Raphael Stevens

More stories

  • 75 Shares

    in beauty and fashion

    The Best Transitional Pieces From H&M

    I’d argue that there’s no season that the general population rushes toward more than fall. Once July comes to a close, it feels like fall could pop up and wrap us in its chilly, glorious arms any second—but really, that’s hardly the case.The weeks leading up until it’s officially parka season are crucial; there’s only so much time we have to head outside wearing jeans and a light jacket, so we need to do it when it’s possible. To make the most of the season, transitional clothes are here to save the day. From airy but fall-appropriate dresses to jackets made for temps in the high 60s, these are the best transitional fall pieces from H&M.

      More

  • 150 Shares

    in health and weelbeing

    Daytime Routine: How I Stay Productive, Happy, and Healthy During the Day

    I’ll be the first to admit that working-from-home is not my strong suit. I live in a 300 sq. ft. box, get distracted easily, and have way too much to say during the day to be alone (and it is way too easy for my coworkers to ignore my hilarious messages all day long). It has also been hard for me to stay healthy (my fridge is just so close) and active while I’m home all day. But we’re on month #5 with months to go, and I’ve somehow figured out how to manage doing something I hated.We often discuss nighttime and morning routines here, but now that I do basically the same thing every single day, it was high time I started a routine for during the day too. I wanted something that I could loosely follow every day to create some healthy, productive habits while also not absolutely hating my life all day long. Am I the most productive person ever? Absolutely not. There are days when I look at the clock at 2:30pm and realize I’ve ticked off nothing from my to-do list. But I’ve noticed these simple steps have helped me stay on track throughout the day with work and make my evenings a lot better too! Here are a few things I’ve implemented into my day that have made going through the motions of stay-at-home life a little easier. 

    Do chores
    As you can tell, I basically do anything I can to add little breaks in my day. Sitting at my desk and cranking out a ton of work for eight hours a day just isn’t feasible for me; I have to keep myself excited by working toward breaks and timing myself. One way I build that into my day is by doing chores. I’ll tell myself I’ll write for 45 minutes uninterrupted, and then I’ll wash the dishes. I am not normally one who looks forward to chores in any capacity, but knowing that I’ll be able to get up and listen to music and do something else for a little bit of time keeps me moving, regardless of the task I’m convincing myself is fun to do. 

    currently reading The Right Swipe by Alisha Rai!

    Take a full lunch break
    When I was working in an office, I almost never took my entire lunch break. I would work through lunch to keep my productivity up. But even on my busiest days now, I make a point to give myself that full hour-long break every single day. It’s not much, but it’s the oomph I need to keep going throughout the day. Some days I’ll go outside and read, and others I’ll go for a walk. Sometimes, I honestly just watch TV. But I make sure to close my computer and do something else.

    Make lunch
    Now that I’m at home, it’s rare that I fully meal prep a lunch to go straight into the microwave. I might cook all of my ground turkey or chicken breast on Sunday, but that’s about it. While prepping your entire meal might help a lot of people, I find that taking the time to prepare lunch is a good break in my day. Some of my favorite lunches to make include salad with some kind of protein (I always buy the salad mixes at the grocery store and add extra veggies and protein), sandwiches, bowls, and more. 

    These leggings are from Girlfriend Collective—they’re made from recycled water bottles, go up to a 5X, and have a secret pocket for my keys. I own in two colors, and I’m obsessed!

    Workout/Go for the walk
    I won’t lie and say I get a workout in every single day (LOL, most days is even a stretch), but simply walking anywhere is something I try to accomplish every day (at least when my day isn’t an intentional Saturday binge-watching Selling Sunset, of course). I’ll try to take my lunch break or a short coffee break to go for a walk around my neighborhood. Or if I know I need to go to the grocery store or pick something up for dinner, I’ll walk a little farther just to get some more steps in.
    When I first switched to full-time WFH, I was getting maybe 2,000 steps a day, and if you’re someone who tracks their steps, you’ll know that is basically nothing. I had a hard time feeling like I could be productive all day long and move my body. Adding a couple of different walks throughout the day made it a lot easier, and I’ve even noticed that I sleep better and feel less drained at the end of the workday. 
    If I’m working out, it’s almost always on my lunch break and includes either an Obé Fitness workout or something from YouTube! I’m obsessed with MadFit’s dance workouts (this One Direction one gave me life), and POPSUGAR Fitness is also great for HIIT and barre workouts. I am still getting back in the habit of working out (I am a big “paying for a gym and having to walk somewhere motivates me to workout” person; I have little to no motivation to workout at home), but it helps to have a few workouts on hand that I know I enjoy.

    Prioritize to-do lists
    I make a to-do list every morning (sometimes the night before!), but I get to a point in my day where I have to prioritize what gets done and when. I’ll message my supervisors or anyone who’s waiting on something from me to ask if they need anything ASAP or let them know that I might get to something later in the day. While this maybe helps them, it’s more about keeping myself productive throughout the day and holding myself accountable. At home, it’s easy to say I’ll work on a project at 3pm, and then find myself invested in pop culture drama once 3pm rolls around with no end in sight. By telling someone I’ll have something to them at a certain time, I know I have to get it done. 
    Once I’ve done this, I’ll go through my to-do list and schedule when I’ll do them and what needs to get done versus what I’ll work on next. My to-do lists tend to get pretty lofty, which is likely a nightmare for anyone with perfectionist tendencies, but it actually keeps me motivated so I can have more time at the end of my day to get more done. But I make sure to mark which need to get done first by using the ABC system. A tasks need to get done immediately, B tasks should get done today but can be pushed, and C tasks are extras in case I have time. I used this before working-from-home, but it’s especially helpful now that my to-do list now contains random life tasks that I can now do during the day (is this my silver lining to WFH? perhaps). More

  • 125 Shares

    in lifestyle and culture

    Emirates expects to resume all flights by summer next year

    As flight numbers continue to increase, a sense of normality is returning to the travel industry amidst the COVID-19 pandemic.
    So much so, that Dubai-based airline Emirates is aiming to return to its full flight capacity by summer 2021.

    In a recent interview with CNBC, the airline’s chief operating officer, Adel Al Redha, revealed that Emirates’ full pre-COVID flight numbers should return by next year.
    “I think we can easily say by summer 2021, we will be serving 100 per cent of our network destinations, that means 143 destinations will be served by summer 2021,” he said.

    “Obviously, the frequency of flights per day will depend on the demand and some of the restrictions.”

    .@Emirates Chief Operating Officer Adel al Redha tells @CNBC that the airline aims to serve 100% of its network destinations by summer 2021. pic.twitter.com/qjlnZTLwWx
    — Dubai Media Office (@DXBMediaOffice) August 20, 2020

    While Al Redha admitted that he didn’t think the “worst was behind us”, he noted the “positive trend” that has been occurring for the airline. As of next month, flights to 75 destinations will have recommenced for Emirates.
    “If I compare our performance now with a month ago, we have almost doubled the number of passengers we have been carrying onboard our aircraft, as transit or terminating in Dubai,” he said.
    In order to ensure the safety of both their employees and passengers, the Dubai-based airline has implemented a number of measures including full PPE being worn by crew, sanitising packs being given out to all travellers and passengers must wear masks and gloves during transit.
    Similarly, those who are flying into Dubai, whether as a tourist, resident, or connecting passenger, you need to undergo a COVID-19 test within 96 hours of travelling.
    Those coming from these 29 countries will need to have an additional test done upon landing in Dubai and self-isolate until they receive their results.
    Emirates can also assist residence visa holders with acquiring the General Directorate of Residency and Foreign Affairs (GDRFA) before booking their flight back.
    Children under the age of 12 or with moderate to severe disabilities are exempt from PCR testing.
    Keep an eye on the Emirates website for more helpful information, including a recent announcement that the airline is now offering free cover for COVID-19 medical costs.
    – For more about Dubai’s lifestyle, news and fashion scene follow Emirates Woman on Facebook and Instagram
    Feature Image: RIMOWA Instagram More

  • 88 Shares

    in beauty and fashion

    Target’s Opalhouse Collection Is a Bohemian Dream

    If I’m being honest, a large majority of the home decor and furniture pieces in my little studio apartment are thrifted—ya girl is balling on a budget, OK? However, when I do shop for home decor, there is one place I look to more than anywhere else: Target. I could wander the home decor section of Target (with my mask on, of course) for hours and not get bored. It gives me a burst of serotonin that few other things do. Target has a few main home decor lines, and all are truly amazing. Some people love Chip and Joanna’s Hearth & Hand collection, some are fans of the classic nature of Threshold, and some look for the sleek modernity of Project 62. For me, however, I find myself buying from and drooling over one line over and over again: Opalhouse. It’s bohemian and colorful yet still rooted in neutrals and full of texture. 
    There are a ton of amazing pieces in the Opalhouse collection right now, so scroll on for the items that you’re going to want to add to your cart ASAP:

      More

  • 150 Shares

    in beauty and fashion

    If You Love Meghan Markle’s Style, Here’s What to Buy For Fall

    In a pre-COVID world, we could get style inspiration from celebrities every single day. Shots of their street style and event looks would bombard us day in and day out, leaving us with endless style ideas–but now? Now we’re left with the mere ideas of them.Luckily for us, some celebrity’s signature styles are engrained in our minds, and one of our favorites is—to no one’s surprise—Meghan Markle. We’ve been raving about her classic style since she stepped onto the scene, and while we might not know exactly what she’s wearing for fall 2020, well, we can make some pretty good educated guesses.
    If you’re a fan of Meghan Markle’s style, these fall fashion picks are screaming your name:

      More

  • 100 Shares

    in health and weelbeing

    5 Ways to Handle Feeling Overwhelmed and Unmotivated

    I don’t know if it’s COVID-19, hormones, or maybe the stars, but I feel like I’m going through a “mid-life” crisis—if there is such a thing at 32. Currently, I’m back in my hometown, living at my friends’ home, unemployed, and contemplating a career change during a pandemic. Most days, I’m fine but then there are many days where I feel like WTF. I’m generally a confident, well-put-together person, but this pandemic has enlivened me in some ways and caused me to feel deeply insecure in others. I’m unemployed, uninsured, and unsure about which direction my life is going. Some days my anxiety overwhelms me, and I spiral into an emotional, irrational frenzy. Typically, this frenzy leaves me feeling unproductive and unmotivated. It’s so easy to see all that is wrong instead everything that is going right. This time off work has allowed me to strengthen relationships, return to my creativity, open a business, destress, and honestly examine if my current career is something I really want to do. I’m learning to trust the process and recognizing these moments of uncertainty will become clear as I continue on my journey. In the two months I’ve been out of work, I’ve learned how to better handle my stress by doing a few things to bring me back to center and get my head out of the clouds. 

    1. I allow myself to feel my feelings.
    I don’t focus on trying to make myself feel better. I sit with my feelings, whether positive or negative, and examine where those feelings come from. Are these feelings rooted in reality, or have I allowed my imagination to get the best of me? What are realistic, healthy ways to move myself from a negative to a positive space, in a healthy way, while still affirming the validity of sadder emotions? I do a lot of this emotional processing through journaling. I love to write my feelings out. Journaling allows me to fully express myself while simultaneously documenting the moment. I usually journal when I’m feeling especially frustrated, angry, or sad. Journaling helps me identify my emotions and process them. I just sit there with my journal and write. Sometimes I write for five minutes. Sometimes I write for a couple of hours. However long, I don’t stop until I’m “done.” Journaling helps me chart my progress. I can always look back to see how far I’ve come or where I’m stagnant. 

    2. I surround myself with people who support me.
    My family and friends are the best. Since being in this weird space, none of them have ever made me feel low because I’m not working. They fully support me in my creative endeavors and are glad to see me operate with some passion. They uplift and affirm me when I’m feeling down, and hey help me pull myself out of overwhelmed places by reminding me I am accomplished and capable. I live with my family now, so it makes it easier to access them. Some of my friends are available through text and calls. I make sure to connect in any way possible. I also make sure to be honest with them about my feelings, fears, or issues. In order to be supported in the way I need, I feel I have to be honest with them about my highs, as well as my lows. They’ve seen me through everything.

    3. I rest.
    For many, rest is a radical concept. I don’t know about you, but I always feel such an internal pressure to be productive. Honestly, I feel guilty for resting because there is always more to be done. With so many things unchecked on my to-do list, I feel like I don’t deserve rest, but I’m learning rest is necessary and well-deserved. When I need rest, I force myself to take it. I create and enforce a boundary with myself by declaring the day as a non-work day. I’ve worked since I was 16. I’ve been a Masters level Social Worker in a few of the busiest emergency departments for the last four years. I’ve done a lot of hard work, loved on a lot of people, and I deserve this time just for me. For all the mental, emotional, and physical labor I have done, I deserve to rejuvenate. Rest feels foreign, but that in and of itself is problematic.
    I take off the pressure of productivity by finally allowing myself the space and time I need to relax knowing it’s for my good. I’ve forced myself to be productive when I was burned out and exhausted, and my work suffered because of it. Resting allows me to take a break, then come back happier, clearer, and generally more excited. Some days rest looks like being a couch potato while other days it looks like a fun day out with friends. Rest looks different for each of us, but as long as you’re rejuvenated afterward that’s all that matters. 

    4. I have fun.
    Yes, we’re in a pandemic, and “outside” is sort of closed, but that doesn’t mean life has to be boring. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, that means I’m off balance. I try to find things that will bring me some sense of joy. It could be something as simple as potting new plants, doing some sort of arts and crafts, or dancing to a bomb playlist. This will be different for each person, but the point is to do something that brings you joy. Do something that, even if for the moment, shifts the atmosphere and likely your attitude right along with it. Do something that is not a chore. 

    5. I sought professional help.
    Yes! That’s right … I’m in therapy. Therapy not only helps me to sort out what’s happening currently, but it’s also helping me process my past and how that affects me now. Therapy has been a godsend, especially since I’m uninsured right now. I found my therapist through a site called Open Path that my friend, Zee, told me about last year. Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a nonprofit organization that “serves clients who lack health insurance or whose health insurance doesn’t provide adequate mental health benefits. These clients also cannot afford current market rates for therapy (between $80-200 a session).” Open Path helps “members access their choice of affordable in-person care from a vetted mental health professional.” You have to pay a one-time membership fee, but after that your therapy is between $30-$60 per session, depending on the provider. I picked my therapist from a list of available therapists in my area. I’d never met her before, but I felt comfortable from the first day. We’re doing telehealth appointments due to COVID, but I still find it effective.
    My therapist is helping me reframe some of my ideologies and shift my paradigm into a much healthier space. This has been particularly helpful when it comes to feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated. Therapy is helping me realize I’ve been in uncertain times before, and I prevailed then just as I will now. 

    Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s good to fully feel your feelings, but it’s not OK to stay in an unhealthy space for long. The world is weird right now and that is having a trickle-down effect on a lot of us. Take care of yourself. Find some ways to still enjoy life. Sometimes our circumstances can get the best of us, but it’s still very important to find some ways to move from an unhealthy space into a healthier one. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something to ensure you are healthy and hopeful. Be gracious with yourself and remember you are doing the best you can.  More

  • 113 Shares

    in health and weelbeing

    The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram

    The first thing you’ll ever hear about sex is that there are tons of positions and that people get themselves into all kinds of weird ones. Remember thinking that sexual Twister was a thing? There are books and articles and lists abound about hundreds of sex positions to try, but I’d be remiss to say that almost everyone I speak to says they stick to a select few with their partner and that’s about it. No shame in your game—if you and your partner are big Doggy Style people (love that for you), stick to it. But if you’re ready to try something new, these are a few intriguing new positions to try all based on your Enneagram type. 

    Tabletop
    Don’t tell me you aren’t turned on a little bit by the chaos and disorder of the classic “remove everything from the countertop in one fail swoop” movie move. It’s OK to admit chaos kinda gets you excited, one! *WINK* As much as you love order and organization, ones like to get out of their usual when it comes to sex. This tabletop position allows you to try that without throwing all of your important documents on the floor. Make a space on a countertop, desk, table, bed—get creative here, anything that’s the height of your partner’s crotch works—and allow your partner to penetrate or orally stimulate you as you lay on your back. 

    Seated Wheelbarrow
    Twos probably have some of the best sex lives not going to lie. They’re really thoughtful and caring, so they probably have their partner’s favorite positions and sexual routines down pat. To spice things up a little bit, try this position. The wheelbarrow position often requires a lot of balance and coordination, which I wouldn’t be surprised if many twos out there have! But this one makes it a little more accessible without sacrificing the pleasure. Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or couch, place your butt on their lap with your legs behind their body, and place your hands on the floor. They’ll probably need to hold onto your thighs to keep you stable, but this position is great for both parties to get active. 

    Laying Down
    Threes like their sex to be efficient and valuable for both parties. If they’re not getting off, you best believe they’re not interested, which makes this position perfect for them. Lay down on your stomach with your legs together and your hips slightly raised as your partner penetrates on top of you. If you get off from penetration, this one is great because it keeps your legs together so there’s more friction. But this position is amazing for clitoral stimulation because you can easily reach down and touch yourself while your partner penetrates you. It’s basically a two-for-one deal, AKA a threes in heaven.

    Doggy-Style Oral Sex
    Fours are pretty kinky in the bedroom because they know it’s a time to get out of their head and just have fun. Instead of your usual oral sex though, try this position. Just as you would get into doggy style (on all fours) for penetration, allow your partner to give you oral from the back. For one, it’s a comfortable position, so there’s that. But it also allows your partner to get into places they wouldn’t normally. If they had fingers or toys vaginally, this angle has a much easier time getting to your G-spot. Also, you’re able to touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth. H-O-T. 
    This is also a good segue into oral anal sex, which can be a great addition to your oral pleasure repertoire. 

    Cowboy
    The curiosity of a five makes finding new sex positions pretty easy. They’re not one to turn something down; they’re always intrigued by a new idea. Not to mention, a five will do basically anything for research. So, next time, put Cowboy to the test. While traditional Cowgirl position involves one partner laying down and the other straddling them through penetration, Cowboy is the flip side. The one who is penetrating is on top instead. They straddle you and enter from the top. The G-spot potential is very high, and it really allows your partner to use their fingers to stimulate you at the same time. Is it better than Cowgirl? Try it a couple times for the “data.” 😉 

    Knees Together
    Sixes can get into a routine easily, but they’re always excited to try something new when it arises. In usual six fashion, they love sex for the relaxation and stress-relief it provides at the end of their day. So why not add a little yoga into it? You know the Happy Baby yoga pose? This is that except part your thighs enough for your partner to have access to all your bits and bobs. They’ll get a glimpse of everything (hot), and you’ll get quite the stretch in. This position is also really great for oral sex too.

    Corkscrew
    A seven’s sex life is bound to be fun, as they rarely want to indulge in the same position twice. Keep this one in mind next time. The corkscrew involves one person lying down on their side with their back facing the other person while their partner is standing and penetrating them sideways (this is hard to explain, but you see the pretty picture up there). What’s fun for sevens with this position is it allows them to get involved too. Moving your hips slightly or matching your partner’s thrust allows you to up the ante—a job you very much enjoy. 

    Reverse Cowgirl on A Chair
    What else can I say but that eights have major top energy? They like being able to create the pace, but they’re also not afraid to loosen up the reigns a little bit in the name of some pleasure. 
    Instead of the usual Reverse Cowgirl where your partner lies on their back, this one props you both up a little by having your partner sit upright in a chair. You’ll sit backwards and back into them. This puts all the control in your hands (a dream for an eight), so you can decide how fast, how deep, and how hard you want it. To make it a little more fun, have your partner hold your arms as they thrust up and down. A little power reversal never hurt anybody. 

    Seated Oral Sex
    Nines are people-pleasers, so they’ll often find themselves doing what their partner wants during sex as much as possible. It’s lovely for their partner, but they deserve a little time too! Try a seated position in which you stay seated with your legs spread while your partner comes from below to give oral sex. Imagine you’re sitting on the couch or a chair, and your partner sits on the floor. This allows them access to all of you, so they can try oral, finger, and toy stimulation all at once. 
    This can be oral sex, but seated penetration isn’t a bad idea either.  More

  • 113 Shares

    in beauty and fashion

    My Honest Thoughts About Dating as a Plus-Size Woman

    When I was 5 years old, I was in love with my next door neighbor, David. (David isn’t reading this, but his sister, Dana, might be. Hi!) He was charming and funny, older than me, smart, close in proximity, had blonde hair, and his mom always let me stay for dinner. The whole package really. I want to say he liked me back—I mean, he kissed me, and I feel like that means like-like, right?—but if anyone was around, he’d never show it. When we’d play a game of Capture the Flag and it was just us two behind the shed, he’d be nice and funny and sweet to me. But the second anyone came around, he called me ugly and fat and made jokes about me. He was only 6 years old at the time, and I’ve forgiven him for all those times I ran home crying after feeling rejected by him, but I have to wonder if even then, he felt embarrassed to admit he liked a fat girl. And this is how most of my relationships have gone over the years. For a long time, I thought I just had horrible taste in men. To be fair, I kind of do (I’m not kidding when I say my dream man is Pete Davidson, and I know that requires a little bit of self-reflection). But after I read One to Watch, a women’s fiction-romance novel exploring plus-size dating, I began to notice that the patterns might have a little more to do with the men than my interest in them. (It’s also important to note that I’ve never experienced this with women before, but I’ve only been on a few dates with girls in my day, so this could be across genders and sexualities. I’m just speaking on my personal experience.) 
    I wanted to believe that being plus-size wasn’t affecting how men were seeing me. Yeah, there are some jerks out there who fetishize larger bodies or who want to try their personal trainer certification on me, but overall, men couldn’t be that affected by my body weighing more than average, right? After doing a deep-dive on my dating history, I think I’ve concluded that the answer here is no and that actually, being plus-size has played a major role in my love life, even after I started loving myself for who I was.
    Since my very first date at 17, I’ve struggled to meet someone who completely accepts me—rolls, flab, fat, and all. Dating is uncomfortable and stormy regardless of your body type, but I’ve noticed a few common themes in my relationships that seem to correlate with being a plus-size woman. 

    People are embarrassed to admit they’re interested in a plus-size person.
    For whatever reason, I’ve experienced a lot of men who are absolutely embarrassed of me. To the point that when I dated a guy a few years ago who kissed me in public, I put up with all of his other abusive tactics because I was so excited to finally meet someone who didn’t deem public appearances with me as a major hit to their ego. 
    First, they’re embarrassed to even admit to themselves that they find me attractive. Is this speculation? Perhaps. But there’s a reason guys are more likely to talk to me when they’re under the influence or behind the guise of a dating app than IRL. A quick search on a porn site (I did the work, y’all) and you’ll see that porn involving plus-size women gets just as many views as porn with thin women, but I’ve never met a guy who would admit that plus-size women is even something they’re attracted to. There’s a stigma around finding a plus-size woman attractive; men have been conditioned by media and society for generations that thinness is what’s beautiful based on what they see, read, and hear, so they might be othered or uncomfortable admitting that their interest deviates from the norm. For sure, being interested in plus-size women is a preference, and I don’t think you’re automatically fatphobic if that’s not what you’re into, but there’s a real societal pressure at play that keeps plus-size women thinking they’re not worthy all the while men are watching us have sex online with no abandon.
    I explored dating men significantly older than me for a long time because I craved the maturity. Young men I find often don’t have the clear sense of self required to differentiate between what they actually feel and what they think they’re supposed to. And while I think this makes a small difference, there’s still something to be said about the power of masculinity and media portrayals because older men often have outdated views of health and beauty standards. Yep, I’m talking a message once that said, “You’re hot, but you’re unhealthy and will probably get diabetes.” I’m actually plenty healthy, but OK 🙂

    My partners treat our relationship like a secret.
    I’ve also found that partners and dates have been embarrassed to be seen with me too. So, they finally allow themselves to take a chance and date someone fat: congrats, here’s your cookie for going against the grain. But they want every meeting in private. They don’t tell their friends I exist, they don’t take me on public dates (I’ve experienced way too many “Netflix and Chill”s for my liking), they strategically move away from me when we’re at bars together. It’s as if being seen with a fat person ruins their reputation and makes them less of a “man.” And just in the same way that women look to height as a security blanket in men, I think seeking women of a certain body type makes them feel inferior and insecure, like they’re not masculine enough if their partner is bigger than them. 
    The first boy who showed interest in me kept our relationship extremely private, ultimately lying to everyone that he’d ever been interested or attracted to me. Our relationship was kept a secret, complete with Snapchat messages that deleted automatically, a short-lived hookup, and me feeling like absolute garbage when he announced he had a girlfriend the same day I delivered handmade Valentine’s gifts to his locker (I will never get over the sheer embarrassment and shame of this one). This all goes back to being embarrassed of me, as if I’m the impulse purchase you took for a spin with joy one day and completely regretted the next. They seem to think there’s a lenient return policy on having feelings for me.

    People festishize my body. 
    So, you see I’ve had my issues meeting guys in real life and on “normal” dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. Then, I tried all the plus-size dating apps. And that was basically a recipe for disaster. The ideas are incredible in theory; a whole community of people who are happy and excited to date a plus-size person. But they were all rife with people who viewed my extra body fat as a kink. 

    …you just KNOW there are gonna be weirdo fetishists on here. Which is why….I almost wish that plus size girls could just *use* normal dating apps freely like everyone else, rather than being treated like a specific ‘kink,’ as it were.
    — Olivia🧜‍♀️ BLACK LIVES MATTER (@myladyteazle) August 14, 2020

    I’ve gotten everything from “I’ve never been with a big girl before, and I really want to try it” (hello, my body isn’t something you can just add to your bucket list, sir) to “Can I use your stomach as a pillow?” to explicit descriptions of how absolutely hot and sexy my rolls are. The worst part is that when I first started dating, I looked at these as compliments. I was so excited that someone was into me that I never allowed myself to feel the discomfort. Plus-size women are made to feel like they’re lucky to have someone be interested in them, so we overlook potential red flags out of fear of rejection. Well, newsflash: I am really f*cking over that. 
    I’m not making plus-size dating seem very fun, and I’ll be the first to admit that I have a lot of trauma and grief to work through over past relationships in relation to my body image. I wish I could end this saying I won’t have this any longer and I’ll only go out with guys who treat me like a princess (heck, just treat me like a regular person, and I’m yours), but it’s not so simple. It’s much more realistic for me to say that I’ll put off dating until I feel confident enough in myself to not allow myself to be treated like this. This is only my experience, and part of being confident and strong is knowing that there are mature, adult people out there who won’t treat me like this one day. I just really wish they’d come a little quicker because I’m getting Carpal Tunnel in my hands from swiping. More