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      9 Things That Might Be Affecting Your Libido

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      We know the drill. You come home late after a long day, cook dinner, and basically just melt right into bed. Your partner, of course, was wishing for other plans. While most of us shrug this off to stress or exhaustion (which it can be!), there are other reasons you might not get as excited to get down to business tonight. It’s normal to not be in the mood every now and then (I mean, sometimes we just want to sleep!); however, when it becomes a consistent occurrence, there could be something deeper going on.A low libido seriously sucks, but it’s something most of us will go through at some point. Instead of causing yourself more stress, we looked into all the reasons you’re not too keen on doing much in the bedroom right now — besides sleep.

      1. Stress
      We all know how it feels to get home and still have a to-do list. Whether you’re experiencing work, school, or personal stress, it’s easy to let that get into your head and discourage you from engaging in time with your partner.
      Try one of these — might I add, wonderful — ways to reduce your day to day stress, so you and your partner can get back to it. You could also start adding some self-care to your routine, or if you’re feeling ~spicy~, treat yourself with a little me time. We promise you’ll feel renewed.

      2. Certain medications
      Antidepressants, some anti-anxiety medications, blood pressure medications, and more can have a low sex drive as a side effect. If you’ve started taking a new medication recently, look back at the list of side effects your pharmacist gave you (that you probably wanted to throw out and thought again that it might be important). If you think it’s impacting your life or your relationships, you can talk to your doctor about another option.  

      3. Pregnancy or breastfeeding
      Pregnancy and breastfeeding cause a lot of changes to occur within your body. Your hormones are raging, which can cause fluctuations in your sex drive. One day you might want to go at it like rabbits, and another, you’re not interested at all. Understand that this is just a change in your body, and it won’t last forever.
      Aside from your hormones, the other side effects of pregnancy can turn you off from sex. Nausea and fatigue in the first trimester just make sex uncomfortable — who wants to go at it when they feel sick!? Then, as your body grows and changes (woohoo! A baby!), traditional sex positions can feel kinda awkward, and women can sometimes be self-conscious about their pregnant bodies. Be kind to yourself, you’re about to birth another human into the world!

      4. Lack of sleep
      Along with stress, we completely understand. Whether you had a work report due at 8am, you had a scary dream (I watch too much AHS), or you stayed up reading (#guilty), you didn’t get your full eight hours last night. And that’s okay! It’s when you continuously forgo sleep that you start to notice a consistent decrease in your libido.
      Try some lavender oil in your diffuser, turn off your electronics an hour before bed, or my personal favorite, give yourself a good Saturday morning to sleep until noon.

      5. Negative body image
      When you don’t feel comfortable or accepting of your body, it’s hard to want someone else to see you naked. Continued fear and self-consciousness when having sex is enough to make you never want to do it again. Yoga, meditation, or buying a cute new set of lingerie are all examples of ways you can start to gain a little confidence (and maybe feel a little sexier, too!).

      Source: @eberjey

      6. Mental health issues
      If you’re struggling with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder included) or anxiety, it can significantly impact your sex drive. This can have to do with medication, issues with trust, anxiety and worry about your partner — the list goes on. Because there are so many ways mental illness can affect your libido, reach out to your doctor to discuss ways in which you can either bring it back or make it easier on yourself.

      7. Relationship issues
      You and your partner might have gotten in a fight recently, or you feel as though you can’t trust him or her. There are many different issues that you and your partner can experience that might lower your libido. If you’re experiencing conflict, talk with your partner openly and honestly. The conflict might be stressful and hard to deal with at first, but you’ll be grateful when it’s over and you and your partner feel closer than ever.

      8. Conditions that make sex painful
      Vulvodynia and endometriosis are known to cause painful sex, which can not really make you super excited to get in the sack, right? If you suffer with these conditions, talk to your doctor about treatments. You can also talk to your partner about different positions that might reduce or avoid pain. You deserve to feel good during sex, not uncomfortable!

      9. Birth control
      Again with the hormones! Birth control pills can sometimes lower the hormones in your body — like testosterone — that make you want to have sex. Luckily, there are alternatives, such as non-hormonal IUDs, condoms, and diaphragms. You could also talk with your doctor about trying a different birth control pill or option, like the NuvaRing.

      How have you handled a low libido? What are your tips and tricks to keeping your sex drive up?!

      This article was originally published on November 17, 2018. More

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      I’m a Sex Writer—This Is the Question I Get Asked the Most

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      I’ve always wanted to be the friend people can go to to talk about sex. Even before I started writing about it, I’ve enjoyed discussing the details, from what’s going right to what’s going wrong. People’s sex lives are quite compelling to me, especially because everyone’s is usually so different. But as a sex writer, I’ve gotten even more of an inside scoop into what people like and what they don’t, particularly from what they request we write about. There are a few common themes, like how to have virtual sex—because duh, pandemic—how to seamlessly walk into the room wearing lingerie without looking like Bella from Breaking Dawn awkwardly waltzing in the room to Edward’s laughter, where to buy sex toys, how to encourage your partner to give you oral sex, just to name a few. But for the most part, there’s one thing every single person wants to know. “Is my sex life normal?” 
      It’s always accompanied by a part of their sex life they deem “unfit” in some way: how much they’re having it, where they’re having it, when they’re having it, how they’re having it—the list goes on, and every single time, I give pretty much the same answer. 
      Yep, it’s normal!
      I know you’re wondering, “OK, well, everything can’t just be ‘normal,’” to which I respond you’re absolutely right. There are certainly situations that aren’t typical. Feeling pain during sex? Not normal, talk to your doctor. Your partner pressuring you into having more sex than you want? Not normal, dump them. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about anything in your sex life, then that isn’t normal. We all deserve good sex. But if you’re self-conscious that you’re not having enough, having too much, not getting frisky enough, getting too frisky, not trying enough new positions, only having sex at night, only having sex in the morning, only having oral sex, not having oral sex, then it’s not that your sex life isn’t normal; it’s that for some reason you’re self-conscious about it. Here’s why these are all completely normal, and what I tell people to focus on instead. 

      Having sex “too little” or “too much”
      It’s a misconception that couples should be having sex the “perfect” amount. I’ve stressed over and over with friends, colleagues, and strangers that while there is no “normal” amount, most couples say they have sex once a week. Does this stop people from being stressed about it? Not in any way. Whether you or your partner has a low sex drive, you don’t live with each other, or you just don’t get around to it all the time, there’s nothing wrong with how much sex you’re having—unless you want to change it. 

      Only having a certain type of sex 
      Many people are stressed that their sex lives are weird because their sex is atypical. To this, I pretty much always say: different strokes for different folks! While someone may exclusively prefer penetrative sex but someone else likes oral, or some people like to practice BDSM and others enjoy what some deem “vanilla” sex, there’s nothing wrong with doing what you like. To be quite honest, it actually is pretty admirable that you and your partner are able to have sex that is enjoyable for the two of you, even if it seems “weird” to you.

      Not trying “new things” enough
      It’s really common to fear that your sex lives aren’t normal when you’re reading about role-playing, anal sex, sending nudes, and more if you haven’t ventured into those parts of sex yet. But there’s no rush, and no requirement, to try things that don’t excite you. Want to try something new? Yay! But don’t force yourself, or your partner, if one of you isn’t interested. 

      Source: Diego Rezende | Pexels

      Here’s what I recommend
      When someone asks me if their sex life is normal, I immediately get into advice mode, but not in the way you’d expect. Instead of telling them to have more sex or try something new, I tell them how they can increase their sexual confidence and inspire them to feel more comfortable with their libido and their sex life. 

      Talk about sex 
      Knowing about the sex lives of the other people around you is a powerful tool in understanding that every sex life is valuable. Say you’re worried that you have too much sex and your sex drive is too high, but then you talk to someone else and realize their worry is that they don’t have enough. Likely, you’ll experience a little jealousy for one another! Then, you and your friend are able to have a candid conversation about why you feel that way. Maybe you feel insecure that you and your partner participate in a certain kink, and talking about how that kink has impacted your sex life positively inspires a friend to open up about a kink they’re involved in. It doesn’t have to get extra personal if you’re a more private person, but the simple act of talking about your sex life with people other than your partner might encourage you to look at it differently.

      Address any changes 
      Have you or your partner experienced a big life change recently? (Perhaps a global pandemic!) Maybe you just moved or got a new job, and this has impacted your sex life. Sex is, of course, fun, but it’s also about promoting intimacy and bonding with one another. Dealing with a significant life change is another way you and your partner might be bonding, so you may be having less sex because you’re already getting in communication that other way. 

      Masturbate
      I will recommend masturbating for just about any life issue. Stressed? Upset? Excited? Just masturbate it away! But I’d be remiss if I didn’t describe the connection between masturbating and sexual confidence. Knowing that you can make yourself orgasm is pretty powerful, and it’s a great way to get to know your body, both physically and mentally. You can see what you like and tell your partner afterward. If you have a low sex drive, masturbating can get you more excited to have sex the next time. There are endless benefits of masturbating, and I’ll say it’s nearly essential to achieving the sex life of your dreams.

      Focus on your sexual compatibility
      A lot of the time people tell me they’re worried their sex life is abnormal in some way, I ask if their partner ever says anything about wishing their sex life was different. Almost always, they say no. To me, this often means that you are sexually compatible with each other. It’s an unexpected pleasure to meet someone who has a similar sex drive, likes the same sexual acts, has a similar kink or fetish as you, enjoys having sex at the same time, etc. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your sex life, wondering how it compares to others, keep this in mind. You and your partner are on the same page, and that’s worth being excited about. More

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      Social Distancing Doesn’t Have to Mean the End of Your Sex Life—Here’s How to Keep It Going

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      It’s well-known that a healthy sex life can help our physical and mental well-being. And yet, with the COVID-19 pandemic causing many couples to isolate apart or to social distance from prospective sexual partners, many of us are finding that our intimate lives are suffering. Recent research suggests that 43.5 percent of people have experienced a decline in their sex lives during the pandemic, with only 13.6 percent reporting improvements.But being single in quarantine doesn’t have to mean a total dry spell. In fact, many individuals are finding creative ways to get kinky, both alone and with a socially-distanced sexual partner. If quarantine has left you frustrated, then here are some ways that you can feel more fulfilled:

      Invest in a sex toy
      Early on in the pandemic, the NYC health department suggested that “you are your safest sex partner.” But solo sex doesn’t have to mean that you can’t have a helping hand—the sex toy industry has been booming during the pandemic, and now is the perfect time to find a toy that you love.
      Finding a vibrator that works for you is a highly individual choice that will depend on your own experience of orgasm. Do you prefer internal or external stimulation? How much pressure works for you? Do you live with roommates, or even parents, and need something subtle and on the quiet side? There’s so much on offer, and this handy guide can help you to figure out what to try first. Order online and stock up on lube for a totally socially distanced and pleasurable experience.
      READ: 8 Sex Toys So Mind-Blowing, You’ll Want to Gift One to Your BFF
      READ: The Top-Rated Sex Toys on Amazon

      Try out audio pornography or erotica
      Although pornography is a good way to get in the mood, the male-focused nature of much of the sex depicted can be conflicting and difficult to enjoy. Fortunately, a new wave of feminist pornography is re-centering the content that we get off to, focusing on female pleasure and a more sensual experience.
      There are plenty of porn videos out there that were produced or directed by women, but if you feel like trying something different then you might like to look into audio pornography. This intimate and sensory genre ranges from sexy stories to guided masturbation—perfect for if you need to use headphones in your current living situation. You and that person that you’ve been chatting to could even tune into something at the same time for a distanced and yet mutually-satisfying experience. 
      READ: Don’t Think You Like Porn? Try This Instead
      READ: Yes, I’m a Woman and I Watch Porn

      Source: Tessa Neustadt for ALLPRACE HOMES on The Everygirl

      Suggest some flirty phone sex
      With the rise of sexting, phone sex has taken a backseat over the last few years. But with many of us relying on digital communication for our work and social life, perhaps it’s time to give our thumbs a rest when it comes to our sex life. 
      Phone sex might feel awkward at first, especially if it’s with a new partner who you have yet to do the dirty in real life with. Test out what feels comfortable to you—you might be turned on simply by discussing your favorite positions. If you’re feeling more creative, you can describe your fantasies, and the things that you’d like to do with your prospective partner, once social distancing measures allow, and if you’re feeling really confident, describe what you’re doing to yourself right now and get them to do the same.
      READ: 7 Ways to Up Your Dirty Talk

      Take a dirty picture
      Although a sexy picture pinging up on their phone is great news for the recipient, this can also be an incredibly gratifying experience for you. If you’ve been spending all day in your pajamas, getting dressed up in your best underwear can be a total turn-on and boost your sexual confidence.
      It’s worth noting that sharing explicit pictures comes with a host of risks, and there are numerous examples of intimate images being used against women. If you choose to share a sexual image, think carefully about how you’d feel if it was shared with anyone other than the intended recipient, and only send content that you would be comfortable with others seeing. Protect your privacy by ensuring that your face and any other identifying features are not visible, and don’t feel pressured into sending images or footage if you’re not comfortable doing so and if the experience isn’t gratifying for you as well as for the recipient.

      Source: Jonathan Borba | Pexels

      Take the time to connect with someone
      The rise of digital dating means that encounters can be fleeting, and sex is readily available. Although this can be liberating, it also means that new and casual partners may be less invested in our pleasure. Relying on sexting, Zoom dates, and socially-distanced walks might be frustrating, but it can also give you the opportunity to connect with someone on a deeper level, to explore each other’s turn-ons, and to build sexual tension. By the time that you feel comfortable initiating physical intimacy, or even just exploring some distanced play, you might find that getting to know a new partner better leads to a sexier experience.
      READ: I Stopped Giving Out My Number on Dating Apps—Here’s Why

      Find a safe sexual partner
      For some of us, nothing beats the real thing, and in-person intimacy and sex can be important for well-being. There’s no way to guarantee a completely safe way to have sex during the COVID pandemic, but if you find that socially-distanced sex isn’t cutting it for you, then you should try and take all precautions possible.
      Make sure that you are having open conversations and setting boundaries with any sexual partner about what behavior is acceptable and what you are both comfortable with. If a new sexual interest lives alone and is following social distancing guidance strictly, then you may feel safe to stay over at their place. If you do so, make sure that you are following all government guidance on hand-washing, limiting contact with others, and following usual safe sex procedures to protect against all kinds of infections.
      READ: What “Finding The One” Really Means in 2020 More

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      Can’t Orgasm? Here’s Why

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      The climax. The big “O.” Coming. Cleave the pin. Let go. Crack your marbles. You’ve heard all the euphemisms, but you haven’t quite been able to get there yourself. So, whenever you have sex, you’re so focused on getting to the finish line yourself that you just can’t seem to quite get there.We’re here to help! Your sexual pleasure is important, and not being able to orgasm is stressful, uncomfortable, and frustrating. Ready to climax but not sure how? Come (ha) along with me!

      You’re expecting a giant explosion of emotion
      The movies (and friends sometimes, too!) can make an orgasm sound like a firework is exploding in your body. Not every orgasm feels like that. As I once said, orgasms are like snowflakes — they’re all unique!
      Don’t orgasm-compare either! As much as I love talking to friends about sex, make sure you understand that their experiences are going to be different from yours.

      You’re too tense
      Relax girl! When you get too overworked making sure you climax, your body can’t “let go.”
      Yoga, stretching, really any kind of exercise, and meditation can help you relax and get over all the stress you’re putting your body through. It might also be a good idea to let your partner know that you’re struggling. He or she might be able to help calm your nerves and get your body to relax.  

      You and your partner aren’t connecting
      As much as I hate to write this one, it could be something in your relationship that’s making orgasming difficult. Whether you’re not connected physically, you’re both stressed about something, you’re miscommunicating, or something else is going on between the two of you, it might make your body tense up or your mind might be in a different place.
      Practice some mindfulness. It might sound weird (and difficult!), but stay in the present while you’re having sex. Really be there with your partner and stay focused on what’s happening in the present moment. You’ll feel more gratitude toward your partner, and have better sex (!!!).

      Try masturbating
      If you haven’t tried getting off on your own, YOU MUST. Ok, it’s not that dramatic, but I would definitely recommend you start here! Masturbation helps you get an idea of what you enjoy, and once you’re able to make yourself orgasm, it’s easier to tell your partner what he or she can do to get you there.
      If you’re struggling to get off from masturbation as well, try adding in toys and trying different positions.

      Sex is painful
      If sex hurts, obviously you’re not going to enjoy it enough to orgasm. Make an appointment with your doctor ASAP.

      If you’re taking some medications
      Certain medications can decrease your libido and lower your ability to climax. If this is really bothering you, bring this up with your doctor as well.

      You’re afraid of losing control
      Self-proclaimed control freak here, and I can say first-hand that being afraid to lose control and let your body go is actually a very common reason for not being able to orgasm. If you’re with a new partner, dealing with body image issues, or dealing with other areas of stress in your life, it’s easy to feel like you don’t want to lose control of your sex life.
      Communicate with your partner that you’re struggling with this aspect of your sex life. Getting it off your chest is the first step in relinquishing control, and your partner might be able to ease your mind of some of the (probably false!) narratives you’re telling yourself. More

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      How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having in a Relationship?

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      I once read that happy couples have sex once a week. So, when I was having more or less than that in a relationship, I started feeling like my sex life was wrong, and my relationship was doomed to failure. On to the next one, I suppose!Relationship comparison is so real. Whether you’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, watching To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and swooning over Peter and Lara Jean’s innocent and beautiful romance, or talking with friends and family, it’s easy to feel like you’re relationship isn’t what’s considered “normal,” especially when it comes to intimacy.  
      You’re supposed to wait three dates to have sex, one year to move in together, and two years to get engaged, and another year until you get married — all these arbitrary timelines are exhausting! Of course, we all want to be in the happiest relationship, but why do we have to follow the same timeline as everyone else? In the same vein, why do we all have to have sex the same amount of times in a week?! So, I looked into a few sociological studies and decided how much sex we really should be having if we want the best relationship possible.

      What the studies say
      Sociologists love studying couples almost as much as they love studying sex, so there’s tons of information out there on how often happy couples should be sleeping together. A 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science studied 30,000 couples over 40 years. They discovered that having sex once a week was the perfect medium for couples; however, couples having more sex weren’t more or less happy, but couples having less did report being less fulfilled sexually.
      Another 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult prefers to have sex 54 times a year, which roughly equates to once a week.
      My personal favorite study on the subject comes from Carnegie Mellon University. This study split couples into two groups: Group A kept their sex lives normal, while Group B had twice as much sex as they normally were having. At the end of the study, Group B actually reported that the sex “wasn’t much fun” and that it started to feel like a chore. Go figure.

      So, what should we be doing?
      This Carnegie Mellon study got it right. If there isn’t a strain on your relationship, and your needs are both being met, why should we (or science!) question how often you should be getting it on with your partner?! There’s really no need to mess with a good thing. It’s easy to feel like your sex life doesn’t measure up to someone else’s (i.e. that one couple your BFF knows who has sex every night vs. the other couple you know who is perfectly fine going once or twice a month).
      Sexual pressure comes from all areas and reading up on study after study to tell you if your sex life is normal is pretty counterproductive. How often you’re having sex isn’t what makes a relationship “happy,” often sex comes when you’re feeling happy in your life. Stress at work, money troubles, or family drama all have a negative impact on our mental health and can decrease your libido. Just because you’re having less sex than your idea of normal doesn’t mean your relationship is bad.
      Whether you’re having sex four times a week and loving every second of it or you enjoy your time in the bedroom once every two weeks, your relationship shouldn’t rely on a number of to be considered happy. You get to decide what your normal is, not science this time. Anyway, normal is just a social construct to make us feel inferior to others, so to that, I say, good riddance with whatever the heck normal is. More

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      8 Sex Toys So Mind-Blowing, You’ll Want to Gift One to Your BFF

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      It’s a common fact that I’m an astounding gift-giver. I’m really attentive to people’s tastes; when I shop, I can see exactly what I think my friends and family would adore. But I’m rarely asked about my favorite gift I’ve ever received, which is maybe lucky because the answer is 100 percent a vibrator. Buying yourself a vibrator is a self-care choice, but buying one for your best friend is the sign of true companionship. The first step to de-stigmatizing sex for women (stream “WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, people) and using sex toys, whether alone or with a partner, starts with you. Show your friends that sex toys are fun and exciting and not something they should be afraid of. So whether you’re introducing your friend to the vast world of vibrators or surprising them with a little something to brighten their day (or night, or mid-afternoon, or lunch break—we don’t judge), these sex toys will do it. Friends don’t let friends use crusty old vibrators from boyfriends past, so be a true friend with one of these magical treats.

      Mini G-Spot Vibrator

      HELLO, WORLD. I would like to introduce you to my newest discovery: Nasty Gal (yes, one of our favorite retailers for clothes) sells sex toys. *cue my happy dance* Grabbing yourself a new blazer or loungewear set for the fall? Add this little vibe with it (and maybe grab one for yourself too). This G-spot vibrator is biodegradable (love) and has multiple speeds. But I really should only have to say it’s currently on sale for $12…

      Joy Rabbit Vibrator

      First of all, I want to shoutout Rodeoh, a line made by and for women with a focus on comfortable harnesses, particularly for queer women. It’s the most LGBTQ+-friendly site I’ve found for sex toys, lingerie, harnesses, dildos, and more. I also have to mention I love that they offer plus-size harnesses too! But onto what you came for: this rabbit vibrator is designed for both clitoral and vaginal stimulation, has 12 speeds, and is quiet and waterproof. Your BFF will love the vibe, but love the brand even better.

      Bodystar Vibrator

      Another vibrator obsession I found on Nasty Gal, this little star is perfect for the friend who’s just getting into sex toys but is a little afraid to dive into some of the others on this list (but by all means, get her the butt plug too if that’s the kind of friend you are—it’s the kind of friend I am).

      Massage Wand Vibrator

      A classic wand vibe should be on everyone’s wishlist, so why not surprise your BFF with it? There’s a reason a wand vibe like this is the muse of art, music, comedy, and more: it’s outrageous and extremely effective. For the most intense clitoral orgasms, this will be your favorite.

      Tenga Iroha Mini Vibrator

      This vibrator lands on this list as an editor-favorite because it’s so discreet. Not that we’re traveling all the much anymore, but you’ll love this to throw in your bag, whether you’re jet-setting across the country or across town to see your partner. But don’t let the small size fool you; it’s ultra-powerful and waterproof.

      Beginner’s Butt Plug

      Invite your friend into the land of sunshine, rainbows, and anal play with a beginner’s butt plug like this. It’s pink, non-threatening, and easy to use. Add in a little bit of lube (our favorite is below!), and she’s about to have a grand ole time.

      Pride Heart of Gold Dildo

      Show your BFF the magic of a dildo! Many of us can only picture what a dildo looks like, and it’s usually a little jarring if not uncomfortable for some. But there are non-realistic dildos out there that are perfect to use alone or with a partner.

      Nécessaire
      The Sex Gel

      If you’re a little unsure about giving your BFF a toy, a sophisticated, vanity-friendly lube like this one makes the cut for sure. Nécessaire has taken over our Instagram feeds with their chic body washes and lotions, but my favorite product in their line is this lubricant. It takes the shame and stress out of lube and instead makes it a whole nightstand moment. It’s a water-based lube that works with all of the toys above, during sex, or whatever the heck you’re into. Add it to your next Nordstrom order, and thank me later. More

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      The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram

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      The first thing you’ll ever hear about sex is that there are tons of positions and that people get themselves into all kinds of weird ones. Remember thinking that sexual Twister was a thing? There are books and articles and lists abound about hundreds of sex positions to try, but I’d be remiss to say that almost everyone I speak to says they stick to a select few with their partner and that’s about it. No shame in your game—if you and your partner are big Doggy Style people (love that for you), stick to it. But if you’re ready to try something new, these are a few intriguing new positions to try all based on your Enneagram type. 

      Tabletop
      Don’t tell me you aren’t turned on a little bit by the chaos and disorder of the classic “remove everything from the countertop in one fail swoop” movie move. It’s OK to admit chaos kinda gets you excited, one! *WINK* As much as you love order and organization, ones like to get out of their usual when it comes to sex. This tabletop position allows you to try that without throwing all of your important documents on the floor. Make a space on a countertop, desk, table, bed—get creative here, anything that’s the height of your partner’s crotch works—and allow your partner to penetrate or orally stimulate you as you lay on your back. 

      Seated Wheelbarrow
      Twos probably have some of the best sex lives not going to lie. They’re really thoughtful and caring, so they probably have their partner’s favorite positions and sexual routines down pat. To spice things up a little bit, try this position. The wheelbarrow position often requires a lot of balance and coordination, which I wouldn’t be surprised if many twos out there have! But this one makes it a little more accessible without sacrificing the pleasure. Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or couch, place your butt on their lap with your legs behind their body, and place your hands on the floor. They’ll probably need to hold onto your thighs to keep you stable, but this position is great for both parties to get active. 

      Laying Down
      Threes like their sex to be efficient and valuable for both parties. If they’re not getting off, you best believe they’re not interested, which makes this position perfect for them. Lay down on your stomach with your legs together and your hips slightly raised as your partner penetrates on top of you. If you get off from penetration, this one is great because it keeps your legs together so there’s more friction. But this position is amazing for clitoral stimulation because you can easily reach down and touch yourself while your partner penetrates you. It’s basically a two-for-one deal, AKA a threes in heaven.

      Doggy-Style Oral Sex
      Fours are pretty kinky in the bedroom because they know it’s a time to get out of their head and just have fun. Instead of your usual oral sex though, try this position. Just as you would get into doggy style (on all fours) for penetration, allow your partner to give you oral from the back. For one, it’s a comfortable position, so there’s that. But it also allows your partner to get into places they wouldn’t normally. If they had fingers or toys vaginally, this angle has a much easier time getting to your G-spot. Also, you’re able to touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth. H-O-T. 
      This is also a good segue into oral anal sex, which can be a great addition to your oral pleasure repertoire. 

      Cowboy
      The curiosity of a five makes finding new sex positions pretty easy. They’re not one to turn something down; they’re always intrigued by a new idea. Not to mention, a five will do basically anything for research. So, next time, put Cowboy to the test. While traditional Cowgirl position involves one partner laying down and the other straddling them through penetration, Cowboy is the flip side. The one who is penetrating is on top instead. They straddle you and enter from the top. The G-spot potential is very high, and it really allows your partner to use their fingers to stimulate you at the same time. Is it better than Cowgirl? Try it a couple times for the “data.” 😉 

      Knees Together
      Sixes can get into a routine easily, but they’re always excited to try something new when it arises. In usual six fashion, they love sex for the relaxation and stress-relief it provides at the end of their day. So why not add a little yoga into it? You know the Happy Baby yoga pose? This is that except part your thighs enough for your partner to have access to all your bits and bobs. They’ll get a glimpse of everything (hot), and you’ll get quite the stretch in. This position is also really great for oral sex too.

      Corkscrew
      A seven’s sex life is bound to be fun, as they rarely want to indulge in the same position twice. Keep this one in mind next time. The corkscrew involves one person lying down on their side with their back facing the other person while their partner is standing and penetrating them sideways (this is hard to explain, but you see the pretty picture up there). What’s fun for sevens with this position is it allows them to get involved too. Moving your hips slightly or matching your partner’s thrust allows you to up the ante—a job you very much enjoy. 

      Reverse Cowgirl on A Chair
      What else can I say but that eights have major top energy? They like being able to create the pace, but they’re also not afraid to loosen up the reigns a little bit in the name of some pleasure. 
      Instead of the usual Reverse Cowgirl where your partner lies on their back, this one props you both up a little by having your partner sit upright in a chair. You’ll sit backwards and back into them. This puts all the control in your hands (a dream for an eight), so you can decide how fast, how deep, and how hard you want it. To make it a little more fun, have your partner hold your arms as they thrust up and down. A little power reversal never hurt anybody. 

      Seated Oral Sex
      Nines are people-pleasers, so they’ll often find themselves doing what their partner wants during sex as much as possible. It’s lovely for their partner, but they deserve a little time too! Try a seated position in which you stay seated with your legs spread while your partner comes from below to give oral sex. Imagine you’re sitting on the couch or a chair, and your partner sits on the floor. This allows them access to all of you, so they can try oral, finger, and toy stimulation all at once. 
      This can be oral sex, but seated penetration isn’t a bad idea either.  More