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2020 has not been for the faint of heart. It’s been challenging in every sense of the word with new fears, anxieties, and insecurities surfacing at every turn. If no one has told you that you’re an incredibly strong and resilient person for making it here, let me be the first.At the start of the pandemic, it was kind of exciting to work from home for a few weeks. I mean, who doesn’t love wearing sweatpants all day!? We baked banana bread, watched Tiger King, and crossed things off our to-do lists that we hadn’t had time to get to for years. But with each passing day, our fears intensified and we began to feel the collective energy of a world on pins and needles, watching a virus wage war across the globe. Weeks turned into months, and now we have no idea when our new normal will look anything like the old.
Personally, the pandemic left me feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I ran out of shows to watch on Netflix, found it difficult to get any work done, and activities I typically loved (like cooking, reading, and listening to podcasts) became uninteresting. Like most people going through the pandemic, I missed my friends and my freedom. Anxiety and depression started to seep in, but I also felt guilty that I was so fortunate to be safe and healthy, and still felt so awful.
I just didn’t feel like me.
The truth is that no matter how much banana bread we bake and how much we try to utilize our time with cleaning out closets and starting new hobbies, we’re all missing normalcy during this time: a crowded subway, afterwork drinks at a bar, nights out and laughs with friends, the ability to dream up a summer vacation. Especially if you’re physically alone, you’re likely feeling emotionally alone too.
Although there may be differences in how we’re impacted by the pandemic, we’ve all been affected by it. The good news through this all is that no matter how isolated you are, it’s one of the rare instances where we’re all impacted and affected by the same thing. This means that if you’re not feeling like yourself either, it’s normal to feel this way; humans desire connection, so isolation and loneliness can fuel anxiety. Personally, it made me feel better to remind myself that I am not alone; other people are experiencing the same thing I am. This reminder helped me normalize my emotions and stop having guilt for what I was feeling.
If pandemic anxiety and isolation is feeling like too much for you, here are five things that helped me, and may help for you too:
Let the bad feelings in.
Trust me, I spent a lot of time pretending like things were fine when they weren’t. But the problem with that is if you don’t address or acknowledge negative emotions, they will always resurface. While anxiety, loneliness, and stress are uncomfortable to experience in the moment, it’s OK to not feel OK. In fact, it’s human nature to go through ups and downs in life. Acknowledging a “down” and letting yourself feel it fully is just as important as acknowledging and feeling when you’re in an “up.” Judging or suppressing negative emotions will accentuate them, rather than stop them, so let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, and know that other people are feeling that way too. When all you want to do is cry, scream, and yell, do it.
If you don’t address or acknowledge negative emotions, they will always resurface.
Appreciate what you do have, even if it’s not the most ideal.
I get it: I’m totally over Zoom too. Internet glitches, forgetting I’m on “mute,” and delayed responses aren’t exactly the ideal formula for human connection. But the truth is that Zoom or Facetime truly are the next best things to in-person brainstorms at work or happy hour with friends at the bar. While I originally resented these limitations and hated how social interactions are determined by how good the internet connection is, I’ve learned to love conversations with friends over FaceTime and Zoom. Of course, video chats and phone calls can never replace the feeling we get being in-person, but I try to remind myself that even with internet glitches it is still a form of connection. Practice gratitude for the social interactions you do have (whether it’s your roommate or with loved ones virtually), and remind yourself that any amount of connection, no matter how small, should still be prioritized and celebrated.
Find humor.
No matter what’s going on in the world, we can still find joy and humor in the little things. Laughter makes us feel joy even when it’s hard to find anything to feel good about, and looking for humor will remind us to not take things so seriously. After all, the point of life is to enjoy it, and life doesn’t just stop when a stay-at-home order hits. Try to find humor in even difficult situations; look at using coffee filters when you run out of toilet paper or the appalling number of frozen pizzas you’ve eaten this week alone as hilarious anecdotes you’ll be telling sometime in the future. If you’re struggling to find any humor in what’s going on right now, turn off the news and watch a movie or show that always makes you LOL, or call up the friend who never ceases to make you belly laugh. Whatever works for you, remember that humor and laughter is not only possible when times are tough, but necessary.
The point of life is to enjoy it, and life doesn’t just stop when a stay-at-home order hits.
Embrace what makes you feel normal.
What are some of the things you loved doing pre-pandemic? What are the things that make you feel like the best version of yourself? Perhaps it’s painting or working out every day. Make a list of the activities that you love like reading, cooking, or playing an instrument, and then the things that make you feel like your best self, whether that’s eating certain foods, having a specific morning routine, or putting on lipstick and your fancy work blazer. Once you identify a few things that you love and make you feel like your best self, do them even more often, even when it feels hard (especially when it feels hard). Personally, going on a long walk to clear my head helps me feel like my best self, so I make sure to do it every single day. I also make a point to talk to friends consistently. Even if it’s just over text, it helps me feel more normal and connected to the world, outside of the news. No matter what it looks like for you, prioritize and emphasize the rituals and routines you love and that make you feel like yourself.
Look for the lessons and silver linings.
It’s a killer Kelly Clarkson song and a cliche, but it’s also so true: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And the toughest moments are key opportunities to not only get stronger, but to get better. Of course we miss our normal lives, but a lack of normalcy gives us the chance to learn lessons that will change us for the better. We’ve learned ways to spend and enjoy our time that isn’t work, watching TV, or going out with friends. We will always feel grateful for the little things like smiling at the barista or hugging our parents. What we once complained about, like overbooked social schedules and crowded subways, we will forever appreciate.
What we once complained about, like overbooked social schedules and crowded subways, we will forever appreciate.
Plus, there are a lot of silver linings we can look for (yes, really!). While scary and terrifying and different, this time in human evolution is also restorative. We’re staying at home and spending more time with our families, or Facetiming friends we haven’t caught up with in years. We’re getting more sleep, prioritizing mental health, and actually have time to stop, reflect, and rest. No matter what, we can find silver linings in anything. For example, do I miss my yearly vacation? 100 percent. But when I think about it, it’s also kind of nice to stay at home and not stress about packing, catching flights, or being a tourist. The truth is that the events we miss and negative emotions we feel does not have to negate the silver linings and the lessons we learn. We can feel lonely, anxious, and stressed, and also appreciate where we’re growing as people and becoming better. Plus, when we do, it might just help us feel a little less lonely, anxious, and stressed to begin with. More
I love health goals: the only type of books on my nightstand are self-improvement, my step tracker is my best friend, and I even built a career out of helping other people reach them. But as we near the end of the worst year, I don’t know, ever, there’s only one health goal I’m focusing on. You see, no matter what New Year’s resolutions you make or even what feels best for you throughout the year, health is not supposed to be restrictive or definitive. In fact, you’re supposed to change how you take care of your body based on the seasons, years, and what’s going on in your life.Most of us are wrapping up the year with pressure at work, pandemic anxiety, and even stressors about the little, normal things like finding a budget for all the gifts you need to buy or scheduling every social gathering (even if those social gatherings are over Zoom). Add in the sad moments like not being able to hug your grandma, foregoing your favorite yearly traditions, or making a Christmas Eve dinner for one, and it’s easy to start letting stress take over your life. So my only health goal this month? Restoration, relaxation, and stress reduction. After all, I believe the only point of physical health is for mental health; eating nourishing foods and moving our bodies are simply tools to help us live the happiest lives possible. Here’s how I’m rethinking all of my healthy habits in every area of my life to focus on reducing stress:
Source: @jesskeys_
With exercise: trying stress-relieving yoga challenges
Listen, I love a good HIIT class or sculpt session as much as the next girl. But “health” does not mean working out hard every single day; it means finding balance, depending on what your body needs. My body needs stress relief and relaxation this month, and exercise is no exception. Since I still love a good “challenge,” I’m embarking on Obé Fitness’s Yoga Deep Dive as my form of movement. This 15-day program explores yoga’s most foundational practices while helping you gain new tools to improve your flow. It will basically be like taking a mini retreat in between work meetings, so sign me up! Yoga based on stress reduction will help me find balance and grounding through an extremely stressful month, while the “challenge” aspect will keep me focused and motivated to prioritize myself.
Use promo code “TEG50” to get 50% off your first month of Obé Fitness.
With diet: eating intuitively
Even if you think diet rules like “no sugar” or “no processed food” is healthy for you, restrictions are stressful. Period. While I like to think I’ve ditched outdated food rules years ago, I still stick to a plant-based diet and prefer to feed my body with whole foods from the Earth that make me feel good. The problem with this is that when it’s time for holiday dinners and festive goodies, believing that you need to stick to any one diet or way of eating can cause guilt, and guilt will cause stress.
Instead of sticking to my plant-based way of eating 24/7, I know that since I nourish my body with fruits and vegetables most of the time, sugar cookies or Christmas Eve fettuccine alfredo won’t do any harm to my body. There’s plenty of room for mindful indulgences, even in a healthy diet. I will consistently check in to identify what my body truly needs: am I feeling sluggish and need some more veggies to nourish, or will I enjoy this slice of pumpkin pie? Forget eating for perfection; I’ll be eating with the #1 priority of self-compassion.
Source: @gabbywhiten
With morning and evening routines: making extra time for myself (whatever that means)
I live for a morning and evening routine. I love a warm cup of lemon water and gratitude journaling in the a.m., and I look forward to evening stretches, skincare, and meditation all day long. However, routines feel more difficult to fit in during the holidays (or any other busy time). My clients often come to me around this time of year, frustrated that they didn’t make time for a morning meditation or that they binged Netflix instead of taking a bath. My answer? The goal of a routine (or any self-care practice) is not to check items that you’re “supposed” to do off of a list. Instead, the goal is to do something that makes you feel good, whatever that looks like to you, and for however long you can.
Sure, I love an entire hour for a wind-down routine, but some nights, it looks more like five minutes of sitting alone and reading my favorite book before bed without even washing my face. And guess what: that’s OK. In other words, morning and evening routines should not feel like something else to check off your to-do list or another chore on the calendar. Instead, it should feel easy and something to look forward to. Make time for yourself every morning and night, but be OK if what that time looks like changes.
With work: prioritizing self-compassion and enjoyment
At this time of year, we’re having end-of-year reviews and setting goals for next year. You probably have a long to-do list of what needs to get done before holiday break or are working long hours to set your business up for success in 2021. I find that I put the most pressure on myself during this season: I want to make myself proud of how the year went, but also want to feel ahead in the new year. While ambition and hard work are great, putting pressure on yourself makes you forget to prioritize yourself. I actually can be more productive and successful overall in my work life if I allow myself to take breaks, am strict with cut-off times, and remember that the point of life is to enjoy it (that means in your career too!). This month, I’m responding to what I can’t accomplish with self-compassion and spending more time on the jobs that don’t even feel like work (like client sessions or writing articles like this one).
Source: @kayla_seah
With holiday activities: finding balance between alone time and time with loved ones
Through seasons of Christmas past, I tried to fit in everything: holiday parties, gift exchanges, happy hours, limitless shopping trips. “Balance” was the last thing on my mind, and “alone time” felt more like a far-off memory than a priority. This year, of course, I am indulging in and enjoying the family traditions (although they look a little different in 2020). However, instead of doing it all, my goal is to find a balance between family time and making time for myself to decompress and relax.
If you are spending the holidays with family, make sure you’re still fitting in alone time to prioritize yourself. Go on a jog in the morning, take a bath at night, or find any time you can to recharge. If you’re spending the holidays alone, try to schedule a socially-distanced gathering outdoors or a virtual holiday party with your closest friends. Having social events on the calendar will give you something to look forward to, but scheduling it will also ensure you’re spending time with people you love, even if it is virtual or socially distanced. Alone time to prioritize ourselves and time with loved ones to laugh and connect are equally important, so focus on finding the balance of both, depending on what you need more of.
This post includes a sponsored inclusion of obé, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. More
Whenever I feel overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out, the first thing I do is plan a trip. Traveling has long been my escape, but as we all know, changing scenery has been tricky during the pandemic. After seeing a friend post photos of her trip to Getaway House—a community of socially-distanced cabins 80 miles from Atlanta in Suches, Georgia—I wanted in. I had reached my breaking point, and my anxiety was on at its peak. I just knew escaping for three days was what I needed to reset, especially since the cabin was WiFi-free and the website hinted that cell service could be spotty. To me, that translated to that even if I wanted to work or obsessively check my email, I couldn’t.I packed a few bare necessities and items to induce relaxation like books, a puzzle, sheet masks, a journal, wine, and loads of snacks from Trader Joe’s. If you notice, I didn’t mention my computer. My freelance career has helped me create an unhealthy obsession with work and deadlines, because when I’m not working, I’m not earning an income. Some would call this the scarcity mindset—and they’re right. This mindset has made me a workaholic without any boundaries. Leaving behind my laptop felt like leaving my phone at home. I thought that no WiFi and a boatload of items proven to calm the mind would make relaxing easy.
Boy, was I wrong.
On the first day of my trip, I woke up and went for a walk. Truthfully, because it was so quiet, I was afraid that the boogie man or a bear would get me. But since I have lived to tell this tale, you can see I proved my anxiety wrong and made it back to civilization just fine. After my walk, I committed to spending the day reading a book I’d been carrying in my purse for months. But as I read the words on the page, my mind kept wandering. All I could think about were the emails I must be missing, not to mention that I was having social media withdrawals. My need to check-in felt so urgent that I walked for about 20 minutes and held my phone in the air until I got enough service to check my email.
My relaxing trip was starting to feel like torture. I couldn’t understand why relaxing was so difficult. I mean, shouldn’t it be enough that I took a break? I quickly realized that escaping to new scenery didn’t guarantee relaxation because I don’t make caring for myself in everyday life a priority. Self-care is hard and something to work at daily. A trip can’t change our habits or how we treat ourselves, even if we’re in a space curated for the very reset we so crave.
By day three, I was finally starting to shake the work and social media FOMO. I didn’t worry about capturing the moments for Instagram, and I felt less anxious about not having access to emails and started to get used to the silence. I recently spoke with my therapist about my daily bad habits of checking emails the moment I open my eyes, and she said something so simple but profound: “This means you’re putting the needs of others above your own and not caring for yourself.” I felt that. For the first time, someone had put into words that my habits were indeed unhealthy and in need of tweaking.
Do I still sometimes wake up and check my emails? Yup. Do I let the last-minute requests stress me out at times? Yup. However, there is something that has changed. I recognize that my emotional reactions to these things are mine to change, and that I don’t have to say yes to everything that comes my way if it means busting my boundaries. Self-care and relaxation aren’t just about doing something nice for yourself—like a bubble bath, face mask, or a nice meal—it’s about setting boundaries and creating good habits in your day-to-day life so that when you do have an opportunity to take a well-deserved break and change your scenery, you can actually enjoy it without guilt.
What I’m about to say might be a hot take, but it was an important takeaway from my trip: I don’t have to share every trip I go on—well, at least in real-time. Take photos because you want to, not for likes. I understand what I’m saying could be perceived as coming from a judgmental place, but it’s not. I am learning to adopt this mindset because my work intertwines with social media. I sometimes find it challenging to turn that creative part of me off, but it’s essential.
Find a way to shift how you relax that works for your lifestyle.
It’s the little changes to your life that can make a big impact. When I want to relax and notice myself multitasking or mindlessly scrolling social media, I put my phone in another room and allow myself to be in the moment with limited distractions. Find a way to shift how you relax that works for your lifestyle. I promise you, it makes a difference. More
Winter is not typically our healthiest season of the year; we’re eating Christmas cookies more often than vegetables, staying in pajamas all day, and stressed out 24/7 (thanks to endless gift shopping, triggering relatives at holiday events, and busy work schedules). It’s safe to say that New Year’s resolutions are typically a cry for help after a holiday season of bottomless eggnog and weather-induced laziness. But just because your fridge is stocked with pumpkin pie leftovers and it’s too cold to go on a run does not mean that you can’t prioritize your health until spring.Studying ancient belief systems in college (who says I wouldn’t put my Religious Studies major to good use!?) helped me realize that we can learn a lot about our bodies and how to keep them healthy from other cultures, time periods, and philosophies. During times like winter, when motivation and healthy habits fade, I turn to Ayurveda to help keep me healthy, and there are many tips that could help you stay healthy too (yes, even if you’ve already drank your weight in hot chocolate and PSLs).
Source: @crystalinmarie
What is Ayurveda?
In technical terms, Ayurveda is one of the world’s oldest systems of medicine. In Sanskrit, ayur means “life,” and veda means “knowledge,” so the word itself literally means the knowledge of life. It was developed over 3,000 years ago in India and is still widely practiced all over the world today. AKA it’s some of the original holistic medicine. To briefly summarize for the sake of this article (but like, how do you fit 3,000 years into 1,500 words!?), Ayurveda teaches that every person consists of different proportions of the three governing principles of nature: vata (air), pitta (fire), and kapha (earth).
But it’s not only humans who hold a particular dosha; seasons are also closely linked to doshas, and our needs change based on time of year and the weather outside. In winter, the body and mind require different things than they do in the summer or spring. By balancing your diet and lifestyle with the seasons, you’re setting yourself up for optimal health all year long. What I love most about Ayurveda is that it serves as a reminder to stay connected to nature because human beings are nature.
Thanks to busy workdays and modern technology, we can have any food we want when we want it, stay awake even long after the sun sets, and sometimes go days without sunshine or fresh air. But our bodies are meant to be in alignment with nature, not our work schedules. There are many Ayurvedic practices I love for staying healthy through the season, but the overall idea is that the body and mind achieve optimal health when operating in tune with nature. Here are seven health tips I learned from Ayurveda that can help you stay healthy through winter:
Source: @missenocha
1. Eat for the season
Ayurveda not only teaches eating for your dosha type, but it teaches eating for the season you’re in. “In the colder months, our bodies change along with the weather,” said Sahara Rose, Ayurvedic Practitioner, Best-Selling Author, and Host of The Higher Self Podcast. “The temperature cools down and the air dries out, so our bodies follow suit. We begin taking on more qualities of the Vata dosha, comprised of air and space energy. This is why we begin craving pumpkin spice, cozy teas, and butternut squash soup. Our bodies require more grounding and warming foods to counterbalance Vata’s cold and dry energy. Root vegetables are grown under the ground, so they have the most warming qualities.”
Basically, indulge in whatever is opposite of the season to balance out the effects of the weather. For winter, that means eating warm foods with hearty in-season vegetables like carrots, cauliflower, and turnips. Take a break from raw salads or cold sandwiches and opt for nourishing soups, stews, or bowls. Besides just the temperature, also be mindful of the humidity in your area. Some geographical areas (or even some days) are wet (snow, rain, etc.), while some are dry (leaves falling off of trees, lack of humidity that causes dry skin, etc.). If it’s raining or snowing, eat more dry foods like roasted vegetables or nuts and seeds. If the weather feels very dry, load up on soups and stews.
2. Get more rest
Animals hibernate during winter, so it’s no surprise that we’re more inclined to focus on rest too. Increased darkness and earlier sunsets are obvious signs that the body needs more sleep this time of year, so try to limit the late-night Christmas movie binges and keep up with an earlier bedtime that aligns with the earlier sunset (you know you’re tired by 5 p.m., anyway!). No, you don’t have to get ready for bed at 4:30 p.m. when it starts getting dark (although that sounds nice, doesn’t it?). Instead, focus on starting your wind-down routine 30 minutes or an hour earlier than you usually do.
Meditation is another important Ayurvedic practice year-round, but take extra time during winter to turn inward, sit in stillness, and indulge in more quiet time, like the mental version of hibernation (back to that mirroring nature thing!). “Meditation is important for all the doshas, all year long, but it’s especially important this time of year as we re-focus goals and set intentions,” said Larissa Hall Carlson, co-leader of Yoga Journal’s course, “Ayurveda 101,” and previously the dean of Kripalu’s School of Ayurveda.
Source: @yunah.lee
3. Load up on herbs
Ayurveda says that digestive fire (or agni) is strongest during winter, which is why we typically eat more than we would in the summer (well, that and holiday party leftovers). Spices like cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, nutmeg, and black pepper not only help keep up that digestive fire, but are also thought to warm the body, which we could all use a little more of during the cold winter months. While these warming herbs are crucial year-round (especially depending on your dosha), they are extra beneficial and necessary from November until spring. Add cinnamon and nutmeg to your coffee, sip on ginger tea throughout the day, and sprinkle turmeric or black pepper into soups, curries, and sauces.
4. Wake up earlier
Ayurveda teaches a daily routine called Dinacharya that determines when is best to do certain activities throughout the day, based on both personal dosha and what doshas are associated with times of day (yes, even times of day have doshas). Since it starts getting lighter earlier this time of year, Ayurveda suggests that–you guessed it!–you mirror nature and wake up when the sun rises.
“While it’s easy to stay in bed because it’s cold and dark out, hitting snooze is what gets us into winter funks,” explained Tiffany Chen, an Ayurvedic Health Counselor. “It’s important to rise before the sun to give ourselves plenty of time to get our morning routines in so that we set ourselves up for success.” Instead of jumping into work or exercise, fit in a peaceful morning routine that will help you feel centered, calm, and ready for the day. If you want to go all out for bonus points, try tongue scraping and/or oil pulling first thing in the morning to help the body get rid of toxins.
5. Drink wisely
Sorry, iced coffee drinkers: Ayurveda recommends drinking only warm liquids whenever possible through the entire season. Warm liquids will not only physically warm the body during cold weather, but they can help the body digest food properly (AKA the best reason ever to have a Hot Toddy). Drink warm water with lemon first thing in the morning, sip on hot tea throughout the day (like green tea in the morning if you want some caffeine and chamomile or ginger in the afternoon), and avoid drinking anything straight out of the fridge. If you are drinking a liquid that you wouldn’t drink warm like a green juice or wine (whatever floats your boat!), resist drinking straight out of the fridge, and let the liquid get to room temperature. You probably already know this, but winter is not the season for frappuccinos.
Source: @devyn.p.miller
6. Fit in movement everyday
Since winter is a kapha-heavy season, we’re more prone to feeling lethargic. To counteract a lack of energy, fit in frequent movement throughout the day, whether it’s stretching or yoga flows. In Ayurveda, walking is the ideal exercise since it is considered tri-doshic, meaning that no matter your dosha type, walking will help balance your body and mind. As a bonus, walking after meals helps to aid in digestion, so it’s especially important to walk after the heaviest meal of the day (which Ayurveda recommends making lunchtime, but if you’re like most Americans in the 21st century, it’s probably dinner).
Plus, there’s more benefits than just counteracting seasonal lethargy. “Daily movement is important to stimulate the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is imperative in the functioning of our immune system, and it does not inherently have pumps to move its contents,” Chen said. “The two things that move lymphatic fluid is daily movement and warm oiled self-massage” (more on self-massage below). Since needs are different for every body and dosha type, the bottom line is to listen to your body: if you’re feeling exhausted, go for vata-balancing exercises like walking, stretching, or gentle yoga. If you’re feeling lazy or lethargic, then balance out kapha with more energizing practices like jogging or dancing.
7. Try self-massage
Good news if you haven’t seen your masseuse since the stay-at-home order started in March: self-massage is not just a self-care activity in Ayurveda; it’s an essential healing practice. Abyanga (or Abhyanga), or self-massage, is a form of medicine that involves massaging the body with dosha-specific warm oil. You know that massage boosts relaxation and hydration of the skin (thank you, massage oil!), but Ayurveda sees massage as a form of medicine because of its belief that warm oil massage can improve circulation, body strength, lubrication of internal organs, sleep, and overall health. “A daily Abyanga practice restores the balance of the doshas and enhances well-being and longevity,” Sandhiya Ramaswamy, an Ayurvedic practitioner, educator, and chef, wrote for Chopra.
To practice for yourself, heat sesame oil (which is considered the best oil for winter since it’s warming to the body) between the palms of your hands. Ramaswamy recommended applying oil first to the crown of your head and massaging down to your feet. Sit with the oil for 5-15 minutes so that the oil can absorb and penetrate into the deeper layers of the body, and then enjoy a warm bath or shower. Now that’s medicine we can get behind.
Which of these tips from Ayurveda would you incorporate into your winter self-care routine? More
One of the first things my husband and I bonded over when we met was that as children we both had a peculiar habit. While playing video games, we both refused to spend any of the “money” we earned while playing. Even if the video game currency was there to help win the game or unlock special features, we held onto our virtual cash. We were fun children.We met very young, and for many years, our spending habits were in sync. As cash-strapped college students, we worked hard and we saved our money for a rainy day. We never knew when we would need money to help pay for school, cars, or living expenses, so we didn’t spend any of it. Our idea of a wild Friday night was a Blockbuster movie on the couch. (That gives you an idea of how long ago we met.) Why the movie love? We could afford to go out to dinner, but we were more comfortable not spending the money. We had a financial routine and it worked well. But when you least expect it, life throws you a curveball.
When the friction started
For over five years, we were in perfect financial harmony. But a funny thing happened: we grew up. And we grew in different, albeit both good, directions. He started graduate school and I jumped right into the working world. His grad school stipend paid his bills and left a little money to add to savings every month. I wasn’t bringing in the big bucks, but my entry-level salary felt hefty compared to what I was making babysitting in college. Within a few months, I began freelance writing on the side and had even more cashflow coming in.
I was working 60 hour weeks and I was ready to treat myself. The occasional happy hour here, a new blouse there. As my income rose, so did my spending habits. I was never spending more than I could afford to and I was saving money every month. But I can see how from my husband’s perspective it felt like my spending habits were changing drastically.
To this day, I consider myself to be thrifty. I only buy clothing on sale (and rarely at that). I don’t spend money on entertainment like Netflix or concerts, and I skip pricey beauty treatments like manicures or highlights. But I’m not as thrifty as my husband, which caused some frustrations as we adjusted to our new financial reality.
How we make it work
We still had the same financial goals and saw eye-to-eye on many areas of our financial life. But we knew there were some kinks to iron out if we wanted to live harmoniously.
Finding common ground
One of our biggest recurring money fights revolved around the fact that after college I wanted to travel. I didn’t travel at all during school and worked every spring break, summer, and winter holiday. Because I was making extra money freelancing, it felt like it was my moment to hit the road. Unfortunately, my husband didn’t feel the same way. He was doing his best to get through grad school in one piece, and on a modest stipend. There came a point where we decided that it would be best if I traveled without him (this was before we married). Well long story short, that plan lasted one trip before an opportunity for us to travel together arose. An opportunity that was too good to pass up. And guess who learned he loved to travel, and that it was worth every penny? Yep, you guessed right.
Now that we both know for certain we are passionate about traveling, we never disagree about spending money on a dream trip. We learned from this conflict, that before rejecting any experiences because of the cost, we should be open to trying them first.
Respecting our differences
My frugal husband sure comes in handy sometimes. (Hello, hefty savings account and emergency fund.) But I get frustrated when he is too slow to make a necessary purchase because he’s debating the cost. Even if he knows he is going to buy that new pack of phone chargers, he’ll wait a week or two to wrap his head around the purchase. I don’t hesitate before buying a true necessity. It’s not like I want to spend my hard-earned money on a water filtration pitcher, but what can you do? Now, even if I am itching to cross a purchase off my to-do list, I patiently wait until he is comfortable spending the money. That doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed by this habit at times. But the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t harm anyone and it makes him feel more comfortable.
Planning
Something that makes both of us more comfortable with each other’s financial decisions is planning together. We discuss everything in detail, with no topic off limits. We debate how career choices may affect our finances down the road, think carefully about retirement planning, and we have financial plans for what we will do in an emergency. Keeping each other informed of the financial moves we’re making, whether we approve of the decision or not, means neither of us feel like we’re left in the dark or purposely misled. No secrets and no guilt for us, thank you very much!
Have you ever reconciled financial differences in a romantic relationship? More
The holidays are a time for celebration, family, and an excessive amount of eggnog. For many people, they’re also a time of dread because busy days, holiday meals, and lots and lots of sugar are not necessarily a recipe for health. Maybe you get food-guilt and anxiety about over-indulging, or maybe you feel sick, lethargic, and all-around worse in your body because healthy habits go out the window with the Thanksgiving leftovers. Because the holidays should be merry and bright (not guilt-ridden or lethargic), here are 11 health hacks that will help you feel your very best through every turkey dinner and cup of hot chocolate.PSA: the following list is not intended to be used to “earn” indulgences, “make up for” extra Christmas cookies, or prevent “holiday weight gain.” The holidays should be enjoyed to the fullest, and that includes the foods and traditions you love. You don’t need to earn or make up for; instead, just enjoy. These health hacks are intended to be used in addition to savoring all the wonderful traditions that come this time of year. Instead of resisting, stopping, or shaming, the goal is to help you feel your very best so you can optimally enjoy the most wonderful time of year with the people you love most. Read on for hacks that do exactly that:
Source: Wait, You Need This
1. Set intentions based on what makes you feel good
New routines or a crazy season might mean we forego our regular healthy habits. It’s absolutely OK to pause some of your rituals, workouts, or routines as your daily schedule changes and you’re trying to enjoy the holidays. However, to feel as good as possible, plan ahead by identifying a couple of things that make you feel your very best. Whether it’s getting in a meditation every morning or going for a jog three times a week, identify your non-negotiables and then prioritize them, no matter what. Keeping up with only a couple of crucial rituals and routines will be much more manageable than hoping to keep every habit. More importantly, it will help you feel better throughout the season.
Also, set limits based on how you feel, not what you think you’re supposed to do. For example, limiting yourself to “no dessert” can lead to a deprivation mentality, binge eating, and a negative relationship with food. But if you know that you start feeling nauseous around the second or third Christmas cookie, or eating the entire wheel of brie on the cheese board makes you feel uncomfortably sluggish (I’ve been there), set intentions by enjoying one or two cookies and only as much brie as you’re actually enjoying until you start mindlessly devouring (again, I’ve been there). Know your limits based on how they make your body feel, and set intentions to keep up healthy habits that are important to you.
2. Load up on veggies first
There’s a good reason restaurants offer the salad course first: sure, it’s a lighter course, but it’s also typically the most nutritious (whether or not that is the restaurant’s reasoning, IDK). Even though we’re not eating out, stick to the salad-first mentality to make sure you get the nutrients that make you feel good. If your meal is more buffet-style (or you’re cooking for one and a salad feels excessive), eat the Brussels sprouts side or the sautéed carrots first before diving into the rest of the meal.
It’s actually not better for you to show up to a holiday meal super hungry with your turkey pants on. When we’re starving, we eat quicker, enjoy less mindfully, and over-stuff ourselves, so eat some veggies as a pre-dinner snack. Eating veggies first ensures you can enjoy any foods you want, but you’re still getting in the nutrients your body needs. Plus, you’ll eat less of the stuff that doesn’t make you feel good (because you’ll be filled up by the good-for-you veggies, not from a place of deprivation).
Source: Not Your Standard
3. Get up and move in the morning
It’s all too easy to lay around in pajamas, sip on hot chocolate, and binge Christmas movies until nightfall every day from now until January 1. While that does sound like an ideal day, getting in a little bit of movement can boost energy, motivation, and mental health. Fitting it in first thing in the morning means you won’t have to interrupt your Christmas movie binge to go on a jog or do a yoga flow (and let’s be honest: after a few movies in, the chance of stopping goes way down).
FYI, I do not mean attempting a two-hour HIIT class as a means to make up for what you ate the night before or plan to indulge in that day. That’s not how the body works, and it’s also unnecessary. Go on a run or a do full workout if it makes you feel better and your body is craving movement, but if you’re feeling sluggish and lethargic like the rest of us during holiday break (especially following big meals), a walk or some stretches does the trick. The goal is to prioritize movement to make you feel like your best, happiest self, not as a means for calorie burn.
4. Try healthier versions of your favorite holiday foods
PSA: you don’t have to stick to the exact mashed potatoes recipe you make every year or buy frozen pie crusts instead of DIYing your own. When planning holiday meals, opt for homemade over processed foods (yes, buying from a local bakery or takeout from a healthier restaurant counts for you non-chefs), but also identify where you can add more nutrients into the foods you love. Start by trying these plant-based recipes for every comfort food craving or healthier versions of holiday go-to’s like pumpkin pie and green bean casserole. If you’re not ready to try a new recipe, small swaps will make a difference. For example, replacing conventional butter with organic butter reduces some of the added chemicals and toxins, and adding chopped spinach to a pasta sauce can boost nutrients. Healthy cooking doesn’t have to sacrifice taste, and eating healthier does not have to mean you forego your favorite foods.
Source: Love and Lemons
5. Eat healthy fats
Dry skin woes, rejoice! The perpetual battle between your beauty goals and dry winter climate (read: endless sheet masks, intense oils, and every serum on your skincare shelf) doesn’t have to be so difficult. The one factor in seasonal cracked skin that you may have been missing is what you can be eating to help. Both dermatologist Dr. Whitney Bowe and nutritionist Kimberly Snyder told Coveteur that healthy fats like avocado, omega-3 fatty acids, and coconut oil are essential for skin health and increasing hydration. Brianne Thornton, a registered dietitian, agreed, explaining to U.S. News & World Report that omega-3 fatty acids keep water from escaping the skin. Eat foods like walnuts, chia seeds, flax, and salmon to get your omega-3s and load up on other healthy fats like avocado, olive oil, and nuts and seeds to get a variety of health benefits. Helping dry winter skin will just be a much-welcomed bonus.
6. Drink more water
Speaking of hydration, drinking water seems to be the cure-all for everything, and with good reason. Staying hydrated can improve energy levels, relieve digestive discomfort like constipation, and overall help you feel your best. Just because it’s not hot outside doesn’t mean we need less water, but we often forget to stay hydrated it’s cold out. I get it–you’d rather drink hot chocolate than a glass of good old fashioned water, but your body needs proper hydration to operate at its best. Especially if you’re feeling hungover (whether it’s a food hangover or a real hangover, because they both happen often during this time of year), drink lots of water to ensure your body is hydrated at all times. Try drinking a big glass before your first cup of coffee in the morning and sipping on tea or warm lemon water throughout the day for a hydrating refreshment that will also keep you warm.
Source: @trulyjamie
7. Stick to your regular sleep schedule
I don’t know about you, but a lot of sleep is a given for my holiday breaks. I’m back in my childhood room, I’m wearing cozy AF pajamas, and I don’t have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. for work–the odds of good sleep are very much in my favor. Luckily for my health goals, that extra sleep is not just a perk of a national holiday; it can also help me stay healthy. Getting enough quality sleep is beneficial for many reasons, like improving mood and energy. Plus, sleep can help you make better food decisions. Cravings (especially sugar cravings) can be worsened by lack of sleep, so if you’re not getting a good 7-9 hours, that gingerbread cookie or pumpkin pie could sound a lot more appetizing.
However, during past holiday breaks, those nine hours edge more towards the 1-10 a.m. range as opposed to my typical 10:30 p.m. bedtime. Getting enough quality sleep and sticking to a normal sleep schedule are both important for keeping you healthy. Going to bed and waking up around the same time will improve sleep quality, both now and after the holidays. Some studies have shown that irregular sleep schedules can lead to poor sleep quality, fatigue, poor eating habits, and lack of energy that can take time to reverse. Go to bed and waking up as close to the same time as you usually do and get 7-9 hours every night for peak health. Bottom line: the holidays are a time of laughter and family, but also use them as a time to rest and restore.
Source: @mylittlebooktique
8. Find balance with alone time and socializing
I know I sound like a broken Andy Williams record saying that this year is different (you get it: 2020 is weird), but you probably don’t have the same overbooked season of holiday parties, family gatherings, and gift exchanges you typically do. If you are spending the holidays with family, make sure you’re still fitting in alone time to prioritize yourself. Go on a jog in the morning, take a bath at night, or find any time you can to recharge.
If you’re spending the holidays alone, try to schedule a socially-distanced gathering outdoors or a virtual holiday party with your closest friends. Having social events on the calendar will give you something to look forward to, but scheduling it will also ensure you’re spending time with people you love, even if it is virtual or socially distanced. Alone time to prioritize ourselves and time with loved ones to laugh and connect are equally important, so focus this year on finding the balance of both, depending on what you need more of.
9. Make new (outdoor) traditions
2020 is the year of new traditions. While we’re foregoing traditions like holiday parties or in-person shopping this year, it also allows us to start new traditions that are not only good for the soul, but good for the body too. As the temperatures drop, you may be less inclined to spend your time in the great outdoors, but there’s a reason that so many holiday classics mention “snow,” right? (Let it Snow, Baby It’s Cold Outside, White Christmas… need I say more?). Taking advantage of the winter weather can not only bring fun new traditions, but can be good for your health. For example, bundle up and take a socially-distanced walk with friends or family, go ice skating at your local rink, or grab snow boots and play in the snow with your younger cousins or siblings. You’ll get your body moving without even thinking about it (and isn’t that the best kind of hack!?).
Source: @theyusufs
10. Listen to your body during meals
Frequently check in with yourself during meals to identify what your body wants and needs. Maybe you’re not hungry, but you would enjoy every bite of a slice of pumpkin pie because it’s your favorite holiday dessert, or maybe you realize your digestion is feeling off and you haven’t had enough veggies that day. Notice when you start feeling satisfied and are no longer enjoying each bite to know when to stop, rather than mindlessly eating until you’re uncomfortably stuffed. Aim for a balance of favorite holiday foods and nutrients that will make your body its best; yes, it is that simple. When we’re in-tune with our bodies’ needs, we eat until we’re satisfied (not stuffed) and crave a mixture of energizing nutrients and less nutritious foods we’ll enjoy every bite of (rather than mindlessly gobble down).
11. Know that health is more than diet and exercise
If you’re still under the impression that one meal (or a few holidays) can drastically affect your body long-term, you should also know that health is not a two-part formula of diet plus exercise. The podcasts we listen to, the people we spend our time with, the shows we binge on Netflix, the accounts we follow on Instagram, the way we speak to ourselves (and others) are all things that feed us too. If you’re not as focused on the ways you’re being fed and nourished besides the food on your plate or the ways you’re burning energy besides exercise, you’re missing key pieces of the puzzle. Bottom line: you could eat whatever you wanted and not work out once, and still have lots of opportunities to nourish yourself. Focus on how your relationships nourish you, the compassion you’re giving yourself, and how you’re spending your free time to truly become your healthiest self.
Let us know–what healthy habits do you take into the holidays? More
Over the course of the COVID-19 pandemic, we have seen a wide array of trends come, go, and circle back
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