Wellness Advice

Subterms

    Latest story

    113 Shares

    How To Actually Get Better At Talking To Yourself

    by

    We’re all probably guilty of entertaining the negative voices in our heads in the midst of a situation where things aren’t exactly going our way. Whether you’ve missed a deadline on your assignment, dropped off the kids late for school, made a lacklustre supper or messed up a job interview, no situation is ever that grand for anyone to talk harshly to themselves.

    Ask yourself this question? How often are you polite to others as opposed to the number of times you bash yourself when things go wrong?

    “When it comes to our inner dialogue, a.k.a. self-talk, what we say to ourselves is often careless, critical, and even cruel. And while we may not think much of it, that self-talk is powerful and has more of an effect on our mental well-being than we realise,” explains psychologist Maya Rutstein, also a product architect for digital wellbeing platform, soSerene.

    Quick recap: Self-talk is the inner voice that houses the beliefs we hold about ourselves. It shapes our perception of the world and personal reality, therefore influencing our emotional, psychological and physical well-being.

    READ MORE: TV/Radio Presenter Rorisang Thandekiso On The Moments That Defined Her Path Forever

    The Origins Of Self-Talk

    “There are many factors that influence our inner voice during the course of our lives,” explains Rutstein. “It starts early on. Our past experiences and upbringing play a significant role in shaping what our inner voice sounds like. Interactions we have and feedback we receive early in life shape our self-perception into adulthood.” She adds that social comparisons play a major role, too.

    “When we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves wanting, this can lead to negative self-talk. Often this is exacerbated by social media, because we’re comparing our whole lives to carefully curated snapshots of other people’s lives,” says Rutstein.

    Cultural, societal and family expectations can also set standards that individuals strive to meet, influencing self-criticism or encouragement. For example, when family members expect you to have ticked off certain milestones (such as marriage, children or buying a house) by a certain age, you may start to feel like a failure if you haven’t met their expectations. Personal achievements and failures can directly impact self-talk, too, with successes boosting positive self-dialogue and failures often leading to negative self-talk.

    READ MORE: Enjoy Your Downtime (Without Feeling Guilty) In 3 Easy Steps

    Positive Self-Talk For The Win

    When self-talk is positive, it can have a wide range of positive effects on our lives – from how we feel to how we show up in the world. People with a positive inner dialogue tend to be more confident, more productive and happier. “Have you ever felt frustrated because someone with less technical ability than you got promoted and you didn’t? Or that someone else built a successful business off an idea that you also had but didn’t have the guts to pursue?” asks Rutstein. “That’s self-talk at work.”

    “Positive self-talk enhances mental well-being by reducing stress and anxiety and fostering a positive outlook on life. That optimism makes the other person believe that the business idea will be a success, making them more inclined to pursue it,” shares Rutstein. Positive self-talk also boosts self-confidence and self-esteem, empowering individuals to tackle challenges and pursue goals. Rather than being held back by self-doubt, the person believes that they are the one who should pursue the idea and turn it into a business.

    “Positive self-talk encourages resilience, enabling individuals to recover more quickly from setbacks and maintain motivation. This emboldens the person to take the risk of starting the business, because even if it doesn’t work out, they’ll bounce back and try something else. Positive self-talk can even improve physical health. It has been linked to lower stress levels, better immune function, and better overall wellbeing,” explains Rutstein.

    READ MORE: 18 Mental Health Books For Anxiety, People-Pleasing And More

    Why Negative Self-Talk Is A Definite ‘No’

    Unfortunately, as powerful as positive self-talk can be for improving the overall quality of our lives, negative self-talk can be just as powerful – but in a destructive way. Unchecked, it can lead to mental health issues such as chronic stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, as well as exacerbate physical ailments.

    “Negative self-talk can result in a defeatist attitude towards goals and aspirations, hindering personal and professional growth. If you’ve ever given up on something before you even tried because you expected the worst, that was negative self-talk in action,” says Rutstein. She adds that it can also strain relationships by projecting insecurities and negativity onto interactions with others. “When you feel bad about yourself, you may enter social interactions defensively. This may cause you to misinterpret what other people say or do as an attack because that’s what you’re expecting,” says Rutstein.

    A classic example is when someone says, “You did well today,” but what you hear is, “You did well today for a change because you’re usually incompetent.” That, right there, is negative self-talk causing you to perceive a compliment as an insult.

    READ MORE: TikTok’s Loud Budgeting Trend Is What Your Wallet Needs In 2024, Say Financial Experts

    How To Show Up For Yourself

    Per Rutstein, if you typically engage in negative self-talk, the good news is that it’s totally possible to rewire your brain with these five easy steps:

    Practise mindfulness: Caught yourself feeling bad that the person on the treadmill next to you is running so much faster? Instead, think about how well you did by making it to the gym in the first place – and how many excuses could have held you back, but didn’t. Become aware of negative self-talk as it occurs. Acknowledge these thoughts without judgment and gently redirect your focus to more positive or neutral thoughts.

    Challenge your own negative thoughts: Question the validity of negative self-assessments and replace them with positive affirmations instead. Thinking about how you’re definitely going to mess up your job interview? Focus on all the reasons why you’re actually the best candidate for the position.

    Gratitude journalling: Regularly write down things you are grateful for or proud of about yourself. This can help shift focus from negative to positive aspects.

    Surround yourself with positive influences: Engage with supportive friends, family and content that uplifts you, reducing exposure to negativity that can feed into self-criticism.

    Set small, achievable goals: Accomplishing even little goals (making your bed every morning; not snoozing the alarm) can boost your sense of efficacy and foster a more positive dialogue about your capabilities and achievements.

    As a parting shot, we invite you to reflect on these words from author Brianna Wiest‘s book When You’re Ready, This Is How You Heal: “What if cleansing your mind with hopeful, joyful, positive thoughts is the rebalancing that’s been long overdue, after so many years of existing solely on the most negative interpretations you could come up with?” More

    More stories

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Could Bed Rotting Be The Answer To Your Self-Care Struggles?

      by

      New Age, TikTok wellness trends will have you believe that everything your parents taught you about waking up early daily and making your bed is as irrelevant and outdated as a feature phone. Take for instance the latest fad: bed rotting (the tag has garnered more than 2 billion views on TikTok)!

      Ever had those weekend episodes where your eyes are wide awake (yay, new day!), but your body tells you that it doesn’t feel like leaving the bed. So, you end up eating, reading, catching on the latest season of Love Is Blind, taking calls, mindlessly browsing the rabbit hole that is the ‘net – all from comfort of your bed! Yep, you may have done this a couple of times already but thanks to GenZers redefining life as we’ve always known it via TikTok, the trend now has a phrase. What you call being consciously unproductive your grandmother may call pure laziness – but however you see it, let’s delve deeper into what ‘bed rotting’ a.k.a. ‘much-deserved rest’ entails – and how to do it right!

      READ MORE: 5 Reasons This Mauritius Holiday Is A Wellness Dream

      What You Do In Bed Matters

      Granting yourself a lazy day every once in a while is purely warranted and is no new concept. However, equally important is knowing when bed rotting is totally healthy and when it’s feeding into your existing mental health issues. “If, for instance, you’re already struggling with basic day-to-day functions and you’d rather sleep than face certain emotions head-on, sleeping or spending more time in bed could signal depression and other mood disorders,” explains counselling psychologist Selloane Molalogi-Makau, adding that if you’re constantly feeling lethargic and feel safer spending time in bed than anywhere else, perhaps it’s time to seek professional help.

      If, however, there is nothing alarming about your behaviour and you function just as well when you’re not cooped up in bed, Molalogi-Makau, suggests setting time limits to how much time you’re going to spend ‘bed rotting’ could be a good idea. For instance, are you going to use that time catching up on to-do list items that you didn’t get to in the week or are you immersed in a book whose storyline literally transports you to another world?

      “Just be careful not to indulge in anything that could upset you, stress you out or make you feel like your bed is safer than being out there in the world,” warns Molalogi-Makau.

      A February 2023 study by the University of Bath found that “long-term inactivity significantly increases blood sugar levels even if you reduce your food intake to avoid gaining weight.” While another pilot study published in the National Library of Medicine found that there was a correlation between “sleeping or lying in bed all day and an increased risk of stress and depression, systemic inflammation and other psychological and cardiovascular ailments.”

      READ MORE: Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

      Bed Rotting Done Right?

      Durban-based psychologist Lindani Mnyaka believes that there’s nothing sinister with bed rotting – provided it’s done once in a blue moon, as opposed to regularly. He does, however, add that nothing adds meaning to our lives such as kicking that duvet cover and being up and about creating a life of meaning. He also highlights the importance of constantly checking in one’s mental health state, so as to avoid sinking into a mood disorder without being aware of it.

      Changing your sleep schedule drastically ultimately does more harm than good for your mental and physical health, says Mnyaka. Per a 2019 Harvard Health report, “too much sleep can lead to too little energy.” Why is that? “Because it appears that any significant deviation from normal sleep patterns can upset the body’s rhythms and increase daytime fatigue,” according to the report. That said, Mnyaka agrees with Molalogi-Makau re: setting a limit to how much time time you’re going to spend in bed, as well as mapping out exactly what you’ll be doing.

      Among some of the activities he suggests are reading, watching a series, colouring in, sewing in buttons (time to own a sewing kit!) or a catch-up video call with a loved one. “It’s also very important to mention that just because a health trend has attracted billions of views doesn’t necessarily make it a healthy solution. People really need to start scrutinising

      READ MORE: 20 Fitness Apps To Kickstart Your Wellness Journey

      A Problematic Title, Maybe?

      Perhaps worth asking is – why is resting referred to as rotting, when the former is actually a good thing (and especially when self-care/resting comes in many forms? What’s self-care to one person may not work for another individual and such is the case with many subjective practises. TikTokers are probably rolling their eyes this very minute and thinking – what’s in a name, anyway? If there’s anything that we should take away from the bed rotting trend, it’s that aimless and unplanned rest – especially in a culture that praises busyness over relaxation – is completely healthy and okay. We’re allowed to take care of ourselves, the best way we know how. More

    • 100 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      6 Energy-Boosting Hacks That Are Simple To Integrate

      by

      Tiredness is that feeling that we all seem to know a little too well. Perhaps it’s waking in the morning and desperately wanting to hit the beckoning snooze button. Or maybe it’s the feeling of that ominous 3pm slump, where our brain fog creeps in as our sugars dip post-lunch. Or perhaps it’s a more figurative feeling of tiredness; that you’re struggling to keep family, friends and yourself topped up, and that the demands of life and communication can feel at times exhausting. 

      Well, you’re not alone, with one of the most common complaints brought to clinicians cited as being tiredness. After all, if we aren’t functioning at our best, we often feel like we’re not committing fully to our work, enjoying life to the most and sleeping well. 

      So with that in mind, the happy news is that a few simple tweaks will pay great dividends. Get ready to be electrocuted into life. Here are 6 easy hacks. 

      Exercise 

      When you’re tired, exercise is usually one of the first things to be given the boot in favour of a lie-down. But people have caught on to the benefits of exercising to boost your energy – something which at first glance could be seen as an oxymoron. In fact, the folks at Harvard cited a study where sleep-deprived volunteers compared against three different interventions: caffeine, stair-climbing and placebo. Ultimately they found that just 10 minutes of exercise boosted participants’ energy levels far more than caffeine (50mg) did.

      Soak up some sunshine (safely) 

      Feel more energetic on a sunny day than you do on a cloudy one? There’s some science to it. One of the best-known benefits of sunlight is vitamin D, which contributes to immune health, bone health and hormone production. Some studies have also suggested an association between sunshine and serotonin production, which helps regulate mood, hunger, sleep, learning, memory and your libido—so it’s possible to for sunshine to provide a natural energy high. Just be sure to soak it up at times when the UV index is low and wear SPF 50+ on any exposed skin. 

      Refuel with fermentation 

      We’re all aware to the fact that gut health is incredibly important to our overall health, influencing our immune system, heart, brain, mood, skin, sleep and overall digestion. We call it our second brain for a reason – it impacts our body overall in significant ways. So to keep our gut healthy it’s important to eat prebiotics and probiotics, limit processed foods and alcohol, drink plenty of water and minimise stress. A great place to start? Ferments. The likes of kimchi, sauerkraut, kefir, tempeh, natural non-flavoured yoghurt, miso and kombucha are your first ports of call. 2,4,6,8. 

      Prep your snacks 

      Drink, sorted. But what about snacks?! When hunger strikes, reach for ones that will keep you fuller for longer. We’re talking protein, good fats and fibre. If you’re in the mood for an apple, why not slather some peanut butter over it to ensure a slower release of energy? Or if you’re feeling like you need a top-up, protein goes a long way, after all, it’s the most satiating macronutrient. We’re talking yoghurt, tuna, trail mix, hard boiled eggs, a slice of cheese – the list goes on.

      Also, there are studies to suggest that starting the day with a savoury breakfast will help you manage your blood sugars and stay fuller for longer – and more energetic – throughout the day. 

      Image by Freepik

      Stick to a wake-up time 

      If you’re sleeping in one or two days of the week to try to ‘catch up’ on some energy, it may actually be having the opposite effect. A growing body of research shows that waking up at the same time every morning can not only help you sleep better at night but make it easier to get out of bed in the morning. This is because the circadian rhythm is reinforced, and the body knows what to expect, knowing when to release melatonin (the hormone that induces sleepiness). 

      READ MORE: Struggle Sleeping? Here’s How To Create A Bedtime Routine, Per Experts

      Turn up your favourite tunes 

      Listening to music has been linked to a reduction in stress levels, as well as a rise in serotonin and dopamine. Of course, it helps if it’s music that you love, so try creating a playlist for your morning commute rather than relying on the radio. The combination of lower cortisol levels and mood-regulating neurotransmitters can provide an energy boost while promoting focus and motivation. 

      Consider a supplement 

      We know that vitamins and minerals are essential for our bodies to function at their best. They influence our metabolic pathways and support fundamental cellular functions. And studies have shown that supplementing with vital vitamins and minerals is highly likely to result in health benefits in the areas of physical and mental fatigue. 

      Carla Oates of The Beauty Chef had some interesting insights into supplements, too, stating that, “Certain herbs, such as astragalus, have been traditionally used in Chinese Medicine for years to promote energy levels and increase vitality.” 

      More Energy-Boosting Articles:

      The post article by Scarlett Keddie appeared first on Women’s Health Australia. More

    • 150 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      10 Wellness Quotes By Miss SA Natasha Joubert (That We Absolutely Loved!)

      by

      Ever met those people who are a freakin’ big deal but don’t treat themselves as such? This was the case when current Miss SA Natasha Joubert invited me to her home for the Jan/Feb 2024 cover interview. After insisting on brewing me the perfect cup of coffee, the 26-year-old opened up about everything in her new, busy world. From the gruelling Miss SA preps, dealing with negative opinions and managing a tight schedule to not being too anal about diets and swopping intense workouts for low-impact exercises, she left no stone unturned.

      After almost three hours of Natasha laying her soul bare, one important lesson that I took away was that: Our breakthrough or fresh start is always one last push, and sound decision, away. Ahead, some wisdom that we gleaned from one of the most relatable Miss SA’s in the history of the pageant:

      READ MORE: Do This Cardio Workout At Home To Burn Cals And Boost Your Mood

      1. Embracing New Beginnings And Forging Ahead

      “I’ve learnt not to become too complacent. I usually know that it’s time for change when I get to a point where a lot of things no longer excite me or when it feels like I’m settling. Then I know that it’s time to take a risk or introduce changes to my daily routine. Secondly, don’t only try one or twice — if you have to do something four times, then go for it! These days, failure is more common than success. If you study the lives of most successful people, they definitely didn’t get it right the first time around. For instance, my mother studied law when she was 18 and quit. She just recently got her law degree now at 50. The lesson? If there’s something that you genuinely want for yourself, go for it. Even if it means taking a break.”

      2. Fight For Your Dreams

      “In life you’re going to have to fight for the things you need and want. There are very few young people who have parents who can finance their future goals. And I was one of those kids. Saving my pageant winnings and working odd jobs as teenager and post-matric made me financially independent from a young age. At times, I’d have to borrow my mother money because she just couldn’t do it as a single mother. Granted, I grew up quicker than I would’ve liked to. Now that I’m running my own household, I fully understand how my mom struggled on her own after my dad’s passing. My wish is for young people to understand that having parents who fund their education and goals is a privilege that they should never take for granted – not a must!”

      READ MORE: 6 Times You’re Totally Sabotaging Yourself At Work — Without Realising It

      3. Humble Beginnings

      “When I entered Miss SA in 2020, the judges always advised us to bring our real selves to the competition if we really wanted to win. And I remember thinking: “What does that even mean?” But working with a therapist to heal my childhood traumas has been revolutionary. I wasn’t self-assured the first time around. The thought alone of admitting to being independent at a young age so that I could relieve my mother of any financial pressure, or the debilitating fact that we lost our home after my dad’s passing, would’ve embarrassed me or brought me to tears! But I now tell that story with pride in hopes that it will inspire many other young people to fight for their dreams like I did!” 

      4. What I Know For Sure

      “Now I know that life is about balance. It’s all about knowing when to work hard and when to take time off or when to take things seriously and when not to overthink. I don’t take my Miss SA title too seriously. I dance when I’m at events, I’m definitely not stiff and stuck up. At the end of the day, everyone is literally just like you – they’re human. I want to be known as a Miss SA who gets the job done, but who’s also relatable and showcases the downfalls and the struggles. I don’t mind being an open book because it allows me to go through life freely and without feeling the need to filter certain things out.”

      5. Navigating Negativity

      “I’ve never worked as hard as I did for Miss SA – little knowing that the hard work gets worse after being crowned [chuckles]. There will always be those people who feel that you didn’t deserve an opportunity, but no one can ever tell you that you’re not fit for anything if you give it your all.”

      6. Living With ADHD And Anxiety

      “I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety in my adulthood. It could’ve been earlier but I refused to go to therapy when my dad passed away in my teens. I didn’t want to be on medication chronically so we started on a really low dosage for a few months then eased it out. Eventually, I had to find coping mechanisms that would help me control the symptoms from the inside and exit that space of constantly wanting to be busy – and that’s where life coaching came in. I will always go to therapy for as long as circumstances allow me to.”

      READ MORE: 18 New Running Shoes To Help You Run Faster And Farther In 2024

      7. Stop To Smell The Roses

      “I’m in my 20s now and understand that I haven’t reached the pinnacle of who I want to be. I don’t want to be so consumed by life’s responsibilities, or rush through it, without ever stopping to reflect on the next step and carefully mapping out who I want to be. I want to constantly challenge myself to grow after ticking off a goal and to do everything with intention.”

      8. After A Long Day…

      “My favourite form of unwinding is lying on the couch and enjoying a good series, or being with family and friends, walking my dogs, lying in the sun, swimming at my grandparents’ house or sitting in front of the fire with my boyfriend in winter. It’s really the small things that bring me the greatest joy.”

      9. Don’t Demand Too Much Of Your Body

      “Gym for me was always about releasing endorphins. I really can’t promise myself that I’ll commit to exercising as regularly and as intensely as I did before and during the Miss SA preps – and that’s also okay. My work schedule simply doesn’t allow me to. The smaller things like walking my dogs and hiking with my family will have to do for now.”

      10. Local Is Definitely Lekker

      “I love travelling locally — the Western Cape Winelands and the Kruger National Park being firm favourites. I get PTSD from travelling internationally. My bag is always overweight, I always worry about the possibility of missing the flight and then I’m constipated for four days after returning. When I land back in SA, I always think to myself, ‘I don’t know why I paid that much just to want to be back home [chuckles].’

      Catch our detailed interview with Miss South Africa Natasha Joubert in the January/February 2024 issue of Women’s Health on shelves now, or grab yourself a digital copy. More

    • 175 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      DJ And Fitness Trainer Miss Bee On Crafting A New Life After Surviving Cancer

      by

      Botle Kayamba, popularly known as Miss Bee, is proof that the Covid-19 lockdown bore fruit for some. Growing up, Miss Bee was surrounded by music – mom always led the praise and worship team at church and her brother was a DJ – she enrolled for an online DJing course in 2021. Yep, only three years ago. Upon graduating, she continued sharpening her mixing skills at home, then slowly started putting her hand up for playing at gigs and radio stations. This past December, Miss Bee headlined her first international gig, the Lovers of House Festival in Groningen, northern Netherlands. Spotting a lesson here? Nothing is impossible to a willing mind.

      Going For Gold

      “During lockdown when fitness training wasn’t as big a priority for most, I started thinking of ways to expand my career. And I couldn’t shake off my love for music and decided to jump into DJing.”

      And given her current struggle with local promoters always wanting to negotiate her fee down and her past health struggles, she certainly doesn’t take her milestones for granted – and these include winning the Queen of the Beat competition that was hosted by the City of Johannesburg and the Department of Arts and Culture and a resident Dj on 5Fm’s The Roger Goode Show.

      READ MORE: How Dyslexia Led Me To A Thriving Career In Art

      Fighting The Odds

      Miss Bee was diagnosed with type 3 Ameloblastoma in her early twenties, a rare cancer that had affected her right lower jaw.

      “Mine was a severe case – my right ear was always painful, I lost eyesight on the left, my hearing on the left ear also suffered and my jaw was abnormally swollen,” she shares, adding that she practically lived in hospitals between 2004 and 2006. Over time, her face became so deformed that she had to undergo three surgeries. The last and major op was a mandibulectomy, a surgical procedure where a small or huge chunk of one’s lower jaw bone is removed. “In my case, my left lower jaw was removed and replaced with a plate which helped give my face its shape again,” she explains. 

      During one of Botle’s hospital stays, her bed happened to be next to a window that overlooked a quiet road with a set of traffic lights nearby. “I’d keep busy by watching the traffic lights change from green to orange and red, while quietly interrogating God about when the pain and hospital stays would end,” she reflects. Her mental health had taken quite a knock too. “My tertiary studies had been interrupted, I felt stuck and wondered if I’d ever catch up to my peers,” she recalls.

      READ MORE: Author Janine Jellars Shares Her Simple Wellness Routine

      And Then There Was Light

      Coincidentally, around the time when these negative thoughts plagued Miss Bee’s thoughts, her mother and a group of church ladies came to pray for her. Before doing so, they read a Bible scripture from Isaiah 60: 22 which reads: ‘When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.’ 

      Since 2006 Miss Bee’s recovery journey has been peppered with many magical moments. Chief among them was the birth of her son Thabiso in 2009. “I really feel like God more than made up for all the years I was in hospital. In a lot of ways, I feel like Isaiah 60: 22 brought me back to life by restoring my hope,” she concludes, adding she is proof that whatever’s meant for you will always make its way to you – no matter how long it takes. 

      While recovering, Botle had to learn how to do a lot of basic things such as chewing, after a long period of eating through a straw. Graduating with a sports management qualification became one of her saving grace, she says. “Working out became my therapy. Whether running or dancing, I felt so alive. When I started working at Virgin Active as a trainer, the positive feedback I’d get after my classes also lifted my spirit. I’d almost lost my life, yet here I was inspiring others to take care of themselves.” Looking back at the things she’s achieved since her recovery, Botle is convinced that she wasn’t as ready as she is now.

      READ MORE: Radio Personality Gugu Mfuphi On The Lessons Learnt During Her Kilimanjaro Summit — And More

      Biggest Career Highlight

      “As a fitness trainer, it had always been my wish to be on the Women’s Health Fit Night Out stage. I came so close to this wish in 2017 when I made the top five in the WH Fit Star competition –  a great feat even though I didn’t win. My wish finally came true in 2023 when I played to a crowd of more than 2,000 women at Fit Night Out.”

      Best Lesson To Date

      “There’s more to life than sulking and self-pity. Having fought so hard for this second chance, I can safely say that challenges are purely there to shape us.”

      Four Things I Can’t Live Without

      God, family, my son and my phone. 

      Favourite Get-Up-And-Dance Track

      “Premier Gaou by Magic System. It takes me back to my happy childhood days and reminds me of how far I have come.”

      Lesser Known Fact About Me

      “I have a twin sister.” More

    • 100 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Author Janine Jellars Shares Her Simple Wellness Routine

      by

      Former magazine editor Janine Jellars wrote her debut novel When The Filter Fades six years ago as part of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) in November 2017. Her aim? To write 1,667 words a day in order to complete a 50,000-word first draft manuscript within one month. More than anything, this was a creative challenge that she’d set out for herself.

      “After I left journalism, I spent less, and less time writing on a daily basis and felt alienated from that part of my identity. But, the beauty of writing is that it’s a craft and wellness practice and the only pre-requisite for calling yourself a writer is to sit at your laptop and get to writing,” she shares, adding that she wanted to explore the joy of writing and challenge myself in a different way. “So, I tried my hand at fiction.”

      READ MORE: Enjoy Your Downtime (Without Feeling Guilty) In 3 Easy Steps

      The Difference Between Writing Fiction and Non-Fiction

      I actually wrote When The Filter Fades before I wrote my first book The Big South African Hair Book, which I found a much more familiar and comfortable experience given that it was non-fiction, fact-based and an extension of reportage. With fiction, there’s obviously a lot of imagination involved, there’s research too, but there’s a lot of thinking things through, problem-solving the plot and speaking to myself out loud to feel if the dialogue sounds real and authentic.

      It also played with many of my anxieties – I had to push through procrastination, I constantly questioned why I was taking certain characters in certain directions, the characters deal with their own traumas and mental health challenges so there was also some excavation involved in the process.

      In terms of putting the book out into the world, the difference between fiction and non-fiction was night and day. With The Big South African Hair Book, given that it was non-fiction, it could be fact-checked, the messaging was very clear. When The Filter Fades was so different for me – it’s so open to interpretation and governed by the audience’s likes and dislikes. And for someone like me who likes control, and is a recovering perfectionist, it’s been tough, but rewarding. 

      Nourishing Her Body

      I’m definitely a ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’ person. I cannot function without breakfast, and I am an oats devotee. Cooked rolled oats, with almond milk, 7 raw almonds, blueberries, and bananas. To me, that’s the only way I can kickstart the day. When writing, I snack quite a bit – there’s something about chewing that keeps me focused. 

      READ MORE: How To Reflect On The Year You’ve Had – And Prepare For The Year Ahead

      The Demands Of Writing

      Writing for me is deeply necessary. It’s clarity, it’s tangibility. Feelings, thoughts, intentions, plans… things do not feel real to me unless they’re archived and written. I’m working hard at making writing a daily practice – I’m following The Artist’s Way’s Morning Pages practice – because it definitely provides me with so much clarity and helps me process how I understand the world. I’m a list-maker, a letter writer, a note-taker and now a novelist. So much in the world feels ephemeral and disposable and finding practices where we can hold onto things for a little bit longer definitely feels like a luxury. 

      Learning To Relax

      I have a really hard time with the concept of relaxation. But being intentional about certain routines helped me immensely. Morning Pages first thing in the morning is definitely something I enjoy – I freeform write for three pages.

      I am also newly converted to Pilates – not exactly the most relaxing thing I’ve ever done, but there’s something special about feeling yourself getting stronger. And last but not least, reading – everything from romance novels, to sociological non-fiction.  

      READ MORE: 15 Wellness Journals To Kickstart Your Year

      Her Sources Of Strength

      I don’t want to make it to the end of my journey without feeling like I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do – there are so many childhood dreams I want to fulfil. I do so many things for ‘Younger Me’. I have definitely started growing in my faith as I’ve grown older. And cognitive behavioural therapy helps a lot! 

      What She Wants Readers To Take Away From Her Latest Book

      On one level, it’s a sizzling, fun summer read – so I want readers to have a good time, get lost in my character’s world and immerse themselves in the drama and intrigue. But, on a deeper level, I wanted to explore how we women mediate our lives, how we represent and misrepresent ourselves, what drives our behaviours, insecurities, and deepest desires, and how we fight battles with ourselves and amongst one another for status, power and money.  More

    • 188 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      How To Reflect On The Year You’ve Had – And Prepare For The Year Ahead

      by

      The end of the year brings a time to press pause and look back on your time in the sun. But learning to reflect on the year you’ve had takes a bit more skill than just writing down a few thoughts. We’ve spoken to Hilary Davies, Social Psychologist and Development Coach,  about how to structure your reflections in a productive way that brings about actionable results. “It is important to spend time thinking about the future to be clear about what we want to do and how we want to be. As we strategise for the future, we create an outline of what we are working towards, be it in our personal or professional lives,” says Davies. 

      Why you should reflect on the year 

      It’s a time to learn 

      “Firstly, reflection is a key component of adult learning, giving us the time to explore our lived experiences and understand them in retrospect rather than in the moment,” says Davies. “This often means we have more information and fewer emotions that may be influencing our responses.”

      It boosts self-awareness 

      “Reflection can also teach us about ourselves and increase our self-awareness, especially linked to emotional and subconscious influences. Reflecting on how we felt in the moment, what was driving that emotion or behaviour, and understanding our triggers gives us a greater ability to manage how we respond in future,” says Davies. 

      You’ll fine-tune a new mindset

      “Reflection on positive situations can create sensations of gratitude and well-being, which in turn have a positive impact on how we show up in the present,” says Davies. “Similarly, reflection on negative situations can help motivate us to create change in our lives. We often get stuck in repetitive cycles of behaviour and thought patterns that become automatic. Reflection can help us to take a step back from the “as is” and explore how we can be more intentional about what we do.”

      READ MORE: 11 Ways To Get More Energy When You’re Feeling Tired

      Reflecting 101: Your Guide 

      “The overall process for reflection and strategizing can be compared to planning a road trip,” says Davies. In this way, ask yourself probing questions that frame the year and you can start working forward from there. 

      Ask yourself questions 

      What did you enjoy? Was there anything you did not enjoy? What could you have done differently? Per a Harvard Business School study, three themes that shape what executives in business reflect on are failure, success and frustration. Tap into these themes in your reflections to uncover some truths that could help you shape your future. 

      Decide your new direction  

      If you compare a year’s reflection like you would a trip, you can strategise your moves, says Davies. For example, ask yourself where you want to go and what you’d like to do. Is it something new? What kind of information do you need to get to this new destination? How long do you plan on being there? Do you need a budget of sorts? 

      READ MORE: How To Really Harness Self-Care

      Plan your next steps 

      Now, you can break down your goals into bite-sized steps that will help direct your path. What would you need before embarking on this trip? 

      Change gears if you need to 

      “The most important part to remember is that once you are driving, you can decide to change your destination or the route to get there. In the same way, in real life you can continue the process of reflection and adjusting the strategy,” says Davies. “Reflection is a continuous process that helps us to optimise our decisions and behaviours in the moment so that you can get the most from whatever you’re doing.”

      Don’t hold yourself back 

      When you reflect on the year, be careful not to criticise yourself too much, cautions Davies. “We should not be overly self-critical – reflection is a learning opportunity, not a chance to beat yourself up. To do this, it is important to adopt a growth mindset,” says Davies. “If you find yourself being overly self-critical during reflection, think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation as you. Remember – we all do the best we can with what we have at the moment.”

      Look at things holistically 

      Whatever happened in the year, remember that things don’t work in isolation. Various factors influence the happenings in our lives and we only have a finite amount of resources. “If you feel like you didn’t achieve what you wanted to in one area, look at the big picture. Did you overachieve in another?” asks Davies. “The key is to remember to find balance. If your reflective strategy focuses entirely on work, be aware of how this may impact your relationships with friends and family.

      READ MORE: Enjoy Your Downtime (Without Feeling Guilty) In 3 Easy Steps

      Get realistic 

      When planning ahead and reflecting, it’s important to stay grounded and realistic. You want to strive towards things that you can achieve so that you don’t get burned out, says Davies. “Health and wellbeing, both mental and physical, are two of the most important life areas that often get overlooked as we focus our attention on other areas where we are seeking achievement or success.” Be mindful of how much time and energy you have.  Is it realistic to achieve everything in all aspects of your life?”

      Prepare for change

      Change is most successful if we’ve taken the time to prepare properly for it. If, say, your new goal is to ace a 10K run, prepare to make changes to your lifestyle to incorporate the training. “To train for the 10km run,  you may need to start getting up an hour earlier.  You may have to change our diet as we need more fuel,” explains Davies. “Understanding the future situation helps us prepare for the change we are about to make, both practically and mentally. Physical preparation helps us remove friction from the change – we know we need to get up earlier so we start going to be earlier, or we put the running clothes out the night before. Mental preparation is important so that we can manage any negative thoughts that create resistance to change. This is where mindset, agility and resilience are key in achieving our desired future.”

      Hilary Davies is a Social Psychologist and Development Coach, supporting people in their personal and professional development to adopt change, find purpose and fulfil their potential. She also specialises in Gender Transformation consultancy, addressing social barriers in organisations that limit women’s growth. You can find her at www.hedcoaching.com or on LinkedIn.  More

    • 63 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      The Thing About Self-Care Is…

      by

      Self-care – most crave it; most want its much-discussed benefits yet in between the demands of everyday life, we find ourselves often striking it off our to-do lists.

      As aptly put by Betterup.com, “…self-care practices are intentional steps to take care of yourself. Self-care practices put deposits into your wellness ‘bank account’. Consistent deposits give you more internal resources to draw upon during stressful times.”

      Countless research has been published on how practising regular self-care leaves us energetic and emotionally sound, with some room to extend a helping hand to others. As the New Age hashtag goes, #SelfishIsTheNewSelfLove. Being busy should not stand in the way of you indulging in one or two self-care routines daily. Remember: There aren’t enough hours in a day as it is, and you may never have free “me-time” waiting for you to claim it.

      Below, three women share heartwarming anecdotes of how they learnt (the hard way) that pouring from an empty cup wasn’t sustainable — and that if anything, it leads to physical and mental exhaustion. 

      READ MORE: 21 Best Self-Care Gifts For Her That Go Way Beyond Face Masks

      Lally Dladla

      “It took a hysterectomy for me to realise that I was kind, giving and generous to everyone but myself!”

      In 2020 I started having dizzy spells, heavy monthly periods and recurring nosebleeds but paid them no heed. Over and above the pandemic-induced anxiety, I didn’t need the additional stress of a body desperately crying out for attention. A visit to my gynae in 2021 revealed that I had a rare condition that required an urgent hysterectomy. Postponing indefinitely would lead to my health being compromised. One thing anyone who knows me will vouch for is that I live for my sons, my miracle babies.

      Leading up to the op, I’d quell my anxiety by reminding myself that postponing wouldn’t only cut my life short, but also rob my sons of the opportunity to grow old with me. So, I forged ahead – fear in tow. Exhausted and drowning in my thoughts one morning post-op, it suddenly dawned on me that I either didn’t love myself or had no idea what self-love looked like. In hindsight, being diagnosed with anaemia, low blood pressure, the hysterectomy and getting Covid – all in one year – were a wake-up call. I started wondering what treating myself kindly, healthwise, would look like.

      A good place to start, I decided, would be to implement the lifestyle changes I’d been long meaning to make. I now follow a vegetarian diet, I’ve parted ways with booze and take long walks in the morning – I can’t run yet due to the hysterectomy. These changes, though small, have done wonders for my energy levels. I consider them a secret pact between my body and soul. Now six months into my Put-Lally-First journey, self-love is constantly reminding the nurturer in me to take a chill pill because I’m prioritising myself.

      READ MORE: What Is Cozy Cardio On TikTok? Trainers Weigh In On The Comfy Workout Trend

      Matata Diamonde

      “Scheduling play time has been really big for me; it makes me feel like I’m prioritising myself.”

      I come from a family that has always been big on self-development. My mother, a Fourth Way healer (a behavioural and spiritual type of well-being practice) introduced me to alternative forms of healing quite early on. Growing up in India, I did a lot of meditation and started transactional analysis at a young age. I vividly remember being ill as a child and starting to practice Reiki (an energy-correcting practice that promotes relaxation and reduces stress and anxiety through gentle touch) because meds were just not helping my condition.

      I also struggled a bit as a child so, I was in therapy by age 14. It was around this same age that I started attracting friends who needed the kind of support that was way beyond what my teenage brain could offer. And I stuck around because I’d made their well-being my responsibility. I’d assigned myself, though totally unintentionally, the role of “rescuer” in my relationships.

      As a result, being taken advantage of became a recurring theme in my life as I got older, one that started popping up in work, romantic and familial relationships. After my father’s passing, I spent a big part of my inheritance in a romantic relationship where I was treated really badly. I still feel a lot of shame for being in the situation, but this incident was the big wake-up call that made me closely examine my “rescuer” default. I’d started noticing that I had a lot of pent-up anger, resentment and that I almost didn’t wish people well in those situations where I felt taken advantage of. These new traits were totally out of character for me.

      Time and lots of reflection have taught me that I kept attracting situations where I felt “used and depleted” because, at my core, I wanted to be needed, validated and not feel abandoned. With a few adjustments to my beliefs, I’m slowly realising that I’m resourceful enough to meet these needs myself. For instance, my morning routine is sacred. I now give myself an hour of consistent quiet time. When I don’t, I find that everything gets heightened – I become cranky, my workload feels unmanageable and my interactions with people aren’t as fulfilling. At some point, I tried out pole dancing and signed up with a vocal coach. Seeking out new ways to better understand myself has been revolutionary on my self-care journey.

      READ MORE: Struggle Sleeping? Here’s How To Create A Bedtime Routine, Per Experts

      Marjorie Arnold

      “During the worst phase of my adult life, veganism served as my life raft. It made me realise that I was worthy of life despite a niggly voice whispering, ‘Your body failed you from a very young age.’” 

      I was raised by a single mother, in a small town. My mother was a teacher and our home a hive of activity. We always had learners come in and out of our house for all sorts of help. And I quickly internalised that being in service to others determined one’s worth. My, was I wrong! It was only later that I discovered that self-love was not a frivolous marketing concept aimed at persuading consumers to keep buying more stuff. When my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast and lymph cancer in 2010, she came to stay with me at the height of my freelance career in publishing, advertising and reality TV. I had just resigned from a toxic permanent job in magazines.

      In between full-time caregiving, I worked Monday right through to Sunday. It never occurred to me that my own well-being mattered, despite my slew of past and present chronic health issues. I had Perthes Disease as a child and was wheelchair-bound; I was always undergoing one op or another. I’ve had a limp, chronic body pain and anxiety disorder all my life. When my mother survived chemo and her cancer, I thought I’d have a moment to catch my breath. I’d been operating in survival mode for so long that trying to return to the groove of just living was impossible. However, losing myself in caregiving and my freelance gigs turned out to be my lifeline. Had I not, I wouldn’t have noticed the urgency of the lifestyle changes I owed myself. Going vegan was what ultimately flung open the doors of self-worth for me.

      As a nurturer and giver, traits I inherited from my mother, redirecting my compassion to learning about cruelty to animals and really caring for the environment made me feel good. My journey to better self-care (and it has been loooong!) has taught me that, sometimes, prioritising myself will come in the form of taking a step back – even if it means regressing. I’m grateful for the many bold steps that I took along the way because I’m currently in a career that aligns perfectly with my values and personality. I’ve also learnt that I can’t help others before helping myself (basic, I know!) During this journey, I also allowed myself to cry more, something I have come to understand is an essential part of healing.

      READ MORE: 18 Mental Health Books For Anxiety, People-Pleasing And More

      Easy Daily Self-Care Practises To Adopt

      Practise guided meditation

      Do some breathwork throughout the day

      Dress up (please do, even with nowhere to go)

      Incorporate one fun activity on your to-do list

      Declutter your space (even if it’s just one room per day)

      Read a book

      Eat a balanced diet

      Give yourself a break in between meetings (where you don’t feel guilty about doing absolutely nothing. Stare into space if you must!)

      Keep a gratitude journal

      Take a walk

      Listen to music that uplifts you

      Exercise regularly

      Take a social media break

      Plan a holiday (even though you can’t afford one at the moment)

      Do at least one thing that contributes to a bigger goal

      Treat yourself to an at-home spa day

      Work from a new spot or coffee shop

      Do a random act of kindness

      Switch off your phone an hour or two before bedtime

      Sleep earlier More

    • 125 Shares

      in health and weelbeing

      Author Rešoketšwe Manenzhe On Pursuing Simplicity For Better Mental Clarity

      by

      The South African literary world knows Rešoketšwe Manenzhe as a poet, short story writer and award-winning novelist. Even with her 2020 debut novel Scatterlings receiving rave reviews worldwide, the 32-year-old is hellbent on maintaining a simple life – something she suspects was inspired by growing up in rural Limpopo.

      “I really am a simple person. I think some would describe me as boring – and I’m totally fine with that. Being totally fine with this has actually led me to really be okay with myself a lot of the time,” she explains. 

      READ MORE: Banesa Tseki On How Yoga Gave Her A New Lease On Life

      Simplicity

      Simplicity is an undertaking that recently made Rešoketšwe leave social media in pursuit of living in the moment. Citing the joke about bringing back diaries because everybody is just putting their business everywhere, Rešoketšwe says,

      “We laugh at this joke but it’s also kind of true. Social media has made us too connected. I don’t think we’re meant to know so much about each other’s thoughts. And I wanted to have, and maintain, a certain mystery with people. As in, meet people at face value and experience them for the first time without thinking about something they said on Twitter.” 

      READ MORE: Anthropologist, Poet And Author Lebohang Masango On Exploring Paths Less Travelled

      Career Paths

      Rešoketšwe’s writing journey was inspired by her love for poetry back in high school. “I never studied literature or anything related to it. I just kept writing poetry, then did short stories and progressed to novels,” she explains. How’s that for a reminder that passion can truly steer us in the direction of our dream lives? Though Rešoketšwe is currently completing her PhD in Chemical Engineering at the University of Cape Town, she admits that if she could venture into anything new right now, it would be to study film. “If, at 18, I knew what I know now, I would’ve gone to film school. But we don’t know that some things are options until we are much older,” she muses. 

      With two career streams that are a far cry from each other, Rešoketšwe is still grateful that she held onto a truth she discovered in her formative years. “Knowing for a fact that I’m not someone who would do well in corporate really saved me. I don’t fit well into that kind of mould. That structure really leaves me depleted.” For now, while she figures out how to merge her scientific and creative worlds, she’s holding on to simplicity, in all forms, as her guiding force. 

      READ MORE: Actress Shannon Esra On Learning To Trust Her Intuition

      Lesser Known Facts

      “Sci-fi and romance are my top two favourite genres. I think that nobody suspects this because I write a lot of literary fiction, which doesn’t fit neatly into any genre.”

      On Embracing Stress 

      “I have such packed days that I haven’t had much of a social life in a long while. Honestly, I haven’t reached a point where I’m able to better handle stress. I’m just trying to survive at this point, and that’s also okay.”

      This article was originally published in the July/August 2023 issue of Women’s Health SA. More