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    Ectopic Pregnancy: The Common Condition OBGYNs Want You to Know About

    In my first year as a nurse, I had thought that I’d seen it all. I’d cared for a middle-aged man who got a pulse back after three rounds of CPR. I saw the symptoms of stroke disappear before my eyes with the quick administration of the life-saving medication, tissue plasminogen activator (tPA). I had witnessed a woman give birth to her first child. I was there to hold the hand of a burn victim while we waited for his family to arrive to the hospital. I was an active listener when patients shared their fears of a new diagnosis.  As a nurse, it’s easy to compartmentalize situations when they seem so far from your own. As a young female, I felt different from a lot of the patients I had previously helped. Whether it be age, self-care practices, or preexisting health issues, I was usually able to separate myself from the patient’s experience so that I could perform my role systematically, professionally, and without too much emotion.
    Toward the beginning of my second year functioning as a registered nurse, there was one particular case that felt more difficult to separate than the rest. She could have been my sister. My friend. My coworker. Selfishly, I thought, that could have been me.
    She was a 27-year-old female who had come in for lower abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding. I knew what the workup looked like for a woman of childbearing age who was experiencing bleeding and abdominal pain: urine tests, blood work, and an ultrasound. All to rule out what I had read about in my nursing textbooks: ectopic pregnancy.
    The interaction was brief. After her ultrasound showed an implanted egg outside of the uterus, we threw in an IV, got STAT bloodwork, hung fluids, and sent her to the operating room. During the madness, she hid her fear with jokes, but I could hear the panic in her voice with some questions I didn’t know how to answer. During transport out of the ER, I had a Meredith Grey moment: I noticed that we had the same backpack. She was youthful, otherwise healthy, and one of us. 
    When we talk about women’s health issues, ectopic pregnancy rarely comes up. According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, “The prevalence of ectopic pregnancy among women presenting to an emergency department with first-trimester vaginal bleeding, or abdominal pain, or both, has been reported to be as high as 18%.” If you’re sexually active—even if you’re not trying to become pregnant—you are at risk. 
    Enter OBGYNs Kate White, MD, MPH and Kecia Gaither, MD, MPH, FACOG who I spoke with over email to help us uncover the common pregnancy condition many of us don’t know very much about. 

    What exactly is an ectopic pregnancy?
    First things first: what exactly are we dealing with here? Let’s take a trip back to our seventh-grade sex ed course to review: during fertilization, an egg is supposed to implant in the uterus, where it attaches and grows for the remainder of the pregnancy. Say the egg doesn’t make it to the uterus and instead attaches to a fallopian tube, in the abdomen, or the cervix. The egg will grow, but the pregnancy will not be sustainable as it enlargens.

    What are the symptoms?
    Kecia Gaither, who is double board-certified in OBGYN and maternal-fetal medicine, has encountered multiple cases of ectopic pregnancy in her career. In our email exchange, she noted that the most common symptoms include “pain and [vaginal] bleeding.” In later stages, if rupture occurs, a woman can experience more severe symptoms that are caused by internal bleeding and hemorrhagic shock. These later symptoms include “shock, dizziness, and tachycardia,” Dr. Gaither continued. Dr. Kate White, associate professor of OB/GYN at the Boston University School of Medicine, acknowledged via email that “sometimes a person has no [early] symptoms” and only becomes aware of ectopic pregnancy symptoms after rupture.

    Who is at risk?
    Gaither went on to note that those who have had a history of “prior ectopic pregnancies, pelvic inflammatory disease, tubal surgeries, smoking, or IVF” are all at risk for developing an ectopic pregnancy. White explained similar factors and went on to add that being “older than 35 years old, endometriosis, and having multiple lifetime sexual partners” also increases one’s risk.

    Source: Caleb George | Unsplash

    How is it diagnosed and managed?
    If a patient presents with symptoms of ectopic pregnancy, Gaither stated that “diagnosis is made by ultrasound.” White agreed and shared that while she can “sometimes visualize the ectopic pregnancy on an ultrasound,” this isn’t always the case. She continued to explain that “sometimes, a person has symptoms of a miscarriage, undergoes a dilation and curettage, which reveals that the pregnancy is not in the uterus.” 
    As far as management goes, both OBGYNs mentioned surgical and medical treatment that, per Gaither, is dependent on the “size, presence of a heartbeat, and location” of the pregnancy. White went on to detail that surgery may range from “cutting into the [fallopian] tube to remove the pregnancy” to “removing the entire fallopian tube.” She went on to explain that “only one medication can be used for the treatment of an ectopic pregnancy: Methotrexate.” She noted that after two injections of the medicine, which stops the egg’s cells from dividing and multiplying, a woman will need and follow-up bloodwork to trend the pregnancy hormone which should decrease as the medication takes effect.

    Can it be prevented?
    Prevention of ectopic pregnancy is aimed at reducing the risk factors that we can control. Dr. White noted that quitting smoking and practicing safe sex are the best ways to reduce our risk of ectopic pregnancy. “This is another good reason to quit smoking,” she continued. “We don’t know if vaping puts you at risk, so I wouldn’t consider vaping to be a safe alternative.” Additionally, she noted that “you should always protect yourself from STIs. Use barrier protection with any partners you’re not monogamous with and be sure to get tested for the common STIs at least once a year.”

    What are the implications for fertility moving forward?
    If you have an ectopic pregnancy, what does that mean for fertility in your future? Dr. White noted that, “If you lose one of your fallopian tubes as part of treatment for ectopic pregnancy, your fertility can be affected.” Additionally, she shared that “having the ectopic pregnancy can signify an underlying fertility issue, which might make it more difficult to conceive in the future.” Gaither stated that “whether tubal damage or loss has occurred precludes whether infertility will be an issue.” She added that “women without fallopian tubes can still become pregnant via in vitro fertilization,” as the fertilized egg can be implanted directly into the uterus without the presence of the fallopian tube. 
    It’s important to note that whether you’re trying to conceive or not, an ectopic pregnancy is a form of loss. If you or someone you know has suffered from an ectopic pregnancy, we see you. We hear you. We feel you. Let’s continue this conversation, Everygirls.

    Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More

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    My Favorite 10-Minute Workouts to Do At Home

    I’ve met someone. 😍 💞We’re going pretty fast, and I love every second of it. We met, and then it was like we were instantly best friends. We started hanging out every single day without fail, and I even started putting our time together in my calendar. I told my parents, my best friends, my coworkers. Our love affair is strong and Taylor Swift-esque. And they always text me back. You guessed it: it’s Obé Fitness.
    Obé Fitness is currently my favorite way to workout from home. I’m obsessed with their live classes, but I’ve also developed quite the arsenal of favorites from their on-demand offerings. When I’m short on time (namely doing a lunch break workout), Obé’s 10-minute express workouts are all I need.
    Ready to try Obé for yourself?! Use code TEG50 for 50% off your first month and a seven-day free trial!
    After taking a bunch of workout classes (you’re welcome), I’m sharing my favorites: 

    After I did this workout, I told everyone I knew. This 10-minute workout absolutely knocked me off my feet (literally). It uses a resistance band to sculpt every part of your arms, especially focusing on the shoulders. This really burned out my muscles in the absolute perfect way. I did this alongside a 10-minute cardio workout, and I was sore for days.

    I love doing their sculpt express classes because they’re a great way to target a specific area. I’ll do two of these, and I always feel like I got a really good workout in for so little time. This obliques workout is hard as hell, but I felt so good after I completed it that I’ve done it two times since!

    I have pretty bad carpal tunnel that is only getting worse from constantly working on a laptop and never using my brace. This really affects my wrists during yoga, planks, and more. I’ve done this stretch a few times at night to stretch out my wrists, and it helps so much.

    This is a great beginner/low-impact butt/leg workout for runners looking to cool down, warm up, or keep their legs strong on off days! I, however, am not a runner, and I still love this for a quick workout when I want to really focus on strengthening those muscles.

    After taking enough Obe classes, I’ve really grown to see which instructors motivate me the best, and Alex is one of them. I took a Justin Bieber-themed class with her recently, and it was some of the most fun I’ve had working out in a while. This 10-minute cardio boxing class has been a great addition to my strength-training routine, as I’ll do this as a warm-up or cool-down on lifting days. I hate cardio with a passion, but these classes don’t feel like running the Pacer test as a kid—they’re actually fun! 

    Like I said, I love using my 10-minute Obe classes to target specific muscles and stretches, and this hip one has been a miracle worker. From sitting all day, my hips can get pretty tight, making it hard to do certain exercises if I don’t properly stretch 1-2 times a week. This one, by Beth C. (my favorite yoga instructor—her Fall Flow and live Maggie Rogers theme Vinyasa are amazing for after-work!), is great for stretching and strengthening those muscles in the hips. Over time, I’ve noticed I have to do it less and less because my muscles are actually getting stronger!

    Pilates is not a strong suit of mine. I vividly remember my first class a few years ago in which I was one of about five people in the room, and afterward, I said I would never try that again. Luckily, with Obé, I was able to test it out with a 10-minute class. I’m still working up the courage to try a 28 or 45-minute class, but this express one is perfect for learning the basics and strengthening those muscles for now.

    This dance HIIT class is so fun that you won’t even feel like you’re working out. It combines dance combinations with high-intensity interval training for an intense workout that works your entire body. I love these classes for early mornings because they get me up and moving first thing! 

    I love the variety of classes I can find on Obé. Some days, I want a powerful strength-training workout with weights; other days, I want to basically do corpse pose and heavy breathing for 20 minutes. A recent favorite of mine has been their barre classes, especially the express classes. They target one muscle group, so I like to pair this with another one to feel like I’m getting a really good barre class straight from my living room. I love barre legs because it works muscles I didn’t even know I had. Get ready to feel the burn!

    I get the best sleep when I do yoga before bed, and this has been a favorite routine of mine. Tip: sometimes, I skip the mat and do the entire routine in bed with all of the lights off. Ultra-relaxing!

    This post is sponsored by obé, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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    I Never Spend More Than 30 Minutes on Dinner—Here Are My Secrets

    My first year living on my own, I ordered a take-out burrito bowl basically twice a week. I would rather starve all day and eat one hefty, greasy meal I picked up somewhere than spend the energy and time to cook myself something. For one, I barely knew how to cook eggs, let alone a meal, but I also found myself struggling with all the time it’d take to cook. I relished my free time way too much to spend it cooped up in the kitchen. And I couldn’t dare picture how some people actually found cooking to be a self-care activity. Isn’t that what the eating part is for? Fast-forward and in 2020, I’ve done basically a 180. Do I get takeout sometimes? Absolutely. But for the sake of my finances and my health, I began teaching myself a little here and there about cooking at home. But even while I’m spending all my time at home, I don’t enjoy spending a ton of time in the kitchen, so I vowed that every meal I made would be under 30 minutes (a good motivator, if I do say so myself). Over time, I’ve gotten more comfortable in the kitchen, but one thing’s remained: I spend way more time doing my skincare routine than I do cooking dinner. Here are my secrets:

    Source: Blue Apron

    One of the hardest parts of cooking is meal planning and getting everything from the grocery store. Although your meal might only take you 30 minutes, it might take you three hours to figure out what to make, create a list, wait in line at the grocery store, and get everything—and I forget something almost every single time. A meal-delivery service like Blue Apron takes away all of that time and energy planning and buying groceries, so your meals actually can take under 30 minutes.
    My favorite thing about Blue Apron is that you can easily see the recipes when you order, and they always tell you how long it takes to prep and cook. I’m able to order meals that exclusively take under 35 minutes to make, plus I can see how much prep work is involved. I’m making exciting new dishes I never would have made, but they feel easy and doable like everything else I cook. This has led me to keep all of my recipes handy to recreate them again, helping me to build an arsenal of quick and easy meals I know I already like. 
    New customers: click here to save over $60 on your first 3 boxes!

    Source: rawpixel

    2. Save everything you see on IG, Pinterest, and YouTube
    One of my biggest sources of cooking inspiration as of late has been Instagram and Tik Tok. I’m constantly seeing new ways people are making delicious, easy meals that take seriously no time at all. However, it’s easy to forget them all. Lately, I’ve been saving all of my meal ideas in one place so that I can easily come back to them. I use Pinterest because you can Pin anything from the web right there, so pictures I see on Instagram, YouTube videos, and Tik Toks can be saved amongst all the other great recipe content on Pinterest. Every Sunday I look through this catalog of ideas and pick one or two to try for the week. 

    3. Eat breakfast for dinner!
    Once I got out of the funk that breakfast foods need to be eaten for breakfast and dinner foods can only be eaten at dinner, my world changed. Although I absolutely love breakfast foods, sometimes I’m craving a heartier meal when I eat in the mornings and opting for something that would ordinarily be a lunch or dinner for me has been a lifesaver. But like I said, I love breakfast foods (I could eat exclusively sunny-side-up eggs and hash browns with hot sauce for the rest of my life and be the happiest person on Earth), so when I’m in a rut about what to cook for dinner, I go with my go-to breakfast. As long as it has some protein and maybe a side salad (hence the maybe), I’m good to go.

    Source: Anthropologie

    4. Keep a go-to grocery list and meal ideas list on your phone
    This was one of the first pages I made when I started a Bullet Journal, but you can put it basically anywhere: a note on your phone, a page you keep in your purse, on your computer, or even in your car. I first created a list of all of my favorite easy, go-to meals. I started with things like chicken quesadilla, turkey tacos, chicken caesar wraps, pita pizzas, spicy noodles, and an egg scramble. Then, I broke each of those meals down into all of their ingredients and wrote that as a master grocery list. Then when I’m feeling uninspired in the kitchen, I already have a pre-made meal plan and grocery list to get me through the week. This has truly saved me on nights when I’d rather do anything but cook, but if I have these on hand, I know I can make a meal I absolutely love.

    5. Don’t underestimate the power of a doctored-up frozen meal
    Like most people, I live in the frozen section of a grocery store. It’s so much easier, and if you know what to look for, it’s not the worst thing for your body either. But sometimes you need a little something more, so I love taking frozen staples and doctoring them up just a little bit. I’ll take frozen cauliflower rice and cook it in a little bit of soy sauce and sriracha with grilled chicken and a scrambled egg. Add some veggies, and you have the most basic fried “rice” on the planet. Another favorite of mine is using frozen breaded chicken tenders for salads, sandwiches, and wraps for an adult meal instead of just dipping them in BBQ sauce and fries (which I definitely still do on occasion and have zero regrets).  
    I do the same with frozen vegetables, always serving them in a sauce or a ton of my favorite seasonings to make them taste a little fresher. Find whatever ways you can take the frozen items in your freezer to the next level.

    Source: @allyson.trammell

    6. Keep all of your go-to spices on-hand
    Make sure you have a constant flow of all of your go-to spices, seasoning blends, and sauces. For me, that’s garlic powder, crushed red pepper flakes, sriracha, soy sauce, chili paste, cinnamon, and taco seasoning, but your list will be different based on what you like to cook! Having these in my cupboard and fridge at all times makes it easy to doctor up a plain meal or add a little extra flavor to something.

    This post includes a sponsored mention of Blue Apron, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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    Update Your Workout Clothes With These 25 Editor-Approved Picks

    I’d be lying if I said I’ve kept up with the at-home workout plan I optimistically had in mind back in March. I had the best intentions, but alas, when a new Netflix series calls, I must answer. That is until I got a new set from Alo Yoga. In my experience, nothing is as motivating to get moving as a cute workout set. I’ve tried a lot of athletic-wear in my day, but I always come back to Alo Yoga because they truly make the best yoga clothing, with the mission to inspire mindful movement (and they do!). Plus, they are eco-friendly, sweatshop-free, and very high-quality, so you know the pieces are worth investing in. Whether you’re rolling out your mat for a quick yoga flow, RSVPing to virtual HIIT classes, or in search of some new comfy loungewear, the best workout clothes are the ones that do it in style. Also, an important PSA: Alo Yoga just launched a brand new color today, and it’s stunning. Blue Quartz is as cool as it sounds: it’s icy, pretty, and pairs perfectly with all your neutral pieces, making it the ideal color for winter (but low key, I’ll for sure be rocking it well into spring and summer).

    Shop the new color (before it sells out!) and all of our other favorite picks below. 

    Bras/Tops

    Bottoms

    Jackets

     

    This post is sponsored by Alo Yoga, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More

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    10 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Unproductive

    If you’re lacking motivation or energy these days, it’s not just you. Unfortunately, we don’t have an “on” button, and we can’t be plugged into an outlet. That means that no matter how much our employers expect us to be productive from 9-5, our energy levels and motivation don’t always fall in line with our work calendars. The conversation about women “having it all” somehow fails to mention that sometimes we just don’t want to do any of it. But there are tricks and tips to check in with your body, boost your energy levels, and find that motivation whenever you need it. If it’s an important week or a busy workday and your energy levels missed the memo, here are 10 things to boost productivity and motivation. 
    1. Take a break
    Yes, you do deserve a break, no matter how busy your day is (and you can let your boss know that we said so!). If it feels difficult to get anything done or you’re just feeling low energy overall, don’t force yourself to push through; it’s probably your body’s way of telling you that you need to take a break. Even spending five minutes to organize your space or 10 minutes to go on a quick walk around the block can re-energize you when you’re feeling rundown. Also, make sure you’re taking a (real!) lunch break every single day to do something enjoyable besides eating before you get back to work. If taking breaks still doesn’t feel like a fix, you might be suffering from burnout, whether it’s emotional or work-specific. If possible, take a long weekend to reset and talk to your boss about finding more work-life balance. 

    Source: @crystalinmarie

    2. Get outside
    As humans, we’re meant to be outdoors while the sun is out. Even though that’s not always possible with 9-5 office hours and dropping temperatures, getting your daily dose of sunshine is crucial for energy levels because it can suppress melatonin production and increases alertness. Plus, fresh air feels refreshing AF and will invigorate you when you need an energy push. If you don’t have time to go on a walk or do some outdoor meditation, try eating your meals outside. Bundle up, sip on a hot cup of coffee, and enjoy your breakfast on the patio, or take your lunch break sitting out in your yard or a nearby park. You can also try taking calls while going on a walk or sitting outside instead of at your desk for a Zoom meeting. 

    3. Take a shower
    Besides just extra points for cleanliness and hygiene, taking a shower makes you more alert. I rarely shower in the morning (I’m a bath-at-night kinda girl), but on the days that I do, I feel a huge difference in my energy and productivity. In my opinion, water wakes you up better than a shot of espresso ever could, so if you’re in a bit of a slump, you don’t need a nap or another cup of coffee. Instead, take a quick five-minute shower and watch your motivation increase immediately. If you’re #extra like me, try a “shot” of cold water by decreasing the water temperature at the very end of your shower for 5-10 seconds. The cold water increases alertness and might offer a variety of health benefits as a bonus. 

    4. Turn off your phone
    With endless scrolling on Instagram or entertaining TikToks just a touch of a button away, I don’t know how anyone gets anything done anymore. Smartphone addiction is real, and social media could be severely hurting your productivity. Try turning off your phone, leaving it in another room, or deleting any apps that are sucking up your time. With the phone out of the picture (literally), you won’t be as tempted to check Facebook or scroll through Instagram and might realize it’s easier to get things done when the temptation is removed. Also, try one of these habits to help you spend less time on your phone. 

    Source: @simplytandya

    5. Put on a playlist 
    Sometimes all it takes to get out of a funk is a funky (the good kind) playlist. For me, my “Caffeine” playlist makes me want to get sh*t done; for Social Media Editor Abigail, her “Anti-Anxiety League” playlist helps her feel centered and focused; and for a productivity-boosting playlist that we all love, “The Everygirl Listens: Office Tunes” totally slaps (I hear that’s a thing the cool kids are saying). Whether “Eye of the Tiger” gets you amped to check items off your to-do list or “Confidence” makes you want to conquer the world, the goal of this playlist is to energize and motivate you. Turn on the playlist when you’re feeling a lack of energy and let the gift of Harry Styles or Taylor Swift boost your productivity. 

    6. Check off the to-do list tasks that take less than two minutes to complete
    Long to-do lists can nag at us and make us feel overwhelmed. Your to-do list might feel so daunting or exhausting that you can’t even face it. Instead, start working on all of those tiny little things on your overall to-do list that you’ve been putting off but take less than two minutes. Schedule a doctor’s appointment, answer that email you’ve been meaning to get to, or order a restock of toilet paper from Amazon. You don’t have to complete every single task to improve your mood, so checking the smaller things off will increase motivation and ease overwhelm. For the bigger tasks, just making a plan for tackling them is sufficient to help make them feel less daunting. Decide when you’ll do the task and set a reminder on your phone or a Post-It.

    Source: @waityouneedthis

    7. Get moving 
    Anything that takes you out of your head and back into your body can help with stress, anxiety, and lack of energy. If stress is causing the lack of productivity, movement that focuses on breathing helps center you. Take a break to go through a yoga flow whenever you feel motivation dip, and focus on taking deep breaths with each movement (think “inhale” and “exhale” to stay focused). Breathwork (or breathing exercises) is another powerful tool to destress that you can do anytime. If the lack of productivity is due to overall fatigue or boredom, try a fun workout like going on a jog while listening to a podcast or trying a dance cardio video on Youtube for an immediate fix, and make sure to get to bed earlier that night. 

    8. Set up your environment to make you feel better
    Your environment completely affects the way you feel. Whether you’re in a perpetual funk or just having an off-day, take some time to arrange the aspects of your environment you have control over. For example, clean the kitchen, organize the desk area, put on a playlist (see above!), burn a candle, and turn off phone notifications. Clutter in your space results in clutter in your mind, and too much clutter (in your space and your mind) can make you feel overwhelmed or exhausted. Making simple changes to your workspace or even organizing that junk drawer can transform the way you feel about the rest of your day.

    Source: @_harlowejames

    9. Identify a purpose through visualization 
    Without a doubt, the greatest tool for self-development is our imagination. If you’re lacking productivity, you probably haven’t checked in with your “why” enough. Why are you putting in the effort? Is it to achieve a career milestone, save up enough money to buy a house, or feel fulfilled in your job? Maybe you want to eat healthy foods so you can feel like your best self, or keep the house organized so you can feel relaxed when you’re at home. Once you’ve identified the purpose of being productive, visualize yourself reaching it and how your life would be different. When you visualize achieving the goal instead of just setting it, you’ll automatically feel more motivated to put in the effort. It’s like dangling a carrot right in front of you instead of a far-off goal that doesn’t seem real. 

    10. Be OK with feeling “OK”
    If all else fails, remind yourself that it’s OK to have an off-day (or even an off-week). In fact, productivity naturally ebbs and flows depending on the time of day, sleep quality, and even our menstrual cycles. Are you noticing a lack of productivity, or are you shaming yourself for a lack of productivity? We believe that we’re not supposed to need a break. In reality, it’s not only OK to have an off-day, but it’s necessary. Know that negative feelings, while uncomfortable, are also human. Despite whatever intentions you have or how hard you work, some days are just going to be better than others. Let yourself take it easy, rest, and recover today, and then pick yourself up and choose to find a purpose to get excited about tomorrow. 

    How do you find motivation when you’re feeling unproductive? More

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    9 Things That Might Be Affecting Your Libido

    We know the drill. You come home late after a long day, cook dinner, and basically just melt right into bed. Your partner, of course, was wishing for other plans. While most of us shrug this off to stress or exhaustion (which it can be!), there are other reasons you might not get as excited to get down to business tonight. It’s normal to not be in the mood every now and then (I mean, sometimes we just want to sleep!); however, when it becomes a consistent occurrence, there could be something deeper going on.A low libido seriously sucks, but it’s something most of us will go through at some point. Instead of causing yourself more stress, we looked into all the reasons you’re not too keen on doing much in the bedroom right now — besides sleep.

    1. Stress
    We all know how it feels to get home and still have a to-do list. Whether you’re experiencing work, school, or personal stress, it’s easy to let that get into your head and discourage you from engaging in time with your partner.
    Try one of these — might I add, wonderful — ways to reduce your day to day stress, so you and your partner can get back to it. You could also start adding some self-care to your routine, or if you’re feeling ~spicy~, treat yourself with a little me time. We promise you’ll feel renewed.

    2. Certain medications
    Antidepressants, some anti-anxiety medications, blood pressure medications, and more can have a low sex drive as a side effect. If you’ve started taking a new medication recently, look back at the list of side effects your pharmacist gave you (that you probably wanted to throw out and thought again that it might be important). If you think it’s impacting your life or your relationships, you can talk to your doctor about another option.  

    3. Pregnancy or breastfeeding
    Pregnancy and breastfeeding cause a lot of changes to occur within your body. Your hormones are raging, which can cause fluctuations in your sex drive. One day you might want to go at it like rabbits, and another, you’re not interested at all. Understand that this is just a change in your body, and it won’t last forever.
    Aside from your hormones, the other side effects of pregnancy can turn you off from sex. Nausea and fatigue in the first trimester just make sex uncomfortable — who wants to go at it when they feel sick!? Then, as your body grows and changes (woohoo! A baby!), traditional sex positions can feel kinda awkward, and women can sometimes be self-conscious about their pregnant bodies. Be kind to yourself, you’re about to birth another human into the world!

    4. Lack of sleep
    Along with stress, we completely understand. Whether you had a work report due at 8am, you had a scary dream (I watch too much AHS), or you stayed up reading (#guilty), you didn’t get your full eight hours last night. And that’s okay! It’s when you continuously forgo sleep that you start to notice a consistent decrease in your libido.
    Try some lavender oil in your diffuser, turn off your electronics an hour before bed, or my personal favorite, give yourself a good Saturday morning to sleep until noon.

    5. Negative body image
    When you don’t feel comfortable or accepting of your body, it’s hard to want someone else to see you naked. Continued fear and self-consciousness when having sex is enough to make you never want to do it again. Yoga, meditation, or buying a cute new set of lingerie are all examples of ways you can start to gain a little confidence (and maybe feel a little sexier, too!).

    Source: @eberjey

    6. Mental health issues
    If you’re struggling with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder included) or anxiety, it can significantly impact your sex drive. This can have to do with medication, issues with trust, anxiety and worry about your partner — the list goes on. Because there are so many ways mental illness can affect your libido, reach out to your doctor to discuss ways in which you can either bring it back or make it easier on yourself.

    7. Relationship issues
    You and your partner might have gotten in a fight recently, or you feel as though you can’t trust him or her. There are many different issues that you and your partner can experience that might lower your libido. If you’re experiencing conflict, talk with your partner openly and honestly. The conflict might be stressful and hard to deal with at first, but you’ll be grateful when it’s over and you and your partner feel closer than ever.

    8. Conditions that make sex painful
    Vulvodynia and endometriosis are known to cause painful sex, which can not really make you super excited to get in the sack, right? If you suffer with these conditions, talk to your doctor about treatments. You can also talk to your partner about different positions that might reduce or avoid pain. You deserve to feel good during sex, not uncomfortable!

    9. Birth control
    Again with the hormones! Birth control pills can sometimes lower the hormones in your body — like testosterone — that make you want to have sex. Luckily, there are alternatives, such as non-hormonal IUDs, condoms, and diaphragms. You could also talk with your doctor about trying a different birth control pill or option, like the NuvaRing.

    How have you handled a low libido? What are your tips and tricks to keeping your sex drive up?!

    This article was originally published on November 17, 2018. More

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    How I’m Learning to Live a More Authentic Life

    I love a romantic comedy. The predictability of the storyline and the inevitable happy ending sucks me in every time. I watch them on rainy days, I watch them on days when I have cramps, and I watch them on days when I’m feeling down. I’ve seen hundreds of romantic comedies, yet I’ve never seen one that is a true reflection of my authentic life. There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all. They have not written my story because my life doesn’t fit the typical mold. I’m a 37-year-old world-traveling free-spirit, living my most authentic life. My life wasn’t always this way, but today I can say that I love my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

    There’s no romantic story that features a Black bohemian femme who goes to college three times to figure out that the career she’s best suited for doesn’t actually need a degree at all.

    From a young age, I realized that I wasn’t your typical child. My interests were different from my friends, the way I wanted to dress was different from my sisters, and my Christmas lists for Santa were filled with non-traditional items. I remember one year I asked for a hot stone massager and essential oils—and this was the ‘90s, so the term “self-care” as we know it now wasn’t even invented yet.
    I struggled through high school because everyone was so excited to go to college. My friends wanted to be nurses and teachers and seemed like they had it all figured out at the age of 18. I didn’t want to go to college. I asked my mom if I could rent a van and travel the country (#vanlife) when I graduated instead of going to college, and she turned me down faster than the speed of light. 
    I was frustrated because I wasn’t given options to explore what I wanted and what was important to me. It didn’t’ feel like college was the right next step, and I wanted time to explore what felt right for my journey. I grew up in a small town, and the lifestyle that was available to me in my hometown was not the lifestyle that I wanted for myself. I had no idea how to mentally and physically get out, yet I was screaming on the inside for somebody to let me go. I was craving freedom and wanted permission to explore all the options that were available to me.
    Instead, I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me. I went to college and followed the rules, and if I look back on it now, college was a giant waste of time. Yes, I had fun, but that fun cost me $30,000 in student loans. 

    I was pushed into following the same steps that everyone else was following, but those choices never made sense to me.

    After I graduated from college, I was still trying to figure out how to lead a “normal” life. I got a 9-5 job, a one-bedroom apartment, and moved to Philadelphia to try my hand at adulting. I remember going shopping to get professional clothes (of which I had none). Everyone was so excited as I came out of the dressing room in different versions of dress pants, blouses, and black flats. I’ve never felt like crawling out of my skin more than I did on that day. 
    I believe that moving to Philadelphia (even though corporate life wasn’t for me) was the turning point in my life. Living in a big city on my own gave me the adult playground I craved for in highschool. In Philly,  I was able to encounter different cultures, lifestyles, foods, and careers that I wouldn’t have had access to in my hometown. I remember the first time I tasted Indian food. Wow! I fell instantly in love. The flavors and spices that I experienced that night were completely new to me. I was never exposed to Indian food growing and my mind was blown. If a simple dining experience could open up my mind in this way, I was excited to see what other new experiences were ahead of me. 
    It felt as if I was getting a second education, and this knowledge proved to be more beneficial to me than my geometry class ever was. Because I was able to interact with so many different people I felt confident to show who I truly was. Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth. I went from an unfulfilled, suit-wearing, meat-eating 22-year-old to a happy, thriving, afro-wearing, free-spirit 37-year-old! That transition didn’t happen overnight.  I knew what it felt like to live someone else’s life and I wasn’t willing to do it anymore, so I slowly began making changes that honored who I was. I wanted to celebrate what I loved about myself and stop hiding who I was from the rest of the world. It was time for me to step out as my full self, and I was ready to take that journey. 

    Seeing different lifestyles exist and thrive allowed me to take that first steps to uncover my truth.

    I spent 20+ years being someone I thought I was “supposed to be.” It wasn’t until I started paying attention and honoring who I truly was and what I needed that I began to lead my most authentic life.

    If you want to start living your life on your own terms, ask yourself these three questions:

    What do I love about myself?
    This was not a question that was posed to me growing up, so it wasn’t something I focused on until I was in my 20s. When you ask, “What do I love about myself?” you begin to unlock clues and truths that are meant to be seen. I discovered that I loved my creativity and that creativity was meant to be celebrated. As a child, I was always creating. I sang, danced, cooked, and came up with “science experiments” out of thin air. My thoughts bounce around and don’t necessarily follow a linear pattern. I think my creative mind frustrated the adults in my life, so I was never pushed to use it. Realizing that my creative mind pushed me to brainstorm and innovate allowed me to strengthen this muscle and has become one of my most valuable assets.
    Answer honestly. Let whatever answers come up to be the start of something new. Once you have your list, see if you can use that information to make some small changes. Did you realize that you love your funky fashion sense? Head out to the thrift stores and buy a few favorite items. Not everything on your list will change your life dramatically, but starting small can begin to build the confidence to continue living life on your own terms. Remember, the things you love about yourself may just be your most valuable asset too!

    What and how am I hiding?
    It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro. Hiding who I was and what was important to me was a coping mechanism I created. In the ‘90s where I grew up, the kaftan version of me would have been too much for people to handle. It felt safer to hide that piece of me from the rest of the world instead of walking in my full truth. In hindsight, if I would have continued to stay hidden, I would have never allowed my creativity to help me build the successful business that I have today. That business has allowed me to help so many people, and I never would have gotten there if I continued to hide who I was. 

    It was easier for me to hide in corporate work clothes than walk into a room rocking a tie-dyed kaftan with a full afro.

    Are you hiding? Why? When you hide, who you are you limit yourself from experiencing your full life? You were created in your unique way, and the world needs to see you fully. Stop hiding and walk in your truth one step at a time. 
    In 2005, I decided that I wanted to do the big chop and begin to wear my hair completely natural. I gathered all of my courage and headed to the only Black salon in Philadelphia doing natural hair at the time and cut my shoulder-length hair down to one inch. When I walked out of that salon, it was undeniable that I looked fly. From that point on, I could no longer hide. 
    Discovering how and why you are hiding could require you to make some uncomfortable decisions. There is a reason why you have been hiding, and walking out as your full self may take some time. Be patient with yourself and take it slowly. Ask yourself, “Where do I feel safe as the real me?” Maybe spend some time there and see how it feels. It may just be five minutes, and that’s OK. Know that every day won’t feel like a party, but the work you are doing is important and necessary. 

    Where can I begin to walk in my truth?
    Living an authentic life takes time. It’s unlikely that you will be able to go from 0-100 in 24 hours (although if you do, I will be your biggest cheerleader), so find a place to start. The first unveiling of my truth came when I went cold turkey and became a vegetarian. I was no longer at home having to eat whatever was cooked for dinner. I could make my own choices, and vegetarianism made sense for me. Could I have quit my job, packed my car, cut my hair, and traveled the world? No. That wasn’t an option for me, so I started small. 
    You don’t have to make giant life-altering decisions to live your truth. Why not explore your love of writing by journaling for five minutes each day? There is much satisfaction from small changes that ultimately honor the real you. Take your time and discover the real you at your own pace; even one thing a week can lead to big changes! Every step forward unveils something new. Have fun and enjoy the process. 
    Living my most authentic life is non-negotiable. Our individuality is what makes us special, and we need to honor that uniqueness time and time again. Standing in your truth might be scary, but it’s what we are called here to do. Explore the freedom in being unapologetically you 365 days a year. Celebrate what you love about yourself, step into the light, and one step at a time, you will get closer and closer to living your most authentic life. More

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    After Years of Painful Periods, I Finally Got a Diagnosis Explaining Why

    As I age, I’m finding comfort in unlearning things I thought were the gospel. From the moment aunt flow said, “Hey girl, I’m here to make your life miserable for one week a month” as a teen, I thought heavy, painful periods were normal. I’ve spent most of my life thinking that my experience was just a part of being a woman. I was lucky to have a doctor in my youth give me some tools to help with my pain. She recommended taking Motrin a few days before my period was set to appear, but on my toughest days, a hot water bottle was her only other piece of advice.She kept a watchful eye on things until I aged off of my parents’ health insurance at 26. It almost seemed like as soon as I got the boot off of my parent’s health insurance, I started to experience heavier cycles and cramps that lasted the full seven days of my period. Truthfully, I’d taken my ability to see a doctor for granted because it was something that was a natural part of my upbringing. Taking my healthcare access for granted caused me to delay sharing these abnormalities with my doctor while I had the chance. 
    Three years went by where I had no healthcare. One day I woke up and finally saw paying for my healthcare out of pocket via the marketplace as an adult action idea that couldn’t wait. After enrolling, I made an appointment at the same Kaiser location I’d visited as a child. Before my appointment, I researched fibroids. I knew that all of the women in my family had them. So, I went into my appointment, hoping for confirmation—at least then I’d know what was wrong. 
    I told my doctor about my concerns. I first asked if fibroids were hereditary, to which he said no. Once he said no, I took the rest of his commentary at face value. His disregard for my pain and overall health shouldn’t have been a surprise given the history of Black women and the healthcare system. The statistics don’t lie. Black women experience discrimination and bias within the healthcare system. This implicit bias didn’t just start in the days of Jim Crow. Black women were used for inhumane experiments by the “father of modern gynecology” during slavery and endured forced sterilization throughout much of the 20th century. 
    So a white male doctor writing me off is expected, not the exception. The healthcare system wasn’t made with me in mind. My ER visit in Los Angeles because of his negligence, just three months after moving to the city of sunshine and celebrities, confirmed that.

    Getting Diagnosed
    I knew then that it was my job to advocate for myself. Because of my negative experience with this doctor, I make it my mission to share my experience with women I speak to one-on-one and emphasize the importance of taking your reproductive health seriously. Everyone’s experience with fibroids will be different. For me, my symptoms were hard to miss: large blot clots, severe pain, sharp back pain, and even a pudge in my stomach. For others, there are no symptoms. However, the generally benign tumors can affect some women during pregnancy and as they age. If you want a more detailed list of symptoms, I found that The Fibroid Foundation was a valuable tool in my own research.

    Here are a few things I’ve learned on my road to being diagnosed with fibroids.

    When something feels even a little off, see a doctor.
    Whenever someone asks me about my experience with fibroids, that first thing I say is I should have gone to see a doctor sooner. Well, I actually should have gotten a second opinion. The idea that painful and heavy periods are normal is an outdated norm. No one should have to spend days in their bed popping 1600mg of painkillers and bleeding through ultra tampons in minutes because we have been conditioned to think this is “normal.” 
    There are holes in our healthcare system, and because of this, all Americans don’t have access to healthcare. Not to mention, those who do can’t always afford the additional testing, co-pays, or the surgeries that might be a necessity. My laparoscopic myomectomy was $8,000 with health insurance. 
    I don’t have the answers to fixing our broken system, but for those with access to healthcare: stop putting off scheduling that appointment. For those without health coverage, Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource for pap smears and pelvic exams that can help detect fibroids, and they offer financial assistance. Fibroids, aside from causing pain and heavy bleeding, can cause severe anemia and sometimes impact fertility.  

    Have a list of questions 
    The time you have scheduled with your doctor is your time. Use it. If you’ve gone down the Google search rabbit hole or a question pops into your head before your appointment, write all of that down. Having a list of questions ensures you don’t forget any of your concerns or that a doctor who may be trying to rush you out the door can’t steer the conversation. I asked questions like, “What are fibroids? What helps them grow? What are the benefits of surgery? Can I have children even with fibroids?”
    When I got my second opinion, my doctor encouraged me to ask questions. She even asked me questions about my family planning goals to get a better idea of what was best for me at the time. You are the driver of your health. Own that seat and make sure the person on the passenger side cares about your health too. 

    Get a second opinion
    I can still visualize the doctor dismissing me while I sat in a backless gown on the plush table with loud white paper under me. I was 30 at the time of that appointment. I still had a somewhat authoritative point of view of doctors. I’d always been taught that doctors are the experts. After my experience with him, I finally understood why people distrust doctors. Finding a practitioner that will care for you with compassion can be a challenge. For that reason, I encourage you to seek a second opinion if you know something isn’t right. My ER visit wasn’t ideal. However, that experience is how I was matched with a Black female doctor specializing in helping women with fibroids. 
    When looking for a new doctor, I recommend starting with your inner circle if they’re in the same location. If that’s not an option, think about what you want in a doctor and reach out to your insurance company to get a list of doctors that are currently accepting new patients, then Google and look at reviews before scheduling an appointment. At your first appointment, you will get a feel for if the person is right for you. Your gut won’t lead you astray as long as you’re willing to listen to it. Learning to advocate for yourself doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a muscle you have to build. Give yourself some grace. 

    Do what’s best for you
    I wrote my first story about dealing with fibroids in 2017 just as I was processing what my new diagnosis meant for me. I was inundated with the DMs and unsolicited advice from outsiders who had no idea what my health specifics were at the time. I had women telling me not to get surgery; I had others telling me they’d wholly gotten rid of their fibroids with special diets and supplements. 
    They were coming from a good place; however, their advice felt like judgment. The laparoscopic myomectomy was best for me at the time. One of my largest fibroids was sitting smack dab in the middle of my uterus, along with a polyp that helped make my bleeding worse. $8,000 later, I don’t regret it. I still have fibroids, and the fibroid causing all the trouble may just grow back. That is just the nature of the tumors. 
    Bleeding through my clothes and bedding is still a thing. I also still have painful days. You may be thinking, “You went through all of that for minimal change.” I think it’s all about perspective. For me, the little changes have made a significant difference. I don’t have to take iron pills that make me nauseous because I’m no longer anemic. I have shorter cycles (five days instead of seven), even if I still have heavy, painful days. I’m no longer bleeding through an ultra tampon in minutes. These are all pros. Going into my surgery, I thought it would “cure” me. There is no cure for fibroids. However, there are things you can choose to make life better. 
    My doctor and I came up with a comprehensive step-by-step plan that was best for me. This plan included birth control. I know that some people don’t like birth control. I don’t particularly appreciate having to take a synthetic hormone every day, but I will continue to take it if that means a better quality of life. Without my birth control, I’d be anemic and dangerously close to a blood transfusion. 
    If you want to change your diet, do it. If you want to try natural supplements, give them a try. If you want to lean into hormone therapy recommended by your doctor, give it a try. Your choices are just that: yours. 

    Please consult a doctor before beginning any treatments. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this article. More