Raphael Stevens

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    How I got my job as…Chief Value Office & VP of business development at VaynerX

    To say that Maha Abouelenein has an impressive CV as an understatement. She has spent over 28 years in strategic communications, crisis management and business development and now has own consulting business.
    You can thank her for supporting the launch of Netflix, Udacity, Deezer and Careem (now Uber) in the Middle East.Oh and she alsoserved as the Head of Global Communications and Public Policy for Google MENA.

    Now she manages global communication as Chief Value Officer for Gary Vaynerchuk and is in charge of all the business development as Executive Vice President atVaynerX. If that wasn’t enough, she openly shares her experience as Mentor in Residence for TechStars and hosts of SavvyTalk, a podcast about all things communications on which she interviews inspiring people including The Modist founder Ghizlan Guenez.

    What was your favorite subject at school?
    Journalism, speech writing and all things related to mass communications
    What was your first job? 
    My first job was as a customer service representative for a software company. We had to help clients over the phone learn to install, use and navigate our software.
    What drew you to VaynerX?
    My relationship with Gary Vaynerchuk.
    What are the key elements of your role?
    Supporting GaryVee’s brand in terms of communications and PR, facilitating high level relationships and driving new business – my job is to add value to the business in any capacity that grows the business. 
    Talk us through your daily routine. 
    First things first – I get up and take my dog for a walk and listen to the “Calm” app and get in some walking meditation. I also love to listen to the NY Times podcast called “The Daily.” I prefer to workout first thing in the morning – I think it’s important to prioritise myself for the day – so I make a point to train in the morning. I take as many walking breaks as I can throughout the day between Zoom calls and work meetings. I often start my mornings early with calls with Dubai and then kick into the east coast time zone mode. To be honest because of COVID, the daily routine is pretty much the same – work calls and getting work done when not on a call. I am spending my evenings – talking to friends; reading and spending time with family. I spend a lot of my free time working on content – recording podcasts, writing articles and mentoring a lot of people. I am spending a good portion of my free time helping other people because it’s so rewarding 

    What advice do you have for anyone looking to follow in the same footsteps?
    If you want to work in communications, you have to be passionate about it – and study the craft. I recommend you be a consumer of communications – consume the news, consume brand messaging and activity, learn how to write well and learn how to share stories. I love to analyse what companies are saying and how they are saying it. I am huge news junkie and I advise anyone who wants to work in PR to really look at headlines, what stories are being covered, and to follow writers and learn about their beats and what they care about. 
    Describe your work space. 
    Clear mind, clear desk. I don’t like a lot of clutter around me but I am surrounded by BOOKS and my moleskin – that’s all I need.
    What is the best piece of advice you ever received?
    If you want to be a good writer, you have to be a great reader
    And what is the worst? 
    If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. That is so not true – trust and empower your teams to deliver and they will. 
    What has been the biggest challenge you had to overcome?
    This is a personal one – both my mum and dad were handicapped in their final years as they both got neurological diseases and I had to care for both of them while building my career at the same time. It taught me so much – so much compassion and patience and I learned a lot about medicine as I was making all of their health decisions. At a very young age, I was a caretaker for both of them and I wanted to care for them myself. It was hard, balancing my career and their needs but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
    – For more on luxury lifestyle, news, fashion and beauty follow Emirates Woman on Facebook and Instagram
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    in beauty and fashion

    The 9 Wildest Skincare Hacks I Learned on Reddit

    I was in love with a boy in high school who was so obsessed with Reddit that he participated in their annual Secret Santa. Our inevitable departure led me to absolutely despise Reddit and all of its contents for years. You know, it’s the usual “I waited until I was 24 to watch Star Wars because one person I hated was a big fan” situation. But one thing or another brought me to Reddit during quarantine, and now I am obsessed.I’m reading everything from r/Ask A Doctor (wouldn’t recommend for anyone with health anxiety, but it’s fascinating to me) to r/Sex (makes sense, right?) to r/Tinder when I really need a laugh. But to no surprise, my most prevalent craze as of late is r/SkincareAddiction (and r/AsianBeauty … and r/Tretinoin … and r/Acne … you get the point).
    These subreddits are filled to the brim with helpful tips, product reviews, photos, and more—it’s enough to provide me with complete and utter joy for quite a while! Since I started reading them, I’ve implemented tons of hacks into my skincare routine to see if they actually work. After tons of testing, here are the ones that have actually stayed in my routine beyond the novelty factor. 

    1. Skin gritting
    This was the first thing I read on r/SCA that absolutely blew my mind and what really got me interested in the platform to begin with. “Skin gritting” is basically a treatment you can do on yourself to help remove dirt, oil, and blackheads from your pores. There are a few different ways to do the treatment, but the most intense I’ve seen is as follows: 
    Cleanse with an oil-based cleanser
    Apply a BHA, like Paula’s Choice 2% BHA Liquid—don’t remove!
    Apply a clay mask on top of the acid for 20 minutes, then remove
    Massage an oil into your skin for 3-5 minutes 
    There are much less intensive approaches you can take, such as skipping the acid step or even skipping the clay mask step altogether in favor of a double-cleanse with two oils. Whatever works with you. I’m currently loving this product from Innisfree instead of using my regular cleansing oil—you’ve been warned, but look at all the gunk this took out of my pores:

     

    2. Decant leftover product from a sheet mask
    We’ve all been there when our sheet mask is absolutely soaked with product and there’s still some leftover in the package. You pay good money for that mask, so don’t let all of that good serum go to waste! I’ve read some people say they decant it into little jars they bought on Amazon, which sounds like such a good idea. I’ve tried it by using whatever is leftover on my hands, chest, and upper arms where I get KP. It’s been such a game-changer and makes me feel like I’m really getting my money’s worth. 

    3. You don’t have to spend tons of money
    I know this isn’t necessarily a tangible tip, but if I’ve learned anything from Reddit, it’s the power of inexpensive beauty products. You don’t need the fanciest new releases (although they are fun!); you just need products that work for your skin type. Redditors are big fans of some of our editors’ favorites too: 

    4. Apply hydrating products to your lips too
    Your lips need more moisture than the Laneige Sleeping Mask you apply every night—trust me. Use whatever hyaluronic acid serum or moisturizers you use on your face on your lips. The same goes for your face oils!

    5. Run a sheet mask under hot water before you apply
    The worst thing about applying a face mask is putting that freezing cold sheet of ice on your face, especially in the fall and winter. Luckily, this trick has changed my sheet-mask life. Simply run some hot and place the sheet mask package under it for a couple of seconds. You don’t want it scalding hot, but just warm enough to feel cozy and relaxing on your face. This doubles the experience, making it both a self-care and a skincare activity.

    6. Invest in a shower filter
    Many Redditors swear by washing their face in distilled water, but I’ve seen some hail the praises of getting a filter for your showerhead. This is good practice for your hair, but Redditors said it really helped their skin too. If you have hard water, this could be just what your skincare routine was missing. I have lovely Lake Michigan water, but my parents’ house has well water (the absolute worst), and I notice a huge difference in my skin and hair when I use filtered water. 

     

    7. Use a dry brush to reduce ingrown hairs
    I only recently implemented this into my body care routine, and it has made a world of a difference. Dry brushing exfoliates the skin while increasing blood circulation and stimulating the lymphatic system, but the exfoliation is what really stops ingrown hairs in their tracks. See, ingrown hairs happen when the hair gets trapped in a follicle and can’t get out, that’s why they’re common in the bikini area and legs. So when you properly exfoliate the skin, those ingrown hairs are able to break the surface, plus it stops them from retreating back into the follicle. I get ingrowns in the groin area (it’s so common, y’all), and I’ve noticed a huge difference in the texture of the skin between my legs since I started dry brushing a few times a week.

     

    8. Mix your hydrating oil with aloe gel
    Do you feel like face oils just never sink into your skin? If you have an oily skin type, you probably experience this. Someone on Reddit suggested mixing your oil with an aloe vera gel because aloe sinks into the skin so easily. I like to use facial oils before applying my foundation but hate that oily look under my makeup, and this trick worked flawlessly. I tried it with both aloe from my aloe plant (before she died a painful death) as well as with a packaged gel. It has made my oil-moisturizing experience far better.

     

    9. Apply a hyaluronic acid serum under your sheet mask to make it extra hydrating
    If you can’t tell, Reddit is absolutely swimming in sheet mask hacks. This one is aimed at those with dry skin. If you want to get even more benefits out of your sheet mask, apply hyaluronic acid beforehand, and then once again on top of the sheet mask while it’s setting in. Redditors recommended this classic Asian beauty product: Hada Labo’s Gokujyun Premium Hyaluronic Acid Lotion. First of all, the lotion gives your sheet mask something to stick on to so it won’t slide around the whole time you’re wearing it. Plus, the hyaluronic acid pulls in the moisture of the mask, helping all of that serum to absorb even better into your skin. For an even more moisturizing effect, you can pat even more of the lotion on top of your sheet mask while you’re wearing it. I tried this with my hyaluronic serum, and it made me appreciate my sheet mask so much more. I now have the Hada Labo lotion on my wishlist!

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    Important mental health questions answered by an expert UAE psychiatrist

    While mental health continues to be a growing topic of conversation, there are still many questions surrounding mental health issues.
    As yesterday marked World Mental Health Day, Emirates Woman consulted specialist psychiatrist Dr Laila Mahmoud from Medcare Hospitals & Medical Centres to answer some extremely important question surrounding mental health in the UAE and beyond.

    From helping your own mental health, to helping those close to you – here’s some key questions you need to answers to.
    World Mental Health Day is, of course, an important day to mark mental health awareness, but how can we ensure this continues all year round?
    Mental health is as important as physical health. We need both a healthy body and mind to achieve a peaceful, stable life.

    Around one billion people around the world suffer from mental illness, with one person every second committing suicide. Yet, relatively few people around the world have access to quality mental health services.
    According to studies conducted by The National Institute of Mental Health statistics, a third of people suffering from mental illness never consulted a psychiatrist, and never were on psychiatric treatment, whether medication or psychotherapy or both.
    Stigma, discrimination, punitive legislation and human rights abuses are boundaries in some countries that stop them from delivering proper mental health services. It is more important today, than ever, to draw peoples’ attention toward the need for better and more easily accessible treatment facilities. The pandemic has caused a hike in the numbers of patients seeking psychiatric help, and awareness drives like Mental Health Day will help fight the stigma around seeking help.
    Where can I get help for my mental health in the UAE?
    The UAE is constantly working towards making health services easily accessible to its residents, and this is also true with mental health facilities. There are a lot of experts in the UAE that deliver high-quality professional treatment in line with the latest guidelines advised by the World Health Organisation, whether it is through the government hospitals or within the private sector.
    What signs should you look for when you should go and see someone about your mental health?
    Look for changes in:
    Mood: Are you anxious, sad, irritable?
    Thinking: Are your thoughts not clear? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Could you be overthinking? Are you having obsessive thoughts or actions? Do these ideas interfere with my daily activities? Are my thoughts making it difficult for me to deal with others? Is there a lack of thoughts or sense of dissociation?
    Appetite: Have I been eating more or less than usual?
    Sleep: Am I sleeping for longer or fewer hours? Is this change having a negative impact on my daily life?
    Activities: Do I feel a loss of interest in life and any pleasurable activities? Do I have death wishes or fear death and illness?
    Can you talk us through mental health issues?
    Anxiety, in simple words, is the failure of a person to cope with stress, leading to tunnel vision, feeling overwhelmed and overly anxious. These are often combined with somatic complaints like headaches, dizziness, tremors, increased heart rate, shortness of breath, feeling tightness in the chest, and sense of impending death. Someone suffering from anxiety may not experience all of these symptoms, but is likely to feel a combination of a few of them.
    What is the best way to check on someone else’s mental health?
    The first step we take as psychiatrists is to talk to the patient. This is followed by a mental state examination for assessment, evaluation and diagnosis. Some laboratory tests may be needed to exclude organic causes before establishing a proper diagnosis.
    Given the pandemic, it’s more important than ever to check on people. Would you agree?
    Yes, social support is a main factor in the treatment plan of any mental disorder. It speeds up the rate of improvement, increases the adherence to treatment, and helps the patient to return back to normal life. Research has found that the presence of good social support delays the onset of illness, postpones the progression and fastens the response to treatment, and helps in maintaining and adherence of the treatment for long periods, therefore preventing relapse.
    What causes depression?
    Depression is bio-socio-environmental, which simply means there are multiple factors:
    Biological: caused by neurotransmitter imbalance
    Social: caused by loneliness, divorce, being widowed, lack of support from family or friends
    Environmental: caused by high emotional expression families, high critical and stressful environment, unhealthy lifestyle, or stress of immigration and loneliness
    What causes anxiety?
    Anxiety is a neurotransmitter imbalance of serotonin that leads to increase in stress-induced hormones (cortisol and adrenaline). This leads to failure of the capacity of the person to deal with stress and tension. The patient usually experiences an anxious mood, overthinking, feeling overwhelmed, and somatic complaints like poor appetite and sleep disturbances.
    How can I speak to and help someone with a mental health problem like depression or anxiety?
    First: Let them acknowledge their feeling, and allow them the time and space to express it.
    Second: Understand that it is an illness that results from a chemical imbalance. It is the same as iron deficiency anaemia, so it is not because they have a weak personality or poor faith in the good. They will recover soon as the chemical imbalance is corrected.
    Third: Everything is based on your perception. Look at the illness intellectually, not emotionally, so as not to be drained in an emotional trap of failure and disappointment. Help people understand that it just an illness to be treated. Take the medicine as prescribed and give it time. Psychotherapy can help as well.
    – For more on luxury lifestyle, news, fashion and beauty follow Emirates Woman on Facebook and Instagram
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    in beauty and fashion

    Don’t Miss It: J.Crew Is Having a Massive 40% off Sale This Weekend

    One day, I’ll put a chastity belt on my credit card in hopes of saving money and hitting “add to cart” a bit less, but today is not that day. “Why is that?” you ask. Well, ladies and gents, I love a good markdown and this weekend, J.Crew is taunting me with 40 percent off of everything. You heard me correctly. But, in the off chance you didn’t, I’ll say it louder for people in the back: J. Crew is having a 40% off sale. Including new arrivals. I’m a sucker for a discount on a good day but the fact that this is happening at J. Crew has me attempting first-time backflips and jumping for joy. For those of us who have been waiting to stock up on investment pieces that will stand the test of time (denim, blazers, suits, cashmere, and more), it’s our time to shine! Keep reading to shop our favorite picks from the promotion and use code SALETIME for 40% off at checkout. 

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    9 questions you should ask yourself to check on your own mental health

    This World Mental Health Day we are encouraging people to check in on themselves as well as others.
    In the fast-paced world of technology and a hectic year of uncertainty with the COVID-19 pandemic, the conversation surrounding mental health has never been more prevalent than ever.

    While, of course, we want to ensure others are okay, you also need to check in on yourself from time-to-time to ensure your own mental health is okay.
    Emirates Woman chatted to specialist psychiatrist Dr Laila Mahmoud from Medcare Hospitals & Medical Centres here in the UAE about some key questions you should ask yourself in order to check on your mental health.
    How am I feeling today?

    What is my mood like every morning? Am I energetic, lazy, motivated or uninspired?
    How am I performing with my daily life activities?
    How is my appetite? Has it increased or decreased?
    How are my sleeping habits? Am I feeling rested? Do I wake up tired?
    What are my areas of interest?
    What are the things that keep me happy?
    How do I perceive life?
    What are the thoughts floating around in my mind?
    By asking these simple questions, it could help identify some mental health issues you may going through and pinpoint whether you should seek further help or not.
    – For more on luxury lifestyle, news, fashion and beauty follow Emirates Woman on Facebook and Instagram
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    in health and weelbeing

    Online Dating as a Plus Sized Woman

    These days, online dating is basically just dating. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Her (great for lesbian and bisexual women!), Match, The League (if you’re accepted — I just was and am ELATED) — there are so many options! These apps have entirely changed the way our society views dating and relationships. Many people have found short and long-term relationships and marriage through dating apps, but if that isn’t necessarily what you’re looking for, hook-ups and friendships can be possibly even easier to find.Being a plus size woman, however, there come even more challenges than the usual. Since the start of my dating app days, I have learned a lot about how to navigate these apps in a way that is empowering and builds my confidence rather than doing the opposite.

    Ignore the Voices In Your Head
    “Do I look larger than I am in that photo?” “Will he still be interested in me when he sees me in real life?” “Will I ever find someone who wants to do more than hook up?” I am constantly questioning how people will respond to how I look in my photos, especially in a world where photos on a dating site are so crucial. I can recall meeting a guy from Tinder in real life and him completely rejecting me because he thought I looked different in my pictures. After that, I was terrified to meet up with anyone, changed all my pictures, and basically stopped opening the app. Rather than getting down on myself, I really should have remembered that it was his fault for wanting to tear me down like that. Once I stopped paying attention to my inner dialogue, I started having fun and swiping right on whoever interested me rather than who I “thought I could get.” This confidence worked, too, and led to way more dates!

    Unmatch Anyone Who Shames Your Body
    Aside from the internal criticism, it is incredibly common for men on these sites to comment on how I look. According to research done by WooPlus, a dating app specifically for plus sized women, 71% of its users say they were fat-shamed on “regular” apps. In a world where 67% of women identify as plus sized, this is absolutely unacceptable. For a long time, I thought that I needed to keep talking or give explanations when men would make negative comments about how I look or dress because I was worried I would miss out on a chance for a date with my “dream guy.” Turns out, my “dream guy” would never tell me I would look better if I wore skinny jeans. Keeping this negativity around would bring down anyone’s confidence, so getting rid of it is naturally a boost. Sure, it hurts to see something like that regardless of how much self-love and acceptance you have, but it acts as a reminder that you are the boss of your own life (and matches!).

    Pay Attention to the Signs of Fetishization
    There is a big difference between someone desiring your body and loving you for your perceived flaws and them fetishizing your weight. If a match constantly makes comments about your size, asks about specific numbers in regards to your weight, encourages you to eat more or gain weight in an unhealthy way, or refers to you in common fetishizing words, that probably means he or she is a hard no. It is important for someone to be attracted to who you are rather than being obsessed with a specific trait about you. Understanding that these are two different things has stopped me from potentially harmful relationships many times.

    Be YOU!
    I know this is a given, but learning to be myself and finding new ways to share my personality has changed the dating game for me. Finding my favorite gifs to say “hi,” adding all my favorite emojis to my bio, and not being afraid to ask a guy out for Taco Tuesday all allow me to express who I am without the pressure of looks or my weight. If a guy really wants to make a connection rather than a one night thing, he should appreciate who I am over how I look.

    Take Risks Without Fear of Rejection
    When I first started using dating apps, I never asked anyone out first, and I always waited for the guy to message me first. Bumble definitely helped get over the latter issue, but it took understanding that I have some power too to comprehend how important it is to take the risk of asking someone to coffee or out for drinks. The fear of rejection can get to anyone, especially if you’ve experienced situations like the ones above, but the risk is so worth it sometimes. Being able to go after what I want rather than waiting for it to happen applies to more than just my career, and the confidence that has given me is way more important than any date I’ve ever gotten.
     
    How do you navigate the online dating world? Are there any tips we missed? Let us know in the comments!

    This article was originally published on May 18, 2018. More

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    I Finally Organized My Closet—Here’s What I’m Ditching vs. Keeping

    Fun fact about me: I’ve moved 10 times (soon to be 11) in the past nine years. No part of me loves moving… no matter how many times I settle into a new space, I just can’t seem to get the moving process down to a perfect science. To say that it’s one of my least favorite activities is an understatement. But, if there’s one positive to packing up once a year and relocating, it’s having the forced opportunity to come face-to-face with my clothing of “add to carts” past, sort out what I want to keep, donate, or sell, and facepalm myself for not wearing the one item I swore I would get use of upon purchasing.I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a hoarder but I will admit that I have plenty of faults when it comes to accumulating pieces in my wardrobe. First being that I am a sucker for a good sale. The limit to the number of times I’ve bought an item for the markdown alone simply does not exist. When I see a red sticker price, I become blind to reality and will overlook what otherwise would be a wardrobe deal breaker for me (i.e., a far-too-large and non-refundable floral dress from Madewell that mocks me every time I sift through my closet). 
    My second fault is holding on to pieces that “might be useful for a costume party.” Oh yes, ladies. I’m talking mesh, sequins, sparkles, and the whole nine yards. And to absolutely no ones’ surprise, these items sit in the back of my wardrobe, take up prime real estate, and wait longingly for the chance to be loved again. 
    And last but not least, I am a creature of habit. I prefer neutrals over color, opt for comfort, and return to my foolproof outfit combinations time and time again. But every so often, I think, “I should step out of my comfort zone.” That’s when I’ll buy something pink (gasp!), purchase a trendy item that “looked really good on that one IG influencer,” or invest in something I saw our fashion editor rock in the office pre-COVID. While there’s nothing “wrong” with the pieces I add in my feeble attempt to be cooler than I actually am, they simply don’t get as much love as the other pieces in my wardrobe.
    Four hours, two dramatic “I cannot go on” breaks, and a couple of sweat droplets later, I accumulated four garbage bags of clothes to donate, sell, and toss depending on their condition. In an effort to live a more minimalist life (and make room for new pieces, of course), here are the items I’m ditching and the ones I’m holding on to for dear life this season:

    Before:

    After:

    Ditching: Right idea, wrong fit

    When the blazer trend came back with a vengeance, I ran to my local H&M and eagerly walked to checkout with three of them draped over my arm. Unfortunately, I missed the mark on these guys in the size department. I bought each to fit like a glove and I’ve learned after a few seasons of styling that I prefer a larger, oversized fit. I’ve added some mediums to my collection which I’m super happy with but, now, my fitted blazers don’t get a lot of attention. 
    Same goes for this plaid, sherpa-lined jacket that I loved when I bought it. I don’t know if I’ve shrunk it over the years or if I’ve just “grown,” but no matter how cute it is, I simply won’t wear it. Feeling like the Michelin Man when I squeeze into it/having limited mobility of my arms is not the move. 

    Ditching: Mesh

    This one doesn’t need much of an explanation. There was a short period of time in college where the trendy girls wore mesh tops/bodysuits with a black bra underneath. I could never work up the courage to actually wear them and, looking back, I am elated that that is the case. Regardless, I’ve been holding on to them for the off chance that I can use them in some kind of costume setting but I’ve firmly decided that if a costume calls for mesh, it’s not the costume for me! If mesh ever decides to rear its head and come back into style (the only shock left of 2020), I’ll reevaluate at that time.

    Ditching: The quarter-zip that’s seen better days

    Alright, I’m not going to lie… this one hurt. This Patagonia sweater has been with me through many trials and tribulations of life. It’s soaked up tears born from a bad breakup, been wine-stained during iconic pizza nights with my pals, and been washed with darks and denim galore in many unforgiving community laundry situations. Given the fact that this sweater was a beautiful shade of ivory at one point in time, I would deem it to be one of the most worn, sad-looking articles of clothing I’ve ever known. I think I’ve only worn it twice in the past year so I think it’s an appropriate time to part ways. Thank you for your service, you will be missed.

    Ditching: The “it was on sale” Madewell dress

    I bought this floral Madewell dress at their end-of-summer sale and there were three things that doomed this purchase from the start: 1) I didn’t need it (I have an impressive amount of floral dresses), 2) I didn’t really even want it, and 3) it was a final sale item. I know how careless that sounds… but a Madewell dress for $25? I couldn’t pass it up. To my demise, it didn’t fit me right and was non-refundable. Classic.

    Ditching: The trendy splurge item I never wore

    When visiting New York City one summer, I found myself in a trendy, overpriced boutique and was talked into this jacket by one of the sales associates. If I told you how much it was, you would probably spit the contents of whatever you’re sipping on all over your computer screen. The price of this jacket was so absurd but, for some reason, that did not stop me from being persuaded that I needed it. The jacket itself is fine, it’s just not my style. I kept promising myself that I would incorporate it into some outfit formula, but in the four years I had it, I just couldn’t seem to pull it off.

    Ditching: The first-time interview clothing that’s so not me

    OK, to be honest, I never liked any of these items from the start. When the time came for post-grad interviews, I needed a ‘fit to impress my potential employers. I walked cluelessly into Ann Taylor at my local mall and let one of the associates dress me (and by that, I mean that I sold my soul to the Devil). I abandoned my personal style to fit a cookie-cutter look of what I thought was a “professional investment” and honestly, I haven’t looked at them since my first interview in 2016. If I need to interview again at any point, I’ll pick up options that can be dressed down and incorporated into my everyday wardrobe.

    Ditching: The “out of my comfort zone” color I swore I’d wear but didn’t

    I’d say that, in life, I have a good sense of who I am as a person… that is until I find myself adding non-neutrals to my shopping cart. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll just never be a “pink” person. But does that stop me from thinking“wow, Jess looks gorg in blush pink, I should give it a try,” and attempting to swerve out of my comfort zone? Of course not! I’ve found that I can still experiment with other colors (burnt oranges, deep blues, and olive greens) without looking in the mirror and feeling like I’m staring at a complete stranger.

    Ditching: Non-versatile graphic tees

    Don’t get it twisted, I love a good graphic tee. But when I say graphic tee, I mean the ones that are oversized, can be tucked in with mom jeans, dressed up with a blazer, and made edgy with a leather jacket. I’m looking disdainfully at you, I-would-die-for-John-B. long sleeve (pictured below). If it didn’t pass the versatile vibe check, I didn’t keep it.

    Ditching: Unforgiving jeans

    I just simply don’t need the negativity of unforgiving jeans in my life. It is my personal opinion that all jeans should have a bit of stretch. Over the past few years, I’ve gained some weight (pandemic stress eating didn’t help my situation, it is what it is) and while most of my jeans still button, this pair is stubborn as hell. If a pair of jeans can’t handle me post-gnocchi at my favorite Italian restaurant, they don’t deserve me at my best. Bye, Felicia.

    Keeping: Oversized blazers

    If I haven’t yet made myself clear, I am obsessed with oversized blazers and I get so much use out of them. I have two right now (black and plaid) and they’re not going anywhere anytime soon. They’ve been the perfect solution to Chicago’s “it’s not cold now but it will be later tonight” woes, will be great for styling business casual outfits we return to office life, and are super trendy with a graphic tee and hoop earrings. 

    Keeping: Loungewear that I’ve worn at least once in the last three months

    I’ve accumulated a lot of loungewear over this past year and I am not mad about it. Staying home during the pandemic has shifted my wardrobe priorities and, right now, my cozy clothes are getting a ton of attention. I’m sure there’ll be a day where I’ll have to sort through and edit out some of my comfy pieces, but thankfully, today is not that day.

    Keeping: Jackets for layering

    Disclaimer: Last year, I had so many bulky jackets that I had no choice but to downsize. At that time, I kept one of each jacket (leather, denim, faux fur, trench, shearling, etc.), so I truly didn’t need to do much organizing in that department this year. Nonetheless, I still did a once-over to see if anything could be sacrificed, but gleefully decided I was happy with my collection as is. 

    Keeping: Chunky knit sweaters

    OK, don’t come for me, but I truly believe there is no such thing as too many sweaters, especially when you live in a climate that threatens sub-zero temps in the wintertime. I kept all of my sweaters with the exception of those that were uncomfortable (yes, they exist) and/or didn’t fit well.

    Keeping: Maxi/midi skirts

    I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Midi and maxi skirts have changed my life. I’m already phasing them out for this fall (I had a few good runs with a chunky knit sweatshirt + long skirt + sneaker combo) but I am so looking forward to their return when the temps rise again. More

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    in health and weelbeing

    I’m a Sex Writer—This Is the Question I Get Asked the Most

    I’ve always wanted to be the friend people can go to to talk about sex. Even before I started writing about it, I’ve enjoyed discussing the details, from what’s going right to what’s going wrong. People’s sex lives are quite compelling to me, especially because everyone’s is usually so different. But as a sex writer, I’ve gotten even more of an inside scoop into what people like and what they don’t, particularly from what they request we write about. There are a few common themes, like how to have virtual sex—because duh, pandemic—how to seamlessly walk into the room wearing lingerie without looking like Bella from Breaking Dawn awkwardly waltzing in the room to Edward’s laughter, where to buy sex toys, how to encourage your partner to give you oral sex, just to name a few. But for the most part, there’s one thing every single person wants to know. “Is my sex life normal?” 
    It’s always accompanied by a part of their sex life they deem “unfit” in some way: how much they’re having it, where they’re having it, when they’re having it, how they’re having it—the list goes on, and every single time, I give pretty much the same answer. 
    Yep, it’s normal!
    I know you’re wondering, “OK, well, everything can’t just be ‘normal,’” to which I respond you’re absolutely right. There are certainly situations that aren’t typical. Feeling pain during sex? Not normal, talk to your doctor. Your partner pressuring you into having more sex than you want? Not normal, dump them. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about anything in your sex life, then that isn’t normal. We all deserve good sex. But if you’re self-conscious that you’re not having enough, having too much, not getting frisky enough, getting too frisky, not trying enough new positions, only having sex at night, only having sex in the morning, only having oral sex, not having oral sex, then it’s not that your sex life isn’t normal; it’s that for some reason you’re self-conscious about it. Here’s why these are all completely normal, and what I tell people to focus on instead. 

    Having sex “too little” or “too much”
    It’s a misconception that couples should be having sex the “perfect” amount. I’ve stressed over and over with friends, colleagues, and strangers that while there is no “normal” amount, most couples say they have sex once a week. Does this stop people from being stressed about it? Not in any way. Whether you or your partner has a low sex drive, you don’t live with each other, or you just don’t get around to it all the time, there’s nothing wrong with how much sex you’re having—unless you want to change it. 

    Only having a certain type of sex 
    Many people are stressed that their sex lives are weird because their sex is atypical. To this, I pretty much always say: different strokes for different folks! While someone may exclusively prefer penetrative sex but someone else likes oral, or some people like to practice BDSM and others enjoy what some deem “vanilla” sex, there’s nothing wrong with doing what you like. To be quite honest, it actually is pretty admirable that you and your partner are able to have sex that is enjoyable for the two of you, even if it seems “weird” to you.

    Not trying “new things” enough
    It’s really common to fear that your sex lives aren’t normal when you’re reading about role-playing, anal sex, sending nudes, and more if you haven’t ventured into those parts of sex yet. But there’s no rush, and no requirement, to try things that don’t excite you. Want to try something new? Yay! But don’t force yourself, or your partner, if one of you isn’t interested. 

    Source: Diego Rezende | Pexels

    Here’s what I recommend
    When someone asks me if their sex life is normal, I immediately get into advice mode, but not in the way you’d expect. Instead of telling them to have more sex or try something new, I tell them how they can increase their sexual confidence and inspire them to feel more comfortable with their libido and their sex life. 

    Talk about sex 
    Knowing about the sex lives of the other people around you is a powerful tool in understanding that every sex life is valuable. Say you’re worried that you have too much sex and your sex drive is too high, but then you talk to someone else and realize their worry is that they don’t have enough. Likely, you’ll experience a little jealousy for one another! Then, you and your friend are able to have a candid conversation about why you feel that way. Maybe you feel insecure that you and your partner participate in a certain kink, and talking about how that kink has impacted your sex life positively inspires a friend to open up about a kink they’re involved in. It doesn’t have to get extra personal if you’re a more private person, but the simple act of talking about your sex life with people other than your partner might encourage you to look at it differently.

    Address any changes 
    Have you or your partner experienced a big life change recently? (Perhaps a global pandemic!) Maybe you just moved or got a new job, and this has impacted your sex life. Sex is, of course, fun, but it’s also about promoting intimacy and bonding with one another. Dealing with a significant life change is another way you and your partner might be bonding, so you may be having less sex because you’re already getting in communication that other way. 

    Masturbate
    I will recommend masturbating for just about any life issue. Stressed? Upset? Excited? Just masturbate it away! But I’d be remiss if I didn’t describe the connection between masturbating and sexual confidence. Knowing that you can make yourself orgasm is pretty powerful, and it’s a great way to get to know your body, both physically and mentally. You can see what you like and tell your partner afterward. If you have a low sex drive, masturbating can get you more excited to have sex the next time. There are endless benefits of masturbating, and I’ll say it’s nearly essential to achieving the sex life of your dreams.

    Focus on your sexual compatibility
    A lot of the time people tell me they’re worried their sex life is abnormal in some way, I ask if their partner ever says anything about wishing their sex life was different. Almost always, they say no. To me, this often means that you are sexually compatible with each other. It’s an unexpected pleasure to meet someone who has a similar sex drive, likes the same sexual acts, has a similar kink or fetish as you, enjoys having sex at the same time, etc. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your sex life, wondering how it compares to others, keep this in mind. You and your partner are on the same page, and that’s worth being excited about. More