high-stress, like your roommate leaving dishes in the sink or your boss scheduling an extra meeting. Spend a few minutes identifying and writing down the top 10 sources of stress in your life. Once you know where your stress is coming from, you’ll be able to find solutions. You can even go so far as to take your #1 stressor and come up with five things you can do right now that can minimize it (and then do them). If you find that some of your stressors aren’t solvable, you can begin to accept what cannot be changed. Even accepting life circumstances as they are can help ease stress, even if you cannot necessarily fix them. 

      5. Take a walk
      Being active and exercising has been shown to significantly reduce stress, and the easiest way to be more active throughout the day is to go on more walks. Looks like your Fitbit was onto something: getting in your steps has many physical and mental health benefits. Plus, it’s not only good for your stress levels, but it’s enjoyable and easy to fit into a busy schedule (so another thing on your to-do list won’t cause you more stress). Whether you schedule a walk on your lunch break or walk around the block whenever you start to feel stress levels rise, cue up a podcast, grab a warm jacket, and get outside for an instant stress-reliever. 

      6. Drink less coffee (or switch to decaf)
      Your morning cup of coffee might be a non-negotiable for feeling like a normal human before 9am, or an afternoon latte might help you push through that slump, but bad news: it might also be affecting your stress. Everyone has varying thresholds for how much caffeine they can tolerate, so while coffee is beneficial for some people,  it can increase stress and anxiety for others by stimulating the fight-or-flight hormone associated with increased energy. If you notice that caffeine makes you jittery or anxious, consider cutting back or sticking with decaf. If you’re not sure because coffee is such a daily ritual, try going a day or two without any caffeine to see if you notice any difference in stress levels. 

      Source: @demidiamandis

      7. Meditation
      I feel like the word “meditation” is so overused in the wellness space that it has become the all-encompassing go-to for any ailment or wellness woe. But just because you may hear about it everywhere doesn’t mean you should disregard it. Deepak Chopra, MD often talks about “equanimity,” or the ability to stay calm in chaos. It’s basically a fancy way of saying stress levels stay low, even when the exterior factors are stressful (like a busy work week, terrifying election, or a global pandemic).
      The goal of meditation is, in fact, to find peace, even in stressful situations. Just because a lot is going on externally does not mean it has to affect our internal state. Meditation gives us the tools to do this because it helps us act with intention, rather than impulse. Whether it’s in the morning, at night, or during the day, start up a meditation practice so stressful situations don’t affect your personal stress. 

      8. Say “no” when you mean “no”
      Sure, not all stressors are under your control, but many are. Reassess where you’re dealing with avoidable stressors. For example, have you helped a coworker finish their project and are therefore pushed on time to complete your to-do list? Good for you for being a selfless employee, but you’re not helping the company if you’re spreading yourself too thin. Tell the coworker what time works best for you, rather than dropping everything for the time that works for them, or say you’re pressed for time and suggest another coworker or intern that would have more time. That also goes for babysitting your neighbor’s cat while they’re away or making plans with friends when you really want a night at home. Learn to say “no” when you mean “no,” and cut out unnecessary tasks from your to-do list.

      Source: @taylranne

      9. At bedtime, think of all the things that went right that day
      Our minds are good at focusing on what we didn’t accomplish, what went wrong during the day, or what we have to get done tomorrow. While that’s great for keeping your work schedule organized, it’s awful for stress and anxiety (and often prevents us from getting a good night’s sleep). Counteract the thought process that most of us have before bed by making a mental list of all the things that went right that day. Maybe you accomplished a difficult task, finally finished the project that’s been taking you forever, or got a compliment from your boss. Or maybe you just got through the day, and that’s an accomplishment enough. Bottom line, take time before you fall asleep to make a mental list of all the things that went right that day, rather than focusing on what went wrong or what you have to do tomorrow. 

      10. Take physical action
      We’re about to get technical here: the “Cognitive-Behavioral Triangle” is a very easy-to-understand diagram, with thoughts, emotions, and behavior at each of the points. The diagram demonstrates that each point of the triangle connects to all the other points (you took elementary geometry, right?). How we think affects how we feel and what we do, but this pattern can work in reverse too. That means that certain actions will affect thoughts and feelings.
      Breathing techniques or relaxing the shoulders are physical actions that signal to the brain that everything is fine. Sometimes, the mind can be hard to control (when I’m really stressed, I cannot always reason myself out of it), but one point of the triangle will affect the others. If you find your stress is hard to control or reason out of, start with physical actions. Try breathing techniques, improving your posture, exercise, or yoga poses. 

      What simple things do you go-to when you’re stressed? More

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      Sex Bucket List: 5 Updates to Make for Your Sex Life, Pronto

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      I stand by that one of the best thing you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner, is creating a sex bucket list. Having an ongoing list of everything you’d like to try or do sexually can help keep your sex life spicy and full of experiences you actually are interested in. If you’re getting started on a sex bucket list, start here. But if you’re ready to incorporate some new-and-improved additions or changes (I’m all for editing your bucket list as time goes on—what you wanted a few years ago is probably a little different from now!), these are my suggestions. 
      1. Rearrange the furniture
      We all know it’s a good practice to try sex outside of the bed or bedroom sometimes, but to switch it up even more, you can move some furniture around to make your space work for you. Mirror play is one of the most underrated sex toys in the bedroom. If you have a full-length mirror or a vanity mirror in your bedroom or home somewhere, use it your advantage. Move the mirror so that you and your partner can both see each other in it while you’re having sex. The view will turn you both on a little more, and it might spark some new ideas and positions to try. 
      Along with mirror play, you can also pull the couch out a little or move side tables and coffee tables to try different positions and moves throughout the house. You’re not confined to a few spaces when it comes to sex. Make it up as you go!

      2. Try a new form of sexting
      If you’ve long been turned off by sexting because you don’t like sharing naked photos or your dirty talk game is less than impressive (it’s a learned skill, I promise!), there are so many other ways to approach it that can completely boost your sex life. Even if you love sexting, you can try it in a few different ways to keep it new and interesting. Obviously, sending nudes and a little dirty talk are always an option, but a really fun way to try might be role-playing. Tell your partner exactly what would be happening if you were together. “You’re on the bed, I’m standing next to you. I start to undress, and you grab my hips.” It’s a little more work, but it really plays it out like the two of you are together. Then, you can reenact this in the future! 
      I also love simple “I’m thinking about you” or “You look hot today” texts throughout the day. They’re safe for work but are a little, exciting way to get you excited.

      3. Find your go-to sex toy 
      One of the most underrated items on our TEG sex bucket list is going to a sex shop with a partner. It might feel a little awkward, and you’ll probably giggle at first, but it’s actually a really great way to see what intrigues or excites the both of you when you set your mind to finding something that will benefit you together. Obviously, that isn’t necessarily possible right now, so instead, you might find it helpful to begin searching for your go-to #1 favorite that you both enjoy using, together and alone. We have tons of guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners, but you might also enjoy talking it out, figuring out what you’d both like, and spending some time on a few different sites. 

      4. Try to push your orgasms farther
      So, you had an orgasm on your own. YAY! Next, you can focus on pushing them to go longer and maybe even have multiple at a time (the absolute dream). It might be easiest to try this alone first and then bring a partner in on the fun, but you can try it however is easiest for you. Orgasms tend to feel even better the longer you let your body relax and allow yourself to really feel them. The next time you feel an orgasm coming on, try to keep it going instead of stopping whatever motion or toy you’re using. It might feel intense for a second, but it’ll lead to better, longer, and stronger orgasms over time.

      5. Ask your partner questions
      When you and your partner decide to engage in a conversation about fantasies and trying new things, make sure to ask them questions. Do they watch porn? What do they watch? What is their favorite color to see you wear? What’s their favorite position? Do they prefer sex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom? This might seem a little juvenile, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but it’s a good practice to make sure you know more about what they want and like, and of course, they should reciprocate and ask you questions too. As cliche as it may seem, a good sex life really comes down to communication.  More

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      in health and weelbeing

      One of the Most Important Things You Can Do for Your Health Each Month

      by

      How are you taking care of yourself lately? Working from home may have given us a bit of Zoom fatigue, but don’t let the new normal stop you from prioritizing your health. Check in on yourself to make sure you’re drinking enough water, taking a second away from work to breathe, and going on that daily walk. Oh also, have you checked your breast for lumps? Yes, taking a peek at your breasts for any lumps or abnormal coloring is essential for your health. Doctors recommend that adult women of all ages should perform a breast self-exam once a month. One out of every eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer, and more than 40,000 women are estimated to die from the disease in 2020 alone. In addition to getting a mammogram, let’s open our eyes to the urgency of self-checking for signs and symptoms of breast cancer at home.

      When to start your self-exam
      Checking for lumps on your breasts can be as easy as brushing your teeth or following your every day skin care routine. The best time to perform a breast self-exam is about 3-5 days after your period, because your breasts will least likely be swollen or tender. While it might seem overwhelming at first, these steps can help reduce your risk of breast cancer, and it will become a breeze once you self-exam once a month. For women who are going through menopause, start the breast self-exam on the same day of each month. 

       What to look for: 

      Source: rawpixel

      Look for visual changes in front of a mirror
      Start by standing in front of a mirror with your arms relaxed by your sides, then shift your arms overhead to inspect again. Next, rest your hands on your hips and flex your chest to evaluate one more time. These different steps will help examine your breasts and nipples for any changes.

      Feel for lumps in the shower
      Checking for symptoms in the shower is easy. Use the soft pad of your three middle fingers to feel your breasts. You want to start gently in a circular motion at the outer edge of the breast, and work your way toward the nipple. Repeat this motion on both breasts using a medium and firm pressure. You want to feel for any lump, thickening, hardened knot or any other breast changes.  

      Inspect while lying down
      Place a pillow under your right shoulder and use your right hand to hold your head. With your left hand, use the soft pad of your three middle fingers to feel all around your breasts. Also, gently squeeze the nipple to check for any discharge. 

      Talk to your doctor
      Don’t panic if you find a lump! Most breast lumps are non-cancerous, which is why you should talk to your doctor first after your self-examination. Once you’ve found the lump, grab a marker or pen to mark a X on the spot to identify the location when it’s time to show your physician.

      Reduce your risk of breast cancer
      Risk factors such as family history can’t change, but there are lifestyle changes you can make to lower your risk. 

      Physical activity and exercise
      For women who are overweight or obese, excess fat can increase the the body’s estrogen level. Studies suggest that high levels of estrogen may increase your risk of breast cancer. Moving your body and incorporating a healthier diet might help lower that particular risk.

      Avoid or limit drinking
      Repeated observational studies have found that there could be a connection between drinking alcohol and an increased cancer risk, but researchers aren’t exactly sure why (though they do have some ideas). If you don’t want to give up drinking entirely, cutting back can help keep you healthier.

      Stop smoking
      Research has shown that smoking can damage the lungs and is linked to a higher risk of breast cancer in younger, premenopausal women. When you’re ready to stop smoking, get as much support as you need and avoid triggers. 

      Eat a healthy diet
      Improving your diet can be a big step to a healthier lifestyle. Eating a variety of foods and trying to eat more fruits and vegetables (they don’t have to be fresh!) can help you up the nutrients you’re getting. Focusing on a balanced diet may help lower your risk of cancer—and it’ll definitely boost your overall health. 

      Know your body
      Self-care is incredibly valuable for your physical and mental well-being. Even though we all lead busy lives, it’s important to set some time for yourself and truly take good care—and that includes preventative health to-do’s like knowing what’s normal for your body. Whether it’s one hour or even just a few minutes in the day, take the time to understand, love, and care for your body. Knowing what’s normal can help you more easily pick up on changes, which could end up being nothing, but are important to keep an eye on and bring up with your doctor.

      Get informed about your health
      Talk to your doctor about any medical questions or concerns that you may have. You can always ask them whatever questions you need, even if you think the question is “dumb” (we can pretty much assure you that it’s not). If you’re not sure whether or not you’ll remember any questions you might have, write them down and bring them with you. And if you’re concerned that you won’t have questions immediately, but will have some after your appointment is over, ask your doctor how you can best ask those questions so that you’ll get the answers you need. As you get older, your body changes, and it’s OK to speak to a physician about your healthcare needs.

      Make an appointment for a mammogram
      In addition to your self breast exam, you need to prepare for a mammogram with your physician. According to the American Cancer Society, women ages 40-44 should start getting a breast cancer screening every year if they’d like to, but those ages 45 and above should get one each year.

      Note to self: check your breasts
      Setting a reminder every month on your phone or daily planner can help you early detect any signs or symptoms of breast cancer. If you know your body and check your breasts regularly, you’ll be able to catch on to any changes sooner rather than later. For any concerns or questions about your health, make an appointment to speak with your doctor. 

      Check out the resources below to learn more about breast cancer:
      National Cancer Institute 
      The American Cancer Society
      American Breast Cancer Foundation
      National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.
      Breast Cancer Now More